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View 1 post and 223 comments by pandashuman on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
317

pandashuman/r/MensRights23/06/13 03:58 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

man, everyone on this sub is such a jerk to one another.
/r/MensRights05/02/14 05:34 AM
1

Hire a lawyer. It will most likely be an uncontested divorce. Many lawyers will do that for like $200 plus fees. Shouldn't cost you more than $850 or so total.
/r/MensRights04/12/13 08:07 AM
1

Never heard of that argument before, really. I have always divided retirement accounts based on only gains realized before the marriage. Appreciation of separate property is still separate property, but the gains made on the accounts prior to the marriage were in the account before the marriage date. Of course the principal (which is separate property) is going to increase yields, but a good argument could be made that those gains were a gift to the marriage (unless those gains/that principle wa…
/r/MensRights25/10/13 05:48 PM
1

Beware Cordell and Cordell.
/r/MensRights09/10/13 09:04 PM
1

I don't think it's sexist, its just marketing. Men and women tend to have different needs in a lawyer, and I don't think there is anything wrong with emphasizing those qualities.
/r/MensRights09/10/13 09:03 PM
2

These services have always been available for dads.
/r/MensRights09/10/13 09:02 PM
1

This is a major trend in family law. A lot of lawyers are now directly marketing to men because of the perceived bias favoring women. Be careful though - some of the firms doing it are total sweatshops and are just after your money (looking at you, cordell and cordell).
/r/MensRights09/10/13 09:01 PM
2

Ok. See, I just kind of assumed that if people wanted to know about what the law is in their state, me telling them to "research the laws in your state" wouldn't be very helpful, but maybe that's assuming too much. Anyway, Cornell maintains excellent websites with law surveys for a lot of different subjects. http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/child_custody The LII was invaluable to me in law school. It's not very jurisdiction-specific, but it's a good starting point for questions about legal subject…
/r/MensRights27/06/13 08:44 PM
1

I really don't appreciate this. I didn't abandon teaching, I abandoned a college major. I have never been a teacher. Just because I am not a mens rights crusader and I don't believe that the family courts I work in are biased does not mean that I don't believe that gender bias exists at all.
/r/MensRights27/06/13 04:17 PM
2

Individual cases are individual cases. I have not experienced a case and a ruling like that in the Anders Brevik case you mention. If I had, I would have mentioned it. There are plenty of cases where men were the primary caregiver but the woman still got custody. let's see some citations. I don't doubt you, by the way. There are thousands upon thousands of family court cases active in the united states. It is inevitable that we will hear about all kinds of outcomes. Whether they are anomalous or…
/r/MensRights27/06/13 04:10 PM
2

does that really need to be said though?
/r/MensRights27/06/13 03:48 PM
1

anecdotal evidence based on my own experience and that of my colleagues, but I'm sure that would not be acceptable, so I didn't mention it.
/r/MensRights27/06/13 03:39 PM
2

More specific, more insightful, more strategic, more detailed. obviously that's because that attorney understood the totality of the situation they were giving advice about. I was not exactly in a position to offer specific, individualized advice, especially in response to the very general questions that I got overall. I could not give specific individualized legal advice and I said that up front. If I knew all of the ins and outs of a certain situation (like those of my clients), it sounds a li…
/r/MensRights27/06/13 03:38 PM
2

that's messed up.
/r/MensRights26/06/13 09:22 PM
3

I realize few will read this, but I should expand upon this by stating that divorce laws generally favor the lesser wage earner and property holder in general, and that is and has always been by design. The whole point of having divorce laws at all is to protect the financially dependent spouse and preserve the dependent spouse's expectation of a lifelong relationship with the supporting spouse. Historically the dependent spouses have been women and up until the mid 20th century it was the woman…
/r/MensRights26/06/13 09:21 PM
2

Do you consider the fees the court charge to be an important factor in child support and custody rulings? yes, the fees in all legal cases are far too high in my opinion. My state just recently introduced a motions fee - you have to pay 20 dollars every time you bring a motion into court. It's nothing but a tax on people who use the court system, paid only by people who use the court system. The way I look at it is that the court system is supposed to benefit everyone, not just the people who ar…
/r/MensRights25/06/13 09:09 PM
2

In my state, you don't have to file for a legal separation, you just separate. In my state you have to be separated a year before you can file for divorce. I don't know what your state's requirements are but I doubt you have to file anything to get separated. Sorry to hear about your situation, good luck.
/r/MensRights25/06/13 11:51 AM
1

Suing her doesn't seem like it would be the most practical solution. Any lawsuit, even in small claims court, will take a while an he is leaving the region soon. OP: can you work out a deal with her wherein you sell the ring, give her 400 from the proceeds of the sale and then use the rest to pay down the debt? What is the ring worth?
/r/MensRights25/06/13 11:31 AM
1

It's hard to know, but with my enforcement cases (contempt), its probably more cant than wont. Those clients tend to be extremely poor. Although I will say that even in those situations, child support tends to be low in their list of financial priorities. What really bugs me is how certain judges believe that someone who is out of work is unemployed by choice. They seem to just assume that anyone who wants a job can get a job.
/r/MensRights25/06/13 11:05 AM
3

I don't think I ever said that. That's not always the case. For one thing, joint custody is a lot more common than it used to be. My state's legislature is currently processing a bill that would require joint custody (no parent having less than 35% of the time) unless the judge finds good cause not to order it. A joint custody presumption seems to be what the legislators want.
/r/MensRights25/06/13 11:02 AM
2

Creepy.
/r/MensRights25/06/13 10:56 AM
3

an execution date very close to the marriage date is just one thing that the judge will consider. It doesn't prove duress by itself at all, however, it would be good fuel for a duress argument. The point of a prenup is to have it be enforceable if and when the time comes. Executing the agreement well outside of your marriage date is just one thing you can do to support its enforceability. Please dont make the mistake of thinking that this is the key, determinative factor. There are a lot of ways…
/r/MensRights24/06/13 10:08 PM
1

it breaks my heart a little bit that people think I didn't give good answers.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 09:14 PM
4

thanks for saying this.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 09:13 PM
6

Didn't mean to give that impression. It was not fun being attacked by certain people for my opinions. I wanted to be open, but I can't give individual legal advice.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 09:11 PM
6

It was suggested that I post on mensrights by someone who subscribes here.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 09:10 PM
4

I googled family court bias and a lot of stuff comes up. The only objective and scientific stuff I see basically just proves that women have primary custody of children more often than men, and I've talked about why that doesn't necessarily suggest gender bias. Maybe my situation is very unique; I don't know. It's not something I hear my colleagues complain about. It seems like you don't really want to see the other side because you've already made up your mind on what you believe Look, if I eve…
/r/MensRights24/06/13 05:23 PM
10

what kind of proof would satisfy you?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 04:51 PM
3

you can do it yourself. but you're right, access to legal counsel is a huge problem IMO.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 04:47 PM
3

I don't think the whole mens rights movement is crazy. Some of your ilk strike me as very emotional and not very rational, but every movement has its nuts. I don't like the fact that people get locked up for failure to pay child support. It just makes it harder for them to pay. I represent a lot of guys in that situation and it's bad. I see people go to jail because they can't or won't pay $70 a month. The court system just kind of assumes that people have money laying around.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 04:44 PM
3

I dont know if getting rid of the no-fault scheme is the best thing. people are going to want to get divorced. In the old fault-based states, people would just go to nevada or lie to the court. It was a big problem.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 04:31 PM
2

Well, you have a good point. I shouldn't paint with such a broad brush. It's just that my previous interactions with people from this sub have been kind of nuts. To me it seemed like a guy had one bad experience with courts and then they immediately assume that the whole system is rigged to screw men over. The concept of child support slavery and government corruption (including friggin' debtors prisons) doesn't really trouble you? If I thought that child support equaled slavery, or that if I th…
/r/MensRights24/06/13 04:16 PM
8

you're talking to me. I did the AMA. I didn't say that I'm 100% that there is no bias of any kind in courts. I just haven't run into sex bias in my cases. I'm a relatively young lawyer and I have only worked in one area of the country. I don't think I had an agenda. I am not a feminist. I am also not a mens rights guy. Everyone talks about this mountain of evidence showing bias but I haven't seen it. I do think that the whole system is rigged against poor people. The deck is stacked against poor…
/r/MensRights24/06/13 04:14 PM
2

I dont think I am biased against mens rights per se. I don't really know much about the 'movement.' In general, I think society has bigger fish to fry to be honest, but I respect the fact that you guys are here, caring about something.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:57 PM
4

word.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:52 PM
4

tender years doctrine is not in use anymore. It's heydey was the mid 20th century. it's entirely possible that some judges lament this and enforce it sub rosa. I haven't run into that though.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:51 PM
2

jeez.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:49 PM
1

sure, it varies from judge to judge even.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:45 PM
2

I've heard of it. How would I even know if I am suffering from it? How do I know that you all aren't laboring under the same?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:42 PM
1

I have not had any experience with 1. As for your other question, it's kind of hard to say. Be credible? Keep a written log or a diary. People forget stuff, even important stuff, and if you write down the details it will be much easier to testify to later.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:42 PM
1

I don't understand, sorry.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:34 PM
8

I was actually expecting a lot more vitriol.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:22 PM
6

I know a lot of great lawyers who went to low-ranked schools.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:21 PM
4

Totally.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 03:19 PM
5

It is tough in this economy. People just don't have a lot of money to pay lawyers.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:28 PM
5

Judges aren't perfect, never said they were.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:27 PM
4

Ouch.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:26 PM
3

I sent a message.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:25 PM
8

No I didn't. Where did you get that information?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:24 PM
5

15 years is a rough estimate. I was 17 when I picked my first college major, I am 30 now.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:23 PM
3

U of O?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:22 PM
8

I told people I wouldn't give legal advice.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:20 PM
14

I never claimed to be an advocate for mens rights and I am not one. It is true that I am dissatisfied with my career.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:20 PM
1

Practically speaking, if the kid has a car, all bets are off really. A custody order is just a piece of paper.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:11 PM
2

Yes they are. At least in the family courts I work in. They read studies. They attend CLE.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:56 PM
4

the duties of disclosure are higher when married persons form a contract. full disclosure of all assets and liabilities is very important.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:49 PM
3

it's called a Judge.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:48 PM
1

my judges modify child support.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:38 PM
-1

I've seen anti male sex bias; I know it when I see it. I chose this career because my first idea didn't work out for me. I didnt become a divorce lawyer because I felt victimized or whatever.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:37 PM
2

we have mandatory custody mediation in my state. it's a process that does not involve lawyers at all. I think it's a great thing.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:36 PM
1

it matters much less when the child is that age.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:31 PM
7

If you sign a prenup on the eve of the wedding, it invites the argument that "he/she refused to go forward with the wedding unless I signed. I felt intense pressure to give him/her everything they wanted because I was so stressed out with the wedding planning, etc etc" That is a classic duress argument in contract law. Often, it will still be upheld, but why risk it? Sign the prenup well before the wedding and take that argument off the table.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:30 PM
1

Oh, sure. It is rare for parents to be at loggerheads and fight it out in court. Most splits are amicable I would say, at least to some degree. I feel good when I believe that I got the best result for a kid.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:28 PM
3

what was the outcome of that case? I left the firm so I don't know. If I were to guess, mom is still drinking herself to death, dad is still a jerk, and the kids are teens now. Also, at what point during a case and after the case do you discontinue contact with your client? Is it over as soon as court adjourns? Do you ever get any updates on how kids/parents are doing, later on? Are you required or get paid to continue to represent these people after the court adjourns, for any period of time? I…
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:27 PM
5

I have not seen those studies, but I would be very interested to see them. Link anyone?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:26 PM
3

this is what I mean by a lack of rationality here.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:25 PM
2

Interesting idea. I don't know if it would be fairer or not. Let's say that the woman in the relationship is an abuser. Why hold it against the man if he chooses to leave and initiate divorce?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:25 PM
2

I don't think it matters who initiated the divorce. If you don't want to be on the hook, don't get married.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:24 PM
4

I have not seen that before. I don't agree with the constitutional arguments that it presents. I'm always pleased to see evidence that fathers and parents are educating themselves about family court, though.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:23 PM
3

in my state, if you cheat, you cannot be awarded alimony. You can also be made to pay more alimony if you cheat. Marital misconduct is a factor in alimony cases.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:20 PM
2

Ouch.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 11:08 AM
6

no.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:58 AM
0

like who?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:40 AM
2

hhahahahahah, yes, they are still together.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:39 AM
-14

yeah.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:34 AM
1

im 30.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:28 AM
1

what experts?
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:27 AM
4

oh god. nightmare. So I declared an elementary ed major. I was maybe one of 30 males in my school, there were 260 females in the same major. So that's already intimidating. I was dating a girl at the time, and she broke up with me one day. Her reason was that her dad told her that no man would have that major unless they wanted to diddle kids. I couldnt believe it.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:27 AM
0

you are assuming a lot.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:25 AM
1

I love your intuition. State policies tend to be more uniform than you may believe right now, but I encourage you to ignore me and just go for it.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:24 AM
-10

I'm not a 'mens rights' advocate. I never claimed to be. I don't subscribe to this subreddit. I never claimed otherwise. If you don't feel that my contribution is valuable, then that is your opinion. I don't care. If you think I am irrational, again, I don't care. I'm just trying to offer a perspective that some may find valuable.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:23 AM
1

ok
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:15 AM
10

no, you need your own dog.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:15 AM
-9

if you say so.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:14 AM
1

good point.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 02:00 AM
3

in general, firms that charge more tend to have better lawyers. the reason is that they can get away with charging that much because they are good and they do business. but you can get an amazing lawyer pro bono. you can get a really good lawyer for cheap. there is no rhyme or reason to it all. especially now. hire a lawyer that you trust and feel a connection with, that's my advice.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:59 AM
4

I shepardize it.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:56 AM
-7

the biases that i encountered in one college major do not necessarily have anything to do with what I do for a living now, fifteen years later.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:55 AM
2

it's a lack of bias. I don't think you are understanding this.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:54 AM
0

execute means sign. dont sign the prenup on a date close to your wedding day.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:39 AM
3

in my state, fees do not scale with awards. we are not allowed to charge a contingent fee for domestic cases. we charge hourly.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:38 AM
1

The house is often the only asset in a marriage when it comes to property division. Men are more likely to have liquid assets other than the house itself. It's not hard to see why the woman might end up with the house in that kind of situation. I havent noticed a trend either way, though.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:37 AM
4

not everything is a relevant event. the fact that the mom fed the kid tacos as opposed to steak - not relevant.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:17 AM
6

That said, do you truly believe that a 16 year old who grew up with both parents is always going to be less able to properly choose a parent than a judge who may not spend more than a few dozen hours with the parents? no, but the judge is objective and the teen is subjective. there is a good reason why children's preferences are taken into account. there is also a good reason why their preference is not definitive.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 01:16 AM
10

I use a bottom sheet with a high thread count. I use a pillow made of memory foam. My dog Barbara sleeps at the foot of the bed and keeps my feet warm.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:53 AM
3

that is a very specific fact pattern that you have presented. when stability is not an issue, does the woman still have an advantage? no, not in my experience.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:51 AM
2

alimony doesnt have anything to do with kids. It's about the lifestyle that the couple enjoyed during the marriage. There is a dependent spouse and a supporting spouse. What kind of life was the dependent spouse promised? Those are the questions that a judge asks themselves in an alimony trial.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:24 AM
-4

I don't really have one. I'm not a men's rights advocate. I don't think that men's rights need advocating. I respect the fact that y'all are here though.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:20 AM
1

ok.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:19 AM
5

thank you, I think so, too.
/r/MensRights24/06/13 12:13 AM
-3

i dont know.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:49 PM
4

i don't think so. could you clarify?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:39 PM
5

I tried.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:39 PM
4

it could be worse.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:19 PM
0

a bachelors and a juris doctor.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:18 PM
5

if you are married, you pay less in income taxes. if you get sued for alimony/division of property, etc. it could be financially un-beneficial.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:14 PM
2

she didn't really care. My mom is kind of an alcoholic asshole to be honest.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:04 PM
-1

Do you have any thoughts about how to avoid getting divorced? be excellent to each other. What are the risk favtors you may have noticed? don't be an asshole. If I want to end up with child custody, what should I do during the marriage? be a great father. I get the impression that the process is fairly unpredictable, based on your answers. What causes this and how can I mitigate these risks? I don't know. Sorry.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:03 PM
34

execute the prenup more than 45 days before the marriage date.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:00 PM
3

you arent really getting it. Marriage isn't a purely financial decision. If you earn more, its not financially beneficial for you to get married.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 11:00 PM
2

i went to a law school ranked in the top 50 in the united states. My grades were mediocre - I finished right at the middle of my class.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:55 PM
2

yeah, it is relevant to alimony.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:52 PM
1

depends on your situation.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:51 PM
4

a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client. sorry to hear about your situation, broham.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:43 PM
1

my bust.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:40 PM
2

ok!
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:40 PM
12

more than that.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:39 PM
1

which custody case are you talking about?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:39 PM
3

I'm not cocky. I like to think that I am not a douche.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:31 PM
4

I bill about 2.2 hours per day, if I am lucky. I get paid about 45k per year, and I owe about 150k in student loans. I "pocket" nothing.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:31 PM
9

no idea. funny story though: my best friend growing up is a surgeon. He also has a lot of family money. He married a girl who is the exact opposite. She has no job skills, dropped out of college, no family, she actually was homeless in high school because her "family" abandoned her. His family insisted that he get a pre-nup. They even hired me to do it. I prepared the prenup. I made sure we had every relevant disclosure on the record. When the job was done, I gave the completed contract to him. …
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:18 PM
7

most lawyers never see the inside of a courtroom.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:14 PM
1

i messaged proof that I am a lawyer to the mods. I dont know how to provide proof that I concentrate my efforts in family law without outing myself.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:07 PM
1

no idea.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:01 PM
0

what is the point of this?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 10:01 PM
2

attorneys have little influence on the amount of child support that gets set - that's a common misconception. Child support is set by a formula determined by the legislature, at least where I'm at. I have never experienced anti-male bias on the part of a judge. In my district, we have 8 district court judges. 4 are women and 4 are men. We have 5 superior court judges. One is a woman. (district court has exclusive jurisdiction over family matters)
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:58 PM
8

dirty tricks... I mean, I don't know. If someone is represented by an attorney, the attorney is not going to commit misconduct and risk their license just to get a good outcome in one case. Lawyers do what they do: they look for lies and expose those lies with proof, etc. They serve their client. They bill for their time. Sometimes they bill too much. I don't really understand what you are asking of me here.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:54 PM
2

what?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:50 PM
2

I definitely see your point. However, I was asked what someone can do if their visitation/custody rights are not being honored. The answer to that question is that they can bring a contempt proceeding and get their order enforced. I understand how that looks like I am 'self-promoting,' but what you have to understand is that I am not gaining anything financially from stating that fact. That is what you have to do. Like I said before, it's not a great system; it's the system that we have. The les…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:43 PM
1

yeah, maybe. I can only really talk about my experience, which is not in Michigan.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:24 PM
1

haha, happy to help.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:23 PM
2

no.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:22 PM
5

underrated post
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:16 PM
14

yeah, it's not a perfect system.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:12 PM
1

I don't think the formulas are the same for every state.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:04 PM
5

economic factors are easy to prove up. tax returns, w2's, etc.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:03 PM
7

unmarried women, for the most part.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:02 PM
3

no
/r/MensRights23/06/13 09:02 PM
2

I cant really comment on individual situations.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:56 PM
4

why do you hear about cigarettes causing cancer?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:55 PM
4

I can see how the system could seem unfair to men by those who do not work inside it. I have seen plenty of women go to jail for failure to pay child support. I don't agree that society at large is "anti-man." I think that is a ridiculous statement and you don't appreciate the privileges that you've enjoyed as a man throughout your life. I specifically do not want to argue about this kind of thing here so I will leave it at that.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:54 PM
15

spanking, yelling, and a failure to take care of a child's teeth and put them to bed are all relevant events.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:52 PM
5

why are you assuming that the woman provided housecleaning, food and sex?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:48 PM
21

executing the prenup a day before the wedding - that's suspect. it raises the spectre of duress.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:48 PM
0

I cant give specific advice. california's laws are very different than mine. good luck.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:42 PM
10

calm down, buddy.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:41 PM
9

yikes.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:40 PM
12

nods head
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:40 PM
8

every situation is different.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:39 PM
2

I never said it was unjustified.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:39 PM
13

I understand that. Thanks for your comment.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:38 PM
3

just be honest with her. tell her that you dont expect to ever need it, but that it makes sense to talk about a prenup. I dont know, it's awkward. I dont know; I've never had to do it (grew up poor, still poor, wife is also poor).
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:38 PM
13

why do we hear about it? because it happens.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:34 PM
17

golly, that's tough. you can always serve her by publication. That kind of thing is never easy though. Good luck. Just talk to a lawyer.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:33 PM
5

So the reason someone should get married is so they could benefit from a divorce? I would rephrase this to read that someone should get married so that they could be assured that the lifelong commitments that they make to their spouse and that their spouse makes to them are upheld. If that's not something you are interested in, don't get married. People act like getting married is something that happens to them. Ridiculous. Courts do not 'punish' people for getting married, they hold people to t…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:28 PM
3

half of the prenups I do are not necessary. Often they want to protect an inheritance, and that is treated as separate property in my state anyway. It is a useful process though, becuase both parties can get advice from an attorney about how to keep their assets, etc.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:22 PM
16

kids definitely change the game. people change when they become parents, often that change leads to the breakdown of the marriage. not the child(ren)'s fault, but it is what it is.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:20 PM
6

there are sanctions and punishments for making false DV claims. http://www.law.cornell.edu/rules/frcp/rule_11 etcetera. you are speaking in absolutes. in my business, that is a big indicator of crazy.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:19 PM
12

an award of attorneys fees is pretty rare in my jurisdiction.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:17 PM
4

all the time. I love cases like that. When custody is the first issue to settle, you know you are dealing with reasonable people (most of the time).
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:17 PM
14

that is really sweet of you to say. I'm happy to offer my perspective, I hope it helps.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:16 PM
12

I've said before that I dont like the legal system and how it is paid for. I appreciate your statistics as well, I just dont really see what the point is. women file first more often....so...what? saying that I 'profit' from the system is charitable. My checking account is currently overdrawn, and I don't really like doing family law. That all being said, thank you for doing this AMA. And I agree with you how poor people are completely screwed over in this country. you're welcome! I was told tha…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:14 PM
53

it warms my heart to know that someone like you is out running free while Ed Snowden has to look over his shoulder for the rest of his life. Good God.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:11 PM
8

no, if your partner earns less than you, there is really no "advantage" to getting married. But keep in mind, they could earn more than you in 15 years. Who knows? I don't look at marriage like that. I do think that marriage is outdated, especially since you can govern your relationship with a life partner any way you want with a contract. But, I did not hesitate to get married. I love her, but even if I stop loving her someday, she deserves to be treated fairly. I created this obligation for my…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:10 PM
3

in my state, if you get custody through a civil DV action, it's time-limited. it's not exactly a proxy for going to family court. The 'proof' needed is basically testimony; the judge sizes up each side and weighs their credibility. Some judges are tougher than others. I have seen judges (both male and female) who will not execute a DV protective order without documentation of legit wounds. I have seen others hand them out to anyone who asks for them. Rarely does it affect custody cases, unless t…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 08:05 PM
11

no, I think men cheat more often than women.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:57 PM
1

I dont know.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:57 PM
10

just keep a diary of all relevant events, so you dont forget.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:57 PM
17

I've only seen income imputed for child support purposes, not alimony. If I ever got an alimony award that was more than 100% of my clients Gross Monthly Income, I would file a notice of appeal right after I got done collecting my jaw from the floor.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:57 PM
17

in any litigation situation, neither side is telling the whole truth. they are telling their version of the truth. in my experience (for custody cases), the judges do a great job of disregarding the bullshit and focusing on what matters. The main factors they consider: If I award primary custody to one of these parents, how likely are they to support the child's relationship with the noncustodial parent? Which parent has been the child's primary day-to-day caregiver? Do either of these parents p…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:55 PM
3

tbh I just kind of fell into it. In college, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher but I ran into certain biases that put me off that path. I then wanted to work in the music business, but I realized that the business was changing so much that it would be difficult to navigate as someone just starting out. I then thought that law might be a good path and I got a job in college working at a law firm (through a family friend) just making copies and durdling around. I liked the work and decid…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:50 PM
2

sent a msg with proof (i guess), let me know if I need to do anything else.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:39 PM
12

a pre-nup is the only way to accomplish what you want to accomplish.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:35 PM
26

Usually the living situation doesn't allow the man to fully demonstrate he can caregive before legal action occurs. Therefore it puts the caregiver (women in most cases) at an advantage. totally agree, but that's not the courts' fault. And it really is best for the kid to preserve stability when it comes to primary caregiver, at least in the early years. It's funny that we allow women firefighters who can pass a test whose standards have been lowered to thus allow women firefighters a chance to …
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:35 PM
4

no, I don't think so. Maybe tangentially since I see a lot of what I need to be wary of, I guess. I see domestic violence situations and the absolute horror that people put each other through, and I am grateful that my partner would never do that to me and that I would not do that to her. I am very lucky, but I knew that already.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:31 PM
20

his lawyer sucks?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:30 PM
8

it is very emotional work. when kids are involved (as opposed to just money), parties tend to not act rationally. be ready for that. how does the job differ from the tv portrayal? for one thing, you never see a lawyer on tv struggling with money and business. half of this job is sales, which i hate. I became a lawyer because I like legal work; I was not ready for the fact that private practice is less about the quality of the legal work and more about generating billable hours and keeping a busi…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:29 PM
5

Are there any common misconceptions about divorce cases/courts that you would like to clear up? there are many common misconceptions. I dont think I can really list them here in this comment, but hopefully my answers to the questions in aggregate will help. Are you privy to actual state level statistics on cases? I.e. which way alimony goes, how long it goes, who get's the kids etc? statistics of this kind are impossible to garner in any meaningful way. a lot of the quantifiable data in a legal …
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:16 PM
16

let's say there is a 20+ year marriage, the wife doesnt have any job skills or education (homemaker throughout the marriage), and the man has the ability to pay permanent alimony. In those situations, it is absolutely appropriate in my opinion. how often do you see a man ordered to pay more than 100% of his income? I've never seen that ever. I don't even know how that would work.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:13 PM
12

they're very unpredictable.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:10 PM
7

in my experience, men cheat more often than women. I changed firms because my old boss got really sick and had to downsize.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:07 PM
29

this is definitely enough objective information for me to pass judgment.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:06 PM
6

depends on your situation. you might be entitled to alimony, property division.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 07:05 PM
40

in short: pride. everything about your divorce is public record, including your incomes in an alimony action. Lastly, don't you find it interesting that women are that much more likely to want and ask for alimony? not really.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:57 PM
3

i don't understand the question.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:56 PM
16

I don't frequent this sub often. Interesting video. She is very charismatic. She makes the mistake (that many other make) of assuming that the system she experienced is the system that everyone experiences. I also believe that 16 year olds dont always know what is best for them. I dont know anything about her situation. Maybe she wants to live with her dad because he doesnt really supervise her. I have had many teens express a preference to reside with the more lenient parent that will let them …
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:55 PM
41

full disclosure. don't execute the agreement within 60 days of the date of marriage. have both parties be represented by their own lawyer from the negotiation stage through the drafting and execution.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:48 PM
24

yeah, that's a whole different ball of wax.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:46 PM
37

disregard a county psychologist. and you're welcome.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:45 PM
23

If there is a substantial change in circumstances affecting the welfare of the child(ren), that is a basis for a motion to modify custody.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:41 PM
9

is there any correlation between wealthier couples and higher divorce rates or would you say its consistent across the spectrum? hard for me to say. I used to represent a lot more upper crust clients at my previous firm. I was working for a very well-respected lawyer then and now I am at a....different kind of firm. who usually gets caught cheating? the one who cheats. who gets mean first? depends on who their lawyer is, in my experience.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:33 PM
6

sure, what do I do?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:31 PM
19

you're welcome, happy to do it.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:27 PM
26

a prenup is great but it will not obviate your need for a lawyer. If and when you do break up, the first thing the other side will do is hire a lawyer to attack the prenup and its enforceability. If anything, a prenup assures that lawyers will be involved in the process if everything goes to hell, unless you dont really have any property or anything in the first place. If you don't want to pay divorce lawyers, the best thing to do is educate yourself. You have a constitutionally-protected right …
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:26 PM
30

the only stats that are out there are basically the stats that say that women get custody way way more often than men. however, that doesnt prove sex bias. It just proves that women get primary custody more often than men. Anyone in my business can tell you that. But I dont think its because of sex bias. In short, I think it is because women are more likely to assume the primary caregiver role, men are less likely to want or request primary custody, and other factors.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:15 PM
9

no you are quite right, child support provisions will most likely be unenforceable, as will anything if it is found to be unconscionable or against public policy. But the parties have as much discretion as any two contracting parties have in terms of the subject matter. I have even seen a provision in a prenup regarding household chores and how often the garbage will be taken out. pretty silly.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:13 PM
28

Do courts do a good job - in your opinion - of distinguishing between not-custodial parents who can't pay and those who refuse to pay? they do an OK job in my experience, but it's hard for me to judge because I don't know the ins and outs of every situation I see. I work in child support enforcement court a lot and I am appointed to represent many 'deadbeat dads'. I represent a lot of dads rotting in jail for nonpayment of child support, and they cant pay child support while they are in jail. It…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 06:10 PM
34

I have had a couple custody cases where both parents were scumbags. One of them sticks out; I represented mom and she was a mess. Dad was probably better off than mom but you could tell he just didnt love his kids, regarded them as a burden and a reminder of his relationship with mom. I felt so bad for them. they deserved loving parents working together and they didnt get it. I have practiced family law primarily since I got out of school, and cases like that are what caused me to start looking …
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:59 PM
51

in my experience, men in this situation are not very likely to want or ask for alimony. With that said, I have seen it. However, I will say that it is extremely rare to encounter partners where the woman earns more than the man. A lot more rare than i would have thought before doing this job where I see people's financial information.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:37 PM
57

In my last custody trial, I got primary custody for my client (a man) for his two children. Our judge was a woman. I did not consider this to be remarkable. My thoughts on permanent alimony are that it is appropriate in some situations, and I would prefer that the Courts and judges have a lot of discretion in awarding alimony and determining its amount and duration. Alimony awards should fit the individual situation.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:32 PM
15

depends on what the audio tape captures.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:30 PM
32

Contempt of court proceedings.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:27 PM
43

I dont know if im qualified to answer that question. Certain states are harder on prenup enforceability than others. in my state its pretty tough to invalidate one, as long as you have full disclosure, a non-suspect execution date, etc.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:23 PM
22

it's SO hard. I really dont have a good answer for you.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:18 PM
22

I don't agree with your analysis. The court assumes that both people lie; therefore, in custody situations, the fact that one person lied and one person didnt in a particular instance is unlikely to influence the court's custody decision. The court is going to look at many factors to determine who is best suited for primary custody, if anyone. The courts know that they are not getting the whole story. They look at the relationship between parent and child, they don't really look at the relations…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:17 PM
9

Can a prenup cover wealth gained after the marriage? yes. It's just a contract right? yes. I thought it could be extended to basically say whatever you want as long as both parties agree on it. yes.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:14 PM
26

Interesting; I haven't seen those studies. Seems to make intuitive sense, but in general I stand by my statement. I think that people who would tend to marry without cohabiting first would be more religious than the average bear and more adverse to divorce than the average bear because of that. So we may be looking at a correlation =/= causation thing here. I don't know.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:07 PM
16

In my state, judges can award permanent alimony. It is very rare nowadays. Child support in my state is calculated by first combining the gross monthly income of both parents. That combined income is then used to look up what the "base child support" number is - essentially the amount of money it supposedly takes to keep a kid clothed and fed. Then, if you have a split custody situation, you take the percentage of days each parent has for the kid and multiply that by the base child support oblig…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 05:03 PM
4

interesting idea. I think they might have tried that about 10,000 years ago in some form or fashion.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:55 PM
6

The judge believed that it was in the best interest of the child to spend significant time with her father and not be away from him for more than a couple days at a time. That was the reason. It is unrelated to the domestic violence that may or may not have occurred between the two adults.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:55 PM
19

This is how the court looks at it: everyone lies. Especially in situations where their marriage is breaking down. Does the fact that someone lied or made a mountain out of a molehill (maybe pursuant to someone else's bad advice) a reason to keep this child away from a parent that they love and idealize?
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:54 PM
16

If a couple is considering marriage, they should live together first.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:48 PM
73

"non-sexist reasons" is a bit of a loaded phrase, as I find the world in general to be pretty sexist. There is a lot to elaborate on here. For one thing, stability for the child is a huge consideration in custody situations. So if you have the woman staying home to feed the kid, spend time with the kid, wipe asses and noses, etc. while the man works, it's just going to be easier for the woman to get primary custody. The reason is not because judges think that women are better at this kind of thi…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:46 PM
19

That's your lawyer's job.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:39 PM
41

Divorces don't go well for anyone if they don't have enough money to afford a divorce lawyer. Hell, legal cases don't go well for anyone if they don't have enough money to afford a lawyer. The only situation in which it is appropriate to not hire a divorce lawyer is if there is no kids, no property to divide, no domestic violence, and the marriage is short. It is always a good idea to speak to a lawyer. Find one that charges for consultations. A free consultation will be at least 85% sales pitch…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:39 PM
95

I am married and I got married after I started doing this. I guess that my job has changed my views on marriage a little bit. Mostly, I think that marriages (or relationships akin to marriage) are given up on too easily. I am also a child of divorce; my mom was divorced twice. Looking back on it, I really think that she was too quick to bail on the second marriage. Both of their lives would have been much better if they had made it work. But, it's not my life, I know that it's not always possibl…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:34 PM
25

well, the custody process is not punitive. the courts are not going to "punish" someone for lying in a DV case. It's about what is best for the child, as it should be.
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:32 PM
49

In my area, making a bogus domestic violence claim in order to get the upper hand in a custody case is frowned upon and almost never works. I don't know how common it is in my area for an attorney to advise that a woman do that kind of thing. Often, they do it on their own before ever consulting a lawyer. It causes more problems than it solves. Judges know a trumped up or bogus DV case when they see one. I'm sure there are a lot of bad lawyers out there who do this kind of thing, but in my exper…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:18 PM
96

Based on my experience, I don't agree that the courts generally have a sex-based bias. I have practiced in about 7 judicial districts, all in one southern state. I don't know what it is like elsewhere, but I think that a lot of people ascribe gender bias to the courts when in fact there are several reasons why women get custody more often, etc. I certainly don't think that the system is perfect. I tell clients all the time that having a family court make decisions about child custody is not a go…
/r/MensRights23/06/13 04:14 PM
-8

Ok, maybe relative to what you think a cardiologist should live like. I don't want to quibble with you, but your homeboy is middle class. There are whole continents of people on this earth who have much much less.
/r/MensRights03/01/13 12:49 AM
-7

Do you think destitute might be a strong word then? I mean, he has food and shelter, right?
/r/MensRights02/01/13 10:58 PM
-6

he's destitute? so he is living on the street? that's fucked up.
/r/MensRights02/01/13 10:15 PM
10

I don't think any gay man who tried that would be fired on the spot and have a lawsuit filed against them. But, if a straight man did this to a lesbian woman, there would still probably be uproar. Rape culture and all that.
/r/MensRights02/01/13 09:54 PM
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