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jeffrrw Archive

View 2 posts and 67 comments by jeffrrw on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I had a lot of moments where I felt lonely but leaned in on the group therapy and adopted a policy of "If I think about someone, text them" and this led to a lot of the now regular communication I keep with friends and family.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/20 01:51 PM
1

Thanks man, same to you. Don't let divorce pull you down!
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/20 03:55 AM
1

Get it past the finish line my guy, you got this!
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 11:43 AM
1

Own it and figure out your side of the coin and what you can control my guy. Remember, if all women are queens, all men are thus kings. Be your own King, get in touch with what is going on in your head and how you are processing what she is doing and everything else in life, then once your head is on straight you'll be able to effectively deal with the situation and be there for your children. You can do this and from one internet stranger to the other, I believe in you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 11:42 AM
3

I got put through this as a kid after my parents separated and also before it. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is already contemplating divorce as well and is using the kids as a manipulation tactic for her to play the victim in this scenario. Either way, it is incredibly damaging to the kids psychology and needs to be stopped. I would highly, highly advise seeking independent counseling first so you learn some tools to effectively communicate your feelings and emotions before pushing ahead…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 07:42 PM
1

Delete all of this shit on reddit and get an attorney up to speed on a) what has transpired with your affairs b) getting that paperwork in pronto. c) Come clean about it and make an agreement that you will help support her or this will get nasty in the courts. NAL. https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/adultery-and-divorce-south-carolina.html#:~:text=Adultery%20is%20one%20of%20the,order%20to%20obtain%20a%20divorce.&text=While%20adultery%20typically%20does%20not,have%20an%20impact%20on%20alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/20 01:06 AM
6

My parents separated for the first time when I was a little older than your son. I remember preferring one house over the other as my dads house was my childhood home. It was partly because of my mom (35%) but also just because that's where all of my neighborhood friends were and it just felt more comfortable (65%). The one piece of advise I can offer as a grown man now who has gone through his own divorce is to take solace in the fact that you have this time with them and really try to create c…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 06:08 PM
3

That's awesome man! Cherish this time and check in with your sons! They saw a lot of this from both sides and may need some guidance if you haven't provided it already.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/20 11:53 PM
3

What are you looking forward to in your next chapter?
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/20 03:36 PM
4

Not gonna lie brother but in my opinion this text from you fucked this discussion... Really? They aren't with a stranger they are with me. I did raise them for the majority of their life them meeting my girlfriend and her kids is dangerous? No its you can't stand that I might be happy Know what lets get the appclose app or the other one. I would love to spew all this on a platform viewed by the court The reason it fucked you is because you went on the offensive with a three pronged attack. You c…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 12:36 PM
1

So a few thoughts... One there is a technique called gray rocking. It is highly successful when dealing with absuive people as /u/dday_throwaway3 was hinting at. I've used it with toxic people, including my ex, and it worked really well. Second, I know in my state they have an available app to communicate about the children with between spouses. The app is a matter of record for the court and the communications are used for custody etc. It may be worth the money to have your attorney look into h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 01:50 AM
2

I believe we have as RES has you pegged way into the positive on my screen. But yes! and not all women are like that. Just as not all men are rapist pigs. The generalization and separation needs to be stopped so we can heal and understand both sides of the coin and see that we are all human.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 12:29 AM
9

Thoughts? I do not agree with the quote, especially in regards to the pejorative use of "they" as an acrimonious attack on "all women". My first question would be how did you enable these ideals and behavior. Lets see... You didn't fight the housing idea and moved into a house you cannot afford. You didn't push back on the new car when you could have bought a quality used car. You don't think to practice safe sex and wrap your tool and plan out your kids. And because of this you now have to grin…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 07:16 PM
2

Any tips on my feelings? Feel your feelings and express them in a safe manner. One thing that works well for me is the empty chair exercise. Imagine the ex or your attorney or whomever is sitting there and get out your anger towards that person then. Another option is writing letters to the ex and not sending them. Or if you prefer a more physical release get a tennis racket and big pillow and beat the hell out of it while venting about the issues. Just... Please avoid doing this in front of you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/20 02:20 AM
2

Oh yea... I should have taken her words about stabbing ex's, burning down a dilapidated house for fun, and cutting contact with everyone who crossed her as warning signs. Not to mention the cheating early on or the constant break up/get back together cycle as well. But I had such little self worth, any amount of attention was highly attractive to me. Plus the emotional right/flight was something I was used to from my childhood and I thought we would work on our issues together and grown and chan…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 02:13 PM
2

Take the Tender Years Doctrine. This is something that not only hurts fathers, but (as we know about outcomes) hurts the children even more. Nothing to do with the lower-earning spouse or previous "grievances". A 19th-century feminist lost custody and proceeded to invent a pseudo-science "doctrine" that we are just now starting to undo. NUTS to this I say. Your own source even outlines the replacement of this. Most courts in the U.S. took up the doctrine as at that time (19th to 20th century). T…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 05:56 PM
1

I think you have a system that rewards women for breaking contracts. Game theory says that most will take a "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" approach. I would disagree and argue it behooves the lesser earning spouse. Now, since the predominant amount of lesser earning spouses are women due to historical gender norms and the fact that they push out living beings from their bodies and take time off to raise those beings plus heal from growing that living being, they end up benefiting from tha…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 03:17 PM
2

Hard for me to roll with that one when data supports a majority case. The case may be that women file first, and it is statistically backed up that this is true, but the correlation does not mean causation. Just because women file first doesn't mean that they are gold digging, bad boy "chad" chasers who like to use and lose "beta" men for their money and security. I think that is putting way too much narcissistic intent onto women when in reality maybe only 1-3% of women suffer from some kind of…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/20 08:20 PM
2

This also means a wealth of tribal knowledge, doesn't it? If you're here long enough, you see the exact same themes over and over and over and over... Is every situation the same? Of course not. But when there is a common theme, take notice. I don't disagree that there are a lot of difficult situations that arise and that women file divorce first at much higher rates than men etc. but relying on a lot of "tribal knowledge" that has "common themes" presented creates quite a few logical fallacies …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/20 03:22 PM
22

So three things here: This is a support sub and many people who have been put through the ringer with a divorce or post divorce co-parenting issues come here for comradery, advice and support. You'll also notice a high number of MGTOW types which is fine, there are some benefits to that philosophy but many bite that bullet very hard and will just say lawyer up and divorce her. Don't make this work. This is essentially telling you to give up and that all women are worthless or not worth marrying/…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/20 11:07 AM
3

You may not have had trauma or specific physical abuse but may have suffered from neglect by your parents and/or siblings. It can lead to anxiety for a lot of people. But please keep coming back and sharing man. We are all in this together!
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/20 05:21 PM
5

Exercise. She was so incredibly insecure about me exercising and the positive interactions with other people I would get based off of my aesthetics. When we first got married I was training to join the army and lost a huge amount of weight/ was in amazing shape and when I was turned down due to medical problems in my past, she used that as a way to really get on my case about being in shape instead of supporting me emotionally. I proceeded to gain back all the weight I had lost and felt even mor…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/20 01:02 PM
1

None of that makes you worthless brother. Your going through something traumatic. I don't expect you or anyone in a similar situation to be fully focused. And emotions are incredibly important and help anchor us to our true state of existence. Let them flow out of you. Express them as they come. As you express the deep painful feelings and accept them for what they are you'll be able to regain a better understanding of them and you want need to repress them. You'll be able to channel them to mee…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 11:14 AM
2

Why do you think you're worthless?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 01:46 AM
2

Good stuff man. I know youre just venting and little scared and probably scarred from your divorce like most of us but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and are taking the proactive steps to be better to yourself and others. Keep working on it man and I know you'll soon not feel alone! I got a motivational poster for myself that I put by my bedroom door that I see every day multiple times a day. It says "it gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier, but you gotta do it e…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 02:28 PM
3

Hey Tony, same kinda situation except I'm still battling a contentious divorce in my late 20s. 7 years together 4 married. How have you all adjusted to the loneliness associated with being newly divorced? At first I tried running from the pain after having to flee my house from her rage episode. I did this by drinking and cavorting with strange women. This led me down a dark path and really amplified my pain and my problems as I wasnt truly owning them. After losing the last consistent hook up I…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/20 01:42 PM
1

I may have the opposite opinion of the rest of the sub but here it goes: One child, half a year old. In the past 2 years, we've had sex ~3 times; one of those times conceived the baby. You clearly care about both of them are having a very difficult time communicating with your wife. How long have you been together? And have you tried directly stating your needs about intimacy with her? With all this hypergagmy stuff everyone talks about, one thing that is rarely taken into account is the individ…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 01:44 AM
2

I agree man. Divorce laws fucking suck. My ex has a stable income well above the poverty line and when she went for the guns after years of me taking her abuse and I had to call the cops to get out...I was shook. But you know who still got railed? Not her as I was the higher earning spouse. She is intentionally delaying the divorce to keep getting that sweet APL. Can I do anything about the law or her actions without the lawyers cranking on the cash register? Nope. But it sure as hell beats benc…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 01:17 AM
10

IANAL but you should consider filing yourself for a fault based divorce. The conduct of the spouses and whether it led to the divorce. "Alabama is one of only a few states that still divides divorces between “fault” and “no-fault.” In a fault divorce, the court will consider which party’s conduct “caused” the divorce. For example, if adultery was involved, and that adultery actually led to the divorce (as opposed to occurring after the relationship had already deteriorated), then the court may c…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 05:58 PM
2

I think it's a mistake, especially if you have not gotten over the ex, but I think it's a mistake that you have to learn from going through it and no amount of internet strangers words is really going to sink it in. Women are generally much better emotional communicators and will pick up on your wandering thoughts and feelings and will break it off with you. If you start verbally comparing your ex and the new flame, that new flame is going to run for the hills. Once your heart is broken again yo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/20 03:02 PM
1

It's ok man. It's a shit situation and we all need support. We are here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 12:36 PM
4

(I'm currently paying the loan and car insurance). Why? Are you required to per the support agreement? If there is one? Fly to FL and drive it back home and sell it to pay off the loan. This is a huge waste of your time and resources. You will then have to give her half of whatever was left over after selling the car. The loan and registration is in both our names. She needs the car. You do not. It is marital property if bought during the marriage. If it is in both of your names, she is also leg…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 12:55 AM
1

Do you want to stay lonely for the rest of your life?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/20 09:21 PM
2

Are you still legally married? What do you want? A partner or a fuck? What do you do to fulfill yourself (emotionally, physically, mentally) when things are shit or you are by yourself? How well do you maintain a robust network of friends, family, and colleagues? When talking to women, how quick are you to fantasize what they would be like in an LTR? When acquiring a number, how many texts are you sending before setting up a date? What are your expectations? You come with a lot of baggage with a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/20 05:14 PM
2

Glad to help. I hope both of you can find peace and can both successfully co-parent your son.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 07:28 PM
6

His father passed away 28 years ago, at about the age of 50, so I thought the recent continual speaking of his father then his subsequent request for a divorce was made by his questioning of his life and his future. Its quite possible that this was the case. It could have been a whole host of other factors as well and the memory of his dad dying at 50 might have been the catalyst that launched this powder keg. I still think there is a responsibility in a relationship to tell your mate that you’r…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 06:45 PM
9

My question is though we’ve heard and joked about a midlife crisis, is this a midlife crisis? Said he’d be a better father after the divorce since we were arguing so much. We’d been together 17 years, married 13. He’s 49... Traded in the family car for a high speed Audi. Lost weight, grew a goatee, ordered new clothes from stitch fix, continually spoke about his deceased father. I imagine the death of his father weighed heavily on his heart and he didn't know how to articulate that pain which le…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 05:44 PM
2

How would you guys explain your marriage and it’s end when dating if you were me? For me, after having to flee the house under police protection, I went into a spiral. The initial shock of it all led me to drink and cavort with strange women. I told them some of the gory details, I laid most of the blame on her, I rarely talked about my failings, and just really was trying to escape my internal pain of another dream, another hope going down the drain. Now these actions, although highly deleterio…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/20 02:02 AM
1

Damn and my year is coming up soon :/
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/20 01:17 PM
1

Have any of you been in this situation and been able to swallow your pride and ego and move back in with your family? Yes. No children thankfully but I had to move in with extended family as the APL and attorney's fees are killer and living by myself as I went through major periods of self destruction would not have been good. The guilt of ending it around family has kept me alive more times than I care to share. I know it's the right thing for me to do bc if im gonna be miserable either way I'd…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/20 05:40 PM
1

Hear and meet all kinds of people and also trust your own feelings. Feel the anger. Feel the judgement. Feel it all. Own those feelings and monitor your reactions towards others. You will be able to see that we are all sinners/irredeemable in some fashion to someones opinion. Just let it hit you and process those feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 06:15 PM
1

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. To me it sounds like everyone is redeemable. I'm not religious and I am assuming your christian but is that not what this text says?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 03:00 PM
1

If it comes up, how do you think I should talk about it with my two boys (5+7)? I would talk with them honestly and in an age appropriate way. I do not know if you sons are steeped heavily in the religious life and their belief is probably not adamant since they are 5 & 7, but their world views are already changing with the separation and divorce. I am assuming you gave the "get" and as you have stated are no longer as observant. I would focus on being honest about what drove you to get the tatt…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 07:03 PM
1

Are there individual people in your life that you think are redeemable and or decent?
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 06:49 PM
1

Yes sir! Gotta use all of the "bad stuff" to turn it into good stuff. You get to a point where you realize that without out that bad stuff you would have been worse off. It's like Saiyan's constantly battling and getting stronger if they are defeated and can recover. Use your prior sounds to be smarter, stronger and more in tune.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 05:18 PM
1

Don't let this sub scare you man. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. The family that I am living with right now have been married for 35 years and its not going anywhere. There are good examples out there and there are bad ones. If all you see are the negative then you're only going to think negatively. If you have that negative in the back of your mind it will poison your actions and it will lead to a divorce. But you see, for me marrying that abusive woman was one of the absolute best things t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 05:15 PM
5

Thanks for your support brother! I am going to make the most out of it no matter what happens! Also if interested, I found that smiling while exercising improves performance and boosts the desire to do it more. https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/12/health/smile-running-energy-partner/index.html
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 03:16 AM
2

I am truly sorry that you are going through this brother. You are allowed to feel everything under the sun. All the way from anger to sadness to happiness to grief to anything and everything. Just feel out those feelings as they hit you and be mindful of the dark side impulses. If you ever need to vent please keep coming back here or dm me and we can chat. If you want advice please ask for it. You'll find camaraderie and information on here and the main divorce sub like nowhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 03:48 AM
1

Would you like to talk about your feelings about it or practical advice?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 07:25 PM
1

Why do you think future you will regret it? And if you're being told by her its now or never... you should take a look at this brief article.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 10:05 PM
2

May I ask why you are worried about how she will respond? Is only to do with her timeline or is there something else that concerns you? Also, random aside is she older, younger or same age as you?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 08:07 PM
1

I hear you brother. Your feelings are completely justified and are very normal. You are right. It does suck to lose some freedom and also to gain more responsibilities to others. But... Have you tried stating to your SO that you need time to yourself? That you still need to have moments where you are not responsible to her? Have you articulated your feelings about marriage and kids towards her as well? If you haven't you might want to start there with statements like " I feel like I need more ti…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 07:33 PM
2

Are you having doubts about the idea of marriage or marrying a particular person?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 07:03 PM
3

Its a double edged sword. Packing it up will probably have the following effects. Relieves you of having to see the things every day but you will most likely deal with the memories of said things while doing it. This can be a big trigger. Second is that she sees you packed up her things and hid them in the basement and she will view this as another attempt at controlling her as you two arent communicating. This will give her a flood of anger regarding the situation and since the emotions are vol…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 03:06 PM
3

I know I've taken many mental health days. I told my boss flat out I was taking off the date of my anniversary to keep myself busy with things I actually enjoy. He was very receptive and understanding about it. Start working on your mental health and remind yourself of how awesome you are by yourself. Those days will start to slip into the past as you go through the motions.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 10:27 PM
1

I understand that. People that I have regular interaction with all know including major clients, colleagues, friends, family etc. My mental state and time are being greatly affected by this process and it impacts my relationships with all of them so I let them know. I dont share all the intricacies and emotions I am going through but they know. Joe schmo doesnt need to know though! Random people with limited interaction, just be nice and try and get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 08:25 PM
1

Same to you brother! If you ever want to chat, shoot me a DM.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 05:20 PM
3

That is definitely part of the emotional/psychological reasons. Sometimes shit just doesn't work (i.e. getting married to young and growing apart) or there are built up resentments that weren't communicated effectively or interpreted by either party and the guilt of failing to live up "till death do you part" really hangs on a lot of people as the marriage dissolves. Another side of it is that you yourself are so psychologically fucked up that you want to cling onto your abuser/cheater/etc becau…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 03:38 PM
3

Multiple reasons. For some other men I've seen them use it as pua type thing so that women feel more comfortable talking to them. Others are used to the feeling of it and dont want the weird ring divot/tan line. And others for emotional psychological reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 02:42 PM
1

I feel you man. I'm much farther down the scale but I have had the same problem. I make about 60% more than her and have been forced to pay through the teeth to cover her expenses (APL payments) while she moved to another state. We were married for only 4 years. Since shes contesting it to drag out the process and get the money, I can only file for a contested divorce after one year of separation in my state. I should hopefully have no alimony payments since I've been paying APL but we shall see…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 12:35 PM
1

I'm still in thick of it and it ended badly but I have the same problem at times. Try reading up about codependency to get some ideas about how to get out of the mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 08:02 PM
24

How can someone you spent 20 years with be that callous and reckless? Because she checked out a long time ago. Cheating tends to happen as an expression of built up resentment as they look for ways to escape that resentment. how do you treat someone you're supposed to have loved for two decades so cruelly? She hasn't loved you for two decades. She probably started detaching several years ago (tends to happen around first child's age of 3-5 years old - casual observation of my DV divorce group an…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 02:44 AM
2

How do you guys see getting married for a second (or third) time after divorce? Honestly, I could see it happen again. This divorce process has really opened my eyes to the design of the marital laws and the contractual obligations that exist when you sign that paperwork. I took this way to lightly and did not let my id calm down and see the red flags within her and myself. Love and Hope are the meth and fentanyl of emotions. The next major partner that I have will have a full understanding of m…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 05:56 AM
2

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/illinois/illinois-legal-separation-5312.shtml Its not just like divorce. Divorce is the dissolution of the marriage, property, child custody etc. All of these can be determined in a separation agreement but the final say happens in the divorce. But from my reading it appears that it is somewhat similar.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/19 05:32 PM
3

As long as there is no overt abuse of the children the court will almost always award joint custody and he'll be responsible for child support. That's the only aspect that I disagree with but the knowledge of a child being involved wasn't shared until after I had posted my original response. Also the leaving temporarily is sound advice to clear ones head in the heat of the moment argument but terrible advice for the long term prospects of the divorce. But I don't think he's ready for this and ju…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/19 02:28 AM
3

One, I would highly encourage both a personal counselor for yourself and a marriage counselor. Just by your writing it sounds like the following. You are frustrated with her dropping out of school to raise your child and deal with her new emotional state. One thing that is not really covered in the manosphere is the potential for radical change in tempermant that women can go through during and after childbirth and for years afterwards. She may never want to go back to school or work again. You …
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/19 01:53 AM
3

First, I want to address the last part of your post. What am I even thinking? What’s happening? You are thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. Abusers, especially of the emotional and psychological kind, tend to "hoover" up their victims which traps you in a state of emotional befuddlement until one day something snaps inside of you and you wake up to the abuse. In the cycle of abuse, she is attempting to control and manipulate you so that you are but a feeding tube for her emotiona…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/19 07:09 PM
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