shinyblacksyrup Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
4	How to find the right therapy/therapist (UK) And! If a major motivation for you is processing/resolving trauma, you can ask in your intro message specifically how they plan to treat it. Many many underinformed therapists mishandle trauma and retraumatise their clients. Someone saying they're "trauma informed" means nothing. I would avoid anyone who encourages you to tell the details of your trauma too early into the therapy, before a strong therapeutic alliance has been formed. Research them and look for work they've done specifically with…	/r/askFDS	21/06/21 02:50 PM
6	How to find the right therapy/therapist (UK) Also UK here. I shortlisted six therapists from Counselling Directory UK, emailed them a brief account of the issues I wanted their help with, met with each and went with the sixth one because she felt the most "right". A few of them did a free intro session with me. It's incredibly important that you feel able to speak openly with your therapist - not judged, not misunderstood, not invalidated. At each intro session I gave a basic outline of who I was and my major motivations for speaking to th…	/r/askFDS	21/06/21 02:34 PM
13	Icelandic artist Daði Freyr's song about the great decade he's spent with his wife is so wholesome and HV. "How does it keep getting better?" is exactly how I feel in my marriage. Nice to have healthy love represented in a poppy song.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/05/21 10:15 AM
102	Awful memory... A young teenaged girl shouldn't need to be strong enough to stand up to her own fully grown father. He should have protected you emotionally. Instead he prioritised his own petty preference. He failed at his job of being your father. In this instance you gave more understanding, sympathy and care to an animal than he gave to you. My heart absolutely breaks for how suffering child-you must have felt losing the opportunity for emotional support. I hope you don't blame yourself anymore for letting …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/05/21 09:39 AM
29	alright, I am ready to hear it Him suggesting you're "trying to kill him on purpose from anger" sounds like he's mentally eroding his own resistance to harming you. Because if you're "trying to kill him" first, then him harming you would just be him "defending" himself against you, right? You've read Lundy so you know how abusive men think. They tell on themselves with their accusations. So much of this mirrors my own abusive (ex) relationship; my undiagnosed ADHD, his unfairness about finances, his threats to throw me out of…	/r/askFDS	12/05/21 10:32 AM
3	"If we ask for consent we're afraid you'll say no so we just do it while you're unconscious and hope you'll never know the difference." Thankfully the laws are changing but in many states doctors are still allowed to perform unnecessary pelvic exams to women under anesthesia without their consent. Luckily I was aware of this issue before my last surgery, so I insisted on my friend staying in the room for the entire procedure. I'll do the same for my next surgery. I am terrified of being under general anesthesia alone with strangers.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	11/05/21 10:38 AM
7	Flashback to when my exes would ‘compliment’ my labia by saying they were ‘perfect porn star lips’ and I actually thanked them proudly 🤡 Great insight. The more value we have as a possession, the more we might feel like someone might care enough to "save" us	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/04/21 10:16 AM
3	Flashback to when my exes would ‘compliment’ my labia by saying they were ‘perfect porn star lips’ and I actually thanked them proudly 🤡 In case it helps.. I have one porn-cookie-cutter labia minora and the other one is larger by maybe an inch, and at least in my case the longer/thicker one feels more sensation. The porny one feels basically nothing. It does obstruct my clit less though. Have you tried vibration? It's basically impossible(/more work than it's worth) for me to orgasm without it (and the orgasms from oral/rubbing are so much weaker that they barely count). This is the case for soooo many women, penises just aren't …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/04/21 10:04 AM
2	How do I stop being angry at the past LVM in my life? What worked for me was actually grieving for each and every time I was hurt. Don't make them the focus of the memories, make yourself the focus. Sit with each memory, one at a time, and really feel the anger and sadness and depression that you ignored or minimised at the time it happened. Hold one memory in mind and just focus on where you feel the hurt/anger/sadness/depression in your body. Focus on it and breathe deeply until you feel physical relief. After doing this (sometimes several times …	/r/askFDS	09/04/21 10:26 AM
10	3 lessons I learned from my dad's two mail-order brides. MigglyTOWS 💀	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	06/02/21 11:35 AM
4	Need help with guy threatening to leak my friends nudes I wish I'd had your advice when my ex attempted to blackmail me. The police didn't care at all	/r/askFDS	04/02/21 10:13 AM
7	Imagine playing the cool girl for a guy who talks about you like this. This is not an appropriate Valentine's date and I hope she leaves before they get married Because if you don't feel good about yourself, the next best thing is to make someone else feel bad, just to distract you from how bad you feel for a while. It's handy to keep someone close who you know you can keep tormenting for relief. It's unclear whether he's cruel to her directly - in ways she would receive as cruelty - or whether he's such a watery coward that he only passive-aggressively writes about her like this while hiding his hatred of her from her. I also hope something tips her of…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/02/21 02:26 PM
6	Imagine playing the cool girl for a guy who talks about you like this. This is not an appropriate Valentine's date and I hope she leaves before they get married Agreed. He definitely doesn't have enough self esteem to believe a woman could ever love him as he really is, so instead of aiming to be genuinely loved, he just manipulates acts of "love" (only for the fake him) from her, wasting both their time in the process. He's the definition of a loser and he's bragging about it.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/02/21 02:07 PM
6	Imagine playing the cool girl for a guy who talks about you like this. This is not an appropriate Valentine's date and I hope she leaves before they get married Pickmen?	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	03/02/21 01:54 PM
8	Will I ever find a HVM as a childfree woman? Short answer: yes. I am proof. I'm married to a man who, like me, is possibly open to adopting older children later in life; if we do a 180 turn and decide we must be parents. If, by the time he turns 30, he still isn't tempted to become a father, he's going to get a vasectomy. I don't want us to have kids just because of our - yes, OUR, not only the mother's age affects the woman's pregnancy and the child - biological clocks ticking. While being completely honest is obviously the ideal, I would…	/r/askFDS	16/01/21 01:47 PM
7	Julian Casablancas, left his wife of 15 years for a 21 yr old roadie. For these men it's less about the sex and more about having a woman ("girl") react to them as though they're soooooo amazing! An ex literally told me he preferred younger/less experienced partners because they were "easier to impress". He was 12 years older than me and embarrassingly insecure, especially about his chronic underachievement. Women with too much experience can't see him as the man he wishes he was, but a woman with little experience has mostly only men her own age to compare him to…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/12/20 10:37 PM
5	IS THIS a new breed of pickme? HUSBAND had (afaik) emotional affair at work and she went on mental backflips trying to blame HERSELF 😩 She could be on the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum and be a secondary "psychopath" (judging by her self-described impulsivity, the pointless violations of other people and their spaces), which sometimes gets called a "sociopath" as a way of saying "a less-bad psychopath".	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	19/11/20 10:22 AM
4	I guess if you’re going to act like a doormat, you might as well beg your boyfriend to propose to you on one. Because they don't like to think of themselves as liars, and he knows if he honestly communicated his intentions she'd leave him. So they just stall for as long as the woman will let them. Calling it cowardice is too generous - they are users.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	05/11/20 12:52 PM
9	Need some support and encouragement. Just left an emotionally abusive and psychologically traumatizing relationship. Congrats on leaving - this is a HUGE achievement!! You sound like an amazing person and you are so, SO strong for doing this. Please stay with your friend for your safety. Sadly you don't actually "know" that he'd never physically harm you - he hasn't realised yet that you have truly got away from him for good. When he does realise that is when you are in the most danger. Is there a way for you to stop going to your work, even temporarily, work from home or be transferred? I was honest with my w…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	05/10/20 12:36 PM
2	HV Relationships and Quarantine: A Post-Mortem Analysis I love this, thank you for including so much detail! It doesn't read at all like a humblebrag but you definitely have a lot to be proud of. It's a good example for other people to read and set our expectations by. Early into quarantine I realised how lucky I was to be in it with my probable-HVM instead of my NVM ex. We've made the most of the experience (tried new hobbies, upgraded our living spaces, become much closer friends with the people around us) and learned more about each other even aft…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	21/09/20 12:50 PM
2	Question for women 25yo+ who dated an older man (35+) in their teens or their early 20s: how do you feel right know about this man and the relationship? I've written her (...really me, age 25, right before I started seeing a 38 year old BDSM clown who later severely abused me even though he seemed so "sensitive, mature and fun" to begin with) a letter: Hey, that older guy who you think is so knowledgeable and self aware? The one who you think is going to introduce you to so many fun and amazing things because he's more experienced than guys your age? He's insecure. Really insecure. His level of insecurity seems normal to you because you're 17 an…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	28/08/20 08:12 PM
14	Your current male partner and ex partner are more likely to murder you than anyone else. Brava!! Great breakdown. I believe the intimacy-violence link is men's needy sense of "ownership" regarding their intimate connections (which are only possible for most men with women, as they refuse to seek/allow real intimacy between men in most cases). LVMs/NVMs refuse to self soothe or commit to therapy, so either he coerces her to process his emotions on his behalf, or he outright forces her to by taking his anger out on her after she "fails" to allow him to outsource his emotional processi…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/07/20 11:10 PM
59	And that’s the tea! Yep. Male "submissives" in 3 parts: "I'll do anything for you Mistress!" "Wait you don't just want to be my made-to-order Sexy Mommy Therapist in full fetish gear for free?" ghosts "Where are all the REAL dommes!?!"	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/07/20 09:58 PM