TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

patently_pleasant Archive

View 6 posts and 193 comments by patently_pleasant on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

This is the answer, and it takes some time. You need to push past these thoughts and work on yourself. Build a foundation and become a stronger man. When you are ready to date again, you will fully realize this, but you have to put in the work first
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 03:09 PM
2

My guy, this is so hard to follow. First there is a concert, then there is fishing, then a dog and kids. There are so many different times listed. Did you mean leaving the night before at 9pm? Was that when you “ditched” her? And was the plan for you to go fishing the next day and she got get a dog? Punctuation is your friend
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 05:41 PM
5

Hey OP, I lived through your situation. Literally almost exact. I was 19 when I started dating my ex wife. I was with her for six years. Got married at 25 and she was 23. We divorced 3 months afterward when she just got up and left one day. I didn’t have any heads up. Turns out she left for an affair partner. She had an emotional and physical affair starting a few months before the wedding. I should never have gotten married either. She acted very strange before the separation too. She’s cheatin…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 09:22 PM
3

No. Legal annulment is very difficult to get in almost any jurisdiction. You’re thinking of a religious annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 09:18 PM
1

You should evaluate your parenting arrangement. If you and your stbxw share the child and split overnights 50-50, and your incomes are similar, then you might not owe child support. You should talk to an attorney. If money is tight, reach out to a pro bono legal service. Check out some pro bono options near you. If you need help searching, let me know which state you live in if you are in the US
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 07:56 PM
1

Think of it like any other contract. Nothing magical about a prenup. Any contract (except under UCC article 2 for merchants, but does not apply here) can be evaluated as to whether it is considered unconscionable. Courts can take into account in family law circumstances that have occurred over many years to make the enforcement of a contract grossly unfair and unreasonable. Prenups enforcing rules for child custody will always be thrown out. Child custody is determined at the time of divorce bas…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 04:30 PM
2

As a guy in his mid twenties already having a divorce under his belt because of a cheating ex wife, the cynical side of me says it’s not possible. Im just doing me at this point. Build yourself up and if someone is drawn into the energy you bring to the table, and you are drawn into their energy as well, then so be it. The best way to do it is to focus on you and let things happen naturally. Regardless, I would never marry without a rock solid prenup. I’ve worked my ass off to build a career tha…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 01:08 AM
1

This is exactly why you don’t do anything before talking to a lawyer. Example for others, and I’m sorry you have to go through this, but you have a real mess now. Save any messages in writing that state possession of the dog was temporary. If you don’t have anything in writing, then possession is a big deal for her. You have a good argument to keep the dog if you had the dog for years before the marriage. Honestly, she’s a real b**** for trying to keep the dog that you had for years beforehand. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 02:43 PM
0

I appreciate the response. The purpose of the life coaching is very similar to this right here, but I prefer to have some human connection to go along with the message. I don’t think a book alone is for me. But yes, I agree with everything you have here and it is very powerful. That is why I want to start life coaching to change myself to align with this. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 04:14 PM
0

General rule of thumb: never sit down with an adverse party and their attorney without your attorney present. Do not do this. You might not even be aware of the things you are getting yourself into. That’s why you need your attorney with you to protect your best interests.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 09:34 PM
1

Bro why are people still commenting on this. I posted a year ago 😂
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 09:20 PM
0

I’m going to be real with you too, chief. It doesn’t matter. This is a shitty thing to do whether you’re a man or a woman and you don’t need to lie for fake internet points to please a society of biased dumbasses. We know family views are unfairly skewed toward women. There’s really nothing we can do about it. You just have to rise above it and be the best man/father you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 01:47 AM
3

Divorcing your wife doesn’t make you an asshole. I divorced my cheating ex wife too and my life got better. Where you fucked up was not resolving those issues internally and letting yourself take it out on your kid. I’m sorry the truth hurts and I’m sorry you’re alone for holidays, but the best advice I can give is what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Someone needs to tell you that you messed up. You need to be told that your relationship with your kid is your fault, because it is. …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 01:39 AM
2

I don’t understand your logic here. So you offered to teach him before. You know that still requires insurance, right? It doesn’t matter whether he got his permit 2 months ago or today, and that just goes to show it’s not about the money either. It would cost the same either way. You’re just mad because your kid asked your ex wife for help with a major life milestone. I can’t say I’m surprised with the way you act. As to the second comment, again, I’m not surprised you don’t see your kid over ho…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 01:31 AM
11

I’m going to be real chief. You sound like a complete asshole. I would post on r/amitheasshole instead, but I would be shocked if you didn’t get ripped to shreds there. This is a 16 year old kid. All teenagers want a car. They need to learn how to drive. You are being super cheap and depriving your kid of learning how to drive. Chances are your kid won’t live in the same area all his/her life, especially if you keep acting like this. Driving is a required life skill. Don’t like teaching required…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 01:19 AM
1

The best way to get divorced is to get married /s Hire an attorney. In some cases where there are very few assets and no children you can both file jointly representing pro se, but generally not recommended
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 01:15 AM
1

Ask yourself why you are doing these things. Do you have a new life and all of these wonderful things to benefit yourself or to spite her? If it is the latter, then you will never be happy and you will always hold on to that resentment. Time to let go brother. Do things for yourself and not for others.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 02:36 PM
11

Here’s some life advice you can take to the bank: if you have to ask whether something is legal, then I would go to an attorney or at least someone more qualified than Reddit. This is a much more complicated and nuanced question than you immediately realize.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 06:36 PM
26

Therapy got me through it. My ex wife started cheating on me at least emotionally, and probably physically too, only 3 months before the wedding and then left for the affair partner 3 months after the wedding. Together for 6 years. Once I figured it out I hated her for a long time. Almost 2 years now since the wedding and I’m at a point where I really don’t think about her much at all anymore. My life has changed so much since then and the people that were mostly her friends have all left. As cl…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 05:48 PM
4

Hey man, it’s ok that you’re not there yet. Divorce is like a death, but to the closest person in your life. It shook me to my core. To me it felt like half of my family died in a plane crash in one night and I was left behind with the pieces. Everyone grieves differently and at different rates. Take your time. It took me 9 months after the separation (6 months after the divorce was finalized) to throw out all of our old scrapbooks, journals, pictures, and wedding memorabilia. It was hard, and I…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 12:44 AM
5

My ex wife walked out lol. In the alternative, when I later figured out it was because she had an ongoing affair that she left for.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 01:52 AM
7

Proud of you bro. You’re doing everything you need to be doing. You’re advancing yourself. She wanted to go for the new guy and thought things would come easily. Surprise surprise: relationships are hard no matter who you are with. You have so much value and you are strong. Don’t let her take you back. Don’t sey a precedent that you can be wronged and you will forgive. You deserve more. Words to live by: once you set expectations for people, do not let them get away with breaking them. They will…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 11:05 PM
1

I’m going to be real with you, that analysis was too incoherent to understand. “That’s 50k for two full time jobs.” What? Where’s the second full-time job? And what do you mean by “twice as much for half the paycheck?” What? My point was that men who make well into six figures get screwed by marrying women who don’t work at all. “It’s equivalent to hiring a 24 hour a day nanny for 500 a week.” Lmao what? I said no kids. Do you mean a maid? Do you know any maids that clean a house 24 hours per da…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 11:55 AM
1

Also, especially if kids aren’t involved, there is a limited amount that those services are worth. What should a maid cost for 10 years. If your wife cleans the house once a week and cooks dinner every other day, what is that worth? Well, for those that earn a significant income and make over $1M during those ten years (which many of us do), I can tell you that those services are not worth over $500k.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 09:32 PM
2

Interesting. Georgia is no fault, but it does have a few specific categories where you can file for fault. That’s not super common from what I know and it wasn’t on the bar exam, but I’m also not a family law attorney. Hire an attorney in Georgia that specializes in family law and see if you can file a fault divorce for adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 02:36 AM
2

You’re wrong. Georgia is a no-fault state so cheating doesn’t matter. The only thing affecting alimony is the duration of marriage, your ability to afford alimony, and her inability to survive without it. Drugs and inability to function will only be taken into account in child custody. Coming from an attorney. I’m sorry dude, but it doesn’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 01:24 AM
7

Lmao marriage and divorce are both designed for women. Never doing it again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 07:34 PM
2

I might be part of the minority here, but do not tell her family or your kids. Why do you want to be involved with her family anymore? What do you have to gain? Do you really want the respect of people that you have no intention to see anymore? Not worth it. As for your kids, you have to remember that your ex wife is their mom. Your attempts to vilify their mother might horribly backfire and make you appear to be the villain and the one that is causing conflict. This is especially true if they a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 07:13 PM
3

You’re comparing apples to oranges my man. You would need someone in the exact same state (if you live in the US) with hopefully the same judge who also had the exact same income discrepancy, length of marriage, etc. I know you’re curious and the goal of this is not to be a dick and shut you down, but I want you to take anything said here with less than a grain of sand.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:39 PM
25

I’m going to be real with you chief: this is way too far above Reddit’s pay grade. Your attorney will be the only person able to answer this based on past work and it will be very specific to your judge and jurisdiction
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 08:42 PM
2

Your attorney is right. No fault state. I get it that it seems very wrong (because it is) and this should benefit you, but it doesn’t. The law is the law. Just divorce her and move on. She doesn’t love you and has no interest in supporting you or starting a family.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 06:22 PM
2

It is going to sting for a long time, but do things that make you happy. Work hard, lift weights, join a sports team, etc. what could you not do while you were with her that you wanted to do? Go do that!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 02:31 AM
2

Lol my ex wife had plenty of coffee and some cream too if you know what I mean
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 11:27 PM
3

With therapy you will only get out of it what you put in. Focus first on creating a relationship with the therapist where you feel comfortable opening up. Your first few sessions will almost be solely dedicated to this and you won’t really dive in until after that. If you don’t feel comfortable, then switch sooner rather than later. You won’t make anyone feel bad. Therapy is an intimate thing and it has to be the right person to be successful
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 04:16 PM
10

I remember doing this. It hurts really, really badly. I did not even delete the pictures until the divorce was finalized. I found an old scrapbook she made when we were 2 years into dating about a half year after the divorce and I cried. It’s ok to have those emotions. It’s ok to talk about it. Men don’t do it enough and it has severely negative mental health consequences. Feel free to keep posting here, find a support group, and start seeing a therapist. It will help you immensely.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 03:15 PM
1

I should have specified. Once you separate, finances from that point forward are separate in many states. What I’m saying is it’s very possible for him to pay her while married, they separate, she does something really dumb with all the stress of divorce, she loses all of her money, and then there’s nothing left to collect from divorce proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 12:41 AM
1

It’s more complicated than this. We would need to know how long they how the transferred money was procured to know if it is marital or non marital. If it is marital, then the only thing you transfer is control. If she were to spend that money on things that can’t be traced, then what? What if she goes bankrupt and can’t pay the judgment? Then you’re not getting it back. Just hold it in your control.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 10:15 PM
3

This. She could easily file for separation/divorce and institute formal proceedings after taking a transfer. When you bring it up in court I guarantee she will say “what transfer?” Then you have to provide documentation and she will still probably counter by saying it was meant for something else other than separation and she never received a separation payment. Nahh, screw that. Get a mediator and a court order to settle it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 08:46 PM
1

Life is worth living when you have something to look forward to. Enjoy your trip to Greece! Take care of business with the divorce first. Never forget self care
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 04:53 AM
1

People recommend one year after completely cutting them off to heal. Wherever no contact begins in your divorce process, that is where the time starts. The goal is to process all of your emotions and find your new self. You will have healing that needs to take place from emotional trauma. It comes with every divorce. Admittedly, I didn’t follow this. My ex wife and I were together for about seven years prior to marriage, but the marriage only lasted a few months. She was having an affair and wal…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 01:45 PM
2

Alimony in most states will be very difficult to get after only 2.5 years. The attorney I consulted with in my US state said the rule of thumb for me was 10 years. After 10 years you should expect some type of alimony agreement to factor into your divorce if finances are unequal. Before 10 years it is less likely, and the less time you spend married the more unlikely it is that you will owe alimony. As other people have said, he should divorce her asap. I’d say he has a decent shot at no alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 09:20 PM
3

What part of “no fault” do you not understand? They don’t care who was at fault. They don’t care why you’re getting divorced. “I was cheated on” isn’t even considered in a true no fault state
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 01:22 PM
2

This is entirely incorrect. No fault means no fault. The court won’t consider an affair. VERY FEW states are “fault states.” The truth is cheaters are not punished nearly as often as they used to be. There is no “marital contract” like you are implying where if you break it you have to pay. I’ve gone through divorce with a cheating wife and I’m an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 12:01 PM
2

All legalities aside, you are in a vulnerable position. You’re not ready to be intimate with another woman if you have been in a married, monogamous relationship for a long time and you just separated. Everything is too raw emotionally. Coming from someone who tried it, I thought I wanted it and tried to do it only a four months after separation (2 months after divorce, the proceedings were quick). Couldn’t even get it up because my head was not in the right place at all. It was embarrassing to …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 05:07 AM
3

Totally agree with this 100%, but I’m kind of intrigued with the idea of having a supplemental group of guys that just want to talk to others and share their story. I’ve always wanted to do that but I didn’t have the chance to because of covid. It’s tough find a group of people that understand what I went through, especially because I’m pretty young for divorce. Just to be clear, this would be a supplemental group in addition to this Reddit community just for people that want to talk to others. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 10:38 PM
3

You are still grieving, and there is no definitive timeline for grief. We all grieve differently. Tons of good books and podcasts discuss grief. From my reading, my favorite quote I read was “grief is the manifestation of your heart searching for a new home.” I found that quote to be intriguing. We grieve because we are capable of loving again, and ultimately love equals happiness. Love does not have to be with a domestic partner and it surely doesn’t require another marriage. My advice would be…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 10:25 PM
1

Look man, like I said, we’ve all been burned here, but it’s time to take the cynicism down a notch. I don’t think all women are a problem. Would I get married again? Probably not. But at the same time I’m not going to advocate that every man ditch their marriage that might be salvageable. I don’t believe anybody is inherently lazy. People have a million reasons why they struggle with adjusting to the real world and getting shit done. Mental health is usually at the top of the list for things to …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 10:42 PM
1

Bro, chill. All of us have gone through divorce here. It sucked. What I will say is that he took a vow for better or worse. We need to do better as a community to learn how to give better advice than only saying “women are shit, divorce her dude.” Read the context of his post. He is possibly considering asking for time away and possibly considering divorce. You telling him to divorce her this very second isn’t going to help. He isn’t there yet, and people need to reach that conclusion for themse…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 04:36 PM
9

Just pump out a baby to give her something to do at home! /s All jokes aside, if you want the marriage to work you need to see a marriage counselor, and it needs to be a GOOD one. Not any of the online BetterHelp or whatever it is bullshit. I tried that and got a horrible person who actually made things a lot worse and made things feel even more hopeless. She needs individual therapy too to figure out why she is in a rut and can’t get herself together. For now, keep your finances separate. I thi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 01:07 PM
5

Holy fuck. This is eye opening. I make a really similar salary (165k), but I was lucky enough to get out before any real claim for alimony could be made. Thanking my lucky stars on that one. Those two payments combined are about 40% of my take home after taxes, insurance, and monthly investments. Add in rent/mortgage, utilities, food, etc. and there’s not a lot left. All of the “fun” money goes to her. Seems really fucking high. God bless you, OP. Marriage and divorce are so stacked against men.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 07:35 PM
1

Alimony is mostly your ability to pay and her inability to pay. Can also consider debts owed from one to another, and a classic example is where one spouse supports the family while the other gets a degree. If you can hang in there until she is out with a job, the alimony will be MUCH kinder to you. Not only will she be making decent money but her degree will factor into the equation to your benefit. With that said, life is too short to hang around a bitter stbxw, so don’t do it purely for money…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 10:16 PM
1

The best time to file was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. Talk to your attorney about it, but there’s a good chance you will have to pay the consequences for her decisions. It’s super shitty. I’m really sorry. I got the shaft financially as well in my divorce, but I’m really young still so I have a lot of time to recover and it wasn’t nearly as much lost. I can’t imagine being in your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 07:27 AM
2

This is an absolutely horrible idea. Come back to reality and stop listening to the shit advice from others here. Coming from an attorney, it is illegal in most states to liquidate assets like this and just flee. You can’t intentionally mishandle marital property and take it from your spouse. This is a crime. You would be deported back to the US, charged, and still get divorced anyway. Now you just have some charged and jail time to go with it. Also, many states have complete abandonment as a fa…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:18 PM
3

Prenups are pretty solid for financial issues as long as they are relatively fair and reasonable. A judge can modify if very significant changes have occurred that would make it a miscarriage of justice, but this is rare. Your prenup will fail if you try to control child custody of future children. Judges primarily take into account the best interest of the child at the present time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 04:27 PM
1

So 2 years might be pretty reasonable then. Looks like they want a year or so on both ends of the separation date. Usually people look at some period of time the before separation to talk about division of assets and some period afterward to talk about moving forward what the best interest of the child is for child custody analysis. Run it by your attorney first and let him or her handle it. It sounds reasonable, but it also depends how much work that creates for you. If you have to produce a sh…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 11:10 PM
1

More information is needed here. I’ve served subpoenas before and usually you find the first relevant communication and the last one, then give yourself a little bit of wiggle room on both ends just in case there is more you are missing. We need to know how long ago the separation was and if there are any other critical events that they would want to know more about
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 06:40 PM
6

Yeah, it is shitty. Tons of guys have the same story. I did everything I could to treat her right and the only thing it gave me was emotional damage. Bonus points if reading this immediately made you think of the viral “emotional damage” meme.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 02:51 PM
1

It’s an interesting article, but I’d just like to point out the other side. Men are more programmed more than women to have multiple partners. Men contain the seed and women contain the egg. Evolution has trained the male to plant its seed wherever possible to ensure his bloodline survives and the species as a whole survives. Females have evolved to be much pickier. Their egg can only be fertilized by one male, and they choose their mate not only based on strong genetics but also based on the li…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 01:28 PM
2

You’re going to have some dark days ahead. There will be days that you feel like you can’t focus and you just need to do the bare minimum to get through. That’s ok. Let your close coworkers know. Ask for help. Continue to see your therapist. Your new life is beginning. This can be exciting as you reinvent yourself! Get a new hairdo, find a new hobby, get some new clothes, spend more time with friends and family, start working out if you aren’t doing so already, etc. Best of luck. If you need a k…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 12:48 PM
10

I feel you, brother. It’s been one year for me and things have gotten a ton better, but I still bear the scars from it and I have trust issues. I always did my best to treat her well. I completely took care of her. I had a nice job and told her she could take some time off during the summer of 2020 when the pandemic first boomed and things got scary (she worked in a high risk environment). She used that time to meet a new guy, have a blossoming relationship with him, hook up several times, and t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 12:42 PM
1

Do you have a question or?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 05:32 PM
3

She sounds very mentally ill. I’m not a psychiatrist, but the extreme downs of uncontrollable and unintelligible anger mixed in with the extreme highs of consciousness and remorse make me feel like she might be bipolar. Again, I’m not qualified to perform a diagnosis and even if I was I would not do one off of a Reddit post, but just a thought. She doesn’t sound well. My advice is to move on. I had cold feet like you and ultimately she walked out. I wish I did it myself sooner and saved time, mi…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 03:08 AM
2

She’s an idiot for nitpicking a Nintendo switch for a couple hundred dollars when you could easily get thousands in alimony every year. I have no sympathy. She is as dumb as she is combative. Take her to court and clean house
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 07:43 PM
5

Agree with this 110%. You are no longer husband and wife. You are adverse parties in a legal proceeding with very serious consequences. If you treat this like you are still husband and wife, then she will take you to the cleaners.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 06:32 PM
7

Honestly, as a man, I can’t remember the last time I was told any of these things from someone other than my parents. Has anyone here ever heard a woman say this to them?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 01:23 PM
1

It doesn’t get any better than this. Two cases for you below: See Dalton v. Dalton Supreme Court of Texas 2018. The holding is “Texas court could not enforce husband’s spousal-support obligation by wage withholding or by assignment of his retirement benefits to his former wife. Wage withholding was not available to support spousal support judgments in Texas” Case citation: Dalton v. Dalton, 551 S.W.3D 126 (Tex. 2018). See also veterans admin. v. Kee (holding the lower courts improperly garnished…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 08:45 PM
2

Again, those are saying the same thing from above. They consider the practice to be marital if it was created during the marriage, so equity in the practice would be divided between you and your spouse. The division of that practice depends on the length of time of the marriage and how much your spouse really helped. If the wife was there from the beginning and helped you for 30 years, then she would get a lot more than if you already had the practice and she merely helped it grow afterward for …
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 01:27 PM
2

I’m a licensed attorney who just took the bar exam in July, took family law classes, and went through my own divorce. Read your own article. It repeats exactly what I said in my original comment. OP helped his wife get her license. That license has some worth to her. OP should receive some value, otherwise that would be unjust enrichment. Nothing in the article says half. Nothing even remotely approaches one million dollars. It’s not even a legal opinion. It’s a New York Times article. If you re…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:03 AM
2

I’m sorry dude, but this is COMPLETELY false and I point it out because this is fearmongering. This isn’t how divorce works at all. Divorce divides MARITAL property. Marital property includes only what was earned or what appreciates during the marriage except for gifts and inheritances. Future earnings are not earned during the marriage. In fact, they aren’t earned at all yet. Top two factors for alimony payments are one person’s ability to pay and the other’s demonstrable need for support. The …
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 12:47 AM
12

She makes significantly more than you and you put in a lot of work to help her get through school. That sets you up really well to receive alimony, especially if you have been together for a while. If you want to keep this amicable, then come to the negotiation table. Don’t give up your trump card that you aren’t going to “take her to the cleaners.” Leave that mystery in the back of her mind. When it comes time for negotiation, tell her you will consider a reduced alimony/child support agreement…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 07:45 PM
0

You can’t hide money from the court. Horrible idea. Will get you fraud charges, perjury, and a very unfavorable judgment. Don’t do it. What you can do is file for divorce as soon as possible and liquidate any joint bank accounts. The moment you file is considered a constructive separation where the money she spends after that point likely won’t affect you. Consult with an attorney to confirm this in your jurisdiction. It’s important to take money out of a joint bank account because if she were t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 05:16 PM
1

You can do a heck of a lot of damage trying to cheap things out and do it yourself “until an appearance is necessary.” There are kids on the line here and probably thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars in assets. Do a free consultation and hire an attorney if you go down this road. It’s not worth it to cheap it out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:24 PM
2

You have to fight the urge to be Mr. Good guy. Everything you do now can and will be used against you, especially if you think she will be spiteful. Do not leave the house. Do not agree to pay her money. Coming from someone who just passed the bar exam, your note means absolutely nothing. The court alone will determine child support based on the best interest of the child. The court will determine alimony for you unless you agree to a settlement with her. If you stay together and want to waive f…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 03:05 AM
1

Get the evidence. It can only help you. Even if it doesn’t go to trial, the threat of using it at trial to modify the custody agreement is fuel for the fire to drive a favorable settlement. Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 06:21 PM
3

Child custody is all about the best interest of the child. If you made this agreement with her because you thought it was in the child’s best interest not to introduce them to a new person this fast, then her breaking this agreement could have consequences for child custody. Here is my advice. Don’t run up the clock for your attorney. Print out a copy of her saying she is going to introduce in writing. This is called an anticipatory repudiation in contract law and you may seek what is called ade…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 03:47 PM
6

Wow, this was eye opening. Doesn’t surprise me that 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman when they stand to make huge gains financially.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 03:18 PM
4

This is great, but I would just add that you cannot personally serve her. Your stbxw would be an adverse party in the divorce. Hire a process server. It’s worth the money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 05:33 AM
5

Omg I nearly did a spit take reading this 💀💀💀
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 01:44 AM
7

I’ve been there. I thought my ex-wife was irreplaceable too. With her for 7 years. She took my cat and left me in an emotional/financial hell. It gets better. I found someone new who has her flaws, but I’m coming from a different perspective. I no longer believe in the “I knew we would be together since the first time I saw her” bullshit. We want to believe our life is a fairytale, but it’s not. The sooner you realize your life is not a fairytale, the sooner you will stop putting up with abusive…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 11:26 PM
6

This is correct. Your kids are your focus. If you try to expose their mother directly or indirectly through the new guy, it will only drag you down by making you seem vindictive in their eyes while bringing more drama into your life. I’ve been there dude. Wife began cheating on me with a guy I didn’t know that she invited to the wedding only 2 months prior. She left me for him. I was so mad. I wanted to expose her. I don’t have any kids, so it’s a little different, but I let it go because I just…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 09:42 PM
1

Your post is going to be an unpopular opinion and here’s my take on why. Many men are DIY types. Many guys are handy. Many of us will fix things in our homes or on our cars with just a YouTube video. We like to do stuff with our hands. We like to fix problems. Divorce is not one of those things that many men can fix with their hands. It is against a lot of our first inclinations to seek help while recognizing we can’t do it ourselves. The DIY attorney can cause SO MUCH damage. It’s incredible. I…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 07:05 PM
1

Hey man, I went the night lawyer route and it worked well for me, but keep this in mind. I was 25 at the time while in my last year of law school and my wife was finishing her last year of her masters. We had been married less than a year with no kids when she already found the next “lucky” guy. The key here is whether she is willing to work with you. We both just agreed to take what we owned before the marriage, no alimony, and I agreed to take on the last 6 months of a lease to finish it off. …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 01:48 PM
2

You need to break down your property into two categories: marital and non-marital. Non-marital property is everything you possessed before you got married, any gifts to you alone, or any inheritances to you alone. Non-marital property is entirely yours and will not calculate into the divorce. Take it and run. Marital is everything else that you made during the marriage. If the stocks came from your earnings this year, and those investments made money during the marriage, then the investments and…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 03:41 AM
2

Cut the cord dude. Time to be happy and drop the leech. If you are in the US, many courts are very lenient on alimony if the marriage has been less than 10 years. It still depends a lot on whether she can take care of herself and your ability to help her. As for the kids, they aren’t yours, so leave before you have one with her!
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 03:36 AM
1

Sounds like you got screwed by a bad attorney. The truth is you should fight within reason. Going to court is expensive, and if you have to charge a credit card then you should really consider a good mediator that will quickly resolve issues without the court and save TONS of money. Mediation is especially helpful if your ex wife is somewhat cooperative and willing to work with you. Bad attorneys will tell you to fight to the bitter end for everything to rack up attorney’s fees. For those that h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 09:30 PM
3

Hey brother, great advice here, so I’m not going to mention any of it again other than say I endorse it. What I will say is keep your head up and know your worth. I hope you aren’t referring to yourself as a “house husband” because you think that is your only contribution to the marriage and your only potential contribution moving forward. You have a lot to contribute in everything you do and you will grow immensely from this. Times are tough, but you will grow tougher. Best of luck
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 04:38 PM
2

I feel so bad for you op. She sounds like the devil incarnated. Keep doing you and avoiding the bait. I truly believe in life we are never tested in ways that we cannot overcome. You’re doing the right thing. Keep being a great father and keep doing a good job isolating your son from the fighting. I tip my hat to you. DM me if you ever need someone to talk to. Mental health is so important.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 04:16 PM
1

In school they didn’t even give us the birds and the bees until kids were 10 or 11. My parents told me sooner than that, but certainly not as early as 5. I was far too innocent then and I think most kids are the same. Personally, I think this is too early to be talking about female anatomy with him, but some might disagree. It’s at least debatable. Does he have the maturity and capacity to understand boundaries? For example, if you talk to him about female anatomy, are you worried that he might …
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 04:29 PM
1

You’re spot on. Your kids don’t need to know anything about your finances and your ex wife certainly doesn’t need to know. My parents never gave me anything more than “we are doing just fine” and I picked up on things from there. Wait until emancipation to explain it to them if you really feel the need to. Going on vacation isn’t enough for her to question it. Enjoy your life. I wouldn’t be buying 100k diamond jewelry and wearing it in front of your ex, but I can tell you have more than enough c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/21 06:22 PM
1

You need an attorney. Seriously, if your net worth is 8 figured then going to Reddit is pretty silly. Child support adjustments can be made based on your change in employment and income. Small changes are unlikely to change your child support contribution, but big changes will. However, not all retirement accounts are safe from consideration in child support payments. If you ask to recalculate, you could open a whole new can of worms and end up making your life worse. You really need to talk to …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 03:04 PM
3

This. Dividing kids is much harder than property or a business. It sounds horrible, but it could be much worse. Take your freedom while you can
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 12:18 PM
3

Been there, man. It took me a few months after separation and just before divorce to delete photos. The photos went to a “recently deleted” folder for 30 days before being deleted for good. I remember checking that folder with a week left thinking I was going to restore them, but then I didn’t. The next weekend I went to the bar and forgot to restore them. I probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to let them go on my own. Letting it go was great for me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 03:03 AM
1

Just delete them? You might have too much time on your hands
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 08:39 PM
1

This is not worth your time to worry about. Yes, the child custody system leans toward women, but especially with rich people like this so much of the information is kept confidential. For all you know Brad might have had a huge drinking issue and never watched the kids. Who knows. Not worth worrying about. Every child custody hearing is determined by your own facts, so looking at others is comparing apples to oranges
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 08:03 PM
2

Some great tips already here, but I wanted to add that I suggest you start meal prepping! I have one big cooking night that sets me up for the entire week at work. You can do this for the kids as well. It can be as fun and delicious as you want! You are only limited by your ingredients. This also saves me a TON of money, which I’m sure many divorced dads on here will be conscious of after losing their spouse’s income. I can make a big, healthy lunch for $3/plate or less with meal prepping. Buyin…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 02:36 AM
3

I got a completely new wardrobe, a treadmill, and a nice weight set 👍
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 12:20 PM
2

Thank you, I appreciate it! I thought I would share because it is so easy to focus on your loss. It takes a very strong person to be able to cope with it while continuing to provide for their children. It takes an even stronger person to do this by reaching out for help to find positive coping mechanisms. I spent a lot of time after my divorce asking why it happened. I focused too much on my ex wife and her new life. I talked to a therapist and meditated often, and it helped me let go and move o…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 02:23 PM
2

Well, in the US and places where pets are property they are all yours. Offspring of your property are also your property. I suggest just asking nicely and seeing what she says. If she is hesitant, then try to compromise somewhere else. That’s the easiest and cheapest way to approach this
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 02:38 AM
2

When my ex wife and I split we had two cats. They were inseparable. One of the cats I inherited from a deceased family member and the other we got to keep him company. I was never going to get rid of the cat I inherited and inherited gifts are not part of the marital estate, so it was never on the table. Wife fought for the other cat and eventually won to split them up. Most courts (at least the ones that I’m familiar with in the US) treat animals like property. The modern trend is to consider t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 08:12 PM
6

Brother, take a step away from the ledge. We have all been there. My ex wife had an affair during the marriage, dated the guy from the moment we separated, and was Facebook official the same week the divorce processed two months after the separation. It is a betrayal in the worst way. What your feeling is very human and we have all been in your shoes. I feel so bad knowing somebody is in that same dark place that I was in because it was the worst stretch of my life. With that said, when the goin…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 02:17 PM
2

Sending good vibes your way! I am 11 months from the separation now and 9 months divorced. I still feel the sting of being cheated on. I spent years during the engagement and the short marriage trying to keep it all together. It takes a LONG time to heal, especially when there is trauma like that. Take your time and give yourself permission to take things slowly and grieve. It is tough when they move on so fast (during the marriage!), but that’s on them and it reflects their character. You go at…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 06:50 PM
2

This is spot on, OP. Sometimes our minds play up some fantasy of what we wanted life to be like with our ex wife. A lot of times that fantasy doesn’t make sense or it would have never worked out. Losing the fantasy is often harder than the actual person. It certainly was for me. I was divorced very young after having dated and been engaged for 6 years. I pictured the entire rest of my life with this person, and I’m sure you did too. That takes time (and therapy) to adjust from. The exercise comm…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/21 12:18 PM
3

I think it depends how long the neglect has gone on for, whether the attempt seems genuine, and whether they think it can last. What you had going for you was you quit the job,rather than take a break, and you made really good efforts while away. What you had going against you was the long time period of neglect. Ultimately she must have felt like the change wasn’t enough, it wouldn’t last, or both. When this stuff happens and one party builds tons of resentment for the other the only thing that…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 12:19 PM
1

The next couple of months will be some of the hardest in your entire life. You will completely change as a person, and that is a wonderful thing. Invest in your own well being. Workout, go to church if religion is important to you, get a new wardrobe to the extent you can afford it, treat yourself, and be close with those who are close to you. Divorce is easily a top 5 worst event that happens in your lifetime, especially if this is a long marriage. It’s never easy. You can always dm me if you n…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/21 01:26 PM
1

Income made during the marriage is considered part of the marital estate, and the default of the marital estate is to split 50-50 upon divorce. You can contract away from this in a prenup, but courts do not have to follow a prenup if it is overly coercive. However, courts will generally follow the prenup unless it is for child custody, which they don’t have to abide by the prenup in any way. This is fraud, and a basic accounting of assets in divorce would easily uncover it. The penalties for thi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 03:09 PM
2

No problem man. Hang in there. I promise it gets better. There’s a lot of social stigma against men reaching out to get help for mental health. I encourage you to reach out if you need it. I needed it. It takes a strong man to admit when you need help.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 10:35 PM
2

There are so many amazing comments and suggestions that cover about everything here, so I don’t have much to say other than I feel for you OP. I had a pretty clean break that I didn’t want and she cheated on me and moved on quickly too. It sucks. The next few months will be very rough. I’m happy you are moving back closer to your family. You will recover financially and emotionally over time. Fight this divorce one day and one battle at a time, and eventually you will find you have won the war a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 07:29 PM
1

Thanks man. Not yet. I’ve been studying on and off and I’ve been meaning to take it for like 3 years now but school and work always got in the way 😅 I’ve already been approved to take it, I just need to study and sign up for it
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 12:04 AM
1

Lol I will! I’m going to become a patent attorney (hence the name lol)
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 05:26 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 05:26 PM
1

No problem brother. The purpose of this post was to help and provide some hope. I’m glad it helped you
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 05:26 PM
9

Because they weren’t that close to me anyway. More of her friend. I asked him to stop and he kept feeding me details that I tried to remove myself from by blocking her In the first place. It just wasn’t helping me move on
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 05:08 PM
3

First, I think your arguments are extremely weak. I wouldn’t even try. You have two incredible hurdles in front of you: (1) a right to parent your children is fundamental and protected by 5th and 14th amendment due process. Taking away complete custody can become a constitutional issue if you are also trying to deny visitation. This is EXTREMELY tough to do. (2) women’s rights to their children vest at birth. Men’s rights in their children only vest if they act like a parent within a family unit…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/21 03:49 AM
3

The court doesn’t have to take your agreement into account at all for child support and child custody and can do their own thing. For child custody they will look to the best interest of the child. This likely aligns with what you agreed to though if both of you are amicable and have similar finances. Just wanted to give you a heads up on why the court will likely not stamp their approval on that right away. The courts are extra cautious about dividing children, and rightfully so. The custody ag…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 11:47 AM
2

The number one determination for child support is what you can pay and how badly she needs it. Every state has a recommended amount based on a formula. Each formula is different in every state. You just punch in earnings and other variables and poof, you have a number that the court will not deviate too much from. Try finding this for your state
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:12 PM
1

It does seem reasonable. I still recommend retaining an attorney to at least look it over. You could come out of this a lot worse if it went to trial. I’m sure you’ve seen the horror stories in this community. You’re right, your friends don’t fully understand it and I wouldn’t make a massive deal out of 5k if you are doing fine financially
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 03:38 PM
2

Keep in mind with this that it goes both ways. It sounds like the wife doesn’t make very sound financial decisions for her future. If she had a substantial change that left her needing more, the modifications could require a higher payment too. Just some food for thought.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 03:29 PM
1

In most states alimony comes down to two main factors: (1) how badly the lesser-earning spouse needs help, and (2) what the higher-earning spouse is able to pay. The first factor is absolutely huge if your spouse would be left requiring state support. The court simply won’t allow that. Other factors like health, contributions to the home and other property, and any prenuptial agreements will be considered. As far as alimony goes, the other attorney wont care that much about your support for your…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 03:25 PM
3

The number one factor for child custody is the best interest of the child. This gives the court incredible discretion to decide how to best suit the children’s needs. If you are always trying to stir the pot and you bring your marital problems into the kid’s lives, then the court may definitely consider that Also, OP, the advice here is almost all good. That is their mom. It would look bad on you to trash talk their mom, especially if they are too young to understand what’s going on. It may feel…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 07:04 PM
1

There aren’t enough facts to say for certain either way, but rule 6.1b2 says you can provide additional services through delivery of legal services at a substantially reduced fee to persons of limited means. She just graduated and she is a teacher. Maybe she doesn’t have much cash on hand, but she likely makes more than the recommended income.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 01:23 PM
1

I don’t think this is an issue at all. Lawyers have wide latitude to offer their services pro Bono. In fact, the rules of ethics recommend at least 50 hours pro Bono per year. Definitely not enough just to say his kids go to the same school. You would have to be able to prove some ridiculous and impermissible quid pro quo, which you definitely do not have under these facts. I’m not offering advice, but personally I would just take the offer and move on with my life if the offer was reasonable. D…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/21 09:59 PM
5

Everything here is great. Not much to add other than I feel for all you guys that had your wife leave for a fling. Been there. As said above, bitches really do be trippin’. Let’s become our best selves and move on to something better. I’ll walk that path with you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/21 09:39 PM
6

So let me get this straight: she had a fling with another guy while married that was likely both a physical and emotional affair, she lived on your dime as you supported her and her fling for over a year, and now that the money faucet is being turned off she wants to come back? I’m so glad you aren’t accepting her back. What a wretch of a human being. You deserve better my man. You are such a kind person to put up with any of this crap and you deserve the same in return. Feels like these days it…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 06:51 PM
2

Incorrect. Joint account is only a factor. This money can only become marital if it is commingled to such an extent that it can no longer be separated. Moving it to a joint account alone does not do this. My guess is if this money was given to you recently it can easily be traced and removed from the account.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 11:09 PM
1

Yeah just piggybacking off of what other people said here, you need to think about this as what is marital property and what is separate. Generally, what you own before the marriage is separate and what you earn during the marriage is marital. A common exception to this is gifts, inheritances, and life insurance policies. All of that goes to your wife and is her own personal property. You have no stake in it whatsoever. Thus, to answer your question, it is a pretty bad bargaining chip because yo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 11:08 PM
2

Lol the revenge body is a real thing! It’s good motivation to start, but find something else to keep you going after the divorce. Do it for your kids to be present in their lives as long as possible. Awesome job though, that weight loss is awesome!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 02:12 PM
3

Women cry about how the system we live in is antiquated and having the wife at home while the father works is sexist and demeaning. However, then they rely on that antiquated system in divorce and argue they are so poor, need help, and won’t be able to adapt to society. It’s bullshit. I hate that hypocrisy. The system needs to catch up with the times. Edit: just to be clear, I support the modern trend 110% and I want everyone to be able to do as they please. I’m just asking that if we are going …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/21 07:50 PM
3

OP, if it makes you feel better, you are not the only one! I had the same problem with my first encounter after divorce. It was someone I was interested in having a relationship with though, so a little different. I was honest with her about why I was so nervous and just stopped. I ended up getting a few pills discreetly through Ro. Only used a few of them and then never had a problem again. It’s a big shock to have a different partner after divorce and you can use a couple of pills to help your…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 09:03 PM
23

Oof. This hit home
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/21 06:08 AM
7

This is the kind of energy I come here for. Love it op
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/21 03:23 AM
2

First off, I am so sorry. You deserve to see your son. Second, LAWYER UP! Get a good lawyer to fight for your right to see your son. Your son is worth fighting for and he is more important than anything else. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 02:11 PM
2

No problem. I came here after my divorce and I received a lot of love and good advice. Just trying to pay it forward :)
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/21 03:02 AM
4

Here’s the way I feel about cheating. You define cheating for your partner BY YOUR OWN STANDARDS and your partner should follow your standards. I am very strict with monogamy. I hold myself and my partner to the standard that if they can’t do something with me standing right next to them and aware of it, then it’s probably cheating. I wouldn’t send flirty texts, talk inappropriately, or God forbid inappropriate touching, and I hold my partner to that standard as well. You can do the same! If you…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 07:19 PM
1

The best time to leave was a long time ago. The second best time to leave is now. Religion and other societal pressures somehow convince people to stay in absolutely toxic marriages that ruin their lives. Most importantly, you don’t want children growing up and having their understanding of love and relationships predicated upon abuse. Second, he deserves to be happy. Third, it would even do her a favor (although she doesn’t deserve it) to end the relationship and force her to reconsider her act…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 04:23 PM
2

Take control of your own life and block her. Make your own conscious effort to move on. When I blocked my ex wife and deleted all of our pictures my life got MUCH better. I knew I wasn’t strong enough at the time to avoid looking at her social media and our old photos. Yes, some women move to another man quickly. My ex wife moved on while we were married, but that’s another story. Once I accepted the fact that it isn’t a race I also felt a lot better. I think we innately want to “win” the breaku…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 06:50 AM
1

This is a good comment. I recommend making your own separate accounts. The difference between a separate and joint account is this. Separate accounts only you can withdraw from and she gets about half. Joint accounts both can withdraw from and if she were to withdraw it all and have it magically disappear on some crazy expenditure, you can’t immediately get it back unless stuff is sold, if that’s even possible. Take money out of joint accounts to protect yourself
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 06:46 PM
7

I second this. I did the file as co-plaintiffs in an amicable divorce to get it over with, but I was a grad student at the time and neither of us had assets to divide. It was easy. After 27 years of marriage and serious jobs you will have assets. Whether you want my advice or not, you should at least seek a free consultation with an attorney because you don’t want to unknowingly waive legal rights and have it haunt you later on. Do not waive your right to counsel unless you are 110% sure of what…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 10:21 PM
3

You got this op. Keep this optimism throughout. Best of luck brother! The road is long and treacherous, but you will come out of this a better man on the other side
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/21 04:41 PM
2

So happy for you op! 😄
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/21 02:02 AM
10

This thread usually doesn’t steer people wrong, but a lot of this is absolutely garbage advice. DO NOT HIDE MONEY AND LIE IN COURT! I can’t stress this enough. Focus your efforts on finding a good attorney that will fight for you and work to get you alimony while she is working and you are in school. If you hide stuff and lie, and it backfires in horrendous fashion, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 07:31 PM
5

Your kids are worth going to war for. Period. There should be no greater possession in your life as a parent. You can walk away from this and find someone else to confide in. They cannot! Divorce is life changing for kids. Don’t make this a million times worse by having them lose their father. Lawyer up and get custody
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 03:16 PM
2

Well, I made it clear that that was my situation, but I think any family attorney worth their weight would tell you dating during the proceedings can be risky business. It really doesn’t matter what’s going on. What does matter is why you are filing for divorce. If it is no fault with an irretrievable breakdown, then it doesn’t matter. If you signed a pre-nup that specified damages for infedelity, now you’re under contract law and it certainly matters.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 07:23 PM
2

I agree 110%. I did not even consider dating until a full month after the final decree. I wanted it to be all over and have time to process it with therapist. I’m a lot happier now that I’m with someone new. The new girlfriend can help you not feel alone, but it is undoubtedly just pouring gasoline on the fire if you date during the proceedings. After the final divorce I heard through a mutual friend that he realized she dated a guy pretty much from the moment she turned in the papers and there …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 06:37 PM
4

98% of civil trials do not reach final judgement from a jury. Almost all settle, but you still have to keep in mind what would happen if you went to trial because getting a good settlement is all about leverage. They are trying to gain leverage by finding an explicit video. That would freak anyone out, but a good attorney would think ahead to the trial and understand that, even if they do discover the video, there’s still a really good chance the judge would not allow it into evidence. It’s a re…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 05:39 PM
5

Coming from a law student, there are multiple phases in a trial life cycle. In discovery, the standards are low. You’re just gathering information and the relevancy standard is extremely low because we aren’t analyzing it before trial. Once you get to trial, they will have to lay foundation for the video (who is in it, what it is showing, is the file an original, etc.), state it’s relevancy (a low hurdle), and then overcome any objection. Common objections are hearsay (not hearsay because this v…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 05:33 PM
8

If nothing changed, then it’s over. It’s that simple. What’s dead is dead. I’m sorry to say this. It isn’t fair for her to do that and I think she is trying to regain some sense of control after you took the initiative to file the papers and end it. You worry about you and do what you need to do to take control of your life. Do not worry about waiting for her. She will have to take control of her life as well, and she might not be ready to do that yet
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 06:43 PM
2

Look, it’s only been seven months. Your marital estate that is “up for grabs” will be very small. You won’t have to worry about alimony and my guess is you don’t have children together. This should be relatively simple. You still need to hire an attorney to make sure you are represented and this divorce runs it’s course in your best interest. There is a clear issue here with notice and service. This could create issues regarding the degree in which you are involved. My advice is to hire an attor…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 05:13 PM
6

I tried the marriage counseling at the end and had a shitty counselor too. It actually accelerated the separation. I learned that counseling should be done before the fallout while both parties still have a strong urge to work on their differences. If both sides are already too far apart, counseling won’t help. In the future you can always talk to a counselor, and I recommend doing it while times are good. It sounds like she is having the classic heart v brain battle. Her mind knows this doesn’t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 05:06 PM
1

This is a really thought-provoking comment. I’m not sure exactly why the disconnect occurred, but I think part of it was just because she moved away and didn’t have a car. She always used my car that I had for a few years prior to marriage, so not part of the marital estate. If the girlfriend knew about the cheating and turned a blind eye to it I would be surprised and hurt by it. Apparently the meet up was just to reconnect and show off the new boyfriend. I will be very careful what I share wit…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 03:51 PM
8

This is the way. What is the price you’re willing to pay to be happy? Everything you have described is a THING. Things will not make you happy in life. Best of luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 03:43 PM
1

Take a look at this link. Generally you are free to take out of joint accounts as you wish before the divorce is filed, but there will be limitations once it is filed, and for good reason. Maybe move half to a personal account, but I recommend consulting an attorney no matter what. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2013/09/17/divorcing-women-when-can-you-withdraw-funds-from-joint-accounts/amp/
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 04:32 AM
3

Please please please get an attorney and talk about this before moving out. The worst mistake you can make is to start unknowingly giving up rights because you don’t know enough about divorce proceedings. Giving up physical possession of your house and kids might come back to haunt you
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 07:05 PM
2

Thank you so much for all of your comments! I love this community. I will take all of your advice into account and do some of the recommended reading. I went ahead and did a huge Facebook purge of family members and blocked a bunch of people. I think that will help a lot. I’m going to do my best to just move forward with my new girlfriend and I’m going to ask my friend to not give me any additional updates. I think we know the truth now and there’s no need to hear more. Thanks again 😊
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/21 12:39 AM
3

I think you’re right. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear from her again, but that ship has long sailed, even before I finally put the pieces together. I’m not even sure whether I want to maintain a relationship with her family anymore. I loved them all, but now it’s just painful. The most I ever do nowadays is leave a couple word response when they comment nice things on my Facebook.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 04:23 PM
3

I agree. This is my goal. I’m trying to focus on the new girl. She makes me a lot happier and is a lot more stable. I just don’t want to bring unhealthy skepticism or trust issues into my future relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 04:21 PM
6

I mean, not entirely willingly. I trusted her, probably too much. She would say she was with her girlfriends but then later I would figure out the guy was there too or it was just the guy alone. Toward the end I got very skeptical and wasn’t ok with it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 04:19 PM
2

This is the way. Think of it as marital estate v non-marital estate. What you had prior to the marriage is yours. What you gained with her from the day you got married is split.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/21 03:25 PM
7

I understand this, and I felt the same exact way. I ended up seeing a therapist first, and that was a great decision. You might meet someone right away that you want to go further than just company and friends with, and you will want to be ready for that. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable being alone. My advice is to wait until you do feel comfortable alone before starting to date again. Please take the time to reflect on what went wrong, find what you want, find the things you love, and work on…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/21 01:02 AM
5

First off, and most importantly, YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING! It brings me great pain to read this and I know it will get better. Your kids need their father right now. Please seek help and be there for yourself and for them. Second, no judge would throw you on the street while your wife gets everything, especially if you’ve been together for many years. You will walk away from this as whole as possible. I hope you talk to someone about how to get on track emotionally and physically to be independ…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 03:27 AM
4

First, I see an issue with empathy here. Cheating is a shocking event that would flip any spouse’s world upside down. Saying you “cannot deal with her rage anymore” makes me think you haven’t accepted the gravity of your actions and how it affects those that are closest to you. I don’t know all of the facts, but seeing a therapist would help. Be honest about everything and give yourself time to reflect on things and grow. We all make mistakes, but it’s how we grow from them that defines us.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 01:47 AM
8

Hi E, I am a 25-year-old divorcee that got divorced at the end of last year. My number one tip is to check in to therapy and utilize your support network. It sounds like you have a family that wants to help. It gets so much better. I thought the same exact thing and I thought I would never be happy with someone else. It’s just not true. Four months later I’m already with someone else who makes me happier than I was before, but it took a lot of hard work and therapy to get here. Get serious about…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/21 04:34 PM
2

This is direct grounds for a legal annulment in many jurisdictions. What a find!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/21 01:54 AM
13

We are happy to have you here! Obviously people don’t choose this community because it sounds fun, but there are a lot of nice people that reach out and are just generally extremely kind without seeking anything in return. When I first posted here I got multiple kind messages. Life is a winding road where you will always continue to meet new people and do new things. I hope this is a positive stop along your journey
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 07:46 PM
1

Yes, but I had my doubts. We fought about things and she refused to get help to combat her mental illness and she refused to delay the wedding to see a couple’s counselor. Proceeded with the wedding anyway because I am young and stupid and I thought we would figure it out together. She told me she was “checked out” a month after the wedding and she left after 3 months
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/21 02:02 AM
2

Yes, but I had my doubts. We fought about things and she refused to get help to combat her mental illness and she refused to delay the wedding to see a couple’s counselor. Proceeded with the wedding anyway because I am young and stupid and I thought we would figure it out together. She told me she was “checked out” a month after the wedding and she left after 3 months
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/21 02:02 AM
3

You can dm me to talk man. I wish you the best and this is shitty af. What goes around comes around. Just as I believe she will attract horrible energy later in life, you will attract positive energy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/21 05:28 AM
4

Mid 20s. I’ve been seeing someone and the divorce proceedings in the court weren’t painful. No kids, no assets because we are both in grad school, and we filed as joint petitioners.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 06:49 AM
2

Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 05:48 AM
3

Not an ad for an online dating site 😂. I live in a suburb near a major city, so if I set my distance to 50 miles I get a lot of people. I think the population plays a lot larger role than looks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 05:46 AM
1

I think the friendly coworker outlook is good for coparenting and healthy for you if you want to move away from having any emotional ties to your ex!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 08:37 PM
3

Before you look to kick her out entirely, just remember you have kids. You have to be able to coparent with her. My advice if you are interested in sharing emotions with her is to tell her you need time before talking. Then, when you’re ready for it, just make the talk about coparenting and not about your relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 03:48 PM
5

I’m sorry man. Covid is really tough. I just finished my divorce a week and a half ago. You can dm me if you need a stranger to talk to
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/21 09:14 PM
1

Annulments aren’t just handed out, especially legal ones. There has to be a concrete legal reason for it, such as your spouse was already secretly married to another person at the time of your wedding. The wife not wanting to have sex is not a good enough legal reason
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/21 05:58 PM
1

It’s the little things for sure that remind you of your ex. How they used to take care of you, a favorite song, an activity you used to share, etc. there will always be bad days but eventually the good days will outnumber the bad days more and more. I just wanted to share my message with you all about how my life got better because I hope this inspires hope and confidence that yours will do the same
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/21 08:53 PM
7

Idk where you are, but get an attorney. Where I live in the US the odds of you owing Alimony are pretty much zero because there’s barely a marital estate at all after being married for less than a year. How can she request alimony or spousal maintenance when there is nothing to maintain? I’m so sorry. Get out now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/21 07:17 AM
1

I’m happy for you that you’ve moved on and you have someone great. But why even have a long engagement? If you are going to be with this person for the rest of your life, why rush to get engaged or married at all? It seems like you have real reservations. I recommend waiting. My wife and I were similarly just going through the motions and for a brief period after we separated I wanted to find someone too to meet that companionship need. I feel better on my own now and I things are improving ever…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/21 04:37 PM
2

My advice is SLOW DOWN! You said the divorce took up most of 2020, yet we are still in January and you are in a 6 month relationship? That means you must have been dating during the divorce. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with that, but I’m waiting for the courts to make final approvals in my divorce and I can’t even imagine dating right now. Take time to find yourself. I wouldn’t even think about marriage. Divorce (and physical assault!!!!) leave behind wounds below the surfac…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/21 03:57 PM
2

By payout I assume you mean spousal maintenance, unless you have children and she would request child support. Spousal maintenance is very uncommon for such short marriages. In my jurisdiction it is typically only awarded after 8-10 years. Your stbxw would have to convince a judge that she has become accustomed to a certain level of living that must be maintained by you. That is unlikely after only one year. Just create a list of questions to ask. Don’t assume everything before the marriage is u…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/21 01:03 AM
2

Depends on the person. I was only with my wife for 7 years, so I will likely not wait the full year either. The pandemic is really bad where I live though, so I’m not thinking about dating anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 09:40 PM
9

Most important, get your own attorney. There are ethical concerns with an attorney representing both of you, and if your interests diverge at any point the attorney will have to drop you anyway. You want someone that will advocate for you no matter what. You have a good mindset. Don’t drag your child’s mother through the mud. It will actually reflect much more poorly on you. Young kids don’t understand legalities. They will only see you and your attorney accusing/yelling at their mom. Agree to a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 05:43 PM
2

Yeah I struggle with self confidence quite a bit as well. I’m a thin guy, but not overly muscular by any means. Any other tips on self confidence would be awesome. I try to see friends as much as possible, but the pandemic is a major problem. I only see my friends that take the pandemic seriously and quarantine most of the time or work from home.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/21 08:15 PM
1

I’m sorry to hear that man I wish you the best
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/21 12:51 AM
1

Wow this was really kind! Thank you so much!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 10:24 PM
1

I think this is healthy if you don’t believe in marriage to not get married. My parents had a really great marriage and I had a nice childhood. I want that for myself and my kids some day, so I’m going to give it another shot when I’m ready
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 09:25 PM
3

She waited until after we were engaged to tell me. I took a look at your page you recommended, and I think you should be careful with that stuff. I can see why it is censored immediately after reading the introduction. Strong men support equality for all and they are not shaken by feminism. I think it’s best to be a real feminist (not the crazy Karen type) and support everyone regardless of their gender/race/sexuality, etc. This group’s message that times are changing because of feminism is date…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 09:23 PM
2

I appreciate this message a lot. I agree that at some point I think she will realize that her childhood traumas, sexuality, and lack of marriage role models (her biological parents together have six divorces) she will eventually realize her greatest problems were with herself rather than me
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 09:20 PM
1

You nailed it. She has more childhood trauma than you can possibly imagine. I tried to help as much as I could and even paid for her to take time off work and see a therapist before we got married. None of it helped. My therapist agreed that so much of it was because of that as well
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 03:39 PM
2

I come from a family of attorneys and I am about to become one myself. We agreed on all terms because we don’t have much for assets. I’m still in law school, so my biggest asset is a car. No house and no kids. We just filed as joint petitioners for an uncontested divorce
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 03:00 PM
2

Good to know! How did you eventually put yourself out there again? Are you into dating apps? Certainly the pandemic makes things much more difficult if not impossible
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 02:35 PM
1

Here’s the thing: it didn’t end on good terms. I don’t think she is entirely ready to accept it herself and she certainly isn’t ready for the world to know, so she pretty much ghosted me out of the marriage. She walked out and the entire extent of us talking about our future after that was one two minute phone call before I was blocked on everything
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 02:33 PM
2

Yes. About 4 years into it she came out as bisexual to me and I was the first person she ever told. This was shortly after the engagement. Then after getting married I guess she realized that that was wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 12:45 PM
2

Thank you I appreciate it!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 12:43 PM
3

You’re not alone. I know how you feel. My wife initiated my divorce as well. There will be days where you feel like it is all your fault. There will be days that you feel worthless and unwanted. I still feel like that sometimes. Just know that it will get better. I promise. It sounds like you already identified some issues in yourself that you can work on. You do not need someone else in your life to be whole, and she will never fix these issues for you. If you are able to work on this yourself,…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/21 07:17 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter