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moonlitbutterfly117 Archive

View 1 post and 46 comments by moonlitbutterfly117 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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34

FIELD REPORTmoonlitbutterfly117/r/RedPillWomen27/01/25 08:31 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

Have you had your hormones checked?
/r/RedPillWomen03/01/26 08:55 PM
9

Ugh, this breaks my heart because I see myself in it. I used to genuinely believe that if I was just immovably patient and understanding enough, for long enough, that it would make someone eventually open their eyes to how much they valued and treasured me being by their side. Instead, I just got taken advantage of a lot. There’s no reality where talking to women on a dating app three years into your relationship looks good. Sometimes we just stay in a bad relationship longer than we should, bec…
/r/RedPillWomen26/09/25 01:33 AM
1

I’m not sure why I got downvoted for being right lol
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/25 08:47 PM
3

Yes! I understand how frustrating that is, and it’s not really a byproduct of masculine/feminine dynamics. His loquaciousness was probably even exciting in the beginning, and more grating as time went on… There are a few good books out there for ADHD partners, and I’d encourage you to check out the r/ADHD_partners subreddit if you haven’t already. Look up Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria for some context on those insecurities you were mentioning. I suggest physical touch when you need to redirect…
/r/RedPillWomen21/06/25 02:04 AM
-1

Have you or he ever considered that he may be neurodivergent? The monologuing, “quirks”, awkward humor, awkwardness in social situations, sensitivities, EVEN the unusual fashion sense seem like possible giveaways to me. Source: I have ADHD myself, and am an occupational therapist. Folks with ADHD and autism are my niche area. My life is neurodivergent people-helping folks with a different than average brain. He may just be very high functioning, and able to mask well. So well, that he may not kn…
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/25 11:31 PM
1

The problem really is that there are so many options. So many things that you could choose from! As you get more suggestions, I would write a list. And once you have your list, pick an option that stirs up that little feeling in your chest that makes you go ah…wow, that sounds nice. Start with that one. Groupon has been a lifesaver for allowing me to try spa-like self care in a more affordable way. Another good one is to imagine your dream woman. The best version of you, a you that you deeply re…
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/25 05:37 AM
2

I feel you, so much of our identity as women is wrapped up in our hair. Have you ever considered a wig? If you have the money for it, there are some really, truly beautiful and natural looking ones out there. I’ve known a lot of women who did it for religious, or ethnic/cultural purposes. It could potentially even be a way to try styles you may not otherwise have considered.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/25 04:59 AM
9

You seem to know what you want to do already. If you’re enjoying being pursued, you don’t need our permission to date him. Congrats on leaving your abusive ex. My only caution would be to make sure you’re putting the work into yourself. It goes without saying that abuse does a number on you psychologically.
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/25 05:47 AM
5

Let us know how it goes! He might be sentimental and not have thought it through. But if he’s as great as you say, he’ll surely understand you saying “hey, I really like you. You seem fantastic. But I wanted to circle back about the dog coparenting. I know your dog is important to you. But if you ever get into something serious with someone new, the regular, very domestic contact with your ex makes things awkward and uncomfortable. Seems like a very intimate thing to be sharing with someone you’…
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/25 07:17 PM
21

That seems super weird. Put it this way…it’s the future, and you’re raising children with this man. Your husband is going to pick up the kids from school along with…the dog from auntie ex girlfriends house?
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/25 06:40 PM
2

Hmm. What “fears” and “vulnerabilities” do they not feel like you’re sharing? It honestly doesn’t seem that necessary in a situation where you’re not serious about each other yet. Things shouldn’t start with you having to detail your every trauma anyway. I don’t think you’re doing something wrong by looking for investment. You could always say a couple of dates in, “if I ever come off as standoffish, it isn’t you. I just think it takes time to really, truly get to know someone”. Trust has to be …
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/25 05:40 PM
2

There would be nothing wrong with being a “dater”. You probably should just go on a few fun, casual dates with men. Just to demonstrate to yourself, that THIS man isn’t the be all, end all. That you can have other wonderful options. Connections with men should be approached from an abundance mindset, not a scarcity one. That you will have to “live with it for the rest of your life”? It’s frankly really easy for things to feel that way when you’re 19. The more experiences you have, the more this …
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/25 05:28 PM
9

I was that young woman with poor judgement. I chose poorly. I got in a bad situation, and a bad relationship young, like all of my other female role models. So I can sympathize with the woman you’re describing. I got the “enjoy your 20s” advice too from older generations. I did not. It was a bewildering, lonely, crushing time. I had no money, no support, and spent most of it feeling lost and confused. I write here because I wish I’d had this place as a young woman. I wish I’d had the resources a…
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/25 02:52 PM
20

You could try finding a devout Christian on Christian mingle. But honestly, it’s pretty hard to do the whole “no sex until marriage thing” outside of maybe your early to mid 20s. At 40, men are going to assume you’re not a virgin, that you’ve had experiences, that you’ve been with other men before. And may take it as a personal insult that THEY have to put their needs on hold and wait. I’m not telling you to go out and immediately sleep with a guy you don’t know, and are uncomfortable with. I’m …
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/25 05:11 AM
3

It’s possible. I’m right there with you. I had just turned 32 when I met my current partner last year. He hasn’t proposed yet, but we talk about marriage often. I’ve had a lot of “maybes”, a lot of “almost, but not quite”, a lot of “if only we could work past this one thing, maybe it could work”. I feel sure with him. I feel secure. It’s possible. I didn’t know how possible deep down until I felt it with him. I’d check your hormones though, in terms of your libido. Some people are poly or open, …
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/25 10:10 PM
1

Coats with fur and a flare. Layers with a feminine touch, such as ornate scarves, and cute hats in colors like pink or red. Boots with a bit of a heel, provided that it’s not snowing.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/25 04:57 AM
6

I would think you should accept the reality of what he’s DOING as opposed to what he’s saying. Which isn’t to say that I’m suggesting he’s saying untruths. But you’re looking for a result. He’s telling you that he’s unsure, and isn’t sure when he’s ever going to be sure. It’s isn’t about denial. Believe what’s he’s saying. Can you let go of the result? I’d say it’s a mismatch of values, but you’re already a decade in. At this point, you may need to accept that you can’t control how he chooses to…
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/25 08:50 PM
39

A woman asking about family plans and commitment is scary TO HIM. Because HE is not ready. When I was dating, I didnt let things continue with men who even seemed lukewarm about having a family. Because there ARE man who are chomping at the bits to do it with the right woman.
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/25 05:47 PM
3

Christian yelling at me changed my entire life in the best possible way
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/25 04:36 PM
5

What you described is very much how it works FOR WOMEN. For women, a man’s looks can’t do nothing for you. You can date a man who isn’t “your type”, and if he treats you really well, he really will become more attractive to you. We can be won over through consistent romantic effort. It doesn’t work that way for men. They’re VERY visual creatures. If he tries to get with someone who isn’t “his type”, he will only end up making her feel…unattractive. Not even intentionally, but it’ll be the death …
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/25 04:36 PM
5

At first, it’ll feel like a miracle if you can stop ruminating about it for five minutes. And then, one day you’ll realize you made it from morning to afternoon without thinking about him. And then one day sometime after that, you’ll realize it’s been two days since you last thought about him. And so on. Hang in there. You’re becoming wiser.
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/25 04:41 AM
8

Sometimes they come back for a little bit if they’re horny, lonely, or their other dating ventures aren’t working out. But he won’t change. The garbage feeling running through your nervous system? The anxiety, fear, feeling of being blindsided, abandoned, rejected, not good enough? He will make you feel it over and over. He will make your child feel it. Love will not change him. I know you’re angry and hurt. As you should be. I understand all too well the feeling of “I never thought it would be …
/r/RedPillWomen16/05/25 02:40 AM
2

I’d suggest a hand sign. A gesture, we an agreed upon code. Something simple, that he can clearly understand when your voice freezes. After all, it sounds like among fight/flight/freeze, your survival mechanism was “freeze”. I also personally call it “hide”. The logic being “if I( or my opinions) are hidden, I can’t be attacked”. I’ve also enjoyed Kasia Urbaniak’s talks about “the freeze” if you’re ever looking for more resources.
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/25 05:31 AM
5

Well he SHOULD be someone with whom your nervous system relaxes. If it generally doesn’t, we have a whole separate problem. Is this a recurrent issue in other areas of your life, or in relationships in particular? You’re going to have to practice. It will be uncomfortable. But you will strengthen it, like any other muscle. And it will get easier. Write a list of things that soothe you. Look up “questions you should ask before marriage”. I say this because they are heavier topics, geared towards …
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/25 03:54 AM
1

Well it sounds like you’re already taking care of yourself, practicing mindfulness, doing things that make you happy…I’d honestly suggest giving yourself a bit of permission to be angry. Maybe pick up a physical outlet? Good meditations for example, often aren’t about avoiding your feelings, but noticing them, and giving them the space to be. I’m not talking being reactive. Or outwardly being a jerk. But sometimes anger ends up being fuel to change and improve yourself, and your life, for the be…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/25 03:33 AM
5

Yes, I’ve heard the folks who worry that you’ll “scare someone off”, or “come on strong” if you bring up your intentions of dating to marry right away. But honestly? Good! That’s kind of the point. Why on earth would you want to waste your OR their time, energy, and resources, hurting each others feelings, by trying in vain to maintain a connection in which your goals aren’t aligned? You’ve lived it now, so you KNOW how much it sucks. How much that situation hurts. There’s nothing wrong with you…
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/25 11:51 PM
4

What a thoughtful reflection. I commented on that post as well. I tried really hard to give both parties the benefit of the doubt but honestly…it really bugged me. It really came off like she was trying to convince herself of buying into this line he was giving her, because the alternative was losing love…maybe more. Maybe provision. How many women find themselves in similar situations? The poor gal in the post never really seemed to manage to give any specific reason why “the government” should…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/25 12:55 AM
7

In that case, do you think the lack of happy marriages that you’ve observed is actually about the marriage itself, or about the lack of polarity? A lot of things can be a “weapon” depending on your outlook and attitudes. Or not. You don’t sound like the sort that would use it as such. Would it alleviate some uncertainty if the two of you agreed out loud to taking divorce off the table? That you’re committed to the work that a marriage takes, no matter what, as it is sacred to you both? If he’s t…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/25 05:20 AM
10

If you truly feel in your heart that it’s against your value system to have the government issued certificate of marriage, then there’s no problem. Have the ceremony, but don’t go to the courthouse. Are you getting pressure from your family? Who cares what anyone else thinks about what’s between you, your man, and God? Even if they’re not sated by the ceremony, it’s not really their business. On the other hand, I’d love to hear you elaborate more specifically on what your concerns are. What jump…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/25 03:24 AM
1

I think it’s the perception of strength. That’s the appeal. A devil-may-care attitude gives the impression of confidence-which is the number one attractive trait for both genders. People who aren’t into “bad boys” just have a different perception of what they find “strong”. But strength is compelling and attractive to us women.
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/25 09:34 PM
6

There’s already been a lot of really good advice, that I won’t repeat. But as someone who was getting divorced around your age, I do have one thing I’d like to add. Try taking the pressure off of yourself, and them, for a few dates. Of course, the fact that you’re here means you want something real, lasting, and meaningful. I do too, but I had to teach myself not to treat every date as a be all, end all-especially having also come from relationship trauma. Before a date I would tell myself that …
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/25 09:04 PM
4

Well yes. I don’t disagree. But then, this wasn’t about if it was fair or not. My understanding was that this was a post about whether it’s a relevant dynamic that applies to all of our lives as women-whether or not we’d like to admit it. Whether or not it’s fair.
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/25 08:57 AM
5

Yep…but the good news is, there’s no such thing as ugly, just lazy. I used to want to change the system. Now, I just want to live as well as I can under it in my little corner of the world. It putting on a dress and a little makeup is how I get the things I want in life, then so be it. I have a good man, so he likes to tell me that I don’t need makeup for him to find me beautiful. But I ALSO noticed him say once, that he wants people to look at us and say “how did HE get HER?!” Because people DO…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/25 08:38 PM
9

Oh, I was scared too. I’m also 32. Now I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever had, being loved better than I ever had. We only met in December, but are talking very seriously about the future-in large part, because he happens to be at an age, and level of being established where he’s just READY. He wants to settle down. If anything, it’s easier to find confident masculine men in our age bracket, because they themselves finally feel that they have something worth providing. Their priorities are d…
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/25 02:21 PM
9

I used to straight up put it in my dating profile. I said that I LOVED provider types. I painted a picture of the lifestyle I wanted to live. I said I wanted to be “that little lady in her own cozy home, baking pies in a sundress for her husband and children”. Said it was my dream, so that anyone with a shared dream could find me. And I brought it up within the first couple of dates. Some people think that’s crazy, but to me, it was just a part of my vetting process. And it made it faster. I alw…
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/25 11:25 PM
2

Change is hard for everyone, isn’t it? Humans are creatures of habit, and we like feeling some semblance of control and certainty. Someone has to want to change themselves, from deep within. It has to be something they decide. You can’t control if someone else changes, and it wouldn’t be fair to try to. That would be a “project”, not a relationship. If you couldn’t accept them as they are, is that really even love then? Furthermore, you don’t have to be a part of a man’s character development ar…
/r/RedPillWomen10/02/25 06:17 AM
1

It’s hard to say anything 100% off the internet. Maybe he did think he was super into you in the beginning. Maybe he’s behaving within the role he observed growing up. Maybe he just thinks it’s what he’s “supposed” to do. Maybe you don’t yet have the better treatment you deserve to compare things to yet. There are a lot of maybes there. What I DO feel confident in telling you is that I think you’re learning that you want a degree of emotional provision. Provision of communication. Some folks thi…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/25 10:00 PM
5

I think I see it. I think I understand how you intuitively came to seek out help from RPW, where the biggest subject is how to carry a feminine poise and energy. You’re doing way too much. Are you used to taking the reins in a relationship? A lot of the advice of a feminine lady, is about leaning back. About being the receptive one, instead of the doer. About showing a man with actions instead of words what the consequences for his behavior are-such as becoming more distant. Instead, you’re chas…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/25 08:31 PM
1

Was he always this way? With the very black and white thinking, and the way he just shuts down? Or do you think it’s something born from some type of resentment? Also how long have you been together if I may ask? And how old are the two of you?
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/25 07:20 PM
8

This isn’t quite what I’d call “red pill”, but I’d suggest checking out John Gottman. He’s done massive research on what makes for a long lasting relationship, vs what causes people to divorce. And if it’s predictable. He said the things that the things that consistently always came up, time and time again in couple that inevitably split were: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. Because you experienced some of those things, I think you’d find it insightful.
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/25 05:54 PM
3

I personally think you should dress up, be expressive, and own it. You should dress in whatever way makes you feel the happiest and most confident, because you will come across as the most feminine when you are happy and confident. When you’re having fun. There are also plenty of men who will be fascinated and enraptured by such a unique and creative woman. Who will prize that type of expressiveness. I LOVE to dress up. When I was still dating, I would tell men in the first conversation that I w…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/25 04:38 PM
7

I have consumed both RPW and pink pill content. I have swung wildly between ends of the spectrum in my life I’ve been the person doing EVERYTHING in relationships that were only taking from me, and getting EXHAUSTED and burnt out by it. I then found solace in, and consumed a lot of content that preaches that because you’re a woman, you don’t need to do…anything. Just exist. Just BE. Do less to receive more. And there was a certain amount of that that turned out to be true. Men DID work harder to…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/24 03:52 PM
4

That’s nice that you’re embracing that relationships are a priority for you. Especially romantic ones. For nearly my whole life, I thought something was wrong with me for being the same. That I was prioritizing something frivolous and silly, when the thing I was SUPPOSED to prioritize was money and career. How freeing that you’re able to say that. I used to think that. Now I think I’m just a woman…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/24 03:53 AM
3

A lot of people worry about not being “ladylike”, or seeming improper by discussing sex early on. I personally have kink as a must have upfront on my dating profile. I know for a fact that I will be disappointed, and we will be incompatible otherwise. I still wait a few months before deciding to be intimate with someone. But among other things, it’s critical to me to see if a man can handle having a mature conversation about it. I consider a crucial part of my vetting process. I can see you worr…
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/24 06:54 PM
6

There are already a lot of comments with good points here. Some things I'd like to add: No matter what you think about how your body fits into the mold of standard "beauty", I can say with 100% certainty that there is a man it will work for. There IS a man out there that will find it wildly sexy. Sometimes there's not even a real rhyme or reason for it. Some men like big women, some like curvy, some like itty bitty things. They just like what they like. Similarly, there IS a man out there who wi…
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/24 04:16 AM
4

Maaaaaaan I get it. I’ve been in the “male” role helping, supporting, and taking care of my grandma. Her husband/my grandpa has been passed away for quite a few years now. Any time I’m putting together a piece of furniture or something for her, the woman will not. Stop. Commenting. It’s this constant barrage of questions about how it works, what goes where, if I’m sure I’m doing it the right way, “helpful” suggestions, often WHILE I’m trying to read the instructions, or am actively thinking. Don…
/r/RedPillWomen26/01/24 04:40 AM
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