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lle-ell Archive

View 0 posts and 602 comments by lle-ell on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

We appreciate different features in men and women, so a gender swap doesn’t tell you who they should pair up with. That being said, none of these women are all that good looking imo though, perhaps with the exception of #2. They’re pretty mid as women, and they’d be pretty mid if they were dudes too.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/25 10:15 AM
2

No, I don’t think so, I’ve generally become less superficial with age. So during the same years that I went from skinny couch potato to in great shape I also matured a lot so it’s honestly hard to say.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:41 PM
6

In cm, 190+, 170ish, 190+
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:26 PM
5

My own personal experience? Not at all, I’ve always preferred tall and lanky men regardless of my own shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 01:05 PM
13

Both. Looking at crushes will give you an idea of what “pool” of men we are interested in. Looking at crushes will give you an idea of which of those men are the ones we want to lock down. For example. During the 3 years before I met my husband I crushed on two other men. One who was average in terms of looks if I’m being generous, honestly extremely smart and funny, and unfortunately was too emotionally unstable for me. After that I crushed on another guy who was pretty good looking in a “bear”…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 07:10 AM
2

No, home party for 30-40 year olds
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/25 04:39 AM
5

I’ll toss in another example of this. Good looking guy, quite muscular, good jawline, good hair, good beard. Opposite teams in a party “pentathon” 1v1 game. Due to him being twice my size we agree that we won’t wrestle for the ball or tackle each other. After thanking each other for a good game, he hugs me which makes me a little uncomfortable because I don’t love being hugged by strangers, but okay, I don’t want to make a scene. I say in passing that I’m happy to not have any new injuries, and …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 12:36 PM
–

Agree with everything you wrote!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 11:19 AM
7

Agreed! … but it’s definitely Finland
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 06:00 PM
4

It’s all about how you frame it. Are you the “low maintenance option” or are you likeable and stable enough that you don’t have to solely rely on your looks? I’m think I’m pretty low maintenance. I definitely have my rough edges, but nowhere near what for example my mother has. I’m also fairly attractive, but I’m no model. I would say that in terms of looks, I married up. (My husband would probably disagree, but he’s biased lol) Do I think that the fact that I don’t … physically assault people, …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 02:37 PM
3

Try flirting a little and see how she reacts! If she reciprocates, ask her out on a proper date. Don’t start by sexually approaching her, that easily comes across as super sleazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/25 12:00 PM
17

Safety. I trust myself more than anyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 03:33 PM
6

If you choose to live with your parents, then it sounds like frugality is more important to you than the freedom. For me, I value both of those things as well but rank freedom higher. Neither is wrong, but can make people incompatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 09:26 AM
1

You do you! To stick to the topic of the opening post though, this is a good example of what I mean by incompatibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 09:23 AM
4

For me, I’ve gone to uni several hours away from my parents so not much of a choice. But I wouldn’t have wanted to live with my parents even if I had been able to, I wanted freedom to live my own life and to get away from my overbearing mother. And I loved it. I don’t think I would have felt much compatibility with or attraction to someone who didn’t share my preference for freedom. For reference, a room in a student dorm in Sweden is 30-50% of our student loan per month. So it’s not like it was…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 07:40 AM
7

I did? I’m not talking about owning, just renting.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 07:04 AM
3

I’m in my 30s, and at this age that would be a dealbreaker for me personally. When I was 18, it would have been less of an issue, but I still preferred to date someone with his own place.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 05:12 AM
2

I’m Swedish too, if it makes any difference. I would 100% say that being friends with men has made me more romantically successful (with men). For two reasons; I get men, and I’m used to and perfectly at ease talking to men. As a teen, I would clam up around hot guys. In my 20s, I learned to roll with the punches and actually flirt with people I would previously have been too shy to talk to. Now, I’ve never really struggled to date or get into relationships, but holy hell it made a big differenc…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 12:42 PM
4

My experience is the opposite. Hotter guys have tended to be more invested in making sure I’m satisfied compared to more average looking guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 05:08 AM
23

I see it the opposite way, being married before having kids should be the norm imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/25 11:59 AM
4

Attractive and socially savvy
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/25 03:38 PM
6

I married a guy who is all of those things and I’m happy I didn’t settle for less
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 09:23 AM
–

I initiate on average 1-2 times a week depending on where I am in my cycle, and I’s say I initiate a little more often than my husband. He’s almost always responsive when I initiate, and I’m usually responsive when he initiates. If either one of us is not feeling it, we still usually help each other out, but sometimes we just agree on a rain check and cuddle. I think we’ve learned to read each other quite well which minimises rejections.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 07:39 AM
1

I’ve done the approaching every now and then, but I prefer not to. I enjoy being approached, and I like the guy more for making the effort. The only times I’ve felt a little icky about being hit on is by significantly older men, like, old enough to be my dad.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 11:16 PM
1

I’ve had plenty of good experiences with the larger sizes, so it’s not like I don’t like them lol. They’re just more work. I orgasm from penetration alone “regardless” of size (I’m sure there’s a limit somewhere but just speaking from experience) so that’s not a factor for me personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 02:38 PM
5

Reread my comment
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 01:05 PM
10

There are pros and cons to each. Pros of a bigger dick: makes you feel “fuller” nice to look at Cons of a bigger dick: so much more foreplay is required which honestly gets boring which means no quickies penetration will hurt in the beginning of each session even WITH said foreplay will hit your cervix unless he’s careful and it HURTS like a mofo some positions won’t work at all
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 10:13 AM
2

I find a fair number of men what I’d consider “good looking”, but I don’t believe I have ever seen a man and thought “he could get it”.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/25 01:15 PM
3

I wouldn’t do it on purpose. Shit happens, yeah, but why the fuck would I set myself up for heartbreak on purpose?!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/25 12:24 AM
5

For a hookup, it’s definitely a minus! That’s just not going to … fit. No penetration will be happening that night. Which is actually fine, if he’s into other ways of satisfying and being satisfied. For a relationship, it’s less of an issue. I can get my pussy used to a bigger dick over time. But it takes time and effort, which is a little annoying.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 05:41 AM
1

I don’t care to see effort, I want to see the end result. A man with a more elaborate skin care routine than my own would be a massive turn off (unless he had a condition that requires it).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 10:12 AM
–

Ideologies (as well as sports supporter clubs) are a modern version of the tribe. We are evolved to be tribal beings, and since we live in a globalised world today having a tribe is an unmet need for many. As long as the option to adhere to the tribes standards seems better than leaving the tribe, people will adhere to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 11:22 AM
2

This is perfection imo
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 10:13 AM
4

This was on Match, and there anyone can write to you. The reason I went there after seeing what Tinder was like, was that I wanted to see as thorough profiles as possible and not waste time on people I’m clearly incompatible with. (And, it worked!)
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 07:05 PM
2

Sometimes, sometimes not! You can often tell when it is calculated vs spontaneous.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 04:09 PM
9

I did, I found my husband on a dating app (not Tinder, even though we both had it we weren’t suggested to each other there lol) The main downside imo: On any app but Tinder, you get absolutely bombarded by messages. I had a poorly filled out profile, one single picture, and got 120+ messages in a day. There’s no way to keep up with that. It’s overwhelming. You have to basically find a few good options and take them to another platform, then pause your subscription.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 03:50 PM
6

I have noticed the “kino” thing as well as negging, whatever it’s called when you escalate intimacy by leaving e.g. a uni or a work place to go somewhere else together, texting on the third day… you can often tell when it’s genuine vs a tactic. And tbh, it makes me respect the guy less if he’s unsmooth enough that I can read what he’s doing. I’d rather go out with a genuine but awkward person than someone who’s trying too hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 02:26 PM
3

I think I’m pretty clear that I’m speaking from my own experiences and opinions here. I’ve never met anyone with ASD or GAD who threatens to end their life when someone disagrees with them, or who manipulates people to hate and distrust themselves, or tries to turn people against their victim to ruin their life, or physically assaults them. Most mental illnesses can be concerning or annoying, but untreated Cluster Bs are a whole different animal imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 10:20 AM
7

There’s a difference between mental health issues and mental health issues. Someone with anxiety or OCD or ADHD might be difficult to be around, but someone with (untreated) BPD or NPD will make your life a living hell and I’d strongly advice against getting involved with them, even if that means being single.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 10:00 PM
21

There definitely are women who are attracted to toxic men. Those usually have BPD or NPD and you should avoid them.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 04:41 PM
0

I think it’s pretty self explanatory tbh. The guy who ghosted me was honestly just pretty bad looking, bad facial features, crooked teeth, bald at an early age, a little overweight. (He was amazingly funny and we had a lot of common interests, though!) Hot guys are the kind who you wouldn’t be surprised to learn that they do modelling as a side hustle. Good faces, lean or muscular bodies, good hair, good skin etc. Mid guys are in between lol
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:08 PM
1

Because they had other good qualities
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 07:34 PM
5

In my experience, hot men have treated me better. I’ve been ghosted by an ugly dude, but never by a hot dude. Hot guys have often given me gifts, ugly-mid dudes would refuse to exchange Christmas presents or do Valentine’s day. Hot guys tend to be secure enough to not be jealous if I mention a male coworker, ugly-mid guys on the other hand…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:09 AM
1

Idk. I married the best sex partner I’ve had in my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 09:21 AM
19

Not true at all ime
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 06:27 AM
7

We expect men to not prefer attractive women? That’s certainly news to me
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 07:31 PM
6

Because intense enough horniness overrides logic
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 06:33 PM
4

A large part of building attraction is subtle mirroring and having a subtle back and forth. My best guess is that if someone is attentive enough to read your subtle cues during a conversation, that means that they’re less dangerous to sleep with compared to someone who either can’t or doesn’t care to. I know it’s not fair, it’s just sexy the way perky tits or a shapely ass is (and those aren’t fairly distributed either).
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 06:22 PM
–

I already believe that so it wouldn’t change anything. Do we hate it? I wouldn’t say that I have any strong feelings about it one way or another. I’m fine with my ass having a motivational effect lol Edit to add: I tend to be more impressed by things that men do for themselves compared to things they do to attract women. If a man chooses to do something, not expecting any return in terms of increased dating success, I see that as an expression of who he truly is. If a man chooses to do something…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 12:16 PM
6

This has been my experience as well. To be fair, some hot guys are also insecure and taking it out on you, but with a mid or worse dude that’s basically guaranteed.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 05:46 AM
6

“Eating poison as an option is better than having nothing to eat at all”
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 12:57 PM
3

I was with you until this point: “lust at its core is just a type of love” Ime lust has nothing to do with love per se, even if they often go together. I would say acting on a lustful impulse requires some degree of trust, but not love necessarily.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 12:28 PM
7

I can’t speak for all women, but I’ve personally had several bad experiences with autistic men. I also have had great experiences being friends with autistic men, but I’d be hesitant to date one. My experience is that the cluelessness autistic people sometimes display can be outright harmful.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/25 11:16 AM
–

Sure, but I’m pretty sure he already knows lol
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/25 05:43 PM
14

I would say that I’ve masturbated without an object of desire most of my life, like 95% of the times. I also don’t want to sleep with porn actors, I just want to enjoy watching the scene.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 01:48 PM
1

1) I don’t see lust as dehumanising at all. It’s a natural part of the human range of emotions. 2) How much room it should be given depends on the context, imo. In a relationship, give it plenty of room. Outside of a relationship I would avoid acting on it, personally, but I pass no judgment on others who do as long as it’s all wanted/consensual/mutual. 3) Lust is imo absolutely not sufficient to form a connection or feel connection with someone, but a strong driving force to form or deepen a co…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 09:47 PM
0

Implying that you have the One True Definition and my definition is inferior, just because my standards are higher and you don’t like it because you don’t meet it? You’re entitled to your opinion, but don’t be surprised when people tell you that bar is not enough for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 02:23 AM
0

That’s one definition of what a good person is. I have another definition of what makes a good person. In my opinion, a good person is one who does what they think is right even when noone is looking. A good partner doesn’t cheat even if they feel very sure they won’t be caught, because they feel like being faithful is the right thing to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 01:30 AM
0

Not really, it seems we (OP and I) disagree about the definition of what it means to be a good person.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 10:08 AM
1

If you need incentives to be a good person, you aren’t one.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 06:52 AM
2

I only know two of the names you mentioned so can’t comment on those. If I dig deeply into my brain, these are the people I come up with who I would say are my role models: J S Mill Ram Dass That one teacher I had when I was 20 (she managed to combine being very analytical and honest with being kind and wise… and ridiculously good at her craft!)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/24 10:57 AM
22

There are people who fit each stereotype, but it’s so far from all people that it feels extremely exaggerated. Sort of like saying that all Christian girls only do it in the loophole before getting married, or that all muslims are terrorists.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 01:16 PM
1

Not really. I know I’m not traditionally feminine except in looks, and that not every guy is going to be into a girl with a masculine personality like myself. However, I’ve always had options so it has not been an issue for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 06:20 AM
1

I haven’t seen the movie, but what’s wrong with the book?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 06:07 AM
0

1) yes 2-4) no.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 08:42 PM
3

Could I give up social media? Yes. Would I give up social media if my partner threatened to leave? Hell no. That’s controlling af. Context: The only one of these I actively use is reddit. I have an fb account but I haven’t logged on for almost a year. I use reddit to argue with strangers and look at cute cats. I don’t post pics of myself. I don’t flirt with randos. I don’t do anything that could by any stretch be seen as cheating. So if my partner threatened to leave me over my ADHD-fuelled hobb…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/24 02:08 PM
3

You can’t know until you’re actually in that situation, but I hope and believe that I would stay by his side and do my best to take care of him. Physical issues like the ones described in the OP strike me as simple to feel confident about that I’d be able to handle. Things like Alzheimers is harder, if he didn’t recognise me anymore and became violent that could get scary quickly given that he’s a whole foot taller than me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/24 01:53 PM
1

No, not necessarily unsafe. But feeling anxious or even just uncomfortable is “bad enough” to want to avoid something.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 11:22 PM
1

You misunderstand, again. I don’t fear every awkward interaction, I fear people who feel unpredictable. It’s something I encounter a few times a year, and while it sucks, it doesn’t hold me back in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 10:59 PM
1

It’s interesting to see how you go from “stop lying about how you feel” to “if you actually feel that way you need help”. You could just accept that I have a different experience and a different perspective from yours instead of trying to discount it from every angle. Why on earth would I spend time and money to fix something that’s merely a minor-ish inconvenience and that I can power through when needed? Because it offends internet randos?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 10:48 PM
1

I’ve been privileged in some ways, but not how you think. Actually, I think it’s the opposite, having had experiences with dangerous people has made me hypervigilant towards people who act strangely or who I can’t build rapport with. I’ve been brutally honest. You don’t have to like it, but that doesn’t change my experience. I get anxious in those interactions, not panic attack level but shaky sweaty hands, quick heartbeat, etc, which is different from revulsion/disgust/the ick.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 09:45 PM
5

Speaking of my own personal experience only, there’s a huge difference in how I react to being hit on by an ugly man vs an autistic man. I don’t have any issue with interacting with ugly people. I’ve fallen in love and been in a relationship with an objectively ugly dude. By contrast, what I feel when interacting with a noticeably autistic person is best compared to social anxiety (which I normally don’t have). I feel like I don’t know how to behave to create a connection, and that makes me inte…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 05:48 PM
5

I agree that it’s batshit crazy. I’m not defending it, I’m trying to explain the difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 11:19 AM
6

My first impulse is to say that it’s probably not really the same, but I’m curious now in what way you think they’re similar?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 11:12 AM
3

There’s absolutely some truth to that. But there’s a difference between the safety cues a violent criminal gives off and the vibes an autistic person gives off - a violent criminal who loves you would probably stop at nothing to protect you. That can be sexy to some; and is imo a power fantasy for some women. (Do I still think that people who date violent people are thick af? Yes.) There are no similar positives about dating an autistic person, only downsides.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:04 AM
11

It feels unsafe. You can hate that fact as much as you want, but feeling some degree of safety is a prerequisite for most women getting horny.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 05:44 AM
2

(Married now, this is about when I used apps in the past) Because I don’t have the time to talk to more than a few people at a time, and I match with most people I swipe right on. My criteria were that there HAD to be something I liked about their presentation and there had to be ZERO dealbreakers (looking for casual, having or wanting kids, having pets that I’m allergic to, overly religious, shirtless pics, etc). No presentation = automatic left swipe. I wasn’t picky in terms of looks, they had…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 11:05 PM
–

I’m married. The thing I did differently last time I was dating was to increase my standards - I wanted someone who was an unrealistically good match, or noone at all. Then I met my now husband, and he was everything I was looking for.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/24 08:13 PM
0

I think it’s a good principle to not perform unnecessary surgery on children’s genitals.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 07:03 PM
5

I’ve been with both circumcised and uncircumcised men, and the difference in sensitivity is staggering. I definitely feel like it should be illegal to do this to someone until they’re old enough to make an informed decision for themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:13 PM
7

Think of it like this. Women need to feel comfortable in order to give you their number. Every minute you spend vibing with her (having a good conversation, smiling at each other, mirroring each other) will increase the woman’s comfort level with you and thus increase the chance that she’ll feel comfortable enough to give you her number. This isn’t about seeing if you have a deep compatibility. It’s about building rapport and her getting a “read” of you, imo it’s even (subconsciously) about whet…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 03:43 PM
2

Don’t you have standardised tests with anonymous grading in the US? In Sweden, we had standardised tests in certain grades that are submitted anonymously (with a code) and graded by teachers from another school. If your grades don’t measure up to your ambition, you can take a test called “Högskoleprovet” (”The University test”) which is again graded anonymously. You can use the result of Högskoleprovet to apply to all university programs instead of your grades. All university exams are graded an…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/24 01:25 PM
11

It’s pretty rare for women to actively go for something casual.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 07:41 AM
2

Isn’t it in the second tier, above being safe from immediate danger?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 05:34 AM
3

Understandable af, I don’t see why anyone would have an issue with this
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 07:18 PM
6

Yeah, leaving someone who continually insults you is extremely reasonable.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:45 AM
4

No, they typically date you for years while constantly reminding you that you’re not up to their cup size standards until you have had enough of it and decide to leave them. Idk if that’s any better tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/24 10:12 AM
3

No, I usually haven’t, and I’ve mostly dated people I’d say are really attractive. But with my now husband, we did sleep together on the first date. We found each other irresistible and he made me feel really safe.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 06:48 PM
2

Why on earth would either spouse not work if they don’t have any kids? Makes no sense to me. On the other hand, I’d rather work outside the home for 40 hours a week or more than take care of one or more kids full time.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 10:24 PM
2

Video games is great. Anime is a turn off, but not a dealbreaker. Same with thirst trap cosplayers, but even more of a turn off. Liking violent movies is fine. Metal is great. If it’s a crime that has a victim, red flag. If it’s like, jaywalking or possession idgaf. Violent crime, total dealbreaker. No college degree is okay. Watches porn is fine. Weird kinks, really depends on which ones. I have weird kinks too. Crypto is fine. Huge debt is a dealbreaker. Drugs, again, are fine, whether legal o…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 01:40 PM
2

I have to agree. People are free to have whatever standards they want, even if those standards are harmful to themselves. Other people’s standards also have very little to do with you, so it’s wise to mot take it personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 06:16 PM
2

No, I know he wouldn’t. If I didn’t have complete faith that, I wouldn’t be with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 10:40 PM
–

I haven’t seen the clip tbh, I’m sure you can go about it in a rude way. But the statement by itself isn’t insulting imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 08:04 AM
–

Telling a woman she looks her age is fine. Telling her she looks older than her age is rude.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 05:15 AM
0

I’m a woman and I disagree with this OP. If I say “I’m fine” and you can tell I’m not, that means I don’t want to talk about it, give me some space. This isn’t gendered btw. I’ve dealt with both men and women expecting me to read their mind and it’s awful. I’d rather die alone than walking on eggshells around someone who can’t be arsed to tell me the things they want me to know.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 04:37 AM
1

Yeah, he’s gorgeous and just my type! I feel both a lot of love and a lot of lust for him
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/24 08:59 AM
3

That article is dumb. Safety is sexy, danger is not.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/24 07:14 PM
1

I have to agree that the couple in that pic aren’t outstanding in any way, and look fairly evenly matched in terms of looks. If anything I’d say she’s better looking than him.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/24 11:09 AM
–

Than be pregnant, give birth, breastfeed and then be responsible for a child for 18 years * Yes. Yes I would.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 11:44 AM
–

Women can 100% have performance problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 10:56 AM
–

When I was younger, I would have said yes. I would rather go to war than become a mother. I felt like so many things were expected of me because I was born a woman, but many of these things felt deeply unnatural to me, or straight up horrendous. Take pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding as examples, I always felt extremely creeped out by the concept that if I’m not careful with contraception, I will be forced to go through that Alien-like experience. I felt deeply uneasy and disgusted about t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/24 10:50 AM
–

(Bisexual woman) Both the female and male body can be extremely aesthetically pleasing and sexy.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/24 05:58 PM
4

Attachment styles aren’t a mental illness, they’re just psychological phenomena.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/24 10:04 AM
34

I think “the ick” is often a result of a fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant attachment style. People with these attachment styles flaw find as subconscious way to avoid intimacy. Honestly if someone you dated told you they got “the ick” from something you did or said, I wouldn’t take that as gospel about you or about women, but only as a sign that you shouldn’t date that person.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 04:44 PM
5

As a woman, I’m happy to assist with a hj even if I’m not in the mood. For penetration though, I need my body to want it to cooperate. If I’m lukewarm about it my body just won’t cooperate and it will hurt.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 08:55 AM
17

No longer young, but still childfree. Children didn’t seem worth ruining my sex life, financial security or general freedom for.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/24 07:00 PM
1

I would assume the opposite, that if you’ve never lived on your own you might want to do that for a bit before moving in with a partner
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/24 06:52 AM
1

Well, my mom was abusive, that’s why I moved out at 17 rather than 18. But I couldn’t have stayed there for longer than 18 even if she hadn’t been.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/24 05:50 AM
3

Science and admin respectively. No siblings. In the countryside area, we were pretty middle class, not rich, not poor. (Compared to people in the bigger cities we were poor-ish, though.) I didn’t have any choice but to move several hours away in order to pursue a uni degree, there is no higher education and very few jobs where my parents live.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 08:16 PM
1

I don’t have much of a relationship with my mom, but they’re both alive yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 07:55 PM
3

80%?! Where do you live? Maybe this is one of those American things that I’m too European to understand lol In my experience most people, like 95%, going to uni will move out of their parents’ place and into student housing. I have met two people afaik who had their first jobs after graduation and still lived at their parents to save up to buy their own place. Not an option for most people unless you’re extremely lucky. Agree to disagree on it being awkward, in my opinion it 100% is
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 03:47 PM
3

Hard agree about the last point, they’re absolutely not as big a deal as people make them out to be. What people value most is extremely individual, though. To me personally, as long as my partner can support themselves I don’t really care if they are just doing minimum wage or are extremely well off.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 12:30 PM
5

I moved out at 17 so I can’t speak for that situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 12:24 PM
8

Would you mind elaborating?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 07:48 AM
13

It’s more of a voluntary decision than height, facial structure or natural boob size, and people discriminate based on those things 24/7 and noone bats an eye.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 07:13 AM
15

If you date a guy who lives with his parents, that’s going to mean you have to interact with his parents a lot. It’s also going to make having sex at his place awkward. (This also goes for living with roommates btw) It’s a pretty massive downside.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 07:03 AM
–

I don’t understand the “kids before marriage” part either. I would never. Sex before relationship makes sense to me though, I want to know that I enjoy sleeping with someone before agreeing to be exclusive.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/24 07:53 PM
1

Ofc! That would work for me, then
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/24 09:58 PM
3

In scenario 2, would my husband still be attracted to me? If so, deal.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/24 09:01 PM
1

Not feminine at all imo, lovey doveyv men are great!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/24 06:46 AM
4

Childfree, married woman in my early 30s here. Never wanted children. Got my tubes tied a few years ago.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/24 05:51 AM
4

Individualize school start age. I don’t think it makes sense to have all kids start at the same age regardless of whether they’re mature enough or not. It seems especially boys are disadvantaged by the current system. Unrelated to gender issues, but I’m also a firm believer in having different “streams” based on student academic performance if the school is large enough to facilitate it. I have experienced it as a student, and imo getting education on the right level for the student makes so muc…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:57 PM
–

As someone dealing with a chronic illness while supporting others with chronic illnesses, my position is this: seeking support from people close to you when first get symptoms or are injured is fine, healthy even. If it’s the only thing you can talk about after 2, 5, or 10 years, then that’s something you should work out in therapy and not with friends & family. People who always complain drain those around them, and people gravitate towards those who contribute positive energy to their life rat…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 04:24 PM
–

The funny thing is that as a Buddhist, I think there’s actually some truth to that lol
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 11:00 AM
–

If someone couldn’t talk about anything other than being disabled, you’d get sick of it pretty quickly. Trust me on this.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 10:58 AM
6

Agree with all of this
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/24 11:27 AM
56

I get that dating sucks for men. I empathise, but it’s not like I can do anything about it. And let’s be honest, if all women you talk to expect you to take them out and spend hundreds on a first date, you’re only talking to high maintenance bimbos out of your league. Stop going for high maintenance bimbos out of your league.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/24 06:48 AM
1

My mom gave me the WORST dating advice, literally destructive. I still figured it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/24 11:28 PM
5

I think bringing it up in the first few dates is unnecessarily early. Definitely in the first 6 months though. I would encourage women who want to be married to set timelines for themselves, though. If he hasn’t brought up being exclusive after 2-3 months, he’s not the one. If he hasn’t proposed after 3 years, he’s not the one.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/24 06:12 AM
8

Slang for diaper. Not a Hindu thing lol
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/24 06:07 AM
7

Not all men long to give up their lives to listen to screaming babies and change nappies
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/24 05:51 AM
1

Julian > Emil > James > Theo
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 04:39 PM
5

Love beards, love stubble. Just don’t style it any weird way!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 08:25 PM
14

Absolutely. Some people are just really ugly unfortunately, women included.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/24 10:04 AM
0

This is the issue. You expect dating to be fair, and act as if it is. It’s not designed to be fair. It’s a market economy, and if you don’t compete you’re unlikely to succeed.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/24 11:07 AM
-1

Because women date older men. If you want to do nothing, that’s fine by me. What I’m saying is that you will improve your chances at getting laid or getting into a relationship if you do make an effort, because your competition makes an effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/24 10:49 AM
-1

I literally talked about the situation if the guy making an effort is a 4 in my comment. And the reason I picked those numbers was because guys on here act like they shouldn’t have to make an effort to be with their looksmatch, because they don’t take their competition into account.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/24 08:50 AM
0

It’s not about being better than women. It’s about being the best alternative for at least one woman at that time. The problem is that men imagine that they don’t have any competition for women who aren’t 9s-10s. Imagine that I’m a 5, and am just looking for a good time. If you’re a 5, you might try to half-assedly hit on me, “Netflix and chill” type of thing. Half-assedly because I’m your looksmatch and you’re way too deep into rp. If I have someone who’s a 6 romancing me, taking me out to dinn…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/24 08:09 AM
1

Because being nice and respectful is a basic requirement for a lot of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 04:09 PM
5

Both are of equal importance, and to me that importance is close to zero. I make sure neither of those things happen in my marriage, and everyone else’s lack of orgasms or sex sounds like a you problem. We’re never going to have a situation where the state makes sure all women orgasm and all men get laid, thankfully. You need to take responsibility for your own sex life.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/24 08:56 AM
4

So then you don’t really have any male friends, just potential future hookups/boyfriends.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/24 07:12 AM
1

It would make him more attractive, but it would also be a dealbreaker since I’m super allergic to cats.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/24 06:13 PM
7

Have a great sense of humour, and a good personality in general. I’ve fallen for below average looking guys like this multiple times.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/24 02:26 PM
–

Get one of those worm gfs to feed your bird gf
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/24 08:43 AM
8

Well then you can just buy your gf on ebay
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/24 08:21 PM
9

Apply for jobs you’re unqualified for to build resilience.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/24 10:22 AM
1

I don’t care.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/24 09:05 AM
6

As long as you’re with someone who shares your kinks, sure
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/24 07:28 AM
2

Yup, not denying that.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 02:18 PM
0

I used to always meet people irl when I was younger, but after my last relationship ended I decided to try a dating app. The reason why was that I realised that I wouldn’t just stumble into people the way I did when I was younger, and the dating pool I was interested in was small (not in terms of looks but in terms of values). Took less than a week for the man of my dreams to write to me, and now we’re married.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 09:13 AM
–

Fair and true!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/24 07:15 PM
45

Less oxygen in the brain gives stronger orgasms. Most people (in real life, not in porn) tend to breathe less just before they orgasm, same mechanism. That being said, I think you’re wise AF to not do choke girls you don’t know that well.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/24 12:24 AM
–

Are we talking about western women here? Is it possible that this is influenced by the fact that dating outside ones race might mean having a partner with more old fashioned gender roles and men are open to this, women are not.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 09:29 AM
–

I’ve always assumed that if there’s a war, they’d toss my asthmatic 5’3” ass a sniper rifle and some camo clothes. Even if the army would never consider training someone of my limited physical abilities, I can shoot.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/24 03:36 PM
1

Out of those choices, #3.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/24 03:02 PM
2

(Early 30’sF, happily childfree, in a dink marriage) This OP is funny to me because I have always assumed that if I had kids I’d have to do the lion’s share of the work, and I decided early that it wasn’t for me. When I was younger, I used to joke that I’d probably make a passable dad, but a shit mum.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/24 06:19 AM
0

You’re not going to talk women out of having their preferences. Just date someone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/24 05:27 PM
2

Most people who aren’t having issues don’t post on forums about being happy and fulfilled in their relationship. OPs are usually calls for problem solving or compassion. I don’t go around posting about how happy I am with the man of my dreams, even though I am. What would the point be, to make other people jealous?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/24 01:53 PM
6

Agree
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/24 01:48 PM
117

As a woman, that’s an ick for me too, for both men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/24 11:46 AM
–

Took the words right out of my mouth.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 01:58 PM
6

Among my peers, not really. Compared to the average person though, I would say that I have done well for myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 01:45 PM
6

I work as a manager at a medium sized company.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 01:37 PM
6

The roles being played in what context? If you think that the roles I play in my relationship, at work or in society is the same as the role my grandmother played … you need a reality check. I like to think of equality in terms of rights and opportunities, not identical outcomes. So at least where I live, I’d say men and women are equal.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 01:34 PM
5

Equal in terms of what?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 01:25 PM
4

I just want to fit in with the norms well enough to pass as normal. That requires make up. I’m married and not looking to attract anyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 08:50 AM
0

If someone sat down next to me without asking when there were other free tables (or 2x bus seats, train seats or whatever), I’d grab my stuff and move. 100% ask.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/24 08:01 AM
1

Objectively, they were. But there was this feeling of unnaturalness about making out with a friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 01:10 PM
1

Charisma doesn’t mean you can get any girl, but it does a ton to improve your chances.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 01:04 PM
1

I valued all of them. The difference, for me, was in the level of excitement.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 11:28 AM
1

What makes you say that the spark isn’t real? Call it what you will. Conceptualise it how you wish. The excitement. That thing that makes me still want to tear my husband’s clothes off after years of being together. I haven’t had that with the guys I was “friends first” with. Not necessarily. I have two close friends who are awfully avoidant in relationships, but great to be friends with. If I were to date them, our attachment styles would clash hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 11:01 AM
1

I respectfully but strongly disagree. I’m sure it works for some. In my experience, relationships that start with friendships are not stronger than others, and have less of a “spark” than the ones that started with a clear mutual sexual/romantic spark. Being good friends doesn’t necessarily mean that you’d be a good couple. Someone might be a great friend but a terrible partner, or might have attachment issues that only impact relationships. What’s worse, if someone acts like we’re friends initi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 10:51 AM
2

They’re very similar constructions in that they are self-made prisons. Just like with situationships, you wouldn’t be in the friend zone if you didn’t put yourself there. You wouldn’t be in a 6 month situationship if you didn’t put yourself there. If you don’t want situationships, ask where things are going and leave if you don’t like the answer. If you don’t want to be someone’s friend, don’t be their friend. If you meet someone who you want to date, ask them out on a date and if they say no ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 10:21 AM
1

And if you have Chad type looks and can’t get girls, then you’re have worse charisma than those guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 07:31 AM
1

I believe google is your friend there!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/24 07:17 AM
3

Basically anything. Could be personality, insecurity, a lack of charisma, undiagnosed autism, a lack of hygiene, below average voice, shooting out of your league, not knowing which groups you’re attractive to.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/24 11:53 PM
5

If you’re pfp is you, and you’re 6ft, your looks aren’t the thing holding you back.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/24 11:39 PM
3

The bf category is the only category with a sample size greater than one for me. That category ranges between 2/10-10/10. I’ve fallen head over heels for people I didn’t know what they looked like, as well as dated ex models.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/24 07:20 PM
2

Not sure what this looks like in other countries, but I read a study on this done in Sweden where they had plotted earnings over time and for women there was one clear breaking point where they had their first kid. After that the majority of women came back to increase their earnings over time, but from a lower level. There was a slight knick in the earnings curve for men as well, but nowhere near as big. I could try to find the study for you, if you’re interested! I think it was the same author…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 01:26 PM
7

The big difference in terms of both labour market participation and physical issues is between 0 and 1, not between 2 and 3 or 7 and 8. And it’s not just that highly educated or high achieving women are being punished, most are, because you’re generally rewarded for the competence you build at work (unless you work a job where you can perfectly substitute one worker for another). So it’s not just lawyers, but also hairdressers, nurses, administrators, sales reps. And yes - exactly! How much woul…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 12:39 PM
3

I think it’s a few things. The low quality of maternal care (it’s free, but it sucks) is one. You just can’t expect your body to come out the same way that it went in, and that’s probably the biggest deterrent. Combine that with still, statistically speaking, being punished in terms of wages for the rest of your working life.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 11:58 AM
5

The latest stats I could find indicate a replacement rate of 1.62 for non-immigrant Swedes, that’s still far below replacement.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 11:53 AM
5

I can’t say what women as a group want. I think it makes sense to divide preferences for children into 3 large groups; A) there are some women who have a preference for having children even if that means some degree of sacrifice, B) women who are roughly indifferent about having children and will only do so if it benefits them in a material way, and C) women who won’t have children even if it is associated with impactful material gains. I think most women belong to group A or B. Let’s focus on t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 11:49 AM
10

This has been the case at least since I was born, so it has been more than a generation. It’s not enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 10:49 AM
7

This is exactly it. A compensation that would be so good that potential mothers would agree to it, would be unaffordable for society.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 10:44 AM
14

The first part of that is pretty much what Sweden is doing, affordable childcare, free healthcare, paid parental leave for over a year split between both parents. Our birth rates aren’t going up, if you exclude immigration.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 10:36 AM
8

Housing is still an issue in Norway, if you want to live in Oslo at least. A friend of mine studied in Oslo, and the best option was to rent an apartment for approx $4k/month (!) that she shared with 3 friends. Housing is insanely expensive there.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/24 10:26 AM
11

Something that feels so intimate to you. Intimacy is subjective, not objective.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/24 11:36 AM
8

Honestly, I don’t think birth rates will increase unless women are incentivised to have children. If you create laws that force women out of the workforce, at least the most skilled will move abroad. If you want women to have more children, you need to pay them for it, compensate them for the risk of physical health issues as well as the aesthetic issues, the loss of income, the loss of freedom etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/24 11:48 AM
12

Lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/24 11:32 AM
1

Long hair on men, absolutely love it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/24 06:14 AM
9

“So we need to give women access to half our finances before we get basically kindnesses from them?” What does “basic kindness” mean to you? What I consider basic kindness, I give to everyone, man or woman, strangers.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/24 02:46 PM
1

I’m not shitting on him. Honestly, good for him! It just doesn’t align with my values. I want to smooth effort, consumption and utility over time, rather than front loading the pain and hoping for a payoff later. Because I’ve seen people front loading the pain who then never got to have their “later”.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/24 01:22 PM
13

I personally think it’s reasonable to call princess treatment “daddy treatment”, because what you’re essentially saying is that you would rather rely on someone else taking care of you than taking care of yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/24 10:12 AM
8

Basic kindness is far different from being subservient.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/24 10:01 AM
1

Thank you for agreeing with me that our values and views on life are too different.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/24 06:40 AM
3

A relative of mine fell ill in a permanently life-altering way at a relatively young age, in spite of doing everything right health-wise. Working out, eating healthy, saving money.. all of that didn’t matter for shit. Not-treatable, try to enjoy the decline. Seeing that close up, I decided that I had to stop living for a tomorrow that may never come. I want to have a good life now, even if it’s at the expense of later. That’s the reverse of what the guy described in the OP has done. He would pro…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/24 03:39 PM
5

I don’t think we’d be compatible in terms of priorities and values, so no.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/24 03:15 PM
0

Sure, but unless you either have rich parents or are okay with you and your family being poor, it’s unwise to have children in your 20s. Also, the difference in maturity between a 22 y/o and a 32 y/o is quite significant.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/24 11:18 AM
1

It depends on how you try to improve yourself. I had a moment when I realised that I didn’t feel like myself anymore (and didn’t have anything in common with my friends), because I spent all of my free time doing stuff I hated and honestly didn’t care about (working out, meal planning, meal prepping). And I wasn’t feeling better because of it, and I didn’t sleep better, and I had no time or energy to do the things I wanted to do. It didn’t align with my values so I decided that it had to change.…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 11:17 AM
9

How is it not equivalent? If a girl jokes about a guy’s small dick, noone would blame him for not getting it up around her afterwards. And it doesn’t matter if she said sorry afterwards, if you have a small dick and she turned it into a joke, that’s the end of that relationship. I didn’t laugh at it, but I shrugged it off and didn’t make a huge fuss about it either, because I didn’t know what I felt about it at the time. I didn’t know if I would get over it until I had tried. Now I know that ins…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 10:49 AM
8

The same way I know not to joke about guys dicks being small, basic social skills and basic empathy. I mean, he didn’t have to, obviously. But I also didn’t have to be in a relationship with him or sleep with him. Can’t force attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 07:36 AM
3

Women aren’t loved unconditionally either, so that just means that the playing field is level in that sense. If you think women are loved unconditionally, do you think that infertile, ugly, overweight, rude, stuttering women are loved unconditionally? Nope, women are loved conditionally based on being able to and wanting to pop out kids and raise them, on being pleasing to the eye and being pleasant to be around. All love is conditional, even parental love.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 07:29 AM
3

For you. When I was heavily into fitness into years, it unfortunately didn’t do any of those things for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 07:22 AM
25

Then they need to be okay with those options instead of trying to change the person they’re dating. Same goes for women, btw.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 07:12 AM
1

No? Where did u get that from?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/24 07:05 AM
13

I’ll bite. I don’t know to what extent my experiences are generalisable. When I’ve ended relationships, I’ve had to prove to myself that the relationship is beyond remedying first, so I’m mentally done with it by the time I call it off. When something happens in a relationship, I don’t instantly know that it’s a dealbreaker. I try to talk it out, I try to reason with myself about whether it was “that bad” or not, but finally I’ll realise that I’m either completely over what happened, or that I’m…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/24 05:37 PM
3

Disagree, unless you know that a woman is into women, it’s definitely possible to be labelled as a creep or disgusting. Also, homophobia is still a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/24 06:32 AM
17

I definitely empathise with men, approaching women is terrifying. Women are subtle when they show interest, which makes it hard to read. Can’t comment on what a romantic relationship with a woman is like though, which sort of proves that women aren’t as relationship-oriented as we are made out to be. But the second lesbian date isn’t usually moving in together, in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 05:38 PM
4

I see ugly men with partners every single day. Most of them don’t even dress well, but they’re likeable people.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 12:17 PM
12

Came here to say this. Hard agree on everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/24 09:22 AM
–

What. No, I couldn’t possibly remember every single time I’ve been insulted, jokingly or seriously. 30sF
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 12:48 PM
3

It’s easier to find guys to date than guys to be friends with. So if you have a good male friend, you don’t want to ruin that by dating him or sleeping with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/24 05:45 PM
–

Please read this, OP, this is the right answer!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/24 03:22 PM
–

Translation: You need to do something to stop yourself from reeking of desperation, it’s off putting.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/24 04:06 PM
6

Depends on where he’s at and what his weaknesses are! Any/all of things like: - gym/fitness - having a hobby that he’s passionate about (bonus points if it’s something other than the gym or gaming, unless you’re going only for gym rats or gamers) - clothes, style - personal development, knowing ones own personality and having interpersonal or mental health issues under control - improving social skills - career advancement - improving cooking skills
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/24 09:10 AM
1

Comprehensive, holistic thinking has absolutely nothing to do with BPD, though. In fact, I think they’re negatively related.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/24 08:39 AM
3

Either improve something about yourself or lower your standards, or both.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/24 06:49 AM
–

For me personally, I realised this in a roundabout way. Once upon a time when I was young, I ended a flirtationship when I moved away from him. I was still, however, horribly in love with him. After a while, I started seeing someone else and got into a relationship, but the loving feelings I had towards my sortof-ex were still there. I recognised that I can have loving feelings as well as lust for multiple people at the same time because of that chain of events.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/24 10:55 AM
–

You can absolutely love someone and have sex with other people. It’s literally all about what you as a couple are okay with and agree on. However, most people prefer monogamy and seek it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/24 10:39 AM
–

You misunderstand. I know what I like, and looks is a rather small part of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 06:18 AM
–

I don’t express it because I don’t feel it. I don’t feel any instant interest when I see a guy who’s average-looking or above average looking. Even if I see a guy who’s a 10/10, exactly my type and all that jazz, I wouldn’t EVER signal interest as strongly as “fuck me-eyes” because I don’t feel it. It wouldn’t be genuine, it would be an act. After chatting and flirting with him for a while, I might get there. I might also decide that he’s completely unfuckable after 30 seconds of interaction. In…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/24 03:03 PM
4

I have fetishes, and I have preferences. Size difference is definitely a fetish for me. I’m a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/24 05:49 PM
5

I have to agree with OP based on my own experience and what I’ve heard from my friends. I have one acquaintance who had sex with 40ish people by age 25, but I know lots more who had had one or two different partners by age 25.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/24 09:14 PM
1

Same reason that I brush my hair instead of shaving my head, same reason that I iron my clothes and polish my shoes. If you look put together people treat you better. It’s easier to look put together than to compensate for not looking put together.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/24 12:46 PM
-1

True, it creates a negative spiral where men without experience will be seen as increasingly less attractive as partners, which in turn will make them more desperate to get some experience, thus making them even less desirable and so on.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 03:32 PM
0

Me personally? I’m old as a rock so I would be able to tell if something seemed off about their history about their ex.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 01:33 PM
-3

Care to elaborate?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 01:29 PM
8

As a woman, this strengthens my conviction that women are smart to avoid late bloomers until they gain some experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 11:02 AM
1

I think it’s fair to not want to be silent about it! Personally, I get physically uncomfortable hearing about it, so I avoid people who talk about it, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 03:34 PM
7

The “pretty” girls tend to be interested in fashion, make up, trends, etc, so they have that in common. I don’t know if all of these girls are objectively that attractive, some just spend a lot of time working on what they have (in my experience). Some girls fit in with that crowd just by being assertive and seeming confident, even if they look average.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/24 08:01 AM
25

Personally, I hate hearing about people’s pregnancy stories, giving birth, breastfeeding, all of that pregnancy-infacy yuckiness. And some women can’t talk about anything else for years! Also, superficiality and celebrity obsession. Equally gross in women and men, but seems to be a more common topic of discussion with women.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 10:35 AM
12

Anyone who cheats with someone they work with is beyond stupid and should not be looked up to.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/24 01:40 PM
18

Absolutely not. I think it’s utter bs, based on my own experiences and what I’ve heard from other women.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/24 07:41 PM
2

Disagree. I definitely think there’s an argument for people settling for “meh” relationships in order to have kids, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/24 04:18 PM
28

It was a romantic moment, but not physically enjoyable and nothing extremely emotionally special. I remember it, but I never daydreamed about it or anything like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 01:48 PM
–

Whatever we agree on. Every couple should discuss it, and if they want to change the rules during the relationship they should bring it up before they cross the agreed upon lines.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/24 06:38 PM
1

It depends on where you live, but from what I’ve heard it seems really hard to get into the game after 25-28.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/24 09:32 AM
27

Being a forever gf would feel embarrassing for me, and it would make me feel rejected which would lead to resentment. Finding my life partner (husband/wife - I’m bi) was one of my life goals before I met my now husband. Unless there were some kind of extreme circumstances for example regarding disability benefits or something similar, it means “he’s just not that into you” and that would be a dealbreaker for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 09:26 PM
2

100% this!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 05:33 PM
3

I enjoy the company of both, but I’m more attracted to chill guys than energetic ones.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/24 08:58 PM
5

Just say that you prefer thin women. Or say that you have a “type” and don’t date outside of that, and your type happens to be thin/skinny.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/24 07:03 AM
1

We give kindergarteners too much credit. I definitely wanted to be friends with the cute girls in kindergarten. (By HS I had grown out of that.)
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/24 10:14 PM
–

This is exactly it. As a woman, I signed up for match.com for all of 4 days before I realised that I got stressed out af by all the messages pouring in, and I had connected with someone I wanted to date irl. Ler’s imagine that you have 100 messages to sort through on any given day. You don’t want to date parents or smokers, so and want to know which of these people don’t have children, and are non-smokers. Either you can ask these 100 people this, or you can put it ob your profile - both of thes…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/01/24 09:43 AM
2

I’ve only had one experience which could be classified as a fling. Our first date we sat and talked for hours, then I drove him home. Juxtapose this with my first date with my now husband. We had planned to go to dinner and a movie, but instead ended up in my bed for hours and ordered Uber eats.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/23 11:12 AM
1

Being friends with women in general? Yes, absolutely. Being friends with the specific woman you want to date before asking her out? I would advice against it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/23 02:41 PM
2

Only for WoW gold
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/23 02:37 PM
–

My now fiancé caught my eye instantly because of his long beautiful hair. When we started talking I fell hard for him for multiple reasons: he has a lovely voice, and I loved how passionate he was about his work. I also loved that he listened intently to me. We had (have) intense sexual chemistry right off the bat, and I love how much he wants to give me pleasure. That he has my preferred body type (tall and thin) is a nice bonus. When we got to know each other better I realised that he respecte…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/23 08:47 AM
11

During my teens, I worshipped my favourite musicians like heroes. Now I see them as adults who happen to be amazingly good at something I enjoy and I admire the talent, they’re not infallible gods and I realistically have nothing to gain from trying to be like them. That change of perspective was a part of growing up for me, and I don’t think it’s correlated with selfishness or selflessness.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/23 03:33 PM
–

It’s also extremely unattractive. I’m on the slim side, and I’d swipe left on a guy whose profile stated “no landwhales” even if he seemed otherwise cool and was hot. If he instead wrote “I prefer thin women” it wouldn’t be a turn off and I’d instead swipe right. The preference is the same, but how you express yourself can be a dealbreaker - especially when making a first impression.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 10:25 AM
–

You could say that you prefer fit/slim/thin women. Nothing wrong with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 10:18 AM
–

I have actually heard virgin and almost-virgin guys talk (I have met a ton of them through gaming..) about wanting to fuck a girl who can put her legs behind her head, do a split, etc. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame them, I definitely see the appeal from the guys POV. If someone talks about wanting to put a girls legs behind her head, I lose all interest. It’s like hearing a girl talk about wanting a 8” monster dick, you probably get disinterested and back away at that point as well. I wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 06:50 AM
–

I don’t know. I just know that it’s not my duty to date someone that I don’t want to date or sleep with someone I don’t want to sleep with.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 06:35 AM
–

For me it’s more about not wanting to teach someone how sex irl differs from porn. The guys with the least experience are usually the most unrealistic when it comes to what normal bodies look like, how they bend etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 06:31 AM
6

I’d rather work than be forced to marry for survival.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 01:39 PM
2

Anyone, man or woman, can cheat or leave at any time. So by that logic, no commitment is ever worth it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 08:08 AM
1

You’re free to have whatever standards you like. Whether you can find a partner given those standards is another thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:28 AM
8

I’ll bite. I used to have a crush on a guy at one of my previous jobs, we once chatted briefly by the coffee machine and after that I started to get my coffee as slowly as possible in case he’d get coffee…… it didn’t work. I didn’t see him for several weeks. Until one day it did! He asked if I wanted to have lunch next door, which ofc I did. Turns out he brought a few other coworkers, and during that conversation I learned that he had a long term gf. Oh well, the crush was fun while it lasted lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/23 01:11 PM
1

I don’t speak for all women, but I don’t think that we do? I think it’s just a part of a novelty seeking pattern, unrelated to commitment or lack thereof.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/23 12:59 PM
1

I don’t think it has to do with commitment being safe. At least for me (woman) personally, my sexuality is driven by novelty seeking. It’s absolutely possible to have novelty in a safe relationship. However, with or without a commitment, there is a decline in how often I want to have sex if there is no novelty in the sex with that person. Regardless of how hot the person is physically.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/23 12:53 PM
1

That’s fair, every person can have any dealbreakers that they want. It was the statistician in me that had an issue with “using medication” as an instrumental variable for “having a personality disorder”. By all means, avoid people taking meds for bipolar etc, but don’t forget to screen for the rest.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/23 03:29 PM
4

If you’re trying to look out for personality disorders, you need to watch behaviour and not the medicine cabinet. People with personality disorders are sometimes medicated for comorbid disorders, but there’s no medical treatment for borderline, narcissism or histrionic.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/23 12:45 PM
3

That’s personally around what I hypothetically would need to be paid to do it. I already make good money, and if I were to take a less interesting job that would fuck my body up for life, there’d have to be strong financial incentives. Otherwise it’d not be worth it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/23 06:24 AM
1

This
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/23 04:44 PM
1

Friendship + sex + shared life goals.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/23 03:20 PM
9

The only thing you can control is yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/11/23 07:18 PM
0

Virgin =/= incel.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/23 08:53 AM
3

You’re forgetting at least sapphire and moisssanite (which is extremely affordable). What I know based on my own experience is that rings made of non-durable materials break. Where was I concerned about quartz? I think you’re confusing me with someone else. But yeah, 7 is way too soft for daily wear.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/23 12:30 PM
2

Cubic zirconia has a mohs of 8-8.5. By all means, if you and your partner agree that cz is what you want, that’s fine. Just don’t be surprised when the ring only lasts for 6 months.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/23 12:15 PM
2

Beautiful women sure do. Ugly women sure don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/23 09:58 AM
2

If you met an outwardly stoic woman, would she be more or less attractive to you than a more vulnerable woman who was identical in all other ways? Genuinely curious.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/23 05:09 PM
13

I had the same feeling and irrational fear. Then I met the love of my life at 30, and we’re getting married shortly. That being said, for a lot of people the real wall is having kids. People (men and women both if they’re sharing the burden equally) age rapidly after having children. Make sure that if you do it, do it with someone who doesn’t only value you for your looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 04:09 PM
1

Not disgusted, but we probably wouldn’t be compatible. I’d be afraid of being compared to pornstars if he didn’t have irl women to compare me to.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/23 03:33 PM
9

Lots of guys pretend like they’re looking for someone to get married to and have kids with and all that. Maybe they initially are, maybe they aren’t. But somewhere along the line they decide that they don’t want that with the person they’re dating. They also know that if they say that, they’ll be dumped. And they don’t want that, because they’re getting regular sex! So they evade the question and say that maybe in the future, when they have a better job, a home, or a million other things that th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 07:27 PM
1

My fiancé and I have a 7 year gap. Works for us, but my ideal would be 2-4.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/23 09:59 PM
4

I don’t believe that most men want to oppress women. I do believe that a fair share of incels want to, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/23 11:24 AM
1

I remember when I was 20 and my 21y/o friend thought a hot 28y/o hitting on her was “gross”. There are people who are open to age gap relationships, but a share of those will be straight up gold diggers.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/23 10:33 AM
1

Personality reveals some things about someone’s character. Not necessarily whether someone is outgoing, or funny or charismatic, but whether they’re kind, and honest. Being good looking doesn’t necessarily say anything about someone’s character. It can tell you some things, like whether is disciplined or undisciplined when it comes to working out or eating well, whether they’re superficial or not, insecure or not etc. But it won’t reveal if they’d make a good partner or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/23 08:42 PM
16

It doesn’t seem like it impacts men’s sex drive as much as women’s, so it makes sense that you can’t relate. Makes sense from a biological point of view though, women’s subconscious thinks “are you insane? We’re in mortal danger! This is NO time to have a kid, don’t even touch me!” Because her life is on the line if she gets knocked up in a dangerous situation. The guy can just blow another load into someone else if the first chick dies, he doesn’t risk his life for getting someone preggers.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/23 04:05 PM
3

Exactly. It will never be perfectly matched over the course of a lifetime.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/23 03:29 PM
16

Stress is a huge libido-killer for women. Ease some of her stress and she might be easier to get in the mood. Physical attraction doesn’t matter nearly as much as mindspace, ime.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/23 03:26 PM
6

Yes, being unattractive can cause mental health issues. So can tons of other things. Mental health issues are extremely common. And it’s every individual’s responsibility to take care of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 05:24 AM
2

What legal changes or policy changes do you believe would be effective? Honestly curious.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 04:31 PM
2

The non-monetary incentives in the form of informal institutions can’t exactly be handed out, so the one parameter that the government has to work with is the financial incentives.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 04:22 PM
4

“Girlboss femininity” has very little to do with the actual characteristics that lets someone become a successful female manager/CEO, at least based on my understanding of the girlboss concept.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 04:11 PM
4

Right on the money, femininity doesn’t pay, masculinity does. Compensating for that through governmental intervention is going to be hella expensive, and that won’t happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 04:07 PM
2

Have you seen most men in porn? They have nothing going for them except their dick size.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 07:17 AM
2

I would want to find one of them for a long term relationship. What are the conditions like on the island? Do we have everything we need and are all 51 of us just chilling and getting along great? Are there factional divisions I need to take into account? Are any of them snipped? Don’t want to risk getting pregnant on that island! Are they all std free? Don’t think there’d be condoms to buy there.. Are any/all of them willing to skip penetrative sex if not snipped and std free?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 05:39 PM
5

C, I’m bi lol What I think you’re actually asking about is that I’d prefer B over A. In reality, these aren’t my options. I found my person and he’s very attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/23 03:45 PM
5

Same
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/23 03:36 PM
5

Could just be that you have a bigger dick and she can’t imagine fitting yours in her ass. Totally depends on the exact situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/23 01:24 PM
9

It’s nicer than the alternative explanations. On an aggregate level, if you can’t get your looksmatch, you either look worse than you think or have a worse personality than average.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/23 01:15 PM
6

This is why it’s a red flag. You’re not the type most women want to date. I strongly urge you to look into attachment theory. Do what you can to fix that stuff before getting into a relationship, then continue to try to improve when you are in one. Or decide that relationships aren’t for you, that’s perfectly legit as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/23 12:35 PM
10

Your reactions to normal things would betray your lack of experience. Noone wants to be someone’s test object. Noone will want to be the one girl you dated for a year to then get to claim that level of experience. And realistically, that’s what will happen between you and any girl you date, and most will expect exactly that to happen. What was it about the girls you dated in the past that made you nope out? Are you familiar with the concept of attachment theory? There has to be a reason why you’…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/23 09:37 AM
12

Yea, it’s a red flag. Don’t lie about it though, your future gf will see right through it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/23 09:17 AM
8

I’ve seen this way more the other way around.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/23 11:53 AM
1

I haven’t decided if it is or not worth living in any definitive way. But to make a definitive decision that it’s not worth it, shit would need to get worse in a permanent way. I still enjoy the shit I enjoy, even if it doesn’t have any purpose.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/23 04:47 PM
5

No. I don’t see any inherent purpose in existing or contributing to human existence.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/23 09:11 AM
15

The metric used isn’t ”number of orgasms by gender”, it’s usually ”share of sexual encounters resulting in (at least one) orgasm by gender”. Which is reasonable, the big difference in quality of the sex isn’t between orgasm 14 and 15, it’s between 0 and 1.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/23 05:01 AM
3

It’s probably a combination of different things. Some guys refuse to use toys or don’t want any foreplay because “It’ll go down then” or feel like it’s their right to finish once they get fucking. I also believe that some guys will do anything for a girl they really really like, but can’t be bothered to make an effort for a girl who likes him more than he likes her. And some girls just struggle to feel comfortable enough to orgasm.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/23 03:01 PM
3

If she’s looking for a way out, yes. If she isn’t, no.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 07:00 PM
2

That’s not how it works.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 06:51 PM
2

It definitely matters. A well dressed 5 > a homeless 5.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 05:27 PM
1

Why do I need to take expensive meds every day to be able to breathe when others can breathe naturally without inhalers? Why can others see without glasses when I can’t? Life just isn’t fair.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/23 10:13 AM
–

No, why would they consistently be successful shooting above their SMV? I don’t think that consistent success is a given for anyone except the rare lucky few or people punching below their weight. Most people will like tons of people who they have no shot with. That’s life. If you want to only punch above your weight you need extremely thick skin and good USPs. That doesn’t change the fact that the 0/10 will have a higher successrate if he has an above average personality compared to an identica…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 04:17 AM
–

I don’t think gender roles of any kind is a problem as long as the individual can opt out without repercussions. Personality definitely helps, how much it helps depends on the person you’re dating. I’ve seen some interesting coupling which implied the the better looking person didn’t give a shit about anything but the personality. For others it’s irrelevant. It’s ironic when people want “a hot person who is not superficial” though, which seems fairly common
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 03:40 AM
–

Depends on what you mean. It’s true that you should focus on dating people at your own SMV. It’s not true that we as a society need to go back to outdated gender roles to satisfy your personal desires.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 03:23 AM
34

If you’re a girl who is used to being fawned and drooled over, a guy not fawning and drooling will be interpreted as him not being interested. It’s definitely a fine line to walk, come on too strongly and that’s a turn off too. People being individuals and shit makes dating so hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/23 05:54 PM
1

That’s a normal part of dating, though
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/23 04:36 PM
1

Was this after a few weeks or a few years?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/23 07:52 AM
1

One year or so, was not an issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/23 08:31 AM
5

It doesn’t necessarily work like that. Some people can separate sex from romantic feelings. Having a 3some with two people you don’t care to date is probably very different than having a 3some with one person who you love + one person who your reptilian brain perceives as competition for the person you love.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 02:39 PM
3

Same experience. “You have a nice flat stomach but your boobs are too small”, heard that shit a lot when I was younger and dated younger, more immature people. From uggos and chads alike.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 04:59 AM
–

How old are you and where do you live?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 04:55 AM
2

Supply and demand.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 07:15 PM
3

Same
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/23 06:19 AM
1

Because we have different definitions of where to draw the line between dating vs hanging out? Interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/23 02:21 PM
1

Funny, I encounter the same amount of disbelief when I get asked irl about how old I am!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/23 02:13 PM
1

I’m 31.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/23 08:52 AM
3

Hot guys can scare women off too. We just tolerate their shit a little longer, exactly like men tolerate hot girls’ shit a little longer than average girls’ shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/23 06:18 PM
2

True! I haven’t done much online dating, I met my partner after only a few days on a dating app. What I’ve heard from my male friends is that online dating is extremely hard. Friends who couldn’t get a match one day shows up with a stunning girl he met through friends/work/etc. I do believe online dating is much more “Americanized” all around. If you’re dating online, going on a first or second date with multiple people is expected and tolerated, and it happens that the guy picks up the whole bi…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/23 09:35 AM
4

Compared to US dating culture, Swedes are more equality minded, splitting 50/50 when dating is common, both people continuing working after marriage is a strong cultural norm. We also often don’t date in the traditional sense of agreeing to go on a date and then doing that, we often just hang out a number of times as friends, and then one day decide that we want to make out or hook up. After the first few times hanging out, it’s assumed that you’re not seeing anyone else. After a while someone b…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/23 06:30 AM
0

I don’t think that dating someone similar to yourself is bad. It’s just human. Unchecked, those thought patterns can make one narrow-minded, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 11:15 PM
15

Sweden, and I don’t think that anyone struggling with dating in the US would like it better here.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 06:03 PM
14

Basically, they want to date people who are like themselves. Because their whole lives, they have received attention, praise etc for superficial things like looks and status. It’s their foundation for their own sense of self worth, and they judge others by the same standard. They want to date people who are like themselves. By comparison, my whole life I’ve received praise for being smart. For a long time (first 25 years of my life), this made me value intelligence way too highly, and would over…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 01:28 PM
9

I was thinking the same thing tbh. Not my type of person regardless of pill colour.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 11:36 AM
8

I prefer kind, caring, emotionally mature men, and I’m engaged to one.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/23 04:10 PM
1

Sharp wit, a good sense of humour.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/23 01:28 PM
1

I like tall, lanky men with long hair. Beard is a bonus. Lanky > muscles > overweight. Long hair is such a big thing that I can’t overstate the importance of it. I’m in my early 30s so I’m just going to enjoy it before the men I want to date start balding lol
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/23 12:07 PM
1

Hard agree! He looks great in the Witcher, but boring irl and in other movies.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/23 11:56 AM
2

Unless you have absolutely blessed genetics, you absolutely need to live in the gym and count macros to have abs as a woman. If you mean like abs that look defined all the way, not just the upper part.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/23 10:23 AM
1

Agree with everything you wrote, but you forgot about the part where men and women alike don’t want to date the people they can get. They want to date people above their “market value” and don’t want to “settle”.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/23 12:55 AM
1

Depends on where you live and who your crowd is. If you hang out with like minded people, you’ll have no issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/23 12:51 PM
1

Dead on, and I say this as a thin woman with more health issues than average for my age. They want to date someone who looks healthy. Which is fine, but ridiculous to virtue signal about.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/23 07:37 PM
1

It’s not for me, why settle for something meh when you can have something great? I do feel sorry for women who get into this dynamic hoping for something more.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/23 09:59 PM
2

Women who are serious about the gym lifestyle know what it takes. I’ve tried it, and it’s not my thing. I don’t want to waste my life obsessively counting macros and spend most evenings in the gym, since I personally find it boring (and have a high metabolism naturally, I know not everyone has the privilege of slacking). I don’t think the effort does much for most womens attraction, either they like the look or they don’t. I prefer skinny guys, always have. Realising how much effort goes into a …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/23 03:49 PM
9

Jason Momoa is extremely good looking, calling 50g of body fat extra “dad bod” is laughable
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/23 04:31 PM
–

Some can have pretty faces, but in general just no. (Bi)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 10:22 AM
2

Yup.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/23 02:13 PM
1

Women.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/23 06:27 PM
1

If I imagine that I would start dating again… honestly can’t see myself dating a parent. 99% off the table, but wouldnt rule it out completely.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/23 03:25 PM
3

Definitely. Having a shared sense of humour builds connection and attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/23 08:21 PM
–

I agree somewhat, and disagree somewhat. As I said, I think women have more stricter types than men, and men underestimate this. Severely. For men, it’s “is she hot?” and for women it’s more like “is he my type and also hot?”, whether her type is PhD/left wing/brown skinned/Christian/hippie/weed smoker/musician/outdoorsy/sporty/upper middle class/bearded/artist or whatever. I’m not saying that it’s common for women to prefer short, skinny, fat, uncharismatic guys. But I am saying that women tend…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 01:57 PM
–

That part is somewhat true. However, “value” is highly subjective, and both sexes miscalculates what the other sex is looking for. And people are unique individuals, so you want to make sure you’re appealing to the people you want to date. Especially for guys, there will be girls for whom you’re their “type” who will think you’re disproportionately hotter than other girls will think. Guys consistently underestimate the impact of niche markets, and try to be a cookie cutter “hot dude”. (Women, on…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 11:38 AM
–

I think there’s some truth to it, but it’s so lacking in nuance that it’s not terribly useful. Same as the “female dating strategies” subreddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 11:05 AM
–

It’s not about what you say or don’t say. Your vibe will still betray it. Posture, microexpressions. There will be a stiffness, a sense of being on guard. The same way that people can tell if someone looks allergic, or autistic, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 10:26 AM
–

It depends on what you’re after. If you want to mathematically calculate how hot a girl you can score assuming that your personality and other characteristics are average, yes, then you need to have that sort of data. If you’re after enjoying life, then it’s better to FAFO. Do things that you enjoy, that feel meaningful to you, engage with whoever crosses your path, and if a connection develops, enjoy it! It’s way sexier to not overthink.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 07:04 AM
20

I respectfully disagree. Also, I’m not American, so please don’t get into US politics with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/23 06:20 AM
26

I’m a libertarian, not conservative. If consenting adults enjoy it, I don’t see any reason to stick my nose in their business.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/23 05:19 AM
39

I’m not against it, but it’s not for me. I can’t imagine sleeping with someone I don’t have a romantic connection to, even hot people just don’t turn me on that much. I need the emotional connection for my body to respond.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/23 05:00 AM
1

I’m early 30s, and I’d say 28-40. Don’t want to date a guy who’s too young to know what he wants.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/23 02:40 PM
1

Someone being handsome and lean isn’t enough for me to notice someone. I can acknowledge that someone is objectively good looking, but that they’re “meh” to me personally. Handsome face + lean + looks like a metalhead = headturner Handsome face + lean + looks like a finance bro = air to me
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/23 05:12 AM
1

Handsome face and lean body isn’t enough to make me pay attention to someone. If they’re not my type, I won’t notice that they exist. Hung I don’t usually take a look at guys’ equipment before having sex with them. If I’ve decided that I want to have sex with someone, I’m not going to change my mind in the moment because of his dick size.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/23 05:02 AM
1

I was going to say ”long hair, beard” but you do you!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/23 04:46 AM
1

I have dated some shorter men, and never once broken up over lack of height. If my current partner had been 5’3, I still would have dated him. I don’t often check random men out, and definitely not over being tall unless it’s paired with other specific attributes.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 07:55 AM
1

Definitely similarly for a lasting relationship. Fewer arguments, fewer compromises, less stress.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/23 10:46 AM
2

I am a woman in my early 30s, who have been involved with a few male dominated hobbies for the past 15+ years. I would say that I dress and look quite feminine, but have a quite masculine personality and work as a manager in a male-dominated field with a male target audience. I don't think there's anything wrong with being masculine or feminine. I do believe that either will open doors for you in certain scenarios, and will close other doors. In my experience, finding a good relationship partner…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/23 05:01 PM
2

My experience disagees with yours, but I'm confused as why you take that to mean that anyone wants you to change who you are?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/23 01:17 PM
2

You do you! What I'm saying is that it's not like you can just have a butch personality and guys will be your friends and won't hit on you - they still do. You just have to find the rare precious ones that don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/23 12:22 PM
3

I think guys just dig tomboys. They can relate to tomboys, share interests with them, vibe with them. If a tomboy is good looking, she's a catch.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/23 05:03 AM
–

This is great advice!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/23 08:02 PM
1

I think it's perfectly reasonable to want a partner who can support himself or herself. I could support another person on my salary, but it wouldn't make for a relaxed lifestyle. If my fiancé lost his job I'd ofc support him, but going into a relationship ready to support the other person is a bit spicy for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/23 06:52 PM
2

The causality is reversed. I say this after 17 years of experience of being a gamer and interacting with other gamers.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/23 09:51 AM
10

You can learn new behaviours that work better for you without becoming someone else entirely. I agree that there's a limit to how much you can change yourself to attract someone, and still like who you attract. I do think that some things won't (shouldn't!) make you feel less like yourself, like learning to being a good listener or making less crude jokes on the first date. The kicker is that if you choose to be yourself, you might have to compromise in terms of who you attract and date. If you …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/23 02:06 PM
1

Not really? I've been turned down for being short, shrugged it off in no time. Dating someone who is negative around your looks, though, is a nightmare.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/23 07:21 AM
0

Oooh, good comeback! I personally prefer a lighthearted "so is your face", but you do you!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/23 05:38 AM
2

Most young people make some sacrifices to look good, but there's always a limit to what you can afford unless you're born into serious money, and there's absolutely no limit to how much you can spend. It also depends on your circles what's considered normal. The girl I mentioned was on the extreme upper end of effort among people I've met irl over the past 13 years or so.. And she unfortunately wasn't good looking even with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 06:27 PM
9

I was just about to say the same thing! An old colleague of mine got her nails done every 2 weeks and her hair (bleach and extensions) done once a month. I was shocked, that's more money than I spend on food! Her secret was having relatives running those businesses. I don't see how a normal young person could ever afford that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 03:10 PM
2

Dealing with your feelings will mean different things to different people, depending on the situation and your priorities. Imagine something that you have no interest in and feel somewhat repulsed by. Learning to deal with that would probably mean learning how to not let your lacking interested impact anyone else negatively by acting with self control and politeness. It would be unlikely that you felt any incentive to learn to love it. On the other hand, if you love something but have fear surro…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 12:17 PM
4

I disagree. You don't choose your feelings, they are as they are and you learn to deal with them in a healthy way.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 08:38 AM
2

Adults (usually) have self control, more empathy, the ability to reflect more deeply, interesting thoughts, ideas, hobbies etc. What does being ugly have to do with anything?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 08:24 AM
3

You make it sound like it's a choice. That's very interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 07:54 AM
2

I'd never show any hostility towards a child. When a person or a couple would ask me "so when are you going to have kids?" in a non-work setting, I sometimes would be honest enough to say "not planning on it, I don't like kids". In a work setting I'd smile and say "that's a very private question." and change the topic. Some people do interpret this as picking a fight, but I honestly think that's on them for being nosy.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 07:25 AM
5

As an ex-"child hater", let me assure you that I absolutely hated myself when I was a kid, and I hated my child self as a teen and adult. I don't think people who hate children wants to live in a society where everyone hates children, but would welcome a society where less focus and emphasis is put on children and childrearing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 07:04 AM
11

I would think that most people who hate children suffered childhood trauma. Unfortunately, further bullying won't fix that. That's how it was for me at least, being around children used to make me extremely uncomfortable because they are doing and being everything I was raised to think was shameful and worthless. Literally breaking all taboos I was taught at a very young age. I have learned to act accepting towards children when forced to interact, but their behaviour still makes me cringe so ve…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/23 06:58 AM
1

I personally can't tell the difference. I've always had better game irl than online.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/23 11:16 AM
2

Shawn for sure
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/23 09:14 PM
1

In both of these cases, they were honestly ugly. Not slightly below average, ugly. Neither of these guys had anything physically attractive about them. Didn't stop me from falling in love with them. I can't vouch for the long term potential in either case. In one of these cases, we split due to religious differences after a few months. The second one never turned into a relationship, sadly.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/23 05:23 AM
1

The logic is that not everything is carefully planned and logically reflected on. Sometimes you start talking to someone in a not-dating context and just vibe even though you don't find them visually attractive or don't know what they look like. Someone can be ugly, but have attractive qualities. I'm not saying that looks don't matter, but they matter a ton less than most people here think.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/23 04:52 AM
1

These are definitely attributes that in combination with visual attractiveness makes me more inclined to jump someone's bones. The absence of these attributes makes the likelihood of me wanting to jump their bones drop to zero.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/23 06:22 AM
7

And be judged for increasing my N by 1? Nothx.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/23 04:49 AM
1

Confidently wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/23 04:31 AM
2

Still need the right genes to be able to build a muscular ass
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/23 07:25 AM
1

Preach!
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 09:09 PM
0

(31f) TL;DR: I fit in nowhere and attribute a lot of my professional success and dating success to it. Personality wise, I'm extremely adaptive, after spending a ton of effort on personal development. I've gone from feeling quite masculine to 50/50 and able to bring out whatever is needed. People who work with me would describe me as ambitious, enthusiastic, high energy, opportunistic, a good leader/manager, analytical and good at getting shit done. Independent. Surprisingly successful at sales …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 09:02 PM
1

Fleshligts, no problem. Sex doll, so unsexy that it's a dealbreaker for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 02:18 PM
2

Doesn't matter. I tend to prefer intellectual and somewhat introverted over the typical sales guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 03:52 PM
8

I think people in general would do well to realize the difference between a need and a want when getting into a relationship. . I need a partner to be kind, respectful, accepting and honest. I need him to be able to support himself, financially and in terms of feeding and clothing himself. I need him to be attractive to me. He can't have pets that I'm allergic to. This stuff is not negotiable. I don't need a partner to be 6"3 and fit. I don't need him to share my values, interests, opinions etc …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 03:51 PM
1

How do you define "approach"? Asking a total stranger out on a date? No. You could be a 10/10 wearing a tshirt with my favourite band, and I still wouldn't come right up and ask you out. I might initiate conversation, but that's it. At that point, I expect the guy to make a move if he's interested. Showing interest in someone I'm acquainted with? Sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 12:46 PM
11

SINK = single income, no kids?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/23 05:05 AM
2

Hard agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/23 11:49 AM
1

"I want a smart man" means that you want someone who can hold a conversation about intellectual topics that interest you. I think "intellectually curious" is a more fitting description, because it's not purely about IQ. Philosophy major with an IQ of 105 > Jock with an IQ of 130.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/23 09:51 AM
2

I dated a 22 y/o when I was 18, I don't see anything weird with it tbh. We were both immature as shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/23 01:41 PM
1

Agree strongly, this post puts me off having children but not marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/23 01:39 PM
6

Women need to stop judging other women for things like - not having a partner/being engaged/married - not having/wanting children (/yet) - not spending as much time on their looks/clothes as they do, or spending more time on it - being more (or less) "traditional" - basically making any other choice in life than they themselves have Most women are cool, but when I as a woman get shit for any of these, it's always from another woman, not from a man
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 07:33 PM
1

Bad thing, tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 07:59 PM
7

Depends on the woman, tbh. And how attuned you are to her signs.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 04:47 PM
1

Bisexuals don't get to have friends of any gender lol Ofc it's okay, as long as they're not being inappropriate.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 03:44 PM
5

There's no disadvantage to it if both people are into it and stay together. For someone who isn't into it, it sounds like hell. If the marriage goes tits up, it sounds like a trap for the woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 03:41 PM
3

I mean this in the kindest possible way, but studying abroad isn't the best set up to start a serious relationship. He always knew that you'd probably go back home after your studies, so that might even be a part of the very foundation of your relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 02:11 PM
6

I think this is a pretty American thing. That being said, I like splitting the bill for first dates because then I don't feel like I owe anything. If it seems to be going anywhere, I like to take turns in treating each other. Counting pennies isn't a sexy or romantic way to end a date, imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 08:45 AM
1

Easy, men don't think ugly women exisy because ugly women are invisible to them. Both men and women treat beautiful women better. You can even tell the difference because of how you dress/do your hair/makeup that particular day.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 01:55 PM
1

My experience is that when I'm done, I'm done. I've never lusted after an ex and can't imagine a situation where I'd go back.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 09:35 AM
2

I don't perceive it that way at all. It feels like it builds.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 03:01 PM
1

Quite possibly. I date guys I like, and who like me.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 01:43 PM
2

I have never struggled with getting the guys I want to commit to me, so as I said, I personally can't relate, but other women might disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 01:33 PM
2

When it comes to initial interactions, I agree that it's best to avoid looks based compliments. Honestly doubt that I'd ever settle for that, personally. Some women probably would. I'd rather have an average guy who was crazy about me than a model version of Elon Musk who was lukewarm about me.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 01:01 PM
0

1-3 is dead on. 4 sounds off to me. Also want to add that if you're used to getting complimented for your looks, you're not going to settle for a guy who doesn't give you compliments for your looks unless you have serious daddy issues or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 12:49 PM
3

I have never experienced visceral attraction to someone I didn't know. I can see a guy and determine that "Oh, he's hot" instantly, but that doesn't mean that I instantly want to jump his bones. It means that if we're both single and he has a good personality, I might want to jump his bones in the future. A good looking guy might make me turn my head, but he's not going to make my pussy tingle by just existing no matter what he looks like. Certain things then build towards visceral attraction fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 12:36 PM
2

When I've ended relationships, it's been long time coming. I've felt like I've tried absolutely everything to make this better, it didn't help, and I'm done. When imat that point, I'm pretty much at peace with the relationship ending, because I've been processing it for months or more. Sometimes I've also become interested in someone else during the end of the relationship, but I've never ended a good relationship to be with someone else. Sometimes acquaintances have come out of the woodworks ju…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/23 06:47 AM
2

I think you have to start with being good at socialising in general. 75% of this is learning to be a good listener - listen intently and ask follow up questions. Be curious. As a seller, it's counterintuitive, but you want to listen a lot more than you talk. You want her to do 75-90% of the talking. Most people aren't good at this, so it's an easy way to stand out. Practice makes perfect. Chat with people you go to school with or work with irl. Chat with strangers who share your hobbies online. …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/23 03:01 PM
1

Fair - I was not attracted to them, but honest to god in love with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/23 11:49 AM
3

I've fallen for guys who looked like shit but had great personalities. Ended up a hottie with a good personality in the end, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/23 06:09 AM
1

For my standards, 3%, 3/5 aspiring cat lady For my partners stats, 0.18%, 4/5 cat enthusiast
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/23 02:46 PM
1

That, too!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/03/23 07:50 AM
1

Not at all, unless it's caused by him preferring hookups, or having attachment issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 04:00 PM
1

If he made sure that I was set for life in the case of a divorce and he was okay with not having kids or adopting, yes. Otherwise no, I'll take the safe bet and keep working. I've spent a lot of time and energy on my career and to be financially safe, and I genuinely enjoy working. So it would take a lot for me to give that up.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 12:06 PM
1

I'd prefer having one, but be okay with not having one.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 10:10 AM
4

Love, affection, appreciation, acceptance. I earn half the money (yes), and do half the housework. I honestly think that what makes me a great partner is that I aim to only make his life better, never worse. I don't want to limit my partner unnecessarily or demand things that I don't also give.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/23 06:45 AM
3

This comment is absolutely great!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/23 07:29 AM
0

When it comes to height, no. Otherwise, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/23 07:22 AM
11

I don't think women who want to be childfree even want to marry red pill men, as a general rule.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/23 12:58 PM
1

I would rather bang in the car with a person who has their own place, than in the same car with an identical person who lived with their parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 03:59 AM
3

Not having your own place is a huge turn off. It's not that it's impossible, it's just unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 02:34 PM
1

I think eyeliner and painted nails on men is hot af. Concealer is absolutely fine, no different from hair gel imo.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 06:13 PM
2

Total dealbreaker. I enjoy giving oral but that rule is dumb as hell. How I'd feel? Like my vag went from dessert to desert.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/23 09:38 PM
3

It depends on your age. Above 25,yes definitely. Dating without a long term in mind sounds a lot like planning to break up and find someone else later, and that relationship would 100% feel meaningless to me, yes. Or "let's just see where it goes", which sounds like "I appreciate your company but I don't like you enough to settle for you". If there's no long term plan to be together, I'd end it. If the person I was with never wanted to get married for some conviction of theirs, I might accept be…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/23 09:41 PM
1

That's highly individual, and depends on age and maturity. I definitely try to engage people if I'm interested and single. When I was in my teens, I sometimes didn't have the stones to talk to the really hot people, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/23 12:49 AM
0

Skinny, athletic and fit are the hottest ones. Body type is quite low on my list, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/23 06:28 AM
1

If you ever notice a girl smelling like fish, tell her. It's not a lack of washing, she needs that treated with antibiotics.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 02:42 PM
1

I don't get this at all. The second I learn that a guy is taken, I back off.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/23 12:21 PM
1

I want to build something with one person, and prioritise that relationship, make it the best it can be. I feel like it would be difficult to maintain that focus without exclusivity.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/23 09:45 PM
2

I'll just answer from my own personal point of view. I'm very mentally restless, but not very physically restless. I mean, I will do physical things, but it's more of a necessary evil than entertaining or fun to me. If I'm on a treadmill, I'll be reading a book on my phone at the same time. I love gaming, but I don't even watch esports. Idk man, it's just boring?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/23 11:17 AM
2

While men and women can be hot enough to make my v tingle, it's rare. And even if they are, unless they're fun to spend time with the attraction will soon pass. On a first date I'm trying to assess chemistry and compatibility, and if either is missing, I'm out.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/23 11:10 AM
2

Met through online dating. He didn't approach me in any unusual way, but we had a ton in common and both found each other good looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 04:46 AM
3

What? I do that several times a month for my bf
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 08:53 PM
7

Let's be real here. Unattractive men and women are easy to get. If you want someone who's at your level or above your level, you need skill.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/23 10:13 AM
2

I bet I do this subconsciously. I don't intentionally smile at anyone I don't know unless they're providing a service for me or something like that. I think any stranger smiling at me is being creepy unless they have a very good reason. I also don't want to be that creep. If a stranger smiles at me, I assume that they either want to hit on me or sell me something.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 06:18 PM
12

It's all fun and games until you realise that mentally unstable women are unstable
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/23 08:21 PM
1

This ^
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 07:57 PM
3

Haven't encountered that exactly, but I have been in situations where I felt like an option rather than a priority and got the eff out each time.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 06:31 PM
5

I don't really care about being a boss bitch. I don't feel superior to people with a shorter schooling or a title associated with less "cred", and I don't need people to have a better CV than myself to date them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 11:33 PM
2

I definitely know what lust is. I think we just experience lust the strongest in different situations, because feeling unsure if it's right or wrong is a turn off for me. I don't get turned on by jumping into bed with someone I don't know or who isn't committed to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 08:24 PM
3

Physically : Tall, skinny, long hair, beard, tattoos are a bonus Talents are hot, especially creative ones but also intelligence. Kindness, sense of humour.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/23 07:08 PM
2

Agree with all of this
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 08:43 AM
2

C or even D, if I really liked them.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 07:02 PM
2

Being disrespected in the bedroom =/= being disrespect in the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 08:03 AM
2

Honestly, that's such a turn off for me. If I like a guy and see him do this, I lose most of my attraction to him. In my eyes, it's pathetic and beta, and this is coming from someone who doesn't care if he's watching porn. Edit to add: it's not like I'd try to make him stop doing it if we're in a relationship, but I would be less attracted to him and might stop pursuing him because it turns me off.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 07:35 AM
5

If he was otherwise dope and STD free, absolutely. I'm bisexual myself so that's not a problem for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 07:30 AM
1

Yet you see SO many threads where women complain about their bf not wanting to get married to them, and few threads where men complain about their gf not wanting to gey married to them. I think most women above 25 or so don't date men they don't want to marry for very long, while men are more often content to just coast along.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 08:40 PM
1

From a utility maximisation point of view, the best thing you can do to widen the dating pool is to skip all non-necessary requirements. You need a partner who is kind and committed, and have similar life goals and life style. You don't need them to be a certain height, age bracket, income bracket etc. This superficial stuff is what you should compromise on, not character. People who don't compromise usually end up single.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 12:17 PM
1

From what I've heard and read about others' experiences, most guys take a longer time to decide when it's their first relationship. Which makes sense, it's more difficult to make a decision when you have no basis for comparison. If you're the exception, I'd mention that to a date as soon as you discuss previous relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 08:42 AM
2

With dildos, I get it. But they last longer and are curved exactly the way she likes, and what I think is the most important part: if you're using a dildo on her, all focus is on her, she doesn't have to perform and can just completely relax (which gives the strongest orgasms!) "it's bigger than me!" do you know how hard it is to find a small dildo? I've been looking for a good one for the last 10 years, without any luck. With every other toy? I don't get it. Clit stimulation, nipple stimulation…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 06:49 AM
3

I'm bisexual, so my experience might not resonate with straight people. I befriend people I like, regardless of gender. Since I have more male-coded interests, I have had more male friends, and the people I've been friends with the longest are men. My experience is that my male friends let their guard down a lot more with me than with their male friends, which is both interesting and sad.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 03:26 PM
3

I gotta agree, this is true for applying for business jobs as well. I massively appreciate the people who pointed out things missing in my resume for being an ideal candidate, or who told me that the other person in the final round had more experience of task X.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 11:03 AM
2

I get that as well. I have massive compassion for incels, since one of my closest friends is basically an incel, and I've seen my other male friends struggle a lot with dating. They're all bloody awesome people. That's probably one of the reasons I was open to giving a chance to the guy I described above. It was just such a bad experience that I wouldn't want to do it again. It brought up so much self doubt in me that I'd rather be single than do it again. And if my female friends asked my advic…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 10:51 AM
3

Common wisdom is that if you're a guys first girlfriend, he's probably not the one you will marry. And he will take longer than a more experienced guy to reach each milestone in the relationship. I ignored it, in spite of only wanting to date for marriage I thought it would work out. I had to take the lead on everything, and I was constantly uncomfortable because I felt like I was pressuring him. He wasn't a good communicator, because he didn't have any previous experience. He wasn't sure if he …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 10:14 AM
3

If he's a virgin, I'm assuming he also has never been in a relationship. I have been someone's first gf before when I was in my mid-late 20s, and I wouldn't do it again now in my 30s.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/23 08:51 AM
1

I think it's more about looking for someone with matching values. As someone who hasn't had a "hoe phase", I find it unattractive if a man has had a ton of ONSs.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 11:15 AM
1

Don't care if he's a loner as long as he doesn't try to monopolise my free time. To be fair though, some guys with a close friend group do that too.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/23 10:20 AM
2

A lot of men do too, tbh. The first time I tried online dating every single guy I talked to asked me about past and future travel plans and I had to say that it's not really my thing lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/23 12:31 PM
2

I have usually ended up in relationships without discussing this sort of stuff a lot, but my current boyfriend and I discussed this at length when we got together, and check in on whether our expectations and needs are met. I definitely think it makes our relationship a lot more stable and better overall!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/23 12:34 AM
1

When I need to take space from an argument, it's not about needing time to sit down and think about it on my own. It's about getting back to an emotional baseline where I'm able to discuss things calmly and productively, without interrupting, raising my voice etc. That can take me anything between 30 minutes and 2 days. After getting back to my emotional baseline, dealing with whatever is at hand is usually super easy.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 06:02 PM
4

Are you also angry at people with a higher IQ who make more money than you?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 04:26 PM
1

Oh same! It's also usually what I prefer and am used to from others. If someone manages to solve a problem for me, I get thrilled lol
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 04:11 PM
2

As a fellow ENTP, I have to agree. It took me 25+ years to realise that some people vent just to vent, and I had to consciously work on learning to listen when people don't want me to fix their problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 04:01 PM
1

It sounds to me like your wife needs therapy, and I don't mean that as an insult. It's really difficult to try to work things out with someone who doesn't know what they need, so props to you for doing it. It's not a gendered issue though, I've been in your shoes in relationships with men. Managment tips in the meanwhile: When I feel like nothing would work, what I actually need is for my partner to give me space. I would suggest stating kindly that it seems like she needs a bit of space, and if…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 03:56 PM
1

Dude trust me, I never doubted that the fertility wall is real. Of course it is. I like the idea of quantifying it. I have no beef with any of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 03:36 PM
2

I'll admit that I didn't have the patience to dig in that deep, and just went by what your OP included. My main point wasn't about the findings in the study, but about statistical methodology and how you shouldn't take a non-random subset as representative of the whole group without robustness checking that assumption.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 03:25 PM
8

What they're actually saying is that this group of men had these preferences. Since they don't mention the difference between these men and the men outside this category, it suggests a study design where only men selecting certain options were asked these follow up questions. That doesn't tell us anything about the men who fall outside this category, or how large the share of men was who want children and are knowledgeable about how women's fertility decline with age. (I'd guesstimate that said …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 03:08 PM
2

I haven't struggled, but I can tell you 100% that I would have had more confidence and more options if I was blessed in the boobs department.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 07:34 AM
0

If you can't get your looksmatch, what other than looks do you bring to the table? Confidence? Charisma? Career? Interests/hobbies? A sense of humour? Are you a good conversationalist?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 01:13 PM
1

I think way more of this than you expect comes down to the woman's type. I know that many of my female friends are similar in this, if you're not their type you're invisible. If you're not her type, she might not notice you even if you are objectively good looking. Personality and demeanour can be an instant turn off, but it's rarely an instant turn on. I'll just use myself as an example. My type is metalhead /hipster or even hippie looking guys. Tall, skinny, long hair, beard, not too "polished…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 01:01 PM
-1

Are you seriously saying that you don't want to live because you can't pull someone better than average? That's.. most people. Most people are average, and average people usually end up with other average people.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 12:30 PM
8

Men and women are absolutely competing for resources, though. Just think about all the discussions about marriage, alimony, child support, common law etc. What makes you say that society is dying? Genuinely curious.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 12:20 PM
8

Depends on why. If he's been a player up until 25+, that's a bit of a red flag. If he's introverted and/or shy around women, that's not a problem as long as his experiences hasn't turned him into a bitter sexist.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 12:16 PM
1

What does initiating even mean, exactly? In my relationship, he "liked" me first. I liked him back. He wrote me, I wrote him back and gave him my number after chatting back and for a little bit. I flirted more explicitly with him than he did with me. He asked me out. He said he loved me. I asked him if he was my boyfriend. He brought up wanting to marry me in the future. I brought up moving in together. He asked me to go look at rings. In other relationships, it's sometimes been clear cut, somet…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 12:12 PM
0

This made me laugh out loud, thank you!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 11:01 AM
0

I have a high metabolism so perhaps I shouldn't comment, but my experience is that 500 kcal meals will rarely fill you up until your next meal. And that's why people snack. In my experience, it's better to have a small breakfast (or no breakfast at all if you do intermittent fasting), and a big but healthy lunch and a decently sized dinner.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 10:19 AM
7

I'm skinny and pear shaped with small boobs, and let me tell you that almonst every guy I've been in a relationship with has preferred bigger boobs to smaller. If someone with small boobs is hot, it's generally in spite of having small boobs and not because of having small boobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/23 10:04 AM
1

This is so well put and so true!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 11:31 AM
2

The difference is that no one would reveal their ONS to their family (on purpose). But I imagine that it's similar in that if you do it and then get ghosted, you look and feel like a total loser, and we all want to avoid that. It's also similar in that you generally don't know why someone else make the decisions they make, their view of it might change over time, and being insecure about it might ruin an otherwise great relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 07:03 AM
2

I have no clue what you're on about tbh. Looks like a huge strawman. I can't answer for all women, but personally, You can throw in the "good. to make another qualifier for men. Yes, because that's how it works. It's the orgasms that do it, for me at least. The second guy I had sex with was really bad in bed. I ended up feeling less connected to him and less in love with him because sex hurt and I didn't get to finish. He didn't give a shit about my pleasure, which was sad since he was otherwise…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/23 06:15 AM
1

I imagine that it's more like grabbing a coffee at the closest coffee shop. Normally, you go in, get your coffee every morning, and get out of there, feeling content. Now, if you have a crush on the barista, you might overthink what you're wearing, if you're having a bad hair day, if you should try to make small talk with her, what you'll say, if you should give her your number or not... And you imagine if you DO chat her up and give her your number and she doesn't call... And that thought stres…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 10:46 PM
4

I can't really comment on this, but my best guess is that casual sex probably comes with a small degree of affection or at least appreciation, but partnered sex comes with a much larger degree of affection and it intensifies existing affection. If the people involved agree that the two can coexist in the same relationship, they probably can. I'm not against this idea at all, but it's not for everyone. I think it depends on what type/s the people involved are, if sex makes them fall in love or no…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 10:37 PM
2

Why on earth would you introduce someone you're casually seeing to friends and family? Are there people who do this, on purpose?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 10:29 PM
1

Thank you, kind stranger!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 04:05 PM
1

Yeah, I especially remember this one guy who I liked when I was a teen. He went straight from his first long term girlfriend to the second one (whom he's now married to), so I never had a chance to shoot my shot. I thought "well, at least I have a friend" until he sent me a snap of his abs along with some flirty shit (while being in a looong term relationship), and at that point I decided that whatever he wanted from me, I wasn't interested in, so I stopped talking to him. After that, I've start…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 03:33 PM
30

I guess I'm not the right person to answer this as I am not and haven't been the hookup/fwb type, and I had sex with my current boyfriend on the first date (after talking to him a lot over the course of two weeks and already really, really liking him). Why did I sleep with him? Because he was exactly my type physically, and I knew him well enough to know that he was a super nice, caring guy. However. I don't think it's about sex having or not having value. I think it's about mitigating the risk …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/23 03:16 PM
1

Some might, but I sure af don't give af. One of my best friends is honestly not good looking, can't get laid to save his life but has a heart of gold. Known him for 15 years now.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/23 12:38 AM
3

Same, I've definitely dated down in the past!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 09:17 PM
11

As a gamer, I've seen a LOT of misogyny online over the last 15 years. Most of it is fairly benign, but some is toxic as shit. If anything, it has influenced me to be more focused on building my own life, studying for a long time and building my career. I can't imagine trusting anyone enough to be a stay at home wife. I've seen a fair bit of misandry online as well. It makes me feel protective of men, actually, especially the men in my life that I appreciate - my partner, my father, my friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 12:49 PM
1

I honestly think women care more, partially because of societal pressure. "You're not a real woman until you have kids" etc. The group of women being child free by choice is larger than the group of men being child free by choice, so it's definitely a polarising issue among women. Less so among men, it seems.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 09:21 AM
1

It depends a lot on how the person deals with it and if they've consciously worked on their reaction. If faced with a shitty or abusive upbringing, people in general react in two different ways, codependence (anxious attachment style) or hyper-independence (dismissive avoidant attachment style). Anxiously attached people may cheat of they feel emotionally neglected by their partner, while avoidantly attached people may cheat for the novelty. Both of these attachment styles can be "fixed" if cons…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/23 09:15 AM
6

I think this is true for most, based on what I've seen around me. Having children is a gamble, some women bounce back and some don't. Some bounce back the first time but not the second, and so on. The child free women I know look amazing in their late 30s, 40s and 50s - some mothers do as well but most don't. Genetics play a huge role, as does having a supportive partner, and being well off financially. If you're rich, you can have most things "fixed", but not stretch marks or c-section scars. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 05:50 PM
3

Bigger, but saggy boobs. Bigger booty is far from universal, the only one I know who got a bigger booty after having kids lifts a lot. My mom never got her flat belly back (even when exercising and dieting religiously), nor a bigger ass, after having me. It's honestly one of the many reasons I don't want to have children, even though I didn't inherit her body shape at all it still scares me.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/23 05:41 PM
2

Yes. We emphasise the weight of our strengths and downplay the importance of our weaknesses.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/12/22 02:07 PM
2

What I'm saying is that if your date is sharing something, you should try to listen to feel into it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 09:23 AM
1

6 LTRs lasting 1-4 years, and 3 relationships that lasted less than 12 months. I'm 30.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 09:01 AM
1

I generally need to know someone a bit to want to sleep with them. Being hot isn't enough. Being pushy is a turn off for me. I generally have sex with men when I feel like I want to be monogamous with him. One of the guys I dated that I was the most physically attracted to I never had sex with because it didn't feel right, I didn't like him enough.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 08:39 AM
1

Not correct. Think about dating conversations, they're not about just giving hard data but about telling a story. You might be trying to make your date curious, impressed, etc. Your date is doing the same, and they feel like they're having a pleasant conversation if you show that you are curious, impressed or whatever. (this is just human nature, we want people to show that they're emotionally involved in what we share)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 08:33 AM
1

So, you're looking for a modest bisexual or bicurious lady specifically? Unusual, but makes sense!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/22 08:15 AM
1

We agreed to be exclusive and take down our app profiles after our first date. We had been talking for 2.5 weeks over text and the phone at that point. Easy decision since he was everything I was looking for. This was a little over half a year ago, and we're now living together and about to get engaged in the coming months.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/22 09:20 PM
8

The only aspect of my "type" that I understand is my love for lanky men with long hair. I was a metalhead during my teens, and the "type" of musicians I drooled over during from those formative years has stuck with me. I have no idea why I'm attracted to big boobs, or women with butchy attitudes, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/22 02:59 PM
0

This isn't new, at all. Was the same shit 14 years ago. I've only noticed it from men but I'm sure women are equally bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 05:44 PM
1

I could also phrase it more directly, in the first case I was being manipulated, he even told me so himself. In the second case, he caused a huge fight over something really small and trivial, he didn't want to continue resolving the issue so I gave him space to cool off and said "let me know when you want to talk". 3 days later he wrote to me about how he "guessed that I didn't want to talk to him" and he "knew that I wanted to break up with him". Which to me basically feels like he was trying …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 01:56 PM
1

Possible, but she wasn't the romantic type. She would often go on about how "I deserve XYZ" and after hearing how she spoke about her boyfriend at the time, it was definitely a calculated move on her part.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 10:01 AM
3

In one case, we were just horribly incompatible. One large part of it was that he was the jealous type, and I tried to be understanding and patient with him, but it only got worse over time and he became more controlling (wanting to decide what I wore, didn't want me to spend time with female friends even etc). I tried reassuring him, reasoning with him, finding compromises that made us both happy in terms of our vastly different life goals.. But his controlling behaviour finally got to me, and …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 09:42 AM
3

Almost every relationship I've ended, I've been at my wits end as well. I've tried everything to fix the relationship, but if the other person isn't working with me, at some point resentment and hopelessness sets in. In the cases where I haven't been at my wits end, I guess I could have suggested couple's counselling or something, but I felt manipulated and it didn't feel like something I'd get over. It just felt broken and unfixable.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 09:09 AM
4

As a former shy nerdy teen girl I'll let you know that we don't fuck different guys differently. We try our best, which is probably pretty shit since we don't have a lot of experience. If she was a starfish with you, she's probably a starfish with everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 06:44 AM
4

In real life or in movies?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 06:38 AM
2

I'm looking for someone who is attentative and good at reading body language. I'll tell you what tipped me over the edge in the opposite direction : A guy kissed me on the first date, and wouldn't stop until I literally pushed him gently off of me. If he couldn't tell that me and my stuffy nose were in desperate need of air, he wouldn't be good in bed.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 06:20 AM
1

Generally, C. Usually it's just a turn off if he pushes for sex early. Sometimes it can be exciting to build up the tension over the course of several dates if there's a lot of chemistry. The build up needs to be a bit teasy and seductive and not "what can I get away with today".
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/22 06:14 AM
1

I can recognise that they look good, but that doesn't make me want to sleep with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 01:00 PM
1

My current boyfriend and I talked on the phone multiple times before we met up. It was awesome. Would recommend.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/22 12:38 PM
1

Meeting people got more challenging as I finished my university studies, but I haven't had any issues with dating. If anything, it's gotten better over time (30 now).
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/22 11:08 PM
0

His hair, beard stubble, soft skin, his chest hair, his eyes, his dick, his voice, the way he looks at me, touches me and kisses me, his sense of humour, his sweetness (when he's extra thoughtful or sensitive I literally want to jump hos bones Edit: I'm not looking for a fight but I'm really curious about who downvoted me for this and why lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 09:10 PM
2

Just depends on what each person wants to compromise on. People make trade-offs to get what they want. I studied with a model-gorgeous girl who is now married to a 15 years older guy in IT (24 & 39 years when they married). He's good looking for his age, but still. My guess, from knowing her: His thinking (probably) + she's super hot, highly educated, and young enough to have multiple kids with me - she's pretty selfish, got mental health issues and DEMANDS kids and to be a SAHM asap Her thinkin…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 03:09 PM
2

I think if someone isn't okay with it, even if the way both people in the friendship acts is totally appropriate, it's because they themselves can't imagine actually being just friends with someone of the opposite gender and they're projecting.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 02:44 PM
1

Oh Jeez. Yeah, that was half my life ago, why tf would I dwell on him?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:55 PM
2

I once briefly dated a guy who wanted to be my boyfriend. He was really sweet and caring, and really hot... We slept together and he was good in bed. But after dating for a month or so I realised that he bored me to tears. I was bored when we talked on the phone. I didn't look forward to seeing him again. We didn't have anything in common. I didn't find him funny. He took my rejection gracefully, which adds to my perception of him being a quality person, just not the one for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 01:03 PM
1

I honestly think this is a really large part of it!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 10:58 AM
4

I wouldn't bat an eye at my bf doing any of these for a female friend. If she needed help moving I'd ask if she needed a third set of hands.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 10:22 AM
23

Nope. You're married now.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/22 10:18 AM
1

I have. I just refuse to let that be my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 06:38 PM
1

Absolutely. One of the main reasons why I was attracted to several of my exes were their voices. Some were deep basses, others well developed baritones or tenors. It's more about the quality, timbre, of the voice than the range.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 12:45 PM
5

Nope.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 08:10 AM
2

At the end of the day, marriage doesn't force you. It just creates makes it more difficult to split. It forces a little more reflection before ending things. My experience is that in the heat of the moment, I often feel like saying "well fuck this, I'm out", but one or a few days later I'll have calmed down and see potential ways of working things out. I imagine that other people have react in a similar way, which may or may not be true. While I've learned over the years when to ask for space du…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/22 07:37 AM
1

What does vanaprastha mean in moderm times? If you don't mind explaining
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 08:00 PM
1

Are you saying that you want to complete the householder phase of your life? Is continuing into the forest dweller and renunciate phases part of your plan as well?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 07:56 PM
6

You don't really need a wedding, though. Just sign the legal documents at the courthouse and call it a day.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 07:51 PM
1

I want to be in a lifelong commitment, where we work shit out rather than jump ship. I want to signal to the world that I'm taken, so don't even try. I also want someone I trust to make decisions on my behalf if I'm in a come or something, and I don't trust my parents to do that. If I die before my time, I want my partner to inherit everything I own. No financial incentives. I'm all for prenups and likely have a higher long term earning potential than my current partner. I also think that I will…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 07:45 PM
1

For me, the important part is if he seems into me sexually, and is receptive when I ask him to do something or do something differently. If he doesn't seem sexually excited by me, then we're not compatible. If he doesn't at all take requests, then I might consider him flat out "bad in bed". I've only once decided that a guy wasn't for me based on his sexual performance. I really liked his personality otherwise, but when he didn't want to give oral, use his hands or toys, I decided that he wasn't…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 04:33 PM
4

From all that I am hearing, a lot of women really enjoy being mothers. I don't want to tell anyone that they have to have children, but not considering something that can make you really happy sounds stupid to me. From what I'm hearing, a lot of people really enjoy doing psychedelics. I don't want to tell anyone that they need to do psychedelics, but not considering something that can make you really happy sounds stupid to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 01:12 PM
2

You're entitled to your opinion, but I trust my therapist's advice on this. I wish you the best of luck with your method. Don't be surprised if people are weirded ouy by it, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 11:14 PM
2

For me at least, it's not fear of rejection but rather fear of the person reacting badly. Isn't that the same thing? No. If you share something traumatic that you haven't properly processed yet, and the other person doesn't react well, it feels like being retraumatized. Even if it's not a dealbreaker for them, but just something that they don't know how to react to. I deal with that stuff with my therapist first, until I don't feel like it's a sore spot anymore and until I don't need someone els…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 10:56 PM
3

That explains why you feel like oversharing is a normal dynamic. I definitely feel like a bond is created when you share very intimate secrets with someone, at least for most people. I don't set out to "use" anyone, nor do I think I have. I pay 50/50 on dates, if my date lets me. I also don't allow myself to get used. But I also think that having boundaries is important. I wouldn't lie if asked, but some questions I'd decline to answer until we know each other better. I didn't open up to my ther…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 06:55 PM
11

That's actually one of the main things that I think made me massively attracted me to my current partner, psychologically. His attitude was "i'm going to find someone amazing, or stay single". Not being afraid of being alone is hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 06:26 PM
1

Do plenty of people share their deepest secrets with you the first time they meet you? Sounds like you might be attracting unhealthy people.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 06:21 PM
11

Guys and girls alike would rather be incels/femcels/forever alone than try out a new hobby with a gender ratio that serves you. Instead women and men both continue spending their time trying to become more attractive, but without actually meeting the people they want to be attracting. Proof: I have always had an easy time meeting guys because of my interest in gaming. It's honestly the biggest hack I can think of. All you have to do is exist in that space, and pick your favourite out of the guys…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 06:05 PM
3

All the nope. In my opinion, that's a good way to start a very unhealthy enmeshed relationship. Sharing your deepest secrets with a stranger leads to a trauma bond. Have some boundaries. Share more as you get to know each other better. When you decide to be exclusive, you should be on the same page about the major stuff, or break it off.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 02:35 PM
6

They only want it when it's of use to them or their children. Otherwise it just means less time, energy and money spent on the man and children. Sadly.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 02:28 PM
1

Just some examples of things that make women "low value" - unattractive, bad bone structure, asymmetrical face - overweight - poor - no job/no career prospects - poor social skills - chronically ill physically and/or mentally - abuse substances - single mothers - caretaking for her parents, siblings etc
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 11:22 AM
1

I'm sorry, but anyone who "doesn't believe in bisexuality" isn't grounded in reality. Best of luck with that, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 11:06 PM
2

I mean, it definitely did. Being bisexual definitely adds an aspect to forming relationships as well, since there aren't people of a gender that I'm not attracted to. So my experience is that I just need to find the right individuals. If you think that it's impossible for women to be friends with men, then it sounds like you don't think very highly of men?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 10:47 PM
2

May I suggest that you gently shove that opinion up your rectum?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 10:08 PM
3

As a woman, I got to disagree HARD. My two closest friends are male, and I've known them for half my life. They're like brothers to me. Wouldn't trade them for the world. I appreciate friendship with women as well, of course. I have a female friend whom I've known for almost as long, but we're not as close as I am with these two guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/22 09:14 PM
2

Three times I can think of. First time was an emo/metalhead guy who was friends with my friends. He was skinny and had piercing blue eyes, not traditionally handsome but still hot. He ended up being my boyfriend for a few months. Second time was an outdoorsy guy with a manbun and a beard who went to my university. I didn't even dare talk to him, hahahahah! Third time was my current boyfriend, tall, skinny, long hair and big beautiful eyes. I felt instantly drawn to him as soon as I saw his pictu…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 06:23 AM
2

Men acting masculine and taking initiative to have the things they want creates genuine desire in me, at least. When I was young and dumb and asked a guy I was seeing to be my boyfriend, I don't feel like the relationship ever recovered from it. I felt a bit resentful and lost respect for him because of it, and he probably felt a bit emasculated. The relationship dynamic stayed like that, with me taking the lead and him following. That relationship didn't last. My current relationship feels effo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 10:24 PM
4

And for the female friends I've talked to about it. But I'm not saying that EVERY woman will agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 06:23 PM
2

I think taking initiative creates desire in women, to be honest. I let my current boyfriend take the lead, and I have never been more attracted to any other man than I am to him. If he hasn't taken the lead, I would have gotten bored, felt rejected and moved on.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 06:17 PM
2

It's possible to seriously date one person at a slower pace to find out if you enjoy their company, without restricting it to be casual. Do you avoid deep conversations in relationships? In my experience, compatibility issues have been obvious in the first 6-12 months. But I guess it just depends on at what point it feels natural to bring stuff up for different people.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 05:42 PM
3

If there are 1000 guys in her DMs, why would she not pick someone who's taking charge in a masculine way? It's still attractive to most women.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 05:36 PM
2

It's not really about fairness. I'm just sharing what I find attractive and what I've heard other women say they want. If you don't like someone enough to do that, don't do it. But don't blame women for finding a lack of initiative to be a turn off.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 03:33 PM
7

To me, casual is inferior to taking things slow in a mindful way.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 03:27 PM
9

I would say the exact opposite. If he doesn't show that he's serious, I'd tell the girl to nope out rather than chase him. If she needs to ask him "what are we?", the odds of it ever being a good relationship goes down substantially. Men taking the initiative to solidify the relationship is masculine energy, being receptive to it is feminine energy. If a man isn't doing that, he either isn't attracted enough to her, or he's just not very manly.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 02:36 PM
13

You can take things slow without being casual.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 02:30 PM
3

That sounds like a good way to miss out on women who aren't feminists.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 01:25 PM
10

As a woman, a man showing signs of looking for a relationship is actually a turn on. I respect him as more mature than a man looking for "fun", and I will easily catch feelings for such a man. On the flip side, if a man is clear about looking for sex, that makes me feel kind if grossed out by him even though I don't see it as immoral or anything. This is just my experience though, could depend on what the woman is looking for and a lot of other factors.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 01:24 PM
3

As a fellow overachiver woman, I'll say this. Be prepared to date down slightly. I know it's literally in our DNA to want a man who is more impressive, but that dating pool is so damn small, and men with commitment issues are definitely over represented among professionally impressive men. If you're in the top 1% IQ bracket and you want a man who's smarter than you, you literally eliminate 99% of all potential partners. If you instead "settle" for a man who's in the top 10%, your dating pool inc…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 08:45 AM
9

Most women aren't either. Don't get your boxers in a twist.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 08:52 PM
21

I'm a 30 year old woman, and my advice is to vet men carefully and not be too superficial. Most men just aren't great, and the quicker you can filter those ones out, the better your chances of actually finding a good man. Focus on their character, and believe the red flags.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 04:34 PM
1

Sorry, it was years ago so I don't remember. It was a similar setup as the classic campus study though, if I remember correctly, with the only addition that women propositioned women as well (and done in recent times).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 03:59 PM
1

I think dating apps are a mixed bag. I definitely see the downsides. I have been on them briefly 10 years ago, and couldn't find a single person in my area that I liked. Decided to give them another try at age 30 (after only dating guys and gals I met irl in the meantime), and within a few days of OLD I met the man of my dreams. A potential benefit with OLD is that it's so useful to vet (and be vetted!) right away on some key aspects. Especially if you have unusual preferences or needs. I don't …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 03:42 PM
8

That's fair, I remember reading a study which concluded that women, even straight women, are more open to having sex with a random girl than a random guy. My guess is because women don't pose the same threat men do, no risk of unwanted pregnancies and lower risk of STDs. Bisexual women who want children will not want to get into relationships with other women, but instead prefer to get into relationships with men. So I can see how the dynamics can be different.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 12:02 PM
-3

As a bisexual woman, I have had no issues in getting sex with other women, but I never managed to get into a relationship with any of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 07:31 AM
1

So, basically, don't be a poor man and don't marry a poor man? Interesting. In an objective sense, not necessarily, but for me personally, absolutely. I'd rather have cultural constructs working for me than against me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 11:06 PM
1

Doesn't really matter exactly what I'd be doing. I strongly value not being dependent on someone else. If I could get rich doing laundry, I'd do it lol
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 08:47 PM
1

Statistically speaking, it's much more common for a financially dependent partner to be abused, than for them to be the abuser. What I'm saying is that in a relationship with a bf/gf, I'd feel it was less serious than a marriage. So it's easier to shrug off breaking up as "whatever, it wasn't that serious or committed anyway", because it literally isn't. And ultimately, I'd want to be in a relationship where we both fully commit to staying together for life - regardless of our relative earning p…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 08:40 PM
1

I don't remember shit because I don't watch sports, but I believe you!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 07:56 PM
2

Generally, I'd say fuck no, I didn't get a master's degree to be a house wife. But, if it was a billionaire, it totally depends on their character and how generous they'd be towards me during the marriage and in the case of a divorce. Also, would I get to keep my own current assets in the case of a divorce?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 07:55 PM
1

I don't know what it looks like in the US, but for my parents it took half a year, and it was an amicable split, no-fault divorce. That's plenty of time to think things through. By comparison, I've left relationships in 5 minutes. As for who initiated it, it's not super clear cut. My dad very obviously didn't give a fuck about the marriage anymore (and I don't blame him, because my mom isn't a great person tbh), and after a few years of that my mom said "fuck this shit" (which I also don't blame…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 02:57 PM
1

Because you can leave impulsively and there's nothing that forces you to think it over. The process of going through a divorce takes time and forces conscious reflection. I would personally also take a promise of being together forever seriously, and think twice about breaking that promise. And it's not something I'd promise someone who was just a boyfriend.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 01:26 PM
16

I couldn't tell good basketball/soccer/whatever from bad even with a gun to my head, but if people want to pay more to see the strongest fastest athletes who happens to be male because biology, I don't have a problem with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 11:22 AM
2

I'd tell them all to be honest with who they were, because that's how you attract someone who likes you for you and not for who you pretend to be. I'd teach them about attachment theory. I'd tell my daughters to get into male dominated hobbies such as gaming, and I'd tell my sons to get into female dominated hobbies such as social dancing. It's a far better hack than trying to look your best. Rejection will happen, and you should gracefully accept it and stop pursuing that person. It doesn't mea…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 11:08 AM
1

As a woman who has never gotten pumped and dumped, I want to believe this is true.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 10:57 AM
9

Staying unmarried doesn't increase the odds of staying together or make people have more sex either. It makes it even easier to leave, and signals a lack of commitment to each other and everyone around you. I'd rather be single than a "forever girlfriend", and I hear that sentiment a lot from women around me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/22 10:40 AM
1

Woman here in the process of getting engaged. My boyfriend asked me what type of engagement ring I'd like, so I honestly said that I really like the look of diamond rings, but I suggested a few other (more affordable) colourless gemstones as well. I also said that I'd be happy with a plain gold band if it turns out to get too expensive to find a gemstone and have a it set. He bought a diamond, and will have it set for me in the next few months. I offer to split the costs but he wanted it to be a…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 09:39 PM
5

This rings true for me too, actually the hottest guys were also the most boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 05:11 PM
3

I would think few career women would want to become housewives, but maybe I'm wrong there?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 10:45 AM
4

One of my friends was this guy. He was single for 10 years, and barely had any dates. Highly educated, tall af, but really shy. I think his insecurity was the biggest issue for him. One day a hot girl at his workplace decided that she wanted him, they got together and stayed together, and they now own a house together.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/22 10:18 AM
6

I think that's fairly common in big cities. It's a class indicator, but it's also a matter of compatibility of lifestyle choices. There are rich men and women who would rather game or watch TV than globe trot, but if you're hoping to snag a rich partner you definitely increase your odds by showing off your past adventures.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 05:09 PM
23

Your sexual market value isn't solely determined by looks. A great personality does SO much. A 5-6/10 with a 10/10 personality is a 8-9/10. I once had a lesbian friend who was extremely average looking but SO socially competent, friendly, charming, funny, wise. She got into a long term relationship with an absolutely stunning girl who just got out of professional modelling (iirc she modelled for Vogue, for example). They looked mismatched, but very happy. Also, if you're thinking "I think she'd …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 04:54 PM
1

That totally depends on what they've seen, as well as the time line. If you show interest within 1-2 months of feeling it, you won't be perceived as deceptive. If you have feelings for someone, and act as their friends for years, mutuals will likely notice.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:54 PM
3

Just tell them that remaining friends is too heartbreaking for you. Noone can fault that. Or remain friends with her, and give up the hope of ever being anything other than friends with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:39 PM
2

Tbh the same advice still works. Ask her out on a date. If she says anything other than "yes", stop being friends with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:21 PM
2

I find it fascinating, and it's something I've spent a lot of time thinking about, especially after hearing my male friends' experiences, and noticing the difference between dating men and women myself in my own love life.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 03:01 PM
3

I've seen the term used very differently, but if someone does that on purpose it's manipulative and shitty.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 02:46 PM
1

No, that's fine in my book! Just don't expect us to mindread thar change of heart.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 02:36 PM
2

What I wanted, and found in my current partner, is someone who shares my nerdy interests and makes me feel respected, valued and special to them. They can't have pets because I'm awfully allergic, and can't want biological kids with me, because I can't have them. I realize that that's a bloody tall order, and that most men who show superficial interest won't be willing to make those compromises. So realising that my dating pool is small as shit, I decided that everything else that's nice to have…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 02:35 PM
3

How you should read it is, Usually no, but under some special circumstances, yes/potentially. I described what has happened in the past. Guys being just friendly and not communicating any interest, and then getting upset when I didn't read their minds that they were interested and treated them as friends. So to avoid falling into that trap, my advice to guys is to clearly show their interest rather than just being friendly. Consider the alternative. If a long term friend of mine asked me to grab…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 02:06 PM
1

Hey, I'm happy to hear that you're doing something different and it's working for you! You could also suggest an activity that's really obviously a date, e. g. fancy dinner and a movie. You can start by saying "I would really like to get to know you better, do you want to go out and [x activity]" to limit the chances of it being misunderstood as just friendly. To contrast, "Do you want to grab coffee / a drink / hang out and watch a movie?" is stuff that comes across as just friendly.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 01:52 PM
3

Me personally? No. The only time I've been disgusted with a guy coming on to me was when a guy I worked with, 10+ years my senior and married, came on to me at work . I do avoid guys who have shown interest in me if I know that I'm not interested in them, though. I feel like if I don't, I will unintentionally lead them on. I get that that happens, but that's never been a pattern for me or my friends. Usually, I see people get together with friends' friends or new friends, not long term friends. …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 01:45 PM
2

I've had the same experiences even in my late 20s, guys would befriend me and act like a friend for YEARS (no flirting or touching or anything obvious to convey interest etc) and then get mad that I'm dating someone or in a relationship with someone and didn't tell them. My dude, you didn't even ask if I was single! I'm not going to go out of my way to inform every male acquaintance (and every female acquaintance I think might be bi/lesbian) that I went on a first date the other day. I definitel…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 01:16 PM
10

Men don't get friendzoned, they friendzone themselves. If you act like you're a girl's friend, she'll treat you like a friend. If you ask her out on a date (not to "hang out"), she'll know you're interested and either go on a date with you or tell you that she's not interested, and at that point you can choose to end contact if you don't want to be her friend. A date doesn't have to mean spending a ton of money, and going on a date isn't a guarantee that you two will be compatible or get into a …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 12:51 PM
1

I have had a lot of short term success approaching men. But by doing this, I have also ended up in relationships where the guy wasn't very invested and just kind of went with the flow. "You want to date? Sure, we can do that" "Exclusive relationship? Sure, if you insist" "Seeing each other more than twice a week or ever moving in together? Eeh, I don't know about that..." While my experience is that men who pursue me are a lot more invested in progressing and deepening the relationship. So since…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 11:24 AM
1

Metalheads, gamers, nerds, bass players, dyslexics (half the guys I've dated seriously were dyslexics, tell me that's not a statistical overrepresentation?!). But weirdly enough, also normies, bankers, men who like to work with their hands, wannabe models, massage therapists, ex army guys. I think I attract some conservative men because I'm an economist. I have a background in music, so ofc I met a lot of musicians through that. I've been a gamer since my teens, so ofc I've met a lot of guys int…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 09:56 AM
1

I (woman) have a fairly masculine personality and prefer more feminine men (and women more masculine than myself).
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 09:34 AM
2

Definitely had the same experience. I don't mind dating down looks wise if the guy has other good qualities, but I'll be damned if I'll put up with an overweight 3/10 not making an effort in bed, telling me that I'd look better if I was thinner and had bigger boobs and then acting controlling when I don't instantly answer messages... when I can date a 9/10 appreciating the fuck out of my body and being a perfect gentleman.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 09:27 AM
1

I wouldn't date someone just to date, or get into a relationship just to be in a relationship. If a monogamous marriage isn't the goal then I'd rather stay single.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 09:16 AM
1

My experience is that men below my market value (sometimes even above my market value but with poor self esteem) get so painfully insecure that it kills the relationship. Even though I don't massively care about looks, I have had better experiences with good looking men with good self esteem. I like a very specific type. Long haired guys. Having long hair adds 5 points to how attractive someone is in my eyes. I don't exclusively date or get into relationships with that type, because looks isn't …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 09:13 AM
1

This is a self reinforcing problem. I briefly did OLD when I was last single, and I understand why most women avoid it. I'm 30, 7/10 physically, with some major downsides in terms of being an ideal partner (which I'm upfront about), and I got absolutely bombarded with messages. I gave the most interesting guys my number and stopped logging on. One of those is now my boyfriend. I understand how crazy frustrating it must be for men to just be ignored, but I just don't see how anyone can keep a con…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/22 08:46 AM
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