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kostaki6515 Archive

View 3 posts and 27 comments by kostaki6515 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Thank you for this!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 09:39 PM
1

Thank you brother, good luck to you as well!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 07:08 PM
4

Honestly, I would think “Good luck dude, I’ve seen how that movie ends, the first part is pretty good but the ending sucks”
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 05:53 PM
3

Can definitely see that. Thank you for the perspective, and you are absolutely on the money about what she would say.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 05:49 PM
1

Thanks for the insight. Also, if you all were me what would be the appropriate amount of time to wait before dating. I don’t want to come off as “heartless” “oh he just got divorced but he is already dating again, maybe he cheated, or left her high and dry, etc”. But at the same time things were broken for a while and I’ve had time to mourn and process the end of my marriage (with therapy, reading, self reflection).
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 05:37 PM
3

As someone who’s parents stayed together for the kids, here is some free advice: don’t. The lovelessness is going to slowly turn to contempt and rage, fights will get worse, more cheating, etc. If I had a time machine, other than to change things with my marriage and divorce, I would go back and tell my parents to split up when my brother and I were young vs waiting until we were almost grown. My friends who had divorced parents were significantly happier, it had already come and gone and they h…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 08:39 PM
1

Will have to check that out, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 07:18 PM
4

Absolutely. I can’t prove my stbx was cheating but am pretty sure there was at least an emotional affair going on. Started stating she was unhappy. Then taking selfies to “update her profile on her work site” but the picture she had on her site was the same one she had for two years, still is to this day. But she was sure quick to scrub mention of me off of it. Walked in one day and pretty sure she was using a messaging app bc all of the text bubbles were different colors, even though she has an…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 03:01 PM
2

Bold strategy shooting your shot in this thread. May want to provide more details though.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 08:03 PM
1

If I were you, and you feel like you are ready, I would get out there. Get back on the dating scene, she sure is. She has every right to date, since you are no longer legally married, but you do too. Don’t sit around focusing on who she is dating on vday or any other day, it’s not worth your time and is only your problem if it impacts your kids. Let this other lucky guy deal with the dead bedroom (maybe not right off the bat, but you know from experience they will get there). You go out and find…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 07:50 PM
2

Absolutely. Just remember you don’t have a biological clock ticking, plenty of time for kids. It is tough, because you do look back with rose colored glasses, that’s where journaling your thoughts can come in handy too (I use notes on my phone). Case and point, if I remember something good, I will write it down but it usually is followed by remembering something bad: her flipping out, gaslighting, controlling, etc. I write that down too. This helps keep perspective, with me any way. When I get d…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 02:08 PM
4

I’m in the same boat, 30’s no kids. 6yr total marriage and all. I moved out, staying with family while I house hunt, hoping to close on a home after finalizing. If the apartment route is the way you want to go then I would try to find one asap. The sooner you move out the sooner you start the next chapter of your life. Staying in another room is a good idea (did that for a bit) and limit conversation if possible to the essentials and stay cordial. Do things you want to do and things that will he…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 05:38 AM
3

Living well is the best revenge. Congrats on pulling an andy dufresne and making it out to the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 03:13 PM
1

Same here. My homelife was very chaotic ( my dad had drug issues, alcohol issues, and could be abusive) but it served as a blueprint of what not to do. This didn’t stop my ex wife from using it as ammunition (you are just like him, you don’t know how to treat women, etc). It took me forever to realize this was just a tactic to make me doubt myself, and an option she could use to shut down any disagreement or argument when I didn’t bow to her demands.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 05:39 PM
4

1) Finding excuses to not be around my friends and family. At first she presented it as nerves, but after we were married she found every perceived slight as a reason to hold a grudge and not go around them. 2) Intimacy issues. Hot and heavy while dating, but once we were engaged/married and especially after the honeymoon phase was over we were down to a couple times a year, with excuses that were cycled in and out so there was always a fresh reason. 3) Unwilling to see any other person’s point …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 03:59 PM
2

Well, I personally went back and forth after it was clear that divorce was happening and talking with others about her behavior. This is me, but I decided that regardless if she was or wasn’t it didn’t change the end result. In the state I live in, adultery isn’t really a factor in division of assets and I knew what I needed to start over, so just dealt amicably and let that go. I also decided that ignorance is bliss. We are done and whether or not something was going on would not change that fa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 11:46 PM
3

Behaviors I noticed were: hair trigger: less and less patience, the slightest thing would lead to a huge fight, unless I tiptoed around and devoted all of my time to not crossing her. Distance: only really responding when talked to, not initiating conversation unless of course she needed something. Constantly glued to her cell phone, tv or computer. Lack of sex, for us it had been almost a year and we are under 40. No proof/idea if she was being unfaithful, split opinion among family and friends…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/20 01:52 PM
2

Had the advantage of already having a therapist (by myself) before we moved to divorce. Once my wife made it clear she wanted to move forward with divorce I continued to see the same therapist, our focus just changed to healing and processing the divorce. I am lucky enough to have a service with my company that linked me with her. But you can always research yourself and check if they accept your benefits, hsa, etc. Hope this helps a little, and good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 04:13 PM
1

Sorry you had to deal with that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 04:19 PM
10

Don’t let seeing a female therapist intimidate you. My therapist is a woman and I think it actually can be more helpful. They can give you insight that a man may not have (the woman’s perspective) and still relate to you. In my case at least, I find it refreshing to be able to share my thoughts, feelings, perspective, etc and not have it instantly invalidated. But also, it is helpful to have someone who can see the other side too and offer insight that can help you in your current or future rela…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 03:47 PM
1

You as well sir, it sucks that you are going through this too, but it is reasurring that we’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 07:01 PM
2

I’ll have to check it out, thank you! If there’s one thing I have it’s free time to read.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 09:47 PM
3

I can understand your anxiety issues. Confrontation was/is a trigger of mine. I sought a therapist due to issues in my marriage, went alone because she didn’t feel her issues were a factor. Long story short, even with how things are shaking out, it’s money very well spent. My therapist was able to discover my triggers, and understand and manage my anxiety. You don’t want to get into detail, but I will say this: if yelling/scathing criticism/ ambushing are your triggers, she knows it and is using…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 06:59 PM
2

Another reason I am glad we never had kids. I can’t imagine having to hold things together until they were grown. That takes some real strength.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 06:40 PM
2

No children, a couple of weeks now. We have agreed on everything and now it’s just a formality of making it official and running out the clock.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 06:04 PM
3

No kids, which keeps things from being messy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 05:04 PM
4

Thank you both. I hope that things get better for both of you too. As someone has already told me “this is out of your control, but it’s up to you to decide if this is your lowest point, or the beginning of your bounce back”. I’m trying to pick up and start the upswing. I hope you both rise up too.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 05:03 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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