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overarmur Archive

View 0 posts and 102 comments by overarmur on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

I'm not buying Pringles because they're so fake they can't be called potato chips in most of the world.
/r/MensRights29/04/26 02:35 AM
1

This was exactly my relationship too. Including loading the dishwasher wrong!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:14 AM
5

There were many red flags from the beginning, but others didn't show until after we were married. I was too inexperienced and naive to know any better. Early on, everything, and I mean everything, was transactional. If I asked her to do me a small favor she'd ask what I'd do for her. Black and white thinking, lovebombing early on, then dead bedroom later. Prior to getting married we talked about where we wanted to live and settle down long term. That was all a lie. She never had any real friends…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 01:09 AM
4

It depends on your state. Ask your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 11:15 PM
4

No. I should have left much sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:17 AM
2

Talk to your lawyer. You're going to have to ask the court for this modification. If she's being that bad, it's not an unreasonable request. She will fight this though because ofw tracks everything and it would be easier to hold her accountable for bad behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 03:05 AM
3

Does the divorce decree state all communication should be done via the ofw app?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 12:19 AM
3

We use Our Family Wizard for tracking expenses, uploading receipts, and reimbursing each other. Also, I had to add a clause that expenses and receipts have to be entered in the same quarter as incurred. She held onto everything for about a year and tried to hit me with a huge bill.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 10:46 PM
4

Is this subject not covered by your divorce decree?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 09:54 PM
2

You just have to rip the band aid. Over the phone, email, text, telegram, Morse code. All work. Don't listen to people that say "you should be a man and do it in person." Nobody knows the details of your relationship. She could be violent. She might call the cops and try to get a domestic on you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 02:52 AM
15

Your only regret will be not leaving sooner. Life is so much more peaceful.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 12:54 AM
1

I sent you a dm.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 01:14 AM
1

Where in IL are you located?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:30 PM
7

You're trying to find your peace, not hers. Conversely, she's just trying to ruin your peace. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 06:00 PM
2

Regarding the 40k your attorney says is "traceable," the burden of proof to do the tracing in on your wife. Otherwise, why would it be treated any differently than your 30k? Lazy lawyering.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 12:12 AM
10

She's not going to change. And your mental health is going to get worse over time. And you're setting a terrible parental/relationship example for your son. Talk to a lawyer, make a plan, and get out. I used to be you. Stayed for several years after I should have left. My only regret is not leaving sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 03:17 AM
1

Start by looking for a test online. There is a lot of stuff online, but just see if maybe you meet some of the criteria. Then maybe contact your PCP. They likely have a test or questionnaire. They might also refer you to a specialist or psychiatrist. Don't listen to anyone that says you can't be diagnosed as an adult. My brother and I weren't diagnosed until we were in our 40s. All the symptoms were there growing up, but we were just never tested, and the issues didn't get so bad until we got ol…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 03:00 AM
1

You might also get checked for adhd. Probably not, but maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 10:52 PM
6

I know this hurts. You can't imagine giving up your daughter the same way she is. And that's fair. But it sounds like your ex has some very real mental health issues. She might feel lost or maybe doesn't know what to do. Or maybe she finally realized it's the best thing for your daughter after abandoning her a few times. Try your best to move on and raising your daughter without resenting her mother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 03:45 AM
2

Your wife isn't sharing her income details because she's make ( a lot) more than before. If she were making less she'd let you know 100% You have medical procedures needed before you can go back to work? Get that shit done. You never know how much it's going to cost, the followup required, etc. She will likely be on the hook for at least a portion of the medical debt you incur. Or at least the debt will be part of your asset/liability settlement. She's the breadwinner - ask for alimony. If you a…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:53 AM
22

Seriously just tell him. I appreciate you. We all appreciate and love you.
/r/MensRights28/06/25 04:03 AM
2

Call them back and schedule a time for you to be properly served that works for both of you. No need to complicate it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 01:58 AM
2

Multiple times while exchanging the kids between us should would have a bag or box or whatever, of junk. And she'd just open my trunk or drop it inside my front door. She didn't ask and it was 99% junk. It would just appear like a magic trick. Poof! So weird. She also didn't tell me when she cancelled netflix. She wasn't even paying for it. Just out of spite. Things have gotten better though. In one of the kids recent activities their is an opportunity for parents to shout out to their kids in t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 07:49 AM
3

My thoughts too. Lots of push and pull, gaslighting etc. This is not going to get better unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 10:56 PM
5

Hate to break it to you but this is standard practice when you're "admitted" to a secure facility such as jail, psych hospital, rehab etc. They need to make sure no weapons or drugs get in. And it's the same for the ladies. Squat and spread. I think this scene was more important because it focused on the fathers point of view. And the difficulty of having to watch his son go through such an ordeal, being treated like a criminal even though he's only 13 years old.
/r/MensRights25/04/25 03:17 AM
1

Hey brother I here ya. I have similar thoughts all the time. I have a 3300 sq foot house in a great school district. I could easily downsize to an 1800 sq ft condo and be just as happy with a lot less hassle. But my kids are still in middle school. I'm going to keep this until they graduate (probably) then we'll see.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 09:03 AM
4

Get the house sold. It's the last piece of your marriage hanging on. Get it done and move on. It's sad, but might be cathartic. Your wife is going to choose her school district no matter what. Even if you live in a better district she'll find other reasons. Your kids will make friends at school, which will likely be the same kids in your ex wifes neighborhood. You're going to want to try and find a house as close to your ex as you can for this reason. If you can afford it. My ex and I are in the…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 03:20 AM
1

Generally speaking you add up all your marital assets, less liabilities (eg mortgage, other debts) and divide by 2. Then try to divide things closely to thet number. It never works out exactly 50/50 but try to be close. It's a little tricky when you have pre tax and post tax dollars. What i did was take the pre tax value and acted as if tax were taken out today. Assume you have a 100k 401k and your tax rate is 30%. You'd have 70k of post tax dollars. Now add the 70k into the asset bucket and it'…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:40 AM
10

Mine will do things like this too. Where you'll want to change the schedule for a special event and you need her approval first. I think they like having that control. Just do you best to stick to your days/weekends. And assume any changes that require her buy in aren't going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:30 AM
3

Um, you're on a divorce sub and you're concerned about the legalities getting worse? I can only imagine the horrific things she did to you to get charged. Or maybe it was your kids? Or maybe next time it's your kids. Get a lawyer today. Be the parent your kids need. Be their stable force. Get counseling for yourself and maybe the kids too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 06:28 PM
5

Sending flowers would be sending very confusing messages to your ex and possibly your boys. For example, mom comes home with flowers. The kids are going to ask where they came from. Dad sent flowers to mom? Does he want to get back together? As others have said, let your boys do something nice for their mom.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 04:59 AM
5

Double this. Plus, stop asking lawyers to work on contingency. There are assets that you are entitled to. Your lawyer will be paid at the end by either your share of the asset division, or better yet, you should ask that she pay your lawyer fees given the income disparity.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 04:55 PM
10

Damn, this was 100% my marriage. I even used the term death by a thousand cuts in a previous post.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 11:41 PM
0

Your questions presume that 2 people should stay married. Sometimes counseling reveals that 2 people should not be together.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:06 AM
17

If only one of you is working on your marriage, it's already over.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 11:37 PM
14

It took about 4 years and 50k in legal fees. I left at least 100k of equity in the house, which she kept. But the pandemic destroyed the value of my business. So I kept 100% of the business. Not being business partners with your ex wife: priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:59 PM
4

We actually have it in our agreement that each parent is allowed 2 weeks vacation each summer. It can be consecutive or not. Even years I get to choose dates first, odd years for her. But if you haven't made your choice by a certain date it's first dibs on vacation dates. My suggestion is to plan your own 2 week vacation. Even it's a staycation.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 01:11 AM
5

She's just trying to get under your skim. Don't give her the satisfaction.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 01:44 PM
2

I used to get yelled out for eating ice cream wrong. Yep.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 08:32 PM
1

Then get a better lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 03:47 PM
9

It took many years and many dollars before I realized it was never going to be enough. And it wasn't about me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:19 AM
10

The person I loved never truly existed.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 05:52 PM
8

I stayed at least more than 5 years after it had all turned to shit. Divorce took another 4+ years. So almost a decade wasted. Don't be me. If it's bad and both parties are willing to work on it, by all means give it everything you can. If not, get out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 02:14 AM
2

I used to be you. She refused therapy but I kept going individually. I was trying to find a way to make the marriage work but I was the only one trying. I did this for about 5 years. Five miserable years. That time changed me for the worse. I lost who I was for a very long time. I lost my spirit. I was going through the motions of life but I wasn't living. And I did that for about 10 years. I'm doing much better today. But don't make the same mistake I made.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 08:03 PM
4

If you have the opportunity to be done quickly, do it. It will suck. But you can move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 05:26 AM
3

She signed it 2 days before the wedding, but how long did she have the prenup prior to the wedding? Did she have it for 2 months and just do nothing?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 01:09 AM
4

I'm glad you're reaching out for help. So many of us just push it down until we explode. I looked into one of these a while back. As far as I can tell they are legit. But the one I looked at does not accept insurance. If you have insurance, it's ikely cheaper to find someone locally. Many therapists now do online sessions too. Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 11:55 PM
1

Has anyone ever asked their spouse to provide the license to prove the marriage was legal? Would that work if the license could not be found?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 06:50 PM
2

I had a one time event with my ex while we were separated but before divorce. She got me drunk. In all fairness I went along with it. Buy please don't do it. It creates a lot of confusion. Don't do what I did. Figure it out and move forward
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 08:53 AM
5

Truthfully I don't really know. I try not to interact with her at all unless it's about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 03:04 AM
1

Yes and no. A couple years before we separated she decided we needed to visit he family overseas. It didn't matter that we didn't have the money. A year ago plane tickets might have been 700 each. Now they were 2200 each. We didn't have the money for these tix so she sold stocks to raise the funds. It's insane. We both made good money but this is a good example where her money was her money and my money was our money. Absolute worst vacation ever.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 05:47 AM
2

I'm now divorced 2 years. Mine never submitted a financial disclosure. Ever. At first her attorney was like oh I thought we were just doing summaries. I'd believe that if except they never produced a signed disclosure after that. At the end of the day, I was happy keeping my shit and walking away from whatever she might have. My only advice is try to keep your emotions out of it. This is now a business transaction. Try to think 1 step ahead. If she doesn't do X I'm going to do Y (which might be …
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 03:34 AM
4

Yeah pretty all of them are like this in one way or another.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 09:26 AM
1

My ex did this exact same thing. It's so weird. I just assumed it was her trying to control the situation as much as she could. But whatever. The why doesn't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 11:37 PM
3

If you both can agree on a reasonable tax rate (30% seems good to me) convert all your pre tax assets and calculate the after tax value. Then you can look at all the assets together and it makes splitting much easier. There should not be any 401k penalties if the asset transfer is part of a divorce settlement. For the house maybe ask a couple local realtors what they think the house would sell for.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 02:05 AM
15

Get out now. This is such a huge red flag. And it will only get worse. You're probably seeing the real her for the first time. You've described a very controlling person who also gaslights you. And it looks like she's trying to alienate you from your family.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 10:46 PM
3

This right here. The inheritance shouldn't impact your decision. But a 2nd kid will NOT make things better. Particularly if your marriage is already shaky
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 01:41 AM
4

Can't stress this enough. The sooner the better.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 03:07 AM
10

Calling it. Next band name is Emotional Tampon.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 12:57 PM
6

She seems nice...
/r/PussyPassDenied30/03/23 10:48 PM
2

Better question: why stay married?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 04:15 PM
82

My ex wife used to say this shit to me all the time. And it didn't matter how much I did or didn't do, it was never enough. Long story short, she's an unhappy person and nothing I did was going to change that. That being said, I recently discovered it costs exactly $200 and about 4.5 hours per week total to have someone do all the "wife chores" around the house. I have a lady that comes to my house twice per week. She does the dishes, all the laundry, all the cleaning, makes beds, cleans the hw …
/r/MensRights28/02/23 08:45 PM
14

The thing that helps me in this type of situation is I know my ex is a certain type of crazy. But she chose me because I helped balance her out. Eventually it was 100% me giving and her 100% taking but it wasn't always that way (plus I'm exagerating). But maybe this other guy is actually a good thing. Maybe he helps balance out her crazy. Doesn't mean you should like it or not struggle with it. But might be some healthy perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 09:13 AM
3

I'm guessing you don't have a lot of time. Schedule that attorney visit today.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 07:08 PM
9

You probably need to file asap. CA is a state that allows for lifetime alimony once the marriage last 10 years or more.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/23 11:17 AM
11

Call your lawyer immediately. Some woman take their kids overseas and never come back. And certain countries make it very difficult, if not impossible, to get your kids back legally.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 11:19 PM
20

Pay what the decree states and nothing more. You're enabling her. The more you enable, the more she will ask.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 06:43 PM
8

What a manipulative pos.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 10:57 PM
3

100% do NOT say anything until your divorce if final. It sounds like you're very close to that point already. If you say something like this to her, it could rock the boat enough to set you back another year or two. Once the divorce is final, maybe consider saying something. Personally, I think you're better off continuing to strengthen your own relationship with your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:20 AM
1

You just described my ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 01:58 AM
3

If you divorced, how different would it be?
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/22 07:38 PM
2

Yes. If it's already like you described and you don't have kids, get out. It's so much more difficult after kids.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 01:31 AM
3

Please read this post over and over again. If she won't take responsibility to get help, you need to get out. I stayed in my marriage for YEARS because I didn't want to get divorced. But it was over way before I actually left. And it was torture. Dont do that to yourself. Don't set that example for your kid either.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 04:02 AM
1

I've said this on a comment before. But I try to remind myself maybe the new guy is the calming presence that's helps balance her craziness. Maybe it's actually better he's there?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 03:53 AM
2

If you claim the kids, the credit is yours. What if the opposite happened and they eliminated child tax credits altogether and your tax bill went up? Would she help make up the increase in tax? Of course not.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 01:52 AM
6

I struggled with this at first. But now I remind myself that maybe some other dude provides some stabilizing that my ex needs. She's crazy yes, but if he's there to counter her crazy it's better for the kids. Hope that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 10:16 AM
2

I think these thoughts are VERY NORMAL. So don't feel bad about that. Most, if not all of us have been there. Who wouldn't want to go back to that carefree time in their life when all these problems didn't exist? Except that's a fantasy land. The problems are there and they need to be dealt with. Speaking for myself, I ignored the problems for years. Many, many years in fact. Your future if up to you. You can either move forward or not. Is your future better with this other person? If you're on …
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 03:58 AM
5

Go consult with a lawyer. Where I live, moving out was ok, but in a lot of other places it can be seen an abandonment.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 03:36 AM
6

I think I speak for most people on this sub when I say fuck you and fuck this comment. Not helpful at all.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 03:35 AM
4

Sounds like you need to pay a lawyer. Any lawyer probably. Why would you expect them to work for free? You might even get your ex to pay the lawyer fees when it's all said and sone.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 08:50 PM
1

The tank of a big dude just sidles by everybody and stands in front of the doors. She ain't going nowhere.
/r/PussyPassDenied05/01/21 09:53 PM
3

Yes, pretty much everything you described is abusive. When you were younger, the phone tracking was probably appropriate. And if only used for emergencies, might be ok now. But they don't repect your boundaries. It sounds like you've become the scapegoat of the family and your sister is the golden child. If you haven't heard those terms before you might want to Google how those family dynamics work You might have a situation where your only good option is to leave and not look back. Maybe not. B…
/r/MensRights17/12/20 02:12 AM
1

I want to hop on this comment as I think its a great perspective But let's also not forget you said to her that you want to feel loved and she basically told you to fuck off. Think about that for a minute.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 02:21 AM
2

Seconding this. I'm here to help. Let us know what you need. People will rally.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 09:15 AM
-1

Alimony is largely based on your state law and usually how much each of you make, your living expenses, etc. If he's not going to participate in the divorce process it's going to take longer than it should, but get an attorney and get the process started. The attorney can also better answer your question on alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/20 01:13 AM
1

I would first ask for a recommendation from any family of friends that are attorneys. They tend to travel in similar circles and usually know somebody that specializes in family law. If that doesn't work, google is pretty good for this. Call a few firms and set up a consultation. Almost all firms offer a free initial consultation. Find an attorney you like and go from there. You could also pull a Tony Soprano and meet with all the major firms in your area. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but i…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/19 09:31 PM
4

I interpret your kids saying "please leave her..." to really mean "please leave her AND TAKE US WITH YOU. They're even more helpless in this situation than you. If this is how you're living each day, it's time for a change. But if she doesn't leave you have to be ready to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/19 08:59 PM
1

Hey brother I've been in this relationship with verbal an emotional abuse. Its awf. And you do not deserve it. If you're anywhere near Chicago and need some help let me know. I've been there. And I'm now in a position to help others. Otherwise just know you're not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/19 04:50 AM
2

You're not allowed to request she be in better shape is a huge problem. Not because of the subject matter. It's quite common to be in love with an overweight woman/man. But it seems like you'd like to bring up your concerns in the relationship and you can't. That's the real issue. What the hell happened in couples counseling were any of your concerns addressed?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/19 04:46 AM
1

Hey friend. It's unfortunate that I can relate so much. I unfortunately maintained the relationship from my early 20s to late 30s. Now I'm in my early 40s trying to get out. Trust me this is not ideal. . I'm here if you have questions or need advice. I don't know everything but I know manipulative woman (unfortunately).
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/19 04:40 AM
2

The only real answer here is to consult with an attorney. You might consider couples counseling and maybe it helps. But what if it doesn't? You want to everything you can to help your position regardless of the circumstances. Only an attorney can properly outline that for you. Best of luck .
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/19 04:26 AM
1

So she's not respecting your boundaries as it relates to her family. And she ignores your requests for couples counseling? Meanwhile you've taken steps to address your mental health want to work together via counseling. The other way to look at this scenario is you think of your marriage as a partnership, something you'll work on together. But she's telling you in no uncertain terms that any problems you have are your problems. So many red flags here. I would encourage to try counseling if you c…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 03:44 AM
1

Stay strong. There will be a day this is over.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 03:23 AM
1

I'm also dealing with a BPD spouse and its awful. You can't do anything for someone that refuses help or believes she's never at fault. Do everything you can to set a good example for your kids and get out asap.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 02:38 AM
1

Jeez man do not stay because of your assets. If you've already accumulated assets at 28, you're going to keep earning year after year and this problem just gets worse. Sounds like you both want out. Just find a way to make it happen, even if you have to cut a decent check. You can always make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 02:29 AM
1

Underrated comment
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 02:23 AM
1

Does your attorney specialize in family law? If so, it's a small world and all the parties usually know each other. Simply asking for status should not be an irritation. Unless of course your attorney is saying "I know this specific judge. We do not want to ask about status." Then I'd just wait it out and listen to your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 02:21 AM
3

Speaking from experience here, but if you're looking for a reason to leave, you've already decided to leave. Do yourself and her a favor and move on. The only thing I regret is not ending it sooner. Don't make the same mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/19 02:16 AM
2

Hey brother, I spent many YEARS trying to figure out the right time to leave. I was so miserable and she was so emotionally and verbally abusive. Long story short - there is no magical time to leave. When you're ready, just do it. I'm guessing you've read a lot of these online forums. How many of them involved guys who said they wished they'd done it sooner? (hint, me) But as others have said, consult with a lawyer, develop a plan, and just do it. It's not worth living a miserable life. There ar…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 06:07 AM
1

Man, there are times to stand up to your STBX. But a judge has said it's ok? Then just do it! Don't ask for permission! Take your kids wherever...expose them to your way of life. She might not like it but who cares. Guarantee she doesn't care about you. But your kids can have an experience of a lifetime. Do it! You can't get this time with your kids back.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 05:55 AM
3

You nailed it dad. Happy father's day!
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 12:27 PM
6

I spent many years in therapy trying to figure out WHY my ex was the way she was, WHY she did what she did, WHY she acted that way etc. At the end of the day the why just isn't important. It really doesn't matter. If you can learn to accept her, faults and all, you will be better off. In this case just accept the information from her -one of my kids is hurt. What can I do to help? Sometimes nothing, sometimes being the parent that provides empathy and support kids need. Just be the best dad you …
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/19 11:29 PM
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