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lightthroughshadows Archive

View 5 posts and 41 comments by lightthroughshadows on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Yes I often felt that I was settling. In the end though it was incompatibility vs opportunism that made us break up
/r/RedPillWomen26/10/17 07:35 PM
1

His problems: Sexual impotence Refusal to talk about above issue Unwilling to prioritize the relationship in his life Indecisive in general, this trait started to bleed into the relationship itself My problems: Did not express feelings as often as I wanted/self censored to be the "easy going girlfriend." Did not adequately vet for sexual dysfunctions Hamstered over relatively small issues or perceived patterns in relationship Spent a lot of time fighting my hypergamy internally
/r/RedPillWomen26/10/17 02:46 PM
3

This 100%
/r/RedPillWomen20/10/17 09:41 PM
1

Thank you! Ugh this hamstering is the worst
/r/RedPillWomen17/10/17 04:17 PM
1

Thanks for the tip!
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/17 04:45 PM
1

Makes total sense. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/17 05:12 AM
2

I'm really hoping so. I really want this to work. He's the captain I've been wanting for a long time. It's just this anxiety and lack of physical intimacy that's starting to eat away at me.
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/17 07:02 PM
1

mother figure Thank you so much for your perspective on all of this. The masculinity piece you mention makes total sense. I think that's where my fear/uncertainty of navigating this comes in. I don't want to make things worse but I can't keep going with our relationship without understanding where this performance anxiety is coming from and if I should expect this level of intimacy indefinitely. The thing is, I'm ready and desire a full time relationship. I don't know if he truly is. I like the …
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/17 07:00 PM
1

I hear you. So essentially don't bring up the topic directly but go further in giving him reassurance? I was thinking of doing this for a month or so. If there's no progress, is it even possible then to bring up the topic without making the performance anxiety even worse?
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/17 06:51 PM
1

That's a good question. I'm not sure actually. I have not asked partially out of fear to make things worse. I'm frankly concerned he'll shut down. Would you have any advice on how to broach the conversation? When he's had trouble getting erect, we've cuddled and I've never responded negatively. At one point I asked after we cuddled instead of having sex what were some things that turned him and he just brushed off the question saying he didn't want to talk about it at that point.
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/17 06:05 PM
1

Sex isn't the only negative thing. We have not been progressing with regard to how often we see each other in a given week and he has not said "I love you" to me. I love him but don't want to pressure him to say it before he's ready which is why I've been waiting. What's confusing is that the way he kisses and touches me suggests he loves me too but I keep asking myself why the resistance in him to say it when I've been nothing but reciprocal in touch expressing how nice it feels and how happy h…
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/17 05:52 PM
1

Yes but not as often as he'd like. He's an avid runner but hasn't been going on runs as often lately.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 11:08 PM
1

This list makes a lot of sense.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 10:21 PM
1

Thank you! Yea he’s a pretty clean cut guy. I think a huge part of this is stress outside of our relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 10:20 PM
3

Really appreciate that distinction. r/deadbedrooms is the stuff of nightmares for me. Glad that this isn’t the case.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 10:18 PM
2

Hmm yea I can ask him for more simple favors. During sex he always does the driving.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 10:17 PM
2

I honestly don't think he watches much porn or masturbates very frequently. I can work on taking away that pressure to cum though
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 07:31 PM
1

Love this, thanks :)
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 07:30 PM
2

I think a large part of it is coming from external stress and the huge amount of pressure he puts on himself. Any tips on how I can help him de-stress aside from initiating sex?
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 07:29 PM
2

I can definitely double down on building him up outside the bedroom. Lately I've been more explicit about how much I respect and admire him. Normally he kinda brushes the comments off sometimes but lately he's been more accepting of the praise. Sometimes he's incredibly hard on himself.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 07:27 PM
1

Were there ever moments where you noticed when you did or said something that made him less anxious and more able to keep an erection?
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 07:25 PM
3

This makes a lot of sense. I think I could incorporate more non-sexual touch when he gets anxious.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/17 07:21 PM
1

bold 1. What is it like? bold Being in a relationship with him just feels right. It's healthy with lots of mutual respect, trust and romance. bold 2. How do you feel when you are with your Captain? bold I feel safe, cared for and admired. We help each other grow and cheer each other on. bold 3. Is it fun? Do you ever get tired or bored around your Captain? bold I'd say so. I'm always laughing and smiling when I'm with him. There are definitely some off days but most of that has to do with me fee…
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/17 04:44 PM
1

I don't think this is an unnatural desire. Partner count could have a lot to do with safety and likelihood of your partner staying faithful. With the partners I've had in the past, I focused on how they showed integrity in the current relationship as opposed to their n count.
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/17 03:42 PM
1

Calorie counting with myfitnesspal was singlehandedly the most effective tool I used to lose weight. I exercise as well of course but at the end of the day to lose weight you need to burn more calories than you consume. Edit: typo
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/17 03:39 PM
1

I've found a lot of value in the self care tips Laura Doyle provides in her books The Surrendered Single and The Surrendered Wife. I'd recommend checkin those books out if you haven't already. Often when I'm feeling frustrated with my relationship it's because I'm not focusing enough on self care. It's easy to rely too much on your SO for happiness. I try to remember the relationship is the cherry on top and that I strive to maintain a fulfilling life beyond the relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/17 03:36 PM
6

I'd recommend focusing on being receptive to the advances and efforts he makes to initiate intimacy with you even if it's less often than you'd like. I could imagine he's feeling a lot of pressure to perform. Instead of constantly initiating, try to focus on expressing your receptivity by wearing his favorite clothing (or no clothing) around the apartment. Focus on looking, smelling and feeling good to the touch. A common misconception is that men need no foreplay. It sounds like your boyfriend …
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/17 03:27 PM
1

Thank you, helpful to know I'm not alone here :)
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/17 05:47 PM
2

That's helpful to know. Thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/17 05:46 PM
2

Thanks WillDonJay!
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/17 12:31 AM
2

Thank you for the tips! I like the idea of dropping more hints towards romantic stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/17 12:29 AM
10

Super valid. I'm actually really attracted to how much of a problem solver he is. I'll keep that frame of reference in mind. Thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/17 08:08 PM
2

Yep there wasn't a cutting comment. The whole interaction felt sincere. Thanks for the perspective!
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/17 07:57 PM
5

Really appreciate your perspective as a guy. In the moment when he gave me the gift I was confused but grateful. When I left, I was like wait, is my SMV slipping? What you're saying makes sense though. I'll drop that line of thinking. Thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/17 07:56 PM
4

hahaha yea definitely could have been worse
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/17 07:50 PM
11

Makes total sense. Fortunately the whole interaction was positive. I was grateful in the moment and knew he has being thoughtful but glad to have had this gut check. Thanks for the wisdom MetalDevils.
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/17 07:49 PM
1

Ok so he texted me back saying he appreciated the words and that I wasn't being uptight. He said it felt better to talk on the phone as opposed to just texts. He then said we should make some real plans he won't fall through on. He reconfirmed a date we had next week and asked me to join him for a couple different events in the next two weeks. I said yes to everything and said that I hope he feels better. It's looking like we won't see each other until the end of the week for a thing he invited …
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/17 01:10 AM
1

For me I think I just need to apologize to him in person once. The whole fight was over text/phone which is not ideal.
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/17 12:54 AM
1

MetalDevils, I hear you loud and clear. Any advice on what to do after apologizing? I sent him a text apologizes for the way I acted and how I'll act in the future. Anything else I can do in the meantime? He hasn't responded which makes me nervous but I imagine he may just need some space.
/r/RedPillWomen24/09/17 10:30 PM
1

Thanks for your input here. I agree, I think he had a shitty day, wasn't in the mood to meet but didn't know how to express that directly. I've never reacted negatively to him canceling or rescheduling plans (he rarely does so anyway) though in separate conversation, he's shared that one of his parents is notorious for not being flexible at all. He initiates the majority of our dates so I'm hoping he doesn't view our time together as an obligation but I can see how my reaction could cause that. …
/r/RedPillWomen24/09/17 05:46 PM
1

I really appreciate your perspective and I think you're totally right. I accepted his apology yesterday. I texted him today though asking if he can give me a call when he's free. I plan to apologize for overreacting and not being flexible. I'm realizing I should have been more flexible and I think my pride got in the way here. He's such a wonderful guy, I'd hate for this to ruin what we have.
/r/RedPillWomen24/09/17 05:39 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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