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modern_asshat Archive

View 5 posts and 81 comments by modern_asshat on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

This is me right now and I’m at the end of it. I’ve got 29 days of the “waiting period” before the courts will finalize. But yeah, I put up with way too much and one day I was just done. I won’t get into the exact moment, but there is a specific moment that I just shut off and was done. I moved super quick. Filed and served her in person the same day. Went though a few weeks of her guilt tripping me and I just never let my guard down. In the end she wanted me out bad enough to sign for a stipula…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:47 AM
2

She wanted me to add that I would do personal counseling sessions before she would sign. That was the main thing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 10:24 PM
2

It wasn’t required. Which is fine by me honestly. If she wants to go to court, I’ll go there and it won’t end well for her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 02:10 PM
5

Yeah, how about fuck off with the religious bullshit?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 11:31 PM
2

File first and file now. Don’t let her get the chance to get the jump on you in that way. Leave immediately, staying on a couch at a friends is miles better than dealing with all this. I will tell you from experience, you may not think you have a friend that will let you sleep on the couch, but you absolutely do. When I filed, I had similar financials but for different reasons. And I had friends I never thought would help me in that way, that offered to help me without me even asking. Don’t wait…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 06:45 PM
2

Would you be happier if you left, had to sleep on a friends couch/spare room, and completely start over? That’s what it came down to for me. When I finally had the thought that “man if I just walk away with the clothes on my back, rebuilding my life will be better than going forward with this.”
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 09:07 PM
2

I’ll tell you this. Once you actually make the decision, every day gets easier. It’s the lead up that’s the difficult part. The worry. The what ifs? And of course it’s going to be difficult. You’re making a decision that’s going to blow up not only your life, but you kids life and your wife’s life. It’s hard because it doesn’t just affect you, and honestly it should be hard to make a decision like that. It’s a heavy decision. I’m into stoic philosophy, and one thing that it teaches is that the o…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 05:23 AM
2

There’s always a possibility of it getting this bad.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 05:15 AM
1

You know it’s bad when you fantasize about worse conditions physically, to get better mentally.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:51 AM
3

I get it man. I was lucky enough to not have kids with mine. I will say this though. My parents were married for 27 years until my mom died when I was 16. I spent my whole childhood with her outwardly hating him, and watching him say nothing and just take it. He slept on the couch most nights. It was painfully obvious they couldn’t stand each other. He only stayed because she would threaten to take me away if he tried to leave. I grew up with the situation you’re in now. I can honestly say, it w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:49 AM
3

I feel for you man. That’s a tough spot to be in. Keep up with the counseling though. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’ll come out better. I’m not going to be the guy to push you in any direction, but one of these days you’re going to wake up and just be done. You’re going to know that even if she gets everything and you wind up with just the clothes on your back, you’ll be better off for it. There were so many nights that I just wished I was in a shitty apartment sleeping on an air mattres…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:15 AM
2

Before going to the step of divorce it sounds like you need counseling for yourself and you need to get into marriage counseling asap.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 02:54 AM
1

Exactly man. I sat her down a few months back and she tried to kick me out immediately. I live out of state from my family so I don’t really have a support network in that way. My plan was to just stay in a bedroom in the basement until we figured it out and then I’d move out. But I didn’t have a plan for the night of and I wasn’t expecting her to do that. I was naive and should have prepped, but I didn’t. What I did do was make a plan and that plan was to file at the end of this month. And I ju…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 01:49 AM
2

That’s exactly how it felt. Weight lifted. I filed yesterday as well. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:51 AM
1

As far as I know she is on bc. Still not taking the risk though
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 12:37 AM
5

Here’s a piece of advice I learned a long time ago. That resentment you feel, the only life that it’s affecting, is your own. Holding anger/resentment toward another person does not affect that person at all. She’s out living her life and doesn’t even think about your feelings toward her. Let go of it. I know for a fact you’ll be better off.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 10:57 PM
3

Did you see my other comment? I didn’t ask. I told her “I want a divorce.” Then I came here and made this post and said I asked for one. It’s just a turn of phrase.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 10:35 PM
1

No hobbies of her own. I’ve encouraged her countless times to try picking something up. No, she doesn’t value independence unless it’s hers. Yes and no. She’s got friends. But I’ve also seen her drop friends when they’re going through hardships because she doesn’t want to deal with them. She started working again a couple weeks ago after about 4 months of not working and to her credit, she’s great at budgeting. She has a good relationship with her family as far as I know. But there have also bee…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 09:53 PM
1

I do get the point you were making though. When I say my wife down I said “I want a divorce.” It wasn’t a question. Came and made my posts and said I asked because that’s just how it came out when I was typing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 09:00 PM
1

It’s just wording man. Some things don’t have deeper meanings.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 08:34 PM
1

No idea about alimony, we’ve only been married a year. I will say this though. Most all states absolutely require that the “status quo” of the marriage be maintained from the time papers are filed to the time that the final decree is entered. This means that there can be no change in living arraignments, how bills are split, ect ect.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 08:08 PM
5

That just sounds like a different room of hell than the one I’m getting out of.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 05:34 PM
1

Will do. I appreciate it
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:23 PM
2

All good. I figured that’s what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:23 PM
6

I agree. There’s been a bag in my car for the past couple weeks leading up to this. And anytime I’m home I’m in the spare room in the basement with the door locked, doesn’t matter if we’re fighting or being civil.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 03:57 PM
3

I think you replied to the wrong person. I’m OP and they were responding to u/miabrownn
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 03:55 PM
1

Genuine question. Did I miss something?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:59 PM
2

Yeah. The goal here is to avoid that. And if unavoidable, to push it off as long as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:58 PM
5

Breaking up with paperwork. So much fun lol
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:38 PM
10

That’s the plan. Got back into the gym about 2 months ago and have been using at an escape as to not be in the house or around her. She was going with me at first, but quit after about 2 weeks. Showing I’m wanting to improve and she wants to skip out on anything slightly difficult. It was a fight to even get her to bring in some Coke Zeros and frescas because she likes her sugar.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:37 PM
4

That’s the thing with me. I’m at the point where if all I walk away with is the clothes on my back, I’ll be better for it. I’ll accept whatever negative consequences happen. I just need to be done.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 02:36 PM
1

That’s good. Happy to hear things are looking up. If I can make a recommendation on a book for moving forward, read The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holliday. It’s a modern day take on stoicism and how we need to face our challenges head on. That the best way forward, is through. Not so much a divorce book, but it teaches a great way of living.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 08:13 PM
1

I’m sorry to hear that’s what you had to go through. Here’s to things getting better for the both of us, your kids as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:04 PM
1

So much that I’ve watched for the entire time we’ve been together her family pay for her/our food from time to time. I’ve seen her friends take her to lunch and pay. I have never once see her reciprocate. I have paid for meals for her family, on our behalf, because it’s embarrassing that she doesn’t. She gets mad that I tip too much when the service is good. She kept the thermostat off for the first half of winter, in a state that snows, because she didn’t want to pay a lot of the heating bill, …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:51 PM
1

There have been several times where I think to myself that I’m dealing with a child. It’s a shitty feeling for sure. Closest before we got married was having roommates for college. After, she moved back in with her parents and after that just lived with her mom until her dad passed away, until me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:45 PM
1

Last time we had sex was months ago and we won’t be having any going forward. Not getting her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:43 PM
2

Honestly I don’t think so. Her reasoning is she just wants us to save. But then again, I give her money to put into a savings account only she has access to, I now that you ask. I really don’t know.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:29 PM
3

Yeah she did. I should have been more clear about that. We have always kept our finances separate for what it’s worth. But she was working the entire dating period and most of the marriage. Then she was laid off because she simply wasn’t getting done what needed to get done and when layoffs rolled around it was obvious why she was on the chopping block. There was about a 4 month period where she didn’t really do anything. First 3 she didn’t even look for a job because she still had severance. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:27 PM
2

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. Funny thing is, she’s got a sister in law that displays similar behaviors. Only her brother is trapped with kids. I actually gave a BPD book on how to deal with someone like that to her mom to try and sneak it to her brother. I guess I just didn’t want to believe that it was happening to me too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:24 PM
2

First time I tried to walk away was 6 months. Which led to promises from her that it would get better. I tried to work it out for it to get better and I just didn’t. So first chance was the first 6 and then the second 6 was to try and fix it. I gave it a chance. No one can say I didn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:21 PM
1

Agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:19 PM
2

It’s funny you say that. When we were dating I noticed that there are some social queues that she just wouldn’t pick up on. I wasn’t trying to make fun of her or anything like that, but I did ask if it’s ever come up before for her. That was a mistake. Turned into her sobbing and thinking that I was saying there was something wrong with her. Thing is, that’s just not how I am. If she does have autism or not wouldn’t have bothered me. I was just asking because of what I noticed and wanted better …
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:19 PM
1

You’re not the first to say it. And no, that’s completely off the table now. I’m not getting trapped and it’s been several months since we did have sex.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:15 PM
2

First question, I just kept being hopeful that things would get better. Yeah I had friends and family that were concerned along the way. I’m the type that I personally had to give it everything I possibly could before shutting off. I’m now at that point. No, no self esteem issues. Just how I am. I’m comfortable with myself. And as an extension of that, I am comfortable with what I have decided to do moving forward. Like I said in other replies, I’m not angry or sad or whatever. I just finally re…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:14 PM
1

Thank you. I’m glad I realized now and haven’t wasted more of my life
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 01:10 PM
3

I’ve been sleeping in a spare bedroom in the basement with the door locked, by choice, since Sunday. I’m a absolutely not going to be sleeping with her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 06:07 AM
2

I will never be having sex with her again. I will not raise a child with someone like this. Imagine how the child would grow up, I just can not put another life through that. We haven’t had sex for months. I’m not about to even risk that happening at all. You hit the nail on the head, I’ve told a few trusted friends that I feel like we’re roommates more than anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:58 AM
5

It’s been good to finally just list it all out.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:55 AM
2

That’s exactly what I’m doing. Papers are being filed Friday when I have some time to step away for a long lunch at work. My boss already knows the situation and supports it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:54 AM
3

Been trying to figure that one out for a year now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:53 AM
2

Very
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:53 AM
3

I know that legally she can’t. I’m aware of the situation, but things happen if she does. Maintaining status quo and all that. I have options for whatever happens on Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:52 AM
1

That’s the plan. Next step is Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:51 AM
1

Yeah. I uhhhh, picked a winner /s
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 05:51 AM
4

I agree. I’ve had my suspicions toward that conclusion as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:22 AM
4

I agree. For clarification, she was working and got laid off and it was the time in between jobs where she would lay around doing nothing all day. She’s working again now, but absolutely doesn’t want to. She wants to be a stay at home wife because that’s what all her sisters are. Which are literally married to either doctors or lawyers. And her brothers are literally either doctors or lawyers and have stay at home wives. I work at a trucking company. It’s just not in the cards for me lol. No way…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:21 AM
1

That is correct. 6 months. I appreciate the motivation. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 04:18 AM
3

That’s absolutely what had to have happened.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:50 AM
6

There’s a difference between caring what she does and hoping things get better for her mental state in the future. If it does or doesn’t, I don’t care. There’s no reason to hold on to the anger and say “fuck her.” That only weighs me down emotionally by still holding onto that mental state. I’m moving on and will improve my life. It’s not a “nice guy” thing to just say I hope she does the same. I don’t have ill intent like that for anyone. It’s just simply not worth it to keep the anger. Learn f…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:40 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:12 AM
4

For real though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:11 AM
3

I’m 100% serious.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:08 AM
4

I made a follow up post
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:05 AM
9

I’m filing Friday. There’s no remorse. No anger. No sadness. I just want my life back and I know I’m doing not only what’s best for me, but the right thing overall. Maybe one day she’ll wake up and realize why this happened, probably not. But there’s no way for her to grow as a person without it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:38 AM
3

Don’t even want it at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:36 AM
3

I will be having no sex through this process. When I asked for a divorce on Sunday, she made promises to be better and that she would start having sex with me this week. I declined.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:35 AM
3

Most I can think of was a few times she mentioned feeling like I didn’t want to see her when I was sick or if I needed a day to myself. But she didn’t do that every time it happened.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:34 AM
4

She would just say she’s nervous because she didn’t have any experience and I do.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:33 AM
2

I foolishly kept thinking it would get better. At least no one can say I didn’t try.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:18 AM
2

Agreed, and for what it’s worth, I’ve already taken my guns out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:17 AM
3

Thanks for the book recommend
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:16 AM
6

I’m on my way out. Last time I brought up splitting, she threatened to kick me out day of. So I apologized, got my plan ready to go, and now I’m moving forward. I asked for a divorce on Sunday and she said I was springing it on her. No, you forced me into another situation where I had to hide what I was doing because you were going to take the roof over my head. I needed a plan first, I made one, things are ready to go. Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:15 AM
1

Sorry to hear that. Although not as long for me, I know what it’s like and sympathize.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:12 AM
8

I’ve had my suspicions that bpd or something similar may be involved. But I don’t know for sure
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:12 AM
5

Already miserable and resentful lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:11 AM
6

I will not. This is the third time that this conversation has come up, the last 2 times I believed her. Third time I will not. I feel like I have it my all with 2 chances and a full year of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:10 AM
3

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:09 AM
16

Fridays simply a better day for me to take a long lunch at work to get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 02:08 AM
14

There’s waaay more petty shit I could throw in but that one highlights it the best.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 12:41 AM
16

Oh I agree. One of the things I forgot is that she started going to therapy and came home and told me what her therapist said I should do to make things better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 11:20 PM
37

I’m filing Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 10:59 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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