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nat890 Archive

View 9 posts and 345 comments by nat890 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

Yeah, mixed messages much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 01:30 PM
9

Exactly. Maybe it was poorly worded on my part but I don’t understand why this is so controversial. I didn’t think this sub was feminist “sex positive” and doesn’t seem to have any problems criticising and shaming pickme women who do or say things we disagree with... except go out in public in their underwear lol apparently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 01:20 PM
1

Yes that is exactly what I’m talking about. I didn’t realise I had to be so explicit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 01:00 PM
3

Thank you! That’s exactly what I’ve been witnessing as well. Ass cheeks + bra.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 12:53 PM
-2

Yes well I have started seeing women walking around in their ACTUAL underwear (aka a regular bra) so that is exactly what I’m talking about. Not music festivals, down the street. Yes, if there were only women in the world we wouldn’t need clothes at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 12:51 PM
5

Well there’s only one more piece of clothing that can come off now, and that’s the shorts. Otherwise they’ll be literally stripping off and walking around naked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 12:44 PM
-3

Something cute like your actual underwear? I’m not talking about cute tops here. I’m talking about walking out of the house in your actual regular underwear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 12:39 PM
7

Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 12:34 PM
16

Chinese women get kidnapped and married off (sometimes if they’re already married to another man too!), and men have taken to importing their brides from places like Indonesia. Women are treated like slaves there on the whole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 09:36 PM
5

Sounds like my ex-husband. At least the song he wrote me was original!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 01:15 PM
6

That’s good, then keep up the counselling and forget about dating until you’re on top of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 08:40 AM
6

You should not even care remotely enough to even get into an argument with him. I get it when women have been with a guy for years it’s hard to break it off. I get that. This I don’t get AT ALL. Sounds like you have some major codependency issues going on here if you care so much about some random fuckboy you’ve never even met. This is also a lesson not to talk for hours on the phone with guys you haven’t met or vetted properly. Obviously everyone has already pointed out the gazillion red flags …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:58 AM
196

Jesus girl. That’s a lucky miss! I think the lesson from this is if a guy your dating has been or ever gets arrested - RUN RUN RUN 🏃‍♀️ and don’t look back!! So glad you are okay, and a hope his poor ex is too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:35 AM
7

If only we all had found this sub at 21!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:20 AM
14

Also, how men react to you setting rules and boundaries around finances is a good indication of their value. For example, my LV ex-husband didn’t manage to financially abuse me even though he did so in many other ways, because I was so firm with money. I didn’t trust him whatsoever with it and acted that way. That regularly made him very upset (angry) whenever something came up, and he was constantly trying to get more control over it. There’s different things to look out for too. He may be fine…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:17 AM
9

Yes, don’t get a car loan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 04:06 AM
2

He doesn’t currently I’m confident of that. Apparently things can change when they become teenagers so who knows in the future
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 10:13 PM
1

I just can’t understand the motivation for a GP to do something like that. Lucky you were already in therapy and knew what you’re doing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 10:12 PM
3

When my ex-husband’s daughter was being homeschooled because of pandemic, he WHINED SO MUCH at actually having to look after her more than once or twice a week, complete schoolwork and activities and do 50% of the parenting (with his ex) for the first time in his life. His solution? Demand that I take on 50% of his 50% of the work, even though his job involved working from home and answering a few emails (aka completely flexible). He was SO STRESSED and overworked the poor baby. I was already he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 11:51 AM
19

My pet peeve is men who text first, ask you out with absolutely no plan and then try to put it back on you to organise something. It’s like seriously, if I wanted to do something I’m perfectly capable of texting you (but I don’t and I won’t).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 11:15 AM
2

I do have some info that might help. I’ve been told by multiple therapists who council abusive men the difference between abuse targeted solely at women (the object of men’s behaviour change) vs anger management, which is abuse targeted at anybody. Reading your post your man may be one of those incredibly rare occurrences of a man with an anger management problem. A very small number of abusive men have this problem. Instead of the misogynistic beliefs underpinning the exclusive violence against…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:41 AM
6

It’s not exactly FDS to be claiming a HVM after 4 months of dating... I constantly see ladies on here getting roasted because they think they’ve met “the one” or a HVM after a few months. Not saying he isn’t, just saying we need to be consistent with our messaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:29 AM
19

I think the issue here is that a male doctor is more likely to overrate himself and think he knows more than he does, especially about mental health. I get angry when any GP’s have any opinion at all about mental health, because they actually DON’T HAVE A CLUE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:56 AM
6

I have a wonderful, caring male GP right now. It’s just luck of the draw with this stuff. But in general the best doctors as a group I’ve found were female Russian doctors. I went to a clinic for years where I saw an assortment of different Russian female doctors and they were all awesome. Professional, thorough, didn’t make up shit they actually investigated the causes behind issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:53 AM
5

Yes was about to comment the same thing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:47 AM
65

Can you imagine being married to this person for years (while having long hair), and then you decide to change your haircut and all of a sudden your husband hates you?! I’m sure that’s not the reality and there’d be other factors, but seriously that is just horrendous to think about. What’s the bet the husband is also balding/receding hairline and sports a pot belly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 08:37 AM
2

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 02:11 AM
212

I think the issue here is that you cannot possible include actions like “cheating, violence, alcohol and drug use” as “symptoms” of male PPD. I understand parents can get depressed for different reasons. BUT ABUSE IS NOT DEPRESSION!!! Do mental health professionals actually claim it to be the case?! If they do we need ABUSE IS NOT DEPRESSION on every fucking billboard around the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 01:00 PM
3

I used to hear the tactics my abusive ex did with his ex (mother of his child). It was insane... and so coercive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 11:00 AM
7

I thought the length was more impressive myself 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 01:46 AM
5

Wow that’s awful! Reminds me of a boy that used to stand on top of the table and pull out his dick regularly in class.. in Grade 2. At least he was pulling down his own pants not someone else’s though :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:27 PM
13

Spikey cactus dick 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:17 PM
8

I remember getting pushed in the back of the head and landing flat on my face in the schoolyard in Grade 8 by this boy who always used to steal my hat and hide it. Pretty sure I’d figured out by then it doesn’t mean they like you? But hey, this stuff is internalised from childhood so yeah...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:15 PM
3

I should’ve mentioned - it’s being published anonymously! And I’m happy for that win too ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:09 PM
11

Pickmes of course!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 12:48 PM
163

Omg this post triggered a memory I have of a boy in my class in Year 3 who used to kick me in the shins. My male teacher said those exact words, “he only does it because he likes you”. That was not the case AT ALL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 12:16 PM
9

My male massage therapist is the best! It shouldn’t be a thing to have to be wary of whatsoever (a therapist’s gender) - sexual assault in a professional context like that needs to be held to account! I can only imagine how awful that would’ve been, as you’re in such a helpless and compromising position on a massage table.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 11:33 AM
6

Hmmm well it’s not published yet so I’ll make sure I delete this post before it is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 11:22 AM
3

If it wasn't his age, I would've thought you must've been dating my stbex-husband for the past year! SO ACCURATE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:38 AM
10

I actually have this problem myself, sometimes getting disproportionately angry or frustrated with little things. I don't focus on them for long, but the reaction can be pretty strong at times. I'd put this down to a lifetime of being around LVM and Pickmes. When I lived by myself I hardly ever got angry or felt unhappy or frustrated at anything!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:25 AM
8

Next time ima be the female preying mantis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:16 AM
37

At least that implies that it’s those we have sex with who are killing us, instead of our vacuum cleaners or something
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:34 PM
124

Yet stats literally show it’s around 97% of all violence. How can society NOT be referring to it as “male violence”?! It’s also “domestic violence” (inferring our toasters are killing us or something), and “family violence”, which is at least more accurate but again totally without acknowledgement of the perpetrator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:31 PM
3

Omfg! Here it’s like $15 - $40 per month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:34 AM
2

Ah good. I’ve learnt another acronym 😅 Well once you’ve finished the book hopefully a penny drops somewhere. Otherwise it could be a TRP type tactic but I’m not an expert on this whatsoever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:22 AM
13

FDS humour ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:55 AM
4

What is STBE? This is major gaslighting and abusive and you need to GTFO! I couldn’t quite follow if you’ve left already or not? Read Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That? which I’m sure will explain his behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:48 AM
31

I think more focus on personal experiences and strategies. Education is important too; I love reading links to outside articles, blogs, videos etc. It’d be great to not have as many random examples of LVM from the manosphere... unless there’s a strategic or educational purpose to it. Also can we stop sharing screenshots of random dudes on OLD? We don’t care!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:39 AM
29

You need to set some boundaries pronto before that shit gets out of hand! 6yo’s know what they’re doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:26 AM
14

Hard to describe; sometimes being overly demanding/complaining when I imposed boundaries or didn’t pay enough attention to him. Like I’d sometimes get these long text rants from him if I wasn’t meeting his expectations. I knew they were wrong, I normally didn’t engage and he usually apologised afterwards. I now know that these were early signs of abuse. After he asked to be exclusive he started wanting to tALk about the fact I didn’t really pay anything on dates, and never initiated anything muc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 10:59 PM
1

At 22 I dated and later married a guy who was 32... now I won’t so much as look at anyone more than 5 years older! (I’m 28 same as OP). In saying that am really looking for someone within 3 years of my age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 10:36 PM
33

Only one major one a year into the relationship that I definitely could’ve acted upon and decided to give him another chance. If I had my time again I’d have left then. Everything else was more like a series of yellow flags that didn’t make a lot of sense until viewed in the big picture of patterns of behaviour hinting at narcissism. I’d be able to recognise more now. Edit: I should point out that these were offset by a lot of green flags which made it easier to ignore the subtle signs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 02:02 PM
85

This is the best 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:55 PM
52

I can relate to this on a personal level with my narcissistic ex. Different story, his change was more gradual... but yeah I can believe this happened and she never saw it coming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:54 PM
5

The problem with this convo is that it’s with a guy 7 years older.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:10 PM
4

I had no idea. That’s insane!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 12:57 PM
10

You have to go to a gyno just to get the pill or nuvaring in America? Geez that country is backwards. Everywhere else it’s from GP and usually subsidised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 12:48 PM
45

Agreed. The problem with this scenario is that he’s proposed so they’re engaged, aka he’s taken HER off the market, while he still walks around with no ring and no signs that HE’S off the market too. I bet they’re happy and their relationship has lasted because he’s cheating on her and she doesn’t know about it 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 10:35 PM
11

Electricians make a fortune! Nothing wrong with a tradesman provided he has a real full-time, well paying job. There’s a variety of ways for men to be successful - plenty of LVM with university degrees that haven’t done a hard day’s work in their lives! Stupid men always just assume it’s the “gold digging” thing as to why women don’t want to be with them. They don’t realise it’s their personality, their attitudes and their behaviour...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 07:17 AM
18

The man who says that is the exact man who can definitely NOT handle brutal honestly if directed towards him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 07:08 AM
7

It was an online trauma summit through Soundstrue. It’s over so you wouldn’t be able to watch those same videos but they seem to run these free summits fairly frequently so have a look and maybe register for the next one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 06:55 AM
14

I’ve managed to get a couple of first dinner dates on OLD. Then you know what they’ve proposed for second dates? WALKS OR COFFEE/DRINKS. Or for ME to organise something! Just goes to show you can’t win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:48 PM
3

My soon-to-be-ex-husband was mostly Mr Demanding... but now he’s “changed” through his “enlightenment”, so having read that book I know that he would simply have morphed from Mr Demanding to Mr Sensitive. Great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:42 PM
36

My understanding from watching a series of videos on trauma is that the “gut feeling” we all experience related to the Dorsal Vagus parasympathetic nervous system, which is a survival response. If my memory serves me it’s the first system we developed as humans during our evolution. That puts it in context as to why we should listen to it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:29 PM
18

What the actual fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:38 AM
2

I’m in a bit of a bad mood today hahaha you’re so right. I’ve never found it helpful myself but I’m sure there’s some instances where it’s helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:37 AM
28

I love reading these posts, as they remind me of how much of a LVM my ex was, and how many “small” things he did that I didn’t see were red flags. The constantly turning up late and not following through, like the example you gave of saying he’s going to leave and be there at X time. I love how your man’s solution was to tell his FAMILY he’s leaving 30 mins earlier to allow that extra time, instead of wasting YOURS. Just goes to show, if they want to find a solution and respect you they will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 04:35 AM
12

Backflips on your dick 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:39 AM
2

That’s not a good friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:36 AM
1

Not to mention CBT is fucking useless therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:29 AM
2

FFS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:26 AM
2

My brother is also one of these manosphere Jordan Pederson fanboys... the last time I saw him I was just horrified how he spoke to our mother when she disagreed with anything he preaches. Disgusting. I suspect he’s probably MGTOW too because he hasn’t had a gf in ages and he’s tall and good looking lol. Fortunately he hasn’t said anything to me so still on speaking terms, but we’ve never been close so that makes it easier. I reckon it’s just a matter of time though, unless he changes his path :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:24 PM
2

I’ve never had a man in public try anything either, which was rare especially when it would literally happen to my friends who were with me. My ex-husband did on the other hand, but that’s totally different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 10:13 PM
7

Mr crush is a narcissist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:29 PM
2

Good on you for not eating like a bird so that you’re not a twig that men can snap in two. I get so annoyed at how little girls and women eat in general. I personally have never calorie counted - I eat til I’m full lol. Anecdotally I eat almost as much as my father who is like 5’11 and 90kgs and I’m 5’5 and about 55kg. Same thing with my ex who was 6’ and about 80kg. They can’t believe how much I eat without getting fat, and often make little comments about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:23 PM
25

Best 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:10 PM
36

It’s so sad that all of these pickme posts always end with “am I overreacting?” Women are so conditioned to think we’re constantly overreacting to everything. It’s so bad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:01 PM
2

That’s great :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:00 PM
22

Oh yeah now that would be different!! I’m sure most women would be willing to hire PIs like back in the day if it meant they could get compensation from the scrotes they call husbands
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:40 AM
34

Problem is, then in this situation the man doesn’t leave, cheats, and continues to make her life miserable until she is left with no choice to leave him, in which case he still gets what he wants and she gets nothing... at least I assume that’s how it would end up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:26 AM
9

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 09:52 AM
13

Jesus Christ that’s insane! I always knew there was fucked up shit on reddit which is why I’d never joined until finding FDS, but that is another level. Thanks for taking the time explain that all to me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 09:47 AM
15

What is redpill in the context of dating? I’m so ignorant to this stuff but I know it’s important to understand. When people refer to redpillers or TRP what do they mean exactly?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:08 AM
8

What is redpill in the context of dating? I’m so ignorant to this stuff but I know it’s important to understand. When people refer to redpillers or TRP what do they mean exactly?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:08 AM
23

Precisely, because if the tables were turned how many men would do that? Not many.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:54 AM
8

Did we match the SAME GUY? I literally got sent that the other day on hinge (word for word!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:42 AM
9

😂😂😂 this is a fabulous
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:41 AM
5

That’s the challenge in today’s world; we’re trying to have the best of both worlds! And because the process of courtship is no longer dictated by society and tradition, there’s no consistency from anybody. Let’s hope FDS gains more momentum as the new way forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:40 AM
12

My thoughts exactly 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:28 AM
5

That’s very interesting - I didn’t know it worked in both directions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:08 AM
1

Oh of course!! Thanks for the correction :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:06 AM
1

I certainly don’t drop whatever I’m doing to answer the phone, I don’t think anyone here would recommend that. I also think it depends on the purpose of the call - to quickly organise plans or to actually have a lengthy chat? The latter would of course require scheduling in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 01:04 AM
2

Sad huh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:00 PM
1

That can work too, but try the other way! It can tell a lot about them. In the example of my ex he hated calling out of the blue because he was so narcissistic and insecure that he feared my rejection of not answering so much that he wanted assurances of my time in advance. Well, I’m between dates and in a relationship a man shouldn’t need those assurances and be so demanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:59 PM
1

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:56 PM
3

Well there you go! Coffee and walk dates again lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:55 PM
2

Agree with this advice for sure!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:53 PM
4

It’s really common haha and as I said a few of my gfs are real bad with it so I get it 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 01:32 PM
5

Absolutely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 01:26 PM
4

It’s anxiety, it’s a thing. But as I said the more you do it the more comfortable you’ll get and the less you’ll feel it. It’s silly after all 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 01:23 PM
7

Oh really? I HATE those messages! I get so pissed when a guy sends me one of those. My ex used to do that all the time. I’m like just goddam call, I shouldn’t have to check my phone all the time to give you permission to call grrr. Phone anxiety is a real thing unfortunately. I’ve gotten it myself on occasion, and have a couple of friends who are shocking with it. It’s worth working through it imo, practising making and receiving calls with friends and people who are safe. With men though the ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 01:14 PM
3

True true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:58 PM
22

I agree in that I think “take care of me” sends the wrong message. I’d reword that somehow. You’re a queen you can take of yourself! A queen wants someone who compliments her (as in complimentary - compatible, not nice words lol), builds her up and in time genuinely cares for her and her needs. I get wanting to weed out scrotes but you’re also not looking for a daddy I hope 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:50 PM
3

Quite possibly yeah. Sometimes hard to say when boundaries haven’t been set in the first place! By not responding he might suddenly decide to make plans if he realises she won’t indulge any of his BS any longer. If he doesn’t then there’s your answer regardless! Blocking is clean cut though of course
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:40 PM
12

Yes I agree, I think texting throughout the day actually sends the wrong message. A HVM doesn’t have time to sit around texting meaninglessly, and neither does a HVW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:27 PM
13

Yes, it’s definitely more personal and is more effort. Especially in today’s society where everyone has such an aversion to calling. It’s not just guys that have this issue! I think it shows confidence and high self esteem if nothing else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:26 PM
2

🦄😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:25 PM
6

❤️ Steph Curry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:35 AM
13

Cut him off for now. He can always reach out to you in a few months if he’s genuinely interested... and you’re still available! That’s the risk he takes with this game. Don’t give him any more of your time, but it’s also not necessary to block him permanently unless you want to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:33 AM
11

This is amazing. Good on the hotel worker for doing the right thing!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:30 AM
13

It’s like when my ex used the excuse of his mother receiving cancer diagnosis increasing his stress levels and therefore abusing me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 04:37 AM
8

No no he didn’t actually ask that hahah
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 04:31 AM
13

My mum still does this constantly to this day :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:26 PM
63

She should suggest a “compromise”... a threesome with another man 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:24 PM
35

This! My ex husband became very abusive very quickly, after initially being very supportive, when I returned to uni to do Honours and was talking about following up with a Masters etc to further my career. He’s all like but what about the house and his career and his dick like I was supposed to be his sidekick or goddam assistant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:23 PM
14

Curious: so how did you go about figuring out you’re attracted to women and dating them instead? Were you always bi or was that a new thing since FDS?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:14 PM
1

AnniaT that is what kept me in my relationship longer that I should’ve as well... until I realised I could leave and not lose everything (because of the pandemic and everything going remote ironically enough). It’s a fallacy like you said though that keeps us stuck and losing more investment for longer
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 11:03 PM
66

READ THE HANDBOOK DUMP HIS SORRY ASS That is all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 02:20 PM
28

Magic orgasm wand 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 02:13 PM
23

Can the police hunt pedos down via reddit? They need to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 02:11 PM
6

Only two guys have made me cum with their cocks (they were massive), but with a bit of effort on their part maybe half the rest have made me cum by going down on me? Every guy I’ve ever been in a relationship has that’s for sure. I’ve never had to give too much instruction but plenty of holding their head in place til they finish me to my satisfaction lololol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 02:04 PM
6

I deleted tinder today actually. I’ve kept Hinge and OkCupid cause they literally take no effort on my part and well you never know your luck. I check 3 times a week for like 5 mins now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:14 AM
29

Belle was always my favourite but since growing up I realised just how many harmful messages are in that film. Namely “an abusive, controlling beast can really be a wonderful, handsome, loving prince inside if you just give him a chance, fall in love and look after him.” I definitely internalised that message into adulthood. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:36 AM
19

Short answer: No, they're really not. Long answer: It's hard to separate yourself mentally and emotionally from all the brainwashing we've received as children and then throughout our adult lives to insist that marriage is the endgame. I certainly haven't managed it. I was a big proponent of The Rules which landed me a husband... that turned abusive the moment he locked me down. The Rules really work, in that they get you the guy, but they operate on the assumption that marriage is worth it. Sur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:07 AM
3

I actually feel sick now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:50 AM
34

Auditions to be your forever GFs more like...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:43 AM
6

THIS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:59 PM
67

Not necessarily someone else for real... but someone else they think they’ve got the chance to pursue, a fantasy girl at least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:58 PM
6

Yes queen, that’s awesome! I had 24 hours to pack all my shit and gtfo in my case. It can be done! Provided the planning has been done in advance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:19 PM
6

You need to do what’s known as “safety planning”. This can be done over the phone with a DV hotline, or with an agency or therapist. It’s basically a plan to leave safely. And you can discuss your concerns with them, but they’re just tactics to keep you trapped. Your male friend will be fine. I know it’s hard to see when you’re used to putting others first, but he will. Harvey Weinstein was brought down, so your abuser can be too. And like the ladies said above, document everything. The hotlines…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:17 PM
10

Firstly, forgive yourself. Shit happens. Secondly, if you’re this attracted to him and judging by your description he’s very likely a narcissist, which is the worst (and sadly most attractive) type of man. Thirdly, from here on in you have to show ultra self control and set HARD boundaries with this man, or you’ll end up losing your virginity to him and regretting it forever. Remember, he’s only interested cause you’re a virgin and a challenge. Avoid him as much as humanly possible, and if he ap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:04 PM
40

Makes sense to me, they’re always thinking about themselves after all...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:59 AM
7

It’s okay, I’m not blaming you of course, thanks for sharing the link! I just wanted to point out that he’s not on there and most definitely should be. Which means there’s no guarantees as far as a failsafe method of background checking. I checked out the court records link and seems you have to pay to access them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:54 AM
4

Hahaha I laughed so hard at your comment. It’s so true 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:48 AM
6

Nope it’s very recent (this year) in VIC...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:46 AM
18

It’s one thing to be capable of doing this to random guys, it’s another to be capable of doing it to your parents. Good on you, an inspiration!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:40 AM
28

This is great, except my ex should be listed and he’s not :( So don’t know how accurate it can be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:10 AM
33

Wow that’s just... lost for words
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:02 AM
101

The long term GF is lucky she’s 39 and doesn’t have kids with him... this man would very likely turn abusive (if he’s not already), or at the very least cheat and/or leave the moment she’s pregnant/gives birth. She’ll be better off in the long run
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:23 PM
5

I’ll be your friend ❤️ Seriously though, I relate to everything you’ve said here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:53 AM
13

That is ABUSE! People around the world need an education on what abuse looks like so they can call it out when they see it. These poor women :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:50 AM
22

I love this hahaha!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:37 AM
6

Hear hear sister!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:10 AM
8

Ok, interesting strategy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 08:04 AM
5

This reminds me of the time in my late teens/early twenties when I used to have FWBs. I had two regulars going for a while, (with the same first name would you believe!), and it came time for my birthday party and I knew they’d both expect to be invited, and I figured since they both insisted they didn’t want anything serious they would be fine if I invited them both 😂 One was a super hot narc model type, the other an average guy with a huge dick lol that I had a fair bit in common with. Natural…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 08:03 AM
12

What’s grey rock?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:20 AM
8

There’s a booklist in the FDS handbook
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:15 AM
15

You should’ve all seen the articles that first came out. They were all about the tragedy of how he was a great father and footballer. I was HORRIFIED! Fortunately there was enough outrage the news changed their tune pretty quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:03 AM
14

🤢🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 10:50 PM
93

There was a recent case in Australia about a man who set fire to his ex-wife and kids in their car and then killed himself (by stabbing, not by burning alive of course). The whole country was in outrage and shock and then corona conveniently happened and nobody cared anymore. I’m sorry to hear of what’s happened in the US. You just can’t know with these men so can’t be too careful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 10:44 PM
15

Omg my ex did this (not cancel our wedding, but tried to make me feel guilty for sleeping with hot guys at uni). It’s sooo pathetic and insecure. I wish I’d known at the time just how much of a bad sign that was!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:03 AM
9

This is amazing! And how you were before sounds like how I am... great to hear your perspective and how you’ve come out the other side
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:59 AM
3

Love this, perfect summary!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:54 AM
8

Fuck yes you go girl! You’ll be loving life without him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:52 AM
10

Yep this is exactly what happened to me - but the threat of leaving wasn’t enough. I actually had to leave and impose no contact for him to work hard to apparently change. But no thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:50 AM
5

Woohoo this is amazing!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:42 AM
1

I wish I could!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:39 AM
3

That’s terrible, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that! I hope you’re getting professional help and support from your own family?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:37 AM
2

She’s not on google. It’s just her website so it’s rather guarded...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:32 AM
3

Eurgh 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:30 AM
3

Thank you ❤️ It’s exhausting yeah but well worthwhile! Just have to get your head to override your heart constantly, which is tough. It’s not over yet for me but this community helps keep me on track and stay strong
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:29 AM
3

Yep I ended up reading it cover to cover twice to let it all sink in. Literal lifesaver
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:28 AM
3

Yes I was only trapped for like a month during lockdown before leaving. Soooo glad I got out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:27 AM
2

Hahaha thanks I’ll need it 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:08 PM
3

Yes I think this lady may fall into that category for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:06 PM
9

Yeah that’s what I read about in that book too. It’s insane
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:04 PM
8

Omfg. That is TERRIBLE! I hope things have improved since you went to school?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:02 PM
3

This is what I was thinking hahaha. She’s too old he likes an older woman but not like his mother’s age lololol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:01 PM
2

Nope
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:00 PM
3

She’s not unfortunately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:00 PM
6

Are you kidding?!?! That’s awful I’m so sorry to hear that! People on my side have been nothing but supportive. If I had gone back to this whack-job cousellor it would’ve been a different story though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:00 PM
5

Thank you 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:59 PM
5

Yep that’s exactly the problem mentioned above. I’m so glad you all agree!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:58 PM
8

All I can say is 🙄 ffs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:53 PM
4

It seems they can operate without any clear licensing so yeah... that’s the problem. I can’t even really find out what the hell her qualifications are. It’s a few random certificates! It seems they don’t even have to register with any official body or anything
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:52 PM
6

Thanks ladies, will check it out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:50 PM
9

Australia - so am not aware of anything that could help. Her website has reviews that you have to email her to send in, so there’s no chance I could just put something up myself :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:55 PM
15

Unfortunately she’s a private practitioner so I don’t think there’s anything I can do? She’s not working in an official capacity for the government or courts or anything. And thank you 🙏🏼
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:49 PM
12

Offer to bring a leash for him 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:47 PM
7

Non-smoker Must have stable full-time income (aka a real job!) No kids Around my age (no more than 5 years difference) Must be caring, thoughtful and considerate at all times Must listen attentively when I speak and never speak over me or interrupt At least a 6/10 looks but preferably 7/10 or higher. At least about 3 inches taller than me. Relatively fit at minimum, but not a gym junkie. Takes pride in his appearance without staring endlessly at mirror admiring himself Thinks I'm beautiful with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:10 PM
20

My thoughts exactly...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 12:43 PM
2

One of my biggest regrets is not getting out of the car to check in with a girl who’s boyfriend/partner/whatever deliberately spun the car around in front of my boyfriend (at the time) who was driving behind them, nearly causing a massive accident. The girl got out of the car and I immediately wanted to get out and follow her to check on her. I asked my boyfriend and he convinced me not to. At that stage I’d thought it was an accident, but later my boyfriend said he was certain the guy did it de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:02 AM
7

I second this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:29 AM
5

Most do that, and if you want you can offer yours in return and wait to see if they bother contacting you. Most of the time they don’t, just LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:48 AM
13

It’s sad that this is newsworthy yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:45 AM
2

Read the book The Human Magnet Syndrome from the FDS recommended reading list. It should explain why you’re attracted to those types in great detail
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 12:52 PM
2

This changes depending on the country and state you live in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 12:39 PM
2

It was amazing how my husband would cry poor and complain about my more than fair approach to finances, which resulted in him contributing slightly more than me for the year where I had full time study and part time work, and him supposedly full time work... yet since I left him he’s suddenly been able to afford ALL the expenses of the house we were renting while he hopes I come back (I won’t), no complaints. He’s clearly not even considering downsizing. And for the record, this is a relationshi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 12:36 PM
2

Ahhahahaha this conversation 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 09:50 AM
6

LOL guys LOVE texting!! All they ever want to do is text! I’ve only ever had the opposite problem 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 09:43 AM
4

Omfg 6 weeks?!?! That’s insane!! Mine just got super bad cramps
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 09:41 AM
11

After finally taking a break from various birth control methods after my separation I feel better than I ever have! I didn’t realise how much havoc it was wreaking on my body and especially periods! I dislike condoms as well which is why I’d always opted for birth control but now I’ll just go with the Condom forever more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:22 AM
11

After finally taking a break from various birth control methods after my separation I feel better than I ever have! I didn’t realise how much havoc it was wreaking on my body and especially periods! I dislike condoms as well which is why I’d always opted for birth control but now I’ll just go with the Condom forever more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:22 AM
5

I’m currently reading The Human Magnet Syndrome which is on the FDS recommenced booklist. It will probably explain your experience, it’s certainly shedding some light on mine!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:07 AM
0

Less about being sexual in nature, but more about whether to take you seriously as a person, your boundaries seriously, your dates seriously etc etc. from a guy’s perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:19 AM
25

Yes, they can be. I’ve literally watched my husband do this after our separation. But it’s not genuine, it’s trying to save face and avoid consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 01:20 PM
41

The stuff on this sub blows my mind... men actually get away with this? 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 01:14 PM
5

Why are there two mortgages? Is there one from a previous relationship or marriage of his? Also, the fact that you’d feel “pretty selfish” if you “demanded” more money (aka an equal share) so he can’t “treat himself” spells out how you’re being controlled and financially abused. Trust us, we’ve been there. We understand. This is not right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:43 PM
-1

I’m sure the other ladies have sorted this out already, but certainly wouldn’t recommend bantering with a guy you’re dating... at least not over text. Gives the wrong impression
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:35 PM
3

I agree with many of the comments suggesting there’s more important things like emotional intelligence to worry about and to get your intellectual stimulation elsewhere. I once dumped a guy cause his favourite show was The Bachelor and I couldn’t understand how someone could be so stupid. Instead I ended up with the intellectually stimulating narcissist who turned out abusive... which just kept me wondering about whether I would’ve been better off with The Bachelor guy lol. I’m sure neither are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:30 AM
2

This is awful. I highly recommend going to see a therapist as this kind of trauma can surface in the future in surprising or unexpected ways...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:33 AM
1

Hahaha fair enough it just came up when I posted the link. The article contents is good though :p
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:27 AM
2

Think about it - you wouldn’t have posted on here asking about it if you felt completely comfortable. There’s your answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:23 AM
3

When I started reading this I thought the story was going in a sinister direction - I’m so glad you didn’t let him actually get you that water and drink it! That’s how date rape happens
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:18 AM
4

My problem always was I’d vet thoroughly and act on red flags with every other aspect of my life, except in relationships, and to a certain extent friendships. So relationships more generally. For me it’s a case of learning to apply that ruthlessness to relationships that I use in the rest of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:14 AM
14

I guess the lesson from this story is not to assume ANY guy is HV in a matter of weeks. You just have absolutely no idea what he’s actually like as a person. Any guy can be chivalrous when he wants to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:20 AM
32

This sounds like you’re describing a narcissist to me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:17 AM
1

You sound like a choleric temperament, which is an amazing personality trait to have. We often come across as intimidating to LVM or otherwise sensitive types, as we’re direct and to the point and don’t soften or sugar-coat things. The best advice I’ve been given for working with others is to imagine I’m a tai chi instructor instead of karate - aka be calm and supple in our directions while still achieving everything we want and need to. It gets the best outcomes without at all compromising your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 02:04 PM
3

Please leave him and stay away! They don’t change. They only get worse, and yours sounds really dangerous already. My advice is to get law enforcement, agencies, courts etc... everybody of authority behind you, and do what they tell you (provided it won’t put you in danger!) The more you comply with them the more they can help, and the more seriously they will take you and the less support he will get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 01:56 PM
26

Omg. What a loser. Classic LVM behaviour as he clearly expects special treatment from the women in his life and they’re probably sick of his shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:08 PM
33

Short answer: No. And you can’t tell shit from a relationship on social media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:06 PM
11

I used to think like that too, classic pickme behaviour! Spot on OP
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:04 PM
39

You dumped his sorry arse at that point I assume?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:02 PM
1

Yes, she needs DV agencies helping her to make a safety plan
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:53 PM
5

Thank god in the case of my friend it wasn’t HIV, and she’s also one of the toughest and funniest women I know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:52 PM
3

Dam, that sucks. Well at least you’re out the other end of it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:49 PM
1

Absolutely agree kalrhista
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:45 PM
22

It already has escalated to domestic violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:24 PM
147

I have no idea where y’all find this stuff, but I’m glad to be blissfully ignorant of the depths of male depravity on the internet... there’s so much fucked up shit that makes it’s way onto this sub!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:20 PM
11

You remind me of how I felt when my ex first casually mentioned how he didn’t believe women should have the right to abortions... I was horrified and gave him a what’s what. I should’ve dumped his arse then and there, and you know what happened then? Well, we got married some time after that and he actually turned into a full on abuser. I ignored the misogynistic red flag even though it sat really badly with me, and suffered for it. I think you’ve done well to identify your bf’s behaviour, befor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:12 PM
5

Good for you! I hope you haven’t caught up on the man-wasting since though? 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:04 PM
3

I wish I’d been given that advice at 17. Not that I would’ve listened... but it’s advice I’ll be giving to anyone who will! Poor darlings have no idea what they’re getting themselves into
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:02 PM
14

I think the main thing to take away from this post is that we shouldn’t feel shame for our past behaviour, unless that behaviour was genuinely harmful to another person of course. But that’s not the behaviour being described here. We can accept our past mistakes, forgive ourselves and resolve to do better next time, especially once we’re EDUCATED on the subject. That’s all that’s needed and can be expected from us. In order to be a HVW we need to act from a place a self love. Of wholeness and co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:59 PM
3

Woohoo I love my little FDS bubble! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:46 PM
5

Omfg it just gets worse and worse doesn’t it 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:42 PM
7

Hi Ladies just an update on this: the guy actually tried to straight up call me, then only sent a follow up text after I missed the call. Of course I don’t know him from a bar of soap and no idea if he has HVM qualities, but the fact that I was being a HVW has got him on his best behaviour! It’s nighttime here so I will respond to his message tomorrow. Yay for FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:33 PM
6

I know your comment is a joke but it’s actually not a joke... I NEVER wore makeup to work unless it was an important occasion for this reason (plus laziness haha)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:31 AM
6

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 07:45 AM
13

I’m a real libertarian so hate the direction the world is going with facial recognition and all the rest of it... total invasion of privacy. And believe me, I have nothing to hide and have a squeaky clean record! When you’re actually in a place where there are cameras and people watching constantly it plays on your mind and you can’t relax. I’d also argue that while it may make catching certain criminals easier, it also makes it easier to stalk women and children. I think it’s always better to r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:59 AM
6

Stunning!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:55 AM
83

This is sad but true. I knew a lovely lady whose scumbag scrote of a husband cheated on her with multiple guys and then gave her an STD. She had no idea until it was way too late.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:54 AM
11

Not directly, but it contributed massively to my stress levels leading up to wedding. I shouldn’t have put up with it and cancelled the whole thing. But hindsight is always easy. The impending divorce (we’re currently separated) is because of his abuse. To my face, the mother and sister were always lovely. This was all done behind my back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:47 AM
5

Thank you, I was pretty proud of myself tbh 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:41 AM
1

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:39 AM
8

Thank you and absolutely. Totally different if some guy on the internet you’ve never met brings that up, or someone you’ve met in a different context. As you said, it was just a premise to get my number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 05:38 AM
2

Pictures of their arse. Go join grinder ffs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:43 PM
5

Yep prettymuch
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:41 PM
12

I became fully aware of this with my ex- husband when planning our wedding. He and I would discuss something, agree on it, then he would go calling mama and sister who would completely contradict and then come back to me saying the complete opposite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:40 PM
5

Honestly, I think it’s overstated how often women have a victim-mentality. The worst examples of victim-mentality I have seen in my life have all been men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:34 PM
5

That would be the best response!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:18 PM
5

Exactly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:12 AM
7

I actually had a guy ask to bring his dog once. Legit. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:40 AM
8

Glad my dry humour came across haha. The official policy is that dinner dates (or a similarly appropriate meal) are expected, but I understand the principal can be applied to other types of dates as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:39 AM
87

None of this surprises me :( And yet we’re supposed to believe it’s “empowering” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:35 AM
3

The thing that always gets me is that guys quote whole amount when talking about dinner dates. Spending “$60” on a dinner date. No, you spent at least half of that ON YOURSELF, and the other half on your date. It’s like they forget they eat meals too. 😱
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 07:06 AM
18

Yeah the “walk dates” referred to on here aren’t dates to a museum, amusement park, zoo, aquarium etc. It’s not because we’re fat and lazy and don’t want to actually walk and would rather sit on our arses gauging on food, it’s about the investment on his part. The “walk dates” are literally just referring to meeting up at a park or the street and walking around... with ZERO investment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:55 AM
6

And this is why they’re all so obsessed with anal. Can’t get her pregnant that way. I actually saw a fat middle aged man with that on a t-shirt once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:52 AM
3

Omg is this for real? I hate the internet lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:39 AM
12

This is so accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:36 AM
2

This is amazing advice! I’m going to try it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:23 AM
29

Rich guys actually need to go to much more effort than regular guys to prove they’re HV. For example, a rich man buying you a plane ticket to go see him is not HVM behaviour, it is LVM behaviour. Reason being it’s imperative HE come to YOU for dates, meaning he gets his entitled ass on a plane with all the inconvenience that goes with it to comes to your neighbourhood to see you, and then still pays for everything!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:15 AM
17

“Marinate in their own farts” 😂 I’m totally using that, that’s gold!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 06:05 AM
2

Yep mine too...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:34 PM
52

And this here is exactly why we can’t just go around criticising and name-calling other women because they didn’t leave, or went back to him before leaving, or any of the above. Unless you’ve experienced it or are highly educated on the subject of abuse, you can’t possibly understand from their perspective, you can’t know what it’s actually like and what it does to your logic and reasoning. Everyone on this sub would do well to remember that, and to keep supporting each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:20 PM
3

Good on you for finding the strength to leave. It’s not as simple as so many people assume or make out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:10 PM
29

Don’t criticise other women. That only plays into the patriarchy which blames the woman for not leaving or returning to their abusive husband, instead of the man for his abuse. It’s our job to support other women to see that there’s other options, not put them down when you don’t understand their choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:47 PM
7

Great advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:34 PM
26

Also “anxiety”.... aka, anxious from years of abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:31 PM
8

Now this is truly gaslighting! It’s so incredibly sinister and hard to explain so thank you for putting into words your experience with it. I hope you are all the stronger for it, and getting all the support you need x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:28 PM
13

I’m currently reading The Human Magnet Sydrome and that’s prettymuch the working theory in that book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:24 PM
12

Wow they are just another level of delusional!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:22 PM
66

That’s not just gaslighting that’s outright abuse. Glad you got out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:22 PM
2

She has two books and they’re pretty short reads. She goes through all the types of messages you should respond to vs ignore, recommends a 3 day per week schedule for checking messages on apps/sites, ways to get guys to call instead of text (haven’t had too much success with that yet myself), know whether they’re serious about dating or just want to chat, and of course The Rules blockout of 6pm Fri to 6pm Sun. Works like a charm
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 02:08 PM
6

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 10:10 AM
5

I’ve found India Kang’s books helpful for my first stab at OLD so far. She teaches you a way to do it that stops you wasting your precious time and energy before and in between actual dates. Then, as long as you do FDS style dating it’s not too much of a burden. In saying that I’m still over the lack of quality of men, so not sure how long I’ll last either lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 02:45 AM
3

Yes Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 02:09 AM
2

The hypocrisy is unreal. Like the abusive man who says he and his brothers “protected” his younger sister and ensured she could only date nice guys, while he himself is being abusive to his partner. Then when they have a daughter and his partner leaves him, claims when his daughter’s older he could never let a boy treat her like that, while simultaneously abusing his new wife, stepmother of his daughter. This is a real story from my life. 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 02:02 AM
5

Awesome! This answers my recent question from the general thread :) Thanks to mods for your hard work, it must be a minefield!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 01:55 AM
7

I get the fear for sure. And you’re all correct, especially the notion that society teaches women to “protect” ourselves instead of teaching men how to behave. But this is exactly why we have to challenge it, assertively and politely I might add, in relatively safe, public places. Saying something like, “It’s been nice talking to you, but I’ve got to go and do X”, smiling and then turning assertively and walking off, should be safe and effective. If it’s not, and the guy keeps pursuing, that’s h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 01:09 AM
1

This sounds amazing. But at the same time - they were having sex 2 - 3 times a day? Seriously????? Probably more to this story...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 02:12 PM
73

Why the hell do us women think we need to be nice all the time? Honestly any excuse will do, don’t let some random stranger take up five minutes, let alone an ENTIRE HOUR of your time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 01:50 PM
6

Hahaha until I joined FDS I’d assumed guys asking me for walk dates were just a regional town thing since there’s beautiful places to walk round here.... after coming from a city it seemed super weird! Then I joined FDS and discovered they are a thing that guys all over the world do 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 01:48 PM
7

Don’t sleep with them then
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 02:01 PM
3

😂😂😂😂 men are idiots!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 01:41 PM
7

Such hypocrites. God men are losers. Meanwhile I read your original post... god there’s some comedy gold in there! Literally laughed out loud and some of your descriptions 😂 “unkempt lawn around abandoned house”... “partially cooked noodle”... you’re killing me 😂 In all seriousness though I hate uncircumcised dicks. I don’t get all the pushback from parents nowadays not wanting to circumcise... uncircumcised dicks are dirty and gross and cause men issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 01:36 PM
1

So ladies how do we level up on this thing? Does it happen automatically? I’ve been a throwaway account for ages, trying to be as active on here as I can! I checked handbook which says >30 days but been on here heaps longer than that. Sorry for the total noob question I honestly have no idea how to reddit lol 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 01:23 PM
2

My ex-husband also constantly said I was beautiful and gave me compliments, would say I was more beautiful than anyone else etc etc... but he was a controlling, abusive narcissist. While compliments are healthy in a loving relationship and the absence of them would be a red flag, they don’t actually mean anything in and of themselves... they’re just words after all. I learnt this the hard way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:46 PM
25

The only time I will pay equal share of a meal or whatever with a man is when I can rock up with no makeup, spend a few mins getting dressed and walk out the door. Except that’s not a date, that’s friendship lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:29 PM
1

I am wet right now 😍 Sorry, tmi I know 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:26 PM
5

I moved to a small town as well so been trying OLD for first time, not much luck yet but so far all have turned up on time, come to me and organised it so on the right track I suppose
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 02:13 PM
2

I agree with this based on past relationship but from a different perspective. Sex with my ex was really ordinary at first despite crazy chemistry between us. Turned out he wasn’t over his ex. There’s always a reason!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 02:07 PM
8

Telling you about all their past traumas too soon (or maybe ever lol) Telling you about their finances too soon Generally endlessly talking about themselves... Any hints of complaint about not splitting bills Any complaints about non-response or taking time to respond to messages, or you turning them down. Speaking negatively about females in their life Specific phrases: “I’m a passionate person” - read: I’m an abusive, controlling narcissist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:51 PM
10

Haha haha that made me laugh so hard that’s so true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:42 PM
12

Is the police involved? That is stalking!! They should be able to arrest and charge him for that. One of the precursors to murder!! Don’t hate yourself you need law inforcement involved
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:34 PM
11

This is an abusive narcissist. I hope people have reached out to her to tell her what danger she’s in? I don’t really know how to reddit myself lol :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:28 PM
6

This is the best 😂🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:24 PM
22

Omg. Does anyone have the original post?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:24 PM
3

In Australia “defacto” is a real thing, and basically has equal legal rights to marriage. But totally agree with the above sentiment! Because I married a LVM, I regret saying yes and going through with it and not just staying “single”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 11:17 PM
6

Definition of a narcissist right there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 02:57 PM
1

Haha and one who ISN’T a narcissist...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 02:19 PM
19

Having never OLDed until recently, I cannot believe how common it is for guys to ask to go for a walk... like what the fuck! I even had a respectable FDS style dinner date with a guy recently, who apparently had a wonderful time and wanted to see me again, yet all he could come up with was going for a walk. Then, when I turned him down, suggested that I come up with something instead. When I ghosted him after that he followed up offering last minute drinks, and then a passive aggressive comment …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:53 PM
21

Yes, my abusive ex-husband was obsessed with the idea as well! I humoured him and experimented a little, hated it and told him I wasn’t interested. He never let it go, and would constantly try to guilt me about it, which of course just made sex an unsafe and undesirable experience. I know now that’s a massive red flag 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:36 PM
2

Thank you, will do 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:03 PM
1

Thanks so much! ☺️ You’ve got this queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:03 PM
1

I’d love to know the names of some of these books!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:02 PM
2

I’m so glad you got out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:01 PM
3

Yes I’d like to see that as well, it’s a common theme on here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:01 PM
1

Thank you, I feel so very fortunate as well. It’s pure luck with community lawyers and I took my good fortune as the clearest possible sign from the universe to stay the course. Your assessment and advice is extremely accurate! I’m still learning more about it to ensure I avoid these men in future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:00 PM
4

I just wish I could upvote this post again and again! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:07 PM
1

Thanks that’s great to hear! Yeh I need to test the waters with someone for sure. Best of luck with everything x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 04:30 PM
2

Wow that’s amazing, especially after a divorce! Thanks for sharing. I think the main takeaway from that is that a HVM is such with everyone not just the woman he wants. Such an important distinction. Also incredible to think it may be possible to become genuine friends with a guy first before relationship... I’ve never once heard of this actually working out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 04:26 PM
5

Have you found the music industry to be supportive of you? My abusive ex-husband is in a band which is quite well known in their sub-genre and he’s got a following. I want to speak out about it one day when I’m ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:41 PM
2

The first time my ex abused me physically I called my dad in a fit of rage. Instead of unequivocally backing me up he tried to excuse my ex’s behaviour and give him “benefit of the doubt” as sometimes men just “snap” or maybe I “pushed him too hard”. Of course my father was also abusive. Why I expected him to be protective I don’t know. Anyway, when I told my then fiancée I’d spoken to my father he became emotionally and verbally abusive and tried to punish me for speaking out, isolating me from…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:33 PM
7

Has anyone on here actually found a legit HVM and married him? It just seems like the world is filled with LVM because they’re not taught or expected to be any different! Feeling like maybe the goal is simply unattainable and they don’t exist 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:17 PM
1

I respond every time with “dating.” That question is never a good sign!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:40 PM
3

90% of my tinder chats go as follows: Hi Hi How are you? Good thanks. From there they go one of two ways - they end or he picks up the slack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:33 PM
2

What you’ve described is actually abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:28 PM
14

This is brilliant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:23 PM
1

This is horrifying!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:15 PM
2

The official answer to this is “I don’t hang out.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:10 PM
6

Sometimes people come into your life for a reason, and for a season. Your season with this man is over. He helped you start to heal and is now giving you clear signals that you’re incompatible in the long term and has demonstrated he’s a LVM for you. He can be a LVM and still be a decent person. It doesn’t change the fact that he’s not right for you. If he’s helped you get a leg up on your journey to healing that’s great - take it, thank him, remove him from your life and move on. Otherwise he’l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:04 PM
8

I think better that a guy demonstrates he’s frugal and not frivolous through his actions. If he says he’s frugal, he’s no doubt actually stingy which is a red flag!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:55 PM
13

Gave him another chance when he admitted out of nowhere that he cheated on me with his ex at the start of our relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:49 PM
5

This 100%! Side note - get yourself a burner phone for dating. I read this in a dating strategy book and it’s the best thing I’ve done so far! Don’t have to worry about creeps having your real phone or hassling you, can switch off whenever you want. Worthwhile investment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:41 PM
3

Please don’t go out with this guy! When I was your age I dated a guy 10 years older than me with a couple of red flags (but nothing too sinister that wasn’t easy to overlook). He turned out to be abusive and by the time I found out it was too late I’d married him by then! Cannot say this enough, Aspergers or not TRUST YOUR GUT! Sending a taxi to get you at your home when you’ve only just met (never give out your address again please!) reminds me of an escort - you’re not an escort please don’t a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:37 PM
3

:(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:17 PM
2

It works the other way around too! If a man only criticises his mum and never his dad, he will no doubt only ever criticise the other women in his life in the same way because he’s misogynist and believes men are above women. Or if he ever says that his mum didn’t take “responsibility” for “her part” in the break-up of their marriage, another red flag! I think it’s more about any man that is overly attached to his mum in either a “positive” or “negative” way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:15 PM
28

Exactly what I was going to say but worded better! If the poor girl put on some weight I have no doubt the same man would turn around and abuse her for NOT choosing the salad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:07 PM
2

Thank you <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:24 AM
1

It’s only been 2 weeks hun... cut yourself some slack x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:22 AM
1

I think therapists have to be careful not to victim blame which is why the “why” question is so difficult. I guess I have just been impatient!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:21 AM
1

Yes it’s a kind of Stockholm syndrome called traumatic bonding. Most women go back to their abusive partners several times before finally leaving - please don’t be one of those people! You’ll regret it forever. I would go through this thread and check out the books and advice others have given - I personally found Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft to be a lifesaver. If you’re still wondering if he will change one of the clearest indicators is whether his family supports you or him. In my cas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 04:08 PM
2

Definitely an abuse tactic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:56 PM
1

Thank you again for the ideas and support! In my sessions I’ve talked about the types of behaviours but not the gory details of specific incidents.. the only time I’ve gone through that is for my police report and I didn’t really want to do that again - I cry every time I have to talk about it! It’s so strange because I really want to talk about it but completely choke up physically so end up not going into detail :/ You’re right though I’m sure I need to go through that to fully heal however
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:46 PM
1

How did you figure it out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:37 PM
1

It’s really hard, especially at the beginning and based on what others have said for a long time afterwards as well! I understand the thinking that you could’ve had an amazing life together, but unfortunately it’s just not true and we have to come to terms with that. One thing I want to be really clear about is that you have NOTHING to feel guilty about whatsoever. You did everything you could and more to help him, but in the end they have to help themselves and 97% at least won’t change. It’s w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:35 PM
1

Yes, I haven’t yet understood the why. My therapist doesn’t seem to think there is a why but I know there is deep down and need to understand it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:26 PM
1

That is a really great, practical suggestion! I will have to try that, it seems daunting to think about and my memories are extremely poor but I’m sure it would help. Thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:23 PM
1

Oh my goodness you poor thing! It must be so raw for you now I hope you are getting the support you need too x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:22 PM
2

You’re so right, thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:21 PM
2

Oh wow, that’s really crazy and I’m so sorry you went through that! :( My relationship was for 5 years, 2+ of which were abusive so if it’s taken you that long I guess there’s no way I could be yet then either. Thanks for sharing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:20 PM
1

Thank you for the ideas! I will check out that YouTube channel you mentioned :) I’d love to do a retreat but when I looked into them here they were SO expensive :( The best I’ve managed so far is Eckhart Tolle’s conscious manfestation online course. I will definitely take you up on the offer of a chat sometime too, thank you :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:17 PM
2

Thank you for the advice. Those first two books I haven’t read so I will check them out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:11 PM
1

Thank you, I’ve read that book twice and it was a literal lifesaver! I guess I thought 3 months was maybe enough but everyone seems to think it’s way too soon! I have to admit while the attention is nice it does feel like a chore so maybe I should take a break for a while
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:10 PM
1

I understand the sentiment, but I have since extensively educated myself on abuse so that I don’t fall for the same behaviours again with someone else. Maybe I’m not ready to start dating yet but at the same time I figured it would be good to gain some experience practicing FDS with guys I don’t care about before meeting someone I actually want to be with? Idk, that was my thinking anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:06 PM
1

Thank you so much! I really resonate with everything you’ve said, and I’m accessing support here in Australia for counselling etc. I’m definitely finding it difficult to really, truly focus on myself first and foremost. I’ve taken some steps recently in starting to work again on career goals that got put on hold, which feels like progress at least. Thanks again for your support <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:00 PM
2

Thank you for your advice. I have already read the Lundy Bancroft book (twice!) which was a literal lifesaver for me! I feel I have a good grasp on identifying abusive behaviours now, which is why I felt I was ready to start dating again and found this forum. But then once I actually set up my dating profiles etc and went on a couple of first dates I’ve realised I’m still attached to my ex despite having no contact :( I just want to be over him already!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 02:52 PM
2

I’ve just gone through the exact same thing a few months ago. Good on you - and by the way I’m keen to chat with like minded ladies who are going through these circumstances as a kind if support network... if you’re interested let me know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 03:10 PM
2

Don’t send him your availability. He has to ask you for a specific day/time and do all the work! He can send you HIS availability and you can choose if he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:54 PM
2

He absolutely should be continuing to ask you out and plan dates. Girlfriend doesn’t equal wife! Also in my own personal experience my ex husband was great in the dating stage with making plans etc and initiated all level ups in the relationship (he would later compare courting me to completing a video game!) However despite the great start the longer we were exclusive the more he complained that I didn’t initiate anything in the relationship, and even though I generally kept to my strategy (whi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 02:46 PM
2

Thanks, I like this advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:23 AM
4

Tbh that’s my biggest fear too, unless the guy is clearly a 10/10 looks-wise. I’ve only once been on a dinner date with a guy I’d met online and it was the most awkward uncomfortable experience ever, would’ve been much easier over a drink. It’s interesting that this forum disapproves because as a rules girl (the original inspiration for this type of movement) first drink dates are standard, as a way of keeping it short and sweet. Then dinner on 2nd date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 02:03 PM
3

I ended up saying “can’t say I have a strong preference for either, where do you like to take a date?” To make it clear it’s a date not just “meeting” and that he’s the one who should be taking me out. Received no response so far so no time wasted :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:38 PM
3

This is true in my experience as an Australian travelling to see my Serbian family. In the older generation this mentality was definitely prevalent, that women belong in the home and raise children while men work and provide. How well they do this is another matter. However, the younger generation of Serbian women were also working and often earning as much as the men, but were still expected to do 100% of household chores, entertaining guests, child rearing etc while the men came home and sat o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:18 AM
3

Hey, total newbie on this thread but long-time rules girl. Recently single and new to the whole online dating thing which is really eye-opening! Had a guy message asking whether I prefer coffee or alcoholic drink for first date - I’ve never really thought about preference for either of these so what do the experts recommend and why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 11:01 AM
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