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notyetsaved Archive

View 0 posts and 82 comments by notyetsaved on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

How old are you?
/r/RedPillWomen09/01/20 02:03 PM
0

Nurturing is emotional scaffolding.
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/20 03:09 AM
2

Forgiveness is a decision. You accept the event as part of your (individual and family) history and you choose not to continue to hold it against him. You (obviously) cannot forget it. It is something you will have to work through within yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/20 03:06 AM
2

First thought: Stop expecting her to be different than who she has already proven to be. Also, it’s not your job to figure out what “her boundaries” are. Especially if you don’t know your own. She doesn’t see you as a grown woman. She sees you as a disabled person that is dependent on her. Change will come when you start doing for you. Arrange for your own transportation needs— not with her! Don’t even tell her your schedule, plans, needs. The less she knows about you, the less she can be insert…
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/19 02:46 AM
4

Then, I agree with the previous poster who said just wait him out. Don’t message him again. Keep working on you.
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/19 10:01 PM
4

It doesn’t matter if anyone else “seconds” this opinion. What is your soul telling you?
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/19 09:06 PM
1

Is the opportunity to introduce him to this person gone?
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/19 08:46 PM
1

What was it about the favor that made you trigger?
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/19 08:31 PM
1

Allow at least 24 hours between when you see what you want and when you decide to purchase. That may be enough time to talk yourself out of it.
/r/RedPillWomen24/11/19 08:44 PM
2

First, it is not your partner’s responsibility to stop you from drinking. If you choose to drink after she tries to stop you, and you drink anyway, is she responsible for your choice? Maybe decide to not drink a drink that you do not buy for yourself. And keep that ONE drink in your hand. Learn to say “No, thank you” when someone offers you a drink.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/19 01:18 AM
1

Please, for the love of everything, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS PERSON! Things will NOT improve. Imagine him telling you when to change and feed and do anything with a baby! OP, there is NO fixing this on your part. He has to see that he needs to change and at least see that he isn’t treating you like a human being!
/r/RedPillWomen19/10/19 06:56 PM
3

What, specifically, are you not being “submissive” about? Taking “marriage off the table” until you behave the way he thinks you should behave is a constantly moving, never achievable goal. I would consider the relationship to be over at this point.
/r/RedPillWomen01/10/19 01:46 PM
1

Start out by asking him to read this: https://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/amp/ Retraining his soul to not react with anger or frustration first will take a lot of practice and patience from both of you. Maybe agree on a code word to use when he is reacting in a way he doesn’t want to any more. He will only begin to change when he accepts that he has control over all of his responses. His responses are not “just how he is”. Slowing down reactions and thinking before acting …
/r/RedPillWomen23/09/19 12:16 AM
8

There is a difference between “self care” and “self indulgence”. I believe spending money on hair and nails is “self indulgent”. However, taking time for my wellness and fitness is “self care”. Going out and partying with my girlfriends is “self indulgent”. Getting together with the girlfriends so that we can get the care we need and can give is self care. See the difference?
/r/RedPillWomen21/09/19 08:15 PM
7

I find that I have no negative attitude with serving when I take time to serve me! Remember to take care of the things that are important to you (friends, wellness, mental health). Keep your own cup full so that you can pour into others!
/r/RedPillWomen21/09/19 02:52 PM
1

My question is, why?
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/19 05:45 PM
1

If you do chose to homeschool, realize that not all children are “homeschool-able”. My oldest went to public school. My middle started in public school, but due to services we needed for him not being available, we wound up homeschooling. It took a YEAR AND A HALF to find a curriculum that worked for us. I home schooled him through 8th grade and he went to an alternative high school. I attempted to hs my youngest. That did not go well. Even now, littlest says “remember when you tried to homescho…
/r/RedPillWomen01/09/19 12:26 AM
3

The “I Survived” series. Historical fiction written from a child’s point of view.
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/19 02:20 PM
5

There is a difference between being helpless and inviting people into your space.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/19 03:50 AM
1

Build the foundation. Take all the math you need to take. Brush up on the sciences. What happens if you don’t “finish” by time you are 25? All of the fields you mention are math and science heavy. Take your time and go for something that you really find more than interesting. Also, take a career exploration class or read “What Color is your Parachute”. Do the work book with it. You may find that none of your choices are really for you.
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/19 01:09 AM
2

All this and do some stuff in the morning before your shift and some stuff after. For example, I make sure the kitchen is straightened up before I leave for work so I can just start dinner when I get home. Maybe get into meal prepping (or at least planning) so you’re not scrambling to figure out daily meals. I straightened throughout the week so that deeper cleaning doesn’t take so long.
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/19 01:15 PM
5

I also have had very traumatic experiences. I have learned to not share all (or many) of the details at once (if ever). My guy knows I have been through a lot and doesn’t press me for details. I do share when it can be shared organically in conversation in context with the conversation (like talking about history). When I share this way, he is more apt to also share. We have had mundane conversations become really deep discussions because the conversation flowed that way. Don’t force it.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/19 02:04 AM
3

I understand that. I look to see if the person is actively trying to reach something before I just “ask”. I certainly don’t approach every person in a wheelchair. Good to point this out, though. Thank you
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/19 08:00 PM
9

Eye contact isn’t all it is cracked up to be. Become approachable by being aware of your surroundings. Try this next time you are shopping: be aware of the other shoppers. Look and listen for ways you can interact. Notice someone looking lost? Ask then if they need help finding something (especially if you are familiar with the store). See someone in a wheelchair cart that can’t reach an item? Offer to reach it for them. Same thing with short people 😉 be aware of people you can approach with and…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/19 01:58 PM
2

Are you working because you have to or because you want to? If it’s because you want to, I can see where it might seem unfair to your husband that he is expected to take care of the kids the way you think he should while you go off and do what your family doesn’t need right now. Breeding ground for resentment. This really comes down to perspective. If your one son is acting out since you went back to work in the evening, it’s you the son needs. Just because your husband isn’t doing what you thin…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/19 01:50 PM
–

One of the ideas that I don’t see covered is allowing yourself to be CARED FOR in the process of “self care”. I find that when I allow myself to be cared for, allow things to be done for me without the expectation of reciprocity, my “cup” is refilled and I am able to continue to give and care without the expectation of reciprocity.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/19 06:45 PM
3

Sounds like it is beyond time to have a “what’s the plan?” discussion. You need to express what your needs, desires and goals are and see if your needs, desires and goals match. I am trying to understand how you came to live together and already have decided that he’s paying the bills and you’re staying home without talking about some of this other stuff. Also, while you are getting this all talked out, don’t delay on starting your education. Figure out how you are going to pay for it (is he, ar…
/r/RedPillWomen15/07/19 03:31 AM
1

How long have you been together? What types of “future” things have you discussed (kids, retirement plan for you specifically, what happens to you if something happens to him)? Is education part of your future plans at all, in your plans together? Do you feel like he loves you, but he’s not affectionate or spending time with you the way you want him to? We actually need more information
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/19 09:46 PM
1

I am flabbergasted with this advice. My family would not wait to be told, they would be asking what the expectations are up front. In the end, you have to decide how strict you are going to be with your “rules”, and is it worth ruining relationships over.
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/19 06:01 PM
7

I don’t like coming home to a sink full of dishes, so I make sure the sink is empty before I leave for work. We share most of the household duties (mostly because he wants to) and we share some of the “guy” duties (I don’t fix cars or chop tree branches). He makes triple what I do and never comes across to me as if I am not “earning my keep”. Like a previous poster said, it’s not what you get, it’s what you give.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/19 04:01 AM
2

To help with the irritation, paint the posts and backs with clear nail polish (obviously, let it dry before you wear). It will wear off, so when the irritation starts up again, just repaint.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/19 03:00 PM
17

If you do get tattoos, maybe look for an artist that does medical tattoos. They use a skin toned ink to help make your scars less noticeable.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/19 10:59 PM
2

Maybe continue to batch cook, but in bigger portions, marking what is yours for your next meal, and he can have the rest? Otherwise, let him eat it. It’s not being wasted. I know people that won’t touch anything “left over” with a 10 foot pole!
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/19 02:04 PM
1

How has he not been helping already? Does he not notice how much more difficult some of these things have become?
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/19 05:49 PM
3

Are you eating less than what you used to, or eating less than what you are buying? What I used to do when living with others was to mark stuff that I was specifically reserving for recipes or anything that I got specially for me (lots of food allergies) so that it didn’t get eaten. Otherwise, not something to sweat over.
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/19 05:12 PM
5

How is this helpful?
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/19 07:18 PM
5

I also have difficulty “making” friends. So what I do is volunteer with organizations that support causes important to me, and I find like-minded people to hang out with. Cultivating a friendship takes time, and you will have that time as you volunteer with other people. Now I do have friends that I know share my interests.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/19 12:56 PM
3

I don’t see any “downvotes” on your comment. The word “also” implies agreement with your comment. My intent was to add to what you said, except I don’t think the OP is crazy. Edit: to add OP isn’t crazy
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/19 11:30 PM
2

Also, the time to talk about it is not when you need to hear “yes”. We had this conversation while clothes shopping. He had a chance to say what his preferences are while hearing what mine are and we were able to make choices together
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/19 11:18 PM
1

Have you heard the answer you are looking for? There are other ways to let people know you aren’t a doormat without cursing. I have worked in a male dominated field and never get hit on and don’t swear, because they know i mean business (and I am perceived to be “nice” and “approachable”). I have learned to save swearing for when I really want someone to remember what I said. Using our language in this way has been effective for me.
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/19 08:04 PM
2

Consider CBT to help you develop the tools you need to deal with your OCD. Your OCD is never going away. Living with it will never go away. Developing coping tools will help you LIVE and THRIVE in your relationship and life! Regular “talking” therapy isn’t as effective as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for OCD.
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/19 06:36 PM
8

This. All of this. It’s not the school you go to, it’s what you make of your education. Do what you gotta do to keep your marriage intact. EDIT: word
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/19 02:44 PM
5

This is what I would have done. Also, my man knows me well enough to know I wouldn’t have put the two together (comparing guys and cars) an we would have had a good laugh about it later.
/r/RedPillWomen14/03/19 03:18 AM
1

Have you asked her what is the purpose of telling you stuff that she doesn’t want him to know? Based on the little bit you have shared, it sounds like she is trying to establish a relationship with YOU, by sharing stuff that is meant for you only. It’s not healthy, but she may not know better. Why is she picking you up? Do you have a social relationship with his mom? If not, it sounds like she would like one with you. Just trying to see another side of this situation.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/19 12:06 AM
10

What would you tell a friend that came to you with similar concerns?
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/19 09:14 PM
10

You really don’t have that much control over how your kids will process what they are exposed to. Talking about what they learned is one thing. Talking about what they OBSERVE is where your can guide them in the direction you want them to go. How do the male classmates treat females. How do parents treat their kids. How do the female classmates get along with each other and the boys? What can happen when this happens and what are the possible end results. Why would you behave the same or differe…
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/18 02:45 PM
14

Change the dynamic. If your husband needs your attention immediately, tell your son to go entertain himself or give him a task. If I am already talking with SO, and kids interrupt, I stop the KID to continue the conversation with SO. Sometimes, things may have to wait until kids are not around. Come up with a plan with your husband to identify those times and come up with “code words” for those situations.
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/18 02:34 PM
39

The foundation still starts and is fortified at home. Talk about what your kids see and how it is similar or different from what your values are. I encourage a philosophy of “take what you need and leave the rest”. Just because they are exposed to beliefs and ideas that don’t match what you teach them, doesn’t mean they will assimilate those things into their personality.
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/18 02:29 PM
3

My SO is involved in my kids’ everyday lives. He expected that he would function as a parent. Fortunately, we have similar parenting styles (would not have continued my relationship with SO if we didn’t). My SO encourages my boys to maintain and grow their relationship with their dad. Their dad felt threatened in the beginning, but now realizes that my SO wants the same thing for the kids as their dad does— to grow up to be productive members of society. We have maintained the previous tradition…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/18 03:30 AM
6

I really think it depends on how the whole situation is approached. Lots more communication is necessary. I am a single mom in a LTR. I did not move forward until I knew he accepted that I am a “package deal”. And understood that their dad is still involved in their lives (I have sole custody—he has liberal visitation). SO is totally on board with that and ALL of the grownups in their lives are on the same page. I do not expect my kids to see my SO as a replacement parent, but as an additional p…
/r/RedPillWomen16/12/18 08:44 PM
5

Make a plan to leave. Anything you absolutely cannot live without—get it out of the house now. Your birth certificate, any other documents, contracts (old and new) tax records— get it all out. Do not leave it in your car or with anyone he has access to. Is your family around? Do you have friends that support you leaving? Include them in your plan. Once all your important stuff is out, set a plan in motion to move out. This is not the time to beat yourself up over what you thought you wanted or w…
/r/RedPillWomen15/12/18 10:54 PM
2

In addition to the other advice, please have complete labs done, perhaps by an endocrinologist. I know when my labs are even just a little off, my hair is the first thing to change.
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/18 01:53 PM
3

https://instantpot.com/portfolio-item/cooking-blender-ace/ Just bought this. We use it almost daily. Minimal prep for the soups we make and it has already paid for itself.
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/18 10:18 PM
1

It is going to become difficult to keep track of the “you” you present and the “you” that you are. You need to become the “you” that you are, which includes the sexual “you”, the person your friends see “you” and the person you want to be “you”. When the poop hits the fan, and you have to be really real with someone (active labor comes to mind), you don’t want to be having the extra stress of keeping your front up. Just be the “you” you want to be.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/18 02:23 PM
2

Are you going to participate in the conversation you started here?
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/18 01:09 AM
2

Please reformat into paragraphs. Very difficult to read in its present state
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/18 03:17 PM
1

I stop getting my feelings hurt when I stop expecting people to be how I think they should be, how I think I would be in their shoes, and different from what I already know they are. You know the truth about you, your relationship with your husband and the health of your baby. In the end, what they SAY doesn't matter. As far as your husband, he probably doesn't have any way to relate to how you feel (about your current size and your baby's birth weight) and could not have possibly known that the…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/18 01:21 PM
8

When do you sleep? For all the years I was married and working nights, husband did not get that I HAVE NOT SLEPT! Most people that have not worked nights do not comprehend that the night shift worker sleeps during the day. Getting enough CONTINOUS sleep (not cat naps) will give you a different perspective. This, I think, is the most important thing to get clear with your husband. Your overall health depends on proper sleep. Second, since you know you are a "messy" person, break down stuff into e…
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/18 12:57 AM
3

Sounds like you have talked with him several times about this before you moved in together? WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get). Doesn't sound like he is going to change. If you cannot live with him And how things are going right now, it might be time to move on.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/18 02:24 AM
5

Actions speak louder than words. Follow the unspoken agreement and respond and react to him as your Captain. There is no way this "conversation" will be anything but awkward.
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/18 06:21 PM
2

Thank you for telling your side of the story.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/18 07:36 PM
1

That is what I thought too. My ex also has a medical condition that keeps him from driving.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 04:26 PM
1

I agree with the other posters: STFU and let him drive. The other thing you may want to do (if it's available in your area) is surprise him with a defensive driving course or a "racing" course. A one day thing that will help him gain a different perspective of city driving. Also, your title is misleading: he CAN drive, just not the way you think he should.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 02:50 PM
2

BPD is similar to narcissism. If the person isn't receiving active treatment (therapy-medications), then it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with a person with these disorders.
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/18 05:55 PM
11

Seeing how he is handling the ex's issues with HIS family should make you confident in knowing that he will stand up for you if the time comes. Chances are this is not a new behavior with his family. He had a relationship and a life before. Also, his ex's acceptance of you is making this whole situation easier to deal with. He is being a good man, good father, and good son/brother AND good fiancé to you. Put yourself in observation mode and watch how it all plays out.
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/18 05:42 PM
1

It's time to believe it. WYSIWYG (What you see is what you get). If you are not able to see yourself living like this, then it's time to see what the lessons are and move on.
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 02:22 AM
2

Think before you speak. Remember what happens when you get caught lying. The truth may be difficult to reveal, but at least you don't have to remember what lies you told. This relationship seems to be finished. Sounds like you lied so consistently that he felt like he needed to control info to learn the truth. You will never be able to regain his trust. Figure out how to co parent, practice not lying, work on yourself and practice being truthful and comfortable with yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 02:07 AM
1

It's not something they "out" themselves about.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/18 11:41 PM
3

From talking to my autistic son about how he sees women, the rules are not the same. Finding a NT person that accepts all of your autistic traits will be a challenge and doable. As for thinking that you were "above" your boyfriend, this is something he also struggles with, because he is super intelligent, and sees academic intelligence as superior to emotional and social intelligence. Hope this helps.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/18 11:40 PM
3

My situation was similar to yours. I moved back home, went to trade school. My family was supportive as I got established in my career. I moved to a location I could afford and did whatever I needed to do to make sure my kids were taken care of and safe.
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/18 06:13 PM
4

Why did your husband decide you needed to quit your job? How much say and access do you have to your finances? There are so many things that make my spidey senses say that there is a whole lot more to be discussed than the male "best friend".
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/18 10:36 PM
2

I am going to second and third other advice given: shelve the decision making part. One thing about adding even one child is that planning for specific things gets more difficult. About your husband and family getting excited about a second baby before this one arrives: it's called EXCITEMENT!! They can't hold you to anything. Let it go, let it roll off your back.
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/18 11:53 PM
2

Just now seeing this. Because her behavior at home is never displayed at school is actually a great thing! She feels safe at home :)
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/18 05:07 PM
6

The trick that worked for me was to stop expecting my asd kid to respond in a nuerotypical way. I literally put myself in observation mode and try to guide him through whatever he is going through. Your husband is onto something with how he handles her. The less emotional you are with her, the less out of control she will feel. She can feel your stress and she doesn't know what to do with it, so she is trying to cope with your stuff AND her stuff the best way she can, which really is counter pro…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/18 04:51 PM
14

Puberty! Poor girl. Join a support group for special needs parents. Even if your husband doesn't join, it will be a great benefit for you.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/18 10:31 PM
2

I like this :)
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/18 08:57 PM
2

Ask him? "Hey, I know you need your space. Do you want to contact me when you are ready to interact again, or is what we have been doing (you texting first after a couple of days) working?
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/18 07:45 PM
3

There may be a subreddit for former members of the cult you were in. Becoming the people you want to be individually, while being married and undoing your programming is complicated and going to take lots of time. At least go to counseling for yourself. Sex by itself is the least important of your issues.
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/18 11:16 PM
3

I am a person who has had a "rough life", actually very traumatic. When I do share details about my past, it is more to help people going through similar things to know they are not alone. What I have learned over the years is that when I share with people that have not had similar experiences, they get stumped by the details and can no longer see me for who I am now. They don't know and cannot fathom how they would have survived what I describe and then I am seen as being "broken". I would reco…
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/18 04:15 AM
2

Nursing school is notorious for being way more intense than people ever expect. All of the advice you have received so far is spot on. The only thing I would add is to change your inner speech from how hard it is right now to how much better things will be when you are done. Good luck to you!
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/18 05:30 PM
4

He has narcissistic qualities. Please look it up. I spent 15 years with one. Please next this guy for the sake of your future. He will destroy you
/r/RedPillWomen18/01/18 10:07 PM
4

Can't remember shit or stuff
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/17 05:50 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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