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ouishi Archive

View 0 posts and 1,890 comments by ouishi on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

Yes, not like women are ever told to choose better or just leave or stop fucking Chads or stop being gold diggers or or or… yeah, totally never ever heard any of that, no sir E /s
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/26 10:51 PM
1

Except all the times this isn’t true…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/26 02:37 PM
–

So, this paper does NOT display a direct correlation. There are different correlations depending on birth year, so the effect is inconsistent. Just because you can slap a weakly correlational line on something doesn’t make it “directly correlated.” Words mean things. Also, this study only covers Japan, which is not where I live nor date. Here is a paper that shows across studied that it is NOT a “direct” correlation: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22389549/ >A literature review (n = 18) on the …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/26 06:03 PM
–

Directly correlate, huh? That is a strong scientific claim without evidence.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/26 04:32 PM
1

Tell me then, how is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/26 05:42 AM
1

If all 16 countries showed the same trend, sure. But their methods leave a lot to be desired. We are talking about 10-25% of marriages and 11 countries showed a very moderate increase while others did not. Every. Single. Country. Studied. showed homogamy to be MUCH more popular than hypergamy. What do you make of that? Why does noise in the data mean anything? Why don’t the countries where hypergamy decreased factor in at all? Or countries where hypogamous marriages outnumber hypergamous ones? S…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 11:58 PM
1

They state explicitly that hypergamy increased in some places, while decreasing or staying stable in others. I don’t live in any of the countries it is increasing in and it is not increasing across the board, so it is completely irrelevant to the discussion at hand. This is not enough evidence to say “hypergamy is increasing globally” nor is it even enough evidence to say “hypergamy is increasing across Latin America.” This evidence says hypergamy is going up some places but not others. Why not …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 11:43 PM
1

For those specific Latin American countries, sure. Which again, did not show hypergamy increasing across the board but DID observe homogamy as the plurality or outright majority in all countries studied, which again, were exclusively in Latin America.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 11:24 PM
0

Again, why is data from a handful of Latin American countries relevant to global dating? If hypergamy was such an unstoppable force, surely it would be the top choice in all countries, and it isn’t the most common arrangement in a single one in this study. The fact that a minority of marriages display female hypergamy, according to this very source, shows your reasoning is flawed. A small increase in a handful of countries is meaningless when other countries are decreasing and staying stable. An…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 10:52 PM
0

16 countries and not even all of them show an increase AND homogamy is still more popular. This source doesn’t support the idea that hypergamy is expanding everywhere nor the assertion that this is the most popular arrangement.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 10:33 PM
–

Are women who don’t wear makeup *rewarded* by society?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 09:59 PM
0

I see men in dresses every day. We run in different circles.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 06:10 PM
–

Then why are our presidents and CEOs almost never the smartest guy in the room? Society rewards much more than pure IQ, and high IQ is usually a detriment to other important social skills you mentioned.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 03:41 PM
5

And yet, women here are told to do it all the time. Everyone needs to examine their preferences and acknowledge their own toxic traits (like being attracted to assholes or bitches).
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 03:37 PM
–

If you think high IQ men ever ran society, I got a bridge to sell you. High IQ men often worked at the behest of wealthy men, just like today.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 02:59 PM
–

Tell me, are their friends and school mates raised more gendered? If so, you are not isolating them from gendered expectations.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/26 02:54 PM
1

We got churches too! I love my weirdo UU congregation!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 10:35 PM
0

Stop making up words that sound snazzy and actually read the article. There is not any evidence that hypergamy is more popular than homogamy, even according to your source. Also, your very own source shows that other factors, such as socialization, matter more than biology, hence the variance across cultures. Your own source proves your entire argument invalid, so thanks for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 10:33 PM
4

I’d rather have children alone through adoption.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 05:07 PM
0

Did you read these studies though? One is a paywalled and one is irrelevant. How can you draw any conclusions from that? Do you have access to the full text you’d like to share?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:46 PM
3

It’s about 50/50 these days actually. More men than women expect a man to pay on the first date.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:42 PM
3

Based on coding which was developed and pioneered as a field by women and only became dominated by men once it became lucrative. Also, who was probably keeping those early Reddit coders fed, huh?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:39 PM
-1

Then why is there no shortage of married broke and overweight men?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:38 PM
0

You just made a huge post about how much responsibility comes with parenthood…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:49 PM
2

Much better to rip children from their parents so they can rot in cages, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:47 PM
-2

Why can’t sex be consent to reproduce? That’s biologically the whole point.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:42 PM
2

These days, it’s on your phone. People have been known to show fake test results, so it is of course still a risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:33 PM
3

In a minority of marriages in some cultures sure. Homogamy clearly is more popular and even hypogamy is more popular in some places. You have failed to demonstrate a significant increase across space and time, or that it makes up any significant amount of marriages.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:27 PM
1

I enjoy most aspects of BDSM, personally. But kinks are varied.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:30 AM
1

I enjoy kinks with or without sex. I don’t enjoy sex without kinks. Sex is somewhere between yoga and a massage for me. Kink is much more intimate.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:10 AM
1

Men and women. People I trust and share kinks with ideally.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 04:01 AM
1

It makes me feel good, not bad. That’s how I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 03:50 AM
1

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don’t personally experience libido, but I masturbate and even have sex because it feels good. I think about how good it feels and how good something might feel. But not about how hot or sexy they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 03:00 AM
1

Libido and attraction are two separate things. Asexuality the umbrella refers to attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:46 AM
1

Demisexuality is a minority experience. I’m asexual, I understand being perplexed by allosexuals, but they are seemingly the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:05 AM
1

And they are generally atypical, like other sexual minorities.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 02:00 AM
1

Why do you think prostitution is the oldest profession? We are mammals, after all. You might want to look more into demisexuality. I suspect many more people fall under the umbrella than know the term.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 01:42 AM
1

And yet, most people have had a one night stand for some reason…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 01:34 AM
4

Nope, women failing is on those individual women, men failing is on those individual men. Everyone has agency and responsibility. That’s the real secret.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 01:29 AM
1

Your wife might also be demi 🤷
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 01:19 AM
-1

Interesting paper, not applicable to this conversation though. It shows hypergamy rising in some Latin American countries and falling in others. Looking across all countries, trends are actually quite stable. So what exactly is your point?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 12:45 AM
2

Yeah, it’s not like Grindr crashes at every conservative convention or anything. /s Progressives don’t have any sort of monopoly on virtue signaling. Maybe it’s worse in their case because they pretend to be above it, but they aren’t any more or less hypocritical than other groups in my experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/26 12:10 AM
1

I think you make it sound both way more common and way more isolated to progressivism than it really is.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 11:49 PM
-1

No, it’s the same problem as always. Some people are telling the truth and some people are liars. Welcome to the real world. I ask boys out, pay for dates, date short guys, and say fuck gender norms. Some people are ideologically consistent, most aren’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 11:29 PM
3

You said “there are two sides to domestic abuse” and implying that women who get hit deserve it, or that men are incapable of controlling themselves. Can’t decide if you are misandrist or misogynistic here honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 11:27 PM
1

I know many. Some are in open marriages, some have a higher sex drive than their husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 11:26 PM
3

And that’s what happens here. They ARE attracted and they ARE vibing, and disgust only sets in when they find out they are bi. It’s biphobia.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:52 PM
4

Honestly, outside of people who control your future in academic or career contexts, you really shouldn’t ever try to get anyone to like you. Just be yourself and discover who vibes with that. The alternative is exhausting and rarely results in strong connections.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:49 PM
2

The Surgeon General is a grifter apparently…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:44 PM
5

How are women forcing men out exactly? Be specific. Most women are still dating men…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:43 PM
6

And how exactly is she purposefully causing it?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:42 PM
5

Please provide any evidence for your claim. How have women’s standards changed exactly? From what to what? What percent of women do you think are getting flown out anywhere? I literally don’t know a single thing woman who has ever had a man fly her anywhere. Get off the algorithms. They are rotting your brain. Both men and women are staying virgins longer, both are delaying milestones.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:16 PM
10

Yes, it happens all the time around here. Is apparently feminism’s fault that men are lonely.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 07:09 PM
0

Hi there! Asexual who dates bi men here. Asexuals often date and sometimes even fuck like every one else. Why wouldn’t we be relevant? We can experience aesthetic, romantic, platonic and many other forms of attraction, just usually not sexual attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 06:54 PM
1

“I’m not racist, I just won’t date someone I do find attractive because I found out their great-grandfather was black.” If you are attracted to them and biphobia is the only reason you won’t date them, you are being biphobic. It’s not a lack of attraction, it’s social conditioning.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 06:51 PM
2

Wow, this does not reflect my experience at all. In fact, I’m constantly told on this sub that men cannot handle loneliness as well as women and we should all be worried about lonely men rising up because of it. I’ve had countless men tell me this, and tell me that male loneliness is more damaging. All of this has been told to me by men, many men.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 03:22 PM
2

How often do you talk to these guys one on one? I have never ever once dug in deeper to find out they were not primarily describing themselves and their personal lack of female attention. It’s always “why do I see girls date everyone but me? I’m nice!” while saying or doing nothing that would qualify as nice.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 03:20 PM
1

You are so right. I have actually recently made this change for myself. I try to give everyone else a generous explanations when I know I can’t get the real explanation from them. Cut off in traffic? They must’ve not seen me. Honked at when I did nothing wrong? They must be having a stressful day. It literally costs you nothing and makes the world a much brighter place.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/26 03:17 PM
5

And he did not say in any way how they are snarky, he simply stated any disagreement counts as snark. So what exactly is the snark and how many women are doing it exactly?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/26 10:28 PM
1

What do you think about when you get or give a massage? Not a flirty massage, just a platonic one. It’s the same experience for me with sex. It can feel nice but it’s not a special feeling really. Plenty of other things feel just as good. But like stopping the massage doesn’t do anything to me. I’m not aching for more massage, I’m not uncomfortable in any way if it suddenly stops. And I never have an urge or drive to get a massage ever. It’s just something I decide to do because it sounds nice. …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/26 09:28 PM
2

No, I don’t think I will be a woman or a man, thanks!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/26 05:34 PM
2

Because this feeling is just a physical reflex, not simulated by desire. Most aces have equipment that works fine and most of us masturbate because it feels nice. We just don’t think about sex with other people. Even when I have sex with someone, my focus is never on their body or physical features. These things are as “hot” to me as a nice landscape painting. Tell me, how does a straight guy masturbate with and fleshlight despite not being attracted to it? Does cumming mean a plastic tube turns…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/26 01:30 PM
2

Yeah, what have historically women dominated fields, like coding, ever contributed to society?!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/26 01:13 PM
4

Funny how you said everything comes back to misogyny when she didn’t even use that word… Sorry you think most men struggle to identify the reality they live in. Guess they have challenges with logical thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/26 01:04 PM
1

Yes. I generally assume whoever asks is paying, and I’m often the one asking. I’ve also paid when I was asked out and told to pick a restaurant, because I decided on an expensive restaurant.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 09:34 PM
1

Yep, I lack intrinsic desire to fuck, but it’s still fun. I also wasn’t born with an “intrinsic desire” to bicycle, but I also find that fun. I don’t have to crave a bicycle to enjoy riding it. Have you ever eaten a treat when you weren’t especially hungry?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 09:12 PM
2

Only to people who are uneducated on what asexuality actually means. Lucky for me, people in the kink community are generally more knowledgeable about the range of human sexual experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 09:03 PM
2

Why can’t I enjoy group sex? It has to be the best feeling in the world because…why exactly? I enjoy sucking dicks, the more the merrier. Gives me a sense of accomplishment and helps someone else feel good. But I’m not allowed to like it for some reason? According to you, you would never eat chocolate or go dancing right? Because unless it’s the best feeling ever it’s not worth doing by your logic… Or because I don’t like it with randos I’ve never met before it doesn’t count?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 07:55 PM
2

As someone who has been coerced into sexual activity I did not want, the feeling is distinct. The same way I can give a massage to someone I am not attracted to, I just do it and enjoy their reactions. Why do I need to think they are hot for that? I don’t do PiV thanks to dysphoria. I only have sex with people who respect me and my boundaries. It’s quite empowering. Let’s put it this way: Have you ever eaten something even if you weren’t hungry?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 07:53 PM
1

You didn’t say anything. What do you define as masculine and feminine, outside of having sex with men apparently being feminine according to your definition? If your assessment was true, feminine guys would struggle with women more than masculine guys. Do you have any evidence of this? All the women I know adore feminine guys…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 07:49 PM
5

Sex is like yoga to me. It can be fun, relaxing, a good workout, a mindfulness practice, and more. I like making people happy, why wouldn’t I enjoy group sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 07:38 PM
3

You do not understand the word asexual it seems. Like every other sexual orientation, it has nothing to do with behavior and everything to do with attraction. Hets are attracted to opposite sex, gays are attracted to their same sex, bi to all sexes, ace to no sexes. But like, it’s physically possible to have sex with someone you aren’t attracted to, so what’s the question? I have sex for reasons beyond attraction, mostly for fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 07:36 PM
1

Can you entertain the thought that different people have different experiences? Orgasms are just alright for me. I definitely need trust to get there, so casual isn’t really for me, but intensity doesn’t map to connection or intimacy for me. It’s an entirely physiological response, yet I don’t experience sexual attraction. For me, orgasms are just okay. There’s plenty of things more fun that feel better. I could absolutely live without orgasms just fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 06:09 PM
9

It didn’t start out entirely healthy, but I assure you I’m quite free these days. Freer than most, truly.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 06:01 PM
7

This has nothing to do with asexuality. I am asexual and I enjoy group sex. My sister is allosexual and she is a total prude. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your stance on sexual positivity/negativity or puritanism.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 06:00 PM
4

I’m biologically female, though I’ve always felt distance from womanhood. Nonetheless, I have the requisite anatomy and hormone levels. I’m also asexual, and I enjoy group sex. These two things are not mutually exclusive. Asexuality is too often conflated with celibacy or purity culture. Some of the most sexually open people I know are asexual, including myself. You are referring to purity culture, which is a part of patriarchy. Sexually liberated women are more likely to be feminists. I see the…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 05:58 PM
1

Yep. Tried to register for the draft because I believe in equity but they wouldn’t let me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 05:15 PM
1

A person swimming against culture is much more likely to attract others swimming against culture. I’ve been a tomboy since I was little, gender nonconforming since I was young, and if anything has held me back it’s simply not committing strongly enough early enough to swimming against the cultural currents.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 02:41 PM
1

Not really. My values are my values regardless of how people treat me. I always choose kindness, even when it’s less convenient.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 02:36 PM
1

Is that worse? If you are not a nice person I’d rather you show me that than lie to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 02:27 PM
2

If they are only nice when people are nice to them first then they were never nice people in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/26 06:19 PM
1

Both
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/26 03:52 PM
8

What you are saying is you want relationships where the woman isn’t into the man but forces herself to pretend, for what? So she can get his resources? Is this really a better alternative than not dating someone you aren’t or stop being attracted to? I thought that’s what you guys are always complaining about. Dating “logically” historically means women dating to extract resources. Is that really what you would prefer?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/26 03:48 PM
2

But where did this expectation come from? Dowry culture is as old as patriarchy. It was the fathers teaching it to their sons. If you wanna break the cycle, you gotta break it there.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/26 03:09 PM
1

Huh, it’s almost as if patriarchal norms harm both men and women…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/26 03:06 PM
2

No, a court determines legal guilt. There is no verdict in court that uses the word “innocent.”
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/26 03:52 PM
5

Exactly, so many men are neurotic too and it kills relationships. Dear my fellow neurotics, Work on your shit. Love, A neurotic who is working on it
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/26 03:22 PM
5

“They’re paying for you”
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/26 03:16 PM
1

You’ll just have to muster the courage to brave the cliques then I suppose. That’s what I do and I’ve made several new friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/26 03:10 PM
1

I’ve worked in restaurants or know people who have in Arizona, Louisiana, Indiana, California, Florida, not to mention abroad. Restaurant culture is largely drug culture. Not every employee and not every restaurant, but a vast majority. One café I worked at even had a sign in the backroom that said “Work Free Drug Place.” That was put up by the management.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/26 02:51 PM
1

I always wondered how 13 year old boys learn that level of manipulation? Had a boy tell me the same thing about sucking his dick at 13.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/26 02:12 PM
3

I dunno, at bar trivia or open mic night or coed rec sports or hiking groups or political action groups or community game nights or the farmers market or your neighborhood association or community art classes or volunteering at an animal shelter. Just a few ideas off the top of my head.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/26 02:08 PM
7

If they really want porn stars why are they so obsessed with chaste women?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/26 10:11 PM
–

So one woman did something stupid and now all women are responsible for it? But all of us who have been assaulted repeatedly by straight men aren’t allowed to form any opinions about that, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/26 12:04 PM
1

Absolutely. That’s part of compatibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/26 06:36 AM
2

Actually one of the reasons I prefer dating bi guys. They understand so much better.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 11:16 PM
1

Some people don’t care about sex as much as others. If it’s not a priority to either partner then it doesn’t really matter all that much.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 11:14 PM
23

Yeah, if we don’t count like education or healthcare, you know the things that help keep people from dying in the gutter, it’s easy to say men support society. But why wouldn’t we count those things?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 07:44 PM
–

Can you please tell me what law supports single moms without similarly supporting single dads? What specific law grants gender-based benefits?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 06:48 PM
-9

Actually, not in my case. I don’t experience physical attraction. I notice style way more than bone structure. Also, hobbies are way overrated and values underrated. My current partner doesn’t share a ton of my interests but our shared values bring us together. Most people are looking for and noticing the wrong things in dating and it’s why they are so miserable.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 03:28 PM
5

Horseshoe theory proven true yet again.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 03:18 PM
3

110%. No one, man nor woman nor other, should pussyfoot around their crush after like high school.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 03:03 PM
2

Well, in my case, if I develop romantic attraction to a friend, I tell them. At that point I’ve made my move and the ball is in their court.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 02:56 PM
-7

It’s not predictable. Nothing is completely deterministic in dating. Past does not always indicate future - that’s the common logical fallacy with these guys. They think they are fortune tellers.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 02:53 PM
1

Is it really ulterior motives if my motives are “I want to be friends”?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 02:51 PM
8

Have you ever considered maybe these takes went viral specifically because they are controversial and not every woman agrees?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 02:49 PM
2

Every action has consequences, legal or otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 05:25 AM
1

So women, who are more likely to break social norms, are more beholden to social norms than the men, who much more rarely break social norms? Make it make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/26 04:05 AM
1

That gets into a whole other gross side of our history where there was and sometimes is still no legal recourse for victims of women. This remains an issue today based on how certain laws are written.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 10:15 PM
1

That was more like 30 years ago. Pharmaceutical companies only had to include women in their studies starting like 10 years ago… same for auto manufacturers.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 05:41 PM
2

I do not experience physical attraction which is nice for me because it means I can love almost any body (assuming hygiene and general health are given). However, the only physical thing that turns me off is skinny legs. Don’t know what it is, but it unsettles me.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 05:12 PM
3

Within the past 50 years, husbands could legally rape their wives.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 05:05 PM
4

Literally the idea that women are the original sinners goes back thousands of years…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 04:30 PM
8

Everyone, men and women, should go after what they want in life. If a woman wants a man, she should go for it. If a guy wants a girl he should go for it. If it works out, great! If not, move on. Everyone is cowards these days. It’s why OLD is so popular- we are lazy. Fortune favors the bold.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 03:58 PM
4

Not necessarily. Don’t gay men on average have the most sexual partners? The guys with the highest counts on average are fucking each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 02:44 PM
1

No responsibility in the 49% of cases where CUR was coercive? Yeah yeah, just say no and watch your life explode. Coercion is totally cool with you, right? That’s just “expressing a preference?”
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 02:26 PM
2

Read the study before you comment - CUR involves then woman being brave enough to ask, so not the scenario you are talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/26 01:04 AM
2

Therapy isn’t a “go a few times and they fix you” thing. It took me over a decade of hard work to overcome my depression and low self esteem. You still have work to do. Try another kind of therapy. CBT was less helpful than ACT and IFS for me. I also strongly recommend the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 10:47 PM
4

Yeah, stuff that needs therapy, not isolation which will only make it all worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 09:57 PM
9

You are allowed to do whatever you want. However, rather than end a friendship, I’d ask what it is that makes it hard for you to feel happy for your friend? I want nothing more than a family and kids, but I find joy in hearing my friend talk about getting her kids ready for back to school or my other friend trying to get pregnant with her husband. I want what they have, but not to the point I can’t be happy for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 09:35 PM
1

There are about equal numbers of men and women. There are more men than women at younger ages and more women than men at older ages. You’ve never tried a professional matchmaker? Sounds like you still have options… you are the only thing holding you back
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 07:22 PM
1

No, I asked you a question which you didn’t answer. Have you been to a matchmaker? I have struggled immensely with dating. I’m in my late thirties, fat, nonbinary, ND, and asexual. No one is lining up to date me either. But I keep trying new things. You gave up, that’s on you, no one else.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 06:40 PM
1

You didn’t answer my question. How would it feel to have that guy follow you into an alley when you are 16 years old? Everyone in a female body had these experiences, not just once, but again and again.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 05:52 PM
1

Your ability to date has never been zero. You have plenty of opportunities you don’t take. Ever been to a matchmaker?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 05:51 PM
1

The affect both of our lives because they are part of the society and social dynamics we live in. When I comfort a girl in the locker room because some guy was following her around it impacts me and it impacts your ability to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 03:55 PM
4

None of these are cat calling. I literally just Googled it and it comes with a demand usually - come over here, smile, say thank you, etc… It’s also much more vulgar than your example. “Come over here so I can show you good my cum looks on that rack!” Is a better example…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 03:46 PM
5

No it’s not. Why not listen to the people getting cat called instead of making it up in your head. I’ve had way more aggressive cat calling, including threats of rape, that guys saying “hey pretty” and I’m not even a hot chick. I can’t imagine the harassment they go through. Tell me, if everywhere you went you had a large burly man follow you around and tell you how sweet your ass looked and begging you for a taste, how would you feel?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 03:45 PM
6

Catcalling is not people telling you you are attractive. It’s strangers screaming at you in the street, following you, harassing you, and sometimes threatening and assaulting you. It’s orders of magnitude different from telling someone they are pretty. And the world does not cater to women. The first time pharmaceutical companies had to include women in their studies was like 2016. I can’t relax my arms when carrying grocery bags because these were designed to be comfortable for men not women, d…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 03:41 PM
0

No, they don’t. I don’t date straight men and I do the approaching. I’m also fat and ugly so they don’t ever bother me at the gym. I assure you these guys affect your life more than mine. Why do you want women that sleep with assholes? Why is that your type?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 03:09 PM
0

Really, black pill man? How do you think the environment fostering black pill concepts evolved? You don’t become black pilled without women angry at men approaching them indiscriminately…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 02:48 PM
1

Well, I got upvotes and awarded so it might be good advice worth reading again.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 02:46 PM
4

And I really hope you don’t hold yourself responsible for his feelings. That’s how you end up manipulated and coerced. Good luck young one, you have a lot of growing up to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 11:15 AM
1

Absolutely, the issue in OP is a guy harassing a large number of women. That’s not normal respectful behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 11:06 AM
5

Grow a spine. Seriously, you are not ready to date if you don’t feel confident in yourself and your ability to say no without feeling responsible for the other person’s feelings.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 11:05 AM
4

Now put yourself in a woman’s shoes and imagine it happening on the treadmill, cable machine, free weights, group classes, etc. it’s the guys approaching indiscriminately, like in OP, that ruins it for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 11:03 AM
4

It’s okay for a man to shoot his shot with a woman that really stands out to him, this could happen a few times, but hitting on every woman at the gym or multiple women in the same session is creep behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/26 11:01 AM
1

I hang out with too many very stylish gay boys to not recognize the appeal of shorts and speedos... Also, I'm a bit crunchy granola, so Birkenstocks are a boon for me! I live most of my life in Chacos.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/26 04:17 PM
0

I don't process emotions like women do. I have been told by every therapist I've ever had that I experience emotions in a typically male way. I am more prone to anger and irritability than tears. I still was able to learn to identify and manage my emotions and understand the emotions of others. If a man is confused by this reaction, just because it's different than how he would react, he is not very emotionally intelligent. If he bottles things up until he explodes in rage, he is not emotionally…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/26 04:14 PM
5

I was celibate and working on myself from age 25 to age 35.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 11:13 PM
3

I don't even believe two randomly selected men would have the same sex drives. Every one is an individual. You cannot apply averages to individuals.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 11:01 PM
1

They are literally psychopaths with Machiavellian personalities, so kinda. And yes, people in general, both men and women, buy shit they don't need or want because someone knows how to sell it to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/26 03:19 PM
3

Absolutely not. It is recommending they take a minute to consider how someone who genuinely likes nice guys and values personality can end up trapped by an abuser.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/26 05:07 AM
0

If they are so confused they should study how abusers and cheaters are charming and charismatic partners for months or years before they reveal their true nature. Women are not mind readers and neither are men.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/26 12:14 AM
2

No, they are different things. Bi/pan people experience sexual attraction regardless of gender. Demi people experience sexual attraction exclusively after a strong emotional bond has formed and are incapable of feeling sexual attraction absent a bond. A demi person can be a straight, gay, or bi, just like a bi person can be allosexual, asexual, or anything in between!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 02:21 PM
1

I do know, I have cared for children, but no, I have never been a parent. Everyone I know says I'd be a great one though.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 02:05 PM
1

I have worked with children every age from infants through high school. I loved the work and always got positive feedback from admin, parents, and students. I know if I didn't have 40 hours of energy sapped from brain numbing work every week I could do it. Going back on a teacher's schedule would be great, but they don't pay teachers enough to live here.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:49 PM
1

Because I'm too disabled to work full time and raise kids. I would have to sell my house to go on disability, but then where would we live?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:33 PM
1

And aren't allowed to take them to the barber or leave the state, for just a couple of examples. Fostering is nothing like adopting.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:28 PM
7

I don't want to have kids. Why are you all assuming this is about me and my kids?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:08 PM
3

I don't want my own kids, but rather to adopt kids with no where else to go. Do you not think this service benefits greater society?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:07 PM
9

I don't want to have kids myself. Just trying to address the "crisis."
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 01:06 PM
2

Dunno, just hasn't felt right as long as I can remember.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/26 09:19 AM
1

Nope, my proposal would cost 4.4 tril and our budget is over 7.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 10:46 PM
4

Not if we budgeted for it. Get rid of corporate welfare, tax the shit out of the wealthy (I'm talking Ike's tax rates), trim military spending. It can be done, we just have to want it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 10:39 PM
1

Still seems cheaper than total economic collapse, but what do I know?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 10:17 PM
3

Nope, never has been, which is why they are different words.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 10:14 PM
9

Maybe we stop subsidizing the corn syrup that is making everyone fat and diabetic?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 10:11 PM
10

I would raise 5 children all by myself if someone would just help me cover expenses. Pay SAHPs a full median salary in tax credits and I bet you'd see more people jumping at the opportunity.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:57 PM
16

A childcare tax credit equal to full time median salary would let everyone with kids hire an au pair, which would also provide jobs for service workers pushed out of AI. They'll never go for it, but it could be beautiful.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:51 PM
9

Well sounds like we need to give people more incentives and support in child rearing if we want people to have more children. Sure, it's expensive, but much better than economic collapse, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:50 PM
2

You didn't provide a source for your claim. You provided a source saying women find wealth more attractive than men. You have failed to demonstrate that women routinely marry up. All the resources I can find say women marry guys close to their own social and financial status.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:45 PM
1

Which people? Certainly not a majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:44 PM
1

How do you square this view with the fact that adultery rates haven't budged despite all the changes? Shouldn't we see way more cheating nowadays?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:49 PM
1

Cuddles work fine for me!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:48 PM
3

I would say modern relationships are just rather hypocritical. How so? What is hypocritical about searching for someone compatible with you who shares your values?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:47 PM
4

And yet the vast majority of women choose to make a romantic bond with men who are stronger than her taller than her, Well, yes, males are generally larger and stronger than females, what is your point? makes more money than her, and has the same or higher education than her. Source please? Most women marry within their socioeconomic class, meaning similar income and education levels.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:45 PM
3

If marriage guarantees trust, explain Henry the VIII.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:36 PM
3

Until the 1990s, spousal rape was legal. Explain how this works unless we assume that the woman's body was legally the man's property to use as he saw fit regardless of her opinions on the matter?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:35 PM
3

Don't start a debate if you aren't prepared for people to disagree, friend. All you are accomplishing here is looking like you don't even understand your own argument well enough to even explain it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 07:33 PM
3

Exactly. I suspect OP is somewhere on the asexual spectrum, possibly demisexual. I can understand where they are coming from because I do not experience physical attraction at all, but I recognize this is atypical and most people have a response to that kind of stimuli.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 06:09 PM
2

Sounds like a great outcome either way! Wishing you all the best out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 02:39 PM
2

I wouldn't start swiping on people you don't feel any attraction to, but I would reevaluate some of your instincts. Baldness is something you might end up with anyway even if the guy has thick hair now. Chubby is something you might end up with even if the guy is fit now. Also, a living breathing talking moving person is different than an image on a screen. I encourage you to meet as many ppl irl as possible to evaluate, even if you first meet on the apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:24 PM
2

Are people not similarly "wired" by socialization and stereotypes? Just because it's common doesn't mean it's biological? Here's how I know it's bullshit stereotypes: I've had countless straight men try to convince me, a nonbinary person, to be "their woman." Even long after I have explained that I'm not and will never be a woman and they could never refer to me as she/her. Sometimes they are even "conservative" guys. If heterosexuals were biologically "wired" to have an aversion to queer people…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:20 PM
6

Right? She should added race, ethnicity, and age to the list to understand how she sounds.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:13 PM
8

Speak for yourself, and send those shy bi boys my way!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:12 PM
4

This is fascinating. I've been wondering if longer lifespans and reaching milestones later are part of the same phenomenon. Twenties just feels so young and inexperienced to be making such big decisions...
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 03:01 AM
3

I am on the spectrum, as is the person I'm currently seeing. I understand why you'd want a system, but doing anything other than being your authentic self will lead you astray and prevent you from experiencing a positive outcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 02:22 AM
6

Yesss, this is the way. I left strategies and insecurities in my 20s.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:20 AM
2

Am I crazy for not having a system? I do not experience physical attraction, so I go by what I know about the person, based on their profile or personality or whatever. I ignore people who don't fill out their profile or sound incompatible. If I want to get to know someone better, I strike up a conversation based on whatever caught my eye, a common interest, a shared value, just really digging their style, whatever. I tell them whatever comes to my mind and ask them questions again as they come …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:18 AM
–

Also constant adult supervision too, in previous generations kids could disappear for hours and it was okay. My sister and I just rewatched Independence Day (1996). She was immediately alarmed by one of the early scenes where the adults are talking in the kitchen one morning and a young kid comes crawling through the dog door, presumably from playing alone. She was like "Where did this kid come from? Who was watching him outside?!" I reminded her that back in 1996, we used to leave the house fro…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:04 AM
4

I can't say I see anything wrong with this approach, as long as there is a bit of time between "I'm not ready yet" and the next ask. "I'm not ready yet" also isn't a no, it's clear communication that I would appreciate from a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:45 PM
2

Red is pretty much already the go-to word for this in the kink scene. Lots of people use traffic lights. Green, yellow, and red can each be a question and a statement.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:44 PM
1

Yeah, this sounds like a perfectly reasonable approach. I do think you are spot on that you should've communicated more about it. Not asking directly, the way you waited was good, but like you said, more generally about what sex means to you and what you enjoy, what she enjoys, etc. I'm a wait-er, takes me a long time to warm up to a new potential partner, but I do talk a lot about sex early on to help determine compatibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:42 PM
9

It explains so much really. But it's good that men are coming out and being open with these methods. When I was a kid, this advice was passed father to son and among boys in the locker room, out of sight for the rest of us. Now that we are more open with how normal this behavior is, it's both easier to call out and easier to warn young women to avoid. But most people still have to learn the hard way...
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:38 PM
20

No, it's coercion, which is what everyone here is calling it. It may not be illegal, but that doesn't make it good or right either.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:35 PM
31

And the person who won't accept a "no" is similarly weak for not taking a hint and putting themself in a situation that will give them a bad reputation among women.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:32 PM
7

I think I agree with you. But it's socialization that's the issue and it's one reason guys prefer younger women, because they aren't experienced enough to realize they can keep saying no. When you are young, social consequences seem so much more severe, but hopefully people can grow out of that. I know I let my bf in middle and high school coerce me into doing a lot of things I wasn't ready for, but I hold myself responsible for not standing up for myself. Ultimately we are each responsible for …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 06:31 PM
2

Didn't he specifically say this applies to men and women? So everyone manages their own emotional responses and the partner is there for support. No one should be in charge of managing your emotional responses as an adult, man or woman, but you.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 03:42 PM
3

Sure, when that's a discussion ahead of time, but assuming every woman is into CNC without discussion is wild.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/26 12:35 AM
1

Be myself, speak up when feelings develop, respect their response either way. This is the only "tactic" I've ever used.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 05:23 PM
2

Their words or actions are not part of reality in front of my eyes? Their mind is not just as much a part of them as their body? Why can't I be more attracted to that part? Why is physical attraction the only legitimate kind in your eyes? I tell you, if we had more audiovisual clips on dating apps rather than just pics, women would engage much more.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 04:26 PM
2

Women are humans who respond to stimuli like all living creatures do. Just because they respond differently to different stimuli than you doesn't make them wrong. If men care only about bodies and not about mind, are they not mere puppets being controlled by their dicks? How is making a logical choice based on more info (looks + personality) more shallow or puppeted than making a decision on looks alone? Aren't you just a puppet of big boobs?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 03:40 PM
2

You are a troll right? "I would share my life with an abusive toxic woman granted her boobs were big enough." That's an exclusive fetish, not a type at that point. Most people aren't like you with very specific and narrow definition of physical attraction. Most people want to enjoy spending time with their partner outside of sex. You are the odd one out here buddy. Why wouldn't you want to enjoy talking to your partner? Also, I'm not a woman, thanks.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 03:38 PM
2

Of course not, but who is more likely to? Anyone can lie, but things like waiting for sex and getting to know each other is pretty much the only way to sorta weed it out. You have a better method? Women should just go up to every quiet guy across the room and ask "wanna date?" until someone says yes? Seriously, what do you want women to do here? Approach men they are attracted to? Plenty already do? What are they supposed to throw themselves at men they have no attraction for, either physical or…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:45 PM
1

If someone likes me, I want them to tell me. I actually don't really get approached - I've done the approaching in all my relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:42 PM
6

True, but who should I believe values my personality more? The guy who spends every day after work on the phone with me for hours or the guy who never once has asked about my day? If you were in my shoes, explain why you'd choose the latter over the former.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:42 PM
2

The question you should be asking yourself is: Why should any woman date a man who doesn't care about her pleasure or existence as anything other than his sex doll? Seriously, what's in it for her?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:31 PM
2

So you are mad no one is reading your mind? Grow up. You have to communicate what you what and feel, no one magically knows.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:27 PM
8

I work for a non-profit employer...
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:26 PM
3

And women want to be valued for more than just their body. Is this seriously news to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:26 PM
10

You are literally arguing against "no means no" here. Close the thread, OP said the quiet part out loud.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:16 PM
4

Lying is not manipulative in your book?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:12 PM
5

How is lying to them "showing them you are safe" and not a con?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 02:01 PM
2

Seduction and coercion are different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/26 01:56 PM
2

Aspire? Depends on my partner, I don't really have a strong preference. Multiple times a day or week might be too much with one partner but just right with another. It's about the chemistry and our own meshing preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 11:47 PM
4

Sexual compatibility requires me being comfortable enough to have with someone, that takes me about 3-6 months. It doesn't mean I don't value compatibility. I talk about sex much earlier on to figure those things out. Honestly, it's usually part of the flirting stage.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 09:58 PM
–

I see complaints from guys about being used for free meals all the time, and yes, they get sympathy around here.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/26 01:34 PM
0

Men are regarded as having poorer mental health literacy compared to women as they are worse at identifying mental health disorders (Cotton, Wright, Harris, Jorm, & McGorry, 2006; Swami, 2014). https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6560805/
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 10:28 PM
6

As a woman, I have been arguing to get rid of it entirely or include women since I was a teen. I got into arguments about the draft with every recruiter that came to school. You can't even voluntarily sign up as a female, I've tried.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 02:17 PM
–

How is dancing with somebody count as sex or flirting, I don't get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 02:36 PM
1

Got a source to support this statement? Or are women over 25 invisible to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 02:35 PM
–

If you don't want to date women who grind on random guys at bars, don't. Tell me, when you ask them out do you tell them that you expect them to be different in a relationship with you? Or do you just randomly start demanding they change after they commit to you? Do they know this is a requirement beforehand?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 06:39 AM
15

Really? You don't think both should be frowned upon?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:45 PM
0

I really don't see it. I stumble on things on other subs occasionally but I never hear this shit come up irl, it's not on my Insta nor TikTok. It really simply isn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:44 PM
3

Why? If I'm in a relationship with someone, I am sharing my life with them and I expect them to do the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:37 PM
1

I don't lie to my partner and I do not tolerate my partner lying to me, outside of surprises, which I like to call "lies with an expiration date."
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:36 PM
–

Do you think a guy is dressing up as Winnie the Pooh and prancing around to cheer up one of his guy friends? Yes, actually. Many of my guy friends are theater kids. I can imagine any number them doing this.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:28 PM
–

Tbh, I can never remember if it's neurodiverse or neurodivergent or something else and I know I'm not supposed to use one of them but I can never remember which, hence the slang.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:06 PM
–

A more fun way to say not neurotypical.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 05:58 PM
2

Or you are one of those who think that women are socially conditioned to what they are attracted to and can be "re-programmed" to find a much wider set of men attractive? Isn't the social influence on beauty standards already well understood? You act like this is impossible but it's evidenced throughout history. In just my lifetime, we've already gone from "heroin chic" to "thick thighs save lives." Take a kilt. I don't think a kilt is inherently sexy, or would be interpreted as such by so many …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 03:27 PM
8

Divorced men prefer to remarry with younger women. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12158964/
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 03:23 PM
1

So go out to quiet D&D pubs, my city has a couple.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:46 AM
0

I disagree, they give character to a blank canvas. I similarly like tooth gaps and snaggleteeth.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:43 AM
8

I personally have been silent, gently moaned, grunted, squealed, screamed, and probably made many different noises while orgasming, not always correlating to intensity. I personally prefer audible feedback, otherwise how do I know when I'm hitting the right spots? All the men and women I've talked to about it prefer an at least somewhat vocal partner. Authenticity is always best IMHO.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 01:17 AM
1

Social anxiety is higher than ever, no? Fewer Gen Z men are approaching women as in previous generations?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 05:48 PM
5

So men shouldn't vote then either, since they are socially conditioned to approach and pay and bitch about despite having a choice in the matter?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 04:34 PM
2

Men go through midlife crisis and blew up their lives too, do they get to blame society? Sometimes they turn into mass shooters, so maybe not the parallel you want to draw...
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 04:32 PM
4

Well, usually assholes are also good at pretending to be non-assholes. Getting to know people takes time, ya know?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 03:18 PM
1

I do, and I encourage my girl friends to do the same. You'll have to ask them what their problem is. Probably whatever is going on with the half of Gen Z men who've never asked someone out either. Too much social anxiety these days. I get it, I just got over it.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:34 PM
8

Is the man not smart enough to recognize the pattern of the trash being full once dinner is prepared?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:29 PM
7

I'm happy to report that, as a service sub, I come across plenty of men with this attitude too.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:26 PM
3

Because the assholes are talking to chicks while the shy guys are across the room staring at their shoes.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:22 PM
4

Granted, this is also something I've only read about online and has happened in exactly 0 scenarios I or my friends have been in with women. This is the crux of the gender wars. One bad experience with a partner and suddenly it's "all men" or "all women." Seriously, in this thread we have one man describing the actions of one woman and somehow all women have to answer for it?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:20 PM
1

How does he know? Was he in the bedroom with his ex for all of her past relationships? Or is he purposefully filling in the gaps with the least charitable explanation?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:14 PM
1

Address the root causes. Too many different people find mates to require reconstructive surgery. Fashion and confidence are quite effective. I don't think we should erase any part of ourself, rather understand our true self vs the parts built for survival. The 8 Cs are a great guide.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 03:33 AM
2

I live no lie. I accept that I don't know the future and there is plenty of both good and evil in the world and in most people.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:11 AM
1

You are the one you have to live with forever.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:05 AM
1

I have all of the above. I went to therapy and found the right meds. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 01:12 AM
2

Exactly. I'm neurospicy, disabled, non-binary trans, and was bullied, abused, and neglected. I was dealt a shit hand, but I confronted the damage head on. It took years of hard work, but I finally know peace. At some point, it becomes a choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 01:11 AM
2

I'm nothing like most women, which is one of the reason I don't consider myself one. People just assume I am because I'm drawn that way, to paraphrase Jessica Rabbit. I've almost exclusively done the approaching in my relationships, tyvm.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 01:02 AM
0

AFAB enby
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 03:08 PM
-3

I do approach both men and women
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 02:56 PM
3

Yes and I have. R4R ftw!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:27 PM
1

Well the men I've dated didn't do most of those things, just lived their lives. Some of them were threats too. Crazy how that happens. I do better now.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 01:22 AM
1

I said people like that I play rugby, specifically rugby pics, though I understand how that wasn't clear.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:49 AM
1

I do not disagree at all. Joining a hobby group is a great way to make new friends who then introduce you to new groups and individuals... I seriously question the type of people who gravitate towards dating apps. I am neurospicy and queer, yet I manage to meet people IRL depsite my tiny dating pool. I always recommend IRL over online.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:42 AM
2

Actually, I've only ever played rugby with women and hardly know any guys through rugby. I've met guys through skating, cycling, mental health support groups, carving a pumpkin that looked like the death star, and bonding over music. Plenty of women do those things.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:41 AM
1

If paternity fraud is illegal in this scenario, you'd be falsely accusing her of a crime, similar to false rape allegations. Could similarly ruin her reputation...
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:22 AM
3

What about the men that have dated me living their regular lives? I've never dated a chad of any sort.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 12:11 AM
3

And I've mostly had allo partners, who I have sex with. What difference does it make? Does it not count as dating or sex just because I don't go AWOOGA at naked bodies?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 11:41 PM
-9

Half of straight Gen Z men have never once approached a woman. How much effort are they really putting in? Or is doing nothing but passively swiping on an app considered great effort now?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 11:40 PM
1

But living a full life also helps attract partners. I have met most of my partners in person by chance or online through shared interests (not OLD). When I have matched on OLD, it's been because of my active life, people like the rugby and hiking pics!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 11:37 PM
1

who dares to try to connect and find romance honestly. There's certainly nuance to it. Why doesn't he go to a matchmaker or dating event if that is all his intentions are? Don't join a hobby you aren't interested in or doesn't appeal to you, otherwise you are just another man trying to manipulate a woman into sleeping with them. How much "connection" is he seeking if he asks out half the girls in the hobby group?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 11:34 PM
0

But if you’re struggling to find dates, and already have the rest of your life in relative order, Do such people actually exist? I've seen lots of guys on here talk about having it all but one thing. They say they are friendly, have hobbies, a good job, and everything they need in life except a mate. However, they usually also have deep unresolved trauma from bullying, rejection, or isolation, which they refuse to address because "therapy doesn't work for men" or whatever lie is going around the…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 11:26 PM
4

You literally cannot control anyone but yourself. There is no forcing someone to learn. Many people refuse to learn over and over. You can try to teach them how to reflect on their actions, but telling them they are bad people certainly can't be a helpful strategy.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 03:53 PM
2

You are joking, but I do see serious comments like this all the time. Neither gender is trusted by the other. Y'all forget we are all just hairless apes sharing a floating rock.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 02:38 PM
29

If I develop a crush on someone, I tell them, and I expect them to do the same for me. We're adults, not high schoolers after all.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 01:25 PM
1

Not the article I was thinking of, but found this which clearly shows hosuehold income is inversely tied to obesity in women but not men: https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6650a1.htm
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 09:38 PM
0

Men are basically the same BMI as women. At lower incomes, yes, but men have higher BMIs than women as you increase income brackets.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 08:18 PM
–

Not a dealbreaker for me, I love kids!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 02:25 PM
7

The good news is that it's already getting better: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4945059/ I struggled with alximythia into my 30s, I know the struggle well. It's not their fault, but it is their responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 02:24 PM
–

Try dance clubs/karaoke bars. Girls love these places. Bonus points if it has a patio quiet enough to chat on.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 12:31 AM
–

Its funny you think these people go from ugly weird creep to suddenly turn into giga chad or giga stacy in person No one appears to be claiming that but you.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 12:24 AM
0

When and where was the forced rent freeze? I thought progressives didn't have power to make these kinds of laws? I didn't comment on it because that hasn't happened where I live so I don't know anything about it. But you think affordable housing is a bad government policy? People aren't allowed to price gouge water or food or medicine, why should they be allowed to do so with shelter?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:14 PM
2

It's not about trying or not trying, it's about being a complete person on your own. If you feel like you are missing your better half, you probably aren't putting your best most confident foot forward.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 10:13 PM
4

If you have no life outside of seeking romance, what is there to give up?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 09:43 PM
0

By "forcing," do you mean suggesting? Who is coming into your house and forcing you to change your thermostat? In which US state are you now unable to buy meat or dairy for human consumption? You are "forced" to pay taxes for things that directly and indirectly benefit you. Don't like it, move somewhere else and stop enjoying the perks of first world society like paved roads, hospitals that can't turn you away, police, general literacy - or would you rather live in an illiterate society? You are…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 09:30 PM
2

It is neither simple nor low priority for most people.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 09:22 PM
–

Nope, American musician.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:29 PM
–

And amazingly enough, the 5'7" guys I know don't struggle. Even the 5'4" guy I know doesn't struggle. Height is so emphasized online but I've never seen it come up in dating IRL.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 06:12 PM
–

Tell those girls that they shouldn't be going to bed with makeup on their face, bad for their skin. Coconut oil is a great affordable remover 👍
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 06:09 PM
–

Well, explain why the amount of men hitting on me increases drastically when I wear makeup then? I am often complimented on my great skin and dark eyelashes/brows, so I'm not hideous without makeup or anything. But no, guys might say they like casual styles and no makeup, but their actions betray them.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 06:07 PM
–

As someone who never wears makeup outside of Halloween and Lady Gaga concerts, I can assure you a vast majority of men prefer makeup. One of the reasons I don't wear it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 06:04 PM
–

Sure. Are most trans people trying to pass though? I'm not.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 03:51 PM
2

My experience in the South and Southwest too!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 03:28 PM
–

I have only ever attended or seen bachelorette parties at drag shows. But also, I spend a lot of time at drag shows so my sampling is biased. But also, I wish I could find the pic my baby shower that includes the most 80s/90s male stripper ever, complete with a glorious mullet. How crazy are your girl's friends? That's probably the determining factor.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 03:22 PM
7

Certainly a lot of guys here say they want the kind of healthy relationship everyone wants but express more that they want clout, gratification, and one-way emotional support. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been picking up on this. But more generally, I will say that a happy and healthy relationship is largely defined by the people inside of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 03:19 PM
1

Exactly, just like it's unfair and not equal opportunity to the disabled trans person looking for a partner. Or an autistic person trying to connect in the world. Or even a beautiful wealthy person who will never know if they are genuinely desired or just a status symbol for their partner. Life is rough on everyone in different ways. Everyone deserves compassion, not just the one bloke with the worst luck on the planet.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 03:04 PM
1

Couldn't agree more with this. I usually compare my feelings on sex to rock climbing.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 02:59 PM
1

I'm just confused because every sports league I've been a member of has the team going out to the bars together every weekend. Soccer, rugby, vollyball, kickball, we always drank together on weekends. I'm surprised to hear this isn't true of you're local sports leagues... Edit: for anyone reading thinking "but I'm not athletic!" Me neither! There are competitive leagues/teams and social leagues/teams. Focus on the non-competitive leagues. Might even end up having fun!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 02:46 PM
12

Criticism is not the same as judgement. My partner may criticize my choices in a constructive way, but if they are judging anything in my past, especially the mistakes I made when younger and untreated, they aren't the right partner for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 11:34 AM
–

I've been personally told I could never comprehend the experience because I was born with a vagina, therefore empathy is impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 09:08 PM
1

Favored may be the wrong word, but parented for autonomy at least.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 08:02 PM
5

99% of women get $2-3k monthly?! How is it that I've never met a single one of them?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:08 PM
1

I lived with a Muslim family in rural Senegal with no electricity pulling all my water from a well for 2 years, do I get to share my opinion? I miss Senegal a lot. The rampant homophobia is obviously not compatible with my lifestyle, but still, life was simpler. I was harassed way more, but I got to take a break after lunch every day to nap and read under the mango trees. Sure I had to do my laundry by hand and cook dinner over a wood fire, washing dishes with the wood ash after, but I had time …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:06 PM
0

So women's opinions of male incels should be considered, yes?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:58 PM
5

Yes, yet men are allowed to be jerks more than women. It's assertive and confident in a man and bitchy in a woman. Women are still discriminated against in leadership roles and the kindness you mention is based on a premise of women being incompetent.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:57 PM
7

Hah, how many trans women do you know? Like 95% of my trans girl friends pass. Y'all think you can clock them because you don't notice 9/10 trans people you encounter.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:55 PM
0

In the 90s and 00s this was true, and there are still vestiges of that mind set, but research shows we are evening out how with how we treat Gen Alpha. Males were favored children for most of history then females were favored for a bit but Gen Alpha is being raised with more equity than any group before. I think many of these gender divides will continue to disappear in future generations.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 02:52 PM
1

But it's only wrong if they are judging men. Saying "he's a nice guy but not my type" and treating him kindly while not dating him is not the same as bullying and harassment. Not dating someone isn't the equivalent to not hiring them.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 03:35 PM
1

Norms means standards and abolishing them is the opposite of dictating behavior. Bullying and harassment are wrong. But if by "excluding" you, you mean not dating you, that's not exclusion or ostracization. Those are two different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 03:24 PM
2

Yep, that's silly, agreed. But that's about the shaming, not their preferences. But also, isn't everyone entitled to only date whoever accepts their preferred relationship dynamic? My cousin's husband didn't want a baby and said he wouldn't help with child care. She agreed and does all the childcare. I would never accept a relationship like that, but I don't judge them for having different preferences. As long as all parties are open and honest and everyone consents, what is the issue exactly?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 03:22 PM
-1

Why not? Progressives position isn't "everyone should do the opposite of the norm." It's "people should be free to conform or not conform, and not conforming to norms should be respected just as much as conforming, provided they are not causing harm." How does being attracted to tall men proclude that world view?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:56 PM
1

a man from 1000BC and a man from 1910 probably behaved very similarly in terms of marriage and dating I stopped reading here. This is a crazy take. Where? Rural Mongolia? Central England? Alaska? Namibia? Ecuador? Do you not realize different marriage and courtship rituals, and yes, even gender standards, exist in all of these places and also has changed over thousands of years? More importantly, there is diversity across space and time, which is evidence against biological essentialism.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:48 PM
1

If they are actively harming people, shouldn't we change them? If they are not compatible with our personal values, should we not challenge our instincts? Isn't that what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:45 PM
2

I ask men out, pay for myself, and have no height criteria. Am I allowed to call myself progressive yet?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:42 PM
2

Most people work remote. What? 70% still work fully or partially in-person? https://www.bls.gov/news.release/atus.htm
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:21 PM
1

"Better ROI" is a horrific way to look at dating. And I disagree. Investment IRL is high, but returns are much higher quality when you do it right (read: genuinely).
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 02:19 PM
5

Have you considered that toxic men are more likely to manipulate, coerce, or even force a woman into sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:49 PM
19

It's not their fault, but it is their responsibility to address if they seek true partnership. I was severely depressed and lonely for more than two decades. Countless therapists and treatments, but I didn't give up. I finally found the right combination and my mind is so much more peaceful now. I'm finally ready to be a good partner. Do the work.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:44 PM
–

So you don't have to be hot, just have rizz? That's not what you said.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:40 PM
–

Interesting and not my experience. What kind of women were you approaching and were doing the chasing?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:37 PM
–

I generally argue being incels made them misogynists. They often express it with misplaced childish anger though, which is why it is unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:31 PM
–

Where is the argument that criminality repels women? I haven't seen that here. Visible misogyny repels women. Do you disagree?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:28 PM
–

You make me really happy I transitioned so I no longer count as a woman. Being a woman in a world of men like you is a terrifying reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:27 PM
–

Either looks don't matter or they are all that matters. Can't have any nuance, obviously.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:24 PM
–

Are there actually? Could you cite some cases? Because plenty of ugly killers get fans for the same reason handsome killers do. Charisma plays an important role too, or are you saying 5'2" Charles Manson is the peak of masculine attractiveness? Katherine Ramsland, a professor of forensic psychology at DeSales University, mentions that some of the women who have married or dated male serial killers have offered the following reasons: "Some believe they can change a man as cruel and powerful as a …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:22 PM
–

"your welfare state"??? It belongs to and benefits you as well friend. That's what living in society has been for, oh, 8-10,000 years or so.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/26 01:02 PM
–

As are men. Both have agency. There is no demographic reason an individual man cannot succeed.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 11:54 PM
–

If it's a 1% experience, why do so many of us know one personally?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 11:51 PM
4

Body positivity as I've seen it has been all around self love. I've never seen anyone demand a man date larger women than he prefers. This is not the basis of the movement.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 06:57 PM
–

I would say that's probably good advice because fighting for more economic opportunity in this economy is easier with a healthy mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 06:39 PM
–

Anger isn't the issue, it's letting it consume you that it becomes an issue. I use anger to fuel my passions and volunteer work. Many people, including ancaps, take it too far and start shooting CEOs in the street.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 06:30 PM
2

Next time you see a cute goth girl, ask her favorite Cure album. Yours is Disintegration ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:23 PM
3

Some people start a feud specifically to get on the show. I knew a drag queen who sued another over a stolen wig just to get on court TV.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 06:22 PM
3

Then post your sources already.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 02:45 PM
4

Again, if this is so common with this groups, surely you can cite some examples?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 02:43 PM
5

Since this is so common, surely you could share a few examples?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/26 02:37 PM
1

Which cleaning is part of, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 10:53 PM
2

But women are socialized to care about it, do we ever wonder if they are socialized to care too much? Less than 50% of men wash their hands with soap regularly compared to 78% of women. Both of those numbers are too low.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 10:01 PM
2

Gay men have better dating lives than straight men, even though there are way less gay men than women. By which metric exactly, quantity or quality? These concepts are not synonymous in dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 06:29 PM
2

So if I prefer to date bi/pan people that means my standards are incredibly high since it eliminates 95% of the population?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 04:58 PM
–

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:26 PM
–

I've met people who now say "unalive" in real life. My middle school students informed me that we couldn't listen to Chop Suey! at school because it has a bad word: Suicide. I'm like, since when is that a curse word?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 02:14 PM
3

Luckily I've met plenty of men who view sex differently. Bi guys ftw!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 07:40 PM
2

Millionaire is an arbitrary measurement too. Why not say "I'll invest in a matchmaker if I have $1m?" Why give up on your dreams? Why not fight for what you want in life?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 04:49 PM
–

Every scientific branch has it's little darlings and ugly ducklings of research, topics everyone seems to be studying and others being ignored. This is in no way limited to gender or even social sciences. I do think this is a problem, but it largely is a funding issue. You have to find funding if you want to do the studies and the funding isn't there. That's something you could personally advocate for. But I thought the topic of this thread was specifically about gender research, so I'm asking y…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 04:32 PM
3

37 is such an arbitrary age. I'm about that and I have more hope then ever, I feel closer than ever. Giving up not would just be shooting myself in the foot. I think a plan to give up at a set date allows you to mentally check out in a way that probably isn't helping. Your mindset is powerful, remember that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 04:28 PM
–

What do you think these studies will accomplish? Who will carry out the research?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 03:58 PM
3

"I get no joy from accomplishments." Again, this is alarming to hear because I've been there. Actually, "feeling joy" was my #1 goal when I started my most recent bout of therapy (IFS modality btw has been awesome for me). Do you not have love in your life now, with family and friends? Do you make your friends and family laugh? All I want in the world is to be a parent, and I can't do it alone. But here I am childless nearing 40, and I'm actually happier than I've ever been in life. You should b…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 03:37 PM
0

I feel the same way about a partner to share my life more. I want nothing more than to be chosen. However, I worry about your framing. You said "without that, everything is meaningless." That sounds like a really dark headspace you are in. I used to be so lonely and convinced only a partner could fix that, but I'm glad to say I was able to find meaning in my life while still single. These negative thought patterns can really hold you back in life. I highly recommend the book Self-Compassion by K…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 03:15 PM
8

The guy in 50 Shades is 110% an abuser and not a good depiction of BDSM. I know more women outraged by 50 Shades than obsessed with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 03:04 PM
-2

But do you not see how that's a lot of pressure to put on your future partner, to be your everything? What's wrong with sharing with friends and building a life of connections until she comes along?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/26 02:59 PM
3

Literally, Princess Jasmine said this in Aladdin. Women are not prizes to be won.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 10:59 PM
–

I don't see this as often as y'all claim it happens. I ask all the time "Why would anyone be attracted to an ungroomed severely depressed person? Not for any good reasons usually." So if you actually want to be loved, you might have to put in some work. I'm neurodivergent, non-binary trans, and on the ace spectrum. I've been severely depressed and lonely before, and then only way out was through my own actions. I simply share my experience. It's up to them to make the change they want to see in …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:45 PM
–

They are not saying "I'm lonely" they are saying "I'm going to kill myself and everyone else." That is coercive control.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:40 PM
–

We aren't that rare. I just believe in taxation as a way to fund a functional society. I gladly pay my fair share without looking for loopholes.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:37 PM
–

Actually, it was my (they/them) fault. You know that "Kamala is for they/them, Trump is for you!" ad? That was the single most effective ad of the entire campaign according to research. It was trans panic.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:31 PM
–

No, she addressed that both men and women can be abusers, but you have yet to show any femcel as dangerous to society as Elliot Rodgers because there is no equivalent. You lost the argument bro, move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 04:24 PM
–

It's only deceptive if it's not true.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 02:24 PM
6

I went with the arm implant. Works great for me and initial insertion was a breeze. Replacement though... That was no fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 11:04 PM
1

Well, if 90% of straight men are able to date, how much of a problem can the women really be?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:18 PM
3

Luckily healthy oils are also covered by food assistance and here at least your dollars go twice as far at the farmer's market (things are basically half price if you pay with food stamps). Focus on what is in season and having fresh produce can absolutely be affordable. Nutrition education has a huge ROI and can improve food security among our most vulnerable populations. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2212267220312016
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 03:25 PM
3

So making a better single life actually helped you find love? Imagine that.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 02:53 PM
2

This is literally part of my job. You think we should give up on people's health just because they are poor? Beans and rice not only offer complete protein, but happen to be cheap as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 02:51 PM
2

I knew a 5'4" player. Slept with tons of women, even caught me and later admitted he was leading me on intentionally to get me in bed. What does height have to do with anything? Being a player is about behavior.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 07:08 PM
3

Are you not talking about the post where the woman clearly communicated that she was not interested in a relationship? I blame both people who do not enforce their boundaries and people who push others boundaries equally. We are all responsible for ourselves first and foremost.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 07:03 PM
3

How is "I'm not romantically interested in you but would like to be friends" deception though? It's quite literally the opposite.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:43 PM
5

Feelings can't change? I had a big crush on a guy until he told me he just wanted to be friends. That ended all the romantic feelings I had towards him. Attraction not being mutual is a turn off for me. Don't understand how anyone can stay attracted to someone when they know for a fact it's not mutual...
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:41 PM
18

I have never heard a man being called a rapist who wasn't arguing in some way against clear enthusiastic consent. I have heard men being called incels for having negative views of women and that's not very nice. I am both terminally online and touch grass often. This shit only happens in niche online spaces like this. IRL, men and women seem to get along just fine and I don't hear these insults hurled IRL at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:07 PM
13

When men avoid women because of their past experiences they are called abusive rapists? Must say, I've never seen this.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:55 PM
2

Neither, it's just a tool.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:54 PM
20

Yeah, what would I, a female nearing 40 who lives with a straight woman and spends most of their time around straight and queer women, know about women? Surely you, a random young man on the internet, know more about women than a lifelong female athlete, right? /s
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:41 PM
3

I'm also describing what it has done. It's helped me and plenty of people like me build confidence. It just can't do the growing for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:39 PM
3

I take issue with the idea that technology necessarily makes people less confident. Technology does whatever you ask of it. If you ask technology to entertain your brain, that's all it's going to do. But if you instead ask it to train your brain, it can do that effectively, but you must take the initiative. I've used technology to gain confidence. From practicing for karaoke on video at home, to listening to self-help audiobooks and using CBT-based apps. Technology is only as useful as the user …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:35 PM
22

Just here to remind people that when I was born in the 1990s, my dad could still legally rape my mom. This isn't some distant long past generations thing. My mom couldn't even have her own bank account when she started college...
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:23 PM
33

Almost every women I know has had their opinion of men shaped by the men they've encountered in their own lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:21 PM
14

I'm willing to bet I frequent a lot more female spaces than you, some straight, some lesbian, and the "man hate" is there but overblown. The straight women love men but are frustrated by them. The lesbians generally don't care about men as long as they aren't being bothered by them.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 05:18 PM
2

I do not, but that doesn't prevent guys around here from claiming their experiences are average. Every day someone here claims that average men are dying lonely and that's just not true for most average men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:54 PM
4

I was literally told "I'll dump you if you don't do this because it's what girlfriends do" by my first boyfriend. Had to learn the hard way...
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 04:29 PM
4

Yes, this is obviously in a sexual context.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 04:28 PM
12

If he even whispers something about being adventurous or trying something once, the words, you get up, gather your things, and tell him respect for your sexual boundaries is not a three strikes system. Such good advice. Any resistance to the word no at any time is a huge red flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 03:18 AM
1

Sex is what woman have on easy mode, not dating. It's easy to get guys into bed, but it's hard to get guys to commit.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 03:20 PM
–

Source? Everything I can find says 45-50% of women care about height. So talk to the other 50-55%?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 12:23 AM
14

So they should be in a miserable relationship? Hardly seems like the answer. Or women should start doing things they don't want to to appease lonely men? Seriously, what are you proposing?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 12:17 AM
3

Actually, I would actually recommend this to my son, based on personal experience. You can't truly love someone else without love for yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 12:11 AM
1

99% of men do not die as virgins
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 12:05 AM
2

I want nothing more in life than a family, but no, I don't date anyone just to date. I've been single for most of the past decade, precisely because no relationship is better than a bad one.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 04:14 PM
0

And men don't wear signs that say "I'm not lying about wanting to date and only want sex." Dating is challenging precisely because you have to filter and screen throughout the process. Too men many think getting her to say yes to a date is the goal, but that's just the beginning. The goal should be "determining our relationship compatibility."
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 04:12 PM
4

Yes, yes it is. I did it. I went from being a bitter angry person to a patient and compassionate one. So why don't more people do it? Because it's really hard work. My advice: Figure out what you want to change. Neuroticism was high on my list, along with general irritability and resentment. Think of things like this that you struggle with. Try not to judge or shame yourself, just recognize that it is something you would like to improve. Look into the research on these traits and behavior modifi…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 06:34 AM
2

And that list of people is unique to every individual. Some people I show to the bed/room my sister would show to the door/exit and vice versa.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 06:29 AM
1

Then how do you explain the fact that 99% of men manage "getting through the door" at some point?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 06:28 AM
6

So sure, some women are attracted to power and what it can get them. I don't know if it's really an aphrodisiac perse, though I understand why a potato like Kissinger would want to believe that. We also can't forget that it's also easy to get people to do what you want when you have the power to ruin their lives on a whim.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 10:10 PM
3

I also hope so. There are so many uncompassionate people in the world. It sucks how it colors many of our worldviews and makes it harder for us compassionate folks to connect.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 05:29 AM
2

Findings indicated that 87% of women experienced non-coercive CUR [condom use resistance] from a partner, while 49% experienced coercive CUR. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6578870/
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 02:35 AM
3

Emily Nagoski wrote a great book about it called Come As You Are, which covers important topics like communication. It's very well regarded in female spaces, so women do seem receptive to this feedback when approached compassionately.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 02:03 AM
1

I like hearing about minority experiences personally. Helps me learn how interesting and diverse humans are.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:20 PM
3

I could also say: "And apparently men seem incapable of listening, researching, understanding, or learning about their partners and are too afraid of missing their nut they could care less about their partners" Why not both?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:14 PM
1

I've had 9 orgasms in one session, wasn't even that difficult. I often have 2-3 in a row. Why assume he's lying?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:10 PM
1

I feel similarly and I identify as asexual, so...
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:08 PM
2

This is true. Most people lack the true self love to help them manifest what they want in life, but some do take it too far. I highly recommend the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. A good framework for how to be kind to yourself without becoming a narcissist.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 02:38 PM
2

Where did I say this only goes one way? And why not both options? Some preferences are shallow and need to be re-examined while others are legitimate compatibility issues. But don't pretend like this is a one way thing. Women get dragged for their taste in men all the time, just as much as I see women do the same to men. People are allowed to have opinions on your preferences. I see this happen in a perfectly reasonable and measured way, but I also see it happen in incredibly misogynistic and mi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:50 AM
3

Women reward those positive attributes in men they already find attractive, and no amount of positive attributes is going to make a man attractive if she doesn't find him attractive already. That's just not true. Many women report falling for guys they were not initially attracted to. But also, do men pursue people they aren't attracted to? Women only dating men they find attractive is not some gotcha. People in general don't want to date people they aren't attracted to. And if only 20% of men a…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:24 AM
2

I completely agree. However, not everyone is ready to change. Some people never are. I've accepted that you can't force someone else to change. You can only control yourself and your choices. By all means, try to help them. Some people just aren't willing to accept help, often due to their own trauma.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 02:13 AM
6

I disagree. What makes one a good partner has nothing to do with experience. You will hear many women say the same thing about sex. Guys with no experience can be great if they are enthusiastic, guys with a ton of experience can suck if they are selfish. There isn't really a correlation. Same with dating. Some people have a long string of shitty relationships, some people marry their first boyfriend and live happily ever after. More dates doesn't necessarily mean better vetting. Being a good par…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 02:07 AM
–

Depends on what you want to change. I highly recommend the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff to start. Personally, I'm on the spectrum (many spectrums, but I digress) and have actually stopped forcing myself to be as social. The key is learning to recognize your own emotions and develop healthy strategies to cope with them. There are many ways to do this, but alexithymia is more common in autistic folks, so it's probably worth working on.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 01:42 AM
8

Well, I'm a mid-thirties overweight non-binary trans asexual. I regularly get likes from 22 year old frat boys, conservative Christians, and people looking for straight hookups. I can't imagine they even stopped to look at my pic, because I am extremely not their type.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 08:35 PM
7

As long as guys swipe indiscriminately and overwhelm women willth low quality "attention," most rational women will continue to avoid them.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 08:07 PM
3

I'm asexual. OLD is an absolute nightmare.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 08:02 PM
–

I have taken great pains to avoid reproducing with them and my window to do so is rapidly closing, so I think I'm safe.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 10:00 PM
2

Because they were saying having anyone at all willing to fuck you is flattering and counts as "options", regardless of whether they are attractive to or compatible with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 09:58 PM
2

Disagree. Used to fake it a lot, now I'm always just me and I'm having way more fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 06:12 PM
6

As a person with AuDHD, this totally works. I used to mask a lot but learned to drop it in my 30s. Best romantic connections I've ever had.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:56 PM
3

I've started being 100% authentic. It repels fake people. Give it a try.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:54 PM
3

It's true that's how samples work sometimes, but luckily we have a large enough sample to know that height has a normal distribution meaning individual measures are clustered near the average. That means with any representative sample of men, many of them will be at or very near the exact average height.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:47 PM
2

Interest in her holes but not her brain means nothing. That's objectification, not romance.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:43 PM
1

If there are less men than women looking for marriage, some women will be unable to find a single option for marriage. Similar to how if more men than women want casual or regular hetero sex, some men will have no options for sex. How are these not symmetrical?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:25 PM
1

And women who want marriage? You said especially short term, so you understand their "options" are limited in that regard. Do you really believe there are as many men out their seeking long-term monogamy as women?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:03 PM
–

I could say the same to men who vote against abortion access.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:51 PM
2

Men absolutely have options. Femcels exist. Single moms and fatties exist and have lower standards, but y'all don't consider them options.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:49 PM
1

You are still conflating sexual and romantic interest. One does not automatically imply another. Lots of women have plenty of sexual options with ZERO romantic options.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:12 PM
–

In what ways exactly? I know plenty of 5'4"-5'7" guys and not a single one has struggled with finding women to date. I've also known 5'10"-6'2" guys who struggle. I'm not saying there aren't women out there who care about height, but their impact is vastly overstated. Otherwise we'd never seen partnered straight guys under 5'10".
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:51 PM
–

Def mom's fault for being mentally ill and used. Dad bears no responsibility for his actions, potential manipulation, or any of his part in making little Timmy's life harder, obviously. All mom's fault, completely.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:26 PM
–

The question is clear. Why is it bad for these maladjusted women to say "all men are the same" but it's okay when maladjusted men say "all women are like that?" Shouldn't we condemn both equally?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:24 PM
2

How are they options if they have no intention of commitment though? I have options for fucking, not dating, those are two different things that often, but don't always, go together.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 03:19 PM
0

To be an opportunity, a person has to actually be looking for a future together. It is a common complaint that men like to lie about seeking a long term relationship just long enough to pump and dump. That's largely been my experience with cishet men.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 02:49 PM
3

This idea that sex = romance is wild. Being able to easily get your orafices penetrated is not the same thing as being able to get commitment. I guarantee you any guy who wants sex rn can go on Grindr and find it. Try to get a Grindr guy to go 4 dates without fucking though...
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 07:18 AM
5

I'm saying that the concept of women making bad choices is one of the oldest things Why are you focusing on only the woman and ignoring that Adam also made the same choice? So isn't the moral that people make "bad" choices? Why is this seen only a failing of women and not men or mankind more generally?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 06:18 AM
1

So I reject everyone who says they are interested in a relationship, since they could just be lying. Who should I date then?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 05:10 PM
0

I agree with that, for aromantics at least.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 05:00 PM
–

Based on... Vibes?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 04:59 PM
1

Women also just don't seem to care as much about a relationship as men do. This has not been my experience. Men are more likely to lie about their dating intentions just to get me into bed. Never had that happen with a woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 02:07 PM
5

So compatibility doesn't matter at all? Religion, values, kids, libido, attachment style, personality type, emotional regulation, and many other things matter too. But I guess that's just unreasonable...
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 02:05 PM
6

Interesting take. Care to expand on that thought?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 02:00 PM
2

cheating is tolerated more, by more women, than men were led to believe Could you source this claim? What % of women have stayed after beinh cheated on by a man? And what % of men left after being cheated on by a woman? Do you know for a fact the first happens more, or are you just guessing? Also, what % of women do men think leave after being cheated on? Where are you getting this info?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 11:55 PM
2

I know for me, I felt socially anxious, kinda ugly then eventually too old. I’m not happy about it but I’m likely to never attempt dating again. I highly recommend the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 11:41 PM
1

Delusions is the right word for it. Thinking you can read the minds of 4 to 8 billion people is delusional. Thinking you are so uniquely human than no one desireable could possibly love you romantically is absolutely delusional. If my obese, asexual, neurodiverse, queer ass can find people to date, so can they! Still waiting for someone to stick around, but I believe...
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 11:38 PM
4

So if I've never in 20+ years of dating had a man pursue me with serious intentions, I should give up?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 11:17 PM
5

I know tons of short dapper guys who do fine with the ladies. I also know atrractive guys who have no idea how to interact with a woman. Plenty of short guys are married tho, so they aren't going home alone?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 06:20 PM
0

I can't say that I relate, but I'm ND, asexual, disabled, and queer so my odds of meeting someone compatible are just lower than average. I meet someone maybe every 5 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 04:59 PM
–

Part of being attractive is how you dress and carry yourself. Are you saying women don't notice these things? I'd say it's as important as looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 04:41 PM
2

Depends, how many disabilities you got? How many weeks a year do you spend vomiting? Hardly attractive...
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 04:19 PM
1

I'm happy to talk things through with you. We can do it here or in DM. I would need to know more about you and your situation though. I find self love a powerful practice that has really helped me connect with people. I highly recommend the book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 04:17 PM
1

And you can just find somebody attracted to you. Easier to change your attractiveness than for me to change my orientation.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 04:00 PM
3

I'm telling you what I've experienced in my nearly fourty years on this planet. It's easy to get sexuallt assaulted as a woman, but a genuine relationship is hardly easy.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:59 PM
1

I could the same thing about warped black pill views. Luckily that can be changed, unlike being asexual.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:43 PM
1

Oh, so ace women can be lonely then? They are the only type of woman who can experience relationship loneliness?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:42 PM
–

Woo, I got the chance to be sexually assaulted through manipulation and deceit, lucky me!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:42 PM
–

So you are an individal with your own preferences but women are one-dimensional caricatures who only care about one thing? Lots of men say "no fatties" too. And you know that there is a body size you would find repulsive regardless of what she is wearing. The distribution of her fat matters. You said her face and style matter. But no women cares about style, right? For the record, biggest man slut (with women) I've ever known was 5'4". He dressed very sharp. So women are already engaging with sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:33 PM
1

I don't want to have kids and pay for my own dates. Why am I still alone?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:29 PM
1

Yes, I would absolutely prefer not to be bothered by strangers.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:28 PM
1

And how exactly does that help me as an asexual female? The fact that someone wants to stab my holes doesn't make me feel seen or heard. Do you have any empathy for my loneliness?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:27 PM
–

I have the same issue. I'm autistic so it is a skill issue. I misguidedly tried your advice - put out early so they want to stick around - and it worked a while with my first bf when i was a young teen, but just ended up getting my heart broken. After that, it was always pump and dump. Even the ones who said they really liked me and wanted to date me, later ended up telling me they were just saying that to get me into bed. So you know what I did? Spent 10 years celibate? And you know what? I mak…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:23 PM
–

Do you opt to find women attractive? Like, you look at a woman and say "I choose to find her attractive." Like, you consciously choose who you are attracted to? I've never heard of anyone doing this...
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 03:16 PM
3

Some feminists whine sure. When Trump's illegal actions gets slapped down by court, people whine. The prices of housing go up, people whine. The price of housing go down, people whine. You really can't win over everyone on anything. Some people are always gonna whine.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 04:17 PM
7

As far as I know, all of those things are still guaranteed by law, no? Men are entitled to cross-examine their accusers, evidence must be presented for prosecution. You are upset people can spin these things in the court of public opinion? Welcome to the real world, friend. I support free speech, so I'd recommend investing in an educated populace. Not much we can do about loud mouths, but you are protected under the law.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/26 03:21 AM
–

No pattern at all. I asked a boy out in 8th grade. Then I asked a girl out in high school. Then I hooked up with a friend. Then I made out with a guy at a party and went on a date. Then I hooked up with another friend. Then I met a guy on Reddit through mutual interests and we dated for a while. After that, I asked out a friend of a friend. I have dabbled with OLD and gone on a few dates from dating apps, but no relationships. Currently, I'm seeing a guy I met through an r4r post...
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 06:36 PM
1

All your sources say men do this too, so why focus on women only?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 06:10 PM
5

It was completely legal for my dad to rape my mom when I was born, so yes, that's pretty recent. My parents also gave me a masculine sounding name because they were worried about my resume being discriminated against because of my gender. Many of us were born into a very different world.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 05:23 PM
2

Whenever someone asks me how I know I was being strung along with the expectation of a relationship just to get used, they are shocked when I explain that I know because the guy eventually told me that's what he was doing...
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 05:10 PM
–

Breast cancer affects men too. It would be more apt to compare cervical cancer research with prostate cancer research. Prostate cancer research is much better funded, for the record. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6519051/
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 03:45 PM
1

Yep, I've seen this happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:45 PM
2

This source does not address illness though. It is well documented that women's pain and symptoms are minimized compared to men's.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 03:42 PM
-1

He dressed quite sharp and was incredibly charming. Try a 3 piece suit with a cute bowtie!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 02:49 PM
–

Oh trust, my friend is a drag queen and his work gossip is very different than mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 02:33 AM
–

I work in public health, a female dominanted field, and this does not happen at my work. We are all friendly professionals for the most part, when we aren't stressed and pissed at the higher ups that is.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:22 PM
1

Focus on yourself. Have compassion for yourself and others. Do that work first before anything else.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:12 PM
-5

Biggest man slut I've ever known was 5'4" and played the tuba. He's happily married now.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:07 PM
1

And how would you suggest someone develop these discernment skills? Usually young inexperienced people are the ones looking for rules. Also makes them easy victims.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:02 PM
1

So there are no hard and fast rules then.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 10:01 PM
2

Flaws and red flags are two different things. Red flags are always automatic nos. Flaws might be yellow flags, as in concerns to pay attention to, but you seem to misunderstand the very definition of a red flag. It means STOP. Run.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:59 PM
2

Bad guys always ignore the rules and hack the system. Should we tear up the laws because some people have found ways around them?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:58 PM
3

You are not like other guys. Wtf does that mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:56 PM
6

"Who do you admire?" is a great question to learn about someones values and ideals. Making it gendered is weird tho.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:51 PM
2

Margaery was my fav too 🤷 Her and the Night King...
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 09:49 PM
2

Saying a man must ask is traditional, saying they must pay is transactional, but needing a bit of personality to feel a spark is just how most female attraction works.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 05:53 PM
2

Because they aren't actually as nice as they think they are. If you have to act nice on a date you are not a nice person to begin with. I don't act, I'm just me.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 05:51 PM
7

I am also ND and I got stuck on that trap a lot. Thinking it would turn into a relationship, them even lying and saying they want a relationship, just to get me into bed. The only thing I can really recommend is going on more dates and waiting to get intimate. Trust yourself! If it feels sketchy, don't do it! And if they lie to you, forgive yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 03:51 PM
1

Not coed team, but trans inclusive.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 09:01 PM
5

Well, why do you think the women inclined to give out charity fucks aren't already doing so?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 08:41 PM
2

Literally "I hate men," "I don't want to have to see a man." Some people do hold these views.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 08:40 PM
7

Staying at team accomodations. Travel is already expensive and they make it possible for some of the players to get to games, but half my team wanted to ban male partners from team housing (bathrooms and common areas, not even just rooms).
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 08:06 PM
22

On the national level, nominee Biden famously vowed to exclude men from consideration for VP. On a local level, my rugby team had a serious debate over whether male WAGs (BAHs?) had the same rights as female WAGs when traveling. Or like literally any female-only social groups.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 08:03 PM
14

This line of reasoning in a 1:1 relationship is coercive control. "I'll kill myself if I don't get as much sex as I want" is not an uncommon manipulation tactic. But at the end of the day, you are in charge of you, no one else (unless you are a minor). Other people should never be responsible for your happiness, that's on you.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 07:59 PM
40

Society thinks I'm a woman, so I'll answer. I think young men have absolutely been demonized and left behind by mnay progressives and many left parties in general. I think these men are right to feel anger towards the left because of how men have been characterized by these groups. However, I don't think that means they should stoop to the same level or attack back. I think of how someone like Rain Dove deals with haters, patiently listening and educating, as opposed to name calling them back. W…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 07:34 PM
1

Read my updated comment. Some allos might not want sex in their relationships, some aces might want it. Your advice not to date asexuals is a broad generalization that really isn't applicable.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 01:16 AM
1

Agreed
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 01:15 AM
0

Defective or more evolved to not be distracted by the distribution of fat desposits and muscles on a person's skeleton when selecting a mate? And yes, you are using outliers to define the standard. You say that allosexual people are one way and asexuals are another. That's not true. Allos with low libido or anorgasmia exist. Sex repulsed allos exist. Sex favorable aces exist. One does not have to be asexual to not want sex in a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 01:11 AM
1

Ah, so you don't know what asexual means, I see. Asexuality has nothing to do with behavior, it's all about attraction. We just feel little to no sexual attraction, that's all. I am asexual and I still have sex, many of us do. Asexuals who enjoy sex are called sex-favorable, those who don't enjoy sex are called sex-averse or sex-repulsed depending on their personal feelings, and those without a strong opinion are sex-indifferent, but we are all asexual.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 11:52 PM
2

Volunteering at the animal shelter will 100% help lower inhibitions
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 03:56 PM
0

N count tells you nothing about character.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 05:08 PM
1

Personality is complicated.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 02:49 PM
–

Oh my gosh, all of them? That's why I opted out. I have no sense of gender and absolutely hate being treated like I do. For example, I like holding the door open when someone is entering behind me, at the gas station for example. Every once and a while I run into a man who can't fathom a "woman" holding opening and door for him and will literally refuse to go through, insisting on "ladies first." It's so weird and ruins the flow. Also, having a stranger pay for anything for me feels very weird. …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 02:38 PM
2

I've been mentally scarred by some of the men I dated and by some men I haven't dated. I have been lucky enough not to be mentally scarred by any of the women I've dated, but I've still been mentally scarred by women I didn't date.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 02:33 PM
1

Sorry, dating is just more complicated than most of the popular but simple narratives say.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 02:23 PM
0

Except getting laid is not the same thing as dating. Women have an easier time having sex when they want to, but that's not the same as being able to secure a relationship you want to be in. That's just as challenging for men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 12:15 AM
4

Sounds like you have a type.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 12:14 AM
-1

So, just like the rest of life, some people have it easier than others for reasons beyond anyone's control. Wealthy, charismatic, and well connected people have an easier time getting jobs than the average person, and a disabled shy awkward person is going to have a harder time. Does this mean society is broken? Why is it only an issue when it applies to dating?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 08:44 PM
0

My 5'4" tuba-player friend used to clean up with the ladies before he settled down. Charisma is powerful.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 07:47 PM
-2

99% of men over 30 have had sex. Non-top men get fucked too.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 07:44 PM
2

How does this not also apply to non-science-backed women's empowerment fluff tho?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 04:45 PM
5

Well, women are currently equal to men and you want to "bring them down a notch," no?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 04:44 PM
2

Okay, now break it down by the age group you are interested in dating...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 04:40 PM
1

I never hear women use slut and whore as insults, it's usually bitch.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 04:35 PM
3

And what's up with kids these days. Younger Gen Z and Gen Alpha seem to have very puritanical standards. I've had several arguments with them about whether a woman's naked breast is an appropriate sight for a child...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 04:34 PM
9

So you had one negative experience with exactly one shitty person and it changed your values? Must not have been very strongly held values...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/26 04:29 PM
-2

I mean, does the vast majority of society not just leave these men alone already?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 03:21 PM
4

So every man reproduces exactly the moment he becomes sexually mature and never at any time after that point?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:34 PM
15

Hell, I invited everyone to my parties in high school, including the shy boys and girls sitting in the back. They usually didn't show up.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 10:27 PM
3

Women's healthcare is under researched because men who occupy most doctor positions are deathly afraid of rape and SA accusation. No, actually it's not. The reason women were excluded from medical research is because they were too "complicated" biologically with their hormone cycles that researchers thought it would he too much work to study them. The doctors said so themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 06:22 PM
1

Depends what you are looking for and what kind of asexual. Allo/ace relationships usually don't work long term, but there are exceptions.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:37 PM
2

No, a man's marital responsibility is no where enshrined separately in law. A woman making much more than her husband may pay him in case of divorce. That's an equal law. Sorry men are so obsessed with being providers, but that's their choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:32 PM
0

Does it even? My Gen Z colleagues call me a baddie and I am most definitely not hot. I am pretty good at my job and I like helping mentor newer employees. I'm pretty sure that's what they are referencing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 02:58 PM
–

I used to have this problem and realized it was from being a people pleaser. I just always wanted everyone around me to be happy, but my wants and needs were constantly minimized. I've worked on myself a lot and am able to see patterns now that I was falling into. Thinking I could fix people, thinking that their issues were because of something I did wrong, etc. I still try to make everyone happy but not at my own expense. I've also led more with my cringey authentic self. IFS therapy and the 8 …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 08:03 PM
1

There's literally a market of scammers on dating apps that lure men into a club which overcharges and threatens to beat them up if they don't pay. There's also rapists and abusers on dating apps. Again, this cuts both ways. Everyone is at risk of assholes on both sides. The fact is that some of both men and women are assholes. We shouldn't judge the entire group on the actions of the minority criminal element, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 04:28 PM
1

We should all center ourselves first and foremost. That's the one person you are definitely stuck with til the end. Having a good relationship with yourself makes it possible to have healthy relationships with others.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 03:31 PM
2

The important part is getting to live the lifestyle you want before having to settle down. If you don't value integrity sure. But then don't come around here asking why women treat every man as a potential threat or user...
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 10:56 PM
3

Nope, but I have read studies about partnership by gender identity.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 03:35 PM
1

Most people of both genders don't think big picture. But more of those who do are male. Source? And for them, it isn't primarily because they want to get laid more. Based on my experiences and conversations with irl men, press x to doubt. Not all men, but most cishet men I've encountered.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 03:12 PM
5

The problem is that many single mothers don't align with my lifestyle. Most had an unplanned child which usually suggests they like sex a lot more than I do, and probably are a fair bit more outgoing than I am. You are making a lot of assumptions here. The only thing you know about a woman with an unplanned child is that she had sex once in her life. Everything else is projection and stereotype.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 03:02 PM
3

I'm non-binary trans and asexual, I know what it is to have a small dating pool. But enbies and aces are in relationships all the time. If this was the reason you are single, you'd see more singleness in these groups, but they find relationships like everyone else. I find people interested in me despite not fitting in any of societies boxes. The most annoying part is fighting off the fetish chasers.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:52 PM
2

Please close the thread. OP refuses to engage with debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:47 PM
4

Okay, cool, so we can all go home because OP isn't interested in engaging with other opinions, or ya know, debating.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:44 PM
2

yet never really prevented any woman from finding relationships to a significant degree On what planet? Guys wasting my time pretending to want to date me just looking for sex was the main reason I couldn't get into a relationship with college. Guys had standards apparently and didn't want to settle with me. But that's not hypergamy, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:42 PM
0

Surely you have statistics to support that, since you are not a mindreader locked into the non-existent female hivemind, right? You are making a claim, burden of proof is on you. You've provided no evidence aside from your vibes.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:28 PM
2

"I am the prize" Oh, wait a minute, it's only bad and evidence when women do it!
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:26 PM
1

Reading your headline, I had no idea if you were talking about men or women. Men also are looking for someone who meets their standards (age, BMI, body count, etc). Are they hypergamous too? "I am the prize" is how EVEYONE should approach dating, men and women. You are a prize and deserve to not settle or be settled for.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:20 PM
1

I highly recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:08 PM
2

Seeing how I've now watched Heated Rivalry 4 times now against my will because my straight woman roommate had to show all her straight woman friends, I'm gonna say they like watching it too.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 02:02 PM
2

So when is swipe stats you take it at face value, but when it's these stats, suddenly datings apps aren't a reliable source of info?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 03:53 PM
1

When men complain about gold diggers and betabuxxers I don't feel offended because I know this happens but doesn't apply to me. Why are you threatened by women sharing their experiences if they don't apply to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 03:47 PM
-1

So it's irrational to be afraid of being betabuxxed or used for a meal, right? Because this doesn't happen on average dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 03:45 PM
2

This is why I'm still single in my 30s >.<
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 03:35 PM
3

Only if you exclusively approach people with dating in mind. You should be out trying to connect with the people you meet, men or women. This exposes you to more new people and teaches you social skills that will allow you to connect with the right person when you eventually meet them. In most cases, the attraction and pursuing is mutual at that point.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 03:33 PM
1

Yes, I do take precautions for snake encounters and lightening and bears. I'm a hiker and I wear bells on my backpack to alert wildlife to my presence. If there is a lightening storm, we cancel my rugby practice because I take the precaution not to stand in the middle of field in a lightening storm.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 03:02 PM
-1

I don't really want anything out of my partner but their whole selves. Just being there when they can. I have my own house, I don't need sex but can accomodate many different needs, I have a strong social group I stay active with and I expect my partner to have their own life too. What value am I trying to extract here? Do you say the same about friendships?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 02:55 PM
1

I don't really want anything out of my partner but their whole selves. Just being there when they can. I have my own house, I don't need sex but can accomodate many different needs, I have a strong social group I stay active with and I expect my partner to have their own life too. What value am I trying to extract here? Do you say the same about friendships?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 02:55 PM
1

Well, I had sex with about 10 mostly straighy men as a woman and not once was it PiV. Expand your mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 02:50 PM
2

Just throwing this out there: I'm asexual and I enjoy sex, plenty of us do. For the most part, our equipment works just fine, we just don't experience that supposed magnetic sexual pull known as sexual attraction. I used to have a lot of terrible sex because I was young and stupid and didn't know any better. I didn't know what I was doing so I just let them lead. I took time to explore myself and figure out what I like, and now I can communicate it better. But, no, the straight guys I come acros…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 02:48 PM
1

I've had sex with about a dozen people and never once have had PiV. Your idea of sex is small minded. Am I virgin?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 02:29 PM
3

No, being lied to shouldn't change what you think os right and wrong. You just grow and learn and learn to apply it better.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 09:33 PM
2

Could've fooled me
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 05:10 PM
1

Tell me you've never studied abusive relationships without telling me you've never studied abusive relationships. I was manipulated by a guy who was 5'4".
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 05:04 PM
2

Yes, this is exactly how I describe my coworkers. "Seems like a nice guys, is sociable, whatever" because I don't actually know their character, I always couch opinions of people I don't know super well as just my impressions of their personality, not character.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 04:57 PM
2

Welp, we can pack up all of psychology and psychiatry research cuz dude says he just knows all the answers that the fields of neurobiology still haven't uncovered... I find it so interesting how every black piller is simultaneously a helpless victim of society with no agency but also a supergenius mind reader who understands human psychology better than the experts and knows what every woman on earth is thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 04:49 PM
3

That's literally the definition of being a good person, it's not situatioal or conditional. If you don't stick to your principles when the going gets tough, you never had principles to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 04:28 PM
5

That's a whole lotta misandry right there
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 03:42 PM
9

The average man is still in a relationship. Why aren't 80% of men single if this is true?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 03:41 PM
4

Nope, but I don't think a society must be matriarchal to not be patriarchal. Any society which historically empowered women economically and socially is less patriarchal than most.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 04:26 PM
3

Nope, a few powerful men in Sumer, Mesopotamia started patriarchy about 12,000 years ago. The idea spread and was eventually tried elsewhere later, like other ideologies throughout human history. Let me guess, you assume every society everywhere has always been patriarchal? You might be interested to read about matrilineal societies in Asia, Africa, and the Americas.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 04:03 PM
2

Technological advancements allowing men to carry children?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:40 PM
5

Wealthy men absolutely established it during the agrarian revolution.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:34 PM
0

i think your greatly underestimating the amount of options even below average women have. And you know this how?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 02:28 PM
6

Let me guess, you have some criticisms of A Modest Proposal too?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 11:51 PM
4

Maybe times have changed a bit, but I know when I dared to cut my hair short at 12 years old is when people started hurling bottles out of passing cars while screaming "Dyke!" I was teased about being a lesbian (I'm not) and being butch (sometimes I am) for most of my youth.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 02:41 PM
–

Misandrist and misogynist at the same time. I'm impressed.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 12:12 AM
0

A rule is an accepted principle, instruction, or regulation that guides behavior, dictates allowed actions, or determines how something is conducted. It can refer to guidelines in games, social settings, or formal institutions Hm... You've got me thinking and by rule you mean social norm, huh? Well I'm in the business of dismantling harmful social norms. Like calling someone a virgin or a slut as an insult, for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 11:09 PM
–

What do you mean? I believe anyone who values humanity should do what they can to make their little corner of the world and society better. I also believe we have more responsibility and power to address issues within our own communities than outside of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 10:59 PM
0

Well, about half of people are AFAB and plenty of non-asexual AFABs report more satisfaction solo than partnered, so this is far from a universal fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 10:43 PM
-1

It makes it not a rule in fact
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 10:41 PM
2

Disagree. It often feels worse and very occasionally feels better.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 08:50 PM
2

Most humans, sure, but not all. It doesn't drive me at all, I'm asexual.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 08:49 PM
–

Why could she never find it appealing? Why would she keep doing it if she didn't enjoy it? This is some benevolent misogyny women are pure and innocent creatures BS.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:30 PM
–

What's wrong with any of that if it's consentual? I like group sex and I let people I'm dating know it because it's a compatibility issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:29 PM
–

110% right
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:26 PM
2

I would say this about any group of humans. We are all mutually accountable.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:02 PM
5

~21% is not close to a majority though...
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 03:03 PM
6

This isn’t an isolated fringe; misandrist rhetoric, "kill all men" narratives, and calls for systemic male subjugation practically dominate online feminist spaces and shape the cultural conversation. I have literally never seen this content. It's hardly sweeping the nation. What are you engaging wish that puts this content in your algorithm? I've literally only ever heard "kill all men" on this sub. And I brush elbows with lots of men haters on the reg irl...
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:50 PM
2

You are thinking of a different study, friend. This is a newer one.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:45 PM
7

Who is trying to criminalize a gender? What righys are women trying to strip away from men? I hang out with some man-hating lesbians and I haven't heard this stuff even from them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:38 PM
9

Why do people always forget the rest of the expression, "a few bad apples... Spoil the bunch."
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:36 PM
1

And acknowledged it and apologized. I knew he was a player and was silly enough to believe him when he turned his charms on me. We were young and stupid.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:24 AM
1

We're still friends 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:21 AM
2

Differently different times. One guy straight up said "yeah, I was intentionally leading you on so you'd suck my dick, sorry about that"
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:13 AM
–

You are the one saying half is negligible. All I'm saying is you can't use one group's behavior as evidence of the other. This is not a representative sample of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:05 AM
2

Several men have faked wanting a relationship with me. I know because they told me so.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:54 AM
1

That sounds like a misandrist take to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:53 AM
–

Half of young women, less than 30% of all women. Pretending Tinder stats apply to everyone is a bonkers world view.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:47 AM
–

No, I'm more talking about ace spec girlies who might have kinks but aren't necessarily turned on by bodies, but yeah, there's also beauty in the eye of the beholder. Looks aren't everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:46 AM
–

Well, I'm interested in helping you. Tell me what group you think doesn't exist. What are your interests?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:10 AM
–

There are women who don't care about physical attraction, therefore you can still date.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:08 AM
–

47% or roughly half of women 18-29 have never used a dating app. NAWALT. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:05 AM
–

Find kind people who help others learn to swim. They are out there. I recommend starting with a good book about relationships or sex if that's what you desire. I've personally found Crucial Conversations to be helpful. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski is another good one that, while written for women, transcends gender in many ways. Read discussions of these books on Reddit and elsewhere too. Eventually, you just gotta go out there though. Think of something you enjoy or want to try. Tabletop or…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 12:11 AM
–

Yesss! They are only kitten heels though, so probably not too far off from how she'd ride in flats. Honestly, riding in heels isn't hard at all since your weight rests on your toes more often anyway. Just sucks scuffing up a cute pair on the grip tape.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 12:05 AM
–

In my family, those are called "kilt legs" as in "I wanna see those calves in a kilt."
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 12:02 AM
–

A ton of options for casual sex, sure. It's slim pickings for meaningful relationships though.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 12:01 AM
–

Only because you choose to be. That tier is entirely a state of mind and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 12:00 AM
–

I disagree. Bad treatment is correlated with poor self esteem, not attractiveness. People put up with the treatment they think they deserve. Those who know their worth don't tolerate bad treatment, they leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 11:54 PM
–

Eh, speak for yourself. I was single and sexless for over a decade. It wasn't hell. Gave me time to work on myself and treat my severe depression. I'm much happier now and have better relationships thanks to the time I took for myself. I didn't set out to take a decade off of sex, it just kinda happened and was actually good for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 11:35 PM
–

NAWALT. There's plenty of women who have never had a Tinder account. They are less likely to be on drugs, more likely to be chaste, and less likely to rank physical attraction high on their priority list. Dating apps are a shortcut to human interaction and people who use them are often looking to take shortcuts in life and invest less quality time into building relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 11:27 PM
–

That absolutely sucks, bro! What a rude woman wasting your time like that. But kudos to you for being prepared and putting yourself out there. I almost never find serious people on the apps or at bars/clubs. Try hobby groups or events that appeal to you, concerts, sports events, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 11:19 PM
–

Ah, welcome to the "time flies" party! That's what getting older is. I still remember the day Britney's Hit Me Baby One More Time premiered on TRL!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 10:54 PM
7

All the tomboys I know, including myself, have lots of guy friends. But apparently we hate men? News to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 09:55 PM
6

You give T too much credit. Higher testosterone is not always correlated with higher libido, and plenty of high libido low T women exist.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 09:41 PM
1

You've never heard of Mulan before?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:56 PM
2

underplaying their desire to be loved and seen in an intimate and loving capacity for their unique snowflake self. This really applies to most people and is exactly why women aren't flattered by cold approaches.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:51 PM
3

You are conflating population and individual health though. Describing a society as "unhealthy" is different than saying an individual is "unhealthy." They have different definitions depending on context.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:38 PM
8

but also loving, caring, forgiving parents and healthy friendships in childhood. That certainly helps, but you can overcome even bad home environments. Sure, it takes a lot of hard work and it's not fair that it sets you back, but healing is possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 03:40 PM
8

I have seen a lot of guys glow up though. A buddy of mine was scrawny and bullied up until 8th grade then hit a growth spurt and gained confidence in high school. There's just so many factors to consider. And as others have mentioned, there's also parental/sibling bullying to consider.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 03:38 PM
1

Cool, what if every other guy she's been with has told her that eye contact communicates enthusiasm to them? You need to communicate what you want and not assume everyone has the same definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 04:24 AM
–

It tells me that people don't understand the first thing about statistics or how things like data collection and analysis even works. Both sides cherry pick statistics and insist results are more applicable than they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 07:57 PM
–

So don't be blue pill then?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 06:11 PM
–

I don't believe in any pills. I am a trained scientist who reviews research regularly as part of my job. I analyze data as a scientist, not as a pilled person.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 06:10 PM
7

I'm willing to bet I've given more blowjobs than you. I agree that I close my eyes when I'm more into it but that doesn't change the fact that a lot of guys want you looking at them while you do it, which screams porn brain to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 06:09 PM
–

I've never seen this discussed by TRP. They always assume dating app users are perfectly representative samples of human behavior, they are not. https://www.mdpi.com/2411-5118/6/3/49
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 04:52 PM
–

You should look at all the science, not just that which confirms your worldview. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/after-service/202012/7-differences-between-dating-app-users-and-non-users
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 04:50 PM
–

Show me a study that isn't just OkCupid swipe stats and I might believe your claim. People on dating apps are not a representative sample for human behavior. On the other hand, a direct association was found between being a dating app user and the consumption of substances (tobacco, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, mental health medication), concern about physical appearance, and the practice of physical exercise. https://www.mdpi.com/2411-5118/6/3/49 So more shallow people use dating apps, so the f…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 04:47 PM
–

Hypergamy is a lie. Studies show most women marry within their socioeconomic bracket.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 04:46 PM
3

Maybe my obsession with blowjobs makes the desire to nut inside a girls pussy not as intense idk. And not married? Husband material right here!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:52 PM
2

alot of men simply dont know anmy better yet, sometime they never know at all. or its too late. Couldn't the same be said about the women though? Maybe she was young and didn't know better that you shouldn't do sex acts just to please your partner, you should enjoy them too. That is a lesson most women learn the hard way.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:41 PM
3

Actually, more so. I prefer sucking average dicks over huge dicks, it's just more comfortable, and I especially love sucking a small dick because I get to spoil it. I'm my experience, girls who love giving oral don't care about the size and often prefer smaller for the task. Did you watch her give blowjobs to her last bf? Or are you just assuming they were better because of your insecurity? If you want a woman who loves giving blowjobs, tell women you are dating that receiving lustful blowjobs i…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:31 PM
3

I divulge all my kinks by date 3. It's not that hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:27 PM
6

That is assault.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:23 PM
7

Not at all. I've had conversations just like this early on in dating and always greatly appreciate them.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:22 PM
5

I really like closing my eyes when I'm giving a blowjob. Not because I don't like seeing what I'm doing, but because I generally can focus better with my eyes closed. I can focus on the sensations and my desire more that way, and pay attention to his noises for feedback. But ever porn brained guy wants you staring into their soul while you blow them and that's just not how I show my enthusiasm. But I still love giving blowjobs whether or not I look like a porn star doing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:19 PM
8

women are much more prone to peer pressure and propaganda. Got a source for this? Seeing how many men throw around Manosphere and TRP lingo, they seem pretty impressionable to me. Or does this not count as propaganda/peer pressure for some reason...
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 04:28 PM
2

My comment is very intentionally written to not just apply to men. Read it again. I say "people," not "men."
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 03:52 PM
1

Having non-binary as a different, in between level of transness is certainly a choice. I'd say if anything, non-binary trans is Level 1 and binary trans is Level 2. There is no way to "pass" as non-binary in modern society. 99% will still default to s/he.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 07:14 PM
7

I live in AZ. The FLDS and other similar Mormon cults are incredibly relevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 07:12 PM
1

And that's exactly why men targeting woman younger than them is silly.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:30 PM
2

Interesting you mention that, because I haven't seen that here. I've seen women encouraging men to have open and honest communication about their sexual desires in order to find compatible partners. "Choose better"
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:28 PM
2

Not who you are talking to but I am a weirdo kinky trans person. My kinky FWB is a regular looking balding guy who works at a community college and isn't even out as bi at work. Actually, I've participated in more kink with normies than my fellow wierdos. So yes, it's usually just a regular looking guy with no tattoos. We get there through open and honest conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:24 PM
1

Less than half of both men and women on apps are looking for long term relationships (42% and 48%). Apps are for hookups and flings for most users. Men on apps are almost three times as likely as women on apps to be seeking casual sex (31% vs 13%). https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 05:20 PM
2

Well seeing as women didn't get the right to have their own bank accounts until after they could vote, I'd say women voters made this all possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 05:16 PM
3

I thought that was suffragettes and bra burners?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:47 PM
4

I mean, I didn't enjoy oral until I recently tried faceriding, so there's definitely ways to be an active participant.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:47 PM
3

Men deserve 100% credit for the fabric of modern society?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 02:32 PM
1

Yeah, and none of us truly know if we will have a partner tomorrow. That's life.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:39 AM
1

Did you choose how your brain was wired due to your childhood trauma? Have you taken the time to understand how it has? Why are you so consistently attracted to abused women? Didn't you mention your mother and stepmother were abused? Might be worth reflecting on. It's not your fault but it is your responsibility. Victims do not deserve blame, including you. Ignore the immature name callers. They aren't worth your energy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:32 AM
1

I don't like chocolate so no matter how stellar the chocolate ice cream is preported to be, it's just not my taste. You were never an option, bro. Move on. Learn to love yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:28 AM
3

Few women irl hold these views. I've literally never seen or heard killallmen outside of this sub. Those are extremist statements and hardly representative of women. I could list millennia worth of examples of bad men, but that's not representative of all men either. And yeah, we all should hold our fellow humans accountable when they commit crimes. That's a pillar of society, friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:21 AM
8

Are they to blame for every strike after the first because they didn't run into the night immediately? Flight-fight-freze-faun are all natural human instincts. It's great that your mother and stepmother are both blessed with the wiring for flight and had the resources and knowledge to do so, not everyone is so lucky. A person's brain chemistry literally changes from abuse. This is the fault of the person abusing them.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:16 AM
2

You ever heard of BTK, friend? Or like all the other cases where the neighbors and coworkers say "gosh, he seemed like such a nice normal guy, I'd never have imagined." Watch the news ffs.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:10 AM
1

"Most men" are not having fewer. There has been an increase in inactivity, but that is not affecting "most" men, nor does your source claim it applies to "most" men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 01:17 AM
0

That's fascinating. Thank you for providing the numbers. How is this happening without changes among women though? Are more men having sex with each other? while conversely most men are having fewer. This is not supported by your source.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:49 AM
-1

while men who sleep around have sex with larger and larger amounts of women I disagree. They get the same amount of women and more women pair up with other women. This is already happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:25 AM
3

re: 3. Most people marry within their respective socioeconomic group. So that doesn't seem at all unlikely.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:23 AM
1

Then don't worry.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:16 AM
2

And how is a 15 or 17 year old girl supposed to develop those skills? We make mistakes and learn from them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:39 PM
1

You aren't done learning yet. You'll get there.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:38 PM
1

Don't generalize women and you shouldn't have to worry.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:35 PM
2

I suspect your one-dimensional view of women is holding you back more than anything. That is 100% a skill issue. Are you sure you even like women, because you seem to think they are all vapid golddiggers.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:33 PM
3

I would assume mental health. The fact that you embrace the incel label makes me suspect you've unconsciously adopted this as part of your identity. It's a useful shorthand for a temporary predicament, but be careful identifying with it too much or it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. How is your self talk and self esteem? Are you kind to yourself? When you make a mistake, do you think "Wow, that was stupid. How could I be so dumb?" or do you think "That was a silly mistake to make, but I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:21 PM
3

That’s not how real life works. Real life isn't all random chance either. Some of our odds are outside of our control (genetics, where we were born, etc), but you can't really do anything about that so you gotta focus on what you can control. Is it possible to do everything right and still lose? Sure, Picard said as much, that's life. But then why don't we all throw up our hands and stop trying? There are things we'll never be able to control and nothing is guaranteed so it's not worth trying ri…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:05 PM
3

I don't spend too much time on the apps, but it's wild how little effort some people put into their profiles. Women always talk about how static pictures don't do much for them. What make a guy attractive is his voice and tone, his swagger and confidence, and his passions. Show her your personality with relevant photos and a voice clip if it's an option. Do you like to hike? Have a friend take a few photos of you hiking and you can convey that interest without wasting time in your bio. Like goin…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:58 PM
4

And yet plenty of low income men get married, so it's hardly deterministic.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:41 PM
5

It only promotes the just world fallacy if you ignore the nuance. Look at the comments here. No one is saying results are guaranteed or that luck doesn't play a role. We are all saying "social skills are the best way to improve your odds" and I stand by that (assuming your goal is a happy relationship).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:41 PM
3

Sometimes. Talented manipulators can be difficult to spot until you've spent enough time with them. They are predators and we should be careful not to blame victims of bad people, men or women. We all live and learn. Unless we dont... If you have pattern of dating bad people, that's probably a you issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:35 PM
1

Life doesn't want anything for you. Life tends towards entropy and we spend our lives trying to keep it in order. If god/gods exist, they gave you free will to improve your chances. It's up to you what you do with that free will. You are not so special and unique that you have the worst luck on the planet. It's a convenient way to cope and absolve yourself of any responsibility in life, but it's not going help you. Change what you can change, accept what you can't, and take charge of your own li…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:31 PM
3

If dating and getting hookups aren't social skills, what are they, magic forces that just manifest spontaneously? Appealing to people you want to appeal to absolutely involves skill. Like anything else that involves skill, there are other factors that impact success, but skill is the most important factor.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:25 PM
6

Hell, if you’re not careful, you might even look up one day and realize that even without sex and romance, you can be happy. This. I honestly don't care about your relationship history, it could be extensive or non-existent, but one of my biggest turn offs is any thought process like "I need someone else to make me feel happy/valid/meaningful." Gotta love yourself first.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:19 PM
3

So how do you explain all the average non-Chad guys happily in relationships then, if women are so collectively unreasonable? Also would you really be happy with someone who says "I don't need a decent man, any man will do?" That's exactly what it sounds like when y'all day "I'll take any woman." Why would any woman want you specifically if you don't want them specifically?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:15 PM
2

Who is saying "men need to serve women" here but you? If a man wants a woman, he has to appeal to at least one woman. If a woman wants a man, she must appeal to at least one man. If you fail to appeal to anyone or only appeal to people who don't appeal to you, you are sending out the wrong signals and that's a skill issue. Neither women nor men are a monolith. Some women are unreasonable and so are some men. I'd recommend not wasting your time on unreasonable people. Is it unreasonable that your…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:13 PM
0

All they are saying is "improving your odds will improve your odds." Everything else is words you put in their mouth, a bad faith interpretation of their argument. Who is out here arguing that you are guaranteed results? The closest you'll get is TRP, and they'll tell you just to grind harder.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:07 PM
2

Then change your luck and improve your odds. We are not guaranteed anything in this life but death. The rest is up to you to figure out. But I promise you that telling yourself over and over "I'm unlucky and doomed to be unlucky forever" is absolutely not helping you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:06 PM
3

I have never known a truly charismatic man to have any trouble finding partners who fit his preferences. Do you think he is charismatic because you like the dude, or is he generally charismatic as in people are naturally drawn to him and comfortable around him?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:02 PM
0

You are oversimplifying basketball and undersimplifying dating. Basketball is a lot more complicated than do A to get B, more like do A, B, C, and D while hoping the other team does X, Y, and Z and your chances of winning increase ?% if that all happens, but there is still an aspect of luck in which way the ball bounces off the rim any given shot. We can say teams with so and so attributes are more likely to win, but no win is guaranteed and upsets happen. Honestly, basketball is a great allegor…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 07:59 PM
0

Yet if they continuously fail across classes, geographies, times, social circumstances, and environments, are we allowed to call it a skill issue then? If you do not have the skills to succeed in your current environment, are we not allowed to acknowledge that? Sure, there's a ton of factors, but I really do believe it is a social skills issue most of the time. I know this because I've struggled across time and environment, and it's a me issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 07:51 PM
3

Not relying on others for approval is not the same as ignoring them. I value my connections to others so much but at the end of the day I'm the only one that has to live with my actions. I'm the one person I'm definitely stuck with for life.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:41 PM
5

Validation: the act of proving, confirming, or officially approving something. Again, I personally feel it is immature to seek validation outside of yourself. It's the root of most unhappiness.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 04:14 PM
1

Where did I say humans aren't greedy with primitive instincts? That's exactly what we are before we grow and mature. But we also have highly developed neocortices which most other animals lack. This allows us to move beyond just primal instincts and reflect on and even change our behavior. You can't just look at a random animal study and apply it to humans. Men who use women are not simply "acting on instinct" but rather are very aware of their actions. You also have failed to address how women …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:57 PM
1

Cool, I'd love to see the research on that.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:40 PM
1

So no, just your gut then. Quite a bold claim. Humans are individuals. Sure there are some trends, but you can't speak for all men let alone all animals. Plenty of women talk about having different standards for hookups and relationships so I fail to see your point.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:35 PM
7

Is it? I don't think "validation" is on my list of what I'm looking for in a relationship. I do agree it's how many immature people approach relationships, but most people are immature so whatcha gonna do? My type argues with me more than validates me. I like being challenged by different perspectives. I don't need anyone else to validate me, I do that myself just fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:33 PM
9

Yes, it is a type. You see plenty of women here saying the exact same thing in "this is what I usually like but I do date outside it if someone else catches my eye/ear." You have a type, women who validate you. Congrats, you have the same type as most men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:56 PM
10

The same way you pick an ice cream flavor. I like cherries but I don't like chocolate, so if the ice cream with cherries and chocolate is something I'll skip even though I like cherries. Ice cream is also complex, though obviously not as complex as people. Think of the different ingredients as different aspects of personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:45 PM
1

You got a study showing that? Why is men's behavior not accounted for in this study?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:40 PM
1

I talk for a while before I meet anyone in person, so usually a full meal or outing for me. And before y'all come at me, I pay.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 02:38 PM
–

Varies person to person. I'd say it's more like labor than housing (shelter is up there with food/water) or education (more in the interest of society than the individual). We all require constant maintenance, or labor. For the most part, we handle things like going to the bathroom on our own, but some of us need help with that too. Most are capable of taking care of their own sexual urges too. Very few people lack the ability to self pleasure. But no, you aren't owed anyone's labor except your …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 03:59 AM
1

I think you could argue many of our structures are patriarchal but some aspects of society are matriarchal. However, the fact that professions like coding were devalued when occupied by women and more valued when occupied by men while the exact opposite happened in education shows how matriarchal tendencies are minimized by the patriarchal framework. The average man still is considered more logical than the average woman, for example. The average man also benefits from a society designed for him…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 08:42 PM
1

Could you enumerate some of the "vast resources" currently spent on affirmative action? My understanding is that it's more about shifting selection criteria rather than transferring resources.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 08:34 PM
2

Why is that relevant when the topic is raising children?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 08:25 PM
1

Women still do almost twice as much domestic labor as men. Sure, it's more even now than in the past, but it's not yet equalized. Gender norms are a hell of a drug. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12026444/
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 07:54 PM
2

That is not the meaning of the term. Social democratic means equitable for all. Men have preferences just like women. Just because their attraction evolved to be less restricted doesn't make it more equitable. "No fatties" is said by more men than women, for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 07:09 PM
3

Please explain how one can be sexually socially democratic and what that even means. What does social justice have to do with attraction?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 06:16 PM
7

I mean, are men not exactly the same? There is some proportion of women they are attracted to, and the rest might as well be invisible. You are telling me every man on earth is attracted to every woman? Otherwise, what is your point?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 05:13 PM
20

I go on like one first date a year if I'm single, so I don't think anything in the 0-10 range in the past year would weird me out. More than that and I'll start wondering why he's going on so many first dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:48 PM
–

Let me put it this way: If you are so very concerned about your sexless brethren, why don't you offer your holes to your bros? Maybe they'll even return the favor! What's that? You aren't attracted to them and don't want to have sex with them? Too bad, they have "needs."
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:40 PM
–

As for the rest, women don't want to selflessly volunteer their bodies for men to orgasm in. No more than a man wants to not achieve orgasm in sex. Like seriously, if these guys are so concerned about their sexless brethren, why aren't they offering their holes to their bros?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:38 PM
–

They often think it comes across as 'innocent' I don't think innocence being sexually attractive is a good thing for society
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:35 PM
4

So your argument is women should have even less sex than they do now?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:33 PM
–

Those men have access to sex workers. Women are literally providing themselves to appease these men already. Should they not be compensated for their service to society?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:31 PM
–

Actually, yes, dismissing people who you are not attracted to, having standards and boundaries, is an important virtue.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:29 PM
1

Few are "desirable to most people." Desire is complex and too many people are worried about mass appeal when you only really need to appeal to one right person.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:22 PM
1

Desirable to whom? Different people are desirable in different ways. I'm low on physical attraction and prefer to date people in the same boat, so they are more desirable to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 04:17 PM
–

Women who are into online dating might not be representative of all women for many reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 05:13 AM
–

So, you are taking about women who use OkCupid's opinion on men who use OkCupid, not women in general. You don't see how that sample might be skewed?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 12:37 AM
1

Not necessarily. Open relationships exist after all.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 06:24 PM
1

Neither? Lying really bugs me and either way I'm not being honest with my friends. I'm a sex-indifferent-to-favorable asexual so I'd pick no sex over no love.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 06:23 PM
0

It's not that women only find 20% of men attractive; it's that they rate 80% of men as below average. Source?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 06:18 PM
7

The highest estimate I have seen is 30% of Gen Z women are queer, which includes all the lesbians and bisexuals.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 05:41 PM
1

I'm wondering how much this is a generational issue. Has it always been this way, or were the apps designed to appeal to men's sensibilities. The first app that allows and encourages videos will inspire more female users. Back in my prime, I never got swamped with attention on dating sites like today's 20-somethings are. But sites were fundamentally different. You could browse many profiles that matched your preferences rather than being presented a random assortment I have to swipe through one …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 02:32 PM
4

Yep, my FWB is a bi guy and he has just as many horror stories about pushy men as I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 02:29 PM
3

I overall agree with you overall, but women absolutely are trained to perform, just in a different way.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 11:46 PM
–

Absolutely, there's a lot of shitty people out there. My bro just got called an F-slur by some chick because he didn't want to fuck on the first date.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:55 PM
4

I'm single and yet I seem to exist in an entirely different world than you. I don't feel like I encounter any more misandry or misogyny today than I did twenty years ago. The loudmouths just have more organized platforms now, but it doesn't mean most people are listening.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:12 PM
7

And yet I rarely see gender war content out of the blue. What are you feeding your algos?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:06 PM
2

The race war is mostly played out and there aren't enough trans folks to go around so they had to come up with something...
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:05 PM
3

I don't go on TikTok often, but I really don't come across any of this shit on my FYP. It's all people making music and art and LotR slop thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:39 PM
1

It's a restriction on my freedom based on my chromosomes. Isn't that exactly what you asked for examples of?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:38 PM
5

Absolutely this! Even the people I know I generally won't vibe with (usually cishet men and th occasional lesbian), I still try to give a chance to get to know them if they express interest. Because people are individuals and just because I've had bad experiences with individuals like that in the past doesn't mean every straight guy or lesbian will be like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 08:32 PM
5

I know several "male-decentered" lesbians who vocally hate men. I do my best to argue for the inclusion of men, but I'm often outnumbered. My romantic/sexual experiences with cishet men have been overwhelmingly negative, and yet I don't hate these men. I think they are victims of unhealthy social conditioning, which is not their fault but is their responsibility to navigate. I think "hating men" is an easy cop out and actually lets men off the hook for their individual behavior. Shallow characte…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:52 PM
3

All we can do is manage our own responses and be a voice for equity (read: treating people as individuals) in our tiny corner of the world. I encourage you to thoughtfully counter both misogyny and misandry wherever you encounter it. Unfortunately, it's easier to resort to name calling or generalizations than actually take things on a case by case basis with nuance, so people will opt for that more often. Doesn't mean we should stop trying though.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:47 PM
3

I think hating individuals can be justifiable, but it's better to rise above the temptation. This is such good advice. Hate is a cancer that just festers if left untreated.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:41 PM
6

I'm not allowed to sign up for the draft. I tried and they wouldn't let me.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:35 PM
1

You know, I'm thinking of how media in general promotes more positive masculinity than ever and yet boys and men are still feeling lost. I think you brought up an important aspect, and that is the personal touch. Feeling that someone actually cares about you and what you do. How do we get more men back into teaching and psychology?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:17 PM
0

Yep, I feel non-binary. Sometimes I feel a little masculine or feminine but usually I just feel like me. However, I hate being perceived through either a masculine or feminine lens.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:09 PM
–

It took me until my mid-thirties to find a guy who was "good in bed" according to this criteria. In my experience, a guy who is both respectful and enthusiastic in the bedroom is a rare combo.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 06:51 PM
–

I have similar problems and get maybe a couple of matches a month, usually from straight Christian men. I'm non-binary trans and pretty progressive, I don't really date straight men. I give one a chance every once and a while and am reminded why I stopped entertaining them.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 06:44 PM
–

Yes, it's very common to go from "beautiful" to "an ugly bitch" when they find out you are not interested in sucking their dick.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 06:43 PM
0

Yes and the reverse is true as well. The difference is that guys will "like" a broad range of women from average to very attractive. Where is the data on that?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:15 PM
1

And what percent of men like the top 25% of women? Why is that info not included?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:04 PM
2

What are you talking about? You can tell women you don't want to pay for them and eliminate them from your dating pool. It's about enforcing your own boundaries, that's all any of us can do.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 08:41 AM
5

You can 100% choose not to participate in a transaction.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 07:55 AM
-1

Where did I say that an attractive person won't get more matches. But more doesn't mean better. Pretty people can end up in shitty relationships just as easily as anybody.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 07:54 AM
0

I disagree that looks are far more important to a significant enough majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 09:31 PM
2

Pretty privilege is well documented and acknowledged.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 09:05 PM
1

There's no universal truth for either gender because humans are individuals. There is a sliding scale for how much physical attraction matters in a romantic or sexual relationship, it goes from "not at all" to "it's the only thing that matters." People exist everywhere one that scale.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 09:04 PM
1

Plenty of women like short men. Work on your self esteem first.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 09:02 PM
2

Except sexual intimacy is irreplaceable at a certain point, like how drinking water can take the edge off hunger but someone will still want to eat food. I don't think this is an apt analogy. It's more like having a small snack of something you aren't craving. It can absolutely sustain you, unlike water.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:09 PM
2

Interesting take. I think I agree with you. Too many people wrap too much of their self esteem up in sex. I def took more of this perspective when I was younger, but now that my self esteem is high regardless of relationships, I actually have a much healthier view of sex and enjoy it much more these days. However, I do have a small nitpick... People masturbate to the thought of fucking super hot people. People watch porn featuring super hot people. People watch movies with romantic plotlines abo…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 02:50 PM
5

What's wrong with my natural disaster/zombie apocalype/emergency go-bag? I have it in my closet regardless of if I'm in a relationship, and if I'm in a relationship with YOU, I will pack extra supplies for YOU.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 02:36 PM
7

It really almost always comes down to "choose better."
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 02:33 PM
1

I haven't changed much in my approach in 2+ decades. It's gotten better if anything. I spend very little time on dating apps and that's not how I usually find people to date. Community still works.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 02:10 PM
4

Yep, I am non-binary, bi, and ace. My dating pool is quite small. I still manage to date. I find it hard to believe that more options = better options for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 06:09 AM
6

I am bi and strongly prefer dating other bi people.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 06:07 AM
2

I honestly wouldn't put any of the guys I've been intimate with in the top 20%, but how I felt about them is what mattered.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:33 PM
7

I might have taken it a little far, I'm in my late thirties, but no regrets!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:23 PM
14

Still waiting for the right person for PiV. Not worth the pregnancy risk outside of a committed relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:19 PM
5

Depends if it's with a straight guy, a queer guy, or a woman. Generally, I have fun with queer guys and girls. Straight guys are so bad I've just about sworn them off entirely.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 02:00 PM
6

And people get throat cancer from going down on guys. So I should stop giving blowjobs, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 01:53 PM
5

I'm just here to make this a sample size of 2. I've given hundreds of blowjobs on my life, mostly to boyfriends, and I've been eaten out maybe 5 times?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 01:50 PM
2

Lots of good debates here, but I just wanted to focus on how women determine if a man is generous. Some are only focused on themselves, sure, but most people who value generosity look beyond themselves. For example, I value generosity strongly, and yet I don't expect my date to pay for me. I do pay attention to how they treat the service staff and how much they tip on their half or when it is their turn. I also ask about things like volunteering and donations to charity. I also care about how th…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 08:18 PM
–

I embrace the cringe, and I'm much happier for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 02:45 AM
12

You assume to know the mind of every woman. They are individuals.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 09:12 PM
6

If it is a problem for you, break up with her. I don't know what you want any of us to do about it. She is allowed to withdraw her consent at any time for any reason. Maybe she lusted after anal with her ex because he had a smaller penis and that felt better in that relationship, but now with you it is painful. Maybe she liked things rougher with her last partner that was shorter and scrawnier because she felt physical safety that she can't feel with your size difference. These instances would d…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 09:09 PM
1

Complaining is different than blaming.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:01 PM
1

Am I acting like an ass? I still don't think you need to make it anyone else's problem. As in don't blame others and take responsibility for what is in your control. It's okay to ask for help, but I think it's unhealthy and immature to expect others to solve your problems for you though.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 06:48 PM
3

I'm in my late 30s and I can't relate at all. I know women who are single and childless, single with children, and married without children. Most are satisfied with their life choices and are pretty happy where they are now. I'm personally glad I didn't partner off when I was younger. I was not a happy and healthy person in my 20s and I wouldn't have been a good partner nor was I attracting good partners. I'm very glad I took time off to work on myself, and now I'm making better connections than…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:09 PM
3

I didn't say you couldn't complain. I'd recommend complaining to friends rather than randos on the internet if you are looking for sympathy though. But honestly, what is anyone supposed to do about the fact that a lot of men wish they had more sex than they do? What am I supposed to do about all the women who want more romance than what they get?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 04:38 PM
5

Plus, it's not like there aren't men around here with differing opinions already...
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:58 PM
4

Yes every man wants sex to some degree /#NotAllMen
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:57 PM
3

Because kink required trust and few get the opportunity to really explore it with someone they trust.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:54 PM
4

I feel the same way about my AuDHD, depression, and anxiety. They are not my fault, but they are my responsibility. We all want things in life, and nothing is guaranteed. At some point you have to accept that and just try to live your best life and focus less on what others are or are not doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:53 PM
3

Yep, this is also my method. Get all the compatibility stuff out of the way so we don't waste each other's time.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:41 PM
3

So I shouldn't be coerced into vanilla sex because I don't like it, right? I only enjoy sex when it's kinky.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:38 PM
4

Absolutely, and I do. I will never know what it feels like, but I can imagine an unsatisfied hunger or thirst as it's often described. I just can't think of any solution or advice aside from "don't make it anyone else's problem."
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:35 PM
5

The guy I'm seeing now doesn't seem to think it's important. I think there are plenty of people on both sides. I prefer to associate with the mature side who understands that growth and change are not only healthy, but a core part of the human experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:34 PM
1

Did you know you can have self-respect and date at the same time? If not, you are dating the wrong people.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:25 PM
3

Therapy has helped me with dating, AMA. I got my last girlfriend literally on a dare from my therapist to ask her out.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:24 PM
2

FWIW, I've had lots of luck using Vraylar as a standalone depression treatment. It's not licensed that way, but it's another option worth pursuing. Depression is an illness and prevents healthy relationships. I know from personal experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:23 PM
5

I think there is a vocal minority of men sharing and promoting coercive strategies. Young men internalize these narratives and enter the dating market of naive young women with this mindset. Inexperienced women don't know any better, and get guilted into doing things they aren't comfortable with. There's also the female side where we have this narrative reinforced that sex is something you "give" rather than something you enjoy together. I remember being young and thinking "If I don't sexually s…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:18 PM
5

Not that I know of, but how would I even know? I'm not grilling my partners on every date and sexual encounter they had with their ex. Sometimes things come up and they'll tell me, but I view that as getting to know the person here and now before me, not as some metric to compare our relationship against.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:13 PM
5

I do not know any woman who does not have sexual/relationship trauma in her life. These scenarios are not extreme, and mine was really tame compared to what some of my friends have been through.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:04 PM
–

Yeah, I agree with you, I really should've replied to the person above you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:03 PM
4

I do not, no. I'm not threatened by partners with more or less sexual experiences than me. Everyone is an individual and I judge them as such, based on their own unique experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:02 PM
4

It's impossible to say truly. I am happy to report that I am in my thirties now and have worked through that trauma. The most important step was to forgive myself for believing him and letting it shape my world view. I literally wouldn't be able to contribute to this sub if I hadn't worked through that trauma. This place is hella triggering for someone who's lived coercive control.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:59 PM
3

I’m a queer man You really gave me hope that there was a cishet guy who got it, but here we are. There's a reason I've sworn off straight men...
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:45 PM
–

You are inconsistent though. I bet your height has changed, your hair has changed, your wardrobe has changed, your job has changed, your house has changed. What about consistency?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:40 PM
8

Plenty of women are late bloomers. If he's so concerned about her past, he should date other late bloomers. Otherwise, he has to accept that everyone has a past.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:40 PM
4

But by your logic, I'm now required to do everything he coerced me into for the rest of my life because I was a stupid 13 year old once, correct?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:38 PM
–

I would be able to train her to appreciate me Ewwww
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:34 PM
–

What if I tried anal and found that I only enjoy it with below average sized penises? Now my new bf has a monster cock and I explain that I won't do anal with him because of it. Is that not consistent and fair?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:27 PM
–

I'm sorry you live with such a rigid and biologically inconsistent mindset. Things change, that's the only fundamental truth of nature. People, being a part of nature, similarly change. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:24 PM
–

Women and men do not have wildly different number of lifetime partners. Y'all have this narrative that every woman has had a ho phase and many men are virgins. In reality, most young people, both men and women, have had at least a couple of sexual partners by the time they are 25-30.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:14 PM
1

How? i fail to see the difference. They are not sexually compatible, that is nobody's fault regardless of what they each tried in their past.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:11 PM
–

I have had boyfriends tell me "this is what girlfriends do and I will break up with you if you don't" when I was I fucking 13 years old. You have no idea what being a girl is like.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:08 PM
–

So let's say she tried it before and didn't like it. That doesn't matter to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:02 PM
–

Sure, some women do. It's also true that some men coerce women into sex acts they don't want to do, and that should never be held against them in any relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:58 PM
–

Then why aren't you rioting about how much free shit rich people get? That scenario you described literally happens in society all the time, why aren't you posting about it if it's so enraging?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:55 PM
1

I think I agree with you, though we have different friends who do things differently in some ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:09 AM
7

I'd feel betrayed and probably not trust anyone again for a long time. Leave for sure. Can't be with someone I don't trust.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:34 AM
20

We can't really separate the fetish from socialization though. It makes sense that if you fear something, like rape, you might want to confront it in a situation where you still have control, as in a safe word. If women weren't raised with the fear of rape and men weren't constantly told they are meant to be sexually dominant, would these disparities persist as severely?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:45 PM
2

I know tons of nice guys. Almost all of them are married to lovely women.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:20 PM
3

You're also twisting a very simple universal truth (it feels good to be desired) into an exclusively female trait with zero basis. So much this! Men want to be desired just as much as women. I know because I'm a sex-favorable asexual who dates both. My lack of ability to genuinely desire them is often a compatibility issue, even if we still have fun having sex. Sex isn't enough for most people, they want to also feel sexy. I also feel like I just have to add that any time someone claims somethin…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:34 PM
2

My neighbor who has the exact same house as me (starter home in an old neighborhood) with a yard full of weeds and junk is desired by all my straight female friends. He does crossfit in front of his house and they are always swooning when he does. Tell me about how it's his "status" they are fawning over again?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:29 PM
2

I watch edits of hot men made by women and the comments are so feral and clearly from women based on the anatomy they are describing that is reacting. Just reminded me how I have a friend obsessed with watch she calls the "penis ravine." Apparently, Connor Storrie has an impressive penis ravine. I don't know how one could possibly call that "autosexual."
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:26 PM
1

Several women on here have already said actions and sounds are arousing while still images are not.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:14 PM
2

Yesss! My sister is straight and I'm a queer rugby player. I always get excited by the amount of rugby on her TikTok, but for some reason it's all men's rugby...
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:13 PM
3

I have talked about video intros on dating apps for a while now. It's 2026, we have the technology, why aren't we doing it already?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 02:12 PM
3

Good for you! Just remember kids, a hoe is a garden implement. You are in a ho* phase.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 03:13 PM
2

Like as a job, or my brain?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 03:00 PM
2

Bushmeat is a much more likely hypothesis.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 07:15 PM
2

I think is can be, but is incomplete. Gender essentialism includes gender as a binary. There can be specific experiences based on genitalia, and the gender of the individual can provide nuanced context for their experiences. Most people identify as cis/het, or their gender alines with their genitalia and they are heterosexual. So the majority of men and women are going to have similar contexts and experiences relative to their sex. But there are people who have sexualities and gender identities …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 07:02 PM
3

This is all fascinating, and I've heard many similar reports from my binary trans friends. But then there is always variance, and I do wonder where that comes from biologically. For example, I'm non-binary trans but also asexual. I have perfectly normal hormone levels for an AFAB body, but I've never felt physical attraction (asexuality) or libido (just my weird wiring I guess), but I can still experience arousal just fine. I'm perfectly normal on all the physiological tests, but my brain seems …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 06:58 PM
6

The women I know who are girlbosses tend to be the decision-makers in their relationship. I think you are confusing and mixing different female archetypes here.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 06:47 PM
2

Isn't the point of this post that, because of biology, men and women will never be truly equal? They seem to be agreeing with you. The experiences are not equal, and I really don't see anyone on this sub agruing against that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 06:45 PM
2

Interestingly enough, I was born female but every psychologist and psychiatrist I've ever had tells me my brian works in a more typically masculine way. I identify with both aspects of femininity and masculinity. These days I go by they/them, which isn't perfect, but feels better than he or she in my case.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 06:17 PM
–

It absolutely matters to me. I don't have sex with people I don't trust. At some point you make the choice to trust the person, and hopefully you're never wrong. I was not good at it as a teen, but I've learned. One of the reasons I usually take 3+ months to even consider sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 06:18 AM
–

You never know this about anyone you are with, male or female. Some people are honest, some aren't. It's your job to figure out who you can trust. Just one of many reasons dating is rough.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 04:42 AM
2

Would you consider 5'4" to be short for a man? I knew a guy like that who the ladies just love.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 03:54 AM
2

Go out in public and you'll see plenty of unattractive guys with partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 03:46 AM
1

Yes I do, every time.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 11:33 PM
–

This has not been my experience in dating...
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 02:42 PM
21

Define "worse results." Divorce rates are declining, no? Legal spousal rape was better?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:02 AM
36

men are increasingly becoming better by BP metrics You have yet to prove this claim. Gen Z men hold more conservative beliefs than millennial men did at their age. Explain how that is "better" by BP metrics.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 06:47 AM
-2

The point is that modern dating has amplified female selectiveness and made average men easier to ignore than ever. Has it? Or is it the fact that 30% of Gen Z women are queer compared to 10% of Gen Z men? If female selectiveness was amplified, the few desirable men would have even more women than ever throwing themselves at them. That's not what's happening, more and more women are choosing each other's company instead of the top 20% or whatever. Also, I'd argue it was much easier to ignore ave…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 10:30 PM
1

The sex recession, young men struggling, women openly saying average men are not enough, and a small group of high-status men getting most of the attention were not invented yesterday. Men were talking about this long before it became acceptable for normie podcasts and media outlets to package it in softer language. "Women only want hot jocks" is a media tale as old as time. What is new?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 08:59 PM
5

Not really. I haven't heard the dating market brought up at all and I deal with population statistics for a living. There's way more focus on how to get already paired people to make babies than on how to get unpaired people paired. The majority of birthing aged people are still partnered.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 08:53 PM
1

The problem is it's hard to find out that you are just used. Is it? I think so, but when it comes to women we are all supposed to be mind readers and magically know when a guy is lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 08:36 PM
–

Thinking people are not selfish and deceptive when it comes dating is stupid. Agree with you there Thinking that you are yourself not selfish and deceptive when it comes to dating is worse, because it's pathetic. Strongly disagree. I've stopped even trying to put my best foot forward. I'm just unabashedly me and so far it's working. I'm getting better quality connections than ever. And that's post-wall. I'm glad I didn't settle down in my twenties because now I'm healthier and happier and will b…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 07:52 PM
3

what is toxic is a guy who clearly is texting multiple girls at the same time, somehow magically knows all the exact things that you like, gets wishy-washy answers in terms of his level of commitment, and plays the victim as to why he’s not committal Cool, I can avoid that guy if I know those things. But what that guy is actually doing is hiding his other relationships while telling you "I've never felt this way about anyone before, I want to spend my life with you." You have no idea what these …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 07:49 PM
4

but options. attention. access. men pursuing them. men trying. men offering dates, sex, validation, commitment, situationships, whatever. First, the average woman is overweight and not swimming in male attention. Does she get more attention than her male counterpart? Sure. Does that make this attention good? Not really. Attractive young women have men chasing them, but the average woman does not have a roster of men. The average woman is getting catcalled on the street, groped on the bus, and ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 07:29 PM
3

Since you used "and" I assumed they all are interchangeable in context. That's equally as horrifying.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 03:18 PM
3

A better discussion would be "do all men feel predatory, aggressive, possessive and controlling when they are penetrating a woman with their dick". Yes the vast majority do. THat is evo-psych. What? Your arguments is that most men feel predatory during sex? Don't project your kink onto everyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 02:41 PM
2

I would hypothesize that their worldview shapes their experiences. Confirmation bias perhaps. They will see what they want to see and ignore the rest.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 11:41 PM
7

Yes, this! I used to teach and never needed meds because it was always something new or crazy happening in my classroom. Now that I work an office job I finally got medicated because that's the only way I can do it. People with ADHD usually do great in crises.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 10:40 PM
–

Hah, I also went through the evolution. Build up my business woman wardrobe just to go back to black skinny jeans and tshirts or a button down.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:37 PM
–

Yes, I'm trying to attract the queer and neurodiverse folks! Also, bonus points if I can scare away cishet dudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:35 PM
8

I read an article at some point about how trying new things together can help build connection in relationships because you associate the dopamine hit from the experience with that person.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:27 PM
2

Most people are addicted to novel stimulation, and not everyone cheats.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:26 PM
–

I get what you are saying but you are being pedantic. I do think these guys need to think about what a long term relationship really looks like and realize that easy access to sex can't always be guaranteed. But it is okay to say "a healthy sex life is a requirement for my long term relationships" and shorthand that to "I need sex." I need trust in a relationship. Will I die without it? No, but it's still a need of mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:17 PM
2

There's literally a whole sub for non-sexual BDSM.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 02:46 PM
1

I am asexual. I do not experience sexual attraction to people. You could say I'm one of those people who can only have good sex with BDSM aspects, but that's because I lack the natural instincts to enjoy vanilla sex. I do also have sexual trauma, but I have gotten lots of trauma therapy and even took ten years off the scene for healing. Some people are just wired differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 02:40 PM
–

I'm so glad you brought this up because I've been asking myself whether or not a spark is necessary. I am asexual, so I never experience sexual attraction. However, I have still felt "sparks" where things just seem to be aligning and it feels magical. As I've gotten older, I've recognized this to be the chemical rush of new experience and romantic potential. But is that feeling required? In the past, I've idealized potential partners. I've tried to stop doing this. We shall see how it works out.…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:59 PM
–

Yes, you did present a strawman argument. Nice of you to admit it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:55 PM
–

Haha, I need a rhythm or I'm lost. I 100% suck dick on beat.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:50 PM
–

And on the other end of the spectrum, I have a playlist I even use for solo time. For me, music is a better aphrodisiac than porn.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:50 PM
1

Real women with differing opinions you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:07 PM
12

None of these comments show the same woman complaining about both things.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:05 PM
0

It's not binary that either looks matter or they don't, it's the fact that lots of other things matter too. It's a fatalistic black pill talking point to say looks are ultimately all that matters, and that is just untrue.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:50 PM
1

But it's true. The hottest guys I know are not the ones having the most casual sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:48 PM
1

I knew a 5'4" dripping with style and charisma who killed it with the ladies...
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:45 PM
1

I came up with the cheese pizza analogy. Don't be cheese pizza. Sure, most people will eat cheese pizza if it is all that is available, but it is extremely rare for someone to choose cheese pizza out of all the available options. Cheese pizza has mass appeal, but no one picks it as a favorite.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:42 PM
2

Exactly, I date both men and women and I really don't observe these gendered differences. I don't ascribe to gender norms though so I guess I don't attract those who do.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:30 PM
1

How does this not go both ways though? When women go on dates they are also trying to thread the needle of gauging interest and compatibility, expressing interest on getting to know him better without unintentionally "leading him on." Feeling out whether he will be threatened or happy when I offer to pay. Personally, I'm big on communication. I like to share what's going on in my mind during a date. Including all of these considerations. Last first date I went on and the end the guy was all "now…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:29 PM
2

Honestly, I find my lack of libido to be a blessing in dating. Allows me to focus on improving myself and connecting with people on a deeper level. Of course, it can be tough to find a compatible low libido partner, but finding a compatible partner is always the challenge in dating. Some variables just make it tougher than others.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:07 PM
3

I can say I have seen this interpretation many times. They insist "genuine desire" is the most important thing and you only know she has it for you if she sleeps with you, and ideally only you, quickly.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:03 PM
2

Maybe it's because I'm on the spectrum, maybe it's because I'm asexual, but learning this about a potential partner would make me more interested in them. I value growth and personal responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 04:00 PM
4

Women you do see stick their necks out like this on principle are usually on the autism spectrum, report feeling alienated from their peers their entire lives, and end up with more male friends than female. I am a neuroatypical female who calls out both misogyny and misandry, but I have mostly female friends and none of them have abandoned me for it. In fact, they usually agree with me eventually when I insist "not all men." Maybe because I'm a bit older so lots of them have husbands and sons th…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 03:56 PM
2

How does privilege not take harm into account?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 03:53 PM
2

Yesss. I have taken this exact same approach. I love leading with my flaws and seeing who sticks around.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 06:05 AM
2

Men would complain about being overrun with fatties and uggos in a heartbeat.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 04:46 PM
6

attraction should be paired with self-awareness, realism, and knowing your actual lane. Not bad advice. Values are also important.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 03:26 AM
-6

You mean when today's young women were ten year olds?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 03:25 AM
3

Where is your source for monogamy no longer being attractive? Gen Z women are three times as likely to be queer as Gen Z men. They are dating each other, not multiple men.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 03:22 AM
4

Except data shows most women marry within their respective socioeconomic group. I'm sure some nurses marry doctors, but plenty marry other nurses or med techs or skilled laborers or accountants or anything really.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 03:20 AM
3

I didn't catch the last sentence at first, that was uncalled for.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:47 PM
10

I am also wondering what strikes you as not civil about this? I date all sorts of people and 10/10 straight guys have repeatedly asked to cross clearly communicated boundaries. If it was a me issue you'd think this would be a pattern with all my partners, but none of the bi guys, bi girls, or lesbians I've dated do this. I'm sure there's some out there who do, and some straught guys who don't, but I'm just trying to learn from experience and choose better. 🤷
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:09 PM
5

How does this work mathematically though? If less and less men are pairing, it's because less and less women are choosing men. So no, women are not selecting for the same things.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 03:21 PM
2

Or become desireable another way. This is a false dichotomy, there are infinite options.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 03:19 PM
–

It was more me struggling with the idea that 20 years ago was still this millennium 😭
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:21 PM
–

As someone who's been around the block at least "20 years or more," guyliner is much much older than that. Alice Cooper anyone?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:08 PM
–

The majority of people are damaged I agree, but why would you choose to use tactics you know only work on damaged people unless you specifically want a damanged partner? Sure, maybe these tactics work on low quality partners, but that's all your going to get. Is that really what you want?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 03:05 PM
5

Sit up straight, develop your core & back muscles Yes yes yes. I'm so glad I had physical therapy for shoulder and back injuries in my 20s, improved my posture so much. I'm still able to hold my own in the front line of a scrum in my late thirties!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:45 PM
1

Science has a definition for normal, 2 SDs, that significant. You can make up your own, but I don't have to follow your definition...
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:40 PM
–

Again, sex isn't something you get FROM women, you do it WITH them. You aren't taking anything away.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 06:17 AM
2

I'll let you know. I do plan to adopt older kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:02 AM
1

Being excluded is not worse that actively being harmed. I've felt this way before. I was suicidal for 2 decades. I know what hopelessness feels like. Only you can dig yourself out of that hole, no one else. Your mindset is what is holding you back. Let go of these false narratives.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 01:23 AM
2

And you have experienced both? I'd rather be invisible than a rape target.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 01:19 AM
3

How often do you dress skimpy and hit the gay bar?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 01:13 AM
3

The vast majority of them aren't.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:56 AM
2

None of that is dehumanizing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:52 AM
4

What about if it was a big burly gay man?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:51 AM
3

I was born with two X chromosomes, went through normal puberty, have normal adult female hormone levels, and yet, I've never ever wanted to be pregnant. Like, the thought has literally made me want to vomit for over 2 decades now. Explain that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:50 AM
4

I've found that men understand this is when you make a comparison to if another man did this behavior to you on the street. Not a compliment--harassment. Now imagine if I told you that harassment from men is better than nothing. Precisely. If you are so desperate for attention, buy some booty shorts and a cute fishnet tank and head to your local gay bar. Tell me how much fun it is and how you are dying to go back.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:48 AM
4

Have you ever been objectified by a man? How did it make you feel?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:41 AM
7

And yes, some men have decided they would rather be sexually objectified with the silver lining of being more desired that that comes with, But they aren't desired, not really. Women don't feel desires when objectified, they feel dehumanized. That's part of it too. than be objectified as they are currently which generally has no silver lining but still has all the bad parts. No silver lining? You are calling being dehumanized as a silver lining and receiving monetary or in kind compensation as "…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:36 AM
–

And here I love breaking norms that reinforce toxic social pressures.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:21 AM
–

I'm dying to know how they react to trans people. Bird allies?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:18 AM
–

Okay, which definition? 95% CI, 99.5%? Queer people fall within two standard deviations of the mean, yet y'all act like we don't exist. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normal_distribution
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 12:13 AM
–

I have an exclusive FWB and I'm not looking for an exclusive partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 11:29 PM
2

My sis who is a big romantasy fan said it's not as good as her other less acclaimed series.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 11:27 PM
1

So everyone over 30 is elderly now?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 10:50 PM
–

Adopt kids from the state most likely.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 10:49 PM
–

I'm not a man
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 10:48 PM
1

But what if they end up being a woman or an enby. I don't only date men.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:53 PM
1

There is no such thing as normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:49 PM
2

But that's not the only difference because you mentioned "romantic desire" which is turned off in a FWB situation. So romantic desire seems to be the distinction, not sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:49 PM
2

I guess my point is that everyone is an individual. You can't assume. You lump demis in with allos, but I'm in some ways demi and the dating experience is very different than an allo one. I just wish y'all would remember this is not a universal human truth even if it's a common one. Fwiw, I'm asexual and have a FWB. Honestly, it's been a healing experience for me. Communication is fantastic and it's helped me figure out what I want in a romantic relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:48 PM
1

A ride or die life partner who wants to adopt kids and isn't super hung up on physical intimacy.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:31 PM
1

Not as much as you, surely.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:30 PM
1

Well, I dunno, I'm either a virgin or a slut depending how you count. I prefer "slutty virgin" personally.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:30 PM
1

Saying most people have legs is not contradicted by the existence of leg amputees. Sure, but saying having two legs is essential to being human would be incorrect. What's the difference between a romantic relationship and a FWB arrangement if romance is just friendship+sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:29 PM
2

1) No it doesn't. My FWB has all sorts of insecurities. Talking openly about them is one of the reasons I trust him. 2) Try a hookup specific app like Feeld (or the local equivalent if that exists) 3) Very few people know what they actually want in a partner. We are mostly making it up as we go. 4) I've met multiple people off Reddit. There are specific subs, like r4r, just for meeting people. I'm a weirdo (queer, AuDHD, etc) and I find more fellow weirdos here than anywhere else.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:27 PM
1

What about FWBs? Are these by definition romantic relationships? Or is there something distinct that makes romance more meaningful than friendship + sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:23 PM
1

She obviously doesn't value everyday kindness and is probably pretty self centered since all she seems to care about is how he treats her, not anyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:21 PM
1

Women, for men, are first and foremost sexual objects before they are people. /#NotAllMen
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 09:16 PM
2

Men don't "obtain" sex FROM women. They have sex WITH women. This framing is objectifying.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:58 PM
1

Have you taken a look around here? Look at how many agree with OP.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:55 PM
2

I have accepted it, it's why I don't date straight guys anymore. Also, why do women have to "accept" male nature while men refuse to "accept" female nature? I keep seeing calls for "structural changes" to "fix" dating dynamics.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:53 PM
3

So, to say that sex is a big part of romantic relationships is an understatement. For you, sure. For most allosexuals, sure. But I would argue emotional intimacy is much more indicative of a romantic relationship than physical intimacy. What's the difference between FWBs and romantic partners? I just think some of y’all don’t know what a happy, stable, and fulfilling relationship looks like. So true. Sexual compatibility is important.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:52 PM
1

Depends what you want
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:46 PM
1

It’s obvious when a man is feigning interest just to get sex. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:45 PM
2

I would hazard a guess that most men don't care nearly as much as the terminally online guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:35 PM
0

While sex is certainly a core differentiator between a romantic and platonic relationship For many people, sure, but it's not a requirement and certainly not what separates romantic and platonic relationships. Look at FWBs. They are friends who have sex, does that make their relationship "romantic" by definition? No, because what separated friendship from romance is much more than just smashing nasty bits.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:32 PM
2

A healthy sex life is an entailment of a healthy romantic relationship. For allosexuals. Unless by "a healthy sex life" you mean "a sex life that satisfies all parties." The healthiest romantic relationship I've ever been in was completely sexless (with a fellow ace).
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:30 PM
1

#NotAllMen
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:24 PM
1

Believe it or not, there are actually men out there for whom sex is not the goal.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:23 PM
2

Absolutely. Anyone who equates romantic relationships with free access to sex is not someone I'm interested in dating ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:14 PM
1

It works out better for me than the alternative.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:10 PM
1

Have you stuck with any group hobbies or social groups? Or just one off events?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:06 PM
2

AvPD is not your fault but it is your responsibility to learn to manage it. Why do you think it's easier to find a relationship than a FWB? You can use OLD or Reddit to find either.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 08:03 PM
6

Sex isn't inherent in my romantic relationships...
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 07:59 PM
0

Also, it's a false dichotomy. Open marriages exist.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 07:59 PM
1

And this is why I don't date straight guys or do closed relationships anymore. Too much pressure.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 06:55 PM
10

Char statistically is way more dangerous You have yet to source this claim
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 03:47 PM
0

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11462786/
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 03:46 PM
13

But how many Chads are there? 10% of men? 20%? Either way, it's a minority of partnered guys. The majority of men in relationships are average guys, not Chads.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 03:23 PM
2

Yep, not just on this sub. I swear 90% of the interpersonal drama people post about here are people just not communicating or enforcing their own boundaries.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:55 PM
6

If your life isn't worth living single you aren't someone worth dating. Someone's happiness let alone life should never hinge on another person. What if your soulmate dies 3 years into marriage? Is a fulfilling life impossible? And also, this is exactly what manipulative partners say: "I'll kill myself without you!"
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:40 PM
2

because simply saying men have it tough isn't an option. Didn't OP say exactly this in her post? Who is saying it isn't an option? I can't do anything about it except continue having no filter on height on my OLD.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:37 PM
0

Actually, I'm talking about what I hear at women's rugby, lesbians bars/nughtclubs, etc. I don't interact with many lesbians online.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:18 PM
1

I thought it was all evolutionary biology? And yeah, I know plenty of peope 30+ on datig apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:16 PM
1

I know plenty of 65+ people who date
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 05:05 AM
1

Well, being over 30 myself I tend to think of people in general...
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 02:53 AM
2

Or marry someone with the same values as you? Open marriages are a thing, but they aren't for everyone. Cheating is bad because it betrays trust. If you trust your partner and everything is above board, an open relationship can be a beautiful thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:46 PM
5

Spend less time analyzing everyone else and more time analyzing yourself. Good advice for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:39 PM
1

I don't know if that subset is that small honestly, there are always going to be 20-somethings with daddy issues. The trick is getting the 20-somethings to settle down. That's reserved for the few.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:37 PM
2

Ho*
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:01 PM
2

Your assumptions don't match any documented reality though. Until you can source your claims with anything other than your gut, we'll have to work with the evidence we have. 17.7% of women age 25-49 have had exactly one sexual partner in their entire life. So no, 95% aren't fucking around with Chad before they settle down. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm Further reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/personality-measurement/202311/is-the-attractiveness-of-dar…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 09:55 PM
-1

What is "moral credit"? You should live by your morals because they are your morals, not because you think it will get you a pat on the head. And I'm sure they get credit for it from people who know them. They'll say "oh, he's a good one." Or are you are asking strangers to know what is in someone's heart?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 09:50 PM
3

Only 27% of US women have ever used a dating app. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 07:10 PM
1

Sure, they just aren't a representative sample of all women.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 07:02 PM
6

Similarly, not every instance of physical touch needs to build up to sex. It often does, but it doesn't have to. I had a relationship with another asexual and it was so refreshing to be able to cuddle or massage each other without feeling like it had to lead somewhere. Sometimes I just wanna cuddle, ya know?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 06:08 PM
5

Exactly this. I'm AuDHD and I still approach people. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. I don't do cold approaches ever. But going from "you are fun to hang out with" to "I want to take you out on a date" is just a matter of being brave. Also have to be prepared to gracefully accept rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 05:57 PM
-5

No, they are a subpopulation of women called "women on Tinder" who are representative of women who use Tinder, not all women.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 05:53 PM
2

And yet it is an extreme minority who are violent
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 05:52 PM
0

I am sure most guys saying we need to make Handmaid's Tale a reality would also argue they are "joking."
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:53 PM
5

Because a lot of people are shallow? Also, average guys don't get "nothing." Average guys find sex, love, and marriage all the time. Only 10% of men are virgins. Most average guys are getting laid.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:52 PM
0

It's working on weak people. I've lived and learned and don't tolerate anyone pushing my boundaries anymore. Low self esteem is a trap.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:50 PM
-6

Tinder isn't real life. Get off OLD, it's a cesspool of scammers and users. Stop looking for shortcuts.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:48 PM
7

People willing to act unethically to get their way are more likely to get their way? Why is this surprising. Still not an excuse to be a bully. I could probably make more money scamming people than doing my regular job, but I don't because it doesn't align with my values. Does that make me less successful than a scammer? Or should we each be graded on our own curve of moral consistency?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:47 PM
0

I pretty much hang out with straight women, queer men, and queer women. I've heard it jokingly from all of these groups. I've seen castration suggested mostly by straight women. Again, it's a "joke," but a cruel one.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:41 PM
1

I hang out with many lesbians. I hear this irl more often than online.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:26 PM
0

I mean, I've seen calls for mass castration and mass murder of men. I do think the extremes are closer than most are willing to admit.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:05 PM
0

I have never dated anyone, man or woman, for their stats. I can't even tell you how tall all my partners have been because it's irrelevant to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 04:00 PM
2

Insisting it is a universal truth because some or even many have that preference is though.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:59 PM
1

Hell, even in America, there are many cultures of hair removal. Sure, cishet normative society expects certain hair removal practices, but my queer subculture certainly doesn't enforce that. I know tons of queer women who do not shave anywhere, and no one in our social circles cares.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:57 PM
1

I believe in treating everyone warmly and lovingly, regardless of their vitriol. I honestly think that's the best way to combat it. Kill them with kindness.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:16 PM
2

I have the most context-sensitive responsive-based desire on the planet, I'm both ace and bi/pan. I'm also neurodiverse.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:11 PM
4

In sex both the woman and the men get physical pleasure Not according to the orgasm gap
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 02:35 PM
–

A minority of women maybe. Most women aren't young nor hot.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 07:10 PM
1

I've found ones I like from Gregory and Osprey. The Deva from Gregory fits me pretty well in a S or XS.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 05:32 PM
1

I tried CBT and ACT but found the most success with IFS. Not about to doxx my therapist tho.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 04:11 PM
1

One of my most upvoted comments recently was explaining that one of the things holding me back from losing weight is the attention from men. I remember what it was like to be fitter and didn't like many aspects of it. I'll get back down eventually for my health, but I'm absolutely not looking for that kind of attention. Based on the number of women agreeing with me, you are missing the perspective of some women in this take. Weight gain is a common response to SA.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:29 PM
1

If you have neurodivergence, your only hope is literally looksmaxxing to make your flaws tolerable. My looks are worse than ever but I've been able to make lots of improvements to my genetically cursed social skills in therapy. And you know what? I'm getting better dates than ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:26 PM
-2

I have seen many guys on here insist that there is no point to improving social skills, especially if they think they have "bad genetics," which honestly is an even better reason to work on social skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:20 PM
1

HIM from Powerpuff Girls - a queer icon!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:16 PM
1

I have approached all my relationships as friendships first. For this reason, I'm still on friendly terms with all my exes. It's the best way to go imho.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:14 PM
0

Nope, they can't change their attraction, but they can absolutely change their thought patterns and behaviors around dating. It's called therapy and it's pretty great. Love, Someone who spent years unlearning their hopeless mindset
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 03:06 PM
1

Non-binary
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 11:19 PM
1

Why would I need you to reach the top shelf when I can just get a step stool? And I have no problem carrying my own load and then some as long as my backpack has a frame made for my body, which they've only started drsigning for us shorties in recent years. I will never need a man. I will probably end up with one, but if I marry a woman or another enby, I would be missing out on anything divine. Where do queer people fit in your worldview?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 04:31 PM
1

Just making observations. Isn't that what we do here? I'm non-binary. I don't have a horse on this race. I just honestly think men and women face some of the same issues and some differing issues, but few on either side have it on easy mode and some have it on extra difficult.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 03:38 PM
1

I don't think you are wrong that there are women like this, but there are also plenty of men like this too. No one here has made any case for either side being worse, though violent extremism comes more from one side than the other, there are definitely extremists on both sides.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:56 PM
0

Sex selective abortions tend to result in more women killing girl babies than boy babies though.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:54 PM
2

Absolutely. Coffee or a non fancy dinner are great when you are just getting to know someone. I pay or split the bill, so no hoops required.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:43 PM
2

Well, having a friend for mutual support in life sounds great. I'm ace but not aro so I do experience romantic attraction and a romantic relationship. I'd also love to adopt older kids someday but doubt I could manage that as a single parent.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:42 PM
3

Asexual people can still date and marry. I'm asexual and looking for a life partner. Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, that's it. We can still feel other types of attraction and even have sex if we feel like it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:22 PM
0

I'm asexual but I'm dating to find a life partner. I always get to know people as friends before I date them so it's not cold to me. I don't relate to most of the perspectives I read here. Physical attraction is non-existent for me, so I can focus on compatibility instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:21 PM
3

I agree with you here, but it's amazing how many guys on this sub view these actions as "jumping through hoops." If you actually like the person, it doesn't feel like you are jumping through anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:06 PM
10

Okay, I'm sure it's been asked, but I always miss the thread, but how do you all count "body count"? PiV only? Anal too? Does oral count? What about manual? Do you count same-sex partners? Do you count differently for men/women or tops/bottoms? Edit: Three replies with three different answers. Body count is a meaningless metric unless we can agree on a definition.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:02 PM
0

That's completely understandable. Anyone minimizing your trauma is an asshole.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 08:40 PM
0

Where did I say only men should do this? This is how I live and how I recommend everyone else to live. I don't treat people any differently based on gender and I'll never understand the mindset of those who do.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:13 PM
0

You don't think the perpetuation of rape culture has anything to do with what happens to women?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:10 PM
1

People who prefer solitude avoid social contacts, even when they have some kind of physical relationship with someone, they still live alone and just meet for that physical side. Sex is a social act.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:55 AM
1

Them* and maybe. I think they just project their shallow physical desires onto me. For example, I got messaged by a straight dude claiming to think we were soulmates immediately - Red flag. Within a few messages he proceeded to explain that he would never use they/them pronouns (clearly listed on my profile) for me because they are stupid, but we were still obviously meant for each other. How delusional do you have to be? And yet the problem is apparently "not giving guys a chance."
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:48 AM
-2

No, actually, the burden of proof falls on the one making the claim in the first place. Onus probandi incumbit ei qui dicit, non ei qui negat – the burden of proof lies with the one who speaks, not the one who denies https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burden_of_proof_(philosophy)
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:24 AM
-3

Who is ultimately responsible for those men not having dates, specifically?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:11 AM
1

She literally said "not all men" and y'all still claim she's saying the opposite.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:04 AM
-2

because most men aren't cheaters, beaters, lazy, emotionally closed off, entitled, or jerks Do you have a source for that claim. I would bet a majority of men and women fall into one of those categories. Even just the latter three, there's tons of people who are either emotionally stunted, feel entitled, or are just jerks. That describes most people.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:02 AM
1

It's complaining that when posting on the internet, some people say mean and out of left field things. Get used to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:30 PM
2

I can name about half a dozen local men's shelters, try again. Men's only shelters are common for homeless vets for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:29 PM
0

I honestly see no reason in trying to help you if you'd never do the same for me were I in your shoes I was with you right up to here. Live by your values regardless of other people's behaviors or beliefs.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:50 PM
9

We had 10 DV sheleters total, now we have 6. Oh, and the DV hotline has been defunded to closure. Thanks to men in power.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:40 PM
8

Assholes exist everywhere. If you vent without projecting blame, few are gonna argue, but again, assholes exist. Man, dating sucks. Ghosting, liars, manipulators. We can comiserate. But not everyone is going to agree with your personal victim narrative. Find people who's opinions you value and consider them. We all feel lonely. We all deserve compassion. Trying giving some and see what manifests.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:36 PM
2

Because all stereotypes are double edged swords
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 07:23 PM
-7

It's a form of misogyny. Women are delicate, fragile, pure beings that must be protected. You're complaining about the patriarchy...
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:45 AM
–

10 years younger? Ew. I'll happily take the short king, thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:42 AM
2

Yeah, gender norms are super fucked, that's why I ditched them. Women are currently the ones arguing against this view, though. Some women, sure. Some men too. We can tell ourselves victim stories or we can tell ourselves hero stories. Which we choose colors our worldview. Women are also the ones that do the most to promote unequal viewpoints According to which metric now? "made to penetrate" Does this specify the gender of the assailant? Were those involving males on males counted separately or…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:33 AM
–

I do. Why are you yelling?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:14 AM
–

Woo! Montessori mentioned!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:10 AM
0

Get this black pill nonsense out of here. Be someone desireable, to yourself first and foremost.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:20 AM
4

That's why I refuse to be called blue pill. Def not red, but probably purple. I Am The Prize is great advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:19 AM
3

And this fixation on whether someone would have dated you when you were in your early twenties is very irrational. People grow. They mature. They learn what is better in a relationship and what is not. This goes for men as well as women. So much this! I would've have wanted to date me in my twenties either. I'm much more well adjusted now. Entering my late thirties but feeling more hopeful and less doomed than ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:06 PM
2

It's not men who have thirst trap Excuse me, what? Not in your algorithm, but yes, there are many many male thirst traps out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:39 PM
6

Not really, no. I've been in that situation but I would call it coercive and manipulative but not rape.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:34 PM
3

My post is not even about getting a woman It's about having bad situations with women sometimes. And my point is that we all have bad experiences and it's up to each of us to do better. Some guys suck, some girls suck, but why waste our time focusing on them? What are you hoping to get from people other than "yeah, that sucks"? Are there people actually telling you they don't believe you? Or are they saying "yeah, dating sucks for everybody" which is my point. What are you trying to debate? That…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:20 PM
4

I would love to see more men in education but I'm opposed to affirmative action. Structural changes should come well before hiring.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:11 PM
6

Agreed, and it is already a crime.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:10 PM
2

Imo it's probably 33% of single men (who want a relationship) that in their own way. I personally think it's much higher, and applicable to both men and women. Both end up in toxic relationships out of desperation because they are focusing on the wrong things. Personal development is essential for healthy relationships. "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:09 PM
8

If it is legitimately a scam, he has legal recourse. Fraud is illegal. Theft is illegal. If by "scamming him out of money" you mean asking him to pay for things and him acquiescing, that's on him.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:06 PM
6

Exactly, like believing that the vast majority of women have experienced violence or the threat of violence from a romantic partner. They just want the understanding to go both ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:05 PM
2

We're just ask women to not be sympathetic to gold diggers and not encouraging manipulation So stop focusing your energy and attention on gold diggers and manipulators. I mean, that's exactly what guys tell girls to do when they complain, no? I don't run into this content. I don't personally know any gold diggers, it's frowned upon by the women I do know, as is manipulation. What leads you to believe this is something the majority of women engage in? Is this a real life problem or an internet ra…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 06:00 PM
2

Amen
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:55 PM
7

I can honestly say women think we want to f*** them every time we don't get our way when in reality we just want more clarity. Clarity on what though? How to get them to fuck you. What else are you looking for clarity on? Fwiw, I used to experience guys pressuring me to change my boundaries and I just started dropping any guy who does that like a hot potato. If men are experiencing toxic women, they need to change who they are approaching. With both men and women who get into bad relationships o…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:53 PM
5

99% of the time. I'm not saying if you have a hideous deformed face that's not gonna make things harder, but 99% of people's issues in life are between their own ears. As individuals in modern society, we generally do not receive the complete education and development we need to be happy healthy people. You gotta go out and find it yourself. 99% of people are too distracted by temporary dopamine hits to pursue true inner peace. I really like the 8 Cs from IFS therapy: Calmness, Curiosity, Compas…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:24 PM
4

I don't understand how divorce laws prevent someone from dating in the first place? If you are afraid of divorce, don't get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:19 PM
8

So you didn't read the thread then. Check out this podcast on how therapy helps even the manliest of men: https://open.spotify.com/show/4SttSLOSWCuXploDPmQXN7
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:17 PM
13

What legal changes will help men in dating? There are legitimate men's rights issues such as the draft, men not being believed as victims, etc but I'm wracking my brain trying to understand how any of this impacts dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:15 PM
9

Theft is illegal. If a man willingly pays a woman, what is the crime? Maybe don't give out money to women and choose better women?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:14 PM
2

That's what keeps the gender wars going though. Women push back against men, men push back against women. No one actually has it worse though, it's just different. If we stopped generalizing and blaming, we'd make a lot of progress. Love, An enby with no skin in the game
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:11 PM
7

Why? Why is it wrong to focus on dating when the topic of the conversation is dating, not everyday life?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:07 PM
15

And women are being asked for nudes and sex all the time. That doesn't mean all men are sexual bullies nor that all women are gold diggers. No one denies these people exist, but as the old addage goes, it's up to you to "choose better." I am of the minority opinion that dating isn't actually easier for women. Having to work hard to get likes is the flip side to being inundated with meaningless likes and having to sift through all of them with minimal information. I would say 90-95% of the likes …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:59 PM
1

Sorry, I misread your comment. Carry on!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:40 PM
4

And plenty of financially responsible and minimalist women exist. I'm glad you know what you want and what you don't want. That's very healthy and half the battle in dating. Why focus on other folks then? Why waste time talking about relationships with people you are not interested in? I agree with your views. I paid off my student loans in a few years of frugal living. Being debt free is my dream but that's tough as a homeowner. Already knocked a few years off my mortgage with extra payments th…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:31 PM
1

Who is talking about bringing drama into a relationship besides you? Insecurity brings drama to relationships more than anything, imho.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:27 PM
4

If you haven't been in 10 relationships how can you day 9/10? Has it happened to you 9 times? Or are you letting one bad experience taint your entire worldview? In my personal experience, 10/10 straight guys will try to pressure you into sex after a firm no. I still don't believe this is true of every straight guy, despite my personal experiences, because others report more positive experiences and I believe them.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:57 PM
3

Yes, in any relationship I'm in, be it friendly or romantic, we should both enhance eachothers lives. If you can't do that for each other, it's not a healthy relationship. Of course, this waxes or wanes through the course of a relationship. When my friend gets surgery, I make sure their fridge is stocked with soup and watch movies together while they recover. Maybe next year when I get that bad flu, they come over and help me clean the house when I'm on the mend. But the rest of the time, we are…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:52 PM
4

But if that is true, then isn't it just natural that more men than women are single? People around here point to it as evidence of a broken society, but you are seeming to say it's just a biological fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:47 PM
3

And no where did OP say she won't change anything in a relationship. That's the strawman you created.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:46 PM
4

When one feels the need to exclaim how they are protecting their peace, 9/10 they are just selfish. Why do you think this? Do you have a source? Women who has gone to therapy or otherwise worked on themselves to get to a better place staying out of toxic relationships is healthy, not selfish.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:45 PM
2

And how does that relate to a woman maintaining her peace? You think a woman who has worked on her mental health and is in a content state is starting drama for drama's sake? Those women are not at peace if they feel the need for more drama in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:44 PM
7

Honestly, this frame of thinking alone has led to me being so much happier in life. I used to be more of a people pleaser and never had any luck in dating. Now that I'm more focused on my mental health, I'm making better and more genuine connections than ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:33 PM
2

I disagree. It is hard work to keep my peace alone and it would be hard work to keep my peace in a relationship of any kind. Implying that "keeping your peace" = doing nothing shows that you don't really understand the concept at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:31 PM
3

A person wanting mutually egalitarian relationship is not approaching dating with "i will protect my peace!" attitude. Why not? This is my attitude. I paid on my last first date. I still want to wait around in my peace until I find someone who enhances it. If that's selfish, so be it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:27 PM
3

So more men than women being single is what men actually want? To be left alone? You gotta understand that runs counter to A LOT of narratives floating around here.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:24 PM
3

Nope, that's not toxic at all, that's healthy. People without a strong sense of self worth are much more likely to end up in abusive relationships. Self esteem is necessary to avoid or extract yourself from these types of dynamics.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:20 PM
5

Yes, there are. Check out van life TikTok or nature survival chicks. Plenty of low maintenance women out there. Or are you expecting a woman who has the look of fake nails, lashes, extensions to be low maintenance?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:17 PM
0

If your free time and energy are so limited, you are not ready for a healthy romantic relationship. They require time and energy. There is no shortcut.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:35 AM
1

What was said is that women can date up when it comes to casual sex. Except when they don't, evidenced not only through my personal experiences but the anecdotes of plenty of dudes on this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 12:18 AM
1

Exactly, so with small enough groups, 99% of men could reasonably be in the top 20% of their respective group. So "Chad" is meaningless. Do you know how math works?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 12:05 AM
1

But you just said my overweight and balding FWB is a Chad. In what universe is he top 10-20%?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:53 PM
6

Gen Z women are more than 3 times as likely as Gen Z men to be queer.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:49 PM
1

Why would a woman want to have sex with a man they think is average?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:47 PM
7

a huge percentage of men are far more invisible now compared to just a couple decades ago. Source? Mr. Cellophane was written over 50 years ago. This feeling isn't new nor limited to men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:46 PM
1

So literally the top 90% of guys are Chads?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:41 PM
6

Do you know what the littlest children eat? It will blow your mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:38 PM
4

I would consider the average woman an active/dormant hoe. How many women do you know and how many are hos*? Think of all the women you know, not just the ones you want to fuck. Mom, grandma, sis, auntie, friends, acquaintances. How many are hos? Out of just my female friends, it's like a 1:3 ho-to-not ho ratio. I think your math is off. *A hoe is a garden implement
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:37 PM
6

And how are you defining these women as average?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 11:33 PM
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