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34

random_topix/r/Divorce_Men06/11/19 03:17 AM
3

random_topix/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 08:37 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Not sure that will matter. At least in our case it was a matter of what I made vs what she made. I did give up equity in the house to get fewer years of support.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 10:50 PM
3

$28,000? That’s crazy. Yeah, I’m a bit limited in options as well due to alimony. Not that level, tho.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 08:26 PM
16

Yeah. I made the mistake of letting her not work for 20 years. Apparently that’s a good reason to keep on paying even though she has a college degree and could work. I think a lot of these husbands of “tradwives” are setting themselves up for a shock in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 07:08 PM
9

Im sorry it’s working out this way. You mentioned she doesn’t work and has a military retirement. She may be expecting spousal support. I take it you’ve been married for a while. If you don’t have a lawyer I’d get one.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 05:34 PM
5

I use the same response you do. It’s no one else’s business.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 07:15 PM
10

You can make more money. Years of happiness are limited. I could be way wealthier and retire sooner, but I’m glad I got divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 11:09 PM
1

You should be able to pay down your card. Usually there is a temporary order and you can’t go make big purchases or take on additional debt, but this is existing (I.e. joint) debt.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 12:55 PM
10

She always can, so there’s the risk of lawyer costs. But I would think (hope) her chances of winning were low.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 05:00 PM
2

Still totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:49 PM
2

Between retirement, home equity, stock options, child support and spousal support I estimate it in the $1mm range (varies a bit based on stock options value)
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:49 PM
5

Unfortunately I think this is how a lot of courts feel as well from my experience. My XW has a business degree but was a SAHM and still got pretty nice spousal support that I’m still paying. Basically the argument is that they give up their careers to raise kids no matter how well they did it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:42 PM
1

Just be careful. RSUs typically have the taxes withheld which is not the same as paying. It’s basically regular income in most cases. I got a statement that she’d be responsible for any taxes due to her sale. The beauty is that her part is the top margin, so it works out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 09:09 PM
1

Some of the advise you are getting is wrong. It’s all negotiable. I ended up having to split RSUs and ISOs, even un-vested ones because they were granted before the divorce. As they vest she continues to get more. The agreement has me holding them and she has to pay tax when income is realized.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 08:51 PM
2

Ouch. Yeah at least I got limited years and the marriage stipulation. Still painful to pay a woman who has a business (not sure how successful), but the end will come one day.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 07:17 PM
4

I got a fixed support payment for a number of years, but then she got a percentage of granted options, including those not vested or exercised. I’d try to get a fixed value if possible, though that also has risks if your income decreases.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 01:08 AM
1

This was the same issue I had. My XW couldn’t get a mortgage on her own. She wanted the house. She basically cashed out assets and paid it off, but there was some overlap. The support was more than enough to make payments in the meantime. I still think I got the better value since I don’t think we’d have gotten Zillow value in a sale.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 09:21 PM
2

One option since you can live on less is to work higher paying job a bit longer and save the extra for support in your coast job.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 03:34 PM
4

There’s a difference between not suffering and being happy. It sounds like you aren’t in a horrible situation, but aren’t happy. YOLO. It better to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 07:40 PM
2

Yes talk to an attorney. From my personal experience we had to limit expenses to what we needed, so no big splurge items. Date might bay by state, but I was told once the proceedings started joint property ended. I also moved out right away (but didn’t want the house), so setting the date was easier.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 02:06 PM
2

Yep. My wife’s lawyer asked for the last six months.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 02:47 PM
6

I don’t think who she’s dating would matter. Should she get married, however, then than that would be different. My contract had a clause that spousal support ends if she gets married. Child support is a lot trickier, but in my state after two years you could reevaluate. My kids are all turning 18 and not living with her so it doesn’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 02:32 AM
2

I wouldn’t think so, but I’m really jaded by the whole process. Would definitely fight it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 05:51 PM
2

Thanks. Could have been the assets were sufficient. My paranoid dream is she comes back for more. On the flip side I’m really hopeful she gets remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 05:30 PM
2

I don’t understand the lifetime alimony. I was married 28 years and didn’t get it. Maybe state by state? Gave up a ton of money and assets.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 04:38 PM
1

I’m an introvert so I like the quiet. But I also go out with friends and family, so it’s not always alone. That said it’s good to be comfortable with yourself. And I love going to movies alone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 04:52 PM
5

I see you got downvoted, but this is correct. Had the person taken this money home this wouldn’t even be a question. If the roles were reversed and my XW had been the main earner I would have expected my share as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 03:53 PM
2

Yes. I did this as well (different state). She got the home equity and some stock that I could have fought for, but then I got way fewer years of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/21 02:21 PM
2

You’re going to pay to support your kids either way. Might as well try to be happier. And if you stick around for another 19 years you may end up paying and giving up more. My child support is almost done, but the alimony will continue for quite a while since we were married 28 years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 10:07 PM
4

She’s not using your name. She has the same last name. Lots of people share the same last name. I don’t understand how this would cause you harm. I think it’s time to move on with your life. You’ll be much happier.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 12:42 PM
1

I agree the location was inappropriate. I got physically served, but it was at my apartment.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 11:43 AM
1

Maybe, but In my state someone had physically give it to you or you had to sign. The latter is risky since you can refuse receipt. I was served in person.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 12:04 AM
4

From my experience only if you want to push it and even then depends on the judge. My wife didn’t even submit hers and my lawyer didn’t think there was much we could do. I made all the money, so I doubt it would have mattered. If you do end up in front of a judge or mediator, you could press for a statement over the last 30 days.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 11:55 AM
5

If you are 45 and can’t orgasm with a new, young girlfriend, you should consider seeing a doctor. That’s a sign of cardiovascular disease. Doctors ask about ED for that reason, not because they want to know if you’re getting laid. Sorry if I misread that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/21 01:55 AM
1

If they rolled it back and my X had to pay taxes, I imagine we’d end up back in court. Personally I think the higher rate paying is more fair. But, I think we should get the same or some similar benefit as married filers.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 01:09 AM
1

It does of my tax advisor is any good. I don’t deduct any of the support.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 01:07 AM
9

I’m not sure which state you are in, but in most one spouse can decide it’s not working, file, and then it’s a matter of settlement. So a person can’t really go to court and fight to avoid the divorce. And I’m not sure why you would want to since you would end up with someone that is unhappy and resentful. Maybe convince him of the inevitability of the situation and help him get counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 04:05 PM
8

I’d ask your lawyer to also file a restraining order for you and your mother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/21 05:16 PM
2

Exactly. I gave up the house and equity in exchange for other things because I didn’t want the house.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/21 09:45 PM
4

Yep. My wife hired a pretty nasty lawyer who did something similar. Claims of domestic abuse, restraining order, etc. the problem is that the person only has to say they were “afraid” or there was mental abuse and that’s impossible to disprove. However, it was a (slimy) negotiating tactic. It got dropped pretty fast.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/21 02:38 PM
3

I can’t speak for TX, but in WA it’s not something you agree to. There is a table and calculation based on number of kids, total income and your percentage of total income. If TX has something similar I’d talk to a lawyer before agreeing to pay a different number. Last thing you want is to have your ex coming for back pay because the agreement was contrary to State law.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/20 09:42 PM
6

My ex-wife got the house, but I was fine with that. Kids mostly live with her so it made sense. Plus I want something smaller.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 10:15 PM
6

How is it flawed? It simply asked who ended up in the home.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 10:14 PM
1

Assuming she knows I’d file now. Also my X asked for more in support because she wanted to go to school. I offered to pay tuition and fees instead and she dropped that. Saved me $1000 per month.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 10:34 PM
1

Given what you’ve described: dual careers, unemployed, etc, support would really depend on what your wife makes vs what you made and are likely to make. You also mentioned moving and getting an apartment. If you are seriously wanting 50/50 custody you don’t have to move. She could. You could even shoot for full custody and they visit her in her apartment. I think men assume they have to take it on the chin, but if she’s doing as well or better, I don’t see why she can’t be treated as the traditi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/20 07:57 PM
3

I didn’t get asked to sign a HIPPA release, but did get asked for basically all financial and medical details. Sounds like a fishing expedition. On the flip side, since you didn’t go it should be to your benefit. But I’d ask your lawyer to ask for the same. AND don’t get respond until you get the same from her. My XW asked for all this stuff, I filled it all out, and she never did. It didn’t amount to anything, but still very annoying.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 03:59 PM
5

I was in a similar situation. May kids were about a year older than your, but my XW didn’t work, so I also have spousal support. The biggest advantage I have is that I live in a much lower cost of living area. The nice thing with kids that age is that they aren’t all that far from 18. My daughter just turned 18, so her support ended. I am living in an apartment, but it’s a fairly nice one and plenty of room even when my son visits. So it does eventually end. It is painful in the meantime, so ret…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 01:38 PM
2

For the financial question, you’ll want a separate bank account at a minimum. For the retirement assets you’ll need a QDRO. I’d find a financial advisor. My assets were going the other way, but that’s what my wife did. Also, make sure you ask for full disclosure to make sure you get an accounting of ALL assets and accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/20 11:36 PM
2

Forgot to mention, you may be able to get your X to pay your legal fees with the disparity in income. My XW asked for that, but I negotiated it away in other assets. She was able to pay only an initial amount given the assets and income involved.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/20 11:33 PM
4

I recommend a lawyer as well since there are assets involved. Based on what you have said you should be entitled to half the assets and spousal support. WA has a standard table for child support, but that will depend on which parent the kids spend most of the time with. Note that things can still be amicable with lawyers, but your rights will be better represented and you’ll get closer to a fair deal. My XW came out shooting and we still ended up with something I felt ok with (tho she ended up f…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/20 11:31 PM
1

Up to the judge, ultimately. I’d consider how to make sure your kids are taken care of in this scenario since I’d expect that to be a bigger weighting factor. IANAL.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/20 05:52 PM
3

There is some horrible advice in this thread. If you go blow the money you may have to eat the entire loss. They don’t ask how much money you have now. They ask for bank statement, accounts, etc. At least three years back. I’m in WA and have been through it. So blowing or moving cash will be identified and frowned on by a judge. Your scenario sucks, but even if you get her to agree to give you the majority a judge can cancel that if they deem it unfair. I recommend getting mediation, get divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 12:26 AM
3

Don’t see how it could hurt. It’s certainly cheaper. And if you end up in court it failed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 12:55 PM
4

So, get a lawyer even if just for a consulatation. Esp. if you think your wife may try to take as much as possible. If she's sharing joint assets with another person who has a high income, that could possibly help you, but you'd need to talk to a lawyer to see. Regarding the loan, you could get one now, but usually once you file, you will get temp orders that say you can't take out additional loans, etc., so you might be stuck then. You can usually get approval from the other person, but that's …
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/20 04:09 PM
3

She ended up firing her super aggressive lawyer and finishing on her own. Could have saved a lot of money with mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/20 11:47 PM
2

Most of my friends are on Facebook so I did a single blast there. Many already knew from my X.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 07:57 PM
7

This is bad advice. Joint property is joint and the courts will split it. Maybe he won’t pay support given the short marriage and her salary, but she’s entitled to half of joint assets. Fighting that is a waste of money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 04:19 AM
7

Not sure where you live, but in most states there is no such thing as a contested divorce any more. One party just needs to file and say it’s irretrievably over. Get a lawyer and settle best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 04:16 AM
8

That’s because those are joint assets. Doesn’t matter if they were in separate accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 04:15 AM
3

You can negotiate the legal fees. My wife didn’t work and paid her own fees from the rest of the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/19 02:47 AM
2

I was in a similar situation as you. I’m 2000+ miles from family and don’t know anyone locally. I at least get to golf regularly with a couple of guys, but it’s not a super close relationship. For me the therapy provided two things. First, it was someone to listen that you could be honest and open with. A good friend would probably flirt the bill for a lot of people, but not having any of those locally was a problem. Second, they can help you see the problems in the greater context and help to a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/19 01:21 PM
4

Given where we were and the interests, I’d do it over. It ended, but there were a lot of good years and we have great kids. We just grew apart after a couple of decades. I honestly believe a different model for marriage than the default of getting married young and staying together until you die would be healthy. People change and we need to make it easier to move on. I’m hesitant to compare it to a job or career, but we can have a really good job and later decide it’s time to move on. People ge…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/19 01:17 PM
2

There are kids, but they are older (one turns 18 this coming year). I’m living somewhere where I don’t really know anyone (I’m a remote worker) and thinking I might move back to be closer to friends and family. My ex likes it here and wants to stay, so that wasn’t an option before. It would mean seeing my kids less, but I see them for a few days per month and should be able to convert to a longer, but less frequent types of setup. Haven’t broached that idea yet with the ex since we are finishing…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/19 03:24 AM
1

This is really tricky. My wife and her lawyer made a similar claim without any details and asked for a restraining order. They ended up dropping it all, so I'm assuming it was an unsavory negotiating tactic. I talked to my lawyer and she said that my wife only has to claim that she was afraid of me and that I might do something. Obviously it's impossible to defend against that standard even without evidence. She could say you yelled at her, get angry, etc. and it could be considered DV. My main …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/19 08:56 PM
1

This is not the site for my lawyer, but lays out some of the pros/cons of going first. https://www.ranchofamilylawyer.com/blog/2015/december/the-pros-and-cons-of-filing-for-divorce-first/
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/19 04:07 PM
1

According to my lawyer it’s is more advantageous for the first filer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/19 10:00 PM
1

You may be stuck with some alimony, but probably not for long. My lawyer told me half the marriage is typical in my State. You may not get any since she appears to have a good job. The houses are more complex. It really depends on whether you bought them together or not. If you brought them to the marriage, then you have a stronger case. If not, they they are probably marital (joint) property. You can offer to buy her out of whatever equity. Get a good lawyer, then list the debts and assets, fig…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 11:17 PM
1

Definitely get a lawyer ASAP as others have suggested and be the one to serve the papers with initial terms. My wife got a lawyer who was willing to wait to get paid until after settlement. I don't know if that's an option for your wife, but if so, they can file right away. Responses are usually due in a certain period of time, so you don't want to be searching for a lawyer with the clock ticking. Warning: your wife can claim all kinds of things, so be prepared for a rough time if she is willing…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 11:12 PM
3

Thank you. I'll give that a try. I find it hard to believe that no one else ever has this problem.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 11:05 PM
2

No, I already checked this route. Might be time to reach out to some golf guys. I do have financial guy trying to get me to move my money over to his firm. :D
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 11:05 PM
2

I live in the Spokane, WA area. Appreciate the offers for help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 11:04 PM
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