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View 1 posts and 48 comments by meltdownthetown on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
17

meltdownthetown/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 09:57 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Yes. My wife and I were able to reach an amicable settlement between ourselves. We both read up on what court meditated outcomes in our state were likely to be. I actually directed her to online resources. I also provided a full financial disclosure spreadsheet. We began the negotiations close to that point. She threatened to move to litigation early on. I responded that litigation was a weapon we both agree always exists and could pick up at any time. However, for this initial negotiation we sh…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:41 PM
6

You mention " it is hard not to care" and "you don't want to hurt her". It seems you are not prioritizing yourself. You need to start caring about your own needs and wants. We are conditioned by society to be caretakers and put ourselves second. Work on changing that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 11:14 PM
2

My daughter gave me a gift certificate to a local arts center post my divorce. I used it to take a beginning sculpting class. Turns out I love sculpting and am quite good at it. The prior sixty years of my life I always thought I wasn't "artistic". Try new pursuits now that you have time and energy for yourself. Life can be fun.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 02:56 AM
1

You say you are a shell of a man. However, writing this post demonstrates the opposite is true. It shows that you have been doing the work necessary and have learned from past errors. The shell of a man was the younger one in that earlier relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 03:23 AM
2

Shouldn't that be :-O ?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 08:57 PM
2

Would you tell your children to stay in a marriage like yours? Kids are perceptive and know when a marriage is bad. Leaving is hard but eventually your children may actually be better off. They can spend time individually with parents that are happy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:01 AM
1

I lived and worked in Thailand for many years. I don't know why folks think it is a good place to flee to. It has extradition treaties with most major countries and they regularly send back criminals who flee there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 01:00 AM
1

Stock that is called away is still paid for. If the stocks were called, there should be 3mm cash sitting in that account.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 12:48 AM
1

I would recommend the book " The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout for an introduction to sociopathy. If you think she might be one, there are many online resources such as outofthefog.com or datingasociopath.com. The typical modus operandi is the pity play initially but they keep you hooked in via a combination of fear, obligation and guilt (FOG).
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 02:47 AM
1

Some of the things you mention seem to be red flags that you might be dealing with a sociopath. The pity play is the method of choice for most socios to get what they want. You might want to explore that angle.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 05:06 AM
5

Agree. However. Just look through this forum and you will see a whole lot of men waking up to the double standards. We fight against it at a personal level by resolving to never put ourselves in such a skewed relationship again. We respect ourselves and if any female desires to be part of our life they need to show respect as well. I wasn't put on this earth to be somebody else's servant: male or female.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 07:57 PM
1

Very well thought through and expressed!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:59 AM
2

I have become a real believer in the whole love language theory post my divorce. Didn't really know about it prior . However, the ex and I were not speaking each other's language , whereas my girlfriend and I are careful to give in each other's respective languages. We actually had a long discussion about what our respective languages are. The relationship feels so much better. This is one article that helped me https://www.drpsychmom.com/2023/04/17/your-love-language-is-what-you-want-to-receive…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 05:17 PM
3

A person that says to you that they would rather be married to a rich old guy is not in love with you. Get out now before there are things that complicate a divorce, such as kids.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:30 PM
4

"I don't like seeing people hurt" You should apply some of your empathy and caring to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 03:46 AM
5

In my case, I was hoping to get some words of appreciation and some caring/love. Both of which rarely came. Part of the pattern of being a workhorse. First for a narcissistic mother, then a wife with her own trauma history. All the while I never actually overtly communicated my needs or looked after them. Now I really identify my own needs and desires and the best way to fulfill them. Surprisingly, very little of that fulfillment requires a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:29 PM
3

During your self-reflection you might want to ask what is driving you to take care of a selfish woman like that. Why are you busting your ass to do everything for her when there is no reciprocation? Understanding what needs you were hoping to have met by sacrificing yourself so thoroughly might help you prevent it from ever happening again to you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 08:14 PM
2

Ok. Now it is understandable, OP's divorce story is interfering with your morally superior victimhood. Got it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 08:58 PM
1

Hear! Hear! The whole "men need to start holding each other accountable" sounds like it came out that Gillette " Is this the best a man can be? " commercial.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:42 PM
4

The whole cheating is punishable by death vibe just so lacks nuance. Do we know the back story? Was there a dead bedroom his ex wasn't willing to resolve? Were there lack of communication issues or other problems that weren't addressed? Does cheating just come out of thin air? Generally not. But he transgressed, so he's one hundred percent responsible. Yes. His cheating probably catalyzed the ending but to not enquire what might have come before displays a simplicity that might not be warranted.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:36 PM
1

For most of human history marriage was transactional. It's only in the past 150 years or so that the whole marriage for love thing got going. I let society fill my head with that BS. I now know a lot better and keep the whole transactional angle front and center.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:02 PM
3

I got the exact same speech. I wonder if they print it from a female chatgpt website. Told her it would have been nice to know thirty years earlier
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 09:56 PM
1

I know I may have linked to this website a few times already but this article from two weeks ago seems to fit . https://www.drpsychmom.com/2023/05/13/if-you-dont-want-your-husband-to-masturbate-guess-what/
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 12:41 AM
3

The husbands are afraid that their wife will see them talking to you and she will think they are asking you how to escape. They're just trying to avoid being grilled by the warden later that evening.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 10:16 PM
2

This is an article that I read yesterday that specifically mentioned ADHD men and Gad women pairings and the issues they face. The links in her article also discuss ways the pairing might or might not work. Perhaps some of the information might help you in your decision. I am sorry you are going through this and have been given a seemingly tight artificial deadline for such a consequential life decision. https://www.drpsychmom.com/2019/12/29/emotional-labor-is-not-the-problem/
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 02:11 PM
10

What do you mean a man runs his prime until he is fifty. Shit! If a man does what you're saying a man can run his prime until he is at least eighty!
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 05:57 PM
3

This is true and one of the reasons we let the "drama" back into our lives is seeking familiarity. For example, we might be unconsciously mimicking how we saw our parents interact or we might be trying to get validation from somebody unable to give it, similar to other former relationships in our lives etc. Until we can sort out for ourselves what the heck is really driving our need for this drama, we'll be condemned to repeat it. For me, post divorce therapy helped sort it out as I was/am deter…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 02:05 PM
8

When women bitch about housework division, the bulk of the time that is really not the main issue. It is a substitute for other unmet needs. Unfortunately, the woman herself might not even be aware of what the true underlying issue is. That makes it doubly unfortunate for us rational men who like to take what's being said at face value. Here's a fairly balanced article by a couples therapist that speaks to the issue. https://www.drpsychmom.com/2022/03/04/my-male-clients-are-doing-much-more-house…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 06:11 PM
3

A lot of them care enough to actually try and make you homeless.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 03:54 PM
1

"Schrodinger's cat". That gave me a laugh.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 11:16 AM
1

Recognition of the issue and seeing how we factor into the equation is the first step to breaking free. Once we can see clearly what is going on, we can change our default approach to things. I didn't realize how my "taking care" of my narcissistic mother conditioned me to do the same for other "vulnerable" women later. I tried to sort their problems with no regard for my own emotional needs, health and happiness. I am no longer doing that. Self love and self compassion come first for me now: wa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 09:34 AM
3

When I need to remind myself of the overall importance of my divorce to the larger world I think of these Duran Duran lyrics. "Papers in the roadside Tell of suffering and greed Fear today, forgot tomorrow Ooh, here besides the news Of holy war and holy need Ours is just a little sorrowed talk" Vengeful exes can try and smear you but the honest truth is that most folks just don't really care about our personal saga.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 11:02 AM
7

That's standard operating procedure of a sociopath.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 03:59 PM
8

With that track record of your stbxw, protect your daughter. Go for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 07:41 AM
2

Expressed very well. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 06:02 AM
2

That is understandable. Most of our life actions begin with our internal thoughts and perspectives. We can view the same situation as either "I have failed by having to move in with my parents" or "I am fortunate to have parents willing to provide me temporary accommodation while I get my feet back under me after tough life experiences". A difference in perspective will likely lead to different actions. Believe me, I get it can be difficult to have to rely on family when we're older. It usually …
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 05:40 AM
2

"you're making her go to soberlink" and it's the home life that is the cause of her alcoholism. That shows a person with no personal responsibility and one who is far away from ever sorting out their real problems. Personal problems can't be solved without taking ownership. You're doing the right thing. Sounds like she has lawyered up well based on how she handled the condo/Trust issue. I hope you get equal or better advisors on your side to protect your assets.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 05:26 AM
2

Your comment about moving back with parents is a very good one. The fact that he has parents that will let him move back in shows that he still has people in his life that do still care for him. That is probably hard to see after all that has happened but it might just provide enough firmament to turn things around, if he could shift perspective. Your other suggestions might help with that perspective shift.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 03:58 AM
2

After reading through some of these comments, I realize I might not be the norm. I've always loved decorating and always chose and furnished our homes when married. I'm also involved in a real estate business where getting places decked out right, helps make closing a sale much easier. There are a ton of good decorating websites online. This is my favorite https://www.homestratosphere.com/. Some of the houses on there blow me away. Browse the sites, see what you like and then copy it. Divorce is…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 08:34 AM
2

I'm with you on keeping a therapist on payroll. Don't need therapy all the time but when I do it's nice knowing I can schedule an appointment. A fitness regime component for my brain and emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 06:17 AM
2

On the upside the remaining fifty percent of that fortune can now be dedicated solely to the things that bring you contentment. Also if you had the skills to accumulate a fortune, those skills will still be with you after divorce. You'll likely make some of it back.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 06:11 AM
1

I like the pragmatism contained in this comment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 06:05 AM
2

I am two years out of a thirty two year marriage. My greatest fear during the process was that I would lose the strong relationship I had with my two adult girls. My wife and I may not have been great for each other but we both agreed on being good parents to our children. I decided to address it head on. I asked for a sit down meeting with both of them where I expressed this openly and communicated that I wanted both of them still in my life. I did not go into any detail of the issues between m…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 05:55 AM
2

You're really wondering about that? She knows it's the toddler's fault. Bet she even told him "see what you made me do".
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 05:09 AM
1

It's a form of cognitive dissonance. They have made the decision to leave. They initially know that not everything in the marriage was bad and have self doubts about whether they are making a good decision or not. They then rewrite past events and history until mental consonance is achieved. It results in all of past history pointing to her now making the right decision. A self justification process. Yes. Been there. Received that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 05:01 AM
3

I second the comment above. I'm two years out after a multi-decade marriage. We both contributed over time to the final state of our marriage. It was difficult to accept initially when she asked for divorce but we proceeded to enact it quickly, efficiently and as amicably as possible (but which also had lapses at times) The divorce forced a lot of introspection and made me want to finally address some emotional baggage that actually predated our marriage. I did about six cycles of EMDR therapy o…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 06:27 AM
1

My ex and I did it similarly. We used the Marital Settlement Agreement template from Rocket Lawyer website. We modified it according to the particulars of our agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 08:42 AM
1

As you both are USA citizens, the terms of the divorce should be governed by the laws of your state of domicile. The fact that she has moved out of the country does not mean she has given up her US place of domicile. Most states have procedures to enact the process even if one party refuses to sign documents, I believe.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 08:36 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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