nymphewriter Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
437	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house."	GREEN FLAG 🟢	nymphewriter	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 08:43 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
11	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." I apologize for getting defensive - I just kind of felt like I was getting gaslit, though I realize that from a lack of context these things can seem concerning to others, and for good reason.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 03:22 PM
23	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." He shows me affection all the time, but the reality of relationships is that sometimes you want cuddles or a kiss or whatever else anyways, especially when you've been touch starved. I'm working with my therapist on being able to express my needs better, but I've had PTSD for over a decade. It's not an overnight change, but it is one that he's attempting to help me with. In the kindest way possible - I trust my therapist (who specializes in trauma and has warned me about revictimization) more th…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 03:04 PM
10	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." I edited the post and explained in another reply why he does the first. It's because I was abused and am unfamiliar with nonsexual affection, even if I want it. And I really have to disagree with you on the second - It's not emotional labor every time someone asks you to do something, and I think the term is thrown around in places it shouldn't be.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 02:56 PM
31	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." To me, not telling people that I intend to be close to in any way that I have PTSD feels extremely dishonest(not only does it affect my behavior, but my ex stalked me and tried to ruin the lives of everyone who protected me from him. Being in a relationship with me comes with the potential of that happening again, and I refuse to disguise that when it could put someone in danger) and does a disservice to my own needs as well.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 02:51 PM
15	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." As I mentioned in a previous comment - I was in an abusive relationship where that's the only way I could get affection. His comment is basically asking me if this is an old PTSD habit, and trying to tell me that if I need affection I can feel safe asking him for it. Though, I do realize that taken out of context this could sound condescending. He also isn't involved enough with social media politics to parrot the "woke ally" stuff, lol.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 02:38 PM
60	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." Trust me, I know that all too well. I'm cautious for sure, but I've got a really good feeling about this one.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 09:17 AM
111	After the first few weeks my boyfriend had been coming over to my house, he said, "If I'm going to be spending this much time here, I should definitely be helping out around the house." He knows I was in an abusive relationship before, where the only way I could get any sort of "affection" was through sex, and then my ex would be done with me. He'd basically tell me to fuck off. The reason he asks is because he knows I'm not used to getting any sort of "normal" affection, and a lot of the time he's right. Even my therapist agrees that this is a really, really good thing for my recovery. Edit: In addition, because I had to learn to stand up for myself, I'm very good at telling h…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/07/20 09:10 AM
3	Stop Calling Men "HVM" after two or three dates I think you may have misinterpreted my comment. My point was that many women are literally unable to identify HVM because their standards are "he doesn't cheat or abuse me." Not that that's a good thing or a reason to stay with a man. Regarding your reply ("she needs to get out and in the slim remainder she's not ready to date") PTSD can be a chronic disorder. I left an abusive relationship over two years ago, haven't dated since, and have issues trusting people in any capacity despite having go…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/02/20 02:41 PM
34	Stop Calling Men "HVM" after two or three dates I don't think it's as simple as "if you have to question if he's a HVM, he isn't" when so many of us are here because we've been in abusive relationships and are therefore incredibly skeptical. In that regard, this sub has been a very healing and supportive place for victims because it's been reminding us we deserve better and how to identify both red and green flags. I see a huge part of the pickmeisha mentality as female socialization. We're supposed to be grateful for scraps. It takes a lot o…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	04/02/20 03:54 AM
22	Not knowing who you are = letting others decide that for you I think that as women we've been taught to be everything for everyone else, and no one for ourselves. Our little treats to ourselves are seen as frivolous and shallow. Our boundaries - selfish. This identity thing is something so many women struggle with, and my best advice - act like the person you want to be, and you will be. If you want to be ambitious, be ambitious. If you want to be brave, be brave. If you want to be kind, be kind but set boundaries. I've struggled with this my entire life,…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/12/19 04:41 PM
8	Men complain endlessly that women don’t find most men attractive but most men put no real effort into being attractive. The men of PPD think basic adult standards are unreasonable and too high. I mean, even aside from all the effort we put in - if we compliment a man, there's a good chance they'll take it as "she wants to fuck me." I used to work customer service, and if I so much as remembered the NAME of a regular (who was male), he took is as special attention and a sign of interest in him. Women, on the other hand, would just get flattered and excited.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	25/12/19 04:01 PM