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View 1 posts and 147 comments by postalmaner on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
24

postalmaner/r/Divorce_Men01/01/20 09:50 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

Legally you cannot be removed from the house and you can get a locksmith to allow yourself back in... UNLESS a domestic disturbance or altercation allegation has been created. I would become familiar with your phone's record functions, and avoid any and all conversations with the other party. I would probably tell the kids, and tell them that there mother doesn't have ultimate authority over the outcome--in more emotionally nuanced wording. I would also prepare for a drastic decrease in cash flo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 05:23 AM
1

Access to your children requires: stable house situation with their own beds and sometimes their own rooms, predictably being able to manage daycare or school dropoff and pickup hours (typically 8:30-3PM, sometimes 7-5 with extended day programs). Housing requires you to have a relatively stable income. You're probably renting. You probably want to rent in the same area as the school your children will go to. Your support will be based on a mix of tax statements and present earning. Your lawyer …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 06:13 PM
1

There's no turning back once you get it done. Your children were conceived and born during your marriage, legally they're yours: support and custody. You can live with a nagging doubt that your 10 year old is not yours biologically, and still raise them by being a great parent. With that proven or disproven 100% based on DNA testing, would you like to have that piece of paper potentially available and accidentally leaked to your child? Your lawyer has advised you--they can also advise you on wha…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 02:06 AM
1

Document it, find either the receipt for that one, or for a similar new unit, bring it up during the next court session.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 07:06 PM
2

I may be misremembering, but I didn't find this sub, divorce, or custody quite as overwhelmingly biased and toxic. It feels like RP, FDS, etc have moved into those/this sub, and are bringing toxic world views.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 10:55 PM
2

I don’t believe marriage counseling is worthwhile and the number of good therapists is a small percentage of the total number out there, but if you find one, they can be immensely valuable. Both of those points I'd agree with. I found during couples counselling that there was a certain form of "therapist language" that my partner at the time was familiar with--it was very much a "I'm a fish trying to communicate with two birds" situation--and monopolized and directed the discussion. I've had a n…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 07:14 PM
10

This is your narrative around one type of therapy. Therapy is a broad range of approaches, tools, and techniques with the broad aim of improving personal well being. The phrase "personal well being" is not clearly defined nor universal; reducing anxiety, improving communication efficiency clarity or depth, reducing intrusive or unwanted feelings or thoughts, correcting generational relationship deficiencies. One-on-one talk therapy is one type of therapy. Aimless walking or directionaless wander…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 06:19 AM
6

In my case: No kids situation: buy out the house, I qualified on my own, had the majority of down payment, maybe temporary support if she'd been aggressive. Kids situation: alimony and child support, 45k in legal fees, close call with bankruptcy x2, 150k decrease in wealth, starvation diet for a few months and a few literal "$10 for my lunches or the kids food today..." moments, 4-5 years of absolute hell levels of stress that I'm still dealing with. Get out while you can. Relationships always h…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 08:39 PM
1

You can also use it to get out of every door to door, phone, and sidewalk solicitor possible. "Yeah, just had a divorce, it was super expensive, I'm on the Ramen diet right now..."
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:09 PM
2

At least in my jurisdiction, the judge explicitly asked who was in the room, who they were affiliated with, and if we wanted them there. I think this is advice that doesn't suit reality. Most of my lawyer's "big moves" were due to things that took months to setup. And ultimately it's a paper pusher business.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 12:44 PM
2

That's 600 + whatever your nominal tax rate is; I'm not sure of US taxes, but where I'm at that would be about 10,000/year in pre-tax gross income. Edit: in my jurisdiction, if you receive child support, it's not taxed by the receiver. The payor is taxed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 10:18 PM
9

Pro HC divorce tip: screenshot the picture as the generated filename will be the screenshot date and time, and any residual metadata (location, date time, phone, etc) will be gaurenteed stripped. Pro HC divorce tip #2: keep an album of what you sent, you will probably have to refer back to it at some future point. I kept a "To send to XYZ" album. I would suggest asking the kids if they want to send something, and then putting it as "Hi, the kids wanted to send you these", if the kids want to sen…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 05:13 PM
2

The government in my jurisdiction has started to address the marriage gap by slow creeping legislation and rulings to covered cohabitation situations.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/22 08:55 PM
2

abandoned our kids FTFY
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 06:33 PM
1

If you're absolutely convinced you're not going to court, you can mutually contact a collaborative divorce attorney. If you go with a collaborative attorney and they don't, you'll likely have a hard time if you end up in court as most collaboratives specialize in not going to court or trial. Depending on the complexity and size of assets, you may want to consider contacting a senior ($300-450/hour) attorney to check over the situation and proposals. (If you bring out that you have individual rep…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 11:36 PM
2

There are situations where the children will continue to reside at the house, and the parents will have an "off-week" apartment that they go to. The concept is called "nesting". You can have your own off-week apartments, or a common apartment depending on your financial and post-divorce situation. It's not very common, but in some situations it's appropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 12:53 PM
2

You should find a counselor, and get therapy as an abused spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 01:54 AM
2

Had she had her way as indicated by the initial steps (TRO, and allegations), you would not be seeing your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 01:53 AM
1

Request child support. There are a few reasons for this. Some are dirty legal wrangling tactics.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 01:28 PM
1

You're sort of in a situation where "if you don't ask for and push for it, you won't get it", and if that doesn't work then the follow up situation of "you didn't listen when I asked, now I have to demand (via court)". So you should know your legal outcomes (this is the base that you have to settle for). And use your social charms, helpfulness, and such to get a better situation for you, the children, and the parents if you can. Consult with the lawyer. Ask for access. Continue consulting with t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 06:16 AM
2

That seems pretty clear that the court has an interest in ensuring that the child has a continued relationship with the grandparents. My "not a lawyer" take is: the court is giving themselves easy outs ("visitation will not significantly interfere..."), but opening the door for contested access ("If the parent or custodian of the grandchild has denied or prevented the grandparent reasonable opportunity to visit the grandchild.") So you would have to ask for access, and be denied any sort of reas…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 07:34 PM
3

Grandparents' access is recognized in some jurisdictions. You can make a separate post and include details, you can also go through the r/custody or r/divorce subreddits. You can also consult with a family law lawyer in your area and try to understand the laws that would affect your access. Almost all lawyers will have a 30-45 minute free consult. You can consult with several lawyers to find one that you understand and work well with. Typically most jurisdictions have grandparents access through…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 05:45 AM
1

Do you have children together?
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 03:42 PM
3

I don't think I the energy to develop a relationship with someone, and a have very little trust now. I probably have PTSD from the divorce process. I see lots of couples where the first thing I think about is "huh, that will be an ugly divorce" or "I wonder what their divorce will look like". I had some really good counselling sessions and that highlighted how much I miss being able to talk to someone. I miss connecting like that. But that was one-sided as I was dumping in one direction, and did…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 12:42 PM
4

Being kicked out of your home because of an "argument" is an interesting part of the intimate partner violence spectrum. Can you imagine? You bought, paid for, contribute to the home, and then because someone doesn't want you there--you have to leave because they could possibly threaten to call the cops on you for real or alleged DV. Hopefully you can help your brother.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 09:07 PM
1

Your court order or separation agreement will require you to provide evidence that you've named the child's other parent or custody holding guardian as "irrevocable beneficiary" of your life insurance. It will often / also specific that your estate is obligated to pay if those benefits are not available.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 07:22 PM
4

Your starting negotiation point is what you're legally entitled to. Child support is for the child. There are other details that you should also be aware of: claiming dependents, which house is the "house" for the children for school/buses/etc (this is actually a big one, and easy to forget, but it makes it super nice and easy if you have them as at your house, even if it's 50/50), claiming eligible benefits related to children, paying for extra curricular's and shares (proportional to income, 5…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:20 PM
9

No one taught me this either, but one of the biggest financial decisions you'll make will be who you have a child with or long term intimate relationship with. I used to obsess over my finances, cash flow, interest rates, etc. Even to the point of "with my debt repayment obligations, what time of day do I start making money for me?" Lets just say the divorce world measures money by the mile.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 02:35 PM
2

Pre-divorce: the father never helps with child care. Divorce: the father should not be allowed to have a share of childcare.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 02:27 PM
2

If your name has anything to do with your mental health, I would say that you should avoid making decisions on long term changes right now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 05:11 PM
4

Fun for awhile. I've known a few couples with a large age gap. One the guy was divorced when he started having major health issues (pre-retirement, 12 inches of intestine removed during emergency surgery). Another the wife survived the husband after he went into hospice with Alzheimer's and passed away. She had to take early retirement at a loss as his health issues started to compounded, and his stage of life was significantly different. So, it's a poor fit unless you have "fuck you money" for …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 05:08 PM
1

"what do you think of this?" ... I'd trash that letter.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/22 05:02 PM
1

Yes That's doesn't include the time where I was told "don't be at the house in the morning".
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 05:06 PM
0

This is a poor regurgitation of statistics and probabilities. A child has one biological father. A child may have one or more step-fathers. The probability of abuse, if it's equally likely across all males, is therefore greater when n >= 1. It's just as easy and full of bullshit to say that "stepdads are better father's than biological fathers, because they choose to be there--you just busted a nut and stuck around long enough to be called ``dad''".
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 02:12 AM
7

You're playing brinkmenship and chicken. Just avoid overspending on letters and bullshit that doesn't involve a court order. The only thing that will bring any action is a court order or an active count down to court appearance. Write those details on the wall in black marker and avoid deviating: 50/50 kids timeshare, sell the home, and split the assets 50/50. it has to get better Don't play this game with yourself. It can get worse, significantly overwhelmingly mind-numbingly life-shorteningly …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 05:13 PM
2

Custody and access have traditionally been referred to as "custody". Custody is decision making (and often confoundingly, access to docmentation) on medical, school and extra-curricular, and religious. Custody is a series of steps on each of those, varying from: sole custody joint custody with final decision making (defacto decision making) joint custody and this can be on all three matters or only one. As the non-primary and distant household, it would be difficult to argue that the status quo …
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 09:33 AM
2

This is literally about "do I get 6 additional hours on Sunday?" The children's mother is causing drama because it ruins Christmas memories, causes stress, and reduces time for the father.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 05:09 PM
1

every other weekend from friday at 6pm to sunday at 6pm she gets the kids from dec 24th at 10am to dec25 at 12 noon noon on the 25th till noon on the 26th. christmas and it's supposed to be my weekend. 25th at noon -> sunday at 6PM. If this wasn't your weekend, you'd have the minimum, which is "noon on the 25th till noon on the 26th" Cops wont be involved unless the order specifically says something like that, and it's a civil matter.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 05:06 PM
2

This is a nice fantasy. In reality it will be significantly different. The simplest part is that regaining employment is a material change in circumstances and is reason to go back to review support. Support is based initially on the previous 2-5 years tax statements of gross income. You'd have to argue hard and long that you're in a situation where you are unable to afford any support. So, nice fantasy, and makes for nice dreams, but it's still a fantasy. The only income that would avoid this s…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 06:38 PM
1

Well, you have to 1) hurry to avoid timing into life long spousal 2) figure out how to force them back to work. I can't advocate that you do anything unethical, but you're pretty much screwed because your SAHM is on the support gravy train.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 06:13 PM
6

The account just posts bullshit 99% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 06:04 PM
2

I could offer other advice, but when you have someone coming along showing signs that they're dealing with an excessively high conflict divorce + children situation AND they don't appear to have the basics down, then the safest option is to say "get a damn lawyer".
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 04:25 PM
1

You want to have 50/50 custody, then you have to be able to do the daily school thing. Otherwise you're every other week, and maybe you're the lucky one that gets "fifth weekend of the month". How will your children's mother continue to afford the present house? You may need to consider both moving to a LCOL area, and negotiate this somehow. Often you get school-locked, and then both of you are frantically trying to afford living in places that are 50-70% of your budget. There are probably divor…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 03:41 PM
3

There's a significant amount of downsides to going through a divorce at this stage: time and energy to pursue splitting of marital assets (house, vehicles, investment and savings accounts, tools, designer fashion items, etc) tracking down account and asset purchase histories There are upsides: they and you are no longer legally or financially tied to each other neither has to oversee medical decisions if the other is incapacitated There is also the outcomes: your post-divorce lifestyle will be s…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/21 12:48 PM
10

So key details are: Kids 4 & 7 Married 7 years You earn, they don't Depending on your state, you may be on the hook for life-time alimony at a certain point (10 years is what I've heard). You're more than likely on the hook for spousal support until they get on their feet; this could be 7/2 years, or 5 years, or 7 years, or "until a review is granted". You're on the hook for child support either way. You may be ordered to maintain the matrimonial dwelling while they reside there. You're married,…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 12:27 PM
2

Take a look at Bill Eddy and High Conflict Institution
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 06:01 PM
1

Yes and no. It's more noise to address, it's time and space (literally, some courts have maximum filing page counts) you have to waste refuting, and it's ultimately (mostly or potentially) meaningless. If it were a case of the children in hospital, or a situation where they were in danger, certainly doesn't help. It may be used as part of a pattern of "the non residential parent does not provide care of any sort". But there would be other items as well. As an example, just think of how much effo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 05:31 PM
1

I think that was their point on their level of experience: "I did pro se, I was such a newb that the only time I'd been to court (and was successful) before was when the cop didn't show up."
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 05:10 PM
1

Well, your lawyer has advised you. There's a lot of meat to get to, but if your lawyer has advised you, and you have a stable custody arrangement, then it comes down to "would a judge or court be persuaded that I was negligent for taking my child there?", And "do I think I'll have to deal with legal action as a result of this..." even if that legal action is going to fail. There's still the time and costs, and emotionally energy of dealing with the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/21 03:22 AM
1

... except a court order or agreement on consent will indicate: access parent will provide specific location or address, emergency contact to the non-access parent And it's pretty much a case of "of course the parent has a legal right to know where their child is". So, if you have a month long trip, then it's kinda obvious that dates are needed. I can understand that you think it's intrusive, but you're legally wrong and (searching for a word here...) humanisticaly wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/21 03:16 AM
1

You need an lawyer. Your previous posts point to a highly conflicted situation. A judge will want to calm the situation down and get everyone into a stable situation where a both a family status quo, and legal status quo can become apparent. There are many directions you could go, and almost all of them are going to suck a shit sandwich for years. There is so much that I could advise or suggest, but I just don't have the time and many of them hinge on lots of details you haven't provided and you…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 12:10 PM
4

There's a few details missing. The default position is that money, debt, assets, whatever during the marriage are part of the division between parties. There are several nuances that should be taken into account: is there other items that you're negotiating? (Such as support/alimony) will you be in a better position to regain wealth? Will having or not having that money cause either of you excessive hardship or unjust enrichment? (You could propose 50% split, you could also propose an adjusted b…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/21 02:37 PM
1

This. So much this.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 02:34 AM
2

I honestly don't have the pay grade to answer that question. I listed things I've seen in family law rulings that have invalidated pre nuptials. If you have significant assets or value (your house for instance) then weigh that against the cost of having a /good/ lawyer review your situation. A good lawyer with 15+ years experience will be ~300-450 hour. They'll probably charge for 2-4 hours.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 11:39 PM
2

Did you perform full and complete financial disclosure of all assets (primarily), liabilities, accounts, business interests, holdings, physical assets? Do you have any assets, business interests, holdings, etc which are held by a family member or business partner which could be perceived to not be at arms length or which you benefit from? Did you have unequal representation? Did your partner have legal representation? Did you imply in any shape or form or apply coercion in any sense of the word …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 08:40 PM
4

That's a very tough question. I cant really encompass what my child means to me in a short statement, so I'll leave it at that. The 5+ years of hell where I jokingly say "a global pandemic is the best thing that's happened to me in the last 4 years" and mean it? I guess I've grown mentally and emotionally. I'm not sure I like how I've changed. I certainly don't like how it's affected me physically.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 07:58 AM
2

Well you have an agreement then. In /my jurisdiction/ (you don't list your's), the first lawyer I had (and senior opposing counsel) indicated that we technically also were in a situation where: the occupying party owed fair market rent for the time they'd been present the non-mortgage paying part owed their proportion You'll need a lawyer that also handles real estate transactions, so maybe discuss with them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/21 10:46 PM
1

It takes two to ha e a marriage and one to ha e a divorce. He should really just wake to the reality that if she wants to leave then that's what it's going to be. Point him to a competent counselor and lawyer. Make him call the counselor; they will rack up bulls, but far far less expensively than the lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 11:43 PM
4

Just take it and bring it the barrister's office. Most lawyer's I have spoken to have several contentious divorces on file where they have custodial control of the child passports.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 11:45 PM
-1

[Let's be supportive] [Except me to you] ... :|
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/21 04:01 PM
4

The possible reason your lawyer isn't being very responsive is that your case sounds like a non-urgent case: support sounds like it's established parents are separate and situation is "stable" child is mature enough to be able to voice themselves over issues, and access is not being withheld Be realistic, your case will take several months to finalize, even on consent, and that will only hold for ~ 2 years. For consideration, at approximately 12 the court will consider a child's position, and 14…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/21 12:09 AM
4

You would have started with supervised access at a center if the roles were reversed. After a reasonable length of continued exercised access and good reports from the center, and possibly a completed AA program, then you'd have short community access added. So, not even close.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/20 06:28 PM
2

Good luck with that. If you have actual, real assets, and they aren't something that you could recover from in 10 years if they were dissolved and distributed, then you have a real problem. If you are simply trying to protect your pension, or a few tens of thousands of dollars, then it's a balancing act between attorney fees over a contested divorce and assets. Anything under $50k and up to ~2x your annual gross income I wouldn't get excited about. That's blase and callous, but a contested divor…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 08:27 PM
5

Realistically your pre-nup can be invalidated due to its proximity to the wedding. At a minimum, you should be concerned about creating a clear and well documented pre-marriage asset picture which you can refer back to 5, 10, or 20 years down the road. So all the statements you have on your accounts, ownership, and such should be done as of this month.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 06:24 PM
4

I would suggest that you take a moment to breath. I've changed lawyers mid-way into a legal battle, and I did so based on a number of factors. I also went with a very high level lawyer from a mid-level lawyer. You're the the stress-bubble kettle. You have a court order. You've a lawyer who has a history with you. They know your situation, and they know what the can do. In terms of laywer-client relations: you've established a pattern with them, they've put you into a mental category for their cl…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 03:49 PM
2

If you'd like to privately message me a link to it, I would be honored to read and celebrate your son's memory and life. I can understand if you'd prefer not to.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 10:00 PM
2

Wow, I'm so sorry for you and your children's challenges, and I'm deeply sorry for the lose of your son. I don't have much, but I made a donation to the Canada Helps teen suicide hotline in your son's memory.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 09:50 PM
3

That should be quite detailed. It should be what they saw, what they heard, actions taken by parties. It should not make any assumptions or "what I thinks" or fictional slants. I should be able to write a similar statement having watched video of the interaction. It should be all statements of "I observed that...", "I noted that the child had immediately stepped behind Mr XYZ." You should over-detail this so that if you have to bring this forward as a sworn statement, your friend has enough deta…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 10:34 PM
3

Just in case your child's mother decides to be difficult, I've found paperwork and documentation is best done at the time. Sort of a "If you want peace, prepare for war" I would suggest you ask your buddy to write up a witness statement working towards a sworn affidavit of what he witnessed, including his perceived necessity to intervene in possible escalation towards violence. This could be significant, as several states recognize child witnesses to domestic violence. Situational, the perpetrat…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 07:50 PM
2

I yelled at her once at a pickup for drinking and driving with the kids now I'm the bad guy. You should have actually gone to the cops and CPS.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 07:10 PM
3

There are a few of us from Ontario, and there are some very knowledgeable posters that have dealt with either the Superior or Ontario court. Don't hesitate to post questions and create your own threads.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 02:31 AM
2

This was my experience. This is a game of chicken and brinkmanship. In my case we settled literally hours before my lawyer needed to put in 20 hours of work for our court appearance which was in ~10 days. My brief history: mediation x3, and another cancelled parent separation counselor x4, and another 2x cancelled rounds of lawyers letters We weren't progressing, and finally just called it about 12 months after initially filing and attending the non-binding case conference. I asked my lawyer to …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 02:27 AM
1

Unless you both have independent legal counsel such agreements aren't solid. I think you're probably quite competent in one area of your life, and are partially Dunning–Kruger yourself here to your own detriment. There are some things that you could do. But honestly, I don't think it's appropriate, and the most serious issues you've highlighted are a lack of sex and that your partner doesn't fulfill you mentally. Despite how much it sucks, limited duration alimony, and even larger amounts are a …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 08:01 AM
1

Lawyers fees, carrying the existing lifestyle as assets are reconciled, and spousal and child support. My monthly spend at one point was 4x my paycheque for several months in the early days of the process; later on fees would be that alone (so 6x my monthly paycheque). Stories I know: myself, $100k in legal fees, 50/50 guy at work, $150k, 50/50 coworker and friend, $40k, shared 2/3, no custody on medical guy #1 at parenting sessions, $88k at that time, 50/50, alienation issues guy #2 at parentin…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 03:30 PM
1

I don't know about that, to be honest. The "tender years doctrine" isn't on the book, but it's still observed. The stats I can find on Canada are quite old at this point, but movement from 8-10-16% shared custody to 45% shared (and both genders having 5% sole custody due to coparent issues) is unlikely. I'd like to know what you're basing that on, as I know quite a few men who only have /shared/ custody because they dumped in tens of thousands of dollars. And some that have have shared 2/3, but …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 03:22 PM
2

My (extremely good) lawyer made the point of saying "it's expected that during the break down of the relationship there will be some form of conflict, [we wouldn't be at this stage if there wasn't conflict]", that's not abuse, but it could be conflated and exaggerated into "emotional, mental, verbal abuse". My (okay) lawyer said "why not dad?" as part of a leading question about why cannot dad provide care if the child is in daycare, or is being cared for by others. (I had two lawyers, and had p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 03:07 PM
1

Then there are consequences either way. If you've filed for seperation then she is receiving a benefit which you should be repaid. You've engaged a lawyer, and they've advised you. You're free to follow that advice disregard, or engage another lawyer for advice--you can do so while remaining under your current lawyer. Edit: the cost of credit issues or even just continuing to pay the car loan are very very very cheap compared to other divorce stories. So don't be all woe is me, or overreact beca…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/20 05:22 PM
2

Do you have kids together? If you do, then you be very nice. If you don't, then play this however you feel is appropriate if you are willing to face the consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 01:55 AM
1

And you can not prenup custody. It's either easy, or it's a PITA with someone playing dirty. There are certainly reasons to be legally married to the proper person: survivor benefits legal protection within the marriage from certain (mostly white collar) criminal proceedings able to enact your estate and make legal decisions if you are incapacitated OTOH, you're betting you can find the right person. The biggest would be pension. I worked and hated my job sometimes for that, you ain't touching i…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 03:39 PM
3

That's fear mongering. This virus isn't special relative to any other virus. It's mode of transmission is understood, it's susceptibility to virucide is understood. What makes it special is: long phase of infectivity before symptoms show up severity of symptoms in certain people
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/20 10:11 AM
1

It's an unfortunate situation. Some people have court orders for phone / video calls that specifically say that the call provider cannot speak--or so they've posted. This is a very aggressive perspective, but treat her as another child. The same patience and tolerance you show for your children, is how you'll have to interact with her. If you can without being condescending, thank her for her input, and continue with whoever you're talking to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/20 03:46 PM
3

You won't be able to collect child benefits, GST, etc if you have any offset wording in the agreement. This is a show-stopper priority. CRA indicates that child benefits cannot be claimed if there is any language of a “payor” party. Must indicate ParentA pays ParentB, ParentB pays ParentA, and have a separate private arrangement to make a single off-set payment. I simply have no alternative, but to conclude that subsection 118(5.1) of the Act cannot apply because Mr. Verones was the only parent …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 02:20 AM
3

There's not much he can do in terms of "lawyering up"--those obligations he has legally will exist--he can mitigate them, he may have a lawyer that can help him pay in different ways. Those obligations could include: split retirement accounts split assets (house, valuables) continued spousal support up to and past retirement continued child support children's education It all comes down to how much she's going to play hard-ball, and who has more spite and cash flow. I'd suggest you help him figu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 11:09 PM
2

6/14 days Cost me $100k and basically a second job with unlimited hours in documentation to get that (7/14).
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/20 05:36 PM
1

Sounds like BS to me. A short relationship such as yours wont have very much asset appreciation, nor is there continued claims for spousal support. I would suggest you get out of there; one possibility that her escalation process is to cause a DV situation.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/20 02:09 AM
6

You're dealing with a person playing brinkmenship. Either you'll get agreements on consent just before going to court, or you'll need to push into court. Forget anything other than she is withholding the children and wants to withhold them. Those actions should speak louder than any words ever said.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 08:09 PM
1

Bill Eddy has a bunch of books, including "Dating Radar"
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 06:40 PM
1

Bill Eddy's BIFF, CAR statements Your custody order should indicate: Both parents shall be free to attend Xxx's activities, games, shows or other special events, regardless of the access schedule. My template for responses: 130 words maximum / 400 characters minimum 24 hour delay before response print out the email; highlight details: requires response, requires clarification to avoid narrative building for court (so much paperwork :-(), makes me angry draft response 24 hours later rewrite In th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/20 05:03 AM
3

There is no generalizations that can really be given. Depends on how much your STBXW wants to make trouble. How much proof do you have that you were the primary care giver? Like "evidentary basis": Doctor's visits, dentist visits, sworn affidavits from school coordinators, sworn affidavits from other professionals in your childrens' lives, texts from your children's mother indicating that you are providing care ("take the kids, they're sick", "thanks for taking care of the kids all the time, I w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:43 AM
1

Definitely. However, if you can show that you're undergoing and following a professional treatment protocol, are taking prescribed medications, and are otherwise functional and psychologically normative, then it's less of an issue. The entire issue is the severity, recency, and outcomes: seeking professional help for depression? for BPD? giving up access because of suicidal ideation? attempted suicide? recent overdose due to chemical dependency? historic overdose with intensive in-patient treatm…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 03:45 PM
3

High conflict personalities tend to be the same I guess. Check out Bill Eddy's materials if you haven't heard of them yet.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 08:35 PM
2

You've never experienced evil until you're begging someone to change a temporary access arrangement, they won't concede, and you feel like you're abusing your child by keeping to the schedule. To the point where giving up 30% of your access seems like a better idea than mentally scaring your child. Oh, and if you mess up and are 10 minutes late, or try to transition your child in a humane manner, you get nasty lawyer's letters.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 06:00 PM
3

The sole possession of the house is nice: imagine having someone who can just walk into the house and abuse you, or you have friends over for the super bowl, you're busy, so leave a mess, then she comes in and shows how degenerate you are: beer, whiskey, pizza, solo cups, etc. Glad you avoided the problem of listening to your ex about lawyery details. That's shady as heck that they'd propose that. Kinda a hint of "snake in the grass"... You should pay attention to that when you think about being…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/20 12:37 AM
1

If you're in a situation where international child custody is an issue, you really need to consult with a lawyer quickly. My understanding is that the Hague Convention nations recognize child custody situations between each other, and process repatriation, however, my other understanding is that it's difficult and expensive, and few lawyers deal with it regularly.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 02:42 AM
6

Yes, you'll be okay. You have to accept that is "by some definition of okay": You may end up with absurd amounts of legal debt. You may end up in situations which are patently unfair or unjust financially, and even reasonable court decision are unpalatable. You may end up changing jobs to be able to spend more time with your children, and having nasty letters about imputing your income to your previous amount for support obligations. You may have a contested and high conflict divorce, in which c…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 11:29 PM
3

Introduction of a new partner is (in some legal separation agreements) typically suggested after 6 months. Your children's mother is being a dork.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/20 07:32 PM
2

There won't be reform of spousal or child support laws / acts because there are hugely invested special interest groups lobbying in that area. (For an example, see "Breast Is Best" in clean water municipalities, and aggressive attacks and shaming on formula feeding; formula is a win for men in child care situations. Breast is best in countries and areas that can not provide clean water; enfant mortality is highly influenced by diarrhea due to contaminated water.) The issue with these is the "in …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 05:43 PM
1

Depends on your jurisdiction. You'd have to argue "undue hardship" In my jurisdiction that means: Circumstances that may cause undue hardship: (2) Circumstances that may cause a spouse or child to suffer undue hardship include the following: (a) the spouse has responsibility for an unusually high level of debts reasonably incurred to support the spouses and their children prior to the separation or to earn a living; (b) the spouse has unusually high expenses in relation to exercising access to t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 03:19 AM
1

That's a fair point. I have assets due to lucking out with the house. It has appreciated 30+% in the two years since I bought out my child's mother. I've also had good increases in my salary. The issue is how my child's mother plays the support game. It's almost four years since the birth of our child, and she's barely making over minimum wage despite having the ability to earn 2-3x that, and has taken a career path where she can play games with her declaration of income. (Independent contractor…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/20 06:12 PM
14

I'm not going to watch this, but I suspect they're griping about common tropes. I paid $100k in the span of 18 months on legal fees to do normal things with my kid. While paying child support, spousal support, and regular life expenses; working a full-time job while his mother couldn't be bothered because she could soak me; and /begging/ for access. I will have missed 3 years of his life by the time this is finally done. All because his mother didn't want to be nice, reasonable, or think ahead f…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/20 06:04 AM
1

Your kids will base their expectations of how they should be treated in a relationship on your example. They'll use the same language and same approaches to their own love interests. You both will take a substantial dive in lifestyle. You will both have less than overall with your children. You can either do what you've done for 10 more years, and give your children this jaded view of marriage and relations, or move to the next stage. How expensive, and how shitty it is depends on two people, an…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 11:30 PM
3

Talk to a decent and experienced lawyer. Entitlement for continued spousal is minimal. Get a release from future and current spousal on consideration of split of marital assets. Assets: Hers: 60/2 = $30k Yours: 350/2 = $175k House: net value /2 = x You can argue that the $100k you put in would be unjust enrichment. Swap: 30+175 = 205k + net house / 2 - whatever you can argue for the $100k = whatever. You have that in a bank account. Perform full and accurate financial disclosure, cut a cheque, g…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 05:03 AM
1

"If you want to estimate your legal fees in a high conflict divorce, take your worst fear and ...."
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/20 05:24 AM
1

When mine started out, there was a guy that had been through it. He kinda tried to settle me down and show me that it wasn't going to be easy or as cheap as I thought it would be. I don't think I would have believed him even if he'd had my 2020 diary and handed it to me back then. He did give me some perspective and was someone who understood how rough it is.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 03:03 AM
1

With respect to your son, don't settle for anything less than 50/50. No vague promises of increased access, no alternate weekends with a day during the week. Whatever you have written down is what you're going to get. Your son is at the age where he is on the cusp of being able to determine his own primary residency. At 10-12 a court will consider the child's wishes. At 13+ a child's wishes are given significant weight. You may need to go through a court appointed specialist to have your child's…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 03:26 AM
1

Then it's off to court for you. You've sent an offer--hopefully you have an experienced lawyer who has out together a reasonable and legally sound offer. They've countered with an extreme offer. Either your child's mother is out to lunch and her lawyer doesn't want to reason with her, or they're both out to lunch. The only questions you really have for your lawyer are "are we in a position for cost recovery? How much?" And "how soon until court?" A judge can figure it out significantly cheaper t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 03:17 AM
2

You need to document the times where she has abused alcohol. Where she has been alone with the child and intoxicated. If you've found her passed out due to intoxication, especially if, for example, you found her passed out on the floor or such.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/19 05:19 PM
2

To add to this, she's resource monopolizing you. You aren't committing time to yourself, any new relationships, or other stuff; it's a weird form of ensuring that /her/ children are taken of care first. Not that taking care of your children or prioritizing them is bad, but monopolizing the other parent is bad.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 12:38 AM
1

What does your lawyer say about spousal and child support (for you)? Six figures vs mid-five figures. You're going to have to buy her out of her share of the house's value (current market assessed value - purchase - mortgage)/2, essentially. You /may/ be able to get her to agree on consent to knock that down by half of selling commission if you have a soft housing market (2-3% of current market assessed value). I'd get your custody and access situation locked down. Even if you don't push with a …
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 06:20 PM
4

"The only people that win in family court are lawyers." Mine has won substantially. Although I think I can say I "won", as I think I can now place myself in the < 12% of unmarried father's with legal 50/50 custody, and eventually, access to my son. Just took $100k and 2-3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 09:56 PM
4

Seems like a lot of the male posters I see worry about access to their children, which is a uniquely paternal issue. I also see a lot of "support your mentally unstable and abusive wife while she ...." responses in situations where the reverse would have uniform condemnation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 09:41 PM
3

A pre-nup cannot cover the most expensive part of a divorce: legal custody and access to children; at best it can (with full proper disclosure, with dual independent legal representation, without coercion or perceivable coercion) safe-guard pension and other assets that were present prior to the marriage. The barrier to a pre-nup being effective is pretty high, and many pre-nups are found invalid in court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 04:35 AM
1

Most divorces are about financial separation, support, asset distribution, and child custody and access. As you don't have children to deal with, it comes down to financial means. A claim of mental abuse is usually only relevant in child custody situations--e.g. "I cannot co-parent with this person, they're abusive, here is the proof". The state that has jurisdiction is relevant. You're not under an obligation to leave. However, if she is going to escalate this ("I will /claim/ xyz" to ...? the …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 04:31 AM
3

The person you are responding to was talking about (essentially) a warning label on marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 04:15 AM
2

call every lawyer you can and get an appointments. have an appointment and give them your details they cant hear the other party This is bad advice; you could end up paying the other parties cost to have a barrister come in which does not have a conflict of interest. This may mean a barrister from an entire different part of the country.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/19 11:01 AM
1

There are several key milestones for Ontario that I know of, and I'm not particularly adept at them, but: cohabitation in all appearances of being a couple--4 years for spousal support, support lasts 1/2 duration of relationship one year cohabitation with a child of the relationship--on the clock for child and spousal support, just as if you were married
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/19 06:12 AM
0

The likely outcome is that common law marriages become normalized to a significantly larger degree, and then there is a push to bring the legislation for common law marriages in line with a certified marriage. The largest pushes will be for: spousal support asset distribution pension splitting areas where common law and married differ on child custody I expect special interests groups (money) will prioritize certain areas over others (custody).
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/19 06:09 AM
1

Costs more to push then to react. You present first in court. And in my jurisdiction have a chance to respond after they make their statement.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/19 06:02 PM
1

Therapy rates are the best rates.... :/
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/19 06:05 PM
1

I realized after the fact it wasn't obvious, but that was my point; a prenup can't cover if you're going to have to challenge and disprove allegations of misconduct or poor character in a custody fight. This is where most of the serious and contentious conflict comes from. Money determines your lifestyle, but time with kids is more precious.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/19 05:00 PM
3

If it covers child custody and access. That's where I spent the better part of 100k in legal fees. Otherwise don't marry / date / screw someone without a career and their own money.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/19 02:16 AM
2

You've done the major thing to position yourself: you've moved in-state and are splitting care of the child. The next part of it is mumbo-jumbo assets, and it sounds like both of you are taking a wash. You may be able to buy her out of the house. You'd have to be careful about the layout and bankruptcy; this may run afoul of bankruptcy protection and asset hiding--consult with a bankruptcy trustee. Alimony and spousal support is determined based on recent tax returns; disclosure is 3 years and c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/19 02:04 AM
2

Fwiw, Nintendo is oriented towards kids under 13 for the most part. So they may have better options for parental control and limits.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 08:03 PM
2

I've heard of some guys that are into gaming that play online with their children. E.g.n Xbox Live, etc
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 07:16 PM
2

Considering my child's mother kept me from seeing my 2 year old infant son for multiple occasions of more than 3 weeks, and he would recognize me each time, I don't think it will make a difference. I'd suggest Facebook messenger video chat, SnapChat video, or snapchats, or another similar video app message app.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/19 02:11 AM
7

You should never allow your attorney to be blindsided by anything. Full disclosure to them, now. They have a privileged relationship with you, and unless you disclose some serious flagrant shit, they wont be disclosing it to anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/19 02:34 AM
3

Couple of points: go hard court wise. Don't bother playing half measures. judges have seen this, and will want independent witnesses (doctors, police, teachers, child therapist), and professional assessments don't bother with the "well, we can do a little bit of time with the kids, and..." game--it's meant to financial extend you by taking longer you're going to be in a financial crucible: immediate child support, upcoming alimony, probably the current mortgage, paying a lawyer, potentially emer…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/19 05:49 PM
3

USAF veteran They also teach you that you cannot support your team if you are a liability--so prepare yourself, prepare your teammate, then work on your team.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/19 04:13 PM
2

Happy house, happy spouse. Those are examples of people who are so codependent they can't think for themselves. Why would you deny yourself food or coffee in the off chance that your spouse wants something else? Are they going to condemn you for taking action on your own well-being?
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/19 04:12 PM
1

I would have too, after the first $20k in legal fees. But not after the next $80k in legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 11:11 PM
3

She's indicated that she doesn't want an amicable divorce. So warn him to stop wanting a good divorce. Kick him in the nuts a couple times if you have to. Get his act together, go for the children. It's going to be super rough for him.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 11:11 PM
1

Sounds nice. I'd get in front of a judge post-haste and set the scene for future issues: mother is poco-loco. You didn't say how expensive it is in your area, but I would expect that the $15k you'll spend on the motion will be worth every letter you don't have to send in the next 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 10:52 PM
3

Yeah, I always have problems with a new partner. And the stress and trauma of a divorce makes it harder (for me) to move on. Just find someone that you feel comfortable saying "hey, it's been awhile, I may have some mental interference, but I'm super interested in you. Can you be understanding?" And then be very generous about taking care of her needs first.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/19 12:55 AM
1

I'd carefully preview your order, try to establish if the order's intentions are to notify immediately or if the intentions are during yearly financial reviews (eg. Exchange of tax returns).
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/19 05:43 AM
1

Does your order say you have to notify immediately, or when you exchange tax information at the end of the year?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 11:24 PM
3

Whine to your therapist. They charge $50-120/hr. A decent lawyer will charge you $300/hr.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 05:52 PM
4

You should be careful here: she can move out, take the child, claim you were abusive, and then you'll have a lot of work to do to get your child back. Meanwhile you're paying support, and the full mortgage on the house, and that equitable sharing of the house is a nice lie when you just want your lawyer to stop soaking you for $300/hr to find out how much your share of the has increased and how much you owe her for the privilege of living there. Tell her this seems like an escalation in the divo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 05:51 PM
2

Technically you probably should only be withholding 50% of your net disposable income. So: (3y+1y - fixed expenses)/2 = your chequing account It can become an issue during the divorce process about your money is actually also her money. I would suggest following a lawyer's advice on how to make sure you don't end in the financial crucible: support legal fees paying for the matrimonial home paying for a second home / living space
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 05:46 PM
1

Get as much custody of your child and move on. You'll have to deal with the fallout of this shitshow for another 20 years on a weekly basis, and then yearly basis after that. Make future you's life easier and avoid being an idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 11:00 PM
0

Feels good to shit on the other party, doesn't it? But that cost you more than you saved in electrical costs. At least you've given fair warning that you will escalate with video evidence if she acts out of line again. If you end up at trial, I imagine it's going to be a joy-fest for the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/19 04:41 AM
1

Toxic. File and get it of that situation.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 05:41 PM
1

Have they acted reasonable? Have they acted as someone that you would trust? Mediation is for someone that you trust will act in a reasonable and dignified manner.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 02:13 AM
1

Based on my experience, I should have just used a court. Forget going for a nice divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 09:27 PM
2

I didn't know the timeline for your ex-spouse selling, and I was putting your liability and risk in context. If you have to refight this, you may be doing this 5-10 years down the road: you're rolling along, things are clicking for you, you've got some winfalls that have gone your way, your relationships are working, and then BOOM, blast from the past comes to mess with your flow. I hope it works for you; your situation sounds painful regarding restarting, but there are also worse situations tha…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/19 02:34 AM
2

I earn about 6 times what she earns (she doesn't know how much I earn and I never told her as it would make things worse, but she calculated on an old payslip I earn 4 times Be careful here. You haven't completed full financial disclosure, and she can drag you back into reconciling financial details. Especially when she has $600k from the house, and wants to mess with you. If you want to make this possible headache easier for you, you're going to need an accurate picture of your accounts and ass…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/19 01:12 AM
1

You're best of talking to your lawyer because the specifics of why, how much, and how long are dependent on details you haven't provided and that we won't know the answer to relative to the legal rulings in Florida. Some areas you might be able to wiggle on: your STBXW should be attempting to maximize her income based on experience, market, and education you can attempt to impute that your STBXW's income should be greater than it is, even if she doesn't decide to make up that gap--e.g. if she ha…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/19 06:41 AM
2

(My experience is with an a%%hat co-parent, so that's what I speak to.) It sounds like she's kinda wishy-washy. Based on my experience and expectations my suggestion is grab onto as much primary custody and residency as you can, and then negotiate (fairly) from a position of strength. Otherwise, she takes the kids, moves out, says "you aren't available, work away from home all the time, were not involved in raising the kids, don't perform household chores, and should not be the primary parent." …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/19 06:29 AM
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