~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Even The New Yorker gets it | FDS HUMOR | missisabelarcher | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/20 06:27 PM |
| 1 | A Shrinking Society in Japan -- young women opting out of motherhood and marriage, lowering the birth rate | GLOBAL RESISTANCE | missisabelarcher | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 03:28 PM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 88 | Subtle signs a man is going to be a terrible fatherLots of good signs already here' (Watching how a man deals with stress is super important because having small children is verrrrrry stressful in even the best situation.) My primary perspective is not necessarily if he'd be a good dad to his child (though that's important) but whether or not he'd be a good co-parent and partner if you had kids together. Though there is an overlap, there's a difference and it's important to evaluate both ends of this spectrum. I know lots of men who love their k… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/22 04:27 AM |
| 355 | My morning tea- How can men be so oblivious?This is a solid lesson in not having sex without emotional intimacy and demonstrated respect. And the whole "feelings are overwhelming for me boo hoo" thing means this guy probably isn't capable of creating that intimacy. If he's anxious and emotions feel unsafe for him, it's actually would have been better for him to have waited for sex, too, and let mutual trust and intimacy and comfort develop. But of course what LVM is capable of that self-awareness? He just wanted sex. Ladies, read the sign… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 05:05 PM |
| 33 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.Your cousin is amazing, a total QUEEN! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 10:24 PM |
| 32 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.Totally bullshit, right? It's totally conditional and often unreciprocal. He seems appreciative at first because they "support each other" and have a "beautiful partnership" but what's going to happen if they have kids and it's not all about him anymore? Or if she somehow can't cook, clean and be a nice little housewife appliance because she's sick, depressed or just rundown? Or needs him to step up because having kids means it's not all about him? Then it'll be, "Oh...I just don't love her anym… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 06:03 PM |
| 263 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.It's pretty common advice for preparing to leave or divorce a spouse. You keep up the facade of the status quo or functionality while you line your ducks up in a row, like getting a lawyer, making alternative living arrangements, saving money, etc. Otherwise a partner can catch on, drain accounts, sabotage her in some way or worse case scenario, resort to violence, abuse, etc. I really hope that's what she is doing! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 05:57 PM |
| 87 | If it’s one thing men are good at, it’s low blows.Wow, so thoughtless to the point of cruelty and just about abusive, really. They take their wives for granted, hold them to inhuman standards of "saintliness" and then get soooooooo confused when they do something cruel and wonder why she's so mad or angry. In the best case scenario, this is what Is known as a serious attachment injury and it has really damaged the relationship. He really needs to open his eyes, humble himself, get himself talking with a counselor so he can improve. If he truly … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 04:57 PM |
| 111 | Yes, you are. 💋FDS needs to organize a rescue mission and tell Grace she needs to get a divorce. It sounds drastic, but this dude only values her if she's a shiny trophy. Sure he loves her -- we all love shiny pretty sparkly toys. And if she's depressed, he's willing to bully her with shame, guilt and humiliation instead of gently sharing his concerns for her with empathy and kindness. Who wants a husband like this? I think most of us want acceptance, love and the feeling that we can be who we truly are with t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/22 05:13 AM |
| 42 | He was fine with 50/50 until she told him the cost of having a childYeah, I mean, honestly, this marriage sounds just so sad to begin with and why would you make someone like this your partner? You can't just divide up childrearing, parenting and childcare in a neat 50-50 split like you can a house or a bill. There's a reason why marriage calls for mutual devotion and sacrifice. Because the way it often works in real life is that sometimes someone has to give up something so the other gets their needs met or dreams fulfilled, but the hope is that it works both w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 07:27 AM |
| 734 | He was fine with 50/50 until she told him the cost of having a childThis woman is amazing. She's smart, prepared, knows exactly what she wants, did her research and communicated it all clearly. She knows exactly what can go wrong when a baby comes into the picture and is protecting herself. And she's doing it EXACTLY in the terms of their existing relationship: everything split 50-50. He's only upset because deep down he feels like she should just want to have his baby like it's no big thing. And then what? Trust in the magic of patriarchy to put the situation t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/22 04:24 PM |
| 13 | Abusers wait to reveal his true colours until you’re baby trapped. Vet ruthlessly by enforcing your boundaries during courtship.She needs to leave. She's only doing what a mother should be doing. I feel so terrible for this woman. He's abusive and his family enables that -- and they're equally manipulative as well. She might be telling herself that it gets better when the baby gets older. It doesn't. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 03:19 PM |
| 96 | How can I politely explain to my friend that her match-making business is rubbish and I don't want any part of it?Friends do not pimp out their friends! Tell her you want no part of it and demand she take it down instantly. If she doesn't, look into the laws where you are at and talk to a lawyer if you can. Using someone's likeness without their permission is a big deal in most places. And break up with your friend on social, in real life, etc. This is a breach of trust and it's inexcusable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/22 04:04 PM |
| 18 | The Phantom Ex - when avoidant men pine for a past loveI think your ex and my ex had the exact same handbook, from choosing a job with an opposite schedule to exhibiting no curiosity about emotion, whether it's their own or others. My ex used to complain that our relationship made him feel "lonely" and yet never looked at how his own behavior and mindset contributed to that loneliness. Recently my ex had a nervous breakdown, sunk into a huge quagmire and -- surprise, surprise -- there's no one to help him out, really. These strategies aren't sustain… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 05:18 PM |
| 9 | Dating When You’re Young/Not Intending to Marry YET?I think you can date "casually" for enjoyment and experience but still have high standards. Beyond fun and romance, dating at any level of commitment is always a great opportunity to practice advocating for yourself, setting boundaries, communicate clearly and honestly, learning to trust your instincts, walking away when needed and standing in your self-worth. These relationship skills need to be practiced in action, especially when as women we are discouraged from them. But the relationship doe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/11/21 11:20 PM |
| 8 | Ask him upfront what he values?Many men know enough to say the "right things." Like other people say here, you have to look at consistent action, or even inaction, as the case may be. How he spends time, energy, money and resources says a lot about what his true values are. You can ask, but then pay very close and sustained attention to what he really does. I also want to add: this is why boundaries and opinions are key from the beginning, because I have found the fastest way people tell on themselves is when they are confron… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/10/21 05:58 AM |
| 42 | How to you feel about the idea that "most men don't marry the woman they love the most. They marry the woman that’s around when they’re ready to marry."A huge red flag for me is this "shopping around" mentality now. It's just another way of dehumanizing people and turning women especially into commodities that can be "traded in" or discarded when their use is done. I always ask about dating experiences leading up to a date and how a man is finding OLD or apps. One guy joked about Tinder being this "buffet of ladies," and while he played it off like humor, there were other things he said that made me realize he saw people as disposable. Definite… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 07:03 PM |
| 357 | How to you feel about the idea that "most men don't marry the woman they love the most. They marry the woman that’s around when they’re ready to marry."This sadly sounds familiar to me. I respect people who take the commitments seriously to not jump right into marriage. But I have known too many men with this mentality of thinking there is some dream girl who's just around the corner, who's going to look like a supermodel, love anal, be "easygoing" and "sweet" and is smart enough not to be embarrassing but still defers to his superior opinions and knows her place. In the meanwhile, they date a "good enough" woman who will have sex with them and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 04:06 AM |
| 26 | Are men not attracted to women they respect?This is a very astute observation. When men say they have "dream girls," they don't tend to see women as real, flawed, three-dimensional people. They want a woman to be a projection, an accessory, a fantasy, and will feel disillusioned or betrayed when a woman expresses a strong opinion, disagrees with him, sets a boundary or the like. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 06:10 AM |
| 6 | How do you feel when people say “ a man needs to feel needed”?Men want to feel needed? Well, we need to feel valued and respected. We need to be listened to, not just humored. We need to be seen for who we are, not just as sex objects or service providers. We need to be treated like full human beings with our own thoughts, feelings and independent realities that actually may be profoundly different from theirs. We need kindness, affection and appreciation, and not just when they're hoping for sex. We need to be able to trust and rely on our partners. We ne… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 08:22 PM |
| 39 | This is why we don’t do hike or walk “dates”…he proceeded to MAKE FUN OF ME, before I unmatched. DANGEROUS.Wow, this person is a sociopath, from the "island unto one's self" rooted in contempt for the rest of humanity to that chilling comment. So glad you held your ground. This is why we assert boundaries early -- people really reveal themselves when faced with them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 02:44 PM |
| 19 | Any thoughts on this take on the “heterosexual double bind”?I'm sorry, but the whole idea of "men needing sex to feel emotional intimacy"...who does this idea serve? And is it really true? This girl is gonna have a rude awakening when she realizes her magical vagina doesn't open up a man's heart and he flowers into a warm cozy unicorn that will heal her anxious attachment. We all know men who have sex and feel nothing but their own gratification. We also might have known men who can talk about their lives, perspectives and feelings without having to have… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 05:21 PM |
| 50 | Nice Guys are LVMs in DisguiseI'm so sorry. I'm also a single mom and procreating with a LVM and trying to build a family with him was the biggest mistake of my life. I love my kid so much and he's my light, but his dad is the one person on earth that I loathe with every fiber of my being. I got into the deepest depression when I found out I was pregnant by him because deep down I KNEW I'd forever be tied in some way to someone who did not have the resilience, drive, initiative, empathy, emotional generosity and integrity to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 05:21 AM |
| 11 | Instead of looking for a partner, look for the father of your childrenCo-signing this. My ex is a solid loving father in terms of affection, providing for basic needs and doesn't shirk his parenting time or financial responsibilities. (As a role model for ethical behavior, hard work and character...this remains to be seen. Things are great now because our son adores him but I predict things get harder when our little boy grows into a teenager.) But as a partner, he was terrible, an avoidant, distant, selfish emotional abuser who was addicted to video games, pot an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/10/21 12:14 AM |
| 45 | Ladies how do you plan to KeEp A mAn? Wrong answers onlyNever trust a man who calls women "females." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/10/21 05:23 PM |
| 14 | Why they neg, straight from the horse’s mouth.Did you know...men keep their sperm pouches right next to their anuses? And that sooooo many of them don't wash themselves very well "down there"? It's a no (wo)man's land of germs, body fluids, stray fecal matter and god knows what else...and ew, the smell! (It also looks someone stuck golf balls inside a pair of pantyhose and let gravity have at it.) What in God's name was He thinking when he designed men's bodies? Ladies, don't let yourselves become impregnated by the sperm from these unclean… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/21 07:14 AM |
| 3 | Conservative men can be so misogynistic that I can no longer tell the difference between reality and satire.He's 38 and a "student" at "self-employed"? If this is real, then he's as broke as a joke and it all rhymes with SCROTE. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 02:00 AM |
| 10 | Why you should NEVER react to a man's mind games/shit testsAlexa, play "Fantasy" by Mariah Carey 🎶 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 04:46 PM |
| 39 | This really backs up the study on a majority of men leaving/cheating on their terminally ill wives. 🙄The dad and his mistress sound like absolute nightmare narcissists who want to gaslight the daughter into buying into their fucked up "reality." I hope the daughter thrives and goes on to live a full, happy life without them. You can't have people like them in your life -- they're just poison. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 01:53 AM |
| 29 | Yes. Planning an interesting date or activity together can be a turn on. You don't have to be a genius to figure that out 😒. But the two replies on the bottom are just gold 😆.This is the other side of weaponized incompetence. And though it sounds like the recognition of a woman's often unacknowledged emotional labor, I do think it's a huge red flag if you ever come across this kind of thinking during dating. The idea of "Whoa me putting in effort, give me a cookie" is really the flip side of "Wow women are just better at planning, organizing, initiating blah blah all life admin, I should just leave it up to her, she can just ask for help if she needs it." Both hinge … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/09/21 02:23 AM |
| 74 | Let’s create a megathread: What is one of the best pieces of advice you’ve learned from this sub that has blown your mind or had the greatest impact on your life?Yep, no calling/texting after certain times, no picking up or dropping off at your place during the first few dates or months, no last minute dates, sex on your timetable not his. FDS, if you follow its suggestions, already has a few built in boundaries that are meant to vet those that don't respect them. But it's also just having preferences and giving voice to them, whether it's what places you go to for dates or when you want to be done or whether you disagree with a messed up joke or not. St… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/09/21 12:16 AM |
| 193 | Let’s create a megathread: What is one of the best pieces of advice you’ve learned from this sub that has blown your mind or had the greatest impact on your life?Set boundaries early on in dating, and don't back down! It's really an important litmus test and a great way to judge character. Do it sooner than later, before any attachment can form. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 06:25 PM |
| 21 | She made a PowerPoint about strippingSigh. There are ways for a family to offer love and acceptance without being enabling. Pay for her to see a therapist specializing in her form of trauma. Buy her a vibrator and attendance at a self-pleasure retreat or workshop. If she loves to dance and perform, pay for actual dance classes or training in some dance-oriented movement that will help her teach or perform. Objectification and pandering to the patriarchal gaze is NOT healing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/09/21 12:25 AM |
| 14 | Have you taken your husband’s surname? Or, will you take your future-husband’s name?When I was engaged to my former partner (dodged that bullet by not marrying him!), we wrangled over me changing my name. My last name is closely tied to my race and ethnicity in a country where my family were immigrants. It's also rare in my parents' homeland and has a beautiful meaning in an ancient language. So it has very rich cultural and ancestral association for me. I also want to honor my parents by keeping it because I'm deeply grateful to them. It's hard to spell but it sounds pretty. W… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 04:39 AM |
| 40 | Andddd it’s confirmed. 🙄 my heart goes out to Anna💞It's so not okay at all. And now theres a baby being brought into this whole mess. It shows just how little understanding there is about addiction and recovery, and how enabling everything in our culture is. (About so much!) And man, he did his now ex-wife so wrong. So many addicts point to their partner and think their supposedly shitty partner and relationship is making them feel bad and the solution is to get rid of the partner and relationship. But the problem is their own inner chaos and em… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/09/21 03:42 PM |
| 90 | Andddd it’s confirmed. 🙄 my heart goes out to Anna💞That's some codependent BS right there. Looking to others for meaning and motivation never ends well, especially when that baby and your co-parent inevitably reveal themselves as imperfect humans with their own challenges. There's a reason why 12-step programs advise not being a relationship or even dating while you're truly beginning to recover. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/09/21 02:00 PM |
| 334 | I don't give a shit about what men think or what men care for in a womanWhen I was younger and starting out in my industry, I was in a meeting with one of my mentors, an older, very accomplished woman who was well-regarded in a fairly male-dominated subspecialty in my field. It was a planning meeting and she was with the heads of other departments on the project, most of which were men. She said something kind of sarcastic and sharp as a joke -- "salty," as the kids would say now -- and everyone was laughing. Then one of the men -- I'll call him Jim -- sort of ribbe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/09/21 08:07 PM |
| 100 | When he says he needs at least ten years to think if I’m “the one” for him. 😂🤡This is my ex! He wanted to be free to pursue all his vices and not get called out on them, and he lied and hid them until we had a child together. Then he didn't hide them so well since he figured I was stuck with him, and added cheating to the list. So glad I left him, created a new home for me and our son, and life is a million times better without him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/21 02:44 PM |
| 39 | When he says he needs at least ten years to think if I’m “the one” for him. 😂🤡Wow, this is the ultimate in self-centeredness. How could he imagine that she'd stay for him if she wanted to have kids and he didn't with her? He truly thought she existed to serve his needs and wants. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/21 02:40 PM |
| 31 | listening to Gotye song “Somebody that I used to know” after discovering FDS made me laugh at the whiney scrote lyrics ..It really is funny how FDS becomes this lens you can use to look at everything! I actually was just thinking that you could use Taylor Swift's whole oeuvre to maybe look at how a girl with a pickme disposition shifts into a more FDS/boundaried perspective. (And on the other hand, I listen to a singer like Lana Del Rey now and I'm just rolling my eyes at all the pickme vibes in her lyrics sometimes!) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/09/21 05:53 PM |
| 8 | The Joy Luck Club and "splitting expenses down the middle"I read Joy Luck Club when I was a younger teen but I'm wondering how it reads now that I'm basically the age of the daughters. I do remember being just so infuriated with Harold and so happy when Lena left him. It's funny because many decades later, I dated a guy briefly who was always trying to split things down the middle, but I was soooo not into it so I broke up. It was the easiest breakup ever because of The Joy Luck Club, I think! The book made me realize that such cheapness was because of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/08/21 07:02 PM |
| 59 | This is really sad and honestly terrifyingMy scrote-y ex thought this after I gave birth but would never admit it. He could only bear to have sex with me completely high, only in certain positions so he couldn't see my C-section ravaged belly and never gave me oral sex. I could tell he was disgusted by me. And you know what? I couldn't bear to be touched by him anymore so our sex life truly disappeared. Near the end, forcing myself to endure sex with my ex felt too much like r**e for me to enjoy it. I wish I didn't have to be cynical, b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/08/21 06:39 PM |
| 325 | OLD profiles of attractive men be likeThis profile is basically pre-emptive gaslighting. Especially that bit about walls. He really means he'll get mad if you assert boundaries and ruin his good time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/21 07:27 PM |
| 36 | WOC, what modified/additional rules do you have to avoid men with race/culture fetishes?As an Asian female, I co-sign all of this. And sadly, have come across nearly all of these things at some point or another. And also want to add, any dude who says "Asian women really take care of their men" or "are so sweet." This just means they like silent compliance in women and if you assert your boundaries, they'll flip out. Avoid, avoid, avoid. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/21 02:44 PM |
| 16 | Please stop “gifting” threesomes. Also, your friends aren’t “gifts”.Ultimate pickme award right here. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/08/21 07:05 PM |
| 30 | Men are **farrrrr** more sensitive than womenToo many people have justified emotional abuse as "brutal honestly" for sure! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/08/21 09:23 PM |
| 40 | Men are **farrrrr** more sensitive than womenOne of the most important lessons I've learned with dating men: do not mistake a fragile ego for genuine emotional sensitivity. One is outward-directed, empathetic and aware of other people's feelings and perspectives. The other is just "me, me, me, waaaaaah, me." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/08/21 09:22 PM |
| 382 | FDS was just featured in the Guardian! The article is fairly balanced and no mention of f3mcels or other such nonsense. FDS principles are becoming more mainstream 🥂 🥳This is positively wholesome! Congrats to FDS for the mention and to Savannah! But also articulating that having boundaries and standards is the key -- that's really all it is! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 04:21 AM |
| 45 | Women Are Very Familiar With 'Weaponized Incompetence,' And We Are 100% Over ItMy ex did this kind of strategic incompetence. It was lazy and exploitative, and honestly, it was one of the biggest reasons (outside of his cheating and lack of integrity) that I lost respect for him. A husband can feign being an bumbling idiot only so long before his wife starts to believe that he truly is. And yet they complain how they get no respect, little realizing it is these "little things" that chip away at it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 04:13 AM |
| 531 | Everyday I am reminded that not starting a family with a scrote was a good choiceShe's essentially trading housework for sexual services and access and it's fucking gross. This is why LVM men see women as mommy bangmaids. How is this funny? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/21 06:28 PM |
| 207 | I don’t know what YouTube is, I am a MAN though so please praise me for intending to look after my daughters.My brother in law is in charge of getting kids ready for school in the morning and needed to figure out how to do his daughter's hair. All he did was YouTube a few videos, practiced on his daughter and everyone got on with life. He's a good guy but doesn't expect a frickin' trophy and ticker-tape parade for it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 02:43 PM |
| 5 | Single dads hatred for single mothers is pure projection. "I don't want to take care of another man's child!" No sir, you are looking for a childless woman to dump your parenting responsibilities onto, and a single mother is less willing to fill that role for you.I find your advice about meeting the mom fascinating because I "co-parent" with my ex, who was a typical emotionally negligent and abusive LVM. One of this gambits is insisting that we should be "friends" for the sake of our child and is always trying to play "happy families," even after the years of heinous cheating, lying, manipulation and emotional torture. (And never apologizing for any of it and blaming it all on me.) We are civil and businesslike over childcare, but that's it. I don't do s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/21 07:11 AM |
| 22 | Single dads hatred for single mothers is pure projection. "I don't want to take care of another man's child!" No sir, you are looking for a childless woman to dump your parenting responsibilities onto, and a single mother is less willing to fill that role for you.Huuuuuge red flag if he's wanting you to meet his kid in five dates. I'm really aghast at that! He's clearly looking for someone to take care of his kid and home. I'm a single mum, and I wouldn't even dream of doing that to my child. No one is meeting my child until there's a life commitment on the horizon and we have been together a long, long time. My child does not need another unreliable narcissistic father figure to upend his home and tear apart his family. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/21 06:43 AM |
| 59 | Men believe that women exist solely for their sexual pleasure. Vet carefully - if he doesn’t appreciate women’s art/music/literature it shows what he thinks of you.On the first date with my now ex, he admitted that he owned like maybe three records by a female artist in his considerable record collection and hadn't read a lot of books written by women authors. I should've known that was a huge red flag, but in my defense, he made it seem like he was open to more women's contributions. Of course, over the course of our relationship I made him mixes of music and bought books for him that were made by female artists of all genres, sensibility, etc....and he n… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 02:09 AM |
| 12 | HOW THE HELL HAS NO-ONE POSTED KEANU YET? Seems like a dope af person, too.OMG that scene at the restaurant = COMEDIC GOLD! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/05/21 06:32 AM |
| 22 | HOW THE HELL HAS NO-ONE POSTED KEANU YET? Seems like a dope af person, too.I worked in film production for quite awhile and he is well known in the industry for being a genuinely kind, humble and generous person on any film he is on. He treats all crew and cast members with respect, isn't demanding, and works hard. Everyone -- producers, actors, directors, everyone -- loves working with him because he's genuinely nice. He also will agree to take small roles on riskier projects to help them get financing. Just a really good guy, and pretty cute, too! I don't have a lot … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/05/21 06:30 AM |
| 20 | Women thrive without men, men perish without women, not the other way aroundI totally agree, for sure. I have a young son and I make him do chores and drill it into his head that home is where we ALL contribute to keep it nice. It would be easier at times to do things myself, but I really try to remember that one day my son will be grown and I will be damned if he turns into one of those lazy, gross dudes who expects his partner to take care of everything. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/21 01:11 AM |
| 76 | Women thrive without men, men perish without women, not the other way aroundMy sister works in an ER and told me she sees so many single men in their 40s, 50s and 60s coming in with their elderly moms for whatever reason. Once their moms die, it's like the point of no return for these men. They're truly lost to the ravages of time and circumstance. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 08:42 PM |
| 128 | Women thrive without men, men perish without women, not the other way aroundAges ago I near an apartment complex that was primarily Section 8 housing. The vast majority of the tenants were single men: mostly older, some disabled, a lot of veterans. And while I hate stigmatizing people for poverty, I have to say...these men were not in good shape. Many were hoarders; many were suffering from various mental illnesses. Many were just strange, odd people. Many were unhygienic and a little unstable and I felt uncomfortable talking for them too long because inevitably they wo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 07:17 PM |
| 1 | In a Bad Situation and Can't Get out Because of Finances? Consider Bookkeeping (Don't Laugh)Thank you so much for this. I am always looking for a new side hustle and skills as a freelancer! This lays out how to get started really nicely and clearly and makes it seem very doable! ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 02:05 AM |
| 12 | I’m sick of pick me articles claiming their husbands infidelity made their relationship ‘stronger’Co-signing here on Chump Lady. I got cheated on and her site and book were ESSENTIAL in getting me on the path to healing and recovery. She pulls no punches and calls out cheating as the narcissistic, selfish and entitled act it is -- and the lies, manipulation, gaslighting and blame-shifting around cheating as the emotional abuse tactics they are as well. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/21 11:14 PM |
| 1 | A Shrinking Society in Japan -- young women opting out of motherhood and marriage, lowering the birth rateThis podcast starts off looking at the increasing "graying" of Japan but segues into a discussion of young women are opting out of marriage and motherhood, because of the crushing burden of childcare and the inability of Japanese men to participate more in domestic life and childcare. It also goes into the implications for society when women opt out of this social system for the country as a whole. What I like about this story is how it situated a so-called "gender issue" within a larger context… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 03:32 PM |
| 2 | Beauty is like a social exchange. I don’t like it.This is a fascinating and important and complicated discussion, and the range of responses indicates just how complex it is. I did want to mention a few other things to add to the discussion, just to mull over. The first, is that I think a lot of "standards and practices" now are to make ourselves more photogenic in a camera- and visual-saturated society. I look at contouring, which I know was trendy for awhile. In real life, I thought it could look a little bananas, but on camera, it could look… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 01:46 PM |
| 21 | Divorce Him. It's not a woman's job to be your secretary and don't even let him start with the "babe where is my/have you seen my..." Men don't do this for us and it's exhausting to manage their lives for them. Run.What makes me sad is that I know sooooooo many women who start off in their marriages thinking him being helpless/her doing all the shit is super cute. Like "men are so helpless!" in this faux-exasperated but still cutesy way. Then, a kid or two later, they complain about how much they have to do, how they have to manage it all, how their husbands are useless, etc. The truth is that you CANNOT let this become a pattern in any way, shape or form. You have to have NO TOLERANCE for it. Because othe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/04/21 12:30 AM |
| 3 | (Not my post) but my own dad told me to use this strategy to weed out the losers, and here it is working!"I'm the Michaelangelo of scrotes!" 🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 01:32 PM |
| 30 | (Not my post) but my own dad told me to use this strategy to weed out the losers, and here it is working!"Opportunities I create"...? Laughing at the idea of a scrote thinking he's being creative or proactive when it's so laughably low-effort. Um, yeah...contribute to the cure for cancer, build a socially responsible enterprise that employs and treats workers fairly, help foster animals, volunteer in your community gardens, organize a drive to collect food and supplies for homeless people, making real and meaningful art. Or anything that shows a genuine ability to look beyond your self-interest and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/04/21 06:58 PM |
| 8 | “First time dads needs their mommy’s support in the delivery room and that mom is not the most important person in the room.” Comments pickme.I really hope this idiotic pickme has an agonizing labor one day. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/04/21 07:27 AM |
| 7 | Don’t feed the trolls.I love Dr. Ramani! She deserves a Medal of Honor, her work is so good. It's all about narc abuse but her ideas and tips are applicable to dealing with all kinds of selfish, entitled people who suck others dry. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 03:04 PM |
| 99 | Don’t feed the trolls.Grey rock is the best. I have to use it to coparent with my narcissist ex but it works with anyone who is trying to interact with you in bad faith. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 01:08 AM |
| 30 | Instead of going on walk dates, buy yourself a trash grabber so that you can pick up trash in a way that at least benefits your local communityAwwww, I love that! We started doing it during lockdown, too. It was like, how many walks can we take in a day?! So we started to pick up litter during them and my son loves it! And it is such a sweet age, too, because they are so curious and love helping and notice so much and have so many funny things to say ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/04/21 02:02 AM |
| 62 | Scrote wants to divorce his wife that recently gave birth to their child because he's no longer in love and he's mad that they haven't had sex in FOUR months (she just have birth!). Now he's upset that his family and friends see him as selfish (not the fact that he's created a single parent home).Every time I hear "she stopped being the woman I fell in love with" from a husband, the truth is that she probably started having to do all the emotional labor, most of the housework and domestic management, contribute to the finances with her own job, take on the majority of the childcare and fulfill sexual demands, all without her partner's foreplay, appreciation, reciprocity, affection or empathy. She's probably profoundly disillusioned, disappointed and resentful, and long stopped being attr… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/04/21 12:55 AM |
| 132 | Instead of going on walk dates, buy yourself a trash grabber so that you can pick up trash in a way that at least benefits your local communityI love this, too! I actually go out walking and picking up litter with my son. He's in kindergarten and it's a palpable and concrete way to teach him to care for our environment. I have way more fun talking with my son and taking care of our neighborhood and community than I do dealing with dating. It's "how can I contribute to the world and my community?" vs. "what can I get out of you?" | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 10:22 PM |
| – | I'm a porn addict, my wife forced herself to watch with me instead of asserting healthy boundaries. Now we are divorcing, she resents me. It couldn't have been the porn. Anyone? 🤡I'll be the first to admit that relationships are hard, etc. But read between the lines here and it's all blame-shifting, not taking responsibility and putting it all on his wife. And I'm sorry, you cannot really "work on the relationship" if you're an addict of any kind. You have to work on yourself first. But hey, let his wife take care of that, too. Oh, she doesn't want to? What a witch! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 05:17 PM |
| 15 | Weird Red Flags?Says he's into and collects music, films and books but has absolutely no woman creators in his collections and can't remember the last time he read or listened to a female artist (or read a story or watched a show with a female protagonist.) And conversely: all the HVM I know are passionate fans of at least one female creator (and not because she is hot) or one show/book/movie that was centered on female experience. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 01:42 AM |
| 40 | I live in a van down by the river - is this a turn off?A sunset and a chamber pot, apparently! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 08:38 PM |
| 22 | I live in a van down by the river - is this a turn off?Some people don't get it, certainly. I think van life is pretty cool and I see the appeal. I can't do it myself -- I have a kid -- but I have friends who do it in one way or another. And they're resourceful and independent and I admire that! But they're also realistic and don't have conventional expectations of dating, family life, etc. I think what's scrote-like about this guy and what women are reacting to is this man's cluelessness and underlying sense of entitlement, hidden under a veneer of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 03:47 PM |
| 174 | I live in a van down by the river - is this a turn off?Lol I saw this in the original sub. I know a few people living "van life" -- some because of struggling finances and some due to voluntary simplicity. But nearly all of them are "dropouts" from conventional life in one way or another and that includes dating in a typical way, family life, etc. This dude just needs to accept that and hope he meets a likeminded woman along the way of wherever he's going. Maybe he's hoping he meets a younger and less tied-down woman. The great irony is that whole l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/21 03:27 PM |
| 21 | The myth of the "cock carousel": male projectionThe whole myopic notion reveals just how little empathy, imagination and emotional intelligence that men have. Most women I know have never gotten on the "carousel," and even the ones who are more free-wheeling still were discerning and picky (even if it was "I only fuck smoking hot men.") Even when we're not necessarily looking for commitment, we still have standards of respect, decency, hygiene, etc. It's definitely a projection, and a weird intersection of toxic misogynistic beliefs about wom… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/04/21 02:53 PM |
| 13 | This is the type of obtuse mentality that I'm referring to when I say "men are committed to misunderstanding us"Waaaaah waaaaah muh penis sad waaah trying to create false scarcity waaaaaah mask inadequacy waaaaah waaaah I fear my own irrelevancy to the human race waaaaaaaaaaah displacing blame waaaaaaah fear tactics waaaaaah why do I have evolve waaaaaaah waaaaaah why no girl kowtow to me and my peepee waaaaaah mommmy be my mommmy a mommy I can bang bang waaaaaah waaaaaaaah penis sad no one want my peepee waaaaaah | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/04/21 12:02 AM |
| 5 | Low effort meme but it's for LVM soThis is literally my kindergartner's diet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/21 01:54 PM |
| 58 | I said what I said. Stay mad.But it's MY CHOICE!! 🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/21 09:08 PM |
| 13 | Her pornsick cheater will send her to an early grave and she's still internalizing all of his abuse...It worked for about three months? 🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/21 11:16 PM |
| 31 | Her pornsick cheater will send her to an early grave and she's still internalizing all of his abuse...This has been my experience. My ex constantly used porn and our sex life really suffered (which of course was my fault and my problem to fix.) But he kept wanting to push boundaries and started wanting stuff I had no interest in participating in. Sex was just impersonal jackhammering and felt really gross and unpleasurable. Frankly, sex became this horrible chore with him because there was no emotional connection, foreplay or any sense of dealing with a realistic woman with a real human body. On… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/21 06:58 PM |
| 11 | Scrotes Are Mad 🗣😂Well...my ex began both balding and cheating at the same time. Coincidence? (He also started going gray and getting a gut when we split. I like to think of it all as karma.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/21 06:31 PM |
| 25 | For those of you torn about prioritizing beauty and avoiding the male gaze, I wanted to share my solutionThis whole post is aces, but damn, I'm going to paint the last line on a sign and hang it in my bedroom as inspo decor!! ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/21 03:57 PM |
| 40 | Best post in the history of reddit. Not for the audacity of this POS, but the backlash he got from the replies. He really thought he could use this baby to control her and it backfired HORRIBLY. Love to men getting a taste of their own medicine. I hope this woman is great and doing well 🎉🙏🏼If this post is real, I feel so sad for this child. But definitely not for this guy. To me, it just reads like he's mad this woman's societal conditioning -- maternal instincts, insecurity over having a partner, etc. -- didn't kick in like he anticipated. And now he's stuck with a kid he "wanted" but didn't anticipate he'd be responsible for. Which is such a patriarchal attitude, of course. She's already doing way more than a man would in her position but what he wants is an on-call unpaid babys… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/21 02:52 PM |
| 47 | Preach it 👏🏻I really sometimes dislike this kind of tone in self-help/advice, where it fronts like being "tough love" but it's actually borderline abusive and blaming. I got gaslighted, blame-shifted and overburdened with responsibility enough by men, I don't need to take it from a self-styled relationship guru. That said, it's easy to fake being a HVM in the early stages of a relationship, because of being high on happy hormones and everything is shiny and new. Or they're a narc and lovebombing. You don't … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/04/21 01:36 AM |
| 14 | Why sex positivity always harms women and why I'll never accept it.I connect the mainstreaming of porn to the rise of Internet and then saturation of mobile technology in society. Porn has always existed, I guess, but it wasn't so readily available in such wide variety and quantities, and with relative portability and privacy. The hardcore stuff was also not so easy to get; it was the height of raciness to keep an issue of Playboy under the bed (which by today's standards must look so quaint and boring, perhaps). With the rise of websites and the widespread use… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 05:48 AM |
| 10 | This is my worst fear. Hope she can take her kids and get the hell out ASAPThis poor woman. I can relate to that tired, dead eyed look, the one you get when you've overfunctioned for years for someone who doesn't truly love or appreciate you, and you have finally been sucked dry... The end gives me hope, though. Because once you think, "I'm practically a single mom already, might as well be one for real," that's the death knell to the relationship and this life. Because you start to ask...what value is this man adding to my life? Chances are, not very much, if anything… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/21 01:35 PM |
| 24 | If your partner does this, RUN in the opposite direction. This is abuse and a power play.At the very beginning of my relationship with my narcissistic ex, the first "weird" thing he did was walking just slightly ahead and faster than me when we took our first trip together. It was a walking-centric destination and he would always walk faster than me and then wait for me to catch up. When I told him it bothered me and asked if he would mind walking slower, he sort of just scoffed at me, like it was my problem my short petite little legs couldn't keep up. I let it go at the time becau… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/21 09:03 PM |
| 100 | MEN are "The Wall"I had a female mentor who once said to me, "Nothing will age you more, physically and emotionally, than a shitty husband." I was in my 20s when she said this to me. Now, in my 40s, I see she's absolutely right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/21 04:11 AM |
| 11 | The "bed nest" post that was mentioned in the podcastIf I wasn't deeply and unfortunately familiar with the grossness of scrotes, I would've thought this was a SNL skit because it's so absurdist. But really, you never see your boyfriend's apartment for that many years and....that's not a warning sign? Where's he hiding the blow up sex dolls, sis? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 04:23 PM |
| 44 | Tragic Example of The Mask Slipping AFTER Marriage and Baby. Always be willing and ABLE to LEAVE Sisters!!I resonate with your comment so much; my ex always told me that I was "no fun" once I got pregnant and then became a mother. I had a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic birth and no support. So, yeah, being saddled with the burden of carrying and carrying for a baby with little help from a partner will erode my joie de fucking vivre! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 04:30 AM |
| 8 | Your life does not end at 18 nor your worth as a womanThis makes me sad (if it's real.) The internalized misogyny is terrible. She's going to end up stuck in a dead end relationship with a horrible man living in fear of the only thing that NO ONE can change: the forward march of time. No one escapes time. Being in my mid 40s, I can say that I'm way happier now than I was in my 20s. I had a good time but that doesn't compare to the deep contentment I have now. I feel strong in who I am; I have a home I love and great relationships with my son and my… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/21 02:51 PM |
| 20 | A lot of men need to hear this. They wonder why they have dead bedrooms but dont even tryI think this guy is generally spot on. I'm not sure if I'm necessarily attracted to men because they're proactive and equal contributors to maintaining a home, though. I feel like it should just be a given of adulthood, no matter what your situation or gender. But I will say that nothing kills off a woman's attraction to her partner faster than being a lazy slob that whines "Just ask me to do it!" and then wonders why his wife doesn't want to have sex with him. Want your wife to keep desiring an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/03/21 01:09 AM |
| 7 | To hear what LV scrotes think of women and how they try to manipulate us, watch some "comedy." 100% he's not kidding. 50 years old, never been married, and this is how he treats women. High standards will save your life.Have fun dying alone, dude! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/21 02:42 AM |
| 9 | Never let a man know how bad he hurt youI have to coparent with a narc ex too. I grey rock him so hard and he haaaaaaaaaates it. He's tried to bait me, trigger me, ignore me, verbally abuse me, turn on the charm...no matter what, I stay cool and supremely distant. It's almost like a game I play for myself now: how few words can I exchange with him? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/21 05:42 AM |
| 7 | "Only dogs and women are loved unconditionally" "Men are loved for what they can do"I've seen men have more loving and affectionate relationships with their dogs than they do with the women in their lives. Hell, I've seen men love their iPhones and cars and video games and poker games and fantasy football and stereo equipment more than their wives and girlfriends. Most men don't love women unless there is something in it for them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/21 12:13 AM |
| 6 | "Only dogs and women are loved unconditionally" "Men are loved for what they can do"Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry. This is absolutely horrible. And violence like this against women happens all too often. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/21 12:02 AM |
| 13 | Men that will not complay with the easiest of request to accommodate youI'm starting to think it will take a generation of men dying alone, uncared for and left to their own devices for anything to change. More and more women I know are writing off male companionship and don't think the benefits are worth the constant disrespect, lack of empathy, devaluation and dehumanization. You see it happening in societies like Japan, where the birth rate is beginning to drop. It will have huge social and economic ramifications, but maybe that's what it takes for men to evolve … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/21 08:51 PM |
| 47 | "Men want to be judged on their intentions, not on their actions"At this point in my life, I don't judge people by intentions anymore. I judge them by the impact their actions have, and whether or not they are responsible for and acknowledge that impact they make on people. I apply this to my cheating ex, to my friends, to the men I date, to my co-workers. If they can't do this, even after I've expressed hurt, I put as much distance as I can from them. To use an example above, if I step on someone's foot, it doesn't matter if I didn't intend to or not. Their … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/21 04:20 PM |
| 14 | Men aren’t active parents. In fact, many of them are burdens to the women they’re married to. Their lives get easier when married, but the women’s lives come to a complete standstill.Woooooow. I am so sorry you went through all of that! Your ex is a clearly disordered person and so grossly entitled. I hope he's out of your hair now, because that all sounds like a nightmare. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/21 02:46 AM |
| 30 | Men aren’t active parents. In fact, many of them are burdens to the women they’re married to. Their lives get easier when married, but the women’s lives come to a complete standstill.Wow, your ex has some audacity to demand "optional" 50/50 in a transparent attempt to avoid both child support and responsibility. All his demands are clearly in his best interests, not any of the children's. So glad your judge recognized this and LOLing so hard at "bias against dads." | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/21 09:17 PM |
| 16 | How many of you “developed” issues while in a relationship? I’ll go first: depression and anxiety. Cured as soon as we broke up.I got depressed and anxious for the first time in my life after I had my son, and I thought it was PPD/A and that I just wasn't cut out to be a mother. Maybe at first it was PPD -- crazy hormones and sleep deprivation certainly didn't help -- but even after treatment I had a persistent sense of anxiety that made me an insomniac and generally bogged me down. Turns out, it was the relationship with my cheating, gaslighting, manipulative, lying, cold, distant now-ex. Honestly, when I left him, it w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/21 05:19 AM |
| 24 | Why do men feel entitled to participate in spaces made for women?ENTITLEMENT. But probably also the fear of what might happen when women find solidarity with one another, talk truth and help one another find their worth, stand their ground and be merciless and unwavering about their boundaries and demands for justice, fairness and accountability. If that ever happened on a mass scale, the game would be up for men and anyone else who benefits from patriarchy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/21 04:23 PM |
| 10 | Pickminique is acting all smug and basking in the attention she's getting from the backlash. FDS mods over here like 😐Sometimes I laugh when I read complaints about "gatekeeping the sub" because FDS is all about having boundaries and standards and UM WE ARE HERE TO GATEKEEP OUR LIVES SIS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/21 01:26 AM |
| 58 | What Dominique Sisley (Vice) said she was writing about FDS vs. what she actually wroteI've been a writer and editor and ugh, this all reminds me of the reasons I got out of "content creation." Real journalists don't sidle into your DMs and pretend to be friendly and do it AFTER the "first draft" is turned in and promise that if you get back to her in a day, it will be "rewritten." She sounds like an undergrad trying to get her term paper done before it's due with all that. A real journalist spend time looking at all sides, vets sources over a period of time, submits a story for f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/21 04:45 AM |
| 36 | There's been an uptick of women defending SAHM on FDS. This is why we don't do that.I think the pandemic certainly is a huge added pressure, for sure, and maybe it's made certain things that could be masked by busyness untenable. But also I think it's my age group: by and large, the marriages around me were made by spouses in their late 20s to early 30s, and they are by and large hitting the point where certain patterns and norms are becoming unsustainable after 10-20 years together. From what I'm privy to, it's all kinds of things: midlife doldrums, boredom, having teenagers, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/21 04:16 AM |
| 95 | What Dominique Sisley (Vice) said she was writing about FDS vs. what she actually wroteVice magazine started off as an edgelord rag before "edgelords" were a thing, and as far as I'm concerned, it has never quite shed this quasi-provocative but deeply reactionary branding. While it has published some excellent stories (and the HBO show did some excellent reporting, though I do know that the media company isn't run very cohesively and the silos have tended to operate independently at some point), overall the site stands for nothing but clickbait. It has no real POV or stance. I'd r… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/21 03:56 AM |
| 68 | There's been an uptick of women defending SAHM on FDS. This is why we don't do that.I'm in my 40s and there are marriages falling apart all around me. Most of these, the women had outside jobs in addition to being mothers and wives. Some were SAHMs. And I can tell you: the SAHMs as a whole were much more vulnerable during the divorce process. You may think you're marrying a HVM, but when it comes to divorce, most men have no problem using the legal system to bleed dry their wives that they pledged to love, respect and cherish dry. You can think it will never happen to you, your… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/21 12:19 AM |
| 17 | This Particular Brand of Male Selfishness Drives Me Up a WallIf only! The covert narc is SO hard to screen for, and my ex was definitely one. He seemed so vulnerable and sensitive even, and yet it was still the same selfishness, entitlement and lack of empathy underneath it all. It's hard because when I look back -- I read all the journals I kept during our time together -- there were all these little things that gave me pause. Things like walking faster than me and not waiting for me to catch up, or even just walk slower so we could walk together. Or jus… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/03/21 05:02 AM |
| 58 | This Particular Brand of Male Selfishness Drives Me Up a WallI relate to everything you've written here so much! It also describes so many of my friends' husbands, too: not so bad as to leave, but not to great to want to stay, and there is just no sense of this person growing in any way to make things better. This also describes my ex for the majority of our life together until the end, when he did get toxic and even abusive as he began cheating on me (before I found out.) There were moments before the end when he showed a more narcissistic, selfish and e… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/03/21 09:35 PM |
| 18 | Chris Meloni Demonstrating Why We StanIf "men were made to look," then maybe they should look in the mirror at themselves, see their their physical grossness and do something about that shit. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/03/21 06:14 AM |
| 28 | Don’t let them baby trap you ladies. Very bad things can happen.I so feel for this poor woman. I can guarantee you that a lot of her depression is not just due to her birth trauma and PPD, but just the existential horror of being yoked for a lifetime to someone who manipulated her into having kids and essentially saw her like a womb on legs. I bet you he's cheated on her or getting close to it as well. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/21 02:21 AM |
| 20 | Advice for a man who married a gorgeous woman with whom he has nothing in common. I loved her response.He is totally narcissistic! That leaped out at me when I read this. Just all the entitlement and superiority complex and underlying contempt for his hot but dumb wife (who is probably not that dumb at all, just not so easily impressed by him anymore, I bet.) He's basically asking for permission to cheat on his wife or justification to mentally and emotionally abuse her into changing. Gross. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 11:54 PM |
| 9 | Pro-Kink Author gets ripped to shreds in the comment section of her article; blocks FDS for asking why The Cut didn’t interview straight men who were into “Dominating” women on the podcast about her book.Absolutely. And in these cases, it's not kink, it's abuse. And I don't understand why people who are advocates of kink don't even acknowledge this as a reality. Their magical practice of sexual freedom and pleasure has been co-opted by porn/red pill discourse and the fact that they can't even analyze it intersectionally is just deeply disappointing and suspect. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 07:10 PM |
| 24 | Pro-Kink Author gets ripped to shreds in the comment section of her article; blocks FDS for asking why The Cut didn’t interview straight men who were into “Dominating” women on the podcast about her book.It's like "consent" is this magic wand that makes all of patriarchy and other oppressions just disappear like "poof!" I think this kind of sex-positive/no repercussions "feminism" is really wishful thinking that the world (and men) are more evolved than they really are. Patriarchy doesn't magically disappear, and neither do any other forms of toxic oppression. It just doesn't. Any woman's lived reality will confirm this. The truth is, most men don't practice "kink" in the consent/discussions/bou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 04:19 PM |
| 40 | Pro-Kink Author gets ripped to shreds in the comment section of her article; blocks FDS for asking why The Cut didn’t interview straight men who were into “Dominating” women on the podcast about her book.I generally have respected R.O. Kwon as a novelist and found her novel The Incendiaries compelling to read. She clearly comes from a strict Korean Christian background and maybe there's a bit of baggage there. There's definitely some fascination with pain in her work. I think what she argues about BDSM sounds almost utopian in theory, because why wouldn't consent and true dialogue around sex be awesome and progressive? Of course it would. But I think arguments like these assume that people can l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 02:35 PM |
| 107 | If he walks faster than you in public, DUMP HIMI remember that my narcissistic ex did this to me on our very first trip together, to a big city with lots of walking. He was very tall and I'm petite, but he would just leave me behind scrambling to catch up with him. I remember being irritated and hurt by it, but he acted like I was the one with the problem. Looking back now, this should've been the first sign that he was a narc and a LVM. At the end of our relationship almost eight years later, I remember we were out with friends at dinner an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 05:30 AM |
| 42 | Found this little pic that my daughter drew a several years ago. Note the floating head that is her father. This speaks volumes about the amount of time and energy he put into our family. Don’t think that kids don’t notice. We’ve been divorced for 6 years now and she is so much better adjusted!Oh I am so glad your daughter is so much happier now! Children are so much more perceptive than they are given credit for. When I split from my LVM over a year ago, my then 4-year-old drew a lot of pics of me, his dad and himself as a way to cope with this loss. It would always be him and me (about the same size lol) by a house or somewhere, and his dad was a tiny figure off on the margins "at work" or "out." He could tell how little he was invested in us as a family unit. I'm so glad we got out… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/21 03:56 AM |
| 27 | All it takes is attention to detailThis was a very common phenomenon for my MFA program as well. Almost all of the women who had been in long-term relationships ended up splitting with their partners, particularly during high-stress demanding times during the semesters or at points where they were achieving great things. It's like once the woman was as available to meet their needs, they dumped them, or they couldn't handle how successful their female partners were becoming. Interestingly, a lot of the men in my program who had l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/21 06:17 PM |
| 10 | Jezebel/Cosmo/Salon Columnist Tracy Clark Flory wrote a book where she outlines how she was an architect of everything wrong with "Sex PoZZy" Feminism. It was all a lie, a ruse, and she KNEW it was, but instead of honesty we got "Cool girl" libfem bullshit. I don't feel compassion, I feel rage.Thank you for sharing this thought-provoking book review. As a "Xennial" myself, I think we will begin seeing a lot of sex-positive/third wave feminist memoirs that reckon with the lived legacy of these feminist generations and how their ideas played out in actual life and history. I myself have been thinking a lot about coming of age during the rise of sex positivity and third wave feminism and where it "all went wrong." I don't think anyone who believed in the centrality of women's pleasure an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/21 04:49 AM |
| 34 | Gaslighting 🚨 Never, ever, EVER allow a man to weasel his way so deep into your psyche that these sentences seem like reasonable responses. They are MANIPULATIVE through and throughGaslighting is emotional abuse. It comes from someone who thinks they're in a position of superiority over another. The underlying dynamic is contempt. I used to think that partners who did this were "poor communicators" and didn't know any better. Or they were just "being men." But after having lived with this for years, I think there's no excuse, especially if you've drawn a line and made a request for it to stop. The way I now see it is: if a man slapped you, would you stay? How is emotional … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/21 05:03 AM |
| 17 | A message for the female lurkersCelebrating your progress!! I think FDS boils down to having self-worth, not falling for illusions of scarcity and lack and having the ability to set and maintain boundaries. I too got out of an emotionally abusive and neglectful relationship with a narcissistic manipulator, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I call it the ultimate act of self-love. And life has been great since. Not always easy or wine and roses...but still way better than living with someone who had nothing but c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/21 05:28 PM |
| 15 | The contempt some of these men have for their wives is EVIL.This makes me so sad and FURIOUS. This jackass is selfish, entitled, immature and worthless. His "buddy" is an affair partner, I'm sure. Whenever I hear men complain that their wives are no longer sex objects at their disposal but more "mothers instead of wives," you know what the real situation is: you let your wife handle all the domestic shit and now she's too exhausted and resentful to fuck you anymore. But instead of acting like a partner, he puts it all on her to handle it (because he's wo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/21 03:46 AM |
| 7 | The word that keeps coming up over and over to describe life with out (LV) men: PeaceCongrats!! And yes to peace! For myself I realized that peace is really the platform I need to build my happiness upon. I can't have the other good feelings I want in my life unless I'm in harmony with my own self and the world I'm building around me. If anyone knocks me off that in an essential way, they shouldn't be an intimate part of my life. Enjoy your new home! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/21 09:43 PM |
| 11 | What do I need YOU for?Oh man this totally made my day to read this. Laughing so hard (Dorito dust lagoon!) but fist raised in truth and solidarity. Someone read this aloud on TikTok and make it go viral! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/21 04:28 PM |
| 3 | This is why FDS matters. Don't get stuck with a LVM.Yes!! You should be so proud of yourself -- celebrate your progress! The peace will be worth it, I know it was for me. From that peace I was able to rebuild my life and I am excited about life again. It has been ages since I felt that, but it started with me realizing I deserve better than being neglected and emotionally abused. Good luck to you ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/21 02:19 PM |
| 16 | This is why FDS matters. Don't get stuck with a LVM.Am so glad you're feeling better, too! Stress has such a huge effect on health -- they can really mess with hormones, for example, which can hugely affect weight gain and loss. And toxic relationships are such huge stressors. I'm convinced I added years back to my life once I left! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/21 05:33 AM |
| 127 | This is why FDS matters. Don't get stuck with a LVM.Could have written this myself a few years ago. I didn't get to sleep in for years, no matter how much I begged to have a morning here and there to catch up on sleep. Thank god I left! Now I sleep in because he has our kid 2-3 nights a week. I have never felt better in my life. Seriously: I had suboptimal thyroid hormone levels after I had our kid and it led to poor metabolism, weight gain, a constant low level of depression, low libido and weird crazy allergic reactions. My doctor said I needed… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/21 02:56 AM |
| 53 | ReminderIsn't this happening on some level in Japan as well? I do remember reading how young women there aren't getting married and having children as much as they used to, because frankly they give up too much and for so little. Birth rates are dropping, too, at least from what I remember reading, and it will have major ramifications in the future, like social crisis level consequences. But can you blame women? Why would they give up independence and self-determination in exchange for a situation that … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/21 05:04 PM |
| 13 | You know fds is working when other platforms are noticing (and hating ofc) us.Nothing to apologize for, I get it! I meant the notion of extremism in general, you hear it a lot re: people outside posting about FDS who say it's too radical or extreme. Radical acceptance and self care is awesome -- it's only "extreme" because society is so misogynist. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/21 02:38 PM |
| 33 | You know fds is working when other platforms are noticing (and hating ofc) us.I laugh a little at the idea that FDS is "extreme." What is so extreme about self-reliance, respect, standing up for yourself to be treated decently, and having the right to feel secure and safe in the world? You know... basic human rights? It's only extreme because we live in a world that shows time and time again that it does not value or respect women as full, autonomous human beings. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/21 02:22 PM |
| 15 | Why do men complain about marriage, when marriage for women is...I'm a single mom after my now ex cheated on me after eight years together (and four years after I had our son.) Life is easier and better without him in it. On many different levels. Marriage is way overrated. And if you do get married, protect yourself. Have your own money, get a prenup if you come into it with any assets of your own, and always have an account in your name only with enough money to retain a lawyer. You've got a one-in-two chance you're going to need it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/21 03:41 AM |
| 82 | Men just being men I guess.A lot of this is all "wife/mom admin" and unpaid labor that women often do for men, especially in marriages. Men think it's quirky or funny to be so helpless and so many women, too, joke about it, like, "Isn't he so funny, haha, he's like my unofficial child!" (Which is totally enabling, of course.) A few years down the line, though, and the wife realizes she's not attracted to her husband anymore because she's essentially a mommy to her husband (and most women do not want to have sex with child… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/21 04:11 PM |
| 22 | ...or will he?I think my ovaries just shriveled up in repulsion. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/02/21 06:33 AM |
| 22 | Has anybody been following the Armie Hammer situation? When they say consensual BDSM isn’t abusive...I fell down this rabbit hole the other night and it made me so queasy. Beyond the cannibalism shit (sooooo disturbing), why are so many fantasies about degrading women and completely disregarding their pleasure? And why do so many women fall into this? Wait, I know why...it just makes me sad. I don't know much about BDSM because I am hopelessly vanilla (and generally uninterested) but from the people I know who seem into it, it is supposed to involve rigorous communication that talks about bound… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/02/21 05:41 AM |
| 32 | Imagine playing the cool girl for a guy who talks about you like this. This is not an appropriate Valentine's date and I hope she leaves before they get marriedEwwww...did he really just say "Vag Day"? He goes straight to LVM hell for that alone, not to mention his disgusting attitude about his girlfriend. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/21 11:06 PM |
| 23 | "You're being sex negative!" is so insulting to women. True sex positivity for women is impossible to achieve in a patriarchal world. Requiring women to be "sex positive" before dismantling patriarchy is such a "fuck you" to women.I came of age just when "third wave" feminism and sex positivity were on the rise, in the early 90s. My high school and college years were spent making zines, reading C&@! and queer theory and going to riot grrrl shows. All these mini-movements were really youth-driven and had exciting energy at the time, and I daresay we were coming off the heels of Reagan and Bush, so it did seem in many ways that women's rights were advancing. Perhaps the young women we were at the time could envision a perio… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/21 02:31 AM |
| 18 | If a marriage can be saved great ! If not, just separate. Kids know anyway. They are smart enough to know parents shouldn't have separate bedrooms or fight all the time.Amen to this. I think in an ideal world we could all peacefully co-parent and be happy apart, but from my experience and observation, most marriages sour and families split because dynamics were unfair, unequal and/or unhealthy to begin with -- or frankly just toxic and abusive. And that carries over into the split, and into the "co-parenting" arrangement. Splitting is no guarantee that a toxic relationship stops being toxic. Ask so many women dealing with horrible divorces and the aftermath of … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/21 07:52 AM |
| 6 | Thought of you ladies for some of the tidbits: “My Spouse Wants A Divorce Because I'm No Fun”Dave Ramsey is I believe an (evangelical?) Christian so the last bit about blaming our culture for "wussy men" isn't surprising. The problem is not the "culture" making "manhood" problematic -- the problem is good old fashioned patriarchy and men who are selfish, entitled and misogynistic as a result. But as someone whose cheating ex often told me I had become "boring" and a "drag" and a chore to be around, especially after becoming a mother -- I do appreciate their contempt towards the divorcin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/21 05:47 AM |
| 7 | These people ignore realityYes. This is the truth. Most courts now make assumptions that "parenting time" will be split evenly and that the child must have both parents in their life. It is moving to be much more "father-friendly." From what my lawyer friends tell me anecdotally, increasingly more dads do want 50-50, but I do think many times it's to get out of paying more child support. A friend of mine who was a SAHM is now going through a divorce from her LVM who's a workaholic and alcoholic and she is having a nightma… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/21 05:33 AM |
| 39 | FDS has been saying it all along and women are catching up. Men do not love women like women love men and that's why we need to start demanding more and holding back the energies we give out for freeI'm gonna print out this exchange and frame it on my wall! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/21 11:34 PM |
| 17 | She really needs our helpWhy is it so hard to take a freaking shower? It's so basic and just a little hygiene goes a long way. I just do not understand why some men act and think like this and then expect to be treated like effing Greek gods. Oh wait...patriarchy and entitlement, that's why. More seriously, this poor woman must be feeling so trapped. Textbook perfect example of why you should never be dependent on a man for anything, and why we need to vet to be sure they bring US value. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/01/21 03:16 PM |
| 8 | A little reminder from @lainey.molnarI was actually just thinking the other day that I wanted to celebrate the day I left my ex for good! I'm planning on buying myself some serious jewelry and getting some great sushi and sake to celebrate 🎉 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/21 02:18 AM |
| 9 | A little reminder from @lainey.molnarThis would be a BRILLIANT idea! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/21 02:15 AM |
| 80 | LVM are not a prize, they are the pipeline to women's poverty. Financial, social, physical, mental, spiritual and generational poverty.As a single mom in her 40s, I do have to say THANK FREAKING GOD I built up my career, financial assets and emotional and social resources before I met the LVM that sucked me in. That's my own choice I have to reckon with and unpack, but at least I always knew deep down that he was someone who could never level up, so I never married him. And I also never combined finances as well. Those things saved me when I finally freed myself from the cheating loser that is my child's dad, and why I was able… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/21 03:51 PM |
| 3 | The kinksters always shame "prudes" for being vanilla and boring yet the kinksters are almost always basic afYes, I've seen it...brilliant film from a brilliant filmmaker! Great acting and directing aside, it really is amazing at capturing the dark void inside this kind of compulsive sexual pursuit. I think back to those final scenes, and how it doesn't even seem all that pleasurable for Michael Fassbender's character -- it's almost like a weird form of self-torture, even though he's screwing multiple women. Just completely soulless fornication, and so chilling and sad. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/21 01:01 AM |
| 32 | The kinksters always shame "prudes" for being vanilla and boring yet the kinksters are almost always basic afSometimes I wonder if kink, BDSM and other fetishistic sex practices are just ways for their practitioners to take away from the vulnerability of sex. They mask it under rituals, roles, scripts, etc. that they can hide behind. I've had a few partners who wanted to try kinkier things and I was struck by how laborious the sex was -- like it was this weird job you had to set up, plan, and all these things you had to remember so much that you couldn't just lose yourself in the moment. And the kinkie… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/21 05:59 AM |
| 17 | I swear, why are male “feminists” always so terrible? 🚩 Married scrote with woke tags ON HIS TINDER PROFILE is still, painfully, a low class scrote. Remember, this guy always swipes right, because you’re worth it! 🤮This is so gross. And so sad that his wife is expecting their child. So much cheating and acting up -- or even just a distancing or disengagement -- happens when a woman is at her most vulnerable point. Men who take advantage of that are just SCUM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/21 03:59 PM |
| 3 | This is why you shouldn’t have babies with men you aren’t married to.Here's a truth: if a man doesn't look at you with some degree of empathy, affection, tenderness, reverence and appreciation for the fact that you gave up your body for nine or so months to bear and birth your child together, he doesn't really love you. At least not in the "better or worse" type of way you need in a lifelong family arrangement. He may have "loved" your hotness when you were younger, or "loved" having sex he didn't have to work for. He may have "loved" that you were an object or t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/21 07:08 AM |
| 118 | "I like Asian women because they're submissive" said the predatorAs an introverted Asian-American woman, I can tell you the predatory behavior and fetishization by men is real. And in college it was INSANE, because you're at the time in your life when you are young, newly independent and totally surrounded by pigs. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/01/21 03:40 PM |
| 90 | This article blew my mind. "America and the world would collapse in 20 seconds if women were showing up for each other instead of being exploited for every form of labor.” - From "Feminism Has Failed Women" by Kim BrooksYou're not selfish at all to choose not to have children. The fact is, a mother is very much alone, isolated and at sea when it comes to raising children in this culture. She's at the mercy of institutions, public policy and a partner who can assume patriarchal privilege at any time. Who wants to be at the mercy of anything? Never feel shame for your decision! (And I say this as a single mom who loves her child dearly.) Anyone who says you're selfish is likely jealous and doesn't want you to exp… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/01/21 07:05 PM |
| 5 | I have to be honest, I hate stuff like this. It romanticizes settling for the bare minimum by saying "only REAL women settle.." also referring to women as females is so obnoxious !?Yes! And in the case of my ex, the phone that was bought by his MOM 🤣🤣🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/12/20 03:35 PM |
| 18 | Not that he is actually going to care for them himself. We all know it's a status symbol for men.Ugh, this is a huge mistake. My cheating ex LVM treated me well enough, until we had a kid. Then it was a one way ticket to Patriarchal Jerk city. It's like a chip gets activated and all the undercurrents of entitlement, selfishness and misogyny come bubbling to the surface, and now you're trapped with a baby and will do anything to "make it work." It's good for her to see this man's underlying attitudes about childrearing, pregnancy and such now because they will NOT go away with time or "matur… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/20 12:23 AM |
| 12 | How FDS changed my perception of my male friendshipsInteresting question! Hmmm, the HVMs I've known and/or dated, their relationships in general tend to solid, whether it's friends, co-workers, partners or children. They know they have to contribute, they communicate, they offer listening and empathy when called for and they have strong but not rigid boundaries. They're often just emotionally healthy people in general. And that includes their friendships with men. They have higher quality bonds and their social circles seem warm and genuine. A fe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/20 04:43 AM |
| 15 | Reminder to not ease your standards at all for a guy younger than you. In a world of pedos, it may seem like a guy aiming older is a green flag but he might just be like this POS. Doesn't matter if he's a broke college student, no exemptions. Be hard to get.This guy sounds like a narcissist psycho who wants a mommy he can fuck. "Late bloomer" my ass. It's also just a gross mentality of using women to gratify his "needs," like the entire female gender is a menu he can order from. My cheating narcissist ex was younger than me and I don't know if I'd ever date younger again. I got pregnant by him (ugh, though my son is wonderful) and we tried to make a go of it. I ended up feeling like I was pulling EVERYONE'S weight -- he is just a man-boy who was sp… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/20 05:57 PM |
| 81 | How FDS changed my perception of my male friendshipsI have a wonderful male friend from when we were 12; we essentially grew up together, and he's like a brother to me. He's super compassionate, respectful of all women, is a great devoted husband and father to his amazing, brilliant wife and their two amazing daughters, and we have been there for each other through all kinds of life events and crises. He's a genuinely great listener, humble and was the first and sometimes only person who gave me genuine empathy during the toughest times of my lif… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/12/20 05:37 PM |
| 7 | She realized she’s basically single but with more choresBeing a single mom isn't easy. But in all honesty it is waaaaaaaaay better than taking of a real child with the burden of a man-toddler. I was already doing the majority of housework and childcare. And after exhausting myself "balancing" work in addition to all of that, I was also expected to have sex on demand without any romance, connection or intimacy? And then deal with gaslighting, blaming and neglect on top (lol) of all this? With not even any appreciation, attention or affection? The real… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/20 01:36 AM |
| 5 | See ladies... we are called Gold Diggers but when it’s about a man and his kids, we are unfair.Yes, this is also very true! You still could end up with a wonderful, amazing partner, but there is a significant chance they will die before you. And sadly, a lot of women too easily let their partners "take care of it"...only to discover something about the will is irregular and it goes into probate, or there were outstanding bills yet to be paid, or there isn't as much money left for the next 7-10 years you'll be on your own. It sounds so basic but women truly have to be their own hero when i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/20 12:02 AM |
| 22 | See ladies... we are called Gold Diggers but when it’s about a man and his kids, we are unfair.As a single mom I know I HAVE to get a pre-nup for this very reason if I ever married in the future (which I doubt I will, to be honest, I never want to be a wife again.) I bought a house this fall and no matter what life has in store for me in terms of future partnership or not, THIS HOUSE IS MINE. It's my investment, my asset and my responsibility to do with as I wish. No LVM is going to swoop in and make it his own. Women have this urge to merge and share and "tend and befriend" and that can … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/20 05:38 PM |
| 19 | Pay attention to men with abusive patterns of behaviour, they may just be intentionality trying to to induce a Stockholm Syndrome response in their target.Don't wait for a pattern to show up. As someone who suffered emotional and mental abuse in an intimate relationship, please take it from me: define your boundaries, and if they are ever violated (or you ever feel scared, dehumanized or devalued), LEAVE. I know it can be easier said than done when your life is intertwined with someone (it was for me.) So if you're just dating someone (and don't share children or assets), just leave. If you're married or partnered with someone, get a lawyer and su… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/20 09:56 PM |
| 87 | Mic drop.I hate gendered expectations in parenting like "Boys are easier" and crap like that. It isn't easy to parent children, period. Babies can be hard. Toddlers can be jerks. Kids can be difficult. And parents have to raise them with little genuine social support. The only reason little boys may seem easier is that people expect them to be rambunctious, hyper and active (which would describe MANY kids, not just boys) and look at that behavior somewhat indulgently-- and expect girls to be sweet, well-… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/20 09:58 PM |
| 55 | Why are women expected to change for men?I worked in film and the common belief was that women will go to traditionally male-dominated genres like action and superhero type films with their partners, but it doesn't work the other way around -- men have to be dragged to see something girly like a rom-com. It's this idea that men are the center of the universe and everything revolves around and caters to them. (And also, males can be shamed for liking traditionally girly things, which are treated like weak, silly or whatever. My son love… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 04:22 AM |
| 6 | I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a mythOh, he got hit by the karma bus in a few different ways! That kind of deception and depravity can never sustain itself, and usually people like him doom themselves eventually with the arrogance, entitlement and self-delusion that lets him use and abuse people to begin with. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 04:00 AM |
| 7 | I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a mythAfter some inner work and counseling I did realize he was a covert narcissist -- it was an amazing key insight that helped me reframe the narrative of that relationship and move forward! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 03:56 AM |
| 8 | I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a mythThank you! I am much happier and more peaceful these days. The foundation of happiness is definitely self-respect and inner peace. At least for me! ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 03:54 AM |
| 14 | I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a mythNope, he didn't. After I discovered the entire text chain between him and his affair partner -- memories of which still haunt and bring me pain to this day -- I did the one deliberately asshole thing in my life and literally packed some bags and left with our kid the night I found out. And left him with all the bills (I had been footing half the household expenses) and also took the cars, which had been in my name and I had been paying for. I was not fucking letting him milk me for any more mone… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 03:52 AM |
| 9 | I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a mythYes...apparently my meals weren't up to his standard. He was cheating on me but at this point I didn't know it, so he was creating lots of no-win situations for me to fail to justify his behavior. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 03:47 AM |
| 228 | I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a mythMy cheating ex gave me such shit for buying takeout, heating up a pizza or making a simple pasta with sauce and salad for dinner, especially on nights when I was so busy with trying to work full-time AND handle the bulk of childcare. So, in an effort to make him happy, I cooked a "better" meal one night. When I sat down looking tired, he got livid, lost his shit and screamed that I was a terrible partner because, "You don't cook for me, you don't clean for me and you don't fuck me!" In front of … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/20 02:32 AM |
| 4 | Ah, haven't we all been the crazy ex at some point?I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. So many people think narcissists are super extroverted, self-centered "everyone look at me" life of the party types. But the sneaky passive aggressive, seemingly quiet but just as selfish and entitled covert narcissist can almost be worse because no one would ever believe they could ever be toxic. The underhandedness can really fill you with doubt, which is awful because you can often gaslight yourself. I'm glad you're done with it and hope you have or are… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/20 09:06 PM |
| 28 | Ah, haven't we all been the crazy ex at some point?Yep, this. This is totally a page from the covert narcissist playbook. The modus operandi is to abuse and mistreat partners, first in an insidious passive-aggressive way that escalates until the victim, who can only handle to much cruelty and neglect, lashes out as well. Then the narc can frame the response as craziness. It's a manipulative tactic designed to make you look bad while justifying their eventual discard of you. I think any girl beginning to date should learn how to spot, avoid and d… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/11/20 03:38 AM |
| 13 | Imagine the audacity of thinking 30k is enough to justify this behavior.She needs to lawyer up, make sure she has access to all accounts, and start documenting everything, and she needs to do this NOW. Beyond the fucked up depravity of this, this is also straight-up financial abuse. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/20 08:04 PM |
| 9 | HVM alert!I remember a few months after I gave birth to my son, my then partner and I were walking in our city's downtown area. He was carrying our baby in the Baby Bjorn and I cannot tell you how many people we walked past who were like, "What an amazing dad!" One car even drove past and was like, "Great job!" Meanwhile, do mothers get a fucking parade thrown in our honor for carrying our baby down the street? No, we get criticized for our choice of baby carrier ("You know, maybe a wrap would be better, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/20 05:39 PM |
| 20 | Why therapy, self-care, and levelling up emotionally and mentally is so importantThis applies to me, too! In relationships I take responsibility for my side of the street, always apologize if I am in the wrong, am willing to let go of being "right" and allow the other person the space of their own perspective. These are all great things in a mutual and reciprocal relationship with the right person. With my cheating ex -- someone who had "potential" but failed time and time again to live up to it and felt deeply insecure about it -- these traits were frankly weaponized agains… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/11/20 05:08 PM |
| 2 | The Dictionary of ScrotesI'm sorry you went through this, too. I think back on this moment now and see what a NVM scrote he was. Who does this kind of shit?!!! #neveragain indeed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/11/20 02:27 PM |
| 11 | The Dictionary of ScrotesOh man, this hits hard for me too. Try confronting your partner with his cheating, and when you question whether he is a good person or not, he starts having a meltdown of scary rage and then tears as he screams, "I AM a good person! I'm a good person who just made a big mistake!" And because you're still a chump and haven't yet seen just how deeply manipulative he is, YOU end up comforting HIM even though HE was the one who cheated on you and the young son you have together! I cannot believe I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/11/20 05:46 AM |
| 62 | Make sure you are 100% involved in your financial decisions. Financial independence is SO important and can be life saving!This, a million times. My financial independence and acumen is the biggest reason I was able to leave a lying, cheating and manipulative covert narcissist last year with some degree of strength. Yes, I dealt with a lot of emotional trauma (which was considerable), but at least that wasn't compounded by financial struggle or feeling like I HAD to stay with him because I was dependent. I always had my own money and accounts, and thank god I resisted his pleas to combine finances, because otherwise… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/11/20 05:38 AM |
| 10 | No more free labour for menMy last therapist and I talked a lot about emotional labor, and one helpful exercise she gave me was to make a list of all the specific things I did that counted as family or relationship admin or emotional labor, i.e. "Remembering to buy birthday cards" or "Be a sounding board" or "Remind significant other to make doctor appointment" or even "Practice good manners." Then I made a list of people in my life who I did emotional labor for. Then we went through the lists, decided who was entitled to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/11/20 11:10 PM |
| 21 | What enforcing your boundaries actually looks likeOne of the best pieces of advice I ever got on dating is to communicate and enforce boundaries early on, because you get to see how respectful or not your date is. Not just boundaries, but your preferences, opinions and the like. Just lay your line down in the sand matter-of-factly and without emotion, stand back and observe how they take it. If they honor it and even appreciate how clear you are with them, it's a good sign. If they try to steamroll you, gaslight you or otherwise make you feel b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/11/20 02:24 AM |
| 45 | if that ain’t the truth. we need to start looking at cheating as the man’s defect and not what the woman was lacking.Having been cheated on -- and leaving my now ex and rebuilding a new home and life for me and our son -- I can definitely say cheating is a choice, as much as the other may try to blame you for their action. Cheating -- and the lying, deceit and manipulation that goes with it -- is what cowards do. You have to be selfish, entitled, narcissistic and weak in character to do it. If a cheater tries to avoid responsibility or justifies themselves, it's less about the person they're cheating on and th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/11/20 07:07 PM |
| 4 | She spends so much time just pandering to men and trying to justify Feminism and why she's a Feminist. Making herself amiable to men and constantly explaining 'true feminism'. And they still hate her for it. It's sad libfem ideology.I used to think like this, too. Now I think, sure, patriarchy does cripple men's emotional wholeness and that sucks for them as human beings...but what a small price to pay for an entire system of institutions, beliefs and practices that allow them power and privilege to benefit their own interests and pleasures at the expense of an entire gender! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 04:18 AM |
| 10 | men like this are why I’m happy being singleMy ex was like this. Sure, people have different ways of processing emotions and some people need the space of introspection. But this is less that and more a sign of selfishness. And a real weakness in character and a lack of resilience. If this is what he's like during pregnancy, this man is going to make an absolutely shit partner when the real hard and grueling work of parenting a small child and maintaining a home starts. And something tells me he'll likely leave his partner to do all the h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/20 04:02 AM |
| 1 | Me: “if you’re interested in me romantically we should go on a proper date.” Him:Can you imagine how condescending and contemptuous this guy would be if you were in a relationship with him? Hard pass. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 02:19 PM |
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