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View 2 posts and 64 comments by lifelesswriter69 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
15

lifelesswriter69/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 03:42 PM
11

lifelesswriter69/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 06:28 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

everyone's definition of small is different. my boundaries were too broad and against what i would tolerate from any one person. I finally decided it was worth to pay the price. my happiness and living life is what i wanted. I wanted a partner who would work with me, help me, tackle life with me. This process has confirmed that my STBX was a drain in every sense of the word godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 02:24 PM
1

repeat after me: she will be surprised by divorce. Now, repeat it again. If you do not understand this, then you may not have learned enough yet to understand that she will be surprised. You know how I know? my stbx was surprised by divorce. my response at the time? how is this possible. After all, divorce had come up plenty of times in the past. I would remind the stbx - if this continues, one day, it will be all gone. she was surprised I went thru with it. see - surprised.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 12:21 PM
2

There is no such thing as leaving quietly because leaving will be a shock to her. You will be blindsiding her I am sure. Then you will feel the urge to defend your decision. If you remain quiet (as I did) then her toxicity, anger, and fear will create chaos, hell even. Every action from that moment forward will define you as a person and parent. Not in her eyes, or her side of the support side, but in your own eyes. And that is all that will matter in the end. Be warned that there is no hell lik…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:17 PM
6

I was proud of how I handled my discovery and interrogatories. I had over 150 questions not including itemizing material things. One response knocked out over 90 questions.... Anything that mentioned joint, my response was: stbx could gather information since stbx was joint account holder. Another good amount of questions I chose not to respond to, while the others I gave as much information as possible. It has been dead silent for months. It was just a game that wasted everyone's time and it co…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 01:34 AM
6

I would take the high road, however, i would have a calm conversation with the xw and daughter separately. I would share how i really felt and the consequences if they chose to continue to show some form of disrespect. this is your moment to set how you will be treated and what you expect. This can be different for each person mind you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 09:55 PM
2

i have accepted the fact kids (young or old) will be part of any future relationship. my kids are a bit older. The thought of resetting a bit is real, but i am dating the person and staying true to myself throughout the process
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:20 PM
4

was told its perfectly normal to sleep for quite a bit when its over. there is a calm - you been thru a marathon, a war -- your body knows it is now safe to try and recover. godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 01:50 AM
1

i am trying my hardest to avoid, not communicate, and ghost..... because that is what stbx deserves with how hard and toxic interactions have become.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:53 PM
3

with you saying -- if you were having a physical affair, it doesnt mean she gets to beat you down for it -- this right here.... in my situation, stbx did more then enough for me to initiate. it took about 5 months from the last big fight for me to do it. had a straw that broke the camels back moment, then did it. from that point on - what she showed 6 months prior happened during the divorce process and multiplied by millions it felt like. Divorce does not give anyone the excuse to go after some…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:49 PM
3

I know the feeling of not feeling like you have the strength to go thru with it. I was like this for 10+ years. I finally initiated... and it has been the absolute fight of my life. My support has told me stbx showed her true colors. heck, she exhibited the same behavior thru countless other fights and arguments - no doubt they were abuse. as others have said, emotional affair or not (you know where your heart lives), you or her will eventually seek to fill that void elsewhere. this is not to sa…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 03:23 PM
2

i am here, in a similar situation..... feel free to reach out if needed. not fun times at all. it is surreal to see the mother/child relationship dissolve into nothing because of the mothers actions. i can say there is improvement in ways, but not all ways. godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 02:50 PM
5

my man.... this is the day i fear -- for what she put me through... there is no way we can even communicate -- yet i can envision the same scenario. i keep hoping its all made up in my head, but these stories are always so similar. only difference is i initiated. she had her chance and went scorched earth anyway.... godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:11 PM
3

i have too many unbelievable stories to choose.... how does one decide what to share?
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:04 PM
12

an apology - what is that? the closest i got from stbx was --- "this divorce was something you decided and i begged for this not to happen" and later on in same message "i hate you and love you in the same breath". somewhere in there she mentioned moving past the bad stuff, but didnt say what specifically..... does that count as an apology? all i know is even if i heard the words i am sorry - there is no justification for what stbx attempted before and during the divorce process.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 01:06 PM
1

this statement has me a little confused. what are you saying here? if stbx was mentally ill, stbx wouldnt hurt me? if that is the case... yikes because that would be the most understanding explanation of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:07 PM
3

i may be in the denial phase as you put it and phased with only 3 logical outcomes: 1) addiction is the cause of our issues 2) mental illness is the cause of our issues 3) stbx is pure evil because a sane person would never go to the depths stbx did during this journey cant wait to see the answer revealed..... godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 01:53 PM
3

let me get this straight - there are protection orders in place and you want to get back together? i am in the same boat, so not judging.... and i cant listen to my own advice, which would be to get it done and move on.... this is all fascinating to me because i am where you are in this. godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:09 PM
6

i feel this so much...... even if you heard the words i am sorry (i did) - it would not be enough unless actions followed. I always I am sorry, that is in the past, i cannot change the past. Followed by the same actions that she apologized about. What is the definition of insanity? It seems I was insanity's definition. I also worry about what gets believed or not believed, though i am slowly learning people like me, alot. they have engaged and hugged me when I definitely was not expecting it. I …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:23 PM
2

it sounds like the anxious about a lack of a timeline and pressure go hand in hand here (thats how it sounds). Are you anxious with no timeline or scared he will try to reconcile? or worse he is lying about his situation? i would dig deeper in yourself about the anxious feeling; be honest with yourself.... how can you support him? be there. listen. understand. i stand by what i said earlier -- open and HONEST communication. it is a two-way street. if there is love and approached correctly, it ca…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 11:23 PM
2

he is not wrong in saying he cant give a timeline - it truly is not known. for me: i plan to keep any partner in the loop on communications and shenanigans. Why? because its not believable and i have major c-ptsd from stbx's actions. Most my support tell me i should not share the chaos with any partner, but i feel the openness would help that partner understand my challenges (emotionally and physically). My support can be right. I can be right. I just know my challenges and a partner needs to su…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 09:53 PM
3

every situation is different.... i can tell you - i am and was done the day i made my intentions clear. What is unpredictable is how the stbx reacts throughout the process. in my state, divorce can be finalized in 90 days in a perfect world; minimum 1 year with someone who is difficult/doesn't respond.... or drag out even longer depending on certain circumstances guess you need to talk to your partner and get all the necessary details that will help you feel less insecure and anxious godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:52 PM
3

you should be able to google and find out. I am not familiar with Florida or the local counties, so cannot be of help. your attorney should be advising you and if you do not have one, now would be the time. godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 08:10 PM
5

yes, this! every move has been predictable over here as well. And what was unpredictable has been so bad that, well, it was not predictable. all my friends said relax, its going to get worse. when i asked how, they said we dont know, but it will. and it did.... fml
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 05:13 PM
12

godspeed to all that are on this journey - the stories are the same..... for a reason
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:44 PM
6

have nothing to offer other then looking at the positive.... there is communication between you and the GF. Live in honesty and there is a chance. we are all human, this stuff will come up - no doubt. godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 01:29 PM
1

it was something I knew and wanted for 15+ years. With each issue, i warned that these behaviors would lead to the end.... the behaviors continued and i was forever hopeful the next time would be different. It never changed. I woke up one day.... pondered how i would pull the trigger. got the courage, walked into the room where stbx was hanging out, and said its done. i cant do it any longer. stbx went ballistic, which further cemented my will to move forward. it has been a journey thru hell! my…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 10:01 PM
4

to this day.... i have no idea how i stayed silent. i did not respond. i did not react. i was stoic. i think i just went dead inside and knew one false move and it would be jail/legal battles. i am quite proud to be in the house today, seeing kids with 50/50 custody (the kids requested early on, but now regret). i have been traumatized for life probably though because of how i handled it, as you asked. so i guess this is a cautionary tale... godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:41 PM
3

are you me? i had sirens going off at the beginning of the relationship and throughout, chose to ignore them all. like you, i have my faults. i admit/admitted to having an emotional affair early on that i owned up to - i knew why i did it. we talked through that stuff. 15+ years later, while I had my moments of being a difficult husband, I held up more then my end of the bargain while she used drinks, financial irresponsibility, and just a lack of interest in me/us activities. our biggest fault …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:53 PM
4

i feel your pain brother - i am in the same boat! STBX wanted (and had) the life (a cushy, part time job), drink whenever on my dime, plan activities without me, little to no couple time.... throughout the years i have communicated this would end if i wasnt met some of the way on certain things. STBX ignored, said i didnt respect her..... then she goes out and becomes violent, has more issues with drinks.... i pulled the plugged now stbx is victimized, alienated her own kids, and i am left strug…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 02:23 PM
4

where to begin..... was it the deceit around stbx's relationship status from the start? was it the repeated behaviors after the verbal apology? was it the lack of respect around boundaries? or maybe it was the fake form of accountability but continuing to do selfish things? or when stbx decided not to include me on family things? i dont know... just seems like i was dumb for a very long time - just fooling myself
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 08:01 PM
2

however you feel -- as long as its best for you and the kids. her opinion or thoughts dont matter
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 07:14 PM
2

i would not waste time or energy on the interlock device. the courts will push for 50/50 and unless you have overwhelming proof, it will be a long road to travel. you cant convince the person they have a problem, especially if they do not feel they have one. Again, i had overwhelming proof (with pictures) and my stbx still swears there has been no drinking... even though teenagers smell it and tell me. And ya know whats sad? I question the teenagers - like, how do you know its alcohol? stbx is d…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:32 PM
1

she may deny and think you are crazy for that clause. I only say that because i was in a similar situation and even though we have 100% proof of alcohol in a vehicle, cops stating stbx should not be driving, stbx still refuses to think there is a problem my counselor told me for someone to go to these lengths to drink is indicative of a problem. it is human behavior. ask yourself - do you know anyone else that does this? probably noone that is normal.... this all assumes its "not that bad". but …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 09:14 PM
4

i have no problem sharing my straw, because its a good one. so for 15+ years we had our issues. i owned my mistakes and made amends. stbx? not even close. she double-downed on 3 or 4 key areas i needed to see improvement. never happened - she talked a great game, but remove the words and those actions showed me all i needed to see. i still stayed though, doing what i thought was best for her, the kids, the family. notice i never said me? so we decided one night to have a date night... and alcoho…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 10:32 PM
4

all the f*cking time!!!!!!!! and if i shared what i been through, i am 100% sure you wouldnt believe it or told me you would have left after 3rd or 4th time... let alone the 20th time or more. this doesnt even count "small" things that make a relationship tick does it mean it was all her fault? no.... but i will not accept 50/50 with my history. all this to say -- you are not alone. it sucks. its the worst. godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 07:51 PM
1

Wow... no words, none. I admire your strength and ability to navigate such evilness. this is my fear as i move forward. the fear is crippling.... i expect the absolute worst. Maybe it is all in my head and turns out to be nothing, but i cant get thru the fear of what is to come.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 03:34 PM
10

accused of way worse - and i mean way worse... so far i ended up with 50/50 custody and expect 50/50 split or close to it.... stbx is moved out of the marital home. only a couple more steps to be done
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 01:15 AM
3

do not cheat! It changes you and not for the good. I ventured down the emotional affair route many moons ago and swore i would never do it again. i dedicated myself to my marriage after that, thought we recovered. I was wrong - the problems that followed never stopped. The problems ended up being more on STBX's side then my side - though i understand i was not absolved from blame. As time wore on, i reached a point of knowing i would consider it again and i remembered how i felt the last time. I…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:18 PM
1

PM me if you want. wfh 100%, going thru it....
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 07:25 PM
3

yeah - i just hope that light isnt a train.... i feel like its a train.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 04:15 PM
3

Not sure your definition of long... i am still in it - the tunnel feels long. On the scale of life, its not very long. As someone once told me when we had new borns - appreciate them now because the days are long, but the years are short. Right now - this process you will be living in the days. all i can say is - godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 03:32 PM
6

i am all too familiar with those dark places... and all i can say is reach out if you must. truly, reach out....
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 12:15 AM
6

are you me? i have no words of advice but i would push hard to get thru the final steps to end it..... at some point, you run out of money, decisions need to be made. much easier said then done, i know. PM if you need an ear or a vent... godspeed
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 12:10 AM
8

happy to hear this for you! I went thru something similar except my lawyer settled (dismissed) before going in front of a judge.... i am relieved in some sense but also wish we could have gone the entire way....
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 05:02 PM
1

what is amicable? lol - sorry - just seems like a pipe dream
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:14 PM
7

i can only hope i end up in the same spot! thanks for some hope
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:49 AM
1

wow - all i can say.... i just want to believe i will find a way as i always do. godspeed to you
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 04:44 PM
3

thanks for this.... I have only practiced #2.... and i am in a dark dark place in the last 12hours
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 01:38 PM
6

the struggle is real. no infidelity that i am aware though i initiated because of other issues... almost off'd myself.... still have moments of those thoughts because of how bad it got on the day i said enough..... i dont need a relationship, but want a relationship with someone who appreciates me and loves me how i am... just need hope and to be told it will be ok, but in this moment, i do not think it will....
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 05:23 PM
2

of course it only takes 2 as noted previously.... however, behavior has to change. When someone says its too little too late, its usually because the behaviors didnt change. this was the case in my situation - i initiated because the behaviors didnt change. Did i contribute to the downfall? Sure... but now way will i accept that i didnt want to work at it. Hell, i worked at it for 10+ years only to be dealing with a selfish stbx who didnt respect me enough to meet me where i needed to be met....
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 01:01 AM
1

it is impossible to forget the reasons why.... i feel its the lack of closure or accountability coupled with the deranged behavior that has my mind messed up i know, i know... stbx's actions was the closure.....
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 11:42 PM
2

kids definitely are priority and you can see a difference in their demeanor when they are with me versus STBX. this gives me hope and confidence i am doing ok (this is big since part of the behavior was STBX destroying that part of me) I have not been out nearly as much as I would like or should - that has hurt me in many ways. Finances are in decent shape while the journey continues..... i am feeling very selfish with the decision made.... yet i was tired of what i was exposed to. it was just o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 04:29 PM
4

i am on this journey and feel as you do... a friend of mine brought up loyalty. could it be loyalty causing all this for us? possibly -- after all, we expect that in such a relationship. so unfortunately, i dont have any words of encouragement other then to say you are heard. you are not alone. others feel as you do. reach out or pm if you feel it helps talk at a deeper level to understand it. i am trying and havent made much progress yet
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 04:57 PM
1

i am an average 185lb person and have lost 30lbs so far. i am generally active and dialed that back, mainly because of the constant torture thrown my way. sleep has not been impacted, which has been good. its just the muscle between the ears. there were always signs before, but initiating the divorce brought on that scorched earth approach. appreciate the words - and while i am cautious to say it cant get any worse...i feel like it cant get any worse lol
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 12:41 PM
2

all these comments have been interesting and will put my own spin on it. see, i am the initiator.... i walked away after 20+ years. if you were to ask my stbx, you would hear 1 of 2 stories (my opinion): 1-i am an abusive, controlling, disrespectful sob that should be dead; 2) she hurts the most and therefore i didnt truly love..... when in reality, i am 100% confident i loved and cared just as much if not more. there was just too much hurt that caused this marriage to finally die. will stbx kno…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:52 PM
16

not sure if this will help, but you have 2 choices: 1) stay and have a life sentence to live what you have been living 2) leave... deal with the short-term fall out with a chance at the life you feel you deserve that you do not have. godspeed on your journey!
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 01:15 AM
2

i have given dating for fun a thought - mainly because the behaviors i experienced pushed me forward so fast. i know what i want, what i am looking for, and my boundaries. i also do not feel i am ready.... because the stbx is living rent free in my head still
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 12:36 AM
1

i am in therapy, been since before the journey started. i definitely find being out and around people cures me in those moments....outside of that - i need to fix my mindset and thats been the struggle
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 12:33 AM
2

i see all the toxicity.... but its like i am blinded by it where it matters the most.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 12:31 AM
2

no need to apologize for hijacking anything - i think i have done that a few times to others as well..... completely understand the pain. unfortunately i can only say my stbx is ubpd based on behaviors and actions in the last 2yrs alone. outside of those events, there were signs that i ignored thus not creating firm boundaries. there was no infidelity that i am aware of, but the issues are the issues feel free to PM if you need a friend
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 12:20 AM
1

why do they have to have known each other way before October? 3 months from July to October.... that is plenty of time to meet someone, talk with them and go on a date. Lets assume she met this person in August, is that a problem? in any scenario.... you need to not worry who she is with. the decision is made to move on separately. You do not need to compare yourself to the new partner. Does it really matter if someone is older or younger? richer or poorer? isnt it about finding a better fit tha…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 12:12 AM
2

what was the time between separation and dating? still under same roof? are you in the process or finalizing the process? i think some of those details would be important to understand why you feel the way you do.... i read what you wrote to think she chose divorce because of this new person, is that correct?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 06:15 PM
1

work - lol - what is that? I started a new job and basically was MIA for the first few months. somehow i was told i was doing good work, informed the boss soon after what was going on.... i am now at about 30% and they are happy.... i think
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 08:45 PM
25

regrets: not standing up for myself sooner. not pulling the trigger on deal breakers before it got harder. what would i change? see regrets.... in the end, i was proud of what we accomplished. i am proud of how i hung in there, provided and protected through some major shit.... in the end, all i can say is the dog in me died. the soldier left the war. and its an excruciating journey - it sucks
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 05:10 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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