~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 184 | Rihanna invited Bloated Mess #JohnnyDeppIsAnAbuser to her Savage x Fenty Vol. 4 Fashion Show as a "surprise guest"Pickmehanna | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/22 03:35 PM |
| 459 | How can I know if someone is truly nice to me?Good is different of nice. Niceness can be fake or true, but it’s not the point. Someone who’s good knows that it’s not always the right choice to be nice. Sometimes they’ll choose to be assertive or blunt if that’s necessary to do something that is good. Kindness is doing what’s good, and being nice when it’s right to be nice, and being direct and assertive and expressing their disapproval or upset when it’s right to do so. To know if someone is good and kind, you need to look not just at wheth… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/04/22 11:27 AM |
| 3 | Is anyone else getting reminded of their ex narc during the Heard Vs Depp trial?I don’t think you know what I would have said. Unless you were riding the high of intimidating your husband with yelling, intoxication and breaking things, creating an environment of terror even when he was speaking mildly and calmly, I doubt you did anything close to Johnny Depp. Binging and starving and crying and yelling are not abusive behaviours necessarily, and the one suffering the most harm in those is yourself. I sincerely doubt that you looked like Johnny Depp did even in your worst da… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/04/22 11:08 AM |
| 15 | Is anyone else getting reminded of their ex narc during the Heard Vs Depp trial?I’m not saying victims of abuse are not affected, and I’m familiar with how their own behaviour changes in the circumstances. Safety seeking behaviours can involve outbursts sometimes, but even in those cases there is a threshold. A wife discovering her husbands infidelity might end up slapping him once - not good, but a reaction to abuse. If she’s sane, she’ll immediately regret it and make sure to just walk away next time something like this happens in her life. She might also cry a lot and sc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/04/22 09:04 AM |
| 115 | Is anyone else getting reminded of their ex narc during the Heard Vs Depp trial?Is strutting around in an intoxicated rage yelling vaguely threatening nonsense (NOTHING HAPPENED TO YOU THIS MORNING) while banging up and breaking furniture and smashing glasses also part of how you “just deal with an abusive narc”? Does it also involve manically writing messages in blood/paint on the mirrors? I’m not defending Amber Heard. I’m telling you Johnny Depp was visibly and inexcusably abusive. It is one thing to leave a room during a fight and slam the door. It is another to break t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/04/22 06:15 AM |
| 36 | losing friends ever since accepting FDS valuesAlthough I pretty much agree to everyone else’s points, I’m wondering if you validated the rapey vibes of your friend’s experiences? Because what you described her experiencing gave me rapey vibes, and the whole tone here came across a little victim-blaming. Not saying she was necessarily raped, but maybe she felt taken advantage of, and was trying to process that with you, to see whether you blame her (as we as women are socialized to always blame ourselves). She’s responsible for protecting he… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/22 02:27 PM |
| 219 | What’s the FDS-flavoured tea on cold approaches? Advice appreciated.I got cold approached recently and my reaction was the same as always… just a knee-jerk “sorry I’m busy” and move on before I even have time to absorb the situation. I don’t know if it’s my body going “nope” or what, but I don’t even give myself a chance to gauge if the guy is decent. I think in a way I detest men who ogle (keep looking at people trying to find a hot one to stare at) instead of minding their own business, reading a book or reflecting. It feels like they’re trained to just be alw… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 09:49 PM |
| 105 | What if a HV man broke up with me because I was acting stupid/LV?If he was a HVM, why did you need to ask him to deactivate his Snapchat? Why WAS HE on Snapchat? If he was a HVM, why did you need to ask him to post you on his Instagram if he uses it already? Why did it take you requesting that? Why do you call this “getting jealous over basically nothing”? Why isn’t it your gut telling you that, as nice and patient as he seemed, he wasn’t taking the relationship that seriously? Why wasn’t this just a case of you reacting naturally to the contradiction in fron… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/22 02:00 PM |
| 74 | This level of betrayal from the person supposed to love, cherish and hold you sacred.This makes me feel like never having children with a partner, only donors so I have full guardianship and don’t even feel pressured like this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/22 04:44 PM |
| 158 | Straight from the horses mouth. NEVER share your past relationship trauma/problems with men because they will hold it against you. How poorly you were treated by men in the past will either make him resent you or he will use it as a bar for how much you are willing to put up with.I feel that this kind of advice is necessary with LVM only, and we must not waste our time on LVM. A HVM will react with nothing but compassion and understanding if you share your past struggles at an appropriate point in the relationship. A HVM will never hold these things against you or try to use them to discredit your present experiences. Whereas you may portray yourself as perfectly fine to a LVM, and he’ll still find a way to discredit you - even something as low as “are you on your period… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/22 12:05 PM |
| 141 | Will Smith’s Slap, Protecting Black Women and My Own Experience Being Unprotected by Black MenBlack women deserve to be protected and defended, comforted and validated. The slap was not the best way to go about it, and actually made the situation a bit of a shitshow. It could have been better solved with a brutal roast, a call-out, and making sure Chris is embarrassed. Then at least Chris would have no claim to being a victim. What pisses me off even more is people now blaming Jada for Will’s violence. Calling her manipulative, saying she’s been humiliating him publicly, and that he’s ba… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/22 11:26 AM |
| 153 | Has any1 else noticed the Playboy label being plastered all over “trendy” clothing brands… it makes me so uncomfortable this is being marketed in an already porn saturated generation. Both PacSun and Urban Outfitters proudly promote these products despite historical misogyny. It gives me the ‘ick’.I saw a 16 year old wearing a PornHub hoodie with her mother at an IKEA 🪦 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 08:23 PM |
| 33 | NVM is caught watching porn. Fiancée calls the wedding off and he’s worried about not getting the deposit back. Scrotes and pickmes come to his defense 🤡Now I’ll spend all morning googling about female cat reproductive health, thanks a lot! 😩 Signed, “Can’t Get A Hint Of A Fun Fact Without Spiralling Down a Wikihole” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/03/22 07:37 AM |
| 97 | Vetting Vetting, imagine being with a man for 30 yrs plus and he doesn’t love you, only as a best friend…. This is sad.It’s absolutely choosing to be unhappy so they can justify why they “need to do” immoral, absurd, entitled shit. The real point is that they want to do things that hurt others with no regard for other people’s rights. They think that if they do it “because they were unhappy” then it’s understandable and they won’t be the bad guy (aka using people’s empathy to dodge consequences). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 01:13 PM |
| 979 | Vetting Vetting, imagine being with a man for 30 yrs plus and he doesn’t love you, only as a best friend…. This is sad.He probably calls “being in love” that feeling of longing you get when you desire to be connected to someone, but you don’t feel secure in the relationship, you sense it’s not reciprocal, they’re unpredictable and fickle in their affection for you. They give you intense affection here and there and then go cold and distant again - leaving you wanting more. That feeling of “longing” can be VERY VERY intense, even all-consuming, especially for people with childhood attachment issues. But it’s not … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/22 11:06 AM |
| 136 | (TW) Her husband PEED IN HEREven this title needs a trigger warning Jesus I need to go on my eyebleach account for the rest of the day after this… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/22 03:03 PM |
| 22 | Divorcee's and DatingA few months in when this kind of info makes sense to disclose, it could be something like “I was actually married to my ex. Why did we divorce? He was actually great, but he cheated so I couldn’t possibly stay with him.” Thoughts? I’m curious about this circumstance myself, I don’t have any experience with it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/22 09:27 PM |
| 587 | What is this the FDS take on “free the nipple” movement?Men sexually objectify women and act entitled either way, so you might as well dress how you feel comfortable (when it’s for yourself). But a lot of the exposure and free the nipple stuff is just self-objectified pickme bullshit. It’s more about “embracing sexuality” (objectifying yourself) and proving you’re hot than it is about actually desexualizing our breasts. Idealistically, I dream of a world where women are seen and treated with reverence, respect and dignity; where bodies are not object… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/22 10:40 PM |
| 67 | Thoughts? How would you debate that? Seems like it's from a male perspective?!I agree simply because we are never responsible for how others act and treat us. When we don’t love ourselves, we are more likely to accept poor treatment from others. But if we’re lucky to stumble into a person who’s amazing and capable of really loving us, they won’t magically change into an abusive person because we don’t love ourselves. Someone loving you the right way can actually help you heal your attachment style (it’s called “Earned Secure Attachment”). And a safe, loving relationship g… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/22 11:06 AM |
| 14 | Feeling grateful that I’m not embarrassing myself this Valentine’s DayWasn’t what I meant! The people who don’t believe in real loving relationships are the sex-posi-open-relationship-onlyfans-don’t confuse sex with love-libfem pick-mes | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 05:36 PM |
| 63 | Feeling grateful that I’m not embarrassing myself this Valentine’s DayOnly my first and second paragraphs were specific to you and your friend. The rest was more general comments on pick-mes and women who I don’t personally label that way. I believe you’re taking this very personally. The line about “at least they believe in relationships” etc was not even making a comparison to you at all? It was making a comparison to women I call pick-mes because they live the libfem rhetoric. (I started that paragraph with “If a woman…”, not “I think your friend…”, indicating … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 02:47 PM |
| 131 | Feeling grateful that I’m not embarrassing myself this Valentine’s DayProps to you for being strong this year! But can’t help but think your friend’s story is more sad than embarrassing. She probably deserves much better, much more love and dedication. I feel sorry that she’s still living in the trap. I think most of us have been through the cultural brainwashing of what we’re supposed to expect from men (a low, low, low low low low low bar), and how to be a “good person” means to be forgiving, patient, to assume the best about them, to understand their “differenc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/22 02:09 PM |
| 711 | LVM f*cked around, found out.Men’s entitlement knows no bounds | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/02/22 09:17 AM |
| 61 | Stop fucking falling in love with "potential"!From now on the only potential I’m falling in love with is stocks… or is that a bad investment strategy? 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/22 12:02 PM |
| 44 | The Phantom Ex - when avoidant men pine for a past loveGreat addendum! My examples were at the far end of the spectrum, but it’s true that the behaviour can be present in men who aren’t that obviously LV | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 12:58 PM |
| 243 | The Phantom Ex - when avoidant men pine for a past loveMen don’t just use Phantom Exes to put on the fantasy pedestal so that nothing real ever compares to it, they also use: An idealized version of the life they could have as a single man (“I could be fucking a new woman every week! They’d all be hot and let me choke them! I could be living like a rockstar! I could be free! I could never have to have a difficult conversation again! I’d have no responsibility to anyone!”) An idealized version of an imaginary potential partner that never even existed… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/02/22 12:20 PM |
| 94 | We say “so glad you got out” when women leave abusive relationships. That’s also what you say when someone gets out of prison.Except that usually you deserve it when you go to prison. (Not to go into the obvious issues with incarceration, racial bias and all that) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/01/22 03:16 PM |
| 60 | Which book impacted you the most and would be your first pick as a gift to someone?When I had my first breakup as a teen, I was recommended “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken” by the guy who wrote “He’s Just Not That Into You” (Greg Behrendt). I haven’t read the book since (it’s been… a long time) so I don’t know if it holds up, but I thought I’d mention it because it really did help me then. When I moved out of my parents home, I read Marie Kondo’s “The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up” to help me reduce and say goodbye to my childhood/teenager belongings, because I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/22 07:08 PM |
| 114 | Where to go about communication as a HVW with someone you won't see in person for a while?I don’t care if they’re a kid, if they’re gen Z, if whatever: Snapchat is LV. If you as a woman absolutely must use Snapchat because all your friends communicate exclusively on it, then use it only with girl friends, never with any man. Snapchat is a cesspool of cheating and minor sexual abuse. If a guy asks for your Snapchat, just say you don’t use it. Men on Snapchat see it as a game of sourcing pornographic material. Messaging one girl or another over and over until they can convince them to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/01/22 07:48 PM |
| 128 | Cheating husband wants advice... My advice for his wife is "be less forgiving"Maybe she can’t leave him because of other circumstances unrelated to her feelings in the relationship. Just food for thought… a large percentage of women “who stayed”, didn’t stay because they believe in forgiveness or because they love the guy so much. They stayed because money/legal issues/children issues, at least temporarily. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 11:59 AM |
| 26 | “The power of vulnerability” and How it impacts our lives. Help me see this through the lens of FDS? My therapist shared this, and I’m not quite sure what to think about it. Discussion?If your previous relationship involved pornography use and/or cheating, you could benefit from Betrayal Trauma Recovery. It’s technically “coaching” (because they operate internationally), but you can attend betrayal trauma group every single day (multiple meetings per day available) for a whole month for the price of just one therapy session. You can also book private coaching sessions there. It’s not a substitute for therapy, but it’s mega helpful. The btr.org website also has a LOT of complet… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 10:24 AM |
| 52 | “The power of vulnerability” and How it impacts our lives. Help me see this through the lens of FDS? My therapist shared this, and I’m not quite sure what to think about it. Discussion?Oh gosh, does your therapist recognize and validate the abuse you suffered? I’ve been in betrayal trauma therapy, and the main focus of healing was self-care (healthy eating, exercise, sleep, soothing activities, fulfilling my needs), self-compassion (forgiveness and understanding for myself, less negative or judgemental self talk), self-confidence (the ability to trust your gut and say NO even when you’re being told otherwise, the ability to tell the truth from lies) and boundary development (i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 10:07 AM |
| 15 | “The power of vulnerability” and How it impacts our lives. Help me see this through the lens of FDS? My therapist shared this, and I’m not quite sure what to think about it. Discussion?You’re welcome! I hope it helps. I’m also getting into her content this year, and one of the things that I first was concerned with was about boundaries and, well, the fact that bad people exist. I was only able to start jumping in once I found that she addresses it. Brené has something like 6 books talking about the whole vulnerability thing in many different aspects (Gifts of Imprefection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, Dare to Lead, Atlas of the Heart) and some of them… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 10:00 AM |
| 103 | “The power of vulnerability” and How it impacts our lives. Help me see this through the lens of FDS? My therapist shared this, and I’m not quite sure what to think about it. Discussion?Brene also talks about how not everyone deserves your vulnerability. Her full beliefs and works cannot be easily summarized in a 10 or even 30min video. She says that “vulnerability without boundaries is not vulnerability”, and “vulnerability is not about self disclosure”. She says vulnerability is not over-sharing. She even has shared “6 types of people who don’t deserve to hear your shame story”. I find that it’s really easy to misunderstand her message! I believe FDS is not about being shield… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/01/22 09:48 AM |
| 26 | Did anyone else hear about this? idk if they’re trying to be the new edgelord couple, but if my man designs an engagement ring that hurts to take off, Imma have to pass on his assYes, it has been posted and discussed a lot here very recently. Could use some searching before posting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 01:33 PM |
| 92 | The Movie Star and Me: Very Well-Written Account of a Big-Time LVM Actor Messing with a 23-Yr-Old Intern's MindMany people in the Taylor Swift fandom believe it’s Jake Gyllenhaal (worked on Sunday In The Park With George) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/01/22 01:29 PM |
| 204 | Of course we already know these two are dysfunctional, but still had to share. This is disgustingI saw a photo and description of the design, and nothing looks like it could actually hurt. That makes me think these two are massive trolls and just leaning into the “psycho” narrative for laughs because people believe any bs they say (like drinking each other’s blood). Full article about the ring here: https://theadventurine.com/bridal/engagement-rings/lets-talk-about-megan-foxs-engagement-ring/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/01/22 09:15 AM |
| 70 | A quick reflection exerciseIf I thought about it prior to my discovery of my husband’s double life, I’d have twisted my face in confusion. I’d think “he’s great and sweet and better than other men (who are complete scum), but do I deserve this specifically?” (Thinking about the bad things he’d done by then). Now that I finally know what’s been going on all along, if someone told me I deserve this, I’d feel inclined to break their nose. I wouldn’t do that of course, but they’d dEsErVe iT. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/01/22 12:06 PM |
| 26 | [deleted by user]It seems to me like he’s also a victim of misogyny (as most men are), and his self esteem comes from his sexuality. I say that because he said he feels “unwanted”, and there are many many ways to want a person outside of sex. He might have been passionately wanted, for his company, his character, his laughter and humor, his presence, his cuddles and comfort, but her ability to have sex is just about once a week. For men who are taught to value themselves for their sexual achievement only, that’s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/01/22 07:35 PM |
| 9 | Case Study of Dating Mr. Sensitive, Part I: Weaponized TraumaI can say that if you were my husband (lol) I’d be more comfortable with the idea the way you explained it than I was prior! I think your consideration (and how you’re clearly not giddy like most men would be about the concept of kissing other people) really comes through. You’re also clear on your values, which I appreciate. I really hope I did not make you feel invalidated or questioned with my post. Thank you so much for your thorough answer and your perspective! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 08:39 PM |
| 11 | Case Study of Dating Mr. Sensitive, Part I: Weaponized TraumaAlthough I totally get the Mr. Sensitive thing (my husband would say he had his childhood trauma of his mom yelling at him “triggered” at literally any kind of conflict - especially when I was calling him out and standing up for myself, no yelling involved. The only way to not “trigger” him? Not ever having any conflict or confrontation… not ever calling him out on anything), I’m having a bit of trouble with this one. This is not a criticism about OP’s situation or how she handled it or how her … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 07:27 PM |
| 132 | How to reconcile with the fact that my brother doesn't support the FDS strategies, although he is an HVM?My sister in law would think my husband (her brother) was amazing, and that’s how it looked from the outside. I was loyal and respectful as a wife, so I’d never complain about him to his own family. That means she never heard the dirt. My husband is a cheater and a liar, who lead a double life the whole time we were together. You do the math! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 05:07 PM |
| 20 | An Open Letter to Woman Considering AA.Exactly! I’m happy you have survived your experience. A woman trying to reestablish her safety is not looking to control her husband. Looking through his stuff, keeping tabs on him… that would not happen if he was not abusing her. And then it’s only necessary until she can get to safety (leaving without being assaulted, having the financial and legal means to keep herself and her children safe). But it is necessary until then if a man is purposefully hiding important information from his wife an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 02:42 PM |
| 35 | An Open Letter to Woman Considering AA.Damn, that’s not even acting out at all. You were just standing up for yourself :/ That’s awesome that you still work helping women. From your post you seem to be a very strong person with a lot of good insights, so to me that adds to the “happy ending” :D Thanks for the response! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 12:01 PM |
| 127 | An Open Letter to Woman Considering AA.I really appreciate your testimony. I haven’t struggled with addiction personally, but my husband is in SLAA and I’ve done a deep dive into the whole thing since. He also owns the big book, as it’s used as a base for his program. What’s striking to me is the rampant misogyny. It was the AA model that came up with “codependence” - essentially, a way to share the blame of alcoholic men with their wives. (To be clear, there are self-defeating behaviours that present in the victim of abuse situation… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 11:22 AM |
| 201 | Average "Dating" Time Before Engagement in the Early 1900s: Two WeeksGod I hate that stupid ass story from Stephen Colbert. It’s terribly cringy. It’s the myth of the golden pussy all over again. I hate how he shares that story to prop up his wife and romanticize their story, and everyone misses the part where he was stringing his ex along and using her as a placeholder. It’s putting one woman down and praising another in comparison. It’s triangulation. He didn’t have a period of growth between one relationship and the other. He’s essentially saying his ex wasn’t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 03:16 PM |
| 51 | How to tell if you are you building a man or building the relationshipI love this post so much I want to wear it as a shirt. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/01/22 09:55 AM |
| 169 | how many have ever met a HVM living single by choice, and doing well?Very interesting share about your late husband! May I ask how was his relationship with his family of origin? And how/why did his split from the first wife happen and how did that translate into you knowing he was HV? I’m super curious about actual success stories :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/01/22 03:28 PM |
| 75 | Single's Inferno on Netflix - what we can learn from the hit Korean dating show (part 2)Although this is interesting, I just wanted to say something about the Jia analysis and being an “irresistible woman”: That does not guarantee you will be treated well, and it might even make your pool of suitors have more “filler” than actual HVM. I was once the “irresistible woman”, and once my husband got me… then my use to him was just to make him look good and like a “winner” to his family and friends. I was essentially a trophy wife who also did home services and provided sex. He went off … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/01/22 06:45 PM |
| 239 | So not wanting your man to hug/take pictures with other women is toxic? Okay that’s fine. The man I date wouldn’t even think of doing those things in the first place because he will be high value lolGirlfriends and wives are not mothers and hold no power over something men need (air, food, shelter, water, etc), therefore they cannot “allow” or “not allow” their boyfriends or husbands anything. With no gun to their head and no leverage or power being held, the man makes his own choices, always. If a woman is not ok with her partner doing certain things, that’s a request. He does it or doesn’t do it because he wants to or not. “Oh but women withhold sex or affection! Oh but she’ll break up wi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 10:48 PM |
| 78 | On dying alone:Awesome post! And to add, here is the thought that helped me realize the whole dying alone fear is not that important: When you sleep beside a man you (hopefully) love, you might be scared every night of waking up beside his dead body. I know I had that fear about my husband. So really, there’s fear of death in every choice - alone or partnered. Might as well make the choice that gives me the best living experience! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/01/22 12:33 PM |
| 200 | Men wonder why they aren't able to be included in our discussionsI mean, if this sub were called “SurvivingRelationshipsWithMenStrategy” it just wouldn’t quite roll off the tongue. This is a place for women’s reality check. The whole point is that it’s untouched by men - so we can look at them and our relationships with them objectively. You don’t bring the opposing team into your strategy planning meeting. They’ll sabotage you! And yes, opposing team, because most men’s goal is something detrimental to women (using them for shallow sex and then discarding th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 05:17 PM |
| 121 | "I'm feeling blamed"You don’t need a reason to say “no” to sex with your partner. You’re allowed to not want sex sometimes. Your partner said something absolutely out of bounds, and has no fucking heart if he didn’t care about how upset you felt (and then said it was because you drank?? Even if it was, does he just not care how you feel???). Unless you are in such a strong relationship where you are fully confident in yourself, your intelligence, and that your partner admires and respects you… there is no room for … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/01/22 07:53 AM |
| 28 | I believe the push for men to go to therapy will end up with the same results as the libfem idea that “feminism is for men too” therapy will not destroy the patriarchyThis! Men currently grow up in a culture where women’s dehumanizations is “standard”, just like in previous times slavery was “standard”. If the culture has domination as a piece of how society functions, then of course the dominating class will feel entitled to it. Men’s core issue is entitlement, and their sociopathic willingness to use any strategy to get what they want - coercive, manipulative, deceptive, aggressive, intimidating, abusive. Integrity and ethics are not even considered (except… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/01/22 07:03 AM |
| 30 | Working on myself just makes me feel more isolatedDo you have any hobbies or special interests that you could join meetups and group activities around? Art related, sports, games, etc. Volunteering can also help you get out of the house. There are websites that are dedicated to listing local volunteering opportunities for basically every country I’ve ever been to, I’m sure yours must have one as well. Pick something you can handle and hopefully that’s a specific area of interest! If you are involved in a religion, there are also many community … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/22 10:13 AM |
| 22 | REMINDER: BDSM is more than a kink. It’s indicative of a man who gets off from abusing women. This poor woman found gore p*rn on her bf’s laptop and the comments are saying it’s just a harmless kink and that she’s overreacting for thinking he’ll harm her. I weep for this generation.I think people might be misunderstanding your post and downvoting you? You mean like - “As a foot fetishist, how dare you equate me to a violent abuser” right? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 05:05 PM |
| 125 | REMINDER: BDSM is more than a kink. It’s indicative of a man who gets off from abusing women. This poor woman found gore p*rn on her bf’s laptop and the comments are saying it’s just a harmless kink and that she’s overreacting for thinking he’ll harm her. I weep for this generation.I’d accept getting yelled at if I truly committed some kind of atrocity, like locking up my kid in the broom closet so I can get drunk and party, or giving my husband HIV from cheating on him… and I say that because I’ve heard of people doing similar things and I 100% believe the yelling was not only valid but warranted in those cases. But getting yelled at for having boundaries? I’ll just pull the trapdoor lever on that one… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 11:56 AM |
| 275 | REMINDER: BDSM is more than a kink. It’s indicative of a man who gets off from abusing women. This poor woman found gore p*rn on her bf’s laptop and the comments are saying it’s just a harmless kink and that she’s overreacting for thinking he’ll harm her. I weep for this generation.A kink: getting turned on by feet, or a glamorous woman littering, or food fights, or ballerinas being lifted, or clown make up. If it involves degradation, pain, violence, humiliation, or any harm, it becomes impossible to practice those acts with love and respect, even if there is “consent”. Violent acts are not kinks, you just got trained to sexualize abuse. (To be precise, a kink is a non-sexual act or factor that has become sexualized. If the non-sexual act is harmful, violent, or abusive, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 11:36 AM |
| 22 | Queens, what are your plans for NYE?Going out in the rain in a Victorian nightgown to take an artistic photo lying down in the mud that represents my pain, grief and depression hbu? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/12/21 11:11 AM |
| 3 | In need of queenly supportFalling in love is something you allow yourself to do by voluntarily bonding with someone, voluntarily investing time with them, and voluntarily opening up emotionally to them. These are boundaries you need to have. Don’t get involved with the wrong men, or else you’ll catch feelings. It’s that simple. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 12:42 PM |
| 3 | In need of queenly supportI’m sure he felt the exact same way for his girlfriend at some point, but he was grooming you by making you feel special. I’m not saying you’re not special, I’m saying that the way a man feels about a woman is often way more about the type of man he is than about the type of woman she is. Any woman who’s fresh pussy pining for him outside of his relationship would be “special”, because it makes him feel desired. It’s not about you, it’s about his ego. I’m sorry this is harsh, but it’s the truth.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 12:35 PM |
| 12 | In need of queenly supportYour first mistake was entertaining a committed man at all. I’m sorry this hurts, but there is no such thing as a man being abusive to his current partner (emotional affair, lying, triangulation) and then magically being good to you. He’s been trash the whole time and you’re better off without him. LVM don’t treat you how you deserve to be treated. They treat you how it best serves their goals. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:12 AM |
| 12 | In need of queenly supportThe pain requires a severe and complete disconnect before it starts healing. Block and delete in every possible way, AND also mute/silence any common friends so you do not get any reminders. Delete everything in your phone and computer (or actual objects) that remind you of him. You never had a relationship, it’s time to let go of this poison. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/12/21 09:08 AM |
| 134 | This sh*t right here!!Took me years to realize a male friend always brought up cheating and the concept of cheating and whether I’d ever cheated or would ever cheat because… he hoped I’d cheat on my boyfriend with him. The benefit of the doubt is too valuable a resource to give men. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 07:43 PM |
| 161 | Angry right nowI was that girl once. What “changed my mind” was him not stopping once I said no (the second, third and fourth time too, even after explaining I was on my period and didn’t have a spare tampon), then him being forceful and having a crazed look in his eyes and calling me by his ex-girlfriends name. Him continuing even when I said he was hurting me. Me knowing that he could physically overpower me easily and being scared of leaving that apartment cut up into bits in a black garbage bag, so choosin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/12/21 07:39 PM |
| 38 | Hopeful reminder: HVM existThe Grinch is here to remind you that sometimes men can do sweet little things like this and still abuse you. My husband folds my underwear neatly when it’s dry. He keeps the Brita in the fridge because I like my water cold (even though he likes it room temp). He refills my water bottle before I notice it’s empty. He would wake up earlier than me and make me a peanut butter jelly sandwich for work before he went to his. He brings me treats I love often, sometimes with flowers when he knows I had… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 06:45 PM |
| 94 | For years I lost myself in BDSM and let men abuse me. Now I want to quit. Please helpI am so so sorry for the abuse you have endured. A small 8 year old child should not be exposed to or trained in sexual acts, let alone BDSM. This is traumatic and I hope your therapist is being helpful. You could try EMDR, it can be useful for trauma. According to Patrick Carnes (a researcher on sex addiction - very misogynistic and with several bad takes, but some of his info can be useful), the things that make you turned on are your “arousal template”. He supposes you cannot remove anything … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/21 09:05 AM |
| 163 | It saddens me that TikTok has a negative reputation on FDS.I don’t think the app is negative in its essence, and when being used by conscientious adults (as you describe) it can be decent, of course. My concern is that a giant part of the user base is children and teens, who are way more susceptible to the influence of other people their own age and the mechanisms of their own biology (aka sexual content). They get groomed, and then they have a platform to portray themselves sexually on and be rewarded. That’s where the real problem is for me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 06:19 PM |
| 12 | Hovering attempt. Need suggestions for the responseHonestly these people are the worst. Are you familiar with the concept of “flying monkeys”? There’s so much of that in situations of abuse. A lot of retorts come to mind about this stupid-ass message. “I don’t remember hiring you as a mediator” “Looking at what facts? You were not there, so what facts do you have certain knowledge of?” “Looking at the facts, I think you would certainly benefit from therapy. You are displaying behaviour that is severely lacking in boundaries. Boundaries are essen… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 07:02 AM |
| 194 | Ben Affleck casts blame on Jennifer Garner for his drinking problemHonestly this is typical abusive addict behaviour. If they’re not recovering deeply, they always blame and project. And they’re never happy. If he was really recovering, he’d be “living amends” according to the 12 steps. He would be apologizing for causing catastrophe in his ex-wife’s life and be doing everything he can to be positive and helpful. Instead he’s dishonouring her publicly. Look at how Russell Brand (an ex heroin addict and sex addict who actually tries to live a life in recovery) t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/21 06:30 AM |
| 170 | Why I used to wear a ring on my “wedding finger” and why I won’t do it again.Or wear like 12 stackers distributed on all fingers and make them confused! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/21 05:47 PM |
| 23 | Defining pickmeism: what it is vs what it isn'tI think a pickme is a woman who violates herself and others for male attention and validation. She pursues committed men to feel like she’s the “golden pussy” and better than the guy’s actual girlfriend or wife (when in reality she’s just another readily available warm hole and narcissistic supply) She uses her appearance (online usually) to earn male praise and attention, regardless of being in a committed relationship She keeps men “hooked”, like thirsty friends full of indirect innuendos and … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 01:38 PM |
| 20 | [deleted by user]The harm of pornography has many facets: harm to the people who participated in the film, harm to the psyche and sexuality of people consuming that porn, and harm to the class of people (usually women) objectified by the content. Even if you take out the first aspect (drawings means that no real people were harmed in the making of hentai), you still have the other two aspects (negative effect on the sexuality and psyche of the dude consuming it, and negative effect on his view of women as a whol… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/21 07:40 AM |
| 11 | Anyone who uses porn is fucking terrible in bed, and it’s time to spread this message far and wideOh I’ve had amazing meals at gourmet restaurants, especially the in the quadrant of the world I live at! I’ve had Wagyu beef, 12h campfire ribs, and eaten at fancy French and the whole shebang. I wouldn’t say McDonalds is better than the aforementioned, I’m just saying I still would walk 2km in the cold to go get me some McDicks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 09:06 PM |
| 87 | Been dating a decent guy for about 3 years years on and off. Sent me a screenshot that had message notification from another girlIf you’ve been together for 3 years and he didn’t share this intense and tragic story with you before you asked, I bet it’s bullshit. In what relationship would a person hear about something so (sorry for the insensitivity here) juicy and not share with their loved one? An attached partner would go “omg you won’t believe what happened” and tell you about it. He didn’t tell you about it because it’s bullshit. Also on and off means low commitment… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 08:06 PM |
| 58 | Anyone who uses porn is fucking terrible in bed, and it’s time to spread this message far and wideI like McDonalds, I consider it a treat and I will die on this McHill. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 07:52 PM |
| 97 | Anyone who uses porn is fucking terrible in bed, and it’s time to spread this message far and wideListen, if you’re gonna diss on McDonalds, I cannot be onboard for this discussion. I’d say McDonalds is like a good quality quickie, hot and naughty and speedy. Sex with a porn user is like being fed with a feeding tube. Technically you’re getting some nutrition, but the experience not only lacks flavour and depth, but your holes feel abused. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/12/21 07:11 PM |
| 73 | Older does not mean wiser and they always use the "she's such an old soul" bsOn top of everything already said here, I’ll add that a man who needs to date a much younger woman is certainly not the brightest bulb in the pack… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/21 04:11 PM |
| 130 | “Pornography: A Human Rights Issue” - Professor Gail Dines on the Betrayal Trauma Recovery PodcastExcerpt: Women who support pornography Anne: Why do some feminists or some women who call themselves feminists support pornography? Gail: I used to teach a whole 14-week course on this so let me try and get it into a couple of minutes. So, when you think about the feminism that grew out of the 1960, 70, and 80’s it was a given that if you called yourself a feminist you were anti-pornography. There was no question. Then what happened around the 90’s is that there was a sort of new movement which … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/12/21 01:55 PM |
| 30 | What theme would you like to see displayed more in movies?Bright, happy adult woman (middle aged is even better) with integrity and strength, going about the world solving problems, teaching things and changing the lives of the people she meets, with absolutely 0 romance. Like a Mary Poppins character with no love interest just spreading what’s good and right in the world. Or any story like the stories about the witches from Terry Pratchett. I’d love stories about senior women as well that are not about how they’re old. Not about grief, divorce, findin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/12/21 09:52 AM |
| 295 | Tired seeing sports on the television at restaurants.I’ve been fortunate enough to attend a gym for years that aired CSI and Law & Order 😂 I remember I lost so much weight because I didn’t want to leave the treadmill until the episode ended… Then I went to a gym from hell that aired BAKING SHOWS while I worked out. Literally they had it on at the Food Network all day wtf. Anyway mostly it’s sports, it’s true. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 07:05 PM |
| 142 | I don’t have a car and I live with my mom but if you pick me up and cook for me I’ll send you to rehab (respectfully). Found on a Facebook group I’m in and… wow I’m so glad I’m married.Snapchat seems like an app you go on to be abused. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 04:34 PM |
| 49 | “I’m not lonely baby, I am free… finally!” - Cinnamon by Hayley WilliamsRecovered pickme Hayley Williams divorced her NVM and brought us this reckoning of an album! This song specifically is about her life after the divorce, and it’s such an anthem. Lyrics: On the walls of my home There are signs that I'm alone I keep on every light Talk to my dog, he don't mind Eat my breakfast in the nude Lemon water, living room Home is where I'm feminine Smells like citrus and cinnamon I'm not lonely I am free But if I let you in You would never want to leave (If I let you, if l… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 11:28 PM |
| 46 | FDS Approved Fictional Book RecommendationsThere was another thread like this recently, you might find some good stuff there! My suggestion is Terry Pratchett always! He has like over 30 books. Any book about witches is amazing. It’s comedy/parody fantasy, good plots good characters and amazing humor. These books will have you laughing for real! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 08:15 PM |
| 15 | Help me out of this spiralHey OP, if you’re still struggling to heal from this relationship’s abuse and betrayal, you could try Betrayal Trauma Recovery (btr.org) - it’s kind of like group therapy for women healing from betrayal (though the women who run the groups call themselves “coach”, most likely so they can run it internationally without regulatory issues. Their qualifications are on the site). For like 150 dollars you have a month of access, and there are group meetings at least 4 times a day, so you have this sup… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 08:20 AM |
| 127 | IMO, there's no fixed way to determine whether a man you're dating is actually good.Always be vetting just means - always be prepared to walk away and make it on your own if your partner starts displaying poor behaviour. Always be able to walk away and be ok, even if you’re married and with kids. You never truly know another person, and humans are capable of terrible things. A man may behave “HV” for decades and then reveal himself to be awful (due to changes or due to secretly always having been awful). Vet from the start to only invest your time on men who treat you well, and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/11/21 12:46 PM |
| 111 | Advice for grey rocking/not responding/not entertaining LV people that you can’t avoid and/or just anytime an LV person comes your way?If you are stuck in a face-to-face situation, here’s how I deal with it: (This may sound horrible and I apologize in advance) Treat them like they have dementia (or another mental issue that can cause difficult behaviour). Know you are in an entirely different plane of reality than they are, and that they can’t help it. Feel sorry even. Then treat them with fake kindness, play dumb and answer things like “oh really? I didn’t know that!” when they say crazy things. If they insult you to your face… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:16 PM |
| 378 | Exposure to pornography in childhood can lead to the worst of porn addiction. I don’t think this is happening on accident, either.If you watch YouTube podcasts (especially the ones targeted at young men), you must have heard of Blue Chew already - online subscription viagra marketed towards young men. The ad copy usually talks about how it’s “normal” to have trouble getting hard - excuse me? In what universe is it normal for 18 year olds to have full blown erectile dysfunction??? This is a marker for serious health issues, not something “normal”. You know what causes ED in young men? Porn use. Porn-induced erectile dysfunc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 10:00 PM |
| 20 | Stance on posting sexy photos on social media?I tailored my “Close Friends” list on Instagram to be only women I trust. So when I REALLY want to share something sexier for my friends approval and validation, I share it to my “Close Friends” list on my stories - therefore, only to other women. When I do, I make it clear that it’s a “women’s only” share and often mention the motivation behind it - in your case, I’d write “Did a photoshop recently and this was my favourite photo! Feels good to see myself as beautiful/sexy” One thing you may no… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/21 07:35 PM |
| 256 | The "Feminine Energy" Pick-Me“I’m a woman with naturally masculine energy, I need a dominant man to bring out my feminine energy” = I’m a reasonably responsible, mature and assertive adult who becomes stressed when overburneded with the responsibilities of another adult on top of my own (a man-child). When paired with another responsible, mature and assertive adult, I can relax because my workload is more reasonable and the reliance on each other can be mutual. I have free stamina and bandwidth to help him out sometimes, be… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/21 10:19 AM |
| 148 | Reminder: Don't befriend male colleagues who are married!My personal rule for friendship with men is always: be better/closer friends with his partner than with him. I know the woman may not always be near or available, but every chance I get to see her I make sure to make excited conversation, exchange social media contacts, always support her on social media and send compliments, always go to her and spend time with her on hangouts, and just overall be better friends with her than with him. This is awesome because it gets me good friends sometimes! … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/21 09:44 AM |
| 68 | What's the best gift you received by a HVM?Haven’t had the fortune of meeting a real HVM. That said, my husband has given me plenty of wonderful gifts. When I arrived back in the country from some time away, he surprised me with tickets to see one of my favourite comedians that same night. Another time, when I arrived back in the country, he took me to my favourite bar and he’d invited all my friends there as a surprise. On my birthday, he got all my friends to sign a giant card and mailed it to me across the world. He’d always send a bo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/11/21 12:20 PM |
| 129 | There is no surefire way to avoid LVM - you are not responsible for what comes your way, but you are responsible for what you choose to entertain.This, absolutely. So tired of “yOu HaVe UnReSoLvEd TrAuMa and that’s why you mYsTeRioUslY AttRaCt shitty men” and “you attract the men who will reenact your trauma!” Like ma’am how the hell do you suppose my “sUbConSciOus” can possibly know something like that? What is this pseudo-religious “attract” bullshit? Short of meeting men who are specifically in or just out of rehab (or similar environments), what exactly could a woman be doing to “attract” shitty men?? “Oh but it can’t be proven with s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/11/21 01:32 PM |
| 15 | The Bar is in Hell ExpressionsThe bar is so low this scrote might bump his head on it Ya know, because he’s short | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/11/21 03:55 PM |
| 37 | Love is never enough!Men can and will lie about any of these topics if they want to get you to stay. Sometimes you only find out the truth when the moment comes and his actions don’t match what he’s always stated. The reality is that you can never be sure who you’re with, which is why it’s important to always feel ready to be on your own, and have the way out built into your relationships. If a man loves you and cares about your safety, he’ll be happy to offer you the reassurance of a door out, as he’ll know that he… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/11/21 12:28 PM |
| 102 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?When I see women talking/singing about how men are awful and have hurt them, while still performing sexuality and proving their “sexual empowerment”, I feel for them. I really do. It’s a terribly trapped, lose-lose situation they’re stuck in, and it’s incredibly painful. It can be hard to let go of what’s been your one source of value, worth and power: sex and beauty. Believing in your worth as a woman and a human being WITHOUT your appearance and sexuality can be reeeally difficult, especially … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 08:07 PM |
| 5 | Healthy things to do when you’re horny but have no partner? 🤔 (Other than the obvious)Literally signed up for the gym (a super cheap Fall deal hell yeah) today and just came back from a workout, and I feel good! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/11/21 03:24 PM |
| 4 | Healthy things to do when you’re horny but have no partner? 🤔 (Other than the obvious)Any recommendations? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 05:25 PM |
| 10 | Healthy things to do when you’re horny but have no partner? 🤔 (Other than the obvious)Ohhh violence - I like this idea! 😂 I looked into TaeKwonDo but the group in my area seems very high-commitment and serious. I could do some more casual Muay Thaior kickboxing though, just need to find a gym nearby. Thanks for the suggestion! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 05:20 PM |
| 481 | Another red flag from Chris Pratt’s captionSomebody’s trying really hard to be Ryan Reynolds 🙄 (With the wife-roasting and such) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 07:34 PM |
| 3 | Romance is not Love, Romance is Fun - About the role romance has in relationshipsI don’t think my point was to say that romance - both the intentional, deliberately set up actions and the more unintentional moments that can happen spontaneously - doesn’t have a clearly love-related context to it, but rather to reflect how it actually functions in a more practical way. Close but from me, no cigar. Romance and love aren't the same thing but IMO - you can't have real romance without love. Romance isn't just Fun. It is the fun that leads up to and proceeds from love - it's a for… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/10/21 07:45 AM |
| 152 | Is this Instagram activity acceptable in a relationship?I think it’s a no-no. The purpose of “liking” a post is to signal publicly that you not only saw it, but want to be associated with it somehow. If it’s a friend, it signals to that friend that he thinks she’s hot. Why would he need to send that subtle message? Moreover, just seeing this type of content is problematic. Everything you give real estate to in your mind becomes a part of your make-up. Everything you see, read and engage with pleasurably becomes reinforced. Seeing other women sexually… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/10/21 06:31 PM |
| 182 | Checklist: Does he love you? Love has emotional and behavioural components - it’s not just a feeling.When people talk about love, I find that it’s almost never specifically clear what they mean by it. Most other feelings can be described very literally, but love is somehow an abstract catchall. I find that this chart includes both the “feelings” and the “actions” that make up what we call love. Here are some other thoughts as well: The things you feel for a person come from both how the person is (are they enjoyable company? Good looking and smell nice? Are they trustworthy and reliable? Do the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/10/21 12:45 PM |
| 145 | The insults men make about women's bodies - and what THEY look likeI really appreciate the puppy at the end ❤️🥺 There’s a Singaporean influencer called Xiaxue who customarily shares the public photos of her haters to her thousands of followers. A legend. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/10/21 12:10 PM |
| 155 | Iriza Shlesinger bit about men picking less educated, helpless women because they’re easy targetsUnfortunately, I couldn’t find out the whole clip. Iliza’s full bit is actually about “avoiding predators” - you can see the full thing on Netflix. After this part, she does go on to discuss how it’s ok to be a strong woman and the shitty standards about how “women should be to attract a man”. She also talks about how men who are attracted to “weak” women are predators. (She also addresses how technically lionesses do the hunting, in case that bugged you 😂) So get that PhD, work on your daddy is… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 04:51 PM |
| 140 | I can’t help but feel there’s some propaganda going on to influence women away from education/ financial success… in favour of being a dedicated wife to a less intelligent, low earning partner. Here’s the evidence & my response:The pool of lovely women is much bigger than the pool of wonderful men… That means that many lovely women would end up paired up with terrible men. If they’re smart, they will prefer singleness to being with a terrible man. Terrible men know also that it’s much harder to get away with being terrible to a smart woman. And plenty of uneducated or less intelligent women are still very lovely and worthy partners - their lack of smarts is mostly a detriment to themselves and their ability to protect … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 04:21 PM |
| 279 | How do I set boundaries in the situation?Holding a boundary doesn’t mean forcing a person to act the way you need them to act. It means being willing to remove yourself from the situation if they cannot act the way you need them to act. So to enforce a boundary, you need to be willing to leave. If after giving a clear statement - “I’m not okay with this, would you please not do it?” - they won’t change their behaviour, then you need to leave. Boundaries are not the same as standards either. Standards are like, what you aim for? And bou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 01:03 PM |
| 243 | Message for side plate pick me’s. You’ll never win by disrespecting yourself & other women.And don’t even get me started on music that’s all a woman bragging about “stealing” someone else’s man. I heard the other day lyrics literally bragging about “making him cum” and “his hands on my bla bla” (can’t remember) and I’m just like… Congrats on being employee of the month at the local garbage collection company 👏 That doesn’t prove you’re more desirable, more special, hotter or sexier or anything. It just proves you’re willing to do immoral shit and you have a warm hole or 3. Cheating. M… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 12:19 PM |
| 52 | Going to therapy is not the solution to every relationship problem. It only works if the person going is willing to be honest about their situation and is open to change, which is why it doesn’t work with addicts.Absolutely, and even my own therapist told me that going to couples therapy with an abuser (and most addicts are abusers at least emotionally) is not recommended or helpful. Addicts will absolutely try to spin everything into somehow validating their addiction. A real sex/porn addiction therapist wants to hear some facts from the family (aka the wife or gf) to assess the truth of the matter, and will have boundaries and expectations with the addict. The one treating my husband (that’s how I foun… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 04:52 PM |
| 123 | Going to therapy is not the solution to every relationship problem. It only works if the person going is willing to be honest about their situation and is open to change, which is why it doesn’t work with addicts.Therapy =/= sex/porn addiction therapy. Unless you’re seeing a specialist, like a CSAT, you’re not treating the addiction. A regular therapist is not equipped for this, this is its own pit of chaos (lol) and requires its own specific training. And even among therapists, there are different beliefs as they are obviously different people. But moreover, this man always knew porn use was not ok with his partner. Is she the one imposing something on him, or is he the one imposing something on her? Sh… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 03:21 PM |
| 28 | Just checked into the Relationship-Advice live chat with a so-called modern sex addiction and relationship "therapist."I have faced this kind of paradigm before, the idea that we don’t know how we’ll feel and what choices we’ll make in the future, so all we can hope for is a decent right now. Although I kind of get it, I also think this belief completely undermines humans’ ability to commit to certain boundaries. And an essential part of a relationship is commitment, of course. That paradigm suggests that no one can ever truly commit to anything because “you never know the future”. Tell me, then, how most people… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 09:11 AM |
| 56 | Lies “body/sex positive” influencers tell 🧐 (Mega-post about self-objectification and posting sexy pics)I’d gouge my eyes out thank you very much even reading this was painful | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 05:07 PM |
| 36 | Lies “body/sex positive” influencers tell 🧐 (Mega-post about self-objectification and posting sexy pics)Personally, I’d say don’t over stress it. I think many of us have posted sexually suggestive photos on social media looking for approval (I know I did and still sometimes do 🤷♀️) If it’s just a normal pic where you happen to be wearing a low-cut top, I wouldn’t consider that objectifying. I don’t think it’s bad to dress a little sexy sometimes, especially if you’re a grown woman and not a teen. But if it’s one of those photos where you’re obviously going “look at these!”, like the selfies from … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 02:46 PM |
| 131 | “Rape isn’t about lust, it’s about power.”I agree that it’s an annoying phrase. Rape is made possible because of a power imbalance, but the goal is not always power assertion for its own sake. It can be about entitlement, about humiliation, about lust, power, or a combination. The stupid thing is that talking about “what rape is about”, as in talking about the motive behind the rape, centers the rapist’s narrative and perspective. And like, who gives a fuck about that? It doesn’t matter why he did it or what his goal was. What matters i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 02:13 PM |
| 80 | Lies “body/sex positive” influencers tell 🧐 (Mega-post about self-objectification and posting sexy pics)For sure. It’s like saying “women with stretch marks and rolls can be useful objects too! I’m desirable too, I’m sexually useful too!”, just more inclusive objectification lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 01:34 PM |
| 213 | Lies “body/sex positive” influencers tell 🧐 (Mega-post about self-objectification and posting sexy pics)Continued… I see mostly 3 reasons women usually go on sharing explicit or revealing photos on social media: Number 1 - They want to be seen as sexy/sexual: “But I want to feel sexually desired! I want to feel like I can sexually arouse men! I want to feel sexually attractive and sexually powerful! I want men’s sexual attention and approval!”. My answer to that is: You may have been brainwashed to feel like a woman’s only power, the only way she can “win” and be “on top” is if she is sexually att… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 10:48 AM |
| 262 | Lies “body/sex positive” influencers tell 🧐 (Mega-post about self-objectification and posting sexy pics)Here’s some strategy for you: Don’t confuse being sexual with being powerful. Don’t confuse being attractive with having self-esteem. Don’t try to solve your emotional issues with the external stimulus of online attention, it doesn’t work. And be careful how you portray yourself online - men have sexual expectations of women who post “confident” (to them, sexual) photos. Work on de-objectifying yourself, so you’re not contributing to your mistreatment. Discussion about objectification and self-o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 10:47 AM |
| 142 | Yeeeeeesh I'm over male therapistsThreads like this make me so thankful for my therapist. She’s so so so great. She doesn’t involve her personal opinion in her treatment of me, and when it does happen to line up, she informs me in a sweet way AND validates the belief. Eg she said that of all patients she treated, the only “open relationships” were last ditch efforts to “save” the relationship and that they failed each time (when I expressed that I didn’t really believe in the “free love” movement). For all, I recommend Adlerian … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/10/21 08:43 PM |
| 25 | Don't tell men about your traumaI’m very on board with not letting men weaponize your trauma and not trusting people before vetting, but I’m not sure I’m fully on board with this one. To be with someone for 20ish years and believe you know them, only to find out later they have been keeping something significant secret… I absolutely don’t think it was time to tell him in the first however many years. But by now I can empathize with him feeling betrayed. He may not be entitled to every detail about every trauma in her life, but… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 10:41 AM |
| 36 | How do you feel about the squid game? Do you think it’s worth watching?I haven’t seen it, as personally I tend to avoid any sensationalized “shocking” TV shows that lack real substance or are just an excuse for gratuitous violence. It seems to me that people are desensitized and need gorier, more disturbing stimulus to feel any excitement. It’s similar to the progression with porn, so I avoid it. I also find the reality of life to be grim enough, so I don’t need to indulge in violent fantasies either. I generally prefer hopeful, wholesome content (save for some exc… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 10:03 AM |
| 10 | Pickmeisha myths bustedCan I get a hell yeah! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 07:09 PM |
| 8 | 6 days on NC.. broke it on the 7th day today.Do you watch YouTube? I find that having a few favourite channels that produce long-form content (20min to a few hours) is a great way to curb my loneliness. Delete any apps you downloaded, allow yourself to cry as much as you need, and maybe start therapy if you’re not doing it yet? That can be a great support during such a difficult transition. Grieving is absolutely natural even if the breakup was needed and your choice. If you need some more hardcore help, get a trusted friend or family memb… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 12:55 PM |
| 64 | Benevolent sexism - opinions on men protecting women? (Or for example doing the heavy lifting etc.)I mean, it’s just a trick to avoid accountability. Feigning incompetence and just saying you can’t do something as well as someone else is the oldest technique to get out of work you don’t want to do. Men are capable of empathy, compassion and nurturing. Nothing about their brains or biologies proves otherwise. It is true that they are socialized very very poorly in a way that does not stimulate that potential at all, but rather curtails it. Just look at stories, games, shows, movies, books and … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 12:48 PM |
| 429 | Man using biology to disprove the myth men are biologically programmed to search for multiple sexual partners. From: "Living with limerence"Moreover, men are chemically bonding through coitus and orgasm. Evolutionarily, the species requires an able bodied caretaker to protect and provide for the vulnerable impregnated woman and the woman busy with a baby or fragile small child. So they release lots of hormones/neurotransmitters during orgasm that make them attached to the woman, and therefore motivated to stay with her during child-rearing. Nowadays, men are of course hindering this natural process with overstimulation and pornograp… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 08:46 PM |
| 38 | I am SO pissed right now, I can't even see straightYou do know a vast majority of those men are absolutely repulsive and/or married and/or otherwise committed and/or addicts and/or willing to have cybersex with minors (aka pedophiles and criminals) right? There are healthier ways to manage your sexual desire (and choices to be made if your relationship doesn’t suit it). I hope you learned something from those experiences. What you just shared and the nature of your habit “persisting with alterations” indicates this might be a more serious issue.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 03:28 PM |
| 91 | I am SO pissed right now, I can't even see straightYou’re chatting with strangers online to pass time? Men on online chat websites are always looking for sex. There’s plenty of subreddits where these pieces of shit exchange strategies and techniques to earn trust from women “chatting casually” to become their cybersex partners. They’ll do anything, pretend anything, lie about anything, feign friendships and go to great lengths. Then they record interactions and share them in degrading manners. This is a shitty habit. Look for a healthier way to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 02:57 PM |
| 158 | 16 mins of Nikki Glasser saying Pickme.I mean, if you watch some podcasts with her, she has a porn addiction that is so severe and so far escalated that she’s masturbating to straight up suffocation/waterboarding and violence, she has an eating disorder, and she has a history of codependent relationships where she’s treated kinda like shit. She has some for real issues, and I think most of the main women in comedy do (Whitney Cummings comes to mind). I feel sorry for her, it can’t be easy living like this. But she’s also living smack… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/21 12:59 PM |
| 124 | The Body Keeps the Score and how trauma influences the people you choose to dateI have read the book too and I love it! I just want to make one quick addendum: I do not personally believe that the reason why people end up in abusive or toxic relationships is necessarily because they are “subconsciously attracted” men that will be abusive or alcoholic,or that the universe “hand delivers” troubled men to you. I believe who shows up in your life is mostly random. I do not believe it is healthy or helpful to blame yourself for the people who show up. It’s also a pure game of st… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 09:12 PM |
| 36 | FDS approved fiction?Any Terry Pratchett book! Granny Weatherwax for lifeeeee His Discworld series defined my concept of witches. It’s humorous fantasy, with lots of parodying the real world. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/09/21 09:07 AM |
| 44 | Today in “romanticizing abuse”Our culture eats this shit up too, all those people applauding this… Sounds like a Sundance indie movie that will get the (mostly male) critics priapic, with all its romanticizing dysfunction and “challenging the norms” (as if emotional cheating is somehow very avant garde)… groan | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/21 06:29 PM |
| 772 | The guy is 55!!! 🤢The best part about the woman he’s fantasizing about is that she hasn’t seen the real him up close yet, and neither has he seen her. Of course it’s nice and fun to “bond” with someone when there’s no adult life concerns and no real relationship commitments, plus you get to “tuck away” your shitty/human parts every time you meet. He leaves reality at home and meets her at the playground. Men like this are delusional, they live in a fantasy land where they exist to have their desires fulfilled and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/21 10:45 AM |
| 32 | I Love You, But I Love Me More - Marina💚 Lyrics: I love you, but I love me more Don't come back knockin' on my door You've had your chance, and now you want more You say you'll ch-change, you say you'll transform Do you expect me to believe that you've changed? When I can tell that you're exactly the same? You'd rather shut your eyes, than feel any pain Told myself, "I can't go back ever again" (Oh-oh-oh-oh) You try to tell me that we're so deep in love Well, if we were, then why did we fuck it up? (Oh-oh-oh-oh) Told you before that … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/21 01:13 PM |
| 10 | Staying objective by journaling your relationshipThank you 😊 About the pictures, it’s true, it always hurt how my husband looked bored in most of our wedding photos… Gosh it hurts right now. One day I’ll be healed enough to look back. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/06/21 05:52 PM |
| 6 | Staying objective by journaling your relationshipMy ascendant does seem to be Virgo 👩🎓 guess it all makes sense | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/06/21 05:49 PM |
| 11 | Rant - Floating Like a Cork In the Water and the Bullshit of "Letting Go"I like the way Russell Brand (I know…) puts it: it’s not powerlessness in the sense of being incapable, but rather powerlessness over a specific issue - the addiction. He says that “if you were capable of solving it on your own out of sheer willpower, you would have already”. By accepting that you can’t figure it out on your own, you surrender to the caring influence and perhaps even authority of a trusted figure/method - the 12 steps, a sponsor, a therapist. So you’re not surrendering to a myth… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/21 07:22 PM |
| 40 | Stuff of nightmares reallyThe only method that works is meeting them where they’re at. Which means, lead with empathy, and only once you fully empathize and validate their perspective (which takes a while, as this onion has many layers), they trust you enough to hear your take. And really, it makes sense - would you want the input of someone who doesn’t know the whole story and everything that’s relevant to the situation? We have to remember that people have feelings, and emotional trauma is real. Becoming attached to th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/21 07:00 PM |
| 6 | Straight from the scrote horse’s mouth. When you take shit from men, they look down on you. Reason number 162738382929201 to never tolerate their BS.It would no longer be her problem indeed, but the user I responded to was stating that “she is enabling him” in his pervert behaviour. I agree with you, it is not her job to “change him” or whatever the fuck. I do think it’s appalling to call a woman pathetic for trying to fucking survive a situation like this. I also think it’s appalling to call it a “victim mentality” to consider that maybe she has reasons to not have left - for her own benefit, prioritizing herself and her own well-being and … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/06/21 12:01 PM |
| 1 | Straight from the scrote horse’s mouth. When you take shit from men, they look down on you. Reason number 162738382929201 to never tolerate their BS.You think that if she leaves him he will stop acting like that? Honest question. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/06/21 11:27 AM |
| 16 | Straight from the scrote horse’s mouth. When you take shit from men, they look down on you. Reason number 162738382929201 to never tolerate their BS.Maybe her relationship is not all that’s going on in her life, and with her own agency she’s making a choice at the moment that prioritizes other things first? Or maybe she’s in the process of developing her self respect and needs more time and to be prepared to sever what’s most likely a long term attachment? Or maybe she’s working on her support system and her backup plan so she won’t be completely flailing after leaving a long term relationship in a rush? I know it can be frustrating looking … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/06/21 09:41 AM |
| 13 | Always, ALWAYS check his phoneI’m going through pretty much the same thing (2 months now). Please look up Dr. Omar Minwalla and his work about betrayal trauma, such as this article: https://theinstituteforsexualhealth.com/thirteen-dimensions-of-sex-addiction-induced-trauma-sait-among-partners-and-spouses-impacted-by-sex-addiction/ And make sure to get a trauma therapist, usually CSATs have experience with betrayed partners as well. The website for IITAP (where they train sex addiction therapists) has a listing. You’re lookin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/21 11:19 PM |
| 27 | OP drank the LibFem koolaid and posted nudes online... now the same redditors who jerked off are judging 😳🥸Explore these topics in “my own safe environment”... publicly. She means publicly. Even if it feels amazing and she has no regrets, there are consequences and risks to exposing yourself online. Unfortunately you don’t get to take only the benefit without the consequence. And I don’t mean “men won’t want to date you” as a consequence, I mean “your images are online forever whether you change your mind later or not” and “you could be doxxed or stalked” consequences. Not to mention the mental gymna… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/21 07:30 AM |
| 16 | Ask him to name 5 women he admires, excluding family membersGreat point! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/21 09:51 AM |
| 10 | Teach your daughters to recognize the tricks older men might use on them.I’m currently beyond baffled and livid at how Germany has a 14 (FOUR TEEN) age of consent (though the parents can decide to pursue legal action if the other party is over 21 and they don’t approve I think, but maximum sentence is 3yrs). FOURTEEN. And most parents don’t even know what their teens are up to on the internet or otherwise. Furious. Just furious. This type of law makes grown men think they can just fuck a kid. In California the same act would give up to 20 years in jail. Jesus, just d… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/05/21 10:39 AM |
| 55 | Scrotes are literally cancer. Always get the Pap smear.Both my mother and my MIL had hysterectomies from HPV brought on by cheating husbands. My father also got throat cancer from the HPV (that’s right, it also does stuff to men!). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/21 06:31 PM |
| 14 | A question?“Post-nut clarity” happens to men who are living with chronic dissociation, anxiety, depression, active addiction, or any condition where they are actively suppressing emotions and awareness. They use sex and sexual activities - porn, masturbation, scanning/ogling women, pursuing and seducing sexual partners (chasing), sexual intercourse and orgasm - to self-medicate from the aforementioned pains. Focusing on this obsession and turning sex into the “holy grail” gives them something to focus on t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/21 04:20 PM |
| 22 | Some examples of men who have hit the wallI swear it’s because of their hair colours that people act so shocked... I bet he dyes his hair, after all he’s on movies and such! She on the other hair rocks the ethereal white, the contrast throws people for a loop I think | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/05/21 09:03 PM |
| 12 | For the moms, inspiration to give your daughter an FDS mindsetMy parents stopped celebrating my birthday after I was 10 y/o, and started forgetting it entirely when I was 12 - from then on, it was my job to specifically bring up that it was going to happen if I wanted some money. 🥲 good times | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/05/21 04:51 PM |
| 15 | Why 90% of Men Aren't Worth ItMeanwhile, every podcast is advertising Blue chew (online order viagra) to men in their 20’s. Who knew PIED could be soooo profitable! 🤡🤡🤡 (And for the dissatisfied, neglected women: come get your sex toys at AdamAndEve - there’s profit in every layer of society’s breakdown and generalized human misery!) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/05/21 09:11 PM |
| 20 | Was Visited Last Night by the Ghost of Pickme FutureAs someone who’s kind of a fan of interpreting dreams, may I butt in a little bit? So from the way I understand it, dreams are your brain telling a little story using a collage of content from your daily life. The point of the story is to do some emotional processing of something that you’re holding on to. The literal collage, the characters, the situations, are just what was available on your catalogue that day - things you saw, thought of and remembered. Weddings, dresses, that person, the col… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/05/21 02:46 PM |
| 100 | I finally just quit makeup. It's awesome!Benefits of not wearing makeup: - Scratch itchy eyes without smudging - Take naps without staining your pillow or sleeve - Hug people without leaving an imprint of your face - Wipe your face after eating without smudging everything everywhere - Scratch an itchy spot without having caked up makeup under your nail - Don’t look like a panda at the end of a humid day - A cold water rinse and gentle cleanser is all it takes really Benefits of wearing make-up: - War paint boosts morale to rip enemy’s … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/05/21 11:05 AM |
| 289 | That last conversation won't give you closureHere’s a novel idea I’ve never tried, but that could maybe work: picture him as dead. As in actually dead. Like you heard from someone that he got in a car crash and is just gone. Allow yourself to grieve privately (as even the loss of someone shitty is still a loss), write a letter and burn it, and then know that he is dead. Never wonder again what he’s up to, just as you don’t wonder what other deceased people are up to. Block anything and anyone that might give you news about him, friends in … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/21 10:24 AM |
| 1 | So even Dita Von Teese’s current partner of 6 years is a creep / groomer apparentlyI was looking into what Dita’s current love life is like. Disregarding her line of work, I thought she was a beautiful woman who’s living proof that there’s no wall. She seemed to be living a fabulous single life, and then a quick trip to the googles indicated she had a boyfriend for around 6 years, and he’s in his 40s just like her. In spite of this being a red flag in the sense of “forever girlfriend”, I thought maybe it was a type of arrangement she’s happy with? I just wanted some glimpse of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 06:55 PM |
| 5 | Reminder: Mamas, you CAN do this alone - you don't need that ScroteOh LOL I think I totally misunderstood your point originally 😂 you meant that healing will take a monumental amount of work (like building the Sistine Chapel), right? I thought you meant “don’t get distracted by other projects, like building the Sistine Chapel or becoming prime minister!” 🤣🤣🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 06:32 PM |
| 24 | Reminder: Mamas, you CAN do this alone - you don't need that ScroteMe, after reading this, slowly putting down my blueprints for the Sistine Chapel... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/21 04:03 PM |
| 29 | New Post Yesterday In Another Sub "Does watching porn/ looking at the naked photos women post to Reddit affect how you see or feel about your significant other?"This cultural gaslighting is so prevalent even outside of Reddit. And it’s exactly what groomed me into a marriage where porn use escalated to cheating and worse. I struggle with feeling like a dumbass, a naive idiot for walking into this. I have to remind myself that the environment I grew up and lived in until literally a month ago was just an echo chamber of misogynistic gaslighting. When everyone tells you you’re “crazy, jealous, insecure”, and that this is “normal, not serious, doesn’t mean… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 02:33 PM |
| 158 | As a single woman, at any given time you should be either dating multiple people at once, or not dating at all.And before any lurking men go take this as evidence of how they should “fuck as many women as they want” because the women themselves are “fucking around”: DATING DOES NOT MEAN HAVING SEX. Pretty fucking sure she’s not suggesting any woman have sex with multiple men in a rotation. She says “no exclusivity before commitment”, and FDS generally suggests “no SEX before commitment”. This post is about going out for dinner and getting to know multiple people, not sleeping with them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/04/21 07:19 AM |
| 2 | And the decor in that house is just fabulousOMG!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/04/21 09:57 PM |
| 7 | And the decor in that house is just fabulousClosest I found is only 5000 euros! 😅 https://www.pamono.eu/large-antique-russian-rococo-style-full-length-walnut-cheval-mirror | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 11:41 PM |
| 97 | And the decor in that house is just fabulousIt is! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 04:14 PM |
| 3 | What to look for in a HVM: The 8 C’sHey girl! I just wanted to first say I’m so sorry you’ve been through some shit. It sounds very difficult, and you were treated quite insensitively by this man. I maybe should clarify that calmness is not emotionlessness. In fact, healthily and gently expressing your emotions, letting them out through tears or bold self expression (especially in a crisis situation) is objectively “calmer” than completely shutting down and being “cold”. In your example, the dude hung up the phone on you crying. T… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/04/21 12:12 PM |
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