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schmodependent Archive

View 8 posts and 54 comments by schmodependent on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Totally true. Opposite sides of the same coin, for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/21 01:32 AM
2

I met a girl in January of this year who is basically the opposite of my addiction (not hot and crazy, nor hot or crazy, for that matter). We’ve been intimate multiple times, and I can tell you that because I’m not really attracted to her appearance (not a bad looking girl, just not my type), and as she shows no sign of craziness, meaning I don’t ”need” her, then I have no reason not to trust her. Everything about her tells me she wouldn’t purposely harm or deceive me, and if she did, at least a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 06:59 PM
1

I totally get this. I've realized that the women to whom I'm not attracted do not trigger any of my issues. If anything, they're just a person to whom I can relate. For me, this fell in the context of my Attachment Theory knowledge of meeting someone who is of a Secure Attachment style, where the relationship feels 'boring,' vs what I'm used to. Thanks for your insight!
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 08:39 PM
1

After reading through your post history, I can say we’re possibly the same person. My ex called me an “abuser” as well, lying to everyone on her way out to justify her infidelity. Like you, I now have a hard time trusting women.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/21 08:09 AM
2

My lord, “run away”: what great advice! Tell me about EMDR. Is it really affective, or are you still feeling it out?
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 10:13 PM
2

I have, and thought about this as I wrote my subject! Perhaps not a coincidence, my hot and crazy ex-wife hated that video. I assume she knew where she landed on the scale, and unfortunately so did I.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 10:09 PM
2

That’s exactly what I’m doing, so I must be on the right track.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 09:45 PM
1

I essentially concluded the same. Dad molested my older sister, who was affectively my mother, and I believe she alternated between extreme physical affection and overwhelming criticism with me. I was either adores and physically adored, or I was “in trouble” and yelled at. Knowing that, however, hasn’t stopped seeking women like that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 09:42 PM
3

And this is shallow of me, but the stable women are never attractive; which leads me to believe the attractive women are, in-part, attractive because they desire attention. If I could find a truly physically attractive woman who isn’t crazy, then I think I’d be good. Nope - doesn’t appear possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 09:39 PM
1

I appreciate that I should challenge my feeling that women over 40 can’t be attractive. I dated a couple beautiful women in the last year who completely challenge that notion. My mistake, or perhaps it’s a recognition of the truth, was using dating apps to find someone and seeing what over 40 looks like in my geographical area. That’s probably more acceptance of my age and it’s realities more than anything. I really appreciate your time and thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 11:25 AM
1

Now, the tricky thing to do is finding a woman I’m attracted to at 46 who isn’t under 40 years old. Ugh… My sister says, “you know, younger women will get fat and ugly, too.” Yeah, but, not for a while…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 09:17 PM
2

I am for certain associating my value and identity with someone else and their approval. I only fully realized that in the past 2 years. I believe I’m at a point now that realizations don’t help much, as it doesn’t address impulses and desires. I also agree that there’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted to certain women, we all have our types, but my problem is they now become something to lose, which means I stop acting as myself. I believe I’ve fallen into the Anxious-Avoidant trap…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 08:27 PM
2

I’ve been thinking about my reply to this, and it’s a mixed bag. Overall I agree with your sentiment, but not necessarily your the wording. I don’t allow women to control me, but I also don’t feel the need to control them. My biggest issue in the past was finding women who wanted a father-figure, but I don’t have the energy nor desire to play that role for them. I don’t think all women are the same in this regard, but I do believe there is an overlap of good looks and daddy issues. I’d say a lot…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 04:15 PM
2

I've had difficulty understanding that, as it's easy (for anyone, including myself) to say the reason I see attractive women as accessories is an 'esteem issue.' It makes sense. Simply getting more confidence in myself isn't enough, which is why I've landed on the thought that I have an infinite lack of self-esteem, where no matter how much praise and love I receive, it will never be enough. I'm generally more attractive to women than the average guy, which is weird to say about myself, but true…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 07:01 PM
1

That's an interesting theory. I don't know I would say 'every' compulsive action is related to a traumatic event in our past, as there are natural genetic impulses, of which the desire for sex and acting upon that sex is one. It reminds me of L. Ron Hubbard's belief in a 'reactive mind,' to which I don't subscribe. It's not to say either theory is without merit though. I'll checkout the link you sent.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 06:55 PM
1

I didn't care much for my first therapist, so I switched from her to the second. The second actually 'pushed me out of the nest,' not seeing anything further for me to do other than persist. On one hand I agreed with her, but I communicated my concern about wanting only women to whom I'm attracted. She essentially suggested I not date anyone and just take a break for a while, which I've done. I'm now essentially ready to date, and in her defense I communicated more in this post than I understood…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 06:52 PM
1

Thanks for your reply. I was simply acknowledged for the realization that it was self-esteem motivated. I know more about myself now than when I last saw a therapist about 7 months ago, and can add that I was confused how I could have self-esteem issues when I have always felt and showed so much confidence. I’ve since learned my esteem will never be fully sated, which although a good realization, doesn’t lead to any type of remediation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/21 04:20 PM
1

I would love to meet the right person. I thought I had that in my third wife. I fear I’ll give in to pressure to marry and live together if I ever meet someone “special,” as no one wants to remain in separate houses and be “domestics partners.” It all makes me sad. It’s like we have a choice to live our life to the fullest or possibly meet our life partner, as long as we’re alright with potential domestic squabbles and losing half out shit and almost all our time. This all goes for women too, no…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/21 09:35 PM
18

I'm 46, and married three times. Yup - three. I was 29, had a beautiful girlfriend, and she really pushed to get married. Sure - why the hell not? 1 year later we were done. We rushed into it and would have discovered we couldn't live together had we just tried. Together 1 year, then married for 1 year. I compensated for the first marriage and found a girl who was just a really good person... even if I wasn't attracted to her. I realized I shouldn't have de-emphasized physical attraction. The la…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 08:47 PM
1

That lone “her” at the end of a paragraph - I felt that. Mine meant the world to me. Then she disappeared with another dude. She was small, but the biggest thing in my world. That lone “her” represented that so well. Good luck my man - I’m proof it gets a LOT better. I’m here if you ever want to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/21 07:15 PM
1

It does. What you don’t know is that I had a longterm relationship with a woman whom I loved very much, however I was never really physically attracted to her. I thought limiting my relationship needs to a person I loved and respected, who I believed would be a good partner, was the right thing to do. I discovered this was a mistake. I found myself looking at other women more and more, eventually wanting to find something on the side to compensate for my physical needs. I hurt someone because I …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/20 05:38 PM
2

Cities contain younger adults, and people with money - both of which are typically of better health and thinner. As far as finding thinner women, women who make working out a large part of their life is a strategy. Good advice aside, I hate that I have to make myself a part of that life if it’s going to be a big part of theirs. Regardless, it’s a good suggestion.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/20 03:00 AM
1

Totally true. I think obesity rates are combining regardless, however. Look at women in their 20s.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/20 02:58 AM
1

It’s not that easy. I’ve tried that and I ended up wanting more. You want what you want. It’s not about priorities.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/20 02:29 AM
4

Women have an hourglass figure and we’re naturally attracted to it. Now we’re supposed to accept their shape as something other than what we naturally seek. Nope - I accept their choice to live how they want, and encourage that they do, but I don’t have to like it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/20 09:35 PM
2

That’s what I think, too. “All my friends are this way.” I get it. I’d feel the same, I imagine. I also think they 100% get a pass for having kids. I respect that they literally manufactured one or more children and it has its effects on their body.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/20 06:14 PM
5

I agree, and I take care of myself for sure - 6’4”, 165 lbs, and well defined. I think that’s part of it - I feel like if I can do it, so can they. I think what gets me is their acceptance of it all. Kinda feeds in on itself. Edit: I’m 46.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/20 11:58 AM
4

I no longer need to speculate. My ex gave me one of the many answers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/20 01:12 AM
3

That’s a generally good motto for anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/20 09:41 PM
18

The thing is, I 100% believe there are successful couples who work together and make a lifetime coupleship work. For this to work, however, I believe either both or one needs to give up a lot of autonomy. Someone needs to lead, even when working together. I don’t know what that looks like in practice, as I know I don’t want to constantly follow, but I also don’t want to be someone’s default disappointment. I think the society where men were the expected leaders of the household held a lot of fla…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/20 11:29 AM
1

It hurts so bad because to me we were soul mates. Truly in love. Best friends. I'd of given a kidney and I'd like to think I'd of taken a bullet. I also know that at least for part of our marriage she felt the same way. It's so tough to square how a person who could have felt that way doesn't any longer. To me it makes no sense but, I'm not her so I guess that explains that. This part right here. This is the thing at the crux of the long stare I find myself doing in the middle of the day, ending…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/20 09:42 AM
1

Accepting the grief and allowing it to end on its own terms is a good idea. I've made a lot of progress in this regard, and I guess I'm just not done with it. I also agree that starting a new relationship wouldn't be good for the other person. I've run into that actually, and I regret hurting them. Thanks for taking the time to write such kind words.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 09:17 PM
1

You have a wonderful and positive outlook. This past year has brought much of what you've said, and I'm grateful for the changes I've seen. I just need more time, I think. It'll come. Thank you for your kind words.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 09:13 PM
1

I try to keep it all in context and completely agree that things could be much worse. It’s good advice, for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 10:34 AM
1

True. I’ll add that bravery to confront it all, in spite of your prior selfish and stupid deeds, saves lives; yours, as well as your kid’s.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/20 02:49 PM
1

I was in the same boat in a prior marriage. I was leaving for ‘reasons,’ and all were valid, but the truth of the matter was I just wasn’t attracted to her. I knew it before I married her and thought it shouldn’t be a factor, that I was better than someone who cared about physical appearance - nope, I wasn’t, and I’m not. So, she kept pushing, asking why I wanted out, and finally, feeling like I owed it to her, I told her. Oh my god, did that bring down the wrath of every single one of her frien…
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 09:25 PM
1

Just joined.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 09:07 PM
5

Brother, at 45 I can’t even remember 24. The obvious is that it will be hard at first, but one day you won’t even think about it. Then you’re even older and it’s as if that person never existed. I’d very much say it’s similar to a dream, where their faces fade and you can’t recall many details. You’ll be alright. You have an awful lot of good times in front of you, too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/20 12:06 AM
5

The changed personality is a common thread around here with cheating spouses. They've been this one person for so many years, and then all of a sudden they act like someone else. Their voice changes, and even how they look. Little by little they remove you from their 'person' list, as they've established this other male as their 'person.' My wife and I had a blow-up over the phone after everything went down. We never fought during our marriage, but we did several times now. I got a text from her…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 04:13 PM
3

If you need someone to chat with, hit me up. In fact, you'll see a lot of guys offer that here, which I find inspiring. Remember, you didn't know her before you met her, and didn't care about her then, and as certain as you found someone you didn't know who you want now, you will find a special someone again. It's not just that there are other fish in the sea, there are more than one 'perfect woman' out there for us. Evolution just fucks us into believing the one we have now, is 'The One.' You g…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 02:58 PM
1

Holy shit - did I write this? End result for me is she had her eye on another dude, so no matter how great our past, and how “amazing” of a couple everyone said we were, all of that paled in comparison to her perfect dude (perfectly married with three kids, by two different others, and on his second marriage). Nothing I said countered her belief that this dude was always better. So here I am 2.5 months later, and I can see I’m doing better. I find getting rid of photos and cutting all communicat…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 03:46 AM
2

This sounds so much like my wife. I’m only 2 months into all of this, but I’m starting to see this all for what it is. I’m beginning to see the gaslighting, which sounds like such a broad term, and bigger act than it is, but that’s the term a lot of us are using, and it’s accurate, so I’ll use it. She has, and continues, to make me feel like her affair, and harsh treatment afterwards, was all due to my anxiety that she would fuck other men... yup. She kinda had me believing it. Something that ha…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 01:22 AM
1

I’ve found I keep the house really clean and straightened, which is honestly unexpected. It’s like now that it’s 100% mine, I have more pride in it. I feel guilty about saying this, but I have no interested in women my own age. Im 45. I have you found the same?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 12:03 AM
1

I’ve been wondering the same. How is it working for you? I’m only two months in, so I’m hoping for some perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 10:29 PM
4

When the speaking voice she used with me changed. She cheated and I didn’t know until a month after, and looking back it was the day after she returned from the trip where she had the affair. Once I found out I heard it a lot more. She spoke to me like I was someone who kicked her dog - very accusatory. I was not the one who did anything wrong, but she was looking for reasons. Later she’d speak to me with her usual voice, when I think she was feeling bad for me, which made her feel close to me, …
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 10:27 PM
1

Dude, shut it - that’s amazing! Seriously. I just sat on my ass and didn’t eat. Keep turning this into the body you always wanted. Muscle up and feel good about upureelf. It sounds like you’re taking full advantage of the momentum she gave you. She going to regret leaving, my man.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 02:36 AM
2

16 lbs! Geesh! Did you spin that into a new relationship or FWB?
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 12:54 AM
4

You’re knocking it the fuck out, man! Thanks so much for the kind words. I’m going to keep pushing to be my best self. Goddam, we need a Fight Club.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 04:11 PM
4

Oh man, so true! Good? Who needs it‽ And before anyone suggests it, and it would be a good suggestion for sure: I’m definitely eating - I’m just not overeating.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 02:02 PM
7

I like your style. Yeah - LoseIt has been great, and the dark mode isn’t definitely welcome. And she’s not even on Reddit. She posted once, got tore up in the comments, and promptly killed her account. Thanks so much!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 02:00 PM
2

Yeah - weight. I should have made that clear. I’m deleting. Thanks for letting me know.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 12:23 PM
1

Yeah - weight. I should have made that clear. I’m deleting. Thanks for letting me know.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/20 12:23 PM
2

Sorry, I think you misunderstood, or I miscommunicated: My soon to be ex-wife complained that I liked her body, apparently too much. I was never caught looking at other women. Also, I didn't only are about her body, I put a lot of time and effort into showing her how much she meant to me. I loved every bit of her, and apparently that wasn't enough.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 01:12 PM
3

True.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 07:59 PM
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