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muscularmusician Archive

View 0 posts and 109 comments by muscularmusician on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

I'm glad our comments and guidance made a difference for you. Many times its like sending messages into the internet abyss not knowing if they will land... but it is cool to hear they impacted you. For me it took me out of the trap in thinking what I was feeling was unique... and that almost everything was very common... and something I shared with thousands of other men walking through very similar circumstances, not only in relationships but also in parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 03:34 AM
1

I easily lost 80% of my social circle over night.. needless to say its been a rough go.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:02 AM
3

Don't feel pressured to move faster than you are comfortable with, especially if it compromises your kids relationship with you. I dont know the laws where you live but if you buy a house and she moves in, with all her kids and pet, will she get half the house value in a potential split ? Can you risk losing half you own ? Second marriages have an even higher risk of divorce than first marriages... so be very careful...
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 01:10 AM
3

We did discernment therapy for a few sessions and she flip flopped there but eventually said yes to going through the Gottman series. But the only reason she said yes was because that's the advice she would give a friend.. After months of finding out how screwed our marriage was she bailed. Said she had no desire to fix or heal a single thing.... she bailed so she didnt have to find out all the damage she caused I think. Also, found out a few months later she was already seeing a guy at her new …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:15 PM
7

Just love second birthdays !!
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 09:42 PM
5

I have a far better understanding of how she's wired, her actual priorities, etc. Knowing what I know about her and my own needs and wants, I wouldn't do that again... nope. It would take changing who she is at the core... and that will never happen.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:46 AM
2

I very rarely drink. . I'll have a drink maybe once or twice a year, if that. So, no, alcohol didn't affect my separation and divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:30 AM
5

This is a safe space for men going through divorce. I respectfully suggest posting your questions in another forum/subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 09:44 PM
1

I can see how you excelled at that. My kids have grown out of that stage as well. They lost interest as soon as their mom got them tablet as well.. which was out of my control as thats when we first separated.. looking back should have voiced my opinion more about cut off times for devices, but thats hindsight for you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 01:58 AM
2

Yup. That's a skill/talent full stop. Sounds awesome, but I've never been able to make up decent stories on the fly...
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 01:39 AM
7

And this after a year of marriage... wow. So they didn't date for long before jumping into marriage ?? And her vows mean nothing apparently.. also looks like she put zero effort into attempting to address issues or fix a single thing.. just walked away at the first sign of things being off or difficult. .. Certainly better this happend now and not after having kids.. Good luck to any man she gets into a relationship with next.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 03:59 PM
0

Not trying to be rude, but it seems weird to automatically jump on some sort of medication as soon as things become stressful.. I know drugs are pushed a lot in the US, but really ? You need some pill to get through the day ? I know the first several month of my separation and subsequent divorce were very challenging, but not once did I think to jump on meds of any kind. . Its just not part of my thought process. I fully get it if you do have health issues and are currently workng with a therapi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 05:36 AM
2

At the end we did a few months of marriage counseling. The Gottman series. Found out all the ways our marriage was messed up. Then she bailed.. said she didnt want to put any effort into fixing anything... she didnt stick around to find out how much pain and hurt she caused. . Which was just sidestepping any accountability on her part really. . But, i did a few personal session with the therapist, and made some big connections... they validate how I was feeling and how it was directly related to…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 09:24 PM
7

Dead Bedroom and lack of intimacy was one of many reasons for our divorce.. she had high stress levels from work, and was on birth control for years which killed her libido. She grew up very religious and there was clearly a lot of guilt or shame around sex and masturbation, and she just didnt enjoy sex with me I guess. The last half of our marriage she could easily go 6 months without wanting or any kind of intimacy with me.. as you can imagine this was a big issue for me, to put it lightly, an…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 08:39 PM
0

Sometimes it seems that way doesn't it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:07 AM
5

Umm.. you know this is the Divorced Men's group right ??.. It's a safe space for men going through the divorce process to vent and encourage and seek advice.. . It sounds like you've posted in the wrong sub-reddit by mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 02:32 AM
3

Wow.. that sounds really horrible. How can a mother sit back and watch her son being verbally abused and degraded like that and not speak up to defend him ?? She must be so intimidated or dependent on or in love with this boyfriend that shes blind to this type BS.. Can't give any advice that would help unfortunately. This would make my blood boil if this was happening to my son.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 09:57 PM
10

To be blunt, you F'd around, and now you are in the Find Out stage. These are the consequences of your actions. You cheated on your wife which lead to divorce. And now want your kids to be ok with the entire scenario, and you, and the women you left their mother for, once they find out what you did. You want your cake and to eat it to. Should have thought about the impact your choices would have on the relationship you have with your kids before cheating on their mother... You can sugar coat thi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 07:17 PM
3

When we split i lost 85% of my entire social circle.. Now I only have immediate family. My aunts, uncles, cousins all have faded into the background over the last 15yrs or so. Everyone growing up and starting their own families etc. So when we separated not a single one of them reached out to ask how i was doing. Most of our friends bought her lies/narrative and won't return texts/ calls.. so ya. I know very well what its like to feel very alone after divorce. . At least I have my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 06:34 PM
2

Being in a good place.. having worked on your own hurts and baggage is not normal or easy at all. You have to put in the time.. its a grind. And thinking about numbers and actually knowing what you want, and then to actually find or run across someone who checks all your boxes.. at a time when you yourself are in a good place.. the odds of all of that lining up... ya.. might be a while before those stars align..
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 07:48 AM
7

I have found that accountability is big for me. If she can't own up to causing hurt and pain. Can't recognize her own bad behavior and then actually change and work to be and do better.. well.. its not gonna work. . But finding someone who you can trust and believe them when they say the can be held accountable, is going to be rare... very rare..
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 07:45 AM
1

Sounds like you are entrepreneurial.. and looking to capitalize on a niche market. .. looking to provide a service to men who are in a bad or tough place in life. .. targeting high net worth men.. who can afford what you are selling. .. so you are here now, asking the group to help you think-tank to make your concept better and more attractive to your target group.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 01:34 AM
5

I haven't posted or read through much of the other marriage/divorce subreddits, but have heard many complain of getting banned or downvoted to hell for posting about men's issues or questions about marriage from a man's perspective. This seems to be the only place to actually share and give advice about divorce for men, without condemnation or judgement. Unfortunately, I have heard of no examples of couples spending time apart to "figure things out", and that having been a good thing in the end.…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:55 AM
1

Yaaaaa... this has little to do with physical appearance, and everything to do with the relationship itself. How you treat eachother. If there is friendship and actual love still. How do you handle conflict, etc. Trying to pin divorce on going bald just sounds like OP is looking for a scapegoat...
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 03:13 PM
3

Again up to you. Not long after we separated there was a birthday party that we both put on and it was a gong show... and I told myself never again. It dug up to much pain, it hurt too much and I ended up really pissed off. So. Now, all parties are split and the kids have 2 of everything.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:40 AM
8

Totally up to you. No one knows the dynamics or conflicts or history better than you. I'd assume its at her place.. so are you ok being there ? Will it only be you and her and your kids ? Or will there be other "friends" or people you'd have to tolerate ?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:33 AM
3

Personally I wouldn't. We have legal separation agreement, and written into that is major holidays and who gets them when. So, my ex has our kids Dec 25th until noon, and I have them from noon, onwards. This way there is no argument. The kids get 2 Christmas's.. and i dont have to subject myself to her and her family etc. And vice versa. Other holidays with written terms are New Year's, Mother's Day and Fathers Day. . Where she's have them Mother's Day, and I'd have them Fathers Day.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:27 AM
5

We did 5 months of the Gottman series, found out all the ways our marriage was messed up. Then she bailed.. said wasn't going to put any effort into fixing or healing anything. .. she didn't stick around to find out just how much damage she caused.. she walked so she didn't have to know.. so she wouldn't be held accountable for a single thing. Months later I found out that she was seeing a guy at her new job for almost the entirety of our counseling. .. so she was fully checked out for months an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:21 AM
1

Been snipped over a year. Don't regret it at all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 05:34 AM
2

So you dont tell them you've been snipped...
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 05:31 AM
2

Exactly. Check Rule #1. . Perhaps ask in a relationship advice subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 02:49 PM
6

Of course she's trying to alter the rules to suit her. Thats par for the course... if the separation agreement was drafted using lawyers I'd contact your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 11:56 PM
2

Just another reason why I got snipped a year ago... I have 2 kids have no desire for more.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 10:08 PM
10

How many women admit that they were the problem in their failed relationship.. ??. . Very very few... they are always the victim.. and very rarely take accountability for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:41 AM
14

We did a few months of counseling and the big thing the guy said that if the friendship is gone, there's no glue holding you together anymore.. and he was right. We went through 4 months of the Gottman series, found a long list of ways our marriage was messed up, and she bailed.. said she had no desire to put any effort into fixing anything. .. I later found out she was seeing a guy at her new job for almost the entire length of our counseling...
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 10:59 PM
8

Damn. That hurts. Hammers home the saying "men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, women will sacrifice their family for their happiness...."
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 05:42 PM
2

Kids-in-mind is a great website for parents. It fully outlines what's in a each movie and had three main categories. Sex and Nudity, Violence and Gore, and Language. Each category is rated out of 10. Tron Ares got a 1.5.2. Check it out for yourself and come to your own conclusion. As a PG13 rated movie, I wouldn't take kids ages 3 and 5. Kids-In-Mind
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 04:24 AM
6

I'm in BC and my divorce was official in January, after 2 1/2yrs hammering out a Separation Agreement. I'm curious why your employer wanted a copy or your certificate of divorce ?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 04:14 AM
3

I had moved out in June and had both our kids birthdays during the summer as a shared events. They were both quite awkward. Things were still quite fresh and raw and I decided to not put myself through that again. From then on all events were basically duplicated. They may be smaller, but my kids are used to it. Both are under 10 if that makes a difference. Events are generally my kids, my parents, and myself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:46 AM
5

Don't sign anything of the sort. Its purely to control and shame you. There is no up side for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 12:58 AM
7

Not sure what to say.. she had been divorced twice already and you had been divorced once.. without both of you putting in work to improve yourselves, doing therapy and figuring out why your marriages failed, you seem doomed to fail.. bringing all your baggage with you. After the first divorce, the chances of divorce become more and more probable... glad no kids are involved because that would increase complexity a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 01:41 AM
3

I'd flip the script. Let's say she was disabled and you made excellent money. Do you think she'd push for alimony ? From being in this group a while and seeing how things play out, I'd say she would 100% try for alimony on top of retirement/pension.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 02:27 AM
14

changing the narrative, rewriting the entire history to show that she has been the victim the whole time... and never the villain. not taking accountability for any of her words or actions never admitting that her words and actions did, in fact, cause you hurt and pain. not owning her bad decisions and how they affected things... using the various forms of manipulation to twist things around and away from her..
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 01:40 PM
2

My ex had moved into her new place and had a truck load of renos scheduled a few weeks before the sale of our house even closed... ie money hadn't changed hands yet from our house sale... so it's pretty much fact she got help to pull that off.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 07:05 AM
2

I had this exact thing happen to me. The big house was sold and my ex was somehow able to afford a townhouse in the same area. She has a much higher income than I do and I believe her parents helped her out. Then it came time for me to look for something and I was totally priced out of the area. My best option, financially, is 15 min away from my ex and my kid's school. It doesn't help that I live in a very expensive area to start with.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 06:51 AM
13

For this video only seems like the tip of the iceberg... through withholding sex and intimacy.. for years. I went to a very, very dark place.. my kids are the only reason I'm still here, if I'm honest. I've made a lot of progress and the more time goes by, the more connections I make and revelations I have about the downfall of my marriage. Thanks for sharing this video OP.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:29 AM
2

Being self aware... foreign concept to many, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 10:41 PM
9

My ex changed her name before things were even official .. to some random name... felt like she stuck her hand in a scrabble bag and had to make a name from the letters.. then I found out from my daughter she made up some story about it being some middle name.. lol. Right.. was very weird.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 07:11 AM
6

We did counseling for 4 months, and the main thing the counselor guy said as an indicator that things were over is if the friendship is gone. .. because if there is no friendship, there's no glue keeping you together... The nail in the coffin for me was after 4 months of counseling and finding a long list of issues we needed to work through, she was done... she said she had no desire to put any effort into healing or fixing anything... I found out months later that she had been seeing a guy at h…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 07:35 AM
3

"This to shall pass" vibes
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 04:34 AM
1

DM sent
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 11:37 PM
1

Rebuilding trust takes time. It's definitely not an overnight thing. I would also suggest counseling. Personal AND as a couple. Don't use counseling as a way to delay a divorce though. I'd only spend the time and money if you are serious about rebuilding things.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 10:57 PM
5

Having sex with someone besides your husband ends your relationship with him. Period. From his point of view, you've thrown all trust and respect off a cliff. Regardless if you say there's no strings attached, it's a nail in the coffin for your marriage, which are consequences of your actions. If you truly want to reconcile with your husband, keep your legs closed and forget about this other guy. Then do what it takes to reconcile, if that's what both of you actually want in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 09:47 PM
4

It's been 3 1/2 yrs since then, and my kids still aren't old enough to grasp any of the reasons for our divorce. We dumbed it down a bunch, but it will still be some time for them to really understand things.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 01:03 AM
14

For me, what cut the deepest was letting go of my daughter... The day I moved out, my kids ( 4 and 6 at the time) couldn't understand why I was leaving, and my daughter was crying and over and over asking me not to go... clinging to me for deal life.. and I had to pull her off me and hand her to my ex so I could get in my car and drive away .. . That was soul crushing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 12:46 AM
3

My ex initiated divorce. Total dead bedroom for some time. I was in a very dark place for years after realizing how many times she chose to not to show love and affection.. She asked me to move out, and for a year or more, it was just anger and resentment from her nonstop. It took me a while to realize how blind I was to how she was wired, and how our physical needs were polar opposites. To answer your question, no. She's never been flirty with me. Not even close. And I have never had a desire t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 11:08 PM
10

Completely mismatched sex drives was a large contributing factor to our divorce. She could easily go 4 or 6 months without sex if left to her own devices.. and even then, maybe longer. It was a big issue for us for a number of years, and all she did was make excuses.. and then spend no time at all trying to address them. We knew the birth control she was on had a major impact, but she didn't care. Then, there were stress levels, diet, exercise, and total lack of desire or willingness. She comple…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 04:30 PM
14

100%. The company my ex worked for was a very hot commodity during covid, and they were bought out by an investment group. Her stress from work was high before and skyrocketed once the company was sold. Her bosses were psycho-money-hungry-A-Holes. She went to counseling for stress management, and her therapist suggested that maybe her SO was to blame ??.. and she ran with that completely... blaming me for everything... and not any of her choices in life or her work environment or bosses anything…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 07:03 PM
1

The look on the "Best Friend's" face at the end is priceless... like "how dare you expose me like this !!! This guy has been paying for my meals for years... and you've ruined everything!!! "
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:02 PM
3

Use a condom 100% of the time unless you are in a place to raise a child with your partner or are ok paying child support for 18yrs.. My divorce is final now after 15yrs of marriage. I have 2 small kids and do not want any more. So, I got snipped. Now I can't be baby trapped. Period. I am also a man of faith. Like many I struggled with porn early on and the church's involvement with the issue. ( ie you are a sinner if you watch porn. Masterbation is a sin. You can only orgasm when you are marrie…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 03:14 PM
1

I agree, he's far from perfect. Very motivational in terms of picking your self up and grinding through the hard stuff. But, relationally.. look somewhere else. I think he's been divorced 2 or 3 times now ? If you want motivation for physical goals and achievements, then he's your guy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 01:50 AM
1

Counseling can help. Talking through things with someone who has been through it helps. I know the process takes time. Sometimes, things are amicable and are resolved fairly quickly. Others can be a nightmare and take ages and cost you thousands in lawyer fees. Figuring out what went wrong.. understanding your part in the marriages failure..taking ownership of that... can take a lot of self reflection.. often that is very painful. Sometimes it just leads to more questions that can never be answe…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:06 AM
4

She sounds like a real handful.. being drunk all the time is large screaming red flag.. and for the only way you guys have sex is when she is drunk.. wow.. meaning her mental state has to be severly altered for her to be intimate with you.. another red flag.. and then there is the refusal to seek help/counseling.. if she cant admit there's a problem that needs serious fixing by both of you, thats a big problem.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:05 AM
6

I've had a few try to start a chat, but I ignore them..
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 12:29 AM
2

I also play on the worship team at church and have for 20+yrs. During covid, our family stopped attending when everything shut down and watched the services online. Then we started down the divorce road, I moved out, and she never went back to church. As she has main parenting time %, I don't have my kids Sunday and they also haven't been to church either. Thankfully, I haven't been on stage with my ex in the congregation, as that would really mess with my head. As long as I have known my ex she…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 07:39 PM
4

So this is a sub for Men going through divorce... a safe place for men to talk about their thoughts and feeling and concerns about divorce and life and how messy it all can be... for men to encourage and lift each other up... not a place for women to ask advice from men about other men.... . Its not a women's help group. Try the main Divorce group. Your questions may be better received there. My first thought would be that his testosterone levels have crashed .. and as men get older they get low…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:47 AM
2

That is seriously messed up... wow. For a parent to revel and glory in their child's pain and suffering.... I am so sorry dude. That honestly sounds like reasons to go full no-contact with him. For him to dance around with glee seeing you torn apart, then to turn about and tell others he a big supporter of you... wow.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 05:39 AM
7

After I moved out to "give her space to figure things out", we did several months of marriage counseling. During that time we found out all the ways our marriage was screwed up. I owned up to and apologized for several things. She.. never one owned up to or took ownership of anything... her actions and words throughout our marriage .. not one single apology.. for a single thing. No remorse, no self reflection, no nothing. She was the one who filed and yet she's the victim... always.. she instiga…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 10:52 PM
7

Read the book years ago. Thought I knew my exs love languages.. was likely wrong. At the end, I actually asked her what her's were, and she flat out refused to tell me.. was a "great" conversation....
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:29 AM
0

This is nightmare material.. holy @#$%$... hope your civil suit goes well..
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 05:36 AM
3

Sex and intimacy almost totally dried up for us after kids. Her libido never recovered and she didn't care. As the years passed she had all sorts of excuses and she put no effort into changing thing on her end. Long story short, the dead bedroom and total lack of her showing any love or affection was a large factor in our divorce. It sent me into a very very dark place for years.. and i didn't make any real connections as to why until counseling sessions after things had fallen apart.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 05:59 AM
1

I'm a big guy and have been consistent in the gym for 14yrs + and have a fair amount of muscle, but haven't had the best diet in a while. .. small kids, work stress, wife/marriage stress, life stress, various injuries.. and haven't been focused enough to clean up my diet. That's on me. The older i get the harder it is to lose the belly fat. But, i know its possible. Just takes real dedication and time. If you want to lose fat and keep as much muscle as possible, its all about the long game. Bein…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 03:23 AM
2

This sounds really fast to already be in a new committed relationship... did you do any personal counseling ?? At all ?? If you don't work through how things ended in your marriage and all the baggage you accumulated in it, you are guaranteed to bring all of that into any relationship you have going forward. . In my opinion, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. .. this new women may be amazing, but, if you haven't spent a minute to work on your own issues, they will come back to hinder…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:53 AM
10

You don't get abs from training... everyone has them. You get abs from cleaning your diet up and losing weight. Losing enough weight will let your abs emerge from behind layers of fat.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:30 AM
2

Give it a good solid think-over. Do what's best for you. Period.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:44 AM
4

My divorce is almost finalized after a year and a half battling back and forth with lawyers. We have 2 small kids, and they are the only thing we talk about. I don't want to know about her work or social life. I don't need any more in my head than I can handle.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:33 AM
3

My vote. Nope. Don't go back. Don't reconnect. There's no up-side for you. .. at all.. only negatives. You fought for peace and calm. .. she will mix everything up again, and all your hard work will go down the drain. Don't give her the chance to hurt you again... or mess with your head and emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:17 AM
3

My first thought is to find out if you are in a single party or dual party consent state/country. If the other person has to be notified that you are recording them, or not. If its dual party it blows your idea out of the water because if she knows there's a camera recorder her, she'll play it cool every time, regardless if the camera is totally unseen or right out in the open.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 06:14 AM
2

It was very... scaring even. I'll likely remember those moments for some time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 06:43 AM
16

Oh, Bud, I feel you. I've been living on my own for 2yrs now and I still think back to the day I moved out. I have 2 kids under 8 and the oldest is a big daddy's girl. I had packed up my car and we were trying to put them to bed. My little girl refused to let go of me, crying "don't go Daddy, don't go... why can't you stay??"... over and over. My ex had to peal her off me as I climbed into my car and drove away.. such a challenging night. Both kids have asked me similar questions on and off but …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 12:39 AM
6

I've been separated for 2yrs now, and this is the biggest thing for me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:57 AM
2

Ive to 2 kids. Gonna be 8 and 6 soon. They both have old phones or tablets to watch youtube or netflix on, play simple games. There have been times when either of them have missed Daddy a lot and we set up a short video call to ease their nerves. I think 8 is a bit young to have an active cellphone with text and picture and calling capabilities. The level of responsibility isn't there yet. It would also depend a lot on your ex and the level in information or detail she'd ask your kid to relay...…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 04:26 AM
3

Both parties are responsible for the downfall of a marriage. It's rarely fully one-sided, if ever. Often, there's a lot of blaming the other person for things and denial the part you played. Actually becoming aware of your own failings and how you hurt the other person can be very painful. Coming to terms with the damage you caused can be heartbreaking. Once you know those things determines what type of man you want to be going forward. Are you choosing to work on yourself to be a better person …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:42 AM
7

And even then, some will spend their entire lives blaming everyone else, and never for a second take any kind of ownership or responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 10:55 PM
10

Actually acknowledging and recognizing those traits in you is a big, big step. Many can't or refuse to take that step of self reflection. Many go their entire lives being totally oblivious to how the have hurt others. Oblivious to how their actions and words do soo much damage. Good on you for actually seeing and being aware of the bad thoughts or habits or behavioral cycles inside you, and then choosing to work on that part of who you are. Choosing to be a better you, a better person.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 10:31 PM
9

There is a reason I don't frequent that sub at all..
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 05:36 AM
2

My EX won't accept anything from me.. at all. And I really have no desire to buy her anything either. But. Our kids are a different story. So, I talk with them about what they think mommy would like to get for her birthday or mother's day etc. Then I purchase and wrap the gift for them, and they give it to their mom.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 02:39 AM
3

oh fully agree. They only show the world exactly what they want them to see. They pick and choose and stage photos, all to tell a story they want to portray. Never the dark side.. never the cold honest truth or stark reality. Never the constant miscommunication, financial troubles, or intimacy issues.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 07:00 AM
1

oh totally. I have definitely learned a lot about myself and the type of person I need in my life, if I was to enter another serious relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 05:28 AM
2

Very odd. I talked to the office lady about it and she didn't get back to me for a few weeks and even then it was to pass me off to a different therapist who specialized in drug addiction and other major things.. not someone dealing specifically with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:03 AM
3

Yikes.. that's rough. The big one for me was connecting that my depression was fully linked to the total lack of love and affection from her... for years... we had pity sex once every few months, but that was it. No compliments, forgotten birthdays, fathers days, and anniversary gifts.. I would remember, but she just "forgot"... she'd struggle to put words in a card to me. .. and i sat wondering what i had done to deserve this... why she didn't show any sort of love for me.. in any way.. that st…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:45 AM
1

I had a dude who was awesome. But the firm had no divorce care at all.. it was all positive, healing, counseling... and not a thing for if they fail and things dont work out in the end and you do divorce... nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 02:24 AM
5

My ex agreed to counseling only because that's the advice she would give a close friend. .. to at least try counseling. But, throughout the entire time she never gave me a chance.. not once did i see a glimmer of hope. In the end it didn't fix a thing.. but I did make some serious connections personally. Reasons why I was in a dark depression for the last few years. . Etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:55 AM
5

Oh boy. We went through marriage counseling for a few months at the end, finding out all the various ways our marriage was screwed up.. and there was a list of things that totally baffled me, ideas about me that were totally messed up, ways she thought I processed things ( which were from a different planet), the actual reason it was like pulling teeth for her to ask me for help ( also totally %*#ed up). .. it just went on and on, and I was dumbfounded.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:40 AM
3

I've intentionally stayed off dating sites.. I know it would rock me to find her there... and I really don't need that. Getting her out and keeping her out of my head is hard enough some days. I know she has been dating for almost a year now and it's taken time but I've gotten over that. Things aren't official yet, but we are in the home stretch.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 01:37 AM
4

You pulled the trigger, in your timing.. when you wanted to. You were prepared and ready and knew exactly what you were doing. Regardless of the reasons for initiating divorce, you started the ball rolling. .. And that likely caught her off guard and unaware. vs.. being the one taken totally by surprise. .. having your heart ripped out and stomped on. The emotional damage can be huge and lasting depending on if you seek help or not. There is a very large difference between the two. Your headspac…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 08:44 AM
3

This.. very much this.. after divorce you are a lamb to the slaughter... unless you are the one who initiated it. . that's a different animal altogether.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 07:35 AM
16

My ex's bf before we got married played video games a lot.. and she became very resentful. Then we got married and after a few years I wanted to start playing some of the old games I had played in my youth... well she was very very against that. Anyway, over the years I played games on and off but she was always very against it regardless of the whatever agreements were made. Only playing for such amount of time, things I had agreed to complete were done first, etc. Well, I've been on my own now…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 01:21 AM
2

My ex had her own therapist but they didn't do marriage counseling. So when I went looking I found one the specialized in it but then also did individuals. My main beef with the firm I went to was that everything was in a positive spin... with no care for or options for those whose marriages fail. .. it was all marketed to build build build and fix.. nothing for those marriages that have ended.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 02:40 PM
1

Our therapist didn't side with my STBXW at all. He started off as my therapist and then we did marriage counseling with him. Went through the Gottman series. It would definitely suck if a therapist took sides but that didn't happen with us. My ex just refused to admit to anything or take responsibility for anything. ... and was happy to blame me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 02:34 PM
11

Went through months of marriage counseling. Found out just how messed up our marriage was. I admitted to many ways I had failed and screwed up, ways I could have done better. .. not once did she apologize or admit any sort of fault.. for anything... it all pointed back at me. .. after 15yrs..
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 12:24 AM
10

This is my first Christmas truly separated, with 2 little kids. She's in our house with the kids and Christmas morning I'm taking them over to my place to open presents. Had to pick up stockings last minute because she said I couldn't do presents and stockings with them at the house... ya.. this is rough but I'm trying to focus on the kids and making this year special for them in spite of the turmoil.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 11:33 PM
1

Been separated for a year and a half.. yesterday would have been 15 yrs... separation agreement is still being drafted...
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 07:52 PM
1

In BC you can call Legal Aid. Its a free service designed for those with low income to find legal information and support. LegalAid.bc.ca
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 03:20 AM
4

She is totally justified in leaving you. You have broken her trust in a huge way. .. over and over. Thinking that here is "enough good in the marriage to stay together" is completely insensitive and out of touch with the damage you have caused and done to her and your marriage. The fact that you were totally ok with cheating on your wife multiple times and are now "shattered and heartbroken" totally lays out how out of touch you really are. You need to find a therapist to get your head and heart…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 04:10 AM
3

I like this analogy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 10:27 PM
2

I was thinking the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 12:57 AM
1

Any chance of finding these type of stats for Canada?
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 12:12 AM
1

Any resources you'd recommend ? 10 months separated unfortunately. Vancouver area.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 02:22 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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