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judasholio Archive

View 2 posts and 104 comments by judasholio on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I agree. Going on the trips would be a form of Payne shopping. He's being put in a position where he's going to end up being a lost puppy dog, while she moves on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 07:49 AM
6

I’m sorry, brother. She is running the hot and cold game, and that will trap you in a never-ending cycle of wondering, “When will I ever be good enough?”. It messes with your self-esteem, and can put you into a spiral that is hard to pull out of. I am not big on the hardline “extreme ownership” coaches, but they are right about one thing. Once a spouse brings up divorce, the rules change. The moment she floats that idea, you need to stop thinking of her as your partner and start protecting yours…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 07:46 AM
5

She's using the silver bullet on you. My ex brought a registered sax offender into our home, and I had to watch him handle my kids, and "finger" her on our couch. It took every ounce of self-control to not pick a fight, but she was a Police employee, and she was trying to get me to fight so she could get me kicked out and him moved in.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 01:15 AM
18

GET A LAWYER, and make sure everything is documented thoroughly.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 08:42 PM
2

It is only amicable for the moment. The instant you stop giving in to demands or begin a new relationship, you can expect a nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 03:36 AM
6

Get educated on making bulletproof documentation, never get goaded into an argument or yelling, understand how “silver bullet” allegations work, and that you will do a lot more work advocating for yourself than any divorce lawyer that represents men will ever do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 01:54 AM
10

You need to raise the issue of her being frivolous and litigious. Ask for an injunction to limit her filings.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 08:42 PM
3

Be sure to adhere to your state's civil procedure, secure a court date (as they are not automatically assigned), and ensure a notice of hearing is provided with proper proofs of service. I don’t want to get too caught up in terminology, but an appeal typically occurs after a final judgment, following a hearing or trial. Have you obtained a court date? Has it been properly noticed to all involved parties? Is there documented proof of service for the court date? While a restraining order can be is…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 04:54 PM
1

Something with procedure doesn’t add up. When there is an order of protection, depending on what state you live in, you have between 10 to 21 days to answer the order, and get a court hearing to address the facts.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 07:03 AM
3

Please, make sure you press charges and go for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 05:34 AM
6

Yup. Temporary order has become permanent orders, and the judge isn’t going to upset the status quo now that you’ve agreed to it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 12:44 AM
8

Ruminating on what went wrong after it's over is pain shopping. Given how things were, a formal exit interview about the relationship would likely be pointless. What you have written shows that you have the capability of self reflection. Eventually, if you're healing, you might reach a state of almost not caring anymore if those lingering questions cross your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 11:16 PM
3

He’s playing. Please, don’t put up with that nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:11 PM
8

Appeal immediately. You only have a short time window to do so. You do not deserve to carry the stigma of a wrongful conviction. Also, no innocent man deserves to be treated like a criminal in front of his children.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 07:54 PM
2

In most states, you generally have to be married 10 or more years for alimony to be considered. Do you possibly live in an at-fault state? If so, that may be a problem. Whatever outcome you choose, counseling is highly recommended to get back into a good place.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 11:04 PM
1

It sounds like you are ready to move on and ready for it to end. Strongly recommend you do not pain shop to find out details of infidelity, unless it would affect the outcome of your divorce case.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 09:27 PM
7

Please, make sure her lack of good faith is brought up in court in front of the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 03:09 PM
5

I think it is normal. Personally, I wish I could find a real way to move on. I grew up Catholic, and I’m having a very hard time putting the idea of marriage behind me, and being open to the possibility of a better relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 10:19 PM
2

Something seems off here. Have you reached out to his soon-to-be ex-wife to confirm that they’re actually in the process of divorcing? Unfortunately, it’s not unheard of for some individuals to claim they’re separated when that’s not entirely true. Just a thought before moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 09:23 PM
6

This right here. She’s calm to keep you off-balance, so she can get to a lawyer first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 08:37 PM
1

I’ve tried to file motions with the court, and they conveniently have taken the motions for relief regarding her “friends and family in the Police courts“ off the docket. The last time I tried to bring it up, the judge intercepted and stopped me from going any further.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 11:40 PM
1

I was fleeing domestic abuse with our kids. I had a legal form called “qualified report by a third-party to document a threat of present danger”I had just secured another home to rent on July 1, 2020. Then, I updated my address with the Secretary Of State’s office on or around July 6. On July 10, I received a threatening phone call from a Kalamazoo police officer. I yelled at him and told him that we were fleeing. He seemed apologetic on the phone. When I received a copy of the dispatch report v…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 11:38 PM
3

Don’t go back, and don’t put up with it. It’s easy for some women to get away with DV, and men don’t typically get believed. My ex worked for the police, and she got away with death threats, bragging about her influence over the police and courts, stalking, and having another police officer look me up in the state LEIN address database and give the address over to her while I was actually legally fleeing domestic abuse. Use this as your opportunity to get away, heal, and defend your boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 07:25 AM
19

Men endure immense pressure to suppress emotions and ‘man up’ from boyhood, leading to a tolerance for abuse. This, combined with societal and male-on-male pressures, creates a cycle of isolation. Breaking this cycle, as you’ve done with therapy and boundaries, is good. As for being the boiled frog, most don’t know it until they are already cooked.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 01:32 AM
17

Read a book called Leave a Cheater Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 11:50 AM
1

My ex-wife worked for the police department in Portage Michigan. She mentioned the use of the Signal app and burner phones (along with some other unsavory things). It provides off the record communication, and messages can be wiped out with no chance of recovery. Bottom line is that if they want to be secretive and furtive, there really isn’t much you can do to discover.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 09:33 AM
4

At some point, you don’t want to find out any more information or any more affairs, because it quickly becomes pain shopping.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 12:35 AM
7

He’s being set up to be an adult who feels like they will never be good enough. I hope that your encouragement can keep him from going into that spiral.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 11:54 AM
35

That hits home. Went through an 18 year marriage of that. I’d change baby’s diaper, and it would get redone immediately after I did it. Vacuum the floor, and it would get redone immediately after I was done. Do the laundry, and it would get redone. I was never good enough, and I was never enough. As the kids got older, there was nothing I could do right with the kids. Undermined at every turn. If I would say no, she would say yes. If I would say yes, she would say no to them. But, her word was f…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 11:45 AM
8

Trust your gut if you feel like a trap is being set up. If she has been using false allegations in the past, and you were getting up to the time of closing out court hearings, she may be trying to set you up for a physical confrontation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 07:20 AM
5

It seems like there’s an attempt to exert power and control over you. There is a difference between boundaries and exerting control. Unfortunately, any reaction might be turned against you. You have the right to ignore the noise, especially from those trying to impose guilt or project issues like racism, homophobia, transphobia, or reproductive matters onto you because you are keeping family ties. I cast a third-party protest vote in a battleground state, so I don’t have strong feelings about Tr…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 06:41 PM
1

“that” guy has watched the judge visit with opposing attorney about his daughter, watched the judge shout down his attorney for accidentally mispronouncing opposing attorneys name, and watched the judge shout down his attorney for trying to point out procedural error of opposing attorney. That guy has also been held in contempt of court, for not obeying a made up on the spot provision in the divorce settlement, been lectured and shouted at for things that guy would have normally impeached the ot…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 11:19 PM
1

That is a very idealistic and High School government version of court. It is all about judicial discretion. If the judge likes one party over the other, ruling is made regardless of fact or impeachability. Appeals courts don’t take cases based on abuse of discretion.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 12:02 PM
3

Not in Michigan if The other party is favored by the judge. I’ve gone through hell with false accusations. I’ve had to deal with a judge, being enraged with the fact that I even had evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 11:59 AM
10

She married you for your paycheck. Talk to a lawyer, and see what you can legally do to make her get a job before you possibly initiate divorce proceedings, so you are not on the hook for ridiculous amounts of alimony. Remember, she may have married you for your paycheck, but she can also divorce you for your paycheck. Cover yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 01:42 AM
11

She’s meant for the streets.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 09:01 AM
2

The only insurance is an ironclad prenup. But, there is no insurance for family court corruption and inflated child support to make up for the gap in alimony, or anything stipulated in the prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 10:35 PM
4

Make sure your attorney is absolutely keen for men’s rights, Will aggressively represent you, and not one that will just run up hours, and bills. Seriously. Seriously, seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 06:18 PM
11

Even though you’re the cheater, I suggest you read a book called Leave a Cheater Gain a Life. It’ll give you some insight about yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 11:50 PM
13

I haven’t seen my kids in two years. It’s awfully nice, that other fellas can arrive at forgiveness, but I can’t yet. I cannot, and will not move on without my children.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 04:44 PM
6

She decided to go nuclear with the classic “Silver Bullet”. Women rarely face any repercussions for using the Silver bullet. However, you are expected to brush it off, and forgive everything when you are found not guilty. False allegations are hell on earth. I sincerely hope you’re able to overcome this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:01 AM
2

Relatable. But, my empty feelings extended into my marriage— I went through a Jerry Springer style divorce. It’s OK to find a reset. If old hobbies bring back that bitter and empty feeling, leave them behind.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:34 PM
1

Sounds like you’re doing what you’ve got to do on that front. Are there any hobbies that are social that catch your eye? If not, I strongly suggest amateur radio. It’s not hard to get licensed, you can get a fairly cheap rig and or handheld, and it is a good way to dip your toe into being social. Additionally, there are usually local radio clubs that meet up once a week. There are some women that participate, but I would say about 75% of the radio operators are still men, and you’ll have some op…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:22 PM
3

Holy shit. I had my third toe amputated due to a staph infection inside of the bone last year.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:15 PM
7

Much love to you brother. Take your time to heal, and take your time to regain the feeling of masculinity. If it stimulates your intellect, read up on philosophy, get caught up on world events, get into stereotypical men’s hobbies, and make connections and friendships with other men. It’s not an easy switch of “man up“, and it’s not the easy switch of some divorce coach feigning tough love by hurling a stream of insults at you until you get angry.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 01:14 PM
11

Don’t even bother engaging. She’s coming to terms with what she screwed up with, and she’s trying to displace some of the guilt on to someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 07:33 PM
3

My children and my entire life. I give up. There’s no reason to really “live” other than existence itself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 12:59 PM
5

Highly recommend going through counseling, and if necessary lay down the ultimatum.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 07:06 PM
5

Horrible to think that the replacement father gets to spend more time with your kids than you will.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 04:44 PM
7

You will get the most objective and useful advice from a lawyer, which you can definitely afford. Alimony pretty much depends state by state. Some states don’t have it at all. So, lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 02:55 PM
1

You would really have to provide the state that you live in. The legal requirements that define separation vary so widely between states, that a good answer in one state would not be considered a good answer in another. I hope that makes sense. Your best bet would be to take advantage of the free half an hour consultation with a local attorney to find out what defines legal separation in your state.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:25 AM
6

Ignore them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 11:46 PM
8

Oh no! A cheating ex facing consequences. You got an equitable deal in your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 01:00 AM
5

Please, take the time that you need to heal from your divorce. After that time, you may or may not have room in your heart to start over with another woman. But, if you do, you have plenty of time. There are many men who have had their first child well into their late 40s.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:02 PM
1

Most people aren’t going to be there for you. Out of my divorce, I have had two friends emerge as a real, and the rest as Fairweather friends. With the ones who pulled the “not gonna take sides “, the reality is they did take the other side. Men are expected to be stoic, be able to weather a beating, and any show of weakness, invite, criticism, and sharks in the water when they smell blood. To be perfectly honest, I don’t have a harsh judgment toward men who have become alcoholics postdivorce. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:55 PM
11

No. Men taking care of their mental health is used against them in court.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 12:11 PM
6

Leave a Cheater Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn is a good book recommendation. Right now, you are stuck in a period of mourning. This book will show you how to get mad. Someone else also suggested a book called No More Mr Nice Guy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 09:52 PM
7

Keep going to counseling, but also make sure she stays on track. Be hyper vigilant, because society instills some extremely low standards on how women reconcile in marriage now. Divorce sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:00 PM
2

Wholeheartedly agree.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 09:53 PM
6

I’m afraid that is a lesson that many of us men need to learn the hard way. As much as some of us don’t like to admit it, we are very much governed by our emotions. Loneliness is pretty shitty.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/24 05:03 PM
9

Divorce trauma is real. Maybe that love bug will never return. But, that’s okay, as long as your basic needs of social companionship are met.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 07:27 PM
16

Once the D-word is dropped, no longer treat her like your wife. The rules of engagement have changed, and it is time to treat your relationship like a business that you are in the process of divesting from. Do everything you can to protect your assets, your home, anything of sentimental value, and especially access to your children. Get a pocket recorder, and record everything at all times around her. Get to know your state laws on recording, phone calls, and make sure all communication is eithe…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:20 AM
3

Cheaters are going to cheat. A lot of women have irons in the fire, and can move on to other men quickly. Make your choices on how you want to move on. If it’s possible, make it a clean break, even if it means leaving behind a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:34 PM
6

You can demand a paternity test. It usually involves spending thousands of dollars to lawyer up. In backward states, like Michigan, if the mother is protecting the biological father, the (ex)husband is stuck with child support, if she has the baby within 10 months.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:26 PM
17

Be really careful!! In some states, you are presumed the father 10 months past divorce. Even if you know, the other guy is the father, they will still stick you with child support.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:16 AM
8

Exactly this. In my state, you are presumed the father 10 months past divorce. Make sure that her karma doesn’t bite you, too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:15 AM
16

I have yet to see karma hit my ex-wife, and she is one of the worst of the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 10:14 AM
19

There are cultural expectations in the United States that are becoming increasingly difficult for men to keep up with. The expectation is that you cover everything, and are responsible for everything. If she cheats on you, it isn’t her fault – it is yours for not making her feel fulfilled. If you don’t make large amount of money, then you aren’t fulfilling her needs. If you work long hours and she is clingy, then you don’t fulfill her needs by being there. The ‘extreme ownership’ coaches that ar…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 05:19 AM
15

Seriously. Lots of men think of themselves as a knight in shining armor. The trope has been played out for a long time, but it still fits the good guy fantasy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:29 AM
3

If you haven’t been served yet, you may want to take the reins and serve her first. Generally, the person who serves divorce has control of the pace and tone of the divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:27 AM
26

Never underestimate an ex’s ability to manipulate and let a man with a lot more money into her pants.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:23 AM
1

There isn’t much emotional (or financial help) support for men. There are a lot of sharks out there who go after men when they smell blood, especially those “extreme ownership” men’s coaches. I totally get the whole “work on yourself“ thing. But I don’t get the whole, taking responsibility for your wife’s infidelities, lying, cheating, or taking the kids away. Many men out there built their lives for family, and had it ripped away. My ex worked for the police department, even got caught on publi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 02:21 AM
3

Facebook has a good pro se dad group, but some of the help is locked behind a pay wall service, and there is very little for templates for filing, motions, civil procedure, and such. Reading through court rules, civil procedure, and trying to find Laws (there aren’t many for divorce court) is daunting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 11:23 PM
2

I live a completely destitute life right now, but I’m willing to give whatever little energy I have, and support whoever can take up the mantle to lead. I know that there are so many men out there who just don’t have the energy, whether it be physical or emotional, to give. To them, all I can say to them is “much love”. It seems like every couple of days, we see a suicide post, then it disappears into obscurity. I know that a lot of men are on the edge right now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 11:19 PM
3

Much love to you, brother. Find security in your solitude. If there is the right woman out there, she will find her way to you, and she will put in the effort for you too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 10:46 PM
12

As a fellow man who lives a completely destitute life, do whatever you can to just keep on keeping on. Much love to you, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:38 AM
13

Much love to you brother. I don’t have any cliche words to offer to you. Too many men suffer in silence.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 05:13 PM
5

Losing my kids to a bunch of made up lies, and opposing attorney telling the judge to imagine things, quite literally in his argument. I haven’t seen my kids in two years, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 03:06 AM
10

I think we are all seeing a common thread with her ex wives. Women like to control every facet of every situation, especially when it comes to their ex-husband and children. Seriously, you did the right thing by recording everything. As everyone knows, false accusations are impossible to overcome. You are wise, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:51 AM
10

She’s putting you on the back burner. You don’t want to be Plan B. Run. Be glad that you did not have children. Divorce, take your time to heal, and move on from her. She was meant for the streets.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 10:53 AM
1

Also, you’re not wrong. False allegations in Family Court is a killing shot, no matter what you do. It’s really rare that a man can emerge from false allegations unscathed. Every once in a while, you might hear of a judge that is wise to it, and shuts it down, but most don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:53 PM
2

Silver bullet is a predictable, playbook, often used by women and the attorneys that represent them. They make false allegations, including sexual misconduct with the children, the father automatically loses custody of the kids, and often does not see them for years because of a restraining orders based on conjecture. By the time, Father gets to see their kids, they are complete strangers, already brainwashed into thinking that daddy is a bad man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:53 PM
1

The playbook is called “The Silver Bullet”. A lot of men have to deal with it, and false accusations are nearly impossible to overcome. Record everything. Everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:37 AM
6

Ouch. Sounds like she was meant for the streets.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:20 AM
5

Much love to you brother.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 05:30 PM
1

Your wife is being an opportunistic predator. Do anything you can to muster up the strength to keep it together. She is trying to make you fall apart, so she can take full advantage of it in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 11:00 AM
2

While I have zero sympathy for you for cheating, she’s already made her intentions known. She wants to ruin you. Get away, and move on. Life will never be the same, but you’re gonna have to deal with that on its own.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 10:19 AM
13

There’s a special circle in hell for other men who are involved in married women. There’s an even deeper circle in hell for men who are a part of taking another man’s children away.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:32 PM
15

A half assed apology, but it ended up being manipulation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 07:26 PM
15

No, not really OK with women commenting in the sub. There are other safe spaces were men are not allowed to comment and are kicked/banned if they do. Man almost always get the short end of the stick, when it comes to divorce, and it would be nice that we can trade war stories.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 10:43 PM
3

100% relatable, brother. I’m not sure I believe in God anymore, after everything I’ve been through, and after everything that I have seen other men go through.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 11:57 AM
8

She’s not your problem anymore, and your sons issues with her are hers to resolve. Trying to bifurcate the two is difficult, but that’s how you’re able to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:43 PM
8

Are you afraid that you may possibly get trapped in a pregnancy? That is the reality for many men.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 04:10 AM
2

I’ve lived through a scenario one. With the other man being convicted rapist and felon.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:56 PM
9

Unfortunately, brother, many men need to go through a healing process, and a skepticism of many/most women or their intentions may be part of that journey. Having an enlightened view is the hopeful arriving point. Many men have to deal with the trauma of false allegations, losing everything they’ve worked hard for, dealing with a rigged system, and the general expectation that they should just toughen up and man up.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 12:38 PM
2

Absolutely agree! Have a witness. False DV accusations are nearly impossible to overcome, and most men are not prepared for the blitzkrieg that happens to their lives when it hits.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 05:34 PM
6

Like many others have already commented. Get your ducks in a row before you let her know that you know. Protect your assets, your living situation, your reputation, and your peace of mind. Not trying to project my own experience onto you, but it is not uncommon for a partner to go cray cray and start making false allegations once they have been caught. Make sure your living situation is protected and locked down, because some men do end up, homeless if false DV allegations are raised.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 04:14 PM
1

I think the only people that sell the idea of forgiveness and sunshine are men’s coaches, who make money off from getting men to accept that cognitive dissonance. The point that you really need to look forward to arriving at is apathy. Because, honestly, anger takes a lot of energy to maintain.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 01:30 PM
1

Protect everything and your children ASAP. Do not be surprised at all if she has another man lined up. Once the D-word is dropped, the rules of engagement change, and she is no longer your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 04:13 PM
2

Would not recommend marriage for any man in the United States. If you can afford to start over, Find another country that values Fatherhood and family.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:28 PM
1

I would not recommend marriage to any man in the United States.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 01:27 PM
1

NO!!! Preserve wealth through Corporations/LLCs and trusts that you have control over!
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 02:58 AM
10

Cursed items should be thrown in moving water, such as a river.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 01:07 PM
8

Alimony from divorce is one of the last bastions of indentured servitude left.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 10:33 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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