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light_n_air Archive

View 4 posts and 145 comments by light_n_air on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I think I read 4-5 other comments from RP men, and they all believe the opposite, why do you think that is?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 06:17 PM
1

Which ass pic, I wanna see
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 06:07 PM
2

Because my husband is just one guy lol, I'm wondering if this is something true amongst all or most men. Your curiosity should have ceased after your husband provided you with his answer. This is not how human minds work lol
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 06:06 PM
1

Why do you think this is? My assumption is that society conditions men to associate their self worth to what they could accomplish in the world, so feeling like a good provider feels good. Some men grow up with enough positive reinforcement to see it as a part of who they are, and some men grow disillusioned with it due to adverse events. Does that seem accurate, or do you think it’s more innate?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 02:17 AM
2

Because I am trying to ask about a concept that I found difficult to word: do men in general find fulfilment in the very act of being nice to (or "providing" for) their partner, to the extent that they would essentially sacrifice their self-interest? Is it a core part of their identity? Is it important enough that they will marry someone just for that? Does it bring them joy and fulfilment in a way that is beyond "watching someone else be happy"? Does it fulfil their ego/self-worth? etc. I don't…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 01:32 AM
2

I left it out because then people will be focused on this particular situation (which is highly abnormal and probably codependent), instead of the more general trend I'm asking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 01:18 AM
0

If it makes you feel better, I can substitute it with "unattractive and horrible"? Or else the anecdote just does not make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 01:01 AM
1

I didn't want to elaborate on why she is unlikeable because she has done a lot of things that are genuinely upsetting, like almost killing one of her pets and publicly shaming her husband for attempting suicide in a group chat with other friends. Like I said, her weight is not an element in what makes her unlikeable, I just mentioned it as some people assume a relationship like this is propped up by someone being attractive. Also, people stay in unhappy, even abusive relationships all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:58 AM
-2

If I thought it to be true, I wouldn't need to ask for internet opinions, would I?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:46 AM
1

That's the entire reason why I put in the "ideal partner" clause - i.e. your opinions about this in a vacuum, without worrying about divorce or anything like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:45 AM
1

I should make that a standalone question. I'm so curious to what extent "wanting to have someone to be nice to" is a driving motivation behind dating for men. (Also I'd say you're way more than a 5. I guess I worded the question badly by focusing on the monetary aspect. I meant to what extent the act of making her happy is what makes you happy.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:41 AM
1

Yeah, I'm asking this question out of pure curiosity. I'm about to overtake my husband in income in the next few years, but I'm just curious about the mindset.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:37 AM
-1

I do wish he really liked her, but my husband has gotten more than one late-night call from him saying that he regrets dating her. I'm not so self-centred that I think my opinions of her (met her maybe 3 times) have anything to do with it haha (Her main issues, as I have repeatedly noted, have almost nothing to do with her size but everything to do with her personality and the results of it, which we have first-hand knowledge of. It's not like I saw someone on the bigger side and decided to dunk…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:32 AM
3

Women are perfectly capable of providing for themselves. Yes, this is true, but suppose you found a woman who is in every way ideal but due to some sort of disability or issue, simply does not want to work, cannot work, or work a very low-paying job. Would that, by itself, be a deal breaker for you in a relationship?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:24 AM
2

Yeah, I feel bad for my husband's friend - he's had a very rough childhood and a family history of addiction and abuse, so I don't want to judge too much.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:20 AM
3

Does it matter what type of contributions in your opinion? Since you're a communist haha I assume you're more than familiar with "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs" - would you find it fair or worth it if she fulfils purely emotional needs, while you fulfil financial needs? (Not insinuating there is a correct answer at all, just curious what you think as a man.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:17 AM
15

By picture perfect, I mean it quite literally: if someone took a picture of you and him, they would be like "Woah what a great-looking couple!". Good looks are not enough to build a relationship. There are so many reasons why good looks alone are a problematic criterium, but a big one is that the longer you know someone, the more "average" they start looking to you. If their good looks are all you care about, then you will be sick of them within 6 months.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 11:23 PM
5

You know that saying that goes "Think of how stupid the average person is…and realize half of them are stupider than that"? In the US, 54% of people between the ages 16-74 cannot read above a 6th grade level. Over 20% "have difficulty using or understanding print materials". Marriage is a complex legal and emotional arrangement that requires both intelligence and emotional maturity to navigate well. If 54% of Americans can't even bother to learn how to read beyond the 6th grade, is it really a s…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/24 11:10 PM
9

I think you have a mindset issue. No man wants to date someone with 0 personality (hiding it or not) and also doesn't give a shit about their lives. Think of dating as looking for a best friend. A committed partner is essentially a friend who is so close to you that you will seriously consider altering your whole life for them, you can spend almost 24/7 with them, you trust their judgement almost unconditionally, and you are willing to do something as terrifying and risky as having children for …
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 09:10 PM
48

I don’t even ask them about their life because in all honesty, I don’t even care. I just want to be in a relationship with a guy that i’m attracted to. My jaw fell to the ground when I read this. Ngl, does OP know what a relationship is actually like? If OP does score a "committed" boyfriend, I'm not too sure if OP will even know what to do with him. Personally, I think OP's biggest problem is she has no idea what a relationship actually involves. She's going about it through a completely perfor…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 09:00 PM
6

A higher cost of living almost always comes with a higher income and vice versa, so it really depends on what you prioritise. Spending is definitely an issue in our generation but it's also true that the housing price-to-income ratio has exploded. In the USA in 1985, the median house price was 3.5 times the median income. Now it's 5.8 times. In other words, the median income needs to be closer to 130k for it to feel the same as 1985, but it's actually closer to 80k. 1970s and early 1980s were al…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 05:41 PM
6

Exactly! Hyperfixating on the home not being perfect can definitely breed confusion and eventual annoyance on his side, and resentment on yours. I grew up watching my mother twisting herself into a knot keeping everything perfect, getting more and more annoyed at her husband and children for being ungrateful in the process. She will eventually explode on either the kids or my dad, only for us to be like "...we didn't ask you to do any of this? It's okay to work less!" and for her to get even ang…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 05:14 PM
3

Unfortunately, I don't think that's true. Only 7 states in the US have common-law marriage, and I am pretty sure they are not entered into automatically. I grew up in a country with laws that give de-facto relationships the same rights and obligations as marriages. If you have been publicly dating for more than 3 years, then family court can order your assets to be split in an equitable way. My understanding is this is not the case anywhere in the US.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 05:08 PM
18

Happy for you! I think you can minimise things changing once your job starts by staying happy and grateful. My personal theory is that the feeling of how "homey" a space is and how willing a man is to provide has a lot more to do with how his partner makes him feel than the actual things she does. As long as he is not starving and the home is not a huge mess, focus more on your own mood and how you treat him. I have personally seen women fall into the trap of keeping everything spotless and alwa…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 04:58 PM
1

A reality of modern life is most families cannot afford to be single-income households. OP is also not married to her boyfriend. If she does not work at all and is a stay-at-home girlfriend, she is not entitled to any of his assets in the event of a split (in most places at least). Domestic labour is still work, but its value is only protected if you are married to the person you are providing that labour for.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 04:51 PM
5

when the nagging became unbearable Genuine question: wouldn't it make more sense to just dump the woman whose nagging is "unbearable" instead of marrying her? It seems logical that if she is capable of unbearable nagging before marriage, she will just keep doing it after.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 03:08 PM
4

If a woman wants to know how ready a man is to marry, she should ask how much he enjoys the singles scene I found this to be really true. My husband and I met in college and got married shortly after. Neither of us is conservative or religious (very progressive agnostics in fact), and we are both "professionals", so this should have been pretty unusual. However, my husband hated the "singles scene". Poor dude has social anxiety, is a bit of a nerd (in a good way), and has a pretty weird sense of…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/24 02:48 PM
3

“Unless he is absolutely deadset on you not working” I think you underestimate the number of unemployed, unemployable, or absolutely burnt out post docs haha (joking of course, or am I)
/r/RedPillWomen26/10/24 10:34 PM
3

If a man is not interested in you, but suddenly becomes interested once you lose a ton of weight, I don’t think he is great marriage material. Not because caring about weight makes him a bad person or anything (men like attractive women, and most people find being fit attractive), but because the nature of marriage. Ideally you’d want to be married to someone for the rest of your life, and in that time you’d get pregnant, grow old, and become less attractive. Your weight will fluctuate naturally…
/r/RedPillWomen26/10/24 10:32 PM
3

All of my male friends and most of my female friend play video games as I’m a STEM major, but the men all think very uncharitable things about Taylor Swift (and women who like her), so I may be biased here.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/24 12:59 AM
1

at the same time it is still manipulative and wrong to knowingly hide information from a partner that may make them reconsider the relationship. Yes, I generally agree with this, but the comparison arises because 1. your partner being bisexual in and of itself does not harm you, just like your child being bisexual does not physically harm you, it's not like a disease or something and 2. there is considerable societal shame around this and although lying is bad, it's not like they have absolutely…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 04:14 PM
1

For example, whenever I have an OBGYN-related issue and I go to the doctor, all I'm told is to go on birth control. When the problem persists despite being on birth control, they ask me if I'm planning to get pregnant any time soon. When I say I'm not, they are like "Then don't worry about it too much". When I ask them "Why is this very specific thing happening?", they say "Well we don't really know, but birth control tends to help, come back in 3 months if it doesn't or if you develop other sym…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 04:08 PM
3

That's why I specifically chose Taylor Swift and video games. Both are mainstream interests, but if a guy tells a room of girls "oh I play video games after work sometimes", at least one will probably ask "oh, which ones?", but if a girl loudly admits to a room full of men that "I really enjoy Taylor Swift", it might be a bit more embarrassing. I'm not talking about super niche interests. A girl who is really into weird omegaverse yaoi fanfiction and a guy who owns a katana are both going to be …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 03:56 PM
1

Of course, a lot of safety features come from men dying. However, it doesn't excuse how OBGYN as a medical field is so behind other medical fields when women have been giving birth and dying in childbirth since the dawn of humanity, or how a lot of medicines are tested in clinical trials that only involved men until the last few decades. It's not like every medicine, equipment and even safety feature we have come exclusively from war, and saying "but women don't have to participate in war" does …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 03:45 PM
1

Some men want to have children but do not want to be fathers. True for some women too.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 03:39 PM
2

This is so true. I can act as cutesy as I want - might be seen as annoying but at least not literally mentally ill.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 03:39 PM
3

You claim to all be for compassion but you also think people who lie by omission about something they are deeply insecure or ashamed about don't deserve to have friends. Instead of wanting to move society towards a place where they can feel less insecure and ashamed, you blame them for not getting over it I guess? Furthermore, you seem to think others owe it to you to come out of the closet. Why is that? Am I the one talking to a psychopath?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 09:39 PM
-1

Aw, so brave, def built differently. I for one am not this good at confusing very different concepts, like "telling someone they made a wrong turn" vs "overreaction" "nagging" and "being verbally abusive". If it helps, I will spell it out for you. There are different ways one could convey "you have taken the wrong turn". You could say it like a sane person, or you could overreact and nag, or you could become verbally abusive, or you could start beating the driver like your dad did to you. These …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 09:39 PM
3

We're not obligated to be okay with it, but I can't imagine anything bad coming out of a generally more accepting society. Black people no longer being discriminated against does not mean you must start dating black people, but it's a good thing nonetheless.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 09:07 PM
2

So, when a child is too afraid to come out as gay to their conservative parents, do you also think the child is being manipulative, dishonest, and abhorrent? Realise the people we are talking about don't even have to be in a relationship at all to live with these fears. Currently, a lot of bisexual men are too scared to come out as bisexual because that may make them undatable to any future woman and be treated weirdly by their male friends. Also, more societal acceptance will likely decrease th…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 09:00 PM
3

Some bi men might find that to be the case right now, but hopefully one day it won't be. I have personally known openly bi men to successfully date straight women, but that might be a rare occurrence.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:52 PM
0

Girlie, I grew up with an abusive mother who treated me like this every day. Having your every move narrated, mocked, and controlled constantly fucking sucks. She still talks about my 2nd-grade math tests and that one time I dropped a bowl on the floor when I was 11 to this day. I guess good for you that you lived such a comfy life that you think abuse is fictional?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:39 PM
4

You are conflating two very different concepts here. Comment OP and I are talking about bisexual men being too scared to date other men because they fear that no women will ever want to date them. You are talking about cheating. I'm not sure how they even relate to each other. In terms of being more open with your partner about your sexuality: if being bi was more acceptable, then perhaps men will be more open about it. I'm not sure why you think further stigmatising these men will help.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:34 PM
4

When am I talking about guys who lie and cheat and then blame women for it? What?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:29 PM
-2

You don't have to be always making wrong turns for someone to have an overreaction on your driving. If you factually suck at driving, that's one thing. It's a whole other thing if you make a mistake once and it becomes ammunition for the rest of your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:25 PM
4

You will not prove that has happened until women rejecting men for being bi becomes a statistically marginal experience Correct, and I'm not claiming 1 example proves that we are already there, hence why I said "I hope" in my original comment. However, note what comment OP actually said: "Never gonna happen" because "A bi man, and god forbid, even with same sex experience, is a pariah for women." Even if we assume he is still talking about society and women as a whole, and not "it's never gonna …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:23 PM
-3

Yeah, I was referring to RPW advice in general, not this specific example. However, there are certainly people who use someone taking a wrong turn to start talking about "oh my god you always do this, remember last year we almost missed xyz because you turned too late, I'm going to have to get my phone out and give directions aren't I, your next turn is coming up!! Don't miss it!!! Ugh, why do I have to do all the work here."
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 08:01 PM
3

Because it's messed up to have to hide an intrinsic part of yourself out of fear of being a social outcast or dumped by your partner. Same reason why it's good to be accepting of queer people in general. This affects non-bi men too. Those stories about men who have been raped by other men (sometimes when he was a child!) and then seen as lesser than by their girlfriends make me irrationally mad.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 07:02 PM
4

I'm not saying I'm hoping more people will become gay lol. I'm hoping being not straight will become more acceptable, especially to your own partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:54 PM
2

Out of curiosity, do you think this specifically applies to white women, or is it true for women of all races? I'm wondering to what extent what you described has to do with race vs gender (specifically the disagreement example). I do agree that in general women are presumed to be nice and kind until they prove otherwise. It leads to a lot more pleasant social interactions and likely a generally positive view of life. It's like how beautiful people live in a world where everyone is just nice all…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:22 PM
3

Speaking of things we envy about the other sex: raw confidence in your "logic" and "discussion" abilities despite acting like that dude
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:12 PM
1

As gender roles and the LGBT movement progress, bisexual men will no longer be considered inherently "less" than straight men.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:07 PM
4

Accepting bisexuality in men is not necessarily lowering female standards though, it's just growing more comfortable with a different definition of masculinity. A bisexual man is not inherently worse or less adequate than a straight man.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 06:01 PM
7

Words have meaning, not to mention this is simple logic, not semantics. It's not on me that you phrased your opinion in a way that's easily falsifiable by anecdotal evidence, so don't get all butthurt when people use anecdotal evidence to debate you. If you want better points, phrase better arguments.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:59 PM
3

...is that not a kink subreddit lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:54 PM
2

The issue with a statement like "never" is that it only takes one case (even anecdotal) to disprove it. If you don't think anecdotal evidence is strong enough, then don't make an "all" or "never" statement. Say something like "unlikely to happen" instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:52 PM
5

My main "confusion"/gripe is with the idea of "superior". The driving example you provided actually happened to me a lot with friends, specifically back when we were all 16 and first learning. Personally, I'd never micromanage how my friends behave (and I think that's true for most people), but it does not necessarily mean I think of my friends as having authority over me or as a superior force. A wrong turn is simply not important enough to start a disagreement or make people uncomfortable. I s…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:51 PM
2

Yes, but we are clearly in a phase (at least in the west) where things are trending more progressive, at least for now. Even countries like China took homosexuality off the list of mental illnesses.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:45 PM
9

What I'm trying to say is you don't have to believe that your man's actions are "superior" to act in a way that RP describes as "submitting". In the "taking the wrong way" example, the reason why you keep your opinion to yourself and thank him for driving could be: You believe your husband has authority over you and his words/actions are final, and you cannot question it. Or, You have 0 problems with correcting your husband if you need to, but in this situation, you don't think correcting him is…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:43 PM
6

Truth. But I teach an intro science course to college freshmen most winters, and almost all of them recognize Nicole Mann and Emily Calandrelli on the posters on my classroom door. I think my point is more that everyone knows who Marie Curie is, but only girls pick her to be *the* person they look up to.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:25 PM
13

What I always wondered is if what you're describing is "submitting" or just "being a nice person without a stick up your ass". I participate in RPW and 90% of the "submitting" advice could also be framed as "just be nice and appreciative when someone does something for you, instead of being rude and pedantic" and "have basic faith in your partner and trust that he can do things without you nagging".
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:21 PM
14

This is very funny because men's ability to disagree with each other publicly (often over pretty small things) always made me a little uncomfortable. I didn't realise this is something that men themselves found unfortunate as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:13 PM
6

I've seen it happen already. In fact, my own husband is not fully straight, and I have 0 issues with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:10 PM
2

Yeah for sure. In the most progressive places in the USA, bisexual men can find female partners without much issue, so maybe that will eventually reach more conservative countries.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:08 PM
7

Yeah, but it used to be 100% of women and it's now maybe 90-95% of women. Maybe in 30 years, it will be 50% of women. Remember that 30 years ago, being gay itself was pretty taboo. (Also, thousands of years ago, in Ancient Greece or Ancient China, it was totally fine and not effeminate at all if you engaged in homosexuality. Oh how the times changed.)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 05:06 PM
5

I think another side effect of the LGBT movement is gender roles and expectations become a lot more blurred. I went to college in a very, very liberal town, and there were plenty of queer couples where both the man and the woman are pansexual, but they also do not conform to super typical gender roles (you can probably imagine what that looks like). I've seen couples stay together despite one of them literally transitioning. My best friend is an openly bisexual man and he absolutely gets bitches…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:55 PM
2

I'm in the States now, my style is steadily devolving :(
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:35 PM
3

Yes but ideally you just want to pop in, make their life fantastic for an afternoon every week or so, then go off and live your own life. It's sort of the role my dad played for me growing up. He was mostly busy with work, but when he had the time, we would do the most fun things. But that left my mum to do all the dirty, difficult, disciplinary work. I get what you're saying. Hopefully, as we progress, mothers and fathers split the fun and difficult stuff more evenly.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:31 PM
6

Ah that is so true. I think at least in the US, the type of stuff I am allowed to wear every day is a lot broader than what men could get away with (if they don't want to be looked at weird or called gay). Perhaps it's better in Europe.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:26 PM
8

I also love paying for stuff that moms can’t afford in their own. I think I would make such a great husband/boyfriend, at least the romantic aspect of it. I'm so good at buying gifts and planning cute little dates haha.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:24 PM
7

Is it more to do with giving birth, or more to do with the typical duties a wife performs vs a husband? I lowkey resent the possibility of needing to take a 3-6 month break just when my career is supposed to be accelerating, and I'm kind of terrified of the complications around birth.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:20 PM
1

That sounds terrifying. In my experience, women do seem more exempt from confrontation like being yelled at. I remember this very abusive and frankly racist teacher I had in primary school. He used to yell at the top of his lungs at the male students but was less bad with the female students.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:17 PM
10

That's very true. I hope a side effect of the LGBT movement is that society and especially women will become more accepting of bi men.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 04:12 PM
1

Ah, that makes sense. I work in tech so it's a situation I find myself in a lot. Although, in both college and high school, I have been the only woman in some of my classes.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 03:56 PM
7

I think you overestimate the number of men rich enough to attract these gold-digging semen-stealing whores. I don't think OP needs to worry about this.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 03:50 PM
1

What about a situation where you happen to be working with all men? (like if your female coworkers all left by 5:45 but you need to stay until 6:30 to get some stuff done, but only men are left in the office).
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 03:49 PM
11

What are you talking about? Birth control exists. In fact, you can use 3-4 different forms of birth control all at once if you are truly this paranoid about women changing their minds about abortion. Make sure she is on the pill (1), wear a condom (2), put spermicide in the condom (3), and then pull out (4). The chance of all of them failing at once is almost non-existent. How can any man trust any woman after knowing what this 1 woman you were arguing with on Reddit believes? What? Yes, changin…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 03:46 PM
1

That is actually crazy that you have been accused of discrimination for something like this. Out of curiosity, what do you mean by "meet" though? For example, if your workplace is open planned but by 6:30 pm it's just you and another male coworker a few desks down, does that count? What about a situation where you need to talk to a male boss and he keeps the door open as described in the post, does that count as alone? I assume other male witnesses don't count, so does that mean you can't work i…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 03:33 PM
12

Even if you are not creepy at all, there is no way to spin "travelling alone with a woman" or "dining alone with a woman", especially a younger woman who works for you, in a non-creepy light.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 02:50 PM
9

I think there is a disconnect between the "Mike Pence Rule" and "a staggering 36% of men avoid any work-related interactions with women". The Mike Pence Rule seems perfectly reasonable to me. The only issue I see is if you need to talk to your boss in private about some personal or sensitive matter, but glass doors/walls are very common in most offices, which solves that problem. I don't see how that set of rules in particular would impact someone's career. However, literally avoiding any work-r…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/24 02:47 PM
21

To keep things simple, the formula of "thank you" + a relevant compliment + a pleasant tone usually does the trick. Examples: Woah, thanks for paying for dinner, that's so sweet of you. Thank you for taking care of the ___ bill, you make me feel really cared for Oh my god, this gift is so thoughtful/amazing/beautiful, thank you for picking it out, I appreciate it so much You can vary the length and seriousness of what you say based on how serious the situation is. For example, if he opens the do…
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/24 08:55 PM
4

Of those older men who have the capability, some will forego it because of fear or societal shaming, etc., or for other made-up reasons. I feel like a lot of women's concern is "What is the force driving this man to not have any fear and ignore societal shaming to pursue younger women?". It could be just his personality, which is fine as some women like men who go against norms, but it could also be "no woman his age would date him so he is forced to" or "he finds younger women less jaded/easier…
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/24 04:04 PM
2

I want to add that even though I 100% believe that gratitude is extremely important, exploiting guilt and shame is a genuine abuse & manipulation tactic, especially if you already have mental problems. I recommend working with a therapist on how you feel about your past. I really hope you can get to a place where even if you know that what you did is wrong and you are not proud of it, it's no longer ammunition for people to use to manipulate you. For what it's worth, I think you are incredibly b…
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/24 03:36 PM
1

Something we have to make clear is I did not say the vast majority of Chinese men are attracted to lotus feet. I said, "The idea that a lot of Ancient Chinese men, if not the vast majority, saw bound feet as a desirable trait in a woman is a well-established fact." Desirable does not just mean sexually attractive. Being rich is desirable but not because people are sexually attracted to money. Bound feet can be desirable because it's considered sexually attractive, but also because women with bou…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 03:26 PM
2

Footbinding started with wealthy women to appeal to some elite men who found it attractive ,and then it was done to girls in a lower social class with the belief that it would allow for upward mobility in marriage. However, there is evidence showing that this was not the case. The paper you cited confirms that "footbinding would improve girls' marital prospects" is a "common cultural belief", it's simply investigating whether that belief is rooted in reality. In other words, the paper is saying …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 08:13 PM
1

Whoops, my bad, Zhu Xi is indeed from the Song Dynasty. I wrote Ming because the ruling family of the Ming dynasty has the last name Zhu, so it got mixed up in my mind. However, Zhu Xi was a career politician for over a decade, and was the “mayor” of Zhang Zhou, the region in my source, from 1130 to 1131, where he wrote foot binding into law. My source is “The Cultural Encyclopaedia of China”, and I believe it’s quoting a primary source. Foot binding is primarily cultural, I am not disputing tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 04:18 AM
3

Yes, but you will have to translate it. 《中华全国风俗志（下篇）》卷五 记载，朱熹强制推行缠足：漳州女皆小足，必倚杖而行，凡遇庆吊之事，女子皆往。每人皆持一杖，相聚成林。盖初时民俗，淫奔者众，朱文公守漳时，立法命之缠足极小，使不良于行，藉革其浇俗，故成今日之现象也。 Essentially, when Zhu Xi was ruling a region of China, he wrote into law that women’s feet must be bound “extremely” small, to the point of not being able to walk, in order to prevent “adultery” and general moral corruptness. This explains why all women in that region used walking sticks, and a gathering with women looked like a “forest” of sti…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 02:41 AM
13

I briefly glanced at the synopsis for "The Manipulated Man" and the main issue with it, as you said, is that its message is unfalsifiable and unconstructive. I'm not sure what your boyfriend wants when he says "If I don’t take the teachings of the book seriously, it might be a dealbreaker for him". The main idea of the book is that everything women do is out of manipulation, but you cannot literally prove your thoughts and motivations to him. So unless he wants you to stop "manipulating" him i.e…
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 09:57 PM
3

Have you tried asking him what would convince him that you are mature and emotionally stable? Having the right words at the right moment is hard, but it's never too late to let him know about a sentiment. "I was thinking about that time when you did x, and I really wanted to say blah blah blah".
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 09:38 PM
3

RPW is all about honesty, and sometimes honesty may come off as negativity. This is about as friendly of a place to discuss an issue like this as you can find, if you take this issue to a normal relationship subreddit, they wouldn't even entertain this relationship as a possibility. I recommend that you at least ask yourself which comments you found the most negative and whether it's because they are actually being negative, or if you are uncomfortable with what they are saying.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 09:28 PM
5

What do you think you are doing that is causing him to believe you lack "integrity and honesty, seriousness and stability"? If you truly believe it's not the way you addressed these issues, then is there something else you are not mentioning?
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 09:25 PM
11

Yes, what I am trying to say is it was men's fault - i.e. Chinese men back in the time when foot binding was popular and/or mandatory. Not all men and certainly not you in particular. I understand your point that language like this is likely more harmful than it is useful, so I do wish I worded it differently. However, I won't go into the discussion around "Is a woman oppressing a woman truly voluntary under an extreme patriarchy?" and "Is death the only acceptable threat when it comes to provin…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 09:21 PM
5

I didn't say you are worried, I said it sounds like he is worried. Did you properly read the comment? Your question is "what could I do or say to reassure him" - the answer is you should address his worries about the relationship in a way that is satisfactory to him. I simply offered some thoughts on what might work, not sure why you are being so defensive.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 09:09 PM
7

From your post, it sounds like he was worried about Him dying before you (and the implication of ageing), which I addressed in point 1 Your emotional maturity, which I addressed in 2 and 4 How you might change your mind in a few years, which I addressed in 2 and 3 If that's not the case, you should spell out what he is specifically worried about in your post, instead of asking us to extrapolate from context clues.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 08:48 PM
11

It's funny because Red Pill is all about recognising *reality* - meanwhile, so many self-professed "Red Pill" men say stuff like this and wonder why people both in and out of the RP community don't take them seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:39 PM
3

I think we might be talking about different types of prostitutes because drinking from the golden lotus shoes of prostitutes was an extremely popular drinking game well documented in literature. "有一天杨铁崖、倪瓒（元镇）在友人家会饮，当时席上有妓侑酒，铁崖兴发，脱妓鞋，置酒杯其中，使坐客传饮，名曰鞋杯" and numerous other examples.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:36 PM
19

It's also not "wrap some shit around their feet to make them smaller". From his own Wikipedia article To enable the size of the feet to be reduced, the toes on each foot were curled under, then pressed with great force downwards and squeezed into the sole of the foot until the toes broke. The broken toes were held tightly against the sole of the foot, while the foot was drawn down straight with the leg and the arch of the foot forcibly broken. The bandages were repeatedly wound in a figure-eight…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:33 PM
2

Prostitutes all had bind feet as well, or else they are not getting customers.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 08:22 PM
9

You would be correct that mothers and grandmothers would be the ones to perform the procedure, but the procedure was made mandatory mostly by men. Either explicitly through law or implicitly through marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:52 PM
17

I'm sorry but this post is something else. There's not a lot of info on how it came to be or why it was popular. This is just ... not true. Even the Wikipedia article you linked yourself went over its origin in the second paragraph: "The prevalence and practice of footbinding varied over time and by region and social class.\1]) The practice may have originated among court dancers during the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms period in 10th-century China and gradually became popular among the elite …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/24 07:43 PM
7

You're 100% correct! I'm also thinking about the worst-case scenario where either the relationship does not work out or, god forbid, your husband turns abusive or dies. You need a skill set to take care of yourself and any children. It's neither smart nor wise to solely rely on anyone else. There is a friend of mine who is sort of in this position and I worry about her every day.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 04:54 PM
16

You can focus on your career without sleeping around or being bossy. The importance of being able to take care of your own needs without a man cannot be understated, even more so if you plan on not working and being a housewife.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 04:03 PM
11

Not to pry too much, but what about your father?
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 03:50 PM
14

Yes, perhaps WW3 will break out tomorrow and we will all die in a nuclear holocaust, but the most likely scenario is he will feel the effects of ageing while you are still relatively young. I bring it up because there is a chance that the attitude of "I'm going to pretend like this is not an issue, I will either be distracted by grandkids, he might be healthy, or I might die first" is turning him off. Perhaps being like "I fully understand the worst-case scenario, and even then I am okay with it…
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 03:50 PM
23

If you want to get married, your parents and extended family will eventually have to know about his existence. If you are hesitant to have them meet, it's probably worth thinking about why.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 03:37 PM
29

I really second introducing him to older male relatives. At 23 you might think he is amazing, but a 60 y.o. man or even a 40 y.o. man would probably be a lot more objective and discerning.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 03:33 PM
11

I think you need to do some really serious soul-searching before committing to a relationship like this. For the most part, he is entirely correct to be somewhat hesitant - probably even a green flag. Even though your values align, there are many potential problems in a relationship with an age gap like this. The implication that he might die first is that his health will also deteriorate first. When he is 70, you would be 55. At 55 you are still a healthy, likely still attractive middle-aged wo…
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/24 03:28 PM
12

Correct me if I’m wrong but from my understanding a RP man is not traditional nor a provider. Male RP strategy is about maximising sex, female RP strategy is about maximising commitment. If you go for a guy who is explicitly RP-ed, don’t be surprised if he acts a bit like OP’s boyfriend, especially if he is in his “spin plates” era. https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x4f8hw/back_to_basics_september_reconciling_rpw_vs_trp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/RedPillWomen20/10/24 03:17 PM
2

RPW is neither basking in your feminity nor manipulating men. The red pill is about accepting reality for what it is, in order to effectively obtain long-term happiness. I suggest you give the wiki a read and I'm happy to try to answer any questions. Also, my personal take is that "manipulation" in a relationship can be a pretty meaningless term. Of course, there could be toxic/abusive manipulation, but almost everything you do in a relationship can be classified as manipulation. For example, is…
/r/RedPillWomen18/10/24 09:38 PM
7

A lot of my friends who "lost" their virginity after 18 didn't tell the guy it was their first time. I think it makes everything simpler and less weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 07:07 PM
5

I'm a SWE and my graduating class was around 30% women, maybe a bit more. I haven't had trouble meeting STEM-oriented women (in fact, all of my friends are in engineering, finance or medicine). I don't have much advice other than they are out there, especially if you work for younger, startup-esque organisations that care about how many female engineers they have. (Also, I don't think there is anything inherently masculine about STEM! Don't let it make you feel a certain way about yourself. Thin…
/r/RedPillWomen18/10/24 04:03 PM
1

I think it depends on where you live. In some countries, women have an outsized risk of being human trafficked, so in those places, the disadvantage trumps the advantage. In somewhere like the US, I don't think the remote chance of being human trafficked is enough of an issue to make the ability to do sex work a disadvantage due to human trafficking alone. However, my main gripe is there are other disadvantages aside from being human-trafficked that the increased ability to do sex work is direct…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 03:40 PM
2

So you at least you think an advantage is an inherently personal thing? Women are not monoliths, one woman can find the option of sex work valuable, another might not, so it doesn’t make sense to say that all women have that advantage. Also, the increased ability to do sex work is what causes women to be sex trafficked, which is a clear disadvantage.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 12:00 PM
3

Meanwhile there are cases in countries like China where a pregnant lady jumped off the roof of the hospital from the pain. She was delivering for too long and the mother in law and husband refused to sign off on the C section - because they are scared it will affect the child I guess? She got down on her knees begging for it twice and got denied both times. I wish I was making this up. (Her family claims the doctors denied it. The hospital claims the family refused to sign off. Fucked either way…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 02:26 AM
3

Yeah! If you love someone, or if you want something from someone, or both, you tend to treat them really well. That involves making them feel spoiled, catered to, and safe. For example, I love my husband, I want him to keep treating me well, so I do everything in my power to make him feel loved and appreciated everyday. Are there women who think “I love this man, I would like him to do this for me, so the solution is to treat him like shit”? Yes, but those people are either immature or mentally …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 02:14 AM
5

I know it may not be your lived experience, but plenty of men get that from women.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 01:31 AM
1

Yes, humans don’t tend to respect other animals as equals, but that doesn’t mean no one respects each other as equals. This is like saying a table doesn’t have 2 legs so nothing has 2 legs.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 01:26 AM
2

Gender essentialism believes that gender norms are innate, genetic, or biological, and therefore unable to be changed. Feminists tend to believe gender norms are mostly socially constructed, and is therefore more fluid. Neither denies that gender roles exist. I don’t think there are any serious feminists who say stuff like “that’s weird, stop thinking about it” about gender roles. The whole point of gender studies is to think about it. You can also believe gender essentialism is toxic while also…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 01:17 AM
7

Yes, but ideally you should still flirt with the person you are in a relationship with
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 01:02 AM
4

Yes, everyone I like is charming to me, or else why would I like them? They might not be universally charming/likeable, but rarely anyone is, and it’s not a prerequisite to friendship or relationships. “He is a really likeable person” and “he is a really charming person” seems the same to me. For example, it would not be weird to describe a nerdy, introverted guy who is very likeable as “he is nerdy but in a charming way”.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 01:00 AM
9

Okay, how are they different?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 08:13 PM
14

?? Is it no longer important to be likeable after the second date?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 07:31 PM
22

You are severely overestimating the number of men who hate women. A lot of them don't fully respect us like they do other men, sure, but I have literally never met a single man who "genuinely despises us" in my life, and I'm a Software Engineer lmao.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 07:25 PM
5

Edited to address your edit: The number of men who are going through RP rage is probably similar to the number of white people who still want to lynch black people - i.e. they exist but it's vanishingly rare. I have no idea why this is even a discussion. It's not exactly a new concept that women do not like being called worthless hoes. "I think women should get behind men because women are delicate flowers to be protected" is not sexist in and of itself. The key word here is "should". Does the m…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 06:48 PM
5

How do you define benevolent sexism? Because I don't think benevolent sexism as you are describing it is sexism at all. Meanwhile, hostile sexism just sounds like ... normal sexism? Getting hostile at a woman after rejection = they feel entitled to the woman = they do not respect women as equals who are allowed to reject them = they are sexist.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 06:14 PM
1

why can you call lifting heavy things an advantage, but I can't call more options in sex work an advantage? Because advantages have to be inherently good. An increased ability to do sex work is not inherently good. It can be good under specific circumstances, but very bad under some others. A mixed bag like that is not an advantage. If a man could lift heavy things but sometimes it causes him to uncontrollably vomit, I would not call that an advantage. It's like saying "at least female stars can…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 05:57 PM
5

That makes sense! I mean people don't become blind after entering a relationship haha
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 08:39 PM
4

By celebrity crush, do you mean he thinks she's hot, or do you mean he obsessively follows her Instagram and watches her content for hours, thinking about her all the time? Finding someone hot is very normal to me, I wouldn't have a problem with indulging in it at all. The latter is very weird and not normal at all. My personal viewpoint on this is pretty controversial, but I'm fine with my partner watching women in any state of undress, in real life or online, provided that everything is profes…
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 08:24 PM
2

I'm going to be brutally honest here. What really drives you to implement such self-improvement & awareness? The simple answer, relationship-wise, is I am deathly afraid of becoming anything like my mother. The more general answer is I had to. I was suicidally depressed since I was 8, and sometime around age 15, I told myself I would do it if I hadn't figured it out by 25. I'm happy to report that I will be 25 next year, and I'm not even depressed anymore, let alone suicidal. I think I'm lucky i…
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 07:47 PM
7

I hope I don't come off too harsh, but I do think there is a lot of room for self-reflection here. Others mentioned actionable steps re: talking to your husband, so I won't focus on that. You have to find the root cause of your "explosions" - why do you leave things until it gets to that point? It's neither healthy for you nor effective in a relationship. Very little real improvement can come when you are in that state of insanely heightened emotions. I think you need to let go of your expectati…
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 05:47 PM
3

I'm sure you know all the generic habit-building advice, so I will talk about my experience with talking down on myself instead. I was very addicted to negative self-talk. It felt safe. My logic was that if I criticised myself, then I was safe from the criticisms of others: best case scenario I can preempt them and solve it before the judgement starts, worst case scenario at least no one hates me more than I hate myself. I realised how unnecessary this was and how mean and unfair I was being. If…
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 05:31 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 04:57 PM
2

I relate to this a lot, as you can see my parents were abusive too. When I say childlike anger, I don't mean how you literally used to be angry as a child (if I did that I would become a domestic abuser, oops). I mean being mad in a pouty, feet-stomping, cute way. How you would react to friendly teasing, for example. This is only reserved for a situation where 1. it's entirely unserious but 2. you really need to get some sort of feeling out. Something stupid like I get to the store and I find th…
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 04:56 PM
2

I'm glad I could help! Surrendered Wife was the first RPW book I read actually. There is a lot of good stuff in there but there are some things I don't 100% agree with. Not talking about sex is definitely one of them. There are totally ways to talk about sex that's sexy, it's just you have to be willing to say it in that way (it can be a bit embarrassing, and sex is associated with a lot of shame for us women). In terms of discussing sex, one of the more common ways for me to start the conversat…
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/24 04:47 PM
3

Okay, I will write it up eventually!
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/24 03:06 PM
8

This is a really difficult situation, I definitely feel for you. It's great that you two are clearly still close, and you sound like you take great care of yourself, so we can rule out "he doesn't like you" or "you are no longer attractive". I have some questions and hopefully they can help you reflect a little and maybe better identify what's going on here yourself. You definitely don't have to answer them on a public forum haha, just some food for thought. It's normal for the frequency of sex …
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/24 03:05 PM
4

Yes, psilocybin. It was absolutely life changing. I don't want to advocate for it too much because it's a very intense experience that you have to be personally comfortable with. However, I will say it has done about as much for me in 8 hours as almost a decade of sober/normal self-improvement and therapy. I understood intellectually why it's not logical or good to feel this way about myself, but psilocybin helped me actually *feel* it. (Also, thank you! Overcoming those issues is something I'm …
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 08:48 PM
1

How do you show him that specifically? I feel like relatives are unlikely to be a problem in relationships unless he lets them be. I'm curious what you mean when you say his brother is massively disruptive to your relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 08:26 PM
15

not filling someone's emotional needs is far more damaging than insignificant changes in appearance 100% this. My mother is a beautiful but actually batshit insane woman. I'm talking 8.5/10 on the normal distribution, prettiest person at her work, flowers in her office, a millionaire gifted her a BMW in the 90s type of beauty. She is also a fantastic homemaker. Her cooking is restaurant quality and our home was spotless growing up. My dad cheated on her with someone who isn't even 5 years younge…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 08:19 PM
5

So I was never diagnosed with BPD, so it's not actually at *that* level yet. However, I did have severe, severe trust issues and the urge to pick fights to establish control and "protect" myself. I also had issues with abandonment and was generally very emotionally manipulative. My worst problems were clinical depression and anxiety. I can write an essay on how I addressed it, but here are some bullet points: reading a lot of science-based self-help materials on brain chemistry, CPTSD, psycholog…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 08:11 PM
5

We are 24 and 27, starting dating 19 and 22. The "don't know what to do without each other" is more us trying to be cute and hyperbolic. He travels for work a lot so we are actually without each other pretty frequently. I obviously do 100% of the housework when he's gone, and I do 100% of the cooking because I love to cook. We split the rest of the chores pretty evenly. We both have full time, pretty high paying jobs (HHI around 250k, he makes a bit more than me, but I expect to overtake him in …
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 07:57 PM
1

You have a prenup regardless if you signed one or not. The only difference is one is written by two lawyers with you and your partner's input, and one is written by the state. If you're cool with the government's version, then sure you don't need one. Otherwise, I don't see why not.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 04:53 PM
5

Thank you! I 100% agree with everything you said. I worked really hard to implement RPW advice in a way that works for me. I needed a lot of internal convincing due to the way I grew up. Relationships, in my opinion, are all about value exchange. I take care of him, and he takes care of me, albeit in different ways. In that sense, we are absolute equals, and we find it more than fair. However, to some, I'm "submitting" and surrendering too much power to him, and to some others, it's probably rid…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 04:31 PM
3

My SO suffered from deeply rooted fear of not being enough during his degree-studies I have dealt with this too. Although this is something they must work on themselves, what seemed to help us was me letting him know that he is already enough. I love him deeply as he is and I'll love him regardless of what happens. Every now and then I tell him how thankful I am that I found a man who fulfills my every need. You know the "would you still love me if I turned into a worm" question? What it's reall…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 04:21 PM
3

From my personal experience (n=1, so I could definitely be wrong), the danger of wanting an "equal" relationship is when a man feels like he has no "ownership"/responsibility over you, he stops thinking his actions affect you, and therefore stops putting your interests before his or even considering them at all. I managed to avoid this by surrendering a lot of control in my life. Frankly in ways that hardly matter, like picking an outfit or a restaurant, managing the finances, navigating, etc. I…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/24 04:08 PM
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