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reallydiditthistime Archive

View 2 posts and 48 comments by reallydiditthistime on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I wish there was a diuble like feature! Love this
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 01:45 AM
7

That would be a conflict of interest. She could not hire your attorney for anything involving you for the rest of that lawyers career.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 04:03 AM
1

Yeah, and quite honestly, you'll probably get screwed. But get a lawyer you trust. Try to make a deal quickly. You may have to swallow a little pride but the longer you drag it out, the more the lawyers get. The sooner you are finished, the more quickly you can start building YOUR life. It sounds like you have tge skills to be successful. Trust yourself and ger after it, man
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 11:23 PM
3

winning my man! It all starts just by doing it. I hope you stick around here to help others see there is light beyond the darkness
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 10:33 PM
2

You gotta do what you need to do, but hiding money or other assets from the judge is literally fraud. If you get caught, she will likely get all of it and more because you've pissed off the judge. You'd be better off using whatever money you have left each month on yourself. Go to the game, get that bottle service, eat at that restaurant. There is no setting yourself up before you go to the lawyer. You are best served just seeing the lawyer now. They've been through it 1000 times and can help pu…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 09:52 PM
3

Bro, you've been through the shit and made it to the other side. Not everyone makes it. Good on you for getting out of that mess.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 09:47 PM
1

Bro, thats 3/4 of a man year in my OT....you okay my man?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/21 06:20 AM
1

I think you know the answer, but also know this is a her problem, not a you problem. Instead of focusing on her, invest in yourself, you will be much better off. Find a hobby or a skill you want to develop. Lean on friends. You can take a minute to feel your feelings. Its okay to be hurt, sad, pissed. But use that to put your life where you want it. Sounds like she was only going to be a boat anchor on your successes.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/21 02:39 PM
2

I felt the same...alot. some of the other suggestions about doing things that are your passions or that better you are spot on. But you'll get to do these things w your kids and it will be more fun without her there. They will look forward doing it with you because they will sense your absence this week.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/21 01:31 AM
3

Can I double like this post? I dont regret taking the high road, but boy, I would have sure liked to have seen how the no mercy road played out. It would not have put me in any worse of a position
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 04:15 PM
5

Bro, this is much more of a reflection on her than it is you. Now you have the opportunity to evaluate what you want to do, and if you want, find a job that will make you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/21 02:20 PM
5

I feel for you, man. You have to find whatever non self destructive thing you can that takes your mind off it to make you happy. Invest in your kids. Seek someone out that you can make happy. You are going to have to retrain your brain to think differently and it will be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you don't have a choice. Reach out to anyone that will listen...
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/20 03:39 PM
2

Definitely consult a lawyer right away, but in most cases, she would not be able to up and move without justification that you were dangerous. If she's dead set on it, its possible she could file a restraining order against you based on lies. Please seek counsel and get yourself represented. Its unfortunate but money well spent if this is whats on the line.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/20 06:04 AM
1

It is in the MSA, but it has to be more than 4 hrs. While I guarantee it was for more than 4 hrs, I have no proof. Even if I did, the MSA does not offer any recourse if that is violated. My fault for not catching that. More just document and save for future meetings with lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/20 01:31 PM
1

Thanks for your insight, man. Its helpful that im not a one off case. She has me taking the blame for everything so much tgat I question every decision I make anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 11:45 PM
5

I kept the house, but she got a larger portion of the brokerage account and bought her own house with it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 10:05 PM
8

I think you can make the case that the lawyers win...
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 10:04 PM
1

Wow, you have summed up this entire situation with only some of the details. I should be paying you instead of my therapist. This actually makes sense of alot of things, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 09:01 PM
2

I do woodworking as a hobby. She was adamant that she took everything that I made as part of the settlement. Stuff I made for her, stuff I made for us...didn't matter. She took it. Nobody can figure out why. She was very ho hum on all of it while we were together. All of a sudden, she moves out and can't live without any of it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 08:10 PM
3

I feel like we do that. If I had to guess, and im not a psychologist, but I believe he is becoming a little codependent vying for her attention. When I have them, we are always doing fun things they want to do. They act surprised when I let them pick. Stories I get from them about time with her, while not neglectful, are things she wants to do w her bf. I think my son is just trying to be lived by her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 08:07 PM
1

If I wanted to just get over it, I wouldn't have asked tge question, lol. Thanks for the thoughtful input
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 06:19 PM
3

She has been a textbook narcissist. I have ti take tge time to calm myself and address things professionally. She has proven she will stoop to whatever it takes to get her way.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:59 PM
4

I would not call a week 5 or 6 NFL game anything special. But apparently my ex is a chameleon. She wouldn't even watch a snap of the super bowl when we were together but now she's a huge raiders fan.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:46 PM
1

Thank you. The more I learn about her, the more evidence I have to support your assessment
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:42 PM
1

Im sorry to hear that, brother. You are being the parent your kids need.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:40 PM
3

I wont threaten him and give any credence for a restraining order. However, he did spend time in prison for a felony and she has firearms. I wonder if local law enforcement would be interested in that...
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:39 PM
1

No, the request was to pick him up from my place and them drop him off. They were certainly not inviting me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:38 PM
4

Good advice. I do have a 50/50 arrangement but I am not willing to give up my time. She got a sitter twice last weekend without giving me the opportunity to watch them while she went to party.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:34 PM
2

I do. Its not a matter of legality, its the dirty pool of her involving my 6 year old in adult decisions
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 05:31 PM
3

Be well, my friend. It sounds like you are at peace with this. I'd be curious to see if you have any feelings pop up when the paperwork is finalized. I've been cautioned about that, but have felt like im all out of fucks to give....
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/20 04:53 PM
2

Brother, I'm right there with you. It's a very tough and confusing time and I know how you feel. You're taking the high road and you'll always be able to look back and be proud of that. The hardest thing and the easy thing are not usually the same. This is hard, but helping your son is the right thing. Throw yourself into that house. Whatever energy you dont give your kids and your job, throw it into the house. Time will help these feelings, but the distraction of the Reno will be worth the cost…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 12:54 PM
4

Bro, you need to bottle this and sell it. Best words I've read anywhere in a long time. Screenshotting so I can have for the future
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/20 06:14 PM
5

My boys are old enough to help with something but not old enough to know they should do something. I'm helping them do mothers day right (in my book) until they can do it on their own. It's mostly to teach them respect but also because, despite our issues, shes a good mom and deserves to be recognized. Not to mention the custom bar necklace I commissioned before she booted me...
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 06:48 PM
2

Thanks, all very logical ideas
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 08:13 AM
1

This is probably the most hopeful summary I've seen on this topic. Have a virtual beer on me
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/20 07:50 PM
2

You cant blame yourself here. Work with a therapist and do whatever you need to forgive yourself and start to be happy. Easier said than done, but I'm in the same boat. You get a new chance to start over and enjoy the rest of your life
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/20 11:01 PM
1

These are all very difficult decisions and you are best suited to make them. It sounds like you've put some thought into this and it's what you want to do. If you are seeing a therapist, they are best suited to help get you in the right goal set. I love my wife and miss her dearly, but I cant run from the fact this may not work out. I need to take advantage of this time to heal myself. You're not too late. It's never too late to better yourself. Whether it's for this relationship or another, a b…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 12:03 PM
1

Similar. I see it as needing space. Imagine living with someone you cant stand. She'll never get the space she needs to do her own healing. At first, I wanted a plan, or timelines and it just made it worse. All she told me was that if she was 100% sure she wanted a divorce, I would have had paperwork. I'm going to use this as a chance to fix myself and let her heal. If she opens her heart back to me, I'll be ready, or ar least well on the way
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 10:48 PM
1

In her words, it's a trial divorce. I have my own place and we have a gentleman's agreement on a 50 50 custody arrangement. We can talk about the kids just fine, but no talk about a relationship, past or forward. We only see each other at hand offs or kids sporting events. The only difference between this and a divorce is that I'm still on the hook for all of the bills, at her place and mine. A divorce would actually be cheaper.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 10:19 PM
1

And I'm glad to hear she is working on herself. You will both have to be your best to have a chance. I'm pulling for you both!
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 06:58 PM
2

I'll share how I'm dealing with it, I still have to deal with the loss right now. Shes not willing to talk about reconciliation. I cant bury those feelings, so while I haven't been served papers, I also know exactly where I stand without false hope. Maybe in this separation I'll find I'm not willing or able to meet her needs? I just have to take care of myself and one way or another. Come out of this a much better man.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 06:57 PM
1

Wow. This one hits close to home and is very similar to what I'm going through at the moment. I dont have a silver bullet, but a month into this it has gotten more clear, if not any less painful. Focusing on my kids, setting up my new house, and my friends have all been blessings. I've also been working to rebuild relationships with her family and I'm having some success there. I know that it seems like you are setting yourself up to die two deaths, but if you love your wife, you'll have regrett…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/20 05:20 PM
6

Definitely do not give her a dime without a court order. Do not split the tax return. Save bank statements from her withdrawals and let her prove they were valid expenses. You wont get the money back but it may offset some of what you would owe her. Regarding the debt, I would not pay it now. It will roll up into your assets and divided equally. The judge may tell you to use it to pay it down, but dont do it unless forced. Start working side hustles, make cash, keep it out of the bank
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 02:07 AM
3

They should stay sharp, but if they go through large temperature swings, you could get some rust. If it's just basic stuff, consider selling and then buying new when needed. Having to move and care for stuff that I dont need just weighs on me and gives me something else to worry about.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 12:29 AM
3

Sorry to hear this, man. Sounds very similar to my story. You'll go through all of the emotions including shock and anger. Try to keep it civil for the kids. If you get out of line or petty she will use it against you. Get back into hobbies. See your friends. Lift heavy things until you cant move your arms.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 02:25 PM
1

Alot if churches have divorce support groups for a small fee. It's much cheaper than therapy and you can meet some really cool people. Just the opportunity to talk to others that have been through it is a blessing. I also agree w getting in the gym. There is no replacement for the endorphins you get and the people you meet.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 03:59 AM
6

I'm sorry to hear that, but you hot got this. As long as you have your kids, everything else is just a temporary problem.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 01:13 PM
1

Stay strong. I've just finished my first 24 hrs of the same situation and came here for guidance. Hopefully eating and sleeping are something that will start back soon
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/20 08:59 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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