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mayihaveatomato Archive

View 2 posts and 26 comments by mayihaveatomato on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
39

mayihaveatomato/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 05:17 AM
8

mayihaveatomato/r/Divorce_Men14/06/19 10:29 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I can’t remember the comedian but he had a bit about getting back with your ex, “ew, this milk is bad! I’ll put it back in the fridge, maybe it’ll be good again tomorrow!”
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 07:56 PM
2

Look up the term “gas lighting,”. My ex used this tactic to manipulate me so strategically and I didn’t even realize it was happening. You don’t realize it because you can’t fathom the person you love and you think loves you would ever do such a thing. When women want to break free, they get mean. Sorry OP. God speed. Hit the gym and lawyer up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 05:28 AM
4

“When I got hungry, I ate. When I got tired I slept. When I had to, you know, I went.” Or whatever the line was from Forest Gump. It’s so nice not to debate about food or tell someone you’re going to the bathroom.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 03:51 PM
8

Don’t go back, never go back. As a great comedian once said, this milk is bad, maybe tomorrow it will be good. It will never be good. Good luck op.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 05:55 AM
4

Yup, and they’ll rewrite history to suit their narrative. Stand by for the gaslighting.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:20 PM
3

My ex had an affaire right around the time our kids were 4 & 1. She'd met a guy at work and they hit it off. Fine, life happens, but amidst the gas-lighting and the rest of the drama she'd conjured this list of life goals that we had never discussed. I've had several friends go through divorce since then and to the initiators I always tell them, male or female, be fair to the person you're leaving. Don't make shit up, don't gas light, this person probably doesn't want to let you go and you've al…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 08:03 PM
6

This is great advice, meet with a lawyer, find out what your options are and proceed knowing you have good advice. Laws are different in each state so a local attorney can help you a lot. I'm curious why leaving the USA is your only option? Is the US not your native country? Do you have someplace else you call home? Just curious, good luck OP!
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 04:13 PM
3

Keep on trying, it's a weird time for sure and her gaslighting you about the occasional conversations you had seems par for the course. My ex blamed the whole marriage implosion on me and that's why she found love at work. Twice. I think her justifying the divorce with this tactic is simply to recuse herself from any blame. Fact of the matter is, she's moved on and you can too. It'll be better on the other side and be cool for your kid. One thing I realized early on is this is not a new phenomen…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/21 09:19 PM
1

There’s a lot of talk about not trashing their mom to them. I don’t. In fact it’s quite the opposite. I play devils advocate on her behalf quite often, I even supply her with a generator when the power is out, for the kids. But I’ll tell all of you this, all of us divorced dads aren’t perfect and kids will need to vent. My kids are comfortably into their teens now and the writing on the wall is plainly visible to them. When they ask me why I married her, I tell them in quite simple terms that th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 05:14 AM
1

Holy cow, having read this, you're living the hell I went through years ago with my divorce. Her blaming you for her unhappiness, gaslighting you to make you feel everything is your fault, it's awful. We even had the weed issue, I don't smoke and it's illegal in our state. I can't tell you the amount of times I had to make trips to shady places to drop a load of cash on a bag just to keep the home stabile. Looking back I can tell you she wasn't in love, probably depressed, I figured we could rid…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 06:25 PM
6

You’re in a chess match. My ex played this game with me. Little flashes here and there, inviting me in for dinner, etc. My guess would be that it’s just a game to keep you on the hook as a fall back if she can’t find someone. Trust me, do not get back together with her no matter what she says. The relationship is probably already over and she’s stringing you along. Go get your own healthy relationship!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/19 12:58 AM
1

If you’re near a university they often have programs to help the local community. I used one near me (30min drive) during my divorce. No ins necessary and it was $15 per session. Good luck op and keep fighting on behalf of your kid!
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/19 05:42 PM
1

Gotta weigh in here, I agree wholeheartedly with this. If she’s already gone down this road you don’t want her back. Trust me, I lived the “rekindle” dream and I got played, hard. Once they’re out, they’re out. Find a good lawyer, protect yourself and lay hard into a hobby you like. You’ll be ok OP and probably happier in the long run. It may not seem that way now but it’ll be better once the drama is over. Good luck op!
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/19 04:36 AM
1

All this is stuff an attorney can let you know. You’ll have much more piece of mind once you know the rules. You may not want to leave if custody is something you want. I don’t know about rules in other states. Don’t engage with her until you have a plan. Good luck op!
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/19 01:16 AM
2

My ex wanted to be separated. I said we either fix things together or get a divorce. Then I confirmed her affair and divorce was the only option. What’s the point of being separated? If you date it’s still going to feel like cheating if you try and work things out and the person your dating will get the message that you’re not 100% available.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 01:17 PM
4

“Her rationale for the divorce is so lame,” she’s already moved on my friend. I will tell you, having been down the same scary road you’re on, unequivocally yes, it’s awesome to fall in love again! I fought to save my marriage for the kids etc but she wasn’t having it. I’ve since found an amazing woman with a daughter of her own. We’ve been together now for 7 years and I’d trade the shit relationship I had with my ex 1000 times to have what my kids and I have now with our new “family.” God speed…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/19 04:24 AM
1

So many thoughtful replies. As to The who cares, honestly I wouldn’t if I were dealing with a sane ex, but I’m not. She’s actually using the app in ways you couldn’t imagine. Here’s an example. Her first instinct is ALWAYS that the kids are lying. Yesterday afternoon she knew from texting my daughter (15) that we were going to be a few minutes late for my son’s soccer practice. No biggie. As we’re approaching the practice field traffic is barely moving. Instead of being 10 min late it ends up be…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 01:02 PM
1

You sound like a fair person and that's a noble trait. Just remember, doing what's right for you and your kids is what comes first. Don't let your pity for her cloud your judgement. It's good that you care about her, I'm not my ex's biggest fan, but I don't wish any ill will on her as that would hurt our kids. Just be careful going forward to protect yourself both financially and emotionally. If she's at all capable of manipulating you, don't think she won't try. And above all else, don't get ba…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/19 01:51 PM
3

Second. OP, you may want to take a look at this. I was “saving” my ex from her past and her family for years. I thought that connection would be strong enough to keep us together forever, especially once our two kids were born. She eventually ended up cheating, we divorced, she apologized and we got back together “for the kids.” Then she ended up cheating again, marrying a guy from out of state and I had to battle in court to keep my kids here. I learned that you can’t fix a broken person if you…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/19 03:53 AM
1

Bringing a friend is never a bad idea especially in the early stages. They can offer you support and (hopefully you don’t need it) an eyewitness account. You should definitely be in contact with a lawyer at this point and if you’re doing mediation be sure to have another attorney look over any agreements before signing. If you’re in the same state of mind I was when I divorced you could be easily manipulated by your ex to accept a shitty deal. Be careful op and it does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/18 04:12 AM
1

I don’t have any answers for you but I’m certain if anyone is going to take a stab at this they’ll need to know what country/state you’re in. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/18 12:30 PM
4

There are a lot of things to cover here so I’ll try to hit some of the bigger points. My ex decided to leave when my kids were 3 and 1. It sucked BUT being they were both in some form of day care, it just worked out that I got “more time” based on transportation. I got lucky there. My kids are 12 and 15 now and I can say the “50/50” thing is a real gray area. Both kids are really involved in sports and I’m involved with them wherever I can be. Volunteering, serving on boards, etc. it keeps me in…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/18 03:24 AM
2

The thing is, you can't trust her. She cheated on you. AND she continues to message the guy while trying to "work on your relationship?" She's gaslighting you, and using your emotions to manipulate you. You do need to move foreward, just not with her. It doesn't sound like you two are a good fit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/18 04:56 PM
1

Listen to your gut on this one. I doubt you're wrong. My ex did basically the same thing to me. "We'll try 'for the kids,'" worst mistake I ever made was not just getting divorced and moving on. I wasted over two years of my life while she was courting some guy at work.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/18 07:23 PM
3

Just a heads up OP but the money side of things is the easy part. It stings now but the agreement you reach re: the kids is the part that you'll have to live with until at the very least, they're 18. Make sure to have an attorney at least look over the agreement to make sure most if not all of your bases are covered. Don't assume that just because you and your soon-to-be ex are cool with each other now that it will continue on this way forever. Things happen, differences of opinion, etc. You wan…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/17 05:40 PM
1

You need to speak with an attorney. There are so many variables state to state that it's really almost impossible to answer this question. If you guys can mediate you can save a TON of time and money.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/17 06:03 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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