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rotkohlblaukraut Archive

View 0 posts and 351 comments by rotkohlblaukraut on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

> I honestly don't know how to take over this control. Is it that you don't actually know, or that you are afraid of her? The first problem can be solved with some time spent reading an into to personal finances book. The second one goes deeper.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/22 11:46 AM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vr5ih/how_to_build_boundaries_during_your_transition/ No boundaries. All talk and no action.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/22 07:15 PM
2

So watching a tranwreck unfold as a kid and not being able to do anything about it certainly set you up for feeling powerless. And having a role model who has zero awareness of what makes a relationship work outside of tingles didn;t do you any good either. But that's in the past, that was almost a half century of distance now. My point about asking wasn't so much to elicit enough detail to convince an internet stranger, but to ask you if you're in the habit of telling yourself stories, or using…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/22 08:13 PM
2

> Somewhere along the lines I decided there were only 3 criteria for being a "good man" The opposite of crazy is still crazy. Same with this. > who dated and married a string of shitbags (aside from my father) That sounds like a stock phrase you've long told yourself. Is that your mother's story? Your own story which you tell to make you dad happy or yourself more righteous for not being a dirtbag? Or actualy considered reflection? Not that I care particularly, but do you have a lot of these sto…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/22 03:24 PM
2

You've been conditioned your entire life to view relationship through the lens that just got you rule 9'ed. Spend some time thinking how to break that lens and see for yourself, not so much about diet and fucking, which is all your post is. There's a big part of MRP that's not actually about fucking.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 04:44 PM
4

> I had a realisation at some point this week that withdrawing my attention will only be effective if my attention has value This was the only thing in this OYS that stood out to me. But at least you figured that much out. It also sounds like you're pretty boring, she's equally boring but also a leech, and you do all the work - cleaning, cooking, shopping, ironing her shirts and making her a drink when she gets home from the office. You're the wife in a 1950's sitcom. And she appears not to real…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/21 04:14 PM
1

Well, he can either accept the reality and move forward, or fight it and spend the next year in the anger phase stepping on his own dick.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/21 01:36 PM
1

> Happens because of dopamine and serotonin levels: > Must be a testosterone thing Maybe it's a thing where you look for external explanations and rationalizations for things that are actually the result of your own mental patterns. You're depressed, hung up on your ex, and forcing yourself to go through motions of something you don't even want - I mean smashing the ugly chicks. I mean, people usually force themselves to go through the motion because they're trying to push through fear, or know …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/21 02:45 AM
2

> She doesn't think I will protect her What's actually going on here is that she does dumb stuff but won't take any responsibility for the consequences herself. Expecting you to jump in to a physically violent engagement when she goes out of her way to create the problem in the first place is just... so female. And potentially fatal for yourself. But hey, it's very entertaining for her, so there's that. Enabling her to be unaccountable is not the best way forward. Protecting her, in the more obv…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/21 02:29 PM
3

> I looked at her squarely and finally said "I demand respect". You're starting to get the idea, that you don't put up with shit. But the execution of the concept is flawed. And I think it's because you still have some mental models of relationships that don't work well in the real world. "I demand respect" is a statement about control. It's about you attempting to force someone else to feel a certain way. And fundamentally, this is a broken model. You cannot force someone to think or feel or ac…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/21 02:16 PM
7

He’s given me a lose dose antidepressant Doctors can do a lot of good shit, but when it comes to mental health & depression they tend to go with what they know - medication. Likely the reason you're depressed is the same reasons you're visiting this place, and as you get your head screwed back on straight, the clarity you develop will do more to fix your depression than any meds.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 12:21 PM
2

Blarg has a way of blowing minds open with his viewpoint. His reply is awesome. But as far as recommended articles on boundaries, you can't go wrong with reading the words of an MRP OG here.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/21 12:42 AM
2

This is such a passive bullshit statement
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/21 02:47 AM
9

Best part of reading your OYS these days is they're all about the present and future, not about that thing that happened back in the 70's. Good shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/21 01:04 PM
14

Your first problem is that this is all reactive to her. You're not leading, you're not living your life, you're just on your hindfoot on the defensive. She asks about counselling, you react and justify. You're "in a pickle" because you're afraid she'll judge you. You wouldn't be in such a pickle if you didn't give so many fucks about what she judges you on. That's wher WISNIFG on the sidebar comes in. And you seem to think your only option is to shamefully tell her you're getting advice from a b…
/r/askMRP02/08/21 12:16 AM
1

There's a line around here that's often quoted: "Rule 1 - be attractive. Rule 2 - don't be unattractive". It sounds like it's saying the same thing twice, but it's not. Even if I believe you, that you have some superficial facial attractiveness and could pul a cute girl for a ONS, you're ignoring rule 2. The belief that your wife owes you anal, the begging pitifully for sex, how you lash out and hold resentment toward your wife, and the fact that you think being a good plough horse with your sal…
/r/askMRP01/08/21 01:02 PM
1

Maybe I'm reading too much into some of what you wrote, but let me throw some ideas out there. With the budget, you said she wanted a limit or guideline, which is a great outcome. But it sounds like you went and DEERed it by walking her through the spreadsheet. She was looking for a limit (like a child needs consistent limits) and yet you gave DEER. And she was subconsciously unhappy about that and expressed that by making cracks at you for being sneaky or secretive in the past. And to top it al…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/21 01:20 PM
1

It only took 4 weeks of consistency, after years of her waking me up 2-4 times a night. And training yourself out of your own bad mental habits is basically the same process, only you have an extra 30 years of conditioning to undo. So it will take a bit longer, but basically the same process.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/21 12:50 PM
2

I'm clinging to the old sex hoping that someday somehow it will get better, back to what it used to be And yet, after 5 years of hoping, combined with whatever other attempts to tiptoe around your wife's displeasure, and nag her for bj's, you're here. Maybe you need to do something differently or adopt a different mental model. > I have to have the guts to be perfectly happy without sex Lotta talk about sex here. I would phrase it more like, you have to have the guts to make the leap from "sex w…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/21 12:15 PM
1

I’m insecure, non-assertive, cowardly and full of covert contracts. Clearly. > cleaned up the glass shards and the wine stains, picked up the trinkets To top it off, when she behaves poorly, you enable it and make sure there are no negative consequences (other than perhaps some whining on your end) > the girl with the lowest self-esteem I’ve ever been with and yet somehow it comes down to a character flaw on HER end. Huh.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/21 12:02 PM
3

I'm not entirely sure. Partly it was giving myself room to listen to the little glimmers of ideas, the "wouldn't this be cool, even though I have X,Y,Z reasons it wouldn't work out", and trying them out despite the pessimistic voice. And trying to recall what things I loved or aspired to as a kid, before the rest of life happened. Turns out there are some great new skills I never thought in a million years I would be able to do, like welding and mechanical stuff. And also aspects of things I use…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 11:17 PM
2

Agreed, bitches can be very disruptive. That's been a thing since Adam and Eve. Just as happy to build some shit I want to build, as chase after the all powerful pussy these days. I think one of the things that leaves a residue, is that old self loathing at having let bitches misidrect me into nerfing myself in my youth. In any case, it's food for thought.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 11:02 PM
2

You're right, it's all projection. So any resonance on my end is strictly a figment of my own imagination. Like you, I bought into the marriage, good job and life in the suburbs despite knowing viscerally that wasn't what I wanted. I also divorced my first wife (for different reasons, and in a different mindset) as I started to struggle with that concept of identity and making my life what I wanted. During that marriage, I was your classic type A personality - 80 hour week STEM job, plus grad sc…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 03:30 PM
2

That thread was a good read. Going back to Socrates and his unexamined life, sounds like you have a much better handle on that now. It's been useful for me, too, to mull over some of your posts. Parts of your story resonate with my own life strongly, others I find myself struggling to understand both your motivations and my own reactions to them . Fascinating to watch this little piece of the collective consciousness at work.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 09:47 AM
2

Well, then. Make it so.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 01:35 AM
7

> I often can’t articulate what I want. Why would you even know what you want, when you spend so much mental bandwidth in other people's heads? This whole trip down memory lane with mommy, I get it, for some guys it's a necessary phase to revisit the traumas and skeletons and all the leather couch stuff for a while. But at some point, you have to have aired it out in the sunlight and hosed it off enough that it's just there in memory, like bleached patio furniture you recall buying but no longer…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 12:37 AM
3

I think I accused you way back in the day of having no idea what you wanted or where you wanted to go. Seems like you've refined it from "absolutely no idea what I want" to "not this" (meaning your family/marriage). I guess that's something. Not that the whole laser-focussed vision thing works for everyone, but in a broad sense it's useful to have some compass points. But at the end of the day, better to have been happy than not when the reaper comes calling.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 12:23 AM
2

If there's an obvious medical reason for your back pain, then be smart about it and don't just injure yourself to be a hard-ass. But only you know. Don't Split the Difference is a really cool book. It's been a year or so since I read it, but IIRC there were a lot of great tools. But, just like the MRP tools, you have to know what you want first, in order to use them to their fullest potential. It's a bootstrap process, by embracing a little conflict and stepping outside the box a bit, you might …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/21 08:29 AM
3

You've spent so much of your life burying what you think and feel in lieu of appeasing other people and avoiding conflict that it's no wonder you don't allow yourself to see what you want. By this time i'ts such a deeply rooted habit that your subconscious, the root source of those wants and needs, has mostly stopped even trying to tell you what it needs. So all that's left to drift up into your consciousness is the anger and resentment that's the inevitable result of not taking care of your own…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/21 12:21 PM
1

So you sit there, distractedly not listening, while she tells you how lonely she is, i.e. how she cannot connect meaningfully with someone. You can see the irony, can see this is a mutually reinforcing cycle, right? What long term purpose does this serve for you, other than satisfying your angry need to punish her?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/21 11:57 AM
2

> So up until now I’ve been burying this shit deep inside [...] and dealing with it as best I can These are two mutually exclusive ideas. Burying is not dealing with. Once in a while, I come a cross a newspaper article about some 80-something year old dude arrested for murdering his 80-something year old wife. Gotta wonder how much stuff those guys tried to bury deep inside before it comes out. It tends to do that.
/r/askMRP11/03/21 01:18 AM
7

Glad my comment helped you find your way here. I'm guessing that, as a recovering Nice Guy, you're probably feeling stung and a little angry by the fact that you poured your heart out on the interwebz just to get a rule 9 ban. Don't take it too personally, take it as a reminder to focus your worldview on you and your goals and less on how your woman reacts to things. Work on becoming your own mental point of origin. And yeah, rule 9 does have a bit of that Mr Miyagi feel, telling you to shut up …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/21 01:44 AM
4

> This is difficult for me to believe. I think if those people knew my dreams and values they would reject me; this is nice guy 101 but it still controls my mind. At the end of the day, who has the most invested in ensuring that your dreams and values come to fruition? Who is the one with the most skin in the game? Who is the one whose actions and decisions have the most impact on the successful outcome of these dreams? (Hint: it's not your wife, your parents, your kids, or your friends). Now im…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/21 02:25 PM
2

She seems to be now trying to take the 'ethical' part seriously LOL at the title of that book. Reminds me of disguising bombs in children's toys. "It can't be dangerous because it looks so nice packaged like this, right?"
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/21 05:58 PM
4

> Fatherhood This is not a category that needs the most work. ​ > I’m not attractive and I’m a liar. [...] Honest with myself, honest with my friends and family. [...] My confidence is shit ​ Good chunk of fatherhood is modelling positive qualities and having your shit together so you can healthily deal with life as it asrises, not just making sure you show up for all the soccer games. ​ I was you after my first marriage ended... finally getting the balls to put my own needs ahead of the pressur…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/21 05:43 PM
3

How she treats you has everything to do with how she perceives you. When your ability as a provider decresed (your furlough), sex vanished because she no longer saw you as desirable and/or useful. Fixing that situation changed this. When you work from home, you're constantly available to be interrupted, no mystery, she loses her own free time. You become a boring thing that's draggin her down. And the beta "make her happy".. well, you know better now. Also, keep in mind that the mouth noises abo…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/21 05:31 PM
3

When Female Employees Feel Bad I Feel Guilty. Didn't you once identify feelings of shame at being male as one of your underlying themes? If so, sounds like there are still vestiges of that, given that you base your reactions and framing of the situation so strongly on your employee's gender.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/21 05:19 PM
7

> Mission: > Get my goals prioritized as a parent and to save my marriage You realize these goals are mainly about making other people happy, right? As a parent, I can acknowledge the improvement of yourself you want to achieve to become the best parent, but it still sounds like you will end up using your kids as an indicator of your success. And a mission to save your marriage - well, not only is that (1) significantly out of your control because there's another person involved, (2) using someo…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/21 09:04 PM
2

Just give it time.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/21 12:44 AM
3

Guess I need to keep practicing this stuff until it doesn't sound like "Mr Asshole Knows-It-All", as she called me some days ago lol. You are using her reaction to decide if you are successful. Sometimes you can be an asshole, sometimes a playful asshole, nothing wrong with that.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/21 10:47 PM
-1

I dunno. Should you let your toddler die of oxygen starvation when he decides to hold his breath until he turns blue?
/r/askMRP31/12/20 03:42 AM
8

Man, that's brutal. Happens more than you might think, but brutal nonethless. MRP has a lot of great insight into relationships and building your life, but at your stage of the game, it's like offering an intoductory karate lesson to a guy being curbstomped by a bunch of gangbangers. The best advice you've already gotten - talk to a lawyer. Like, open a new browser tab and start googling for a guy in your area right now. And call ASAP. Take the legal advice, keep your calm, document everything, …
/r/askMRP30/12/20 05:00 AM
2

You're ready to throw in the towel because you think you've tried everything and it doesn't work. And you admit to having little to no LTR experience beforehand. So I doubt very much that the things you've tried are the right things, or that the behviours you exhibit in your life and relationship, are all that attractive. You're only married because you got carelsss with birth control. You fight quickly in reaction to her provocation, you act miserable, and you don't even really know what you wa…
/r/askMRP29/12/20 11:41 PM
4

> be more playful in my interactions with the wife (and other people in general [...]) ​ > spent a half hour preaching to my younger brother about the importance of index funds for long-term investing. LOL ya think?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 03:53 PM
3

> Strawberries are delicious by the way. Goddammit you really are a Zen master. But yeah, I like how you put this.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 02:52 PM
5

I let the rejection get me in a funk for a good chunk of the day. [...] I am not blaming the rejection, I am blaming my weak frame. Just habit patterns. You don't break bad habits overnight. Just see them and make adjustments.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 02:16 PM
3

All these Zen stories about the flash of insight and then the dude just sits there happily eating strawberries. Don't discount the fact that all the shit you've been doing has got you 90% of the way out of the hellhole you used to keep yourself locked into. Sure it was slow and unglamorous but it's solid life-altering work nonetheless
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 02:13 PM
7

How do you have an 11 year old daughter from a prior LTR while in an 11 year marriage? You show all the signs of an impulsive captain save-a-aho: quick to fall into a marriage where you can shoulder all the financial responsibility of raising your new wife's at-the-time 9-year old for a decade coupled with the outcome of your own unplanned pregnancy fiasco. But that's water under the bridge now. My guess is that things are well and truly toast with your wife except for in your own head, in that …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 02:07 PM
4

I know nothing objectively changed other than my awareness but I feel kind of lonely now, like I’ve lost something. But I can’t lose something I never actually had in the first place and trading my comfortable delusion for the inconvenient truth is in my best interest anyway. This is an important insight into the truth that everything you perceive, everything you think is true, everything you feel, is only created by your mind. It may or may not have any relation to the external world or other p…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/12/20 02:03 PM
2

Apparently when you combine spanish + music, you get the best of both worlds. (ignoring the lame romantic shit ofc). My wife tells me the lyrics in the songs she listens to, and apparently 99% of spanish music is just euphemisms for fucking. Pumping gasoline, hammering, sawing, like a doggy, etc etc. Or maybe she's just a naughty little thing. Who knows.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/12/20 01:53 PM
16

Wow. You are naive, needy, and insecure. Chasing a dream of an imaginary perfect woman. This perfect woman exists nowhere but in your head. Your wife thought she should try to play the part now that she was past the party girl phase of her life and now into the "settling for a good man" phase. But eventually the truth came out. it usually does. In drips and fits, usuualy called "trickel truth". And at every turn your need to cling to the fantasy, your own unrealistic naivete caused you suffering…
/r/askMRP22/12/20 01:32 PM
4

She's not interested in sex? Stems from lack of good feelz/emotions. She's always craving and coveting more things? Emotions. Miserable, depressed? Emotions. Why would you think that providing a better salary will fix a multifaceted emotional problem? Try making yourself (1) emotionally attractive aka confident, sexual, fun, and (2) not emotionally unattractive aka whiny, resentful, scorekeeping. And don;t go into debt to please her. That's dumb.
/r/askMRP14/12/20 01:08 AM
2

ultimatum Your neighbours house is on fire. So you go outside and yell at it to make sure it doesn;t catch your own house on fire. Threaten it with a reeal good whoopin', maybe stomp your feet a few times. At the end of the day, with an ultimatum, you get (best case) angry, resentful compliance. Worst case, proof that you threat means nothing and you're powerless to stop it. But at the end of teh day all up to the other party. ​ boundary You already know you don;t want your house to burn down. S…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/20 05:04 PM
3

without that I have to decide what I want to do for myself and I don’t know what I want World's a big old lonely cold place sometimes, isn't it. Captain save-a-ho is a warm and familiar costume though. Sometimes finding out what you want isn't a lightning bolt of a-ha! It just slowly appears, a little bit at a time, as you make room for it. And sometimes that space also lets you reveal things you've been doing that you actually don't like. At least that's how it's been for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/20 04:56 PM
2

STFU is the best advice I have ever received. So many stupid arguments were avoided that would have previously ruined the evening STFU gets your ego away from your mouth. Nothing more unattractive than a bruised ego.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/20 04:48 PM
1

This was... interesting. Kind of feels like you bought a house to flip, a little bit of a fixer-upper, and the first thing you did was to bury a ton of dynamite in the basement, detonate it, and get yourself on the six o'clock news. That being said, I do like the line > In deciding to act on my desire to kill my fear, and doing so in a way that had a substantial likelihood of one or both of us walking away from my marriage, I had committed to a frame. But I'm not completely sure that's authentic…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/20 04:43 PM
2

All this stuff about not reacting badly to her complaining, sure, that's good. But as long as she's not even sleeping in the same bed, you're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. You need to come up with a plan for (1) being attractive, and (2) not being unattractive. The compliaining thing falls under (2), but accpeting the idea that she doesn't sleep in the marital bed with you, and that you facilitate and enable it with your interior decorating skills, fails both.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/20 04:02 PM
7

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
/r/askMRP08/12/20 03:46 PM
2

This is my stoic-mind talking. After you have these negative thoughts, do you have a better understanding of what actions to take to deal with or prevent bad outcomes, and a sense that you will be able to survive no matter what? If so, that's your stoic mind. If instead you just feel depressed and unhappy and nothing has been resolved, that's just your anxiety mind talking.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/20 02:41 PM
2

Have you read this? Read it again anyway. It took me a lot of re-reading for it to start to sink in. > It is the sanction bit I am struggling to figure out. I'm not so sure. Are you not that creative? You write well and seem to have spent a lot of time in your imagination, so it seems unlikely. More possibly you're still dealing with fear of being perceived as not nice when you apply sanctions. Do you fully understand why ultimatums are weak and boundaries are strong, and the difference between …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/20 02:37 PM
2

This is 99% about sex. Is there anything else in your life you want? Eventually you'll step back and look for the big picture and there's more to it than just your dick.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/20 05:44 PM
5

She is the bar. Pick a low bar, it's easy to be above it.
/r/askMRP01/12/20 01:37 AM
4

OMFG. Firstly, learn to use paragraphs. You're going to get all kinds of well-deserved smartass asnwers here, so I'll point out a couple other obvious things. You write that you have the upper hand. Maybe, but only because you set the bar so low. Not because you're some MRP god and certainly not because you're a high value man with his shit together. Also, women and past sexual abuse. Where do I even begin. I'm not judging, I'm not going to call them damaged, I'm not going to point out the obvio…
/r/askMRP01/12/20 12:33 AM
2

In life, you don't get treated how you want, or think you should. You get treated as bad as you let people treat you. Your wife does this because she believes two things. One, that you are in fact, a useless child who needs to be micromanaged. Two, that she can act like this because there are no meaningful consequences or ramifications for actling like an emotional toddler other than having to listen to you whining (see point one). As long as there are no consequences, why would she change her b…
/r/askMRP26/11/20 02:23 PM
4

So you grew up with an authoritarian mother, I'm assuming either a single mom or a passively absent-in-spirit father if he was around, who taught you what patterns are "normal" or comfortable for you. Little surprise you then knock up a girl out of wedlock (you said relationship, not marriage) at 20, then nuked that relationship probably just like you nuked this one. She probably either had a lot of similar traits to your mother, or was the first girl who didn't scream at you, and would touch yo…
/r/askMRP11/11/20 04:11 PM
3

“If you didn’t neglect all these years/been a better husband.etc et etc, I wouldn’t have cheated”. It’s amazing how women simply CANNOT take any responsibility for their actions. OK, so she says it's your fault but it's really all all her fault. > As I mentioned in a previous OYS, I am mostly to blame for my situation. Umm, ok, changed my mind. > she needs the emotional connection first. This is what caused the sexless marriage in the first place OK, this is getting complicated, now she's repeat…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/20 02:35 PM
3

The irony of all this is that, while you're reclaiming your masculinity and assertiveness and finally becoming comfortable with your own sexuality, growing as a man, dirty sexting her and whatnot, you're simultaneously competing in a literal dick pic showdown with Chad for your wife's affection. And she's choosing Chad. I feel for you, man. Some days it feels like you just can't win. On a more philosophical note, one of the big maxims here is saving the man, not the relationship. Don't let the l…
/r/askMRP10/11/20 02:19 AM
3

Your mission isn't a mission. It's a statement about the way you would live your life to achieve your mission, if you actually had one. I think you still have no actual idea what you want, although you've found a few smaller things that you like and things that you dislike along the way. You're a seeker. You have a hole in you that you can't figure out how to fill. Your wife, your family, MRP, your freedom, a harem of juicy sub sluts, an examined life - none of these will fill that hole. You're …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/11/20 05:08 PM
3

Two, in fact. One I last talked to in February, the other around 2010. Best friends I ever had. Sometimes we still never talk.
/r/askMRP26/10/20 06:22 AM
23

There are too many unpredictable factors there, and you just plain don't know what you're getting into. Yep, this one sounds like a bunny-boiler.
/r/TheRedPill25/10/20 10:36 PM
2

Pendlay row. That being said, yeah, they're great.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/20 12:10 PM
2

That's a lot of mental energy spent thinking about being rejected by your premenopausal wife, thinking about initiaiting, thinking about her motives, thinking about suppressing your feelings, thinking about it days later in the rearview mirror. Must be exhausting for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/20 11:59 AM
3

There's some famous quote by Mark Twain (or the pope, or someone) who says how liberating it is, as you get older, not to be thinking with your little head all the time. I get some of that sense from your post. As far as physicality and aging, keep active and you'll do a hell of a lot better than most. My folks are both in their 80's - mom never did jack shit, barely even mall walking, and now lacks the leg strength to climb into my Jeep. Dad always was outdoorsy, and still operates a chainsaw a…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/20 11:50 AM
1

Do you also appreciate criticism when it points out personal flaws, mistakes, shortcomings, or unrealistic attitudes? That will determine in large part how much you get out of any feedback here.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/20 08:12 PM
2

I'm guessing the wife is around your age, maybe even a little older because you believe an older woman is more mature and has more experience and can help you (vomits a little in my mouth as I type). So you wifed up a post-wall woman looking for her beta provider. Which by all accounts is a role you play quite well. She needs to be "moved and inspired" to have sex. This is code for "you, personally, as a man, are neither moving nor inspiring". That's because you are a boring plow horse, and you'…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/20 08:10 PM
5

In broad schematic form, it involved my twenty-something ego telling me that despite not having any history of successful relationships or good parental relationship role models, that I damn well knew what I was doing. Throw in a dose of misplaced shame and guilt I created at all the pressure she and her friends and my family threw at me to "man up and get married". Add some captain save-a-ho, and an overly dramatic, "damaged" woman who thinks that writing me a long letter and three days of sile…
/r/askMRP07/10/20 05:03 AM
3

Dude. Listen to the guys here. I was you about 25 years ago. Believe me, it does not end well for you.
/r/askMRP07/10/20 01:05 AM
1

Books and websites for form and technique, okay, but make sure to watch lots of videos. You get a million more tips and cues that make sense from watching say Alan Thrall explaining deadlift on youtube than from any book. As far as frame, your two lists of people is interesting. Is the root of the problem frame, or is it just conflict? There might be less conflict with your father, older boys, and sister because their goals are more aligned with your and/or they have no particular need to pressu…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/20 12:50 AM
2

Good shit. This is what it looks like when you drop your ego and have the honesty to look at yourself. Sounds like most of your problems came from social interactions and a sense of insecurity and neediness. Your stated plans focus on simple activities (fitness, programming, etc) - but how are you going to work on the root?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 02:31 PM
1

engaging with her on the little things and following her lead This is great. Some people parent as if they need to either entertain or distract their kids 24/7. Whether it's putting a DVD in the machine or planning them into 6 activity timeslots every day. Some spend time formally teaching them academic or worldy things, like how to cook, or do carpentry, or calculus, or manage money. Teaching is great. But it's also really important to connect emotionally, to teach them how to manage stress and…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/20 12:54 PM
2

I even know what should be in it. I know what is an acceptable relationship is and isn't. Just to beat that horse one more time, make sure that when you make a concrete plan (for whatever area in your life), those "should"s and "acceptable" judgements are coming from you and what you want and decide, not just from some list of bullet points on the internet.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/20 12:42 PM
4

> practice nofap because of prostate issues. Probably just a form issue
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/20 02:20 AM
2

It sounds like you've gone from a place of complacent not-quite-comfortablness-but-not-really-that-bad-ness to something that seems almost happy. I'm glad for you. I still get the feeling that you're running a program without really knowing why or where you're going though. Couple weeks back you were talking divorce and I got the sense that it was partly because every new MRP'er has an angry divorce fantasy in the back of his head and that resonated with you. After some feedback from other guys,…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/20 02:16 AM
5

> When we go to court in February I will ask for a clause preventing her sending these type of messages and preventing her discussing anything about the relationship with daughter to be included. Sounds like a Karen move. While I get it, it can get tiresome, (my ex used to do the same shit) work on controlling your own reaction in preference to controlling her behaviour. > I’m looking at how to better incorporate her into my life so time with her isn’t just ‘do activity 1, then activity 2’ Time …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/20 11:26 AM
2

As far as compliance tests, well of course you're going to fail them if you're afraid of "looking like an asshole" aka her judgement of you. This was a big thing for me too at one point and I recall how difficult it felt the first time I just bluntly said "no" (can you carry my purse on the way out, hun -- she just looked at me, then took it and that was the end of that). But it's not always possible to assert yourself and your needs and boundaraies while at the same time always coming off as a …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/20 03:35 PM
1

Games is a good book, but it's also just one way of looking at things. It analyses dysfunction from one model of the processes of the mind, and since BP is based on dysfunction and delusion, of course you'll see some hits on target. I still find myself identifying situations around me as drama triangles, or let's you and him fight, but there's always another layer, another angle. It's not the end of the road by any means. And pulling 4 plates at 172? Sounds like the lifting is on track.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/20 09:08 PM
5

You need to have some standards for the women you let into your life. Just because she has a vagina doesn't mean you need to put up with this kind of shit.
/r/askMRP05/09/20 12:47 PM
19

Nothing like a heavy guilt trip to kindle that authentic desire.
/r/askMRP05/09/20 03:31 AM
2

A trip down memory lane... sigh. Good times. </s>
/r/askMRP05/09/20 01:52 AM
40

Your wife isn't attracted to you. Part of the problem is that the way things you think ought to be between men and women aren't really that way. Like Mark Twain said, "It's not the things you don't know that get you in trouble. It's the things you know that just ain't so." And part of the problem is you - your behaviour, your personality. You might think I'm being an ass, but think of it this way - a relationship is the natural settling point between two personalities. You are half the problem, …
/r/askMRP05/09/20 12:57 AM
22

You mean sidebar in Marriedredpill. Related, but much much different.
/r/askMRP05/09/20 12:27 AM
1

This is what I need to figure out. when it's an obvious shit test I'm good to go, but when it gets personal/nasty I struggle to see the difference. Maybe an example will be clearer. One my triggers was always my kids - my wife, being the stepmom, had some of the stereotypical resentment towards the "other woman's kids". So whenever she'd get pissy and start talking smack about my kids, I would blow up. 100% ego because no one disrespects my kids, disrespects my parenting, yadda yadda yadda. But …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/20 01:18 AM
1

You're in a transitional place - separated but trying this MRP stuff out with a new plate, while simultaneously trying to reinvent yourself. I suspect some of the ego you identify was both poisoning your former marriage as well as having the potential to corrupt your current and future relationships. I speak from experience here - I spent a lot of time inflicting suffering on myself in my second marriage by trying to defend egostic stories about myself that I had been a victim in both marriage a…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/20 01:56 AM
1

A huge chunk of that conversational debacle was your ego. You getting incredibly emotionally overly invested in the bullshit stories you tell yourself about how your family bankruptcy 2 decades ago defines you now and reveals your fundamental inscurity despite you being in the top 10% of earners. Once you expose your trigger buttons to a woman she's just going to keep pushing them until you either self destruct, nuke it all, or finally see through your own ego and the bullshit you tell yourself.…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/09/20 10:49 AM
4

I don't recall all the details, but my impression is that you let yourself get into this situation where the most probable outcome is for you to get abused and then storm out at the last minute. Should have headed this off way earlier.
/r/askMRP28/08/20 02:06 PM
5

So you rewarded some high-drama people trying to bait you into a fight for sport with... wait for it... high drama. Nice work.
/r/askMRP28/08/20 01:50 PM
1

As entertaining as it is to tell internet strangers to just break it off right away, the obvious reponse of the internet stranger is "yeah, whatever, dude". I was 28 when I married a girl who had a disclosed history of sexual abuse, suicidal ideations, and was prone to violent emotion overreactions. But I told myself "it'll be OK, she'll change". "She went through a lot, I should be there to support her." And she was cute in a way. Fast forward ten years and I was living the dream. Target of all…
/r/askMRP24/08/20 04:51 AM
2

TBH I think your post for one hour strategy is gay as fuck. "Plausible deniability" so you feel like you're in control and can say you tried to get honest feedback even knowing that this will guaranteed rule out half or three quarters of the possible responses due to time zone or just doing other shit reasons. And the way you phrase the replies "thanks just trying to get perspective" is a big fuck you to people replying, makes you sound like you're just going to ignore the advice of the people f…
/r/askMRP24/08/20 04:17 AM
1

And yet, these are the key points that you chose to distil for us. Hmmm. Look, for eight months she ghosts you and then tries to pull you back in, because things tanked with her ex and she thinks you might be her green card ticket, She dribbles out some sexy times over video to keep you on the hook. And all the while you sit here deluding yourself that this "relationship", the one where you cannot even see her in person, is somehow the real deal. Yeah, the siren call of a crazy chick over the in…
/r/askMRP24/08/20 03:50 AM
2

So... she gets drunk a lot, has mental health problems, and thinks about you while she fucks other guys. What more can I say... you've found The One. Dunno what you want from us internet 'tards.
/r/askMRP24/08/20 03:23 AM
2

Advice - in much the same way as TRP/MRP opens your eyes to a new way to look at relationship dynamics, be open to a new way to look at your own internal motivations, thought processes, and beliefs. Also, the book I recommended is about "EMDR therapy". I'm not saying that's necessarily what you need, but there were some good exercises in there designed to trigger an emotional response and you're supposed to try to feel what's going on as a result, both in your body and your emotional state. It c…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 03:36 PM
6

One of the great ways to sort yourself out is to gain experience living your life as an independent man. Jumping from the pot right into the frying pan robs you of that valuable life experience.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 01:56 PM
5

I was you back in the day. You feel like a cipher to yourself because you're scared to actually look inside and see and accept the emotions, so they keep running underground, carving out deep caverns and channels in your psyche. All this hustle and bustle to avoid seeing the bad scary hurtful confusing emotions. Driven by fear. Protip - those scary emotions - they're just neurons firing in that meat sac in your head. If you can't learn to see them and deal with them they're going to keep undermi…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 01:02 PM
3

Not trying to fix her problems for her is a good step. Just pointing out something to observe. You ever watch that dog show with Ceasar whatshisname? 99% of the time, the problem with the psycho/dysfunctional dog gets resolved when the owner gets their own act together after he points out how they're contributing to or creating the behaviour in the first place.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 12:26 PM
1

The words you say are near meaningless if they're incongruent with the actions you take and the with rest of your behaviour. And if that part is sorted, when you want to use consequences (like taking toys), are the consequences clear, not overblown, consistently enforced, and met out with understanding rather than frustration or anger? How do you model dealing with negative emotions with him? That you can watch them, sit them out, and go on with your life? Or that you let them take over your act…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 12:22 PM
2

Stop telling yourself this story about your dad and how injured you are. Become a man worthy of taking on that role in your head from now on -start giving yourself the guidance, insight, and confidence you are looking for today from outsiders.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:59 AM
2

Most doctors don't know shit about depression or underlying causes, they just prescribe some pills because that's the only hammer they've got. Be curious to see how the depression goes as you unfuck your own self.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:55 AM
2

Is this anger a recurring theme in your life? Where does it come from? How can you deal with it better than going "Karen" on google reviews next time?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:47 AM
8

You sound like a classic type A personality, channelling all your energy into trying to control things, making lists, sorting stuff out. All this in order to subconsciously run away from your inner dialogue and shield yourself from true feelings - hence the angry outbursts when your control streak fails to yield what you want, and inability to connect to or read emotions in other people. You even mention "control negative emotions" as one of your goals. How about accepting them, but deciding not…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:45 AM
1

My younger boy tends to taunts random people in the street. This older boy did not like the taunt and push him to the ground. I told my son to not taunt random people or neighbors. Ahh, the multigenerational family dysfunction rolling inexorably downhill. How's that "telling him not to taunt" going? Any better than telling your wife what to do? Maybe if you modelled being a competent and understanding leader rather than an incongruent, insincere bully yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:38 AM
3

There's a lot of overthinking and a lot of mental churn going on. Which is pretty typical while your brain recalibrates itself to a new world- and self-view. But at some point you want to let that go and just be you, once the you is no longer a fuckwit.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:33 AM
4

I reread your old OYS's. Seven months now, and as far as I can see all you managed to do was to let your wife manipulate you into putting a baby in her during ovulation and then convince yourself that you're the shit because you got laid before the sex "unexpectedly" stopped. Tale as old as time. I really don't have any sense of what you're doing here, of the big picture vision for your life (other than some bland boilerplate corporate vision statements), of who you are other than living in a pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:21 AM
5

So you're going to go from living with mommy right into living with a new mommy? Good luck liiving your own life there, bud.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 11:01 AM
1

Common-law marriage. It's a thing in some places.
/r/askMRP12/08/20 02:59 PM
2

> where he wants to get revenge on her Massive ego-driven behaviour. Hard to break through that shit.
/r/askMRP12/08/20 02:58 PM
2

How may psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the bulb has to want to change. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. These things might sound cute, funny, or trite, but they contain a lot of wisdom. I wish I knew what the solution is. Your brother's attitude sounds a lot like I used to be, and I don't really know what would have gotten through my thick skull back in those days.
/r/askMRP12/08/20 02:56 PM
6

I have drunk alcohol on 6 days in the last 5. I take it you were home schooled by alcoholics too?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/08/20 01:27 PM
3

Actually I was kind of hoping to grab some popcorn and watch OP ego-trip and DEER against the ass kicking he's getting. Oh well, next time.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/08/20 01:19 PM
3

I fear the stress he’s putting on himself may be too much. > my sisters are adults (21+). It’s on them, ultimately, to unfuck their lives. And despite writing both of these sentences you miss the conclusion that you don't need to take care of your dad (another adult) any more than your dad has to take care of your sisters or you need to caretake for anyone else. Sure, you can be supportive, but examine carefully whether your impulse to save people is worth your time, is even achievable, just cre…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/08/20 01:08 PM
1

> but not to compare our relationship to others And yet here you are, all hot and bothered by what some instagram bitches you aren't even fucking are posting in a spot visible on the interwebz to your girl. That should be, what, at least three degees of Kevin Bacon from your IDGAF?
/r/askMRP03/08/20 01:11 AM
4

I’ll take a slightly diffreent tack than the others because, quite frankly, I don’t think you’re in a place where you can clearly hear what they’re saying. I was where you are (or pretty close to it) about 15 years ago, so I get it, I do. There’s a huge trend in society for psychology and self-help. The shelves of the bookstores, not to mention the internet, are full of articles explaining the detailed nuances of the childhood , and resultant inner world, that typifies a narcissist, a BPD, a soc…
/r/askMRP01/08/20 03:32 PM
2

Reread your bullet points. (1.void) - you're lost, no vision in life. (2,3,5.challenge, competitive) - you're petty and jealous. (4.talking) you take this shitty visionless personality out into the world and force it on other people, and when they don't agree with your egoistic bullshit you resort to violence. Yeah, I'm seeing great things in your future. Google Rollo "rooting through the trash". And work on yourself to overcome those shitty personality traits before you go inflicting them on mo…
/r/askMRP01/08/20 01:00 PM
1

Jesus Christ. Jack Ryan could have single handedly defeated the Soviet Union and solved all the middle east problems in an intricate twenty year plan, defused a couple nukes along the way, and saved the US of A in that word count. And you spent it all tortuously on your tortured soul. I get that you feel like you had a revelation from Horn’s ass-kicking, that’s terrific and I hope it leads to some changes for you. But with the way you talk and talk and fucking talk and then talk more, gazing dee…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/20 01:47 PM
2

I sure hope you guys at least agree on what side the toilet paper roll hangs. Otherwise I'm pretty sure this is headed for murder/suicide.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/20 01:04 PM
1

Definitely :-)
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/20 06:01 PM
3

> I have been emotionally controlled for many years with what looks to be narcisism Translation: "I gave up my own identity and gave away my own freedom, of my own volition, to a woman who happened to have a manipulative toolset that matched my own weaknesses. But it's much easier to blame her than to work on my weaknesses." > Said no to sex yesterday because she didnt want to blow me a bit during. I can see this being handled in one of two ways, and I strongly suspect yours came off as the butt…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/20 02:05 PM
7

> Kid hasn’t even caught a fish yet and all he wants to do is go out with me and learn how Fuck yeah. I'm over fifty and still remember the day when I was seven my dad first took me fishing. Memories like those last - kids crave that experience and bonding.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/20 01:58 PM
2

> I am considering reintroducing fapping (not porn) in order to give the sex thing a break - but this is probably me fleeing from the difficult interactions. Ya think? You obviously have a decent sex drive, what with diddling the soccer moms on the side and whatnot, but you plan on not initiating? Where's the congruence in that? > It is a case of a good catholic girl That was then this is now. My wife was a good catholic girl too, wanted to be a nun when she was younger. Nothing in the bedroom s…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/20 01:42 PM
1

When you start reading the sidebar books (NMMNG, WISNIFG) you will discover that they recommend certain things - mental excercises, trying different behaviours and attitudes for example. These will feel uncomfortable at first because of your current mental habits and attitudes. Waah is the sounds of a crying baby. Your whole post is excuses, blaming your predicament on your family, parents, bullies at school, religion, whatever. Blaming others is weak and sounds like whining. There's a big diffe…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/20 11:53 AM
2

People talk a lot about LTR's. But in a way, an LTR isn't a real reataionship. No actual interaction no sex, no need to deal with the conflict that inevitably arises when you're living together, so you create this fantasy about what the LTR is which has no basis in reality. > My mission is to become known as the #1 Data Science guy locally Well, at least you have one. You might want to scope out a bit next time you revisit it.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/20 01:45 AM
3

My family was into palmistry big time to get over life problems. That thing got inside my head and based on the reading on my hand I don't have a long life. I don't know how to get this fear out of my head. Any help would be appreciated. Yeah. Your family sounds like a bunch of retards. Unfortunately, retards beget more retards. But knowing is the first step to breaking the cycle. > SAHW. Submissive, chubby, takes good care of home, probably will be a loving mom, Yeah, Most likely. Sure. Rolling…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/20 01:20 AM
3

> There are some good posts here on processing anger There are definitely some great posts. Let me add my two cents too. Anger is data, just like the other emotions (especially guilt and shame for you). Think of your subconscious as a computer, always comparing your internalized beliefs and biological built-ins with your environment, and coming to emotional conclusions ("I deserve respect + my wife spoke loudly = ANGER" or "I like the outdoors + sun is shining = HAPPY" or "I'm worthless and usel…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/20 01:43 PM
5

Congratulations on seeing the world around you for what it is finally. You'll have some ups and downs, just keep working on yourself and getting your head straight. Lots of sidebar type stuff. Last thing you need is to get into a post-divorce rebound relationship that has you repeating your old patterns.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/20 12:19 PM
2

> VPNs are only good if you trust them. https://www.theregister.com/2020/07/17/ufo_vpn_database/
/r/TheRedPill20/07/20 06:46 PM
3

Jesus motherfucking christ. What the hell is with the spew and porn sub post history. You're an arrogant self righteous know-it all. You know how I know? Cause I can't be bothered to read or think about things either I just have opionions and they're always right. My soulmate.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/20 01:38 AM
2

Interestingly, I was able to recognize the ego-attack that jumped up to whine about the past, listen to it and let it go. ​ There is an element of Power of Now (PON) that is almost schizophrenic - you try to "step aside" and listen to your mind when it starts ranting. Huge progress. This is awesome to be able to see in real time. Re calling the voice a loser, though, try being more compassionate to yourself instead of while still challenging the ranting. You can see where it came from, how it ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/20 02:52 PM
2

The main thing I'm getting out of this is guilt and shame, largely related to masculinity and sex and women. I was wondering what you were looking for here, but the context of your interest in MRP is clearer now. Guilt is the feeling that you've done someone wrong and should atone for that action, and can be healthy unless it's going off all the time for no good reaason. Shame is the feeling that you're inherently bad and need to atone for being you. Both these are learned (or at least the stand…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/20 02:44 PM
1

Rx: STFU, lift, and sidebar readings. But also a few observations. Rollo's rule 6 (women don't love the way men expect them to) does not define your last 33 years of misery. You're trying to assign blame to your misery to your wife and past partners, which is weak as shit. The fantasy you created for yourself, and the resultant need for external validation (which is completely outside of your control to achieve and hence is always going to lead to disappiontment) is the root cause of your misery…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 01:47 AM
1

With what you wrote about the impact NMMNMG is having on you, you sound like you're a real mess (just an observation, not a jab). I wouldn't expect your wife to feel close or want to touch when she senses that chaos and lack of center. I had to laugh when you wrote "my wife has a rule"... let me guess, you lived by her rules all these years. Those baby steps...the not asking for permission, the taking the kids for fun time without mommy, are good stuff. Journey of a thousand miles begins with a …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/20 02:08 PM
2

The way I look at it, everyone has hundreds if not thousands of competing impulses, or thoughts, or voices going through their mind all the time. One voice says you'll be better off going to the gym and doing deads, another voice says you'll be fulfilled if you enjoy the sunshine on the back deck with a beer and a burger instead. Any given moment, some voices are quiet, some are yapping loudly, and some "win" the decision point at any given moment. The ego in this (admittedly somewhat non-standa…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/20 06:05 PM
0

upvoted for poking and revealing OP's fragile ego
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/20 03:25 PM
2

The most important thing in life is to take good care of the people you love. In front of and sometimes at the expense of your own happiness. This is what many people would call setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. It lets you feel good about yourself even when you may or not may be doing good for anyone (once they're no longer children, a huge chunk of their care is really up to them), and you wind up frazzled and, as you said, unhappy. Maybe not 100% of the time, but the path can defi…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/20 03:24 PM
1

Angry that gym's closed? Diagnosis: Covert contract, if you just do enough squats your wife will fuck you. This doesn't smell right to me. You're blaming your anger on your sexual frustration. Blaming it on a CC. Blaming it on lack of control. Smells like rationalization. Your decades of constant simmering is closer to the truth. These are all probably part of it, but I can guaran-fucking-tee you that if you keep this anger running in the background 24/7 your marriage and probably the rest of yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/20 02:39 AM
1

Your humility quote sounds more like fantasy to me. To never have trouble? To never be vexed or fretted? That's just part of existing. Maybe you want equanimity when those emotions arise so as not to become unbalanced by them, but there will always be emotions, both positive and negative. There will always be things happening to you, the best laid plans of mice and men and all that. There's a quote "Peace is not the absense of conflict, but rather the ability to deal with it." Kind of along the …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/20 02:22 AM
1

> She lets me down a lot, doesn't read my mind or follow through on something, often not aware of her surroundings, but I see now it's stupid and unfair of me to project a bunch of expectations on her. Yeah, kind of hard to be mad at anybody for not being able to read minds when you think about it. > feel like my kids just joined the ship she was already commanding. Hope this isn't your current mindset > disciplining her kid is sort of a strange area. Yeah, this is pretty common in mixed familie…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/20 06:20 PM
5

Jesus Christ so much of this describes where I've been. The recital of the grievances while shaving, the enduring because you didn't know anything else, the "beta" desire for revenge. Last week you wrote Rollo's quote that a man either destroys himself or rebuilds after the fall, that quote hit home hard too. Let me just say that you created this hell for yourself. I've been in two marriages and created my share of suffering and chaos within both, amplifying every poor characteristic of both my …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/20 05:05 PM
3

I pick up NMMNG and its like this guy wrote a biography about me. Welcome to the club, buddy. Welcome to the club. Your post reads 95% enthusiasm and 5% actually doing something (which was technically STFU, or doing nothing, so make of that what you will). Looking forward to seeing you post some real shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/06/20 12:26 AM
1

90% of your post is about the past, about rationalizations and excuses. Fucking multi-volume Historical Encyclopedia Saxophonia. Typical academic - wordy, rationalizing, living life in your head. Nothing that special about your story either. In the present moment (the one that matters), you're fucking fat, reactive, angry, and a pushover. Your wife is dealing with some serious trauma not to mention that she sees you the same way I just described. Hardly surprising you both are where you are now.…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/20 01:46 PM
1

> I've been picturing a heap of MRPers reading my OYS Living not only in your wife's head, but in the heads of a buch of internet strangers.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/20 01:07 PM
2

Your OYS header (wife: SAHM Latina) sounds like you're creating an identity out of having a Latina wife, or like it matters a lot. It doesn't really. Ragging on feminism with girls can be fun. And it's part of the, not the anger phase exactly, but the n00b redpiller phase, where you're excited to show off your newfound understanding of the matrix. This too shall pass, as you realize it's just one more piece of the greater puzzle of understanding your life and the world as you exist in it. That t…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/20 07:36 PM
2

Waist - 40 inches at belly button. I don’t have a big concern about my weight at the moment. Slippery slope. I went all-in on powerlifter mode the first couple years after I started, and yeah, I could deadlift 455, but still felt like I had to suck in my gut getting out of the shower in front of the wife. Not exactly the end goal I wanted, and built a lot of bad eating habits too.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/20 02:35 PM
1

I realise I'll have a hard time reaching an "Alpha 2.0" lifestyle, but I'm steering in that direction as much as I can. Looked for an audiobook version of Models, but couldn't find it in the Kindle store. Started reading "Ego is the enemy" instead but having a hard time applying most of it on a recovering nice guy faggot life. Seems more aimed at the alpha asshole market. "Alpha 2.0".. Unchained Man doesn't mean you must become Hugh Hefner. I view it more of a wake up call for closed minded beta…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/20 02:30 PM
2

The only person that has ever cared if I am angry is me, and then I get stuck in a cycle of being angry as a way not to have to do the work to get better or to take the blame as my own as I have handed my power to anger. This is good shit. Some people never figure this out even after 80 or 90 years (just ask my parents, LOL). It's great to "see" new things, like shit tests, or how the sexual marketplace operates, but seeing firsthand the bullshit that your mind concocts, and seeing how stupid mo…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/20 02:23 PM
3

Most guys can relate to being insulted, humiliated, and provoked by a woman. Especially the guys here who have been through bad marriages. But I still tell you it was not a skillful action. Not to shame you, to try to ensure you learn. Blind rage is letting an animal take over your mind. You need your mind to be in control in stressful situations, not letting a wild beast be in control.
/r/askMRP17/06/20 07:04 PM
1

> then i saw all this stuff and i cant even remember what happened exactly. Just that i beated her You fell into an ego-driven blind rage. That is different from beating someone for a reason. You chose to do that. If you keep choosing emotion and rage, be prepared for the rest of your life to be the same kind of disaster you described in your original post.
/r/askMRP17/06/20 06:06 PM
2

Jumping in here. I forgot to follow up on the half decade drought. At MRP it's all about fixing the man, and not the relationship. And yeah, that's right. But when your relationship occupies, what, 2 hours of every 16? Maybe 4 hours? Whatever it is, it's like at a bare minimum 10,20,30% of your life, not to mention all the entanglements that arise from it. At some point, "owning your shit" includes figuring out whether or not that time is being spent how you want it, or whether it's sucking the …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/06/20 02:59 AM
1

Yeah, it's the lower lumbar spine in particular you're watching out for. But as a new lifter, yeah, I can see more initial soreness, so maybe you're OK. Just keep an eye out for it.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 02:32 PM
7

Can you elaborate please? Are you saying her focusing on her career is a way to deliberately to get distance? Women. Non-direct communication. Wanting plausibly deniability. The rationalization hamster producting "reasons" after the fact for what she deep down wants and has already decided. Any of this sounding familiar? As far as alimony, I get it, knowing your bases are covered, but do you have an end-game here? Are you trying to passive-aggressively let her put her career ahead of you so she …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 01:54 PM
2

Your back shouldn't be aching hard every time you bend over for days after a 1x bodyweight deadlift session. Maybe some ache in the spinal erectors (muscles beside the lower spine), but that sounds a little rough. Do you know what a neutral spine means? It sounds a lot like you're letting your lower back round over, aka cat-back, when you're pulling. And what rep/set structure are you using? Video your set and post a form check to r slash weightroom in the daily thread for some feedback. > The m…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 01:31 PM
3

Grief. Dwelling on the past. Alcohol. Anger. You've seen the last as a stupid habit. Work on the other three. This is a cocktail of behaviours, each reinforcing the other. When you pull one ingredient out, the others are going to try to work overtime to fill the hole. Root the whole thing out. Regarding your list of post-MRP beliefs... let that shit go too. Memory is here so you can learn from your past, not to ruminate on it or shape your "identity".
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 01:19 PM
5

You sound really happy, and that's awesome. And quality time with the kids - kudos. Re your wife saying her career has to be a priority - I read that as her making yet another rationalization why she doesn't want to get closer to you/follow your lead/something like that. And your support may be undermining your end game in this relationship. And an aside, are you the same guy who's gotten laid like once in the last five years?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 01:09 PM
2

So despite your RP knowledge, you still carry around the beliefs of a bluepill NiceGuy. I get it, book learning is a lot easier than actually internalizing a new mental model. And I can relate to where you are now - I was there too. The good news is you can change yourself - it's 100% possible. But it will require you to face some of your fears. Keep doing what you've always done and you'll keep getting the same results, right? > I tell myself there is no why, I’m just living my life In some gre…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 12:37 PM
1

My God that's a lot of hamstering. Next OYS opens in under 12 hours. If you wanna be there, be there.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 02:18 AM
2

So are you deliberately trying to NOT get feedback on your OYS posts? Out of the last eight, around six of them have been posted on a Sunday or Monday, whereas the weekly thread starts on Tuesday, virtually guaranteeing you get minimum visibility and feedback. 90% of the action occurs in the first 2-3 days of the cycle.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/20 01:35 PM
2

Aloha nailed it with the external validation comments. But is it the case that you're throwing the parties to impress other people? Or is it to impress your wife by showing her that you're impressing other people? I.e. does it all come back to your wife? You talk about cutting your time at work, at the range training, at the gym to appease the wife. A lot of the living in fear of your wife (or fear of losing her approval) reminds me of myself in my first marriage. In retrospect, all that denying…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/20 01:29 PM
3

> I was thinking about boundaries all wrong as if my wife was inside my boundary Have you read straegos' classic post on boundaries? It looks like you understand the basic mistake, but I'm not as sure you get why, which is what Blarg was trying to beat through your thick skull. Adopting anything other than your own self "inside your boundary" means you're adopting something that fundamentally you cannot control. And this will inevitably lead to frustration and suffering when your attempts to con…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/20 10:23 PM
3

As with Johnnys comment, it's both enlightening and frustrating for me how hard it is to even wrap my head around what the hell you are trying to tell me. Started writing some shit but it got long. too long. I'll try this instead. You create your own suffering, and you create your own prison. You lock your true self, the dreams and hopes and things you find fulfilling inside this prison you've created. Then you spend all your energy convincing yourself that the bars are real. The bars of your pa…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/20 09:11 PM
2

What is your focus? Why are you here? I reread your OYS's. You dress OK. Your work is OK. Your lifts are OK. Your social is OK. OK, OK, OK. Yeah, your wife gives you some shit when you act unattractive and weak. Maybe the Latina thing kicks it up a notch, but it's not unique. You're a seeker and a man of reading but not of action. You read something and get the same dopamine hit as if you actually did the thing you read about so you feel... wait for it... OK. All this stuff about meditation and …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/20 03:09 PM
6

This is a terrific restrospective. As a 50+ guy, reading the OYS of a 64-year old sometimes hits closer to home than those of the 27 year olds. Over the last few months I've had the impression that you were just fumbling along, having put a decent amount of Flex Seal on your Titanic and were now happily sanding the deck chairs, but it's cool to see how slow continual progress turns into a sea change given enough time. Nice work.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/20 01:29 PM
1

Just about the only thing that's worked in the past 6 months The way this is phrased makes it sound like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, trying for years to get one night with his oneitis. Who's the prize here again?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/20 03:17 PM
1

Jumping in to add something else here. That whole last part of your response is you living in your wife's frame. Because it matters more to you, what your wife's emotional state is, than anything else. Because you're terrified of dealing with it if she's not in a good state, and terrified you'll be blamed for it when she isn't. This is part of what WISNIFG tries to counteract - the tendency to let everyone outside of you blame you and control you while it's really your own belief that they are a…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/05/20 02:20 PM
3

Reading through your Breaking Free list is like a trip down memory lane. Glover really hit it out of the fucking park with that book. Good shit. As far as the suicide threats and such, record all conversations. Call recording app for your phone, also a voice activated audio recorder for in-person. (Check if you're in a one-party consent area first). If she's in such a bad place mentally (either real intent, or manipulation), no telling what she'll pull if it goes to court.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 12:06 PM
6

LOL as soon as I saw the subsection "Wife" I figured there would be a rule 9 coming. But take a minute after the pissed-off feeling passes, figure out what it means, and come back next week. You complain about your wife being uninteresting, idle, unproductive, and defensive. Your woman is a reflection of you. Step up your game, demonstrate being a man of action, someone she's inspired to be better for. And all this existential anguish about being a man - yeah, you need to kill this down to it's …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 11:58 AM
1

I feel anger at myself that comes and goes in waves for not being congruent with who I can be and want to become, anger at my weakness and still wanting the easy way in some places deep down. Two possible reasons for that anger. One, you're used to being angry at yourself and putting yourself down. Nip that shit in the bud right away. Two, future you is pissed off at not-yet-future-you's actions and wants you to make a change. Listen to him, reflect, then act.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 11:45 AM
2

Lose the TV in the bedroom. Fucking and sleeping in there only. Don't initiate because you think a bunch of internet randos would have wanted you to initiate. If you were honestly just tired and you wanted to sleep, then just fucking sleep. And nothing wrong with getting into it when she initiated after. You're overthinking this.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/20 03:56 PM
1

> digging in, even at 50 with all that inertia, With all that interia... that's part of the sunk cost fallacy. I mean, I get what you mean, but that's actually a key thing. Buddhism has their "live in the moment" creed which is kind of like get out of the past in your head and out of the fantasy future. You mentioned JBP, he has one talk where he says that the evolved function of human memory is not to rehash events over and over (psychologists call this unhealth rehashing "rumination"), but to …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/20 12:44 PM
1

And all this started me down the rabbit hole again, bringing up painful shit. Hearing my parents tell me I am lazy, worthless, disrespectful, never good enough, to my face. Over and over again. Cutting me down anytime I was proud of something. I'm 28 but still struggling with it. It still fucks with my head. Advice here is probably going to be nut up or shut up, and to a point that's fair. I really want to move on from this bullshit. Coming from a different but relatable place. I was almost 50 b…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/20 12:24 AM
1

> It would be convenient if she got on board That's your problem in a nutshell. Living your entire life in the passive voice.
/r/askMRP24/04/20 09:20 PM
3

If you answer a simple question like "do you like her" with a fifteen minute monologue cataloging all your insecurities, I can only imaging how much fun you are in your daily discussions with your wife. Oh yeah, you just told us about the last monologue in the root of this OYS. While you work on your mental models and yadda yadda, how about throwing in some STFU while you're at it?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/20 02:37 PM
2

She doesn't owe me anything. So I'm waiting for her decision. Because I'm a Christian I won't initiate divorce proceedings. Part of this whole masculinity thing is taking charge of your own life. Not making weak excuses for why someone is pulling the strings and determining your destiny for you. If you want X, go after X. If you don't want X, shut it down, in all things X. And reading your comment about the email anxiety reminded me of how hard I winced when I read about your daily "what I ate t…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/20 04:47 PM
1

We're still seeing a therapist at my request. I'm unsure how to STFU appropriately in a session. I may just ask to not do the sessions anymore. This is kind of looking at things backwards. If you've done your reading you'd know that generally speaking, couples therapy is a forum for women to (1) demonstrate how committed they were in order to avoid blame when they nuke the relaitonship, or (2) intorduce a third party arbiter who will rule in their favou and get little beta billy to be a good boy…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/20 09:44 PM
-1

Nice progress in the gym so far, though yeah, still work to do. Protip - if thermometer girl wants to dominate you, she really wants to be dominated herself. Self projection disguised as a shit test or something. Enjoy. > Don't let anyone or anything, including a "global pandemic" stop you from pursuing your goals Look at Typhoid Mary over here.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/20 08:53 PM
2

A little late to the replies here, and a couple guys (bobbyperu, mainly) already nailed the main points. But two things stod out to me that weren't mentioned. One, when she asked where you were and you replied "taking a shower like you said to" or whatever the phrasing was. That answer sucks because it sounds either victimy ("look at me taking this abuse but it's really you at fault") or passive-aggressive. You were wherever you were because that's where you wanted to or needed to be. Better ans…
/r/askMRP11/04/20 08:38 PM
1

It seems to me that your vision is to stay stuck in a shitty marriage with a woman who won't fuck you and loses her shit at anything and everything (yes, I remember you going back years, and things don't seem to have changed much). You seem to accept this as an inevitable fact of life and turn a blind eye to it and hope that by killing it at business you can somehow escape for a few hours and find meaning and happiness in your life, while continually hoping against hope that she will change. If …
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/20 08:08 PM
1

> RELATIONSHIP VISION > I'm stuck, I need help. I'm captain of myself but the relationship is going no where. It's my weakness. Do you have vision anywhere else that you're just forgetting to mention? Or is the relationship your end goal?
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/20 06:49 PM
1

That is, not "I accept what you did", but "I accept that it happened, in the past". At this point I can handle the latter but not the former. OYS 33 Sigh. On what week's OYS do you think you might be close to considering making a decision to be able to let this shit go? Or decide not to? You spend way to much time in your head. If you spent more time doing, then the past wouldn't be all there is for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/20 01:37 PM
2

Quite the tale. Good on you for responding in a planned approach, rather than simply reacting with your anger. Read user red-curious' divocre prep post from the sidebar, would be useful for you now. As much as it sounds like you're doing a cool hand Luke and managing this, a couple things to watch for. Sounds like you're still seeing your wife through roses tinted glasses - you describe *her* as old-fashioned, hot, good parenting, each others (almost) first, yadda yadda, but you describe her act…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/20 01:23 PM
2

Interesting read, a lot of developing self-knowledge here. You report a lot of things which can all be tied to one root cause - defending your ego. Covering up at work. Sticking in the marriage for the belief that you're a good husband, whatever that means. Spending 30 unwanted minutes fingering your wife to orgasm to protect your image as a compassionate and equitable lover. Spending time trying to win arguments to protect your egoistic view of yourself as someone who's always right. But at lea…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/03/20 08:49 PM
1

The point of being able to review the past isn't to make yourself feel like shit. It's to learn from your mistakes and figure out how to do better. Concentrate on that..
/r/MarriedRedPill10/03/20 03:01 PM
2

A woman who needs an uncomplaining provider, for whatever reason I think that's a little off the mark. You;ve surely come across the term "codependent". That would be her. Your wife is probably looking for a guy to "save" (but she never can, leading to familiar feelings of impotence and frustration for her, plus a lot of drama...) You provide an fix for her own addiction to emotional drama and that validation she gets externally from trying to "fix" you. All I'm saying is, "uncomplaining provide…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/20 05:01 AM
2

About your dad: you may or may not ever be able to connect with him, or to get answers, the way you want. Beware of setting up another covert contract wherein you open up, you want him to go all Disney "I love you son", and when he doesn't, you get in a snit. If he's a weather-only kind of a guy, he simply may not have it in him to go deeper. My folks are both this way, and I just accept it as the way they are now. There's a whole genre of psychology now exploring the effects of emotionally abse…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/20 10:03 PM
1

Yes, absolutely. But recognize that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and finding diversonary rationalizations for your self hatred are two distinct things.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/20 01:20 AM
1

I am what grows. My worth will only increase over time because I'm accumulating knowledge through reading and observing. This strikes me as a little bizarre for a mission. You are what grows? Like fungus? And try to attain wisdom over knowledge.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 05:49 PM
1

While above is a big win, I still have to own the fact that I was a bitch and got pissed that the wife was not more excited about above – she was like oh is that it?. There is literally a section in WOTSM that describes this exactly. It's happened to most of us. > Shoving my hips back does not come easy for me for some reason. Why? I have to keep working on this until I get perfect form – no easy way out. Try throwing in some box squats to get feedback on how to place your hips/ass in the right …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 05:38 PM
1

The epiphany hit me as I spent 10 hours in the car alone as I traveled to visit friends. A lot of room for thought and growth on extended road trips. Read some classics like Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" or Neil Peart's "Ghost Rider". Stillness in Nature, try Thoreau's "Walden". Sounds like you're on a good path.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 05:33 PM
1

You ever listen to Tom Waits? A great line from Frank's Wild Years: "Well, Frank settled down out in the Valley, and he hung his wild years on a nail he drove through his wife's forehead". Only you're driving the nail into your own head here half the time. Don't wind up where Frank ended up, with a short term solution and no real plan. ​ Abundance - Failing to achieve this is why some good measure of hate remains. It is difficult to push this beyond superficial interactions with women. It is fun…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 05:25 PM
1

There's a lot of stuff here which points to some unskillful mental models and modes of thinking. Themes I'm sensing are 1) holding onto past grudges, 2) anger, 3) reactivity rather than reasoned response, 4) lack of both a direction you want to go and the toolset to get you there, 5) fixer/save-a-ho. For starters. Your last post talks about some shit you both decided to hold on to and make into a comfortable and familair fight topic for seven fucking years. This is just so fucked I can't even. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/20 11:56 AM
2

bad bot
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/20 11:06 AM
2

If your grip was the weak point, chalk will help. If your main kinetic chain was the weak point, then obvioiusly chalk won't fix that. Belt has less of an effect, I think of it as more of a safetyfactor, but it may add a little bit. If it makes you feel any better, competitive powerlifters all use chalk and belt in comps, it's not really considered "cheating". Deadlift straps are typically not allowed in PL (though they're OK in strongman AFAIK), but I find them handy if I do deads for 10+ reps …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 10:21 AM
1

Jesus, chalk is life for deads. I slip of the bar at 365 with sweaty hands unchalked. Solid 525 rack pull chalked.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/20 01:03 AM
1

Next time you're in the gym, don't forget to show off how your triceps kickbacks are coming along.
/r/askMRP14/02/20 03:57 PM
2

But as dawn broke and we started to go about the day, my feelings dispersed "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." - Winson Churchill
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/20 02:47 PM
1

Dave Ramsey may give good advice when it's only about the numbers. But he has a habit of giving financial advice from a blue pilled as fuck moral sense as well. Lots of youtube clips of his show where he talks about how it's the new husband's responsibility to pay for college for his wife's (not his own) kids, that sort of shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 04:19 PM
1

In my 40's, blew out both left and right side inguinal a couple years apart doing martial arts (roundhouse kicking both times, go figure). Surgery was pretty simple, but took a while to recover because I pushed it too hard, too fast. Tweaked something a few weeks after surgery -- I was ice skating and something gave when I went into a fast hockey stop -- that put me back on the couch for a week, so take it easy. Wasn't lifting at the time (this was a few years ago) , but was able to eventually w…
/r/askMRP27/01/20 06:56 PM
2

> so much effort you know what sunk cost fallacy is, right?
/r/askMRP23/01/20 03:36 PM
1

I get that your head is spinning. And I get that you want opinions. But at the end of the day, if you leave her, leave her because your self esteem doesn't let you spend a life married to a deceitful sex-denying wife, not because a consensus of forum members said it sounded right. If you leave, do it with the belief that you deserve better and can do better and can make a better man of yourself, with that as your absolute conviction, not because it's a piece of boilerplate advice from the MRP ga…
/r/askMRP17/01/20 02:48 AM
1

his meaningless metaphysical masturbations Holy shit how did I miss that first time around. Ted Kaczynski reboot.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/20 07:38 PM
1

This sounds like the mission of a third grader. What was it about this mission that caused you to adopt it as a child? And what has prevented you from seeing the difficulties and naivete of it as an adult? Not that you have to answer me, just think about it.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/20 05:45 PM
2

If you are prone to ruminate, you probably have beliefs that say that's a good thing. Maybe you believe it's cathartic, maybe you enjoy the rush of anger you feel as you revisit the feeling of being wronged, maybe you believe that somehow keeping the wounds fresh allows you to justify punishing her now, lots of possibilities along those lines. You want to re-evaluate those beliefs and realize why they're not letting you move forward. And you want to train yourself to catch yourself ruminating, b…
/r/askMRP03/01/20 03:44 AM
2

> I still do wonder how much of our disaster of a sex life was a result of my blue-pill bitchness, or her past abuse and intimacy issues Wondering about all this shit in the past is ultimately of limited use. You examine it to learn what not to do again, not to ruminate on it. For a therapist, maybe to suggest a direction, but that's about it. > My gut says to decline the mediator meeting until after the workshop. There's no right or wrong, you need to figure out what you want and then do what i…
/r/askMRP02/01/20 01:52 AM
2

You sound like the kind of guy who would put a half inch hole in your hand with a drill press, bitch about what a shitty drill press it is, then proceed to put another bunch of holes in your other hand then your feet.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/19 12:38 AM
4

Sorry for your loss. Two things come to mind. If the flat affect is recent, maybe you're high functioning depressed. If you're always this way you might want to follow up on sepean's line of thought. Traits like yours can also have an impact on how your own kids develop -- by not learning to process their own emotions due to lack of a healthy role model. The book "running on empty " by J Webb explores this . Might be worth a read. And yeah, dementia sucks.
/r/askMRP24/12/19 02:16 PM
3

A respost here: https://www.rianstone.com/blog/unhappy-wife . Original post by Archwinger
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 03:22 PM
4

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 03:11 PM
2

Can't believe you're pulling without chalk. My grip was slipping at the same point as you, but chalked up, could handle a 550 rack pull without much trouble. Just be careful, some gyms (like mine) don't like it since it makes a mess, so hide mine in my gym bag and make sure to towel everything off after. Straps are an option too -- people shit on them sometimes, but for high reps once the grip starts to go, straps let you keep training the main muscle group without worrying that you're limited b…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/19 07:12 PM
1

Make sure you reflect from the readings and posts here how you're responsible for fucking up your marriage. Otherwise you may be able to hook up with girls now, but when they get to know you, you're going to bring the same problems into the relationship and repeat the same cycles.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/19 12:44 PM
1

A lot of stuff going on, and a lot of running around doing stuff trying to dig out of the hole. But ask yourself, what's your vision for your life? I didn't get much sense of that.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/19 12:39 PM
1

My wife learned to drive fairly recently. One thing I keep telling her is that driving is only 25% mechanics - how to parallel park, stay in your lane, when to brake, etc. The other 75% is developing that spidey sense for when someone is going to do something boneheaded that will force you to have to take evasive action. If you spend a lot of time in your head, just driving by unconscious reflex, or on the phone arguing, you don't have any mental bandwidth left to do that effectively.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 07:30 PM
1

She made some comment about how the previous guys she was with didn’t even ask if she wanted them to wear a condom. It triggered the fuck out of me actually. Yeah, she knows exactly which buttons to press, and she has such a low opinion of you that she thinks it's entertainment or justified to hit them. But at least you held it together and didn't threaten to shoot anybody. Check out this classic post on frame: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7qhvml/men_with_no_frame_and_the_thi…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 04:08 PM
2

50 lbs overweight, ED issues solved by cutting out sugar. Sounds like you were pre-diabetic. Your lifts-to-weight indicates that 99% of that 194 lbs bodyweight is fat, maybe 1% is muscle. Stick with the diet and the gym, at least you're seeing some progress. Your job is shit and you're spending time fine tuning it. You made the deliberate choice to drop college (you mentioned semester) b/c of finances, temporarly killing your career advancements, but now you need to either stop bitching about yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 03:58 PM
1

Piling on to what sea-tease said, you cannot rely on your wife to validate your changes. For example, there's a possibility that she may have a terribly negative impression of you that no amount of physical improvement can overcome. Even if you became a "perfect ten" with style, muscles, dental and plastic surgery, she might still not see you as anything but the guy who hurt her way back when, or who can't pay bills on time, or whatever her beef is. You MIGHT get some validation from her as you …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 03:51 PM
1

Internal/external are related and usually both are in play. Psychologists talk about anger being a healthy thing, just an emotion, and you should use it as an input informing you that you have to change something or take some actions, rather than being consumed by it. That viewpoint usually presupposes that the person is generally emotionally healthy to begin with. Our userbase at MRP tends not to fall into that category, which is why I say it's also worth examining your internal beliefs and che…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 03:51 PM
1

but I needed to fully explore this to see if it’s the root of my validation issues. You might check out "Running on Empty" by Jonice Webb, about emotionally absent parenting and the various traits it leads to in adulthood. Brought up a lot of angles I had never considered, and she has some actionable advice as well.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 03:32 PM
5

> The rage. Rage is your mind telling you that something is out of whack - external reality doesn't match your internal worldview. If the internals are off (ego, unrealistic expectaions), the you have to work on your beliefs and replace them with healthier, more accurate ones. If the external reality is off, take it as a sign that you need to work on something tangible (boundaries, finances, whatever). Taking actions shows your mind that you're no longer helpless in this internal/external confli…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 03:05 PM
2

Maxing out lifts as a beginner is a bad idea. Just pointing out that you've got a ways to go (look at https://symmetricstrength.com/) . Reason it's in OYS is that so many guys will bullshit and say "yeah I'm lean and muscular, my wife should be all over me" despite the fact they can't pick up anything heavier than a double cheeseburger. The big three are usually enough to get a ballpark feel for where you are to guys who know there way around the gym. Keep doing your progression.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/19 07:14 PM
1

> DL 135 "Deadlifts start at 135. Which is roughly equaivalent to zero pounds." > 5'6", 195 lbs, 18% bf One of these things is not like the other. (remember Sesame Street). No way you're 18% with those lifts and that weight. Maybe 38%. OK, obligatory ball busting out of the way. Your behaviour with your wife sucks. You noted here the fact that when you don't let her shit tests get to you, she apologizes and is nice to you. When you DEER and get upset, she ramps it up higher. And yet you chose to…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/19 03:43 PM
1

When I first wrote my oys post I thought my wife is 'fucked' up, doesn't love me, is selfish and only thinks about worldy things - my paradigm is greater and more loving. You fell into this trap: https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/27/women-in-love/ Speaking of songs ... Your eyes are starting to open. But once you start looking for it, you see in in TV shows, movies, poopular entertainment magazines, music, newscasts, the advice from your friends... it's what the culture is nowadays. Now I am t…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/19 01:57 PM
2

You describe yourself as alpha but then drop that little gem about letting every woman wear the pants in every relationship you've had. Mutually exclusive, my friend. Pick one. Mike Tyson has that famous quote about "everyone has a plan until they get puched in the mouth". Well, everyone is "alpha" until they get into a relationship. Your frame has to include dealing with your relationship, your work, your whatever.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/19 02:58 AM
2

You talk a lot about your frustration at not being able to help your wife and getting worked up about her experiences at work. Have you considered the possibility that the way to handle this is to NOT try to solve her problems for her? She most likely just needs to vent to decompress, in much the same way as you just need some alone time after work to decompress. In much the same way as drivers aren't going into your lane as a personal affront to you, your wife isn't going on about office politi…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/19 02:49 AM
1

Dude. Sucks to hear about your mom. That being said, you are so far down in the bluepill hole you don't even know there's sky. In lieu of calling you a faggot, tempting as it is, gonna go out on a limb here and make some guesses about your situation. So you were effectively raised by a single mom, real dad out of the picture, stepdad distant either because you weren't his and he stepped back,or b/c he couldn't parent you since your mother insisted on taking charge of everything related to you. S…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 11:31 PM
2

Drawing a line in the sand or setting a boundary is only meanigful if there are consequences. Otherwise they're just empty words which indicate that you generate a lot of hot air but can't be relied on to follow through. Read this in particular: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vr5ih/how_to_build_boundaries_during_your_transition/
/r/askMRP18/11/19 01:24 PM
1

I know that I have terrible anger problems. They're justified but Are they justified, though? I mean, I can see how shitty things in your past can cause your anger to arise. But you talk about resolving your past. WIll this involve working with the bullies and big guys who beat on you in your childhood? Didn't think so. So the resolution is internal, only within your own power to affect your own self. So after all is "resolved", you will have had the same past, the same experiences, but maybe ju…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/19 10:51 PM
3

The irony here is that you're participating in OYS, presumably in an attempt to improve yourself and your life by describing your anger problems and asking for feedback/help/guidance/whatever, but all you're doing here is playing out the same agressive rage and ego protection that characterizes your anger problem inthe first place. Sure, u/ChossWrestler is baiting you a little but you're resorting to your tried and true patterns. Grudge holding ("aren't you that guy from last week"), and lashing…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/19 10:10 PM
3

Jesus Christ. Give your gun (guns?) to someone to hold on to until you get your fucking head straight.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/19 04:03 PM
1

Lot of talking about Chad, lot of anger. Lots of fantasies about the way you'll play the game. There's two people completely out of your sphere of control in these fantasies, gonna be a big disappointment.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/19 04:57 PM
2

Lot of talking about Chad, lot of anger. Lots of fantasies about the way you'll play the game. There's two people completely out of your sphere of control in these fantasies, gonna be a big disappointment.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/19 04:57 PM
1

You know, taking responsibility for your own fuckups is essential and admirable. And expecting your wife to react to them poorly is reasonable. However, when she choses physical violence, assault, injuring her own child in the midst of a tantrum, and all the other repeated DV and abuse, well, maybe she has to take responsibility for that. That's 100% on her. You sound like a beaten wife, making excuses for your abuser. And what exactly was you goal with calling the cops? I mean, you went so far …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/11/19 11:06 PM
2

As much as the tools, discussion and sidebar (and books) have been helping me make superficial improvements in my relationship and with myself and owning my shit and more, I've been using them to avoid dealing with the biggest problem I have, which is me Tools are just that, tools. You use a saw to get a job done, not because you enjoy the sound of wood being cut. It's good to learn how to use a tool, but without a vision of what your project (goal, vision) is, your wife is going to keep wonderi…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 09:49 PM
1

Also, ADHD tends to be diagnosed at a rate of about 5:1 for boys vs girls, settling down closer to 2:1 in adulthood. Makes you wonder if it's really a boys disease, or whether it's an artifact of using diagnostic criteria that tends to view normal boys as if they were dysfunctional girls.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 09:38 PM
2

I realize now that I need to not talk in depth with her about my therapy because I’m not ready. It's not becaue you're not ready. You don't need to talk to your wife in depth about your therapy, full stop. It will just expose your weaknesses and vulerabilities to her, which she will use against you in a moment of weakness on your part or anger on hers. The therapy is for you, not for her. Once you can get on your own two feet and not sob like a little girl at old thoughts (and believe me, I'm no…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 09:33 PM
1

And it's not just about the accummulation, it's the way you handle them. Some things are just you ego getting its nose out of joint and if you can see and understand that, and let it go entirely, there may be no need for anything to be "addressed" -- doing so will just reveal the fragility of your ego making a mountain out of a molehill. If you learn to really let these things go it can lead to better mental health. And then there are the other things that really do need to be addressed - dealin…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 07:20 PM
3

She won't change for the better because you give her a baby. Women like to tell that story. But if she's not into you, overweight, and incapable of performing basic household "adulting", don't kid yourself that she'll have some kind of epiphany and turn herself around. If you're not 100% on top of things, I can pretty much guarantee a permanent 20lbs weight gain (at least), you will go from her no 1 priority to number 2 (or 3 or...) and the "stress of it all" will cause the household to deterior…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 07:04 PM
1

I didn't assert myself as much as I should have as a father, a husband, and a leader of the household. Even though I was seething underneath. The way this reads, you felt like you ought to have used your anger to let yourself be assertive. That's not a healthy recipe - it just leads to aggression rather than assertiveness when you eventually blow your top. Recognize that the anger is the result of not being assertive, not a cause. By continually repressing what you want, what you need, and not s…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 06:38 PM
1

Don't know about the "why" of black or white, but I will say that people who see the world that way tend to have an inaccurate view of what the world is actually like. This inaccurate view tends to lead to unskillfull decisions. At least you seem to have an open mind to your own shortcomings, so you're in the right place to get something from CBT or similar.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 02:33 PM
1

Lots of Idiot Silly Parentheses. I once wrote an implementation of addition using Church numerals in an ML-like language interpreter I implemented in C. Couldn't add number much bugger than 5 though, took too damn long and the tracing printfs took forever. I though I read somewhere that someone tried to #MeToo John McCarthy, too. What a world. But I digress. I get that it's fun shit and all, but I can't help but notice that one strong theme in your relationship is the past, shit that happened in…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 12:55 PM
3

You're telling yourself a lot of stories. Great that you figured out some shit from the past. Now the past is gone. What are you gonna do today? It's a fresh day, you put into it whatever you choose.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 12:43 PM
2

> I never like therapists, I always have my life more together than they do and they are frauds. Jesus Christ look at the ego on this guy. Ten months of dancing monkey, living off advice from an internet forum for how long, stuck in a relationship full of drama that you're at least 60% checked out of, and yet YOU are the one with your life together? I honestly don't know if this is your everyday ego state, or if you're manic depressive and this post is written in a high cycle. Because everything…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 12:27 PM
2

She's bitchy and insecure in significant part because of how you act. In any relationship, a dynamic evolves which is the settling point of the behaviour of both participants. DEERing and holding resentment and sputtering frustration on your part just feeds the cycle. And lose the argument log. It's just another excuse for you to hold resentment and take it out on her. "Reset every day" is a principle here, every day you reset to a happy positive state. There is no score. If you want to leave yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/19 11:49 PM
4

Her reaction was calmer than I expected it to be but I was also a bit surprised that she said she really didn't want to break up right now, she explained that the separation felt better to her because she feels like she needs her own space to think and "process". Ahh, the old "I'm going to go out and fuck other guys while keeping you on the back burner just in case it doesn't pan out" play. A tale as old as time. You know, I never really understood this separation versus breaking up thing. Just …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/19 06:44 PM
1

Those memories - so painful, but so relatable for so many men today. The past is there for you to learn from, not to dwell on.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/19 02:38 PM
2

Every piece of info you give about your wife sounds like a red flag. Abusive family, relationship problems, difficulty of disabled sibling, not intelectually stimulating enough to keep your interest, on antidepressants, history of mental illness, in therapy, announced herself as queer,... and that's just from this post. The black dudes fantsay and the lack of libido I'll chalk up to her being turned off by her beta for now. And now she's not really asking you to kill the puppy anymore, she's the…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/19 03:37 AM
1

> We’re both seeing the kids every day, which unfortunately means I have to see my ex every day Be careful. I did this ten years ago, after I separated, picked up the kids at their mom's house and drove them to school or dance practice or what not just so I could see them daily. Turned into me being a convenient errand boy to do her chaufferring or babysitting when it interfered with shit she wanted to do, and the daily exposure meant that I continued to be enmeshed in her life and schedule.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 07:14 PM
2

> Believe me, right now is the cheapest it will ever be. Mr Frog is sitting in the water on the stove. It's not thaaaat hot right now, is it? Mr Frog thinks he'll just stay where he is. It'll probably be juuuust fine.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 01:43 AM
2

Keep your stick on the ice!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 01:58 AM
2

> What I do not know is when I can be 100% certain it's no longer me the problem but my wife. There never will be a 100% (unless maybe she goes on a serial killing spree or something). Sometimes waiting for that perfect moment means you miss out on a lot in the interim. Went through similar angst and hard-to-make decision process in my first marriage (before MRP) but believe me, despite any uncertainty I had at the time, in hindsight I'm glad I moved on. While AWALT is certainly a factor, there …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 01:58 PM
5

Just to keep beating this horse: > Financial investment, Sunck cost fallacy > history, sunk cost fallacy, fear of the unknown > the thought of letting down our friends and families, other people's feelings more important than what you want >the fact that I'm the one that proposed, ego > she will be making $100k+ in 3 years, greed, putting a cash price on your unhappiness >we have two cats together (I only love one), This right here is best reason to get married I've heard on MRP > and one awful …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 06:40 PM
1

Geroge Carlin's classic line "Think of how stupid the average person is. Now realize, half of them are stupider than that" can be mined for some perspective on taking relationship advice from people. (Myself, I like to think I'm on the better half, but that's just my ego talking). When you think about it, most people who wind up in dysfunctional relationships tend to have disfunctional families and friends to some degree, so the usual advice about "trusted friends and families" having your back …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 05:32 PM
4

u/justpickanyusername nailed it in his "not as anti-marriage" reply. I'm taking the time to write this now because your story reminds me of myself, twenty five or so years ago. I married at 27 to a girl who, sure, had some nice qualities and could be fun to spend time with. But there was a lot not to like, too. Daddy issues, depression, frequent negative outlook and drama, terrible with money, in debt, wasted university degree (she spent 4 years of premium tier 1 university education on a langua…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 05:23 PM
5

It really sounds like you don't really like your fiancee very much. Why are you marrying her again? Oh, right, because you hate yourself, don't have any other dating experience, and you figure you need to settle for a woman late age teenager who's chronically unhappy, unclean, with the occaional forays into suicidal ideations. And not only are you willing to let this dumpster fire smoulder, you're going to go into financial stress in order to handcuff yourself into it through marriage. Nice. In …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 03:42 PM
1

I tend to read a lot and I get a lot out of articles like that. It's just one take on the subject but I thought it covered a lot of decent ground. There are a lot of layers to the onion of life. Sexual strategy is one - MRP and TRP both deal with it, both explicitly through describing shit testing, game, etc, and also through self development aka frame and owning your shit. But on top of those things there can be a lot of other baggage from your earlier life, there can be a lot of other bullshit…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/09/19 03:35 AM
1

Fair enough. I interpreted a layer of navel gazing nostalgia there, but if it's just fuel for learning and reminding yourself of the path you want to be on, then by all means indulge in the memory.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/19 01:28 AM
3

Alpha Widow There was a girl, and I don't know her name either. She gave me love and I said I'd never leave her. If I did, I'd come back some day and find her. Maybe I will, I should write down a reminder. Yeah, don't we all have a story like that. How long you wanna keep this one going for? Past is the past man.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 12:30 AM
1

I remembered you as the guy who lived near the 'peg... grep up in that neck of the woods myself. (Hope I was right on that...). Reread your history, seems like your last year ad a half was just a slow slide into apathy and divorce. Good job on the weight loss, though, although I'll say your lifts could be improved. I'm 6'2" as well, at 225 and neary 50 years old I was pulling double bodyweight deads. You seem to be much less comitted (hey, that's fine, it's your body). One thing that really stoo…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 11:27 PM
2

My solution to this - A “crypto-powered hangout spot”. Seems to me like this is less of a productive synergy than a massive reduction in target audience: the number of people interested in both crypto and lounge music will necessarily be less than either group alone.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 03:11 PM
1

yesterday when I asked her to officially date me again. What the fuck does that even mean? Smells like you're starting to stick your hand down the garbage disposal one knuckle at a time... first comes dating, then engagement, then, marriage, then a house in the suburbs, then a decade of staying in a deadbedroom for the sake of the kids, then hanging from a noose in the garage. Tell methat "oficially dating" isn't the gayest bluepill thing I'm thinking it is. Read "Unchained Man" for some good pe…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 03:07 PM
2

Damn, a lot of good stuff in here. And most of it is about you. Nice. Slow and steady wins the race. Second the Unchained Man, I'm about 2/3 through it now. It's solid.. Interesting you characterized your BSG as shame. Leaning toward thinking mine is fear, but in any case recognizing and knowing it is the first step to letting it go.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/19 06:43 PM
2

Jesus Christ. If only I had this knowledge, this community thiry years ago. I'm fifty now, spent decades in a festering putrid septic hellhole of a marriage. You're a lucky sonafabitch. Couple books you might want to read. Caleb Jones "Unchained man". Aaron Clary "Bachelor Pad Economics". Might help all of this sink in. Good on you for posting lifts. Fitness is important, If yoga sparks for you, awesome. You might want to check out a martial art as well. Anything - karate, japanese, jiu jitsu, B…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/19 12:52 AM
1

because it's more about the power transfer than the blowjob. Shades of Gary Ridgway right there
/r/MarriedRedPill06/09/19 07:45 AM
1

The past is there for you to learn from, not to ruminate over perpetually. Not that you can't examine it critically now and then...if you identify a mistake in your past, figure out the the lesson then let it go, get back to living your life now.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/19 02:16 AM
4

> So... given that [...] I don't see how this can be salvaged. The real question is, what do you want? Look what's possible after deciding that. > But I've realized at a deep deep level, her personality is just not the type of person I would want to be with. This is actually the closest thing I've seen in your posts to having any idea of what you want, although as always it's framed as a negative (don't want this) instead of a vision for yourself and your life to positively work toward.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/09/19 12:55 PM
3

OK, after seeing that someone else waded through six weeks of your cesspool, it piqued my interest. So I poured myself a drink and put on my hip waders. My favourite part in the whole OYS was when you found a friend to help you lift (OYS#1), then your wife said she thought he was gay. Then in OYS#2 you reported that your ass hurt. Real bad. LMAO. A close second was when you reported that you got promoted to management, then revealed that you then didn't even have a direct report until you hired …
/r/MarriedRedPill31/08/19 04:00 AM
1

Electrolytes FTW. Unless OP is including "sweet" juices in this juice fast, in which case he'll suffer all the drawbacks of partial caloric restriction plus the pain of rapid insulin spiking.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/19 07:43 PM
3

> he has no value I cant give him away From what I can read in your posts and from what I recall of your history, this is 100% projection on her part.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/19 02:06 PM
2

Three reps of 10 at 115lbs. Minor point: a rep is one single up/down of a weight. A set is a group of reps. You did three sets. Each set consted of ten reps. And at 152 it sounds like a stiff breeze will knock you over. Although the body recomp sounds like you're making some progress at least. > So, I guess I am still a validation whore to some extent and not so OI and IDGAF just yet. I just realized this while typing. This is depressing. Good honesty with yourself. Without knowing and admitting…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/19 01:59 PM
2

> TBH, I don’t know what to say, so I either change topic, or STFU. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/ Also, WISNIFG will be a good read. Also, for context : https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/3947/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim
/r/MarriedRedPill26/08/19 03:05 PM
2

She only stayed on them a few months, before deciding that it wasn't for her and focusing on the root issues of her depression instead. That's been surprisingly effective, and we both feel confident that her depression was more the root of unaddressed childhood issues and real problems than a clinical disorder. I love this. You realize this is a prefect parallel to your own path, right? Tools like STFU and doing enough chores so you don't get nagged are just like taking the pills. Actually fixin…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 02:46 PM
3

What will be my main focus is the concept of Frame. What I thought was my frame was me just emulating what TRP told me Frame was. It never felt completely authentic, but it got me results so I kept pushing forward with it. This is a pretty long read and kind of academic, but it describes exactly what you're talking about: http://therawness.com/reader_letters.pdf Found it years ago and half the links are dead but that article is great.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 02:38 PM
1

Your drinking is a problem. And even if you weren't drinking when you got into the slap fight, how would it likely have ended if you had been drinking? A lot worse, I imagine. Check out Annie Grace's "This Naked Mind" or Allan Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Drinking" - lot of people find them good. I'm with Horns on the commensurate use of force from a moral/principle level, though the DV thing is not worth flirting with. How could you have handled it differently? Could have done the exact same thing …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 02:30 PM
2

Boundaries - nice job. Baby steps but good. And you called babysitter a plate... are you still fucking her? Get off the babysitter.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/19 11:11 PM
2

> I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to use MRP for yet. > I didn't really come here as a result of dissatisfaction sexually, but more because I was dissatisfied with my own masculinity This is the key. Watches, cologne, nice clothes are not the core. Getting your head straight is the core. Are you living the life you want to? Is your relationship adding to your life or is there a lot of strife and discontent or stupid arguments? Do you lie down and let people walk over you rather than assert …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/19 07:32 PM
3

So you're looking to wife up an older single mom and play captain save-a-ho, while ignoring the fact you have no job so that you can volunteer on reddit forums instead? Nice.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/19 10:39 AM
1

> Honestly what I need to do is try to set up scenarios as tests to see how she reacts and test different approaches on her. Like scientifically. OK, so science project behavioural analysis only works so far. You can detect statistical trends but you cannot predict in the moment with 100% accuracy. There is NO single magic key that will open the door to her heart every time. It's like Bill Murray chasing after Rita in Groundghog Day over and fucking over. So chase. Much beta. > She got upset and…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/19 10:53 PM
2

I'd like to invite you to compare and constrast the way you just reacted with the thread linked below. This is the reaction of a man who, despite his obvious problems and difficulties, is willing to listen to some cold hard truth and then actually examine himself: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/cpq6m3/own_your_shit_weekly_august_13_2019/ex3oyfk/?context=3
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/19 09:41 PM
1

Read the books in the sidebar here. After NMMNG you should hit WISNIFG, espically after writing > After this I told her not to put me in a position where I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't because that's not fair LOL at "that's not fair". Maybe you should call your old kindergarten teacher up and get her to sort this out for you. "Stinky Susie took my crayons! That's not FAIR Waah!!!" You realize tht what you're doing is basically falling all over yourself to force your help onto someo…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/19 06:07 PM
1

If it's pennance and self-flagelation, then do not involve your wife - talk it through with a bro or with a therapist. Contrary to what the MSM will tell you, venting your feelings of regret, anxiety, and existential self-worth crisis doubts to your wife will not make her feel closer to you. If SHE needs reassurance from you, then you can be there to give it. If SHE has questions you can talk about stuff. If you really know her and believe that she needs your (autistic and so far catastrophicall…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/19 02:31 AM
1

Was thinking about this a little more on the way home from work. One thing to watch for is that this idea of needing to have a big air-clearing conversation about things - where exactly does that come from? Her pressure and judgement? Your expectation that she wants to have it though she doesn't express it, some kind of bluepilled expectation that "communication solves all"? Or an authentic need on your part to go into things in the past to find some kind of resolution? There are lots of stories…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/19 01:41 AM
1

I want to defend my faggotude On a deeper level, what you want to defend is your ego. That's your image of yourself - whether it's as a person who makes the right decisions, a person who avoids upsetting other people, a person who is a victim of circumstance, or (you figure out what specifically applies to you). But you can't really express this ego defense directly without soundling like a bit of a nut job, so defending your faggotude is what your mind comes up with in the moment. TBH, though, …
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 09:19 PM
1

So it sounds like there's this emotional numbness until she pushes your buttons, at which point you go into the classic nice guy defensive butthurt/rage mode. So clearly you are capable of feeling strongly, although it's more ego based. Check this out: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7qhvml/men_with_no_frame_and_the_things_they_do/ It's also interesting that you talk about needing to have "emotional conversations". Framing it as though the conversation has to be emotional. Maybe…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 07:04 PM
1

> Concerned I may be either a huge narcissist or possibly have a dusting of psychopathic tendency Some good personality diagnostic tests in Joe Navarro's "Dangerous Personalities" book. Probably lots more online. But a good chance that if you're wondering if you're a nacissist, you have enough healthy brain cells and self awareness that you don't qualify. You seem numb. Both b/c of the emotional connection thing and the wishy washy mission statement. Sounds about as exciting as masking tape TBH.…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 03:38 PM
2

At 215 lbs and 5'10 you'll be 12% BF? Bullshit. Not with a 275 deadlift.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 03:26 PM
2

Hey, don't knock the triceps kickback!
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 08:52 PM
3

Half this post is about your wife being overweight and your attempts to beat her/shame her/appease her into losing weight. And yet you write > Once I get to 15% body fat and/or get rid of my beer belly Pot, meet kettle.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 01:25 PM
10

By telling her "good bye and thanks for all the fish" you started to displayed your abundance. Hence the followup from her. Also in the same theme, remember the rule "the person who needs the other least has all the power in the relationship".
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 01:21 PM
2

> I try things to change her mood but she's just not interested in what I have to say or do unless it's about the issue at hand and because I'm not adept enough at not deering I run into a road block. So you fundamentaly cannot change someone elses's mood. You understand that, right? I'm not even talking about whther or not you should, I'm saying you can't. It's 100% up to what story is in their own head. Now, you can have influence, you can plant seeds, but you can't change her feelings. So tha…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 01:17 PM
4

Also, I need to re-read the passage with the explanation of caring vs care taking. and > I was thinking a lot about the distinction of having sex for validation and for pleasure. There's a parallel there. Care taking is like giving to get validation. Caring is just giving caring because... you care.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 01:06 PM
1

Statistically speaking, you've lived only 25% of your life so far. And only accumulated, say, 5 years, or 6% of your life experience as seen through somewhat adult eyes. And I'm guessing that a good chunk of that experience for you has been that things generally work out, that a lot of people around you support you, that you can achieve those things that you work hard at. So you want to extrapolate that 6% of your life into the last 75% and put half your earnings and life's work at risk, well, h…
/r/askMRP12/08/19 02:51 PM
2

As far as I've read, in Canada, if you do something like this which makes it obvious to a family court judge that the only reason for doing it was to hide assetes, then those assets can still be considered part of your settlement. Obligatory IANAL.
/r/askMRP12/08/19 02:44 PM
2

I think MITW covered most of the bases. One thing that really stands out is this living in arguments, living in the past, living in shit your head. In this present moment, you're having the best sex you ever had and by the sounds of it the best relationship you've had in eons. Yet your anger is pointing you to the past ( back in the 70's for jeez sakes - the dude probably wore plaid pants and had a mullet), and to the imaginry drama you feel entitled to create in the future 3 or 4 years. Your me…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/19 04:25 PM
4

> snapped and threw a cereal box at the wall and it exploded You know, I'm fifty years old. I still cringe when I remember the time my mother went full psycho rage bitch on a poor gas station attendant when I was maybe twelve because he didn't give her the free bottle of Coke they advertised with a fill up because she was slightly under 50 litres or whatever the fuck it was. She lives ten minutes from my house, and the last time I made the effort to get together with her was around last Christma…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 07:35 PM
6

JFC about the "sex later". There is NO SUCH THING as a sex promise. If she feels flirty RIGHT NOW she might be open to talk about sex, talk about doing it more, talk about doing it later, admitting she likes it when you do X. Later on, if she then feels not flirty or tired or annoyed at some faggotry you instigated, she will NOT be open to talking about sex, having sex, or promising it later, and will tell you she hates it when you do X. It's all about feels in the moment. So you can either escl…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/19 03:04 PM
2

Just a bit of a rant: in modern society, a couple of disctinct ideas that have become conflated. The umbrella term "fitness" has been used to denote weightlifting, losing weight, and cardio just for cardio's sake. People have an incorrect understanding of the relationship and cause and effect between them all. Most notably, they think weight loss cames from the gym when it really comes from diet. And also, since cardio "leads to" fitness and lifting weights also "leads to" fitness, they think ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/19 03:40 PM
1

A couple posts relevant to you - for ideas, gaining control of the treasury and a verbal intercourse is optional especially jacktens respose. While in some jobs it's perfect to be like you describe, saying nothing unless something needs to be said, there's nothing wrong with talking to your wife like a normal person. There's a continuum between autistically keeping your mouth shut because "stoicism" and running off at the mouth because you're defensive and upset. Neither of these is going to bui…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/19 07:10 PM
1

re: the church thing and it's influence on your life, if you're not already following, check out dalrock's blog
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/19 06:56 PM
1

don't accidentally get married Yeah, if you accidentally click "add to cart" on that russian mail order bride site, it's game over. WTF?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/19 06:54 PM
1

You're too passive so your plan is to... read and think? What a surprise. LOL. Actions speak louder than words. I suspect this ties into what u/Cloudy_Pirate wrote about not knowing what you want your life to look like... or more specifically, some vision or purpose for your life. Without one, there's nothing to pull you firmly to one side or another of any given choice so you just kind of float along. With some kind of vision at least you'll wind up taking actions to support that vision. https:…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/19 06:51 PM
1

Try from a browser/desktop, TRP is "quarantined" by reddit and apparently doesn't link from reddit mobile.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/07/19 04:37 PM
1

Yeah, Irvine is good. Also "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday is pretty good. He also runs a Daily Stoic mailing list which puts out a brief note and thoughts about some stoic principle or another.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/07/19 04:29 PM
1

We make great parents but not great spouses. Except for the part where you role model to your kids what a healthy marriage/relationship looks like, thereby setting them up for future relationship success in their own lives. Ask me how I know - my kids are college-age now and they pretty much follow the shitshow dynamics of my previous marriage which they're modelling. Other than that, you whole post sounds so... passive. You seem to be just kind of... there. Doing... stuff. Doesn't give off a so…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/07/19 04:26 PM
1

still get hyper-defensive anytime I am challenged. > a grumpy asshole for the last 10 years of my life. My wife hangs onto this. I've changed So you're setting yourself up to get angry in the present because... you used to be angry in the past. Got to break that cycle. I hope you're resetting every day and not carrying more and more of those grudges and anger around. Doing the reset is as much for you as for her, it will help you break the habit of holding onto the past so much. For some people,…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 11:53 AM
1

Anger s a choice. It's primary function is to alert you to something that's not right according to your needs/beliefs/conditioning. But then you're supposed to evaluate, decide, act, and then let then anger go, it's purpose has been discharged. Holding on to anger is a choice, and not a smart one.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 11:47 AM
1

Let me know when you release the banjo cover version. For inspiration and blatant shitposting: https://youtu.be/e4Ao-iNPPUc
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 02:41 AM
1

If she's rude and you calmy and directly say "A please would be nice", that's cool, and good for not getting wound up in drama, and it's assertive (which is a positive thing, not to get mixed up with aggressive, which is often, though not always, a bad thing). OK understand the stepmom thing. Stacey's mom has got it going on?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 02:21 AM
1

By definition, passive-aggressive means getting your aggressiveness out by bein passive. Classic example always "forgetting" to be on time with a plausible excuse to "punish" someone else. You demonstrated your aggression to step mom by "forgetting" to bring the dog in even though you knew it was a task. You didnlt say whether this was an assumed repetitive task or an explicit request, but if you had accepted the task, then "forgotten" it, that's P-A. Weak game-playing. And what is with "your st…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 01:27 AM
1

> I am glad you are making your needs a priority. All too often you sacrifice for me, for (kid), and for (dog). Yeah, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Don't look for validation of RP truth from her mouth - chances are tomorrow she'll turn around and say something so back-assward you'll be shaking your head and saying WTF.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 01:17 AM
2

Don't let that resigned bitterness leak into your interactions with her, though. Nothing sexier than a grown ass man pouting.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 01:13 AM
1

> Honestly, I need to stop drinking the way I have been. So seeing that this thread is called Own Your Shit, what's your specific goal and action plan here?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 03:00 PM
1

Fellow fucked shoulder guy here. What really helped was dedicated rehab stretching and excercies for shoulders and rotator cuff (loads of youtube vids), for like 10 mins a day. And as far as benching, retract the fucking scapula and get tight. Like tight. No, I mean actually tight. OK, that's a little better. And balance your muscle development - you should be able pullup your bench. Meaning if you weight 195 and bench 225x4, that's a +30 lbs difference, you should be able to do weighted pullups…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 02:57 PM
1

Read it and then read it twice. Caution though, Glover recommends two things in the book that you should ignore: the sex moratorium and sharing the book with your wife. Rule one of fight club and all that.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 02:49 PM
29

So, you're passive and emotional. How could that combination not get you laid? Christ, women these days.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/19 01:08 AM
1

Slow bulk, not going crazy. Get your 1g protein per lb of bodyweight (2.2g/kg) and then eat at a slight surplus (300-400 cal/day) filling in with fats and carbs. Extra peanut butter, whole milk if your digestive system likes that, tuna with olive oil. And fucking lift. I've been watching your story for ages, and I'm rooting for you, but you seem to be stuck as a small dude. I get it, some guys are wired like that, but if you're not gaining you're not eating. If you're not gaining muscle when you…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/19 01:06 AM
1

Appeal to authority - hope you're referencing that in the WISNIFG context. As a starter tool to use to help assert your desires, OK. As a continual part of your relationship - manipulative and disingenouous. Take the baby steps you need to right now, but keep your eye on the long game - authenticity and personal accountability. Logical field? You mean alegrabraic topology? You woman doesn't obey the axioms? Can't be categorized as a manifold? Hmmm, funny, that. Look, I work in STEM too. It's nic…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/19 01:00 AM
1

Anorexec, yeah. No way I should be able to OHP an adult male who claims to lift. My wife, sure. You, no.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/19 11:23 PM
2

The nail in the forehead video. That you don't get it is, I think, kind of the point. The fact that there's a simple, direct, obviously correct solution to a problem and yet it still doesn't solve HER problem in a way SHE feels comfortable with is not just an irritation, not just a sign that (sigh...) AWALT. It's actually a deep truth to be understood and accepted. That men and women think about things differently on a very fundamental level. Jackten wrote an interesting set of variations on the…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/19 11:21 PM
2

Couple random points: You've seen how well it works to use logic to fight an emotional fire. Like trying to fix a car by giving it an aspirin. Stop it - even if you win you still lose. 120 bench but you're curling 50's? You;re cheat curling a.k.a. ego lifting - drop the weight and go strict. You watch her do cardio about the weight? No, cardio is like 10-15% of weight loss. Diet diet diet. Don't sweat the things that give little return. MRP is NOT about getting sex. Not getting sex just happens …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/19 07:02 PM
13

For example if I say “Goodnight, Kid2. I love you,” my wife has to respond with something like, “I highly doubt that, Kid2.” Or “Your father says he loves your brothers, too. How can he love all 3 of you?”) And yet you write > I don't believe the situation is as bad as Babysitter makes it out to be. Yeah it is. What a nasty cunt. And this isn't the "standard case" of shitty behaviour directed just at you which MRP usually brushes off as the inevitable end result of years of you being a blupillle…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 04:47 PM
1

because the pregnancy created the shitstorm in the relationship Actually, you did that in conjucntion with your wife with all your old baggage and conditioning. The pregnancy just catalyzed what was already there.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 01:39 PM
2

Just as important as the bullet you dodged now is to make yourself into the man who can see those bullets and red flags from far far away and make the best choices for yourself going forward. No settling for a ho just because she puts out for you.
/r/askMRP03/07/19 05:28 PM
3

It's shame this post was removed. There's a lot of good info and feedback and exemplars here. Good on you for owning your part in this and feeling that fire lit under your ass. Best to you going forward.
/r/askMRP20/06/19 01:58 AM
2

I remember writing to you about boundaries before, good to see you thinking about them but, as has been pointed out very well, this is analagous to asking how many mg of penicillin you'll need to treat an infection while not realizing the root problem is that the patient has a 12 inch railroad spike sticking out of his head. One of the things about taking the red pill is understanding that the relative value of the man to the woman is much greater than, and the value of the wife to the man is mu…
/r/askMRP16/06/19 06:58 PM
1

Bodyfat - google the Navy Method. Lots of online calculators. Nothing is 100% accurate other than an autopsy, but the main thing is to look for a slow but steady improvement using whatever method you pick.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/19 04:01 PM
1

Going to second what MITW wrote about the victim narrative. > I have no other tools than to use what she uses against her. This really sounds like petty tit-for-tat. Although the main focus on all of this s you, let me make a quick remark about her. You (and MRP) talk about your main tools being removel of time, attention, and resources. Well your wife gets all the resources she needs from her parents ( trip to europe, apartment/house in new city IIRC), gets plenty of attention from her friends,…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/19 01:56 PM
1

> We "dated" for 2 years. I hated her. This sums up my life. No. This happens to sum up your thought pattern right now. But thought patterns can change. Believe me, I know. > my whole body gets in fight/flight mode This might be a little too Zen for you - if so, that's OK, just keep it in the back of your mind and one day maybe it'll be ripe enough for you to pick it. But the next time you feel that fear, see if you can be aware that you're noticing the fear. I know, it sounds a little tautologi…
/r/askMRP30/05/19 03:09 AM
3

People *feel* first, they rationalize second. > her religious sexual shame, which I think was what first put this fire out all those years ago Yeah, that's the rationalization hamster at work. There may be some truth to it but it sure ain't the whole truth. You seem so aware of your own role in half of your post, then you turn it around and blame the rest of the world. Anger phase, anger phase. You realize that the reason we rub your nose in everything and tell you it's your own damn fault is NO…
/r/askMRP30/05/19 02:41 AM
1

Situation with your father sounds familiar. My old man (late seventies) has talked about how if he's ever too infirm to take care of his house and estate he'll just crawl out into a snowbank with a 40 of vodka and that'll be it (rural northern Canada for rerefence, that'll do it). Plus had a major realization about his character last year. Right now, while I realize all the good stuff he did for me, he also did a lot of not great stuff, a lot of stuff that led me on the usual fucked up path that…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/19 01:49 AM
1

From that post These talks tend to be long and drawn out, and were a real hallmark of our relationship prior to my involvement in MRP. A broken relationship takes two broken people. Your codependency/victim/nice guy matches her abuse of you like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Let me guess - these old time talks were just her putting you down and/or aggressively venting her issues while you stood there like a deer in the headlights, while at the same time thinking that somehow this made you two m…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/19 02:52 PM
1

Sounds a lot like Negative Visualization, a recommended practice from the Stoics.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/19 10:57 PM
2

If you feel like you're yanking on a deadlift, stop that shit and learn how to get tight before you pull. In the past, I've pulled rep maxes of 225x25 and 315x12, but when actively setting up tight and proper like in this video I'm sucking wind after 135x10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBU_V50JsAo
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/19 09:16 PM
1

Some great comments on the conference/lying thing. I'll just tack on that you're experiencing the suffering that comes with being halfway there, or in the middle of things. As a 100% Nice Guy you would have never gone to a men's conference out of fear of her reaction and it would have been comfortable. As a total sociopath, you would do whatever you wanted and not cared about anything else and it would have been comfortable. As a congruent man, your actions would have aligned with your goals and…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/19 02:37 PM
1

There was enough shitshow in this post and comments that I had to read your history. Your wife sounds like a real peach. Not entirely without hope, but definitely starting from a deficit position. The guys keep pointing out your lack of boundaries. I think that "boundaries" is one of those words that has both a generic meaning and a more specific one. The general one is just saying "don't do that" - and it's pretty meaningless. But I suspect you haven't been exposed to the more specific descript…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/19 02:30 PM
1

She is the root of my nice guy problems. That was then. This is now. Yeah it's a process yadda yadda yadda but don't go navel gazing about the past and other people when all you have is right now, and you.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/19 11:54 PM
1

226 at 5'9 with a 95lb bench. You need to work on two of those things. Hard.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/19 11:48 PM
1

Yeah. But to be fair, OP is only 150, so that's a 1.5BW lift. I'm 210 and will sometimes belt up for 315 (1.5BW), at least when doing AMRAPs, an almost always at 365 and above (1.75BW-ish). He's in the zone for a belt, if not all the way though.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/19 11:42 PM
1

If you build a home gym, you can always bench in the power rack and make use of the safeties there when you go heavy. I mean, you can do that in the commercial gym too, but even easier at home.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/19 01:26 PM
4

Based on the history, she sounds like a real winner. Well, to be fair, so do you. No indicator from your post whatsover that the rest of your life together won't be a fulfilling mutually benficial arrangement. None whatsoever. Not like history is the best predictor of the future. But hey, it's good because you can rationalize her issues as "understandable" and you're comfortable sitting on the fence right now. So stick that hand down the garbuerator and see what happens. I could have written alm…
/r/askMRP07/04/19 10:18 PM
1

I ignored it, but it branded me like a hot iron Bullshit. You branded yourself with your own ego. She knows how to push your buttons. And now all she has to do is glance at them and you push them yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/19 02:49 AM
1

> -112 over the last year Holy fuck dude. Props, that's damn impressive. Enjoy the power racks. Watch some youtube vids on how to fail a squat in a rack and you're golden. You can even bench in a rack (preferrably if the gym isn't too busy) if you're pushing your limits and don't have a spotter. And/or learn the roll of shame. Re: dress pants, there's a youtube channel called something like "concierge gentleman's club" (and they have a mailing list too) which has a lot of decent info on formal w…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/19 02:39 AM
1

About the calorie counting... it's not the actual numbers that matter. It's the feedback that counts - reducing your target if you're not losing. Don't waste your time on perfection. If you consistently undercount your wife's casserole for example, that's fine. You will still consistently report, say 2500 calories a day in MFP even though the actual scientifically measured value might be 3000 because she uses extra olive oil that she never told you about. If you're still not losing weight, just …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/19 02:30 AM
1

AM = Amused Mastery AA = Agree and Amplify. A couple links: here. Also see here.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/19 09:57 AM
3

Overall it sounds like you had a setback getting sick, but you know that, and you're slowly getting back on track. That's a good thing in the big picture. Much better than having a setback, not realizing it, then sitting there doing nothing while posting in deadbedrooms. > Be the type of man that is of high value, integrity, strength, and emotionally available to everyone I encounter without ego. This is an interesting add-on to your mission. The ego bit I mean. Now listen to what you write: > I…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 01:24 PM
2

The protein for DOMS thing sounds like bro-science. DOMS usually is what happens when you hit a muscle group with an intensity it's not used to. Stretching and adequate food for recovery helps, so protein might be a part of that, but DOMS just is, for the most part. Enjoy it as the fruits of a good workout. You need to hit WISNIFG a few more times. Or really any book on assertiveness. Your church crew is manipulating you big time using the threat of thumbscrews of the Lord. I might be an asshole…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 10:12 AM
3

It's not just that you've been a beta provider faggot for the last decade. It's that you've trained her to understand how much power she has in the relationship and how little accountability she has for bad behaviour. She can dial sex down from every two months right down to zero and still reap the benefits of a man with a 200k salary. Reading between the lines, the silent tratment and probably the slaps are not new, and you've shown that you'll continue to beg for validation and sex despite her…
/r/askMRP31/03/19 02:36 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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