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prairieflower Archive

View 3 posts and 64 comments by prairieflower on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I agree it doesn't make sense. I appreciate your concern and reply but I hate to hijack this post. But no, things were not always this way.
/r/RedPillWives29/05/17 02:22 PM
1

I wish I could. That was pretty much our only interaction that day. Not ruling out the possibility there was something from before I'm missing. ETA: I think because I was to request the guest use the leash, not take over and do it myself.
/r/RedPillWives28/05/17 05:40 PM
1

journaling when you're anxious then letting it go. Great suggestion! Journaling has been a life-saver for me. Writing in the midst of emotion and then revisiting when I feel less anxious really helps with perspective.
/r/RedPillWives28/05/17 12:41 PM
1

Sometimes I will disrespect my husband without even knowing what I'm doing and I obviously don't want to do this. But it leaves me so confused, because I'm not actually looking to take a dig at him. I'm just not thinking in the right context Yes, so much this!
/r/RedPillWives28/05/17 12:37 PM
1

Unfortunately, yesterday. I think because I misunderstood what he wanted from me. Some house guests were letting our dog out off leash, he said he wanted the dog on a leash so I went I grabbed it to put on the dog. When I returned, he said he didn't mean for me to do it. He left the room and he hasn't spoken to me since. I'm sure it'll blow over in a few days.
/r/RedPillWives28/05/17 12:34 PM
2

Great food for thought, thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/17 12:21 PM
1

Vanity Fair
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/17 02:02 AM
2

Thank you so much for this. I wish I could have it tattooed on my hand to help me follow what I already know to be the best course of action. My brains default is to fix things with words and if it wasn't fixed, I hadn't found the right words yet. Now if I could get us to a place where steps 5-8 were applicable, I'd be golden.
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/17 03:42 AM
2

I think just regular being upset with each other. Happens more than I'd personally like but I don't think he has an anger issue.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 11:29 PM
1

That's cute, thanks! May not strike the right tone with the circumstances I have in mind but I'll save that one for another time. :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 10:01 PM
1

So true, thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 06:19 PM
2

I actually agree with you. You raise a good point, that is the point of space. Maybe I should cool it.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 05:57 PM
1

There's no one disagreement I'm asking for. For future use. To keep me focused and proactive. Normally, what you do is what works with my husband as well. I want him to feel appreciated even when I can't show him the usual ways. :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 05:04 PM
2

That's a great suggestion! Thank you. Oh, I don't mean to be cryptic. Having some ideas already prepared for when we hit a stumbling block would be useful to me. No one specific reason I'm asking.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 04:56 PM
2

Omigosh, sorry, it seems that posted over and over! Yikes.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:56 PM
1

That's sweet! Thanks for the suggestion!
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 03:48 PM
1

Oh I absolutely agree! I know he wouldn't be receptive to a bunch of physical affection when he's angry. Maybe a brief touch here or there. Also, I would hate to give the impression that I'm trying to put the situation on my timetable and make him feel pressured to talk/ not be angry. That would be my instinct, to quickly do whatever I can to make everything all better so he's not mad at me. I want to take a more mature and measured approach while still being loving.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 02:53 PM
1

I appreciate that and I don't disagree.
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 02:35 PM
1

Thanks! I do know his love language, its acts of service! I think this is where I struggle, I'm a SAHM so I want to find things that are above and beyond the things I do on a daily basis for him enough that he feels the extra thought I put in but doesn't feel like I'm trying to get something. Touch is also a good one though!
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/17 02:24 PM
1

Thank you for your input and help. NPD has been mentioned to me before and it does in many aspects resonate with what I've experienced. I'm just not sure where to go with that. I obviously can't change it if that's the case. Continue with what works, I suppose. As far as anyone being too harsh, they really weren't to know the whole situation. I sincerely hoped that there was something I was doing that could be set right. Of course, there still is, I'm not perfect, clearly! The commenters were ju…
/r/RedPillWomen13/10/16 05:41 PM
1

tl;dr It’s no longer about being loved, but not making things worse. The closer I am to that super supporting, caring, loving wife, the more his contempt (resentment?) for me grows. You've put a lot of time and effort into your reply to me, and I appreciate that. I hate to waste your time further but I will try to address some of what you said. If you decide to lavish love on him, expecting nothing in return, you will start to feel loving toward him. It's a basic psychological principle. To be e…
/r/RedPillWomen12/10/16 11:02 PM
1

Can you honestly say you would be happy to just serve him cheerfully, as energetically as you can, looking for nothing in return that he doesn't freely give, as long as you possibly can? To shower him with love as he understands love - not for the sake of provoking a loving response, but just to serve your husband? No, I can't say I would be happy to do that. At some point, I would want love in return. It honestly feels like the harder I work at being RPW, the worse things get. Perhaps not for h…
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/16 09:59 PM
1

It definitely feels bad. But I'm not sure what to do other than make changes in myself. We're not exactly religious people so Easter usually only amounts to an Easter egg hunt. And while it's a sports team and he plays, he also manages it so there is a lot of time devoted to the managing where he's just in his office so not always physically somewhere else.
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/16 03:45 PM
1

To be fair, I did add that about a day after. Just to add context that I was not, in fact, having a breakdown over one day. He has not missed Christmas for it. It's been things like Easter, Halloween, 4th of July. Still kind of a big deal to kids but I apologize if I made it sound more dramatic than it is. I asked for more quality time because I was noticing we weren't doing things together nearly as much as we had been. Just like a slow drifting apart and I wanted to reverse course. You're righ…
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/16 02:57 AM
2

Oh wow, that's fantastic! I think I'm still in the backlash stage but we've been together a long time. Great work, good luck to you!
/r/RedPillWives16/08/16 02:53 AM
1

Some great things here! I do the "best or biggest serving of food" thing as well! :) I make sure I make at least breakfast or lunch every day he's at work. I greet him every day when he comes home and the kids and I send him off in the morning. On days when he's playing sports, I get his clothes clean and folded in the bedroom waiting for him as well as his other gear. If he's running late and still asleep, I always wake him with food.
/r/RedPillWives15/08/16 02:03 PM
1

Finding out about Love Languages really helped me stop wasting my time doing things that weren't appreciated by my husband because it wasn't his Love Language, and start doing things that were. My number one is quality time followed closely and evenly by gifts, words of affirmation and touch, acts of service being last. My husband is acts of service first and quality time last. It took me a long time to figure out why he didn't respond to my surprise gifts, notes, backrubs, or praise. I would ha…
/r/RedPillWives15/08/16 01:46 PM
2

This is so great! Thanks for sharing. If you don't mind me asking, how long ago did you make these changes?
/r/RedPillWives15/08/16 01:24 PM
1

Tell me about it! That's adorable. :) Oh,it's crazy and fun. The little one is in such a rush to keep up with the older one. I was on the fence about having another mostly because we had waited long enough I was unsure of the age gap and my husband really wanted another and well, nature made the decision for us!
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 11:09 PM
2

Oh yes, that can be upsetting. You're doing the right thing. What I have learned for situations like that or when you do lose your cool is to apologize and reconnect, just as you did. In all situations connection is key!
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 10:46 PM
1

I didn't participate last week, but I'm in! I plan on stretching in the kitchen while I make everyone's breakfast and drink a glass of lemon water before I reach for the coffee. I have already bought lots of fruits and veggies to make healthy meals for myself and my family. I will find time to do more yoga (which I miss). I will get a better nighttime routine and do all of my skin care regime before bed, have a cup of tea to help me unwind, and set aside a few minutes of quiet time. And congrats…
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 10:04 PM
3

Just to report back (keep myself accountable) I did just as you said, presented a night in instead. No moodiness, upbeat (not annoying levels) all the way. He said no, we're going out. I didn't argue, I went and got ready. When it was past time to leave and I hadn't yet seen him, I found him asleep. I let him sleep and cancelled the plans sans comment. I think I handled that appropriately. Thank you for being my mentor today. Although, I could probably use you all the time! :)
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 09:25 PM
1

Not really, but that's a good idea. I just try to remind myself that I need to be the model for them. Is that your challenge as well? I think it's great that it comes naturally for one of you. Do you find his example helps?
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 09:19 PM
1

Okay, will do. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 07:21 PM
3

This is so inspirational! What a compliment!
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 06:50 PM
2

It's sort of two sides of the same coin. I can easily empathize and help with problems but at the same time because I have a more sensitive nature, I can get overwhelmed. I probably wasn't clear! I have on occasion. It could be fun. I get decor from so many places. Ikea, CB2, Target, Home Goods, Overstock, Wayfair.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 06:49 PM
2

Could you lend me a bit more advice? I feel foolish for asking but here it is: I set up a babysitter and made plans, for the two of us for this evening. He agreed to go but now he's acting agitated and angry. I'm not sure how to proceed. Should I cancel? That's my instinct but I'm not sure that's the right course of action.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 06:08 PM
2

10 and 18 months. Oh I hear that, that's tough. I've become way more organized since becoming a mother but I'm a typical creative type who is prone to chaos. Peaceful parenting as far as routines and such? I think it can work either way as long as you're mindful. Although, like you, I've not see much. I have seen things about avoiding over-scheduling. Oh gosh no! I meant after they see my house they want to hire me. My style is mostly modern, a little eclectic.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 06:02 PM
2

No, it was something he was going to do originally. Day of, he wanted to change plans and wanted me to do it so he could go out. But yes, then I did agree even though I didn't want to and reneged.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 04:54 PM
2

No, I shouldn't have. What about it doesn't make sense? It was something he wanted me to do. While I really made a mess with saying yes, then no then yes again... ultimately my goal is to be a good wife and be helpful and supportive. His wanting me to do it did not change just because I went into an indecisive tailspin.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 04:33 PM
2

Lots of work to be done. Definitely! I'm never done trying to better myself. I'll work on the passive aggressive thing, thanks for pointing that out. I had stopped going out so much because he didn't like it but I'm sure I've moped about it at times. And like this incident, I obviously let my emotions get the better of me. I'll do the babysitter thing, even if just for me. Become a person he'd want to be around. Yes, this is exactly what I've been working on the last few years. Thanks for your h…
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 04:20 PM
1

He says he doesn't have time/ doesn't want to/needs to rest.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 03:20 PM
2

Yes, I should be more proactive. After being turned down often enough I just stopped asking/trying and that's lazy. There's nothing stopping me from just making the plans. I was focusing on trying to be someone worth spending time with but I can do that at the same time, I don't just need to wait around hoping he does something. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 02:35 PM
5

I'm good at baking, cleaning, parenting (peaceful parent here too!), and adequately tackling most home maintenance by myself. I'm great at decorating and have had several people ask to hire me just seeing our home. Oh, and I'm good at getting the most bang for a buck in most areas. I need to work on laundry, cooking (stop being so experimental) and maybe getting a better routine down, I'm naturally adverse to them.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 01:09 PM
1

Yes, taking care of your skin makes a big difference. Good skin means you look better naturally and you can wear less makeup (if you want).
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 12:56 PM
2

Ah, I see. I'm all over the place. I was disappointed he was changing his plans and asking me to do the work for him, but I didn't want to be unsupportive. As I said, I acted stupidly. No, he isn't. I meant I am. Or rather, my weekend looks the same as my week most of the time as in I'm taking care of the kids, keeping the house, etc. My husband's weekend activities mostly don't involve the kids or I. And I have done exactly as you suggested on many occasions, as often as I can. You're absolutel…
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/16 12:33 PM
2

May I ask what is coming across as passive aggressive? Everything you said is right. He has been working and it is healthy for him to blow off steam. He's not actually doing the work himself, his friend is, he just needed to get things ready. That is why he asked me about going out because if he went, it meant I would be doing the prep myself. The point still stands, that yes, he needs time to play. I think part of my problem is I feel a bit bummed out that my weekends are pretty much an extensi…
/r/RedPillWomen13/08/16 07:57 PM
1

Yes, I totally understand how silly it was not to make sure my emotions were completely in check before talking to him. It was poor planning on my part. And I know that it came across as a guilt trip. As I said, I messed up. I think it's a combination of I'm lonely and he's having fun without me (a bit), yes. He's too tired after/ doesn't enjoy doing activities or going out with me very much. I need to get over this, I know. I absolutely do not think my husband is the problem, I know it is me. E…
/r/RedPillWomen13/08/16 03:34 PM
3

I hope to reach that moment someday. Thanks for sharing!
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/16 12:14 AM
1

Thank you. I'm anxious to look through the blogs.
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/16 08:23 PM
1

I just wanted to say thank you to all who read and responded. And for letting me ramble. It was great to have so many thoughtful replies and feel so welcomed, especially since It took me some courage to post in the first place. (I somehow missed the bravery that comes with annominity that the rest of the Internet got).
/r/RedPillWomen07/07/16 01:52 PM
2

You're totally right. I have a hard time relaxing at home because I tend to view home as "work" and there is always something that could be done. With a toddler whose goal in life now seems to be undoing whatever I just finished, I need to let perfect go. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen07/07/16 01:39 PM
1

Yes, I think you're right. I'll keeping working on the space thing. I feel like I've done well so far this week with that. I took the kids out all day over the weekend and only stopped by to give him lunch. One day this week he spent his evening out or busy with his sports league and I didn't ask him anything that might be interpreted as me trying to make him accountable to me (ie, what time will you be back?) etc. It's starting to get easier. Thanks for you suggestion, I'll try implementing tha…
/r/RedPillWomen07/07/16 12:44 PM
2

I really needed to read this, thank you. While I don't have a perfect way of doing things (I change them myself frequently) I do have an inherent need to make everything look perfect. As a SAHM, I often feel that perfection means I'm working hard and anything less means I've failed. Luckily, I don't bore my husband with the details of my day to day but I like to let my work speak for itself and feel that if everything isn't just so, it's not obvious. If help is offered, I usually decline it for …
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 05:32 PM
1

Great, I understand. Thanks so much!
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 05:06 PM
1

Thanks so much for your reply. This really helps me see a different perspective I hadn't considered. I think you're right about him feeling so personally responsible. I had trouble seeing why doing what I thought he wanted was upsetting him. Makes much more sense now. I have said almost that exact thing to him (although it never hurts to try again) but I will definitely be mindful of not phrasing it in a way that might undermine his leadership. He did tell him that having time set aside each nig…
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 01:57 PM
1

Understood. I'm in the process of finding a new therapist. I reached a dead end with my current one. She basically told me I was in denial about being in an abusive relationship and had nothing more to offer me. I thought a male therapist might offer more useful insights but maybe I can find plenty of things to work on without returning to therapy. I agree with your assessment. I hope that will heal in time. I shall keep on keeping on! Thanks for your time!
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 03:22 AM
1

Hi, thank you. He works for a financial institution. He works roughly 45-50 hrs/week. He quite often needs to finish something over the weekends though. The sports league is a big one, yes. Not as of lately, but in the past has been a hot topic. Usually, the topic was of me feeling I wasn't a priority/I felt unloved by him/ wanting more time. Since I've stopped nagging him about those things, it's been more he's upset with me about something I've done. I don't always know what it is. He will be …
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 01:40 AM
1

Sure, a recent example is he said that he finds finding/booking hotels for any travel we may do to be a lot of added pressure. I tried to book our hotel for an upcoming overnight stay but he stopped me and got very angry.
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 01:33 AM
1

I'll try, like I said, I don't always get specifics but I have learned that "support" to him means doing something, lightening his burden, trying to help him have as little to worry about outside of work and managing our finances as possible. I'm sure our sex life could be better. I try to keep that in the back of my mind though and initiate often. We are only sometimes affectionate, if I'm honest. When I'm physical affectionate toward him it can be hit or miss. Sometimes he'll respond positivel…
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/16 12:21 AM
1

Yes, absolutely. Therapy, regarding him, was only brought up in the context of having him explain what he wants out of the marriage/ what he's not getting, etc. to help me find the path I need to work on.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/16 10:56 PM
2

Well, this is the thing, is it understandable? A running theme of our marriage has been that I have been too needy and have set unrealistic expectations of his time. Therapy has been brought up but he says he doesn't have time for it. He said that I should do whatever I need to to feel better but that the problems are mine and I need to find the solutions. Which is what I'm trying to accomplish.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/16 07:39 PM
1

It honestly may take at least 6 months potentially longer to see the changes root and take hold and for your husband to notice them. This is a good point. I only got serious about these changes last September and I am definitely not perfect in them. What I like to do is I identify a few behaviors I need to work on and pick 1 or 2 to work on exclusively for a month until they become second nature and then I go back to the list and look at another. This is such a good idea, thank you. As far as he…
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/16 07:34 PM
1

The close calls were instances where an argument got out of hand and he had decided enough was enough and was going to end it. We have always managed to reconcile after a time. Second child is just over a year now. He feels like I do not support his hobby - a sports team that he managed and participated in. Due to an injury, he now runs the league and participates in the actual games only once in a while. This was true, I was against the time commitment involved. During that time, several years …
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/16 04:20 PM
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