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readingwithcoffee Archive

View 1 posts and 75 comments by readingwithcoffee on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

DISCUSSIONreadingwithcoffee/r/RedPillWomen11/06/18 07:39 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Congratulations!!!
/r/RedPillWives10/09/18 01:56 AM
4

Thank you so much for this wonderful post! My self-care includes trying to correct some bad habits I have, such as wanting to quit whenever something becomes difficult instead of sticking with the process. I motivate myself by visualizing how improving would help make my family happier and healthier.
/r/RedPillWives07/08/18 03:06 PM
1

congrats! enjoy the wedding planning!
/r/RedPillWomen21/07/18 08:25 PM
3

I was thinking about it and I think this post really explains both my marriage and most of my past relationships in a way that I never understood! Thank you!
/r/RedPillWives19/06/18 02:29 PM
4

Thank you so much for posting!!! Super interesting information.
/r/RedPillWives19/06/18 09:23 AM
3

I'm so happy you think that! His research is really amazing. He talks about how his advice is directly at odds with most of marital therapy.
/r/RedPillWives18/06/18 01:25 AM
3

I believe this is a book from probably the most famous researcher of what makes a marriage successful. I read it and liked it a lot. https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797
/r/RedPillWives18/06/18 12:06 AM
3

Thank you so much!! I just love reading your posts and comments. Thank you for contributing so much to this sub!!!!
/r/RedPillWives16/06/18 01:41 PM
3

Hello ladies! I'm readingwithcoffee and I'm in love with this sub! I'm in my early 30s and have been married for five years. My husband and I have been together since we were both 21. I have a degree in computer science but have been a SAHW for the last four years. I love taking care of my husband and our home. I'm naturally extremely talkative and opinionated, so living the Red Pill Women principles can be difficult! :)
/r/RedPillWives15/06/18 07:54 PM
2

Thank you for the insightful post!
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 05:30 PM
7

I believe that since OP was raised by her grandparents, in a way she sees her SO as a father figure and this can partially explain her fierce loyalty to him. Since OP likely feels a lot of guilt and anger over her father not getting custody of her after her parent's divorce when she was small, she now feels a lot of passion for male rights. This is possibly why her relationship is so satisfying to her. She is able to act out all of these psychological motivations with her SO.
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 05:06 PM
3

From writing papers to writing programs :)
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 04:54 PM
1

You must be very talented, to be able to both program and do art!
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 02:25 PM
8

I believe OP is strongly motivated by what happened in her early childhood, with her mother who had drug issues getting full custody of her after divorce instead of her father, whom she describes as very loving. I think in a sense she is trying to "undo" or "reverse" that.
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 12:54 PM
7

I agree that both women and men fail to take marriage seriously. That was not my focus. I am saying that marriage is difficult and I would not marry a man that is not excited about marrying me. For a marriage to succeed, the husband and wife must respect and admire each other. That is non-negotiable. Trust is probably necessary too, though I haven't read any research that goes over that.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 07:18 PM
7

And egg donor.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 07:14 PM
6

I don't think you understand yet because you are still so young. I'm a lot older than you so I have a different perspective. But I see that you are happy.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 04:55 PM
18

I understand that you are happy now but * if * you guys break up in the future, I am afraid then you will regret giving up your youth, your rights to your precious children, and your future income-earning potential. You are giving up all your power. He doesn't trust you but you trust him completely. Don't you see the irony in that?
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 04:20 PM
6

I do not have enough information into your private situation to know whether anybody is making a mistake. I am saying that if you want to be a real partner in the relationship you have to be prepared to occasionally bring it to your SO's attention if you genuinely feel he is making a mistake for whatever reason, and then you two can discuss it and come to an agreement on the issue. It is your responsibility as well because you are the person closest to your SO, and often the only person capable …
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 03:54 PM
19

Research on successful marriages show that one of the most important keys to whether a marriage succeeds or fails is mutual admiration and respect. Giving up your rights as a person doesn't make a relationship succeed. Relationships aren't always about being flexible, sometimes it's about standing your ground when you see that your SO is actually doing something wrong, something that is harmful to himself or your relationship. I feel like you don't understand this, possibly because of the large …
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 03:39 PM
8

Yes! It seems unhealthy!
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 02:43 PM
20

A man who you marry should be excited about marrying you. They should feel that they are the luckiest guy in the world to be able to marry you. Marriage should not be the subject of endless negotiation. It is not a business arrangement, it is founded on a real feeling. I am genuinely worried about you that you are so invested in a relationship where the man seems to be placing so much conditions on his investment.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 02:08 PM
3

Adopting an older child is very different from having a newborn. I completely sympathize with you and this situation but having a baby is an extremely difficult and serious undertaking. It involves lots of sleep deprivation, stress, and many challenges.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 01:58 PM
8

If a man doesn't feel ready to be a father, that is the end of the story until he changes his mind. I completely understand where you're coming from but in my opinion it is both immoral and unkind to force someone to become a parent when they are not ready for whatever reason.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 01:06 PM
1

I would just be honest and say exactly what you've said here. I could be wrong but I feel like different guys weigh the different sex acts differently and place more importance on one or the other acts. I think you haven't had much sexual experience period so I wouldn't be too worried. Good luck!
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 10:47 PM
8

Seriously, just block him and move on with your life. There's no need to wonder why he's doing this. He can pretty much do anything and it will likely still not be meaningful. You will eventually feel better after you move on, I promise.
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 09:24 PM
1

I think feminism has its place, such as in the workplace. I believe that to be an effective employee you often have to advocate for yourself but funnily enough it often helps to do so in a feminine way. However, I think feminism does not have a place in dating and relationships except in extreme situations such as abuse. Dating and relationships are where RPW teachings come in. I could be wrong, though.
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 09:00 AM
3

That's wonderful! Congratulations!
/r/RedPillWives12/06/18 08:34 AM
3

What a beautiful question and story! I feel that an ideal family is simply one where the husband and wife are both happy with their roles and situation, whatever they might be. I know one couple with a new baby son where both parents work and co-parent. I admire them for parenting in a very happy and easygoing way. They admit that being new parents is very difficult but carry out their responsibilities cheerfully and gracefully.
/r/RedPillWives12/06/18 08:32 AM
8

What a wonderful question! I've been trying to not bring up topics where my SO and I fundamentally disagree on. I've found that otherwise we usually argue without any resolution so I try to focus the conversation on more pleasant topics so that we're less stressed and happier.
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 08:20 AM
2

It is a good point.
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 01:30 AM
2

I'm sure the goal of pretty much all of the women in this subreddit is to someday be that loyal, happy, and supportive wife. I don't think anybody is arguing that female promiscuity is a good thing.
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 12:24 AM
3

I think this is actually backed by research, but I don't have any sources. Married men with high n-counts are more likely to cheat.
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/18 11:03 PM
2

You say: "I am eager to learn from my previous mistakes and move forward, however I do not feel like I'm doing anything wrong." When I was in high school, I did a lot of stuff that annoyed guys. Eventually I learned to stop doing those things. But the first step is to acknowledge that you are doing something wrong. You need to be open to learning instead of justifying your behavior. It is really hard but it's worth it.
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/18 10:30 PM
3

Thanks for the explanation!
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/18 08:23 PM
2

Sure
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen10/06/18 10:38 PM
2

I can see that being true.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen09/06/18 03:50 PM
5

Yeah, the demographic death spiral is no joke. It's sad because I think Japan is a great country and since they're usually the second or third biggest economy in the world, anything that happens to them will definitely have widespread repercussions.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen09/06/18 02:02 PM
2

Yeah, the salaryman situation in Japan seems difficult. They definitely work hard. I think even raising kids in Asia would be extremely stressful though, because of all the exams in their school system. Probably no rest for anybody.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen09/06/18 01:33 PM
4

From what I used to read in The Economist, the dating and marriage situation in Asia is pretty bad. Marriage in Asia is extremely traditional and wives are expected to work, take care of their husbands (husbands don't do any housework), be mothers, and also take care of both sets of grandparents. I believe women are also pretty much considered un-marriageable if they're older than 27 and not virgins. Because marriage is so difficult, many women are walking away from marriage and the numbers of s…
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen09/06/18 01:25 PM
5

I feel like something women could do before deciding to have a relationship with someone is just evaluate the likelihood that the relationship will lead to marriage. There's a lot of factors you can look at both to evaluate how compatible you two are and the likelihood that he will want to commit. Background, family, education, personality, looks, lifestyles, and of course the all important "how much does he like you?" all go into it. I think applying this process and being conservative and humb…
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 02:31 PM
5

I kind of did that too, except with literature! I wouldn't say I read all or even most of the canon, though.
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 02:23 PM
2

This story is hilarious.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen08/06/18 01:24 PM
2

Great point, thanks! :)
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 11:47 AM
5

In my opinion, you can kind of estimate your RMV by just seeing the kind of guys that approach you and try to get to know you IRL. I don't think relying on how many guys are checking you out is reliable. Maybe you and your boyfriend do have a somewhat equivalent RMV even though you say he's not as attractive as you. Think back to when he was courting you. Were other guys trying to talk to you as well? If they were, that is one thing. But if it was just your now boyfriend then that is something e…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/18 08:29 PM
1

Yes. My husband is a lot smarter than me. However, we have different but complementary ways of thinking. He listens to me, tells me when he disagrees, and often acts on what I say. At the same time I work to let him have his preferences so that he's comfortable, so I almost never tell him he's wrong but more often just supply a different point of view or different information.
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/18 08:10 PM
1

I believe the first habit is “Be Proactive” which means to always focus your attention and efforts on the parts of the situation that you have either direct or indirect control over, instead of just being negative about what you can’t affect. Also it means that there are some situations that just are terrible but you can still work on what meaning you attribute to what is happening. The second habit is “Start with the end in mind” and it talks about prioritizing what you do and also reflecting o…
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen05/06/18 05:55 PM
3

I like to read bestsellers such as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and even family-business books like "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". The Mars/Venus book talks a lot about how your SO really cares about your criticism and happiness and satisfaction with what he does. Women are natural complainers. It is very easy for them to see the bad in whatever. So it was really important that somebody explained what an impact stuff I did like that had on my husband. I definitely wouldn…
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen05/06/18 07:11 AM
6

Yeah, when I was young it didn't occur to me that the show is unrealistic. When you're 18, the idea of being a thirtysomething woman is a very alien concept. It's practically like being on a different planet. Then in my early twenties as it occurred to me that I would probably get married to my now husband and not be dating anymore, I started viewing the show just as portraying people dating and I just watched it because I wouldn't be dating any more. It was only until I reached my late twenties…
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 04:43 PM
2

Yep, I'm a boring person.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 04:38 PM
4

I don't know. I am an old soul and also I spend most of my time living in the future. I am very focused on the future implications of whatever happens today. I know most people don't live like that.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 03:22 PM
4

Yup, depreciation comes for us all!
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 01:13 PM
4

That is a tough question that I don't know the answer to.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 12:10 PM
9

Not sure. I can be slow. As I got older I read a lot of relationship books. It’s not intuitive to women how to deal with men in relationships. For instance, when your boyfriend goes quiet. Women don’t understand stuff like that unless it’s explained to them.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 11:00 AM
6

Nah, sleeping around and getting dumped doesn’t sound fun.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 10:59 AM
10

I'm a girl and I used to really enjoy the show. But as I got older, learned more about relationships, and got married, I realized that how the women behave in the show is usually pretty unhealthy. They pretty much mess up every relationship they get into. It's actually a good study of what not to do. It is super sad because it sounds like this girl is really smart and she could have had a good life otherwise.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen04/06/18 12:24 AM
1

Taylor Swift: "Nothing Good Starts in a Getaway Car" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqyA4o6c2NE I feel like guys have a very keen sense of when women have hurt other men, because male friendship is really strong. I think it would be much tougher to convince another quality guy to trust you as wife material if they know that you have done something like this in your past.
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/18 02:14 PM
5

Yeah, putting effort into being a more pleasant person who makes your husband happier is the only option if you don't want to leave him.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 09:54 PM
1

I mean, my husband doesn't do stuff like that. You can either believe me or not but men don't really change. You can either stay married to him and accept his behavior, or you can leave him. That was my point.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 09:14 PM
1

If your primary goal is to stay with him, then you'll probably have to accept his behavior. Marriage is hard and unfortunately women have to do pretty much all the emotional labor in it. I've been married almost six years and it's still pretty hard. It's a lot of work.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 09:10 PM
3

I agree, I think it's really weird that the OP has only been married for six months and she already doesn't fully trust her husband. I once had a boyfriend who had a ton of backburner relationships and even though we were together for four years he never changed. I don't think men change.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 07:20 PM
1

It sounds like you don't trust him to be honest with you?
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 05:36 PM
1

congratulations!!!!
/r/RedPillWives14/02/18 01:00 AM
1

my husband is Lebanese-American and I'm Asian. some people are racist and it has absolutely nothing to do with you and how you behave. some people just have these beliefs. I'm sorry it was upsetting.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/18 03:38 PM
3

haha your husband sounds really socially savvy. thanks for your thoughtful response!
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/18 04:34 AM
1

how were you able to not be jealous?
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/18 03:31 AM
2

my husband is an American-Lebanese Christian with a ton of Muslim family living in Lebanon also. seriously, do not do this thing. I really, really think you're going to regret it. If you're interested in exploring secular dating, this is not the way to go about it. please, if you would like to discuss this more, you can message my husband /u/seanprefect When someone really cares about you, they don't make you feel bad for waiting before getting physical or put pressure on you to get physical soo…
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/18 11:49 PM
2

I agree. I believe if he really cared about you, he'd commit to you first and then do the virginity thing. And yeah, only in person can you see if he has a crush on you, if he looks at you with infatuation and not just lust in his eyes.
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/18 11:39 PM
2

I think you're getting conflicting advice about sexual strategy because Religious sexual norms are very different from more secular sexual norms.
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/18 01:05 AM
1

yes, totally love this!!! thank you so much!!!
/r/RedPillWives03/01/18 05:33 PM
5

I interpret the language "find a man" to mean "find a man whom you are compatible enough to spend the rest of your life with who is also interested enough in you to commit to that as well".
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/18 09:49 PM
1

congrats!
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/17 12:10 AM
3

I love this!!! thank you so much for posting this!!! I would love to see a similar post on meal planning for events if it's not too much trouble for you.
/r/RedPillWives28/12/17 07:41 PM
2

congratulations!
/r/RedPillWives23/09/17 04:44 PM
1

I agree with the other commenters about deal breakers. I was reading a book by the really famous marriage researcher John Gottman (https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797) and his research shows that many long-married couples have about ten or so fundamental issues that they disagree about and what they do is instead of arguing about it all the time, they just find ways to live with them. They even joke about it. When I argue with my SO, it really helps me to t…
/r/RedPillWives23/09/17 02:14 PM
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