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sc1617 Archive

View 0 posts and 160 comments by sc1617 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Your wife and daughter should have kept their mouths shut and their opinions private since there was money on the line. I don't support infidelity either, but I'm with your sister, and you, on this one. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 02:29 PM
0

100%
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 02:02 AM
8

No the real battle is the legal stuff because that will directly affect your future. The other stuff is of course important, but you have to put that aside during the legal process so you can focus on protecting yourself, as well as your children. After that's all over, you can start dealing with the internal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 01:55 AM
1

If you earned the money during the marriage, it's not your money, it's marital. So any any investments you made with that money, as well as any of the investment growth, during the marriage, is half hers. Separate accounts don't matter. Only thing that protects is the value of the account before you got married, so you should at least see if you can see the value of the account on the date you were married. Sorry...sucks but that's how it works.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 01:40 PM
8

I get that most people are in a lot of pain here (or their ex is) but I kept all the pics of my ex. We had a lot of good times and I have some great memories from when things were good. I always found her extremely attractive and frankly looking at pics of her makes me smile. Our divorce was rough and we don't speak or relate anymore, but I've found now that a number of years have gone by, I'm glad I kept the pictures. It was an important part of my life. Also, age has caught up to her a bit fro…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 01:39 AM
1

If you didn't keep the $60k separate during the marriage and used any of it for the 2 of you, you have "co-mingled" the money and will have to split what's left of it with her. You would only be safe if you kept it in a completely separate account and only spent it on yourself for things that had nothing to do with her or the marriage. A lawyer will explain all this to you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:15 PM
15

Kept notes on mine for a few months then requested exclusive use of the home due the ongoing emotional abuse. Court agreed and gave her the boot. Tough few months but was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 08:04 AM
6

My ex wanted the divorce but didn't do anything besides see other men and stay out all night. So I let it go on for about 6 months, took notes about her activity, comings and goings, etc. Then I filed for divorce, requested exclusive use of the home and custody of our kid, citing ongoing emotional and psychological abuse. Court agreed and gave her the boot. I also ended up with custody because my kid wanted to stay in the house they were familiar with. Made no sense to me from the start but I us…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 02:02 AM
3

Tell her you and the new guy are gonna compare notes and she'll probably stop
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:21 PM
6

Spoke on the phone before we met in person, and she "jokingly " (I thought) told me she has double D's and no gag reflex. Shortly into dating, I learned about her promiscuity, which didn't seem like a big deal to her. We hit it off compatibility-wise and she was very attractive, so I ignored those red flags. Don't get serious with, let alone marry, a promiscuous girl! Kinda sad because she must have thought that's what would make a guy like her, when she had much more going for her than that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 07:10 PM
4

You both need to do better as parents and stop traumatizing your kid with exchanges at a police station. You are both more worried about yourselves than your child. Can you imagine the memories this kid is going to have?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:34 AM
18

History of promiscuity
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 04:37 AM
0

The key is that it can't be only her car. That's illegal. If the car is registered to him or both of them, he can put a tracker in it for the purpose of tracking his car. Not his
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 02:57 AM
2

If the car is registered to both of them he can put a tracker in it to "make sure he always knows where his car is during the divorce". Ask me how I know.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 02:40 AM
10

Went through a similar situation and filed for "exclusive use of the marital home" citing how emotionally abusive this was on me and our kid. Court agreed and kicked her out. She was dumbfounded.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 06:41 AM
2

Stop hanging out with her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 10:24 PM
4

You miss who you thought she was and you are keeping that person on a pedestal. Who she is though is a cheater and she is therefore trash. You have to start thinking of her in those terms, in reality, and it will start to get easier.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:28 AM
2

I hate to tell you this man but if you and your wife have been separated a year at her choosing, she's already been with other guys. You can choose not to believe it or believe her lies, but that's what they do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:39 AM
5

People put stuff on FB and other social media to project something to everyone. Not that it matters but don't let this facade get you down. She'll probably be broken up with this guy in a year. In the meantime, be the best dad you can be because when your ex is single again, she'll want to spend more time with the kids. Her priorities are messed up....I dealt with something similar.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 09:22 PM
1

I got 100% physical custody at age 11 and our kid just turned 18. Ex kept breaking court orders and kid wanted to stay in the marital home which I had the ex booted out of by request in my initial filing because of all the strife she was causing us.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 07:16 AM
3

This is my ex-wife. You will eventually become the new abusive ex in her life. People don't change. Not saying to break up, but keep that in mind. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:59 PM
1

Keep them all... nothing wrong with it
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 05:03 PM
6

My ex called me abusive when I canceled her credit card when she moved in with another man
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 12:35 PM
1

Best of luck to you. Stay strong. Your son knows what's what and you'll have many, many great years with him in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 01:25 AM
1

Probably not worth the expense and hassle not because your son isn't worth it- he most certainly is- but most likely the court won't find in your favor. Be the best dad you can be and in 2 years go to court with your son and have him tell the judge directly that he wants to live with you (assuming he does).
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 01:02 AM
3

Unblock your ex and tell her to text you directly and you decide if you want to respond. If she's being crazy or nasty just ignore her. I completely ignore my crazy ex unless it is relevant (which it's not always) to our kid. That's it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 12:56 AM
1

No.... sleeping with a dude (see my original comment).
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 07:01 AM
2

For sure though in my case she was spending nights elsewhere then coming home in the morning literally as I was taking our kid to school. Nice.....
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 06:56 AM
11

Have your lawyer file for exclusive use of the home. State that it is emotionally abusive to have to have your wife come and go as she pleases while she's seeing another guy. Also state that it is extremely upsetting to your kids, and request physical custody. Courts like the kids to stay in the marital home so if you do all this you will be in good shape going forward as long as you are taking good care of those kids. Act now while your wife is being stupid and is distracted by this guy. Worked…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 01:13 AM
2

Probably not worth worrying about esp since she only claimed one of the two kids. IRS has bigger fish to fry. All that's gonna happen is the judge will let you claim the other kid next year, and your wife will claim the one you claimed this last year. Even though it's annoying this will probably be the first precedent for how your settlement will stand.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 05:21 AM
3

Awesome reply, man! What's your opinion on the "he wouldn't change" excuse? This is what I had to deal with. I made some changes with things she complained about, but ultimately, already being a good dad and an overall good husband by normal standards, I found that being berated into making changes to be someone I really wasn't just messed with my self-esteem and made me less happy. I never asked her to "change" despite many flaws that never diminished my commitment to her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 07:12 PM
3

People are too wrapped up with their own crap to notice or care that you're alone. That goes for most things. Do things you want to do, for you, and enjoy yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 01:06 AM
2

Ignored most court orders because she thought she could do what she wanted, and in the process made our kid realize they would be happier living with dad.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 08:46 PM
6

My ex-wife did the same thing and I ended up with full physical custody of our kid which she couldn't believe
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:42 AM
1

Is the title of your post a Varrick reference?
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 08:08 AM
1

Probably not worth worrying about. Short of child endangerment you can't really control what she does during her time with him. Really not worth paying an attorney and going to family court over this. There's a lot you have to let go after the agreements are signed.... it almost never goes exactly as outlined or planned.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/21 02:46 PM
3

Absolutely, my man. It's refreshing to hear a parent on here (esp a dad who lost time with their kid) say this as opposed to the usual "accept it and be friends with your ex and the other guy". Being a parent is sacred and as long as you are involved and being a good one to your child, there is no room for anyone else to take on that role. The idea of "now they have more people that love them" is stupid. Great post.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 06:43 AM
0

Buddy come on.... you've already been through the ringer. Get out of this relationship while you can and enjoy your freedom. You know what's gonna happen if you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 06:34 PM
3

Yeah until her lawyer gets a judge to say it's not like they can do with prenups.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 05:59 PM
4

If you don't own the house it doesn't matter about your MIL. She will probably take care of the kids when your STBX has them. You will have to manage them on your own after the divorce. Until then you can't make her leave because your wife has a say in it until she herself leaves. Maybe she will assume the lease on her own and stay there with her mom (which would probably be best for the kids). As for the previous agreement, you need to talk to a lawyer. If that was never signed, all bets are of…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 04:14 PM
2

Are you in the US? You need an attorney to explain things to you. If you weren't married, all you're gonna owe is child support. There's no way around that. Unfortunately you can't control how your kids' mom uses the money. That's just a big flaw in the system that anyone who pays child support is well aware of. As far as your assets go, the only reason you're gonna lose them is if you don't meet your child support obligation. And hiding them to do that won't help you because the state will get …
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 01:59 PM
1

Ignore her. Your rules are for when your son is with you. Not her business. She's just mad because she thinks she's competing with you. Do not reply. You owe her no answers.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 02:18 AM
4

Dude come on.... set the times in advance and make sure your daughter knows. Tell her to tell mom when when she's with her. Text her when your leaving to get her. Don't be asking your ex when you should pick up your daughter and don't concern yourself with her business or what she's doing. It sounds like you are having issues letting it go (even if you aren't).
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 04:28 PM
2

Yeah that's unfortunate.....
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 09:12 PM
4

This right here, man. I had a good attorney but I led the show and he basically acted like a consultant on what was or wasn't a good idea.... but in the end all actions were my choice. It did get expensive but that was part of my strategy. Wore her out. I got her kicked out pending the divorce (strategically for custody since she was off with other men anyway and clueless about how things work), and I ended up with the house and full physical custody of our kid. Paid alimony but gladly took the …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 01:43 AM
4

If divorce is actually happening do not interact with your wife at all. Good practice for after the divorce anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 08:26 PM
1

Stop marginalizing your daughter and your relationship with her with poor and selfish decisions. She should take priority over cheating, "difficult" partners (whatever that means), and taking a job in a different country with a nicer climate.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 05:57 PM
8

Sounds like you got played but even if his intentions were good, probably best to not date someone in the middle of a divorce. Trust me, you don't really know this guy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/21 07:07 PM
1

Yes exactly. And I mean you need lawyers just to make sure all the details are buttoned up. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 09:42 PM
4

Court will want an official appraisal of the house. This number will be in your divorce decree. You'll need that anyway to refi in your name. She'll sign a quit claim. Make sure you can qualify for the mortgage. You need lawyers for this. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 07:27 PM
6

So you were with your ex since you were 13? You're all a bunch of kids! Live life and experience some stuff before you get too serious with this new girl.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 02:28 AM
3

No contact. Parallel parenting. Be a great dad and your kids will be fine and will understand why you had to do things this way when they are older.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 12:55 AM
2

Nope in most states it goes off your gross income not your net. Btw I get trying to minimize alimony but don't try to weasel out of your responsibilities to children you brought into the world.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 10:32 PM
2

Do what you can to minimize your income that will be the basis for alimony calculations. It's early in the year so not sure how "legitimately " you can pull this off. It may not matter anyway if they take the last three years of your tax returns. Is there any chance you can delay starting the divorce even though your situation sucks? At the same time if you need time off to recharge and be happy, why not? You may find that once things are set, you may want to dive into work to distract yourself …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 05:02 AM
6

You've only been married for 3 years and the house is in your wife's name since before you got married. You're probably out of luck. If it was the other way around would you give your wife the same?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 05:35 AM
12

You're gonna learn not to worry about a few hundred bucks starting with your multi thousand dollar retainer unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 06:39 PM
1

I replied to you but it posted below- sorry!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 03:13 AM
1

It (child support) just comes out of your income, after you've paid all your taxes. It is not deductible and your ex owes no taxes on it (even though she can spend it on whatever... total BS). Alimony, if your divorce was final before 12/31/18, is 100% deductible for you, and your ex owes taxes on it. If your divorce was settled after 12/31/18, your alimony payments are NOT deductible and your ex owes no taxes on the added income.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 03:11 AM
0

Child support is neither deductible or taxable. Only alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 03:04 AM
1

Any settlement arrived at after 12/31/18 should result in the payer paying smaller amount to the spouse because of the tax burden. If you reached your agreement before 2018, it likely would be a higher monthly payment because you would get to deduct it from your own income. The numbers imposed by the court would not be the same pre and post Trump tax plan. So for example if you are paying $2000/ month from a settlement after 12/31/18, you probably would have been paying $2500/ month on a settlem…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 03:03 AM
3

If you're getting bought out, you want as high an appraisal as possible, subtract what you two owe on the mortgage, then split that equity. She also has to get a mortgage on the house in her own name. That's it. Don't do any kind of "deal " with her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/21 11:21 PM
1

All financial decrees should be based off of your previous tax return or possibly 2 or 3 years worth. Anything after the divorce is final is irrelevant. You could start making millions but too bad for your ex. Consult a lawyer and tell her to stick it. Also, if you are in business for yourself, you probably already know this but get a good accountant and tax attorney and get your taxable income as low as legally possible.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 12:13 AM
1

I get where you are coming from but that money is for her and you really can't control how she spends it. Would you be upset if she didn't live with a guy but paid for an expensive vacation for both of them? Or if she used that money to buy him an expensive gift? It's kind of like the problem with child support.... you have to give the money to the ex but you can't stop them from spending it on themselves. Best to just let it go instead of letting it eat away at you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 06:40 PM
31

Yep my ex-wife always refers to me as abusive (not physically at least). I always treated her like a queen but towards the end if I stood up for myself and actually disagreed with her, I was unsupportive and an abusive "monster". It's laughable, and everyone who knew us as a couple is scratching their heads. Oh btw she has a whole new circle now to get support for her narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/21 04:37 AM
6

Dude life is short. Not sure what you mean by resisting temptation or if your praying suggests you have religious beliefs, so no offense intended.... but there's nothing wrong with jerking off or hooking up when the opportunity presents itself. You got through a divorce so enjoy life now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 02:23 AM
3

Never let your spouse take your children out of the country under any circumstances. In addition, you should each be required to notify the other if either of you are taking them out of the state.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 01:28 AM
2

If her claims against you are BS you need to make sure to request that she pays your legal fees relating to all this. Discuss it with your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/21 12:42 AM
19

Because your not giving her the divorce she wanted. Too bad. Protect yourself. Good luck, man!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/21 12:56 AM
10

Also helps them deflect from any responsibility they may have had for the relationship failing.... esp when they are encouraged by all their dumb girlfriends. You know- "You go girl!"... lol
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/21 05:48 PM
3

I know it sucks, man. Just remember it reflects on her, not you, if you tell people what she did....don't be embarrassed. In the meantime, enjoy your daughter without your wife being a pain in your ass.....don't forget the bad times. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/21 07:22 AM
10

Your server probably won't ask, but if they or anyone else does, just tell them you're not together anymore. Do you really want to say she is dead while you are with your daughter? Come on, man....
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/21 07:09 AM
5

Here's my advice. Congrats on finding yourself a great partner, but think about how great things felt when you were dating your ex-wife as well as when you were engaged and how that turned out. Don't put yourself in that position again with a legal entanglement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/21 03:40 PM
9

I feel your pain, buddy. Similar situation (though current dude is not the first one since me) including the truck in her driveway lol. Luckily my kid is older and when I pick them up I wait in the car. I actually back in so I don't have to look at the ex (and when she gets them I stay in the house). It gets easier.... just keep being a good dad. Our kid does their part but has little respect for mom (also refuses to do overnights (lives with me) but that's between them- I stay out of it). Good …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/21 08:58 PM
6

I agree with the previous comment about your age. You're at a tough age to date since you have kids. Most single women in your age group are looking to get married and have kids if they haven't yet esp because they are running out of time. Your best bet is single moms in their 20s and 30s. A woman in your age range without kids of her own will put a lot of pressure on you if it lasts. But also watch out for crazies looking for a financial crutch, can't be alone or the ones that have kids as a re…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/21 12:08 AM
2

You should have never moved out... that was a big mistake....but too late to worry about that now. Do you live in the same school district? Do the kids use laptops? If so and she won't send them, that's ridiculous. Otherwise, you might have to find a way to get a computer for your place that they can use. Don't let your wife tell you you or the kids can't handle the back and forth....she has to be able to also. It's hard for everyone. Every other day might not work.... consider alternating whole…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/21 08:30 PM
1

Why are you letting your wife make the rules? Why are even listening to her? You are their parent too and have just as much say until it gets sorted out legally.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/21 06:57 PM
11

Hey man, I hear you. Don't feel bad about it. Don't worry about forcing a relationship. My exw turned out to be a POS, but I haven't replaced her, mostly for the same reasons as you. Try to enjoy your life and your newfound freedoms. Seems like you are being open minded and meeting people, which is good. If the right woman comes along, you'll know.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 12:38 AM
1

That really sucks! I went through it here in NY and my support payments were quite large. There was no requirement to protect that here in NY with a life insurance policy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/20 08:45 PM
9

NY here.... you have to maintain it as is while the divorce is going on, and basically hope nothing happens to you. Then, when the divorce is finalized and signed off on, you can change your beneficiary and get her off your policy. Also, she needs to change hers back to you as the beneficiary. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/20 08:59 AM
6

Probably should talk to a lawyer about your situation and options. Your wife may not be able to simply leave the state with your kids... you can prevent that from happening, but you need an attorney first to prepare things. After you know where you stand legally, you should probably lay it out for your wife and see if she wants to fix things or get divorced. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/20 09:44 PM
2

Stop listening to your husband. If he is a doctor and makes that much money, and you are a stay at home mom with 3 and 1 year old, you will be all set legally with alimony, custody, and child support. A civil ceremony is just a non-religious marriage ceremony without all the pomp and circumstance but it's still a legal marriage. Get an attorney for guidance because it sounds like you don't really understand things about your situation and think your husband is the smart one. Divorce this clown a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/20 02:15 PM
1

Your plan isn't going to work. You thinking your employment situation is complicated won't help you... the court will not have any interest in all that and will call BS on you now being unemployed. If you can't give them info about your career, they will look at your prior work and the last 3 years income and expect you to do something similar. But good luck....I do agree with what and why you are trying to do this. The system is a joke. Also, aren't your savings subject to being split with your…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/20 02:23 AM
1

Well when we got started, since my ex and I were both "normal", custody was set at 50/50 right from the get go by the marital referee at our first court meeting, before we even saw a judge. Ultimately my ex screwed up by not following court orders and I ended up with primary custody. As far as presumptive, I was told by my attorney, as well as the court, that 50/50 is preferred by the courts because it is best for the child. So not sure why you or your attorney think a precedent will be followed…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 03:20 AM
2

NY dad here. Did you speak with an attorney? NY generally starts at 50/50. Don't listen to your spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 12:29 AM
3

If everything has been going well and the child is happy after a year of doing this, the court will be unlikely to change it. Also, be sure to counter with a motion asking that your ex covers your legal fees, since she initiated this and it's probably a waste of time. Might make her think twice next time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/20 01:38 PM
2

Yeah that sounds really strange for something that is really pretty important. What did your lawyer say? Some of these judges.... I don't know....its seems like they don't care. I was lucky... had a really good, and fair one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 04:14 PM
7

Have you hired a guardian ad litem for your child? An attorney representing your son will interview him privately and advocate for him (not you) in court. This is essential in custody situations like yours. Judges listen to these people.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 03:39 PM
1

Totally agree....having my ex-wife talk about what a lousy husband I was is always difficult. The thing I don't get is why they think the answer (sometimes) is to step out with other guys is the answer to their unhappiness. Guess they are better than me....SMH.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 12:04 PM
3

Don't do anything to increase the appraisal value unless you want to give your ex more money. My ex trashed our house and I left it that way until things were wrapped up. Appraisal came in way lower than the ex was expecting. Fixed it up afterwards, mostly by just cleaning it lol, and got a significantly higher appraisal, to my benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 12:45 PM
3

This!
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 12:44 PM
7

I can relate, buddy. People think you should just move on and meet someone else "because you deserve better". But I think it's hard when you met someone, planned a life with them, and esp had a child with them. It's just not the same with someone else, even if things got bad. I will tell you it does get better overall as more time passes, but I still fimd that other people just make me realize I'm not with that person anymore, rather than make me forget them. So I tend to find other things to ma…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 11:56 AM
5

Thanks and good additions!
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 11:36 AM
3

All of this. I'm a divorced dad in NY and I got primary custody of my kid.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 03:26 AM
8

Do not agree to any temporary custody arrangement that you do not like. Do not sign anything. It will be made permanent if the kids are doing ok. It is a common trick that screws dads with good intentions of "keeping the peace" now who think they will get 50/50 later. Nope.... what you agree to now will be what you will be stuck with later. Why are you agreeing to the current situation with your wife? Stop doing that and demand 50/50 now and if you have to sign anything. If you can't agree, do n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 03:23 AM
6

This sounds like a troll post.... come on. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 06:31 AM
3

Your wife just wants more child support money from you. If you have been doing 50/50 for 5 months and your wife, not you, wants to change that, via the opinion of a GAL, be absolutey sure that she bears the full cost of the GAL. Make sure the court knows you are fine keeping things like they are. Since 50/50 is standard and the courts like that as well as the status quo for children, they may not even let your wife proceed with a GAL. Whatever you do, do not concede to her.... stay strong. Good …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/20 01:48 AM
3

You don't really talk much about your 3 year old son other than the things the new guy said (all of which were good)..... you need to make him #1 and live for him and stop contemplating suicide over his mother divorcing you. You are making her and your marriage to her #1, not your kid. I'm sorry to be blunt. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/20 02:36 PM
3

Ignore your wife... she's just insecure.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/20 11:28 PM
2

No problem, buddy. I have l the same problem, with a cheater who is in denial of her own issues, so your situation pisses me off! Loves to make me the bad guy. So I get it. Empower yourself and ignore her. Relish your new lady and laugh with her at your ex's crazy projective antics. Also, keep being a great dad.... don't be surprised if your little girl chooses to live with you eventually if your ex is like that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 06:27 PM
2

Ok man sorry.... didn't realize she was so young. You are doing a great job it sounds like. Don't let your ex's comments get to you. She wants them to. You know she's just projecting onto you. She's a loser who cheated on you. Not worth your time or energy! And let me tell you, if you ignore her (don't reply, don't get mad, don't engage her at all, not even eye contact... literally act like she doesn't even exist) it will really really bother her. She'll still attack you for a while, but eventua…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 06:04 PM
6

No contact and google parallel parenting. There is no need to communicate during exchanges. Drop your daughter off and sit it in the car until she is inside, and if she is picked up or dropped off at your place, stay inside by the door while she comes in. Communicate with your ex only about your daughter via text or email only. If she writes nasty stuff, just ignore it. Who cares about her opinions? Stop needlessly interacting. Get your ex out of your life and keep her there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 05:13 PM
1

Spot on... I needed to read this 15 years ago!
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/20 06:43 AM
1

No shortcuts... you need an attorney ASAP to start, esp since she said she wants to f you over. Document everything she says and does, and do not be alone with her so she can't make up stuff about you abusing her. Also, your wife can't screw you as bad as she thinks without kids in the picture. So don't listen to anything she says. As for the car, if you owned it before the marriage and it is only in your name, you should be good. If you bought it after, even though she isn't on the title, it is…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/20 06:42 PM
4

If it is a gift to your wife, or an inheritance, it is hers to do with as she wishes. However, if she is or has been getting something each month, this probably should be included in her income and should affect the alimony payment. It won't affect child support- that is based off of your income and how many kids you have. You may want to let your ex know that the IRS might be interested in this extra monthly income btw, if you know what I mean.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/20 03:35 PM
4

You are doing everything wrong. You need to file a motion for custody, not a restraining order on behalf of your kids. Then the court will appoint an attorney for your children. Be prepared to pay for this. They will review the evidence you have, and act on it as they see fit. The court will use their recommendation to make custody decisions. However, if you aren't comfortable with your attorney, get a different one. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/20 06:13 AM
2

The term custodial doesn't matter. You both pay child support. If you make more than her, you will pay a larger percentage of child support. Her portion will probably just lower your required payment.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 01:03 PM
3

Also, make sure your final agreement is air tight so 1) you have to interact with your ex wife as little as possible. Just follow the court orders and if she doesn't like something after the fact , too bad... and 2) if her behavior continues and she violates anything in the final decree, you can easily take her back to court as needed. Make sure you have a full understanding of what you are signing, and that it is fair to you, esp in regards to custody and visitation. And make sure there is a cl…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 12:45 PM
12

Why isn't your attorney filing motions with the court to get this wrapped up? Sounds like you just need to get a trial date. Take all your evidence etc. Stop trying to negotiate a settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 12:25 PM
5

Ugh... sorry man. Mine was always, "You just refuse to change!"... all the good things about me were negated.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 11:59 PM
8

I don't know if this is a red flag or toxic, because it seems really common and so I don't want to paint women in general as such, but they all seem to want their men to "change" in some way. That's something I'm not going to tolerate again... I'd rather be single. I'm all for compromises but unless it's drugs, heavy drinking, violence or problem gambling (in which case why are you even with that guy), stop trying to change who we are.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 11:07 PM
2

You said "away from my wife and family".....so do you have children? Because if there is custody involved, this foolish behavior looks pretty bad in terms of stability for and prioritizing kids, and you now have no chance of a favorable custody arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/20 02:44 AM
11

Suicide is not the answer, esp over another person, esp when that person is as lowly as your wife, and especially when you have a child. If your therapist is telling you there is nothing else they can do for you, and that you should find another one, you probably aren't doing the work you need to do. Your therapist won't magically fix you. They are there to help you, but you have to want to fix yourself too. Sorry to be blunt, but since you have a child with what seems to be an unstable woman, y…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 09:02 AM
9

Not sure on WA, but generally child support and alimony are separate. The child support is usually a formula based off of the number of kids as a set percentage of your pre-tax income. It is not negotiable. And yes besides paying her child support, you will still pay for everything when the kids are with you. The way this is accounted for usually is she will also "pay" a certain percentage of child support, but rather than actually pay you, it will offset what you pay her. So instead of paying h…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 04:13 AM
3

Are you me? Lol... I'm sorry, man. Together 15 years but almost the exact same thing. Hope you are doing well.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 03:46 AM
6

Don't marry a girl with a promiscuous sexual history.....they think sex equals love and will cheat eventually when you have normal marriage issues.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 03:44 AM
5

I think for men once you commit to one woman and have kids with them, unless you need companionship or want more children, it's never the same with another woman, regardless of what happened before. Like you said, you live for this other person, give it your all, and somehow it fails. I think it's hard for men to do it all over again, even with just dating. I think this is because women are completely different, and once things have gone on a while, esp once things get physical, they expect more…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 12:40 AM
3

Just make sure to document her behavior and use it against her in court. Her shitty attitude and immaturity regarding this will reflect poorly on her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/20 04:48 AM
2

Sounds good then....wasn't criticizing you....just want you to be careful. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 10:35 PM
7

You sound like you may be a co-dependent people pleaser the way you get "addicted" to "feeling special". Don't rely on others for your happiness. Work on your own issues before you get into another relationship, because in the beginning, they all make you feel special.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/20 08:55 PM
3

If you're not legally separated and you haven't filed (which creates a "date of separation"), they really aren't. So be careful. But also keep track of what she does because it's still your money. And that may help you later.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 01:57 AM
3

No problem, man. Yeah, no kids... make a clean break. The house has to be "split " anyway so if she wants it, she has to pay you your share of the equity you both have in the house, and vice versa if you want it. Best to sell since there are no kids, split the proceeds, and move on. In addition, again since there are no kids, cut off all communication with her to avoid conflict and giving her anything she can use against you. Think about filing soon so you can separate your finances too so she c…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 01:43 AM
6

Don't worry about these things. She's trying to manipulate you so she has a chance at getting what she wants. If you are getting divorced, stick to your guns and worry about yourself only ( and kids if you have any).
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 01:32 AM
2

I hired a PI even though I knew it wouldn't affect alimony. It just gave me some peace of mind. And it was nice being able to prove to everyone that my ex-wife was a lying cheater. Plus she knows I have all these pics and evidence so she leaves me alone. It was expensive, but worth it for me personally. (I also put a GPS tracker in her car, which was legal since it was registered to both of us (and you want to track where any valuable marital property like a vehicle may be, right?).... maybe con…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 01:25 AM
3

Document your attempts and what she is doing. Courts will not look at that favorably at all and this will help you with custody. But you have to have your documentation. Screen shot your failed texts. Make sure your lawyer presents it to the court. And keep quiet about that with your wife... don't threaten her or let her know what you are going to do. And when you have them, give her full phone access to them, ans document that too. Really dumb of her. Hang in there. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 03:21 AM
2

Good, my man! Yeah, some judges can be biased but again, if you are "normal" you should get it. Also, as someone else commented, definitely ALWAYS make it about what is best for your boy. He needs you on his life... And your wife is trying to get to you. Don't let her. It can be hard but stay cool and ignore her. With any luck, because she sounds nutty, she will react to you out of frustration and you can use that against her as needed. Document everything and give it to your attorney. Oh and al…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/20 01:19 AM
5

New Yorker here. NY starts off 50/50 unless there are issues with one of the parents. Which in my case there were and I (dad) ended up with full physical custody. Don't listen to or worry about what your wife says or wants- they all do that. Make it clear in your motion that you want 50/50. Don't do anything stupid to make yourself look bad. Also, document your wife's looney behavior and use it against her. If you're a normal, functioning and capable adult, you should get 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/20 01:08 AM
3

Good move. Anything you can do to make it quicker is good. I suggest you in fact stay at the apartment while they are there to keep an eye on things, and have someone there with you for support as well as protection and as a witness in case your STBXW tries to claim any BS by you. Too bad if she doesn't like it. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 06:19 PM
5

I know you probably can't do this at this point but I was in a similar situation with our house and I packed up (nicely believe it or not) all her stuff and put it all in storage. She was pissed but oh well.... I had the same anxiety you do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 06:05 PM
3

Great comment. Yes, I have a huge heart and am generous and loyal.... but I just can't see myself giving what I have to offer to anyone again. I suppose I would try... just don't know if I could go the distance I went with my wife who cheated on me despite all that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/20 03:55 AM
3

Also, don't sign or agree to anything even in court unless you are satisfied- even a temporary arrangement that is signed off on tends to become permanent. So just don't get manipulated. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/20 03:52 PM
1

NYS here.... unless there is a problem, the court should start you off at 50/50, regardless of what your wife wants. Do not agree to anything or sign anything with her, and make sure your attorney maked it clear to the court that you want 50/50. Child support is standard, you and your wife can't really agree to skip it. The court will decide the numbers based on both of your W2's.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/20 03:20 PM
9

Yeah you may have saved it but unfortunately you share $200,000 in savings and $500,000 in retirement, as well as the $50,000 cc debt. That's how marriage works.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 06:11 PM
8

Your wife is probably just looking at this from a child support/ financial point of view.... keep that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 06:01 PM
1

Not sure what country you are in or what but think about it. Your marriage is a legal contract. You and your spouse are expected to behave a certain way, moreso if there are minor children involved. You can't be coming and going off to have sex with an extramarital partner. Many states here do factor in adultery in divorce settlements, but even if they don't, the disruption such behavior causes can result in things such as the other spouse getting temporary exclusive use of the house as relief, …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:11 PM
8

Yes and be sure to write down in detail your wife's coming and going, starting last night. If you find out where she is going, or if she starts staying with a guy especially, document, document, document.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 01:43 PM
1

Ok thanks... did not know that (I was pre-2018). And definitely glad they go off net now. Gross never make any sense to me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 02:55 AM
0

If your alimony requirement is like most, it comes out of a state formula based on your last W2 gross. Taxes really don't factor in, unless your wife will negotiate with you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 08:34 PM
7

Agreed..... enough of this bullshit of being nice and accepting another man in your child's life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 01:49 AM
3

Oh yes.... my ex-wife always acts like she was the only one who raised our kid, because I worked and she stayed home. Never mind that a) I made tons of money so she could do so and we could all have a good life and b) once I came home I took over and did baths, playtime, and bedtime every night. Normal behavior from your delusional ex. Do your best to ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/20 01:42 AM
14

They'll know what happened when they are older. For now, good job being dad- the only dad.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/20 03:17 PM
2

Why did she kick you out? She cheated.... you should have stayed put and told her to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 01:27 AM
14

Your alimony term should be short if you were only married 6 years and she can work. Just pay it for a while then when it ends watch her fall flat on her face if she's that bad with money. Or see of you can tempt her with a one time cash settlement that is less than the total alimony you would pay over time (she may get bug eyed over the large number if she's dumb). She'll burn through that fast and then you can watch the same dumpster fire ensue.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 04:59 PM
2

Unfortunately yeah... you just met a shitty person. You are right about cheating....
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 12:44 AM
4

The "you go girl" support network and "5th post divorce boyfriend"... lol...that is great! You hit the nail on the head with that paragraph. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 03:57 PM
3

Well, it means as time has passed you don't seem to have as much in common with each other as you once did, so you each kind of do your own thing, and the relationship falls apart. This goes hand in hand with what people mean when they say relationships take work, because people and things change over time, and you have to worknat it so you don't grow apart. Though sometimes it's unavoidable... sometimes people use "we grew apart" as a cheap excuse instead of saying they just wanted out of the r…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 09:20 PM
2

Good on you, man. I try to do the same thing and help guys out when I can now that I've made it through. It really changes you as a person.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 12:31 AM
1

Men get married hoping their wife doesn't change, while women get married hoping their husband does change. This....
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/19 06:40 AM
10

Be careful.... my ex-wife violated multiple court orders and lost her 50% physical custody of our kid to me (ie I ended up with full physical custody). Don't mess around with the court.... if your sister has so much collateral, she should be going to the bank and paying interest.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 08:55 PM
1

Mediation is not your friend, buddy. Usually only helps the side that needs to get paid, which is usually the SAH wife/mom. Get out of that shitshow, retain a divorce attorney and go through the courts. Doesn't mean you have to go to trial. Mediation sells itself with "saving money" but you will get screwed in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/19 03:20 PM
3

No comments yet so just wanted to say I know what you mean. Keep at it and good luck to you moving forward!
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 07:09 AM
5

For this small amount of money, best to leave it alone and stay out of court. Never leave your fate in the hands of people who don't care about you. In fact, the court mostly cares about the kids and you looking for a modification in child support, even if it is legit, for such a small amount, will make you look bad.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/19 01:12 AM
8

Don't write a lot of drama.... just state the facts and explain how her behavior is disruptive to you and your children's day to day life, and how it is emotionally abusive. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/19 01:47 AM
0

If you have more kids in a new relationship, it doesn't reduce your obligation to your other kids from your prior relationship. The only thing that might factor in is if your income is significantly reduced (legitimately) and you make a request for a change to the court. If you can't afford more kids, don't have any more kids. If you ask the court based on you having more children, the court will tell you to smarten up and keep it in your pants or use protection. Kind of like anyone regardless o…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/19 05:49 AM
7

Don't put so much thought into your social media moves, man. Just change, or don't change, your status, and keep whoever you feel like keeping as "friends" . How you handle things in real life is more important. And if things get nasty, get off the social media and stay above the trashy drama that will ensue there and go be around actual people.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/19 04:28 PM
3

What you need to do is go as no contact as possible with your ex. Stop talking casually with her. Stop putting yourself in situations like that. See your child when it is your turn to see her, not facetiming where you are exposed to your ex like that. I think you are doing this, and saying these things because you aren't really over her and you like to tell yourself, and the readers of your post, that "there's still a chance". Maybe there is, but forget that. You are being toyed with and deserve…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/19 05:02 AM
3

Yeah don't worry about that at all esp if she signed the quit claim and you paid her. Lol....in fact just ignore her and let the 60 days come then be entertained by what ensues. You're fine... don't let it upset you. Her bro has no idea what he is talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/19 03:49 AM
1

This is why a lot of business owners go out of business in a divorce unfortunately....if that is a risk for you you definitely want to collateralize the assets and get a loan to pay her and be done with her.... or you may want to explain how paying her a lump sum could destroy a long term revenue stream that has more value than it's face value of $75k, and see if you can make payments over time to her so the business can stay solvent. Of course she probably doesn't care, but if the business is s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/19 02:15 AM
0

You have to be strong for your child. Don't leave her with one parent like your wife. Are you divorced yet? Get a lawyer and defend yourself and your daughter. My ex-wife did almost the same thing I had her legally kicked out of our house and I got custody of our kid.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 12:32 PM
3

Don't waste your time. First off, you acknowledged that you know you got a good deal , and you did. You are lucky, as the father, with kids that young, that their mother didn't get primary custody. Secondly, once orders are in place, it is almost impossible to get them changed unless something outrageous is going on, or if your kids were older and made it clear they want to live with you full time. And regardless of any of this, the legal custody will still remain 50/50, even if you have 100% ph…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/19 03:20 AM
4

In NY, joint physical custody is 50/50. Anything else and the parent with the greater percentage has what is called primary physical custody and is deemed the custodial parent. The non-custodial parent gets "visitation", which is open to negotiation, including sleeping over, which in my child's case, is not mandatory, as her mom, who is the non-custodial parent, lives with a guy who she doesn't want to be around. It is important to get these negotiations set during the settlement. Pay attention …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 09:51 PM
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