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marmar80 Archive

View 4 posts and 42 comments by marmar80 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

"The gifts of Imperfection" or "I thought it was just me (but it isn't)" by Brene Brown. Both excellent books about living authentically and whole heartedly.
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/17 12:18 PM
8

I do the cooking and meal prep for my husband and I also. And we're both currently trying to lose weight through the keto diet (r/keto). Has your husband expressed how he wants to achieve his weight lose? You are already responsible for the food prep and cooking so it really doesn't add extra time to my day in any significant manner because I would do it anyway. He will need to take some responsibility for his portions and types of food he puts in his mouth and you may want to have a conversatio…
/r/RedPillWives27/01/17 08:02 AM
3

Give her a chance, maybe she fell "off the wagon" and isn't aware she posted, AWALT. TIL there is a hierarchy for addictions.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/16 11:50 AM
12

I would have said "I am only wife to my husband, here at work I am your executive assistant." Women communicate indirectly, but when you want to set clear boundaries you need to be direct. If you set that boundary be ready for any consequences, good or bad. It could also be that if this is a small business they tend to treat employees like family, however it doesn't seem that they have known you long enough to be buying you spa days or dropping checks off at your home. Make sure your actions are…
/r/RedPillWives06/12/16 10:11 AM
3

TED talk from Simon Sinek speaks volumes on branding and leadership and certainly has RP application.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/16 07:22 PM
1

I'm always up for new reading material! I'll put that on my list, cause I struggle fiercely with wanting to be right.
/r/RedPillWives19/07/16 01:55 PM
3

Recovering control freak here. One of the best books I could have read is The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. You're trying to control everything out of fear. I was driven by fear also and an inability to put my wants and needs and fears out there because nobody would want to help me. Right now I am reading, Self- Compassion: The power or Being Kind to Yourself by Kristen Neff. I can't believe how hard we are on ourselves, mainly for self protection and fear of being vulnerable. Internaliz…
/r/RedPillWives19/07/16 07:28 AM
1

Sure, its a sexual strategy, where they are mindful about there behaviors and intentions. RP/RPW are aware of there biological natures and use this mindfully to get the most advantages out of the opposite sex (not saying all behaviors are good/bad). However, in context of the OP, even if they do not subscribe to the label, there are certain behaviors that align with RP/BP strategy and that is why people are labeled without even knowing them.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/16 11:17 AM
1

RP/RPW is a praxeology, which is the notion that people behave in purposeful and mindful patterns. Hence others can draw conclusions about certain observable behaviors that are universal and objective.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/16 10:15 AM
2

It sounds like you're having trouble being vulnerable (I know vulnerability is scary), so you've decided that when you start to feel too safe, too close, too happy, you'll bring out the shrew to push him away and at a safe distance. I suggest reading, I thought it was just me by Brene Brown and The gifts of Imperfection. Others can tell you to take responsibility and change your behavior, but you need to internalize why you behave the way you do. You're shrewdness has nothing to do with your SO.…
/r/RedPillWives18/07/16 09:49 AM
3

Sex is the one physical act that connects us to our SO. Something you share with no one else. It's where we are at our most vulnerable state. It connects and fulfills us in a way nobody else can and takes us out of our minds full of fear and shame and into joy. For me, it's a place where I can feel comfort that someone loves me that much that he would forgo all others. I'm not saying I don't have insecurities, but that in spite of those insecurities I allow myself to be seen, naked and soul bear…
/r/RedPillWives05/07/16 08:51 AM
1

The urge to nag has nothing to do with your SO. It has to do with a want or desire that is not being met or fear that it won't be met if you put it out there. I suggest taking a look within yourself when you have the urge to nag and find out what's eating at you.
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/16 10:13 AM
5

A couple of times he shared that it was a bit hard for him because he'd never done anything like this before. So thinking of RPW my response was to encourage him – I'm sure whatever you choose will be perfect – which seemed to reassure him... He’s an adult, he knows how to plan things, you’re just not pleasable. A week and one day before my actual birthday still no news so I checked with him in a casual tone - "are we going away next weekend because I have to sort out work appointments"... He sa…
/r/RedPillWives23/05/16 12:29 PM
2

I hear that you don't agree that this is what is occurring in your relationship. Okay, maybe its not. This may not be helpful in your situation and I accept that, however I trust this subreddit is here to help others as well. Others that are also struggling may read this, apply it to there situation and think, maybe I am the source of my SO's depression and then begin to listen to what he is really telling her. I believe I did give actionable advice that was not intended to be malicious but ear …
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/16 06:29 AM
1

Women tend to use anxiety or depression as a way to avoid dealing with something important. They'd rather it be a medical diagnosis so they can rationalize NOT thinking any deeper than making a doctor’s appointment. Men tend to do this with depression (or alcohol). You are much more dominant than him and you have betafied him. How do I know this? Because I've done it. Except my SO chose alcohol. He is trying to fix you because you are the problem, the source of his depression. He doesn’t want yo…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/16 08:44 AM
2

1.If you made it through that ridiculous story, do you have any advice?> Your story isn’t ridiculous. Posting this shows you're open to becoming better and vulnerable, however recognizing this is for you to own. 2.RPW makes so much sense and seems so simple, is there maybe just one thing I can do to get it rolling? I feel if I can at least get started, it'll get easier. Baby steps.> Read this. Not just once, read it over and over. Then, believe you can change your behaviors and self-worth. Know …
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/16 07:29 AM
1

Conditioning would only be needed if you were someone who had no self awareness and acted accordingly. Conditioning is harsh, disrespectful and immature. It seems like you are self aware and are looking for a high value man that would lead and mentor you. You are looking for a mature, loving, respectful and high quality relationship. If you behave accordingly, then conditioning would not be part of your relationship.
/r/RedPillWives12/05/16 01:09 PM
1

This is also the time to really take a look at how you may be contributing to the situation. Be accountable for your actions within the relationship and see if he's coping with his reality through anger and alcohol. Your SO maybe hardening himself any way possible. The question is he doing it to survive you? Then he'll harden himself in a negative way (anger, alcohol). If he is hardening himself to protect you, he'll do it in a positive way. I know this to be true because I've done it to my SO. …
/r/RedPillWives06/05/16 07:57 AM
2

Love this!! New mantra.
/r/RedPillWives05/05/16 07:41 AM
2

I should employ this tactic. If I really need to know later on then I could ask and I'm thinking most likely it won't matter most of the time. I know my questioning is a fight for control.
/r/RedPillWives05/05/16 06:14 AM
1

Also a solid liberal!
/r/RedPillWives04/05/16 07:51 AM
2

I knew I could count on RPWi to make me realize that Saturday was a flop. These are the reasons I post because sometimes I just don't get it. Oh and the perfection thing is me all the way. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWives03/05/16 01:21 PM
3

Thank you. This has given me clarity. I have a problem communicating my desires (its always my SO problem for not magically knowing what I want). I also have a patience problem. I want what I want as soon as possible and not a second longer. Deferring makes me wait.
/r/RedPillWives29/04/16 02:00 PM
2

We all need guidance (and that's why I'm here) and I am working on vulnerability. Writing all this down, helps me identify my tendencies and behaviors so I can become more self aware. I'm hoping it lets others know they are not alone and our fears are valid but do not have to define us or drive our behavior.
/r/RedPillWives29/04/16 01:56 PM
5

I have read the Surrendered Wife, but it was at the beginning of my journey and I really need to re-read it. Receiving sounds like something I want to resist, but there can't be 2 leaders in my marriage. How do I decrease my own selfish driven goals to achieve the goals my SO has as the Captain of our family? Is it possible to lower your dominance level? Is receiving graciously the way to do this?
/r/RedPillWives29/04/16 01:16 PM
7

I think she might be mate guarding, which may come off as jealousy to you. Why would a married women want her man to show attention to another women? Also, why are you seeking attention from married men? You're single, if you need attention, then go find men that are also single. Its okay to have girlfriends that are married, but you shouldn't be seeking out being friends with there husbands. FYA: Your flair says you're 21 and in a relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/16 10:30 AM
4

Anyone here with both spouses reading and running with RP concepts? My husband swallowed the RP about 7 months ago, while I was pregnant with our third child. I was introduced about a month ago. What about RP (male or female side) has bettered your marriage? He is leading by doing. He is bettering himself. He works out, fixes shit when it’s broken, handles the finances now, and mentors our boys. Those are just the things I see him doing. He is firm with me and holds frame but also provides the c…
/r/RedPillWives27/04/16 07:35 AM
2

I can absolutely relate to your story. I too was raised as a boy, as I have two older brothers, and my mom has three brothers, so she was raised as a boy. Nobody in our house was feminine and my mom has a very poor opinion of my father (and they too are still married for 36 years). It is hard to cultivate a feminine mindset when you have never been around it. Although, having feelings and vulnerability are inherently female, try to control your hamster and work through any fear so that you can b…
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/16 08:09 AM
1

I find that men will take care of themselves better when they know they have a family to protect and provide for. If my SO is truly the captain he will make sure he's fit/healthy enough to fight any storms that come our way and I of course am there to provide support if he needs it.
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/16 06:53 AM
4

Since you mentioned shame, I offer this TED talk from Brene Brown. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 02:00 PM
2

I had seen her talk a while back, but I think the timing for me to internalize it wasn't right. She is amazing and I have watched all her TED Talks and will be buying her books, Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection.
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 08:39 AM
2

I made sure I took the time to kiss him gently this morning before we went in to work (we work in the same building). I also made sure I touched his arm and back on the drive home last night. These were the positives but there are a whole lot of negatives that happened and will update everyone on after my one week challenge. Taking notes.
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 06:34 AM
2

THIS! This is awesome. As of today, I probably do about 10% of the above. I find that I can read this and want to do all of this, but implementation is hard, its so much easier to do nothing. I am highly sensitive, have a low threshold for emotional turmoil/pain and am so stubborn.
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 06:29 AM
5

My SO is pleading with me to let him in and because he loves me and I love him, I NEED to become more vulnerable so an even deeper connection can exist. Its imperative I grow in a positive manner. I've been "comfortable" for too long which is a detriment to my relationship.
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 06:22 AM
2

I own the book and read it about 3 years ago. I discovered what my love language was and what my SO were, but I continued to show my love through acts of service, which is not his love language, its physical touch. I need to be able to speak his language and I am incredibly stubborn to not realize this sooner.
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 05:59 AM
3

I guess I have made some progress. This is the first time I have asked for help and I've gotten amazing feedback.
/r/RedPillWives20/04/16 05:54 AM
3

I absolutely think this is critical to my success. I am so wrapped up in my own head on whether I am being right or perfect that I don't remember what he says or even think about what comes out of my mouth. My first instinct is to argue back, tell him my point of view, fight to be right (ugh). This automatic defensiveness clouds my head and then I don't really hear what he is saying. I need to write it down so I know where I am messing up and what to work on (vetted here first). Thank you.
/r/RedPillWives19/04/16 01:56 PM
6

I am very driven and motivated person, and pride myself in keeping the house clean and the kids well taken care of, thinking (and this is where I have trouble) that I am showing my love through acts of service. He doesn't care about that stuff (he does love his kids). Those are things I care about, therefore I am putting myself first by making them a priority over him (*light bulb). He just wants affection and to be put first and this will increase his wellbeing.
/r/RedPillWives19/04/16 12:57 PM
3

I completely agree that I am rigid and lately I actually feel like I may snap. My SO has asked me to put him first for years, but I was so fearful that I wasn't listening. I put myself first (career, kids). Courage, courage in the moment. I've never thought myself to be courageous but I want to be. My SO woke up this morning and asked me " are you going to be a shit testing bitch like you were yesterday" and I went and pouted instead of just apologizing and giving him affection.
/r/RedPillWives19/04/16 11:27 AM
3

Thank you. I have read a lot of what you suggested already, and will re-read as I am still working on being more open (thus things don't stick). I think this is an excellent start and plan to do all of it.
/r/RedPillWives19/04/16 11:17 AM
3

I have and I am implementing as much as I can (and rereading since I'm new at this). For example, when my husband says something hurtful I just say "ouch" but that has backfired because he takes it as "I don't care to respond", thus I don't care about him. I control my emotions and draw inside myself a lot, so I can see why he thinks I don't care.
/r/RedPillWives19/04/16 10:26 AM
2

I'm more worried about how it is affecting my marriage. I withhold affection, I argue to be right, I rationalize my behavior and feelings and blame it on my SO and I pout. I'm closed to new ideas and its all because I'm scared. I want to be able to be soft, open, receptive, and pleasant but I don't know what those behaviors/mannerisms look like. I'm having a hard time letting go of control, being uncomfortable (during my transition to a RPW) and actually trusting that things will be okay. I want…
/r/RedPillWives19/04/16 09:44 AM
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