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lamentforanation Archive

View 10 posts and 38 comments by lamentforanation on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Also, give it to yourself. She has already emotionally left.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:18 AM
11

“Stoically” withholds the Epstein files to hide his crimes and treats a convicted trafficker with kid gloves while making backroom deals. Not the role model of personal responsibility and fortitude I’d encourage men to take their cues or inspiration from.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 05:15 PM
5

At one point early in the separation/divorce process I became aware that I was misdirecting my anger. First, I got semi-confrontational with a stranger on public transportation. They did something very minor, but I was quick to try to escalate. This was very out of character for me. Like a day or two later I was approaching a crosswalk and saw a car that was probably going to try to zoom through it. I intentionally stepped out and made it so he either had to slam on the breaks or run me over. He…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:57 AM
6

I would say that things are civil and respectful between us. We don’t interact as friends or do things together as we lead separate lives now. I am mostly indifferent at this point, there aren’t children involved, and the divorce process has not been filled with enmity. We both just want to move on. All of those things have helped to keep our necessary interactions civil, with a few minor hiccups along the way since we are both capable of pushing each other’s buttons….even unintentionally.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 08:40 AM
3

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (Hays translation). Easy to pick up and put down as many of the entries are short and digestible.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:31 AM
1

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:27 AM
2

Yeah, I have put in a lot of work on this and I have made a lot of progress. I certainly wouldn’t recommend using hobbies as something to replace healing. So, you raise a good point worth remembering! Still, during a long period of self-discovery and healing, a few healthy hobbies (new or old) are probably a good thing to add variety and balance to one’s life. I would describe my situation as being basically on the ‘good’ side of the healing process. I still have zero interest in my old hobbies.…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:43 PM
2

Congrats on discovering/building the new you. :)
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:46 PM
2

That’s awesome. Congrats on the new passion!
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:44 PM
1

Extending the war metaphor: https://youtu.be/yeYaonItOVw?si=j1tKJMSwe-1BYIpZ
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 04:21 PM
4

You can’t stop a bird from shitting on your head, but you can keep it from building a nest there. I think feeling anger bubble up is natural and normal. In fact, it is an important part of the grieving process. The key is to acknowledge it, feel it, take steps to work through it, and work on not being controlled by an intrusive emotion. Do that long enough and indifference will meet a lot of that anger and let the air out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 05:12 AM
2

Congrats. That must be/have been hard. Best of luck to the both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 03:05 AM
5

Congrats. I hope this helps to provide closure and move on with next chapter of your life. All the best.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 01:08 AM
3

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you did a lot of things right and that you are doing the things that you need to do to become/be healthy. Those things maybe take time to bloom in the future, but I tend to think there is a good chance they will. In the meantime, do what you can to keep your sanity, enjoy life, and plant them seeds! Peace
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:21 AM
6

In my case, I aimed to be civil when I needed to interact. Otherwise, I simply said that I need space and time. In practical terms, this meant that I do not want to have personal or social interactions with my ex, and I don’t want to interact with her unless I need to. This is true and is not based on meanness. It is just something that I need to move on. Of course, many other steps have been taken. Still, I needed that separation while I actively rewired my brain. If, down the road, I want to c…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 06:47 AM
3

Your second paragraph sounds similar to my experience. Here’s to clarity.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 05:56 PM
2

I feel ya. Thanks for sharing where you are at. I truly hope that you find a way forward and can live a fulfilling life. Cheers
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:13 AM
2

Sounds similar to me. In my case, I was able to keep the old Operating System, but major updates and reconfigurations were required. I hope that you have found a belief system that makes sense for you now and that it is helping you to navigate life. Cheers
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 12:12 AM
5

Mine is close (file the final paperwork in early November and expect things to be final in late Nov/Dec). Lots of strong emotions bubbling up lately. I am trying to be gentle with myself and keep my foundation solid. Bittersweet is a good way to frame it! Hang in there. Sending you good vibes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 02:39 PM
1

Lots of great advice here. Strategically, I have tried to take ‘an accumulation-of-small advantages’ approach (therapy, physical activities, self-care, meet with a few trusted friends, set new goals, radical acceptance, seeking new interests, journaling, music, learn about new opportunities, etc.). Different things will work to different degrees at different times. Spread that out over time and embrace the process of becoming a wiser and more mature version of yourself. Anyway, that is what I ha…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 01:34 AM
7

Finalization of divorce. (Some kind of Harry Potter reference, I think)
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 10:56 PM
1

Yeah, I think we are both fortunate in a few ways. You are probably right that if I had gotten a lawyer it would have escalated things. However, based on a lot of the stories here, things are out of control from the beginning for a lot of divorces. In that case, you would not have much choice except to meet force with force or get stomped into the ground. Edit: I guess the takeaway is that each situation is different and that you need to periodically assess that you are on course and ready for t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:26 PM
9

$350 CDN No lawyers. Amicable divorce after 7 years. No kids and few shared assets. We each took back what we brought to the party and divided the rest. I am a poor PhD student, so I guess that helped. I am sorry that so many of you are getting squeezed. :/
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 01:50 AM
1

Different people do things in different ways. As for me, I give myself closure—no one else. I don’t have any plans or need to have this kind of post mortem with my ex. But, yeah, different strokes.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 07:41 PM
2

I mean, there are a lot of factors that go into selecting a parter. Maybe they had other areas of common ground at some point. Is it that odd or unbelievable that two people might marry despite having different—or even opposite—financial beliefs?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:20 AM
2

Opinion to follow. If it is helpful, great. If isn’t, please leave it behind. Personally, I would just frame that as ‘shit that occurred in the past that I am never going to definitively know and that “knowledge of” isn’t necessary for closure in the present day’. It is normal to have part of you that wants to know, but I am not sure that wanting is helping you move forward. I give myself closure, not anyone else and not any past actions or motives of others. I give myself closure by radically a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 06:37 AM
1

Well, they weren’t married, but Caracalla and Geta tried something similar when their father named them joint emperors. It didn’t work out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geta_(emperor)
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 02:25 AM
2

The ‘Everything Must Go’ track from this album also does a great job of capturing the divorce vibe. Love me some Steely Dan.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 01:51 AM
2

https://youtu.be/4iw2DWfwrEY?si=FKM4UZBOM6VEXy4f
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 02:29 PM
2

I think each person and situation is different. If a person has done a lot of work and is emotionally available, I think it can be a reasonable choice. Practically, there are dangers involved if one isn’t honest with himself and if things are rushed. At the end of the day, it is natural for humans to want human companionship. If that can happen without fucking your shit up or anyone else’s shit up,it might be worth considering. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 03:56 AM
4

Good. I don’t think there is anything productive to ‘do’ with this information. Does knowing how long it takes her to drive someplace improve your life? My ex could drive to the moon every Tuesday. Knowing that doesn’t help me do anything. Occasionally I may be a bit curious about where she is and what she is doing. I try to notice that, chalk it up to a very human curiosity, and move on with putting in the work to living my best life without her. She used to live rent free in my head. Now she j…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 03:18 PM
3

It is natural to be curious, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Humans are resourceful and naturally want to ‘solve’ problems and ‘uncover’ mysteries. However, it seems like satisfying your curiosity in this case doesn’t bring you any real benefit. And, if taken too far, it might even cause more problems by making others feel uncomfortable. If you knew more details, would it change anything for the better? I feel like ‘knowing’ probably doesn’t add anything to your quality of life or alleviate …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 02:48 PM
3

Wait, are you saying ‘girl’s soul’ or ‘girl’s hole’, ‘cause it sounds like you are saying ‘girl’s hole.’
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 02:45 AM
3

Charlie’s song from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: https://youtu.be/hWpKhVf8hyk?si=A4OGkIu4KUhGjslZ
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:18 AM
2

In my case, no lawyers are involved. I don’t expect any real issues to crop up, though that is a risk I have accepted. We are submitting our application together next week (Canadian). Please note that what may work in my case may not work for others. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 10:24 PM
2

Which course of action, is your opinion, is the fairest to both you and to her? Following that one may have its difficulties, but it is a path chosen for the right reasons and intentions. Given that, it is also likely to be the one with the least amount of lasting regret. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 08:53 PM
1

Finding ways to feel human is a great suggestion (different for each person). I also appreciated that you pointed out how there isn’t a magic bullet and that sometimes the thing that relieves the loneliness can trigger it. Even knowing this can be a help as it means we can be more prepared to cope with it. Thanks for sharing your experience.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 09:56 PM
9

Not gonna lie, shit feels bleak. I force myself to go on walks each day. That helps a bit. I journal as well. It doesn’t exactly stop me from feeling lonely, but it does help me understand it and explore some things. Also, I got a therapist (in training, so free). It helps to have at least one person that I can share my feelings with. Otherwise, I would probably go all “Tom Hanks & Wilson” Hope you have found a way to get through the day and find some sort of human connection. Edit:added info
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 04:43 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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