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skidsm Archive

View 1 posts and 41 comments by skidsm on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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skidsm/r/askMRP24/10/18 08:08 PM
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1

OYS Week 11 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 129 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 186 lbs (+2), 16%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 285x5; Back Squat 275x5 (no change); Bench 230x5 (+5); OHP 135x5 Current Dread Level: 4-5. Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way of the Superior Man, Sidebar materials (x2), Models; D…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/18 02:38 PM
1

I’ve been thinking about this for a day or two and it’s becoming clearer. My “It can’t happen” was to say, IF she highly values trust in monogamy, I don’t see a simple hedge I can make to quickly make cheating of no consequence. But - as I propose to the comments below - I need to satisfy and exceed her hypergamy. Redefine the trust paradigm to one where she trusts me to consistently be of high value, lead her, and favor her with the attention she desires from me.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/18 09:56 AM
1

Put otherwise, build her trust in your value, attention, presence, and leadership, and not in monogamy? This makes sense to me. Really requires close attention to the foundation I lay at home on a daily basis.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/18 09:47 AM
1

i see only three ways to thread this needle: I missed the third way in your post. in either case, the key is shifting the value proposition to she trust you to do X instead of trusting you to be sexually monogamous. This makes sense. Seems to me this would require being (1) consistently high value such that she knows you have opportunities outside the marriage, (2) communicate over time that you are aware of and may take advantage of those opportunities, and (3) lead and drive the relationship w…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/18 09:44 AM
1

I'm in pretty good shape on this front. I have two businesses, both of which demand a lot of my time and travel. I have no typical schedule in any week, and I make my own schedule, often at the last minute. Any given week, I am out of the office three days at meetings, overnight in another town, working late, or home early. In other words, my whereabouts are unpredictable and entirely subject to my discretion. I'm adding more social activities as well both for my own enjoyment, and extra cover.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/18 03:15 PM
1

If the risk is in loss of trust, how do you mitigate that? Worth thinking about. Great thought experiment. You hedge risk by investing in other instruments that would support your overall position if your main investment goes south. Within the marriage relationship, I’m not sure you can hedge that risk of loss of trust. Within the context of my life and worldview, I can hedge it by investing myself into those things that will provide value if it all burns down. It’s reinvestment into the MAP. Al…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/18 08:53 PM
1

It can get tiring. Yes. Stepping out on my wife creates some much needed space in my marriage, tempering old habits of codependent behavior. This mimics my experience too, especially (1). Any other strategies you’ve used effectively?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/18 08:36 PM
1

thanks - all of these comments are really helpful. i'll chew on all of this.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/18 04:08 PM
1

maybe you explained this already and i missed it. what was the Labor Day epiphany? no, you didn't miss it. there was no epiphany. I use Labor Day as the marker because I run my annual goals / planning beginning September 1 each year. This year in September I committed to following this plan, doing OYS reports, etc., even though I had been wrestling with the ideas for about a year before. Most of the first half of 2018 for me was spent doing enough self-reflection so I could more clearly see my f…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/18 03:41 PM
1

It's not the fucking that'll bite you in the ass, it's the loss of trust in your relationship. No doubt. I've been trying to prioritize preferred outcomes. First choice, keep the marriage together and have side pieces. Second choice, lose marriage over cheating. Third choice, stay in marriage as is. I don't pretend that the consequences of getting caught will be pretty. They won't. It still feels right to me. Think about that and make sure you manage the risk on the trust side. Do you mean that …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/18 02:42 PM
1

OYS Week 9 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 1210 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 183 lbs (no change), 15%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 285x5; Back Squat 275x5 (+5); Bench 225x5 (no change); OHP 135x5 (+5) Current Dread Level: 4-5. Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way of the Superior Man, Sidebar materials (x2…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/18 10:59 AM
1

Thanks for this. As someone who is working on this transition as well, the point I noticed most in your report was: I made sure I was in a good mood when I got home. I always take a few minutes on the drive home to clear my head of work stuff and be fun when I make it home. When I make a conscious effort to do this, even for just 15 seconds, things go great at home. If I walk in the door at home still thinking, dwelling, or puzzling over something at work, it usually leads to my failing to lead,…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/18 02:51 PM
2

I’m only 7 weeks in to OYS reports and commenting publicly. I’ve been wrestling with the demons for years, and spent most of the last twelve months digesting RP materials. I got on the road to righting my mental state last March, April, and May, going on long walks just to put into words the questions I was looking to answer. That took about three months of introspection. Once I knew the questions, the rest became easier to move through. Thanks for the kind words but I don’t think I’ve moved any…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/18 01:59 AM
1

thanks, maybe I'll give that a try for a few weeks on DL.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/18 07:39 PM
1

OYS Week 7 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 1210 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 183 lbs (+1 lb), 14%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 285x5; Back Squat 270x5 (+15); Bench 225x5 (+5); OHP 135x5 (+5) Current Dread Level: 4. (will stay here for 4-6 weeks at least) Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way of the Superio…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/18 05:24 PM
3

same age. 2 kids, 9 and 7. yes, staying is best option to ensure stable family for kids, avoid divorce rape (which would be massive), and make sure that i (and not some other unknown man) am raising my kids. that's all true even without the value she does provide to my household and to me.
/r/askMRP25/10/18 10:31 AM
1

She does do a lot. But my prior focus was on something much more subjective. And illusory. So it sounds like my adjustment is from emotional attachment to her subjective feelings, to objective appreciation of her value, assuming she provides it.
/r/askMRP25/10/18 12:55 AM
1

Right. These are good questions. As to the first, it’s not clear to me yet but resolving this is my first priority in my internal inquiry. As to number two, I don’t know, but I’m not looking for another woman right now. I’m trying to figure out what role my wife has in my current status, and what role she can fill as I drive forward in my pursuit of my mission. I appreciate the pointed question. Thanks.
/r/askMRP25/10/18 12:53 AM
1

Thank you. I’m not closed to the possibility that I’m angry. I don’t feel angry, though. If anything, I worry that I’m not feeling enough right now. I’m not expecting any change from her automatically. And you’re right about the incentives I’ve already created for her to act the way she does. What I’m really coming to terms with is not caring about how she feels for the first time in our relationship. That’s a net positive, but the way it’s affecting my view of here can’t be ignored. And the tid…
/r/askMRP24/10/18 11:50 PM
1

Thanks, this description of a prerequisite is helpful. I’m not sad or angry about the change. And I’m not looking to trade her in. I’m just working through the shift in perspective. The comments here all suggest it’s positive and necessary.
/r/askMRP24/10/18 11:45 PM
1

Thanks. This helps me understand where I am in the process. Appreciated.
/r/askMRP24/10/18 09:09 PM
1

Thanks for this - I think you've distilled down to five sentences the nut of my question. The answer to your question is that I don't know yet. Before this year, I couldn't even imagine asking that question, it would be so foreign to me. But now it's a legitimate question for me. So I need to figure it out.
/r/askMRP24/10/18 08:53 PM
3

I agree - I'm not complaining. It's just a new space for me and I'm trying to make sure I keep my ship sailing in the right direction. Some emotional distance seems healthy, particularly given my past. I'm still learning here, and prone to making mistakes in this part of my life, so I'm looking for similar reports if any are out there.
/r/askMRP24/10/18 08:35 PM
1

Thanks. I was at 225x5 at Labor Day. Doing my best!
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 09:19 PM
1

You didn’t misread but I wasn’t clear. I meant 300x5 is on sight. I have never tried a 1RM max. So 285 is the heaviest weight I’ve pulled. But I’ve always done 5 reps. So I’m sure I could pull 300, but I haven’t actually done it yet.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 08:16 PM
2

OYS Week 5 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 1211 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 181 lbs (no change), 14%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 285x5; Back Squat 255x5; Bench 215x5 220x5 (+5); OHP 130x5 Current Dread Level: 3, working on 4. (will stay here for 4-6 weeks at least) Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way o…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/18 02:44 PM
1

There's nothing wrong with taking good advice from a competent FO. Even if all you do is acknowledge her ideas with a "Hey thanks, I'll consider that" or something to that effect to let her know you appreciate her contribution, it can go a long way toward keeping things amicable - as well as encouraging her to continue to be a good FO and share her ideas. Yes, I totally agree. In those moments when she is offering the advice, I can feel the defensive reaction occurring. It's not a choice, it's a…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/18 01:31 PM
1

OYS Week 4 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 1211 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 181 lbs (no change), 14%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 285x5; Back Squat 250x5 255x5 (+5); Bench 215x5; OHP 130x5 Current Dread Level: 3, working on 4. (will stay here for 4-6 weeks at least) Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way o…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/18 03:11 PM
1

I see I left out my response. I did respond to her, but didn’t do it effectively - I tried to give direct feedback stating I did value her opinion. Then realized a day later this was just DEER with no leadership or inclusion in the vision. I will keep in mind your point about showing leadership by explaining the vision. Thanks
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/18 06:30 PM
2

Are you saying it’s not my job to help her find ways to add value? That makes sense.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/18 11:59 AM
1

OYS Week 3 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 1211 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 178181 lbs (+3), 14%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 275x5 285x5 (+10); Back Squat 240x5 250x5 (+10); Bench 215x5; OHP 120x5 130x5 Current Dread Level: 3, working on 4. (will stay here for 4-6 weeks at least) Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/18 10:59 AM
3

you can keep working on assertiveness, reducing codependency, and giving fewer fucks about other people's drama Got it. These are helpful and more precise action steps than the vague goal of just "developing frame."
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/18 05:29 PM
1

Why was this the last straw? What did she say that bothered you? Why fix the drama instead of having fun with it? Seems like more codependent/nice guy behavior, white knighting your guests. That's interesting. At the time, I thought she crossed a line of behavior and was making people I had invited into my home uncomfortable. If she had had the fight on the street corner with them, I would not GAF. I think it was my sense of responsibility to my guests as a host. (Wow. Did I just say that? Fuck.…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/18 03:35 PM
1

OYS Week 2 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 12 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 178 lbs, 14%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7. Lifts: Deadlift: 275x5; Back Squat 240x5; Bench 215x5 Current Dread Level: 3, working on 4. (will stay here for 4-6 weeks at least( Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way of the Superior Man, Sidebar material…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/18 09:21 AM
1

Thanks. My own experience of positive feelings when I do act outwardly would seem to disprove the personality typing. I hadn’t thought of it as DEERing; very clearly is on inspection.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/18 02:35 PM
3

Thanks, but believe me - those goals were the product of almost 12 months of agonizing mental turmoil that I shared with no one. I got up, took the kids to school, and then hiked in the woods for an hour or two until I had the smallest breakthrough about fear, or emotions, or codependency, etc. all before I went to work. it took months and months of that just to let the pieces fall into place.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/18 12:16 AM
2

My favorite response that I've used several times in the past when my wife has said this: "Why would I want to start all over and train a new girl to do all the things you already do so well?" This is great. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 06:30 PM
1

Be sure you have concrete milestones to get you there. Failure to identify these has led to failure before. I have concrete physical and business milestones. I'm struggling with how to identify concrete milestones for things like OI, eliminating validation seeking, etc. She claimed “veto power” on the cologne and told me I couldn’t wear it. Damn, you really have been a pussy. Right? Strange thing is that this is the first time in 19 years of knowing her that she's ever used that term. The thing …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 03:41 PM
1

Still working with the personal trainer, and we're focusing on loosening up tight areas like my back and hips. Sitting in a chair at work has had negative long term effects. Looking at older co-workers, I can see how it has affected their posture. Trying to stand more often and avoid sitting for long stretches. Is a standing desk an option? Switching to one saved my life after low back problems arose for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 01:51 PM
1

OYS Week 1 My Mission: I Will Succeed in Becoming a Private Equity Partner and Leading Husband Who Will Be A High Value Man With Options Within 12 Months. Stats: 42 Years Old. 6’0”, 178 lbs, 14%BF (Jackson Pollock 7); Married 16 years, 2 kids, ages 9 and 7, to 42 year old SAHM wife. Lifts: Deadlift: 275x5; Back Squat 240x5; Bench 215x5 Current Dread Level: 2, working on 3 Sidebar Read: WISNIFG (x3), NMMNG (x3), Rational Male, Book of Pook, Way of the Superior Man, Sidebar materials (x2). Backgro…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/18 12:58 PM
1

Thanks for this, your timing is good for me. I recently dipped a toe into these waters and am trying to learn quickly. My favorites so far are Tom Ford Gray Vetiver for the office - very pleased with the longevity. It's woodsy but also light and bright which I love. And the YSL d'Homme la Nuit, although I haven't worn that as much. Going to rotate to it this weekend evenings.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/18 06:49 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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