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oobertas_ Archive

View 0 posts and 255 comments by oobertas_ on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

This is a good comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 06:47 PM
1

This is a good comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 06:46 PM
1

This is a shitty comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 06:45 PM
1

This is a good comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 06:45 PM
1

This is a good comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 06:44 PM
0

This is a good comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 06:43 PM
1

The fact that you think you need to earn validation-free sex shows that you will continue to lock yourself in that cell of the validation-seeking-sex prison until you tire of the whole game. Maybe try some spontaneity before you shit all over another guy recommending it.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:41 PM
1

Protecting men from dynamite was never the goal of this place, nor should it be.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:37 PM
1

You're only as good as your fidelity to your standards.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:33 PM
1

By eating the marshmallow earlier than you want to, or by eating it later than you want to.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:21 PM
2

This is the closest thing to a valuable comment on this post. From it the OP and other readers can understand how more effort and value could've been given. Your first comment, and the comments from u/boringandsucks, are just instances of you guys getting your own validation rocks off, like the bulk of other the commenters. Consider giving this comment first and STFU with the others.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:20 PM
2

How do I know this post sucks? Notice how the post is framed in the things "you" should be doing and nothing in phrased in the form of things OP did and the results he obtained. v. It should be fairly obvious that notes to be shared ought to be written from the first person perspective, but most you are dumb as fuck so 🤷‍♂️. By your own metric, your comment sucks. Or maybe you're just being a lazy cunt relying on that stupid metric. Get off your laurels.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:15 PM
3

I read this post five times. True, it's not a first-person FR format and therefore has a preachy tone. Nonetheless, since I have the temperance to not be triggered like a woman over tone, I didn't find a single sentence in it that I cannot agree with or have not anecdotally confirmed. The content is fine. It is not novel for the sub, but it might be novel for a newer reader early on his journey, and therefore has some value. It is not an OYS, so the author is not the object of discussion. The no…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/23 05:07 PM
1

Yep, I've read it a few times myself asking if that's what the universe is reflecting to me, and reminding myself that others reflect back to me what I don't see in myself. Yet, I don't feel frustrated, and I've not been triggered at any point in this. Every guy here who has tried to argue me into thinking I have has cherry-picked my language and twisted it to say things I haven't said, ignoring what I am saying, and want to lecture me on my tone. (Quite wifelike indeed. And I like my wife, espe…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/05/23 08:58 PM
-1

What is painful? Overcome what? Is all confidence ego and therefore suspicious?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/23 01:25 PM
2

When playing, love is "love" as I am "I". But on higher levels, love is love of all "loves" as I am I in all "I"s (or the one "I"...or the one "eye"...lol). Haha. That is a sentence of beauty right there.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 10:02 PM
-4

My engagement is certainly being read as pretentious, but that's not how it's being given. I would know. Is all of this criticism really that valuable? If have found, and accepted, what I think is. You think others are valuable too. Great. You accept those. I don't claim to be "special". Having differences from the handful of like-minded/situated guys in this part of the internet doesn't make me special or better. I have said this several times. You don't believe it. That's okay.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 09:05 PM
1

I don't feel any need to respond. I do things I don't need to do, often. Okay. I DEER. That's okay too.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 09:01 PM
1

you feel you have to play within the game you remind yourself to jump out of. I do not feel I have to. Is love to you only acceptable when it fits your definition of love? I don't know. I know that what I now comprehend as giving and receiving as "love" has grown and changed over time. So, my definition has changed, which suggests it will change more. I am trying to accept the love and the non-love. Maybe it's all love.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 06:12 PM
0

Of course, I'm not saying, or feeling any of these things being put in my mouth. And it does make sense to me that your own ego is visible to you as you read.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 06:09 PM
1

Hmm. Why don't you come back this comment in a few days and see if the shoe's not on the other foot? Thanks for walking as far as you could with it.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 05:03 PM
0

See, with that, I'm pretty sure you don't understand. It's the deepest of all things. And comparatively house projects are nothing to it. Do you not have anything in your life that's like this? Maybe you don't and maybe that's the difference I was talking about. Not better or worse, just different.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:39 PM
1

We're at another juncture where we're probably just exchanging philosophical prejudices at this point given how abstract we are here. I don't know whether a woman can or cannot give the love that I have expected or needed from a woman when I am in the expectation or need of love from a woman. What I do know is that by remembering she "never will," regardless of whether she can, I am reminded to jump out of that expectation and need and to move to a higher level of living. And I do think that thi…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:21 PM
1

Probably would be, and I appreciate the checks from you too. That said, do you guys really understand? I don't need you to. But it's coming off like you guys feel diminished or belittled that you don't, which isn't what I intend. I don't expect you guys to be understanding of my eccentricities. I know this: I don't understand your journeys. And that doesn't feel like a slight or inadequacy to me. Different journeys are just that: different.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:09 PM
1

I was a bit cocky with you two, wasn't I? No "holier" or "holiness" or "better than" was felt or intended. Just poorly landed sarcasm. Both of your comments, honestly, hit more like gadflies than anything else. That's how it is when you've embarked on a project or a journey that another person just simply doesn't understand. And that's okay. I think at a deeper level both of your comments are really about getting me to check myself to see if I'm on an ego trip, which is very good advice for me, …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 03:08 PM
1

I get to the end of the day and I think to myself "I've done enough." Next day, I look at my to-do list and say "could've squeezed this or that in last night." The things I'm not doing, I don't care enough to do, but care too much that they're not done. I'm being a woman about it. Better to just do it.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:24 PM
1

A woman will never love you the way you want to be loved. That's not what they're for.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:09 PM
1

I want her respect instrumentally. You need her submission to have that problem-free life you've been angling for. The one who needs the other more ....
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 04:24 AM
2

I've just never seen a man cry like that after sex. So tender.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:45 AM
1

Being so outcome independent that I don't want my wife's respect is a challenge. Yep. You're using her evaluation of you as a proxy for your own evaluation of yourself. How could she respect a man that would do that? He's certainly not the prize. a lot of this is just being dominant for the sake of being dominant And how could she respect someone who has to one-up her to feel assured of his place in the pecking order? But if you're just actually dominant, then being dominant is just being yourse…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:43 AM
1

You're tonight's bull? Small world.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:10 AM
2

able to finish Who cares? Bust if you want, or not. Maybe save it up. It's a game too. You know that. time away with guys friends Find a travel agent in your network. Get three trip ideas from them. Email the guys you want to take with them. In 15 minutes, you have momentum on this.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:08 AM
2

Exactly
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 01:41 AM
1

That's a defensive interpretation of what he's saying, which also comes off as a projection. I'll translate it into RP terms for you: if you are unattractive, your wife and the world will communicate it to you, but only seldomly with words.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 01:22 AM
1

pedestal or fetishizing My content du jour. I'm like 30 hours into his 60 hours of lectures. I haven't started stalking him, yet. When I bore of it, I'll be onto something else. Maybe your posts. doing the lifting Agreed. The videos I'm watching are of me, with coaches comments.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 01:18 AM
1

Well, tonight I'm railing my wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 01:13 AM
2

looking to other sources to help you figure out who or what to be. I am the teacher and student. So, I both design and work through the syllabus. This isn't perplexing to me. At some point I made a decision to put all those things away and just do what I want. And today you want to moderate MRP. We all have our kinks, I guess.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 12:58 AM
1

really fogging? Yep. It's Glover's "find something in the criticism to agree with". "Sometimes" , " perhaps," and " maybe you're right" are also versions of this. You're agreeing that " sometimes" this criticism is true, or " perhaps" it's true now. I try to fog with agreement to as close to the criticism as I can congruently agree. Helps me own what I'm doing and take the feedback into account for calibration.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 11:43 PM
1

Thanks for the link. It was good reading. I've never really thought of rapport breaks and pressure flips as deflecting. I still tend to view deflecting as defensive. Pressure flips and rapport breaks are congruent on me when I'm festive. Most times, fogging is more congruent to me, as I'll go ahead let that that criticism in and really feel it for what's in it. Try to own what I think is true in it. Deida says "Other people see you better than you see yourself". So, I try to stay open to what's …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 10:42 PM
1

It's not even mediocre though Ouch. True. I'm setting the bar low. involve the kids and teach them something. I do this on the weekends. My issue right now is not using that hour to hour and a half I have after kids go down.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 10:21 PM
1

I'm not familiar with the distinction you're drawing. Will have to check it out.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 08:10 PM
2

No question, especially when I'm choosing to enslave myself to mediocre laziness.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 08:06 PM
2

Heart of Dominance I got way too into this book myself at one point, and made a covert contract out of it. But I still do keep with me, and use, the tool it offered about recognizing that I had to become very observant and learn what submission looks like and that I had been interpreting submission as challenge/competition, when it wasn't at all. Identifying submission, and directing it, has in my experience been more congruent and in my frame than "seeking consent".
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:48 PM
1

Exactly. Working on this myself at the moment as well.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:21 PM
1

You need to be reading u/SBIII ... u/killingtheblue Too bad they deleted out. Would've been nice for them to have left the content up.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:21 PM
2

Fogging: I think of it more as deflecting. I think this is a mistake, honestly. Deflection is a DEER and is defensive, which undermines the assertive purpose of WISNIFG. The defining attribute of the fog is that it is persistent and unaffected by anything anyone tries to do with it. It just sits there, as it is, until it leaves. It offers no resistance (not even deflection or redirection). The whole purpose is to get comfortable with others disagreeing with you and criticizing you such that it r…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:19 PM
2

For conversations, verbalize your inner monologue I think this is really good advice. When I have the presence to do this, it helps me deepen my congruence, and I sense others warm to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:11 PM
3

8. Dynamics 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 181 lbs. 16.5% BF (Navy) RMs (March 2023) * Deadlift: 305x5; 315x4 * Pendlay Row: 155x5; 165x4 * ATG Squat: 210x5; 215x2 * Flat Bench: 175x5; 195x2 * Strict Press: 125x5 Recent Lifts What I did well: • Won three new deals at a time when my deal pipeline is open and low. Will need to win more to get the pipeline how I'm accustomed, but this is a very good trend. • Ran a nice Mother's Day weekend. Praised my wife for her service to me and the kids…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:08 PM
2

The former. I like to share notes, and I appreciate notes shared with me. There's nothing to save anyone from anyway. I also see a flaw in someone else that I see in myself and project from there, which helps me own other shit I tend to miss in my own self audits. Other items I comment on are things I previously struggled with and forgot and am reminded.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/23 11:31 PM
1

If you begin with the committed time investment ("I am, and will be, spending an hour every day getting bigger and stronger in the gym"), it helps with consistency and focus to then remind yourself during that time invested that you have zero other obligations in life for that already-committed time other than what you have invested it for ("I have nothing to do for this hour but lift"). Schedule enough time each day and protect it. Do this for every essential.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/23 01:23 PM
1

Okay, then try it with more intense workouts. Invest there. There really aren't many better ways to make a direct investment in yourself. If you can find purpose in that, you play with house money.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/23 02:22 AM
1

RE: Horse girl.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 09:06 PM
1

I’m sick of Here's a tip. Any time you have a thought that begins this way, recognize that you have just lost a test (from you woman, the universe, a rival, whatever). Something pushed you to a limit that you don't want to surpass to get what you want. Why did you lose? Laziness? Fear? Or is it that you really didn't want to succeed anyway. Any of those are fine if true. Best to see it for what it is. With sex and all else.
/r/askMRP12/05/23 06:46 PM
1

Watts describes it with awakening as: Neophyte thinks he has to earn it. So the master tells him he doesn't have what it takes to earn it. Neophyte insists he does. Master gives him completable tasks. Neophyte completes them and feels briefly that he's earned it. Neophyte then loses it. Neophyte returns to master. Master gives him impossible to complete tasks until neophyte disillusions himself from the idea of earning it and begins accepting it as and when it's offered and available, which is f…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 06:32 PM
1

Okay re-read them, then. Read the others also. You have pointed out you don't know "womanese". These books will not help you understand what they think they are trying to do (that would be an unuseful question with an unuseful answer). They explain the dynamics of why you are seeing the behavior you are describing and offer models to use in adapting yourself so that you can guide those same dynamics to outcomes you want. You don't need to understand her. You need to understand how you can and wa…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 03:16 PM
1

Have you read TRM, Practical Female Psychology, MMSLP, and TWOTSM?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 03:00 PM
1

Doesn't sound fun at all, but you must be amused by it. Else, you wouldn't persist it. Maybe you'll tire of that. Maybe not. This might apply to you.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 11:59 AM
2

Yet, some actions - like dropping your need for someone's respect - are purely mental, and therefore need no additional time or training or preparing. Just a decision. It's surprising how many actions are like this. Some OI is like this, especially when you're able to fully accept that it all ends in death anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 12:00 AM
6

There's no upside in caging your woman from anything. My wife has besties who are extreme feminists and divorcees all over the place. And she absolutely hops in their frame and shit talks "men". AWALT. Who cares? I'm not "men". If she thinks I am, we both know where the door is.
/r/askMRP11/05/23 06:25 PM
1

Relationship: 0 contact, my eye falls on the telegram chat from time to time, but I have found the strength to move on. I won't delete it, as that won't be self-discipline. Self-discipline is having your drug there and being able to avoid touching it. All your energy spent on this "discipline," if you really can call it that, could instead be directed at something, perhaps your purpose. Instead, it's directed at a her who is not even there. The ultimate pedestal. There is no sex in this OYS. Are…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 04:17 PM
2

Haha. Oh, Shiva. What are you up to now? When there becomes no difference between want and need, and they are seen clearly, is there even a self remaining, or has the self just dissolved into the universe? Before we dissolve, what is there really other than amusements? Are we amusing ourselves or are we being amused? How shall I, as God and the universe, amuse myself in this now, the only thing that has ever existed?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 02:49 PM
2

Okay. So, you've got some health history. And she's currently wound tight. Let's assume for the moment that these are all just transient and both of you are, at some level, not special and fully capable of a good dynamic eventually. With that assumption: Are you attracted to her? Do you like fucking her? Imagine for the moment these sex sessions were not extorted starfish, but were exactly like your most intense and dirtiest fantasy, would all this other shit she does bother you? She clearly cou…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 02:17 PM
1

Pretty good OYS 1. I don't follow the sex bit. She's initiating starfish sex and refusing your refusals? Also, WTF, is she forcing you to have sex with her? Why can't you make your "no" mean it?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 02:43 AM
2

Sure, I can predict some things, including that he probably won't do what you suggest. adopting someone else's frame If you have a shitty frame, you don't have to keep it! And just because you're working on your frame and moving it in a direction doesn't mean you're adopting someone else's. A lot of what we think is our frame is inauthentic shells anyway. Letting go of them and trying to get to the ooey gooey center is fine. fluidity I find this centering, and I actually feel more stable and str…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 10:56 PM
2

When she started to tear up it really felt like she was trying to make me feel bad for her behaviour. She was. She's had millennia of evolution and conditioning to do this. I should not have to leave to gather my thoughts True, as a goal. But fine to do when really needed. Better to act from sound mind than not have a sound mind. But, in leaving the apartment when tensions rise like she does, you're imitating her behavior, which is a very unattractive lack of frame. Dealing with unexpected situa…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 10:36 PM
3

I care too much. Bingo. and that's disappointing for my girl More caring too much. Not the right reason to fix any addiction. Fear of being cheated on. I keep asking you (and you keep ignoring my asks) about what you've read. Is it at all possible that all of the guys that have ever posted here have had this fear and maybe even have gathered some tools to help with this stumbling block? What have you read? The more you fear it, the more desperate and needy you become, and the more she wants to c…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 10:07 PM
1

It's good criticism. seems more like you're focusing on the flavour of the week before hopping to the next When I came back, I was really struggling with the "if I'm x, she'll do y" covert contract and was in a very defensive and negative mindset. 3KL hinted that maybe I should spend some time retracing my prior steps. I did that, particularly with Allan Watts and David Deida, and am pretty deep back into that, which has opened me up with powerfully quick reminders of how I used to think and act…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 09:50 PM
3

Honestly, I think u/FutileFighter handled it the way I would (which, depending on your point of view, may or may not recommend it). We have a weekly meeting where there's an expectation that if she has stuff that requires me to be home and watch the kids, she's gotta let me know. I put all my events on the shared calendar immediately. If I'm conflicted, she gets a sitter. Even if I'm not conflicted, she puts it on the calendar and let's me know (even asks most of the time). And I almost always s…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 07:41 PM
3

I think the testing = attraction is more applicable to dating / early in relationships, but it’s still a way for them to check our frame. Nah. Check out TRM at Kindle page 87, MMSLP chapter 10, TWOTSM Ch. 15 (titled "Stop Hoping for Your Woman to Get Easier") and of course this: Your woman's most wonderful gift: The Epic Test I once had a really nasty shit test where wife sent me nasty texts (AWALT: they want a text thread they can pick apart with their girlfriends to get validation). At that ti…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 07:28 PM
3

Also, is your model/approach to shit tests viewing them as her actually showing interest and flirting? Some RP truths/cliches come to mind: - If she's not testing, she's not attracted. - She tests because she has shitty game because she never had to acquire that skill. - No woman will ever love a man the way he wants to be loved. Are you wanting the tests to stop? I know I did for a good long while. Underneath that for me was a giant covert contract: If am attractive/MRP enough, she will treat m…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 01:38 PM
2

Yes, I consciously focus on what I'm working on when interacting here. I find it helps me get the most out of my interactions here and in using them to calibrate in application. Occasionally, I'll comment on something I'm not working on if I feel I see something that no one's yet mentioned and I have experience and a note to share on it. Other guys pretty much cover the waterfront week-to-week. And other guys are more experienced/insightful on many things I don't comment upon. I will sometimes d…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 11:47 AM
2

Have you ever just played around with a shit test by responding with a comfort test response (like a big bear hug)? Maybe your model is broken. I obviously don't have your stats. But I have gotten way more mileage recently, and in past epochs, being more conscious of providing comfort. I'm apparently effortlessly dickish enough to be depriving her of attention just by default.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 01:45 AM
2

Your "punishment" mentality is undermining you. If you really are superior to him, how can his respect be worth anything to you? I'll tell you how. You've pedestalized her. She respects him. And you're jealous of that. You want to have the respect she gives to him. If you respected yourself more than either of them, you'd give no fucks. Why don't you respect yourself? When you answer that, and do something about it, you'll have your self respect back and none of this will mean shit. letting this…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 01:40 AM
2

Your "done" question is a good one, and one that has been hanging me up until recently. Deida would answer that, if you're lucky enough to live until old age, precisely the opportunity you have been given is to give your gift to life and the universe. You are "done" when you can do that, let go, and welcome death. So, visualizing what that might be on your deathbed is a clue to what your gift is. And it's usually hiding behind your biggest and most rational fear. The "done" prism, as you call it…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 01:33 AM
1

Not criticizing. Was curious. You seem to be playing pretty intently.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 12:45 AM
2

quality is improving ... still face plenty of resistance ... effort flagging ... the laziness is creeping back in Honestly, with your stats, the open divorce talk, is she exhausted from dread? I still get plenty of shit tests You sure they're not comfort tests? What do you do, other than nuke?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 10:20 PM
2

7. Purpose; Mission; Daily Work 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 178 lbs. 15% BF (Navy) RMs (March 2023) * Deadlift: 305x5; 315x4 * Pendlay Row: 155x5; 165x4 * ATG Squat: 210x5; 215x2 * Flat Bench: 175x5; 195x2 * Strict Press: 125x5 Recent Lifts What I did well: • Had a productive work trip last week that generated two new projects. • Was approached by a "lady of the night" and her pimp at a hotel bar and had a blast just fucking (not literally) with them. • Made up for a missed lift day d…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 04:49 PM
3

Agreed. I said "simply drop" outcome dependence. You're right that it's more difficult and subtle than that implies. But sometimes it is that simple, especially when it's not a genuine visceral need. For example, a guy can (and I have) simply stop wanting/needing another's (e.g., a parent's or a woman's) respect. Sex is a genuine need for most of us, though. And that's obviously what we're talking most about here. To be OI with a genuine need (money, resources, time, health, sex, friends), you h…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 02:36 PM
1

I have to live my own life ... because everyone else is doing it Hmmm.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 01:19 PM
3

Try the AM stuff when you feel that anger and resentment rising. It's easy when you're high and drunk. But you really get traction when you can turn petty interactions like that into framing the whole situation to both of your benefits. Regardless of whether she enjoys it, you will.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 12:35 PM
1

remain a covert contract as I am unwilling to say it Making a covert contract an express contract is only one way of killing it (and sometimes that doesn't even do it). Another way is to get the thing you expect from a variety of other sources (e.g., plates), so you no longer treat the other person as the stingy withholder of what you need. Another way is to simply drop the expectation altogether and be outcome independent about your side of it. You can use a combination of these too. Of all of …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 12:31 PM
2

Dude, your advice is almost right, but it's for the wrong reason, and it's in the woman's frame. What have you read?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 12:43 AM
1

Whose respect do you need? His? Hers? Why isn't your own respect enough for yourself? Edit: By the way, by "in your head", I didn't mean that you're imagining him. I mean that you are obsessing over him and it's affecting your frame. That is, he, or his mere presence, is intimidating you. The whole thing is a frame problem. How many more weeks do you think you'll be amused by this until you just start living for yourself and not care about whether either of these people give you the respect you …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/23 11:56 PM
1

Still mate-guarding. This "orbiter" is in your head. And you're in your non-wife's frame about it, and likely everything else. Go on a couple of dates with some other women. See what happens.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/23 10:15 PM
1

Avoiding another kid unless I'm happy with my relationship isn't a covert contract, it's common sense. 100% A real covert contract would be going ahead and having the kid and somehow expecting things to get better because I "gave" her what she wants. I think you're doing exactly this. You say you're not. Cool. You be right. Make it happen.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/05/23 10:15 PM
7

I angrily shouted at her for her failure to make good decisions, how she was basically rode a train to whoredome to which her intimacy has little to no value, and now based on the continuous feed of things listed above, I can’t look at her as a wife. All the apologies in the world are not enough for me. I was furious then, I’m furious now every time I think about it. Why is this not the answer for you? Just don't like killing puppies? If you keep her, it'll be a hell of a ride for you to unlock …
/r/askMRP05/05/23 10:13 PM
1

Okay, you win. You have covert contracts with your ego. Congratulations. If it's not a question of being easier, what's it a question of?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/05/23 05:58 AM
2

It's the best you can do. Check your six. If clear, march on.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/23 03:53 AM
2

This would all fit into our mental models better if you would just have incestual sex with them.
/r/askMRP03/05/23 10:26 PM
1

negative? I think the better word is "destructive". The feminine is destructive and chaotic. Deida metaphorizes it with hurricanes and storms. In his lectures, when there is Q&A with women, they confess to being scared that if they let it all the way out it would destroy every person and relationship in their lives (even potentially themselves). Their resentment is seriously destructive. The destruction of a volcano is negative to what is destroyed, but positive for the islands that result and t…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/05/23 04:50 PM
1

game It, like life and everything in it, is absolutely a game. to reduce suffering and have some peace or some fun if possible If that's how someone wants to play it, fine. But you clearly don't want to play it that way. How do you want to play it? If you don't want to play it, you can fold at any time.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/05/23 04:40 PM
1

No, dude. Covert contracts are "if I X, someone else will Y." It's not a covert contract to admit "If I am unaffected by others' moods, I will probably enjoy them more." No one is saying you have to like her. Do what you want. But if you think there's a woman out there without these moods you dislike, happy hunting. You could, I suppose, just be a serial plater and next them as soon as the moods arise. That's one way to do it. It's a lot of work to do all that. Probably more work than becoming u…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/05/23 01:58 PM
2

The point comes from Deida. If you are not as present as you can be, she'll resent you for failing to do that. If you are as present as you can be, she'll love it and enjoy it in the moment, and then immediately complain because it is not enough and will resent you until you can grow to give more. Deida calls this resentment in women "yearning". In TRM terms, she either resents you for being lower value than she could otherwise get (either from a better you or someone else), or she resents you f…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 10:27 PM
1

I'd rather lead her to the behavior I want, then be happy to have another kid. If someone else wrote this in their OYS, what would you recognize it as?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 09:42 PM
1

so she could be a good real friend Don't know what you mean by "real friend". What I'd mean by that is probably something a woman couldn't do. But 100%, you can learn a hell of a lot, and have a really good time doing it, with a platonic relationship with a woman. Even more if there's a slight sexual tension most of the time. if I can handle it right. Mmm, the nice guy dies hard.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 09:07 PM
3

I don't like her when she's having a bad mood I like her when her moods right (whatever that means). I'm being very reactive to her mood. Well, if you want one that doesn't have bad moods, maybe marry a man? If you're able to be not affected by her moods, I guess her bad moods don't matter and you can go about liking her again?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 09:03 PM
1

If you're married to a man, talking should work just fine. Maybe another spin through the sidebar books is in order?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 08:59 PM
3

I think I may have been using my interpretation of my wife’s sexual desire as a measure of my success/improvement. ... I am conscious that there could be a giant fucking hole here. Projecting: For me, the giant fucking hole came many months after sex was on demand and I started measuring myself by how much she was keeping herself attractive and doing things for me. The covert contract just shape-shifted. Your stuff about weekend time and focused attention on the kids is gold. Whenever I'm holdin…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 08:53 PM
1

anything that MRP gives the tools for to 'fix' completely loses weight when you truly DNGAF. Projecting: It's true. But there come problems later if you don't give the single fuck. Doing that well has been like starting from scratch for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 08:51 PM
1

resentment doesn't go away if the other person doesn't get to talk This is true among men. But it's different between men and women, especially if they're married. Men stop resenting women when they choose to (for a woman will never say or do the thing a man has set as his expectation in order for him to let go of resentment). No discussion is necessary for this. Discussion often makes it harder to do. Women stop (and start) resenting men whenever the hell they feel like it. Their dread can miti…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 08:46 PM
2

6. Loosening-up 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 181 lbs. 17% BF (Navy) RMs (March 2023) * Deadlift: 305x5; 315x4 * Pendlay Row: 155x5; 165x4 * ATG Squat: 210x5; 215x2 * Flat Bench: 175x5; 195x2 * Strict Press: 125x5 Recent Lifts What I did well: • Closed two very big transactions at work that have been years in the making. The closings were occurring simultaneously and I had to do them over travel with some employees who were shirking and some counterparties who were unsophisticated and n…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 08:29 PM
2

From an altruistic POV, I’ll be the good guy who took care of someone else’s kid and maybe he’ll appreciate me for it. Others will see me as the good guy. Plus I can help him avoid the mistakes I made. Your nice guy is showing. You are caretaking/fixing. You need to be seen as something here. You feel guilty for the divorce. You need him to be your proving ground to self and the world that you really are the good guy you are trying to be. Come off it, man. Just be you, and let him be him. There'…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 08:07 PM
2

Be as selfish as possible in answering this question: why do you so desperately want to be the one to save him from these perils?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 07:33 PM
3

How old is this kid? At 18, if not sooner, if the kid wants you to be a part of his life, he'll make it happen however he wants to. The more I read, the more I'm picking up a subtext that he is a rope in a tug of war you want to have with your ex.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 06:50 PM
1

than you know what to do with This has been suboptimal for me for most things, pussy included. Usually means I'm reaching too much for one part of life.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 04:43 PM
1

"Suboptimal" and "weird" relative to what?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 04:18 PM
1

Haha. Exactly. It's so retarded to have to learn spontaneity again later in life.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 09:55 PM
1

Around half-pound per week, with 150-200 kcal deficit.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 09:53 PM
1

Right now, while still in transition with the program change, I'm keeping maintenance at between 178 and 180 lbs. Coach and I will revisit macros after the end of next week, which will be the third week following the change, to resume a slow cut.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 06:19 PM
2

Figuring out what I want and articulating my boundaries clearly has been a source of freedom and strength for me. Perhaps it is different for others. Of course it has been for you, and I doubt it is different for others. This, which is self-focused, is very different from punishment, which is other-focused. The strength you have found is not from others respecting your boundaries. It is from knowing what you yourself will do if your boundary is not respected. And that has nothing to do with puni…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 01:55 PM
2

Okay, so now you are saying your comment is strategy for dealing with a woman? You've equivocated on that. This thing you have added to FutileFighter and Chad Thundercock's advice tends to significantly undermine, if not outright contradict, it. That's fine to do. I will now rehabilitate it. Developing "punishment credibility" with the tit-for-tat boundary enforcement contest you're recommening is what guys stuck in anger phases tend to do. They scoreboard every little perceived slight and react…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 11:28 AM
4

You have options. That is good. And they're not mutually exclusive. Nothing more is needed about deciding among them other than you making a decision about what you want to do, and your trust in yourself to deal with the consequences of them, whatever they may be. You need no justification. It's fine if you don't know what you want. That's it's own reason to try something new. Or not to. Just don't make what you choose someone else's fault.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 12:01 AM
2

So, what is it that you have added to FutileFighter's advice to redmateus? Chad Thundercock's post was clearly intended to point out the virtues of exiting the transactional analysis structure of typical games in marriage. I think it does that fairly well. What's your comment intended to do here, other than lodge a semantic objection coming from your idiosyncrasy? That's an honest question, the answer to which is not at all obvious to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 07:11 PM
2

I find the "anger" reflex in my parenting to require some thought before I act on it. Usually, I feel anger when either (a) the kids are fucking-up the flow of how I want my house to run (usually, logistically) or (b) the kids are intentionally sabotaging or being subordinate to test the power dynamic. When it's (a), I will let the controlled anger show if its something I've already had to broken-record them on too many times. In those instances, it's just window-dressing. Never loud and never w…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 06:35 PM
1

I kind of regret what I said last week, as it looks like you may be going down a rabbit hole of your past. That's your call. It's not guaranteed to be productive or nonproductive. On the stuff you're doing, good for you, man. And no need to Monday-morning quaterback every little sentence, gesture, or interaction. You're just shaking-off the rust. Give yourself some grace and time.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 05:56 PM
3

Nobody deviates because outcomes are clear and congruent. This is your strategy for dealing with a woman? Where are you on your reading?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 05:50 PM
1

5. More on Calibrating 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 180 lbs. 16% BF (Navy) RMs (March 2023) * Deadlift: 305x5; 315x4 * Pendlay Row: 155x5; 165x4 * ATG Squat: 210x5; 215x2 * Flat Bench: 175x5; 195x2 * Strict Press: 125x5 Recent Lifts What I did well: • Trained everyday. No alcohol entire week. Pretty fatigued this weekend. Slept-in, did some LISS, ate 10% more macros (all slow carbs and quality protein) and now feel back to 90% on energy and soreness. • Worked half-way through the exerc…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 05:43 PM
2

The last paragraph is the only one that matters. Everything else is, in RP terms, mate-guarding, which is a DLV.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/23 09:23 PM
1

So you punished her for doing what you wanted? That's what you're patting yourself on the back for doing?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/23 07:27 PM
1

It's that last bit that's the illusion. You don't really need that. It's spiritual ego. In the end, all advice is the same: accept what you are or become what you will accept. The more you do the former, the more you do the latter.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/23 11:15 AM
1

First you said "need". Now you say "like". Do you know the difference?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/23 02:07 AM
1

Nuking in this context means nuking her ego, if you can. And you're right that it can blow up on you if you're unattractive (physically and/or psychologically). Yet it also can enhance your attractiveness. Have fun with your dynamite.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/23 04:40 PM
1

I know and can relate to the need for struggle with another to advance mentality. It is an illusion, though. One to which I myself too often succumb.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/23 01:44 PM
1

Any guy that gets genuinely irritated here is just another teapot. Ask me how I know, right?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 11:07 PM
2

Heard this today and thought of you: David Deida: "Everyone sees you better than you see yourself."
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 10:23 PM
1

What about your decision actually prevents any of those fears from actually materializing? I'm not sure I follow this. In other words, couldn't some of these fears materialize regardless of what you decide, or whether you ever decide? How much does your deciding or not deciding really cause these fears to occur or not occur? Couldn't these same fears occur if you don't divorce? I don't think the fears noted here are related to laziness. Maybe not. I'm not particularly lazy, though I go through b…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 08:15 PM
2

many people would get a lot of benefit with that kind of a realization in life Haha. I would be one if I could always remember it.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 07:37 PM
1

With the fears, how about imagining every single one of them occurs in a way far worse than you initially imagine. Then what? What about your decision actually prevents any of those fears from actually materializing? How much of what you fear here is really permanent? How much is really under your control? Can you be guilted without your consent? has me questioning whether or how long I want to let this play out. Is this because you're looking for a more 'permanent' 'solution'? A problem-free li…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 07:19 PM
1

I saved that guide. Gold. u/BitlongMuncher, also check out Christopher Voss's mirroring and labeling techniques. Very low-effort way to stay interested and open up the other person to feel heard, comfortable, and flowing. Use it with my kids, clients, and coworkers frequently.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 07:10 PM
1

what's the treatment protocol? Beyond lift, sidebar, and STFU? I'd start by becoming an expert about what you fear. Visualize it intensely. Imagine intensely all of the nasty stuff that could happen to you with whatever you fear. Become comfortable with that fear and accept those possibilities. Then act in the face of them and see how unnecessary the ego's protection is. Untethered Soul is a good resource for approaching something like that. I continue to project, as I see I need to do this myse…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 06:24 PM
1

No, my nice guy hides the enervating stuff in person; it's just for your enjoyment. ;-P You have at least convinced me that I need to be on the lookout for this thing you feel but can't describe. So, you're getting some rent-free space in my head. I don't feel the time is wasted, and it's okay if we baffle each other. That's part of the fun.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 06:18 PM
1

Here are the questions this comment provoked in my mind: What, if any, significance is it that /u/swordholder69 responded to my admitted projection as a criticism? What, if any, significance is it that u/SwordHolder69 framed his response to me as a defense? What, if any, significance is it that /u/swordholder69 was concerned with looking like being un-self-aware or narcissistic or how he's being read? What, if any, significance is it that /u/swordholder69 reads me as having my own house in order…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 03:15 PM
1

I went and made myself a cup of coffee after writing this comment above. And found myself thinking more on it. I've been doing this type of ego protection myself for the last several weeks in my OYSs. So it's kind of fresh to me. It's a pattern I've done before on MRP. And, if history is any guide, it is a pattern I will repeat. What it is in this pattern that I do that recurs? Where does it come from? Well, I think the times in my life when I have felt the need to start OISing have all begun wi…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 01:13 PM
1

Looks like ego to me too. Whenever multiple guys here are telling me it's X, and I am sincerely responding "I don't know what it is, but it's not X", then two things are always true: it's X (though perhaps not exactly how they're communicating it because they don't have full access to me) and my ego is protecting it. Here, X is ego. So, you have ego protecting itself. That's the hardest knot for me to untie. I'm positively bad at it. Best I've done with it is to accept that I do it and that I do…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 12:32 PM
3

Don't make counter clearing about sex unless you're going to fuck her on it then and there. FTFY
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 01:58 AM
1

You're spot on about Watts. The way he puts it is you have to accept the reality of no-self and then enjoy the illusion of being a self as a game. Where I think it really runs afoul of RP (and particularly MRP) praxeology, is that they rely on self-knowledge as the gold standard for authenticity and congruence. Watts, Zen, and even a good deal of the Dao, teach there is no self-knowledge because there is no self. Any statement about self is the illusory ego. I have great sympathies to the Zen/Da…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 09:55 PM
1

kCals: 2000 /day, which I hit. I was short about 30 grams of protein off of a 190g/day pace. Those kCals went to alcohol instead. Plates: not a forever decision for sure.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 07:29 PM
2

False. The only RP rule needed to understand my questions to him was Rule 0. The RP rules I referenced, about what a woman forever thinks of a man who keeps her after she's cheated, or the folly of saving a failed relationship, were not germane to the question I was asking. I presume you and he know them as well as I do.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 07:25 PM
1

C'mon, dude. Apply yourself. ;-p
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 06:35 PM
3

Is whether it "comes out" or not really relevant? Are you in a spot of: "If she cheated, then X; if not, then Y?" Maybe it's relevant in some way to the question of "What do you want?" But maybe not. There are RP rules about this stuff, but there's no rule about being RP about this stuff. For me, it would have been better to have left for some reason other than her cheating, and it's better that I haven't for some reason other than her not cheating. And that reason is the answer to "What do I wa…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 06:15 PM
1

Sounds pretty good. There is this: I sensed a bit of anger .... There's a touch of resentment here towards her for treating me with less value .... [T]he way she has treated me gave me was a signal that provided the initial motivation to seek out growth, take responsibility for my life and make changes in myself for the better. ... There has still been some resistance to my initiations.... At night I’m still getting some resistance.... I could probably push to overcome this, but it really doesn’…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 05:54 PM
4

The taste of the venison tends to depend on more about how you've handled and prepared it anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 05:02 PM
1

Believe it or not, there's a hell of a powerful experience in answering the question of "What does it mean about, or matter to, me if she cheated?" It's something every dude here can ask himself. Some of us get the opportunity to do so under a feeling of urgent duress, which intensified the experience for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 04:57 PM
3

I see you're still reading TRM. Might go over it a couple of times, especially on One-itis. Get Practical Female Psychology going asap too. Do you like this woman? Given hypergamy, how successful is a strategy based on an ultimatum designed to secure you control over your life? Who does that imply ultimately has control?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 04:10 PM
3

So, patience and appreciation would help?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 03:25 PM
2

Is this even the right question? Do you really think it doesn't tingle? Or, is it just not tingling for you? Or are you just not able to identify and work with it when it tingles for you? What have you read, again?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 02:51 PM
2

I don't know that I have. If you're golden 90% of the time, then I'd say chalk it up to being rusty or learning a new thing. If that 90% is really more like 60% or lower, then maybe you have lots to do here. rotten core Just be sure that you really think it's there before you go looking for it. Could well be that you talk yourself into that, which would be a lot of time spent going in the opposite direction. There may be no abscess to remove. You might just need to change the way you move and ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 02:36 PM
2

Well, maybe she is a frigid cunt. And maybe that's a reflection of you. Have you tried not being a frigid cunt and seeing what happens?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 02:30 PM
6

glad I've done it I started in earnest when I realized that I had FOMO about having basically been a serial monogamist my entire life and not having played the field. I thought "why carry this around when I can just see what it's like now". I was curious about, and learned a lot from, it too. Am I really now in my prime? (I am.) How easy would it be? (Extremely easy.). Would I have guilt? (I didn't.) Would I have shame? (I had a few thoughts at times.) Would I be good at it with more than just o…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 02:22 PM
1

not feeling I deserve to succeed Who deserves success? Who deserves luck? Only those who put themselves in position to accept it when the universe offers it. You're seeing the offers at least. new dimension Nice reframe to a win-win. force new habits and suppress old ones You read NMMNG how many times?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 01:54 PM
3

I'm finding it difficult to see a "you" in this post. Is it that I'm blind or are you hiding?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 01:40 PM
3

You seem to be identifying a lot of self sabotaging behaviors. You've read NMMNG? not sure what to make of that Was this skepticism well-placed? Or was it a self-sabotage too? You come off like you felt guilty doing a singles thing.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 01:15 PM
4

4. More on Calibrating; Attachments 40yo, 3kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 179 lbs. 16.95% BF (Navy) RMs (March 2023) * Deadlift: 305x5; 315x4 * Pendlay Row: 155x5; 165x4 * ATG Squat: 210x5; 215x2 * Flat Bench: 175x5; 195x2 * Strict Press: 125x5 Recent Lifts What I did well: • I started adjusted program: General Gainz 3.5 lift days per week, with conditioning each day between. Overall, after first half of first week, I feel more "worked" by the end of the day, even after days that don't feel as t…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 12:07 PM
1

Was listening to Alan Watts today. He taught the ego is pure illusion. A fiction. It can be abandoned. It is the illusion of self. To lose it, one must lose one's self. I don't know how a red pilled man does that.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 03:29 AM
1

It's up to me to see whether your projection is my reflection.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 01:30 AM
1

kill your ego Project. How have you done this? Trade your note.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 12:08 AM
1

time management My projection: It's a negotiation. Do you like the returns on the investment of time? If not, change the investment. You get 24 new hours each day. If your return is happiness, what investment tends to produce that return. Is there extended investment you need to make now for higher returns later? Can you find happiness in the investing itself, and the risk of losing the investment? If so, then you play with house money.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/23 11:53 PM
3

Do you see how you bullshit yourself in the sex paragraph? It begins with you being so scarce and needy that you put your dick in a body you're not attracted to. It ends with you saying you don't see any neediness or scarcity. Put your dick in whatever you want, but don't lie to yourself when your behavior pattern keeps reinforcing to yourself that you are only capable of getting what you don't want. Put the effort into growing the capability to get what you want.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/23 02:17 PM
2

I am still in her frame. And that’s the hardest part for me. Don’t really know how to get her into my frame other than living a full and busy life which I still dont for now. Just worry about being in your own frame (and out of hers, or anyone else's) for awhile. No one is entering your frame unless they want to, and that's only after you've been comfortable in it for a while.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/23 01:46 AM
1

Do you lift fasted or fed? Same question on conditioning.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/23 06:26 PM
1

I asked what you meant, not for you to solve it for me. I already am very "concrete" with tracking and recording macros. So much so that I don't think think the issue is in the details as in the execution. Hence, my initial answer. Was asking here for you to elaborate on "I would be more concrete."
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/23 04:30 PM
1

How would you make it more concrete? What do you mean?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/23 01:43 PM
1

Do you not get catabolic when you fast? How do you cram all the protein into the 10 hours you're not fasting, when you can only absorb so much protein every couple hours? Has this previously worked for you?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/23 07:52 PM
1

but I don't see a risk of that for you. Lol.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/23 06:52 PM
1

Reminding myself that doing this is necessary for me to achieve what I want.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/23 06:37 PM
1

I find acceptance works on 2 levels. Practically, when I'm doing it, it replaces rumination. Philosophically and spiritually, it clears the way for gratitude and abundance.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/23 03:30 PM
1

Pretty cool. A bit more forgiving on me personally than the one I have used.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 10:37 PM
1

I read I think you'll find that the journal subjects aren't worth writing about once you remove the audience. and remember we're not writing for audience so you DGAF As contradictory. If we're writing OYS to ourself (or future self, as I like to think of it), then isn't that the same as journaling? I feel like you have a point that I'm missing.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 09:01 PM
3

Thanks for owning everyone else's shit. Guess we're all off the hook now.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 07:47 PM
1

Right. The 1RM is not relevant to these goals. GZCL will work a compound in the powerlifting ranges as a tier 1, and also a variation in the hypertrophy range as a tier 2, and an assistance in the endurance range as a tier 3. We had previously been doing the latter two, and were going to add in the powerlifting range later. Now, we're going to accelerate that and add in the powerlifting now and work on all three. This will mean less time and energy in endurance during the lifting day, which will…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 07:12 PM
1

nice guy trap Concur
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 05:43 PM
2

I've had success in the past with using CBT and some NLP approaches of simply focusing on adjusting the behaviors and not going around looking for root causes. All of this NMMNG reading and journaling, and writing here, is reminding me of the usefulness of that approach. The pathological childhood trauma has a vicious circularity to it: you feel less-than because you have unhealed trauma that you will never heal. I think the characterization of trauma and the ego in Untethered Soul makes more se…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 05:25 PM
2

You come-off to me as working in the dumb binary beta-bad/alpha-good. You seem uncalibrated on this, which is probably my own projection on to you and may or may not be at all accurate.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 05:20 PM
1

different than last week It isn't. Do you think it should be? I feel like I just didn't execute on a good enough plan. e1RMs And measured against age and BW via https://strengthlevel.com/strength-standards ?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 05:16 PM
1

That song's not a bad one to have in your head. Though my mindset in writing this is more like the last verse of the sequel's version of that song: Everything's not awesome Things can't be awesome all of the time It's an unrealistic expectation But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try To make everything awesome In a less idealistic kind of way We should maybe aim for not bad 'Cause not bad, well that would be real great I do bristle. I also experiment too much with others' advice. I'm not calibrat…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 05:01 PM
1

do better next week Don't put alcohol / fat in body unless I have room in the macros. sq/dl are about 15% off ... squat is lagging a whopping 40% Did you mean "bp/dl"? % off Off from what? What reference are you using?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 04:56 PM
1

Not make it the priority, just raise it higher. Current priority is: 1. Consistency 2. Injury-free 3. Stamina 4. Attractiveness We will be looking at a train everyday program and keep the consistency and injury-free priorities. But we will be doing some tradeoffs on stamina and attractiveness to gain more strenghth. Not looking to train for 1RMs. We'll be using the GZCL tiers to train work strength and attractiveness priorities. Conditioning will be where most of the stamina work will be done.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 04:54 PM
1

Not saying that you're definitely doing this, because I couldn't possibly know, but is your desire to hand out these books "trying to fix" things?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 01:54 PM
1

Is the beta part bad?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 01:52 PM
3

3. On Calibrating 40yo, 3kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 177 lbs. 17.14% BF (Navy) Deadlift: 305x5; 315x4 Pendelay Row: 155x5; 165x4 ATG Squat: 210x5; 215x2 Flat Bech: 175x5; 195x2 What I did well: • I met with my coach and discussed making strength a higher priority. I decided to take his suggestion that we do a fresh set of baseline maxes so he can come back with some program change suggestions. We'll go over those next week. I can decide to go with them or keep on what I'm doing. If I change p…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 10:05 AM
1

Thanks. calibrate Yep. My weakness with this is all over my feedback this week. It's very illuminating and helpful.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/23 08:41 PM
1

This is great. Overlaps strongly with feedback I'm getting from 3KL and Ragnar. Thanks for taking the time to circle-back on it.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/23 08:37 PM
1

Goddamn. Yep. Lots of negativity here. Not a big deal. I've been here before. And apparently I've been somewhere like where I want to go before too. I'm not lost, I'm just off course. Thanks for pointing out these landmarks.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 07:12 PM
1

Oh, Jesus. All the shit I need to remind myself of is in things I've projected onto others. Hahaha. Goddamn. You know, though, when I said and projected that to/on you, I thought I could make a lifelong mission out of finding myself, which was "exploring myself", which was "experimenting" until I die. I'm now seeing that if I continue to use that frame, I will never be able to calibrate. There's nothing to calibrate toward if there's no desire end state. So now I have the usual hamster shit: Wha…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 05:27 PM
1

Could you clearly define what this above would look like? I think I described my past runs as clearly as I'm currently able in my response to 3KL yesterday. Why am I displeased with these? None were sustainable. Why do I desire sustainability? I don't know. Is it that I want a "problem-free life"? Or do I define "sustainability" as getting goodies from people and the universe by me pushing the right buttons? Or is it really I never simply learned in each case how to accept and work with the me i…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 05:25 PM
1

Lots of clicking going on with this. I used the house moving analogy in discussion with 3KL in discussion about my three prior post-MRP exposure attempts at frame. I concluded all we're experimental and none were ever calibrated to me. This means I don't know who the fuck I am, which hilariously makes me in your typical mid life crisis. Oh well. Just more work to do. I am having trouble getting the who the fuck am I ball rolling. I will probably OYS about it in focus and others will help me shak…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 05:01 PM
0

Well, you called it, u/Tines0. You feared I'd clobber you over the head. After doing some reading and journaling tonight, I'm now coming to realize, that's exactly what i did. I'm sorry I roped you into that, wasted your time, and made you my special object of torture. u/Blarg_Risen tried to keep me from going full steam, but I wasn't having it. I'm only now realizing how much of this behavior pattern others can see that I cannot. It feels very disempowering to know that I have a pattern I don't…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 03:17 AM
1

How would someone explain themselves in a nondefensive way? Is all explanation of one's self defensive or DEERing? What does non-DEERing explanation look like to you? Does your rule about non-DEERing mean no one should explain themselves in response to an accusation? How can you tell what is and what is not DEERing explanation? Does it require making an assumption about the explainer? If the assumption is false, would it be ridiculous to believe that the response to an accusation of DEERing of "…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 09:10 PM
1

Id say if you are choosing to engage in continued conversation, you have already vetted him. This got me. I feel like I learned something from reading it. YOU are putting yourself in that box. You're doing it FOR ME (and everyone else here). I didn't ask you to. And THATS nice guy behavior. Ask yourself "Why am I doing that?" This got me too, I think. I still think I'm putting myself in that box because of prior failed attempts to believe I've climbed out. I don't really know what I think about …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 04:58 PM
1

You're right. I see the shift you're mentioning. That one last night, I popped over into teacher. Sounds like you think that's the wrong thing to do because it prevents things from "progressing cleanly". I'm not sure of the value of clean progress to me as a rule. A critic's ability to deal with a contrary perspective (especially one that honestly I believe I possess) is one manner in which I vet that critic for the value of his advice. And his ability to deal with his own self reflected back at…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 04:16 PM
2

I've re-read my post and your reply here at least a half dozen times. What I'm seeing: * I've been confusing "experimenting" (my words) at the "extremes" (your words), and confusing that as calibrating * Experimenting is trying to test or break a hypothesis in a controlled way to understand better the underlying causes; it is not taking action to produce a desired result * Calibration is done to produce a desired result that is better in quality or quantity than the status quo * Experimentation …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 01:42 PM
1

I certainly am petty sometimes. And I probably am here. You're right; I can walk away from criticism like this. That would be okay. Or, I can see if a guy like this, who has a good comment history, in my opinion, can give me something I can work with. If not, or not right now, that's okay too.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 01:03 PM
1

I am responding with negative inquiry because you are making what appears to me to be a passive aggressive and arbitrary judgement and I am trying to encourage you to be more assertive so I can understand and we can both increase the odds of a valuable exchange. What does it mean to you that you have framed this as a game and that there is a right or wrong?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 04:26 AM
1

Thanks. I appreciate you doing what you could with the time you have. I'm still chewing, currently have some questions, and expect to come back with them.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 02:11 AM
1

What is it about my answer that is DEERing?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 02:06 AM
1

I negatively asserted and you interpreted as apology. That's okay. I self-disclosed and u/Tines0 interpreted as DEER. That's okay. And you're now asking me to adopt a perspective other than my own, which I'm not inclined to do. And that's okay. And I'm further self-disclosing now, which you may or may not be inclined to further interpret as DEERing. And that'll be okay too.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 11:44 PM
1

appreciate their curiosity for the world, and how they are unfurling as people. This makes sense to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 06:53 PM
0

how to get the kids to unlock your joy If I'm reading this right, this sounds pretty dangerous for yourself and your kids. This is how to make nice-guys out of your kids.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 04:40 PM
5

feeling like she was challenging my ability God, I've noticed myself doing this in the last several months. It's very revealing about slipping into her frame, but more than, about how in my head I get. There are certainly times when the wife makes a move to sit in the captain's chair. But there are other times when she's approaching the captain's chair to be ready to take an order. I have remind myself, it doesn't matter what she thinks she's doing when she approaches it. What matters is how I r…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 04:38 PM
1

I kind of shrugged this comment off earlier, but I've been chewing on it since I read it. It's turning out that this is a very well-aimed comment. And if you intentionally aimed it in the way that I'm chewing on it, I'm very impressed by your gift for this and appreciate very much being the beneficiary of it this morning. I will think more about this, but my initial thoughts are productive for me. I've had, as far as I can tell, at least three different attempts at frame in my MRP journey. Attem…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 04:23 PM
1

What tools am I missing the point about, and what is the point I am missing?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 12:21 PM
1

These are helpful. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 11:56 AM
1

Not at the moment. The opposite, really. It feels new and empowering to be open to criticism and not be daunted by it. And then to use it for my benefit feels very centering and solid. Even after two nights of hardly any sleep.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 11:53 AM
2

Overcorrection? Probably. I'm going to play it out a bit and see if I can't learn something from it.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 11:49 AM
1

And if this is my perspective?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 02:56 AM
0

What is it about this answer that is a DEER?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 01:52 AM
1

I didn't feel that need. Nor did I apologize. I just commented on a part of his OYS that I'm working on too. And I made a joking negative assertion for missing the dude was divorcing after asking him if he was saying he wanted to give someone WISNIFG and whether that was his wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 12:29 AM
8

Fathers, above all else, are more models than instructors. And they can be shitty ones, good ones, and the shades in between.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 09:54 PM
1

I've not. Thanks for suggesting. I may check it out.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 09:30 PM
3

Can you not form your own opinion? Absolutely can and do all the time on many things. But about myself? Clearly not enough and not well enough. You're right; I'm caring too much about what others think. Nice-guying. ego, guilt, shame, and insecurity Yep. It's there and in me. Thought I'd cleaned all that out a couple of years ago, but I've apparently closed the lid and let it regrow back. Looks like the NMMNG exercises have a lot for me do to on this. So, that will be the work for a while. absur…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 07:12 PM
1

I will watch-out for self-flagellation and seek to replace it with honest appreciation. I have a lot of good things going too, but my weaknesses are getting my attention right now, and they're my focus in sharing here. Honestly, my fuckups centered around dealing with my teapot in having to hold the boundary. Those missed days were me losing confidence in what I'm doing and hamstering reasons why I was too busy to do it that day. Looking back, I'm seeing that connection between how lifting and f…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 06:29 PM
1

My wife and I are getting divorced (see my OYS this and last week) That was pretty tone-deaf, and not at all empathetic, of me to miss, wasn't it?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 05:13 PM
2

I'm trying to get important people in my life to read it. Like your wife? I've debated this too and even bought her the book, but haven't given it to her. When I consider giving it to her, I usually conclude that in doing so I'd be just trying to change her/project on her, so I don't. I do want to give a training to my employees using it though. I see a lot of them bunched-up in conversations with each other that could be overcome with these very simple tools. They are all very passive-aggressiv…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 04:41 PM
1

2. On My Nice-Guying 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8" Lifts 178.1 lbs. , 16.0% BF (Navy) Last Lift (today): Superset 1: Deficit Deadlift 215 lbs. 52 total reps (12,12,12,16) + no rest + Dumbell incline press 90 lbs. (45 per side) (12,12,12,16 per side) + 90-second rest between supersets Superset 2: Kettlebell Squat 30 lbs. (15 per side) 80 total reps (24,24,32) + no rest + Chest-supported Rows 20 lbs. (10 per side) 80 total reps (24,24,32) + 60-second rest Non-lifiting-day conditioning this week…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 03:00 PM
1

God. This is all justification. I don't know what I'm doing. Very frustrating.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/23 11:32 PM
1

It's good to "see" you too. I have actually thought about you plenty of times in the last few months and how I've judged you for what I have perceived as a lack of timely progress here. That was projection, of course. I really appreciate your persistence now. I agree. u/killingtheblue has driven down on something I am ego protecting. I am owning that I'm ego protecting there with a boundary that I will eventually need to move to advance. Even so, it's my boundary for now. I didn't enjoy having t…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/23 09:52 PM
1

100%. I'm already more than half way through NMNG and am really sifting what is me in it, and finding a lot. I noticed a lot of my validation seeking, especially this last weekend, and also a couple of times already today.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/23 09:17 PM
1

I think if I get too chummy right now, I'll try to qualify myself for guys or stroke their egos, all of which is validation seeking. I'm not this wooden typically. I'm focusing on saying, as precisely as I can, what I am thinking based on how I'm trying to shape that thinking. I definitely am using formulaic responses. It looks and feels autistic as shit. It is slowing me down and getting me to use the tools on both my inner and outer communications. I'm intentionally painting by numbers right n…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/23 09:47 PM
1

Big three are programmed, though not yet progressed to the powerlifting rep ranges. I will get there. For now, the program is building work capacity.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 06:32 PM
1

Sounds like he came to the right place for what he needs, but wants something else.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 03:48 PM
1

Yes. 37.5# /side is correct. The program progresses the combined.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 01:53 PM
1

Yes. My program is designed to consistently and frequently pickup easy wins without stalls. And it has to-datr, and I expect it to for a long while. These weights and rep ranges would only disclose BF through strongur if they were maxes, which they are not. I use a 7 day moving average of my Navy BF. It has a margin of error of at least 3%. I am not interested in exactly knowing how much fat mass or lean muscle I have at any given point, but rather to have more than a mirror to use in observing …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 11:28 AM
1

Yes. I am pleased with my progress and trend. I could post about it. And it probably would invite criticism I could explore. We'll see when I decide to do so.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/23 07:50 PM
1

It's 75# together (32.5# per hand).
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/23 07:46 PM
1

Yes. I am practicing assertiveness. I am now starting to see how I'm nice-guying in general; I probably am here too. I am working with a tea-pot ego too. I am not posting about my lifting programming at this time. It is a boundary I have set because of the fear I have identified about disorienting myself from what is currently working for me. That is, I don't have the frame to discuss it here yet. It will be a boundary I will eventually have to move and remove to get to where I want to go. I am …
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/23 07:36 PM
1

Yes. Deleting out is not likely to further me towards what I want. Yes. My format is not what others choose. And I could change my format for others' preferences and idiosyncrasies. My audience is my future self, and I'm counting on him to make a decisions about such things that invest in and benefit his future self. Yes. I do sound paranoid, don't I? Yes. I could include fictional things in my OYS to obfuscate and noise my identity or to smoke out a spy. I don't know how I could do so without u…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/23 12:22 PM
1

Yes. I read your first paragraph as an admission that you don't have frame and were living in MRP's frame. If my read is correct, you and I did have the same experience. I think I recall seeing other men on here do the same over the years. I think it's a common reason for failure. ​ it's nice to not feel like I'm the only one here who's gone through that Does this desire for comfort limit you?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 06:52 PM
3

Well, goddamn. Yes it is.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 06:51 PM
2

Yes. Your linking of it had me read a bunch of his posts. They are very entertaining. I find myself wanting to put myself into all of the boxes he uses. I then recognize that as a failure to read the posts from an arms-length and then make the necessary judgements and calibrations for my own situation. I then recognize the need to challenge my current working perception. And that entire process is invaluable. So, thanks for triggering it.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 04:50 PM
2

Yes. We are different. I didn't mean what I said to insult you. I meant it to self-disclose my thoughts as they occurred to me in responding. I have valued your comments and posts in the past and am sure I will find value in them as you resume. Even so, the "you" that I perceive through this lens is probably quite different from the "you" I'd perceive if I "knew" you. And that's important for me to remember when interacting with advice I receive or give.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 04:42 PM
1

I did re-read that in January. It didn't hit profoundly in any away. I felt like I was checking a box. ​ What are you seeing in my OYS that has you asking this?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 04:39 PM
1

I'm sure you believe all that. I'm keeping with my program. My focus in this OYS is on OYSing itself. I may OYS about fitness later when I decide it warrants my focus.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 12:06 PM
2

They really aren't that good, are they?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 04:08 AM
3

The pattern of my lacking leadership is especially present during the mornings when we are getting the kids ready for school, when I oftentimes stay in bed and frequently raise my voice at the kids. Opportunity to wake up before everyone, enjoy some coffee and greet everyone with a smile and some encouragement to help them frame their days.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 01:30 AM
3

Another tip that’s helped me — What if your first reaction to anything she says or does is to smile? Maybe it’s genuine, or fake, or mocking, or whatever, but I’ll bet it will help you be less reactionary. It also puts you in a better mindset to use AM or A&A. Gold
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 01:27 AM
1

Thanks for linking that J10H comment.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 12:54 AM
2

Yes. It was obvious. And we will see.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 11:44 PM
1

When I first read this comment I wanted to respond like we're old buddies. We're not, though. Just Internet strangers. I didn't feel the difficulty in writing this OYS. I just wrote it to myself.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 11:44 PM
1

Yesterday: Deficit Deadlifts 52 total reps at 195# (12,12,12,16); Dumbell Incline Press 52 total reps at 75# (32.5# per hand) (12,12,12,16)
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 11:26 PM
3

1. On My OYSs 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8", 178#, 15.7% BF I'm dissatisfied with how I own my shit here. I never really have been pleased with my past runs at it. I've deleted out three times. Twice because I felt frustrated not being understood. The last time I got frustrated with myself. I realized that all the work I told myself I'd done hadn't amounted to much If I didn't have frame. And since that's the most important part, I hadn't really progressed where it mattered. I thought, "This …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 02:16 PM
1

I think I already answered what I think about 1 in my own 1-4 above. Not sure where the disconnect is. On 2, Blarg has said a few things I would tend to agree with. For me, the value has come in the opportunities for growth in leadership and frame. More than that, there's a certain level of mine-ness that has come with it. I'll caveat all of this a few ways: I'm aware of self-rationalizing here. Even so, I do agree you can do all of this outside of a marriage. My own situation is as someone who …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/23 07:45 PM
1

And as I further reflect, I am seeing that there is plenty I'm learning here on this (but which is what I actually already referred to in my comment to Horns on the recurrence of this same pattern in the MRP portion of the matrix). What I already knew was that we would self-rationalize our status quo. What I didn't know is how I'd do it this time. The business association analogy above is showing me that. One can conduct business in an unincorporated enterprise or unformalized partnership (a la'…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 04:58 PM
1

Yep. Talking to both of us. I do think there is something to learn here. You don't see it. That's fine. It's difficult to see things outside of how you've framed them. Your approach is very Rollo (thinks it's "objective"). Mine is more Rian (what is true is what is useful). We are both at transient stages in a transient universe that has plenty others with comparable or antagonistic approaches. What you call detriments of marriage are all mostly financial and legal. Owning a business subjects yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 03:37 PM
1

Little guy approaches bigger guy in gym and asks, "Did my calf raises look alright?" Bigger guy says, "Get deeper in your squat." Little guy says, "But I'm asking about the calf raises."
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 02:22 PM
1

... concrete ... absolute ... tangible ... truth Blarg is trying to give you an answer proportional to the size of his perspective. It's not fitting yours. Neither perspective is false or untrue. What value can you take from that?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 01:39 PM
1

Seems like a lot of verba and not enough acta.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 01:24 PM
2

Or, stated another way, "do what you want." Our preachy blue pill assassin here is still getting his arms around how that works intersubjectively on the value of marriage thing (and other topics I read his comments on). We are all trying to get our arms around it subjectively on the stuff we fill our lives with.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 01:19 PM
3

Sounds like you want consensus on abstract principles ... or to have your thoughts validated as right. Is that worth the time to either of us?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/23 09:18 AM
3

False. The only answer is a situation where the red pilled man doesn't want to get divorced.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 09:25 PM
3

switch has flicked Switches flick on and flick off. Invest in night vision.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 09:20 PM
1

... I wanted out. I needed to ... figure things out. ... business as usual. ... soap opera episodes ... My ego wrote ... I spiraled ... ... sketching out potential career moves ... ... preserve my ego's fantasies. But you can only hide from reality for so long. ... what would I be getting away from? ... career would still be half-fulfilled. ... product I plan to sell. ... been working on and try to make that viable ... may need to try ... something smaller first ... not fantasies Maybe ...? You …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 09:02 PM
1

level of desire ... definitely lower I got on TRT and begin eating at macro goals. Energy returned. Libido varied. Duty sex is real for some.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 08:53 PM
1

Sorry for your loss. Losing mine has been a strong source of pain, but it has been an even stronger source of growth. WOTSM: "Imagine your father is dead."
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 08:49 PM
1

This "what's the value of marriage to a red-pilled man" debate always interests me on MRP. That's dumb of me because it always has the same pattern of the participants usually self-rationalizing their status quo, including me. When I see this recur, it reminds that this is one of those times when it is Rule 0 that matters most when thinking about the issue.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 08:44 PM
3

I didn't like my frame ... Frame is its own judge. Thanks for this post.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/23 01:49 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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