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notthatkindofdoctorb Archive

View 2 posts and 222 comments by notthatkindofdoctorb on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

It’s nice to see standards have changed towards “yes” vs “didn’t say no” but at the same time, it seems we’re backsliding with men getting all of their information from internet misogynists who don’t speak to women. You paid so you get sex? Even people that feel that way usually understand that it’s wrong and you don’t say it out loud.
/r/MensRights13/12/25 12:51 PM
121

I’m so excited to see you guys back here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/25 09:51 PM
19

We need a public health campaign on par with the ones for smoking that make it clear, with no exceptions, that violence is not a normal part of sex and no one should engage in it or accept it. I sometimes read the entries on the Tinder sub and there are so many young women who brag about wanting to be strangled or choked by dicks and it breaks my heart. Both boys and girls have been groomed for this and it’s going to mess up their ability to love and respect a partner and get girls and women hur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 05:47 PM
27

This guy is not a fast learner if it took more than 300 rejections to even consider he was doing it wrong. I feel bad for all the women he and his nasty friends bother with their “cold approaches.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 09:06 PM
10

I agree. I hate all the false equivalency nonsense about how he might have been drunk too. He was the aggressor. He clearly committed a crime and being drunk doesn’t change that. If you punch someone when you’re drunk, it’s still a crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 02:16 PM
2

Based on how he describes himself, I’m 100 percent sure that the other women in the group don’t think anything other than just being relieved he didn’t target them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 09:34 PM
7

I think this is the article I read https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/16/business/bill-melinda-gates-divorce-epstein.html
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 12:44 PM
290

Unfortunately Melinda Gates left her husband due to him hitting on women at the office and having a close relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. So disappointing but I admire her so much. Both she and Bezos’ ex are doing better things with that money than their husbands ever would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:29 PM
168

There were also several comments trying to argue that since she didn’t specify how he was touching her, maybe he was just holding her hair or trying to comfort her. They will contort themselves however they need to to leap to the defense of literally any man no matter how clear cut the behavior is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 04:20 PM
51

Yeah these are the kind of guys who think it counts as consent if a woman agrees to sex under threat of some sort of harm. Like “hey, she had the option of just letting me release her nudes but instead she CHOSE to have sex with me, so it’s not rape!!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 04:17 PM
15

Oh god you’re right. She must have spent a significant amount of time in very awkward positions. Poor woman. I doubt he could put a dent in those medical bills (not that he’ll offer.) I had good insurance and it was still very expensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 07:33 PM
21

I had MRSA in my knee and needed multiple surgeries and home nurse care for wound management. I ultimately needed reconstructive surgery to keep the wound closed. I cannot imagine the hell this woman went through having it on her labia (obviously the sepsis is worse but I’m guessing she has some serious scarring too.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 07:20 PM
58

Yeah, I had “don’t know” in my profile in my 40s because I genuinely didn’t know if I could make room for a man in my life but I only swiped on men looking for relationships because I assumed if they put anything else, they were just out for sex. And almost all of those “relationship” guys still treated it like a free escort service. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 05:45 PM
52

I have seen that from men in their 50s. I was tempted to match just to ask how the hell they saw that working out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 05:41 PM
53

Agreed! And that should include a very clear message about strangulation and other abusive practices that are becoming normalized during sex. Young girls and women (and boys and men) are so brainwashed by porn that they don’t even see it as violence and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 03:57 PM
6

I don’t disagree. That whole mess was full of scumbags. I ended up buying the book that the victim, Chanel Miller, wrote after reading her victim impact statement. She is a bad ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:08 PM
12

Totally agree but just FYI it was Brock Turner’s father that said that. No surprise he raised a rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 05:44 PM
76

Yup. It’s important to use the correct language. Strangling someone during sex is serial killer shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:51 PM
33

Thanks for sharing this. I find this question annoying because no matter how happy you are in your single hood, you inevitably get the looks of pity and I feel like even the most sincere pivot to some important accomplishment in your life is viewed as an effort to cope (as if all my personal and professional accomplishments are just placeholders for the real prize: a man.) Same with questions about children. I’m childfree by choice and very secure in that decision but there are always people tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 07:02 AM
22

My grandfather did that too. My grandmother had emphysema and at the same time started symptoms of dementia. He took care of her to the end and died about a year after she did after more than 70 years together. I know my dad will do that for my mom if it comes to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 03:20 PM
9

Thank you for sharing this perspective. I’ve never been married but am dating a divorced guy right now and even though he has never given me any reason to feel this way, I can’t help feeling like our relationship could never be as meaningful to him as the one he spent 20 years in. It’s good to hear you describe your relationships as each being unique and meaningful. I wish you the very best in your current relationship. You sound like such a strong person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 02:24 AM
60

It’s such a shame. With every technological innovation they find some way to use it for abusing women and children sexually. I’m sure in some cases the innovations were even driven by the desire to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 08:25 PM
17

Or the absolutely insane argument that if teenagers want to speak up on political issues, perverts should be able to have sex with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 11:12 PM
14

I also appreciate the (relatively recent) efforts to use the term “child sexual abuse images” instead of child porn. Of course most porn should be accurately referred to as sexual abuse images. But it’s a start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 11:11 PM
18

I fully agree with this but I have seen advice on this sub encouraging people to judge a man based on his relationship with his family and it concerns me for this reason. While it makes sense to observe how a man interacts with his family, it’s important to judge those interactions (or lack thereof) based on his relationship with his family and the reasons for it. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive and I have gotten to a place where I have a decent but not close relationship with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 11:16 PM
10

Oh of course not. She seemed hellbent on making it work and put up with so much. They did end up getting married but it didn’t last long so maybe she wised up or maybe he left her. Either way she seems to have found someone decent that she has been married for a long time and has children with so who cares how it ended with the ex. It opened the door for her to find a better life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 10:42 PM
34

A guy I used to work with used to do this so I started calling him Sugar Tits. To his (slight) credit, he got the message.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 10:38 PM
61

A friend of mine’s boyfriend flaked on her for an important day when they had plans. It wasn’t the first time he had been inconsiderate like that, but she forgave him because, according to her, “he genuinely forgot so I guess it’s really not his fault.” That’s a hell of a loophole for treating your partner like they don’t matter. I was shocked at reasoning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 07:14 PM
18

I just read this yesterday. His description of what happened is so sketchy. She “fell asleep on the couch and he carried her to bed” and went to sleep, yet when her family went to the apartment (where the police hadn’t bothered to collect evidence), they found bloody sheets and a used condom. He drugged, raped, and killed that poor girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 01:08 PM
167

I love that comedian. I first learned about him on this sub because someone posted a link to this song. Which just perfectly describes all the people I have run into who claim to be poly/ENM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 05:13 PM
117

I just wanted to take the opportunity to introduce the term “road head” to the conversation. And yes, I always assumed it was mostly just a joke as even teenagers know it’s a terrible idea to do shit like that in a moving car. And I don’t even want to get started on this idea that anal should be an expected part of a couple’s sex life. Men wouldn’t tolerate being expected to take pain as part of sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 09:49 PM
79

I needed this post. I went through a very difficult time due to some pretty severe mental health issues and there are parts of that experience that bring me a lot of shame. I’m now dating a wonderful man that I love but sometimes I get stuck thinking that if he knew the “real” me, he would leave. As if the real me is captured in those moments of shame and not the entire life I have lived outside of those moments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 03:19 AM
116

Yup. My mom used to comment that my brother never got in trouble, unlike my sister and me. I repeatedly pointed out to her that that was because he had no rules, but it never really got through I don’t think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 08:37 PM
3

I like the roses and stuff but I totally agree that the real romance is found in those other connections. Anyone can do the roses and dinners and stuff without the emotional connection, and getting sucked in by those easier, more superficial displays is how we get attached to men who don’t really love us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 06:18 PM
6

A friend told me to “be nice” when I started doing OLD. I briefly made an effort to be a little less abrasive or dismissive with men but that just resulted in a lot of wasted time meeting people basically just to be polite because we had been chatting. Which of course resulted in dates I ended up walking out on because of their behavior. I was back to my old ways pretty quickly and haven’t looked back. And thanks to listening to my instincts, I’m in a relationship with someone who I love and who…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 06:08 PM
46

I agree completely. Men seem to have great difficulty combining respect and sexual desire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 10:04 PM
61

Well they should get dick implants then. There’s no excuse to not make every effort to be sexually appealing. (/s)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 08:29 PM
39

The giraffe-hippo imagery is truly epic. I love all of this. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:44 PM
112

This is exactly right. It’s why I have no patience for their whining about how women looking at pics of hot dudes is exactly the same as men doing it to women (insert any number of common false equivalents). I might pause at something I see on the Ladyboners sub but I doubt you’ll find many women drooling over feeds full of half-naked men and blowing their money on buying nudes or chatting with them on cams or whatever weird shit men are up to these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:42 PM
102

It’s not just that it’s erect. As we all know, youthful dicks in their natural state aren’t supposed to sag and droop. They should stand up firm and perky even when flaccid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:36 PM
40

I’d read this erotica. Perfection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:34 PM
13

The give away for me was saying he “could get it down to zero.” That implies that it’s going to take some work and is a significant change. To me that’s not really consistent with it being something he does a couple of times a month or that isn’t important to him. He shouldn’t have to wean himself if he’s not a heavy user.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 05:32 AM
19

I really think this is the corollary of “if he wanted to, he would” which was extremely helpful to me while dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:05 AM
43

That’s the worst part in my opinion. That’s just not something you say to someone in a monogamous relationship unless you have good reason to believe they’ll be into it. I’ve always been a little intrigued by the idea of a threesome with two men (although I’m well aware that the reality would likely be disappointing at best.) But even if I did want to try it, I’m also aware that my current boyfriend is not into that and would be deeply hurt if I even brought it up. I can’t imagine valuing the id…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:53 AM
21

I hope your mother is able to get past this soon. It’s definitely a thing I struggled with on occasion. I should clarify that I’m actually in a relationship, although like your mom I did worry sometimes that that part of my life was in the past. So now I generally only deal with very welcome male attention from him, but without the kind of unwanted attention that was a constant intrusion when I was younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:24 PM
118

It wasn’t until I got older and less attractive that I really realized how worthless male attention is. My life was improved immensely by the fact that I can now just exist in public going about my business without being bothered by men I’d have no interest in anyways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 08:53 PM
59

My introduction to the “dad bod” after years of not dating due to insecurity over my own weight gain was rather shocking. You can’t always tell through the clothes how many perfectly healthy men have literally no muscle tone and a big paunch. One of these dudes tried to bring up the low carb lifestyle to me so I brought up weightlifting to him, which is something I do a lot of, and told him it’s not just fat but lack of muscle tone that was his problem. On the other hand, it did wonders for my c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:37 PM
28

This is such an important point. I know many women who were surprised by the changes, many of which were permanent, and wished they’d been more prepared. I know the changes vary a lot so it’s easy for media to cherry pick examples of people who experienced minimal changes (and of course these days, it’s even easier to just edit photos.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 07:28 PM
49

This was literally the source of my ED. It wasn’t about being attractive. I wasn’t overweight to begin with and was well aware during my ED that I looked very sick. But my brain just kept screaming that at least, if someone wanted to criticize or disagree with me, at least there’s no possible way they could call me fat. Because at home and all over the media, the go-to way to put a woman in her place is to insult her appearance. And I was so steeped in this culture that I really believed that th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 09:42 PM
48

This simple phrase made such a difference during my relatively brief adventures in online dating. So simple and so true. It helped me hold out for the guy that definitely wants to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 03:38 PM
19

Sadly she may also believe (and he has probably told her) that no other man will want her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:38 PM
3

Then they get mad if we bring up analogous situations with our pets. Like I get that it's different. That's why i have a pet and no kids. But I'm trying to relate and it's the closest approximation i have to that relationship. Nieces and nephews for me are nowhere close to the kind of ferocious, would-walk- through-fire-for-them love i have for my pets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:16 PM
43

What a beautiful cat too! How could you not love that little sweetie??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:03 PM
3

Omg that's horrifying. I hope the kitty was ok. I wish she had reported him though because he'll do it again. Also,n wtf is wrong with his friends??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 04:26 AM
4

I think that's spot on. One thing that's fascinating about that show is the number of people who get engaged and/or move in together when one of them (usually the man) hates the cat(s). I won't consider dating anyone that doesn't like dogs. My bf loves my dog like she was his own and she loves him right back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 04:12 PM
41

I was watching a show on Animal Planet the other day (My Cat from Hell) and there was a couple on there that lived together but described themselves as having been "dating for 14 years." Like wtf does that mean? Dating is the getting to know each other and determining compatibility phase. 14 years?? Sorry for the tangent, it just blew my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 06:14 PM
91

Typical man logic: she who mentions the problem is the one who created it. His porn addiction and soft dick were not a problem until she brought it up! It's so unfair!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 10:35 PM
40

Why does he know when "so many" single women are going to bed? I assume his sample size is the number of women he is bothering by text and that several of them have said they are going to bed early just to get rid of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 08:45 PM
88

I agree so much with both of you. Add to that being mocked for wanting something as simple as a committed relationship. Even wanting that is trashed as desperate and wanting to "trap" a man. But when men want it it's normal or even sweet. It's just a scam to keep us from ever expressing our own needs, just responding to theirs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 12:07 AM
11

It made a huge difference for me. I spent years trying different antidepressants, thinking that was the problem, because no doctor ever told me that low libido/trouble getting off was a common side effect of hormonal bc. I found out when i went off bc for unrelated reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 11:55 AM
5

At first it was childless men but the guy I'm currently with has a grown son that he had fairly young. This may sound hypocritical given that I've never been married myself but I found men my age who hadn't been married hadn't usually been in that situation by choice. I've had a few LTRs with what were ultimately good guys but who I wasn't ready to alter my career path for (until recently my job required me to move every few years.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 10:34 AM
65

The comment i made to my sister was that if that's my league, I'm not playing anymore. OLD was actually good for me because it showed me that i did have options. ETA: love your comeback btw. I can imagine the sputtering outrage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 11:09 PM
108

I'm over 40 so I get the dudes in their 70s now. The audacity of someone older than my dad to think they're an appropriate partner for me! I was worried for awhile that that was what my dating pool looked like as a single woman over 40 who doesn't want to date men with kids young enough to be at home. Happy to report that's not the case. Like I want to start dating someone who will expect me to be a caregiver in a few years. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 10:05 PM
55

This resonates with me so much. Early on in my life I remember my "fantasies" (I use quotes because they didn't derive from any deep desire of my own) always entailed some amount of reluctance/coercion. It never made sense to me because that is not in any way something I'm into on real life. Then I realized that I was raised to be ashamed of sexual desire, to think it was something men had and that our job was to put limits on them (because they can't be expected to do it themselves.) So my poor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 03:11 PM
80

It is. I remember when I figured this out with my ex. I was getting mad at myself for "nagging" and thinking I needed to learn how to let stuff go but then I realized that he was putting me in that position with his behavior. It was an important step towards realizing that I didn't have to bang my head against the wall trying to fix things with him, I could just walk away. Walking away felt amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 07:40 PM
67

Seems like a very poor choice of photo in this context
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 09:26 PM
18

I agree 100 percent. I hate how the only way to get rid of some men is to tell them that another man has already staked his claim. My 4 month old puppy once chased away a drunk dude who was hitting on me while i waited for a friend. It was hilarious but also kind of sad that her no meant more than mine did. (She went on to have a long and glorious career of scaring off men and I enjoyed all of it.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 07:29 PM
19

The immediate touching was such a huge turn off for me with online dating. When I told one to stop he said "but I'm just trying to get to know you." Yeah, with your hands. I just started walking out on people. But on a high note, a guy at another table at a bar once intervened and chased one of these guys off after he heard me tell him to stop touching me. We ended up hanging out for a couple hours and had a great time and he made no moves. Even talked sweetly about his girlfriend. I guess it's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 07:17 PM
63

I was hoping he was working but given the rest of the story, he was probably just out and she was waiting patiently at home for him to make time for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 04:36 PM
2

So I have experienced one part of this, where he had a health issue that did sometimes cause problems. But he was very skilled and attentive towards me regardless. If I were you I'd focus on the foreplay thing first and see if he is responsive to some direction and can learn to please you. It shouldn't be that difficult if he's invested in getting you off and paying attention to your words and responses. There's stuff you can do about erection issues, like medication or rings that help keep the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 04:28 PM
37

Yeah, that sounds a lot like the pattern of men hitting their wives then bringing flowers. It's just conditioning women to accept abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 02:18 PM
54

I'm so sorry about that. I'm in my mid-forties and basically didn't date for a decade so I get where you're coming from. I also recognize that there's a tremendous amount of luck involved in meeting someone good. It's just really sad how scarce those guys seem to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 08:22 PM
59

When I worked as a cashier a middle aged guy threw a massive, screaming tantrum over a ten cent price change. Storming out and yelling about it being bait and switch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 08:16 PM
119

Please hang in there. I recently got back into the dating scene and it seemed pretty hopeless at first. But I stuck to my guns and I'm now with a guy who knows what he's doing in bed and has never, ever tried to do anything I'm not comfortable with. He has lots of other good qualities too, I just mention this because it's relevant to the post. And I second what OP said- all this obsession with anal and extreme kink was not a thing when I was younger. I can remember one guy asking about anal and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:53 PM
2

Yep, that's the one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:55 PM
17

Well if they don't stay current on support, it's possible they'd lose their job due to needing a security clearance, but unfortunately bro culture is strong and the people who are supposed to hold them accountable may sympathize with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 06:09 PM
34

The guys i was referring to did all marry these women so they are on the hook for support at least. I'm sure there are lots of incidents too of what you describe but people are less forthcoming about that sort of thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 06:07 PM
23

That's my experience too. Moving someone to a different country doesn't erase cultural baggage. It's also very hard to know whether they are sincere or not. Many see single foreign women as a ticket to a higher standard of living.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 06:05 PM
19

Some of the women remain in the US and some don't but I doubt the kids see their fathers much since it's a job where you move countries every two to four years. Having multiple exes plus your current wife would make it pretty hard to be an involved father. But they feel entitled to put their wants first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 06:01 PM
126

I work in that field too and can confirm how common this. It's relatively rare for my female colleagues to date or marry men from the countries where they work but men often marry women from these places and many have a string of exes and kids from different countries where they worked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:31 PM
89

I feel so bad for the moms of kids like this. I understand that sometimes they contribute but there are so many other influences, including shitty dads. What do you do if your kid is like this? I'd have a hard time not hating him. (I don't have or want kids so parenting is a bit of a mystery to me.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 07:24 PM
97

The fact that he thought he was being helpful by showing her video is appalling. He could have told her about it and offered to help her press charges. She should not have had to see it unless/until she wanted to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 07:20 PM
158

I cannot imagine seeing any man, even one I truly loathed, in a vulnerable state and being in any way tempted to sexually abuse him. I might draw a dick on his forehead but I would still help him get to safety. Let alone having multiple women join me, record it, and laugh about it. The fact that it's so common is a clear indicator that plenty of seemingly normal men that we interact with on a daily basis are capable of horrific acts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 07:18 PM
128

Wish i had seen this before I posted my other comment but yeah, it's so utterly dehumanizing that our physical bodies are expected to follow trends, like we're accessories. And I know that male action stars are much more muscular than they used to be but no one really thinks that your average man is judged against those standards, whereas women have long been compared to highly edited images of whatever women are currently the peak of beauty standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 07:11 PM
99

I agree. It's crazy to me that women's bodies can go in and out of "style." I'm in my 40s and can remember when, in mainstream, US white culture at least, it was frowned upon to have any fat other than big breasts of course. Not even fat but any size at all. I remember when a guy who was not American complimented my legs (we were dating, it wasn't in a creepy way) but it was absolutely devastating to me because he was admiring the muscles and I felt like taking up any space at all was unforgivab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 07:07 PM
6

Thank you for that breakdown. It's interesting to see. I don't know how you reach adulthood without understanding the importance of wiping. I feel like good hygiene and clean clothes are the bare minimum one should achieve for a date and don't really require much effort. It's not like men do hair, nails, makeup, etc. I would never in a million years allow anyone near my crotch if i had any reason to believe things were not clean. Not doctors, not waxers, and certainly not dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:02 PM
55

I'm in my mid-forties, have been with a fair number of men, and I have never encountered this. I have also never heard about it from friends my age. Is this a somewhat new problem? What the hell is going on with men? I'm so sorry to any women that are dealing with this. It's beyond disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 10:42 PM
69

Absolutely spot on. In no world are women more free to express emotion than men. Men have just somehow sold the lie that anger, jealousy, rage, etc aren't emotions. Unless women are expressing them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:55 PM
21

My dog used to bark at the guys in the funny hats doing construction because she was a dog, but of course she was leashed and at a safe distance. This wasn't good enough for one dude who followed us down the street with his camera (I guess to document how scared he was while following us?) I had to stop and explain to him that barking her head off is the exact response she's supposed to have towards a creep following me. I can't imagine carrying that kind of grudge around against an animal. Wait…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 09:38 PM
34

It looks like he was lurking outside her building so her choice was either to stay outside where he was or try to get home. At 2am she probably didn't have the option of going into a nearby business or something to get help. Watching this makes me glad a I have a big dog. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 09:32 PM
251

If he's dealing with ED when he's 27 and sexual compatibility is important to her, why does she see this as lasting for "the long haul." Just go. Men in their 20s should not have this problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:00 AM
62

This is so important. Growing up we were basically socialized to believe that it was literally cruel to stop in the middle of sex or not help him get off because "blue balls." Men have managed to create such a dangerous mythology around their "needs" when it comes to sex. As if women don't constantly deal with sexual experiences where they get aroused and are left hanging by a selfish partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:43 PM
90

The difference in how they spoke to her and how they made scro-team small talk with him was startling. It was glaringly obvious just from the bit I watched that he's putting on a show and being extremely manipulative. And it's working. Also, according to the cop and the witnesses, he did attempt to lock her out of HER car and drive away with it. In what world is that not a crime? And the cops of course assume he did it to "protect" himself from her. And suddenly he's the victim again and not the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 10:52 PM
51

But he'll teach you 35 different kinds of pleasure!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 12:40 PM
27

I'm so sorry that happened. Especially if you guys had had good sex up until then. It's so disappointing when a man you thought things were going well with reveals some new and not so nice side of himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:19 PM
84

Exactly! Sex is messy and can be awkward. Some of the most intimate moments are the ones that make you laugh. She dodged a bullet with this dude. It's like he had some fantasy in his head and she was just a prop and she didn't play her role just right so he had a tantrum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:12 PM
4

Yes. Ridicule is the answer for men like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 04:56 PM
38

He'll take that as an invitation to come over for sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 10:26 PM
61

We just accept a baseline level of extreme violence against women that would be unacceptable for any other group. We don't (anymore at least) deal with violence against minorities by telling them to stay home and out of white neighborhoods. I don't know how we fix this because all this "BDSM" bullshit has spread that violence more widely among the male population. For younger women here, "rough sex" and demands for anal have not always been the norm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 10:23 PM
3

This is much like me as well. I'm trying to figure out how to meet those needs without overhauling my whole life. I'll let you know if I figure it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 11:43 PM
13

I think it comes from learning early on that your main value is your physical appearance. And then noticing how quickly men are to demean and abuse even women they find beautiful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 09:08 PM
24

Seriously. Now they're out a bunch of money and still saddled with a useless man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 08:39 PM
89

That was my read as well. No parent should have put that much thought into their attraction (or supposed lack thereof) to their offspring. I guarantee this girls' friends know her dad is a creeper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:10 PM
67

Yup. When I was cornered by a dude screaming obscenities at me while i kept repeating "get away from us" (I had my dog with me. She's big so I wasn't scared but i didn't want her involved unless necessary.) This was during morning commute time near a train station. The only person who asked if I needed help was a woman and all she had to do was stand there with me for a few seconds with her phone out, and he left. Men just walked on by.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 10:01 AM
30

Those people are so confusing to me. My age range on OLD was 40s to early 50s and tons of those guys said "want someday." Like how? With whom? Why match with me? I think you're right that they just want to keep all options open as long as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 09:43 AM
46

And "breath play" used to be super taboo because it's so dangerous but I guess no one gives a fuck anymore. I'm old enough that i haven't actually had someone try this on me but if I ever do i won't hesitate to yell for the dog to come. What happens next is his problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 08:00 PM
51

Maybe he should just adopt her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 07:16 PM
2

They act like we're just born knowing how to do stuff. And yet women are the ones who get stereotyped as "playing dumb" to get men to do stuff for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:01 PM
4

Me too. I think bad female bosses stand out more in our heads maybe because we just have fewer female bosses in general, but I have had some very, very bad female bosses. One theory I've had is that there were not many women in my field in the 80s and 90s and I think men have a hard time telling aggression and abrasiveness from assertiveness in women (i'm in my 40s so my female bosses have been boomers mostly). But that led to some women moving up the ladder just because they were obnoxious as*h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 12:51 PM
2

Same. Mine was depression but i didn't date because I couldn't be a good partner. I almost never comment anywhere but here but I wrote about it on that post because there was like one person saying it was not ok and I wanted to show some support for them, as someone who has dealt with pretty serious mental health issues. And i agree with you about comfort zones. I think some people have gotten the idea that it's fine to just never do anything that makes them nervous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 12:27 PM
88

When a long ago bf was going to a bachelor party weekend, I told him I wasn't ok with strip clubs/strippers. But I didn't want him to get a chance to play the victim and whine to his friends that I wouldn't "let" him so I said that I'd made my position clear but he was free to do whatever he wanted and all I expected was honesty. But I also made clear that his choices would affect my opinion of him and he couldn't reasonably expect them not to. That is the entire point of dating. He was actually…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 11:09 AM
14

You make such a good point here. All the men I have dated have been decent men. I don't have any sordid tales of heartbreak or drama. While I do see now that there were signs of incompatibility that I could have recognized earlier, that's just part of living and learning. BUT. I'd have to have my head really far up my own ass to not recognize how very many men are not decent, and that it's getting worse. I also recognize the role that pure luck played in me not having worse experiences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:05 PM
26

I am glad you had your daughter and your health at the end of all that and one less hairy beach all. I hope you're both thriving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:58 PM
87

I loved that bit "she says i don't know what she's dealing with but duh, she's obviously wrong about that."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:54 PM
8

I feel the same way about men asking for the parents' "blessing." My sister thought it was sweet her husband did that. That's an immediate dealbreaker for me and no one that knows me would think I'd be ok with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 08:46 PM
139

I don't even really understand what it means to "date" someone for 18 years. As my sister so delicately put it once, "Shit or get off the pot."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 03:52 PM
46

I feel the same way. They don't do it for her, they want the attention and of course it's much harder to say no. Also, proposals should never be a complete surprise. Timing and occasion can be, but to me it's more of a formality. You don't just spring lifelong commitment on somebody. It should already have been discussed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 03:50 PM
23

He'd be lucky to get ANYONE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 02:05 PM
4

I agree with everyone saying trauma therapy but wanted to add a few personal details since my life fell apart a few years ago and I've been able to rebuild. It's important to remember that you can and you will get through it. Two things worked for me: prolonged exposure therapy for specific traumatic events and ketamine infusions that finally cured my depression and allowed me the mental space to rebuild. Different things work for different people so the important thing is to keep trying until y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:18 PM
7

I agree with a lot of what you say. One thing that has been frustrating to me in reading these stories is the frequent use of language like "he made me" do xyz that was bad for her. I realize there are situations where a woman would truly be in danger for not complying but that's different than giving in to pressure from a man. It's language that avoids accountability for bad decisions and we need that accountability in order to do better in the future. I've certainly allowed myself to be pressu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 06:06 PM
4

It's a mantrum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:17 PM
43

Also it was 40 mins before the date but he was already parked outside her house but she very rudely made him wait 20 mins while she continued getting ready. Which would still be 20 mins early. I don't think he really thought his little story through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:47 PM
19

I just want to add as a woman in her mid-40s and thus closer to the age range, those men are in their 60s, easily. Lots of men look older for lack of self care but these guys don't look like that. They look like reasonably active and healthy men in their 60s. How stupid do they think we are?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 07:51 AM
43

It annoyed me enough when my boyfriend in my 20s did it. I used to start singing Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days when he'd get going (which is about old guys talking about how awesome high school was). Doing it in middle age is beyond sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:58 PM
84

The whole thing just made me sad. She talks about her life as if she's just drifting forward with no control, just regretting a bunch of things. And the most meaningful time in her life was, and always will be, high school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 09:32 PM
105

That was when I knew. Just sounds painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:24 AM
69

Don't worry, when you hit your 40s it will be guys in their 60s and 70s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 06:27 PM
4

Perfectly put. I'm in my mid-forties and gained some weight and for the first time in my life I feel like I can just go about my business in public and be left alone. It's wonderful after a lifetime of feeling like prey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 04:28 AM
14

Congratulations on getting out of that situation. 33 is young. You have plenty of time to build a different life and I can feel in how you write that you have the drive to do it. Without him draining your physical, emotional, and financial resources, you'll find you have so much more to invest in building your own life. I really relate to how you feel about the cat. I grew up in a house where there was violence towards the kids and animals and even though those animals are long gone, it still re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 07:41 AM
15

I love her!! I've kicked men out but I let it nag at me that they tell themselves i'm crazy. I love how she's so sure of herself. We don't owe them shit!! I don't have a hunting knife but i have a big-ass dog who would definitely have my back if a man tried to resist leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 08:48 AM
22

When people are gravely injured in battle, they sometimes call out for their moms. I bet he wouldn't think that was funny, since only men's fear and pain is real. George Floyd called out for his mom when he knew he was dying😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 12:03 AM
3

Nice snatch!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:20 PM
12

His shirt looks like a picture of a sloth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:18 PM
3

Yeah, i think there's a tendency to think that if it's not a phone it must be fancy but not so long ago, everyone had digital cameras like that. The nicer digital cameras i have seen do not look like that at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 08:47 PM
40

And only women so young would have any chance of being fooled by that "kingdom" nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 07:43 AM
3

Your post reminds me of this, which I downloaded from reddit at some point but don't know how to post as a screenshot. scream so that one day a hundred years from now another sister will not have to dry her tears wondering where in history she lost her voice. -jasmin kaur
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 08:35 PM
12

I love this. It reminds me to be brave and not back down just because I meet resistance. I have always looked for role models or even just women similar to me to tell myself that it's "ok" to be how I am, but the older I get the more I understand that there's no need for that. I don't need precedent to make it ok for me to be who I am. And maybe someday a younger woman will see me and be reminded that she can blaze her own trail too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 02:50 PM
53

I hate so much the way "Karen" has become a way to try to shut women up. I think it's even more insidious because it originally applied to people who were being racist, so it's like calling someone a "racist b*tch" just for not wanting randos to take her picture. And I'm not an expert but that looks like a pretty run of the mill camera to me. Regardless though-a professional photographer would respect her desire to not be photographed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 02:44 PM
6

I agree with this too and want to clarify from my point above-I absolutely think that people living with mental illness can be in loving relationships. My objection is to people entering into a relationship for the sake of finding support that they should be seeking from professionals, or when they know they are too symptomatic to be a partner to someone else. I lived with moderate depression my whole life and had healthy relationships. But when I got hit with major depression, that was a whole …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:36 PM
5

I agree with this so much. During the worst of my depression, I know it sometimes would have been a comfort to have someone close by but I never in a million years would have considered starting a relationship just to selfishly have that, knowing I'd be incapable of being a real partner. I also went through a period following a serious medical issue where I had some financial issues to sort out and while I didn't rule out dating during that time, I did rule out getting serious with anyone until …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:26 PM
7

Thank you so much! I am going to check these out and pass on the information. We are actually brainstorming ways to limit his internet access and I have suggested they have him evaluated for mental decline. It doesn't sound like it's dementia but it does sound like he, like many people, has lost the ability to tell crazy conspiracy theories from reality. And she is not much better since she absorbs a lot of her ideas from him. Just not the stupid financial ones I guess. I really just want to fin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 05:51 AM
4

I couldn't agree more. They were married in the 60s and the whole thing is just really sad. I've started a little fund for her that I'm not telling her about but I'm going to use it to take her on some trips. She loves travel more than anything and there are some places she really wants to go while she's still healthy enough to enjoy them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 05:39 AM
3

Thank you so much. It was gambling, just the polite kind, in the stock market. I will share this with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 05:36 AM
14

The one I hate the most is "oh, someone broke your heart" if I mention that I'm not especially interested in dating right now. They want it to be true because the idea that women just might choose not to bother with men is scary and makes them mad. It's all about devaluing and questioning the legitimacy of our decisions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:15 PM
73

People we feel sorry for we almost by definition don't see as threatening (or at least not as dangerous as they actually are.) Ted Bundy knew this. I'm sure lots of other violent men make regular use of this tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:10 PM
50

If this is an approach that works though, I don't have a problem with it (although of course it should be part of a much larger effort at behavior change of men towards women.) Treating porn like the public health issue that it is could mean a multi-faceted approach is the best bet. As an example, the WHO found greater success in its anti-FGM campaigns when it focused on the health effects rather than the human rights issues. I think this is analogous. Sure, there are all sorts of non-dick relat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 06:06 PM
16

Jealousy, cruelty, or dismissiveness are obviously big ones but I have noticed another one as well. My previous dog was wary of unfamiliar men and while she was harmless, she could put on quite a show of barking and growling. She was a big girl and a "bully" breed so I totally understood that it could make people uncomfortable and was always careful to make proper introductions and have her on a leash. The only people I ever saw react with anger to her little displays were the kind of men who fa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 07:34 AM
10

Yup. My phone stays in my purse/pocket while I'm socializing, unless I'm expecting something urgent or if we're still waiting for others to join who might need to get in touch. He didn't even try to claim his thing was urgent! One minute is too long to fuck around on your phone for no good reason when you're out with someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 07:18 AM
13

I fear that as well. And that they'll be shamed for feeling uncomfortable or afraid. That's already the case in many places and I just hope the trend recedes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 10:21 PM
15

Exactly. That's why they complain even more if they do get them from women, but women they aren't attracted to. Who wants to compliment a man when he's going to assume you're expressing attraction to him? Either he hits on you or mocks you behind your back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:09 PM
31

I know, right!? I'm not a neat person by nature and have to make a conscious effort to put things away but this looks like a couple of 6 years olds were playing in the kitchen. Like he just dropped things or left things open as soon as he was done with them. I bet he forgets to flush a lot and never cleans up when he dribbles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:04 PM
9

This is why I think it's so important for women to mentor other women (when it's a good fit of course.) My generation (X) is probably the first that has really tipped the balance in my field to being pretty female dominated, but that meant there weren't a lot of senior women above us. And many of them were just abrasive, not nice people. My theory is that the men who hired back then had so little professional interaction with women that they couldn't tell the difference between nastiness and ass…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 09:10 PM
59

I sincerely hope he is linking these little "thought pieces" on his LinkedIn page so women can be warned. I think we all know exactly the kind of vibes he gives off that caused those women to turn down internships. I can just hear him talking about how well connected he is and how his "internships" are a golden ticket in the industry. Like some scam diploma mill salesman, but with extra lechery and whiny, passive-aggressive comments trying to convince her that she's wrong and selfish for wanting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:35 PM
13

I'm so glad you and your friends reacted that way. And I hope that man was caught and punished before he did anything worse. About 30 years ago, two 8th grade girls on my soccer team came to our coach and told him that when they were in town a man called him over to his car and when they went near, they saw he was masturbating. (I went to boarding school so coaches and teachers were supposed to play a more parental role and so had even more responsiblity to help here.) They were freaked out and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 08:40 AM
3

Definitely. They're upset by the mere fact that (in some places) there's stigma around it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:41 PM
3

I guess it's a "clever" work around for guys who don't want to get arrested but still want to abuse women. And sadly, a whole lot of women have bought into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:40 PM
3

Oh, I agree completely. I was just referring to the fact that it upsets them that they're "not supposed to." They think it's soooo unfair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:38 PM
75

That, and they're not supposed to hit us (which explains why there's no domestic violence!) I mena, you shouldn't hit anyone under most circumstances but I don't consider the fact that I'm not supposed to hit children or the elderly as some reflection of their "privilege." FFS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 04:44 PM
14

1) imagine being so pathetic that you relish the fact that your society can force a woman to marry you. 2) are orgies and gangbangs different? As a promiscuous Western woman I feel like I should know. How will I know if I'm doing both? What if I've been half-assing this whole thing with just gangbangs the whole time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 04:40 PM
9

I mean, the reality is that this guy has never had either FWB or a girlfriend and this is all a little theoretical scenario he has concocted in his head because he's mad women (or girls-I actually think he's probably in high school) aren't interested in him. Most of the bullshit these guys write is posturing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 04:36 PM
2

I love that they think vibrators are some second best solution for single women who can't get men. Also, Bud Lite? Sink full of dishes? I think they might be basing this on men they know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:28 PM
18

Lolololol. I've been around a lot of work places and I see women not get treated as equals, but they're no more likely to be easily intimidating by nonsense than men are. All that bro-shit that makes offices often hostile to women isn't about being intimidated, it's about being excluded, and assertiveness does not fix that. And in my experience, when you get a member of the scro-team one on one, they're pretty docile without their backup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:16 PM
1

I've been there. I dated a guy for years that I just knew was not right for me, but I thought I needed him. Decent guy, but it was off from the beginning. I wish I had those years back but I try to look ahead and embrace the lessons I learned. Best of luck to you with the move and the new life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:27 AM
3

Please don't beat yourself up. We all have learned lessons the hard way and you seem to have really good insight into what went wrong. I also think it's smart to string him along if you think it will get your money back, but if it starts to hold you back in life, consider it a sunk cost and move on. It sounds like you have good instincts but that you didn't trust them. Don't let this incident make you trust your instincts less. It's way better to be alone than be with someone that drags you down…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:06 AM
36

Oh and it just keeps getting better ladies! Now that I'm way too old for those guys (despite being younger than them) I get hit on by guys my dad's age. The fucking audacity. One guy who cornered me as I waited for our drinks at the bar proudly told me how he had been coming to that bar for as long as I had been alive. It's hard not to think that there must be something about me that just reeks of desperation and sadness, but I really think it's more that men vastly overestimate their appeal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 07:23 AM
3

I have a Ph.D. in the field I work in. I was the top technical expert at my organization in the location where I worked and was at a pub quiz one night. My table was all young guys who worked in security, law enforcement, etc. (nothing even remotely related to my field.) They knew what my job was. One of the questions was a question that was incredibly simple and straightforward for anyone in my field. As in, we dealt with it day in and day out. Absolutely no one with even basic knowledge would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 07:20 AM
5

You absolutely should. "My teenage son's girlfriend used his nutsack as a speedbag and he didn't say no but he couldn't sit down for three days. Is this a problem?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 07:06 AM
3

Absolutely beautiful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 06:10 AM
2

Honestly, if this keeps him "off the market," it sounds like a win-win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 12:32 PM
58

titties and fish
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 01:57 AM
30

And just for context, I'm 46. I've been around a lot of blocks. I'm not saying this is easy for anyone, but I also want to make clear that I'm not someone without a little experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 01:55 AM
66

I'd like to scream this for anyone who is on the fence. The guy I was dating was a pretty good deal in most categories. But he was not the one for me. We had different visions for our lives. So I left. And while I will never say it had been easy, it has been spectacular. It's not that this isn't possible with a man, but we have been taught for so long to be supporting actors in someone else's show. Don't do it. Be your own show. Do everything. Strive for everything. Fail on your own terms. I am …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 01:51 AM
2

Omg. Me too. I didn't learn that way but I started them because I always felt like cardboard scraped on the way in and honestly, easiest thing in the world and so little waste! I wish these were the standard. If girls started on these I think they'd all use them. And so much easier to pack!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 12:02 AM
2

Exactly. We could be debating the merits of applicator vs applicator-free tampons and they'd make it about dick size.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 11:54 PM
8

It doesn't matter which ones we discuss or what we address. They will always recognize themselves in the discussion because they are all nothings. Until they do something to change that, any discussion of nobodies, of negative value entities, is going to resonate with them. It's on them to fix that, not us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 11:39 PM
117

Great article. What depressed me so much about it though was that it is so incredibly rare to see a man who seems to have genuine insight into why porn is so harmful. Imagine how much better the world could be if this were the default attitude instilled in boys. Another thing I don't understand about men is why their sex drive seems so tied to anger and aggression. You can see it in his comments-he starts out more mild and then by the end he wants to sexually punish women just for existing. Like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 03:46 PM
17

I set up an Insta account for a cat I was fostering that only had pictures of the cat on it, and the cat got sexual messages. I guess some men just want to cast the net as wide as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:15 AM
30

It's probably leftovers that he already had in the bucket and he just popped it in the microwave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 05:44 AM
33

Yup. People used to understand that while it might be a kink to enjoy beating someone or shitting in a diaper, it was still a sign that something was deeply wrong. Well, a lot of people still understand that, we just get shouted down now. I'll never understand why making something sexual suddenly makes it off limits for criticism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 05:37 AM
36

I agree. I'm in my mid-forties and it was just not something people talked about so regularly before say, 10 years ago. It was considered degenerate to frequent porn shops and theaters (anyone remember the huge scandal around Pee Wee Herman getting caught wanking in a porn theater?) It's not that masturbation was shameful but it wasn't considered a hobby and it definitely was not socially acceptable to talk about your porn/masturbation habits and preferences. And you're right, absolutely no one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 05:33 AM
1

I agree. As much as people will scream about "free speech," this is a place for regulation because like you said, companies that are profit driven are not going to constrain themselves, at least without incentives (and porn consumers are clearly not going to demand change.) Free speech is constrained in other forms where it is considered harmful and these companies need to face strong enough consequences for harmful behavior (and hosting harmful content) that they act. Violent pornography is not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:37 AM
2

Ugh. Disgusting. For all they moan about the "friendzone," it's way more hurtful to find out someone who you thought was a friend does not give a fuck about you when they find out you're not interested in more. This behavior by men really messed up my interactions with them from an early age. I have struggled my whole post-pubescent life to believe that I have value beyond fuckability when it comes to men. There have been so many boys, and later, men, who rejected me as a person when I, no matte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:27 AM
113

Yeah, in addition to the addictive behavior of looking for more and more depraved stuff to get the same effect, I don't believe for a second that all the focus on teens and very young looking girls in porn isn't programming this behavior into boys starting at a young age. They don't even bother with the term "barely legal" anymore. And with digital effects, they can legally make porn with what look like actual children. I don't know how you pull a society back from this place. I don't support po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:40 PM
99

He said he pays for half "OUR groceries." I have a sneaking suspicion the capitalized "OUR" means that he pays half of things like coffee and toilet paper but he nickle and dimes her over any item that's just for cooking meals, like spices, or a particular vegetable, since he doesn't "ask" her to cook for him. Also, why do men who complain about paying still use terminology like "I took her to (X) restaurant." Like no, you guys went. You didn't take her out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 05:35 AM
57

I totally agree. It's kind of like the flip side of men claiming women are the ones who are emotional, but conveniently forget that anger, rage, jealousy, etc. are all emotions. Only women's feelings are silly and should be dismissed. I still remember from like 20 years ago I was hanging out with a guy I had just started dating and some of his friends and they were whining about how women "never like sports." I said that I like sports a lot, and I know plenty of women who do, but we like partici…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 09:14 AM
5

Me neither, and I feel very lucky for that sometimes. I feel like that's one of the things that often pushes women into accepting relationships that aren't in their interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 07:55 AM
36

Am I just super old fashioned for thinking it's insane that people are doing fertility treatments with boyfriends? I don't think people should automatically get married due to a pregnancy or be ashamed of it or anything, it just seems like you would want any and all legal and financial protections in place for yourself and your child before deliberately having a baby, let alone going through fertility treatments. I wonder how many other kids he has floating around out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 06:20 PM
8

If there is something specific you want from a relationship (or don't want), like marriage or kids, don't be ashamed to be up front about it. Women are shamed by our culture, accused of trying to "trap" or pressure men, or have their desires dismissed as silly. At the same time, believe what he says (and expect him to believe you.) I've ended relationships to take that education or career opportunity I always said was my next step, and those men were invariably surprised and often pissed off, ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 06:10 PM
25

Oh wow, that's an important bit of information. So that's enough money for her to be willing to let anyone see her "sexually explicit" content. I don't mean that as a judgment of her, rather a reflection of women's alternative opportunities. But also a very revealing fact about Only Fans. These women are putting themselves out there for pocket change. Where I do judge her is for her depiction of the whole thing as having no downside. A totally positive experience for all involved! Also, the fact…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 05:57 PM
12

Also, if he got a $30k sudden windfall from the stock market, and this is a large amount of money to them, then he almost definitely took a ridiculous risk with an amount of money they could not afford to toss away. That's nowhere near the worst part about this story, of course. But I think he probably earned no money and just plans to spend money on prostitutes and thought his wife would accept it if he lied and made it sound like it was good news for her too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 06:39 AM
13

Or the guys who ask how old I am and either make a big show of insisting I look young or get all weird as if instead of saying the number of years I've been alive, I farted loudly and they're trying to make me feel better about it. How fucking weird is it that the fact that I've successfully survived to middle age is treated as embarrassing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 06:42 AM
34

I don't think they think about us at all. Just a tourist attraction basically. A receptacle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 04:11 AM
1

Oh I agree. I don't think that a natural drive to do something means it's inherently a good thing. My issue is with what I think is a naive view of what one commenter above called "we culture." There are positives and negatives to everything, and we all weigh those differently, but to talk about western values as inherently more damaging to women really devalues the oppression and violence that women in other cultures face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 10:16 PM
38

I disagree with this so strenuously that I find it offensive. I think it arises from a misguided idea of what it often means to live in places where "community" is a big deal. Usually that means family. I can't think of any culture where "community" doesn't revolve around family, and it doesn't have anything to do with people, particularly women, having mutually supportive, close relationships. It's very much about enforcing the continuity of social norms that are painful and oppressive to women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:20 AM
9

Think of it this way-you've deprived him of the opportunity (or at least made it a little more difficult) to chalk the whole thing up to you being some "crazy bitch who totally lost it on me for no reason."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:33 AM
14

And if you don't think living with someone, buying a house with someone, and having kids with them is too much commitment, what is it about marriage that seems a step too far? I suspect for most of these guys it's intended to remind her that she's not quite "good enough."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 11:10 AM
11

Yeah, I like how he points out that she's "aware that she's aging" as if this is something to be ashamed of. How embarrassing for her not to have stopped that whole aging process thing. I'm sure her husband is a total dreamboat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:43 PM
73

As an economist, I'd just like to say that this is perfection. Economics is yet another subject that bad men so often use incorrectly to claim their bullshit manbaby opinions are based on faxenlogic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:29 AM
2

This is exactly my boss. When he's stressed he lashes out and never apologizes when he turns out to be wrong, no matter how rude he was. I've managed so far to get him to admit that maybe he should have phrased something differently, but I don't think it even occurs to him to apologize. I'd feel like such a fool if I ran around doing that. It would keep me up at night!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 08:22 AM
5

Ugh. Well said. I once had a man say to me in an interview that they have other women that work there so "they understand that sort of thing." I don't remember the company but it was in oe of the bro-fields. This was in the 90s but it seems not much has changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 11:59 PM
14

This is part of an important point that I had to learn the hard way and I think a lot of women do. That a lot of people won't react well when you stand up for yourself, and that doesn't mean you're wrong. People (usually men but not always) will call you all sorts of things, like aggressive, controlling, whatever, in an effort to make you feel like standing up for yourself is wrong. That it's too much and you should feel bad for making them feel bad. You'll be perceived as the one causing the pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 11:46 PM
2

I have on more than one occasion had a man approach me in a bar or a club setting when his girlfriend was away from the table, in the bathroom or at the bar. In all cases the women were both more attractive than me and far more attractive than the men they were with, not that it matters. I've also been with men who seemed to think people would think they were gay if they didn't look at or comment on all attractive women and when I pointed out that it was disrespectful, naturally said I was being…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 07:15 AM
50

I really hate it when people think they can refute research by saying they don't like the results. I do data analysis for a living and what I often tell people, which rarely does any good, is that if they want to argue about the results, they have to explain why the methodology is flawed. Anything less than that is just talking about their feelings. Also, I have heard a lot of people attribute the porn comment to him trying to make excuses but of course, if you listen to what he actually said, h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:36 PM
56

I just want to say that I'm sorry this has become such a problem with men. And good for you for standing up to it-you clearly have a very good head on your shoulders. It's not that there have not always been problems with men and porn and the "all men do it" bullshit, but as a woman who grew up and did a fair amount of dating before internet porn and the ugly toxicity generated by bitter men in internet echo chambers became ubiquitous, this shit is not normal. I've never heard about this nonsens…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:32 AM
97

I bet he referred to consent because he has heard people talking about it around Metoo, etc. and thought it would be some kind of trump card to show he was the real victim here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 08:21 AM
9

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with pain. It is so frustrating to feel like you have to convince someone of the seriousness of your condition. It's like people who think you can just overcome depression with positive thinking and a little fresh air. Related to the "trying harder" comment but not nearly as serious, a man once told me that I could tan if I "tried harder." Not only did he think he knew my skin better than I did but he honestly seemed to think that maybe if I just applied my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 06:11 PM
-12

No sorry, but this is nonsense. It makes it sound like any man could be a "good" one if women did the right thing. That if only women "handled" them correctly, they wouldn't do the wrong thing. Maybe this entry is poorly phrased and it isn't trying to say that, but it's a stupid thing to be ambiguouous about when claiming to advise women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 06:33 AM
6

Is this what it's like out their now? And what the hell with the stinky dick and ball sack?? Given the specifics of your description, sounds like you've experienced that horror show recently. As someone who gave their first blowjob in the early 90s, it horrifies and saddens me to hear that this shit is so common. It's not normal to consider gagging and snot a hot part of sex. But oh sure, porn is totally healthy and harmless right?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 08:50 PM
9

It's true for me and several of my female friends in my age group. I've never been married but I've had a few quite long term relationships. All of them ended because I left for job or education-related reasons. Nonetheless, even though I knew I didn't want kids, I did think it would be nice to have someone to go through life's challenges with. After gaining a bunch of weight, I considered myself removed from the dating pool and I always figured that when I lost it, I would start dating again. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 06:12 AM
36

Congratulations! Your happiness just spills out onto the page-it's wonderful. One of the most freeing moments of my life was the realization that I didn't have to fix things with the man I was dating. I could just walk away. And I did. I'm so happy for you and your new life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 04:23 PM
3

I agree-it sounds to me like some dumbass trying to write a "ha-see, it's different IF YOU REVERSE THE GENDERS!!11!!" post. Because after all, what he describes is just normal female behavior right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:37 PM
12

"Engaging in active seduction" is not a phrase I care to hear ever again. That has to be some kind of PUA code for harassing women who are just trying to go about their business.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 11:08 AM
4

That guy lives with his mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 06:50 AM
6

I'm calling their parents to come get them and making them wait out front.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 05:55 AM
16

I love this. I learned nothing about dealing with conflict growing up because everything was immediately escalated to screaming and hitting. My parents didn't openly argue much but they didn't model any kind of behavior for maturely handling disagreements. My mom would basically pout and my dad would give in. The first time someone I was dating actually listened to what I had to say during a disagreement respectfully and made an effort to understand where I was coming from, I was absolutely shoc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 05:50 PM
6

This breaks my heart. There's no way she wanted to go along with this, she's just been conditioned to believe that she has to be "cool" with this shit or she's a controlling nag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:44 AM
76

Thank you. I was really confused by this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 04:18 AM
3

There's a funny SNL skit based on this theme. I think it's with Andy Samberg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 03:13 AM
5

I guffawed. Scared the dog even. What a complete tool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 03:48 PM
31

I'm the same age as you and I definitely remember that whether or not it was possible for a man to rape his wife was a genuine topic of debate well into the 90s (and still is in many parts of the world). I think the last US state to outlaw spousal rape did not do so until 1996. I mean, during our parents' generation people were still arguing over whether it was ok to spank your wife for fuck's sake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 08:02 AM
19

As an old person (well, middle-aged I guess) I'd like to confirm that this is certainly true for me. I've also moved a lot due to my career but even when I'm back in the same area, my core social group changes over time. There will always be friends who are lifelong friends, but they are not that common. It's also true that it can be a bit difficult to be single when everyone is paired up, especially when the kids start coming along and people tend to start hanging out with other parents. Marria…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 07:57 AM
12

I've never been on one of those apps but just from the screenshots I've seen, you can feel how angry they get at women who say they aren't there for hook ups. They're deeply and personally offended by the existence of any woman who would dare express a preference about how she conducts her own sex life. There's a reason why they use the word 'match' dude. He doesn't care whether those theoretical women he's ranting about are compatible with him in any way, otherwise he'd put actual information i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 11:50 PM
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