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marymaude Archive

View 6 posts and 121 comments by marymaude on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

I will say, I used to have this problem, particularly venting making things worse. I had no idea I was that bad until someone pointed it out to me. I was stuck and didn't really understand that it was a circular negative drain on me and those around me. Since this is something he's grown up around, he may not realize he's doing it. He might also be depressed. Why not sit down with him when he's calm and relaxed and bring it up? "Hey, hon, I notice you seem really unhappy about a lot of things. D…
/r/RedPillWomen06/12/14 02:23 AM
3

Why do you facepalm about Marx? He discussed the objectification of people in the labor market (I believe it's his theory of alienation, but someone correct me on that if I'm wrong...). Not really going into the merits of his arguments, just wanted to point out that philosophers have been talking about objectification of people (usually the common man for use as a tool or expendable force for war or labor or something like that) long before the feminist movement picked it up. It's clear the OP m…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/14 10:04 PM
13

This was really hostile out of the gate. I don't think it's phrased in a way to foster real communication. Objectification theory has its history rooted in feminism, yes - but I think that it's beyond sex. A person is objectified if they are treated as a tool for someone's purposes; or as if they are interchangeable; or as if it's permissible to damage/destroy them; or if their feelings and emotions don't matter. Objectification can act as if they are not autonomous, as if they are owned by anot…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/14 09:30 PM
5

I think PhantomDream has a great list. All I'd add is brevity - most guys aren't going to read a wall of text. I kept the list of things I was interested in short, and tried to limit it to more unique things that differentiated me from other women. I identified myself as an optimist, kept the profile sounding cheerful, and threw in a quirk or two that they could comment on to get the conversation going on something other than "Hey, how's it going?"
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 03:44 PM
2

I'm almost 5'7, so I like them a bit shorter, as my partner AND my boss are around 5'9 or so, and I don't want to tower over them. Plus, walking in an urban area to and from court all the time, I want to be able to move quickly if I need to. If I was in a carpeted office all day, I'd probably go for something around 3" with a thinner heel, as I think it's more aesthetically pleasing, but you can get away with a thicker heel without looking dowdy if you go for a fun, retro style shoe. I usually t…
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 03:39 PM
1

Not even that old - my mom grew up poor in a rural area without running water until she was fifteen. The stories she had about all the chores growing up (seven siblings) were really daunting.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/14 02:42 PM
1

I have a germ thing, too - which is why I went on a bit of a quiet cleaning spree, ha. It made me feel productive, it helped relieve his burden, and mostly, it made me feel like I might be preventing catching it!
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:37 PM
2

I wear no more than a 2.5 inch heel - usually sticking between 2-2.5" with a slightly thicker heel, rather than a stiletto. I have to walk a few city blocks to court and I've had too many thinner heels ruined by that when they get stuck in a sidewalk crack. If you're indoors, a thin heel is fine - it doesn't look slutty until you add on the inches. I like a cute loafer style or thirties inspired t-strap. As for brands, I like Anne Klein or Alfani flex soles. If you have more to spend Cole Haan h…
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:34 PM
2

I knew I was forgetting something! Politeness is so important. Being nice can get you a lot further than you'd think, particularly in fields where people are used to having to go on the defensive all the time. And it's important to be nice and polite to everyone, not just those more important - being nice to that clerk or secretary may someday save you in a pinch.
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:32 PM
2

And it's not even sexist! It's good advice for anyone who wants to represent themselves well in life, in or out of the office. I sound like an old grump, but when did society lose all manners?
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:30 PM
2

There is another female attorney in the office that dresses terribly. Some of the women make excuses for her "oh, she has kids..." but she looks like a slob. Consequently, she's viewed as lazy (she rather is, in fact) and is now on probation to be let go despite her long years of employment. One other woman, along with myself, we dress in suits each day. We've recently been promoted, despite not being in the field as long.
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:22 PM
2

Here are a few books I've found invaluable, either for dating guides or self-improvement: The Rules (I believe there's an updated version for online dating, I can't speak to how good that one is.) The Five Love Languages How to Win Friends and Influence People The Happiness Project The Relationship Cure Fascinating Womanhood Created to be his Helpmeet (you might be turned off by this unless you're of the same denomination as the Pearls. I ignored their exegesis, and focused less on the religious…
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:20 PM
1

Yes, that's super important! A small gesture but it goes a long way.
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/14 02:10 PM
1

I think you're trying to dictate terminology to a group you're not even a member of. Frankly, I can't see this discussion going anywhere further, other than in circles.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 07:25 PM
1

My partner and I are Catholic, so yes, egalitarianism and complementarianism go hand in hand. We believe that all men and women are of equal personal dignity, period. However, everyone has different gifts and talents, some of which are mostly divided by the sexes. For harmony in a relationship, understanding that complementary nature between men and women means that my partner leads. It doesn't negate what came before about human dignity. It doesn't mean that different gifts and talents are infe…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 07:19 PM
22

He's invited you to visit his family - of course he's going to pay. You're not taking advantage of him at all. If he invited you, he obviously knew the two of you were going to have to fly to visit and planned accordingly. Stop offering to pay him back and just say thank you! If you do feel you need to find some way to express your thanks, have some nice host/hostess gifts for his family - wine, flowers, gift basket, etc. Be nice to his family, and I am sure he will be incredibly happy with it.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/14 07:00 PM
1

Uh, no. While that might be the case for some, that's not the case for most and certainly not for me. I play the First Mate because I choose to do so, not because of any personal feelings regarding the superiority of men or the supposed inferiority of women. How I choose to relate to my partner has nothing to do with how I feel about other men or women or how they should be dating. Other people are happy with more egalitarian relationships? Good for them. I'm not advocating that they should chan…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:54 PM
1

Yeah, I went back to my comment after I read yours, sure I said "my" not "a" and realized it did sound a bit vague. Sorry for the confusion!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:40 PM
2

That's actually not what the study says. It's a study linking narcissism in women with sexist beliefs, and an evaluation of hostile vs. benevolent sexism in women, not any sort of comparison of happiness or healthiness in different sort of relationships. It also has no indicator of the self-esteem levels of participants in relationships that are considered egalitarian versus relationships that are considered traditional. Lastly, it's an article that describes the study, rather than the actual jo…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:37 PM
1

The problem is this is what you're envisioning, rather than anything you've experienced. You're making an assumption that these participants are insecure, and the level of emotional "reward" someone receives in the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:21 PM
1

Perhaps I didn't phrase things well, but I was specifically thinking of the article on encouraging your captain to lead. http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2014/09/girl-game-encouraging-your-captain-to.html I'm actually arguing in my statement that RP isn't a fetish or kink for most, because in a kink or fetish, there is a mutual agreement to engage in something and it's talked about and boundaries are set. What I've seen with most RPW in the sub is that they've employed techniques referenced in…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:19 PM
1

No, in MY relationship, engaging in traditional gender roles, embracing the domestic at home, and a whole host of other things are a kink for both myself and my partner. Not only does it make the relationship move more smoothly, but we both derive emotional satisfaction and pleasure from it, and it enhances our sex lives. For us, describing it as a kink sorta fits, but in no way was I stating that it was applicable to most relationships. I get where MissPearl is going with it - there are BDSM re…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:14 PM
1

I think that many people envision this whole Captain/First Mate analogy as the Captain barking orders, doing things only he wants to do, and the First Mate blindly obeying all. It's really not like that. I also don't think you can make a value judgment on which type of relationship is superior. What metric are you even judging on to determine if a relationship is "inferior?" And lastly, if the leader is not strong at a particular task - that's what the First Mate is FOR. You pick a partner becau…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 06:05 PM
1

I don't view Captain/First mate as unequal. It just means, when it comes down to brass tacks, that the Captain calls the shots on things. But a First Mate is expected to be independent, able to lead, and carry on in the Captain's absence. I have a friend who is married and neither she nor her husband are part of any of this online. She once recounted a disagreement they had about a trip she wanted to take to do charity work in Haiti. Her husband was really uncomfortable with it and told her no. …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 05:30 PM
1

This gave me a good chuckle. It didn't work out so well for Anna Nicole Smith, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 03:58 PM
4

I don't really have an "ideal." I've dated older/younger, taller/shorter, blond/brunet etc. If you're looking for marriage and you're in your earlier twenties, it might be harder with a man your age or younger, but that doesn't mean you have to date older. My SO is four years older, which is fine. I don't think I could marry someone more than ten years older, though. I think we'd be in very different stages of life and it might be too hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/14 01:52 PM
2

If comfort is key, think Katharine Hepburn or the wider styled pants of the 1930s. You don't have to wear frilly dresses to be ladylike, and you certainly don't have to be uncomfortable. Leggings and tunic tops are also cute and comfy.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/14 12:53 PM
2

You can save some money by purchasing unflavored sparkling/seltzer water and adding your own fruit or juice to flavor it, if you're worried about cost.
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/14 09:53 PM
1

"Planned" is also difficult. Unlike other kinks, which may extend into lifestyles, I don't really think RPW relationships involve some sort of sit down discussion etching out boundaries and consent. It's not set up as some sort of conditional power exchange. I think for a good portion of women I've seen posting on RPW, there's not even a discussion - they just start encouraging their partner and give up control. This is also where I think kink fails at really being a good term, because there's a…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/14 09:50 PM
1

For what it's worth, I'd probably describe a preference for a RPW relationship as a kink - it's the way I'd describe my relationship with my SO, for lack of a better term. I think the problem with using kink is that it has too heavy of a sexual connotation, and RPW relationships go far beyond sex. It also has a connotation of impermanence. Most people with a kink don't necessarily have sex every time engaging in that kink. And see, when you bring in RPW, it's more than just sex. I get that certa…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/14 08:33 PM
3

It's also just trendy right now. Canning, textile crafting, gardening/farming - all of that is coming back in style, particularly among Gen X/Y/Millennials in America.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/14 08:24 PM
1

YES, this is exactly it. My partner is a bit of a diamond in the rough, and I knew that going in. He is an amazing man, but there were things he needed to work on. There were things that I was hesitant to hand over to him (and a few I still am, to be honest), but as he's become a better man, I've turned over more and more to him. He doesn't even read RP - he's just maturing as a person in the right way, and when I feel like I can trust him on something, I WANT to hand things over to him. I like …
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/14 04:02 PM
5

I think you have to look at is as being a "steel magnolia" or an "iron fist in a velvet glove." Yes, life experiences may have made you stronger and more realistic about life, but you still have a choice in how to respond to things and how you express yourself. It's not really about being fake, I don't think. It's certainly not about ignoring things you know are bad. But there's a choice there - you can respond harshly or with grace. It's forgiving, but not forgetting. It's asking for your partn…
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/14 09:01 PM
2

I have a hard time with this because I get so darn cold in the winter. Summer is easy, but winter - even with a cozy robe, those flimsy nighties just don't cut it when you have to get out of bed! Mainly, I wear matching flannel tops and bottoms of a "traditional" pajama set, although I don't feel very girly in them. I take a small consolation in that they aren't sweats, and they match, but I really do feel like a little kid in them.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/14 08:05 PM
1

Clean sheets are the best. Warm from the dryer - makes me never want to get out of bed!
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/14 03:03 PM
4

I think this is where text can be different from tone. My partner and I don't live together, I suppose I didn't really make that clear, and so I was trying to talk about stepping in to fill a hole when your partner is down and out. Saying four loads wasn't about humble bragging, but more to denote I was doing additional laundry, not just the sheets I talked about earlier. While I do a load here and there for him, he also does some of his laundry when I'm not there. It was about doing all the exi…
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/14 03:02 PM
1

I really do appreciate that he's trying to motivate me, but his style of motivation can be so overwhelming. He's a basketball coach, and sometimes it makes me want to throw in the towel and go "Can't I do anything right?!" I think that's a great idea to ask him about what he'd prioritize. We've talked before about how I feel overwhelmed with so many things to work on that he's identified, or thing I've said I want to work on and he's trying to help me with, so perhaps trying to prioritize might …
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/14 01:07 PM
2

It really does! Even if it's something I've already identified that I need to work on, hearing it from my partner really hurts. I guess it's hoping that he doesn't see your faults, but I guess you can take heart in the fact that he loves you, flaws and all. But man, sometimes it stings.
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/14 01:02 PM
2

I'm shocked to see this was so mainstream!
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/14 09:06 PM
2

Late to the party on this one, but this is great advice (and very well written, too!). I worked my way through law school doing admin work, and I even employ a lot of these techniques as a lawyer. Sometimes, all it takes is being nice and feminine to get things done efficiently and more importantly, right.
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/14 08:51 PM
7

I come from a family culture where I grew up spending a lot of time with extended family. My partner does as well. These close familial bonds mean things like having aunts next door, having your mother in law move in, and the family wanting to spend time with each other. Cousins are playmates and everyone takes turns watching the kids. My mother has long said that she is looking forward to hours of grandparent time. The assumption is that I will be working, but she would expect that same time ev…
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/14 01:19 AM
5

Yes, yes. I really enjoy my career. It's fulfilling, stimulating, and a vocation for me. Unfortunately, there's judgment for women all around - it seems you can't catch a break in the judgment circus, whether you're staying at home or working. Either way, you're somehow a bad mother. It's definitely possible to balance a career and a home life, but it does require careful planning. I'm lucky, in that I have a supportive SO, and when the time comes, family in the area. My mother has long said she…
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/14 04:38 PM
2

I suppose it's because I'm fond of history, but it seems like, for many powerful men, there have been powerful, intelligent women behind them, using their resources to assist. It's just another way to market yourself as adding value to the relationship, particularly post-wall.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/14 12:17 PM
1

I don't know if it's about eating healthy (although that can't hurt!), but I've read a few places where women cut dairy and/or grains the week before, and have had some success with bloating and cramps. I tried it and it didn't seem to have much effect for me on the cramps, although it did lessen the bloating a ton. But I tend to crave simple carbs like a mofo when I am PMSing, so any decrease in consumption would be an improvement.
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 08:23 PM
2

I hope it works out for you! Burnout is the worst, but you can power through it if you just keep at it. Best of luck!
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 07:34 PM
1

Sorry to hear it's not eased for you. :( I know some people have had success with dietary changes. I hope you find something eventually that makes things better.
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 07:33 PM
1

So many things! Spring Cleaning. So much cleaning, purging, and organizing. It's a natural Lenten thing for me. Really hitting the job market hard and networking more. I'm determined to find a better job. Running a half marathon in early May. I last ran one in 2009 with a time of 2:16:07. I'm hoping to beat it, but my training has been scattershot, so we will see. Lose some weight and lift more weights. Help my SO with his garden. Find a house! I feel tired just looking at this list!
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 07:10 PM
1

Yes, words of affirmation are key! I have words of affirmation as my secondary (gifts as my primary - I'm such a stereotypical woman, ha), and my SO loves to debate. LOVES. He doesn't have a potty mouth, but he will argue that the sky is green if I say it's blue. I enjoy a rousing debate, but it does become exhausting at times, and he tries to motivate me by pointing out where I can do better, rather than commenting on what he loves or admires. It was an issue for us until we read the love langu…
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 07:06 PM
1

I'm sorry for your loss. Have the two of you, or just her, received any counseling for that? Loss of a child can definitely play a part in straining a marriage, and can play out in so many different ways in terms of intimacy and sex.
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 07:01 PM
2

Perhaps I'm just klutzy, but how do you not fall??? I've tried shower sex a few times with my SO, and it's been a comedy of errors, every time. I think our next house needs one of those giant showers with a bench, ha.
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 06:59 PM
2

You're not alone! My mother would have such bad nausea and pain, she'd end up vomiting. The doctors all told her it was in her head. Birth control pills stemmed some of that, but it didn't pass for her until she had a child. I had to deal with some of that as well, though luckily, not to the extent she did. You're not faking it or weak - some people truly have a bad PMS experience.
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 06:57 PM
3

Oh good, I'm glad you're not offended. Truly, I've been where you are - my senior year of college, despite my enjoyment of classes, was a real struggle with burnout. Luckily, my mother gave me a figurative boot up the behind and I powered through it. I hope, whatever you decide, it works out for you. You're so close I think you should go for it, but if you decide to drop out, do so with a plan - it will help so much. I don't know enough of the financial work and the stock market to know how you …
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 06:53 PM
11

I'll start with the personal first. I'm a lawyer. I went through undergrad at the usual time, took a gap year to save some money, and then went to the night program at the local law school to defray the debt. There are days when I regret it and wish I was a happy homemaker, to be sure. But the law is a passion of mine, and it is my calling. My SO is so encouraging of me. He loves that I am knowledgeable about the law, and I have become a great resource for him, as he transitions into a new work …
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 05:26 PM
1

It wasn't his physical appearance that disgusted me, as I did want to have sex with him. I loved him, as we'd been together for over two years at that point. It was disgusting because of the yeasty smell, even after showering, the clamminess, the sheer taste of his skin, his sweat, and his ejaculate had changed and it made me gag. Diet can affect more than just ejaculate taste, and sometimes those changes can make or break whether a woman is interested or not in going down on a man. It was never…
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 04:57 PM
1

Yes, that's a good point, too. I've felt very self-conscious in the past about my own smell/taste and am sometimes uncertain about cunnilingus. If she's dealing with pre-menopause or early menopause, I'd imagine that could make some things less appealing than they were previously.
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/14 04:54 PM
1

I hope you haven't bought anything from the Limited yet, but I wanted to warn you about their quality. When I first started out, I bought suits there, and they fell apart so, so fast. They will do in a pinch, but the quality is low!
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/14 08:54 PM
1

Hey there, fellow lawyer! I have found the best place for suits is surprisingly JC Penney's. They have a lot of dress & jacket suits, which I favor, and since you can find them on sale for fairly cheap, you're still getting an affordable suit after tailoring. They've also had a lot of cute skirt & jacket combos as well. I never would have thought to look there, but it's a great resource.
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/14 08:53 PM
3

I'm trying to be delicate when I ask this, but - how is your hygiene? From my experience, overweight men, especially if they have a beer belly, can sometimes have issues with sweat, which leads to a less than fresh genital region. One ex of mine who was about your size, even right out of the shower, it was unpleasant. His breath too, even after brushing and mouthwash, tended to be unpleasant as well, because of his diet. This may not be the case with you and your wife, but when my ex slowly gain…
/r/RedPillWomen12/03/14 08:47 PM
1

Apparently the braiding lightly tugs on the scalp, stimulating it and helping spur growth. I'd think you could get the same effect from a ponytail...? At least I hope so, as I'm terrible at braiding.
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/14 03:24 PM
2

No deadline, thankfully! My SO just wants to upgrade. But it's still plenty stressful, because we're not wowed by anything on the market right now in our area, but he's itching to get out of his neighborhood.
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/14 02:00 PM
1

Yes, I was just thinking of something searchable or categorized.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 06:24 PM
1

I love bone broth. Delicious and nutritious! I usually dissolve a little bit of good, organic beef gelatin in it, just to pump up the nutrients a bit.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 06:23 PM
1

I would worry that the styler would get stuck in my hair. How do you like it?
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 06:20 PM
1

The best kind of source! Thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 06:19 PM
1

I'm not no poo, as I've been using Revita to try and stimulate more hair growth, but I do love using the shampoo bars from Apple Valley Natural Soaps (I guess that's low poo). It really gives a great feeling and I like not worrying about the chemicals. I try and use a shampoo bar about half the time, since I do worry about the chemicals and how it might be making havoc with my body.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 06:19 PM
1

I was thinking in terms of right to work/produce food - life, liberty, pursuit of happiness type of rights. Not like a right to cheetos, haha.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 06:13 PM
3

I think it depends on how you term a relationship "egalitarian." I view my relationship with my SO as egalitarian in the sense that we are both of equal dignity. I don't view myself as somehow inferior because I am female, and neither does he. Egalitarianism is simply the idea that all people are of equal dignity. I view egalitarianism (or humanism, if you'd prefer) as compatible with hierarchical relationships - even if we all have the same dignity and should be afforded the same human rights, …
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 04:31 PM
2

I don't think it's un-RP advice. Complementing your man doesn't mean acting dumb or earning less. It also doesn't mean being a slave. If he takes out the trash or cuts the lawn or whatever, I don't see the problem. Your advice is spot-on, I think.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/14 04:23 PM
2

Seeing all this talk of food and great recipes makes me think we should start some sort of cookbook (maybe a google doc?) with all our recipes. We RPW are great cooks!
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/14 09:17 PM
3

Just Bento/Just Hungry is a great blog and resource if you're looking to make delicious yet simple Japanese food. Tuna soboro and carrot kinpira are some of my new faves that I discovered on that site. Yum!
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/14 09:17 PM
2

I agree. The idea of flavorful food spoiling your daughter is nonsense, but there's no reason you can't cook his, and then add the spices for you and her once you've taken his portion out, at least for most things.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/14 09:15 PM
2

We're doing okay. I've been trying to help my SO with house hunting at his request, and that's been stressful. Luckily, we're going on vacation in nine days, so hopefully that will give us time to recharge and forget all the stress of work, houses, and other obligations!
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/14 05:57 PM
8

Good. If it works for her and her partner, who are we to judge? If it's something she pursued, and it's not abusive, I don't see the problem.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/14 05:11 PM
2

Threesomes can be difficult enough for stable relationships - I would be very, very cautious about having a threesome right now in your relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/14 03:53 PM
1

I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you. With regard to "supportive, motivating phrases," I think that's part of the problem - the enforcer mindset. It is very hard to say something which will motivate a man to do something. You can say things that may inspire him to act, but a lot of times, if you try too hard to motivate, it just comes off more as an enforcer/nanny type thing. It also sounds like your SO doesn't like verbal praise or affirmations, so it's probably best not to try and fi…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/14 03:48 PM
1

I've seen it with one friend of mine who has always been naturally slim like a runway model, without the height. The commentary got so bad from random strangers ("eat a sandwich" seems ubiquitous), that one time she finally snapped and told a store clerk who made some shitty comment about her needing size 0 jeans that she had cancer. Some people are just nasty pieces of work.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/14 03:33 PM
3

On the whole, I agree with you, but I'd like to add that there are some women who are the exception to the parental rule. I don't have a great relationship with my dad, and my parents' marriage is anything but RP. In part, that's what motivates me to work harder at becoming a RPW - because I don't want to end up like my parents.
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/14 03:26 PM
2

I did an evening program for law school, so I could work during the day to defray costs. Many, many women in my class were doing it this way. Some waited til their children were in elementary, others high school, and even others waited til college. But they all were happy, and much more serious about their studies than the women who came through the program directly after college. A few others had their children while they were in law school, which to me seemed like insanity, but they were capit…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/14 03:21 PM
2

It's the same with Southern men - no offense to your Yankee self! ;) There's something to be said for being raised in a culture which still values tradition and manners.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 09:37 PM
5

Well, if your SO reacts poorly to guilt, my first suggestion is not to mention to him at all when he's not following a schedule. He knows, and he's going to react poorly to any sort of commentary on that. I see that you've replied, stating he wanted you to create the cards. Even if it seemed like a good idea to him when he saw you using them, it's obviously not working for him in the way it works for you. No need to keep trying the same thing and failing. Instead, I'd approach it this way - no m…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 09:35 PM
1

My college didn't have houses for sororities, which helped a lot. There was an option the first few years for sororities and fraternities to live in corridors in the same dorm, but not living together in a huge pack really cut down on the cattiness associated with sororities.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 09:23 PM
6

I've always liked Giada. Her meals and recipes are delicious, and she always comes across far more classy than Rachael Ray or Paula Deen.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 09:21 PM
2

I love this! It reminds me of two things: In college, I joined a well-known sorority which originated in the south. Part of our pledge period involved etiquette classes and tests. It was hammered home to us, over and over, that we needed to be ladies. Still, some women up north just didn't seem to get it, which is why the northern chapters were looked down upon by our southern girls. So many women nowadays seem to have lost that sense of manners, charm, and courtesy. This book: http://www.amazon…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 08:08 PM
3

What about Amy Chua, the tiger mom woman? I think there's some RP theory in her work as well.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 08:06 PM
6

Candace Cameron Bure
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 07:38 PM
2

Yes, I agree. I think most men would be understanding if this had more to do with work, but it sounds more like the OP wants to go out and party and have him pay for it. When he doesn't want to, she goes without him. All of her actions sound like they are emasculating him, rather than building him up.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 07:04 PM
1

I've had great success with Lotte Berk/Pure Barre/Tracy Anderson type isometric exercised with low weights/high reps. I know some fitness people scoff at it, but my arms were fantastic when I was doing those types of routines. Granted, they also had body weight moves like pushups, but most of the work was small weight and small movement - much harder than you'd think!
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 05:46 PM
5

I found this so pertinent, given our current discussion on tone and advice. To summarize, for those not interested in reading the whole article: "I ask that you try an experiment. Just do this for a day. Just one day. Try to go about your day under the following four pretenses: 1) You are not perfect. 2) You could stand to improve in every single facet of your life. 3) People who point out your flaws or critique your actions aren't necessarily motivated by cruelty, hatred, and animosity. 4) Some…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 05:40 PM
2

Yes, that definitely does change things. You aren't going to get anywhere with the idea of submission until you change how the two of you interact. I really hope for the best for the two of you. I hope you're able to get what you need out of MMSL and make things work!
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 05:37 PM
2

Not if he has other women on the side.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 05:34 PM
1

It might be stress, or with the lack of money, he doesn't feel masculine enough around you. I hope you haven't commented on his lack of money or expressed disappointment about not doing things that cost money. Praise him and express love for him. Cook him dinner, or try to do things that are fun but don't cost money. Make him feel more like a man, rather than a gym/fuck buddy.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 04:13 PM
5

This is basically the advice from "The Rules." I think there can be some truth to it - not playing hard to get, but having a full life with interests, that adds to your value if you have hobbies and activities. A lot of high value men talk about how they want a woman they can carry on a conversation with, who takes pride in her appearance, and who has an appropriate sense of self-worth - not women who are pathetically grateful for every scrap of attention and cling. Guys also love feeling like t…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 04:11 PM
2

I wish I could upvote this twice. It's fantastic advice. It's scary to give up control to someone else, particularly if you don't think that person can lead. Submission becomes so much easier when your partner becomes a decisive leader.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 03:37 PM
3

It could be, when she says that, that she means she wants someone who takes her concerns into account when making decisions. Her statement doesn't necessarily negate the natural desire for wanting your husband to be a leader.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 03:35 PM
2

I don't know if talking about these things and having transparency is automatically bad. My SO and I talked about me deferring control to him, and what he needed from me to stop feeling emasculated. I was already interested in some of this stuff already, but it spurred me on to reading more and actively working to give him what he needed. Open communication does seem to be working for us on the whole, but we haven't been together as long and aren't dealing with a marriage. It probably helps that…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 03:33 PM
1

I'm sorry if you interpreted this as criticism of your article - it wasn't even really a direct response. Your commentary on directness got me to thinking about myself, and how I struggled with hearing criticism and also imparting criticism. I was speaking solely of myself, and thought it might be good to hear for those who sometimes get their back up at how something is communicated. I find that, when I am most resistant to criticism, that's also when I'm the harshest at communicating to others…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 03:23 PM
1

I hope you find 5LL interesting - it's pretty fair, I think. A good mix of husbands and wives (or both) needing to do better in the relationship, rather than always blaming the man. I also like how the author stresses that love is a choice. You don't wake up to unicorns, rainbows, and roses each day in a marriage - you have to make that choice to love, over and over. I think that message has a lot of parallels with submission.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 03:17 PM
1

Thanks for the info!
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/14 03:15 PM
5

Well, I'm am not married, so I am by no means an authority. But I can share a little bit of what I've found valuable, and hopefully it can help. My SO and I faced a disconnect for a while, where it felt like neither part was communicating well with the other party. Luckily, we both loved each other and wanted to make things work. We read "The Five Love Languages" and it turns out some of our problems were love language related. My SO appreciates words of affirmation and physical touch, whereas I…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/14 03:33 PM
2

I've read a few books that you might find helpful. I just love these sorts of books, but then again, I was the type of child who would read the encyclopedia or cookbooks. Better than Beauty: A Guide to Charm by Helen Thompson and Alice Valentine. It was published in 1938. Along with some simple style advice, it gives advice on manners and charm. I've found it very helpful. A Guide to Elegance by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux. It was published in the sixties, I believe. Although it has a heavy emphas…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/14 02:07 PM
3

One of the most important traits I've tried to cultivate is how to take constructive criticism or advice with grace. It can be easy to become offended by someone's tone or manner in which they speak to you, and that can lead to losing out on valuable advice. However, on the flip side, there's something to be said for graceful communication. There is nothing wrong with directness, but for the advice-giver, it is important to think about how you are expressing yourself. My grandmother always said,…
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/14 01:56 PM
1

Yes, most decisions are like this. There are times where it's a bigger decision, and I tell him what I think sometimes before asking him or before he's asked for my opinion. Sometimes I screw up in trying to ask him to explain his decision to me as well. Right now, for the past month or so, I'm at about 85% in terms of deferring to him. I know I have a lot of room for improvement there, but I am getting better at it, which is good. A lot of times, when I ask him what he wants, he does sort of th…
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/14 09:57 PM
3

Thanks for the PDF! I think it's great.
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/14 09:22 PM
1

Thank you for the advice. I really don't want to tell him how to do things, and I will have to try and use my google-fu to try and find that article. I think some of the disconnect is helping him realize he is in charge. Perhaps that is why I've felt like he's not considering the relationship when he makes decisions - because he doesn't yet have the mindset he's truly in charge? Although I've been working hard at letting him lead, I'm not entirely there yet, and this is a newer process for us. P…
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/14 09:21 PM
1

No, sometimes stereotypes exist because there's a kernel of truth there. I'm a Capricorn and he's a Sagittarius - if you believe in MBTI or horoscopes, we don't seem to be matched well on paper. That said, we work very well together a lot of the time. I'm independent and introverted enough that some things he does that could be interpreted as self-absorbed don't bother me much. My mother used to say I'd be an ideal "doctor's wife," ha. But I am struggling with the times where his focus on himsel…
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/14 09:15 PM
2

I grew up in a family where food and cooking for someone was a way to express love. Consequently, I really enjoy cooking and people are always surprised when I make a meal or bake some treats. Even though we as a society don't value these things as much any more, somehow, we subconsciously appreciate that "home cooked" item more than the fast item. I find that the best way to cheer someone up, or to say "I love you," or comfort, involves a home cooked meal. Going to that effort for someone else …
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/14 08:09 PM
1

One piece of advice that's given to women often is that men like to feel powerful. We're encouraged from a variety of sources, to ask men to explain things to us or do things for us, as a way to make them feel more masculine. Some guys really like to do this (I'm thinking changing oil in a car or explaining the stock market, not fetching a drink of water), but others bristle at it.
/r/TheRedPill19/02/14 02:24 PM
1

Hesitantly wading in to the locker room to agree with the "Are you busy?" statement. I know that anecdotes are not data, but in my experience, women are taught/socialized not to ask directly for things and to be "polite." This leads to all sorts of issues. But from personal experience, if I ask my SO if he could do a favor for me, it is basically a poorly worded "Are you busy/I need help" sort of thing, rather than any conscious shit test. I would guess that for some percentage of women, this ph…
/r/TheRedPill19/02/14 02:19 PM
1

Yes, my mom was in her twenties during the seventies. I'm pretty sure her Studio 54-esque antics were far worse than anything I could get up to. If she'd perhaps paid attention in class, rather than being hungover or hyped on adderall...
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/14 01:56 PM
2

Athol Kay looks great. I was wondering about books. I read "Created to be his Helpmeet," which kicked off my exploration, because there was a lot of great ideas in there, if you sorted the wheat from the chaff. But I was a little hesitant on passing along the male version to my SO, particularly because of the religious aspects that didn't line up with our beliefs. I also read "Fascinating Womanhood" but it didn't seem like there was a male counterpoint. Athol Kay looks interesting - I think I wi…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/14 05:47 PM
2

My SO always comments on how nice my hands look, and how he loves that my nails always look nice. It's a great tip.
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/14 02:40 PM
1

Thanks for posting this list. I really enjoyed it!
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/14 02:38 PM
1

With regard to the Christmas driving issue, when he wanted me to call in sick, I politely told him that I wished I could, but that I had court. When he said he wanted me to drive back early, I did explain to him that I felt uncomfortable with the situation, and asked if he had any alternatives. He didn't want to brainstorm with me other ways - he basically ended up pouting. That's also why it concerns me, a bit. The weather turned bad, and I ended up driving back that night, rather than attempti…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/14 02:38 PM
1

I posted this above, but it sums up an example of where he was only thinking about his own desires. I'm not constantly challenging his decisions, I'm not perfect, but I'm getting there on that front. What's troubling me are the instances (often enough to worry me), where he's not thinking beyond what he wants, and I'm struggling with how to talk to him about it and/or adjust my thinking. Most of the time, I trust his decisions. But, there are some speed bumps. for example, at Christmas, he and I…
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/14 01:27 AM
1

Should I tell him I want him to lead? I've never been explicit in what I've been reading up on, and I'm a bit hesitant at directing him towards TRP, as a lot of the posts seem to be more directed toward single guys. I feel like, if I tell him I want him to lead, then that's still sort of dictating how the relationship is to go. I do want to feel like I'm being listened to, but at the same time, it feels like, if I bring all this up, I'm still dictating to him how things are to go. Plus, then if …
/r/RedPillWomen18/02/14 01:24 AM
1

I posted this above, so I hope you don't mind me copy pasting it in response to you. for example, at Christmas, he and I both wanted to split the holidays with our families. He came up with the suggestion of Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas morning individually with our respective families, and for me to join him later Christmas Day. However, I had to work the day after Christmas, so I could only spend the afternoon and evening with his family. They were meeting several hours away from ou…
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/14 10:02 PM
1

I replied above to PhantomDream09 about the situation, if that helps. It's not so much that he makes decisions that I would make differently, as that happens often, and I'm doing pretty well at going with the flow. It's specific decisions that he's made that make me question whether he needs help in leading, or whether I'm just not there yet in RP thinking, or whether I've chosen someone who is perhaps too selfish (don't think this is it, considering it's not a once-a-week type occurrence). He d…
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/14 10:00 PM
1

I'm glad I'm in good company! ;)
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/14 09:54 PM
2

I have a lot of faults, of course. Some aren't relevant to this issue that we have, such as procrastinating or spatial reasoning. But I think you're looking for specificity with regard to this issue. If so, I can be stubborn, and I have a hard time not being in control of situations. I'm not a risk-taker, especially when it comes to things that skirt ethical boundaries, the law, or personal safety. I like to have a plan, rather than be spontaneous (technically, I'm not sure if it's a fault, but …
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/14 09:47 PM
0

I tend to wear 2.5" heels, as my SO isn't very tall, and I have a hard time walking in higher shoes. Is there a trick for those 4" heels? I don't know how people manage it gracefully! Pointe shoes are no problem, but 4" stilettos are my nemesis, particularly on cobblestone streets.
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/14 07:57 PM
11

I have some friends (not RPW) in their late twenties/early thirties, who shrug and cavalierly say, "Oh, you can have kids in your forties now." I don't think this is going to go as easily for them as they thought.
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/14 07:47 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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