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rub-positive-8063 Archive

View 1 posts and 33 comments by rub-positive-8063 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

Spousal Support / Alimonyrub-positive-8063/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 02:34 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Speckled has lots of good points. I’d only add… remember: “no” is a complete sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 01:15 PM
19

Does she pay you rent for the space she’s taking up in your head? If not, you might consider evicting her ass from your fucks-given about what you spend your money on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 12:48 AM
1

In my marriage, I dealt with the misery with alcohol. I went to rehab for 39 days, dried out, talked in groups and to therapist and counselors and in the third week came to fully understand how I got there and knew what the next steps were. Until I got out, I figured my marriage had a 50/50 shot The day I got out of rehab, we went somewhere (public) for breakfast/lunch, because I wanted to talk directly to her in a place it wouldn’t escalate. I quite directly outlined the changes I needed from h…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 06:51 AM
3

I was born and raised in CA and always wanted to get out. Before I got married, I went to PNW and enjoyed the greenery. Later when I was married, the wife had absolutely no interest in moving out of CA. About a year after my divorce, it occurred to me I could do whatever I wanted, including moving out of state, so it became part of my plan to move once both my kids turned 18. My planning mostly included considering WHERE I wanted to go, more than how I was going to make it happen. For my interes…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:40 AM
4

I understood that in CA, alimony to be half the duration of marriage, up to 10 years, and perpetual after 10y. I made a poorly planned attempt to initiate divorce in the 9th year but got talked out of it. I was totally miserable by year 11. I actually filed at 19.5y and was finalized just after my 20th anniversary. I was ordered to pay with no stated end date, but there was a Gavron Warning; a vaguely worded agreement that the supported party would make “reasonable” effort to become self-support…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 10:00 PM
1

Speaking for myself, I thought I was stuck after my marriage passed the 10 year mark and I knew I’d be stuck paying SS for life, and that’s how I turned to drinking every day and turned into an alcoholic- the whole “cheaper to keep her” mentality. Yes, if you’re only counting dollars, it is cheaper. But I didn’t realize I couldn’t put a dollar value on my happiness. There’s an old joke: why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it. I was concerned that if I took a second job, she’d just co…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 01:22 PM
3

When judgement day came, I was ordered to pay $600 more per month between CC and SS that I was not budgeted for. One of the things I enjoyed doing was going out and singing karaoke. I’m sober and just went by myself, just playing on my phone between my turns to sing. The host was also singing a song in each rotation, and that’s when I realized the difference between me and the host was the host was being paid to be there and I wasn’t. One night the place was pretty empty and I was talking to the…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 07:00 AM
1

When I want advice on how to be a man, I get it from a MAN I admire.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:20 AM
4

In January 28, 2018 I got sober and by mid-March, I served her with papers. In July I thought I was in good enough shape emotionally to start dating. When I did match and start talking with women, I was very transparent about who I was, meaning a recovering alcoholic who only filed for divorce 4-6mo ago. I was absolutely FLOORED when woman after woman wouldn’t bat an eye that I was an alcoholic with less than a year sober, but not long enough out of my marital relationship was a deal breaker. My…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 06:11 AM
1

You can’t reason with an unreasonable person, which active alcoholics tend to be.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:36 PM
1

When I was going through it, I also found a forum, I found really helpful. Big theme there is to “roll tape” constantly, which is to say, buy a dedicated digital recorder and record always, in order to protect yourself against false claims of DV I always heard, once you’re out of the marital home, it’s nearly impossible to get back in. Again, most will advise you to stay in the home until a judge (or LEO, in the case of DV claim) orders you to do so I refused to move out until we at least had a …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 04:22 PM
1

Far more do that, than not have any at all My gf (52) has kids between the ages of 21-35. My last gf had kids that were all in college or beyond. Can you find a woman without kids? Yes, but the pool is much smaller
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 07:05 PM
1

I guarantee there are more women in their 40’s approaching or having an empty nest than women in their 40’s with no children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 06:17 PM
1

You’re more likely to find a woman whose an empty-nester than one without and doesn’t want kids
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 04:45 PM
2

In my case, I started a poorly planned path to divorce in year-9, before I was “fully vested” in the State’s eyes. I got talked out of it and 10 years later I found myself in rehab trying to figure out why I was drinking. Hint: resentments going back to my honeymoon. I got out of rehab with clear needs I communicated while also open to needs she may have. After another month of no change, I filed, and I was not going to change my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 03:44 PM
6

I worked a second job. I made $1500/mo or more working hosting karaoke 3-5 night a week. As a sober alcoholic.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 03:06 PM
4

u/noobinpro has some good, positive advice. Idk about the masterbation bit, but the rest is pretty solid. I would also advise checking out Rich Cooper (aka both Entrepreneurs in Cars, and also Unplugged Alpha on YouTube). He talks a lot about leveling up, and chasing excellence and not women. I don’t align with everything he says, but take what you can use and discard the rest. Lastly, I agree with u/whiskey_piker, and I’ll do you one more. Sorry to sound brash, but you frankly sound like a quit…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 06:09 AM
1

Came to say the same thing. Nobody will had over a person what ever dollar amount a person thinks they’re worth, based on their (often overinflated) opinion of themselves. The truth of the matter is, most people are getting paid exactly what they’re worth. And if you are under paid, it’s up to you to change that. Make a difference. Be noticed and noteworthy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 05:55 AM
13

Dude, I was you, 5 years ago: 20 years of marriage, sexless the last two years. Got sober and filed for divorce about 10 weeks later. I started dating at about 6mo sober because I thought I was ready. I was not ready. Looking back, I probably didn’t really love myself enough to give it away until I was 18-24mo sober. I had mixed success on apps. When I’m in the right frame of mind my confidence carries me with ease. Confidence is sexy, which is a saying that works for both men and women. Chase e…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 04:22 AM
2

Yessir! My sobriety date is 1/28/18, and I’ve never had it so good, in nearly every aspect of my life. The Promises do come true. I have a sponsor, worked the steps, go to meetings and call other men.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 09:01 PM
5

I made a poorly planned attempt at initiating divorce in the 9th year, or as I saw it, “last exit before toll.” I got talked out of it and things improved for a couple years but before long it became even worse. I felt like I was stuck; cheaper to keep ‘er. I turned to daily drinking as a means to tolerate my own misery. I finally found the bottom of the bottle and went to rehab for 39 days and in therapy uncovered and realized resentments that literally went back to my honeymoon. When I got out…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 07:56 PM
2

I’m not really seeing an issue here, other than labeling them rules. Number 2 is, “i have preexisting plans” and letting you know. Unless or until you have an exclusive monogamous agreement, there’s nothing to say, and even then, a planned (already paid for) trip to Europe is not insubstantial. As to #’s 1 & 3, this could be another story; she is telling you what she likes about you and also not climbing the relationship escalator. The question is, what expectations do YOU have? What does SHE ne…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/24 03:11 PM
2

It was an effort to keep civil and possibly more agreeable to negotiation of an end. But at this point I don’t think there will be any agreement from her that include $1 less than she’s getting now, indefinitely
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 07:32 PM
2

Thanks. Tbh, it feels a little shitty to argue. It’s just unnecessary and not at all helpful. It also feels a little cold, but I had to revert to “this isn’t my problem to solve. I have my own problems to solve.”
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 04:26 PM
2

I at least started out being extremely kind. I apologized for springing it on her and “I know it’s a lot to process right now,” but I felt I needed to “open up the conversation.” It was difficult to stay calm and kind the more she went in. She easily slipped into what I recognized as defensive fighting techniques she used while we were married. She tried to play to my (former) codependent tendencies to take care of her by guilt tripping me about how she’s paying for everything for the kids who s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 04:04 PM
1

If the phone/care is painfully reminding you you’re not what you wish were “home” update your contact address immediately. Stop bashing yourself over the head. This is an easy fix. You’ll get through it when you focus less on her and more on you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 03:38 PM
5

I was afraid of being broke and alone. I was broke for a while but I got through it. Alone? Nope. Relationship wise, I’m living the dream. People say “life is short.” I say life is the longest thing you’ll ever do. Plenty of time to discover something new or reinvent yourself. I’ve never had it so good!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 03:30 PM
1

No end-date specified. Gavron Warning is double vague: “Supported party will make REASONABLE effort to become self-supporting in a REASONABLE amount of time.” As I understand CA family law, SS is 50% of the length of the marriage up to 10y, and “for life,” over 10y. It’s actually what drove me to daily drinking the last couple of years- I figured I was screwed for life so I drowned my sorrows. To date, she’s done absolutely nothing. In the first year she worked part time at Best Buy for the Chri…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 03:19 PM
5

“Chase excellence, not women.” Just another take on what keen said It could well be this (possibly desperate) behavior that’s driving her away. A.A.’s serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference You can only change you, not her (or her mind), so work on you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 01:58 PM
2

I never got that far (settled for EO weekend 👎) but there are many models out there. When I was after it, I considered ease of managing and most consistent for the kids when I was evaluating the different options. There was one or two that seemed hyper-focused on equal split that just defied logic and more importantly that consistency that kids need.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:49 PM
1

Work on yourself. For instance, remove the phrases “she always” and “she never” from your vocabulary.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 05:15 AM
1

The only thing that matters right now is what the court will recognize. Have you filed for divorce and custody? I refused to leave the marital home until we had a signed parenting plan agreement. I realize she’s left and taken the children; idk what rights you have if there’s nothing filed with the court yet. If I were you, regardless of your means or intent to hire, I would start interviewing attorneys. Keep in mind that any attorney you consult cannot be hired by her. Another user above stated…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 05:01 AM
1

Whether it is or isn’t the dream, the reality is it has noting to do with the paper (marriage certificate); the paper doesn’t assure the reality.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 01:33 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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