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miss-carried Archive

View 0 posts and 62 comments by miss-carried on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I love laundry too! It's really cozy, and I like the routine of it :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/09/15 02:30 AM
2

Just another recommendation for Yoga with Adriene! She's so great - I've been practicing yoga off and on since the 90s, but she's the person who really made it click for me :)
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 11:59 PM
3

Hahaha, yes, I love my spreadsheets :) I used to be more of an oil painter when I had a big outdoor space to paint in. These days it's easier to keep my mess contained with watercolor, but I do miss the oil paints on occasion.
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 11:24 PM
3

I've mostly had the same hobbies since I was a teenager, which is kind of scary :) I'm glad you started this thread because I'd like to shake things up a bit. Knitting Needlepoint Sewing Making homemade birthday / holiday cards Gardening (mostly edible things like herbs and small vegetables) Walking around and taking photos of my city Making food (everything from baking to wild fermentation) Drawing Watercolors Reading (mostly fiction) Yoga / Pilates Languages (mostly French, but I'm a dabbler) …
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/15 10:41 PM
6

The thing I would be looking at if I were you is that he doesn't seem to have an exit plan with this woman. He obviously feels some sort of obligation to her - will it ever go away? I'm not sure it will, and if so, are you willing to live with that? How long are you willing to stand by while he is emotionally connected to her, without her even knowing the extent of his relationship with you? How long are you going to tolerate him protecting her without considering how it's damaging your relation…
/r/RedPillWomen24/09/15 09:23 PM
3

Your parents sound a lot like my parents. What I have had to do over the years is keep more aspects of my life and marriage private. I'm not hiding anything per say, but they latch on to anything that I tell them and use it as an exercise in trying to break down boundaries. What I do instead is try to have a more adult / adult (instead of adult / child) relationship with my parents. I draw on common interests, as opposed to what's going on in my life or marriage. I talk about football with my da…
/r/RedPillWomen24/09/15 03:28 PM
1

After reading your comments here, I think the best you can hope for is that they'll either grow apart or like /u/TempestTcup said, she'll shock him out of it. I don't think there's really anything you can say in the meantime - it's pretty much a test of your trust, patience, and tolerance. I will say that I've both broken up with guys for stuff like this, and I've also waited it out. The time I waited it out worked pretty well (married him). I find that ex-girlfriends who are holding on too tigh…
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/15 05:25 PM
9

Reading what you wrote about this gives me a lot of concern. I think he's either keeping her on the back burner or too much of a wimp to not be drawn into a co-dependent thing with her. Neither are good. Does she even know that you exist? Are you sure?
/r/RedPillWomen22/09/15 04:03 PM
3

It's hard to know for sure whether someone is cheating on you or not for sure. The first question you have to ask yourself is how often are you right about others? Do you tend to know when something is going on? Or do you tend to make a lot out of nothing with your friends, family, etc? If you have a good track record of knowing when something is up, then I think you can trust your instincts. But if you've thought guys have cheated on you in the past and turned out to be wrong, you may have trus…
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/15 06:08 PM
5

I agree with all these comments. I also wanted to point out that there's something sexy and feminine about being a mystery. I'm not talking about playing games, but I am talking about not letting it all hang out there digitally (and yes, innocuous updates do count, if they are as frequent as you suggest). Let him fantasize about you and fill in the blanks. By not being in constant contact with him, his attraction to you will grow and deepen. Same goes for your social media presence. The more you…
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/15 12:19 PM
6

Would having a glass of wine be an option for you? I find that even a little bit to drink can get me to switch gears when I'm not really feeling it. If not wine, then I would try anything else to relax your body a bit. I know yoga has been thought (just one limited study) to increase sex drive in women. I also sometimes like to take a bath if I'm anticipating sex later at night. If your body being relaxed isn't a big issue, then I'd say do anything you can to mix things up. Grope your husband at…
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/15 02:13 AM
3

If you have doubts, I'd say wait a little while - like maybe a few more weeks. If you're even seeing him only twice a week, that's six more dates ... and it will tell you a lot about his intentions and his investment in the relationship. Also, you will undoubtedly learn more about his female friends and whether they should be a concern. In my experience (both personally and with friends), doubts can either be correct or incorrect at this stage. I have known women in your position where everythin…
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/15 04:33 PM
2

My husband and I have had various problems with people like that in both of our families, and the only thing I know how to do at this point is set up boundaries. Everyone else that commented here is right - there's probably little you can do to change your mother's behaviors. But you can: set an internal boundary where whatever she says or does around your boyfriend's family is not something you react to set an external boundary where you say something like, "Mom, if you criticize me, I can't be…
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/15 04:23 PM
4

Yes! This happened to me when I was around your age too, because I looked much younger than I was. I think I looked downright illegal without a more mature haircut and style, so yes, having a more chic, long bob type style (it was the 90s, that was in!) made a huge difference with attracting guys I was interested in :) Similarly, dressing a little older helped as well. Now that I'm actually a lot older, I cherish my super long hair - both because it's youthful and also because it's a bit of an a…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/15 10:15 PM
4

I haven't run into anything online, but I don't really participate in reddit as a commenter in other subs. Offline, yes, I have experienced some judgment about my marriage and lifestyle - only from female friends. On the other hand, one of our male friends (a husband of an old female friend) actually confided to my husband and I that he wished his wife would follow suit. We live in a very ambitious, yuppie area, and it's unheard of for a childless married woman not to work. (I actually did work …
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/15 09:40 PM
3

Women tend to cohabitate because they want the intimacy and believe that living together is a step closer to marriage. Men tend to cohabitate because they like the convenience and sex and companionship, but they are not interested in the work and risk involved in marriage. We women add the "not interest in marriage--RIGHT NOW" part. Yes, I agree completely with you. And I've noticed that women in these relationships say that they are "just like being married" - but the men rarely say it :) They …
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/15 01:07 PM
1

Wow, there is a lot going on here. Echoing everything what /u/cats_or_get_out said! I would say that the most important thing is going to be for you to take responsibility for your own satisfaction when the two of you are in the bedroom. Do what it takes to make sure you enjoy yourself. Try to relax and not worry about the outcome as best as you can. Lower your expectations, and just enjoy that you are spending time together. As far as your husband goes, he is going to have to fix things himself…
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/15 03:47 PM
1

Lots of good comments here, but I think we need more info from the OP. 1) How long has this been an issue in your marriage? Discuss if it has always been this way or how it evolved. 2) How is this causing your marriage to struggle? 3) What have you tried so far? How did it go? etc, etc
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/15 03:19 PM
8

I can't remember where I read it (maybe Duana Welch's blog), but from what I understand, rekindled romances do have a better shot if they ended for more circumstantial reasons. So I think it's worth at least investigating! I will say, however, that my college boyfriend and I did this after college (same circumstances, I was moving away when we broke up). It turned out that we had underlying life philosophies that didn't mesh, and that was being masked by the location thing. I'd say proceed, but …
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/15 10:55 AM
3

I'm 38 - I've been married for quite a while now. So... 1) At this point, yes, I would always want to be married to anyone who was the right man in theory. I didn't always feel this way, but marriage has been a very good thing for both of us. Over time, I think people should be all in for a relationship. If this isn't happening within a couple years at most, it would be time for me to move on. 2) No, basically see above. 3) Undecided, despite my advanced childbearing age. I'm good either way. I …
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/15 09:01 PM
2

For my husband, I don't help him with health stuff unless he specifically asks. This is really really hard to let go of, but I find that some of the stuff he comes up with is actually a lot more hardcore than I would suggest (exercising at 5AM, trying to eat greens). He just needs time to mull over it. And by time, I do mean years. It's tough because no one wants their husband to get sick or die young. It is hard not to make a RPW exception in this case, but I think it's important for the relati…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/15 03:04 PM
1

Totally correct in my experience. My husband has never been happier with my cooking ever since I instituted a meal schedule and plan - spaghetti and meatballs on Thursday night, etc sort of thing. For the more wild card days, it's on the calendar so that he can rest assured that he's coming home to chicken and potatoes or whatever :)
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/15 02:18 PM
7

I think my husband is a super taster too! There's a lot of things I consider "normal" that he won't eat, and he always notices if I make a recipe even slightly differently. Over the years, I have just cooked him what he wants. And yes, our dinner menu can be a bit limited. (It does make meal planning easy though!) But I eat lunch by myself at home, so I really go crazy with my own cooking good times then. Another thing I occasionally do is make a side dish for myself only. I'd say 1% of the time…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/15 11:58 AM
2

It sounds like we have similar hair! I like to say I have every color hair on my head. I don't dye it any longer either, but I do spend some time with it in the sun for natural highlights... it hides the gray :) Without seeing your hair, I know that for me the biggest thing is finding someone I trust to layer and cut it well. (I have to do layers with my mop of hair to keep it from looking like a triangle on the bottom.) Having thick hair can be either an advantage or a disaster depending on who…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/15 02:16 AM
5

And finally, I'm sorry it's upsetting so many of you on some weird personal level that I'm not giving up veganism. I don't think anyone in this sub cares whether you're vegan or not! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of us ate pretty significantly different diets than our men just for fitness / diet reasons alone. But it is not an issue in our marriages. (And if you have to post about it on reddit, it is an issue in your marriage.) The real issue is how you approach it and continue to ap…
/r/RedPillWomen14/09/15 11:03 AM
7

I have not restricted his meat consumption all that much, when we go out or order in he has meat in my company often and I don't object at all. Honestly, just saying this is a red flag!
/r/RedPillWomen14/09/15 10:59 AM
6

The thing that first came to mind for me was a KitchenAid Mixer. It should last you a good long time, and it's so versatile for baking, making pasta, homemade bread, etc!
/r/RedPillWomen13/09/15 08:09 PM
38

Your problem is that you think you have the moral high ground here, where you actually don't. Becoming an ethical vegan after you're married is not that far from converting to a strict religion without your husband. You changed the rules, and he basically hasn't had a say. (Not a critique of veganism in particular - it would be the same deal if you were both vegan when you met and then you decided not to be.) It doesn't sound from your post that he has any interest in being vegan or vegetarian. …
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/15 01:07 PM
2

I'd also add one pot pasta to the mix. Since you heat the pasta in the sauce, it goes quickly. Ten minutes is doable if you babysit it enough. I may add some cooked chicken or other meat to it if I have it on hand. http://www.marthastewart.com/978784/one-pan-pasta
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/15 11:27 PM
2

It sounds like you are off to a good start, working on the most important thing physically - which is getting back in shape. I'd say the next thing to conquer is your hair, if you feel like you need to. Having beautiful, feminine hair can go a long way, even if you're dressed down. After that, I'd just try to work on really gradual changes. If you go too far with a feminine wardrobe at first, you may not wear any of it. Besides, you may be changing sizes soon! Go for more feminine tops and shoes…
/r/RedPillWomen11/09/15 12:11 AM
4

Over the years, preparation has helped me get through this. I keep things on hand for both of us to get through the flu as easily as possible (healthy frozen entrees, fixings for very simple soups, tea, cough drops, medicine, etc). When it's time to hunker down, we hunker down and heal. I do feel like being sick when my husband is also sick can be a lonely time for me, but I have learned that's because I'm under the weather and not at my strongest mentally. My husband is lucky enough to sleep th…
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/15 11:33 PM
3

Don't forget - cooking with him is different that cooking for him. Cooking for him is a gift; cooking with him is a project you're dreaming up. The former is doing something for him, and the latter is asking something of him.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/15 01:46 PM
1

First of all, I will say that my aunt and uncle drove together for many years and really loved it. It's super cool that you are looking into getting your CDL to drive with your guy :) The only advice I have for you is show him that he is on your mind through your actions. I'm with /u/TheTerrorSquad on making him stuff, etc. Do things if you can to study for your CDL and update him about it. Have things ready for him (his favorite foods, clean living space if applicable, etc) anytime he gets home…
/r/RedPillWomen08/09/15 05:18 PM
4

I like to marinate chicken breast in olive oil, fresh herbs, and garlic - even a half hour is great if you're strapped for time after work. Then I either pan fry it or roast it in the oven with plenty of salt and pepper. You can also add in some lemon zest. To make it a little nicer: Add in some frozen cubed butternut squash or sweet potato. Or some fresh cauliflower or broccoli cut up. It should take about the same time to cook it with the chicken. I'll usually just pour the marinade over the v…
/r/RedPillWomen08/09/15 03:52 PM
7

Have you read Gabby Reece's book? It's not entirely RPW, but it's pretty good - and she's also 6'3" :) At the very least, she is some existence proof! The only thing I can suggest without knowing more is to maybe get yourself around tall men more somehow. Being athletic is a great start. Is there any recreational co-ed volleyball or basketball near you? Or move to the Netherlands (only half kidding)! Beyond that, I'd say dress and look as much like a model as you can (within your modesty guideli…
/r/RedPillWomen05/09/15 06:35 PM
2

I'm newish here, so here is my introduction :) I'm in my late thirties, and I've been married for over twelve years. I've always been a little more traditional when it comes to gender roles, in part because my mom's side of the family comes from an immigrant culture that honored them even in the 1950s and 1960s. Over the years, I have become a lot more red pill-ish... not so much due to any philosophical theorizing but more because it's what works for me and my marriage. I have known about red p…
/r/RedPillWomen04/09/15 02:26 AM
2

I appreciate you taking my comments in the spirit they were intended :) As far as the bedroom stuff goes, I agree with everything wantonton said. My husband has sometimes had a lower sex drive than me, and it brought up a lot of insecurities, especially early on in our marriage. I think teasing is great, and even just a little cuddling / physical contact to bring up an opportunity. If it happens, fantastic. If not, oh well... I personally don't ever verbally initiate sex any longer. I don't like…
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 11:40 PM
3

I don't mean to sound unkind, but I would never bring a baby into this situation. Period. Regardless of your health issues that have brought on some urgency, you don't have the resilience in your relationship that you need for kids. You're fighting about sex, asking about his exes, etc. This is not a healthy relationship. I'm sorry if this is intrusive advice, but I think you are dealing with too much baggage still at this point to even begin to consider getting pregnant. Is there any chance you…
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 07:40 PM
3

I think the number one thing I'd be looking at is how much investment is he putting in this relationship? It's a good sign that he's friends with your friends, much less likely to jet after you get physical. However, I personally would be pretty wary about sex with someone who I could only see for a few days until months away. I think it makes a fling much too likely, even if you both feel pretty serious right now. Of course, a lot of this depends on what you've said, how old you are (I think ol…
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 02:49 PM
2

I agree! I believe it's in part due to the I and the N, which fewer people tend to get in general. Also, it's a bit unusual for a woman to have a T type (probably an I too, can't remember), so it's all pretty interesting really :)
/r/RedPillWomen03/09/15 12:18 AM
2

Another INTJ here :)
/r/RedPillWomen02/09/15 10:57 PM
6

I suppose the only thing I'd say that goes along with admiration is receiving graciously. This is a tough one for me, so I may be projecting :) Hopefully it's helpful though. Also, my sympathies on the divorce, and sincere complements on your self-reflection. This alone will definitely put you at near the top of the dating market for your age, etc, and I hope that alone gives you an extra confidence boost going forward.
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/15 06:04 PM
1

Oooh, I'm interested in trying barre. Do you have any feedback on how it's going for you? How does barre compare to pilates and yoga?
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/15 11:55 AM
1

That's great then! If you've been together 7 months, 4 months is a lot of time to figure things out more :)
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/15 11:54 AM
2

I would love more fitness talk on here :) I am a naturally pretty physically active person, lots of walking, landscaping, gardening, chores, etc. I don't have a traditional office job, and I'm moving a lot throughout the day. Maybe 1-2 hours a day of moderate activity? I do round things out with yoga (mostly vinyasa) and / or classical mat pilates most days. I lift a few times a week too, but more endurance / circuit vs lifting heavy. Just what works best for my physique, which can get too stock…
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/15 10:04 PM
3

I love this, and you're totally right that this is what RPW is all about. It's so comforting to know that we can bring our problems to our men and that they can help us. I always wanted this before RP, but the relationship dynamic was never there for it (of course it wasn't!). This increased intimacy and guidance is my favorite part of being a RPW :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/15 06:44 PM
2

"I want to live in the moment with him" - in my opinion, this is a pretty unproductive attitude to have if you are trying to do RP long term. I don't know what the answer is for you as far as moving in goes, but you clearly have enough doubts about moving in that you posted on here about it. If you live together and things work out, that's great. If not, you will probably regret having shacked up with someone else before your husband. This choice isn't costless if things don't work out. Your att…
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/15 05:47 PM
32

He lied to you about where he was going when he was meeting her, and he lied to her about having a girlfriend. For me, that would be enough to break things off with a boyfriend - no matter how much he tried to sweet talk me, period. It is going to be very hard to be RPW with a guy like this.
/r/RedPillWomen28/08/15 11:23 PM
6

I wouldn't play it that way. For the love of god, don't give him "permission" to keep driving fast when you're not around. If it were me, I wouldn't say anything. It seems like your guy really likes to drive his toy fast, and in my opinion, it's very dangerous relationship wise to even begin to tread on this territory. I would personally not say anything. Like krystalkittiekawaii pointed out, his driving is either too dangerous for you or it isn't. Don't try to change him.
/r/RedPillWomen28/08/15 05:21 PM
1

I love it so much! Thanks for sharing your success story :)
/r/RedPillWomen28/08/15 12:08 PM
2

Tell him your problem, not your solution, and then get out of the way. Something like, "I have a lot of anxiety about our finances." That's it! He will hear you, even if he doesn't respond. It's up to him to fix it.
/r/RedPillWomen27/08/15 07:47 PM
9

Your self-esteem is going to be more of an issue than anything else when it comes to a guy cheating or using you for sex. Fix what you need to fix in order to consider yourself higher value. Get braces, learn how to wear makeup, see a therapist, whatever... In this day and age, almost any 20 year old can be a 7 or an 8 with the right investment. If you feel good about yourself, your worries will disappear. P.S. For high quality, long term oriented guys, your virginity will be a plus :)
/r/RedPillWomen27/08/15 03:20 PM
2

Reading more non-fiction / watching documentaries / taking free online courses so that I have interesting things to discuss with my husband when he comes home from work. Upgrading my wardrobe to make it a bit more feminine. I wear jeans a lot (albeit flattering, feminine ones), and I think it would be nice to have more skirt / dress options. Cultivating more female friendships that are emotionally supportive. I need to talk things out, and I don't want to burden my husband with it all the time. …
/r/RedPillWomen27/08/15 02:44 AM
2

My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine... When I'm stressed and get snappish, it usually means that I need more alone time. Is it possible that would help you at all? For me, even 20-30 minutes doing something chill all by myself makes a world of difference.
/r/RedPillWomen26/08/15 06:42 PM
9

Thanks for this. Agree completely, and at pushing 40, this is how I try to be. Let's not kid ourselves - nothing will roll back the years. As I tell my friends, I would rather people know my age than think I'm a poorly preserved 20-something!
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/15 08:31 PM
2

The first thing I will say, echoing the other ladies here, is if you're not married to this man, really consider breaking things off. If I were with a boyfriend who was pulling this, I would at least "take a break" for a while - no matter what else is going on. But if you want to stay... I say take a tip from the Surrendered Wife and say something like "That hurt" or "Ouch" anytime he says something like that to you, and leave the room. If he's a good guy, he'll get it eventually. Give him space…
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/15 04:00 PM
11

Great question! I'm interested to hear what others say. My husband likes to have dinner the minute he walks in the door, so I have that ready for him when he gets home (around 4:30 to 5:30 depending - he gets to work early). I am a SAHW / light remote worker, so this is no problem for me to do. If I am going to be out in the afternoon, I usually will plan a crockpot and / or rice cooker meal. After dinner we do any brief chores that require both of us, like brushing our elderly dog's teeth or la…
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/15 03:37 PM
3

I'm so sorry for your loss (and for your best friend as well). I think you are right to lean on your boyfriend but also to make sure that you're giving him some room to take care of his own needs. I really relate to what you're going through. This has been a struggle for me this summer - and previously last summer, two seperate losses. I found that the best thing for my relationship was to carve out something for myself that I could do to be happy, relaxed, and not need my husband 24/7. (I still…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/15 08:16 PM
2

If it were me, and I weren't going to die from it, I would probably just eat it. I firmly believe that we can't teach our men lessons - they need to learn them themselves. If I absolutely felt like I couldn't stand him putting the expired stuff in the sauce, I would casually just tell him that "Oh hey, I can't eat anything from food in those jars" when I saw them out - and let him problem solve on his own. Of course, if he asked more, I'd say something like "I can't eat expired food" but I would…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/15 05:22 PM
2

I personally think it works best if he doesn't know at the beginning. In my experience, he will just find you easier to be with, happier... maybe a bit confusing, but over all a positive change. I feel like bringing up RP stuff falls too much into being "helpful" / giving advice, which men don't tend to like. It's meta relationship discussion stuff, not something my guy or any other guy I know is into. For women, it feels natural to talk about this stuff, but most men consider it to be drama / s…
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/15 04:35 PM
2

Have you read the Surrendered Wife? If not, I really recommend it for you because it seems like the author started out in a situation very similar to yours. The TL;DR of it is just start letting him lead. Don't mention anything - just give him the reins. As far as hissy fits go, my husband used to have them when I first started getting into TRP. Just let him play it out - don't get involved. For some men, this is how they learn / grow into their role. Could be a good sign, IMO.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/15 04:24 PM
1

Not Your Mother's Rules is a really great and modern practical guide for dating that goes well with Red Pill. There is no theory discussed - just emphasizes being feminine, letting yourself be pursued, and not trying to change a man. I loved the original Rules books, and this basically is an updated version with more emphasis on texting, social media, etc (stuff that wasn't around in the 90s!)
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/15 12:15 PM
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