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pea_pods2 Archive

View 3 posts and 26 comments by pea_pods2 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

Is my resentment unfounded? He tells me this is the reason we're not moving forward... but it seems paradoxical to me because I'm resentful because he's not giving me what I want, or is willing to compromise, or be mature, or communicative, or anything! I'm SO frustrated
/r/askFDS23/02/21 04:56 PM
2

Apparently the right reason is "love" when we "get to a point where it makes sense for us to get married."
/r/askFDS23/02/21 04:23 PM
3

oh wait, sorry, I said this incorrectly. Yes, I've known his parents/family/extended family for years (we did joint vacations, weddings etc) and vice versa. I meant we introduced our parents to each other's parents. Like, my dad and his dad talk / are friends now. sorry. that was confusing,
/r/askFDS23/02/21 03:52 AM
3

He, and his family, who he's been talking to about this, thinks if we got engaged now it would be for the "wrong reasons." It would be because I want stability and commitment, it would be in exchange of me moving there or doing an LDR peacefully and happily. Those are not the right reasons. But when I brought up marriage, it was out of love, I loved him. Now it's all my fault according to him, and his parents think so too.
/r/askFDS23/02/21 03:26 AM
3

Yeah, unfortunately I've been given many mixed signals from friends/family. My mother just always takes my BF's side, doesn't matter which BF it is, or what they've done, unless they have straight up cheated on me (which has never happened to my knowledge) she's telling me how i should be doing better. I do have some friends who've told me they don't know how i put up with this crap (but one of them just doesn't like him bc she once i tried to go out with him and he didn't want to so theres some…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 03:20 AM
2

Yeah, unfortunately I've been given many mixed signals from friends/family. My mother just always takes my BF's side, doesn't matter which BF it is, or what they've done, unless they have straight up cheated on me (which has never happened to my knowledge) she's telling me how i should be doing better. I do have some friends who've told me they don't know how i put up with this crap (but one of them just doesn't like him bc she once i tried to go out with him and he didn't want to so theres some…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 03:20 AM
7

He's been telling me things time and time and time again that at this point I don't know what to believe or think anymore, that's why I'm repeating myself, because I'm lost and confused. He keeps saying we're not at a place where we can comfortably get engaged, when I talked to him about it before the LDR a - he flipped out at the mention of marriage and i cried myself to sleep that night, b - his reason for why we couldn't entertain marriage was because we "weren't there yet, we still needed to…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 03:10 AM
1

I think it's hard for me because he tells me certain things and I don't know what to believe. I've confronted him, I've said "if you didn't want to lose me, why didn't you propose, it's been 4.5 years (yes 9 months of LDR) but why not before" Ans - we're young, why should we be rushing into marriage. I feel like our relationship could keep growing so that we could get to a place where we can comfortably get engaged. Me - but what's wrong, we've been happy, sure we could keep growing in our perso…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 03:02 AM
1

He says that me saying "i need to know about your feelings and thoughts about our future before considering moving with you/doing a LDR with confidence and need to have a general idea of when you see yourself proposing" is an ultimatum. Is it ? Is it wrong to say that? He says ultimatums are toxic and thinks I regard an engagement like a transaction. He says he wants to get engaged out of love, not because he needs to do it if I uproot my life for it.
/r/askFDS23/02/21 12:58 AM
2

So why does he tell me that he does want to marry me and tell me I should just wait and not rush it? He 'teased me' by saying he was seriously considering proposing over New Years then changed his mind. It's not like he bought a ring. And then he told me and I was devastated. Why wasn't I good enough? Does he expect me to become someone else? Does he want our relationship to change?
/r/askFDS23/02/21 12:56 AM
1

He did always say he was more ok with doing an LDR because he can "love me from a distance," I've told him I needed a plan to get through an LDR so I don't feel like I'm in limbo - which is what I've been feeling lately. Idk what's happening, I have no stability with my relationship. I dont know if he'll decide to stay an extra year, to dump me, to ask me to move or idk, I don't know. He says that me being anxious about an LDR was because I was needy and not independent enough, which is false, I…
/r/askFDS23/02/21 12:53 AM
11

Exactly. OP, this is a major power play. He is giving you just enough to continue keeping you on the hook without saying anything worth of substance. This is a situation where you need to take his words as a big fat “no”. If he thinks you asking where his head’s at is you pressuring him into marriage and that you’re giving him an ultimatum, that is a MASSIVE red flag. He is actively deflecting and has shown no indication of even willing to have an adult conversation with you. yeah, when I brough…
/r/askFDS22/02/21 11:14 PM
-9

I said this somewhere, but this move was never a permanent move. He was thinking LDR for a year or two. idk if that changes anything, just being transparent. It wasnt like he left to get rid of me or flee me and had no plan on coming back, it just was never definitive and he was very vague with his words. He said this was "temporary"
/r/askFDS22/02/21 11:12 PM
11

Thank you all so much <3 haven't felt supported like this in so long, always used to being told I'm the one who's the problem. Thank you so so so much <3
/r/askFDS22/02/21 10:50 PM
5

Such a good insight, and YES that's a totally normal phenomenon for long term / dead end / playing house 'situationships'. Thank you. You know, I do think it was loving. I do, we were happy, and I was genuinely happy personally. I also got things out of it which I wanted, I got emotional stability and support. I got a new friend, I had a partner, I also got a lot. I think I just got to the point where I wanted to make it official, but up until that moment/point/epithany, I WAS genuinely happy. I…
/r/askFDS22/02/21 10:36 PM
2

I do genuinely think that he loves me and cares for me a lot. I do believe that. I know a part of him would be happy marrying me, but would be ok losing me.
/r/askFDS22/02/21 10:19 PM
6

Interestingly enough, I think for a large portion of time I was totally, 100% happy about us being together and not being married/discussing it. Like our 3rd year together, things were amazing. We were so in love. Then something happened, and, idk maybe this is too TMI for this subreddit, but it began making me feel like I wanted more... that I actually needed more. I thought he would be ok making that leap with me because we were so damn happy together. When we started dating, about a few month…
/r/askFDS22/02/21 10:12 PM
0

He is a good person, and he does care about me a lot. He does put in the time to call me very often, he does care for me, genuinely. If I'm sad, he's sad to see me sad. If I'm having an issue in my other relationships or work (like some drama or stress), he's there, he listens. He'd cook for me when I was putting long hours at work. He'd come pick me up sometimes. He didn't cheat on me. I do think he loves me, I just think he got used to everything I did for him, and I gave a LOT of myself. Oh, …
/r/askFDS22/02/21 09:53 PM
5

I feel like I'm the crazy one, honestly. I often ask myself what I did to deserve this. I was a wonderful girlfriend, I loved him, took care of him, supported his dreams and aspirations, I was the perfect "daughter-in-law," I made efforts for him and his family, I accompanied him to counteless weddings, social events, work events. I organized dinner parties when he was sad. I've told him "if there's a problem that's stopping us from getting engaged, let's fix it. There is resentment here over yo…
/r/askFDS22/02/21 09:48 PM
10

I do see it, I'm just in denial. When I talk to my mother about this (we're very close) she tells me he's a catch and it's my fault, that I'm pressuring him, that I'm ruining a good thing by being needy. She is expecting him to propose this summer, and idk how to tell her it's not happening
/r/askFDS22/02/21 09:31 PM
3

I'm sorry. :( The hard truth, is that people know within 3 - 6 months if they really want to be with someone for the rest of their lives. 6 - 12 months is ensuring that there aren't any hidden aspects to the person. 12-24 months may just be additional vetting... He doesn't want to marry you. You are a placeholder. He probably cares about you as a person, but if he saw you as the one - he would be investing in you. This is the kind of relationship where the person breaks up with you, and then mar…
/r/askFDS22/02/21 08:43 PM
2

Dear lady, read the FDS handbook if you want to understand what exactly this man is doing and what you should be doing in response. Do not continue to waste your 20’s in a “wait and see” situation like this. I do want that, and I've tried being accomodating. He says that an LDR isn't an excuse to get engaged. He says that getting engaged - or talking about it even - because I wanted stability through an LDR or through a drastic life move (that would have included me sacrificing a lot) would have…
/r/askFDS22/02/21 08:36 PM
2

Hm, I see. He kept saying that because of the LDR and such it made "no sense" for us to get engaged or talk about it even. Basically talking about it while he was plannning this move was too much for him, too overwhelming. I don't know how I got here. No one in my friend group or family have made me feel supported, they always have his side and back and not mine.
/r/askFDS22/02/21 08:25 PM
1

what do you mean by this? sorry I don't understand <3
/r/askFDS22/02/21 08:11 PM
12

I should add that his move was always for 1-2 years, depending on whether or not I joined him. If I had agreed to move with him we likely would have stayed for the next few years. If I wasn't going to join he would come back, but make it so that him moving away wasn't for nothing and getting the minimum 1-2 yr experience on his resume. As of now we have no definitive plan to reuinte, but he would come back to our city in the next 15 months (since he's already been there 9 months)
/r/askFDS22/02/21 05:20 PM
2

Oh, sorry I didn't see that I've already been approved! my bad. thank you!
/r/askFDS22/02/21 04:10 PM
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