~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | What is the next logical step for divorced men?I can't say my solution is the best, or the one for everyone, but I don't plan on having someone else in my life permanently again. It could happen, but that isn't my plan, and not something I'm searching for. I have a plan that will allow me to enjoy the remaining life I have left, and if someone decides to tag along they might be welcome. It's been 3.5 years since I got separated, 2.5 years since my divorce was finalized. I have had a couple relationships in that time, even one fairly longer t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/02/20 10:07 PM |
| -1 | Getting promoted while divorcingYes, but he hasn't even filed yet. The results of being put up for a promotion should be done and over before most divorces. This would mean that if it does happen, not sharing that with the court if it is necessary would be lying in court. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/02/20 09:32 PM |
| -1 | Getting promoted while divorcingI wouldn't bring it up (check with your attorney) as its a not a guarantee. Yeah, hiding information relevant to the court during a divorce is solid advice. Works out great as long as the court doesn't find out. If child support is based on past income then the future promotion will be irrelevant, if it is based on current income going forward than it is relevant. Best case is when the court does find out that the information was withheld they will issue an order for back owed support. Worst cas… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/02/20 09:20 PM |
| 2 | Getting promoted while divorcingChild support is frequently based on what you are currently earning, but I've never heard of it based on future earning potential. It can often be recalculated, in my case, the Friend of the Court automatically recalculates child support every three years, but either party can request it if it has been over two years since the last calculation. You can also file a motion with the court for a recalculation at any time, such as when a spouse receives a promotion and you feel child support should b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/02/20 09:16 PM |
| 1 | Confused need male perspectiveIt is really common when someone cheats that they will blame it on the other person, they will say that they made them miserable and it was their fault. This is bullshit, he could have taken the initiative at any point to address things he wasn't happy about and didn't. He constantly attacked you for being too heavy, too boring, or too focused on work. These are common mentally abusive techniques, and a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. These are not the result of you, they are a manifesta… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/20 01:45 PM |
| 1 | Paying for her grad school after divorceYeah, pay a reasonable alimony and how she chooses to spend it is up to her. She can use it to pay some of her tuition and take the rest out as student loans. I'd even consider paying a slightly elevated alimony contingent on her being enrolled in a grad school program capped at two or three years of increased payments. You would be investing in her future earning potential which the return would come in the form of less child support later because she would earn more money. If she doesn't end u… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/02/20 09:14 PM |
| 1 | Returned from deployment and my wife has been cheatingWhich is what my previous comment said that he was replying to, they will give him an initial consultation where they will give him answers to matters that are complicated by being in the military and give him a contact for a lawyer in the proper jurisdiction. Being in the military means you may currently live in a state that isn't the legal residence for purposes of divorce. My cousin was a JAG officer, going off knowledge from him here. Just because they don't do the divorce, it would suck to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/20 04:14 PM |
| 12 | Returned from deployment and my wife has been cheatingDocument everything you can and talk to a lawyer in the state you need to file in. In some states the manner that text messages were obtained can make them inadmissible because of privacy laws, but it is better to have them and not be able to use them then be able to use them and not have them. The lawyer will be able to tell you if they can be used. They won't help with custody, but they should help with potentially getting out of spousal support depending on your state. Document all the money … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/02/20 08:41 PM |
| 5 | Laid offIs your non compete from the employer that just laid you off, or from an employer previous to this employer? Every non compete I have ever had to sign was no longer valid if the employer terminated the employment agreement. I had one company that didn't have that provision, and I refused to sign it, they modified it appropriately. The purpose of a non compete is so you can't gain marketable skills at their expense and then take it to a competitor, not so they can lock you out of a field that is … | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/20 04:41 PM |
| 2 | Spousal Support - lump sum payout or pay for 14 years?Yep, a lot of strange. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/20 09:58 PM |
| 2 | Spousal Support - lump sum payout or pay for 14 years?One thing you want to get is to make it final - there's a specific legal terminology for it that I don't recall, but you don't want going coming back as the last payment is being made, pleading a sob story and getting a judge to award her lifetime alimony anyway. I don't know if it is the same in California, but in Michigan the terms you are looking for are "non-modifiable and non-extendable". My spousal support, which over the 5 years I pay it is $248K, is non-modifiable and non-extendable. We … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/01/20 04:10 PM |
| 1 | Freelancer and child support.Can't really give you any definitive answers without knowing the country. In my state in the US they would take your last two years income average to determine your income and plug both people's incomes into a formula with the number of overnights with each parent and some other factors such as who pays for childcare and medical insurance and that will spit out a monthly amount. You pay that monthly, if your income isn't static month to month you need to plan ahead. If you fail to pay the monthl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/12/19 07:21 AM |
| 1 | Apparently I’m a bad dad.There are advocacy groups, but the issue tends to be highly localized. If I lived a 30 minute drive to the south I would have been in a different county that assumes 50/50 by default. I settled to get an extra two nights every two weeks, but I'm only at about 37% of nights a year. My ex has mentioned that she may need to move to a different area to get a job once she has finished her second degree that I'm essentially paying for. The joke is on her if she does though with it because as soon as s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/12/19 03:01 PM |
| 1 | Apparently I’m a bad dad."Should be" isn't the same thing as "is". In my county in Michigan dads don't get more than every other weekend unless there is significant documentation of the mom posing a significant risk to the kids or if you can get them to agree to it in the settlement. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/12/19 04:08 AM |
| 4 | When to tell your child you're dating someoneAre you talking about telling him you are seeing someone, or introducing them? For telling him, I wouldn't give him details he doesn't need, but you can tell him that you are dating. For introducing them, I personally wouldn't until 6 months, but 1 month is definitely too soon to know if the relationship has a future. At 1 month you have two major issues, first is that you just haven't spent enough time with the other woman yet to really know her. She's probably still giving you a redacted versi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/11/19 02:14 PM |
| 2 | Child Name ChangeShe's trying to take away your legacy. As someone who can trace their family to before the American Revolution, legacy is important. My two sons have my last name, and my ex hasn't changed her name but if she does she knows I will block any attempt she makes to change my sons' names. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/11/19 04:02 PM |
| 4 | Is marriage ever worth it?That is true in regards to financials, but there are still too many courts that consider the default custody agreement to be every other weekend for dads. If there isn't something wrong with the mother that you have evidence and can prove in court you are screwed on spending time with your kids in those courts, and then to add salt to the wound they make you pay more child support for the privilege of not getting to spend time with your kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/11/19 01:19 AM |
| 2 | Is marriage ever worth it?Monogamy isn't the issue, marriage is. You can decide to not get married again, but still have monogamous relationships. Monogamy isn't what screws men over, it is the divorce process itself. A lot of those elements will transfer over to just having relationships if you decide to have kids without getting married, but that has more to do with how some courts treat men when it comes to children. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/11/19 01:07 AM |
| 2 | Was this horrible- TO HearingShe asked for way above state guidelines, you asked for way below state guidelines. You got state guidelines and don't feel you fared well? You were the sole income for 16 years, you should expect to pay some spousal support, instead of expecting zero spousal support, offer a reasonable amount and offer explanation for why you feel it is a fair amount that will enable her to establish herself in a career. If you hold to zero spousal support in mediation, expect it to go to trial. If you go to tr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/11/19 04:24 PM |
| 1 | Admissible??Some courts are antiquated and don't start at 50/50. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/11/19 08:59 PM |
| 1 | What if I put my half of the house into a trust for the kids as part of the settlement?Unless you own the house outright, ie no mortgage, then you would really be just be giving them half the current percent equity in the house. If you have $50k in equity and the house is worth $250k, you would be giving them 10% ownership in the house. In this scenario, your wife would stay in the house and continue making mortgage payments, so all future equity would be hers. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/11/19 01:50 PM |
| 2 | Moving out?Since she pays the mortgage from a joint account you would have a solid claim to half of any appreciation in value the house has made since your marriage. This is clearly not a healthy relationship, even without knowing all the details. You need to decide if you want to divorce her although she may not be giving you a choice in the matter. If you are going to file for divorce you need to talk with your lawyer because getting back to living in the house will benefit you in the divorce, your lawye… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/19 08:28 PM |
| 2 | Moving out?You need to talk with a lawyer, like yesterday. The specifics of your situation will determine exactly what your next move is. What is her reasoning for kicking you out? If she has no cause for kicking you out, then you would have a solid argument for a wrongful eviction. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/10/19 03:11 AM |
| 3 | Child support, salaries, commission, and a business ownerWere you married the entire time you built the retirement? Otherwise that's a pretty significant thing to give away. The biggest thing I see the courts taking issue with is no child support. If your incomes are fairly even then the child support might be a nominal amount, but it sounds like you will have them most of the time and she makes more in a typical year, possibly depending on deductions, which would mean you likely are owed child support. Courts consider child support as owed to the chi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/10/19 06:41 PM |
| 3 | Division of FinancesTalk to your lawyer for proper advice. Until you've talked with your lawyer keep to the status quo with your finances. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/10/19 09:36 PM |
| 1 | Credit Card StatementsYeah, and they can also require you to create a line item breakdown of any transactions that meet certain criteria. I had to explain what every transaction over $500 was for. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/19 08:28 PM |
| 0 | TIL what she meant by "amicable"Oh, I agree with your stance 100%, I was just adding my support for the existence of spousal support. My settlement agreement included a higher spousal support then the court formulas in my area typically call for, but that came at the expense of it being non modifiable and non extendable. If I make more money during the five years she legally can't get the support increased, and at five years it is done with no legal option to extend. This puts her future success in her hands without me being a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/19 04:37 PM |
| 1 | TIL what she meant by "amicable"I pay a lot in spousal support a month, and the bill hurts financially. But I wouldn't have gotten as far in my career if my ex wife hadn't been a stay at home mom. I pay it because it allows her to get additional education that will allow her to make significantly more money for the rest of her life that will benefit my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/19 02:21 PM |
| 2 | What did you do the day your divorce was finalized?Went to work, had those lawyer bills to pay and I was self employed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/10/19 04:56 AM |
| 1 | Insurance for Working SpouseDivorce is a qualifying event, she calls a private insurance company and sets up an insurance plan in her name. They allow mid plan enrollment for qualifying events. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/10/19 01:46 PM |
| 1 | Why can’t child support be a pre-tax deduction?I had an S-Corp pass through business, and as I said, I now make less than I did then but have the same amount of "take home" since I don't have the business expenses. The key is to have an accountant so you can save as much as possible given your situation, as well as to advise you of things you should be doing in advance to be in a good position come tax time. But yes, I had a shit load of write offs. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/09/19 12:55 PM |
| 1 | Why can’t child support be a pre-tax deduction?That is in reference to Trump's tax law where they made alimony no longer tax 'exempt'. Luckily for me they still permitted it for orders before Jan 1, 2019, because my alimony amount factored in tax liability and it would have been unjust for that tax liability to suddenly be moved to me. However, I do have to declare my ex wife's SSN as the payee and they do verify that she declares it as income on her taxes so that she pays income tax on it. They did this to reverse what you are hoping for in… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/09/19 01:34 AM |
| 1 | Why can’t child support be a pre-tax deduction?The reality is, the CS formulas are based on it being post tax and would be modified if it was made pre tax. So in this scenario the payor would save that $8,000 in taxes but would be expected to pay $3,000 more in CS. The net effect is the payor would save $5,000 at the expense of the federal government. Also, in order for the savings to be that significant the payor would literally be making a minimum of ~$260,000 more a year AGI than the payee (using 12% and 37% tax brackets since 15% and 40%… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/09/19 01:30 AM |
| 2 | Why can’t child support be a pre-tax deduction?If you were (still?) married you wouldn't get to claim most of the expenses that child support covers as tax exempt, that is why you are still expected to pay the income tax on the income you earned. The receiving parent doesn't declare it as income because it has already been taxed as income. If Congress changed the tax law permitting it to come out of your pay pre tax then they would require the receiving parent to declare it as income so that it was still taxed. On top of that, the current ch… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/09/19 01:20 AM |
| 5 | Nice side effect of divorceI don't have a Costco in my area, but I didn't re-up my Sam's membership after the divorce. I looked at my rate of toilet paper and other bulk item usage and said one pack of each of these a year won't save the cost of the membership. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/09/19 02:23 PM |
| 1 | Did cell phones/social media ruin your marriage?My ex decided to install Tinder and find guys to meet up with. That isn't phone addiction, the phone wasn't the issue, it just facilitated her pursuits when there was an issue in the marriage. She had a phone before we were married and we were married for over 9 years before she cheated. She didn't cheat because Tinder exists, she wanted to cheat and Tinder made it easier. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/19 02:46 AM |
| 5 | RantYeah, it sounds like she was willing to tolerate being with you if she got enough out of it. When she was done getting what she wanted you would be right back where you are. I think she probably decided she wanted out, and then realized what that actually meant and wasn't happy with losing the support you provide, not that she was unhappy with losing you. For instance, if you did stay with her and assisted her with her educational goals, what happens when she has completed them. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/08/19 06:37 PM |
| 5 | Vaccination fightI wouldn't personally just get them vaccinated and then have to deal with the judge. Courts aren't usually a great place to do something first and ask permission later. Obviously, the kids will be vaccinated at that point, but vaccines need to be done multiple times frequently, and there are more than just MMR to be concerned with. Another good reason to not cross the courts is because sometimes they need to look at your history when issues arise and having a clean history of following the agr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/08/19 07:15 PM |
| 2 | Child support advice.Who gets to claim the child in taxes is determined by the IRS and is based off of who the child spent more nights at. Your ex can wave it, so that you can claim your daughter, but if your ex doesn't you can't claim your daughter. The IRS also doesn't care what is in your decree, but if your decree did state your ex had to wave her right to claim the dependent then you would have recourse with the courts. Basically, if the intent is that you have 50/50 and you want to claim her every other year t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/19 04:30 PM |
| 1 | I just got a raise and I suspect I’ll be getting a child support modification court date. Here’s the thing, she got a job and hasn’t told me how much she makes. It HAS to be more than the imputed min wage.I'm not sure they would impute her current wage at 40 hours. Imputing minimum wage at 40 hours is one thing because the assumption is you can get a job making at least that. Now that she has an actual job, I would think they would take her actual earnings or the imputed minimum wage, whichever is greater. This still could work in your favor, but most likely her part time earnings are only slightly higher than her imputed wage. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/19 04:22 PM |
| 1 | I just got a raise and I suspect I’ll be getting a child support modification court date. Here’s the thing, she got a job and hasn’t told me how much she makes. It HAS to be more than the imputed min wage.Except the court order makes it her business. It's not a matter of if it's enforceable, it's that she has a court order saying she is entitled to that and the courts can take issue if you don't follow their orders. | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/08/19 04:16 PM |
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