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mathildahl Archive

View 7 posts and 57 comments by mathildahl on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

What is the context here? Are you talking about sex in a relationship? If so, my advice is - as corny as it is - to pay attention to your desires. Do you want him? Do you trust him? Take your time, don't feel pressured into e.g. having PIV sex if you realise that you actually just wanted to make out. You say you're nervous about it - then wait. I waited months before having sex with my ex, so when we did I knew that I wanted it. Lastly or perhaps most importantly: be selfish! A good man will wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 07:12 PM
8

I'm not too fond of this example actually - if he can't do basic chores by himself unless he feels forced to, she should just leave him and find a man who acts like an adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:24 PM
14

Yes, absolutely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:21 PM
14

If he changes his personality, it's bad. If he's clean but not as clean as you'd like him to be (taking my own example here, though admittedly I'm a bit of a neat freak) and he changes his behaviour for you, I don't see the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:21 PM
14

That's a great way to filter out LVMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:19 PM
23

Because we all differ in what we consider "normal". I have higher standards than most when it comes to cleanliness, so if a man's flat isn't as clean as I'd like I won't begrudge him, but I do want him to get closer to my standards. You're right that I should be clearer - if a man is living in filth, it's a red flag, obviously. You're free to just ask him, I'm glad it works with your partner. However, I've found that for a former pickme like me who easily falls into the "doing too much for other…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:19 PM
25

I'm not sure there's anything to be done for a "nag" dynamic in a long term relationship. If there is, I haven't been able to figure it out. Only two ways out that I can see: the man waking up on his own (possible but not worth hoping for) or the woman starting over with a new partner (easier said than done). If anyone has ideas, I'll gladly edit the post to add them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 12:56 PM
40

Excellent points! Disappointment is also a good reaction. Really, the core idea is that no matter how you say it, it should be in a way that puts no responsibility on you. "Your floor is dirty"/"I thought you'd be able to clean your flat when I come over" = the burden is on him. "Look, you really should clean, let me show you how!" = you're taking the burden on your shoulder. Absolutely agree that you shouldn't praise him afterwards. Frankly it's patronising - as if you didn't believe him capabl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 10:52 AM
2

Didn't know any of them, they're great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 09:09 AM
3

That was my first thought too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 09:02 AM
173

Prime case of respecting the letter of the law but not the spirit. Sounds like an exhausting relationship to be in - who wants a partner who tries to pull one over you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 08:11 PM
5

Love 'em. He's telling you he's a walking red flag so you don't have to wonder - a huge time gain! Thank him and disengage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 02:10 PM
3

I've considered it - I had a very strong case of running after men who hurt me and hurting men who ran after me. It hurt me, it hurt good men, I thought I should take myself off the market... It backfired in the best way, though: since I didn't want to date, I was much more aloof and less easily impressed, and it attracted my current partner. Too soon to say if he's a HVM but he's been a sweetheart so far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 09:14 AM
10

What an amazing level up - congrats sis! You're doing it great, hope you don't mind if I steal some of your mantras. I have the same story of shitty relationships where I put in so much effort and got only disrespect in return, then discovering FDS and wising up. Now I have a sweet boyfriend who chased me, enjoys taking care of me and is very attentive to my needs. Night and day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 02:14 PM
2

I'm a highly intelligent woman (IQ >135 to give a broad range) and I'm quite sure all the men I've been attached to were at the very least gifted - lovers and friends alike. My current boyfriend is on my level in terms of raw intelligence, not as smart on some levels but much smarter on others. I only had one short fling with a man that wasn't close to my level (nice and cute, though). I had to dumb myself down with him and, as the friend who introduced us predicted, it got boring quickly and I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 09:40 AM
3

Such an excellent post! It can be applied in so many different contexts - people treat you how you expect to be treated, and if you act with calm and elegance, many will be drawn to you. Thank you for writing this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:29 AM
7

That's the greatest compliment I could receive, I've redirected so much energy to worthier purposes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 07:33 PM
8

Absolutely! The point is finding a relationship that enriches your life, what's the point of having a partner if he doesn't make you happier?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 07:03 PM
5

Yes, that's the point of the "dreamgirl" attitude - filtering out LVMs. I agree with your second point - I thought of mentioning it at the beginning where I talk about how the two schools of thought can be combined, but it muddied the general thesis of the post. Thank you for adding it here, it's a very good point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 07:02 PM
17

After a year that was wonderful on every aspect except dating (go look at my post on leveling up after a fuckboy), I moved to a new city. Isn't that the perfect opportunity to improve yourself? I decided to focus on being a kind, happy person, getting into more hobbies and cultivating my friendships. No boys, no dating, just building a wholesome life. After all (I mistakenly thought), since I hate dating apps and am new here, I won't have any issue not dating. Now a colleague I get along with st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 09:44 PM
4

Excellent post, glad to see it's in the handbook now! Love how the advice is not only about dating, but also about self-improvement. And thank you for sifting through TRP bullshit to give us this pearl, we all respect your sacrifice ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 08:22 AM
3

Dating other people does help (though you have to be careful not to jump out of the frying pan into the fire, don't get attached to another fuckboy). Be angry! Call your friends to complain! Angry-laugh with them at how much bullshit he's put you through and seriously, what was I thinking?! This one helped a lot. Get busy. Go to the gym, focus on your hobbies (except the hobbies you have in common with the LVM - let these ones lie for a bit) Think of Future You, a year from now, and how to make …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 10:58 AM
9

Great idea! I'm seeing a lot of "learning French" goals, hit me up if you have questions ladies, I'm a native speaker. ​ Career goal: be proactive at work, ask questions, build a reputation as a reliable colleague Money goals: become financially literate, get a budget and save as much as possible donate part of my income Health goals: cook most of my meals, limit takeout to once or twice a month (unless someone is paying for me). Cut down on sugar and processed foods. keep going to the gym every…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 01:05 PM
50

Congratulations! I love your post, it's such a virtuous cycle of good things causing good things. You're doing great, 2020 is going to be amazing if you keep it up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/19 10:24 AM
1

I'm sure one day you'll laugh about it like I do! Time (and leveling up in life) does work wonders. I'm looking forward to the day I'll see a post of yours telling us about your leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 09:23 PM
8

You too? It's like they all read the same book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 04:26 PM
13

He talked shit about his mother who did most of the raising. Should have been my first clue. Thank you, I'm glad I found this sub and its great advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 01:09 PM
37

Don't ask yourself if he likes you; ask yourself if you like him. You're trying to get a feeling for who he is and how pleasant his company can be. Enjoy his qualities, notice his faults, focus on having a good time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 08:35 PM
12

I'm dying, who is this genius? This is the best thing I've seen all day and I'm living for it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 07:22 PM
14

There's nothing wrong with you. You had feelings for him, he didn't reciprocate (at least not the same kind of feelings). You feel like you've been played, and that's not wrong - even if he didn't want to hurt you, he had to know that you were emotionally invested. That's a shitty thing he did. You're right to be cold and blunt towards him. He might have been a good friend but think of your situation right now: do you enjoy having him around? Is it beneficial to you? Imagine two situations: one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 06:32 PM
32

I stay motivated by thinking about: my future daughters, who deserve to have their mother be the best version of herself; my future self, who benefits from present me not giving up. As for female friends, I do find it hard... I'm trying to befriend my female coworkers and I'm going to a dance lesson tomorrow, both for fun and to meet potential friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 06:19 PM
11

To be fair, the most beautiful, elegant woman I know (and one of the smartest as well) is poly. But it's true that while my male poly friends are dear to me, they're really not the most physically attractive of men. I've also seen many fuckboys claiming to be poly when they were just looking for NSA sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 03:51 PM
84

I feel called out, thank you for making this post! Are you actually upset about him, or are you upset about the rejection? Do you really care about who he is at his core, or are you mourning the loss of the relationship, or the potential connection you thought you could be building? Does he actually matter that much at all? Do you get all caught up on a guy, do the bitch ass double text if you feel him pulling away, or feel a rush of relief when you finally get a text from him? We should ask our…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 03:47 PM
4

Hiking works very well. If you're going with a group, let someone else bring their phone and enjoy hours of phone-free exercise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 01:10 PM
2

So boring, you want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into his head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:27 PM
8

Have gotten over a fuckboy before. How I did it: part of it was pure luck, we met during a strong depressive episode and the episode faded soon after he dumped me at first we kept having long phone conversations where I'd basically be his therapist... Then I came to my senses and deleted him from my life. Couldn't block him for work reasons but apart from that, he didn't exist anymore. It works! I lived my best life! Not just by distracting myself but by accomplishing goals. I graduated, gave a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 08:08 PM
1

Thank you for the reminder! I always feel the urge to prove myself. It's exhausting and it doesn't even work! Building a healthy sense of self is much wiser use of my time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 07:45 AM
9

Without any judgement, I have to ask: what is it you're looking to gain from this community? If you're truly not interested in relationships, why go on a dating subreddit? Or do you want one but you're afraid to admit it to yourself? (I ask because I used to be in this position, denial was a big theme in my teenage years.) To answer your post title, no, this is not a blackpilled community (it's literally a dating sub where we advocate finding a high-value man - to me that's the opposite of black…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 08:21 PM
7

The issue is that I automatically ask personal questions, I don't really know how to have light-hearted conversations unless we're already good friends. What should I talk about? How to avoid getting too deep?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 08:15 PM
3

It's very interesting to me too how we seem to have such different types of communication. Slight probing and letting people open up is actually my problem - I just fall into it too naturally, it's a pattern of interaction that's familiar, rewarding (because people love when you're their mirror) and helps a lot with my social anxiety. Then I realized that I didn't know how to interact with people outside of being their unpaid therapist... Which is what I'd like to avoid. ​ when i was younger i w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 08:14 PM
9

I never text for extended periods of time, all the deep talk happens in person (which makes it even deeper). It's actually much easier for me to go into deep topics in person than in text or over the phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 07:57 PM
7

This is an excellent post! The list of things to do is great, I'll try to keep all of those points in mind (especially the "run for the hills" part). Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 05:45 PM
25

That's a very specific anecdote that fits your lived experience, but probably won't fit most people's. If a man asked me to support him while he learns new skills, I'd be wary even if I loved him. I'd probably consider it a red flag unless he had an extensive history of hard work and success with his personal projects. To be honest, I don't see the use of your post in this subreddit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 02:49 PM
4

That's amazing! God, I hope I can be a mother like you one of these days. Your daughter is very lucky!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 12:12 PM
6

From my experience, it's possible with one caveat: if the man is straight/bi and single, there will be a "What if?..." moment. Once you reach it and say you're not interested, one of two things happens: he didn't truly value you as a friend and he'll disappear. That happens a lot to a close friend of mine. Men go crazy over her, she's in a relationship but she has guys fawning over her all the time... until they realize she's not going to fuck them. Then they slowly leave. (Which is why you need…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 10:51 AM
2

I'm sorry but I stand by what I said: the ratio is close to 1:1 worldwide. While men do outnumber women at birth, they're also more fragile and die more easily during infancy. You're correct when you mention female infanticide, though - the ratio is skewed in some countries. It's already changing marriage dynamics there. Worldwide, though, it's not enough to make a significant dent in the 1:1 ratio (which is currently 1.07:1 for the 15-24 yo range, 1.02:1 for the 25-54 range). ​ The excess of me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 10:31 AM
16

For me one trait of a HVW is that while she may wish for a good man, she doesn't need one to feel happy and accomplished. I feel you when it comes to low confidence, I still suffer from it and I find myself getting jealous of more attractive women very often! But I'm trying to get into a more cooperative mindset. Female friendships are worth fighting for!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 06:29 PM
43

There are good men out there. I know several amazing men who have my deepest respect and affection. There are not enough good men for every woman (the man-to-woman ratio worldwide is close to 1:1, so having enough good men would mean every man is a good one) Of course there are low-value women, and it's best if such women don't end up with great men. I've seen great male friends being deeply hurt by selfish partners; they deserve better. As for the traits that make for a low-value woman, you'll …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 06:08 PM
3

What? Where I'm from, studying abroad is well-known for being a great social opportunity (lots of partying, meeting new people, getting involved in clubs) for both sexes. It's regarded as something you should do. There are no negative connotations, most employers love knowing you've been abroad, it makes you seem worldly and autonomous. Go for it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 05:27 PM
1

Why is that? I'm genuinely interested, planning to have children in a few years at most.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 02:31 PM
3

It's a very good option. Thank you for researching the topic and writing it down here! Saving your post for future reference. An important addition: if possible, check with the donor whether he's a happy person or not! Happiness has a genetic component. And remember, ladies: make sure to have a solid social network around you if you're going to have children by yourself! (Or with a wishy-washy partner). It takes a village to raise a child. Personally I've always favored the idea of having male f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 02:18 PM
3

Not to mention, as a woman, you don't need to be in a relationship to have children. What you need are a sperm donor (solid male friends with good genetics to pass down are best imo), enough money to support yourself and the children, and a strong social network with good male figures. I plan to have children but relationships are more of a footnote in my plans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 10:20 PM
16

Congratulations on blocking him! It must not have been easy but you did it, you're taking the first steps towards recovery. You can be proud of yourself! I'm sure the future version of you is so glad that present you had the courage to do what you did :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 03:15 PM
5

As soon as I see him I'm gonna ask what he wants and if he says he doesn't know still then I'm blocking him and downloading tinder. That's the spirit! I'm so glad to read that :) Keep us updated, I'll be waiting to hear back from you! Trust me, there are few feelings better than looking back after months and realizing you barely even think of him anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 09:26 PM
9

Couldn't put it better! Your mother is a wise woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 08:08 PM
9

Thank you, I added a link to your comment. I still feel like the "let him pay" strategy works best in most cases, nutcases like the one you describe can be sniffed out easily (and boy does he sound crazy, the car ride back to your place must have felt like ages).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 07:40 PM
45

He's playing house with you with no intent to commit because he knows he doesn't have to. You already told him you wanted monogamy then let him get away with no changes in his behaviour. Don't put yourself down, though, of course you're smart. It's obvious that you see his game clearly. You're just hooked on the emotional highs and lows, it's an addiction like any other. It's going to hurt anyway. Either he leaves you after stringing you along for months, you leave him in the future, or you leav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 05:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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