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mayflower42 Archive

View 4 posts and 67 comments by mayflower42 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

This makes sense. I know I’m partially to blame for this. Does this situation seem salvageable if i implemented this mindset?
/r/RedPillWomen20/02/18 02:44 AM
1

We dated for 5 years and met when I was 20. You’re right that I don’t appreciate all that I have which is why I haven’t made any rash decisions. I haven’t gotten to the root of my restlessness, just know that it’s there and what the hell am I supposed to make of it? I had hesitations before marrying but thought I would regret letting a good man go for the rest of my life. I am definitely physically attracted to him, that’s not the issue. And you’re right, every guy I’ve been interested in that h…
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 11:56 PM
2

Thank you!! I hate my victim mindset and want to take a serious look at my attitude. The comparison trap sucks!
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 01:28 AM
1

Serious question. Is this what most relationships take?
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 01:14 AM
0

I definitely find him very attractive. Frequently I’ll catch him out of the corner of my eye in the grocery store and think “damn he’s hot!” thinking it’s someone else but it’s him. Physically there’s nothing I would change...some may even say he’s better looking than me. It’s the mental aspect and challenge that I think could improve. And until now I’ve blamed myself for being unable to inspire that.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 11:42 PM
1

Thank you for making me aware that an attitude adjustment is in order. Many users have pointed out that you can’t negotiate attraction...so I want to be careful not to fool myself into faking it is all. But I can see how my thinking is dangerous here.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 09:57 PM
1

My husband is pretty physically attractive. It’s the mental side of it that gets me
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 03:07 PM
2

Ive touched upon them but I haven’t spoken in a “come to Jesus” way about this because I’m not sure how to frame my concerns since they are about who he is. let me break down a recent situation and show you how i tried to solve it. The other night I opened up to him about my fantasy and told him it really turned me on thinking about if we did x y and z and I asked him how he felt about it. He immediately was turned off to the actual idea (which is fine, no big deal) but I explained that even jus…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 09:06 AM
1

I appreciate it, truly. My actions may be futile but its my interpretation of bringing something to the table. Clearly if it’s not a meaningful then no wonder I’m not creating the results I want. A realignment and attitude adjustment is clearly in order. If I found a list of things my husband posted I genuinely would be overjoyed. Because it would show me that he is also unhappy with the status quo and it would force us both to have to change something. I don’t think I’m perfect nor am I seeking…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 06:12 AM
1

To add...yes part of my upsetness is that I am not the woman I think I could be...and thus frustrated at the outcome and blaming others. So thank you for reframing my concerns that if I want change I must focus on myself. I get a bit jealous seeing couples in love and how much fun they have together and want that for myself and my husband but it seems like a bit of a misplaced fantasy more than anything else
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 05:31 AM
1

Thank you for this practical advice!! It gives me hope that I can control the outcome by starting with myself and not lazily complaining about an outside situation. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 05:28 AM
1

Thank you. I needed to hear this.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 05:19 AM
5

That’s a good outlook. Clearly the grass is greener mindset is killing me and the “out” of divorce seems like an easy way of avoiding the hard work. So thanks for encouraging me there. As far as being forthcoming I did not mention it but have a history of physical and emotional abuse in my childhood so this may effect my tendency to normally choose toxic and unhealthy bad boys while this is a good man I’m not used to. I also have an avoidant attachment style and tend to repress my feelings which…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 05:16 AM
1

All I can say is that I identified with a lot of what was said there...whether or not it’s legitimate advice is up for debate. I really don’t have a lot of faith or confidence in myself as a person and didn’t have good role models growing up so I’m doing the best I can to piece together my beliefs from whatever sources I find.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 05:02 AM
1

You’re right, I didn’t take that initial advice. But I made the decision and must learn to live through it the best way I can. Reaching out to this community (while you may think I ignore it) has been a huge help and provided a sense of community and understanding that I don’t have in my personal life. The women here are very genuine and set a good example and I hope to be able to set that type of example one day. Until then I’m working on improving myself and my relationship the best way I can.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 05:00 AM
1

Thank you for your comment. I have a lot of self-hate for going through a situation I wasn’t 100% sure of, but that’s another story. As far as what I’ve done to address and help the situation I have: Cook consistently, dress well, keep in shape, contribute to the finances, grocery shopping/chores, talk to him about my needs, check in to see if he is happy, encourage him to reach his goals, bring and encourage fun in the relationship. I’ve also attempted to change things in my own life by deepeni…
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 04:58 AM
1

Aww! How did you meet your bf?
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/18 09:27 PM
1

I want to cry. This is amazing. I so badly wish I felt the same way. Felt like I settled into a marriage and am now cripplingly depressed and bored of a life I let myself get trapped into.
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/18 09:26 PM
2

This is beautiful to read and congratulations on finding someone you truly desire and love
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/18 05:49 PM
1

Every single one of these responses has me so sad...I am recently married and have not experience any of these. You are very lucky
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/18 04:58 AM
1

Meaning that your SO is otherwise conventionally attractive and you are physically drawn to them but not psychologically. This can include lack of leadership, confidence, frame, dread, fun, excitement etc. that keep things familial but not fiery.
/r/RedPillWives12/12/17 06:24 PM
1

Being deeply content would be amazing. I would revel in it. But things have been so far from that. I can barely spend 1 waking moment without thinking about this. It's not about playing the field...it's about being genuinely dissatisfied about the core issues of our relationship and seeing him (albeit handsome and nice) man as a sibling more as a partner. Not trying to refute your point, but do you think this level of attraction (non physical) is non-negotiable?
/r/RedPillWives12/12/17 03:22 AM
1

Not on the pill. Never had been. Highly agree that this may be a personality flaw. But at the same time the feelings are just something I can't not pay attention to. My body must be trying to tell me that something is off. Since tying the knot I've been restless 24/7, worried, overthinking, and in general not in a good mental state. Some days it feels overwhelmingly hopeless and I just don't know what to do. Therapy is working but practically it seems difficult to decipher what improvements woul…
/r/RedPillWives12/12/17 03:19 AM
1

Ah yes, edited. Thank you! That’s a good point. Do you think the inverse is true? A man that has good qualities but you don’t feel tingles for?
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/17 07:31 PM
1

Are tingles suck a bad thing?
/r/RedPillWomen05/12/17 07:03 PM
1

I genuinely don’t think my husband has any idea. He seems fine with the status quo while I quietly struggle about what to do. Yes these are alarm bells but I have no idea where they are coming from. I look at him and he’s this amazingly handsome guy who is so helpful and kind. Something feels so seriously wrong with me and I constantly live in fear that I will give this up and regret it for the rest of my life. But I also sit and think that I am resigning myself to an unhappy life and don’t know…
/r/RedPillWives27/11/17 05:40 AM
2

Yes but I don’t know what the core problem is and if/what can be fixed. So I keep thinking in circles
/r/RedPillWives27/11/17 05:37 AM
1

Well here goes nothing. What can the cards tell me about the future of my romantic life?
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/17 01:04 AM
1

no matter how great this man is to you and how amazing he seems to everyone else, you are not seriously attracted to him in a way that will allow this relationship/marriage to survive. This is a Red Pill Truth…attraction is non-negotiable. It’s organic and never, ever forced. It’s very likely the reason you have sexual dissatisfaction and other There is a solution - accept this man and love him for who he is right now, grow with him in love and life, and truly be grateful for the opportunity to …
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 11:11 PM
1

Can I ask how you specifically identified that something was a deal breaker and not something that could be fixed?
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 09:34 PM
1

I am not trying to be rough, rude, insensitive, or harsh, but you have all the symptoms of an Alpha Widow and can’t seem to get away from your overwhelming desire to be with the Bad Boys/Pretty Boys. These guys make terrible husbands and fathers, but that seems to be your preference. Go with what you want - not with who you think is the safe choice. You're not being rude or insensitive, I really appreciate this advice. I realize that attraction is non-negotiable, but at the same time is it not a…
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 09:32 PM
1

I agree with you and appreciate hearing a perspective that involves taking this into my own hands. I've tried doing this a few times, and walk away feeling defeated most of the time because he doesn't want to play along with me. So I've quietly accepted that certain things will only be things that I can do with friends or others. I don't want to "outsource" everything though. It sounds like I need to think of new things that are a little different than what I previously recommended and see if th…
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 09:21 PM
1

What do you do to foster fun and excitement in the relationship? I've hooked us both on comedy shows and we have inside jokes about those. We'll also create "fake news" together as an inside joke too. I'm very into fitness so that makes up most of my hobbies. He works out too, so we like talking about our workouts. Other times I'll try to rope him into harmless pranks but he usually doesn't want to play along. For example, I told him it would be really fun to go to a store and role-play and pret…
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 09:17 PM
1

I would say you are rightfully trying to suppress your own hypergamous nature and desire to 'trade up'. What I'm ultimately seeking is to feel a fire instead of a brother-sister type feeling. I'm not necessarily looking to trade-up as I am looking to shake-up the current dynamic. Because the familial type feeling isn't cutting it and at the risk of sounding selfish, I won't be left orgasm-less for my remaining days. (a) he helps you around the house by lifting some heavy boxes and you realize he…
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 08:57 PM
1

Have you recently met someone (not your husband) who , as you say, "intrigues you, inspires you, attracts you" ? Throughout the time I've known my SO, I've developed crushes on others who (at least superficially) have attracted me in ways that I describe. This probably isn't based in reality though. Apply the Golden Rule here. How would you feel if you really wanted to be with someone, and they were reluctantly with you? They felt "unfulfilled and unsatisfied"? I've been here, and it certainly f…
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/17 08:13 PM
1

Yes, agreed. My therapist has identified my primary problem as not separating feelings well, and having difficulty identifying what even makes me feel good. This is compounded by the fact that I don’t believe in myself to move toward what I want
/r/RedPillWomen23/11/17 12:28 AM
1

Yeah, I’m trying my best to override the hampster. But it’s hampstering HARD at time and it makes me wonder why I can’t shut it down. Surely it shouldn’t be this much work?
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 08:41 PM
1

Clear examples would be: He says things but doesn’t mean them. For example, he will talk about how he wants to go into work on the weekend so he won’t be distracted by the game at home. But when the day comes, he will be at home watching the game and doesn’t even recall making the statement about going into work. Another is the same routine conversations every day. He constantly brings up traffic and work paperwork and while I’m happy to lend a listening ear, there’s only so many times you can h…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 08:26 PM
1

I’ve felt this the entirety of the relationship, not just after marriage. And I’ve read this sub and see his amazing qualities, but still feel AWALT and like the problem is in me internally. That’s what has kept me from making any major decisions about this...im always unsure or feeling like something is wrong with me
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 08:14 PM
1

It’s definitely not appearance that’s the problem. I’m attracted to my husband and find him handsome. He’s just very boring and routine and I have a hard time finding the “spark” with him. The men I find attractive are gregarious and fun with a sense of playfulness and a zest for life. My husband is very serious and would rather talk about traffic or parking than pleasure or pranks.
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 08:12 PM
1

I agree with you, he deserves the chance to be with someone that deeply loves him. I think the problem I have in talking openly to him is that there isn’t necessarily something concrete that I can identify is the problem. For example, if it was something about cleaning up the apartment and I ask him to take the trash out, he will. Most of the times when it comes to practical things like this he’s willing to listen, as am I. What I am having trouble expressing to him is that I don’t feel a connec…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 08:03 PM
1

But you did feel that passion at one time, and doesn’t that make a difference? I understand that it fades in time, but I had never experienced the passion and butterflies. I definitely have focused on his good qualities which is why it’s been so hard for me to make a decision in either direction. I want to find clarity in whatever I do, and the last thing I want to be is a nagging shrew that wishes she could have done better her whole life. For my sake and his
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 05:45 PM
1

I didn’t see your comment as snarky because you’re absolutely right. That’s the crux of the issue is I’m not sure what I want, but I have this vague sense of dissatisfaction stemming from I’m not sure what. I’ve basically been thinking and re-thinking about this on loop since the beginning of the relationship. How do you think I’ll arrive at this conclusion? I’ve read books and have just started meeting with an excellent therapist so hopefully I’m on my way.
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:42 PM
1

Yea, I was definitely never crazy for him. It would be one thing if I was and that waned over time, but it was never there in the first place. He is attractive and physically appealing, but I haven’t once fantasized about him or orgasmed with him. I’ve definitely waffled about this for far too long, and it’s this lack of clarity that’s driven me insane. All I want is a sense of peace and surety about which way to go. And to be able to live with the decision. You could say I’m in a state of relat…
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 05:39 PM
1

He would make an excellent father. But if I’m being honest it scares me to have children with him because it would make things so much more permanent
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:36 PM
2

I’ll give this a look, thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:35 PM
1

He is a very kind and stable man. I can always count on him. He is loving and wants the best for me. Simple meaning what I see is what I get, there are no hidden agendas or wildly complicated character traits to manage. He is as he seems. He doesn’t know that I feel this way. Before the wedding I expressed grave concern about not being sure and being nervous for the whole wedding and resigning to a boring life, but it seemed like he chalked that up to “pre wedding jitters” at the gravity of the …
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 05:35 PM
1

This makes sense. I’m definitely not planning on children anytime soon as it would just complicate things. While I’m in therapy, I just don’t know if I’ve reached a point of clarity about this and worry I’m living in la-la-land being influenced by culture and rom-coms hoping something better is out there when it’s not. Ugh. I don’t know why this is so difficult. What would you do?
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:26 PM
1

You’re right, I think he is completely oblivious. He seems very disconnected from me, but either unaware or totally okay with it since he likes the comfort and consistency of a relationship. If we’re being honest he never really had game. I don’t think he lost it or got comfortable, it’s sort of who he is. Don’t get me wrong, he has great qualities, but game/dread isn’t one of them. I’ve actually told him that it would turn me on if he chatted up other girls in front of me and flirted with them.…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:23 PM
1

I have thought about it, and have discussed it with my therapist (I’m in individual therapy), but I’m not sure what practical aspects of the relationship can be changed. It seems like he’s happy with whatever I do and wouldn’t change anything (perhaps wearing rose colored glasses about it) yet I am deeply unsatisfied with how things are going and who he is as a person. Not to badmouth my SO, but I imagine the conversation going something like “well I think you’re boring,” and there’s not really …
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:20 PM
1

I don’t think I’m overestimating at all. I know it’s difficult to find a quality man which is why I’ve been thinking about this, and unable to make a decision, as long as I have. How do you suppose I reconcile this? What would you do in my situation?
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 05:00 PM
1

I am exploring that in therapy for sure. A lot of it is fear based thinking
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/17 07:55 AM
1

Yes this is all true. Part of me feels insane for not being appreciative of what’s in front of me and deeply flawed for developing crushes on others. Not sure if this is a sign of a dead relationship or my own innate character flaws
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 05:19 AM
1

I’m more curious about how you arrived at the conclusion to end your safe relationship?
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 04:17 AM
1

What if the passion and lust were never there to begin with?
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 04:11 AM
1

I don't have kids, no. I'm glad someone agrees that it IS in fact real. I had a lingering fear that no matter who I end up with I will feel this way and that sparks will stop and the attraction will fade. Same situation, different person, essentially. Although this situation is a little different because they weren't really there to begin with. Do you have advice about laying the path for going about this? Fear is holding me back, and I'm always thinking with my head and never sure if I'm doing …
/r/RedPillWives21/11/17 03:56 AM
1

I'd say a little combination of both. We really are well matched in terms of similar temperament, living styles, values, etc. That, along with the fact that our social circles crossed, we got along with each other's friends, my family loves him, etc. It all made for an easy, natural situation. That inertia has definitely carried us forward. all of what you mentioned above about feeling "trapped" rings true. I also have found it difficult to reconcile “pure” love with physical needs and desires a…
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 02:23 AM
2

that's a very good quote. I wish to be so lucky to have a marriage like that one day.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:30 AM
2

you're right. Considering my age (25) and how enmeshed we are (we live together, have a pet, wedding plans, tuxes, dress, shared social circles, etc) it really scares me to even think about the effects of this change.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:29 AM
2

I've heard, read about and listened to friends and other women say they "weren't really into" their husbands/boyfriends at first and then it grew into something deep and meaningful. Secretly, I've been wishing this happened to me. I've tried to blame it on the fact that I'm typically attracted to the "player" "unavailable" types and wondering if something is off with me. It's shocking that he's satisfied with the relationship and so unaware of my thoughts about this even when I noticeably pull b…
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:27 AM
1

Your assumptions are very accurate. Are you suggesting that open and honest communication could remedy this? Or are you saying I'm fighting a losing battle and need to reconcile that we simply aren't a match?
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:22 AM
2

I've been attracted to many questionable characters in the past, and while they were full of "butterflies and lightning bolts" they were not healthy relationships. When fiancé came into the picture, he really stood out as the most healthy choice i've ever met. Literally every single person I know like him. It makes me wonder if it's ME who's the problem
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:18 AM
1

You're right. I'm torn because I've been reading the book "Marry Him: the Case of Settling for Mr. Good Enough" which makes me feel like I'm setting unreasonable standards for my relationship, when he has so many other good qualities.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:15 AM
2

This is exactly how I feel
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:11 AM
2

I completely agree with this. As other redditors have commented, this seems 100% on me to better communicate this to him. When you say you tried your best, what sort of strategies did you use? My goal is to frame this as constructive conversation versus a "feelings dump" or an overly critical monologue of his shortcomings.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/17 01:04 AM
2

When we spoke I definitely laid out the truth in the most honest way possible to come to a constructive solution. He didn't storm out of the room at all, he just stared at me with an empty, blank expression and seemed utterly confused by what I was saying. Any more truthful would border brutal and offensive and not be constructive to the situation. Since he doesn't understand "feeling" talk, I used one particular event as an example of how his habits and actions make me feel. For Christmas last …
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 05:57 PM
2

To clarify..I haven't actually told him "I've never orgasmed," instead I try to frame it in positive ways- "I really like when you do this...etc." What it boils down to (for me) is a lack of intensity and his inability to loosen up and truly lose his inhibitions. He sees things in very practical ways (move my hand this way instead of that way...etc) but the real issue seems to be about who is he versus what he's doing if that makes sense. When we've talked about it he tries to understand and cha…
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/17 05:43 PM
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