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procrast1natrix Archive

View 1 posts and 642 comments by procrast1natrix on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

I agree, but in exactly the opposite way that most redpillers seem to expect. Twice I've briefly dated guys who were into splashy restaurants and stuff where I just couldn't afford Dutch (and wouldn't have spent my money that way anyhow) and it was just very uncomfortable for me. Dutch all the way, until close to marriage and then it's more about proportional earnings.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 08:49 PM
4

I agree. The way I've been thinking of it and replying here is that we are using different measuring sticks for success and that's why we often can't agree. Or a mixed bunch go to a food court, and some of us get in line at the smoothie bar and get annoyed we can't get a slice of pizza, while others are at SBarro trying to order Pad Thai. There's no point in arguing with the checkout person or complaining that the posted menu isn't what you want. Just get out of line and take some time to think …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 05:41 PM
4

Microcosmic storytime. Many years ago, I was reviewing the departmental meeting notes, and saw that as the only woman present I was being credited differently than the men. As in, we all had the same degree, and yet it was written Dr OldGuy, Dr OldGuy, MyFirstName. Do you think I felt anger? Yes, I was incandescently enraged. Did I shout, spread gossip, or put up with it? No, I sent a polite email (paper trail, baby) pointing it out and requesting that the minutes be revised. Which quietly happe…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 03:50 PM
12

(he ranted, LOL). I see history full of women inventors and writers, teachers and visionaries, women who stood up for what they believe in. Many of them fueled by anger. This does not in any way invalidate men who have done the same things. It is true that men often do express anger more violently or with physically aggressive posturing. But even though she was sweet of demeanor, it is certain that Rosa Parks behavior was fueled by a deep anger. It doesn't need to look like male anger in order t…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 03:42 PM
9

And how is that different for women?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 03:31 PM
2

I have faith in the data. It takes time, there's always a decade or more of cultural lag, and there will be hiccups and missteps but we are indeed making strides in the right direction.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 02:49 PM
7

My dad in the early 1970's needed to find a local housing situation for an internship thing a thousand miles from anyone he knew. He had expensive temporary housing but was scrutinizing all the message corkboards and the papers. My mom was in grad program living in a house with a bunch of other grad students, some of whom were graduating and leaving, so there were some rooms came available. He answered an ad for a room. He describes that he walked in and she was frying kidneys (for real) and the…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/26 06:15 AM
3

Of course you don't know me or my community or you wouldn't even ask this question. That's why the invite. Take a four or six month sabbatical, a temp job working in a progressive community, get a feel for it. Even if you, personally, cannot see it, the data is that the careers, rates of work and certification and innovation, rates of who earns what - are all steadily moving in this direction. We aren't there yet, but we are making steady progress. We will get there.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 06:31 PM
4

The day women in masse becomes ok with men being at home or just working part time i'll quit being a RP to be a bluepill, in other words, never. Move to a progressive community and drink it in. It's not uncommon here. While most of my friends are coupled up with both working, among the people who have one stay home it's not unusual for it to be the guy. As far as your other paragraph, my links referred to active duty military, and other demanding jobs. And caregiving is demanding. Though I do pa…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:07 PM
4

And most of those fields are changing. The percentage of engineers who are women has doubled in the past decade. link%20to%202021%20(33%2C310).) STEM also, percentage has tripled over the past fifty years, we are on track to hit parity in many fields by 2030, particularly with men overall matriculating at dropping rates. According to the most recent Census of Agriculture, women make up more than one-third of all U.S. farm operators and are increasingly leading in farm management, agribusiness, r…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 04:00 PM
2

Please, please can anyone who wants to downvote this comment, can you please instead start to interact.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:03 AM
4

Eh, I'm not fully about the swear words. And I code switch well enough that my husband doesn't object. Funny time, probably ten years into marriage we went on a fun three night hike with some of my friends from work and he got to see how we use different language outside of work and very coarse language with lots of swear words as soon as we are left together. That's eight years ago, we are all still good friends and the marriages are stable.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 02:58 AM
0

I completely empathize with your situation. It's fucking messy. You didn't even credit all the biological stuff going on, which I would like to credit it's normal to be very very aware of people of your age who are female. Can I please work back to the first half. Just as you, a normal guy, has feelings where it's super normal to get sexually excited, at that same age, many young women are feeling very very very embarrassed or ashamed of their normal sexual excitement but society and culture (an…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 12:00 AM
0

Hon (sexuality is fucking scary, I wish all the best to you) Why would women feel aggressive interested about being sexualized and why would women feel aggressively awful about it and be horrible to men about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 11:48 PM
3

I'm a gonna get in early and say that I think it's all pretty fucked up. And next I'm going to plead for some charity because we are all hurting humans, and the people that do this for reasons of pain, they are not healthy people. I'm actually going to post this first because I think it's important and then I'm going to edit it deeply. Edit/ just need to comment that despite my interest in being good to men, this whole thread has me downvoted. Which mostly makes me real life protective of the gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 11:45 PM
5

You actually didn't look at the data about who's bringing in the dollars. Second paragraph: please provide date. Because the links I posted included revenue.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 11:36 PM
5

Funny enough, to bring it back to coarse language, my husband is much more sensitive about that. So our kids have learned to "code switch" and speak a certain way with him vs. me. I try really really hard to raise them up that not everybody wants the same things and that boundaries are different than wants. Funny enough, this parenting style seems to be resulting in healthy high schoolers.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 11:33 PM
8

I'm with you, man, I'm totally with you. Don't date who you don't want to date. I'm simply trying to point out the statistical imbalance being presented here. Which is pretty amusing, I mean I shouldn't laugh because it's probably born of pain. In person I wouldn't react with laughter. But on the Internet where things are so very stripped of humanity, it's tempting for normal humans to respond with laughter. Which aggravates the whole divide. Ugh.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 11:12 PM
10

But despite the ten responses we have within the first ten minutes that guys are turned off by gals who use coarse language (which for the record is fine, people can certainly be turned off by whatever) We have not one single response supporting a gal for similar? I'm not seeking special treatment.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 10:56 PM
6

I resist you equating salary with dating down. But beyond that, only about 60% of women are marrying men who earn more, largely pressed by the lowest income groups including women who aren't in the workforce (not a big group). https://ifstudies.org/blog/women-still-marry-up-but-the-income-gap-is-narrowing Essentially, higher earning women don't avoid date down nearly as much as the way that lower earning women do. Higher earning women are comfortable with parity, or valuing a man who does unpaid…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 06:32 PM
–

Honestly, over the years I've worked with and been friends with plenty of impressive guys, and I just don't see this. I'm not a deep student of redpill mythos, but to distill it, I'm talking about intelligent, fit guys who are indeed often tall, and very financially secure. They're all incredibly loyal. Long term solid relationships are normal. I know my slice of life isn't representative of all, example infidelity and divorce are slightly higher in the military and in "red states", and much low…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 05:44 PM
2

We're fine. I must say from my wild phase, that while I found delight in both women's and men's bodies, it really is more of an art, a communication, a thing that requires watching for small responses to give a woman an orgasm. Men's bodies are more obvious and closer to being uniform in their response, and that even includes a few who were impacted by performance anxiety and hadn't been able to orgasm with other partners before without their own assist. Plus when they get close, they're more li…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 05:33 PM
–

I don't think that's possible in this format, as you cannot see my real life. I mean, if you want to post stalk me I do spend time trying to build up young men positively in r/malegrooming, r/mensfashion, r/AskMenAdvice and r/sex. It goes in cycles, so you may need to go back several months but there's lots of it. Is there another context you'd be likely to bump into me where I could support you? I enjoy mentoring the younger men at the food bank where we volunteer at the warehouse. What would y…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 04:35 PM
–

Wait, wait, didn't I rather obviously degender the entire post? Specifically trying to make it clear that this happens to anybody? Please go looking for hate elsewhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 04:30 PM
–

I'll bite. What do you call it when a person has a brain, accomplishments, plans, ambitions, and then somebody else ignores all of that because they have an attractive ass? If there's a better word for it, let's talk that out. Edit/ to make it more obvious, I specifically degendered this reply in an effort to make it clear that both men and women suffer at times from objectification. Perhaps I was too subtle.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 03:51 PM
7

Women now make up around 44% of all entrepreneurs and own 40% of small businesses. link It's taking a while to trickle into the common understanding, but the facts are what they are. The increase in the need for two incomes to make a household also makes more space where men are growing up to be involved parents, guys who just calmly know how to cook and tidy and pick the kids up at school. We aren't at parity yet but there's way more room for individuals, men and women both to be individuals, s…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 03:42 PM
2

Aside from reddit, I don't really engage with social media, so no, I have no impression of the redpill other than how the people who flair themselves as redpill here behave. I do not watch YouTube, tiktoks, insta, Facebook on the matter. I do spend a fair amount of time in real life, and to a lesser extent in the parenting subreddit and AskMenAdvice focusing on positive masculinity. Cherishing men and working to make spaces for them to grow and feel good about being men, working on living third …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 02:59 PM
-2

Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 10:50 AM
2

Gently, I did not say it was less important, in fact there was a whole entire paragraph in there about it being gold standard. I said it was different, while trying to make space for women who are anorgasmic. It's not fair to them to not allow them to still enjoy sex for other reasons. Taking the pressure off can sometimes be the key to getting there.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 10:49 AM
0

Oh, I'm going to push back on that, too. In a way that further complicates the basic idea of the orgasm gap. Sex =/= orgasm. I've never lived in a male body, but to hear them talk it's pretty unusual to feel ok with sex that doesn't end in orgasm, and for many men orgasm is the end of the sex. Whereas for women while orgasm is very nice, there are times that that's not actually what she's craving. It can be sometimes very satisfying to get the emotional intimacy and charge of sex, or getting pou…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 01:55 AM
3

I suppose I answered from the perspective of the brief meeting, the initial few hours of interacting with him. You know, like mingling at a party. Once you see how they respond to frustration, you know a lot more about them and it does feel easier. The long term, like working with a guy for months or years, is when the confident sleaze becomes more difficult.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 01:43 AM
7

I'd posit the opposite! By the time a typical guy starts partnered sex, he's probably made himself ejaculate thousands, if not tens of thousands of times. He knows what pace and angle he needs, and the meme among the sex advice/sex therapy world is that if a man needs a circus clown with polished toenails, he knows and he's going to bring the outfit and nail varnish. Many women, for complex reasons, never even try to masturbate before partner sex. Some of this is probably biology, men's bodies s…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 01:24 AM
9

"women are gold diggers, women are always trying to be hypergamous, women are too emotional, women can't balance a budget properly, women are bad drivers". I agree with your statement that all humans are fallible, I disagree with your premise that women don't get called out.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 01:11 AM
10

I will admit that sometimes when a man shows up noticeably unconfident, poorly groomed, minimal eye contact, very cautious in their speech, I do treat him kindly but I do keep slightly more awareness that he might behave in unpredictable ways. It's true for men and women the same, if they're not good at the parts of emotional intelligence that lead to basic social conversation, it's likelier that they're going to miss other normal social cues. And people that appear to not like themselves very m…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 12:52 AM
3

The interesting part is: is this innate? Or cultural? By the time I experienced lust I had been exposed to more than a decade of movies and advertising campaigns and TV shows and locker room jokes that pushed the idea of the woman as a sex symbol, the showy flower, girls on spring break, Marilyn Monroe, everyone on MTV. Did that affect how I react to seeing women, sexually? Did that "loosen me up" to the idea, as it were? The research shrugs and summarizes that women's sexuality is simply more f…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 10:32 PM
2

But, women are honest about it. And men seem to need a new label because they're afraid to be called bi. What's up with that? I think it pretty much comes back to man on man pressure. Since men loudly think that it's hot for women to be with women, and loudly denigrate gay male behavior, it stays in the culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 04:58 PM
2

The rate at which men who are straight have sexual interaction with other men is so high that it changed the way sex research works. Yup. Read it twice. They fully gave up on asking men if they were bi, and started asking blandly about men who have sex with men. Because, some of it is experimentation, some of it is "hey that's warm and willing" situational bisexuality and some of it is internalized bi-phobia, and it's too messy. So the research, and the guidance provided even at the level of the…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 04:03 PM
–

Precisely. I think it may be difficult to fully understand what it's like to be followed around like that, or to be so very thankful that there's a counter between us and a crowd that'll make him move on. And how it isn't really a referendum on his worth. Maybe I'm not receptive because I'm already in a relationship, but maybe I have a stomach bug or my dog just died, or something else that I just don't want to need to share. I'm not into it today, no thanks. It's not about you. ... And just as …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 03:21 PM
5

Any one person who describes an entire gender as "the worst" is not in a good place. It's reasonable to be concerned about certain movements, the MGTOW etc, but saying that the entire gender is a way, that's a flag that you're hurting.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 04:11 AM
2

Hun (which I say as an auntie in this space) there's also no indication about my feeling about jazz music, ability to speak Greek, or my preference on eating goat cheese. Seriously. I understand that you're hurting and tender and vulnerable on the topic, but when a person posts an entire thing about their own experience perhaps by giving you a narrative I can give you comfort It just doesn't jive with what you're describing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 03:57 AM
3

No? My actual definition of success would be every human feels fully sexed up, cuddled up, loved. The idea is to take apart and remove the pretentious stuff and help people to understand eachother better so they can form healthy bonds.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 03:30 AM
5

shrug If that's what you want to take away from this. I'm mostly interested in helping people understand how to have more dating success, by being empathetic about eachother's experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 03:10 AM
5

Ugh. Read the post. Imagine having everything you are sexually attracted to comes in the "oh shit that's scary" bundle. Wrapped in "you're going to be labeled a ho if you admit to this". Faced with masturbation as the other option, exploring things with other girls looks pretty good.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 02:37 AM
3

So, I don't disagree with all the other posts, but perhaps by giving a narrative I can help you, OP, to feel more empathy and comfort. In hindsight, I was nearly entirely straight from the outset. From when I first felt lust and had sexy dreams and private exploration, years ahead of when I was going to be ready to interact with other people, I was into guys. Age-matched appropriate guys. Their look, their smell, their energy, yeah their genitals. I was always into guys. In my own time, it was a…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 01:56 AM
2

You can make assumptions. That doesn't make them true. one may take that worldview and assume the person holding it is misandrist. A better assumption is that it's weird to expect modern men to not be able to maintain, clean a house, and pointing it out when they don't, isn't misandrist. It's akin to pointing out anyone who drives but crosses the double yellow line, or who cooks but doesn't use any salt, or the folk that reject all vaccinations. They're adults, but they're weird. And it's ok to …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 12:03 AM
7

Oh, indeed I don't understand your logic. You might be still heated about responding to someone else in the thread. The only generalization I've made is that I filtered and chose a fella who can be self sufficient and contribute to the house. (Subtext fucked him tons regularly for twenty years, because I chose him because I like him)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 11:25 PM
12

Genuinely help me to understand how this is hating men (misandrist) Men lose these arguments when women become self sufficient. He needs to hire the help he expects from his partner. She was never an employee. I love men, I love my man. Part of selecting him as a man to love and have kids with, was observing him to be self sufficient. I chose a man who could keep his own house clean, feed himself, maintain his own relationships with his family and friend. I would never sign up to be the social s…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 08:01 PM
18

C'mon, think about it a little more deeply. A woman with choices, has the ability to choose you. Would it really have been better to live a life with a woman who had no other choice?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 07:51 PM
2

I do think this reply is a tangent in another direction. I'll go there, but I don't feel it challenges the basic concept that men typically want validation from both men and women. What I'm trying to lead to is that for complex reasons of both physiology and culture, men do distill that type of validation down to actually having sex, but that validation is as much from women as it is from men. If women didn't get slut shamed so much, I suspect they'd act more similarly to men. We can easily see …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 06:24 PM
8

Eh, I don't think this is "either/or", I think this is "both". It's natural and normal to want to be recognized, admired, praised. That's not a guy thing, it's a human thing. It's natural and normal for it to hit differently when your boss praises your writing, vs when your soccer coach praises your nimble feet, vs when your mom praises your casserole, vs when a friend tells you your outfit is sharp, vs when you are half through a first date and that sexually attractive person blurts out "your v…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 03:42 PM
–

I'm glad. It was giving will no one rid me of this troublesome priest vibe.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 02:59 PM
–

... and point proven. /s??? Rejection or frustration does not excuse threats of assault.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 12:47 PM
4

Here's where I need to admit that I don't have the same handle on the online part, because I'm ancient. So my experiences are more with "oh, yeah, see you around next week" (Never going back). Or "I'm, just headed to the ladies room a few minutes" (slips out the back), rather than just not replying to the DMs anymore. When I do hang around the advice for younger people subs I try hard to push for giving a clear response to text, since that seems a safe situation. I mean, if there's been a connec…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 01:21 AM
13

Two separate things. One calculated, one instinctive. First of all, I do not know any woman who has never experienced a surprisingly aggressive response from a man who is politely told no. It's not the most common response, but pretty early on we all learn that men being told no can suddenly start acting in ways that aren't safe. As in, you think you're a decent judge of character, the conversation or the first date has been reasonable, but when he experiences frustration with you sometimes it c…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/26 12:31 AM
2

Exactly the opposite, because I think it's ridiculous to reject a man for having had other previous experiences. I would have hoped that that level of acceptance was clear in my post. Men shouldn't feel that wanting to date a woman who is trans is seen as a negative. People are people. I'm not going to have all the attributes that any previous girlfriend had, even if they were all cis. I just need to be confident in myself and what I have to offer and secure in the fact that he's choosing me now…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 12:39 PM
1

... that's where the "strongly considering sex" thing comes in. It's not a commitment, and it's ok to have genial preference. But it just isn't talked about between people that you wouldn't have sex with either way.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 03:09 AM
3

Where I am, it would be the height of rudeness to enquire about bottom surgery unless it was already clear you're strongly considering having sex. Akin to asking a man on the first date How many inches is your erection? You can only take your pants off if it's this certain size and shape.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 05:18 PM
–

I just don't see it. Here's the other way to filter it - if people are actively infringing on you - it's not whiny to want to protect your boundaries. Everyone loathes those influencer chicks that try to take over the gym to film their content, they take your image, they occupy the machines. Complaining about that isn't whining, it's protecting your space. Complaining about getting groped or roofied isn't whining, it's protecting your space. If you are venting frustrations about changing your ow…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 04:13 PM
4

I agree with your final paragraph, that men who are attracted to women who are trans should stop caring what other people think. I think the rest of it is not nearly as universal or stark as you describe, nor caused by qualities inherent to our species. 'Tis true that in the US, approximately 45% of voting age people either are registered Republican or independents who typically vote GOP, and among that group of people I'd believe it. As much as the self-segregation can be very sad, a loss of ri…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 04:02 PM
–

I don't think that's actually true, though. Isn't dadbod the thing? If people didn't expect fit sexy women to be more attractive, Hollywood and modeling and advertising would implode. Yes, there are a few screechy sideliners saying what you accuse, but it's not mainstream.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 05:20 AM
–

I haven't really seen frequent or common to support OPs complaint? I mean, wealthy and powerful men are constantly supported in having much younger, more attractive wives.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 05:17 AM
–

I'm not part of that "y'all" thank you very much. I'm not shaming any person for their preference. The only ask is, if you have a set of preferences, and those preferences are leaving you alone, be content and empowered that you have made those choices and don't blame other people for those choices. I, also enjoy watching Hollywood movies full of improbably pretty people doing improbably lucky things. Then I go do my real life. This is not a shaming statement. I'm part of it, too. One show that …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 05:13 AM
2

Well, to that does bring up the bigger question. I'm a fan of marital privacy. The cousins and neighbors don't need to know all your business. It start to get murkier when someone is dissolving a relationship over an issue. People don't often admit it when sex is the issue, they just get cranky and find other reasons to argue and then call it "irreconcilable differences". But really, while I would agree that it's appropriate for some people who really really want (for example) anal sex to leave …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 05:06 AM
–

The difference, I believe in this context, lies in the locus of control. I can come vent that I can't do strict pullups, and I don't have the flexibility to do splits. I'm venting. I'm thinking about ways to change my own actions to get what I want. Or, I'm not getting a passing score on Duolingo, and I'm going to practice more. Or, I was rejected for promotion because I don't have a certification, so I'm going to register for a class. I'm annoyed, I'm venting, but I am also taking accountabilit…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 11:31 PM
–

Preferences should be allowed, for sure. But if your preferences do not result in dates, please do not whine about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:35 PM
–

I'm laughing forever. Whew, went back and read it again. Laughed some more. The funny funny part for me really is, in the end now that we have been married twenty years and he's retired and I only work part time, we have gravitated toward a more trad split. He's doing more and more stuff outside, splitting more wood as we rely more on the wood stove, he's raising a very serious garden these days, we are doing way more home cooking from whole ingredients and much of that is me. And we do sometime…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 09:52 PM
8

Gosh I do not connect to thus hypothesis at all. And I'm fairly kinky, do indeed explore themes of submission and cock worship within the marriage, but I reject that it's inherent. Sex is inherently vulnerable. But it's not inherently submissive. There's kink about feet, kink about being pegged, kink about cucking, kink about role playing being strangers, kink about tickling, kink about laying some towels down and getting coated all over with coconut oil and just being slippery together, kink ab…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 06:48 PM
–

I think you assume I'm uncomfortable in this zone. I'm not. I have close family members, and we had groomsmen in our wedding who are politically unlike me. I can support and be comfortable with those individuals and reject Mr Kirk, and reject his murder.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 05:55 PM
4

I don't have, have never had an AI boyfriend. I do have a real life husband. I am a lusty person who initiates much of our sex, and I feel as though my story might be illuminating? Helpful? Or at least help generate empathy, if not a path towards helping young people connect in real life? I knew I was straight from the onset, I had wet dreams about age appropriate young men, their bodies, their voices, their energy, their shoulder muscles, and yes their genitals. But society surely shut that shi…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 04:24 PM
2

No lies detected.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 03:43 PM
5

The point that is interesting to me is actually the doggedness with which some men here insist on measuring success by their own male-centered metric. And on one level, that's great, people should measure success by what fits them. But why apply it to women? Making some gross overgeneralizations, many of the men here insist that the only measure of success is being able to have sex. And yes, if that were truly the measure of success that everyone was using, that act is easier for women. I totall…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 03:35 PM
–

I haven't promoted killing anyone, nor seen that amongst anyone other than trolls. You're the only person who has said that here. This subreddit used to be any number of politics clubs, feminism clubs, men's rights clubs. You would go in person to debate if you were into politics. They've all disappeared. As I understand it, this American guy who tried to set up something similar to what we used to have was shot in the neck and murdered for his trouble, and his opponents gleefully celebrated it.…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 01:59 AM
2

I think they see the value, they keenly feel the need of it, but they're feeling either afraid of it or someone has told them they're not allowed.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 01:47 AM
2

I'm in agreement with you. I believe that we can say something is someone's responsibility while still acknowledging the difficulty of it. Can we just say, this isn't any easier because we have boobs. We may have been pushed into learning the work when we were younger because we have boobs, which makes it look easier, but it's not actually easier. It's work all around. The extra part that's harder for guys is the (yup I'm going to say it) toxic patriarchy making guys feel awkward about doing the…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 01:46 AM
10

I also don't think women encouraging each other to view men as a bunch of bumbling idiots is very useful Right? The men in my life are not bumbling idiots. They are intelligent and insightful friends. The humans that don't do that, male, or female, are idiots not because of their gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 01:40 AM
–

Nobody should be shamed for wanting what they want. They should only be shamed for wanting other people to mystically do what they want. The things we want take work, over time. Lots of work over lots of time. Getting your Eagle, earning a degree, losing 80 lbs and building up to twenty pushups, getting great at playing the guitar or baking souffle. It all takes a lot of time, and the younger generation has some difficulty with that. Developing a strong sexual connection, usually takes time and …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 11:32 PM
0

Are you trying to describe Charlie Kirk as a positive influence on how young people socialize? My eyebrows are in my hairline. Both of my high schoolers are plenty social and neither would have anything to do with Mr Kirk or his chicanery. Anyhow, my city has scores of options most nights of the week and if you turn up, you'll start to recognize people and be recognized. Easy enough to just let it be known you are single and looking, because the hen network loves little more than setting up a go…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 11:06 PM
3

I sorta feel like this is why I hang around here. This relatively lower traffic sub which is pretty obsessed with guys feeling bad, when that isn't what we see in the higher traffic subs. The guys that gravitate towards pessimistic and hopeless thought here need to have examples of what it can look like to climb out of the pit they're in. It's possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 10:58 PM
3

Totally agree. He's amazing, more young guys need to see that type of strong example, positive masculinity dripping all over. Feminists FTW. Parenting is scary, and it's ok to feel scared. ... I think the oddest thing I try to tell first time parents is : you know those "don't shake the baby" adverts, they seem so ridiculous, I have plenty of money and support and I'm going to love my baby, I would never want to shake the baby. There is going to come a time, about 5, 6 weeks in when you're short…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 10:32 PM
7

I think my dad is a great example. He was the first in his family to go to college, he was the first to travel out of the state. He was a beast in college and paid his own way through undergrad and a master's degree, so he himself is not "working class" but his roots were very ... pragmatic and geographically isolated. When he married, in the 70's, my mom didn't take his name. That was shockingly progressive at the time. Forty years later when I had my first baby, he was the guy that gently but …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 09:17 PM
6

One thing I've been telling my kiddos is that I think it's important to at some point spend at least six months living urban, so urban that it makes no sense to have a car. It doesn't need to stick, but there's some important things about human nature, living in very close community culture, that you just can't grasp by talking about it. Note that this in no way is a dis on living rural, that also is important to do. My dad was raised so rural his elementary school was literally the one room for…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:48 PM
7

Depends on where you are. Where I live (a very progressive city even for my blue state) it's taken for granted. Of course boys and men want to have guy friends and talk things through with them. Across age groups I see men feeling quite normal about asking other men to hang out or grab a meal to catch up or take a hike. So in my lived experience, it would be seen as strange and unusual for a man to NOT cultivate friendships. Ex: I volunteer lifting boxes at the food bank, see a steady stream of …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:28 PM
33

This is the first filter towards finding a man that will be a great partner. Many men do indeed cultivate their male friendships. They not only plan the hangouts and trips, they call up their friends and talk about what's going on and how they feel. My husband is in regular phone contact with five or six guys from his high school (he's 55) and we've stayed several times in their homes when on road trips. He calls them, called when his mom was sick, calls when they're having career changes, calls…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:15 PM
16

Filter one: if he's over a certain length, automatic no don't do that. If it's on the edge, that means only during certain times of the menstrual cycle and after careful and attentive warmup. Or buy a depth limiter such as the OhNut. Filter two: if this is the only trick the pony knows, it gets dull. It's nice to have a wide variety of skills and styles. It's fine if that's the final sixty seconds that he needs to get over his edge (particularly if he's being vocal about liking it) but it can't …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 04:17 AM
0

Support your city's third spaces. When the city runs a free concert series in the summer, go to it. If there's a running club, join it. If there's a parade, go to it. The only way that these in person meetups can continue is if we vote with our feet.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:49 AM
1

I do not believe that this is true. redditor who knows more about the programming than I do But I'd be very willing to read something that shares a different insight.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 12:45 AM
16

I don't disagree that there are pockets of the Internet where this is happening. I do disagree that it's an overwhelming trend. The hot potluck parent conversation these days is all "positive masculinity" for our young men. My high school son was in a big ultimate Frisbee tournament this month, 500 high school boys from all over playing all day for two long days. Three male coaches of varying age. Lots of sweat, lots of feats of strength and skill, lots of guys really cheering each other on and …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 09:03 PM
5

Friends reading along, am I wrong to be a bit frustrated with the lack of reading or understanding or empathy? Women all over the place, for years, have been very very specific that they seek relationship. They want to find someone that makes them feel safe, noticed as an individual, and not pressured for sex. What the apps actually offer is the experience of getting a hundred men that swipe to match without reading the bio, and want dinner with sex. It's like signing up to get an inbox full of …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:33 PM
5

I don't think they're totally done, I think they're finding a natural niche for people that are secretly into findom kink.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:12 PM
4

Alright, give the advertising pitch. I'll admit that I'm dubious. But I'm absolutely willing to read the pitch. What could they possibly say to make experience of being on the apps seem more pleasant for heterosexual women?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 08:10 PM
15

The math is even worse. Although a third of the profiles say they're women, that's no indication that they login more than once a month, or that they're not a bot, a catfisher, an actual sex worker looking at a new way to advertise.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 07:25 PM
-1

Half the time? I mean, even my teenager expects to put equal effort into date planning with her young man, not that either of them have the budget for much more than local hikes or an ice cream. The young professionals seem to all spend a fair bit of time talking up eachother's ideas, in a mixed gender group. I mean I don't go out with them to watch it happen, but as they speak to eachother the assumptions are not how this is being represented in the OP. I suspect this may have to do with living…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 08:20 PM
6

I'm a huge fan of cognitive behavioral therapy and the power that the way we think about things has over us. Thinking catastrophically is not only incredibly unfun for the person, but it really hurts their chances at better outcomes going forward.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 05:24 PM
1

Women being less attracted to men is a bs statement. They are attracted to men. Ask any woman in a hetero relationship. Absolutely. And the power of the attraction is not the same as the activity, because there's all kinds of cultural nonsense that shames and shackles women. Gosh, my first several years of experiencing sexual desire were so messed up! I from my first awareness of feeling desire knew that I was very interested in guys. In their bodies, their energy, their voices, their smell. Yes…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 01:45 AM
17

Mostly, matching a woman who says she wants a serious relationship, and then immediately starting with the sexting. Low effort, didn't read the profile, started with "hey girl" and that's it. Limited attention span, or mixing up details in a way that makes it feel as though the man is trying to chat up a few dozen women at once with not enough effort to keep the threads straight. As in, exclusivity would be ridiculous but if he can't recall what we texted about two days ago he can scroll up and …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 01:36 AM
7

Quotes? Because, I really do think there's some projection there. "Men who say nasty things about women aren't decent" isn't the same thing as "single men are not decent".
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:56 PM
7

Why's that? It's one thing for a person to say "men that say terrible things about women aren't decent" and a bit of a reach to assume that this means that all single men are therefore not decent. Not all single men say terrible things about women.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:55 PM
6

"single men are never decent" is quite a statement. Seems rather hyperbolic and pessimistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:30 PM
5

I just don't see this in real life. I'm watching a gaggle of teenagers date, I supervise an assortment of mid twenties and thirties men and women at work, and they seem to be pretty good at having the social skill to connect. They're feminists, they're aware of their physical size and the way in which sometimes it's appropriate to leave a woman space, but they know how and when to drop some fun lines. Or hang back with a wink and let the woman suggest a date.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:28 PM
14

Catastrophize very often?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:22 PM
7

Kindly, he's been tone deaf often enough in replies that I'm not surprised.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 10:21 PM
3

And that's super excellent! And you can decide that you prefer to scrub both away, or that some days you feel really yummy about embodying one or the other, and that's truly cool. What I'm talking about is that there are indeed people who want to feel masculine, and are kinda flailing right now, to find language and styles and social permission to feel good about the times they feel masculine. It doesn't (shouldn't, if it's positive) require anything from anyone else that prefers to be more mixe…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:13 PM
4

I can't say that they regretted marriage. It would have been heresy to admit that. But there's lots of shotgun marriages up those trees, and while they were beloved matriarchs in many ways, protected and admired, it was also common knowledge that, for example, grandma Millie had loved to sing and play piano and there was never any room for that once she married and had 8 babies. It was a time when men's careers and hobbies were more important. ... I'll also push back that it needs to be blood ti…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:09 PM
2

One of the scary and sad things really was how having a baby changed even my sexuality with myself. I'm a lusty person, I probably initiate more of the sex than my husband. Being pregnant was ok, if eventually awkward. But afterwards - the hormones, the body changes, the exhaustion, feeling like I always had this barnacle attached - I recall being the one to bring it up, sobbing, when our first was probably six months old. I missed myself. I missed feeling lust. I hated feeling weird about my ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 06:21 PM
3

But that's exactly the fun part of it! The cultural historical markers. Actions and styles of dress that code feminine in one part of the world may code masculine in another. Being aware of and in control of how deeply you want to lean into it is very cool. And it's not that people can only find joy or fulfillment by being masculine or feminine, it's that lots of people do do so and shouldn't feel shame around it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 06:12 PM
2

Read it again. It's not exclusive. It's about each person taking and leaving what they like. I'm with you, I haven't painted my nails since before pandemic, I refuse to buy new pants that don't have cargo pockets. My femininity doesn't at all need to be similar to someone else's femininity. When I go out swing dancing I typically lead, but in Contra dance I often follow and I do love a twirly skirt, it makes me feel feminine. It's like learning to paint - you can study Degas and Picasso and Jack…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:59 PM
6

So I'll turn fifty this year, and when my grandmothers were still alive I talked to them about this. Talk to any of the elderly women in your life. They don't whine about it, because there typically wasn't even enough resistance to feel resigned. There literally was no other option. Women had to marry, or they were a failure, and couldn't leave, or they were a failure, and they couldn't say no to sex. Lots of lemonade from lemons, lots and lots of Valium. And I'm very pro marriage, been married …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:48 PM
3

This topic I feel strongly about. Some, probably more like many or even most, but not all, people find joy or pride in their genderedness. As in, anything that makes you feel beautiful or yummy or satisfied and more like yourself in your feminity or masculinity. Many women find joy in matching their earrings to their outfit, or doing their fingernails, or in providing a good homemade meal for their loved ones. Gender is a social construct, which does not in any way detract from its power and exu…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 05:29 PM
4

In my witnessing of everyone I know in real life who's been divorced in the US, that's what happens. Child support is calculated coldly off the math of the percentage custody and relative incomes (and I do know women paying support to men). And the only one person I know paying alimony had happily kept her at home without any wage for 17 years, she had no marketable skills. And, I'm his friend not hers, but mostly I feel bummed for him that they together had felt great about her staying home whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 09:48 AM
3

As a higher earner than my husband, I think there should be a place, albeit a limited place, for alimony. As in, I do know people who seriously screwed up their careers to make meals and keep house for years so that their partner could focus on advancement. Even without any kids. What is the correct thing to do with that? Take it up front and normalize the bread winning partner routinely depositing into an account for the homemaker? Or accept that in the unexpected situation that the partnership…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:46 AM
1

One of mother nature's truths is that exponential growth will eventually outstrip the available resource and lead to phases of starvation and dying back, unless it regulates back to basic replacement level instead of forever increasing growth. Unless we can establish colonies under the sea or on Mars or whatever. ... Listen, I understand the economic fears around the "constrictive pyramid" where in an advanced economy, parents have reasonable expectations of survival of their babies and very pre…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:24 AM
2

Is it causal? Or just a correlation?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:13 AM
7

I cannot more strongly object to this idea of ending no fault divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:11 AM
4

Interestingly, people in modern arranged marriage, where the individuals are allowed to veto, have very similar happiness scores as compared to "love marriages". I think there's an interesting and complex place for people who strongly value certain culture and come into it expecting to do certain work to create love with a person that meets the objective parameters. I mean, I wouldn't want it for myself, it's not my culture. But I don't want to discard the idea just because it is strange to me, …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:10 AM
6

As someone raising a teenage boy, this topic interests me. In our house, the solution seems to be focusing on "what is positive masculinity"? I am certain there are other definitions, but for us, anything that feels gender affirming while being good for you and the world, counts as positive masculinity. A thing doesn't need to always be exclusive of women in order to make a person feel masculine, positively. Our high school ultimate Frisbee team seems to be a really cool example of positive masc…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:59 AM
4

As many adults as possible. I'm incredibly fortunate to have my (not insane) parents living about 1/8th mile away. I cannot emphasize enough how nice that is when raising kids. All hands on deck.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:33 AM
3

I do offer this comedy break with a spirit of cheeky fun. Alot of fun. :) hyperbole and a half on "alot".
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:30 AM
2

Oh, be nice. u/Chemical-Low209 I would like to drop in the tangent that in place of a cold approach, I'm a huge fan of the warm approach. In place of leading with "you're very beautiful, want a date? Take my number!" it can be nice to stroll up to someone in the grocery looking at dried lentils. Stand maybe 4 feet away, mostly facing the same direction, and start talking about lentils. My recipe calls for those beluga lentils, you know the little black round ones that keep their shape. I don't s…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:26 AM
6

If we're going to overgeneralize, yes that's the trope. Followed quickly by, once they're in a hetero relationship, the trad woman would be expected to do far more emotional and household organizing work. And that's what the women choosing to be single talk about. Organizing the negotiation of which family we go to for the holiday, getting a card for him for Aunt Tilly, a birthday gift for the kid's friend, remembering the end of year gift for the lawn guy and the preschool teacher, dealing with…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:21 AM
27

If you go back to the sixties and before, everybody knew many people in marriages that were a last resort. The only way to escape family, the only way to have some limited access to financial power, the only way to explain that baby bump without being ostracized. I agree that it's completely acceptable to have declining marriage rates. Personally, I'm a fan of marriage - it's a terrifically fun way to celebrate with your community an intention to work through the phases of life together in a lon…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 03:06 AM
9

So here we are in agreement. Beyond knowing that only about 25% of the profiles are women, I truly believe the apps disproportionately attract a certain subset of women who are more likely to behave that way. Either because they are literally sex workers who have found OLD apps to be a convenient way to market, or due to other cultural things that we see in Instagram and tiktok influencers being more materialistic and transactional than normal people. It's sociopathic. It's not normal. Stay away…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 01:01 AM
19

Very genuinely, why is that wild? ... Most of my relationships include some work, some degree of effort. I mean, with my mother, with my father, with my two teenagers, with my husband, with my work relationships and my close friendships. Some need a bit more than others. Some of them care more about getting that random text every other week, others care less. Some are really touched if I make them food, others don't care. Some simply want to get a call out of the blue every few months to catch u…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 12:30 AM
2

I think this is an important feature. we need more information than just his looks to figure out his potential for pleasing us in bed The spicy novels don't tend to dwell as long on physical appearance as on actions, words and motivations that are sexy. (I'm not saying never, but the word count falls behind by a lot). There's a reason for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 10:29 PM
1

Same here.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 10:23 PM
3

Tis true that the first several paragraphs are about making money on it, but the final query was not about monetization, so it's part of the same conversation. The monetization question is basic capitalism. Whether or not I enjoy something, will often but not always goes along with having to pay for it. The paying for it has to do with scarcity. And, as we see from the sexual behavior of men who are attracted to other men, there will never be any shortage of men who are willing to share pictures…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 08:45 PM
–

Yes. It won't be the same as someone who had more education, but at least you can say "we want to cut the cancer out. Instead of throwing it away, we want to study the cancer in the research lab to try to better help women like you in future. Saying yes or no will not affect your treatment in any way".
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 06:20 PM
15

All I can say is that my Instagram feed algo seems to mysteriously be full of shirtless lumberjacks, an Olympic high diver who wears a tiny speedo, and most recently some fund raiser for the American Heart Association that focuses on men crushing watermelons between their thighs (while clothed). I wouldn't want to date any of them, they look high maintenance, but just as I enjoy watching a Marvel Superhero movie, they're fun to look at.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 06:09 PM
–

Lots of things that aren't ok were normal in 1951.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 05:41 PM
–

Without even any attempt at informed consent for the research angle. (I ain't gonna be upset about a poor hardworking person getting good medical care that's taxpayer funded, I think that should still be happening).
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 03:24 PM
–

Nah, I'm not taking anything personally - it's an interesting direction conversationally. I would immediately feel that there's no need for anyone to recall the details or talk openly about it as a condition for passing along the reticence. Feelings can often persist long after the facts are either lost, or rationally mended. Generationally. Example that bends back toward the subreddit, many many women, particularly older women, who've had difficult experiences feeling assaulted or groped, will …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 07:07 AM
–

I have a complicated response to this. Stress does indeed lead to immune impairment. But I don't see that as being gendered. The weird thing about female autoimmune disease is that some of them improve during pregnancy, example rheumatoid arthritis, while some get worse, example systemic lupus erythematosis. It's not as simple as "fetus stressful, harms body" from the immune angle. And there's a very weird thing called microchimerism where in pregnancy, some of the fetal cells enter maternal cir…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 06:59 AM
–

The first all female space walk was significantly delayed as they didn't have enough gear sized for women to suit them all up at once. I bet that we would find more women working in the trades, firefighting, etc, if the gear was available sized to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 02:34 AM
–

And with that subgroup particularly, it is good to acknowledge and remember our own history as a profession, there are exceedingly good reasons to not have easy trust with healthcare professionals. Tuskegee, Henrietta Lacks, all the generations in which it was actively taught that African Americans don't have as many pain receptors as others and don't need basic pain control for surgery, childbirth, or injury. It's not ok to pretend that shit didn't happen the way it did. It can be really intere…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/26 02:27 AM
12

Research takes so, so much time and money. One of the most famous modern research studies in heart disease, and perhaps one of the most important ongoing epidemiological trials in history is the Framingham Heart Study, which has followed now three generations of initially randomly enrolled people from a city geographically convenient to the medical center to observe rigorously how their life affects their risk of cardiovascular disease by doing huge investigations into their health every two yea…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 07:47 PM
2

Oh it's not at all "women can and should always be trusted". That's the central poison in your view. It's "nobody, none of you, should be having reproductive behavior with people you don't trust". It's not gendered. One of the kids I was referring to is indeed a young man. It's part and parcel of the entire, don't be sketchy, don't cheat, don't allow your friends to be sneaky mindset.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 06:18 PM
44

As a woman, and a physician, I can give you some complicated answers. The training in medical school fifteen, twenty years ago frankly said: hey future doctors, this is pretty fucked up, but for hundreds of years most of the medical research has ignored women and so we're bad at taking care of them! They were very explicit about it. They outright said that it was a nasty mix of some researchers not caring, and lots of researchers just looking at the complexity of sorting out women who are menstr…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 06:13 PM
1

If this idea of mandatory paternity testing becomes more common, I would counsel my teenagers to not have any reproductive behavior with the types of people that expect it. Just as I counsel them to respect phone privacy, to expect to be frugal and honest, to be kind and generous in relationship, and to never put up with conspiracists or abusers or controlling people. Also, I do not like the idea of government having a DNA database of all babies. We are good upstanding citizens, keep our car ins…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 05:52 PM
3

Well, on one hand yeah, I do indeed have some conflicting feelings about it. But he's not at all trying to control it, we cook meats and dairy for the kids all the time, and my parents and I and my friends will have a drink and he never even squints let alone says boo about it. He's awfully playful and fun in other ways. Edit: And his skin and body composition really do look nice as we come into thirty year college reunion. If that's important. Me, I do very basic hygiene, I'm not fancy. But I'm…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 04:25 AM
1

I am in a different demographic, none of the people I'm around are using the word "date" to mean casual sex. It's all LTR stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:47 AM
6

I think that's exactly it. It's a sign that the relationship has ended. It might still be going through the motions, but it's already dead. We keep some family go bag stuff, but I would never start to build a go bag secret from my husband unless and until he was abusive or unfaithful. However, it's certainly easy to say that from a position of financial security, where if I suddenly dropped into a Black Mirror episode and my husband was seriously not himself, I can think of at least four places …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:36 AM
9

While there are certainly women who are genuinely phobic about pregnancy and delivery, really, it's the following eighteen years that are a much bigger issue. If I could fairy godmother magically wish one complicated thing for more young men, it would be more chances to be a camp counselor, baby sitter, first up to wrangle the cousin toddlers. Seriously not wishing this in a punitive way. I think it would help enormously with their confidence and patience later in life when faced with decisions …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 03:24 AM
8

That is it. When he was about 45, my husband got serious. He has a very very consistent skincare routine including sunscreen every day, not just for adventures as previously. He doesn't drink or smoke or eat meat or more than sparing dairy, and almost no sweets or processed sugars. He's back to college weight with a four -pack and his skin looks great. Big big salads and whole grains every day, unlimited healthy oils from nuts, avocados, olives, fish. I am less disciplined. It shows.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 09:05 PM
–

Licking ankles and talking sure does, I agree. Couples should talk.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 02:23 AM
–

No. Because you should be intelligent enough to understand that the thing that one women grades C- is different than what all women hate. Different women like different things and that was exactly the precise point of the prior post, which you seem to have missed. It's not Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 02:05 AM
–

How cool would you feel with, "ok I guess I'll let you lick my ankle for a while, have fun? I'm willing to let you lick my ankle. Enjoy licking my ankle? You can lick my ankle while I think about next week's staffing schedule?". Once people understand what's very sexy for them, they should be able to say it. And as a lover, hear it. I have in my post very clearly separated the active pain from the dullness that is meh.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 01:27 AM
–

And here, in this forum, for the record, describing a relationship with enthusiastically sucking a man's dick inside of marriage results in deep downvotes within a few hours. In case anyone reading along is curious about how incel people actually feel about sexual relationships between men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 01:08 AM
–

Dude, in the post I literally said that we did plenty of A+ action implying oral sex. If you want to require more explicitness, I'm a woman, married to a man for twenty years. In a previous high school relationship I had used to do 69. But in my marriage, I simply enthusiastically suck my husband's dick with complete attention because I enjoy that better without the distraction of having him simultaneously lick me out, which he does at other times. He says he's cool with this arrangement. Okay?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 10:31 PM
–

Why is this coming up so much? I mean this honestly, is this a topic that young guys get seriously insecure about? I just don't understand why it's a competition. Objectively, as in "in a vacuum", day by day, my husband should feel sexually validated, special, confident and secure. By the way I look at him, listen to him, talk to him or about him, and yes, touch him sexually. What does his day to day life over the past twenty years have to do with what I did before I met him? I'll go so far as t…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 08:33 PM
3

My parents are still married, fifty years in. My father was a product of conservatism, the surviving siblings may still be MAGA though they aren't any longer bringing things up, the conversations have fallen back to things like the weather and the kids doing sport. My mother had four brothers, three were military lifers like their dad, and none of our generation are into the MAGA. In my generation, I have three cousins who are military and none MAGA. The connection between staying married and be…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 07:22 PM
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I would leave, in fact I did break it off with the splashiest man I ever dated. He took me to a few restaurants that I think he expected me to know the names of. And on a ski trip. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. He's a fine person, he's just not my person. I was only with that man about four months, not long enough to be talking about retirement strategies etc. My husband, funny enough I know now that he he spent more money on his senior prom (rented car, dinner, etc) than he has ever i…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:58 PM
1

It's the natural pathway for discourse to evolve and for people in deeply nested sub replies to get into their own experience. What is yours?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:44 PM
2

Also vote for any politician that wants to remove/reduce redistribution of wealth so women are less likely to get help from men through taxes and social programs. If they want men's money they can ask for it and trade.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:08 PM
3

Tis true that the formal education on care of people who don't have stable housing includes that there's a massive gender disparity because many women are straight up providing sex for shelter. That it's true doesn't make it right, or honorable, or desirable.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:07 PM
18

This is real answer. Whose need is being expressed here? Not mine! (And I married a man, have good sex, and raised a daughter who is loyally and enthusiastically dating an age matched man and wants to have kids some day).
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:05 PM
3

It simply makes me sad for you to feel as though you have so little other avenue of self worth. And a bit mad that you would counsel bringing all of society backwards to accommodate that. Deliberately shackle other people in order to get yourself ahead in the race, as it were.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 04:31 PM
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Ehm, um, ehr. Yeah, no. I had my wild oats in college, learned some things. The "impressive erotic dominant confident" guy pretty much got his and left, didn't get any invite back, it was a learning lesson. The "big dick man" pretty much had no other skills beyond unzipping, also, no invites back.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 04:26 PM
3

In absolute good faith, maybe I've missed this being talked to death before, why are those your only two options? Celibacy or economic subjugation? Do you really think of men as having so little to offer? Men bring so much into my life. I'm thinking of specifics that individual men in my life are great with: one knows how to plan a long trip and make sure everyone has all the right gear and food and camping equipment. Another is the best that I know at identifying wild plants, taking a hike with…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 04:17 PM
2

Straight faced, you are recommending bending society towards either prostitution or sugaring relationships. Do you prefer to never truly know that you are valued for anything other than money?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:50 PM
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I think too many of us have had that precise experience of being pressured into it. But if you want a different one, I'll edit and paste in my other post here. : I just don't understand why it's a competition. Objectively, as in "in a vacuum", day by day, my husband should feel sexually validated, special, confident and secure. By the way I look at him, listen to him, talk to him or about him, and yes, touch him sexually. What does his day to day life over the past twenty years have to do with w…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:37 PM
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I was riding off another replier who used that phrase many many times to imply that sexual service of previous men needed to be "consistent and fair" with present sexual service to him. It was meant to be a mockery.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:19 PM
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Ideally I wouldn't, but there are many many people out there who took time and some roller coaster turns to learn how to be good adults worthy of great relationships. This isn't sexual, but for example my own husband was a bit of an arrogant racist prick during high school and college. In his mid twenties he went through some things, confronted himself, matured, and became a wonderful man. Lots of young people struggle with communication skills and setting boundaries, and most of them grow out o…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:17 PM
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I just don't understand why it's a competition. Objectively, as in "in a vacuum", day by day, my husband should feel sexually validated, special, confident and secure. By the way I look at him, listen to him, talk to him or about him, and yes, touch him sexually. What does his day to day life over the past twenty years have to do with what I did before I met him? I'll go so far as to give a crass example. I had an early boyfriend who was into 69. So for about a year there was a bunch of 69. He w…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:07 PM
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If I'm reading him and you correctly, you agree. If you think your partner liked someone else more and that's not your kink, you should politely walk away. Don't whine about it, just go back to being single.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:57 PM
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If we are talking teeth brushing, sure. If we are talking being an active and enthusiastic lover who expects and gives good give and take, sure. If we are talking, she previously bit her tongue and held back tears to put up with anal every Friday for three years, hell no. She's stronger and a better person for learning to say no.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 02:54 PM
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Should be, I agree. But this whole thread is apparently the idea that if a woman ever tried a thing with other people, she owes it to all future men? Am I misunderstanding?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:10 PM
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I tried boba tea once. Boba tea is not inherently good or bad, there are certainly plenty of people out there that enjoy it and more power to them. But when I tried it, something about the tangy liquid and little chewy pearls struck me like drinking chunky vomit. I'm not going to have it any more. Women typically peak sexually at an older age than men, anyhow. So as long as communication is good, with the average woman this shouldn't be an issue for basic enthusiasm. Pushing women to do specific…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 12:45 PM
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This post sounds a bit like it's trying to avoid saying "anal sex" or "threesomes". If what they really mean by "her best" is enthusiastic, attentive sex with good communication, then yes. But if what you're dancing around with repeatedly saying "certain sex acts" is anal and threesomes, I disagree. It's entirely possible for a person to try something out and decide they didn't like it and don't want to do it anymore. Maybe they even broke up over being pressured on it. It's only consistent and …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 11:57 AM
3

One of my dearest friends is divorced, with fifty fifty, and he doesn't give her flat money but he does provide excellent health insurance for all three kids and for her as part of their divorce agreement, and he covers all sports and vacations (and those kids are very active, on skis by age 4, serious mountain biking etc so that's a chunk of change). It seems that he covers lots of the bigger ticket clothing items like winter boots as well. No alimony aside from the health insurance. Just agree…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:12 AM
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Not according to the FBI. When the incident involved a domestic relationship, the victims were most female (74.5%) and the offenders were most commonly male (77.1%); however, most of both victims and offenders in non-domestic violent incidents were male (58.3% and 76.6%, respectively). Here is a link to the PDF of their report published February 2026 If you feel hesitant about clicking into the PDF from my link, here is the FBI.gov press release, which hosts the PDF at the bottom of the page. ht…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 04:09 PM
2

Some women will say this, others won't. Everybody should just be honest about it and not manipulative, and apply the same standard to their ownself that they want in a partner. Let the people sort themselves into style they want, and be happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/26 03:58 PM
3

Agreed. So the solution is to make it ok, again, to just openly own your goals and not feel shamed for it. If a person wants to be casual, they should admit it. If a person intends to hold off of sex until there's a serious pattern with fidelity and loyalty, they should admit it. And neither group is evil. But anybody who lies about it is a douchebag.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 09:33 PM
1

I think they both are on trial. As in, by definition that's what early dating is. It's trying people out to see if they are a fit. Both sides. Are they reliable, honest, fun, attentive, generous. And attractive. And I don't disagree that there are emotionally stunted women out there doing it wrong, I'm not trying to say that either gender or attachment style is better, or that any pace towards sex is superior. Just that people generally should own their shit. If you want a thing, say it, and if …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 08:49 PM
12

Without any blame or judgement. Did this all boil down to: is it better to try sex first and decide relationship later? Or have relationship first and practice sex inside that? My own opinion, I don't think either is inherently superior. One ends up being male-coded, and if women practice it they generally get shamed and blamed. The other ends up being female-coded, and the people who don't want that yap endlessly at them that they're annoyed about those people having their choice. Realistically…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 04:46 PM
2

I'm dying. This is hysterical.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 02:19 AM
4

It's degeneracy. You can rationalize it all you want. It’s just men trying to justify being degenerates. eh, I don't think I'd agree with the shaming language. Some guys want sex to be more casual and easy, they want sex first and relationship later. Wanting that's actually fine, in my opinion. It doesn't necessarily mean they're robbing banks and lying on their resume at work. It becomes not fine when they whine about the fact that many gals don't want that. If people (men or women) are going t…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 02:13 AM
3

Cheeky response: sometimes lazy people are the most brilliant innovators because they are motivated to automate and streamline processes in place of doing the same work over and over if it's avoidable. Not relevant to dating, but wanted to say it. The subthread is a non starter anyhow because it's not a zero sum game, there isn't a winner/loser/prize to be had. It's not about making my husband work harder and harder to demonstrate something, we either fit together well in the yoke or we don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 02:04 AM
8

I've been lightly socializing with a wider variety of men over the last year, and it's been pleasant and interesting. I have the man I'm married to, those I'm related to, a few from the college years that I'm not in close touch with but have lunch once in a while. And those at work, whom I do feel very attached to and protective of. But these last 11 months I'm volunteering an average of two mornings a week at the food bank, and since I am tall and strong despite my aging bones, this means I got…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/26 12:21 AM
1

Heated Rivalry was amazing, very popular among straight women, and those guys move to oral sex practically immediately. Yeah they're angsty but it's mostly the struggles with the internalized homophobia.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 11:53 PM
3

Little anecdote: my high school senior was essentially warm approached by another senior in the fall. They were on the same sports team, so not a completely cold approach, but she didn't really know him, and turned him down. Five months later, she knows his sense of humor and his reputation for honesty and dedication better, and they've been dating these past two months and are going to prom together. Hilariously, they are toning down the hickeys due to anticipation of the formal wear, I cannot …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 11:46 PM
4

I agree with you. My dad went to a one room elementary school with a nun that smacked the kids' hands with a ruler, for real. Early 1950's. Best believe they all sat still during school hours. But exactly as you said, he had two hours of farm chores before going to school, and nearly always a few more after school before supper. Nobody did sports teams, there wasn't time or energy. In the late 1970's my dad was a third grade teacher in a small elementary for a few years, and methodically did the…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 11:29 PM
2

As a woman raised feminist from the crib who lives in a very progressive city, known for higher than national average rates of people who are lesbians, gays and trans, I can't speak for all lefties, but having had both my son and daughter get through the public school sex education etc I do feel that this community would agree with one half of the statement. Is it real, and logical as compared to behavior of other animals, due to biological realities that have to do with the degree of risk invol…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 07:23 PM
1

I don't think the analogy works. Or rather, maybe if we take the top 8% most attractive men and women (let's call them the movie stars, for convenience) they are indeed going to have dating advantages. Both the men and the women will. Then there's everyone else. Pretty privilege exists, in dating, in getting hired or getting promotions, in politics. But it's true for both men and women. We all know the salesmen and pharmaceutical reps are going to be dressed up and cute. If roughly half the popu…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 03:57 PM
2

This "gazing" and wanting to talk do indeed exist within long term relationships founded on communication and shared values. If it happens off tinder without talking, that's not love. That's lust. I'm not dissing lust, lust can be great fun, mindless attraction can be nice. But sometimes it comes wrapped in a package that is a deal breaker, so don't make more of it than it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 03:41 PM
3

?? Happens to be I'm married to a man with German citizenship, and aside from his sister, his only remaining blood relatives are all in Europe. I've got cousins by marriage all over Germany that we've stayed with several times. They're quite happy with their healthcare. People who are ill will complain anywhere they are, but it's plain on its face that the wait times for specialist referral, elective surgery and health outcomes for their statutory (state funded) insurance are excellent when meas…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 03:28 PM
5

I simply don't agree. I can never truly be inside another person's mind, but these men in my life have been consistent in their support for equality for five decades without fail. At this point, if it were a facade, it's firmly embedded and has become reality. I mean, three decades ago I did know men who were insecure and into lying, cheating, manipulation, putting women down, posturing with all that alpha nonsense. I don't deny they exist. But the people had their heartbreaks and found their ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 03:10 PM
4

If it helps, the dating relationships I'm seeing among my teenagers and their friends are not showing signs of this. They appear to be collaborative and interested in building each other up, and they all appear to assume that everyone involved is worthy of planning dates and getting spoiled equally. So yes, not all men are consumed by this "zero sum" mindset where no one can win without making someone else lose. However, it is a progressive community with visible and accepted samples of gay pare…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 02:54 PM
6

Point 2, c'mon. Make up your mind. Do you want excess money to be an attractant or not? In real life I think this is getting pretty fringe, women are catching up as breadwinners. Yes there are specific women who want to do only fans or be a sugar baby, but they're getting sorted more specifically apart from the majority. My own child only has two close female relatives who SAH, and many close female relatives who outearn men they are loyal to for reasons of good character. All her high school fr…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 05:04 AM
1

Nope, I have a son and a daughter. As I wrote, I'd really prefer having a button that created a zero-out where no one has the onus. But if I had the button, it would both be a valuable way to reset the last two thousand years of women being largely treated as property, and I think my son would do fine with it because he's kind and sociable.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 02:51 AM
10

As far as I know, your assumptions are correct. Female oral contraceptive pills aren't great for everyone; they made me ridiculously weepy and ragy, but the early trials for male hormonal suppression actually resulted in a completed suicide and another attempt across just 160 men. Also, while female contraceptive pills show slight increase in cancer and stroke risk, the risks for men needing TRT (needed with male contraceptive pills) are higher. Plus, women have been proven to resume fertility q…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/26 02:46 AM
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Well, appreciate your calm demeanor in it, but as the advice here seems to be, either accept being solo or change your standards. There isn't really any other pragmatic option. Brainstorming: perhaps you could find someone politically aligned and then ask them if they're willing to cosplay for you?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 11:19 PM
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I'm glad it remains civilized!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 11:16 PM
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Alternatively, you could try to let go of your political hurdles and have some genuine curiosity with these women, see why they're thinking that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:24 PM
26

A wise psychiatrist once told me that, no matter how real a mental health issue is, it's not in that person's best interest to let them act like an asshole. Unless they're institutionalized, it's just going to get their ass beat in a bar some day. We should expect everyone to strive towards civil behavior, equally. ... Much of the rest of your post seems pretty inflated. As in, sure, having more domestic video coverage will expose women offenders like Taylor Paul from the Secret lives of Mormon …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:13 PM
3

Eh, unlike you, he shows his posts and it's hockey going back for years. There really are men out there in the real world that value communication, shared values and tact. It's not an exclusively feminine trait. They don't comment here a whole lot because they're mostly coupled up and happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 10:01 PM
3

Because you believe men can't be that way? Not only do I believe him, I married a man of my own with very similar views. They are real.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:39 PM
3

I'd say the next runner up was a slow burn. He was the friend of friends for several years, known to me as someone with solid character, honest, kind, reliable etc. Never flirted, we just didn't connect like that at first. Some years in, I was a few months out from a bad breakup and he was single and he asked if we wanted to meetup and see the city fireworks, get a sandwich to go. He was never going to be my forever, but I needed someone safe and not too challenging. We came to an agreement abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:36 PM
5

Three times in my life, I have met a man and known he would be important to me that first day, within the first hour of talking. I'd call these all of my most serious relationships. I can't say I fell in love immediately or that they were all wonderful men, but I remember feeling like the earth shifted under me and I knew he would matter. I've had other relationships that were good, but I've never had that earth shift happen inaccurately. Perhaps I muddied the experiment by trying harder for tho…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 05:28 PM
2

Agreed.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:56 PM
2

Ah, right. I'm no movie buff. But still, does that seem satisfying?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:55 PM
3

You are saying that you think he listens to women and writes well. And that you don't believe men can really do that, only larp it. Am I understanding you correctly?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:51 PM
6

Notice the "married" flair. He values those communication things and has therefore built a stable relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 04:15 PM
3

In the movie Minority Report, wasn't that a future dystopia in which people didn't typically touch eachother for sex, but rather entered a shared VR sim? Does that seem fulfilling?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 01:35 AM
3

No but seriously. As in, I want you, individually, to be successful and get dates. And part of that is grooming and flossing your teeth and whatnot, but a big part of it is also learning to not speak in offensive ways. We teach our toddlers to not pick their nose in public, we teach the grade schoolers to not put their hands down their pants in public. It's like the TV trope of a rude or uneducated man to relax with one hand down his pants. Those buzzwords are the clear sign that a man is spendi…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 01:12 AM
3

I think it's very interesting, and it would be informative to quantify what degree of the lower sexual interaction men are having is already related to higher quality sex toys and free porn, such that solo sex has become more satisfying.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 01:05 AM
3

(you do realize that when you parrot all the manosphere buzzwords like that, it's a speed run towards I am absolutely not setting you up with any of my girlfriends)
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 01:02 AM
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I'm putting on the mother goose hat again. From the mom for a minute sub, using their language. Ducklings are padawans looking for advice. Duckie, we want you to do well, be well, be happy. I want you to have success. So part of that is indeed visualizing your ideal future - you want a partner. Good, great, that's an important step. Part of realizing your goal is going to be identifying the skills that you need for it. And relationship skills are similar to relationship skills. By which I mean, …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 12:06 AM
3

Issue being: like many women, I really like penetrative sex. We're shamed when we admit it, so there's lots of pressure to deny, but it's a real thing. I've certainly made goofy decisions because I want it, even inside my established long term monogamous marriage I've sometimes made a fool out of me to get his pants off. It's hard to control that evolutionary reproductive drive. Now mix that desire with all the facts about how much more likely it is for bodies that receive ejaculation to get STI…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 11:53 PM
0

I don't think it's performing. I think we live life, and have these fun flashes of "wow it feels good to be me". I've had a volunteering gig at the food bank, and I do my thing, and sometimes it just feels good to be a human helping out, but sometimes I have these flashes of feeling motherly, things that ring feminine in my head. Or I have friends that I joke with, and sometimes we tease about eachother's ability to be a good cook or a chemist and it doesn't feel gendered, but every once in a wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 11:40 PM
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I'm going to put on my mother goose hat from the mom for a minute subreddit. Darlin' I want the best for you. I want you to be happy and successful. Sometimes that involves introspection and accountability. That's rarely comfortable or fun. It takes time, discipline, and willingness to change what you are doing, instead of blaming other people for everything. Heck, even when it is true that it's other people's faults, focusing on that gets you ... nowhere. Focus on what's inside your own control…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 09:45 PM
4

I think this will not end up being the gotcha you think. Sure, I would press that button. Because that was a big part of my life, before marriage. I developed very late, as in my parents and pediatrician had referred me to a specialist to figure out why I wasn't maturing when I finally started to fill out and got my period at 16. So I sustained a lot of mockery at school for being undeveloped. "Titless" was actually one of the names I was called. Then I really filled out in a hurry and got all t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 07:46 PM
2

It likely means something different to other people. For me, as I observe my beloved father at age 78 and my beloved husband at 55 and we raise our son, aged 15, this is what it means to us: Anything that makes you FEEL excellent and affirmed in your masculinity that is generally healthy and good for you and the world. It's not exclusive, it is not a comment that something is reserved only for men, but it's something that makes them feel juicy and excellent about being themselves. The contrast i…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 06:37 PM
2

You know what I do enjoy? If I'm out doing something fun and exhibiting very relaxed body language (no ear buds in, etc etc) and someone ends up standing next to me, often both facing the same direction so it's very nonthreatening body language, and strikes up some commentary about something we are looking at. Example, being in the bulk aisle at the grocery, and mentioning hey my recipe calls for beluga lentils, but all I see here are the green ones and the red ones. Do you happen to have any op…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 06:15 PM
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Let's look back to the history. Red pill people decided to become a thing. For whatever reason and with whatever evidence. Blue pill, purple pill literally came into existence as an alternative to that. Like, whoa man, you're being cray, can we talk about that? Not their own thing, just, hey can we be sane while you are being insane? I'm actually here as an investigation, I'm not dating, I'm married twenty years, but I'm curious what will be affecting my high school aged kids. And it's bizarre, …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:27 AM
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A difficult but important thing to pass along to my kids has been that we can have important and beneficial relationships that don't end when we die. As in I had high school boyfriends who were good people and I clearly didn't marry them (because it's twenty years later in my marriage and I'm talking to my teenagers). But we were young together and learned about relationship skills that were important and we were good to eachother.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 04:19 AM
7

Hey, the same exact comment applies to women. If you are too picky to the point that you're alone but ok about it, ok. If you're too picky to the point that you're whining about it, you're being stupid.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 12:28 AM
14

When it frustrates the person. If they're too picky to the point that they can't get a date and they're fine with that, that's ok. If they're too picky to the point that they can't get a date and they whine about it, that's too much.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 10:42 PM
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I mean, I recall being a female high schooler in the early nineties and feeling pretty sex obsessed. I had good people around me and a series of yearlong boyfriends that treated me well, but I was a horny chica. I don't think it's new or abnormal for women to feel lust, I think that modern platforms make it easier to talk about it in ways that are more obvious and permanently recorded. Lots more talk, less action. The decreases in sexual behavior are larger among adolescent males, but the overal…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 06:01 PM
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I find it ... complex. As in, she was certainly a troubled woman, but she did have agency and she definitely wanted marriage and children and knew how they're made. She married of free will, kept a very traditional household for about 45 years before her husband descended into dementia and died. I do think that there was some sexual pressure between them at the end when his confusion made them less discreet, but sometimes that sort of behavior just happens with dementia. I'm also certain that sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 05:34 PM
2

Enough do that there are cocktails called pantydroppers, and plying a woman with strong drink is a common dating tactic. Intoxicants make many people less anxious and more touchy feely. "Social lubrication". Not all, they make some people paranoid or weepy, but many.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 03:50 PM
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Nah, she almost certainly had been raped in the years following WW2 when she was a young woman, in war torn Europe having been sent to foster care "because the city wasn't safe". Though she didn't talk about it. She was very very private about sexuality and her body care all the time I knew her during her more minor injuries. She was a very loving and giving women, until the end. When she had a mix of dementia and a very severe stroke to the point of not being able to even eat, she would still p…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 04:53 AM
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As a mama, who had been closely watching for the last twenty years the progress of my uncles and my male cousins and my work colleagues and other friends who are men, and now I have a son who is young high schooler. The dudes that are reasonable people, seem to be doing ok.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 02:39 AM
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I completely agree, and I've experienced that as well. My mother in law lived with us her final 5 years, and when she entered home hospice she was uncomfortable with having her son or paid care, so I did most of her very personal care and washing up. Including washing and dressing her after she died. My hourly rate when I work is $300. My household took a huge hit when we decided I should take care of her like that. It would have been far better if there was normalized help at home, not just fro…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 02:32 AM
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I don't think that's entirely fair. This isn't my situation, as I earn more than my husband, but I know many people who have been homemakers, by choice, by mutual agreement. Men and women. Staying home and organizing the meals and doing the cleaning and household planning, dealing with the dog and planning the vacation and oil change for the car, while not eating points with the resume. It ends up resulting in a serious harm to the individuals chances for promotion, and their retirement account.…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/26 12:57 AM
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The high schoolers are what makes me hopeful. "A" dates "B" briefly a few years ago, now "B" is on a team with "C" and they're buddies (not dating), while "A" and "D" carpool to the musical they're both in, and "C" and "E" study for math together, "E" and "F" don't like to hangout but they're civil about it which is good because "D" and "F" have decided to date this past two months after "D" turned "F" down last fall, but "D" and "E" are still besties even if "E" and "F" don't get along. "D" and…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:56 PM
–

I'm wondering if this is an online thing? Or a regional or class thing? It's just not this vicious in real life. I've got a couple of mid forties friends dating (men and women) and a cute little sampling of high school seniors, and they're just simply not horrid to each other. Not all the relationships stick, but years on they're still socially pleasant, nobody is being an asshole. Then again, I don't know anyone in real life who is admitting to using the apps. They're all meeting people through…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 05:44 PM
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Wait wait wait. In your OP, you say that women are excessively complaining by calling men assholes and players, and now you're saying Men are the pursuers. We do what will get us laid. It’s really that simple As though you are mindless robots that have no ability to have self control? Which is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:08 PM
6

For every child that for a good step father, there will be ten who won't. I think you're commenting about the men, not the children, but the grammar isn't clear. I agree it's complicated and it would be better if there were clear societal supports for kids so that adult relationships that break up won't need to cause harm to kids. It's better to demonize step fatherhood and encourage men to marry childless women. Hell we should also remove child support obligation from unmarried bio father. That…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/26 04:49 AM
3

Maybe if I say it the other way around - I have certainly nominated certain of his clothes to be donated to the thrift. And likewise, one time I dressed to attend a graduation ceremony without him and pulled together a look that is rather more high fashion than my husband's down to earth style. He was totally able to tell me that he thinks I look prettier in other clothes. Mostly it's about the effort. Any time that it is clear to me that someone put some extra effort in, I like to give one sent…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 07:14 PM
9

No he shouldn't lie. Real relationships with people who aren't insecure have plenty of space for that kind of feedback. Example: my husband likes my long hair loose, and finds me more attractive in contacts instead of glasses. Since I like him, when we go out together on a special date I will more often style myself to his taste. Other times, if I'm going to a fancy thing with other friends and he's not able to be there, I am just as likely to slick my hair back in a fashionable bun. And the tur…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:46 PM
6

I don't know, I'm strictly going by reading the OP, which said "objectification".
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 05:21 PM
6

Your post was about objectification, not being hit on. Objectification, by definition, is reducing a person to an object. That's not ok without consent. My dating era was delayed for years after I developed desire, because the general pressure of objectification was so intense, and at first I only fooled around with other young women, not because I was ever really sincerely interested in women but because male energy was so damn overwhelming.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 03:17 PM
2

I'll answer this two ways, how I lived and how I'm explicitly telling my teenage kids to be. Me: I dated Dutch. I wanted a guy to be healthy and fit and to have an ambition, but I was never subsidized by a man until we were engaged to be married (twenty years married now). Sorry, scratch that, I dated exactly one guy that was into splashy restaurants and stuff and it made me uncomfortable and lasted only a few months. I always felt it was a good idea to have looked up a few fun things around tow…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 04:53 AM
-1

I think we might be talking across eachother a bit. So, saying that I will remain vigilant is pretty much the same as saying I'm going to wear my seatbelt when driving. Low frequency, high stakes. Will I recommend that a younger woman be guarded? Would you have your 22 year old little sister have a takeout dinner at your workshop of 30-50 automotive technicians in rural Australia without you there? If not, why? It's one thing to have some sardonic jokes, but you know in your heart how to tell gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/26 04:20 AM
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Obligatory: I value what men in general and my man in specific brings and I feel equal. What I bring. Sex. Gonna say it up top. But not just taking my pants off, I've been studious for years about what makes him purr and plenty of our sessions involve him lying back like a king to be worshipped and slobbered over. Those kind of insights take months and years of careful study to really know what he enjoys and to make a safe space for him to maybe even enjoy things he was nervous about. And to pro…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 07:51 PM
2

Whoa, that's some clavicular style brain rot right there. Taking meth and periadolescent testosterone which will permanently screw up his body in pursuit of some body dysmorphia strange goals. ... Healthy straight women want to be with healthy straight men, the definition of which includes having normal measures of self worth (not bedpost notches).
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 06:14 PM
3

... so you are creating a specific need for casual sex, a validation metric, that only applies to men, but can only be supplied by women, and by statistics will be unlikely commonly achievable, and creating a sense of shame if it fails? How is this healthy? Edit/ I mean this seriously. As in, let's explore the theoretics both ways. Nearly every kindergarten class has a kid that wants to be an astronaut, or Batman. Don't we tell them that hey the aspiration is cool but maybe we can work in a crim…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 06:05 PM
1

Read the first paragraph again.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 05:59 PM
4

Please post this more frequently. The continuous "only if you're Chad" whining is tiresome and really poisonous for the young people reading along that might start to think it's true just because it gets posted so often.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 05:18 PM
-3

I am not terrified. I am responding in sympathy to the great fear and pain and anger that I see posted by some of our young people here. My own life is pretty sweet, long time married and all that, couple of cute healthy teenage kids, the daughter is dating a good age matched guy, I'm pretty much surrounded by successful relationships. Which is really what leads me to post, I think this space needs some of the perspective that this can work out. We can actually like eachother, beyond lust. We ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 04:13 PM
2

Does each individual want live each day working to create the world they want to live in? Do we vote, weed the median, pick up litter in the park, clap applause for someone else's kid at the school show, compliment the shoes of the person in line ahead of us while waiting at the grocery? The degree to which it's "shared responsibility" is that all the cultures of exploitation are perpetuated behind closed doors. Let's just jumble together rape culture with gold digging. The people who joke about…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 03:34 PM
-2

Hmmm. I hadn't ever read it as the idea that all men should feel guilty for the sins of the few. Rather that for their own self interests, if men would prefer to walk through a world where women aren't so guarded and skittish, the way to make that more likely is to actively and assertively make the world a safer place. As long as even one in twenty men are creepers encouraged by locker room humor and "boys talk", I will be keeping my guard up.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 01:51 PM
6

Good gracious, can you admit that movie star privilege exists for both women and for men? From grade school women are fed this line that they must wake up an hour early to flatiron their hair and apply perfect makeup, plan their outfits just right, budget for nails. Whether or not they "get chad" or whatever you are talking about. Some humans are simply pretty, and get pretty privilege.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 03:28 AM
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I mean, in real life I have a very good view of men. I'm married twenty years, my parents are married fifty and happy, my only sibling is a man who is married eighteen years, most of my friends are in stable heterosexual long term relationship. Lots of that is my age (nearly fifty) but the young people I'm around at work and see through my high school aged kids, the men aren't awful people (neither are the women) (none of them are doing this redpill nonsense). It's only when I come here and read…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 12:06 AM
4

Because most of makeup is for the benefit of other women. I'm not even anyone who wears makeup more than once a year and I know that. Yes, the roots of it were in being enticingly feminine, but we must all agree that the vast, vast majority of money, time and tiktok videos and special looks for nails and makeup are some kind of showing off for other women that like makeup. Or there are men, too, that now also do makeup and get features in the Sephora advertisement. The contours, bits of shimmer,…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:22 PM
10

This is part of the modern chaos that is making everyone unhappy. I do think there's a biological component - no demographic has more sex, with more partners, more hookups, than gay men. All of the things that women on the dating apps object to (first contact being highly sexual, dick pics, hooking up first and looking for maybe a relationship later) are standard and accepted on Grindr. So what I'm saying is that I agree with your statement that men often want to sample sexual compatibility earl…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 07:06 PM
2

You make it sound so migraine inducing that I can't face it today, but I will sometime soon make a good faith effort to do as you recommend. As a thought exercise, let me entirely concede the point - if TRP is indeed poisonous, and yet we know that there are measurable differences in the neurochemistry of sex and sexual attraction between men and women, what alternate structure can we recommend for men? I don't see it as healthy for men to tell them to act like women. It's demeaning and ineffect…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:44 PM
2

I think what they're saying is that truly long term partnerships go through big changes. The kinds of love we feel evolve with us. I heard an interview on the radio once where some person described that anyone who chooses to get married should plan to be in about five different marriages - you can have them all with the same person if you are willing to work at it. That's a bit extreme, but I like the way it shakes up the mindset. And it's true, I'm married twenty years now, and the things I hav…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:32 PM
17

I read it pretty differently. OP isn't saying that a modern person can't choose to want a provider and have that be lovely and beneficial, he was saying that it's no longer the only choice. Had used to be it was really very rare for a woman to be able to make her own way without marriage, and there was a large social penalty as well as serious financial instability. Unless you were born into wealth, it was nunnery, drudgery, social pariah, or find a man to marry. I also didn't read in there anyt…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 04:15 PM
2

From where I stand, it's just been so typically common to include men actively. I mean, my co chair for Medical Students for Choice was a man (if we accept a pro choice volunteer interest group as a decent signifier of being feminist). Twenty years ago. There does come a point at which, all the men are the neighborhood potluck that speak on the topic are feminist. When I volunteer at the food bank, I see many different activist tee shirts, and last week one is an older man wearing "everyone watc…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 02:55 AM
2

I'll admit I haven't hung out in primarily male redpill spaces (other than here) but the female redpill subreddit was not an insane place. Yes, I'll admit there is a venn diagram overlap between pickup artist jerks and the redpill men. But it's not complete and it doesn't serve the discourse to say that it is. Might need to edit in a wee bit of storytime. In case it makes space for more other readers following along who might connect to it. Not even trying to persuade anyone for whom it doesn't …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 09:45 PM
3

I agree, it can be tough. In my experience the large majority of red pill men and women who can respond in complete and coherent sentences will also repudiate abuse, anything unconsenting in the form of physical discipline or verbal abuse or financial control. They can look similar from the outside, but the RPW at least are looking for someone safe and sane and reliable, not abusive. It can take bravery to step into that role - I live in a very progressive community, I know stay at home fathers,…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 05:56 PM
7

I'm not really redpill for women, but I did spend some thoughtful and not argumentative time there (and didn't get banned for speaking my truth) and I think you're painting the whole with the sins of the few. As with every part of reddit, people post more loudly when they're angry or upset. And it's very human to want the easy way out of your woe - telling everyone else to change while you don't. Those people can get loud and screechy and they can give a whole movement a bad name. Lots of people…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 05:32 PM
1

First of all, the idea is pointless to discuss, because your suggestion is impossible to create in real life. Why engage in the mental masturbation? It just winds you up. Sure, I don't enjoy my commute, it'd be more enjoyable if I could teleport places. Still not happening. We want to discuss specifically actionable concrete things that people can do, regardless of whatever they think is holding them back. Simply swiping to match over and over without even reading a profile, that's what's creati…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 01:24 PM
1

While I don't disagree, and in real life I'm pleased about the third spaces that are available to the youth (in my ridiculously progressive and very fortunate community). But even if something is documented to be bad for people, they're using it and in many communities it's all they have. Harm reduction is helpful, above giving up entirely.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 01:16 PM
1

I think the filters don't seem to work very well, perhaps by design, perhaps because it's easy for anybody to lie about intent (or picture or age or anything) and that's what makes this haystack method so interesting. By talking total accountability, making it an internal locus of control, and being transparent about it. ... As part of my methodical intention to not generalize one group as better than the other, I'm not going to say that any one group lies or doesn't. But I do think that discour…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 01:12 PM
2

That's exactly the point. A hundred people walk into a food court, some craving pizza and some want a smoothie and some want cheap lo mein. Why try to tell them to all go to the same counter? Why not tell them to self-sort, instead of having a bunch of people trying to get a slice of pizza out of the smoothie bar or some lo mein from the pizza joint? It's not that any one is inherently better, it's that they really aggravate each other by all standing in the same line. Stop arguing with the peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 12:49 AM
3

I've 100% felt like you, I've totally been badmouthing OLD entirely for years. This article was the first time in a long time I felt that perhaps this double edged sword can be used for good, like any dangerous tool.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 12:44 AM
3

I agree that there's a spectrum. "Hey girl nice tits" or "wanna send me nudes" gets blocked. "Hey" (no effort, their profile is minimal) needs no response. . "Hey I see that you're into vinyl, I am as well, mostly Chicago style blues" gets a polite response, even if they clearly say hookup only it's kind to give them the thirty seconds to say best of luck but I'm not looking for hookups. 8 or 10 chats back and forth after which you're not feeling it does deserve the politely stated "good luck to…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 12:42 AM
2

I do mean this as gently as I can, but any solution that consists only of telling other people changing their behavior is whiny and weak. We can control our own behavior. This woman, this method describes exactly how to curb her own behavior in order to stop winding up and wasting the attention of people wanting only to hookup. The silver lining is that by laying bare her method, her criteria that she and the movement are using, which is a very specific roadmap with precise details for how to na…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:25 PM
2

Precisely! It would indeed be super interesting - both to see that there are indeed gals who are in serious search of casual hookups (for whatever reason pleases them), and separately the guys who do want LTR have now, finally been given very specific and highly actionable instructions. Finally it's not "be tall, be blue eyed, whatever" it's a very concrete and detailed roadmap for exactly how to use messaging in what grammatical style and pace. The guys here seem to often want specific instruct…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:14 PM
3

Oh c'mon, friend, please at least read the post. The point is that left swiping, instead of blocking, actually ends up wasting everyone's time because the match turns up again and again. With a bit of time spent blocking, you can shift the algo to start floating people who match your style, and defeat the greedy app programmers that just want to keep you endlessly swiping, never matching or getting a serious connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 10:01 PM
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Outside of dating, psychologists and therapists call this sort of thing "temptation bundling" or "contingent reinforcement". It's essentially knowingly bribing yourself to do something you know you should do anyway. An example of a smaller loop might be limiting streaming your favorite show to when you're on the treadmill. Or deciding that if you clean the whole kitchen you can eat some ice cream. Doing it to get sex would be a longer loop, but as long as the thing you're doing to get the sex is…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 08:09 PM
3

Dunno man. I believe you that there are some caricatures that get screechy on the Internet, but in real life it's not like that. I've done some pretty intensive real life feministing, I sponsored and filled up a full size greyhound bus full of people to drive a thousand miles to the women's pink pussyhat march in DC in 2017. Nearly all my friends and loved ones would identify as feminists. Most of us had kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 02:29 AM
8

I firmly believe there is a reasonable happy medium. I had my two kids, I'm happy with them. They like other kids and have made incidental mention that someday they'll see about having kids of their own. We are feminists. I don't see feminism as being anti natalist. My parents both came from very large families and love kids (Dad was a third grade teacher for a while) but felt it was environmentally irresponsible to have 7 or 8, the way they were raised and so limited themselves to two kids, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/26 12:00 AM
1

I'm having a bit of difficulty understanding you. Do we have a partial language barrier? Just checking to see if I'm understanding: you wonder why do women like terrible men, and redditors interpret this as you complaining about sexlessness? Is it that there's a direct statement of men wanting woman to have sex with them or is it interpretation It's often both. Many posters do indeed straightforwardly ask that women give more casual sex, or give up career aspirations in favor of moving in and sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 04:47 PM
1

You're imputing that it's because I don't trust him. Which is false, he's my ride or die. But it's a good example to set for the young'ns. Adult humans should have their own bank account and assets. And a shared house account. Of course I cannot telepathically know the deepest secrets of every person I hold a sign next to, but when I organize a bus to a feminist rally and invite men and they show up and nobody even gives them a side eye, I don't think we can do much more than that. Online, where…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 04:38 PM
2

I feel so bad about number 4 particularly. Precisely the good guys, are the ones feeling bad. That's messed up. And I don't have any great ideas about how to fix it. I do want to share that in late high school and college, every single time that a guy quietly spoke up in support, ever said "hey I know you're strong but if you ever need someone to walk you to the car, I can be that person" I deeply appreciated it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/26 04:31 PM
1

I'm glad that you're able to speak up, I think more young people need voices that describe nontrad choices, whether that's being single or whatever. I hope your adults are supporting you. And it can include having excellent social groups for watching soccer matches, meeting up for the musical theater, making a funny pledge to tour every Korean restaurant within thirty miles.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 11:58 PM
2

Thank you for being attentive and I'll try it out here. It's lovely to teach the general public.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:37 PM
1

Oh beloved. I do love many men. I have many men who are stable and important relationships in my life. I'm nearly fifty and I've had great work relationships with dozens of men, I've been married to a lovely man for twenty years, I'm daughter and sister and mother and cousin to good men. Nearly all men are good men. But the women's experience which isn't most men's fault, is going to be that nearly all women have experienced being creeped on. Because the few that creep are relentless and not kep…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 09:01 PM
2

Internet hugs. I wish it were better for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:57 PM
0

It's generally accepted within sexual research that female sexual orientation is variable based on situation. (And probably male too, but less studied) It's not confusing or painful for you for other people to temporarily take their own designations. Like hey, I'm a gardener! Hey, I am avoiding alcohol this month. Hey, I have a houseful of kittens right now. Hey I don't want sex with anyone right now. The situation of having a house of kittens, of feeling interested in sex, it changes. And the l…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:11 PM
3

I'm going to push back, because I think it has been super helpful for her to feel supported while associated with this group for a few years. I want other people to feel ok doing that. Labels can change, and shouldn't feel like a limit. My own kiddo, I suspect was very clear that her own goals needed to be satisfied first. And that's great. But for her internal experience that meant that sexuality felt shut down until she had her academic validation. And as she became more empowered she feels re…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:00 PM
3

I honestly truly believe that this is a designation that evolves. People can genuinely have zero interest in sex. Which makes them asexual. And then, things over the years things can change, and their interests can change. To become sexual. And that's ok, it doesn't devalue the importance of respecting what was going on while they were being asexual. And some people are sexual and then become not. For often very complicated reasons. This isn't a DNA print, it's a way a person feels. My child was…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:29 PM
3

It's not. Libido is a labile thing profoundly affected by external factors, by stress or poor sleep or religious inhibition. When those external factors are removed, the designation changes. As a human who has been sexual for over 35 years, my degree of interest in sex has changed, based on what else was happening in my life. Was my training program permitting enough rest? Was I hospitalized with infection? Were the people around me telling me I was a horrid slag if I wanted a guy? All those thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:21 PM
4

Will you and all other guys repudiate manosphere as an outlier, silly, and therefore unimportant? If not, we need to keep tracking it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 05:00 PM
3

The labels are crucial, if they give the people a feeling of safety. This isn't like a blood type, a fixed immutable characteristic. This is "I don't want to eat beef". Respect it. It can change. Sexual orientation is very complex and includes both "gas and brakes" such that people can have both urges and cultural overlays that squish them. A person that matures into a space where the brakes come off can become much more sexual.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:58 PM
1

How has MGTOW changed? My understanding was that it was initially stoicism in the classical sense and had many good qualities, before becoming more aggressive and angry. I'm very interested in your experience on this. I totally agree that my experience of the "decentering men" movement is probably different than yours. I'm reading in the askwomenover40 and over60 subs and while there is conversation about men, much of it is not angry. We weren't raised with a picture of a good life outside of be…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:53 PM
2

Also, please teach me the reddit code for how to make things bold. I have figured out how to make things quotes or italicized or bigger font, but not bold.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:37 PM
4

Sorry to be pedantic but I think it's actually valuable here. A red herring is a misleading piece of information or a logical fallacy that aims to distract or divert attention away from a relevant or important question. It can be used as a literary device to lead readers to an incorrect conclusion. The term may come from the practice of using a smoked herring's strong scent to train hunting dogs to follow a trail or to mislead rival dogs. In literature, a red herring must appear plausible and be…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:33 PM
2

The decentering men crew seem to talk lots about getting on with life, getting their finances and career stable, establishing strong social circles that aren't related to a romantic connection. That all seems healthy. Eh, this sub isn't affecting how I interact with real guys in real life, I'm just witnessing how it seems to degrade quickly inside this space. I have two reddit accounts and the algo only brings this sub up on this one, so it's interesting to see the impact on how I feel and write…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:21 PM
2

Hey that's totally cool if this balance makes you happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:13 PM
8

Manosphere is a symptom of the illness, not a red herring. It didn't cause the issue, but it is a florid expression. Just as the classic rash helps to diagnose measles.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:12 PM
2

I'm back and forth trying to find ways to explain to guys that both things can be true: I can honestly believe that most men are good men, and I deeply value men in my life, and I want other men to succeed. And, it's entirely reasonable for women to feel skittish around men. To never leave a drink unattended. I keep my own bank account and assets under my own name. I wear a seatbelt or a helmet. ... The loss of no fault divorce is a truly painful idea. I still don't understand how people are exp…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:10 PM
6

I have a teenage kiddo who identified as ace/aro (that's apparently the modem slang for asexual and aromantic, I learned some things) until she was 18 and suddenly decided to date. Honestly I wasn't surprised, watching the way she watched TV shows and movies I strongly suspected she would end up interested in guys, but she seriously didn't want to deal with them in real life for those two or so years, and this label felt good and safe for her during that time. So we didn't challenge it, she was …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:42 PM
3

... and the urgent one is the rape/assault issue. We need to be able to talk about it and how it affects everyone downstream from the event.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:14 PM
3

You're right. Is this space toxic? I come and get sucked in once a year for a week. Each time I find myself pretty bummed out and more suspicious and less generous, and more likely to overgeneralize. My real life men are so lovely, and generally reliable and sweet and strong, and this sub comes up in my feed and I want to just post my little glimpses of how I witness real men being good. And then I get sucked into it and it's sour almost immediately. ... I shouldn't, but I'm gonna quibble, while…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:09 PM
6

It's going to be difficult to relate to your life if you seriously hang out with no one. (As an aside, duckling, you realize that if you are interested in women you will need to go hang out with people, women don't fall from the sky. It's fine to choose to be solo, but it's a choice you are making in your own life.) It's been interesting to be in mixed groups at a party or the bar, and one guy is just a bit over his skis making a gal uncomfortable, which guy is the one who steps up to correct hi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:00 PM
5

I do think there's an extra spice in it for them that it's "in front of" women. Which is pretty screwed up. There are a few unhappy women trolls here, but most women that don't want to be with men self select off to women only spaces. As not a man, I don't know how many men who have given up on women are also doing that, but there seem to be a fair number here that want to come and post about how awful women are specifically where they can get women to read it. Ugh, is this space persuading me t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 02:44 PM
18

I think the answer you seek is "yes" and it's not wrong. Some guys are creeps or dead beats, and they leave a trail of women who are skittish and cynical, hypervigilent. A genuine guy comes along and wonders why she's skittish and cynical. That's a form of suffering. Most men are good men, but the ones who creep do it so persistently that most women have been affected, and it sucks all around. What I don't understand is why more guys aren't loudly and vehemently policing their own group on it. W…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 02:36 PM
7

"reminally" earnest me replying. How is any of that calling hetero guys gay? Who is being mislabeled? Edit/ the folks who hide their comment history never come off as courageous.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 08:38 AM
5

Largely agree, just want to add that the disgruntled women are often gravitating towards r/askwomenover40 or similar. I do not know if unhappy men often complain to other men, or if there's something about purple pill debate and maybe having that opposite gender audience is important?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:36 AM
9

I'm, like, nearly terminally earnest. So I'm going to engage with you in good faith. Bringing it back up a few comments you said I was running defense on calling hetero guys gay, and I still don't understand where that comes from. Can you please quote or link to that? Ok, I think what I'm reading from you is that you support affirming true gender, not gender assigned at birth? Me too. Fist bump? As in, I literally live in a place with a higher than average density of people who are NB and trans,…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:13 AM
12

I'm almost entirely with you, as long as we agree that what you are calling "radfems" do not represent the vast majority of feminists. I don't challenge that they exist, they are loud and screechy, but I do not see those concepts as being common. And I've done some pretty serious feministing, I organized an entire Peter Pan bus to go to the women's march on DC in 2017 with all the pussy cat hats. I've never met a feminist in real life that didn't want to include men. I totally appreciate your st…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:59 AM
11

I'm bewildered. Please relate any of this to not supporting masculinity? Or calling straight guys gay?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:40 AM
4

I am neither up nor down voting. I am not sure I understand what your point is, though. There are going to exist silly and immature examples of both genders, and when they're unhappy they're going to post loudly and frequently, because folks who are sad and mad post more than people who are happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:34 AM
3

People are indeed flaky as hell, and it's truth that the influence of online-ness is fucking it up. People get just enough of their social needs met that there's less motivation to help with the neighborhood picnic and whatnot. That sucks that you've been repeatedly ghosted and left behind. It's awesome that you've had the fortitude to dig in, even if it is feeling like damage mitigation at this phase - staying the course when it's feeling like a grind can be the difference, a decade later, betw…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:30 AM
12

No? I'm super curious to see a link? As in, that would be out of character, unless it was a misread. "Gay" isn't a slur in my culture, I work with and am friends with a higher than nationally average percentage of people who are gay and trans, as in the population density is such that there are two primary care practices in my city that specifically advertise specialty in trans health. So at work, at the grocery, teachers at the school, some of them are out and very accepted. Perhaps I have an i…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:20 AM
9

I hate playing into it, but whenever people complain about "every man is a stalking rapist abuser" it's really important to talk about how much events that are low frequency but high impact affect behavior. I've had my driver's license for thirty five years and I've been the driver in exactly one car accident. Yet I do indeed carefully buckle my seat belt every time I get in. Not because I think every drive is going to result in a crash, but because if it happened, it could be horrible. Most men…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:12 AM
2

Link? Out of curiosity?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:05 AM
1

Included as an important part of society. To feel needed and important, seen as valuable. Shucks this makes me feel ancient, but I want the young adults to walk into a space and just feel all us old people looking at you like you are precious to us. In random places, like at the grocery or walking in the town common. Precious for existing. The way that people coo over babies.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 06:02 AM
2

Kiddo ain't making the varsity squad at this point, but he's showing up. For us it's about the experience, not the medals. The points about my dad and my husband are fair - but think about it - my dad created the shoes club when he retired. Life isn't over, guys need to continue to put effort in. My husband, yes he's in a fortunate spot. But he made it. He literally slept in the parking lot of his job for several years during his early twenties. No social life. He definitely earned dropping out …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 11:12 PM
5

Seriously, do you feel no connection to any male humans? Is there any cousin, brother, uncle, anyone, anyone that you feel a sisterly connection to? Men are humans first. They are sons of a mother. Some go sideways when they grow up, but they all start out as innocents.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 10:57 PM
2

I'm fortunate to send my kids to a public school system that doesn't believe in much homework. It's very different - they don't start until 9am and they have only four, 90 minute, class periods a day. There's a flex block in the middle where they can sign up to visit any of their teachers for help or to work on homework. Result is, both my kids are doing AP courses by junior year and it's pretty rare they do homework at night. National placement on the MCAS is very high. Progressive tax and inve…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 10:52 PM
9

Eh, ehr, um, ah while I feel some ways able to connect with you ... mostly I don't. The men in my life are a huge benefit. And lots of it is ungendered, they are simply good humans that are good friends and family members. And some of them over time, and the one I married, have this extra benefit of being really sexy and scratching that itch with me. And we decided together to make some kids and those are pretty awesome, too. Including the boy one. I guess, I'm super feminist, and I really like …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 10:44 PM
6

Did you read the thing? I strongly promote the idea that most men are good men. But there are a few men who are creepers. Those dudes creep so often that nearly every women has been creeped on. I equally believe that most women are good women. Some women are creepers, gold diggers, manipulators etc. And they should be shamed. But they don't actually represent the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 09:47 PM
1

So much truth. The increasing income inequality, and lower effective income due to inflation, is viciously harmful to pleasant dating. Particularly when mixed with an online belief that we don't need to match up with people that are similar to us. People who are feeling the pinch are going to have a tough time spotting a date. Which makes total sense, while trying to adapt to the chaotic modern "rules of dating" which are unpredictable. ... Separate from the dating, parenting has become is own s…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 09:39 PM
2

In any way, do you feel invited in, or as though we are trying to support you? Please tell me which tiny hints work and which ones miss. Because my demographic is seriously trying to make it fun and realistic to get involved and to feel supported. By aggressively supporting unions, SNAP, Medicaid, basically social stability. Not the destabilization of war. We love to have the young people included in the hyper local grow food community stuff, because it seems to connect young people with other y…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 09:24 PM
2

Agreed. In the US, we need to stop voting for the people that are decimating SNAP, Medicaid, messing up prices of gas and basic grocery staples, entering very expensive wars that will screw our economy for years to come. I want my neighbors around the corner to feel safe and stable about entering relationship and having kids, and we are headed in the wrong direction. ... My biggest new social group this past year has been the food bank. I have been volunteering there a half day twice a week, whi…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 07:05 PM
85

I am 6000% there to discuss and troubleshoot men's pain, concerns, troubles, difficulties, as long as the solution isn't asking women to put out. I want to talk about positive masculinity. I want to talk about how to socialize individually, and how to foster third spaces generally that help other people to socialize. I want to generally encourage women to feel good about initiating dates, and having financial literacy to reject being a leech so that sexual attraction to a man can be genuine. But…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:51 PM
2

Totally does. Divorce and child support are also more expensive ways to raise children. If people want children frugally, finding someone who wants to stay married is the least expensive way.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:37 PM
1

Thanks and agree. It's really complicated to try to discuss instinct vs cultural overlay, and to pick apart what is beneficial vs harmful. Funny story tangent, my kiddos had good school sex education, but we all know it's a thousand conversations so one afternoon I find myself saying to my son (when he was 13) as the hormones come you are going to feel certain urges and at this point he starts frantically saying "ugh no, mom, I know" and I laughed and continued to run and lift heavy things and w…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:16 PM
10

I have two kids in high school, that's why I've dipped back into this type of conversation despite being stably married for a long time, I'm becoming intensely interested in what my children are facing as they become young adults and consider dating. On the flip, my career involves needing to make trusting connections with strangers. So I'm a bit specifically trained in and hyper aware of how to try to make authentic connections with people who are having a terrible day that isn't about me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 04:09 PM
12

I'm super invested in encouraging the men and boys in my life to have positive masculine experiences. From my dad, who is 78, and has carefully cultivated a men's only space with a backyard horseshoes club. They call themselves "men of iron" and they eat lots of snacks while playing. It's an excuse over the past twenty years to have friends. So, hosting a regular party is now a masculine trait. To my husband, 55, who is better than anyone I know about calling his old high school buddies on their…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 04:02 PM
1

Also, I do find great joy in being married and doing none of the bullshit. My husband does 100% of the vacuuming and mopping. As in, we bought this home a decade ago and I am actually not certain where he stores it, let alone have I ever turned it on. I do my part - most of the cooking and dishes, I do our bedsheets laundry, but overall it's pretty even. He schleps the kids back and forth to extracurriculars more. I deal with more of their bellyaching around school and friends. Marriage can be b…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 03:44 PM
3

Oh, it was girl on girl bullying. I didn't fully understand her beef with me but I was a voluptuous person well ahead of when I felt confident about it, and that attracts attention of all kinds. Maybe she was jealous, maybe she was insecure in her own body, I don't think she said it because she was feeling good about the world, but it hurt. Fuck that, I earned my grad degree before she did, nyaa nyaa. I have never commented about your pain, I don't think it's unserious or unimportant. I simply d…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:42 PM
14

You are welcome. I think this is very relevant to the typical difficulty that young people have with forming new friendships once they're done with school. The skills are very similar to early dating. The enforced proximity of school (or intense work training, or bootcamp) performs much of the initial work towards making friendships. Once we are out in the world, we need to replace that deliberately. Learn how to say hey we have some interesting conversations, we should do this more often, let's…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:16 PM
20

I believe this is one of those issues that isn't really gendered. Yes, there is huge variability in how much people want to hear other people around them share all of their emotions, to be messy or even dramatic. But some people (men and women) are more stoic and quiet, or reflexively fill the space with static like sports talk or shallow chatter. There are men and women who will greet you casually, "Hey good morning, how're you doing?". And they do NOT want to hear in reply well I'm worried abo…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 01:54 PM
5

So awesome, to be dismissed as a person with intellect and skills. I was literally, explicitly told in high school that I was a butterfly, my purpose in life was to mate and die. Fuck that. As I'm nearly fifty now and less often targeted for having breasts, I've got to say it's nice. I like being me without so much of the pressure. .... In another thread, we were talking about how privilege often comes wrapped in pain. But the privilege is often the only part visible to others.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 05:12 AM
5

I'll strongly disagree with this one. I've definitely been in those situations where I felt I was just a pretty decoration, and it eats away at the soul. I mean, it's a balance, and everyone wants to at times feel physically attractive, but it's not 100%. It's awfully painful to feel dismissed as a person with intellect and skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 04:15 AM
2

I don't agree with the idea of a big splash date on first meeting. It's too much pressure, what if you have no conversational topics in common, or no chemistry? Just get a coffee. I don't agree with the opinion that a man's relationship to a woman is forever set in stone on first meeting based on physical attractiveness. That's BS. What if my cat just died, or I flunked an exam, or I ate something wretched for lunch and my belly feels bad. There's about a million inputs that have nothing to do w…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 02:16 AM
3

As do some women. And how does that help? Why compete to be a bigger victim? To have less agency in your own life?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 12:12 AM
–

Well, I'll be turning fifty this year, so I think the younger guy. I'll need a spry young buck to bring me mugs of tea and massage my arthritic bones when I get old. Back in high school I actually did date a guy who was 5 inches shorter and my age. But at 6'0" I'm ludicrously tall for a woman, he was simply normal. Most of my LTRs have been with guys almost exactly my height. Though I should confess I ended up marrying a man my friend set me up with, he was on the steering committee of a charity…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 11:26 PM
5

Oh I certainly think dating woes are real. I sometimes think the way they're described in this particular corner of the Internet is a bit ... concentrated. People who are happy often don't speak up as loudly as people who are angry. But yes, young people are dating and having sex less, and later than ever before (both genders). Whether it's the social delays from pandemic, the disastrous social effects of all the online time - kids and young adults are getting enough of the social fulfillment th…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:37 PM
2

I think the answer is that there's a time and a place for both general and specific venting. It's all important to have a time and a space to let it out. But be mindful that the phrasing and way of thinking about the issue matters. People who are repeating over and over that they don't have agency, or any control, can get into a pretty dark and despondent head space. Classical stoicism, that focuses on self mastery, is much healthier than just yelling that the rest of the world should change whi…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:15 PM
8

Twenty years ago, when "metoo" was all in the news, an odd thing happened with my mother. She has a women's group that has met monthly for about thirty five years, a bunch of friends that grew out of a church circle. They talk about becoming grandparents, going through menopause, losing their parents, all kinds of deep stuff. When they started to talk about "metoo" it became clear that every single one of them had had some type of frightening unwanted sexual assault. Mama had been close friends …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:04 PM
9

I very much empathize with men, the old rules of engagement are no longer always valid, and the rules of the new social compact are still chaotic and highly unreliable, then on top of that all the online stuff is like gasoline on a dumpster fire. I just don't understand why some noisy men have to say they have it worse than women, instead of different. It would be very fair for men to complain that it's way more confusing than it was a generation ago. If you need to have it be a comparison, comp…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:34 PM
1

Well, it's a fun (but frightening) cosplay, isn't it. Again we are noting that online dating is toxic and bizarre.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 02:31 AM
1

Interesting. I'm not religious. As in, my parents were mildly, and I attended some church stuff in childhood, but not in adulthood. My kids have mostly entered a church for funerals and weddings. Exception of the local university holds a non-denominational vespers service in late December with a hand bell choir and I'm a bit obsessed. I am curious where you read an insistence on modesty? I do mean this question in the friendly way.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 02:18 AM
2

I'm ... a simmery hot sort of a person. I think a bunch of it is a freedom of feeling as though I can recognize someone as hot without feeling any interest at all in acting on it, because I'm very married. Before I was in my marriage, I often felt afraid to acknowledge that sexual interest even existed, because it might mean some type of obligation to "put out" as though admitting lust must mean agreement, or it meant I was a slut. My own lust was always there. It was simply buried by a cultural…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 02:04 AM
5

Psychedelic research is so, so interesting. In summary, it seems to open the "rewrite" window and that can go really well, or poorly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 09:15 PM
4

Exactly. I have friends (not first circle close but long-standing) who are men and single and they are "successful with me" friends because they have lives and interests. We go to plays or new restaurants. I would invite them to a group party or recommend them to a single woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 06:30 PM
3

(married now) In my day, any day I wanted. For sure. Not every guy, but most guys. This is what keeps my pill purple instead of blue. There really are differences in terms of when women will consent to sex, and some of it is cultural BS but some of it is very reasonable biological consequence. I was a lusty lady, the only things holding me back were the cultural shame and the concerns about biological repercussions.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:13 PM
2

Stay away from the apps! All the research and all the anecdotal experience, is so awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:03 PM
1

That’s a self-selected sample being treated like a universal truth. Nope. The study did not differentiate between people who were single by choice and single involuntarily.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:54 PM
2

I appreciate this agreeable and kind discourse. I feel as though you have two distinct questions: how would women's behavior be changed by magical lack of slut shaming, and can men also dress to attract sexual attention. I'll answer in opposite order. The whole spectrum of male grooming, let's drag it back to "metrosexual" where guys might feel bullied for getting a non polished manicure, or grooming their brows. Yeah that's totally not fair. Perhaps it's borne of envy that the groomed man is at…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:52 PM
4

I'm on mobile and I'm going to have to edit and paste to make sure I address all your questions. Which do seem in good faith and I want to reply in good faith. (As an aside I appreciate you nodding to the idea that certain kinds of privilege can come packaged in pain, a demographic can have certain things that are easier which look so amazing from the outside, while the inherently bundled pain points are easier to overlook. On the whole right now I'm of the personal opinion that the pain and pri…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:59 PM
2

On every question that was asked in the study, single women were more comfortable than single men with their single lives. They were happier with their current romantic relationship status. They were less likely to want a romantic partner. They were more sexually satisfied. And they were more satisfied with their life in general. link This is the part that I wish wasn't so. It seems a bit rough. I wish it were more equal.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 04:14 AM
6

I'm not seriously interested in changing your view. So for the debate of the thread I think I'm kind of in agreement, except that I'm not certain your in as much good faith as I am. I am the mother of a young man and a young women. Since I'm a ridiculously earnest person, I'm taking your comment in very good faith, and I would want every young man to adapt to the modern situation by being more selective, as you state on face. Young people now have a wider geographic selection, and most people ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:54 AM
0

If rates of being virgin are very similar between genders, and rates of bullying online show older teen girls being the most often victims as well as perpetrators - I don't really see this as a lopsided thing. Notice I'm not saying it's cool for women (or anyone, clavicular) to thirst trap or slyly try to earn money. Notice I'm specifically saying that it's objectively linked to depression and anxiety to be involved in online dating and Instagram type social media in a dose dependent way, bad fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 09:41 PM
5

my parents and grandparents So late 1940's through mid 1970's for my family stories. Point being, the mid seventies and eighties was when it started to turn around for women having real choices about being in relationship. Funny enough, nearly all my social circle (again I'm nearly fifty) is married, mostly in the mid 00's and therefore has been married for a decade or two, 85% cis-het relationships. Plenty of men in stable relationships. I think it's the middle class thing. My kiddos, at least,…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 09:32 PM
2

Truth. But the "we're sending our kids to state schools and getting some financial aid for it" level. Which I agree is still middle class.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 06:18 PM
22

I'm nearly fifty, and if you ask women in my parents' and grandparents' generation, everyone know many many women who stayed in abusive marriages, having more children than they wanted. They had very few other options beyond "mommy's little helper" (Valium).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/26 06:15 PM
2

"women farm men's attention" etc. It's reductive and unkind. To both, honestly, both saying that women are predatory and that men are prey. I agree that online dating and social media traffic are unbalanced and perverse and encourage very toxic behavior. But looking at my actual high schoolers, in real life it's not like that. Looking at the real research comparing rates of being virgin, they're quite similar between young men and women. Focusing on the online dating gender war just creates more…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 10:14 PM
4

Wow. This is why I counseled my teenage daughter to stay the hell away from anything online. I'm into guys (I married one) and she's into guys (dating one) and both of us are seriously, highly turned off by this attitude. Solutions does not equal handjobs or other forms of easy sex. Women can like men, and still prefer relationship. Neither of us were ever "nails and lashes crew" or expected a man to pay for dinner. We want to live our life, and on the fun nights we are attracted to guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 07:27 PM
7

Things may be more difficult now, but my life's love is a story of overcoming. I'm contentedly married to a man who was raised in similar ugliness and got over it. Twenty years now. My story may be tangential to your question because it spans too many years. My father in law was a literal Nazi. Yup. A member of the junior Nazi League and enlisted at the age of 17 with the Germans in WW2. Now, that man had his own life story and his essential motivating factors weren't grounded in racism, but he …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 05:08 PM
3

OP, you post that replies that are from married or committed women aren't useful - so I'm going to reach back into my history and answer from that time period. The answer was very very similar, plenty of sexy thoughts, but laid over with a heavy and suffocating blanket of fear. I felt plenty spicy and juicy and interested, but I was getting bombarded constantly with this heavy barrage of "oh no you better don't" from social media, from movies and TV, from the people around me. From guys that ins…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 08:25 PM
3

I think guys fail to take into consideration how variable the gal is. As in, I've totally had months of my life when I was happy to have very obvious flirtation, and I was flirting as well and hooking up was great. And years of my life when I needed a slow start and only accepted dates with guys who had solid reputations within my friend circle. There isn't a single unifying win code. You can't hack "women". To directly answer, yes, I have had relationship with a man I thought was long term, and…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 06:06 PM
6

I'm very quick to simmer, which I think is a normal human thing. A glance, or sometimes with a long known colleague if they say a thing it'll set it off. So, like, nine thousand times a day. But I'm human, I have a mind, so even though I have the impulse I control it. I control where my eyes and my conversation go, and I respect my relationship and the relationships of the people I work nearby.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 05:33 PM
4

I didn't like splashy dates and gifts, it felt intimidating and as though I owed something in return. The fancy restaurant, being given an expensive gadget, it made me feel as though maybe he didn't think I could care for myself. Or he was trying too hard, raising the concern that maybe he wouldn't be a good planner for household finance. Maybe that was just him. Anyhow, didn't work. So to be very specific, look out for discomfort with financial disparity. Yes some women thrill for this, and som…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 03:51 PM
0

I think one thing that is seductive about the red pill, is that it grossly oversimplifies the process. It totally makes sense that it would be more enjoyable if the pathway was always the same. Predictable, reliable. But it's a lie. Humans are very individual and the way to best romance Alice, Betty, Charlotte, Dierdre, and Eloise will all be different. This is also true for Alan, Bob, Carl, David, and Ethan. The uniform component is to be healthy in terms of sleep, fitness, intoxicants, to have…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 01:33 PM
22

that's sad .... So, Pic? And if she's physically attractive This isn't helping a woman. This is not a generous impulse. This is being willing to fuck anything attractive. ... Take a deep breath and back up a moment. Women pretty much know from a young age that if they go act lost and lonely at a bar and willing to kiss someone with bad teeth who won't remember their name, they can get fucked. That's not the difficult part. And it's not what most women are in search of. That's the biological impe…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 10:11 AM
2

Duckling, again I say that the online echo chambers aren't good for people, and aren't often accurate. Online dating research shows horrifically cruel outcomes for men. Tons of truly horrible experiences. Real life shows that rates of being virgin are actually similar between men and women. So, I don't mean to be cruel, but please go touch grass. Please, go volunteer, join some interest clubs, agree to clean a local river, get involved in a political thing. We want you to be successful and to fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 02:47 AM
2

Eh, I know you're reading a certain echo chamber about how women behave, but it isn't reality. It's a weird subset of people who post. In reality, in my life the only (very few) women who expected paid dinners etc, were ridiculed. This is a silly insta thing, nearly as toxic as Tate. Then again, I avoid the nails and lashes crew. My friends are men and women who all feel confident in their own ability to live a life and invite someone into it and no one expects to be kept.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 02:31 AM
5

Exactly.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/26 12:07 AM
–

I sincerely think this is lots of the off-putting part. As in, I think most women don't feel offended at the idea that some few men are more attractive. I mean, we've had movie stars since forever. But that's not the same thing as agreeing to non monogamy. And most women are still into monogamy, not all women and that's fine. But a woman can choose singleness above being in a harem, and that's way more common.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 10:46 PM
2

Avoid the nails and lashes crew? It's pretty easy. The people who look high maintenance are probably high maintenance. Twenty odd years ago my husband and I practically destruction tested our relationship by taking a 215 mile thruhike together. Privacy only existed as a deliberate social construct, hygiene was primitive, moodiness or ability to tolerate mosquitoes and other chronic irritation was definitely flushed out. It worked, we seem to be okay a couple decades later.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 10:35 PM
15

/s They're actually concerned that no one is getting their dick wet.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 10:22 PM
1

My dad is right in the midst of getting a children's book to being published and the illustrators have absolutely been the hardest part for the past nearly three years. He knew his story and got his script to 95% from the start and even made a mockup with what he wanted on each page descriptively with his text and a suggestion of the images. He connected with some talented artists, back and forth. Absolutely wanted to credit them as the illustrator on the frontispiece or title page. They all had…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:42 AM
1

I'm a physician, it's often three or more times an hour while I'm working. I did take his name, and funny enough it's so similar to mine that my signature didn't change but wow did it screw up my phone time. Separate from work, even trying to pursue forms and appointments for our kids and my mother in law and my parents that we do a lot of care for, it's so constant. My kids have adopted my usual patter, "ha, yes this name but not the typical spelling please don't include the E and yes use the Z…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 11:13 PM
1

Heh, my entire opinion is "how easy is it to spell over the phone, or fill in a bubble sheet for a Scantron exam, I want that one, please". ... I know people who've done all the different ways. I know women who've taken men's surname, men who've taken women's surname, people who've kept separate like my parents did, people who hyphenated (that looks horrible to deal with on the day to day writing things out) and people who synthesized. For the kids, I've known families that gave the kids the pat…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 08:16 PM
3

Factually untrue if you think this is a men thing instead of an all young people thing. Truth is, promiscuous people sleep with promiscuous people, and most young people aren't actually promiscuous. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 06:33 AM
1

First of all, I really do think that different people are going to have different positions on this and that's fine. What's right in my marriage isn't necessarily my what's right in another marriage. I do think there's a serious responsibility to be honest about it from the start, and that it's not fair (common but quite unfair) to judge someone else whose boundaries are different than yours. Just let them walk away and find a connection to someone better suited. After that whole disclaimer. I d…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 03:50 PM
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Oh it doesn't make any sense but I've absolutely been hit on by married men. And whether or not the man is single, and whether or not I was single or not at the time, the flinch response can still be real.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/26 02:12 AM
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Point being, since nearly every woman has had this experience, even though most men are good men, getting hit on nearly always results in at least a brief flinch/ wary response.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 11:57 PM
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Am I married? Did my dog just get diagnosed with cancer? Did I just get awful feedback at work? Did I just read a crazy news story that my nations government just totally fucked up the war they started? .... If I'm single, and my personal, professional, and cultural life are good, then I'm open to a date. Notice that very little of this had to do with the fitness of the man in question. ... That all said, I'm at a point in my life that I'm starting to enjoy random flirting because I'm solid that…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 09:43 PM
4

I definitely pursued guys I was into. Sometimes it was initially subtle, in a college physics class I first went and sat next to a stranger who was cute for a few weeks and then asked him for coffee after class and hanging out. Turned into three years of dating. My best high school relationship, I just straight up touched him incidentally, all the time, his arms and shoulders, until he gave in and kissed me. Yeah in hindsight that was weak of me, I should have kissed him, but it was all I knew h…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 08:18 PM
1

I think it's getting better? My high school senior daughter is now dating a high school senior guy, I must admit he made a pass last fall and she genuinely was too over enrolled in extracurriculars, but this spring she turned it around and moved back on him and now they're a thing and she's proposing half the date ideas. Progress?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/26 12:35 AM
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So I can't say that I have ever told a man to go be gay, or even witnessed this is real life, but strictly in the online space it's not infrequent for guys in the sex or dating subs (or this one) to post wishing that people shaped like gals would want to initiate more frequent, more casual, less emotional sex. In sum, with a bell curve and overlap, but on average, guys want more sexual frequency. There is no demographic having more sex, with more new partners, than men who have sex with men. So …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 11:30 PM
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Nah. Some are using it as a slur, and some aren't. The ones that are should be ashamed of themselves. But can't you acknowledge that there are some guys that just really want women to act like men, but with female body parts? And that this is tiresome?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 07:05 PM
15

And that makes you sound insane. I'm a feminist, who is married to a man for two decades, raising my kids including a young man who is a strong and masculine athletic high schooler, proud of the men I call friends and colleagues and if they were ever looking for help I'd be their wingman. Using the terms women and feminist interchangeably with someone who doesn't like men displays a lack of interaction with real people.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 12:11 AM
1

... And you couldn't be more unaware.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/26 10:15 PM
3

Curious, what isn't earnest? I can be earnest and not be in agreement with you. Plenty of people enjoy power play, what they call TPE as part of dating life, or even daily life. Where there's one person socially in control deciding all the nights out, etc. And that doesn't need to relate to binding, spanking, choking, whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 06:39 AM
6

When you're in a subreddit about dating relationships you are going to find that many of the people reading along are interested in sexual compatibility. And, is may surprise you, but many BDSM relationships negotiate to have a dynamic of being domineering outside the bedroom. Don't hate on 'em , since what you are describing seems pretty much exactly like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 06:31 AM
4

So please explain further instead of down voting earnest engagements?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 06:11 AM
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I also, in agreement with you, think that many vegetarians aren't really fully thinking out their arguments. I cook vegan dinners half the week in my house, I'm living and putting the work in and using my dollars to vote for plenty of tofu, seitan, vegan cheese. We but the legumes in bulk. After working as a dairy hand full time during college summers and being related to people who raise conventional and grass fed beef, I need to report that eating beef feels more humane than drinking milk or e…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 06:10 AM
1

Oooh, maybe you don't understand what BDSM is. Anyhow this is clearly all about labels and so you'll find your happiest result by being clear. I like it when you're domineering. But not in the bedroom. Ok. Good luck with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 05:57 AM
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I agree. It's increasingly impossible to have any part of my life that he hasn't fucked up.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 05:50 AM
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I'm going to say something dark, the shelters euthanize when they're full up. Euthanized cats and dogs don't eat much kibble. Therefore less kibble is purchased, less market for the meat that goes into kibble etc. I'm an omnivore, and a pet owner, and I've worked as a dairy hand and with grass fed beef and I've raised, harvested and eaten my own chickens. I'm no delicate vegan. So let's be real about pet ownership. It results in subsidy of conventionally raised meat typically under the lowest st…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 05:46 AM
1

Eh, the moment you say you're interested in a partner being dominant, you're on the spectrum. Just stop being stigmatizing about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 05:38 AM
5

No, they don't all mean the same thing. First of all, be aware that there are many many more people both male and female out there looking for Doms. Whoever you are, if you seek a Dom you have limited your dating pool, and if you find one who is safe and sane, kiss their feet and appreciate them. That said. Sexually. There are "pleasure Doms" that simply want to control your orgasm. There are gentle Doms that will control the pace and pattern of the sex, but like it soft and slow. There are Doms…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 05:24 AM
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Sister? Wing woman? Someone on your side who wants you to grow into the life you want?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 03:45 AM
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Ack, as an auntie I'm hurting for you. I'm (mostly) straight, very married and I live in a ridiculously progressive area, 80% of my grownup friends are in stable hetero marriages. Women who care deeply about men and how they feel, women who like men, lust after them. Heck the queer people raising teen boys want them to find their own awkward dating success with girls if that's what they want. The non online reality is that real people want other people to succeed. The cure for this feeling that …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 09:29 PM
1

Grumpy. Not great. :)
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 07:15 PM
0

Darling, if I discuss the amount of work that women do, I'll be accused of whataboutism. I don't discount the work that a man does going into a date. There's the surveillance and ground work. Assessment of risk vs benefit. Sometimes profiling the target, learning her preferences and triggers, her routine movement before planning your action. That's all hard work! Please articulate your understanding of a woman's position.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 07:14 PM
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"Simping" as I understand it, is a symptom, not a cause or a cure. What I can do is aggressively foster third spaces and model it being normal and okay for adults to have friendship and attraction across gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 07:05 PM
3

Deciding that the solution is other people changing instead of you. You have control over you. Other people have control over them. If you don't like the dynamic, you can change the way you behave.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 06:54 PM
10

Absolutely agree. None of my post was promoting anything against that. Come Together is particularly about monogamous people.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 06:26 PM
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Most people that want a KitKat bar don't shoplift. Most people that want to get to their destination earlier don't outrageously speed. Most people that look at a stranger and wonder how tight their ass feels don't grab it. I find intellectual strength compelling, and I will admit that after working in a place for a few years I typically find that I'll have an occasional sex dream about the men I work nearby, nearly all of them because I work with guys I admire. I absolutely do not admit that in …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 06:23 PM
4

Beyond ... you .... ? Want to respond to my question?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:52 PM
14

Does anyone disagree with this? I think a great book for anyone is Come Together by Emily Nagoski, which is about the truth that no two humans will have identical levels of desire, style of intimacy and kink, and yet want to craft a solid and satisfying long term relationship. A huge thing to acknowledge is that this is a major invisible driver in divorce. It's not culturally accepted to say "he wasn't railing me right" and so people with sexual disatisfaction get cranky and develop other, more …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:48 PM
4

Oh, friend. I married my man for his "hobbies". I get it, every demographic will be extra aware of the friction and injustice that heads towards specifically them, because that's life. So you are therefore very aware of any dating issue that gets blamed on people like you. I'll take a beat and honor that, it's real. There are certainly dating issues that get blamed on men like you unfairly. How can we help this be better for you and other young men like you? (Mind control of women is not an opti…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:40 PM
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The way out is pretty simple. If someone else has something you want, you modulate your behavior until you find something that results in them wanting to give it. I'm not being condescending. Generations of horny women who also desire security and stability have been painfully taught to control their lust, else experience unwanted effects. Women experience lust, just look at all the media - Heated Rivalry and Outlander include plenty of sex. But the downsides are real. If a woman gives in to lus…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:21 PM
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I don't have lots of college aged or young twenties in my life, but I do have some high schoolers and some early thirties folks. As married people in our early fifties, we try to host bonfires for mixed gender, we encourage going out dancing in groups, we offer up local hikes, we try to model actually enjoying hanging out together but also having our own social space. And heck, I'm an introvert!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:10 PM
2

If anecdotes help: yup and I married mine. Software adjacent. Had been an independent contractor, building code for small companies when we married, then when we decided we wanted babies he got himself hired by an enormous company essentially as an internal contractor for software solutions. Fully remote twenty years ago before that was cool, provided stable health insurance for our "let's have babies" project. Over the next decade he actively rejected internal promotions that would have changed…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:04 PM
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If just a fraction of the energy that went into crafting this huge diatribe could be translated into building third spaces and fostering shared community for young people ... we could change the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:49 PM
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Are you repudiating these "2-3 guys on Reddit"? Because it surely would be nice for more people inside that demographic to curb them. Lord knows that if a woman replies they'll just get more enraged.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:45 PM
0

Absolutely. And watching my high schooler kiddos start to date, it's Dutch.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:29 PM
2

I hear that you are in pain, that you feel wronged. I agree that you have certain barriers and handicaps that are unique to your demographic. Does it benefit you to play into competitive victimhood? I mean this sincerely, couldn't that energy be directed towards solutions and healing instead? Nearly everyone has some degree of barriers, and arguing about the size isn't productive. Most attributes are double edged swords. I recall in college age being with my father (mature white guy, 6'0") in a …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:14 PM
1

Oh, I was unclear. It's not that I think the topic is invalid, it's that it's repetitive. Is the result of the discourse not seeping into the other spaces? Well, I guess that's actually what you said in reply, that it's typically brought by folk that aren't listening.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 04:03 PM
2

Hey friend, are you happy where you are now? If not, want to consider a trial of something else? Mind controlling other people to change their behavior is not on the menu.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:21 AM
7

Good gravy yes. For certain while I was always careful with contraception, there were years of my life that if I didn't feel confident in protected access to safe legal abortion as my Plan C in case of failure of plans A and B, my legs would have slammed shut so hard! There were two years in my early marriage when I was working around chemicals that are ok with people, but not pregnant people. My husband and I wanted to be intimate, but not pregnant. We talked and agreed on our contraception, an…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 05:19 AM
11

Why is this such a common topic? Sincere interest in the answer. I personally believe that men and women each have unique difficulties and easy passes, neither are inherently easier. And obsessively perseverating on the topic creates extra divisiveness and angst where none need be. It literally exacerbates the exact lack of communication and compassion between the genders that is preventing felicitous companionship and sex. People get irked about "oh my woe is harder than your woe" and can't jus…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 02:22 AM
3

Gently, my friend, this depression with the existential daily grind isn't unique to men. And obsessing on it doesn't make it better. If the fancy monkey routine isn't making you happy, drop it. Decide to take one year to do a totally different routine and see how it makes you feel. Maybe your new routine could be an ambitious gardening project, including loitering at the local nursery and talking to other gardeners (my husband came home with some comfrey starts that a stranger at the nursery bro…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 02:15 AM
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Are you ok? This really comes off as very much whining, blaming all women for everything, feeling as though you have no worth other than an ATM? Do other people see this in real life? I've been pretty active in r/sex and r/parenting and other subs that have engagement from men and women, and really I do not see these attitudes. And while I'm settled, long time married (and the sex is worth it, thank you very much, I also out earn my husband this past decade not that it matters, thank you very mu…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 01:51 AM
15

Tangent: why is abortion access such a huge issue here? I had thought this was a debate page about dating experience, not philosophy of reproductive control. ... Anyhow, back on track, I don't really see examples of women dismissing a man's desire to have sex in general. An individual woman simply wants to be able to be able to say whether or not it's with herself. Saying "I'd only consent to sex with men that can extensively quote Frank Herbert's Dune" isn't the same as saying that other men sh…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 01:41 AM
1

It's not a zero sum game, or a competition to say who's got it harder. Seriously, does it make it any easier for you to perseverate on the idea that it looks easier for someone else? We all in the end just want to be happy. ... I am also a person who gets pretty introverted, so I totally share your frustration with having to make plans and leave the house. In the end, I make a schedule to light a fire under my ass to get out there and talk to some people. Even if I am not really enthusiastic abo…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/26 01:24 AM
1

Assault.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 05:26 PM
1

I value and believe your experience is not uncommon. And I really think the best situation is with every individual couple just cherishing who has which skill. I'm some ways like you, I've first slightly and then largely out earned my husband this past decade, and there's tons of household stuff that he does. He's managing the house taxes, mowing the five acres we keep clear, our complicated investments and retirement. If he were to unexpectedly die, I swear I'd move downtown and hire the invest…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 06:47 AM
2

... if and only if you try to roll in the idea that ending a pregnancy is the same thing as homicide. Again, not trying to litigate that here, just want to be transparent with the hundreds of silent redditors reading along. Again, among people who are born alive and female, who later in life after infancy die to homicide, it's overwhelmingly their male intimate partner that commits the crime. Is that awkwardly limited enough?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 06:28 AM
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Just be transparent with the other readers how you are padding the data in a way that most don't. I don't require you to change your position, just be honest with other people. Born females, that survive delivery, when dying of homicide, are more than twice as likely to die at the hands of a male intimate partner than anyone else. Is that specific enough?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 05:33 AM
2

This exactly. It's less commonly taught specifically nowadays, but anyone can learn to make small talk. I think it's easiest when you know that 99% this isn't going to result in a date, in fact deliberately try to speak with non dating candidates. And then exchange at least three sentences every time you go, with someone, while moving along so it's not any kind of commitment. I think the grocery is a great first place. "Oh yes, that's my cousin's favorite pasta sauce brand, you'll do well with t…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 05:29 AM
1

Totes. Took me a while to grow out of accommodating it, marriage is the best. I'm joyful and happy when my husband keeps up with his old high school buddies, I'm happy to have him go visit them. I'm happy when my father (78) has his horseshoes social club. They call themselves the "men of iron" it's very cheeky. I'm glad to send my teenage son over to hang with his grandpa and learn how to throw a man party and have that male space, which involves them planning ahead to have enough chairs, cups,…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 05:00 AM
3

Ahhh, cute. You're trying to use abortion data to dilute homicide statistics. That's not the argument at hand, bring it back in.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 04:54 AM
3

That is not true, according to the DoJ I'm going to try to paste in the relevant bar graph. Hmm I don't Reddit skillfully enough, but here's a link to the graph at a government website. Edit/ ugh, still not redditing well enough to link just the figure. Sorry pals. It's figure 1 it's not a long scroll to get to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:56 AM
7

Dude, it's a low frequency but massively high cost risk. This is like driving without a seatbelt, or downhill skiing without a helmet. Dating a man without having the back of your brain doing a risk assessment is just not an option.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:45 AM
5

Ooooh, here's where I think maybe you don't quite understand. Coerced sex is indeed a spectrum, and the creepiest thing about it is that nearly all of us have had an experience where the guy we never ever thought would be transgressive ... was. Just often enough that it weighs on the back of your mind, more often than you wish it would. ... Of women who report rape, about 13-14% report anal rape, and rape in general is believed to be wildly underreported. Rape in general is 80-90% unreported. ..…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:40 AM
4

from me dating perspective we are far more handicapped ...aaaah, now that's a different statement from your OP. I do agree that many online young men aren't always given a fair shake on learning social and emotional skills that would serve them well if they want sex with women. Telling boys they shouldn't cry, shouldn't feel emotions, don't need to practice being aware and hospitable, that puts them at a disadvantage for when they grow up that's sometimes painful to watch. If one travels to a fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:20 AM
3

So I'm hoping that modern men are more egalitarian, and I'm just out of date because I've been monogamously married for two decades now and the vast majority of people I socialize with now are either stably married or contentedly not dating. It was the guys. They expected the gals to plan the food, let the phone tree know where we're all meeting up, etc. I'm drifting through this subreddit because my high school aged kids are starting to date and I got curious what modern people are saying about…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:02 AM
2

Love my husband and nearly all my former boyfriends. But. Essentially the hot second I was locked down, I was expected to be the social coordinator, tell him what shirt to wear, organize the vacation, care for the pets, remind him to get a birthday card for his mother.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 11:25 PM
5

I'm being earnest here. I do appreciate that a chronic, constant fear or shame can in some ways be worse than an unexpected assault - the soul gets exhausted of facing the same demon day after day. People learn to give up hope. What I'd like to say is that the emotional wear and tear on women in the dating market is just as constant. It's a different flavor but no less horrid. Having to always watch your drink is a tiresome kind of vigilance. Always feeling a little anxious when a man follows yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 11:21 PM
6

Totally serious. And I'm a perimenopausal woman whose pregnancies were all very intentionally planned and timed, and all were ludicrously healthy lowest risk. And I'm 6'0" which means I actually have space in my torso to breathe, eat and have some amount of bladder capacity when I'm heavily pregnant. That's very unusual. I really enjoyed some parts of it, I was absolutely that annoying mama rubbing my bump all the time, and for me, it really got me horny. But the kicker is, you get no time off a…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 11:03 PM
9

You seriously think the emotional risk of being rejected is "insane" in comparison to the risk of pregnancy and assault? You're not trolling? As in, I understand that the fear and shame of rejection is awful, I've been refused in my life before. I was that young woman in college who asked guys out and it didn't always land. I have compassion for men and nothing but applause for all people men AND women who have the courage to go out on a limb, but really? There's also higher infection risk for h…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 09:31 PM
1

Interestingly, over the past forty years, global average sperm counts have dropped by a little more than 50%. On top of that, sperm quality (morphology and motility) is markedly decreasing. It was first noticed in Western countries among men turning up in fertility clinics either as donors or seeking assistance, but then global surveillance has shown it's true everywhere. Male factor infertility is believed to be increasing in synch, though the research is muddied by the stigma against men seeki…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 08:33 PM
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Hey, if that is fulfilling for you and you can sleep well at night, keep doing you. Slightly psychopathic, but I guess people come in all varieties.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 05:28 PM
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... because she's a person with choices? There's no "should" for her there, beyond she should have control of her own body. I would really like to be a skilled jazz pianist without putting in the practice time, is that something I "should" have? Or should I be rational. You can talk all you want about what you "shouldn't" have to do to get her dispense sex, but unless you're talking about rape you "should" consider that she's a human who has choices, and you should consider being endearing. You …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 04:50 PM
1

Data point: Banter was the difference for the latest teen romance in my household. These kids are seniors in high school, they are both now eighteen, they've peripherally known each other for years. He made a pass for my daughter in the fall when they were both on the same intense athletic team and my daughter said no, not now, I've too many obligations, I'm not ready to date. This spring he bantered again and now they're canoodling and taking walks in the woods. She says his banter was better. …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 06:51 AM
2

I think it's a little more complex than that. I mean, I can dream about being an excellent keyboardist, desperately want to play my own composition at gigs etc, feel inextricably drawn to keys only and no other instrument and depressed if I can't play jazz gigs. Should I complain about it? Or should I practice scales and standards for two hours a day and take practice gigs at the local bar where I have to play their set list, because I want to play my own tunes for an audience someday. I do mean…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 03:08 AM
1

I don't think there are huge numbers of men who are closeted gays. Maybe 5%, 10% tops. I do think there are probably larger numbers of guys that would be curious to have one or two experiences with another male body, while keeping all relationship involvement and 98% of sex activity with women. What I'm concerned that maybe isn't coming across is that many times, women sincerely don't mean this as a slur. If a person really likes cooking with friends, they should hang out with other people that …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 04:54 PM
1

And why does even the question piss people off enough to down vote it, when the stated goal is to acknowledge and cherish masculine energy? Protect it by taking the power away from the slur?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 04:45 PM
0

I'm, like, terminally earnest, so I'm going to continue to engage in good faith. Social research absolutely starts with very informal, slang, spit balling conversations, until someone says, hey, you know I think that might actually be a trend worth trying to measure to see if it's real, or if we're just having some observer bias. Let's find a more formal way to express the hypothesis and quantify it. So, yes one woman should certainly use a slang term to express an anecdote. In fact that's maybe…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 03:45 AM
1

I'm going to guess that what you are implying is a female body. But the actual topic at hand is the comparatively directly lustful and unemotional sexual behavior. That's what I've seen women trying to describe when they recommend to guys that if they want to have naked sexy fun time with no strings and no emotional drama, they're more likely to find that with another guy. Which is true; return to what we see at the population level - no group is having more frequent sex, and more easy hookups w…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 03:36 AM
1

This may be why there is such a consistent historical record of men who are willing to have sexual contact with "warm and willing" rather than strictly female people. Not the first choice, but better than zero.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:13 PM
0

Real interesting question being, what was the poison pill of colonialism that generated this? Was this a Christian thing? How had previously stable cultures balanced this before colonialism?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 10:08 PM
-1

In the modern non Western world. In history, before colonialism, nearly every continent has record of an inclusive behavior towards gay and trans people. Navajo, Pacific Islander, indigenous Siberians, Uganda, Zambia, South Africa, mesoAmerica. Pretty much every area before the colonists got there had an inclusive way of treating gender fluid behavior and identity. Did not seem to impair people's ability to procreate. .... Question is, how do we move past this? How can we acknowledge and cherish…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 09:37 PM
-1

Are anecdotes not the beginning of research design? Particularly when we are attempting to avoid painting people with absolutes, I think describing some anecdotes is a valuable exercise.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 09:30 PM
-2

I've always gotten the ick from any guy that insisted on paying for everything, etc. The stereotypical chivalry stuff does not track with positive masculinity as seen in my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 08:54 PM
-3

I do not intend to be dismissive at all. I intend to be interested and curious about people's responses. If men want women, but want them to have the sexual behavior of men, what do we do with that? In a smaller sense I've experienced it. Over the twenty of years of monogamy there's been episodes of peevishness on my part when I've resented the power of how attracted I am to my husband. He's a good man, but we're both human. Sometimes we're irritated with eachother, but still hot. It's not a fun…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 08:50 PM
5

Correct! And when we experience this frustrating mix of wanting dick while wanting the emotional availability of women's companionship, it's not taken as a slur against us. This is exactly the interesting part. Why does this seem to be true? Why are some men offended by it and women not so much?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 08:39 PM
18

In the interest of interesting conversation, I'll step sideways from the OP (Because I do think it's terrible to use a slur, and for the record I nearly always paid Dutch when I was dating, I do my half of initiating intimacy etc etc etc) A deeper frustration may be that sometimes men want women to have certain "masculine" traits, when it comes to sex specifically. How can we talk about this in a more positive way? It remains true that no demographic has more frequent sex with more different par…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 08:00 PM
2

The sum is excellent, no regrets, and I'm not even close to perfect myself. But. That doesn't mean there aren't aggravations after twenty odd years together. He's five-ten minutes late to everything. The high schooler kids we have know this, our extended family knows this, we all kinda get ready and stand by the front door waiting on him to "do one last thing" before we leave. How do we cope? We pick our battles and for the important things talk extra about the transit and parking time. He's muc…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/26 07:38 PM
1

Yes. He's a very involved father, though, in the end it's not that she does more parenting when they're both around after his work hours. It's more that she does extensive meal planning, keeps track of all the maintenance needs on the vehicles and house appliances and HVAC, deals with everyone's health insurance calls, keeps a detailed house budget with lines for vacation, pet food and illness, does the taxes and retirement accounts, organizes the social connections and trip planning even with h…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 03:00 PM
2

I have a geriatric flock of spoiled pets. The roo is a Copper Marans in the French style, about 8 years old, slow and fat but sweet, and half the hens don't even lay much anymore. But we love them. The Barred Rocks are my personal favorite, but we have about ten different breeds right now and get eggs that are white, brown, a light brown that looks almost pink, an olive green. Highly fun. .... Nobody likes doing pots and pans. Everyone does their own laundry, ever since the kids were tall enough…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 11:45 PM
2

The inner wheel moves one notch clockwise each day, such that each person has a chore for three days in a row. My they made it out of a cut up Manila folder, and arranged the chores so that something harder is flanked by something cushy. "Management" is checking that everyone did their duty. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 10:58 PM
2

My challenge to the view: I disagree with the title, less so with the body of the post. The concept of gender norms isn't outdated or stupid. What's outdated and stupid is requiring them. I'm feeling fortunate to be a product of a micro culture that is very feminist. My mother kept her birth name, way back in the 70s when that was unusual. House chores were split - of course people had strengths and weaknesses, but it was unthinkable that anyone would not understand or be incapable of doing some…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/26 06:38 PM
–

By exaggerating it into I realized that women will reject men that would treat them good in favor of men that treat them poorly. Truisms that make no space for individuals who are each good or bad, you have turned yourself into part of the problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/25 05:04 PM
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This is a terrible thing to say. I don't disagree that there are a few completely wild women out there acting like this (so you can bring your anecdotes and it doesn't change my mind) but most women are about as reasonable as must men and just trying to find a connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/25 03:51 PM
1

And Ms Atwood's work was supposedly bizarre, crazy sci fi, and yet here we are.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 12:55 AM
1

Harem of rotated replaceable fresh and perky meat is women's perception of what men want. Not every man is a nomadic warlord from the middle ages. This bullshit never occurred to me until I was exposed to the redpill. All the guys I grew up around and dated in real life would never, ever ever say anything like that. Non redpill guys aren't sick like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 12:36 AM
2

Do you think this is actually a population shift? Or just a meme? Both my high school kids want to pair up and have kids, at a normal slow pace sometime after college. As in they are specific about wanting babies, but maybe 8 or 10 years in future.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 10:35 PM
5

Oh your post history is wild. So, fella, I feel that you have been hurt. I didn't doubt it or invalidate your details, the reality of your experience. But damn. Damn. My husband was always folded in, held, made immediately important as part of our pregnancies. I'm sorry you were mistreated.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 10:31 PM
1

Ehrm, for some people? We really enjoyed our three pregnancies and two babies. This was a while ago, they're in high school now, and the sex is still good.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 10:23 PM
3

Male factor infertility is skyrocketing. Sperm counts alone have dropped to half in the last forty years globally and issue with motility and morphology are also struggling. Female factor infertility is changing but not at this pace. Will women need to purchase effective semen?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 09:16 PM
2

Wait, is this not a sarcastic remark? Do you not feel that you need for sex to be enjoyable for your wife? My head might explode.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 08:46 PM
3

Because I'm ancient and crunchy and bah! Get off my lawn.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 07:32 PM
3

And so therefore it makes obvious sense they will nearly always get rebuffed. They aren't offering what's wanted. Correct?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 06:43 PM
8

Alright, teach me. What's an em-dash and how is it different than a hyphen? I'm a real person, this profile has been chatty for years, but I'm also a chronic commaholic and run on sentence writer by any means available, and more I think I'm going to get profiled as an AI.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 06:40 PM
27

The OLD apps are so toxic.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 06:37 PM
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And that's a marker of how limited your world is. I know tons of guys who are the primary cooks in their home, and it makes the ovaries explode.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 04:31 PM
2

.. And that's how the people who think like that lost a generation of women partners. The sexiest damn picture I have of my husband is of him holding our day-old daughter. It holds the memories of him cuddling her, changing her, doing all the little baby care for her. The second sexiest picture is of him holding her as a toddler while holding our newborn son at two days old. He is a damn fine father specifically because he knew to cuddle and be a good father, and that made him sexy and when the …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 01:48 AM
1

Gosh, don't be excessively generalizing like this. This is how the red pill stuff becomes off putting. I love my husband of these twenty years, he took an intelligent early retirement offer. I know several other men who are primarily at home. With kids. They aren't less masculine. They are strong, they stack firewood and get blowjobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/25 12:33 AM
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I actually am most interested in discussion about things. So, what I felt your post was about was dividing between people who get easy first sexual hookup, vs people who get repeat hookups. Inaccurate? Because raw attraction will magnify enormously with a guy that you know has proved he wants to get you off. As in, once a guy has been attentive and generous with lovemaking, when I get near him my body responds automatically.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 06:38 AM
8

Yeah really isn't the best way to interpret this that everyone is at risk of loneliness, and we need to help create third spaces and support for young adults of all kinds?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 06:27 AM
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.....iiiiif you apply the same exact standards to yourself as to your prospective partner. I've a high school aged son and a daughter and I'm very keen on them both having healthy successful relationships, and parity is a big part of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 01:27 AM
1

So to summarize, you want to compare the relative value of being a lust object, vs someone that gets callbacks? A thousand percent, the guy looks good for callbacks - shows interest in emotional safety, my orgasm.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 09:42 PM
1

You want men to feel what women felt as a means to achieve equity. Why yes, I do think that empathy is good. It might work for some but I'll get violent well before internalizing disrespect through blatant objectification. The violence doesn't need to occur. Have some self control. It carries an assumption that being well-spoken is surprising or unusual. Just as "damn that's a fine ass" carries an assumption that being fit and attractive crowds out other capabilities.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 06:23 PM
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Lol, it's a great joke, dunking on the man vs bear fallacy. Keep it up.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:51 PM
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Yeah that would be great but cultural pressure is intense. I survived it, I can only hope that I'll do better for my kids generation by sharing my stories.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:33 PM
1

All we can do is quote you, man. You can choose to learn or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:31 PM
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I've had unwanted contact from guys whilst I was asleep, and I still think the man v bear thing is incendiary, unhelpful, not relevant. Life, would I rather walk on lava or be rained on by poison ivy juice? Really? What does this have to do with anything? I'm attracted to guys. I've been a person who had unwanted attention, including some that if I were sticking up for a daughter or friend i'd've wanted them to call the popo. But I didn't. Just plain learn. Don't touch women without consent.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:29 PM
0

This quote from you does not portend visions of equality, parity, celebration of women as individuals. He’s top 1% because of his world view. He’s non-patriarchal and sees treating women as human (not second class citizens or objects) as basic common sense Lol no. That's just an extra view that is important to you. Most women wouldn't wanna date him on that alone Some guys speak one way out of one side of the mouth and then another, particularly online.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:14 PM
1

males are going to have feelings for their female friends. Do you actually mean romantic relationship commitment feelings? Or thoughts about hooking up. Because those are different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:08 PM
13

Truth is, he thinks he can tame the crazy, fix the broken. Truth is, she thinks she can tame the crazy, fix the broken. Whichever gender centric subreddit you are spending time on, go spend a little time on the other one. It's just as nuts. People are all crazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 04:05 AM
1

the guys who just see women as equals in everything and all that jazz That's just a bare minimum requirement As long as we agree that it's a bare minimum requirement.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 02:21 AM
2

I'm a lusty woman. I'm healthy, sexually fit. I'm completely loyal and monogamous for 23 years now. I do find, somehow, that the guys I'm around for years and years that I trust and admire, eventually they find their way into my sex dreams. The trusted guys at work, the solid neighbor. I'll never ever ever ever breathe a word of it or let my eyeballs stray, this is a wake up with a blush and get over it thing. I like my work guys. I want them to be successful with their beautiful wives and cute …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 02:19 AM
1

Uh, here's another data point, married my husband because, among other things, he isn't a chauvinist. For the sake of the padawans reading along, as a perimenopausal woman with a few high age kids, nearly all my friends are married people and my extended family is nearly all in stable marriage. Thinking of women as second class citizens is not accepted in this culture. These women are smart and fierce and beautiful, beloved, sexy, loyal. We aggressively support strong love, fidelity, and sexual …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 02:09 AM
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Or... this is your own fantasy about BBC intruding into a conversation about how stable couples prioritize raising kids. For real, it's been at times bizarre standing up for my friend, inviting the blended family to carve pumpkins or go blueberry picking, when some of the older generation are busy clutching pearls or obsessing over what goes on in the bedroom. It doesn't look that complex, they kiss and after the kids are safely in bed they probably take their clothes off. End scene, I don't wan…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 12:20 AM
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Em, don't assume. No guys involved. When I met them the kid was twelve, a successful student (that's how we met him, he was a delightful classmate for my son) and all the adult women involved were kicking ass, owned a beautiful property free and clear and were giving back to the community.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 11:14 PM
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Where's the lack of a father figure? What would "Alfa beta" stuff have to do with depriving a kid of good grownups in their life? The first ethical non-monogamy person I was introduced to was at a PTA meeting as a kids "bonus mom". As in my son's classmate, he has two of the same parents his whole life, but the past 5 years he also had a bonus mom. Who's the beta? Which kid is having a bad outcome?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 09:45 PM
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Sigh. Ok, so let's skip that neither of those situations were heteronormative, and the 'alfa beta' bullshit doesn't apply because it's not real. Totally refuted by the original wolf guy that did the research anyhow. Why would the kids have a bad environment? If two people form a relationship, have kids, build a house, have stability, decide that they like the household and stability but want a little strange sex, how is that bad? Every adult in the situation protects the kids, their summer camp,…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 09:20 PM
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While I anecdotally know of several marriages destroyed by dishonesty, I have seen non monogamy work out okay. Not for me, I wouldn't want to try it, it looks like a lot of work. The only two stable long term examples I've seen both had women allowed to seek companionship beyond the primary, nesting relationship that held the kids, and in those examples the nesting partner seemed to stay home. Not really seeing how the "Alfa beta" bullshit fits in there.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 08:54 PM
1

So I think we agree but we are slipping past each other. There is no situation in which you can compliment a woman's butt shape, because there's the weight of societal implication that she therefore is reduced to her butt shape, not elevated. It's indeed, exactly as you said, just like being told "wow you're so articulate", it demeans. The real question is, how do we heal the rancor? What would it take for me to be able to approach my Black friend, a poet, and say "wow you are so articulate" and…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:34 PM
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or do you just want to get laid? The latter Sooo. This type of clarity is actually important. If you really mostly want to get your dick in a vagina and don't care about the other things, you should probably look into paid workers (and be honest about it, don't play games).
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 07:41 PM
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sigh. I mean why would you... You're a woman... Those type of things aren't on your radar... This indicates a deep lack of sympathy for anyone else's issues. Or consideration that actions of previous men may have landed you in the tough spot you're in. I'm a woman. I'm not in "the game" but I do have high school aged kids both male and female, and friends who are trying to date whom I want to see bright futures for. Yes, the pressures and pains are different in flavor between guys and gals, but …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 05:42 PM
1

Your proposed solution lacks understanding the differences between men and women. You assume men will react to being objectified the same way women do. But, I'm confident they won't. I wouldn't mind being objectified. C'mon dude, I specifically discussed this. The reason men often don't respond negatively is that in most settings calling a guy a beefcake or a hottie doesn't steal his power. When women are complimented sexually in settings where that is power such as by a coach or fellow bikini m…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 04:35 PM
1

How do guys not realize this? We don't talk about it enough. Yeah they're tired of hearing about it, but it apparently doesn't get through. I remember in mid metwo, my mother was in her early 70's, retired, 40+years married and going strong, living safe and secure. She started to discuss the news with her friends - women she had been close with for decades and shared the stress of launching us kids, of becoming grandparents, of losing her own parents. They had never in all those years shared the…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:53 AM
1

Grand. Ass is grand. Which might mean sumptuous, but mostly lovely. So, I think we largely agree, but I hope you see that for many men, being given a slightly sexual compliment hey Dave, looks like you've really been hitting it at the gym, look at those guns only increases respect and the seriousness with which people take men's comments, orders etc. Meanwhile, for women those are very often disempowering. A woman who is noticed for her shape is more likely to be disregarded for her orders or co…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:46 AM
1

Sure. I mean, I'm 6'0" myself, or at least I was before I started shrinking in relation to my age, and nearly all of my lifetime boyfriends were closer to my height or even shorter than me. This one caught me partly because he was very deeply embedded in some important interests - he was on the board of a local climate change committee back in the early 2000's when that was a more rare voter issue, and he had recently completed a 2200 mile hike and scruffy outdoorsy types do it for me. Practical…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:33 AM
-1

Circling back, how the fuck does any man consider this tangent just nteresting, because it is sure as shit a main concern for every woman. If you have a sister, a friend, a cousin, a co-worker, a woman you dated previously and are in good terms with, it is nearly guaranteed that she has had some stupid interaction with a guy that didn't listen to "no". It's a constant concern, more than an interesting point, and it's effing annoying. I do believe that most men are good men. I'm daughter to a goo…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 04:00 AM
3

... Except those guys are rare celebrities making big bucks that people are chasing. As in yes, they might still feel horribly objectified, but they won't ever be the individuals who help us to pick apart the vast majority of issues here. So my husband's a cutie patootie, he's 6'5" tall and fit. We are homebodies or else I think he'd be an object of predation by purely visual measures. But there's actually lots more going on. And I think that's usual. Typically we can go on vacation to a restaur…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:58 AM
6

Super weird question. At no point in my life have I made plans about my body to please anybody else. I'm a lifeguard, a brown belt in karate, got my letterman jacket in cross-country, did several weeks backcountry hiking a few times, birthed two babies without medication on purpose .... And the response I've been teaching my high school daughter is in the tone and pace of ordinary speech, to say "fuck you very much" in place of thank you very much, when faced with a person who is acting like a j…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:49 AM
5

Oh I am fully in agreement that women have perpetuated the issue. And it's not only about sexiness, it's sometimes straight up "you're a girl" bullshit. Maybe 8 years back I was attending a department meeting at a hospital. Maybe 8 of us around the table. The meeting was fine. The admin who took the notes, an older woman, sent the meeting minutes around by email and noted several OldWhiteGuys by their honorific and last name, and me by my first name only. Though we all have the same training, pr…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 02:37 AM
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Or more so than men are? Jeez, it's human to be interested in attractive humans. Don't blame women OR men for doing so.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 01:56 AM
4

So that's exactly it - masculine sexiness seems to increase power in the boardroom. Feminine sexiness undermines power. That's precisely the issue. I'm in my "waning years", I'm perimenopausal, my kids are in high school, I'm embracing my "don't give a shit" energy - but I sure as hell spent my entire life cautiously walking a tightrope between realizing that if everyone finds me well put together my work is easier, but if they find me full on sexy or available I've doubled the work, and the dan…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 01:51 AM
15

So ... I both believe that men do want to be sexualized, and that it solves absolutely nothing. Being sexualized is great, lovely, super fun and flattering, everyone would like it. Until the point where often it comes at the cost of all your other worth and power. Actually, maybe if sexualizing men did also rob them of power it might solve everything, by finally making it fair. Being told your butt is grand, or your hair is luscious, your scent is enticing, that's all grand, right up until it's …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/25 12:35 AM
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At this point you are starting to sound a bit unhinged. Overall, rates of assault or neglect of a child are related to poverty and other stressful factors more than gender of the offender. I'm a mandated reporter and I've seen kids beaten with a clothes hanger wire, I'm not unaware that abuse happens. Most men are good men. link
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:29 PM
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Gosh I don't know the marital status of either junior coach for my son's ultimate Frisbee team, but they're definitely good guys and I feel good about them as mentors for my high school freshman son. They have their own separate lives beyond coaching and they give good instruction at times when the boys might be feeling discouraged or tempted to be mean or cruel to the other team. I value them. My daughter interacts with post-college men in karate, theater, and social dance and they're nearly al…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:22 PM
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I profoundly disagree. Yes, the crime stats are asymmetric and concerning, but part of the solution is creating and sustaining positive visions of how men can be. When my kids were ready for preschool I deliberately sought a place that had male preschool teachers, because I want my kids to see and know that men can easily be valuable caring caregivers. Grandpa does childcare. Dad knows how to change a diaper. Uncle is a good person to spend the afternoon fishing with. The men in my life voluntee…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:16 PM
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Verrrry snarky, and missing the point. Women get together to fix women's problems, can't men get together to fix men's problems?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 07:09 PM
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Why shouldn't men coach sports until they're Dad's. Both of my high school children have had young adult male coaches and camp counselors who are not yet fathers, not married, and they've been great. Karate, crew, soccer, ultimate Frisbee, camp. There is no good reason to exclude young men from teaching, coaching kids. I specifically sought situations for my kids to include young twenties aged people both male and female, in order to show them how young adulthood can look. Guys can be caring, co…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 03:04 PM
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My husband got me because he was on the board of a local political action committee that worked my brain, living a life with connections. He hasn't been physically lonely for twenty years we've been together now, but maybe I shouldn't speak on his behalf. In case that's not clear enough, he got the sex because he was doing the volunteerism, being close with his high school buddies and it made him look hot and reliable and worthy of having babies with. Our babies are cute and growing up like him …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 02:30 PM
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A thousand percent this. Men who are coaching local sports for kids, men who organize the neighborhood cook out, men who participate in the community parade = wet panties, ovaries exploding. Be socially involved. Heck, my dad (late 70s) and my son (high school) are now volunteering with the local food bank twice a week. It's just lifting and sorting donated goods into sacks and cartons that people in need can pick up, not difficult, doesn't require any special ability to talk to people. It's com…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 01:49 PM
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So, in summary - guys need to practice their social skills. Not to be flip, but I was trying to get this conversation right there. I feel for guys, I do. I love the men in my life, I celebrate them making their male spaces and friendships, I'm trying to be part of the solution. The solution is not to tell women that they need to be there for lonely men. Seriously, if men are able to recognize that they've been socialized differently than women and it's making them sad because they're less resili…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 01:31 PM
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The part I don't understand is why this "loneliness epidemic" is even gendered? The population is roughly equally men and women, and if guys are going unpaired, doesn't that mean that gals are as well? I've not heard that women are gay at a higher rate than men. Why is this supposed to be harder on men than women? Or, to flip that around, what special quality do women have that they don't need special consideration like a man who is affected by a loneliness epidemic? For the record, I do agree w…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 12:45 PM
2

Oh lordy, if he was caught acting that way, me, my husband, my dad who is a weekly part of that teenage child's life, we would each be thumping him. He will only be permitted to grow up knowing that with his combination of physical beauty, mental acuity, and solid background that he will never ever treat a woman poorly or we all as a team will rain down on him so hard. But I can't even imagine him being that way, he's a love bug. He's a bit smirky these days, he knows he's strong and fit and han…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 04:07 AM
1

Whoa this concept of NEET, of being someone who identifies as not in employment, education or training ... just whoa. This doesn't feel gendered to me. Anyone who is a physically healthy adult before retirement age, who chooses to skip employment, education or training - that's not an attractive person. Male or female. Now, I do see "homemaking" as a skilled employment, it involves meal planning, cleaning, house accounting etc. But is there really a new wave of young people that just want to lie…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 12:35 AM
2

By which I mean, horrified. My son is a valued team mate, considered for spirit captain in his team even as a freshman, skilled athlete and skipped a grade in math. He's looking like he's going to be about 6'6" based on genetics, eating pattern and current size. And if I ever catch wind of him pulling this redpill shit I will blister his ears, he will not hear the end of it. His dad, too. Ugh.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 12:20 AM
6

I've learned that there's a subset of men who are online who feel lonely and blame it on women. I never saw that in real life. I'm married with kids, have male friends who sustain normal friend groups and social time. I joined the sub because, as a mother I always investigate things a few years ahead of my kids, they're now in high school and I'm curious what the online existence is like. These online, redpill guys are nuts. My kiddos are growing up to appreciate that people, male or female, can…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:32 PM
5

Much of this is an attitude. My maternal grandma was an outrageous flirt in this style, though clearly very loyal. One walks across the earth expecting that nearly everyone will have something delightful about them, some skill or mannerism or insight that is fun to praise, and maybe quite sexy, which is fun to recognize and compliment. Gurl, the way you pinned your hair up today is simply fabulous, it's giving rockabilly glam Dude, the pairing of that tie and shirt is bold, and it really works f…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 04:48 PM
9

Flirts first, but not for the reason given above. I simply enjoy people who are fun and intelligent and interested in being engaged. The sort of person who would compliment a stranger or ask someone they don't know for advice when selecting a pastry at a new bakery, open a door with a flourish and a wink, say "hey can you hold this door for me my arms are full - oh thanks, can I give you one of these cookies?" My issue is when flirtation becomes some kind of binding contract, that's the stupid p…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 04:04 PM
3

I'm married and have been pretty continuously coupled up for thirty years, but I've a couple of friends who are women who are single. One was struggling with debilitating depression and had too much self sabotage to reach out to guys or accept flirtation. Another is demi, she has a very full and fun and creative life with friends for music, gaming, her church, and just no patience for a sex partner who requires coddling. Another is in a phase where she has huge obligations for caring for her par…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 12:18 AM
3

No two parents can be every kind of teacher and role model that a child needs. Every kid is going to need beneficial interaction from other non-familial adults, both men and women. Some people want to have a child. Some of those people are single or gay, more often statistically they are hetero and coupled up. Then they have a child and are parents. Some are left handed, or allergic to shellfish, or don't like opera music. They're still able to be good parents. When their kiddo needs to learn so…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 04:00 PM
8

So her telling you about it would indeed be oversharing and yucky, but the fact of it happening is not. And your husband's opinion is also irrelevant.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 11:39 AM
11

Love everything in this post. A suggestion that has been brilliant for us: kids and grandparents both don't always have enormous stamina for long playdates such as an afternoon each month. My dad started a thing during pandemic where my kids call him at 8 every night and he reads to them for about twenty minutes. First few years we supported it by handling the tech of the video call and providing an art project to keep their hands busy during it, but now they're independent. It naturally leads i…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 11:36 AM
-1

I find the query silly. Misogynistic men around here don't get repeat dates. Respectful men end up coupled up and loved on.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/25 03:39 AM
1

Ugh this is why I end up having to embed the "it's ok to be lusty and want sex" comment in every post. It's ok. But, can we acknowledge that it's a bit asymmetrical? Men certainly can face sexual insecurity and incompletion. But how frequently does it play out that way? Is that symmetric? Balanced? Common? Is it possibly valuable to talk about it so that it can become important?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 06:03 PM
2

This is very location dependent. Tons of places don’t have these kinds of events. Yet another good reason to move to a progressive city.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 03:56 AM
5

We get it, you want sex. Take a breath. Now imagine that sex feels sort of good, initially exciting but he doesn't bother to make you come, and then says something shaming to you afterward, and the next time you're out at the cafe he makes a slightly lecherous comment to his buddy and then all the community starts to think of you as some kind of slag. Ok. How often do you want to rush into risking that? Yeah no. The risk/ reward is simply different - many men cannot provide orgasms but can find …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 03:52 AM
1

I simply don't see this as true. I'm honestly curious about where you get this idea. Girls and women are under constant pressure to look prettier, be sweeter - have you seen the size of the "waiting to wed" subreddit? I do believe that you are genuinely having an experience and describing how it looks from your perspective, but as someone older who talks to coupled and single young women and men - good lordy they are all working every last possible component to look cute, be attractive, etc. My …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 03:45 AM
2

Yes, work isn't the place. But at work or in the neighborhood we hear about this cool thing the city is sponsoring at the library with live music and a food truck - and that is the place. Go find the wing woman. Cuz seriously once you make some friends with some coupled up people and they realize you aren't a psychopath, they'll be trying to introduce you to some candidates.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 03:29 AM
3

Correct, which is why, observing the youth, I would strongly recommend to return to real life connection. I herd a bunch of twenty somethings around at work and the ones that do the "in real life" connection are happier than the ones messing about with the online dating apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 03:25 AM
1

The point is that it's historically very deeply ingrained in basic women's culture to be constantly investing in relationships, between girls, inside the family, and trying to get everyone paired up and settled. It's so incredibly normal that it's like brushing your teeth. Of course women are putting in the time and effort. The matchmakers in Jewish history, the Victorian Mamas in the marriage market, it's classic for a reason - women have historically pushed and pushed for marrying off the youn…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 01:26 AM
15

There is nothing in the world that would make me want to take my clothes off with a politically conservative person. I'm a lusty person, I jump my husband on the regular, but there are some things (political positions) that would make me prefer the sex toy. Every person has their own ideological values, and increasingly the trend is that conservative men can't get dates as often as progressive men, and they lie about it because they know. So ladies, watch out.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 06:52 PM
4

Point being, shouldn't they take the advice to move in that other direction? If the apps apparently are awful, go away from them. My kids are 14 and 17 and an important part of my job involves mentoring a herd of late twenty somethings, who complain and boast about their personal lives at times. The ones that are feeling successful and fulfilled are not on the apps. It's rather obviously easier on the teenagers who have enforced interaction with other girls and boys due to school, but the succes…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 06:45 PM
2

Socializing and being "wing woman" and looking out for your girlfriends and craftily matching them up with your single guy friends and being aware of who is being seated next to who is not passively falling into relationship. Heck back in the 50's in the DC area my mother attended "finishing school" which included hot tips on how to hold your fork and cross your ankles when seated, but a huge part of it was conversational networking. How to plan a dinner party by thinking of which single friend …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 06:26 PM
19

Progressive people may also wish to not have casual sex. Conservative men dry me up.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 06:14 PM
16

You get to see firsthand their body language, how they interact with you and others, hear their voice. I agree with everything you said but for the single men out there I want to pull out and underline this one part especially. Men on average are more easily visually sexually excited than women. This is why, not always, but on average men are more likely to consume visual porn, and women on average are more likely to read erotica/smut/"romance". This feels so natural to men that sometimes they l…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 06:11 PM
12

Of all the married people I know which is 85% of my adult friends because I'm late forties and by this point half my friends are parents of my kids' friends, so yeah I know I'm skewed, but I'm still commenting as I think I'm skewed in the direction you seem to want yourself and others to move - Only two couples met on a dating app. The vast majority of us played sports, we took classes in the evening, we developed an interest in a type of music and went to go see it live, we participated in hiki…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 06:03 PM
3

I agree, they are lovely. Most people, men and women, are way away way more critical of themselves than others would be. There are gender differences in how people get the mental harm from these apps. Please be open to the idea that while we don't invalidate the horribleness of being left swiped two hundred times, women are also being hurt. You are assuming that your experience is mirrored, but it's actually different. Clinical research of people interacting with dating apps shows equal response…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 05:24 AM
6

.... Are they really? Or are they using filters, makeup, etc to appear more attractive than in person. Which then immediately creates massive shame and insecurity about having been fake online, so they are never going to show up in real life.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 03:14 AM
3

Men aren't disposable but society sure treats them as such That's your experience, and I don't doubt that you are having a real experience. But shucks, let's also acknowledge that other people including female people have experienced feeling disposable. There's enough pain to go around.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 03:12 AM
4

Let's explore this topic while dialing back the intensity twenty percent. So, to frame this, I'm a physically bigger person, I was 6'0" in my college days. I've known what it's like to walk out of a club, see some shady people, feel as though I wanted to puff up and stand strong for the people I am walking with. I'm also female, and have at times felt at risk for that reason, if the group looks the other way a moment I have had that experience of I get groped. Women move in packs for a reason. B…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 08:07 PM
4

When I was about that age a family friend, an older retired physician told me that sex is like an itch. If you try to ignore it it'll make you crazy, if you scratch too much you'll damage the skin. Gotta find a middle ground.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:32 PM
2

Question is, what do we do with this? I mean, I straight up recognize the biological pressure, but I also don't think it's appropriate for 16 and 17 year old boys to be having as much rampantly wild orgiastic sex as some of them seem to talk about what they want to be having. Like, not none. I don't think abstinence is realistic or even correct, they should be fooling around with an age matched peer. Do they even really want all that? Is this back to the water or sleep analogy where if a teen ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 11:28 PM
43

I think sex is a bit like water or sleep. You don't think about it much unless you don't get any, at which point you become obsessed. ... There's also an annoying age/physiology thing going on where it's biologically normal for the male body to want to ejaculate most frequently during an age range when young men don't have much in the way of a realistic ability to own a home, buy nice clothes, be fully filled out with muscles, control their work schedule, etc. That sometimes makes them get prett…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 08:07 PM
1

You seem quite angry and sad. I'm sorry that the world has hurt you this way. Men and women both suffer from pressure to look, act some certain kind of way in order to seem more masculine or feminine. The nude beach sample is oddly specific but probably very similar to zillions of stories of men and women both that don't want their partners going to strip clubs on the stag party or hen do. Please try to feel some compassion or empathy, or at least recognize what it's like to be another person wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 01:26 PM
2

Yes be specific. My darling proposed with no ring in hand, and nobody in sight. It was insanely special and specific. So much so that it's crazy to expect anyone else to meet that level. He invited me on a long hike. He planned it, the food, the gear, the mail drops. He managed, after twenty days in wilderness, to bag a summit on my birthday. There was some wild weather and his phrasing was something like "if we survive this, let's get hitched". On my birthday. After which he unearthed hidden ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 06:39 AM
1

Gals feel enormous pressure Nice joke Ok so you aren't really conversing in good faith. If you know any actual female people you know they feel massive pressure. But. So you get to label anything that don't benefit you as toxic masculinity and anything that benefit the men as toxic? Care to offer other masculine attributes that don't benefit other people? Because I'm having a tough time finding either masculine or feminine positive attributes that are solely selfish. The only reason I'm here in …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 05:49 AM
1

There can be fake masculinity, pretend masculinity, performative masculinity. All of those terms would imply what you are witnessing is an imposter of masculinity. ... As does the word toxic, it means that what is happening isn't normal masculinity. I get it, you're wounded, and tender on the topic. It can be rough when people who do a thing you identify with are jerks and you run the risk of being mislabeled with them because their behavior has potentially disfigured who you are. I get that way…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 05:33 AM
1

I'd agree! In fact, this is an important part of the conversation. "Hey kiddo, are you feeling like you have to do this, act this way because other people are telling you it's manly or feminine? Let's talk about how that's some bullshit". It's valuable to call it out, take its venom by giving it a name. Being a bully doesn't get to be part of masculinity, because it's toxic masculinity. Being a golddigger doesn't get to be part of femininity because it's toxic femininity.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 04:33 AM
1

You are really seriously digging into this position. Please explain how this is divisive? With ailments, being precise is helpful with treatment and prevention of spread. So if bullying is related to sports envy, or if stealing is related to food insecurity at home, the cure works faster the more we understand the root. And the prevention as well. For any set of toxic behaviors, it is helpful to address the source as precisely as possible. If a gal or a guy are acting like a jerk just because, t…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 03:56 AM
1

I'm later forties as well. Fist bump, buddy parent. As I said elsewhere in thread, being specific helps to treat or prevent the disease. Lots of things are toxic, some things are toxic from being online, some things are toxic from people being classist, whatever. Particularly as we gird our young people against absorbing silly messages before they go out into the world, it's helpful to describe why a thing might be insidiously, poisonously tempting. Someday, someone out there is going to tell yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 03:48 AM
0

I mean, the neighbor took a pay cut to do the masculine thing he wanted, in his own interest, so no I don't agree with the critique but I can keep going. Positive masculinity includes lots of generally positive behavior - thoughtfulness, reliability, respect, honesty. Assertiveness, strength. When I look at the guys closest to me, in comparison to the gals closest to me I see them as being a bit more restless, they are out there wanting to take a hike, shift those fallen branches, kick a ball ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 03:41 AM
1

Anytime a person changes their behavior in order to appear more feminine with an expense of hurting themselves or others around them. Again, as with toxic masculinity, it's not necessarily the behavior, it's the pressure behind it that makes it not only toxic, but toxic femininity. (This is a well described thing, it's commonly talked about, basic Google will back me up, and as a parent of a teen girl, we do discuss this) It might include: dampening your opinion because people have told you that…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 03:30 AM
3

Masculinity, normal masculinity, would be characteristics and styling and behavior that makes a guy feel more masculine, in ways that build him up and don't harm anyone else. Toxic masculinity would be the subset of toxic behavior (there's a much broader umbrella of toxic behavior) that specifically exploit a man's need to be seen as masculine in order to pressure him into doing things that are toxic to himself or others. It's a cultural construct, so the details of dress would be specific to th…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 03:18 AM
1

When they are exercised in the mistaken belief of creating masculinity or femininity, the adjective applies and assists with deprogramming and ending the behaviors. If women can speak about how certain behavior is toxic femininity (ex: purity culture women enforcing "slut shaming" on an adult, consenting woman, or saying you can't be a real woman unless you want children) we can make women's lives better. It aids in the recognition and deprogramming to be specific about why and how it's problema…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 02:56 AM
0

I simply don't see how using precise terminology sows division. I'm coming at this as a parent, and much of my thoughts about it are informed by the way that I see my young teens behave, horse around, and their school curricula. Five ish years ago my son was going through part of the human wellness and sexuality course (fifth grade) and part of what they did that was very cool was talk about gender images in media. The kids brought in magazines and advertisements and talked about what poses and …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 02:19 AM
0

Politely, I disagree with your conclusion. I will agree that the term is having a moment and getting slung around too freely. Just like "narcissist" and "gaslighting" are getting overused. But it's still a very useful term when used correctly. I agree with part of what you say: there are tons of non gendered toxic attitudes and behavior. Lying, cheating, violence, being passive aggressive, failing to clearly state boundaries, those are all nongendered toxic things. Just as with the fake honey an…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/25 01:41 AM
8

Words have definitions and get linked together in order to help us understand each other. "Fake honey" made of corn syrup doesn't make real honey less good, and it's a useful label. Normal masculinity is lovely. Toxic masculinity is, well, toxic. As labeled. By calling it out when it's seen, we are actually protecting normal masculinity. Sure it would also be accurate to say "don't be a douche, don't be arrogant, don't take advantage of the weak, don't bully boys and men into things they don't w…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 09:46 PM
1

Are you implying that men being seen as more capable is a benefit? Yes. It's always possible to politely say no, I don't know how to do that, or that's outside my scope, or simply no I don't want to do that. It can be can difficult and annoying and at times impossible for someone who is actually skilled to get results or even people paying attention if they're being constantly dismissed because they're female (or short or non white or fat). Tell me again how having peoples expecting you to do so…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 03:45 PM
17

I'm seriously monogamous for a long time now, so this is a mix of what worked back then, and what gives me a little completely discreet rush of energy now that I would bring home. Totally a social skill. Being physically fit and dressed in appropriately fitted clothes can work, but by far and away it's mostly how he moves. To the degree that looking at still photography, much of that attractiveness is about imagining how he would move and speak. I like well fitted work pants. That show he's been…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 08:54 AM
0

Really? A few years ago, I attended a once monthly department meeting. We had pleasant discussion over a few hours, got some updates, gave some opinions. The meeting minutes noted Dr HislastName throughout and my FirstName. We have the same certification and credential. How's that for equality? Do you think anyone reading along those minutes understands we have equal training?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 01:54 AM
1

Half agree - yes it's wrong to send men off to war, and yes it's wrong to conscript a uterus to make babies. But I don't really see this creating male oppression. As always I somehow seem to feel I must "apologize" for my position by explaining that I'm a normal person who has normal relationships, I love men, I love my husband, my father, my son, my male work colleagues and friends ... but I do not see them as in any way oppressed. They are strong.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:46 PM
5

They don't have to think that deeply Yeah they aren't thinking deeply.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:42 PM
0

Is this really how war would look like in the modern age? It's now about drones, supply chains and rare tactical strikes. 95% of that stuff can be performed by people who are gestating. Including all the mental health support. Kseniia, Hanna, Iryna share their stories of being important in the Ukraine war, not by using their uterus. link
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:41 PM
6

It's all just really messed up. Seriously. There are ways in which each of these benefit each gender. I'm a woman, married, love me my man, my father, my teenage kids a young man and a young woman. I think the idea of having selective service affect only young men is silly. Young women can serve. We don't have the muscle mass of men but we can steer a drone, repair a tank, interpret the sonar on a submarine, travel to an underserved community to provide water, food distribution, education. Men a…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 03:59 PM
1

I can agree on styling, I'm mostly hetero and quite a fan of the stereotypical male body. But do you have any examples of behavioral or emotional traits that are uniquely or much more strongly masculine? When I think about the men and women I admire, either simply or sexually, the traits that pop into my mind keep coming up as similarly attractive. As in we may think of gently caring for a baby as a feminine thing, but when a man does this it also classically "makes ovaries explode" in rom com m…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 02:49 PM
1

My teen son is growing into an early adorable masculine guy. He's still got narrow shoulders and the sweet high voice of a boy, but he's starting to eat everything in sight and grow rapidly. He's very dear in enjoying the tussle and camaraderie of his intense soccer club, including complaining about the fouls and the blind ref. He's fantastic about helping to carry heavy stuff, groceries, wood for the fire, food for the chickens. I guess I see him as very (early) masculine but I'm not really sur…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 04:02 AM
0

Incel =/= creepy. Plenty of creepy guys are also sleazy, smarmy, excessively involved in their alpha crap. Think Tate. Creepy AF, raping women on the regular. Should have been celibate but wasn't. True creepiness looks back to the origin of the word - to creep - to climb or trespass in a sneaky way. We've all been on that date where a guy rests a hand on your hip. Then it's your butt. And he doesn't back off when you pull away. That's creep. And it has little to do with whether he's celibate. I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 12:43 PM
2

I've been progressive my whole life. I've never dated a man who was conservative. I do have family members (uncles and aunts that live 1000 miles away) who are conservative that I'm able to be "cocktail party” friendly with by avoiding talking about it. I have decent, cordial friendships (not close) with conservatives in and outside of work. So I can make nice. I've been married a long time and things are much more divisive now, but sex is very intimate and vulnerable, and there's the whole preg…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 02:10 AM
7

Unbeknownst to men, we have been told how to appeal to men from a young age so when being told not to change we’re essentially trying not to “people please” even more than we already are. This is huge. And let me say from the outset that it's not unique to the female gender. Both young men and women are inundated with harmful messages that they are useless unless they appeal to the other gender. And each gender as represented online seems somehow oblivious to the pressure the other gender is und…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 03:43 PM
–

My life is my own truth. Beefcake is by definition pretty muscles, not useful ones. Or you could apply basic thinking and realize they're more for the experience and sense of normalization to be with their friends as opposite to be there for the men. It could be anything else and still have the same result, the men are mostly irrelevant. This entire paragraph is weird, and could equally apply to any human. I've known men and women each that seem less lusty or more so, and men and women each that…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 07:31 PM
–

I'm pretty sure I this morning grabbed my sleeping husband for no reason other then lust for his physical body. I'm thinking that nearly all the Brad Pitt ridiculousness is not within women thinking they will actually fuck him, and nearly all ticket holders that go to whatever that strip show in Vegas is, the "thunder down under", they don't get affected by their power, money, whatever. Women like to look at beefcake. Purely for the enjoyment of looking. Pay for the enjoyment of looking. Women e…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 06:30 PM
–

Not in a sexual sense Seriously? The women around you don't get horny? I did some seriously stupid things back in the day based solely on physical lust, and for twenty years now my life has been set up so that sexual frequency doesn't affect power or influence, yet I still feel lust. Women feel lust. It's complicated, but definitely lusty. If they aren't lusty around you, that's a you thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 05:39 PM
–

women today hate the idea Women today hate these kinds of sweeping generalizations. It's totally possible for there to be tendencies that include pretty big overlap. One of the saddest things is a lusty woman feeling shamed or shut down by this kind of rhetoric. Women's lust isn't the same as men's lust but it is very real.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 11:49 AM
1

Ideally, she openly and wantonly lusts after him and can’t wait to rip his clothes off and fuck him. That’s the type of woman you marry. I'd be concerned about a lack of impulse control in that scenario. Yes it's good to have the heat - I'm married nearly twenty years now and still bringing the heat - but one wants to be with a person who has discipline. We smooched and petted pretty fast, and it was clear we had the hots for each other, but we didn't have sex for a few months. Drooly, tense mon…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 03:43 AM
6

I recently found a graphic that is thought provoking, "ikigai" is a Japanese way of soring the various things that fulfill you. One certainly needn't meet ikigai at work, but maybe some components are out of the home, some satisfied by volunteering and some inside your home. I just find it a useful way to look at life. http://www.forastateofhappiness.com/ikigai-the-happiness-of-always-being-busy-in-japan/
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 04:11 AM
1

Indra Nooyi is the CEO of PepsiCo, generally regarded to be very successful in that role over the past twelve years. When speaking about how she handles being a wife and mother as well, she described that when she comes home she "leaves that crown in the garage". It's a way of partitioning off her leadership skills at work from her identity and style at home. I'm not certain what's up with the formatting, for me it reads as a different font but not illegible, and it's all my own prose. (editing …
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 04:53 PM
10

so what am I supposed to call it when I'm annoyed because at work, after a meeting with six men with my same degree and supposedly same tenure, the minutes get emailed out and in the meeting minutes all the men get referred to by their educational degree and I get referred to by first name? Three years ago in a famously feminist community. I can hear that some feminists have jumped the shark, just as we discourage people from reading TRP or MGTOW. I'm hoping to be welcomed here so that I can dis…
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 12:30 AM
2

I learned it from my cousin, but this tutorial is similar. https://www.burdastyle.com/blog/diy-duct-tape-dress-form
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/18 04:03 AM
12

If you fit in standard sizing, yes, thrift and vintage, or find the labels you prefer and peruse eBay. Consider learning to sew, it's super fun. Make a dress form of your own body by wrapping layers of duct tape over a tee shirt, cutting it off and reconnecting the seam. Having beautifully fit clothes makes all the difference, and then you can control (or amend) the details. If you want to splurge and buy a few nice dresses for the weekend, I've been very happy with eShakti. Colors and materials…
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/18 02:57 PM
3

Just commiseration, no additional ideas. I think you're on the right track. Over the nearly twelve years of my marriage I've had slow steady progress. My husband's mom likes to boil everything, no spices. So I had to restrain my gusto with the seasoning. My case report is that it does get better, albeit gradually. I wouldn't lie about it, though. Just truthfully say you've tried to make a milder version of the classic dish for him.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 05:51 PM
6

This is a fantastic question, I'm really looking forward to reading the answers. I feel really lucky, because my husband and I ended up finding each other mostly instinctively and didn't explicitly talk about much of anything other than kids and being divorce-allergic. This has meant that ten years in, we are learning how to talk about these things. Lots of the important things can be observed but I do think it's far better to be specific and explicit. In addition to the other posts, I think it'…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/18 09:55 PM
12

His urge to provide for you, and your concern for his hard earned money is very becoming to you both. It is beautiful that he acknowledges how your emotional health reflects back to benefit him. This is a big step towards marriage. I'll share my own similar history at the bottom of the post. Two things: 1) This isn't a one way street. Talk to each other and be open about how the needs of you two, together, will be dynamic over the years and there will be times in your partnership when you agree …
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/18 09:39 PM
3

Listmaking! Write it out with the timing, like producing a play, and practice all recipes ahead. Think about supplies, do you have enough chairs and forks and cups, napkins and placemats. When the time comes will you have a way to mark people's things or do you intend to wash it all at half time? Do you have sufficient serving dishes and spoons? I've done Thanksgiving for twenty five and I physically put the dishes out with label of what was going in, because I felt overwhelmed. Think about your…
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/18 12:11 AM
1

We had this thread before, but basically all my best parenting and housekeeping efficiencies were made possible by incidental use of my advanced degrees. Plus I sometimes think my husband sees me as part of his disaster prep (I'm in medicine, he finds me convenient for caring for our children and extended family). Whether your education comes from apprenticeship, intentional practice performed independently, or lecture hall instruction, knowledge is power. You never know when the knowledge may c…
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/18 11:52 PM
1

They seem happy when we get together for dinners?
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/18 06:44 PM
7

Actually, according to the census and the CDC, at a state level divorce rates are not correlated with religiosity, but rather with delaying marriage to 28-32, and having a higher level of education, being affluent and living in a region with low unemployment. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/15/the-states-of-marriage-and-divorce/ I'm starting to figure out why I see such a different landscape than others describe here. Of the thirty kids in my ten year old's class, only 2 have divorced par…
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/18 04:59 PM
2

After years of his loving support, I now out earn my husband by a factor of two. It certainly changes things, but for us it's working well. I don't know your dynamic, or if your boyfriend has supported your career advances in these ways. Maybe this doesn't generalize to you. But I hope that it's a helpful story. I made sure that he has every reason to deeply believe and trust in my understanding, which goes as follows: though the paycheck deposits in my name, I truly believe it is our money. I c…
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/18 06:32 PM
7

Honestly; by scrupulously policing your inner monologue to welcome every new person you meet as someone who could have a genuine chance to be your captain or teach you something valuable. Until they prove you wrong. We do not need to confuse naivete with being demure. It's one thing to be allergic to nonproductive time, and another totally different thing to judge people prematurely. And they can tell. "Fake it style"; develop a skill at controlled, mild flirtation. Done well, very mild flirtati…
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/18 12:49 AM
2

Be honest? Tell him that you are quite attracted to him, and the flirtation is terribly exciting, but as a virgin you only intend to have sex within a committed relationship. If he can tell you are flustered, that's okay, it's a compliment to his attractiveness. It's ok to be vulnerable to him and see what his next move is. It will say a great deal about his character and worthiness.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/18 12:33 PM
16

Don't make this about him. If you know how to budget, coupon, cook from bulk ingredients, repair clothes, trim hair, participate in the local barter and freecycle community, and amuse yourself for free, you can make your goal work on any income. If this is your goal, develop yourself into the woman who can accomplish it. Choosing a single income household is hard, but it's hard because we make assumptions such as everyone having a car, smartphone, eating out and new clothes.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/18 12:23 PM
1

We just got five Copper Marans chicks, and next month have a box of mixed colorful egg layers coming from McMurray's. Our current flock is three years old and we have had some picked off by predators (bobcat, hawk). I love taking a cup of coffee out there to watch them scratch around on the hillside, and I love how much my kids love taking care of them. I'd like to get into raising meat rabbits. I enjoy cooking. My husband loves gardening, so I'll watch him, or fuss over his produce. I recently …
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/18 02:09 PM
1

Would upvote twice if possible.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/18 08:36 PM
2

You told him your goals, the next phase is speaking through your actions. There may be weeks or months of him hanging back to see if you are needy, melodramatic, or gossiping. Be present, be sane, be responsible and pleasant. In short, all the usual stuff that we all strive for all the time anyway. If you two have a deeper connection, it will eventually show itself. Don't think you can control this or spin it. If you want to give him the impression you are open to him and think he's adequate, ma…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/18 01:26 AM
1

Oddly, I never legally cohabited. I fully expected to, my parents had done so, all my friends did. It just never worked out for me. My long college relationship foundered around the time I was first renting a house with friends, and my next serious relationship after that we had jobs in cities 90 minutes drive apart. Due to logistics of his property ownership and then my degree program by the time we could arrange to live together we had married.
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 08:43 PM
3

Can you flip the mindset? Your life experiences have clearly taught you something, which, for the right individual, will be an important plus. You seem to connect your kindness and gentle nature to your difficult history. Maybe this is because you're had to learn this deliberately, or maybe it's because there have been times you felt weak. Clearly you've spent significant time in introspection and have good insight into yourself. These qualities may have risen from pain but they are nonetheless …
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 08:30 PM
5

Storytime. I nearly scared off my husband. The TL;DR is that the above advice to pause, give space, but then continue to shine all your nonsexual feminine qualities is good. Around fifteen years ago, a mutual friend set me up. She asked me to come out for dinner and then crash with her and her boyfriend after. He was renting some rooms in a house from a friend of his, turns out my friend thought the homeowner would be a good match for me. And he was. We stayed up until dawn talking, dragged a fu…
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 08:12 PM
4

I see cohabitation as an important, final phase of vetting before marriage. Yes, it tangles up your financial situation and some cohabiting couples that end up separating delay breaking up out of inertia, which is unfortunate. But it would be worse, in my opinion, if they learned about their incompatibility after marriage. I'm at the point in my life where I'm starting to think about how I teach this to my kids. There is robust evidence that people who marry too young have higher divorce rates. …
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 07:40 PM
25

I'd think of it as a form of vetting. Offering me that type of exceedingly detailed and inflexible contract would reveal to me that we are not a good fit, and should walk away now. I would appreciate his displaying himself up front. I have some friends that did sign a contract (I don't think it was a legal one, just between them) outlining the rules as they first moved in together. Theirs was really about the financials and how they intended to address things like purchasing furniture or choosin…
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 07:18 PM
6

I think there's a noticeable difference between doing something for someone because they are incapable and weak, vs. doing something for someone because you want to free them up to do greater things. My kids aren't truly capable of planning healthy menus; my husband can but would rather spend his time on other things.
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 01:12 AM
1

Yes, it's superficial. By definition it's superficial. Whether it's unrealistic has to do with everything else about you and what you are willing to overlook in favor of that attribute. My husband is 6'5", but his height is way, way down on the list of reasons why friends set us up, we clicked, and married. I would never make height or other immutable physical characteristic criteria for consideration.
/r/RedPillWomen15/04/18 03:27 PM
2

It's quite a piece of work, seems to expand every year. I'm trying to learn more about fermenting or pickling what comes, because it comes in a deluge sometimes. He is totally that guy who will bring thirty uninvited tomatoes up and leave them on the counter, I struggle with that. This year he added blueberries and fruit and nut trees. I could never manage the kind of sustained and regular attention he pays to it. Much like laundry, either it's meditative and restorative, or an odious chore. The…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 09:03 PM
2

So totally true. Save money, protect your health, celebrate so many elements of cultural heritage expressed through food, bring family together! I'm actually pretty socially introverted so being able to contribute through food provides a great crutch for me.
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 08:56 PM
2

It's a great suggestion -we have that footstool there already for the kids. This is an issue we have explored over and over for a decade and I need to accept that it's in my court to up my game or decide that this is a chore we hire out to a housekeeper. We bought the bigger, brighter lit fridge with higher up shelves, we store leftovers in clear glass containers always. It's just part of who he is, and the sum of his parts is well worth it.
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 06:23 PM
2

Cooking seems a fairly black or white thing, it's either an unavoidable chore, or a loving expression of art. I didn't figure it out until I was teaching my toddlers about cooking - the newfound emphasis on healthy ingredients coupled with having to take extra time opened my eyes. This coincided with the time we finally settled in our forever home and my husband could start developing his passion for a huge garden and now his most favorite gift from me is a meal that displays something he grew. …
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 06:17 PM
8

Women and men can absolutely be friends and have a friendly lunch together ... but not this man and you. This guy sounds creepy and your boss is wrong. I think it's hard to set absolutes about what is or isn't ok, because cultural cues can be misread. For example, when I travel in south America everyone stands invasively close in my personal space, but they don't mean anything by it, it's what they do. I can imagine there are places where casual touch is normal. But in a workplace, coupled with …
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 05:54 PM
2

Getting a big one with the freezer drawer below helped a bit. My husband is 6'5" and seems adorably unable to see anything past the first row of the top shelf, so we have 3 open jars of peanut butter, two open bags of bread and 4 jars half eaten of olives right now. Mostly I just need to get a spine and do this thing, because it's so heartbreaking when I find something that was delicious that's gone off.
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 04:22 PM
2

Yesssss. I love roaming through a good grocery or farmers market, getting inspired by the samples or talking with the butcher. The seasons are marked by vegetables and fruits for me, I try to eat what's seasonal until I am near sick of it, because the off season stuff can be so disappointing. I love finding a really good local source of some ingredient in particular. There's a local guy who has a second career importing olives, they're so buttery and amazing. I didn't discover that I enjoyed coo…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 04:17 PM
11

I'm curious if you are in an urban or suburban setting, and what is the general educational level of those criticizing you? I'm starting to wonder if this is a socioeconomic thing. The cross section of married women around me (mothers of the kids my kids go to school with) are about one third SAH, and they get nothing but love for that. We all see and benefit from their extra efforts in the PTA and other community organizing. These are educated women with earning power, two are PhD, one a lawyer…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/18 02:57 PM
2

So funny that this is so very different for each. Laundry is meditative and soothing for me, I don't mind dishes much, I love rubbing beeswax into the butcher block counter. . However, packing up leftovers before doing dishes, or cleaning the fridge - huge barriers for me. My husband knows that if he puts away the leftovers I'll get the dishes done. It's so comforting to know how he knows me, like coming into camp on a long hike ...and you don't even have to talk about who'd get water and who wi…
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/18 09:24 PM
4

...and it's quite bewilderingly different from the parts of the USA that I grew up in. I'm not saying that what others say isn't their truth, I'm just reporting that I don't see it in my life. I have always lived in New England, though my parents were born in the midwest and south of America. My dad was the first in his family to attend college or leave Illinois. Mom kept her maiden name when they married and went back to full time work once it had financial sense because the kids were in kinder…
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/18 07:38 PM
6

All I can report is my own lived experience, which includes having several instances where my comments in this sub were given unexplained downvotes. It's hard to interpret that as any other way than being childishly silenced by people who seem to object to my left wing persectives. In one instance I even called it out (just as this OP did) and had other posters agree with my impression that people were using downvotes to disrespect or silence my viewpoint because it didn't match their own. My pe…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 08:26 PM
8

Gently: that downvote behavior exists on all sides.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 08:15 PM
5

While some of what you say is true, I would like to gently steer this back to what she asked for. She wanted to know if this potential disagreement is a relationship ending event, not argue the politics. People deserve to make choices. I happen to agree with you, I feel that what research we have been able to do shows that the risk of having a gun in my house outweighs the benefit. Also as someone who has to take care of people injured by guns as part of my job, I have naturally an instinct to t…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 07:11 PM
–

Consider that your mindset is much like a muscle. This is known by EEG studies of those who meditate. People can objectively be proven to develop speed and stamina for controlling their brainwaves. Let this be encouraging to you! If you find any way to cultivate inner validation, it will feel hard at first but just as your legs get stronger with weeks of doing squats, it is very realistic to expect your mind to improve with regular practice. Two possible practices: 1) interrupt the bad inner dia…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 06:21 PM
1

That he brought it up to you as a possible concern to have open discussion on seems to indicate good judgment. Having different views is fine, so long as your interactions are respectful. The only problem would be if he wasn't responsible, didn't plan on storing any guns in the home locked securely. He doesn't sound like that sort of careless man. So you would need to have a brief conversation about how to safely raise children while owning a gun, which is totally possible. As long as you both a…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 06:02 PM
2

Dunning-Kruger effect. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 05:29 PM
4

Best comment. I test very well, got the fancy graduate degree, high earner, etc. I'm a mess without my husband, who doesn't test as well. He's a solid average student who leveraged his situation by being well organized and doggedly persistent, which set him up to be very successful. He chose me, guided and supported me through a difficult educational process and deserves every dollar that I earn because I couldn't have done it without him. I certainly don't have the patience or attention span to…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 05:23 PM
7

Anxiety disorders correlate with intelligence. One might posit that genius feeds the hamster. Totally annoying. https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2015/06/16-scientific-reasons-why-people-who-are-socially-anxious-are-usually-highly-intelligent/
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 03:54 PM
10

Fundamentally we are animals. Primates are not frequently monogamous. There is a reason we all feel attraction to strangers, and why men and women struggle with hypergamy. Acknowledge it. Give it a name and out may take the power away. It is very rare for a person to be so utterly connected to their partner that they cannot even recognize attractiveness in another individual. There are a few ways to move on. 1) freak out, feel embarrassed about it, pretend it isn't true, and sneak furtive looks.…
/r/RedPillWomen10/03/18 02:29 AM
8

This feminist doesn't hate men, and would be your friend. :) I'm glad you are in therapy, and you seem to have a really good grasp on defining your issues. Sometimes when an issue feels really huge and overwhelming it can feel impossible to get a grip anywhere on it - as with many things in life, try to carve off a manageable bite and work on one little thing. Get a small success under your belt, and get in the practice of small steady progress. One day you will look up and that big mountain of …
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/18 05:38 PM
3

I'm in an opposite position; we are starting the process to rationally decide if my husband should retire from his stable salaried position, and let me be the main earner. He may or may not pursue contract work. So we are having similar discussions and I hope that the thought process can be helpful to you. We have made a spreadsheet documenting a few years past expenses and projected recurring expenses for future. Different families will have different values around which items they are willing …
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/18 07:06 AM
1

My mother told me that it is important to see if your relationship can handle very cramped conditions, but that also having a period of some separation (time or distance) can be illuminating. It reveals your commitment, and may help you to know if you love the person or the idea of him. Back on topic. I can really resonate with the advice previously given to simply live this way, be your submitted self and witness the results. However, I also believe that marriage should be an open dialog, witho…
/r/RedPillWomen23/01/18 04:06 AM
2

I believe that one key ingredient is making it look thoughtfully designed but effortlessly executed. As with ballet, that central fiction is the magic ingredient. It's the same with group leadership or hosting a party. You want your guests to feel at ease, as though you aren't overwhelmed by entertaining. You want your hairdo to magically look great in any setting without making people fear you won't want to go up to the rooftop for the views for fear of the wind missing it up.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/18 04:46 AM
5

I'm with you. My own lived experience doesn't include a prenup, and my husband was already a homeowner with a good retirement account when he married me, while I brought ... at least I brought no debt. But it seems to me that it's simple enough to word a prenup in a way that would satisfy any reasonable desire to protect a family trust or other large premarital asset, while still methodically valuing time spent working from home. A settlement per year keeping house, or some language about keepin…
/r/RedPillWomen08/01/18 11:34 PM
2

When you say a thing about all feminists, you are speaking about me. The post felt mean, and I thought you would be interested to know that. If not for you, than for other readers. I certainly believe that other people have a different lived experience than I do, but the feminists who raised me gave me my pearl strand, taught me to cross my ankles under the chair in the appropriate setting and strongly support women who choose to pursue domestic roles. It's important to me that they, and I, am n…
/r/RedPillWomen08/01/18 11:37 AM
3

I resonate with the prior post about attending to your specific man's needs. My husband deeply enjoys gardening. Despite making a six figure income on the computer ever since college he really glories in dirty hands and self sufficience (tends toward being a prepper). He has a huge garden and brings in huge baskets of tomatoes, peppers, herbs, salad greens, edible flowers such as nasturtiums, cucumbers, peas, squashes. He has no interest in putting them by (canning or freezing). Though I enjoy b…
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/18 11:23 PM
5

Here is the census data. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/unmarried/unmarried.htm I want to not jump to conclusions, but it appears that it is a trend in the south, Midwest, and southwestern states. It seems to spare those states that are often characterised as "blue". Honestly I don't think it's a political thing, I think it's all about affluence. It seems straightforward to me that women and men who are financially precarious will have a harder time scraping together the discipline an…
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/18 09:58 PM
2

This is what I was coming to say. I only know one single mother. The few single parents in my kids' school are divorced. Of my college group, only one single mother. In my professional groups, many babies, all in wedlock. I'm certain this is because I live in an affluent region with a very high rate of graduate level education.
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/18 09:49 PM
2

Gently, I would like to mention that generalizing in such a rigid way can be hurtful, and in this instance is hurtful to me. There are many kinds of feminists, we have had threads on this before, and I am not the only poster here who identifies herself as feminist and comes here to learn and celebrate my femininity. I am not trying to tear you down. I want only to display my feelings in the hope that you wouldn't choose to exclude me this way in the future. Some RPW never wear heels, some work o…
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/18 09:42 PM
2

I'm trying to be aware of the little unconscious speech mannerisms. I think that I can improve my relationships with my husband, my kids, my colleagues, if I practice small moments of respect and humility. I'm going to be more steady about my skincare. My skin is pretty good with almost no attention, just splash water at it. But I want to stave off sun damage and appear a little brighter, so I'm trying to commit to sunscreen, and a mild retinoid at night. I've settled this year on what I think i…
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/18 09:24 PM
2

When I set my heart on learning to dance, at the late age of 20, 6' tall and embarrassed about it, not having had the advantage of ballet or gymnastics, I was a clumsy klutz. But I loved swing (east coast and west coast) and salsa and Argentine tango. Within a two years I went on to teach the beginner ballroom class at the local studio. That only lasted a year (it's a low- paying, high drama work scene, I only recommend it as a way to pay for more coaching than you can afford) but the skills las…
/r/RedPillWomen07/01/18 09:12 PM
2

I really appreciate the perspective of not invalidating his gesture, even if it's not too your taste. I don't have much use for fancy restaurants (I love fine food, would rather splurge on ingredients and cook together). The way I've expressed this to my husband is "What a very special and luxurious meal, this was a great experience to share with you." And later, on a different day, "I think it is fun to make a point of sampling all the variety our city has, have we checked out the yelp fave for…
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/18 04:31 PM
1

Have you read "Quiet"? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_The_Power_of_Introverts_in_a_World_That_Can%27t_Stop_Talking I don't believe that being quiet/ introverted must mean you can't be gracious or welcoming. I feel it's very feminine to let others keep center stage (easier done when quiet). Don't we often hear the trope of men appreciating a woman who can endure an easy silence? I'm "ambiverted" but my job uses up most of my energy for talking to strangers. So I reassure my family that I …
/r/RedPillWomen30/12/17 09:32 PM
2

So many thoughtful, good points.
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 09:51 AM
2

I'm interested. I'm 40, married eleven years and have two elementary aged kids. I think that participating will be expressly valuable because I will confess now that I get frustrated with people who presume a single solution is best for all women (staying home). Therefore I will practice at open mindedness by starting with every intention to do these exercises and find ways in which this author's truths are helpful, instead of rejecting them out of hand because there is one component I disagree …
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 09:40 AM
5

Mine asked me to choose the setting. We had some very specific discussions about our values relating to marriage and family, so I knew it was coming. He did manage to surprise me in his proposal, though. Summit of a difficult hike, sudden foul weather, and as we huddled together he asked. It was cute. He had smuggled instant chocolate pudding to celebrate, which is quite a feat after hiking three weeks together, in and out of each other's bags all the time.
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 09:32 AM
2

It seems that being able to delegate a task would be an important quality in a captain. If you both agree on your values and goals, and set the macro budget up together, then all the details and book keeping could be handled by you. Managing household finances is a skilled, time consuming chore. I would far rather wash pots and pans than prepare our taxes or read up on back door Roth investment accounts. I know that saving and planning for our future and our children is important, and I'm gratef…
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 09:25 AM
2

Particularly if you see them as an enemy (a point i would contest) isn't gaining an understanding of your opposition one of the most basic rules of SunTzu or Machiavelli?
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/17 03:28 AM
7

Ha, I think my experience is similar - as I have to make decisions all day and keep the team in line, I've started to appreciate being soft at home more. I wear lipstick regularly now, for the first time in my life, and have grown my hair to waist length. Wearing a uniform in the workplace makes me finally have an interest in how I dress on my own time.
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 10:08 PM
3

I appreciate your explanation and support. I wasn't going to lie awake at night over it, but if someone does feel I'm not constructive I want to know it and mend my ways, and if someone disagrees I'd rather hear their perspective than be silently downvoted. Refers right back to gaining a broader perspective, becoming educated in an informal setting. :)
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 09:34 PM
2

Hm. I had thought that reddit ettiquette was to downvote comments that don't add to the discussion, not to down vote as a sign of disagreement with a constructively written post. I feel my post is relevent, polite and hopefully thought provoking. Let me know if my understanding of the rules is incorrect.
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 09:11 PM
7

Exactly, it's all valuable. Just as travel, or reading broadly makes one a more interesting conversationslist. You never know what will come in handy. I see it as a mindset. My parents are retiring now and have taken up watercolor lessons and singing in a performance choir, and my mother got certified to teach tai chi. Deciding that you want to learn as broadly as possible seems a valuable thing - and staves off dementia!
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 08:30 PM
3

My own experience is skewed by my own camaraderie with other professionally trained women, who rabidly support each other through the whole spectrum, including teachers, doctors and lawyers who choose to walk away and full time parent, or want a nice long maternity leave of several months or years, or need each other's support to aid in their choice to return to work outside the home sooner but want to make sure they get home on time. I have only experienced this stereotype you speak of as the w…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 08:24 PM
1

I disagree. I do agree that children need to experience both firmness and nurturing, and that both parents must be united. But I don't believe that "dad's don't do that kind of nurturing" and "moms are seldom going to teach their kids to toughen up". In many ways my household divides labor traditionally. I cook, my husband tends to the yard, our large garden, our taxes and investments. However, by accident of our lives I've more experience and comfort with what to realistically expect of a child…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 07:46 PM
3

I do not doubt your experience, but my own is different. My roommate in college had an affirmed calling to be a home maker, in every sense. She was the one to bake, and decorate, and keep the finances of our apartment in line, and to keep tabs on any friends who were a bit out of sorts. She has become a great single mom, with no animosity towards those who are coupled. I also really appreciate the moms in my kids' school community that run the PTA. My work uses up most of my limited extroversion…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 07:23 PM
1

It's all setting dependant. As a matter of course, I read and try to be educated and vote and donate. In some settings, after a few gentle explorations about history or anthropology, it becomes clear that a political conversation would be interesting and that I could learn something, and I will discuss politics. In other settings I carefully and determinedly avoid it. My husband got into it with his brother in law this thanksgiving, something that I'm usually trying to buffer away.
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 07:12 PM
3

This may be good practice for you to assert your boundaries. Develop and practice a few phrases: "I don't feel it's appropriate to discuss other people's finances like this. Pass the bean dip. How lovely are those curtains. " if there's pushback, one can express dismay "did you really say that out loud? " As far as your boyfriend, don't let other people affect your relationship. If your faith and admiration are solid and you let that shine through, it will be believed. It sounds like you are mos…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 07:00 PM
24

Some of the best parenting moments, and best household efficiencies I have had come as unexpected benefits of my formal training. Teaching children, especially when they are young, requires adaptability, recognizing and capitolizing on flashes of opportunity. It only stands to reason that the more you know, the more you can take advantage of and share. This would be true of history or botany or economics, though those aren't my fields. Anyone who has ever cloth diapered knows that keeping them c…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 06:51 PM
39

Even though I'm a lurker, I'm so interested in what people will post that I'll try to kick this off. I'm a badass babe. I'm 40, and I've been married 11 years. I've hiked 217 miles one summer, with my now husband carrying our tent on our backs, picking up food resupply every 4 to 5 days and cleaning up in streams. I've birthed two babies, and while I'm totally clear that my goal isn't everyone else's goal, I did it without pharmaceutical help. I breastfed them fully. I'm raising them to be polit…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 05:52 PM
3

There are six years to go. The solution will be different depending on what rotation he is in, but gritting your teeth and continuing to do something that really doesn't work for you doesn't sound like a workable plan. It's true that he may develop efficiencies that increase his spare time, but likely that time will be needed for sleep and exercise. Plus, not to be a downer, but after residency is completed, surgeons aren't renowned for their work life balance. Shifts will be long, 24 hour in ho…
/r/RedPillWomen20/10/17 03:14 PM
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