schotastic Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
42	The Clean Sweep checklist - a self-improvement tool for assessing strengths and deficiencies in different aspects of our lives		schotastic	/r/seduction	03/11/12 12:56 PM
0	In Praise of Failure - a fascinating talk on the value of embracing rejection/failure		schotastic	/r/seduction	24/09/13 04:44 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	What happened in your life that led to you developing confidence? Anyone planning to read Meditations should note that there are multiple translations of varying quality. I read the Martin Hammond translation for Penguin, which was quite vivid and inspiring! Between Meditations and the Tao Te Ching (Ron Hogan translation), I began to come to a peace with myself. I felt less and less compelled to convince other people that I am intelligent, attractive, dominant, etc. That's when I discovered that merely being centered is one of the most appealing things I could…	/r/seduction	11/05/16 03:18 AM
2	New here. I read the "Looks don't matter" sidebar material and I'm not sold at all. CMV, I guess. So, my approach here is informed by the scientific study of social and personal relationships. I don't do research in this area, but I read a bit here and there for my own edification and occasionally to inspire ideas for my own research in a completely different discipline. Preamble aside, my thinking about this is informed by this model of interpersonal attraction recently published in Personality and Social Psych Review. In brief, Montoya and Horton make a convincing case that attractiveness …	/r/seduction	14/04/16 04:31 AM
3	New here. I read the "Looks don't matter" sidebar material and I'm not sold at all. CMV, I guess. Here's empirical evidence from the science of personal relationships http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/05/18/opinion/sunday/so-youre-not-desirable.html?referer= Tldr of course attractiveness matters, but your unique fit with the woman can matter more than your attractiveness, especially over time. Remember that nobody ever sees you as you actually are! We all construct each other in our own heads. Your physical features form part of the construction, but so do your intelligence, confidence, positiv…	/r/seduction	14/04/16 01:43 AM
6	Non seduction books that have helped me with women Kokology quizzes are incredible. I memorized 2 or 3 great quizzes (e.g. the one about skydiving that's actually about your first sexual experience) and I remember how effective they were at getting women laughing and talking about sex. This was nearly a decade ago. Forgot everything already. Thanks for the reminder to reacquaint myself with these books.	/r/seduction	11/04/16 02:39 PM
1	Inner game and feeling complete when you are alone are SO SO SO SO important. Trust me when I say that you absolutely must fix yourself before you have any hope of building your outer game. I like the sentiment but the wording is toxic. That's the sort of paralyzing language that turns people into perfectionists. You don't need to wait until you're bulletproof before you act. The only way to proceed is to embrace the paradox. Yes, you must be at peace with yourself as you are, but you must also commit to making yourself better and better.	/r/seduction	30/09/15 01:37 AM
13	Do guys prefer girl 'types'? Science has weighed in on this. Here's relationship scientist Eli Finkel on the delusion of romantic self-insight. In a series of studies, Finkel and his students demonstrated that one's self-reported preferences in a romantic partner do not predict attraction after face-to-face contact. Regardless of what you claim to prefer, attraction seems to emerge organically from face-to-face interactions. Good looks remained the number one predictor of attraction, not the prospective romantic partner's "…	/r/seduction	08/06/15 04:07 AM
20	How I view looks and seduction I like that you're embracing both sides of the story. Yes, attractiveness is crucial. But, your attractiveness is not static. It can change over time. A little effort can go a long way. More importantly, you participate in the construction of your attractiveness in people's minds. Your confidence, cachet, authenticity, and kindness colour the image of you in her head. I think it was Slavoj Zizek who noted that the heart of sex is fantasy. She never sees you as you really are, but as a constructi…	/r/seduction	11/04/15 04:11 PM
1	PSA, or: what I wish I could have read as an 18 year old reading this shit Take it easy. All those attributes generally improve with age, so nothing in there is totally fixed. Something we occasionally do in research is ask someone close to the target to answer the survey about the target. We call it an informant report. Try asking your friends, your partner, your siblings, or your parents to fill out the Big 5 about you. I bet they see aspects of yourself that you currently overlook. It's an eye-opening exercise.	/r/seduction	28/03/15 12:05 AM
29	I think I became 'meta' with myself. Mindfulness is the key. Being mindful is the opposite of being trapped in your head. Mindfulness is immersing yourself fully in your senses. The colours and curves you can see. The feel of her skin, of the table wood rubbing against your elbow. The pitch and resonance of her voice, the bustle around you. The smell of your coffee cup, her perfume. No thinking. No emotions. Only sensing. Perceiving. Being in the world. There many ways to develop a sense of mindfulness in daily life, including but …	/r/seduction	26/03/15 07:38 PM
0	PSA, or: what I wish I could have read as an 18 year old reading this shit Quality post, OP. You show some really sophisticated thinking here. I'm assuming you have a psych background? On the idea that people don't know what they want, I think it's more accurate to say that people are unable to communicate what we want. We know implicitly what we desire, but our conscious minds don't get access to our implicit processing. We get the raw feeling of desire, but no true insight as to its origin. The explicit mind contrives some self-serving explanation for the desires, bu…	/r/seduction	26/03/15 04:17 PM
4	Why a lot of women love assholes and douchebags. I agree. People like to believe we live in a just world, but nothing could be further from the truth. That said, there are people out there who act cocky out of an unwillingness to confront their own vulnerability. It's not true for everyone, but it's certainly true for some. Some are secure; some are defensive. Defensive cockiness can be a sad thing, pathetic in the original sense of the word. These people miss out on the joys of intimacy and vulnerability, putting on a cocky face because they …	/r/seduction	24/03/15 08:45 AM
40	How I love being nervous Duncan Trussell calls it The Flutter That flutter is the sense of acceleration as you move through the multiverse into a reality where you are more yourself.	/r/seduction	06/03/15 03:57 AM
1	I just want to feel accepted, hugged, loved. Hey, it's totally okay to want to feel accepted, hugged, and loved. Everybody does; that's what it means to be human. Wanting to belong does not make you weak. Sometimes you're in a place where people don't give you these "strokes" of love and acceptance. That sucks, and it's normal to feel bad about that. That doesn't make them bad people, though. It just is what it is--at least, for now. You're receiving lots of great advice on self-esteem and getting your act together. Definitely do these thi…	/r/seduction	03/02/15 03:14 AM
2	A note on confidence I completely agree. Denigrating the person who rejects you (even if it's in your head) is a defensive strategy for self-esteem repair. It's ultimately an exhausting strategy because then every self-esteem threat puts you on the defense. And you can't really be yourself if you're on the defense. The best reactions to any threat to self-esteem (such as interpersonal rejection) tend to come from a place of self-compassion or from adopting a growth mindset. Excerpt from the link on self-compassion: …	/r/seduction	21/04/14 03:37 PM
69	Research overwhelmingly concludes that humor is one of the biggest components of attraction. How do I make myself funnier? You may indeed have it backwards. Evolutionary psych theory suggests that we laugh at jokes because we like the person telling the joke. To phrase it another way: liking begets laughing. So, when someone tells you "I like someone who makes me laugh," you're being fed a tautology. They know that they like you because you make them laugh. They observe their own laughter, then mix up the cause with the effect. It's the equivalent of saying "I like people who I like." It's exactly the same as when s…	/r/seduction	09/04/14 09:52 AM
66	The 3 Second rule and why its so important to follow it. Jumping up off your ass in three seconds shocks your brain into what I call "Purpose-mode" which is essentially the mode in which your brain is working in the now, in the moment, at its peak. Primal Survival. Psychologists have a term for this. It's called a locomotion regulatory mode, as opposed to an assessment regulatory mode. A locomotion mindset is where you pursue your focal goal (meeting people) singlemindedly, not letting alternative goals (self-protection) and motives distract you. Loco…	/r/seduction	02/11/13 02:13 PM
1	How to Liberate Yourself From Low Self-Esteem I'm 13 days late to the party, but I wanted to point out a common thread in all your suggestions based on psychological theory. You seem like someone interested in reader feedback; otherwise I wouldn't have bothered with this comment. Self-esteem is more than just an indicator of your perceived worth. It's a direct gauge of your perceived social value as per Leary's Sociometer Theory. People who feel socially valued have high self-esteem, and people who feel they have no social value (i.e. peopl…	/r/seduction	14/03/13 03:42 PM