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lightening2745 Archive

View 1 post and 53 comments by lightening2745 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Is this legit? What school? What course?
/r/MensRights25/06/16 01:07 AM
11

This is why I hate protests .... it's impossible to have calm, rational dialogue with protesters. Lately, I've been trying to get out the facts about sexual assault in my state (NC) because of the discriminatory bathroom legislation. All you hear is about how preventing trans people from entering women's bathrooms will protect women and girls -- what about boys and men? They aren't free from assault either. Also, I'm sooooo tired of cultural conservatives who care little about the rape of the mo…
/r/MensRights24/04/16 01:55 PM
1

Relevance? We're talking about an adult women (18) having sex with minors which is statutory rape. What you're suggesting is that I lump legal sex in with rape. No way. I would call her consensual participation with boys statutory rape on her part. I would call her non-consensual participation rape by the boys as well, if that actually was the case.
/r/MensRights01/03/16 02:51 PM
1

Agreed about intoxication -- this is so bizarre I'd be surprised if most did it sober, which makes getting accurate statements from people even harder. It's the bizarre nature of the account from beginning to end that makes it a case that will take the police a while to get to the bottom of. To clarify, I don't agree that it's right to assume one way or the other based on the news accounts I read. I think Riqr was trying to point out, like a lot of lawyers might (including me) that factually com…
/r/MensRights01/03/16 02:44 PM
2

Another attorney here who appreciates tiqr's comment -- figuring out the reality of an unusual situation involving multiple actors isn't easy. However, calling it "group sex", while technically accurate, brings to mind something consenting adults might enjoy -- not the bizarre set of apparent crimes at issue here. To the extent that "improbable" is describing "group sex" in general it may unfairly assume that women don't or can't enjoy it. However, what I think the poster meant, given the accoun…
/r/MensRights26/02/16 07:22 PM
1

You're proving my point -- you're saying the exact kind of stuff that pressures people into hazing if they want certain friends (is it really that easy to drop out of one frat for being too weak and then joining another -- it can hurt someone's reputation even if what they stand up for is harassment, not hazing). Are you also saying that bullying is a problem in middle school? Or negative social pressures don't exist in high school? Growing up is hard, and it would be bad to make it too easy, bu…
/r/MensRights16/02/16 05:41 PM
1

Is this sarcastic or real? I mean, every year you hear about frat hazing ... even guys dying from it. And they die because they are being abused (e.g. forced to drink lethal amounts of alcohol) and other guys aren't stopping it. And you are saying that guys don't get scared about reporting something??? Men lose their LIVES because other men are scared about reporting stuff that is out of line.
/r/MensRights15/02/16 09:47 PM
3

Good points. It reminds me of what a doctor told me when I was afraid about a loved one's drinking. He said that trying to stop it myself would be like stepping out in front of on oncoming train, and just about as useless. I'm trained in mental health work so maybe I have a different attitude toward interventions (I've seen some work) but you're correct that untrained family and friends are usually pretty helpless in these type of situations. Even the professions find it challenging.
/r/MensRights12/02/16 09:50 PM
1

Politics is pretty dirty by nature, and I found the remark by Steinem that women are voting for Bernie "to meet men" really offensive as well as Albright's "there's a special place in hell for women who don't support women" thing. I meet my men on online dating sites, not political rallies (Wait, did I just admit that? -- saying I met someone at a political rally totally sounds better. That's the story I'll go with when I introduce him to my friends. In that respect Steinem might be right). I'm …
/r/MensRights12/02/16 09:43 PM
3

I don't agree with her remarks either, but I'm still skeptical they represent the majority of feminists out there. Then again, we have this thing in America called "Donald Trump" who frequently has huge televised rallies .... so maybe the crazies are taking over. He's been retweeting white propaganda bullshit but he just won New Hampshire .... Perhaps we are just all screwed by crazies?
/r/MensRights12/02/16 09:31 PM
3

I'm a 33 year-old garden variety feminist. I don't spend all my media time reading about feminism (I care a lot about other issues) but I'm probably at least as attuned to the issues as many woman (esp. because I have humanities degrees from ivy league schools where feminist theories of everything were the rage). Even with all that experience -- I'm a definitely not in a "bubble" protected from feminists -- your views are pretty extreme. If you polled women who call themselves feminists in your …
/r/MensRights12/02/16 09:18 PM
1

Wow -- this is harsh, but I've suffered WAY worse on the feminism boards where I'm accused of hating myself and all women because I'm also for men's rights. I could not consider myself a feminist without ALSO considering myself a men's rights activist. I just couldn't. In my mind, reaching out to specific groups in ways that are especially salient and responsive to their needs is part of being a good activist. It's easy to point to the craziest people in any movement, but I take issue with most …
/r/MensRights12/02/16 09:02 PM
1

I realize that there is some value to crafting messages to appeal to different audiences (in this case, a male audience). Advertisers do it all the time. Politicians so it. Pollsters break people down by race, income, education, geography, etc. because different messages may -- in a broad sense -- work with different people. I agree this message may go too far in blaming men (and leaves out male victims entirely), but assuming it's hung in, say, a men's bathrooms and not all across campus it may…
/r/MensRights12/02/16 08:49 PM
1

I consider myself a feminist and, while I take issue with some aspects of the poster (it leaves out all sorts of violence or harm against males) I focused on the word "empowerment". I read it and focused on the idea that not only women -- but men too -- should feel empowered to speak out, in good faith, against violence they see without reprisal. I worry there's a code of silence in some male quarters, but I really don't know -- I'm a woman so I don't have personal experience. Perhaps I'm readin…
/r/MensRights12/02/16 08:31 PM
3

As I discuss in my own post, the fear that some men have about breaking their silence -- fear they will be labeled or there will be backlash -- seems like it's own form of sexism. While some (maybe many) people may see no need to intervene to stop abuse when a woman isn't making good choices herself, others might. I mean, if I saw some idiot jaywalking in a dangerous intersection about to be hit by a car I might try to pull them out of traffic, or yell to them (not clear how involved I would get…
/r/MensRights12/02/16 08:12 PM
2

Admittedly, I didn't see the problem at first but I'm glad I read the responses. They have opened my eyes to why this ad is sexist in some ways. I think the reason why it didn't bother me is because, the way I read it, it seems to give men permission to report abuse -- to be whitleblowers without the fear of retaliation. This may be important on college campuses where sexual assaults against women are too common and men may feel pressure not to break a code of silence. The pressure to not speak …
/r/MensRights12/02/16 08:01 PM
1

Whoops, saw it was submitted not that long ago. Just saw it tonight in another forum where it blew up and got Gold. It may already be well known here.
/r/MensRights17/01/15 02:12 AM
1

Saw this in another thread tonight. In that thread a redditor had posted a joke about women raping men. I won't post to the original thread here, I'll just hope it dies out, but one thoughtful response linked to this video, pointing out that joking about male rape is NOT funny. Great performance / story that really got the point across to me.
/r/MensRights17/01/15 02:02 AM
1

They are different to an extent. Where they are similar is that we're entering affirmative action land (or the people promoting the policy are trying to). Affirmative action took something (race) ostensibly unrelated to admissions and made schools take it into account (not just to avoid discrimination, but to give some students preference). I think there are some very good reasons for doing so, and the argument for this policy is very similar (though probably weaker -- I doubt the benefit outwei…
/r/MensRights16/01/15 08:17 PM
2

I agree that an across-the-board rule is most likely illegal. While there's no right to speak up in class (nor to not get called on) there is (probably) a right to not have those decisions based solely on gender, unless they can make a strong affirmative action argument. However, the fact that women talk much less is a major problem at many universities that needs to be addressed somehow -- how can teachers even assess how women are doing if they speak so little (since in law school, at least, a…
/r/MensRights16/01/15 06:04 PM
2

I had a law professor who imposed a similar rule eventually. It was a pretty large class (so the sample size was good) and halfway through the semester it became clear that the men raised their hands WAY more (this was true for most big law classes where I was) so she started ignoring their hands and cold-calling women. For some reason men at my law school just tended to raise their hand more -- even when I know women know the answer (the top several finishers in my class were all female). The w…
/r/MensRights16/01/15 05:19 PM
1

Point taken. As I stated it's biased in favor of the husband unless there are some significant details that aren't public. This deviates pretty far from the 50/50 distribution courts usually start with so her lawyers should be contesting it if possible -- the lawyer for anyone would, male or female.
/r/MensRights14/11/14 10:23 PM
1

Agreed -- and I'm all for people forgoing civil marriage or at least getting pre-nups. In CA you can opt out of the 50/50 split entirely with a pre-nup. As a professional woman I tend to be friends with women who have been the one giving up more of their earnings in a divorce than the man, so I feel like the laws are fair, especially as earning power becomes more equal. Plus, where kids are involved, being the primary caregiver is really hard (I used to practice law, and watching kids all day is…
/r/MensRights12/11/14 02:10 AM
0

Well, the law sees it differently. Marriage is basically an economic partnership (the law doesn't get into it being a religious one). This was an important distinction, especially back in the day when husband and wife were essentially business partners on family farms. Nowadays it is still considered an economic partnership. Who knows why they decided to both work? Or work in the jobs they did? It doesn't matter under the law. In many states it would be much closer to a 50/50 split. The law tell…
/r/MensRights12/11/14 01:03 AM
2

Anyone can found a company -- few turn it into a multibillion dollar enterprise. The fruits of the labor that made them wealthy occurred mostly during the marriage so they are martial assets. It's what he made during the marriage that counts.
/r/MensRights11/11/14 08:42 PM
8

This looks like a fair settlement to me -- in some ways it's biased in favor of the husband. She's getting far less than 50% of what the marital estate acquired during the 26 year marriage (money made before the marriage is not considered marital property though). Community property 50/50 division is the law in some states, but even where it isn't many judges use it as a starting point. Since most of their wealth was acquired during the marriage and he's worth 14B she's getting far less than she…
/r/MensRights11/11/14 07:28 PM
3

I stumbled on this too and I'm so glad to see it because I work in the mental health field and see the damage that shame can do. I know a lot of people are worried about the number of false rape allegations (and they are a real problem), I think we still have a long way to go in making it okay for men to talk about rape and I want to make sure none feel like they will be vilified if they do so.
/r/MensRights28/06/14 06:37 PM
2

Just as some feminists think that all "men's rights" is about it pushing male superiority, there are men who think "feminism" is all about pushing women's superiority -- and both sides have people who actually do hold those relatively extreme views. But I think you're view is more accurate. If anything, they have similar goals. It's not all a conspiracy. There are various rights and issues relevant to both groups and people may identify as part of the movements with taking ALL the positions that…
/r/MensRights09/06/14 07:14 AM
1

I'm trained in mental health first aid, for what it's worth. First, try to reach out and connect with him if you can -- but if you're worried he's at all dangerous it's always helpful to talk to him outside in a garden/yard whatever. Try to get a sense of what's wrong and encourage him to self-help and possibly seek professional help. I tell myself to listen carefully - forensic listening I call it. I try to figure out what the biggest challenges he's facing are; what his strengths are; what has…
/r/MensRights09/06/14 07:06 AM
2

I just remembered -- although I'm not sure if this is the cause -- that a bot here automatically copies /r/mensrights posts when they are posted and posts them somewhere else, I think .... sadly, so that people can't go back and edit them to late to make comments that sounded normal suddenly sound super vile. Not sure is that's part of the problem. Maybe a mod would know. This sub has seen a lot of traffic in recent days, I'm sure, so maybe it's precautionary.
/r/MensRights05/06/14 04:47 AM
2

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed this. No idea why this is banned. I enjoy this discussions here.
/r/MensRights05/06/14 04:33 AM
1

And just to add (lightly and in some humor since I haven't actually read the decision) -- this is why we might need to be concerned about Citizens United giving corps rights like people. Don't like patriarchy? Don't like feminism? Just wait until we're all completely overwhelmed politically by corporate actors.
/r/MensRights05/06/14 04:02 AM
2

As an attorney I tend to think of what we call "rights" often coming in "bundles". And as others have pointed out, in many places the vote was a right that was bundled with owning property. Like some other commenters, I'm really having trouble personifying "patriarchy". Patriarchy can mean a lot of things, but it was, in large part a culture that resulted from customs and property laws that vested most property rights in males (and white males, in the US). At most, it had about as much agency an…
/r/MensRights05/06/14 03:59 AM
1

This is one issue in which men can start by helping each other -- by not bullying or shaming each other, and also by reaching out to men who might feel stigmatized or marginalized. For some reason women seem to be a little bit better about this when they are struggling emotionally (That said, I definitely experienced a few "mean girls" in my day, but it's socially more acceptable for us to seek a support group or talk about feelings than for men). To guys -- as a woman I don't know if you're a v…
/r/MensRights04/06/14 10:19 PM
1

Agreed. Women often seem to have wide social networks in general -- even when their lives are otherwise structured similarly. There probably is probably some interesting work in various domains -- psychology, biology, and the social sciences. Wish I had more time to look at it!
/r/MensRights04/06/14 05:46 PM
0

I think this is relevant as it regards mens health -- I mean, fighting is dangerous and risky. Not just physically -- in the US we are facing a mental health crisis in the military where suicides have outnumbered war deaths recently, and a care crisis at the VA. While fighting gives some people purpose, and it's a noble calling to fight evil and stand up for others, glorifying the act or war -- of putting men's lives on the line -- without a sense of gravitas that recognizes it can be dehumanizi…
/r/MensRights04/06/14 11:02 AM
2

So glad to see this! Gratitude for life is great -- being sexless is frustrating, but if it's your biggest problem in life then you probably actually have a lot to be thankful for. I still can't wrap my head around how Roger Elliot was so obsessed with not having sex (among other things) it somehow drove him to kill. (which is part of why I think it was psychological issues more than sex that caused the problem).
/r/MensRights04/06/14 10:40 AM
2

I also wanted to thank you for talking about this -- and to add that I hope some men (and women) who have faced the abuse and molestation that you went through and who SURVIVED and who feel called to (it's not for everyone) will consider going into middle/high schools and actually talking to kids about this stuff. Telling them that being molested should never be routine; and being beaten up regularly is not part of a healthy boyhood. Girls go through stuff too -- and I think a lot recognize that…
/r/MensRights04/06/14 10:27 AM
4

I've just started to follow mens rights. My own concerns as a mental health activist have led me here -- and I am truly sorry for what you went through. I can only imagine what that kind of abuse does to someone after years. The only argument I would have (if I were a teacher) against "punishing" both parties to a fight (to be fair, I don't think I would, but I'm not a trained teacher) is that the teachers almost always want to encourage de-escalation if possible. That's not to say it's always p…
/r/MensRights04/06/14 07:18 AM
1

You're so right. Treating people first and foremost as human beings is important. I'm sorry you've had a hard time. I can almost guarantee there are people who notice you and have nice things to say but haven't spoken up -- even if it's just someone who thinks you made an intelligent comment in class at some point. A major problem, as you pointed out, is that people don't reach out. I am now trained in mental health first aid and I try to reach out -- even to people who seem very different. I've…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 10:06 PM
2

The thing about virgins is that, because I generally wait at least a few dates before I have sex and won't have it unless I really like a guy, I actually don't know whether a man is a virgin until I've already decided I really like him -- at that point it's not a deal-breaker or even something that would (or ever has) majorly changed my view of a guy. Of course, maybe men would prefer me to be easier :) but a benefit of waiting at least a few dates is that, by then, a man's level of sexual exper…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 09:37 PM
2

One thing that may be worth noting is that (at least 10 years ago when I was studying psychology), the highest suicide rate was in men over 65, especially those who had lost their wife. It may be that they are so used to working that when they retire they feel "useless" (society expects men do be productive). Also, many who have been married rely heavily on their wife for a social life -- not keeping up with friends as much as women do. Women have wider social networks in general and usually far…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:52 PM
2

Support groups in big cities (so larger groups) are more likely to have men and I have a good experience at DBSA. Bipolar groups are helpful even if your only problem is depression (most BP folks spend more time in depression than mania) and BP has a more similar incidence between the gender. Depression is diagnosed more in women (I'm not convinced it necessarily more common since men's depression is sometimes masked by substance abuse, but you will find more women in most depression groups). If…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:40 PM
1

Wow, thanks for gilding this comment! I'll try to continue responding as I have time but I am really glad so many people who have commented here care about mental health. Our system really needs reform and help, more docs and therapists, and people who are willing to reach out and provide peer support to each other. You all have given me hope that things may get better.
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:35 PM
3

Agreed -- Relationships are hard. Even when marriage happens easily it's hard to maintain -- there's a lot of divorce. I'm not sure college kids always recognize a relationship can be harder to come by, and even harder to nurture and succeed at, than a job. Of course, it's incredibly rewarding when it works, but you still find plenty of people in their 40s, 50, 60s, and beyond working hard at it, starting over after death or divorce and, from what I can tell from my parents friends, dating is st…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:32 PM
3

Thanks so much. It seems like you've developed a lot of self-awareness and the skills to pull yourself out of thought times. Something that jumps out at me is the power of finding just one person, one group, or one hobby to keep you connected and give you hope. It might sound lame, but it can be a huge help. Edit: spelling
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:19 PM
2

Yeah, agreed. Men don't have as many options. Plus, women are pickier but (I think) at this age they are better at recognizing compatibility for the long haul -- maybe because they aren't as desperate or obsessed with looks alone. So sometimes men need to trust that if a woman breaks up with you it may be for the best -- a divorce years later is way more helpful. Not always, but at least sometimes. I think that's the reason the bacherloette relationships where the woman chose have worked out bet…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:10 PM
3

I appreciate that. I am learning that for a lot of men this is a very difficult issue. Being a virgin at 22 was also a big deal for me as a woman -- I really thought everyone else was having sex (looking back probably over half my friends weren't). It was supposed to be even easier for women to get sex but, despite being attractive, I was socially awkward and went to a mostly girls school so it was hard. It was a huge blow to my self-esteem. Personally I never judged male virgins too much in dat…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 06:01 PM
7

I hadn't really thought about the stigma coming from the traditionalists who would probably just say "buck up", but it reminds me of a training class for peer support that I took with three Vietnam vets. Everyone in the class had to have recovered from some kind of mental health or substance abuse disorder. What I noticed among the vets (the classes almost always had a good number of vets in them, as well as law enforcement), was that you could tell with the way that talked to each other that th…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 03:01 AM
5

I agree that not all suicide is preventable and not all is caused by mental illness. For those who are ill, the sad fact is that we don't have a "cure" yet for mental illness and some cases are essentially terminal. However, I guess I'm a little more optimistic that some can be prevented (I tend to be an optimist thought). In case you're interested, here's a TED talk worth watching by a police officer who patrolled the Golden Gate bridge: http://www.ted.com/talks/kevin_briggs_the_bridge_between_…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 02:24 AM
14

Thanks. You're right I don't exactly have the most nuanced view of feminism. I try not to be one of those people who only thinks about issues that affect me, but as someone whose life has been touched by mental health issues I tend to have thought a lot more about it than feminism. The prison thing is huge for me. I'm an attorney and the mass incarceration of so many men for petty crime (and mental illness) is a social disaster. Of course, it affects women and children too as it contributes to s…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 02:00 AM
2

Agreed. I can't imagine that any mentally healthy person would kill themselves and others over lack of sex. I mean sexual frustration and rejection sucks, but seriously? There's a lot of shit in life, whether it's cancer, poverty, bullying, rejection, whatever and most people don't kill themselves over it.
/r/MensRights03/06/14 01:55 AM
19

I can see why men might be under more pressure at this age. In some ways women have more life options. It's respectable to work full time, part time, or stay at home with kids (which is extremely exhausting but in a different way than sitting at a computer). Men have a lot of pressure to get a career going and can't take time-outs as much as women. I wonder though if many frustrated men (or women) have (intentionally or not) put themselves in a place where the numbers are against them. Gender im…
/r/MensRights03/06/14 01:49 AM
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