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View 1 posts and 133 comments by savage_cabbages on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
11

savage_cabbages/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 07:23 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

Wait till she leaves and change the locks
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 08:53 PM
10

I jumped straight in, 3 months after separation. Yes it's not the advice you normally find here, had a pretty good four relationshi with a woman after the split with the ex, now I'm embarking on another. Life's too short, will never get married again and will enjoy the variety life has to offer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 03:08 PM
3

You should go for child support, you're entitled to it. My ex makes about 40k more and I get a small amount from her each month, it helps.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:24 PM
2

In terms of time, my anxiety went up and down until I was divorced. That took a year and half after we separated. I was already in another relationship by then and it felt good have it all sorted . I focused on my career, health, kids and relationships. Anxiety in my opinion needs an outlet, be it creative, fitness whatever. I saw a psychologist, told them my life story and then got on with life. I still get it sometimes but no where near as much.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 10:28 PM
2

From my own experience it takes time. I looked up the stages of grieving, mourning the loss of what I had. It can be conflicting as the excitement of the new life was very front and present in mind also. People say keep busy, and it is helpful. Distractions are only short term and eventually with time, and getting used to the new routines and dynamics you find a new peace, and/or a new normal. It's one of the hardest and shitiest things an adult can go through and sounds like you're coming out o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 09:29 PM
1

At the moment, it's all combined. It's still pretty raw and it's ok to feel that way. As time goes on, you just see your child, and the romantic connection diminishes over time until it evaporates. The shit part is it sucks until that happens. Memories in your mind keep playing until you can't be bothered playing them anymore. You will end up getting used to dad and son time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 10:25 AM
20

Romantic fraud exists
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:29 PM
1

I re-partnered after divorce, she had teenage children at the time. Not discipline but she would occasionally ask me to ask them to do something which I always said no to. I'm not their parent, I'm their mom's partner.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 07:12 PM
2

She called it quits on me but we'd been dead bedroom/room mates seperate beds for like 4 year before. I reflected and realised how bad it was and that my loyalty meant nothing. She had mental health issues and I thought I was waiting around for it to improve. I researched the stages of grief and learnt to understand what I was feeling. Once I got to the acceptance stage it was pretty much all gone. I realised I was in love with the idea of the family unit but not the woman herself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 01:48 AM
4

I think we both got tired of the energy it takes to be combative constantly. The first two years of separation was very straining as a patent, we both have different styles and approaches. I managed the divorce as she was lazy, then a while after it got sorted we began to communicate better. There's been no fights for over 12 months now. I would never go to dinner or anything like that with her and my kid. We attend the things we need to for our kid, sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. Everyo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 07:44 PM
2

Maybe more of the house stuff initally, but they were just objects that were replaceable or failed eventually if electronic.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:11 AM
7

Don't beat yourself up OP. I did everything and it still wasn't good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 08:49 AM
2

For sure man, sounds like you're a great dad and the best part is you can plan your own adventures with them!!! For me, it was the discovery of new (and existing) positives from a change in circumstances. Once you've got a few of them banked up and look back, which we do.....and you've overcomed the shitstorm, more positives keep banking up. It's almost like a hobby and then it becomes your day to day life and you think nothing of it except for the good stuff. Appreciate you sharing what you're …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 07:20 AM
9

It goes away eventually. I really liked the 'idea' of being married, kids and wife under one roof and the family unit. Doing stuff together. It was painful to have it taken away but once you heal and accept it, and move on, life's pretty good too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 08:22 PM
2

No, how long has it been OP? Sounds like you're still processing and healing, which ultimately means becoming your true self. You've broken free of the shackles and it's ok to have dreams (maybe nightmares) that have your ex as a character. It could just be representative of someone/something else also going on in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 09:51 AM
1

You're not alone. It is probably more common than we know. Hopefully, you get your ducks in a row, and it works out. The best part is...there's life on the other side. Takes a bit of getting used to but totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:15 PM
2

I think it was more out necessity, the relationship was over, no hope of reconciliation, could have tried the separated under one roof scenario but was concerned I'd get accused of stuff that never happened. It was a big awakeing moment also, a revelation I spose that I'd been in a shitty relationship for so long. It wasn't running away, it was a new start. Moving out was the best thing I could have done. The courage came from knowing it was the right thing for me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 11:38 AM
1

Good luck to you man. I did a similar thing, just knew I had to go. Packed the car and parked it strategically a few blocks away, then moved the next day. Started from scratch and left her with everything but my cloths and some stuff. Hope it works out for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 10:17 AM
5

The hateful/spiteful stage will hopefully eventually pass. All you're left with is co parenting and when that works is smooth sailing. Took me and the ex around 2-3 years to find a happy medium. Those spiteful times were so exhausting. They eventually get spiteful fatigue and best advice I can offer is ride out the storm. I'm not a fan of my ex and her past actions but I don't have the energy to be forever hateful either, and neither does she. Now we only talk about our kids and what we can do t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 08:37 PM
5

Yeah dude, real life is just like a porno
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:07 PM
6

Her
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 09:52 AM
8

Pro - you don't live together Honestly this is the best. I've been in a relationship for some years now post divorce and have no plans of living with her. We always get the best of each other and no domestic fights over trivial bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 08:27 PM
2

If you're thinking about it this much, I'd leave it. Maybe down the track once divorce is completed and you're comfortable in your new life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:59 PM
1

If you have kids together, it's a good gesture to keep things civil. Maybe tack it on the end of a general text message or something, 'btw have a good birthday.' Otherwise meh
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:16 PM
4

In Australia, if you don't pay child support, the government run child support agency goes to your employer, and it comes directly out of your pay.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 09:40 AM
2

Sounds like menopause kicked in
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 08:10 PM
5

I'm divorced and in a three year relationship with a great woman. We've not lived together in the same house, she has hers, I have mine and it's great. I'll go and hang out with her at her place for 2-3 nights or vice versa. When my kid isn't with me, I get time to myself. We look forward to our time together, go on regular dates, and attend each other's family and friends events. We've talked about potentially living together in the future, but that's at least another 3-4 years away. I'm used t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 07:58 PM
4

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are irreplaceable as their father and will always be there for the good times and the bad. Be supportive of your kids as you always have been. The new structure takes a while to get used to, those moments when you're alone and the thoughts creep in, it's how you deal with them that's important. It's ok to mourn the loss of your previous family unit, but don't let it overwhelm and consume you. Utilise the time on your own in positive ways. It sounds like you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:16 PM
1

I had to greyrock for like 1 - 2 years, it's a marathon, not a sprint. But yeah it's hard to be strong, not show emotions and not write walls of texts to each other....in the end the walls of text don't matter and achieves nothing. Shes got her view of you and you of her. It's the kids that matter now and getting your fair share of the split. It's fair and reasonable that you get 50/50, she needs to realise that also. Don't ever cave to her to not see your kids, it's wrong and shouldn't happen.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 05:18 AM
4

Sorry you're going through this man. Don't play her games, look up greyrocking, and seek legal advice ASAP. You're not going to work this out, just you and her. It's going to be a process, but you will get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 02:01 PM
4

It's rough when you start to understand it's the beginning of the end. 6 weeks no contact - that's not a marriage, that's a housemate you have kids with. I went 5 years in separate rooms, oblivious, thinking things would change, waiting for her to 'come good' it didn't happen. Also, think of the example of a relationship you're setting for your kids. Must be quite tense and awkward for them. Keep working on yourself for you and your kids, let your housemate sort themselves out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:49 AM
8

As someone that's been through separation and divorce, when you're in it...you think, and wait, and hope.....something will change but it never does. It's time to pull the trigger man and exit....start the admin for divorce. It's going to be a tough couple of years but you'll get through to the other side. Your relationship is beyond repair based on what you've wrote. Good luck and come visit us at the Divorced Men thread, we'll support you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 02:37 PM
3

It's over bro, accept it. Remember your separation date because that will be important and help you with milestones. Prepare legal stuff cause it's going to happen. Get the admin done, keep working on yourself. Sure doom scroll all you want to avoid, forget, but it's an electronic drug. Have some sex but don't entertain a serious relationship until at least 12 months after the divorce is finalised. Your true friends will stay in touch and support you through this. Look at divorce as a positive t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:12 PM
7

Just keep being a great dad, my kid now vocalises about my ex's partner, how lazy he is and just sits on the couch. You'll always be their No 1
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:36 PM
3

You climbed a mountain, and you're on your way down. Well done... keep crushing it! Being able to do what you want when you want with the kids is so good, isn't it!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 08:33 PM
1

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a rough time you needed to leave behind. Do you have some hobbies? Any weekly meet-up activities you could maybe start to attend? Might be an opportunity to make some new friends and people to hang out with.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 11:33 PM
7

I really don't buy into the Father's Day hype. Every day is Fathers Day with my kid, and I have a great relationship with my old man. Sounds like you miss your family members OP, have you considered reconnecting with them? If it means that much to you, put the wheels in motion to have people around you next year.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:24 PM
13

She's living rent-free in your head. Others see it as a competition as to who can get into a relationship first....and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter either way. Go on some dates, enjoy life, and spend time with your kids, friends, and family. You'd be surprised how when you're busy a few hours go by at first, then half a day then a full day goes by and you realise 'I didn't think about my ex" that then turns into days. Screw what you think she might be saying to your kids, just be the …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 07:27 PM
1

Lot's of moving parts when all this stuff happens and it can be stressful. Having a parenting plan helps, it's a guide and can be a good way to have middle ground on managing the kids that you both agree too. Go through your legal process (lawyer) to hopefully have a fair and reasonable outcome with finances/assets/ child support. Get your 50/50 asap and enjoy time with your kids. Are you going to get your own place or stay in the home? The bubble bursts when everything is done and dusted..you'r…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 07:37 PM
1

Anytime...keep checking the sub...you're not alone brother
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 04:30 AM
1

Agreed 👍🏼
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 10:34 PM
3

We're not all in the USA - Where I'm from Status Quo was a band
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 09:08 PM
1

What Strict Front said- unnecessary contact leads to conflict which is what you're looking to avoid especially at this crucial time of early separation. Look up greyrocking...it's talked about commonly here...only communicate necessary details....everything else is grey matter. Don't talk to her about casual stuff like you used to...that's gone. All you talk about now with her are the essential details to separate and kids (if involved) and that's it. Takes a bit to get used to but you'll look b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 09:27 AM
11

And stop talking to her except for divorce proceedings
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:53 AM
3

Sounds over, prepare for separation/divorce. Hard truth but imagine a mindset that you're single....coz that's what's coming. Emotions are part of life, we experience them everyday. Someone burnt your coffee....how do you feel? Emotion Get your divorce admin in line....your single.....think like that be like that. There's no going back man, she's cooked.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:52 AM
2

And don't contact her its done
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:45 AM
2

Grief is an emotion bro, look up the 7 stages. You're at ground and zero this process takes time. Easier said than done, but you're on your own now. Get used to being alone....hard truth but that's your reality now. It may change in the future but now get used to being alone. Embrace it, its actually pretty cool when it sinks in.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:44 AM
2

This - just walk away , do the admin stuff to divorce and focus on you. You're your own man, you have options to do whatever you want on your own terms now. I was seeking closure at the start too but it's pointless, it was over. You have to find a way to be comfortable not knowing, it's just how this game works.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:51 PM
2

Get 50/50 it becomes easier and you get a week to yourself 26 times a year
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 05:42 PM
3

Just make sure you don't want any more kids before you do it....with anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 09:26 AM
2

Try a sound bath and thank me later 😉
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 04:31 PM
1

The kids with her this week - worked out well - I see my mom and g-mar - mothers day and that is just fabricated for retail though yeah - nice they get a day but pfffft -
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 04:20 PM
8

Takes time man, when it sinks in more you advance further.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:13 PM
14

She's not your wife anymore, bro. She's your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 01:09 PM
2

Appreciate your perspective OP, $1 can turn into a fortune 😉 You make really valid points. It's a test of one's character to remain calm when topics get escalated. In days, weeks, months, and years, most is forgotten and quibbles over insignificant details that seem like huge issues get buried.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 11:40 AM
5

Comparison is the thief of joy. It happens, my ex earns more, my siblings are wealthier than me. I cared for a while but dropped it. You are you, people like you for you and your personality, not the shit you own or whatever your salary is.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 08:52 AM
1

There are heaps of templates online, just google some and pick a format that suits
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 12:38 AM
2

Hey OP, sorry you're going through this. This community is supportive and wish I had have of found it sooner. My tips - Look up greyrocking and enforce that style of communication Get 50/50 with your kids asap Research parenting plans and get one drafted Lawyer up if there's assets and for general advice Try and stay busy. It's easy to say, but you're going to be processing heaps of emotions over the next couple of years. Your goal is now to be divorced, have your kids 50/50, stay employed and h…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 07:39 AM
1

He may have been the primary caregiver and working part-time. Lesson for us all though, if you're wife/ex is/was the breadwinner, make sure you have a back up plan and ready to go full time at the drop of a hat.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 12:09 PM
1

Shes moving on, and so should you. Hard truth but it's reality. If anything...it's good she's doing it early (ish?) Gets it out of your system...all part of the process man
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 11:53 AM
2

Yep, that's cortisol, a hormone that's released when you're stressed. You're starting to balance out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 12:25 PM
3

Takes a while for it to sink in, the battles are over, be thankful you didn't have kids to deal with! No more lawyers or browsing the net to find obscure legal details and advice. Utilise the energy (eventually) you had with divorce for yourself and man, you'll be like Dr. Manhattan ! Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 12:23 PM
23

Men marry for life, and women do to tick a box on a list.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 09:51 AM
5

You archive. Place those memories and feelings in an archive and live in the now whilst planning your future.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 09:09 PM
5

We all walk our own journey, and this is yours. Keep travelling on the path you choose, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 11:10 AM
3

She's going to be with other men, and you're going to be with other women. How you deal with it is up to you. You said you're past the hurt, but maybe there's still this. It's a hard pill to swallow at first, but it does get easier each day. You have to be patient and let your emotions do their road trip. Emotions are tourists on your memories of her. Eventually, you stop living in the past and start living in the now. When her and kids are gone and you're by yourself it will hit. Be ready.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 10:10 PM
2

Its a clever fuck you to his ex, but it's cool if you don't see it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 09:28 PM
6

Well handled OP, congrats on getting your house back to. Welcome to freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 09:26 PM
4

So did mine OP, you get over it eventually, how long it takes is up to you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 10:19 AM
19

I was proud of being married and having kids that when she said she wanted to end it, it took me about three months to process. I turned around one last time and realised I had been living in a fantasy. Our marriage died 5 years prior, and I was blind to it. It's like we're in marriage simulators, and when the VR goggles come off, processing that takes time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 09:33 PM
1

Crazy child support systems you on a state by state basis in the US. Ours is federal and is automatically calculated by the CSA gov agency. Wishing you luck friend!
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 01:30 PM
1

Nothing to do with them and it's great.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 10:44 AM
11

You go into it thinking you won't be another statistic You come out of it a wiser man,
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:51 PM
5

Mate its over, sorry to say. Time to start getting your finances and assets in order for divorce and rebuild yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 08:39 PM
8

Marriage is an industry.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 08:52 PM
5

Its the idea of marriage, the relationship, living with a woman in the same house that you attach love to. You do your time healing until that first day. The first day is awesome, you wake up, you go about life and then just as you go to sleep you realise you haven't thought about her or anything associated with her for one whole day....One day becomes two, then three, then weeks, months and years. She'll pop up in thoughts occasionally, but once you get that first day, it's a turning point.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 07:22 PM
3

Wise words. Who says you have to forgive also? Some of us never do, its an arrangement of emotions in your brains bookshelf and if you don't want to, don't. Forgiveness doesn't cure resentment. Keep the other sections in order, sure. Forgiveness is some shit we get imprinted by movies and TV shows like it's the magic answer. Do I forgive my ex, nope, do I want the best for my kids, yep....so that means being emotionally strong, tough and acting with integrity whilst dealing with someone that is …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:00 PM
6

You only do it for your kids, play the long game. Yeah it's hard and shit to see your ex but keep it all transactional. That resentment eventually fades away and it's purely business, for your kids. There's no other reason you need to communicate except for the kids. Stick to your plan, never overshare or try to get one up....it's navigation of difficult waters at first then it becomes second nature. Best part of it is you get to do fun stuff with your kids that you all want to do with no except…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:12 PM
4

Its sad obviously but I had the emotional intelligence to understand it was over and that I needed time to process what I was feeling. Your post indicates he is using the "nice stuff" to coerce you into reconsidering you leaving him. Hold your stance and see it through, hopefully you have a decent support network and self awareness to make it through. Hope it works out for you and (if involved) your children also.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 10:21 AM
6

Stupid communication back and fourth, looking for closure and not dropping it sooner
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 10:40 AM
8

Day at a time bro, something I found useful was to do 3 things each day that were good for my wellbeing. Workout, eat healthy, visit family....doesn't have to be some massive deal just stuff you feel good about. Create some healthy habits on your own. It's pretty liberating man, and if you like cave diving there's probably some cool crew you might be able to get a fresh start with. Might be an excuse to travel to somewhere you've never done it and meet new people. Relationships can zone you some…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:12 PM
22

I used to get annoyed at all the time I invested not the ex so much. I just wanted my time back but it wasn't going to happen. I have a new day every day to use MY time. I have a cool girlfriend now and live alone, works for me. I found new hobbies with my buds and my sports mates are still there. Just keep busy doing stuff, sitting around feeling sorry for yourself achieves nothing. Don't beat yourself up about what could have been, its a dead end road. Acknowledge it, pack it up and put it in …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:46 AM
1

Divorce was simple and quick and no lawyers involved. One of my close friends that separated a few months before me has a house with a mortgage that he's paying off and rent. Still not divorced, that was over three years ago now. His ex that doesn't work is seeking something like 70/30. For me I left and started from scratch, I wasn't going to quibble over menial household items. Kept my car and my stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 07:48 PM
4

Yep my ex earned about 65k more than me during our marriage and we never had joint account or any binding financial goals to get a house. In hindsight a godsend so there wasn't any assets to settle from divorce. Her love language is gifts and was always buying stuff for other people. I'm sure she is showering her current BF with the same treatment I got early on in the relationship. She bases her worth and value on the money she makes, sad really. She pays me child support and I upgraded with a …
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 06:10 AM
2

Its happens OP, not much you do about it. Just focus on being a good dad when your kid is with you. You'll always be their dad and you are irreplaceable. Keep building a strong bond and you'll be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 07:08 PM
3

Honestly, don't confront her, just keep it in the bank. I lived in the past for to long and am still working on being future focused.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 06:24 AM
9

This will effect your child's view of their mother and her partner. I remember when I was a child my father took his steps kids on many overseas trips and I was extremely jealous and angry with him. I hadn't been overseas and missed him and wanted to spend time with my dad, I waned to feel included. Your son will need your support and comfort and it's delicate as you need to be neutral and not speak poorly of your ex to him. How you approach this is up to you. How could she do that? Seems like h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 11:00 PM
3

You're not alone friend, it hurts and the next 6 months will be tough but there is light on the other side. Its common to want to remain amicable but things can spiral. Your assumption of cheating is valid and you haven't mentioned much on how that conversation with her went. Did your question about cheating initiate her to want to separate or was it you? If she initiated because you asked, that's a concern, she was caught. And was she going to her friends or going to be with AP? After I separat…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 10:34 PM
5

Divorce is an industry
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 08:34 PM
3

Hey OP, sorry you're feeling this. Is there an opportunity for 50/50? Try and figure out how you can see them more maybe? It might be a honeymoon phase still and then things will change. Raising kids is challenging and rewarding at at the same time and your the best man/father for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 04:34 PM
2

Don't turn to booze I met a great person after separation but I did what I did in my marriage and gave up all my time for her. Trying to work through that now. Create new behavioural patterns that bring positives into your life. We all need to be our own person and not live vicariously through our partners lives weather ex"s or present. Be your own man.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 08:41 PM
8

Relationships are like gambling, sometimes you have good odds, and at other times you know the odds are stacked up against you. We all play to win but losing for 50% of us is enviable. We keep gambling for that 1 out 2 chance. Keep rolling the dice and live life bro. Keep going from one one game to the next. The long games are fun, as are the short games as we learn from our mistakes and misfortunes.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 11:16 AM
3

Ah ok. Maybe time to move on and just try to connect with your adult kids if you can? It's hard though, I have one adult kid also that doesn't want to see me as they're worried it will affect their relationship with my ex. Delicate situation
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 01:36 PM
3

6 months! Sorry to read that bro, you need to figure out how you can see them ASAP. I have another kid from a previous relationship that wants nothing to do with me so I made sure I have 50/50. You have control and pathways to a certain extent that you can utilise.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 01:19 PM
3

I just made it a rule for my mental health and sanity. Co parenting is a lovely concept that didn't work out for me. I suggested a shared expense spreadsheet and calendar we could both access and was told this was abusive and controlling. Children has my style of parenting with me and my ex just does her thing. I had extra curricula activities I was paying for and she was too lazy to take them every second week. I gave up trying, definition of insanity and all that. Used to write walls of text t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 12:33 PM
7

I stopped conversing in texts after 2 years of hell. Email occasionally or phone conversations, best decision I ever made.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 11:21 AM
1

Majority of them do this. They move on then break up, its female mind set. Prepare yourself for knowing she is with another, it eventually settles and you don't let it bother you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 05:06 AM
2

All the best man. Keep posting and reading on here also, keeps you sane throughout the process.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:42 AM
2

Yeah and those times you need to see yourself as being alone, not lonely. Took me a year to get used to it, the week off I don't have my kid, sitting at home feeling sorry for myself im not in my previous family situation was hard, but it passes. You start to appreciate the downtime and I know you mentioned you don't want a hobbies but you need some stuff to do to fill in the time. For me I play sport a couple of times a week, do some music stuff and before I know it I've got my kid again, I do …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:38 AM
3

Sorry you're going through this mate, it's hard to adjust but you'll get used to it eventually. The fact you want 50/50 and just wanting to be a dad indicates the love you have for your kids. You need employment to support you and them also and you'll find a work life balance with you new job and home life. You may want to work out a parenting plan with your ex, many templates online. You can figure out the way you will have your kids and have an agreement of sorts with your ex on how your scena…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 12:27 AM
2

Be prepared for things not to go amicably.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 08:11 AM
2

Good for you man, congrats
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 10:06 PM
3

And it's totally natural to feel the way you are. The first 6 to 12 months can be full on, you're rediscovering your new self whilst processing a bunch of emotions, legal stuff and logistics. Might want to give yourself some time to let the dust settle, maybe go on a few dates to test the waters. Best to focus on yourself and adjust to your new life before considering something long term. When I was ready, had 3 dates and the third one I'm still with 2 and bit years later. Once you're comfortabl…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 08:33 AM
5

You never know what's around the corner, life is full of surprises. My ex was 7 years older than me and I wanted to go younger, like 30 something. Now I'm happy with a woman 4 years older than me, age is a frame of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 08:20 AM
2

Feel for you OP, you can only control what goes on at your place. Tough love and sleep control is an option. You'll need to communicate to your daughter during the day. -"tonight I'll read you your stories but when it comes to bed time you're a big girl now and can sleep by yourself" Don't over do it put plant the seed yeah. At mommy's she can have her way and at yours it's your rules. She'll cry and it will be shit at first but if you stick to it she'll eventually understand at yours she sleeps…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:45 AM
2

"I want us to be amicable" I want things done my way and will call you a controlling abusive ex trying to punish me for our marriage failing (she instigated it) if you don't agree to my terms
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 12:05 AM
11

" I want us to be supportive as parents" then does nothing to support us as parents
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:21 PM
3

Legal advice is always a good idea in divorce. In my country I was able to have consults for $250 per hour. Depending on your overall situation 5k now may save you 100k+ later on. Divorce can get messy and you never know what could be coming next.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 06:50 PM
2

Mine was mid 40s but same shit,things hadn't been good for years though, wish I left sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 07:28 PM
1

Be strong mate, you're doing the it the right way. I e-filed also, sounds like we maybe in the same country. It's an easy process and you have the legal advice. It's fair to get what you entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 09:44 PM
1

I cried when she initially told me but our child was there and was about to start school the next week. I played with my kid, distracted and upset by the news but I knew that day it was over. The next couple of weeks, months, years were shit. It all depends on the mental health of the ex. In my scenario hers was shot and there was little to no assistance in the process. It was clumsy, I moved my stuff out, found an apartment and rebuilt from there. That was 3 years ago and since I've repartnered…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 03:36 AM
2

Would never have texted her, phone calls and emails only. Not put so effort into "working with her". Crazies Gunnar craze.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 11:43 PM
1

Lads, the first stages are the hardest, if you know in your head and heart the relationship is cooked, time to put those wheels in motion I stuck around for 5 years in separate beds and sex 3 times a year, not worth it even if you think you're doing it for the kids. Best approach is amicable as can be break up and move on with life. You get used to being yourself, sure it's lonely to begin with but when your kids are around its quality time. Parenting your way with no one looking over your shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 03:59 AM
1

Did you read OPs post? "She wants a baby and I don't" In my case we planned our relationship on being kid free, yes pregnancy happens but I and OP never "chose" to have kids. A segment of attachment with a spouse occurs because of shared beliefs, one of which was having a child free life. Funny how women in their late 30s all of a sudden decide they want a child because they know it's their last chance in a long term relationship. Point being its a common trait to leave it to the last minute bio…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 06:51 AM
1

There's a 20+ (younger) year gap between my ex and her toy boy. You have a right to be mad, but best to internalise it, use it as motivation if it helps. Most of these relationships the new partner takes on a friendship role with the kids and doesn't get directly involved with patenting.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 06:33 AM
2

Pretty much this, a divorce diary is very helpful to document conversations and happenings as it's about to very hectic for you over the next 6 to 12 months. Take the high moral ground on everything and be monotone. It's all a process that takes time to complete. You may be impulsed to make irrational decisions but you need to keep your cool. Stay in your lane, no need to bring up the past anymore, focus on the moment and you and your kids future.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 08:56 AM
2

There's a bit more to it than just saying 'I want a divorce'. Its going to a be a long conversation so make sure you're in the right headspace to bring it up. Where will you live, how will the assets be divided, are there kids involved, what are the legal implications involved. (And so on) In terms of brining it up "I've been thinking and I think it's best if we part ways via divorce. "
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 08:04 AM
4

What is it with women and autism diagnosis? We saw three specialists that said our kid was fine/normal. It's like they're looking for an excuse for their shitty parenting. Anyways good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 07:56 AM
2

I was so naive, she told me in 2021 she wanted separation but we talked it through and hung on for a few more months, then 3 months later told me it was over. This was after sleeping in separate beds for 4 yeas and sex a handful of times a year. She has mental health issues and I thought I was sticking around to wait until she healed but it never happened. I found out later she was messing with other guys prior to being separated and she gained a toy boy 20+ years her junior. I look at her now a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 07:49 AM
7

This is a prime example of the modern woman. They party and sleep around in their 20s and then settle into a career in their 30s and when the biological clock is about to stop they all of a sudden want a kid, like they're missing out on something. Its totally reasonable that this is a deal breaker for you. I speak from personal experience. Never planned one kid, got accidentally pregnant and ultimately it's the woman's choice. As soon as the kid was born it went downhill from there. I love my ch…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 07:40 AM
1

We all go through shit, there's good times and bad. Sometimes you don't think it can get any worse and it does. Makes you appreciate the good times even more. Chin up, stand tall.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 07:31 AM
2

If you're considering leaving then leave, there is another better life for you, you just don't know it yet. Sure is sucks not being around for your kid 24/7, you get 50/50 and you learn to enjoy your own company and the time you get to work on self development. Then when you have your kid they get the best of you and your not displaying to them a shittier version of yourself and a disconnected relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 11:46 AM
5

Take the high moral ground, seems like a good idea now but after it's done you'll still feel that same emptiness. Walking away with dignity, whilst it's the harder path will pay dividends for you in the long term from a mental health perspective. Divorce is admin, paperwork, let it go through and embrace being you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 11:41 AM
2

Its over bro, God, Buddah, Ganesh, pray to whoever but understand Its done. You dunno who she's been fucking before or now. Time to man up and accept it and move on. There is no saving this. Sorry to be harsh but that's your reality. You've got a lot of emotional stuff to process which is natural. Be honest with yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:50 AM
7

OP backstory doesn't matter, 50/50 is the norm these days
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:25 AM
3

Got a Switch after divorce and start games but never finish them, more for the kid and me to muck around with. Loving Boomerang Fu atm
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:16 AM
3

Just keep checking in man, we're re all here to support you 👍🏼
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 07:59 AM
3

Everyone walks a different path. For me I was separated for 2 years and all I wanted was divorce. The first 6 to 12 months is the hardest and you're on day one. It's going to be hard, it's going to be shit, day at a time. I as many others have been in your shoes and it's not easy. It's one of, if not the worst emotional turmoil you will ever have to deal with. Its not your fault though, you did everything you thought you could. Look at the stages of grief, you're in denial right now and that's o…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 04:37 AM
2

Maybe an opportunity for a third party mediation, tough one though, teeth are paramount to health, braces are short term pain for long term gain. As a kid I could have got braces on my bottom teeth and my mom didn't do it, now they look like row of bombed houses, luckily the tops are perfect.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:21 AM
1

Sounds like watching a car crash in slow motion. But seriously, she's a mother for your kids, that's her role now and how you should view her and nothing else. If her actions put your kids in harms way, then you need to step in and take action.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:11 AM
5

The first part is the worst phase mentally. You'll feel sick, anxious, experience nausea it down right sucks. What you need to do focus on is you and your kids and limit any blow ups with your ex, cause that's what she is now. Its going to take time to process the emotions, it's a marathon not a sprint. One day at at a time, do 3 three things that help your well-being. A walk, a workout, hangout with a buddy, family. Eat well, don't drink. Get back to nature. Process the past but don't live ther…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 03:01 AM
6

Good stuff, you're doing it the right way man. It's life admin and soon you'll be free. Keep fit, eat well, sleep well, plan, she will get strategic and you will see right through it. 3D chess, that's how it's done.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:55 PM
2

Comparison is the thief of joy, get that shit out of your head. You are free and need to focus on you and your kid. Get used to being on your own, you live in the now and not the past, it's gone, all you have is this moment right now. Keep busy, set goals, what are going to achieve for you? Write a list and put a line through each one until complete, then write another set of goals. Rinse and repeat.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 01:37 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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