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needsmoresilk Archive

View 3 posts and 304 comments by needsmoresilk on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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29

If he can’t help but look, I can’t help but lose interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 08:43 AM
5

Please do post your abusive ex’s profile. I think we as a community need more education on red flags disguised as sheep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 10:51 PM
113

Reddit mods are men or male-pandering women. By default they hate women-centric feminism. Men, because they fear loss of control. The women because they will lose status in those men’s eyes. Anyway, your advice was perfectly legitimate and healthy so ???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 01:49 PM
20

Gotcha. Using mindfulness or meditation instead of therapy, especially if they have serious problems. Kind of like self diagnosing themselves, saying they don’t really have a problem that needs professional help (and oh how many of them do), then using “self help” techniques and the associated language to feel better about themselves. And maybe bed a few women that way. This is a good one. So nuanced, but something to watch out for. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 07:16 PM
6

I’m so sorry sis. I had anorexia in my late teens / early twenties. I had the opposite experience - the sheer number of men who told me I looked good (read: prepubescent as my breasts and butt disappeared) was staggering. Disgusting either way. And yes, anorexia (and associated eating disorders) are related to control and potentially other neurological deficiencies, NOT a pandering to the male gaze.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:50 PM
3

So proud of you sis! You are precious- keep treating yourself as you are ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:46 PM
24

Agree with everything you say, but can you explain the meditation and mindfulness part? What would you say are red flags to watch out for if a man is into meditation / mindfulness?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:36 PM
16

Hey OP ((hugs)) I’m a woman born in India, raised in the US. I’ve experienced plenty of violence from Indian males, most notably my father. As an example, I’ve been beaten as a child for the mistake of getting in my father’s way as he beat my mother bloody. The sad truth is, most men are like this or can be like this given the opportunity. Violence is part of who they are. No amount of education ever gets rid of it. We’re not human to them, which is why it’s so easy for them to stand around and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 10:41 PM
2

This is so true. Thank you for sharing Mandela’s wisdom, and your own ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 05:20 PM
1

Thanks sis. ❤️ I definitely wasn’t. But so much better now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 05:19 PM
4

You are wonderful. Thank you for sharing this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:44 PM
46

💯 don’t have sex. Get a vasectomy. Take a contraceptive pill which fucks with your hormones. Oh wait sorry, those aren’t available bc you couldn’t deal with mild side effects
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:44 PM
6

Sis I completely understand where you’re coming from. But using men is not the thing. I’m making my own way in the patriarchy with the help of women. We have to create strong support systems and overcome it with our own political and social powers. The sheer volume of women pushing will be enough. Using men in the way you suggest enables the patriarchy further because it is an implicit acceptance of their supremacy. Also, using people in general takes something out of you - an integrity, a whole…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:39 PM
30

In my early 20s, I gave up a shot at Princeton university for my PhD because my scrote boyfriend at the time didn’t want me to move away from him. I got my PhD at a not-so-great school and forever regret my choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:27 PM
22

Right? Let’s take his statement as fact. If he brings income to the table, the fact that I have an increasing income a priori means I don’t need to meet him at that table. And let’s be clear, he’s chasing what he considers to be a depreciating asset with small supply - beauty with no income (youth, really). Which is a stupid strategy. So his own logic screws him - as women can gain self sufficiency (their own incomes) but men cannot (scrotes need women for that statement to be true).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:25 PM
24

You are 💯 sis. It’s axiomatic. As long as you’re a woman, there are men who want to fuck you. The opposite is not true. I’ve commented on this before. Prior to covid, at 34, I was still being recruited to model on the streets of NYC. If I go out today at all, at closer to 36, I have men of all stripes and ages just about falling over themselves / breaking their necks to grab a peek. And no, I don’t like it, I consider visual consumption of this nature to be a type of abuse under the patriarchy. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 02:13 PM
15

So he works a part time job which is physical, and takes two classes. She works a full time job, has a part time job on top of that, is a PhD student on top of that, and does the household labor on top of that (let me remind you this is also physical). But he feels totally confident saying math is hard and taking notes is hard lol. I bet he struggles with his joined up letters. Notice how she brings up that she needs help with cooking and cleaning, but he only responds to the cooking part. He fu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 05:07 PM
60

Sis, I’m so sorry he cheated. Really. It cuts deep whether you’ve been in a relationship for 3 years or 30. And it just goes to show you can never tell. Stay strong and practice lots of self care. You were ruthless in cutting him off, exactly how you should be in these situations. That’s self care too. Now- you probably don’t want to hear this right now, but: Boyfriend of 3 years he wanted to marry me, or so he said Just words. 3 years without an engagement is already too long. If he wanted to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 04:49 PM
20

There is power any time you strictly control access to your body. Unfortunately, our bodies aren’t really ours. Just being out and about, minding our own business, our bodies are visually consumed by men. And that’s the least hurtful case. Celibacy is a great way to regain the power we lose by existing in the patriarchy. You go sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:44 AM
12

Looking for a house together while dating? Nah sis. The Instagram stuff is just the tip of the iceberg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:37 AM
14

They’re only great for other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:34 AM
59

Add Gandhi to the list. I scrolled hoping to find this. He slept naked with ever-younger female followers claiming this was proof he had controlled his lusts. Did he do great things? I no longer can answer that question. When men do “great things”, it’s usually for other men. The situation in India didn’t exactly get better for women after independence. And the Obamas story disappoints. I honestly thought Barack got it. But I’m not surprised he had to be taught, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:34 AM
73

We are taught to stay humble (read: fucking silent) in the patriarchy or we get cut down. Imagine the backlash if she had owned her accomplishments? Poor thing probably believed every word she said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:28 AM
30

Yep. The LVM will learn what works and use it on the next victim. In the meantime, he’ll get as much mileage out of the current relationship (sex, therapy, cleaning services, etc) as he can before the discard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:26 AM
213

Oy sis. Here’s what matters: 1) there is a behavioral change early on. He used to text to make sure you got home safely and now he doesn’t. 2) the behavioral change is a move towards indifference, or is sign of laziness. Both suck. It’s not like he’s started to care MORE over time 3) it’s the tiny red flags we miss in the beginning of the relationship which, looking back, were the indicators of worse to come. 4) do you have a bad or confused feeling in your gut? Red flag. Trust your gut. Why are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 12:22 AM
2

This sounds promising! Are you comfortable sharing what it was about? Or potentially what got him to sit up and take notice?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:12 PM
1

Unreal. Unreal. I’m glad it’s being taken seriously, too. Please come back to us whenever you need to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:11 PM
13

Exactly. If it hurts women and benefits men, we are against it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:06 PM
8

You didn’t waste a thing sis. Consider those four years a learning opportunity. I’m so glad you’ve gained back your confidence. Keep him blocked and enjoy the glow up that comes next. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:04 PM
9

She wants to be the start of a joke “a scrote and a pickme walk into a [coffee bar]” sooo badly. It’s her happily ever after, poor thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:01 PM
13

Not only is he mocking you by being nice, he’s also telling himself he’s not such a bad person after all. It’s always about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:59 PM
18

You said it sis. As long as we’re consumable, that’s all that matters to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:57 PM
31

Are they telling her to cOmMunICaTe him into shape? Or to shut up and deal with it? Both are valid answers in the patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:56 PM
128

they would[n’t] last a month knowing they are constantly being judged and compared and have their work measured in the attractiveness of their body parts. It’s telling that they’re clearly on here reading about how men r*pe and murder us, how men assault us on the daily, how we’re objectified and dehumanized and flattened and the subsequent hurt to our psyches. But they’re not responding to that. We bring up our sexual preferences in a few posts, and suddenly they have hurt feelings and booboos.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:52 PM
82

☠️ That Y chromosome is a freaking evolutionary misclick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:38 PM
124

This. I don’t care what side of the political spectrum it is, I don’t care about cultural / moral relativism, I don’t care about the historical lens. If it’s hurting girls and women (and FGM is quantifiably bad) we stand against it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:36 PM
22

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Extra damned if you beat them at their own game. Keep fighting sis, you’re doing an amazing job ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 10:33 PM
17

I wish I could say I’m over this shit. That the games men play in the office don’t hurt me and that I’m beyond all that. But I’m clearly not. I’m reading this and I’m riled. And I’m not even you. But I’ve dealt with this type of behavior, too. There’s no winning for a woman in a corporate environment (well, anywhere really) - if you speak up, you’re crazy, angry, whatever. If you stay silent, it’s tacit acceptance. You’re too this. Not enough that. If you were a man, they would have included you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 12:06 AM
10

I couldn’t watch all the way through. Weak arguments and he misses the point altogether. I suspect he’s a rapist or rape apologist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:49 PM
76

“Only the beating of a housemaid” violence against a woman of the working class. It’s nothing /s I’ve read de Sade. As a young pickme, I found his work, especially his philosophies on nihilism and existentialism (he was an existentialist before there was such a school) to be “radical” and “thought provoking”. While my gut recoiled against his violent erotica,I would cheerfully parrot “to each his own” and continued to avidly consume his political and philosophical oeuvre. I’m ashamed to admit it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:47 PM
47

If you use these phrases with men in a corporate setting PLEASE report back to us. I work in a fortune 100 and I’ve been told I’ve been aggressive for not smiling enough so I will vicariously live the satisfaction of setting this boundary through your experience !!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:29 PM
14

100% the truth. I have experienced it every. single. time. I’ve dated an uglier man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:24 PM
1

Thank goodness. How are you doing? If you’re comfortable, would you be able to share an update?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:21 PM
3

WOW. That’s a great story and great learning experience. Thank you for sharing it. I sincerely hope you are able to start a pro-woman political party in Latin America. We need such parties everywhere. It is a matter of human rights. My learning from your story is that the community’s goal should be formed at the outset (in this case politics). This way, members are, in a sense, self selected by a common shared goal. And it might be harder to reshape the purpose of the community down the line. Wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:18 PM
37

He teaches children. Which makes his use of the word “cute” all the more fucked up. He’s picked it up from them and he believes he’s still young (or desperately longs to be). It’s also why he’s looking for a woman as young as 30. If he were less self-aware, that number would be a lot lower.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 03:14 PM
7

Ding ding ding! I see the dynamic between my mother and father here, except flip the genders.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 08:37 PM
37

Lol yes. Every woman I know from an abused/neglectful family has figured it out. What’s funny is that men from non-abusive families also haven’t figured out how to live on their owns. They ALL expect to be waited on by the women in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 08:35 PM
59

Seconded. I used to believe this. Until I realized I was going to have to deal with it every time. And I was getting 0 orgasms out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 08:32 PM
64

these men also don’t do anything to get you off That’s right. 2 pumps bc they’re “so aroused” then they fall asleep because they’re “so tired”. I’m so into that! /s. Wait till she deals with the minute man every time for months on end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 08:31 PM
33

Badass! The gall of them to kick you out! How did that happen? So you made a community for women, and they chose to center men anyway? And what is “too feminist”? Too political? Too critical of male supremacy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 08:24 PM
10

TW: My most recent rapist told me about a man he saw shot to death in the army and went into detail about what it looked like, after he finished raping me, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 01:06 PM
9

I can’t imagine what the mods go through making sure this is a safe space for us. Thank you to each and every one of you!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:27 PM
21

Yes! I was thinking “triangulation” as I read OPs story. Why else involve the other woman in his divorce? Why else drag his feet? He gets to be the center of attention! He gets narc supply from two different women! What a man! OP you are doing the right thing. Rip the bandaid off. You’ll regain your sanity, I promise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:23 PM
18

A man bringing up your “demons” is a red flag. Ask him what he means by your demons. Are they normal, human flaws? “You forget to take the trash out on thursdays but not tuesdays” Does he bring up your “demons” in the context of his own? “I watch p*/rn and you yell at me about it.” Is he bringing up your legitimate trauma as a “demon”? If more of the latter two, he is searching for vulnerabilities in your armor which he can later take advantage of. This is a control method. Run far away from thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:16 PM
30

But god forbid you cross their boundaries. Even hypothetically. The backlash is fantastic. They know what they’re doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:07 PM
69

I’m in a rage reading this. Marcus said he didn’t initially realise he had sexually assaulted someone. ”My sexual ed, as far as I remember, went as far as putting a condom on a banana," he said. ”They need to teach how to pick up on visible cues, and words that aren’t the word 'no', but mean the same thing." They need to TEACH non consenting cues?! She said no! She pushed him away! A two year old would pick up on this. This guy is a monster. The worst part is, I’m sure he knows what non consenti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 06:06 PM
28

Someone take that man’s internet away! OP, I went looking. I found no forums on this subject specifically. I think it’s because the sort of financial irresponsibility you’ve described may go hand in hand with other (financially) abusive behaviors. So forums devoted to domestic abuse are what come up. Btw: https://www.maggiegermano.com/blog/financial-abuse-survivors-want-you-to-know Does any of this resonate? If so, you may wish to enroll your relative in peer support groups on financial abuse. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 11:12 PM
19

OP this is horrifying. Please take the advice on this thread and get a legal opinion. A cursory review of UK recoding laws tells me you will be able to press charges. Those audio recordings were non consensual and therefore criminal. We are here for you, but you will also need real time emotional support. Do you have a strong support system? Is there anyone IRL you can speak with who will have your back 100%? You will need it, whatever your decision re pressing charges may be. Hugs ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 10:50 PM
45

Yeah ok men murder because they can’t have sex but women are bad too! Especially if they’re not having sex (with me) Mmk? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:56 PM
40

I’m in love with all of this 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:53 PM
44

LOL in what universe do you return a gift freely given? Unless they’re all implying that gifts come with strings attached. In which case, they are not gifts. Keep the earrings sis. Consider them payment for dealing with a scrote, instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:50 PM
71

These are gorgeous. You are so talented! I love fire opals. If you were selling these, you’d have a buyer in me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:48 PM
90

Exactly. Prn standards come from men. Why don’t the ones with the small dicks take it up with them? I’ll be over here trying not to get murdered or r/ped. Or both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:44 PM
12

Definitely projection. They know they’re fucked up. They cover up their own confusion about it by lashing out at us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:40 PM
20

I will 😊. They’ve got it on easy mode for sure
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:31 PM
27

My mother is pushing through as best she can. The abuse in this house had its effect on her for sure- mentally, physically, financially, spiritually. But she’s a fighter and she does NOT give up. I’m so proud to be her daughter. I love her every minute of the day, even when we vehemently disagree ;) I’d always been concerned my father was running around on my mother. He was extra flirty with attractive women and girls - yes, down to 11 years old. If I raised it to my mother, I was told not to wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:29 PM
1

IMO, it will take generations and generations. A legacy of several millennia, worldwide, can’t be smashed with this sub alone. I won’t be satisfied until it is (I’ll die trying) But! This sub is making a goddamn dent in that legacy, that’s for sure. I’m with you: we’re attacked furiously because we tell the truth with no pandering to men as a class or as individuals. We care about fairness, equity, and power for women across classes, races, and sexualities and our conversations are not in the be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 04:07 PM
73

Simplistically? They want their mommies and they want to fuck their mommies. Every woman is a potential mommy to fuck. Since women won’t cater to these demands anymore, it hurts the child in them (well. They’re pretty much toddlers in adult bodies) So anything a woman does hits a series of complex defense mechanisms which are in place to maintain/minimize that pain. If a woman’s actions don’t also soothe the pain, he will lash out at her. And since part of that defense mechanism is to flatten th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:15 PM
10

I see some of them acknowledging it’s “everything” - beauty standards, being taken seriously, traveling, being catcalled. But will they ever fully understand what “everything” is? R*pes, murders, burns, sexual torture, trafficking, media, daily harassment, lower pay, the glass ceiling, unpaid labor (of all types), the fear, anxiety, hopelessness, taking up less space, loss of Self....just for existing as a woman. I mean it’s all pervasive. And until all of them acknowledge it and do something ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:01 PM
72

Ugh. I’m of Indian origin. Read my comment down thread about the situation with my parents. If you’re a housewife in India, you’re a housewife when you’re in the US.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 01:50 PM
108

Fuck you, India. Lest people think these attitudes only fly in “other” countries, my nuclear family immigrated to the US over 30 years ago. And despite repeat exposure to western ideals of gender parity, if my father was thirsty or hungry or anything, he would insist that my mother stop what she was doing (cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids) to cater to him. He’d have violent, narcissistic blowouts if she didn’t. Yes he was incredibly abusive as an individual, but the South Asian culture ena…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 01:48 PM
8

Yes, exactly! One of the major tenets of FDS is to do away with our acceptance of the okay-ish guy. We only accept HVM (as clearly defined in the handbook and through our additive discussions) and we only call them HVM when they’re vetted over time and they consistently display HV behavior over time. One so-called positive trait in isolation does not an HVM make.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 10:05 PM
26

Thank YOU for posting this. The female body is cut, painted, trussed, and stuffed for male consumption. We’re beautiful as we are, but can’t avoid falling prey to beauty standards - local and global. BTW, what about plastic surgery? it wasn’t a huge thing when Dworkin was active so I only see silicone. PS is probably a post of its own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 07:54 PM
18

THIS!! Neck: shackled and elongated https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neck_ring
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 07:46 PM
11

Sorry! I’m not sure I understand if this comment is in response to mine. I was responding to the comment above mine asking if Nicole K knew Chris W was married while they were having an affair. The answer is yes. Btw, I agree with you. It’s not a zero sum situation here. Her shitty actions don’t make his shittier actions (evil really) any less horrendous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 04:33 PM
121

Yes. He claimed to have told her he was in the process of separating. But she was looking up Shannan on Facebook- and they were clearly married at the time. She chose to continue engaging. I’m sure much of the vitriol directed to her in misogynistic in intent, but damn she walked into that one with eyes wide open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 04:02 PM
350

So he waited until you were engaged before he revealed his fetish. And only his boundaries can be respected, not yours. He’s 31, you’re 25. Sis, how old were you when you got together?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:59 PM
101

I love Dworkin. Let’s add a non western slant to this: Clitoris: circumcised! Vulva: sewn shut! Body hair: waxed, sugared, epilated! Nose: pierced and ringed like cattle! Mouth: silenced!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:56 PM
39

She’s spot on. One of my ex bfs couldn’t believe that I wanted to spend one evening with my brother instead of him. We’d been dating for just two months and literally spent every third evening together (never again!) It just didn’t register that I wouldn’t be at his beck and call whenever he chose. “I want to spend time with my brother” “Yes, but I want to check out this restaurant with you. Why are you arguing?” I regret to say, pickme that I was, I canceled on my brother because...I didn’t wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:48 PM
57

There is also tremendous social vulnerability when you’re pregnant- perpetually at risk when you’re out and about. People want to lay their hands on you, no real designated places to rest, you’re uniquely visible to street harassers, etc. It’s another pressure which enforces dependency on your home base, which in the case of the forced birthers is an abusive atmosphere anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:38 PM
20

How would he kNoW she would like it?! Porn. And how on earth did he respect her when she said no? “He convinced me after a long time of saying no”. He kept trying!! The mental gymnastics are unreal. No one can knock sense into her. She has strong defensive barriers in place to prevent seeing the sex act and bf for what they are: coercive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:31 PM
107

On the one hand: I’m glad you broke up with him. On the other hand: “he is a good man, can be considered as a HVM” followed by all the ways in which he is, in fact, not HVM tells me you need to read the handbook (or reread it). High value doesn’t come from income, it comes from character, sobriety of mind, and good deeds. Not...this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 03:26 PM
3

So fucking relevant it hurts. Thank you for sharing this excerpt. I’m now going to buy Shelby’s whole ass book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 11:04 AM
4

Glad you dumped him. Pls don’t buy anything for men you’re dating unless it’s a literal emergency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 04:34 AM
3

Probably. And she had to buy the bigger size box ...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 04:08 AM
10

I feel the social stigma would be incredible. Women are supposed to bear all of the domestic labor in these societies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 09:59 PM
26

Don’t need to see the rest of her work to recognize she’s a pickme pandering to the male gaze
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 09:53 PM
10

I think you’re right. Porn consumption is normalized so it’s not exactly a deviation from the mean anymore. Perhaps “sexually perverse” is a better phrase. From the Middle English “turned away from what is right or good”. It is after all exploitative for women and unhealthy for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 09:50 PM
13

First of all - I’m glad you’re safe from him. I sincerely hope you were/are able to revisit your university studies. You mention patterns of abuse and I’ll detail a few based on what you mentioned (also helpful for lurkers) He used mind games and symbolic aggression to keep you on a leash. Both types of tactics are designed to keep you in an atmosphere of fear, almost like a fog. Mind games: repeating things you find scary/disgusting, the scaregifs, scratching at the door Symbolic aggression: th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 09:43 PM
5

Ugh. Your coworker sounds vile. If you’re still working there, I hope your only interactions with him are now professional only. Not worth the mental tax arguing with these morons. The gag of it all is that men like your coworker want women, but hate that they want them, so women are depersonalized and objectified. It’s easier to transfer the self hate onto women than to deal with it. A strong woman calling them out on their behavior (like you did) then only serves to reinforce their complexes. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 06:31 PM
6

Anytime sis 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 06:16 PM
25

Police rarely help. Do the hex. 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:53 PM
86

Dead at “Kevin McXbox” oh dear lord 😭 I’ll second your statement that this advice only works in societies where hetero marriages aren’t strictly enforced and therefore division of household labor can be a thing. If you have the good fortune (marginal really) to live in that type of culture, don’t fucking waste a minute doing labor for these morons. No amount of your attempts to make it equitable will make it equitable. If he wanted to, he would already be doing it. In more patriarchal societies …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:47 PM
51

This needs to be at the top and I hope OP reads this and digests it fully. In addition to the excellent points you make, I’ll say that a 40 yr old hetero man trying to be friendly with a 23 yr old woman (just out of girlhood really) is a massive red flag in and of itself. A healthy grown ass man will recognize he has little in common with someone so young (even if there’s an attraction towards her) and will tread lightly. He will not ask her about her sex life or continue the conversation if she…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:38 PM
40

Sis, this guy is not only an LVM, but probably psychopathic (running on all fours, growling at you. WTF?!). Are you safe from him? To answer your question, I’ve been sexually brutalized by men, but this behavior towards you is a whole level of insanity I haven’t experienced. I hope you’re ok. Just reread your post- you were 15 and he was 23 when you got together. Of course :( that shit wouldn’t fly with someone who isn’t a literal child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:29 PM
6

Yep. When we (POC) use logic, it’s met with a wall of fury and defensiveness. Anything to keep white status quo. And we can only use logic, a legitimate “emotional response” is absolutely not permitted in this game. That said, keep fighting the good fight, sis ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:40 PM
22

I love your thinking sis. But I couldn’t think of a name for those of us who don’t consume pornography. Maybe because we are the normal / sane ones. Then I spent a few min thinking about what porn watchers / addicts should be called - and I realized there was a term for it the whole time: sexual deviancy. Why should those of us who don’t consume media from a system that trafficks and abuses women and children be labeled :) PS: I think porn consumers used to be labeled as sexually deviant about a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:35 PM
20

❤️ you’ll keep your sanity AND your integrity sis. What could be better? 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:22 PM
32

Totally agree. It can’t happen uniformly across society as long as men are in charge. It’s in men’s best interest to keep women’s standards low. Easier access to sex ETA: and free domestic labor ofc. And too many women are knowingly/unknowingly willing to align with men because of tangible societal benefits (our value is only seen if a man is in the picture) despite the damaging mental and physical costs to themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:20 PM
5

Huh? Sis, what point does this make? What are you saying about the social custom of [event] tea? That it’s restrictive? Performative? Beneficial? Maintains a shared culture? What? lol I liked the read, but didn’t get the thesis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:13 PM
24

Probably the best response. I think this particular commenter is out of her depth and doesn’t understand the difference between a suggestion “examine your biases, especially if they align with convention” and an enforcement “stop liking white men”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:09 PM
16

It’s true, no one can help how, where, to whom, and under what conditions they are born. It’s also true that the white supremacist world enforces fairly strict hegemonic standards of beauty on both women and men. It’s also true that our choices of who we are attracted to are strongly influenced by these standards, which are present in nearly every piece of media we consume. Of course all colors are beautiful. Of course we can have our own standards and our own inclinations within that spectrum. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:58 PM
20

I agree with everything on this thread so hard. But your example is the only way I’ve seen it work in my life. It never mattered when I told men “how would you like it if I did the same thing to you?” Responses varied from “bring it on!” to “it’s not the same” to “I would love it if I were [catcalled, inappropriately touched, attacked etc] by you” It’s when you bring another man, preferably larger, into the picture as a hypothetical that they suddenly get it. Suddenly, they get the fear, the anx…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:42 PM
16

Welcome back, queen. Own the narrative where you take up real space in this world. FDS promotes self love, self protection, and sisterhood between women. So glad you gave us another chance. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:35 PM
25

We live in a white supremacist, patriarchal world, sis (there’s more, but I’ll leave it there for now). That means, everything else being equal, a tall white male will have added benefits and privileges a tall black male, for example, won’t. I don’t think being into guys who are tall AND white intrinsically is an issue. But given the world we live in and the conditioning we receive about what is attractive vs what isn’t, it’s important for us to understand why we might be into tall, white guys a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:31 PM
88

Hallmark pickme-ism. Or any -ism where arguers bring up a red herring or strawman to try to win the argument. What makes this woman’s male centered red herring especially toxic is that she reflexively inserted the crude but classic patriarchal trope that our personal worth and, in this case, the validity of our arguments is only the equivalent of the man we fuck. That’s it. We can’t stand on our own merits. In a way I feel bad for her. But she has a public stage and has probably hurt plenty of p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 12:09 PM
89

I’ve been called aggressive, condescending, aloof, combative, “more catholic than the pope”, a b*tch, etc for not kneecapping. Because I’m to the point, male coworkers have told me to be nicer, male doctors have told me to stop asking so many questions, men AND women in my life have called my voice “abrasive”. It hurt the most when it came from women. I spent years pretzeling my words and thoughts, trying to sound less aggressive and wondering what was wrong with me. Recently listened to a voice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 07:39 PM
1

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, sis. It’s easier said than done, I know. A cheating partner can feel like our own personal failure, even though it’s nothing of the sort. A good therapist will help incredibly. A suggestion: do try to find one who specializes in trauma from infidelity and leaving cheaters NOT reconciliation. I’m glad you have a supportive family. I hope they will continue to be your rock in the time to come. As for your ex and ex friend, well. There’s such a thing as kar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 10:17 PM
1

Fuck your ex. It was always about him. Always always always. He was the main character. You and your daughter played supporting roles. He’s a narc. That’s why it was easy to cheat. Narcs like your ex are always searching for that next hit from validation. They’re always in search of new supply, I’m sorry to say. Truth is: We’re all tempted in relationships. But we have morals. We care about our families. We love. The world is richer and fuller for us. Cheating is never even a question. Being the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:08 PM
21

So first he was adamant he didn’t want to get married again and sis still stayed with him. Someone else on this thread wrote that his contempt for her is dripping off the page. Of course. He knows she has no standards and that anything he throws at her will stick. She’s just a warm body. Honestly, it sounds like he hates her. I sincerely hope she breaks up with him and does a ton of introspection. She sounds super young and naive. She needs clearly defined standards and boundaries before she emb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:58 PM
16

This thread is full of HILARIOUS gems. I love this community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:49 PM
13

PFFFT LOL ☠️☠️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:47 PM
23

What the FUCK did I just read? So now they want to legally have MORE women be sexual punching bags for misogynists?! They don’t get less violent after sex, you imbeciles!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:42 PM
1

I’m not surprised you’re still raw, sis. It doesn’t hurt any less finding out when you’re no longer in the relationship. And the mistrust and paranoia colors everything Have you been to chumplady’s website? She gets mad at cheaters and their accomplices. Her sole focus is on reaching “meh”- the point at which you no longer are affected. It’s infidelity specific, so you have more people talking about a broader range of aftermaths- divorce, custody with a cheater, managing the folks who tell you “…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:32 PM
9

Animals. Love, care, self sacrifice, empathy: these concepts mean nothing to them. I hope they figure it out before they hurt more people. I’m so sorry. ETA: animals are better. My cats and dogs understand love and loss and are fiercely loyal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 03:48 PM
5

Right? And stepmom is walking on eggshells, victim blaming, etc. Taken together, it’s painting a problematic picture. I hope OP reads this and responds. Even to let us know this is not the case. 🤞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:26 PM
8

LOL ☠️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:24 PM
14

Jesus fucking Christ that cuts deep. I’m so sorry you were betrayed by the two people who should have loved and protected you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:37 PM
7

This. I wrote a comment to OP on this but she hasn’t responded. I hope I’m just reaching. But it smells like sex abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:33 PM
28

LOL he was so happy pretending to pay for the meal. What next? Is he pretending to be in a relationship with pick me? What? It means a lot to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 11:30 AM
176

I hate to ask this, but has your daughter been sexually abused? I was taken advantage of by my father and other men I was supposed to trust from the age of 3. I hated my body and would wear the bulkiest, baggiest clothes all through my teens and early 20s. My father would roar at me if I showed the slightest bit of leg or arm. Especially if other men were around. I think there’s something deeper happening here. I really hope I’m reaching. Couple of things: 1) If the boy is reaching sexual pubert…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:28 AM
89

So true. Predators. And these organisms are slaves to their most basic desires. They couldn’t change even if they wanted to. Pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:12 AM
78

YEP this right here. It’s sheer projection. LVM are afraid of dying alone! Get this scrotes: we’re ALL born alone and we ALL die alone. If we’re lucky, we have good family and friends to support us along the way. Women know what you want: 24/7 mothering, domestic support and sex on call while you damage us with your violence, indifference, and abuse. Now that we don’t have to be with you to survive in the world you and your fathers created, we stay the hell away from you. What’s ironic is that y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:11 AM
47

Damn sis. You couldn’t be any more right. Keep speaking this truth 👍👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:01 AM
3

If you’re in the US and interested, check out orthopedic shoes by Geox, l’amour des pieds, and Dansko. Their prices are steep, but often go on sale up to 75% off. Hope this helps :) ETA: these brands have stable heel and platform shoes with built in orthopedics
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:46 PM
2

They ARE magic and worth every penny: https://www.geox.com/en-US/falena_abx_woman-D04HXC02285C9999.html (mods, if I’m not allowed to post links, pls lmk and I’ll delete) I feel like I’m walking on clouds in these sneaks. I spent a lot of time researching orthopedic shoes. If you’re in the US: Geox, l’amour des pieds, and dansko make quality shoes with built in inserts and room for additional inserts if you need them. Best of all, they look amazing. PSA: Their prices can be steep. I try to take a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:44 PM
6

Sis, I’m sad and sorry that you couldnt sleep. You’re a good person. Pls don’t be too hard on yourself. I know it’s easier said than done. I don’t know if this will help you, but here’s what I think: You did take action. I’m not sure if you realize this, but you acted out of love. You emanated an loving and protective intention into the universe. Perhaps that woman is reading this thread. Perhaps someone else who could use a lift is reading this thread. Perhaps they will receive that love. And p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:34 PM
12

That’s awesome! As long as you’re comfortable and healthy, it’s the right thing for you!! I have a medical condition that screws with my balance + pinched nerves so my heels are out of the question for the time being. But I missed being ever so slightly taller, so I found reallly nice orthopedic shoes that keep my feet pain free, stable and ... have a 1 inch platform 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 05:17 PM
12

Love it. Rock your heels sis (and be careful that you don’t hurt your feet ❤️)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 05:00 PM
45

It’s crazy. And entirely their cognitive dissonance at play. A powerful woman makes them uncomfortable. Love that you enjoy every minute of towering over these losers. Smile while you speak and watch them implode :))
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 04:59 PM
60

It’s assault. It’s coercive r*pe. You did not consent. I’m so glad we’re putting labels on this. It’s soul destroying when you know something is wrong in your gut. But everyone around you acts like it’s ok. And, if you’re young / impressionable enough, you end up thinking it’s ok. Labeling it makes it real. Now we have a word for the phenomenon. It’s real and it’s entirely unwanted and traumatizing. Years ago, I woke up to my ex inserting a finger inside me. When I pushed him away, he got angry …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 04:49 PM
14

Sometimes you just freeze. I get it. I’m so tired of being shut down, continually checked, men feeling entitled to my space, thoughts, and body. Sometimes your fatigued/overloaded brain just does not let you move. I’m fighting cancer myself, so I feel awful for this poor woman. Every human being has a world, a universe, inside of them. Illness, death, natural disasters are bad enough. The casualness, studied indifference, with which these men destroy us. Like, in a moment, and not even think abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 04:29 PM
205

Yes! Yes! Yes! 5’8.5” here - was told my 5’10” height in heels was intimidating at my current workplace (pre COVID). Exclusively by shorter men. Who the hell are they to comment? Stand tall. Take up Space. Flood the room with your presence. I’m here for this and I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 04:18 PM
50

I know exactly how you feel. Each man who has ever assaulted or r*ped me is well loved by their peers and family and communities. I wish I could speak up too. I come to vent here from time to time. I believe you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:52 PM
66

First of all, my heart is breaking for these women. But I’m so glad they are brave enough to speak up. I would love to see more women in my south Asian community speak up against their abusers like this. We’re silenced by a system which aids and abets abuse, r*pe, pedophilia, and murder. First, it takes forever to recognize abuse for what it is bc we’re brainwashed by our mothers and fathers into believing that there is no abuse. Then when we do recognize it, we’re asked not to speak for fear of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:49 PM
19

Lol that’s where audacity comes in sis. I love seeing confident people (women AND men) who have substance. Nothing to see with this scrote. We can move along 💅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:42 PM
39

No one minds “confidence”, scrote, but I think you really meant to say “audacity”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:39 PM
39

We have standards. You can’t raise a family on 42k/year in most US cities unless you’re comfortable with poverty. Why should we aspire to so little? Every woman I know strives to better herself, why should she shackle herself to a man perfectly content with being “average”? Especially now that she doesn’t have to? The rest of this guys statement makes no logical sense. First he blames women for his own mental illnesses. Then he somehow makes “women looking for rich men” as the THE cause for high…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:37 PM
561

Interesting that she accepted not going to his apartment during a 3 year relationship in the first place. Even in my pick me days, I dumped a guy who, after 4 months of dating, wouldn’t invite me to his place because he was ashamed of how ugly it was compared to mine. And she’s still trying to work it out with this guy who sleeps in a nest. SMH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:29 PM
13

LOL First of all, congrats on your publication. It’s an incredible achievement. In a way, I’m glad the trash in your life took itself out. You’ll only continue to grow and shine from here. My ex grumped and glowered all through the day I defended (successfully I might add). It hurts their egos that we are better. And you are better. Keep shining!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:25 PM
12

I don’t think she’ll accept him either ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:22 PM
17

Hey, I posted a comment to the thread before reading this. If you have uncontrollable thoughts, it really is worth looking into grounding/meditation techniques to help you calm them. Counseling isn’t always the answer (I learned more thru FDS than thru all 3 of my therapists) BUT techniques like CBT help. Here are two which have helped me tremendously. Breathing. Breathe in through your nostrils to a count of 4. Let your stomach, not chest, expand. Hold your breath to the count of 7. Then exhale…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:17 PM
12

Your journey towards being the best self you can be (some call it self actualization) will never be linear and will never be perfect. 1) consider what you’ve gone through as a learning for future you 2) recognize that the LVM abuse was done to you. You were not abusive 3) you did the best you could given the information you had. you have better information now and won’t be so easy to take advantage of It’s ok to feel ashamed. It’s ok to feel angry. It’s part of the process. This time in 3 months…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:08 PM
29

What man wrote this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:58 AM
106

You’re right. After thinking about it, I commented on another thread that we should continue flooding this space with our voices. The problem is I’m so tired after continually getting beaten down for speaking up. You are right. We should keep fighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:12 AM
132

I feel like we should just get off Reddit. I commented about this on another thread. It’s a freaking cesspool of r*pists and pedophiles and their apologists. Problem is- it’s just so easy to use Reddit. All the infrastructure is there and it’s super user friendly. People just default to Reddit and unless there’s a strong alternative, we’ll just keep coming back here. So I agree, we should continue flood Reddit with our voices. But- Do we have enough voices? Are we loud enough? Insistent enough? …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 12:02 AM
242

Reddit is a cesspool of r*pists and pedophiles and their apologists. Not even surprised. We should all move to the website.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 11:57 PM
164

They did. Don’t even need to prove it. Tech companies always vet their employees. I’m in tech. They just didn’t care about what they saw.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 11:56 PM
5

Thank you. This is excellent advice. To me and to anyone else reading. While I work in a toxic corporate environment which would either boot me straightaway or gradually undermine me until I left if I did this, I’m going to start documenting these occurrences via email to my personal mail. So when I leave (and it’s soon), I can forward all of these emails to HR on my way out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:29 PM
8

I wish I was smart/clever enough to come back like this in the moment. Usually just frozen in disbelief or rage or weird combination of the two.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:15 PM
5

You’re killing me sis 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 01:12 PM
16

Just say you want to sleep with your mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:28 PM
99

I have started treating my male doctors as service providers. I try to seek female doctors as much as possible, but I have a rare medical condition and most of the specialists in the area are male. I had to do this to protect my sanity. One Dr got snippy with me because I “asked too many questions”. Another dr started yelling at me because I dared to postpone his appt for a work trip. During his rant, he told me he was yelling at me because he cared about me as his own child and that’s how he tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:25 PM
21

Scrote, approaches a woman shiftily: “Ahem. I would like one (1) sex. It may or may not be very good. I may or may not give you an STD. I may or may not coerce you into positions harmful to you. In return, you shall get nothing” Woman: “I am not interested in having sex with you” Scrote, mind furiously trying to reconcile her agency with his hurt ego. His ego wins. : “REEEEeeeeEeeee BURN THE WITCH”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:05 PM
14

“Exert your boundaries” - This is an abusive phrase insidiously couched as self-help. Boundaries are not meant to be exerted on others, they are in place to protect you and help you cultivate healthy relationships with others. Exerting anything on anyone irrespective of their boundaries is abusive. “You don’t become high value to get girls, you become high value to kick girls to the curb” Where do I even start with this? 1)According to him, girls/women are consumable, replaceable objects that me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 06:58 PM
7

Hi sis, ride out the panic attacks as you need to. This is your body withdrawing from an abusive situation. Give yourself the space to have them. Keep food and water around you. Make sure to eat and drink from time to time. A panic attack will drain you of your energy which makes the next one worse. Keep this thought in your head: you’ve saved yourself a lot of pain and heartbreak in the future. This guy was projecting his own abusive mindset on you. You laid out your boundaries, you did not for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 08:18 PM
25

Hey OP, it is a wholesome video and the woman in it is radiating queen energy. I’m so glad you shared it. However your use of the word “elderly” in this context does not apply. It’s typically associated with fragility and limitation. And when gendered like this, is used to imply a deviation from “ideal femininity” according to patriarchal standards (ie only young girls can be feminine). I think you’d agree with me that she is neither frail, nor limited, nor un”feminine” I think this may not be i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 08:59 PM
82

“Im going to be inappropriate and foist my sexual deviance on you. It’s YOUR fault. Sorry.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 04:07 PM
10

What a lovely piece! And it looks amazing on you. Elegant and delicate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 04:05 PM
7

Yep. It’s a life experience. You eventually forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on. It can even turn into a funny story once you are distanced enough to see the humor in it...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:17 AM
21

Ahhh, the bliss of just cutting off people who don’t believe you. The silence is better than their company. Beautifully done sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:13 AM
16

Yes! I was deeply depressed, traumatized, AND angry. It really felt like I had no room for other emotions for a long while. Anger turned inwards is common, as it is turning outwards. In women, studies (and my own experience) show that when it’s turned outwards, it manifests itself primarily as passive aggression. In men, well, you’ve read the news...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:12 AM
4

Forgive yourself sis. You did the best you could with what you knew AND kept yourself relatively safe in a situation which could have blown up. He assaulted you, BTW. Cry as much as you need to. Let it out. You said it yourself, you deserve to be loved and cared for as deeply as you do for others. Mourn the relationship, mourn your time spent, get angry, but take your words to heart and love and care for yourself. This will pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:08 AM
2

Wonderful post sis! And so inspiring. Spending time alone is a boon and blessing. You will be calmed and regenerated. I wish you all the luck and happiness. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:04 AM
8

There is a lot of good advice on this thread sis. I’ll just reiterate that you should learn to love yourself, sis. You will be able to forgive yourself more easily for what was in your control and let go that which wasn’t in your control. If you can, try CBT and meditation. These two techniques helped me the most in getting over PTSD from sexual trauma. The release helped my heart grow large and flexible enough to forgive myself. Sending you all the love in the world ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:02 AM
21

Ha! My shitty thesis advisor said this exact thing to explain why men in their 20s should marry teenage girls (he’d done the same). He spent the rest of that dinner chewing loudly and staring creepily at a young girl across the restaurant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 02:53 AM
32

Yup. All the signs are there. I think she sees it, but is burying her head in the sand. She’s hyperfocussed on the gifts, the car, the shampooer, the fact that he’s not “sPeNDiNg tImE wITH fAmiLY”. Poor thing. I’ve seen people avoid the thing which will hurt them most in just the way she is. I hope she gets out, it’ll do wonders for her mental health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 02:49 AM
188

I spent my 20s and early 30s furious at the way I was treated by men: sexual harassment, abuse & rape, micro aggressions in my public, personal and professional life. I also railed against the general gaslighting we all face as women by men individually and as a class I had no outlet for the anger, so it turned inward and consumed me. (Notice I did not get violent, r*pe, or murder anyone- huh 🤔) 3 years of deep and intensive therapy have brought me to a calmer place. But I still get righteously …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 08:12 PM
51

“I’d rather date a woman who strokes my ego whenever I’m scared and pee pee whenever I’m horny. I’d rather DIE A VIOLENT DEATH than be with a woman who thinks for herself. I’m not interested in non-cardboard cut outs, they’re just not feminine enough! PS I love false dichotomies and so should you!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:58 PM
9

Nothing wrong with that 💅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:51 PM
58

Chatting in the car for hours. Sure, that’s what’s happening. The age diff means he can easily gaslight her. I hope sis wakes up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:50 PM
122

Omggggg not only is he a fool, he actually thought she would handle the entire wedding planning!! “Have you worked out the budget?” I’m laughing so hard I can’t- Story time! I dated an LVM for 9 years. 3 years into it, I asked him when we were getting married. He said he didn’t want to because he was a practicing Christian and he didn’t want to be “unequally yoked” with me, an atheist at the time 😁 (so why were you dating and sleeping with me, scrote?) Anyway. We had a discussion that lasted day…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 07:48 PM
51

I get it. But he’s still reducing her to ass and titties. Also why couldn’t he spell “love” out? What is “l. ove”? (Baby don’t hurt me)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 07:14 PM
31

Check her post history, they broke up. For an unrelated reason, but still ☀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:22 PM
22

Ugh 🤮 BTW, south Asian here, so I really know it- we’re practically bred to be unpaid labor for men. At some point, it becomes a matter of self respect and the good thing is she feels it. She’s humiliated for a reason!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:18 PM
35

Omg who asked her to get up early to make his lunches?! She’s 21, that’s practically a baby, so why is she mothering him?! There’s no indication from her post that she’ll break up with him. We need a rescue mission for this poor girl. - I’m PM’ing her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:07 PM
46

Too true! You can find this in work situations too. At my current job, I had a male superior who everyone thought valued what I brought to the table. He invited me everywhere- conferences, senior leadership meetings, you name it, I was asked to join. He really didn’t care about my contributions, they were ultimately rejected by him, I just made him look good in front of other senior male leaders bc he had a sexy entourage (me). I went along with it bc I was financially unstable*. He later hit on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:28 PM
127

Yup! The hair migrates from their heads to ears and below. Plus they lose muscle tone and their dicks stop functioning. I’m still reeling over FB pics I saw yesterday of a very handsome guy I knew in college who’s gone bald, hairy chested, and big bellied in his mid 30s. Like, this guy was literally beautiful in his early 20s- what happened?!? Meanwhile, just before CoVid hit NYC, I was being approached to model and act at the age of 34. I’m 35 now and feeling myself more than ever - we just get…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:04 PM
1

So glad you blocked this loser, sis. 💯 I’m guessing this happened between yesterday and today. He should be landing a time at least 4-5 days in advance. If he’s asking for a date over the weekend, it should be for the following Thurs/Fri/Sat. He comes across as massively entitled to your time if he thinks you’ll be free on such short notice. The only guys I’ve been with who planned “dates” at short notice like this wanted easy sex. Now let’s talk about Monday dates: If this is the beginning of t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 02:55 PM
19

Yes queen! She’s the CEO and executor of her own damn decisions. The 2021 energy we all need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 09:51 PM
13

Lol, I got as far as “I give up”. I noted his ugly and bare walls, the prominent computer screen, unpleasant facial expression, undershirt, and said “you sure did bro” before x’ing out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 09:12 PM
9

With all the mental gymnastics he does to blameshift and gaslight his girlfriend, you’d think he’d be super smart. Nah, still stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 09:07 PM
38

I honestly dont think he’s satirical at all. This is desire to achieve semblance of power in a white supremacist structure and self hate arising from the same structure. Couple that with a deeply misogynistic South Asian culture where all women are objects to be disrespected (except your mother of course!) and are supposed to be unpaid labor and baby making appliances, and you have dudes like this. I’ve seen this in all South Asian LVM I’ve met. Here are just two examples of how gross they are: …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 09:01 PM
30

Get mad at me for “making too much noise” - my father to my mother during little bro’s delivery
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 08:12 PM
6

I didn’t! I’m going to have to tonight. The 2nd Mrs de Winter definitely is a pickme, but she’s also painfully young and still figuring things out. In the book, she doesn’t care that Max is a murderer so long as he loves her (more than Rebecca) 🤮 I definitely want to watch the new movie to see the depiction of Danvers’ (the housekeeper) love for Rebecca. It’s definitely coded lesbian in the book and in the 1938 movie, so I wonder how they portray it today. She is kick ass- I think she embodies F…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 10:55 PM
21

No. No. No. How did this “proud” father let his daughter get into prostitution? Did he groom her into this? WTF?! Where is her mother?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 06:17 PM
6

Ugh, I hated the main character’s treatment by her LV husband as I got older, even without FDS. In addition to what you said, he killed his first wife rather than divorce her because he didn’t want his divorce in the papers. That was his reasoning. Because murder is less publicity than divorce 🙄 He married a young, rather naive and vulnerable woman specifically for her naïveté. Once she finds out about the murder, he bemoans the loss of the “lost” look on her face. Um?!?? Knowing she was naive a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:44 PM
10

I’m going to have to watch it again. Pre-FDS, this was my take on the movie. It was really about her growth as a woman of her own standing. She was ready to be single and happy. And I absolutely loved the movie. Post-FDS, I have a strong female centered lens, so I’m curious (and slightly afraid) of what I’ll find upon a rewatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:33 PM
8

What the fuuuuuuuuresh hell is this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:30 PM
4

I think good grammar and handwriting can be superficial veneers of HV just like being educated and having money are. That said, bad grammar is a pet peeve of mine and an immediate turn off. I’m trying to improve my own grammar so I can communicate more clearly. Pls note this only applies in-dialect. As an example, my attraction to men who speak AAVE primarily won’t be based on their adherence to the grammar of standard (white) English. Bad handwriting I’m less invested in. Of course, if is handw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:28 PM
42

This Queen speaks the truth, omg I love her 🔥🔥 He should be adding to your life if and when you let him into it. Easier said than done to get to a place where you have time, money, and energy for yourself, but that is what we should all be aspiring to. Put yourselves first, ladies, cause no one else is going to do it for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:14 PM
46

Yep, if the dude is mentioning future activities and not explicitly including a date or “when” period, a seasoned FDS disciple would take it as a red flag and cut her losses. That said, I find this would be a super helpful secondary vet for FDS newbies or women having trouble identifying red flags. A non-answer to the question “when?” can be a more obvious red flag than a future fake considering the emotional veil it draws over the eyes of an optimistic woman. It can be like an immediate deflati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:06 PM
7

Ugh SO glad you left that mess. He sounds physically morally and psychically repugnant. Does he have a dog? (You mentioned dog hair). I hope he takes good care of that dog!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 07:08 PM
35

Congratulations sis! Thank you for sharing your special moment with us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:15 PM
38

I laughed too hard at this sis omg 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:15 PM
2

Ah I get it. This really a bill to minimize and regulate, not prohibit altogether. Thanks for the clarity. If I were a prostitute out of choice, I wouldn’t see this affecting me as much as the commenters in the thread claim. There would be other “legitimate” venues for me to ply the trade. Disgusting all around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 06:35 PM
17

He’s cheating on her. Shuts wife down, but has a friendly open relationship with female friend who previously confessed her feelings? Accepts gifts from said friend, despite the strain this would put on the relationship? Restarts the friendship because apparently this friend is a financial expert and is the only person in the world who can help him? OP didn’t state her age, but she did say she’s a broke college student, so I’m guessing there is an age gap. She’s been gaslit to believe any of the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 06:06 AM
6

Scrotes big mad they’re going to lose wank material. That said, I’m worried about the sex workers (really prostitutes), who are predominantly woman. I’m against prostitution in general, but can someone who is more educated on this subject than me explain what support they’ll get once their incomes dry up?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:58 AM
54

His mattress is on. the. ground. If he can afford a macbook, he can afford a bed frame. So funny when men divorce thinking they can do better. When it was their wives who made them seem normal and adjusted by keeping a well maintained house. Like - do you realize your subhuman living conditions are scaring women away?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:52 AM
107

Haha. Like, really, yes. Bc the alternative is...men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:39 AM
13

Literally ESH, except baby. The mistress for abandoning her child. The husband for being a misogynist, cheating a-hole and making his wife care for his love child. Wife’s sister for pushing the narrative that wife’s place is with cheater husband. Gentle ESH for wife. She’s a pick me, should have left as soon as she learned of the cheating or at least called CPS after baby was left with husband who abandoned it in his own way. I hope the baby gets the care it needs. There are so many good women w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:38 AM
60

If your mom was so concerned about those kids, she could have looked after them herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:31 AM
84

Then we would go home had have sex 4 or 5 times (20 min each), sleep a few hours and then do it again. I’m jealous! Growing up, I thought this would be my norm when I became sexually active. I had a high libido and could go for hours, but the men I consented to sleep with either couldn’t maintain or orgasmed too quickly. All avid porn watchers, so it’s not surprising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:28 AM
1

Given the overabundance of LVM, it makes total sense for women to overemphasize our boundaries and standards when vetting. We should all be asking what the man is doing for us. It’s needed to maintain our dignity and to protect ourselves in the face of an LVM heavy landscape. If that’s called being a bitch, I’ll take it sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:18 AM
39

Given the overabundance of LVM, it makes total sense for women to overemphasize our boundaries and standards when vetting. We should all be asking what the man is doing for us. It’s needed to maintain our dignity and to protect ourselves in the face of an LVM heavy landscape. If that’s called being a bitch, I’ll take it sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:18 AM
40

Sis, scream as loud as you need to. When I read your post, my first reaction was to think “can she report this guy?” Despite being assaulted repeatedly from the age of 4 and the people in authority doing nothing about it, that is what I jumped to. Just goes to show how brainwashed I am. So I say fuck reporting, fuck the system and fuck men. Scream, rage, take the space you need. Speak with your support system, your therapist. Find that space in yourself if no one is giving it to you. Take care o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:37 PM
53

These scrotes don’t have a leg to stand on and they know it. They’ve probably been violent against women or supported anti woman violence (porn watchers, anyone?) They’re threatened, so they’re attacking what they can. She’s very pretty, especially with respect to Eurocentric standards, so they can’t fall back on their go-to, which is attacking a woman’s looks. I also detect an undercurrent of anti-blackness (hOw do U prONOUnce THiS NAMe? She has an “attitude”) This is why women, especially youn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:25 PM
11

Yes! Pls make that thread. Every single trope will be rooted in male insecurity and jealousy/hatred of women. They know we have it together better than them IRL. And if we do it without a care of what they think of us, they are threatened. So we’re put in child-like or lost roles while looking as sexy (read consumable) as possible. It’s a way for them to consume us without endangering their self image.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:13 PM
8

Omg yes. I used to love Neil Gaiman. “Neverwhere” is an excellent example of Gaiman’s self insert power fantasies. A bumbling, useless male becomes the hero and love interest of an elite female character with magical powers? Sure Jan. Also Door is a girl, a teenager IIRC and Richard is a dude in his 20s which makes it more ick. Ugh, I looked up how old Amanda is. She’s 44 to Neil’s 60 which tells us a lot. I also found this article http://www.citypages.com/music/amanda-palmer-on-neil-gaiman-he-d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:55 PM
2

Hey sis, from your post title “to the pickmeshas”, and text it seems that you are writing to pickmeshas! I’ll clarify my original comment. On my end, I felt it was a great post to any pickmesha lurking (and TBH any of us with lingering pickme tendencies) to help them see the “steal your man” situation from new perspective. The narrative is usually centered on the hurt the cheating causes and not the silver lining for the betrayed (or to be betrayed) female partner. I felt your post can give pick…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:37 PM
4

After removing all social media (except Reddit) for the last couple years, and using that isolation for self-reflecting upon the past and slowly learning from it... I think I am in a very good place now. Studied really hard and made it to one of the best colleges in the country. And took some time to plan out the future from there. Damn queen! Love your drive and energy!🔥 Edit: ahh hit reply before I finished writing. I also wanted to say I admire your strength. Keep leveling up! I hope you find…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 02:39 PM
10

I’d love to turn this on its head if that’s alright OP. The minute I see a man I’m dating or even talking to show an interest in another woman, whether she’s high or low value, I’m gone. It’s less about the woman and more about how the man is treating me. Of course I understand why you wrote this to pickmeshas. If they’re lurking, they might realize they’re not really winning anything or putting one over on the GF/wife by being pickmes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:48 AM
35

This. This. All of this. He’s got a great woman and as a result really thinks he can land other “great” women. Edit for wording
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:41 AM
50

Should have thrown the son away instead. Porn problem solved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:39 AM
76

Yep- and after getting into FDS, which helped me to stop center men and center myself instead, I can almost always tell when a TV show or movie is written or directed by men. Bc it will inevitably involve a woman doing things no self respecting woman would do IRL and damaged men (our N/LVM) clearly living out the writers power fantasies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:38 AM
59

And given the sheer number of children abused at the hands of their male relatives, if she end BF really cared about children, they’d get it and back off. So either they don’t know about this, which makes Amy right not to trust them or they don’t care and ditto. OP also gives no reason why her BF should be trusted around new baby other than hES bEen IN THe fAMIlY LOnGer. How the hell does she know he’s good with children? Where in her post does she talk about this? She gives away why she’s mad- …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:28 AM
132

Age gap. Wife is pregnant and at most vulnerable. Husband makes oddly specific jokes about how he’d kill wife. Husband traumatizes wife with stories of how women die in childbirth while she is pregnant Wife asks Reddit of all communities how to get her husband to stop joking. Read that again. She thinks her husband is only joking. When women are murdered by their male partners and we say “we never saw it coming”....it’s because we’re gaslit into thinking stuff like this is ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:16 AM
9

I agree with everything folks are saying on our thread. In addition, I find his language around his childhood therapy alone to be telling. He “stopped getting” therapy. Why? Did his parents make him stop? Did he opt out himself? His use of the passive voice here makes it unclear. If there was a legitimate reason for stopping, he doesn’t make it clear. Also he “opted out” of school counseling because of “Lack of quality of character” on the part of the counselors. Again no specificity. We are lef…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:31 AM
93

Right?! No 14 year old girl is a pickmesha. OP you were a child trying to navigate a cruel and gendered bullying. You didn’t mention it, but I wish you’d had someone to talk to and good female role models in your life. Your traumatic feelings are also perfectly valid, please don’t dismiss them. I hope you can look into therapy. Bullying can affect you for decades in ways you wouldn’t figure out without professional help. Please be kind to yourself and more forgiving to the child you were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 02:59 AM
2

Would you pls approve me? Thanks!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 04:57 AM
14

To be fair to men, their moms never really taught them it wasn’t ok to eat dogs, so they had to learn whatever they could from porn. And some of that is dog eating. Don’t kinkshame! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:18 PM
134

How do you respond? You don’t. Block and delete the first time a man tries to control your appearance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 03:32 AM
1

Hi Sis- I’m sorry I took so long to respond. Life and thinking about how best to answer your question got in the way. I’m definitely an over thinker :) I realize I may not have an answer that makes total sense and that is why I was so hesitant to respond. But, I’ll try! I’ll say that life is one day or moment at a time for me. Some days are good and full of love and compassion for myself and my loved ones. Other days are tough, and sometimes the cycle of negative thoughts and reliving trauma pul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:18 PM
1

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Reading your story was like repeated punches to the gut. I needed to take time before I responded to you. How men treat you during you (or anyone really) when you’re at your most vulnerable is telling of what they think of you. Your husband willingly left you after you had a traumatic birth. The porn watching is, to me, just salt in the wound. In this case, IMO it doesn’t matter if you asked him to leave. He chose to leave you. My friend got into a car …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:59 PM
5

Right? It would almost be comical if the disjoint between what we experience and what we’re told we experience wasn’t so maddeningly real. And treacherous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:40 PM
17

Hi sis, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot in a very short time. It tends to make us guarded, highly pragmatic, and to the point (this can seem dismissive to some). I was like you in my early 20s. I was also consumed with anger and had difficulty listening to anyone who wasn’t saying what I wanted to hear. Really, what I wanted was love. Getting better at listening to others, being empathetic and loving, isn’t something you develop overnight. It takes practice. It takes practice loving you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:34 PM
14

I’m allowed to be suspicious and vigilant around men. I’ve been forced into sexual situations since the age of 4 by the men who were supposed to care for me, assaulted, catcalled, followed home, stalked, threatened with kidnapping, stalked, and r*ped (more times than I am comfortable saying). And this does not include the daily gaslighting, objectification, and micro aggressions I’ve experienced just existing around men. And guess what, even if I hadn’t experienced this pain in my life, given wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:14 PM
17

Top comment protests that this will cut down the amt of pirated porn on pornhub, leading people to other sites. I say protest because the commenter is not applauding a decision to prevent child abuse. If you aren’t in full support of this, you are against it. So that’s what it is. Women and children can literally be raped and tortured, but it’s ok so long as we’re not preventing orgasms. Ghastly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 05:55 PM
13

I don’t know how you do it mods, but you do. A heartfelt thank you. This is one of the safest places on the internet. Here, women can exist with no apologies or fear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 05:47 PM
14

They are clumsy and angry intellectually which translates into physical incompetence/violence. Fun story: back in my early 20s, I was dating a guy who’d get furious if things didn’t play out exactly to plan. One day, he was mid shave when his electrical razor stopped working. He came into our bedroom shaking and cursing this thing out. So I asked if I could look at it (I did a mechanical engineering undergrad and was pretty good with my hands). It actually took a while to convince him to hand it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 06:09 PM
14

The big boobs, long nipple comment is about an ex partner. If he’s so happy with his current GF, why write what amounts to erotica fantasy about another woman? Just goes to show even if you’re everything an LVM claims he wants, he’s still going to be public ally degenerate about other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:51 PM
10

Dropping the nice mask YEARS into the relationship is a rule the scariest personality disordered people follow. My father was the same way as your husband. He was “the best husband” in the world to my mother for the first 5 years and then started a lifelong cruel and violent discard/devaluation. Unfortunately, she was blinded by the “love” she experienced early on and spent 10 more years thinking he would just “come back”. She was also overwhelmed by pregnancy and illness in that time and couldn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 06:29 PM
16

I’ve spent so much time loving and respecting myself and other women this year, I was immediately caught off guard by the comment on “aggressively throwing her into the water” Sad to say, this type of violent language would have flown right over my head in the before FDS times These jokes and this type of language is so needlessly brutal. But it’s pervasive. No one will call this out because iTs JUst a jOke
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:05 PM
8

I’m having a tough time finding original, first hand materials bc I’m on my phone, but this should get you started: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_sexual_slavery_in_the_United_States http://www.danielnpaul.com/ChristopherColumbus.html https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/columbus-sex-slaves/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 09:08 PM
53

Yep! Change the legal age to 16 as it is in other parts of the world and you will find grown men falling over themselves to defend their attraction to 16 yr olds. Do the same with 15. Then 14. And 13 (Japan). You will find men (not just boys) who are interested. Pedophilia is wayyyy more common than we’re led to believe in every part of society It’s why when Columbus and his men “interacted” with the people already living in NA, they bought 9 yr old girls as sex slaves. It’s why age of consent i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:24 PM
78

“You girls from Barbados. I want any of you. All of you. You are equally interchangeable”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:12 PM
90

I am seeing red. He choked her during sex, didn’t bother asking her for consent, didn’t bother making sure she was ok. The commenters claim this is a normal part of sex?!?! Since when is literal violence a normal part of sex?! (TW: “It wasn’t abuse because you never told him it it wasn’t right and you never asked him to stop”) This is placid and dismissive r*pe apologia and the normalization of abuse. Oh my god. I am so mad. Somehow the burden of asking not to be abused rests on her. So this com…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:09 PM
35

*Speaking your mind *Living life the way the way you wish *Being honest *Being righteously angry or indignant *Not subscribing to societal (esp Eurocentric) beauty standards *Being self confident *Being assertive *Expressing vulnerability (tears, “I feel” statements) *Having a facial expression which isn’t “pleasant” *Correcting a man *Putting yourself first *Being right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 10:04 PM
55

Ha! My oldest cat ( a rescue ) hate hate hates men. He’s generally skittish, so if anyone new enters the house, he will hide. If it’s a woman, he’ll come out after a bit to check them out. If it’s a man, he stays hidden. We call him a direct action feminist :p He spent the first few months of his life on the streets so it breaks my heart to think he may have been hurt by some guy while he was just a baby. Actually any animal abuse breaks my heart - guess which gender are the majority perpetrator…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:56 PM
92

Hi sweetheart, you’ve already said it better than anyone else can for you. He is putting a couple of hobbies above emotional bonding with you. I’m so glad you used the technique of distancing yourself from the situation to get to the best solution “what would I say to my friend, mother, sister, daughter if they were in this situation?” It’s so easy to talk about distancing and walking away but it’s so hard to do. And you are doing it, you absolute queen. Stay strong. You are doing all the right …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:03 PM
20

I hear you sis. This just feels like a red flag to me. If a person I was in a relationship with said this to me, I’d seriously question them. You have clearly thought about it and have a decision. Why hasn’t he? Cheating is so ubiquitous in our personal relationships and culture that an adult partner not actively having a safe guard against it is scary to me. Safe guards start with critical thinking about the issue at hand and it appears your partner has given little thought to a cheating safe g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:53 PM
20

Pornography is not to sex what reality tv is to real life! Pornography is the highly saturated objectification, abuse and r*pe Of women and children, almost scientifically honed to mesmerize men to the point of sickness. It’s not just an “escape”. Real people are suffering so Joe Q Public can orgasm to more and more degrading material. Repeat exposure causes desensitization. Hentai vids almost always have women in coercive and simulated r*pe situations. Dudes just priming himself for the real th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:38 PM
13

I am internally screaming. So now he’s triangulating you with some chick he’s jerked off to? And it’s supposed to be a compliment?!?????!!! “Yeah I totally lusted after this woman to the point of needing to masturbate, but ya know, you’re prettier so-“
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:36 PM
89

Yooo- highly suspect of your adult partner to ask “how can you know [you won’t cheat]” seems like something he should have dwelt on and figured out for himself by this age (am assuming he’s also in his 40s). Feels like a lack of critical thinking skills and leaving the door open to future infidelity on his part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:32 PM
64

She chose to sacrifice her personal freedom for a man who is not committed to her. She is privileged and educated enough to know better. No sympathy from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:29 PM
98

Of course! Women are objects or products for consumption! And when we “fall short” of their standards for consumption, which are informed by pornography and male centric media, we are criticized much the way they’d criticize a dish in a restaurant. An uninformed and ignorant foodie may not consider his own lack of cooking skills when critiquing a dish. Similarly, these ugly but entitled men will be blind to their hypocrisy when criticizing our looks. When we “bite back”, I honestly think the cog…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:24 PM
41

I’m happy to report that both my brothers cooked and cleaned this Thanksgiving. In previous years, my loser father would keep them close or take them away for a “day trip” anytime he suspected we needed help in the kitchen. So my sister, mother and I carried out the kitchen duties on Thanksgiving day. Recently, my youngest brother has been spending more time with us and expressed an interest in planning the Tday menu. We told him he’d have to help cook the meal if he wanted to influence the menu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:05 PM
79

Yup - the key point you make here is effort. How much effort is the guy putting into the relationship including defining moments of the relationship. Especially one as important as the proposal which is (or should be) an explicit and intentioned request to spend your lives together. It’s a pretty heavy request and should be well planned and thought out. This means effort. For the male lurkers asking why the man should do this “heavy lifting” - without going into financial and societal power diff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:45 PM
7

Nah sis, don’t do that. This boy looks so frightened. He’s been kicked out of his house and has somehow ended up in a different state. He’s trying to get home to his sisters. He’s hoping his dad is alive. His tone and body language are authentic. Some people aren’t fit to be parents and the only thing we can assume here is a horrible failure on his mother’s part. This child is not coming across as a monster- let’s keep it real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 11:38 PM
11

Sorry, are you talking about a diff vid in your title? Where are we hearing about the son calling his mom gendered slurs and punching holes in the walls?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:18 PM
56

First of all, you are a true artist. Your drawings are moving and evocative. I sense the pain you’ve been through and the isolation you must have felt. Your rather bold technique also tells me how strong your spirit is. It’s amazing how much we can learn about each other through art. Loving a narcissist is literally like handing your prized possessions to a thief and helplessly watching him destroy them. Its true, we do hand over our heart and soul, but with the expectation that they will be che…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:32 PM
21

That’s awesome news sis!! I am so happy you found us and are on this journey with us. The great thing about FDS is not just that you learn better dating qualification criteria, but that this place is a treasure trove of info on how to improve your self worth and respect. A solid sense of self, which is a foundational human need, and one need we are constantly told/forced to suppress, is the first line of defense when vetting people in ANY relationship, especially romantic ones
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:25 PM
124

THANK YOU FOR THIS 100% ACCURATE SCROTE TRANSLATION (transcrolation?) Also how much do you wanna bet if his wife called out the wannabe rapists abuser in the moment he would have joined them in trying to convince her she was overreacting? ETA: ALSO note how he’s more concerned about coming across as “not jealous” and “laid back” than his wife’s feelings. Like what his friends think about him matter more than his wife’s legitimate concern about his friends’ harassment of her. This is how men let …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:11 PM
13

All of this!! Also: On “damage” - this word also reduces the woman to an object and removes her personhood. One damages goods, not people. One can hurt a person. See the diff? On “every woman” - lol he’s not going to “damage” every woman he comes in contact with. Why should he be so important? The patriarchal language and male centric language really bothers me. I appreciate the efforts of the men behind #shesnotyourrehab, but damn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 09:31 AM
110

Black mammy savior vibes so strong in this story. Honestly it’s gross that she’s using it as mechanism to gain SM clout (if it even happened). In addition to everything you’ve said beautifully, let’s count additional flags shall we? 1) Seeming elevation of this woman “I hope she has nothing but peace etc” with a trite and overplayed SM punch line. If this event DID happen, did she actually wish her peace IRL? Nah it’s for the likes. 2) Reference to this other woman as “older” and “African Americ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 09:07 AM
20

Right??? “I can do whatever the fuck I want and don’t you ever grab me again”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:28 AM
36

Leave the circus sis, it’s full of clowns. I’m right there with you after 16 years of dating horror. If a single HVM is fortunate enough to cross my path in the future, he had better add a ton to my life or it’s just not worth it. Btw, she does a hilarious job pointing out the absurdity of these “everything but name” relationships. She’s a star ⭐️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:24 AM
161

Wow they literally respect your dogs more than you. Do these men only understand and respond to (the threat of) violence? My yorkie and Pomeranian fiercely protective of me of someone gets too close, but your story has me thinking to adopt a larger dog just to stop the scrotes before they ever approach :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:16 AM
209

This is darkly humorous to me. So women can live on their own and care for themselves and flourish in their old age, but men are so coddled that they literally cannot and end up looking for women to marry just to survive. I just have a mental image of an old shriveled leech desperately searching for a host while it slides down the inevitable slope towards death and irrelevance, fully knowing what’s coming and unable to stop it. Cant stop the cackling lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:01 AM
211

Omg this poor woman. My heart rages and aches for her. She’s twice a victim-to her abuser and to the sunk cost fallacy she believes. Reminds me of the time my mother came home from the hospital having just given birth to my brother. There was a storm that night and the lights went off. We had just moved into a new house and the batteries to our flashlights were packed in some box. So no light. My father raged at my mother for being “careless” with the batteries and went to bed in a fit. My poor …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 03:51 AM
9

Hell yes!! Own your fabulousness!! We are marvelous beings and should constantly be amazed with ourselves and the good we are capable of doing. Nothing they say will ever change that. Side note: ghost the LVM first!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 03:30 AM
157

So these guys agree they’re slaves to their hormones and incapable of rational, logical thought most of the time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 03:26 AM
15

Porn is commercially sanctioned torture and abuse of women and children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 07:30 PM
7

Agree with the comments on sub search. If you follow the dating rules on this sub you will better your qualification criteria for finding the right men. On the other hand, this sub and the principles espoused show you ways to be happy without men. It decenters (degraded) male desire and greed and puts your needs, safety, and wants at the forefront. Heck, it’s even in the name ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 07:28 PM
49

Stop traveling to see men, stop paying for the dates, stop sending naked pictures. Just ... stop. This is behavior that just puts you in physical, financial, and emotional danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 07:22 PM
20

On the one hand I’m happy you won’t accept less. On the other hand, this is like bare minimum behavior. His house, you’re decorating his tree, why the heck wouldn’t he vacuum his own damn floor? AND offer comfort to his guest (you)?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 07:19 PM
110

It’s another way to shut down a woman’s voice. “I am abused in my house” “Yes but your house is beautiful, how can you complain?” Gaslight if there ever was one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:51 PM
95

Women have rich, colorful internal lives. Most men are socialized to have disagreeable / violent personalities (but this is lauded by society). Take away the violence and rage and you are left with ... nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:49 PM
24

I’m so sorry you were on the receiving end of his shittiness. I went to a cardiologist who spent way too much time on my chest, not even my heart, all while peeking furtively. And I was 34. This happens to women of all stripes and ages. I also understand the frustration you have from your family’s reaction. One of my uncles inappropriately touched two or three of his underage psychiatric patients, was sued, lost his license, everything. But! my south asian family are supporting him because “thos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:46 PM
32

Dear god let this be satire
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:38 PM
9

This is the type of content I’m here for! I’m going to use this on the men at work for whom “please let me finish” doesn’t make a difference. Thanks so much!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 02:35 PM
7

Queen energy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 05:02 PM
2

I understand your original point much better. Thanks for the explanation. Sassy and angry are usually perjoratives applied to outspoken women, so I read your entire statement as an indictment of feminism. TBH I’m no longer a fan of loud or angry music either, but when it’s to make a feminist point, I will support it as I can even if it’s not to my (changing) personal musical tastes. I also understand your point about being indifferent now. I spent my 20s in a rage against the deep, invasive unfa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 03:41 PM
17

You say feminism like it’s a bad thing. With respect, are you on this sub, sis?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 10:11 AM
38

I also watched poltergeist yesterday. What a coincidence! I was horrified by that scene. The mother’s reaction to it was disgusting- she smiled and tsk tsk’ed. It was hard to stomach. (Side note, that was probably the scariest scene in the movie 🤦‍♀️)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 01:37 PM
15

I think I understand. There’s a disbelief / shock that her reaction is so muted :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 07:03 PM
94

Omg where to even start. First the age diff (I have a problem with people under the age of 25 dating anyone pushing 30 or beyond. Their prefrontal cortexes aren’t fully developed!!) She’s bedridden after birthing HIS child. She’s had health complications. She has to ASK for food. And he can’t even be bothered to get it to her on time?! He forgot?! OP what’s weird about feeling mad about this situation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 04:23 PM
7

< “Know your limits and don’t harass” < Has just described a situation where he harasses a child. This was a terrifying read. Frightening children gives him a (sexual) ego boost. He’s mad. Someone please lock him up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:56 AM
16

Happy Birthday!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:29 PM
22

Ugh. He is trying to set up a situation where you feel the need to earn his approval or attention. Block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:11 AM
15

Don’t ever date “potential”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:04 AM
10

You’re right. I should have walked away right then. This is what I would do today. At the time, a lifetime of being gaslit by men, being a recovering pick me (“he reacted much better than my past BFs!”) and being on a visit to his country kept me there. I was actually so glad to be able to say my piece without being attacked immediately afterwards. To the extent that I know (and this is important because it’s only ever about how much you know and how much they share with you), he wasn’t watching…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:15 PM
5

Lol oh geez I misread your comment. You had fried bread AND ham n cheese. Oy. I’m laughing at myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:09 AM
12

This is an absolute treat. I’ve never tried brown sugar cinnamon cream cheese (and definitely not with a ham and cheese), but now I’m going to! Thanks for the food and self care inspiration ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:04 AM
89

Story time: Every single one of my bfs has stared down other woman. And I’ve heard every excuse from “it’s a biological need!” to “women are like cars, you don’t mind when I check out a cool new car”. My last relationship was much better, but only because I lay down my boundaries at the outset. We were on a train and I saw him give the old up and down to an attractive woman asking a question to the conductor. So I cheerfully pulled him closer to me and said “every time you stare or ogle or break…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:52 PM
15

Your pain, relief, and sincerity come across in every word sis. Welcome to the tribe- this sub also helped me understand my worth. In days. I totally get it. ❤️❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:36 PM
23

Yum! Good for you!! Is that garlic toast? Drop the menu and recipes :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:26 PM
1

Yes to Sessh! Inuyasha was too much of a man child and needed Kagome to “heal” him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 09:29 AM
14

People are giving REALLY good advice on this thread. I want to add that I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It IS traumatizing when the guy you like (or love) stares down and lusts after others- on line or in person. (TW: I’ve been abused and harassed by a number of men, and honestly I can’t even remember the details of some of that abuse), but I remember each and every time the guy I thought I loved stared at other women or commented on them. I’m not even sure what his online activity woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 05:11 PM
11

I tend to have a hard time giving as good as I get. Maybe it’s because I don’t like to “stoop to their level” Maybe I’ve still got pickme tendencies. Working on figuring this out. Generally, though, I don’t want to consciously hurt anyone, just walk away if my boundaries are being violated. But I’ve always admired women who turn the tables and can retain their sanity and integrity. My questions to you are - how well does this technique actually work? Do the men come around? (wouldn’t be better t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:57 PM
15

With love, read the handbook sis. There are no such thing as HV pics and bios. HV is determined by consistent actions and behavior over time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 11:37 PM
30

You put into words exactly what I was thinking. His totally pregnant wife’s desire to feel close to him is secondary to his need for control. I’m struggling to see his wife’s actions as purely selfish and damaging, which his reaction seems to imply. T-shirts can be replaced, his wife and the love she has for him cannot. (And yes, if you can’t afford a few t-shirts to replace ones she stretched out or, hell, to give to her, you can’t afford a child) BTW - his statement “her clothes SEEM comfortab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 11:35 PM
25

Strongly agreed. And IMO, the first step to accepting and loving yourself is to know yourself. Which means spending alone time with your thoughts and your inner self and figuring out who she is. This can be painful especially for those of us used to filling in the void with other people, materials or substances. It’s a tough and incredibly mentally taxing journey to undertake. I know, I’m on it. But the other side looks so fresh, peaceful and serene. I get brief glimpses of how life could be onc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 11:24 PM
67

I love this! I spent most of my life conditioned to see these boundary drawing statements as highly offensive. I’d literally break out into a sweat if I had to say no to someone. If someone reacted negatively to even a hint of a boundary from me, I’d back down so as to “avoid confrontation”. You can imagine all the physical, emotional, financial and sexual harassment and abuse this subjected me to. Years of therapy and practice later, I am much better at laying out my boundaries. If they’re not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 11:17 PM
1

Wow. I have not read that article, but will be sure to do so now. Perpetrators [and ignorant vixtims] of the patriarchy will twist themselves into knots trying to maintain the system. Calling out bad behavior X is the same or worse than X. Extra negative attention and social backlash / shunning for calling it out. And always when it’s a woman doing the talking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:30 PM
2

This. It is coded racism. Any media backlash is both (at time insidiously) misogynist AND anti-latinx
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:26 PM
6

Exactly! Plus he’d be so much more work than “one more plant” ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 05:22 PM
9

I came here to comment on how much joy it brought me to see this man provide unselfishly for his partner. I was literally tearing up - he was almost giddy with excitement and it looked like she couldn’t believe that this was real. The moment she put the gifts down and went to hug him - ahhhh. There’s nothing like it when you give to the people you love and see that happiness and joy radiating out from them. The he put his hand on her butt and let that moment be broadcast to the world. Whyyy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 11:24 AM
22

Yoho’s continuing behavior towards her infuriates me (check out his non-apology) I am also continually frustrated at some of the media response to the “tone” of the speech. Elements of the liberal media (let alone anti-AOC platforms) called it “fiery” and “rambunctious” Like ??? She spoke with poise, dignity, and kept the content fact based. Yes, I can sense “controlled fury”, as the article puts it, but my god does she ever have reasons to be furious. This type of conversation deflects attentio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:33 AM
28

Nothing to add, but giving you hugs. I hope you’ve found a safe place to exercise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:18 AM
92

Well, he gets points for self awareness. Also I like how he thinks plants are “useless fucks”. Dudes a waste of oxygen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:15 AM
5

I frankly wouldn’t give this guy the time of day. He either has poor reading comprehension (best case) or intentionally isn’t answering for whatever reason. Both are indicators of shoddy behavior is to come. Why not respond to your questions? For example, if he doesn’t want to talk about what he’s busy with, he can say something like “I’ll tell you when we meet”. You’re trying to continue the conversation and he’s cut it off. This coupled with the link to his website only (no explanation, leavin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:09 AM
3

Thank you! I used to invest in stocks and ETF, but fell into a depression, lost my job and burned thru my savings and investment dollars money to cover me. It took me 6 months to find a new job and I used up all my savings/investment funds. This was in 2016. I felt too burned out to start investing again. This post has given me strength. I signed up for acorns and sofi based on the advice in this thread. FDS turns lives around!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:50 PM
1

What is “the prestige”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 11:50 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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