notjuandeag Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	Holy smokes Hahaha we got some three doors down, a little Breaking Benjamin, touch of nickelback… hell yeah broth… er	/r/Divorce_Men	30/05/26 05:32 PM
1	So are all divorced men narcissists? Oh I got my ex’s personal therapists notes during our divorce. She got arrested twice for class a misdemeanor’s for family violence and would go back and report that I’d fabricated everything to get her arrested… both times were recorded and she was arrested because my face was bleeding. In couples therapy she literally walked out mid session when the therapist told her she wasn’t allowed to tell me how I felt after she tried to correct me and say I didn’t feel hurt by something she’d just said.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/26 07:10 PM
7	So are all divorced men narcissists? Narcissists do go to therapy but it’s usually to further their own agenda by triangulating their partner: “my therapist says you’re causing this and you’re doing this wrong”. They also go to therapy for the validation: “my therapist said I handled this extremely skewed version of events exactly correct, and they even gave me a battered women’s shelter info based on what I claimed about you.”	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/26 10:03 AM
9	So are all divorced men narcissists? This is actually a very common habit for people with a cluster b personality disorder too. My ex has received multiple cluster b diagnoses (bpd w/ narcissistic tendencies) and projecting her own issues is extremely common for her. I used to get tested for npd because she’d accuse me of being a narc so often that I started to wonder if maybe she was right.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/02/26 10:00 AM
5	Venting about your ex - has it helped? I vented mostly through reddit and in a way with the lawyers. My ex has diagnosed (and denied/untreated) cluster b pd’s and I don’t think I would have been as ok as I am now if I hadn’t done therapy as well. My ex is still extremely toxic and it’s essentially impossible for me to fully escape her but it’s a lot easier to ignore her and not care about her attempts to create conflicts anymore.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/08/25 10:06 AM
4	EMBARRASSING FOR A MAN Just so you’re aware I’ve dealt with this pretty extensively. If there’s no physical damage it’s a class c misdemeanor in many states. Most likely the state you live in will have laws that determine rather to press charges or not regardless of your stated desires because it’s a domestic violence situation. My ex wife attacked me three times while I was holding our infant and I recorded the second 2 where she drew blood. The state charged her with a class a misdemeanor both times regardless of my…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/25 08:24 AM
3	What’s the weirdest thing your ex wife’s boyfriend tried to do to you? Yeah, this. I got primary custody and don’t give a fuck who mom is with so long as it’s not ever me again.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/25 08:14 AM
7	So how many of you believe your ex wife is/was having a midlife crisis? My stbxw’s entire life has just been crisis after crisis. I wish I was kidding, but looking back even in the times she’s claimed were good there was always some littler crisis I had to deal with.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/24 08:50 AM
1	Texas - 50/50 custody, visitation? Texas is generally 50/50 in most cases.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/24 04:27 AM
9	How many of you are still friends w your ex wife? I’m not in the same demographic as you with our divorce. It took a divorce for me to realize it’s been years since she was actually my friend. I was blinded by love and remained a loyal and good friend to her for 3.5 years after she stopped reciprocating friendship while still going through motions to do couple things. We can’t be friends because she would simply be using me and continue to take for granted the efforts I go through to help her with things.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/24 09:45 PM
1	Divorced, financially secure, considering having a child: Thoughts? I already have one and my stbxw isn’t really involved in our child’s life. I’d consider it but I’m not sure if I would want a half siblings home yet. I’m also not really ready to think about dating anyone else yet.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/10/24 09:34 AM
10	What do you do when you see their ghost? Not a fool, you miss the parts of them that made you marry them originally. Regret is normal.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/09/24 11:03 PM
2	She changed her last name to something made up. Thank you. I hope yours can sober up. For mine accepting and treating her bpd is more important. She’ll get sober fairly easily if she can treat that. After we met she got clean from most of the hard stuff and mainly took pills she didn’t really need, and was getting (mostly legally) to treat self diagnosed things to avoid her bpd diagnosis. Most of the reasons she had for taking pills are to deal with the issues created by her mh issues. I hope she will, but I’m not expecting her to actually be…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/09/24 07:53 AM
4	She changed her last name to something made up. I’d be ok with that. My stbxw is blatantly refusing to change her last name. She has diagnosed, untreated, bpd/bipolar and cheated and moved out with some random guy she just met. Suddenly believes she was physically and emotionally abused (despite ample evidence it was her abusing me and everyone else in her life), and hasn’t called or tried to visit her child or offered much financial support in nearly 6 months. I’m setting conditions requiring her to be clean and sober and in mental health tr…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/09/24 07:40 AM
2	Wife doesn’t know what she wants My stbxw has almost exclusively friends like this. Mostly just dudes who want to sleep with her too. She’s diagnosed bpd so it was impossible to tell her how obvious it was.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/09/24 04:27 AM
2	Hard to leave BPD wife…thoughts? My stbxw has been neglectful and abusive enough to our child that I’d be surprised if she actually exercised any custody rights. She just wants them to perpetuate her story of being a victim to her new supply. She sent us to visit my parents for the summer and hasn’t bothered to even call her daughter, claiming a sudden fear of me, in the past few months. She will absolutely despise court, and I’m not sure how she will handle it when all her own behavior is put on display and her own words and a…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/09/24 06:09 AM
2	Hard to leave BPD wife…thoughts? I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that. I fortunately made the choice to get police involved each time and recorded her in multiple incidents. It’s hard because at some point you realize they will feel incredible shame and because you feel sorry for them. In my case I still love her and will for the remainder of my days. But I can’t change her, I can’t manage her moods and regulate her emotions for her. My child needs me more. And so I unfortunately have to make that choice to protect our child f…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/09/24 05:19 AM
2	Hard to leave BPD wife…thoughts? Have you tried r/bpdlovedones ? I understand. My stbxw is in denial about multiple bpd diagnoses. She’s been arrested for domestic violence and now claims I abused her and she’s afraid of me, but all I ever did was restrain her when she was self harming or block her blows to me while I was holding our toddler. It’s incredibly painful to deal with. It’s very hard to leave. But if they won’t get treatment it’s never going to be anything but a codependent toxic relationship. And you deserve a healt…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/09/24 04:47 AM
1	Hard to leave BPD wife…thoughts? It’s not untreatable, but the typical treatments are most effective when the patient is committed to the therapy, typically when they remain out of romantic relationships and it can take on average 8-16 years of that commitment to getting help.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/09/24 01:58 AM
2	She's banging someone else If she actually has a pd then don’t go to jail over your stated fear there - I’d recommend having tangible evidence before believing her. The number of times my stbxw told me about verbal/physical abuse she received at the hands of an ex are pretty high. Only to realize that she’s telling all her new friends the same about me… the problem is that I have most of the incidents I was supposedly abusing her on video, and for some reason it’s her with multiple dv charges/cps judgements and not me. Wi…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/08/24 11:49 PM
2	What to ask in a discovery request? Outside custody I can’t see a lot of reasons in which an affair would really be all that relevant in a no fault divorce. The only reasons I think the affairs my partner has had are remotely relevant are because our child is young and mom has bpd. Her affairs are a symptom of the multiple diagnoses for bpd she’s had and denies (risky sex, fear of abandonment, difficulty with interpersonal relationships), and because the way they happen demonstrate a pattern of instability (she feels rejected, imm…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/08/24 11:40 PM
14	She's banging someone else I’m sure this is generally true, but my wife has bpd, and is going to destroy both herself and the new guy she’s with. His world will be great for a bit and then she’s going to just be fucking brutal to him because of how mad she is at herself for all the things she has done to me and our kid. And then she’s going to try to come back and I don’t want revenge or to hurt her and when I have to tell her no she’s going to absolutely lose it. Time is a flat circle.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/08/24 08:28 AM
2	BPD - the flip is real Mine did that last year and this year we just went to stay with family and I’ve refused to even see her. It’s pretty wild how hostile it has made her towards me.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/24 05:19 PM
1	Do you ever regret not fighting for more custody of your children? I’m agreeing with your original point and using my own example. It’s not about what I want, it’s about what’s in the best interest of my child. My soon to be ex is a very capable mother when she’s regulated and sober but she’s abusive and neglectful when not. Based on that it’s not about my dreams of us having 50/50 it’s safest to require my wife to be sober and in therapy in order to have supervised visits.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/24 09:33 PM
2	Do you ever regret not fighting for more custody of your children? I don’t get a choice because of this. It is not in my child’s best interest for my wife to have anything but supervised custody and even then it needs to be conditional on sobriety and mental health treatment.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/24 09:00 PM
8	What was your final straw? I just bought a bunch of straws today so I’m not sure yet which is going to be the final. I’ll have to pick one and try to save it I guess. I didn’t choose divorce and still wouldn’t. I know I can’t let her come back until she fixes her mental health.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/24 03:17 AM
6	Andrew Tate motivation I’m not sure he’s the sort of person I’d listen to on anything.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/24 04:29 AM
14	What are some if the red flags in the beginning of the relationship that you missed? Telling me her mom had bpd and she’d been diagnosed before. In my defense I had no clue what bpd was.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/24 12:34 AM
8	Are you doing better than your ex? My soon to be ex has bpd and won’t accept or treat that diagnosis. I’m still grieving and processing our relationship concluding and prepping for the divorce but her life is and will continue to be a series of dumpster fires until she either finally commits suicide (she’s attempted several times throughout her life) or else (and I want it to be this) she gets treatment. Right now she says she’s happier than she’s ever been in her life, but in the near future all the guilt and shame will catch up…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/24 07:22 PM
4	I keep attracting women with mental health issues BPD is a special case of difficult. My ex has had 5 diagnoses for bpd/bipolar and denies them and says she has anxiety, depression and cptsd.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/07/24 03:04 AM