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View 1 posts and 92 comments by literal_salamander on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

NAH, SISliteral_salamander/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:37 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
26

Not using doorknobs, handles, touching walls, grabbing corners etc thus leaving dirty handprints. UGH. INSTANT DEALBREAKER. INSTANT RAGE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:40 PM
4

Crazy, isn't it? It's a shattering realization, more about yourself than them, why you keep choosing men like them. Like your case, my ex partner and my dad, on the surface you couldn't think of two more different men. But scratch below the surface, and their shitty selfish, entitled and abusive attitudes were exactly the same. Hugs to you - it's difficult at first. But better to know than to not know, because now you can start processing and moving past it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 12:09 AM
54

Falling out with my dad whom I adored. I loved him so much that I blinded myself to his abusiveness, selfishness and moral failings. It was a rock bottom, switch flipping, wake the fuck up realization for me that my abusive ex partner was exactly the same sort of man as my dad, and that I was done trying to put them first and turn my life inside out upside down for them when they were completed and utterly ungrateful for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 12:26 AM
-2

I make sure I mention I am single several times, try to be in their vicinity, flirt, ask for help, drop VERY heavy hints "we should hang out some time I'm free on xyz days". If he doesn't make a move then, he's not into it, too passive or doesn't understand regular communication and you should give up on this guy. I find the ones aggressively pursuing without waiting for you to show interest tend to be pushy, selfish and boundary pushers who want what they want without considering how you feel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 01:57 PM
14

I have friends like this. Whenever they make these PickMe comments or praise for men doing the bare minimum, I deadpan a polite FDS refute. Like my mom the other day was gushing about a young man at church who was "so sensitive! So helpful! He held the trash can lid open for me". I pointed out that if one of the other women had done that, would it warrant a comment at all? She was taken aback and had a realization she was praising a man for doing the bare minimum. So if you want to keep her as y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:14 PM
64

Wow, I fucking hate that phrase "I know you better than you know yourself". So patronising, makes me instantly dislike the man saying it. And it's ALWAYS men saying it 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 11:41 PM
67

Same here, it's the semen in my mouth that grosses me out, hence why I don't give blowjobs until completion anymore. The taste, the texture, the weird sensation in my mouth afterwards 🤮🤮🤮And he can fuck off right out of here if he starts whining about "my last girlfriend swallowed!!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 03:22 PM
39

This is too true, I didn't really understand FDS advice, boundaries or self esteem, despite unsatisfying and lacking relationships, until I hit my rock bottom in an abusive relationship with a personality disordered partner. I tied myself into knots trying to not trigger my ex and fix our relationship, but really the only solution was to toss the whole garbage person into the trash and re-evaluate WHY I kept dating the same person in a different skin, over and over again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 08:07 AM
1

Never JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. If he's being nice and respectful, asks why, AND you feel like telling him -go ahead. If he's being pushy, demanding or wanting you to reconsider, it's okay to give vague reasons (it's not you it's me I'm so confused and need some space). Repeat as nauseum. Block if he's getting angry or demanding. Remember, it's not your job to coach other people through their feelings about your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 03:46 AM
17

Scroll down to the "Family and Friends" section, though the entire article is very well worth the read. http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html To save your own sanity and giving up in somebody in an abusive relationship, this quote from the article is worth reading: Victims may slightly open the door and provide information about their relationship or hint they may be considering leaving. When the door opens, don't jump through with the Marines b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 09:49 AM
40

You seem like a very caring and loving person, to try to be doing this for her. Unfortunately you can't solve people's problems for them or change their mind. The best you can do is be there, always have a door open for her if she needs to stay and keep the connection alive in case she needs help. Don't let him isolate her from her network. As someone who has been in an terrible mentally abusive relationship, all the logic and rational reasons from my friends and family didn't make me want to le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:19 PM
2

Less solitary hobbies (I'm personally into bikes, lots of social rides), volunteering, church (if you're religious). Even if you don't meet single men directly, you expand your social circle with new friends, who have other friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 02:57 AM
19

Something my best friend told me when I was stressing out about hurting someone when I asserted my boundaries. "It's not my job to coach people through their feelings in response to my boundary". If you have codependent tendencies like me and feel the need to fix people and situations...repeat the above to yourself. It often helps to have concrete strategies of how to cope in the moment when you are learning to assert and hold your boundaries. Like stalling for time, avoiding situations that you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 12:34 PM
25

Honestly, I'm torn about the whole hormonal birth control thing. It's been a HUGE boon for a few generations of women now, freed from the drudgery of multiple unwanted pregnancy and shackled to the father of the children. I dread to think of the possibility of getting pregnant and having a child with any of my ex's. The pill saved me from that fate back in my PickMe days, when I would have let a man get away with murder to be "picked". On the other hand, now that I am firm in my standards and ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 01:55 PM
74

Right! I firmly believe it's what's on the inside that counts. Unfortunately, many of the vocal short/unattractive men have ugly values and personalities to match. They prefer to blame something they can't fix (height/plain-ness) instead of something they can fix (personality, being a decent person who treats women like human beings). Because let me tell you, I know some men who are short, ordinary looking, but they are coupled up with some of my lovely friends. Why? Because they are decent, kin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:36 AM
253

It's similar with short men. I don't actually have anything against dating short men, average looking men since I'm no model myself. Unfortunately many short men have a big chip on the shoulder, which is SO UNATTRACTIVE, they all end up treating you worse because I think they secretly wonder what's wrong with you to date them, so now you're left with a man who is mean, puts you down, AND looks bad. What's there to love here????!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:06 AM
183

Um let's see. PickMe hall of shame finalist contender right here. Here are the notable 🤡 LVM #1. Alcoholic, perpetual victim, blamed me for everything wrong in his life, I paid for everything while he drank himself stupid, and tried to Brenda the Builder him into getting his life together. Cleaned up after him when he would drool his chewing tobacco and shit himself after getting drunk. Almost killed my pets by falling on them while drunk. I didn't break up with him at that point (WHY?!?!)🤡 LVM …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 01:38 PM
40

Right??!!?! I almost agreed to be the girlfriend of a couple of men recently. Realized that neither were long term material (one was way behind me in life and low effort 50/50, other has ex wife and family drama). The thought of having to explain to my family and friends why I was with them made me stop and realize that just because they liked me didn't mean I was obligated to be in a relationship with them. Heard a quote when looking for a house recently that will have good resale value. "You w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 11:36 PM
14

Volunteer. I have met 2 of my closest friends through volunteering. Also hobbies, even if it's a male dominated hobby there are informal women's groups within hobbies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:54 AM
19

Also look for the more subtle signs. People often share similar values and attitudes to their family (surprise). Look at their family, if they turned out exactly like that, how would you feel? It's not an instant deal breaker, but it's worth thinking about. For example, my ex was from a very wealthy family, but obsessed with the idea of 50/50, try to get out of paying his share, would "forget" to pay rent, and take advantage of friends financially. Now, I don't think he was a bad person, but thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 01:35 AM
364

Ah yes, but my ZVM ex would have this retort: "tHe fEmaLe bOdy iS dEsiGneD tO bE pRegNant aNd gIve bIrTh, wHy aRe yOu mAkiNg sUch a fUsS???" Thank god I never married or had children with that disaster of a person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 08:07 AM
29

Wanted to say this but didn't want to seem like a complete killjoy. I noticed this too, for the most part the men volunteering were old retired men, high schoolers, or their SO's brought them along. A few were there of their own accord , and they were better than the awful men on OLD, but still not suitable relationship material without a lot of personal growth on their part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 03:30 PM
100

I would volunteer for the sake of expanding your horizons, giving back to the community and making friends, and if you meet a HVM that's a nice bonus. In my experience, I have met lots of great friends volunteering, but the cross section of men is variable as is with life...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:23 PM
16

"I don't know what to say" - the final default response rather than address or acknowledge ANYTHING of what you just tried to tell them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 05:56 AM
178

That's why even in my peak PickMe days, I was skeptical of my ex's (plural) and their declaration that "they would literally die for me". It's like really Fred??? You make some lame excuse why you can't give me your share of the rent after you paid for some dumb video game and sushi for yourself only. Why would I believe that if a gunman was to burst in here right now you would die for me? Spoiler: it's because in a first world country, literally dying for somebody else is quite an abstract idea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 05:48 AM
7

Hey look, that's my dad too 🤦 everyone thinks he's great...but watch out if he doesn't get his way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 09:06 AM
2

Well in the eyes of outsiders, my father is very HV. He is very wealthy, generous (when he feels like it), charming, handsome, prestigious career. But he has severe narcissistic traits, he cheated on my mother constantly, emotionally abused her terribly, extremely self centered, nothing is EVER his fault, every gift he gives is to stroke his own ego and is a way to manipulate you later. People exist in his life to stroke his ego and feed the image he has in his head of himself. If you looked up …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 09:02 AM
6

Truth right here. I tend towards codependency. A huge breakthrough in therapy I had is the realization that I am not responsible for someone's feelings in response to my boundary!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 02:23 AM
147

The time, emotions, and brain cells I wasted in my PickMe days trying to get the men who hurt me to understand 🥴 just save it and ghost them. It may make you feel better RIGHT NOW THIS MOMENT to send it, but in another few minutes you're going to feel dumb asf when they don't give a shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 12:11 AM
20

But do we go have unsatisfying sex on the Nest afterwards???? 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 12:24 AM
1

HUGE congrats on your weight loss! It takes discipline and hard work, and it's paying off!!! Put the effort in for someone who will appreciate it (YOU), not some scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 12:05 PM
7

Omg yuckkkkkk 🤮 my best friend had a boyfriend leave a skidmark on her white sofa 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 12:04 PM
112

It's sweat and body oil. My very sweaty ex turned all my sheets this color, not even hot water and oxy clean could remove the stain. He also insisted on sleeping naked. It was gross. Make any men wear pajamas in bed and have a shower before sleep. Hopefully if they are hygienic HVM you won't have to tell them this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 02:05 PM
15

Yes, it's your gut screaming at you that THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!!! Then you start recoiling when he touches you. Then it's our socialized tendency to "give him a chance"!! Glad you ended your unfulfilling relationship. It's not until I found FDS that I started to feel okay about ending relationships (both romantic and not) because it wasn't working for ME. The most powerful gift of FDS that will set you free!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:39 AM
65

Wasted two years of my time thinking love and attraction was going to grow. The "ick" only got worse. I berated myself, thinking what the heck is wrong with me? He adores me, doesn't beat me or cheat on me why don't I love him???? (He was a mooching cheap LVM, but that's another story for another time and my standards then were low low low) Eventually I broke up with him, I let it go on for far too long, wasting both mine and his time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 03:42 PM
1

Urgh, yes. Endless techobros who substitute being smart for a personality. Either passive or weirdly sexually aggressive. The phrase "the odds are good but the goods are odd" applies here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:33 PM
6

Another aspect of pet ownership...my LVM ex used to refer to his female dog and me as "his girls". Let the dog give him kisses, sleep in his bed, play with the dog instead of cleaning up his own messes, spend money on the dog and leave me to pay the bills, rent and groceries. But the thing that gave me the ICK was "my girls". Like, how can you refer to me in the same breath as the dog??? Full disclaimer: I don't like dogs and would never voluntarily live with one again. This obviously colours my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:25 AM
3

Spot on - anyone can put up an act. Anyone can do HV things. But time and adversity will tell whether those HV things come from an act, or from integrity, values and character. If from character, it is far far more likely that in a novel unpleasant situation (who knew, life just loves to throw those at you), they will choose to do the right thing. As a final addendum to your last point - I agree that people have to want to change themselves. But don't fall into the trap of thinking that because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:16 AM
5

My friend said something that stuck with me over the years, but didn't really sink in until multiple encounters with many men who in your words "ticked the boxes". "You can fix anything but character" It's so true, and I've come to realize that everything! In somebody's life is a final manifestation of their core values, attitudes and beliefs. Their lack of ambition? Leaving messes everywhere? Putting up a nice act, then dropping it? Criticism? Their core attitudes driving them -selfishness and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 01:29 AM
64

Me too, because my younger self would be writing this exact same message. Cringeeeee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 02:26 AM
3

I watched the first two episodes before I had to turn it off. Libfem garbage and propaganda. Sleeping with half of Manhattan, and orgasming???? In what universe?? 🤣 More truthful story is probably some "cool girl" shit, thinking she is sexually liberated, having lots of unsatisfactory sex to quiet something else wrong in her life. 🙄 Libfem garbage, all wrapped up in one TV show
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 12:34 PM
16

bUt yOu nEed tO aCcEpt mE fOr wHo I aM, oTherWise yOu are a gOld dIggIng wHore, nOt mY rIde oR diE - smelly, unwashed men still expecting a hot, nice smelling and made up girlfriend
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 06:06 AM
20

Straight up espresso/black coffee breath isn't horrible, it's when you add milk/sugar is when your breath gets funky I found.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 06:24 AM
72

Even if you don't sweat, there is skin oil and just general...body funk. I have dry skin, but even for me after MAX 5 days my hair starts smelling oily. Can't imagine having normal oily skin and thinking because you haven't sweated you don't have to wash...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 06:19 AM
53

Better yet, this sounds like my ex from 8 years ago. Certainly had time to get married to some other poor woman. Maybe it's this same guy who's been married/dated all three of us 🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 06:17 AM
802

"I haven't done anything all day, I haven't sweated, I don't need a shower". Meanwhile this is day 3 of "haven't done anything"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 01:32 AM
49

I love the idea of this, but so many women are still in PickMe mindset. As soon as they get a man, they are nowhere to be seen, he comes first, either he will be over lots (urgh), she will be over at his, or they move in together and you are left holding the bag. My good friends are still PickMe's and searching for "The One". Which is all well and good, heck I would love to find someone. But what isn't cool and tends to happen is the relationship takes priority even if they have only known each …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 03:03 AM
119

My ex was one of those. Reacted with genuine disgust when I told him to scrub his asshole because he was leaving skid marks on bedsheets (YES THESE WERE THE PICK ME DAYS). "You touch yourself on your asshole???? That's disgusting!!!!!" He declared, and refused to scrub his asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 01:49 AM
46

My ex didn't cut his toenails because he claimed it gave him in grown toenails. They were long, yellow and his feet smelled like yeasty death. Catching a whiff of his feet was enough to make me find some excuse to be out of the house away from him, talk about getting the "Ick"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 01:47 AM
5

To prove that HV people KNOW the difference, I had a friend exhibiting hot/cold, flakey and inconsistent traits, popping up when he felt like it, etc. Eventually I told him that his behaviour was tiresome, and the friendship felt one sided and not worth it for me. Difference between LV people? He apologized immediately, explained but not excused his behaviour, and he doesn't do it anymore. Our friendship is back to normal. It's really not so hard, but LV people are unable to take personal respon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:54 AM
12

YES!!!! I can't believe this is such a controversial view. In non common-law countries, it's still so much more emotionally and logistically complicated to break up. I know I have stayed in relationships long past their use by date because I didn't feel like dealing with the fight to get them out of my house back in my Pick me days. In common law countries, where you are defacto AFTER 1-2 YEARS, do not ever move in or let them move in without marriage level vetting. Even then, get a binding fina…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:59 AM
38

My dad who is a doctor was squeezing my leg and giggling that I had cellulite just like my mom. I was 12. And yes, he is a raging narcissist who cheated on my mom constantly until she divorced his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 12:45 PM
35

100%. I don't go chasing unavailable men and dissecting every text, look and gesture anymore, because it's this simple: his effort isn't up to my needs. I find fulfillment in other areas of my life and I lean on my family/friends and Christian faith. It's not even feeling good about dismissing unsuitable men, it's that their low effort which would have consumed me before, is barely a blip on my radar because I realize that my life is blessed and full already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 02:40 AM
26

yEs bUt tHe fEmAle bOdY iS dEsiGned tO gIve bIrtH aNd tO lOoK aFteR hEr mAn aNd cHilDren (((...but you need to pay for half of everything)))
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 10:57 AM
12

Beautiful story. Discovering FDS finally put into words why abusive or dysfunctional relationships with men were a constant feature in my life. My mom also was introduced to FDS principles, and in the past two years the weight of the self blame from years of abuse from my narcissistic father are FINALLY lifting. She blamed herself for over 18 years after the marriage ended!!!!! It's uplifting to see other women finally saying enough and getting rid of caretaking and self blame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 01:06 AM
6

Right???! If there is any poetic justice in the world, it's this....his new gf who moved in right after my friend left didn't last too long, then he has the audacity to cry to her that he was struggling financially because he couldn't find a job after so many years as a house hobosexual 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 02:58 PM
3

Because up until the last time I spoke to her, she is hell bent on finding her "forever", putting her in a PickMeiSha mindset, AND he was a raging narcissist who could turn around any situation so that she blamed herself. That being said, she is a quick learner and while her last boyfriend was shaping up to be an abusive loser, she dumped him after only a few months instead of years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 02:56 PM
40

Ps. They broke up because he had the audacity to try to pressure her into an oPen rElatIonshiP, because "why couldn't she accept he could love multiple women???!!!?11!1"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 11:47 PM
47

Friend is a very intelligent woman with well paying job. Her last scrote wouldn't let her move into his house because he didn't want to be around her young children. So she was paying for his mortgage, her rent on her own apartment where she lived when she had the kids, and for him to not work. Obviously, wOmeN aRe gOldDigGerS amirite????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 11:46 PM
61

Like wat
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 05:03 AM
16

My brother is a religious minister and does counselling, usually for men as part of the duties. He is an exemplary HVM who really does his fair share of the housework, supports his wife in all of her interests, is a present and involved father for the good and bad, and sacrifices for his family every single day. He often gets young men coming to him with the "wahhhh I can't find a girlfriend". He tells them that even if there is no one on the horizon, why not prepare for meeting someone? Like sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 02:21 AM
16

My ex was jealous of a massage stick. AN INANIMATE OBJECT. When he would complain his hands would get tired from massages after 5 minutes. This type of man will get jealous of anything that is NOT HIM. Ps. Look up the Muscle Hook massager at Target or Walmart, can reach spots on your back and neck, much better than any half assed massage from a whiny man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 01:47 AM
8

"I wasn't perfect, but you're not either so plz let me waste more of your time. But since you're not perfect, we can do this shitty cycle all over again and YOU make me feel this way since you're not perfect. Here's a conditional apology so that if you don't accept part of the blame I can snatch it back In about a month everything will be back to the same shitty dynamics, and I will deny any promises of change and say we reconnected because YOU wanted to so really this is your fault. Me me me I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 01:09 AM
4

Copy pasted from another thread but applies here too. Your abuser will come back, in some way or another, even if its to fly by to assure himself what a big generous man he is to his ex, or to try to get you back. They do not change because their attitudes that drive their abuse does not change. Don't forget...no matter how nice they are being, or how apologetic, or they seem like they have changed...it's very, very unlikely. Abusive men by and large do not change (and even if they do, it's a lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:51 AM
42

Don't forget...no matter how nice they are being, or how apologetic, or they seem like they have changed...it's very, very unlikely. Abusive men by and large do not change (and even if they do, it's a long slow agonizing process where they are prone to backsliding) Talk is cheap and anyone can say anything. It's very easy to get sucked back in by the puppy dog eyes, the proclamations that things will be different this time and that they were wrong blah blah blah - but go back, and it's very like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:46 AM
3

URRRGGGHHHHH exactly what my ex used to say...do they all read the same book or go to the same shitty school or something??????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 08:49 AM
3

I swear our ex's went to the same school of shitty tactics or something. He told me exactly the same thing, that I needed professional help after he had worn me down so much that I had sunken into depression and anxiety. They just love to throw around the words "unfair" and "disrespect" when what they really mean is "I'm angry I can't control you". Don't feel bad that you didn't get the instant wave of relief. I didn't either, it took him breaking up with me, 6 painful months, him creeping back …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 08:47 AM
36

Same with my ex. Nothing but a whole lot of projection. "You're really just a miserable person inside", "I don't think you have any idea what you want in life", "You are a very controlling person" (in response to telling him I was doing something else with my friends and he could go do what he wanted to do). No asshole, it's YOU who's the miserable, paranoid person and you want everyone to be miserable with you. Agree 100% with you, these things they say are how they really feel about themselves…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:32 AM
151

"you will never regret NOT sleeping with a man" - if only I could go back in time and stamp this on my younger, PickMe forehead....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 02:32 AM
10

Thank you for being there for her. When I was in an abusive situation and trauma bonded to my ex and kept going back, my friends and family always being there were what finally gave me the strength and support to end it once and for all. I hope your friend finds her courage and leaves him, he sounds like an awful man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 12:08 AM
8

Yes, one of my best friends has the nicest man dad. He treats her mom like a queen, treats her like a princess, sacrifices so that his family doesn't have to do without etc. She still ended with a string of "girlfriending her forever", someone who almost murdered her, and a raging narcissist. She assumes everyone is going to be like her dad and tries to "communicate" to them to make them like her dad, but that saying....people have to want to change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 11:53 PM
12

Heeeeeey looks like you dated my ex too! Or at least they must have gone to the same narc school. I feel like your experience is pretty much what happened to me too. The wearing down of your self esteem, the devaluation, making you feel like you're the problem, sabotaging schooling. Same experience of picking a big blowup fight the night before an exam, planning a trip when I needed to study and forever holding it over my head after that I was selfish and didn't care about his interests. The wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 02:46 PM
11

As they say, adversity makes you stronger :) I'm very blessed in that I had a strong support system that I never let him destroy, that kept me grounded with the realization that all of his demands were not normal. This is why you never, ever let a partner separate you from your support system! And this is the #1 thing abusive partners target. It is hard to watch a friend walk straight into the lions den...but they are grown women, and all you can do sometimes is be there when they wake up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 06:54 AM
26

That's how it went for me as I learned from unfortunate experience. The irony is that he DIDN'T actually want to move into my house that I owned, he wanted me to sell it and go 50/50 on rent with him or buy another house of his choice. In a relationship where he constantly gaslighted, criticized, abused me and broke up with me every 2 months or so to keep me on my toes. I stayed for far too long but never ever let go of my house. It was just some sick control tactic to see if he could make me le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 12:22 AM
67

"He's always so paranoid and controlling, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells he gets angry at me over random things. He says he's only like this because we don't live together and he can't keep an eye on me. Will things get better if I move in?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 11:09 PM
246

I once saw the best retort to this stupidity, unfortunately I don't remember where or who wrote it but it's brilliant. Paraphrased: "A key that opens many locks is a good key. A lock that many keys open is a lousy lock. A trap that can catch many snakes is a good trap. A snake that goes into many traps is a damn stupid snake. See? I can make dumb analogies too."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 03:46 PM
16

My LVM ex (who lived with his dad and had a string of spotty jobs), HATED the fact I had my own, paid off house. His idea of what we should do? I sell my house, and rent with him splitting all bills. If it worked out, "we" (read:me) could buy "us" a new house , if not, then we could just break up. He could NEVER move in with me because it was "always my house". Where I live is a very high COL area, by the time you have paid taxes, fees, commissions say goodbye to almost 10% of your sale price. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 10:21 AM
22

Told this story in another thread, but my friend and I in our raging PickMe days had some winners. Me: Then boyfriend left skid marks in my bed, reacted with GENUINE disgust towards me when I told him to scrub his asshole. "What do you mean, you mean YOU touch your own asshole? THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!!" Her: Her then boyfriend left a skidmark on her white sofa. When she demanded an explanation, it turned out that HE DIDN'T USE OR BUY TOILET PAPER. His reasoning? "Oh, if I hold my buttcheeks apart,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 02:37 AM
3

Let's just say she and I were deep in our PickMe days. Heck, I know I still have to resist the PickMe tendencies all the time. But as an objective 3rd party to this story, I gagged. But then again, around that same time, my ex ALSO had problems washing his asshole. He thought skid marks were normal (left one in my bed, bleck) and seemed genuinely disgusted when I asked him to scrub his asshole "you want me to touch WHERE???? YOU MEAN YOU TOUCH YOURS??? EWWWWWW". He went on to say that it was per…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 01:35 PM
5

My best friend had a similar story. Her then boyfriend left skid marks on her white sofa. She demanded an explanation. This guy told her very seriously that he didn't need to use toilet paper...because guess why? He held his buttcheeks apart as he went, therefore he didn't need to use toilet paper. All of us gagged when we heard that story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 12:25 PM
22

Your dad sounds like a very frustrating and overbearing sort of person. You sound very overwhelmed! Unfortunately, men by and large are socialized to bulldoze over women's feelings and boundaries and not take us seriously. I have been recommending this book "Stop caretaking the narcissist or borderline", because while the frustrating person in your life may not be clinically a cluster B personality, it helps YOU enforce boundaries against people with Cluster B traits. For example, the phone call…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 09:31 AM
2

Good for you! I made a similar realization about my choices in men too, recently. Your comment about the anxiety, and then waiting for a compliment/but of good behaviour to give you a little high hits so close to home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 06:14 AM
16

Your story is too familiar...except my mom is an exceptional person and did not become bitter or abusive herself despite coming from a family full of Cluster B personality disorders (and married one too!). Like you, I learned these people pleasing and codependent patterns because I always had to pacify my narcissist father. The light finally went on for me after a relationship breakdown where my ex had very similar narcissistic traits as my dad, and I realized it was exactly the same pattern of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 09:37 AM
2

I don't think they even really want a "men's only" event. I highly doubt most of them would even be interested. Because most of the regular co-ed event days, tend to be men with maybe a handful of women. What these guys were really after was access to women's events, to treat it as a speed dating day. They are angry because they are excluded from the opportunity to invade women's spaces again, where women are TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THEM. The entitlement never ends. Ever notice, most volunteer g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:49 AM
35

Male Friend: "I want woman who is skinny, small, cute, no tattoos, classy" Friend is fat, looks like a gangster, horribly crude sense of humor and covered in tattoos. And terribly self centered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:11 AM
15

Meanwhile, my ex was salty I had bought a house before I even met him because we couldn't bUiLd a liFe toGethEr. Got mad that I didn't depend on him financially. But then told me I needed to support myself and pay all my own bills, buy anything I wanted because he couldn't afford to support "us" and besides, I might be taking advantage of him the way his mom "took advantage of his dad". Can't win with these assholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:56 AM
14

The ones who are married or coupled up can be very fake woke "feminist allies" but still deeply misogynistic. The ones who are unhappily single are similar smug, but with the entitlement "why can't I get a hot 20-something woman with my big paycheck reeeeeeeee". The common theme I notice in both of these types are a big old chip on the shoulder about being nerdy and uncool when they were young, but look, they have money now so it must mean that they are someone and "aren't you sorry you ever tho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:49 AM
13

Yes, worked in the tech industry for many years in that area, those stories you hear about Boober/Travis Kalacknick and that google manifesto fellow, it is pretty representative of tech culture. Many of the guys think that Elon Musk is a god, and wHy aRen't tHe wOmEn fAlliNg oVer tHemsElves fOr mY hUge pAycHeck reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 01:43 AM
64

I am involved in a traditionally male dominated hobby, that is attracting many more women in recent years. We have many ladies only days because it is less intimidating that way for newer women, plus it's an opportunity to find other women to do this with instead of a bunch of rapey guys. Most guys are okay with this. But there are always, ALWAYS some who start screeching "THIS IS DISCRIMINATION HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THERE WERE MENNNNNN ONLY DAYS". My response is that would be fine? You can invi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:31 AM
8

It's so slow and insidious. Even if you confront them about it, they will always have some answer. "Oh no, I don't want to control you at all, I'm just concerned about you and your safety!" "No I'm not getting angry at the fact you put down a boundary, it just shows me that we are different and I need to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have a problem with <boundary>", "you care about your friends more than you care about me", "well *I* feel controlled/abused by YOU" when you try to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 02:36 AM
8

I could NEVER respect a man who dumps his kids off with his ex. Off the top of my head, I know 3 men who have children, are supposed to take the child every OTHER weekend (1/7 of a month, sounds pathetic, doesn't it?), yet one hasn't not seen his child in weeks, another treats it as a fun outing, then back to Mom to do the heavy lifting child rearing. When their new partners complain about the badly behaved children, these "men" point at their ex and mother of their child "hUrr dUrr sHe's a cRaz…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:14 PM
5

My ex resented the fact that I had bought a house before I even met him, and paid it off. He pressured me to sell it (and thus lose ~10% of sale proceeds due to taxes, commissions, fees etc) to rent something with him in order to "build something together". I asked him to move in with me for a year to see if he could put his own discomfort aside, and for me to see if the relationship would even last. He refused and continued to live in his dad's house. When I told him how much I stood to lose if…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:44 AM
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