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nmjanus Archive

View 5 posts and 68 comments by nmjanus on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

OMS 3 week sumary A mixed week. I have held my sleep routines as good as possible given infants. As expected, when I have had a good nights sleep I function much better. Relationship wise things are probably at an all time low. Wife actually articulated she’s moving out. I’m not sure if it’s only a threat or if she means it. This happens after I pointed out that she uses guilt manipulation towards our kids. (We have talked about this earlier and agreed that we want to avoid it but she wanted exa…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/02/18 12:51 PM
1

It is what it says. A gross list of stuff and it means a renewed MAP in the making. If you don’t like it. Don’t read it
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/18 11:14 AM
1

OMS 2 I cut this first week short to come in to more of the same routines as most people here. And because I want to get started on this weeks work. Recap As stated in my first new OYS my strategy is to work at one thing a week to get in to new habits. Adding new stuff first after I have some degree of mastery. This first few days has not been very successful with my sleep-routines. Partly because of me not having enough discipline partly because kids waking up in the middle of the night. The pa…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/02/18 10:19 PM
1

Restarting OYS-posting After a break posting. I feel ready to restart. Prior to writing this I have reviewed my earlier posts and done some serious thinking. I am a much more knowable man today than one year ago. Prior to finding this place I was nothing short of clueless with women. But more important, I perceived myself as a victim full of covered contracts and nice guy behavior. Now I have taken in over me that I'm ultimately responsible for my own life and that I have deep running insecuriti…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/18 09:18 PM
1

OMS General reflections Even though it has been a bumpy road, I’m pleased with my progresses so far. Once I understood the gravity of what changes that needs to be done I knew it would take time and include failures as well as successes. I’m now ready to move in to phase two. The first phase has really been about climbing out of the big black hole I was in when I found MRP. A lot has been about taking action up to a point where the balance between doing what needs to be done and enjoying life be…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/17 06:28 AM
1

OMS 15 General comments This OMS will not follow my usual pattern. This last week I have felt that I have plateaued in pretty much every area of my development. I’m absolutely not in the process of giving up. I had just reached a point where I could see that I had not produced any tangible results in a while. That was until yesterday. I tried to kiss my wife, she resisted, I did not let go of my grip around her waist and insisted. Said something along the lines of “I would really like if we coul…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/17 09:03 PM
1

OMS 14 general comments Rereading way of the superior man. What an amazingly insightful book. This upcoming week I will focus on chapter 48 and 49 Especially on my purpose Where am I actually, where do I want to be and how do I get there... Male seek freedom; financial, spiritual, psychological and Give gift of love to a resisting world... on this I will contemplate. Things are pretty shitty but have been worse. I continue to work on my big three challenges erase this DLVs 1 Be present. 2 Do wha…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/17 09:31 PM
1

OMS 13 After three weeks of crisis management I’m back in the saddle. It has taken a lot of effort and I have not been true to all RP-principles (not even most to be honest) but I’m still in the game. I know I’m valuing the relationship to high at the moment but I decided early on to keep it together for one month per year beta. Now with the relationship an a tad bit more solid ground it’s back to work on me :) Even though it has been bad weeks they have not been in vain. From it all I take with…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/17 05:33 PM
1

On top of the fact that I have a lot of personal development to go through I found TRP while wife was pregnant and now we have one 8m baby and one 2y child neither sleeps very well. So my social life has not been very active. I know this is part of the bigger problem but as I said I’m working slow because it would be no problem to terminate my relationship and right now that’s not what I want. To answer your question after this initial DEER: I do not interact enough with other women at the momen…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/17 02:40 PM
3

OMS 12 Two weeks ago I cut back on the workload I’ve put on myself since I found MRP but could not even manage the bare basics. This week has been better. I have been on time and done what I’ve said I would do. Have I been present? Well as soon as I catch myself wandering astray I pull myself in again. But living in my wife’s frame has made me passive. I just kind of turn off. That kind of not being present is still with me and needs attention to be removed. Initial plan My initial plan was to w…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/17 01:28 AM
1

I agree with you. In the very beginning I tried I few moves that just fell flat to the ground. I pretty soon understood that my troubles were bigger than I first though, that I would have a shitload of work ahead of me and that the payoff that I initially came for would not come hasty if ever. But I’m fine with this because now I work to be a better man because that’s what I want for myself. If respect, attraction and sex returns from wife it is an appreciated bonus but that’s not why I’m in it …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/17 04:05 PM
1

Epic fail week As an individual I’m doing better than when things were at the darkest. My relation however is going south and it is hard to see the person I have strong feelings for and the mother of our children barley keeping it together. If I had not started to internalize DGAF I would have not been able to keep going at all. I have theoretically understood the magnitude of not being a victim but take responsibility and lead. For me however up until now it’s been a positive experience. It giv…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/17 06:18 AM
1

I’ll take that into account. It’s certainly a possibility. I Wrote a few posts early on and pretty much everybody gave me (more or less polite:) the advice to not think so much on the wife but to focus on my own personal development. It was sound advice and still apply. I also read a lot about STFU, not to talk about fight club and actions not words... all this can certainly have made me to an even more isolated island than before. Do you have any good advice as how to build comfort in a hostile…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/17 05:30 PM
1

OMS 10 Well now things are staring to happen. I just came out of a long conversation with wife. It ended with her running out of the house crying. It does not feel good but it is what it is. The short version follows. Wife have been really tense and edgy lately. Given me the silent treatment with clear contempt. While I was out on business trip she snapped yelled at me and called a couple councilor we used a few years back. We are scheduled to go on Friday. We sat down and talked this evening. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/17 04:39 AM
1

OMS 9 Just prior to writing this I had my first interaction with wife where I managed to say no in a way that did not piss her of. We were both sitting on the couch when she asks me to go get the charger to her PC. I smiled and said plainly “no I’m having a coffee.” She gladly went and got it herself. Absolutely no big deal, but for me it is completely new territory to explore and master. Other than this no big changes. I’m reflecting over if I might be getting complacent, on the other hand, I a…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/17 08:08 AM
1

OMS 8 I'm feeling a lot better than when things were at it's worst. Not constantly but I have actually felt pretty good some of the days last week. Almost like back in the good old days. Other than that there has been no big changes or events this last week. Well maybe one. I came home from work, wife pretty neutral. A friend of hers had taken the oldest kid out swimming, she has a son the same age. Than for some reason she calls me to say they are running late and we have a little conversation …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/17 06:41 AM
1

OMS 7 No big changes or events this last week. I keep grinding... Mission Me: Be in a good mood, there is so much to be grateful for Family: be the oak Plan tomorrow -At 22:00 plan tomorrow Same as last week... discipline! The checklist works pretty good. But sometimes I'm to lazy to do all that's on it Mood Generally in a better mood than in a long time... maybe the anger phase is finally letting go :) -Cheer/ play this works pretty good. I'm constantly aware and always try to find more occasio…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/17 04:32 PM
1

I can feel you brother. I'm a few month ahead of you and I know what you are struggling with. Not only do you have to live with your wife handling you like shit. Now you can see the way out but are not yet able to walk it and therefore get frustrated with yourself also. And this is not a good place to be. My advice to you is 1. Read the answers again, there is a lot of good advice here 2. The changes you are aiming for takes time, don't be hard on yourself. Change mindset from viewing bad encoun…
/r/askMRP01/09/17 07:52 PM
1

Thanks for input. I'm still calibrating my OYS. Agree with a lot of what you write. However I will not make lifting the centerpiece right now. But I will keep it under consideration. The part about being responsible for everything and wife being grateful. You are absolutely right. English is not my mother language and I did a poor job summarizing a longer post I read earlier. Let's see if I can do a better job this time. The appifany to me was that even though women communicate that they want yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/17 04:37 PM
1

OMS 5 New week new challenges and opportunities. I'm actually feeling better now than I have in a long time. This is for sure a good thing because I've been struggling more than I have wanted to admit even to myself. The longer I keep at this the more I feel that I at a theoretical level are familiar with the concepts. However life long conditioning is hard to break and it's easy to fall in to old thinking and behavior. I believe this is part of why I have felt so blue. Seeing the light in the t…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/17 01:05 PM
1

I'll chip in because I experienced the same things in the very early beginning. Don't know anything about you but from what you describe it sounds like you have become a silent, passive aggressive, boring prick. Instead of a funny asshole. Or put it this way. You have just changed from being a human (and therefore probably from time to time funny and attractive) AFC to a cold and silent AFC. Congratulations your changes so far have resulted in your wife being married to a fish instead of the old…
/r/askMRP28/08/17 08:00 AM
1

She has her family and friends in town. And could ask for help from several different alternatives who would be delighted to help. I on the other hand have a very limited circle. This has led me to think that she could solve the problem pretty easily and also have a responsibility to do so. (The decision to settle down in her home town was made prior to finding MRP) Now I know better. Even if she objectively could do it she don't. And from her perspective I than have failed to lead and fix her f…
/r/askMRP26/08/17 01:51 PM
1

I hear what you are all saying. No short cuts. In all the senses of the word, be the man. MRP=TRP on hard mode.
/r/askMRP26/08/17 01:21 PM
1

Again thanks, and I also needed the last part of your post. Have been sailing really close to the rocky shores for quite a while...
/r/askMRP25/08/17 11:38 AM
1

Thanks
/r/askMRP25/08/17 10:42 AM
1

Thanks man. I absolutely need this advice. I'm struggeling with keeping my own mood light and fun. Which both makes me not feel as good as I want to (obviously) but also makes me unattractive. At the moment this is my big catch 22
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/17 08:40 AM
1

OMS 4 First month of structured OYS-posting done. Somewhat bumpy road and therefore I have made some changes. First a reflection. No big things, but I am where I am. A while ago I noticed a habit to constantly moving to the side and letting my wife walk straight ahead whenever our roads crossed. In stressed situations I could even jumped to the side like a scared rabbit to avoid standing in the way. This has to stop, but deciding mentally and doing in practice are two different things. But on Fr…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/17 08:45 AM
1

True and that is why I will make changes in my next OYS... For me the anger phase has been turning in to some kind of sadness. I see so many things that I want to change but my earlier conditioning makes it hard to actually implement the things I now understand is right but are counter intuitive to my earlier beliefs. And further more the changes I have been making has made my relation worse and I suspect the family will blow up if I'm not mindful of the changes I apply. This leaves me in a posi…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/17 06:00 AM
1

OYS 3 Ok... My short term problem is that I don't feel very well. Fuck why, but I have finally got around to book an appointment to see if I am dragging on a depression. Tried a lot of stuff to get out of my bad mood let's face it I might need professional help. Aside from this I have run across a couple of incidents that's been interesting. Got in to a talk with a group of mostly women from work on our kick-of. I didn't talk to much but listened more. And specially noticed one women saying "the…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/17 09:47 PM
1

This is almost spooky. I made that list two days ago and I really have some stuff that needs to be killed. As you probably already has figured out I have invested so much time and effort in getting the family to work that I have neglected friends. Over time this has to change. Slow and steady.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/17 05:33 AM
1

No problem, you are right . English is not my first language and I kind of wish it would be my second. When writing it feels more like fourth or fifth :) I started out from a shitty situation. From what I know now I can honestly say I've pretty much made all the wrong things one can imagine. To top everything of I found RP while wife was pregnant and started applying random stuff which made a bad situation worse. Later I found MRP and much later I read SLSM and found that it's not a good idea to…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/17 10:19 PM
1

OYS 2 The past week has been a mixture of accomplishments and failures. I'm not doing any major changes but keeps on working on the areas I put down last week. Mission Me: be a person i like to be with Family: be the oak Get shit you are postponing done -FK No -VC Yes -Fiber and vagsamf No -birthday party Yes New Arrang family calendar Discipline Up: 5:30 Lift, meditate read 0700 Family prep time 8:00 Mail time Work No, problems sleeping plus baby awake at night. I usually get up around 6:30 22:…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/17 08:02 AM
1

My first OYSW post Have been reading and lifting since November. Been lurking since march and done some probing posts at ask MRP. Even though not 100% accurate I have been a career beta in a scenario two relationship. Found RP while wife was pregnant with our third child. I have bigger and smaller issues to work through. One of the bigger is procrastinating and the most effective way for me is to not get stuff completely done and then just start something new. This has to stop and my first "offi…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/17 06:58 AM
1

For me it is a fundamental difference between taking responsibility for finding my own purpose and in that process asking for advice as opposed to just outsource the whole issue and than take what other have suggested. I guess you could do it either way, but I'm doing the former and in doing so I'm learning both from reading your and others comments AND from the process of writing down my own thoughts. Perhaps I did not point out this distinction clear enough as some others have commented along …
/r/askMRP20/07/17 05:15 AM
1

Thanks for the input man. The wonderful thing about this is that when I sat down to write my post I had only identified the problem. My life has revolved around making enough money and a lot of other thing have just been floating around. I had not given the why am I like this so much thought. And I had not reflected enough over how I would like it to be. When I read the post right before hitting send I thought this isn't good enough. I wanted advice and maybe some examples but I certainly did no…
/r/askMRP19/07/17 07:24 AM
1

I just finished The way of the superior man. Right of the bat I can not tell you which chapter but Deida describes that a woman lacking direction from a man and/or a shared vision on where the relationship is going will grow tense and tired. For me it was a struggle to get passed the first few chapters (I have not been so much in to that kind of philosophy and spirituality that the book apparently is based on) But it is really worth reading. The part of how women will grow tired and stop radiate…
/r/askMRP18/07/17 06:20 AM
1

Thanks, even though my post might sound like I'm hunting for something short and easy, that's not the case. It took me half a lifetime to get where I am and 12 years in a relationship with really shity dynamics... off course it will take time to start over. Some parts of me obviously wish it wouldn't, but I'm a realist and not afraid to put in the work and see where it leads
/r/askMRP16/07/17 10:45 PM
1

Very true. I will get and read the book.
/r/askMRP16/07/17 07:24 PM
1

To me this is golden. For 98% of my life I have believed that being nice would bring me joy and fullfillment. When that didn't work I did more of the same. When I eventually found TRP a whole new world opened. But at the same time much of what is familiar to me got ripped away. This means I'm asking for directions. I don't want you to give me my purpose in life. I'm still learning a lot of new stuff and this makes me humble and somewhat insecure but I'm not a brainless jellyfish. All your exampl…
/r/askMRP16/07/17 07:21 PM
1

Thanks, this is something I can use. From an OYS perspective I've been evaluating to put in my map to everyday at 10pm look at the day tomorrow and prepare whatever needs to be handled and every Sunday go through the upcoming week. I can pretty easy steer away from passive shit to more activity this way and as a bonus be better prepared and own my shit :) It does not really fix my core, but as of now I'm happy to move in the right direction and with time I'll dive in do the more advanced issues.
/r/askMRP16/07/17 03:56 PM
1

What I'm hoping for is absolutely not completion. The point of my question was that I recognized that I'm not in a position to really dig in to all of it right now at the same time I see a need to start working one step at a time therefore I'm reaching out to hear if someone has any useful insights to share.
/r/askMRP16/07/17 09:24 AM
1

Man, I loved your post. So much there could have been written by me and the feeling of not being alone is comforting. Even though I would like to comment it all I'll focus on two things. First the time and expectation. I've also read the posts on people that makes big changes in relatively short time. I'm happy for them but for me it has not been like that. If anything it has gotten worse. Sad and frustrating, yes but logical. With what I know now it makes perfect sense. I'm fairly successful in…
/r/askMRP21/06/17 02:33 PM
1

It's quite a long story but the very, very short version is that I'm slowly applying my MAP and while I read about a shit-test bundled with a comfort test It struck me that I had focused almost exclusively on passing shit-tests, that the vast majority of posts seems to be on shit-tests and that my capability to pass comfort tests has not been very high to put it mildly. It got me thinking and for several reasons, one being I found MRP and started my MAP during wife's pregnancy, I concluded that …
/r/askMRP18/06/17 09:53 AM
1

Thanks. This was really helpful. Precisely what I'm looking for. No more no less.
/r/askMRP16/06/17 07:48 PM
1

Thanks, it was as simple as that to answer my question
/r/askMRP16/06/17 07:41 PM
0

Well I actually wrote a long post to set things in context. When I read it it became even longer without me being able to phrase the question in a way that covered all my thoughts anyway. I came to think about a saying in my mother tongue that goes something like: "if you can't say it straight and easy you are not done thinking" Maybe I would be able to get my thinking going if there were some good posts on the topic I could read. Then decided to make the post really short and plain, just asking…
/r/askMRP16/06/17 07:37 PM
1

Thanks, I appreciate your encouraging words. I hope you are right. But realistically I need to prepare for the long haul. I have a lot of conditioning to work through and a lot of skills to learn and practice. And a lot to unlearn. I really had no clue about what made women tick and turned into a total omega-man in response to dead bedroom and growing disinterest and eventually resentment from her. Even a blu-pill man should be able to see that this is a really stupid response... but that is wha…
/r/askMRP13/06/17 12:41 PM
4

Thanks for this post. As you I have also been thinking of how this different plans correlate. To get it up in a table really helped visualize everything. I have no idea how this applies to your situation, but for me I've been forced to spend a lot of time in the early stages. When discovering TRP I realized how much I had gotten backwards in life. Making me unattractive to both myself and my wife. After initially applying some dread TRP moves, that off course backfired I found MRP and realized I…
/r/askMRP11/06/17 07:28 AM
2

I agree to all of it.
/r/askMRP09/06/17 04:26 AM
1

Now that's a take on it i have not thought of... The nice guy way of thinking lingers even when one actually knows better :) Thanks
/r/askMRP09/06/17 04:22 AM
1

Yes I'm reading and lifting. And now also rereading my early readings. Hobbies are more complicated. I have a demanding job, with a lot of travel and also commuting. Add to this two children under two so there are some limitations on what possible to manage at this point. And this is also why I don't feel the urge to push ahead to fast. I know I have areas in my life that need more attention than I currently can give. Even though I know I still have issues to work with I really feel I'm doing pr…
/r/askMRP09/06/17 04:12 AM
1

Off course it will be nice when she (or someone else) treats me with respect. But that's missing the point. Yes I know I'm living in her frame, avoiding conflict and that not standing up for myself is affecting my mood. The reason why I posted this was to handle the "transition period" in the best possible way. I have started my internal journey and are getting on pretty well. At the same time to reprogram a lifetime of nice guy thinking and practice is not done over night but I've gotten so far…
/r/askMRP09/06/17 03:43 AM
2

Thanks. This is the type of hands on advice I'm looking for.
/r/askMRP09/06/17 03:14 AM
1

True. And it's not so much about me getting upset over her behavior. I understand why she is doing it. What I'm looking for is how in practice to deal with it.
/r/askMRP09/06/17 03:09 AM
1

Thanks, I'll get reading. Unfortunately I agree that she sees me as her fourth child. What I'm trying to find is a way to not reinforce this view without saying no because I know I need more time to work on myself to pull that of in a good way. And if I say some kind of "I do it when it's appropriate /given what I'm doing right now/" I fall in the pit of inaction.
/r/askMRP08/06/17 10:04 PM
1

And yes I can see me leaving. I deserve better than I get treated right now. But right now I view it this way: I know my woman is wonderful when she wants to and I feel that I really have found the tools to be the man I want to be and she desires. So I'm going all in.
/r/askMRP29/05/17 07:59 PM
1

She will not have a problem with who I'm becoming when I get it right. I know where I want to go and who I want to be. I still have a long way to go and a lot of habits to unlearn and new to implement but at the moment I feel that my biggest challenge is manage my anger and frustration and this is where insults really don't help. Thus my wish to find ways to curb her behavior. Personally I have no problem with FIL, he is a good man and off course he had his reasons to leave. What I tried to desc…
/r/askMRP29/05/17 07:33 PM
1

Yepp, that's why I entered this journey and I'll get there, but a whole life of programming won't be undone in a blink. I've read about soft reset and hard reset. You advocate the latter. This is how I feel inside... but life has also thought me acting on feeling is not always the best way to go about things...
/r/askMRP29/05/17 05:25 PM
1

Lots of good stuff. Thanks
/r/askMRP29/05/17 03:55 PM
1

This might very well be a different thread, but how I should relate to my FIL is an interesting area (however it might also be a dead end while it risks taking focus from wanting to improve myself for myself and nobody else) Anyway it is an interesting topic and I'll explain why. FIL and wife were very close until (long story short) he divorced MIL after cheating on here. In this process he did not only hurt MIL but also his child, my wife. Because he and did things that were really unnecessary.…
/r/askMRP29/05/17 03:53 PM
1

Thanks, god input. I will reread NMMNG and WISNIFG because I know there are stuff I did not understand the depth of in the beginning. But the covert contract really hit home the first time I read it and it is actually one of the things I feel I really have managed to nail down. Covert contracts was a source of big frustration when I got in to this. Now I do stuff because I want it a certain way. If my wife likes it that's fine but I do not expect anything in return. My own satisfaction is all th…
/r/askMRP29/05/17 03:06 PM
2

Thanks, drunk captain is sobering up :)
/r/askMRP29/05/17 04:55 AM
0

I will absolutely read the post. When I first sat down to write my post I did not really know where to start but from this conversation it feels as if I actually hit an important issue for myself. I absolutely take her advice, she is knowledgeable in a hole lot of areas. The problem arises when some issue is blown out of proportion, but maybe that's only women nature.
/r/askMRP28/05/17 10:52 PM
1

You hit the point several times. Yes she interpret the fact that we are not married as lack of leadership. And it fits perfect in her opinion of me as wishy-washy. And again I'm not saying she is wrong. My interpretation today is that I'm brought up to be a "nice guy". I broke free from this in my professional life but when it comes to relation with women in general and my "wife" (that's the correct definition) in particular I have let myself be grossly misguided. I also believe you are absolute…
/r/askMRP28/05/17 10:43 PM
2

Just to prove that I have a long way to go.... My initial reaction to the post was that it was a fun joke. But it is actually a response that might work.
/r/askMRP28/05/17 04:40 PM
1

Thanks, I do feel better about myself but there is a lot of frustration built up over time. And I was not happy with the relation when I found TRP so even though I understand this will take time it's a challenge...
/r/askMRP28/05/17 04:02 PM
1

Thanks, solid advice
/r/askMRP28/05/17 08:46 AM
2

Well, even though I know I have to Own my shit better and not be so but hurt it bugs me and I need other men's assessment. So some examples: The fact that I have started to change, lift weights, eat better, say no sometimes and be more assertive she's interpreting as a 40year crisis and she happily shares this opinion in a down grading manner to friends and family. Another example I recently lost a pair of keys. Long story but it's unimportant so I just say no one was affected and the keys are n…
/r/askMRP28/05/17 08:43 AM
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